Facts Are For Losers!


ABOVE: Jennifer Rubin (left), Fred Hiatt (right)

Shorter Jennifer Rubin, The Washington Post:
Evil in Norway

  • So what if I was wrong when I said the Norway killings were the work of a Muslim jihadist? Even though it wasn’t, it could have been and is, therefore, central to my point as to why we must continue in our armed struggle against all the Muslims in foreign lands.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 359

 
 
 

Facts are always the losers when in the hands of wingnuts.

 
 

I think Hiatt gave her an expired coupon.

 
 

That’s her nonpology™, Tintin.

She’s not even sorry if you were offended.
~

 
 

Muslims are guilty until carpet bombed innocent.

 
 

How hard is it to say, “Whoops, I’m a racist twat! All terrorism is bad!” Instead it’s all “Brown people’s bullets hurt more” or some bullshit.

 
The Shambling Mound
 

Well, I must say Fred Hiatt is looking unusually chipper.

 
 

Why is Edward James Olmos in that pic?

 
 

is Edward James Olmos in that pic?

He’s JR’s stunt double. JR is much uglier.

 
 

… & she would’ve gotten away with it too, if not for those meddling commenters!

Let us note here that many posts have been deleted from this thread. Few, if any, constituted violations of the discussion policies but nearly all (surely 90+ percent) were deeply critical of both Rubin’s initial post on Oslo and of her excuse-posing-as-reflective-apology above.

Utterly shameful of whoever was responsible for those deletions.
7/24/2011 6:41:57 AM PST

We had to destroy those comments in order to save them!

Actually, there are hundreds of attacks by local, home-grown terrorists in the west of various political varieties. The number of terrorist attacks by Islamic fundamentalists in western countries is in the single digits.
7/24/2011 7:51:09 PM PST

Doubleplusungoodthink detected!

It’s been a real treat to see the right putting on an agitprop clinic in the wake of this shooting. Throw as much bullshit as your shovel can bear, no matter how absurd, & wait for the media to move along (which should be in about three minutes, given that the killer has a serious deficit of both swarthy & beard).

Punchline? The Rubins, Ericksons & Becks of the media world, by fixating on the Jihadis, give folks like the latest right-wing mass-murderer an open field on which to kill by constantly distracting everyone from their ongoing track-record of massive death & misery. Accessories both before & after the crime – but accountability is only for DFHs & Muslins because LET THE WEEPING EAGLE SOAR!

 
 

“Facts are for losers!” is the motto of the WaPo editorial page. Next up: George Will on how the heat wave disproves global warming.

 
Spearhafoc, who is looking forward to the upcoming Captain Canuck movie (...) What do you mean there's no Captain Canuck movie?!
 

I’m not sure I like this “darker and edgier” Big Bird.

 
 

Bloggers’ table at the next CPAC gathering, where they will finally stop distancing themselves from their Aryan brother and embrace him as a member of the klan.

 
The Reality Based Dave
 

Her errors of omission are obscene. Her only description, “…the suspect here is a blond Norwegian …” leaves out just a few very relevant items. Without understanding of why he did it, preventing another attack becomes almost impossible.
She just uses this attack to justify her continious fapping to the US war machine. Jenny Rubin – following her god’s commands to wipe ’em all out.

 
 

It’s not very far from “IOKIYAR” to “It’s Not Terrorism If You’re A Bigoted White Guy.” Coming soon to a place uncomfortably near you: their convergence!

 
 

That the suspect here is a blond Norwegian does not support the proposition that we can rest easy with regard to the panoply of threats we face or that homeland security, intelligence and traditional military can be pruned back. To the contrary, the world remains very dangerous because very bad people will do horrendous things. There are many more jihadists than blond Norwegians out to kill Americans, and we should keep our eye on the systemic and far more potent threats that stem from an ideological war with the West.

Be afraid!!! Be very, very afraid! But you better goddamn well be afraid of the people I tell you to be afraid of.

God, what a bitch.

 
 

But you better goddamn well be afraid of the people I tell you to be afraid of.

Shorter All Right-Wing Anti-Terror Rhetoric, Everywhere.

 
 

Hey, can we at least all be grateful that she isn’t doing the *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* don’t you think those kids at the rally kinda had it coming to them, Glenn Beck routine, right?

Personally, I’m really proud to know some wingnuts are actually trying to distance themselves from the mess, rather than simply doubling down and demanding more, better shootings in the future.

 
 

George Will on how the heat wave disproves global warming.

He can crib right off of El Fathead’s radio screed.
~

 
 

That the suspect here is a blond Norwegian does not support the proposition that we can rest easy with regard to the panoply of threats we face or that homeland security, intelligence and traditional military can be pruned back.

Who made this proposition, you whore? Again with the fucking threats? Again with the “liberals won’t act so we will kill people” bullshit? Jennifer, you will kindly go fuck yourself with a flaming chainsaw. Thank you.

 
 

Her errors of omission are obscene. Her only description, “…the suspect here is a blond Norwegian …” leaves out just a few very relevant items.

Well, “a blond Norwegian who holds anti-Muslim views very similar to my own” had to hurt to much to face.

That the suspect here is a blond Norwegian does not support the proposition that we can rest easy with regard to the panoply of threats we face or that homeland security, intelligence and traditional military can be pruned back.

Did she say anything about Peter King refusing to address potential white fascist terror in his show hearings, or the forced revision of the DHS report on right-wing terrorism? YOU are the people tying the hands of homeland security, intelligence and traditional military by DEMANDING they ignore the panoply of very real threats posed by YOUR compatriots. Own it.

 
 

As Joscelyn did, at the time I believed the best working theory, given Norway’s recent experiences, was that it was jihadist-related.

Journalism is all about not having evidence for stuff.

 
 

Alternate Shorter: LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOOU!

To the contrary, the world remains very dangerous because very bad people will do horrendous things.

For example, Rubin – in one sentence – bludgeons, rapes and burns the English language.

There are many more jihadists than blond Norwegians out to kill Americans

By way of proof, I offer these chilling – LOOK A SEAGULL!

One wonders (but hopes one does not have to find out) how many terrorist acts carried out by blond Norwegians it would take to shake Rubin from that conviction.

I’m guessing a metric shit ton. And she would argue whether each suspect is REALLY blond and burrow into their family trees, crying AH-HA at each ancestor who isn’t Norwegian.

 
 

I liked her much better as Dexter’s brother in Season 1.

 
Whale Chowder from his phone
 

And, we are reminded that the first obligation of government is to protect its citizenry.

Leaving aside the awful grammar, this right here is the problem. Last I heard the primary function of the government was to protect the Constitution. Did that change while I was out of town or something?

 
 

i wonder what it’s like being a journalist at the WaPo or WSJ, walking around the halls, looking into the glass room where you see a jennifer rubin, a george will, a (fill in the name of entire editorial board of WSJ here)? you think to yourself: i’ve spent a lifetime learning how to present a story–the inverted pyramid, endless fact checking, comprehensive recording or notes of every interview i do as i ascertain facts, all leading towards creating a fact based story which will stand up to intense scrutiny. then, i look over into jennifer rubin’s office and there she is JUST MAKING SHIT UP TO SUPPORT HER HOPED FOR REALITY.

cuz i went to school with liz murdoch, i was able to write this to her directly in the hopes that she could do anything about it (she can’t, dad doesn’t care), but it goes like this:

1.report things as they are.
2.report things as you wish they were.
3.make things more how you wish they were by your reporting.
4.make things exactly how you wish them to be by garnering power over reality with the reach of your influence. then report that.
5.profit, obviously.

 
Alkonholics Anonymous
 

God, she really is just as ugly as her beliefs. The caricature at the Post is an improvement.

 
 

dammit, also too, my website is finally up and all sadlynauts should go there and do obscene things to it.

 
 

There are many more jihadists than blond Norwegians out to kill Americans

And it’s ALL ABOUT US, isn’t it? Are there more jihadists than blond Norwegians who want to kill Norwegians? My best working theory, based on the evidence, is NO. As for her oh so real concern about Americans, are there more jihadists than right-wingers who want to kill Americans? Hard to say, especially when right-wingers keep demanding we look the other way whenever one of their own kills or tries to, and keep stopping every effort to gauge the size of the problem.

 
 

And, we are reminded that the first obligation of government is to protect its white christian male citizenry.
– What she really meant to say.

 
 

Did that change while I was out of town or something?

Yes. Dick Cheney and his youthful ward, G.W. Bush, decided that toilet paper was a better use for the Constitution.

And our current preznit, Hopey McChangeless, has the same opinion.
~

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 

I was going to say something but I went and read that shit and now I’m hunched over the terlet. Give me a few minutes.

 
 

And, we are reminded that the first obligation of government is to protect its citizenry.

Expanding further on this, because a phone is a shitty screed delivery system, I’ll say again: this, this right here is the problem.

The first obligation of government is emphatically NOT to protect its citizenry. It is not to put rubber bumpers on all of life’s sharp corners. It is not to create a CCTV nation where everything that happens is captured on a camera somewhere in case someone does something illegal.

Our government exists to protect our shared image of ourselves. It exists to preserve the obligations and liberties we owe each other. Ideally, it exists to ensure that everyone gets a fair shake and that privilege doesn’t become oligarchy (ha!). It exists to provide the “common weal.”

Government does not exist to protect Jennifer Rubin from ooga-booga dark skinned scary guys.

 
 

Own it.

FTW. Best joke of the day.

 
 

cuz i went to school with liz murdoch, i was able to write this to her directly in the hopes that she could do anything about it (she can’t, dad doesn’t care), but it goes like this:

Completely OT: College?

 
 

The WaPo editorial page must initially be written in crayon on a Big Chief tablet. It really is the only explanation for allowing something like this to take up real estate in what was, at one time, one of the world’s greatest papers:

There are many more jihadists than blond Norwegians out to kill Americans.

What a great bit of sophistry — because, technically, she’s 100% correct. In all of the world, there are more Muslims who would love to kill an American than there are Norwegians who would.

Of course, last I checked, that totes misses the point.

Here, let me change her quote to reflect some actual truth:

There are many more rightwing American nutjobs than jihadists out to kill Americans.

As proof, see: “Reality; 2009 – Present.

So Rubin = Bigot Who Can’t Admit She’s Utterly Wrong

 
 

The first obligation of government is emphatically NOT to protect its citizenry. It is not to put rubber bumpers on all of life’s sharp corners. It is not to create a CCTV nation where everything that happens is captured on a camera somewhere in case someone does something illegal.

Gosh, WC. I’ll bet you wouldn’t have to go very far back in the wingnut archives to find a similar statement about it not being the government’s responsibility to be a “nanny state”.

One distinction I would point out, however–they don’t care about protecting the citizenry, they just want to eradicate values with which they disagree. Achtung, Juden! sort of thing…

 
 

Ya also gotta admire the way she takes horrendous shit going down in a country several thousand miles away and gets it all “OMG! I’M SO SCARED! THE US NEEDS TO WATCH OUT FOR BROWN TERRORISTS!”

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Whale Chowder from his phone said,

July 26, 2011 at 16:14

And, we are reminded that the first obligation of government is to protect its citizenry.

Leaving aside the awful grammar, this right here is the problem. Last I heard the primary function of the government was to protect the Constitution. Did that change while I was out of town or something?

CON’SUSHUN?!! THAT IS WORSHIP WORD!! YANG WORSHIP WORD!! YOU WILL NOT SAY IT!!!

 
 

Gosh, WC. I’ll bet you wouldn’t have to go very far back in the wingnut archives to find a similar statement about it not being the government’s responsibility to be a “nanny state”.

Yeah, you know, I could see that counter-argument coming and it’s not entirely unjustified. That said, there’s a difference in my eyes between helping out people who are down on their luck (see for example universal healthcare or welfare or Pell grants) versus turning the entire country into a police state, abrogating constitutional rights and torturing people so that someone won’t set off a bomb (however destructive) in somebody’s town.

But that’s just me.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

So is it the “blond” or the “Norwegian” that renders Breivik somebody not worth worrying about? If Al Quaida would switch to using blond Bosniaks or Chechens as terrorists, then that would be hunky-dory and the wingnuts would shut up? Is that worth hoping for?

 
 

Hope springs eternal, Rev, but I don’t ever expect the wingnuts to shut up. Muslims are just the boogey man du jour for them to use as a lever to turn the country into a right wing enclave.

 
 

The first obligation of government is emphatically NOT to protect its citizenry. It is not to put rubber bumpers on all of life’s sharp corners. It is not to create a CCTV nation where everything that happens is captured on a camera somewhere in case someone does something illegal.

Which is exactly what the Norwegian PM is saying right now. But what does he know about how to live with the threat of terrorism?

Of course if you are Monco then creatin a CCTV nation where everything that happens is captured on a camera somewhere is a top priority, and Abu Dhabi, Singapore… wait why are these also all F1 venues?

 
 

So is it the “blond” or the “Norwegian” that renders Breivik somebody not worth worrying about? If Al Quaida would switch to using blond Bosniaks or Chechens as terrorists, then that would be hunky-dory and the wingnuts would shut up? Is that worth hoping for?

Over the weekend some particularly pathetic specimens of Wingnuttius Cheetostuffia attempted to argue he was a sort of Manchurian Blond Bombshell, ergo it was totally OMG SKREE TEH MOOSLIMS’ FAULTZ!

 
 

Yeah, you know, I could see that counter-argument coming and it’s not entirely unjustified. That said, there’s a difference in my eyes between helping out people who are down on their luck (see for example universal healthcare or welfare or Pell grants) versus turning the entire country into a police state, abrogating constitutional rights and torturing people so that someone won’t set off a bomb (however destructive) in somebody’s town.

I only pointed that out to highlight their hypocricy. There’s a huge difference between these two things and I don’t see the line as being in any way fine or blurry.

I just find the whole “government’s first responsibility” bullshit pretty disingenuous when every time someone proposes regulating the Wall Street thieves the fucking wingnuts start hyperventilating and shitting themselves as if we’d just proposed the Patriot Act or an offshore detention camp where we can detain and torture anyone we want… Fucking hypocrites.

 
 

And, we are reminded that the first obligation of government is to protect its citizenry.

Fuck everyone who pointed out these assholes want a nanny-state more than anyone they accuse of nanny-statism *glares at tsam*. God, and for all their whining about affirmative action, don’t they demand quotas for conservatives in the arts, academia, Hollywood, etc? For all their complaints about “everyone gets a trophy” self-esteem culture, don’t they get butthurt at the most gentle and deserved reproof and demand respect and influence far outweighing that which they objectively merit?

 
 

torturing people so that someone won’t set off a bomb (however destructive) in somebody’s town.

May not apply in or arround family planning clinics.

Except the Master Plan calls for retooling those a bit. “You don’t have a family? Why the hell not? Here’s your state assigned Family Plan. Stick to it if you don’t want to work in the salt mines.”

 
 

every time someone proposes regulating the Wall Street thieves the fucking wingnuts start hyperventilating

Well juh, you can’t limit the capacity for rapine freedoms of the Right People, that would be unAmerican!

 
 

God, I hate conservatives. They give me reason for it every day, but the clash-of-civilizations bullshit really does bring out the worst in them.

 
 

*glares at tsam*.

*goes into karate stance*

Strictly a devil’s advocate argument, perhaps I didnt’ develop the hypocricy point well enough. Now get ready for my drunken monkey.

 
 

tigris, I think I just got yelled at but I’m not sure why?

 
 

vassar college was where i matriculated with liz. super nice and smart woman. i believe the first time i heard that james and lachlan murdoch were feckless idiots and tools (and then was able to witness it) was 1989 or thereabouts. didn’t prevent them from getting to run large chunks of the world, but then that’s sort of the point of nepotism, now isn’t it? too bad liz had the wrong chromosonal mix.

 
 

/me hides behind tsam

 
 

In Jennifer Rubin’s defense, it was probably a Muslim that inserted incorrect information into her post.

UPDATE: While the incorrect information in Rubin’s post wasn’t actually literally typed into the column by a Muslim – the fact that it is incorrect is because Muslims did not shoot up a bunch of people. Therefore it is the fault of Muslims. And proof positive that we need a bigger defense budget.

 
 

WC, I’m only mad anyone beat me to the punch. Which I now have to admit will taste fabulous with the drunken monkey(a dish best served cold), as long as the punch is spiked.

 
 

I’m pretty good with a Bo Staff.

 
 

Ah. OK then, I’ll stand down from my preparations for the drunken bonobo defense maneuver.

 
 

Yo, Vassar Boyz* represent!

*Offer does not apply to M. Thiessen or R. Miniter since they are technically Vassar Douchebagz.

 
 

AHEM. I’d like to point out that government’s first responsibility is bombing Muslims. It says so right there in the Constitution.

UPDATE: While the Constitution does not literally call for bombing Muslims, it certainly is implied.

UPDATE X2: While bombing Muslims isn’t actually implying the need to bomb Muslims, this is really one of those “fish has no word for water*” things. Bombing Muslims was so sacred back in the days of the Founders that it was understood as being a universal good.

* I’m not saying fish is an alcholic, but if he is, it’s probably a Muslim’s fault.

 
Coach Urban Meyer
 

Wuzza-wuzzup, loony libs? The funky fact of the matter is, this attack was actually the work of a Manchurian Musloliberal! If you dorkus malorkuses could get your craniums outta your posteriors, you’d see the truth, brahs! It’s pretty obvious to Da Cool Coach that your pathetic attempts to slander Pammycakes are just cover for your Messiah in Dork, Obummer screwin’ up the debt ceiling! Wuzza-wuzzup with that, anyway? What a loser!

Anyway, same as it ever was ya freaks: ConservoMentum ’12 is gonna unleash a SPREAD of VICTORY all over your candy butts. Urban out.

 
 

UPDATE x2 has an hilarious typo. Imma pretend it was intentional – and therefore not teh fault of Muslims. Unliek teh whole “Imma let you finish” thing which is obviously the fault of Muslims.

 
 

Wastin’ away again at Post-Partisan,
Looking for the lost übermenschen of Galt.
Some people claim there’s a right-winger to blame,
But I know – it’s a Muslim’s fault.

 
 

I’ll stand down from my preparations for the drunken bonobo defense maneuver.

What, having another beer to ready yourself for drunkenly masticating* someone’s neck?

*Name! That! Buffoon!

 
 

*Name! That! Buffoon!

Ooh, ooh! I know this one! Ross DoubthatIcouldgetitupanyway!

What do I win?

 
 

Of course we had to expect that Pat Buchanan would pile on.

What is wrong with these people?

 
 

What do I win?

A rrrromantic evening with Ross! Be sure to wear your pink pajamas!

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Ooh, ooh! I know this one! Ross DoubthatIcouldgetitupanyway!

Crap! Now I’m going to be thinking about drunkenly masticating the neck of a chunky Reese Witherspoon all morning, and my bunk nowhere in sight. Thanks tigris!

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Shorter: Fear, fear, fear, scared, scared, scared! Mommy? Daddy? Won’t somebody please save me from the monster under my bed?

Somehow, somebody who feels that way is a True Patriot who believed in American Exceptionalism Boo-yah. Oh how I wish somebody could call the wingnuts out for the pants wetting cowards they all are.

 
 

fuck, i think miniter is from my era, i’m pretty sure i remember him. or maybe that’s the shrooms talking.

as for thiessen, that fucking fuck fucking fucks fucking fucks.

fucking vassar young conservatives sucked just like all the rest.

 
 

Of course we had to expect that Pat Buchanan would pile on.

Why did I click that link? WHY?!!

But, awful as this atrocity was, native-born and homegrown terrorism is not the macro-threat to the continent.

Why not? Is this one of those “because SHUT UP, that’s why” moments?

 
 

Rev B, think instead about drunkenly masticating Douthat neck-beard. YOU’RE WELCOME!

 
 

robert green said,

July 26, 2011 at 16:19

dammit, also too, my website is finally up and all sadlynauts should go there and do obscene things to it.

Sorry, that site is way too nice to do obscene things to.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Rev B, think instead about drunkenly masticating Douthat neck-beard. YOU’RE WELCOME!

OK, now I know why the devotees of Cybele used to cut their genitals off with a scythe.

 
 

OK, now I know why the devotees of Cybele used to cut their genitals off with a scythe.

Muslims.

UPDATE: Okay, while it wasn’t Muslims – it might as well have been. Earth goddess? That’s some New Wave hippie dippy shit, which is exactly the same as Islam. MOAR FREEDOM BOMBS!

 
 

fuck, i think miniter is from my era, i’m pretty sure i remember him. or maybe that’s the shrooms talking.

Sorry, if you were there with Liz & M.T. you were there with MiniDick. (Who was last seen whining like a damp-diapered baby because the Washington Times tried to shove scary Moonie Religion GroupThink down his throat. I will leave you to savor the irony.)

 
 

Rev B, think instead about drunkenly masticating Douthat neck-beard. YOU’RE WELCOME!

May you suffer the death of a thousand Rubin Dry Humps.

 
 


Norway, too, needs to wake up. From the first call for help, police needed 90 minutes to get out on the island in the Oslo lake to stop the massacre by the coward, who surrendered as soon as the men with guns arrived. Apparently, Breivik wanted to be around to deliver his declaration of European war in person. Yet, if convicted of the 76 murders, Breivik can, at most, get 21 years, the maximum sentence under Norwegian law.

Norway is a peaceful and progressive country, its leaders say.

buncha pussies…

 
 

Chunky Reese was on birth control pills because of Islam. This is why Obamacare will cause the US to devolve into a Third World state.

UPDATE: Ross Douthat tells me that Chunky Reese wasn’t Muslim, but that doesn’t change the fact that many more Muslims than blond Harvard co-eds with a thing for neck-bearded Catholics that can’t get it up commit adultery. Therefore we need to increase the Defense budget.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

OK, I’m going to my happy place now….

When I posted a link to my favorite redhead as Attorney General Funbags a while back, M. Bouffant accused her of looking like “Chunky Reese Witherspoon”. So, I’m going to find a bunk somewhere and get the taste of Ross DoucheShat’s neckbeard out of my mouth.

 
 

CON’SUSHUN?!! THAT IS WORSHIP WORD!! YANG WORSHIP WORD!! YOU WILL NOT SAY IT!!!

oooh, that’s a win.

How much longer before El Tubbo actually says that on his “show”?

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Yet, if convicted of the 76 murders, Breivik can, at most, get 21 years, the maximum sentence under Norwegian law.

Yes, Pat, you festering pustule, that’s the maximum length of time he can be incarcerated as punishment for his crime. How many times does it have to be pointed out to you fuckweasels that Norway has the law in place to keep him locked up if he’s still considered a danger to the public at the end of that time?

 
 

We need to build the dang fence on the Norweigan border.

 
 

But has not the man shown, by his very actions, that he is a Muslim? Ignore that!!!

 
 

Yes, Pat, you festering pustule,

How is that zit-limbed wastesquirter still drawing breath? I would have thought Nixon’s festering mouldered soul would have dragged him down to hell by now.

 
 

The fact is, these liberals in the camp were just like Hitler Youth, and if liberals arent carefuil more patriots will shoot them if they keep them from getting what they need for freedom.

Also, we need to cut all taxes and all government and let the free market work.

 
 

Shat Pukecannon, Translated:

“Let’s not argue and bicker about who killed who in a horrific terrorist attack. (And certainly not WHY. And on no account if U.S. citizens of similar ideological bent might even now be plotting to do the same.) Let’s instead use half-truths and flat out bullshit to blame the victims!”

(It is also worth noting that Pat apparently stole this riff from an American Stinker article.)

For seriously? Cops didn’t get there fast enough (without a definition of what constitutes fast enough) and the suspect might only get 21 years (if you ignore the facts) would be the weakest of sauce a year from now. Less than a week after it shouts “Lookit me, I’m a ghoulish fucking prick!” and is likely to get you a well-deserved calling out with attendant junk kick.

 
 

Douthat is one of the columnists we run on the editorial page of the pathetic right-wing rag where I work. He was vile this week. Beck-quality vile.

First, he provided a partial quote about the dangers of rampant consumerism, and asked: Is that Al Gore or the Unabomber? Well, it was Al Gore! (And we know the worstest thing about the Unabomber was that he was critical of rampant consumeriem.)

Then he pointed out that the Norway rampagist used some of the Unabomber’s ideas!

So Al Gore is like a guy in Norway who walked around on an island and killed dozens of unarmed teenagers! Oh noes!

But the gist of Douthat’s column this week was something along the lines of this: The right-wing extremist who killed more than 70 people in Norway may unfortunately distract the people of Norway from the REAL threat in their country, the miniscule Muslim population, you know, that subgroup of the Norwegian population that was not represented by anyone walking around on an island killing dozens of people.

We call him Douche-hat. It makes us laugh.

And you have to laugh. Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry when you think of the dearth of honest, decent, non-vile conservatives who, if they existed, should be clamoring for the removal of commentators like Douche-hat because of how they make conservatives in general look stupid, intolerant, vile, racist, irrational and utterly detestable.

And completely capable of pulling off any number of Otaya-like rampages.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

And 90 minutes for the Federales (Norsk translation, please, Kthxb!) to get there? With a bombing in Oslo at the same time? What, do you think the Oslofjord is the size of that puddle in your backyard? It’s bigger than the fjord that I live on (Puget Sound). Now imagine a bomb goes off in front of The Circumcision Tower City Office Building in Seattle. Simultaneously there’s a gunman running amok on one of the more remote San Juans, how long would it take U. S. Marshals to get there?

 
 

how they make conservatives in general look stupid, intolerant, vile, racist, irrational and utterly detestable.

well, these days, being stupid, intolerant, vile, racist, irrational and utterly detestable in a conservative makes you their Presidential front-runner.

 
 

Billo ‘splains that because the killer is a Christian means he’s not a Christian

 
 

how long would it take U. S. Marshals to get there?

[wingnut mode on]
Hey now, here in Uhmerkuh, we take scares of ourselves! Don’t kneed know socialist pohlice types to save us! Those brave soles on a USA eyeland would’ve shot him, cut off his head, and pissed down his throwt afore he had a chance to fire a second shot!

WoLVERineS!!!!1!
[wingnut mode off]

 
 

* I’m not saying fish is an alcholic, but if he is, it’s probably a Muslim’s fault.?i>

[hides bottle of aquavit behind back]

 
 

I’m not sure I like this “darker and edgier” Big Bird.

Hey kids let’s go into Sesame Alley and I can give you all your packs of “treats” to sell to your friends.

Remember: watch out for pigs!

 
 

Dragon-King Wangchuck, aspiring War Criminal Post columnist said,

July 26, 2011 at 17:41

Wastin’ away again at Post-Partisan,
Looking for the lost übermenschen of Galt.
Some people claim there’s a right-winger to blame,
But I know – it’s a Muslim’s fault.

I’d send that in to Fred Hiatt, DKW. After all, he’s given jobs to J. Rubin, Marc Theissen, Micheal Gerson, etc.

And they’re not even entertaining!
~

 
 

And they’re not even entertaining!

Thankee muchly, I can take teh criticism – I’ll try and make ’em less readable to appeal to Ferd moar.

 
 

Looks like fish has had too much aquavit to be attempting HTML.

What time is it in the D.C. burbs now?
~

 
 

So Al Gore is like a guy in Norway who walked around on an island and killed dozens of unarmed teenagers! Oh noes!

Naw, Al killed unarmed Serb teenagers.

 
 

I wonder what this stupid asshole would think if someone were to write that the Buford Furrow terrorist attacks proved that white Aryans were at risk of losing their country.

 
 

It nevertheless is a good reminder to all of us including myself that early reports are often wrong.

Jennifer, darlin’, it wasn’t “all of us” whipping up anti-Muslim hysteria out of sheer ignorance.

 
 

early reports

Which ones? I recall stuff about a bomb and someone shooting people, but no positive identification of who was doing what.

 
 

Ooops, left teh Wash Post translator on,,,

It nevertheless is a good reminder to all of us including myself that early reports are often wrong there are lunatics that imagine themselves as Mighty Warriors in a Righteous War against Islam and Liberalism – so it behooves us all to take advantage of every available opportunity to demonize Muslims and liberals.

 
 

O RLY?

The attempted MLK Day parade bombing happened here in my hometown of Spokane. It is far from the first incident from these waste case right winger nazis.

 
 

how they make conservatives in general look stupid, intolerant, vile, racist, irrational and utterly detestable.

which is as difficult as making the Atlantic Ocean look wet..

 
 

O’Reilly also said that the media “is pushing the Christian angle [because] they don’t like Christians very much because we are too judgmental,” and that the press want to “diminish” social and religious conservatives.

most people dislike those who are too judgemental, asshat…and furthermore, if u r a christian and self-identify as being too judgmental, that means yr doin’ it wrong!

 
 

Right wing anti-government groups grew by 60% in 2010 over the previous year, the center reported, attributing much of the growth to militia groups.

Is it too early to return fire? To say that if they want war, they got it? Or will I get concern trolled to death? I’m ready to fight.

 
 

Which ones? I recall stuff about a bomb and someone shooting people, but no positive identification of who was doing what.

there was one early report of some group with a Al-Quida-ish name taking credit. But there are usually multiple claims of credit, often as pranks, after bombings. But it was enough for the reighwingers to rush in and start laying blame..

 
 

there was one early report of some group with a Al-Quida-ish name taking credit. But there are usually multiple claims of credit, often as pranks, after bombings.

Right. Call me crazy, but I think Jennifer Rubin is a big fat liar.

 
 

and that the press want to “diminish” social and religious conservatives

Actually, no. It’s not the media. It’s those of us who are NOT INSANE, you fuck.

 
 

highly organized white supremacist groups have suffered setbacks in recent years with some of the movement’s leaders imprisoned and others stripped of their resources by civil lawsuits, said Gary Ackerman, research director at START.

bummer…

 
 

there was one early report of some group with a Al-Quida-ish name taking credit.

[citation needed]

FFS, Rubin. Figure it out or go to hell.

 
 

Buchanan

LULZ! but srsly…what is that dude in the middle?

 
 

* I’m not saying fish is an alcholic, but if he is, it’s probably a Muslim’s fault.?i>

[hides bottle of aquavit behind back]

I think the label on that bottle reads “Al Qavit”. See it is a Muslim’s fault.

 
 

[citation needed]

Actually, this was troo. Emphasis on was. One Islamic group claimed credit and then denied responsibility all on the same day.

http://www.jihadica.com/alleged-claim-for-oslo-attacks/

 
 

What’s all this about Harry Potter taking responsibility?

Al-Quidditch
~

 
 

Here we go, from the BBC site (I was following it there at the time).

2039: The New York Times is reporting that the terror group Ansar al-Jihad al-Alami, or the Helpers of the Global Jihad, is claiming responsibilty for the bombing in Oslo.

However, less than an hour later the BBC was reporting that an “expert” had said that this group had NOT carried out the attack.

There is more here, but yeah, Rubin jumped to conclusions based on REALLY flimsy early reports..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14254705

 
 

And then there is the matter of dates. McVeigh was fixed on the day of April 19, the anniversary of the Waco siege. Breivik chose July 22, which was the day in 1099 that the Kingdom of Jerusalem was established during the First Crusades.

I found the answer on page 242 of Breivik’s manifesto, where he explains that on 1683 at the Battle of Vienna, the Ottoman Empire’s military was defeated in a protracted struggle, thereby insuring that most of Europe would not become part of the Muslim empire. The date in Breivik’s title is the 400th anniversary of that decisive battle, and in Breivik’s mind he was re-creating the historic efforts to save Europe from what he imagined to be the evils of Islam.

Religous Dispatches

 
 

Actually, this was troo.

Yes, but as Woodrowfan says that sort of thing is commonplace and they caught a guy awfully quickly.

 
 

I’m late with that. I blame Headline News, which is keeping me apprised of Casey Anthony Octomom Amy Winehouse developments.

 
 

Hmmm, going to have to work a bit on internal inconsistency if I want that War Criminal Post column. To wit:

Now that Anders Pants Panik has been revealed as a self-professed Christian conservative it’s time to break out teh lone-wolf formulation. Nevermind that the third of Rubin’s four hyperlinks has the following text:

(Indeed, late today there were new questions as to whether the suspect acted alone.)

 
 

FWIW:
2039: The New York Times is reporting that the terror group Ansar al-Jihad al-Alami, or the Helpers of the Global Jihad, is claiming responsibilty for the bombing in Oslo.

2056: The foreign minister has also confirmed that the man arrested following the shooting on the island is Caucasian.

2124: A terrorism expert tells the BBC that Ansar al-Jihad al-Alami, or the Helpers of the Global Jihad, a terror group that claimed responsibility for the explosion in Oslo, was not behind the attack.

2145: The justice minister has just confirmed the suspect arrested today at the youth camp in Utoeya was Norwegian.

2158: “We do not wish to confirm or deny any reports of groups taking responsibility for the attacks. We don’t want to make the situation seem more serious than it is,” the prime minister says.

2238: Deputy Oslo police chief Sveining Sponheim tells reporters the man under arrest is 32 and “ethnic Norwegian”.

 
 

Hey leave us out of this. Our species doesn’t make up shit to justify killing each other.

 
 

Naw, Al killed unarmed Serb teenagers.

Hadn’t heard of that. Was that when he was in the military or when he was president?

 
 

Billo ‘splains that because the killer is a Christian means he’s not a Christian

By that “logic” Harry Truman and Abraham Lincoln were also not Xtian because look at the slaughter they oversaw.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

I blame Headline News, which is keeping me apprised of Casey Anthony Octomom Amy Winehouse developments.

Does Generalissimo Amy Winehouse still lie seriously dead at this hour?

 
 

Actually, this was troo. Emphasis on was. One Islamic group claimed credit and then denied responsibility all on the same day.

http://www.jihadica.com/alleged-claim-for-oslo-attacks/

I’m sure Jenny from the Flock thanks you for doing her job for her, leaving her time to incite a pant-shitting riot before taking even a minimal amount of time to have a closer look at the intial reports.

 
 

By that “logic” Harry Truman and Abraham Lincoln were also not Xtian because look at the slaughter they oversaw.

What about G-DUB Bush? He even SAID he was on a mission from God like the Blues Brothers.

 
 

By that “logic” Harry Truman and Abraham Lincoln were also not Xtian because look at the slaughter they oversaw.

Cough.

 
 

,,,apprised of Casey Anthony Octomom Amy Winehouse developments,,,

A toughie.

Casey Anthony’s acquittal has as its basis, Sharia Law which states that a mother may kill her children if they reject Islam. This was a recent change in Shariah Law since their previous embrace of octuple in-vitro fertilization procedures. The change was opposed by the famous Muslim entertainer and comptroller Amy Winehouse who was found dead in her home in London with all of her files missing.

UPDATE: Early suspicion that Sharia Law was the prime motivating factor in Casy Anthony’s crime against humanity were based on interviews with noted imams and qadis – or at least on their refusal to even discuss the issue. They obviously had something to hide. It may be true that Sharia Law wasn’t the cause of Caylee Anthony’s murder, Octomom’s egregious fecundity or Amy Winehouse’s death. However, the intransigence of Muslim community leaders when accused of these totally unrelated offenses is troubling. These Muslim leaders need to co-operate with investigations into heinous activities they have no connection to and if they won’t provide it voluntarily, perhaps legislation is in order.

 
 

woodrowfan’s timeline:

2039: The New York Times is reporting that the terror group Ansar al-Jihad al-Alami, or the Helpers of the Global Jihad, is claiming responsibilty for the bombing in Oslo.

2056: The foreign minister has also confirmed that the man arrested following the shooting on the island is Caucasian.

2124: A terrorism expert tells the BBC that Ansar al-Jihad al-Alami, or the Helpers of the Global Jihad, a terror group that claimed responsibility for the explosion in Oslo, was not behind the attack.

2145: The justice minister has just confirmed the suspect arrested today at the youth camp in Utoeya was Norwegian.

2158: “We do not wish to confirm or deny any reports of groups taking responsibility for the attacks. We don’t want to make the situation seem more serious than it is,” the prime minister says.

2238: Deputy Oslo police chief Sveining Sponheim tells reporters the man under arrest is 32 and “ethnic Norwegian”.

j.rubin:

It nevertheless is a good reminder to all of us including myself that early reports are often wrong

ya, THINK?!?!? jesus…you can’t wait a couple of hours to throw up a post to make sure that you at least have some half-assed facts?!?! because getting that scoop and being the first one to post it is all that matters? no! let’s just throw some crap up there and see what happens…cuz, you know, it’s the internetz…and they’re only words…it’s not like anybody’s going to remember if you were right or wrong…oh, wait? what?

oh, i long for the days before 24 hour frickin news…

 
 

Abraham Lincoln were also not Xtian because look at the slaughter they oversaw

well, duh! abe liked dark people…

 
 

By that “logic” Billo is not a Christian either. No true Christian would intentionally lie to millions of people simply for profit. Of course, as a rich man, Billo has no chance of getting his needledick into heaven no matter what he does to a camel with it.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

2056: The foreign minister has also confirmed that the man arrested following the shooting on the island is Caucasian.

The fuck? You have to go south into Sub-saharan Africa or as far east as Malaysia (or maybe the Andaman Islands?) to run into Muslims who aren’t Caucasian, don’t you? What does this prove?

 
 

Abortion is legal in Norway. Wonder which “Not my faulter” will bring this to the table?

 
 

Beck shows himself yet more desperate for attention.

You know who else went on and on bitching about the “MSM” and “Political Correctness”?

The motherfucker that shot all those kids, that’s who.

I started to try to read his manifesto. By a few pages in it was clear that it was the work of a bog-stock Modern Movement Conservative. Standard boilerplate. Right down to the fetishism of the imaginary White Picket Fenced ’50s. Exactly what you can tune into on half the AM radio morning shows in the country.

I had to stop reading it was making me so mad. Fuckers are spinning and spinning to try to deny that he’s exactly who they are. Sorry, assholes. This is the fruit of your loins. This is what you believe. See: Sharon Angle’s Second Amendment Remedies, et. al. ad nauseam. It’s what you profess every single day. This is you. If you don’t like it, change. Stop fucking pretending it ain’t so.

 
 

The fuck? You have to go south into Sub-saharan Africa or as far east as Malaysia (or maybe the Andaman Islands?) to run into Muslims who aren’t Caucasian, don’t you? What does this prove?

you and I know this, but the righties keep insisting that you can tell a Muslim by looking at him. That’s why they want TSA to search dark-skinned people and ignore whites….

 
 

OK, I’ll just come right out and say it: I love Coach Meyer.

 
 

You have to go south into Sub-saharan Africa or as far east as Malaysia (or maybe the Andaman Islands?) to run into Muslims who aren’t Caucasian, don’t you?

Come on. Would you want to lay a bet on whether Muslims in DC are primarily African-American converts (or children of converts) or primarily from traditionally Islamic countries? I sure wouldn’t.

What does this prove?

People from Morocco are fooling themselves if they think the Euros won’t call them n!ggers?

 
 

The fuck? You have to go south into Sub-saharan Africa or as far east as Malaysia (or maybe the Andaman Islands?) to run into Muslims who aren’t Caucasian, don’t you?

Or, you know, any major U.S. city. I for one would not lay a bet on whether the majority of Muslims in D.C. are African-American or from a traditionally Muslim country.

 
Lots of Christian Artists
 

Jesus was a Caucasian.

 
 

And he was RIPPED!

 
 

Coach Meyer has syphilis, vs.

 
 

Did they also crucify Jesus’ dinosaur?

 
 

I love him from afar

 
 

Ok, for some reason they were just playing 70’s porn music while Claire Robinson cut corn off the cob. Rule 34 indeed.

 
 

I love Bourbon Meyer:

(on the rocks in a pint glass)

Bourbon – 3 shots
Lime juice – 1 shot

Fill the rest of the glass with half sweet tea, half Coca-Cola.

A tailgater favorite at UF football games.

 
 

Did they also crucify Jesus’ dinosaur?

Now why would a dinosaur have a dinosaur?

 
 

Jesus was a Caucasian.

But he wasn’t a Christian.

 
 

Now why would a dinosaur have a dinosaur?

Cuz he’s a furry? uh…Scaly?

 
 

He rode a dinosaur.

 
 

TB, that sounds yummeh.

 
 

I for one would not lay a bet on whether the majority of Muslims in D.C. are African-American or from a traditionally Muslim country.

I would suspect from a “traditionally Muslim country.” I have a lot of Muslim students and they range all over the map in terms of skin color, style of dress, ethnicity, etc. But they do mostly come from the Middle East and South Asia. (and from the comments I hear they don’t consider American black Muslims to be “real” Muslims.)

 
 

Oh, and by the way, stop by the thunderjoint and see his latest update to the War Criminal Post post; it makes a quite lovely visual confirmation of the similarities between the Oslo shooter and our lovely eliminationist wingnut countrymen.

 
 

He rode a dinosaur.

Jesus Oop?

 
 

Blond norwegian muslin terrists are the reason my fucking train is an hour late getting to Syracuse.

 
 

And not the good type of fucking, neither.

 
 

fucking train? Rule 34???

 
 

I will say this – the resurgence of teh limelight on ISLAMIFICATION OF EUROPE OMG!!IsThatACrescent!11!1!! reminded me of teh greatest blogpost every written in all of history. I went back to read it and sure enough, it is still teh Greatest.

 
J Rubinsamitch O'Reilly
 

If a terrorist has dark skin they are a Muslim. If they have light skin they aren’t a Christian.

 
 

If a terrorist has dark skin they are a Muslim. If they have light skin they aren’t a Christian terrorist.

 
JesusRepublican Inc.
 

Thread Bear said,

July 26, 2011 at 21:19

Jesus was a Caucasian.

But he wasn’t a Christian.

Blasphemer! Hater!

 
 

“That the suspect here is a blond Norwegian does not support the proposition that we can rest easy with regard to the panoply of threats we face or that homeland security, intelligence and traditional military can be pruned back.”

She could just as easily have said:
“That the suspect who pooped in my yard is the mutt next door does not support the proposition that we can rest easy with regard to the panoply of threats we face or that homeland security, intelligence and traditional military can be pruned back.”

 
 

Hadn’t heard of that. Was that when he was in the military or when he was president?

Just Vice President and candidate for President:

Supported early action in Bosnia; no “Vietnam syndrome”

Gore’s war experience left him wary of the reflexive anti-interventionism–the so-called Vietnam Syndrome–that characterized Democratic attitudes towards foreign policy in the 1970s and 1980s. As Vice President, he was a strong and early proponent of military action in Bosnia. In Congress he supported intervention in the Persian Gulf and Grenada and, in some instances, aid to the Nicaraguan contras. “We’ve over-learned the lessons of Vietnam,” he said in 1984.

But, bygones.

 
JesusRepublican Inc.
 

If you even THINK of bringing up circumcision we will sue you for hearsay and libelous doanwannagothereaboutjesus.

 
JesusRepublican Inc.
 

Or pooping.

 
 

“That the suspect here is a blond Norwegian does not support the proposition that we can rest easy with regard to the panoply of threats we face or that homeland security, intelligence and traditional military can be pruned back.”

It also absolutely does not support the proposition that all terrorists are Muslim, or that all Muslims are terrorists. It does support the proposition that perhaps homeland security, intelligence and traditional military should not be pruned back so much as re-focused.

 
 

Speaking about Thinking of Jesus and Loving his Body (apparently totes heterosexually), his Bride (OMG cuckolding Jesus!) & his Family (Jesus is a Wise guy) – here’s an Eschaton post.

 
J Reilly O'Rubin
 

Not Christian terrorists-

The JDL’s position with regard to Israel is denial of any Palestinian claims to land and the calling for the removal of all Arabs from the “Jewish-inherited soil.” The group has orchestrated countless terrorist attacks in the U.S. and abroad, and has engaged in intense harassment of foreign diplomats, Muslims, Jewish scholars and community leaders, and officials.

SPLC

 
 

Crusader good. Jihadist bad. Ipso facto.

 
 

From KFM:

You can’t cite your enemy’s delusional hopes as a basis for a rational strategy.

WRONG! That’s exactly how Osama bin Laden got Dubya crap on the Constitution and launch Operation Enduring ClusterFuck.

(Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

And to my earlier comments re: Arbitrary race designations & religion – Really the Beeb should have just StFu. The end.

 
 

because getting that scoop and being the first one to post it is all that matters?

She’s not a reporter and she didn’t scoop anything or anyone, she wrote an opinion piece based on her conclusion jumping, which conclusion she now admits was wrong but still believes it doesn’t affect the validity of her opinion… and she still thinks US policy should be based on the false conclusion she jumped to.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The radical fundamentalist jihadis are the arch-conservative radicals of the Islamic world. The problem isn’t Islam, it’s right-wing authoritarianism of all stripes.

 
 

Let’s not talk about The IRA and Catholics.

 
 

Or the Klan and Baptists.

 
 

It does support the proposition that perhaps homeland security, intelligence and traditional military should not be pruned back so much as re-focused.

Which the right fights at every turn. Google to find her regularly fluffing Peter King and excoriating any Democrat who is less than enthusiastic about his hearings or other bullshit.

 
 

shrieking harpy:

But the sharia-compliant media is naked in their blood libel to tie this murderer to everyone of us who fight for human rights, the rule of law, the dignity of the human person, free speech, the free conscience, and equality of rights for all.

…unless yr a muslin…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

…unless yr a muslin…

or a librul!

 
 

or a librul!

aren’t they teh same?

 
Spearhafoc, who is looking forward to the upcoming Captain Canuck movie (...) What do you mean there's no Captain Canuck movie?!
 

I can’t tell you how hard it is being both a Godless Commie and a fanatical Muzzie.

 
 

I believed the best working theory, given Norway’s recent experiences, was that it was jihadist-related.

I believe that the best working theory is that Jennifer Rubin knows two-thirds of sweet fuck all about “Norway’s recent experiences”,* and that she is determined to maintain that ignorance, so as to be better able to substitute her own reality.

* E.g. their experience over the last year of increasing activity from increasingly well-coordinated right-wing extremists terrorists.

 
 

Dammit! Focus has got to be all Mooslems all the time.

Regarding the 30 years of violence during which the IRA killed over 1700 people, including over 600 civilians, King said, “If civilians are killed in an attack on a military installation, it is certainly regrettable, but I will not morally blame the IRA for it”. King compared Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams to George Washington and asserted that the “British government is a murder machine”

Wiki

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

But the sharia-compliant media is naked in their blood libel to tie this murderer to everyone of us who fight for human rights, the rule of law, the dignity of the human person, free speech, the free conscience, and equality of rights for all.

When she says ‘all’ she does not mean all the way we understand it. She wants equal rights for all inheritors of a legacy of wealth and power built up by 300 years of imperialism and slavery, and their assorted fluffers, lackeys, lickspittles and toadies. Anyone who does not acknowlege the obvious god-given right of the current oligarchy to exercise their power with no hint of restraint or consequence, is clearly an underclass not worthy of mention in civilized company. She would no sooner consider the opinions of liberals or Muslims than she would those of porcupines or clams.

 
 

Blood libel my ass, the dude quoted and linked to her multiple times in his own damn manifesto, and didn’t she go to Norway to speak to people just like him? Plus if she gives even a fractional shit about “human rights, the rule of law, the dignity of the human person, free speech, the free conscience, and equality of rights for all” I’ll eat my fucking hat.

THAT’S RIGHT, I HAVE A SPECIAL HAT JUST FOR FUCKING.

 
 

You can leave your hat on.

 
 

Speaking of dull.

 
 

Does your partner wear said hat or do you? And where?

 
 

THAT’S RIGHT, I HAVE A SPECIAL HAT JUST FOR FUCKING.

What sort of hat is that? I’d guess it’s the only hat for cats who know where it’s at.

 
 

5 Sadlybucks for the first person to snag that reference.

 
 

Copy-pasta troll is seriously trollish. Don’t you think you could find a few more blogs to spam with that dreck?

Sheesh, it’s like the trolls don’t even really try anymore.

 
 

Is it copy-pasta troll, or cornered at a party by too much cocaine guy troll?

 
 

I HAVE A SPECIAL HAT JUST FOR FUCKING.

Well let’s just hope you don’t have to fuck your eating hat.

 
 

Hard hat?

 
 

I wear a hat made of cookies for fucking. Eating hat is made of dildos, so that match up would work out OK too.

 
 

Could multitask with a hat made of hot dogs.

 
 

Eating hat is made of dildos, so that match up would work out OK too.

do you have everyday dildos, and special occasion dildos?

 
 

Jesus was a radical.

Scene: Arnold’s Trailer Park, Hawkinsville, Georgia

-Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me.”
-Daddy, there’s a weird looking man at the door.
-What’s he want?…tell him to fuck off.
-Daddy, he’s holding a stick.
-A stick? What’s he doing with it?
-Nothing. He’s just holding it.
-Go get my shotgun. I’ll show this sonofabitch come knocking on my door.
-Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man……
-Who you looking for motherfucker?
-….if any man hear my voice, and open the door…
-How ‘bout I blow a hole in yo’ ass motherfucker!
-….I will come in to him, and will….
-Call nine one one, I’m gonna shoot this robe wearing arab looking motherfucker!
-…eat with, and he with me.
-That’s all you want, something to eat?
-Daddy, we got some left over pork roast we could give him.
-Shut up. These arabs don’t eat no pork. How ‘bout a baloney sandwich, arab?
-God bless you, my child. Please, let me share with you.
-Naw. That’s okay. You done put your mouth on it.
-God bless you my child.
-Okay. Okay. Time for you to go.
-Daddy, maybe he wants something to drink.
-Yeah, sure. Get ‘em a glass of iced tea.
-God bless you my child. Hmmm. This is sweet. Have any lemon?

 
 

Another hint…

Everybody, everybody, everybody
Wants to eat a hat….

How about now?

 
 

Someone’s been reading their Moms diary.

 
 

Eating hat like that must be handy at the donut shop.

 
 

duh…the aristocats…

 
 

How is that zit-limbed wastesquirter still drawing breath?

Pat & Kissinger are competing to be the oldest surviving Nixon toady.

 
 

or the cat in the hat…

 
 

Sorry, I don’t get Animal Planet.

 
 

Pat & Kissinger are competing to be the oldest surviving Nixon toady.

Oh, well, Official War Criminals get to keep living until your country is well enough to send them to the Hague.

So, Kissinger is basically safe forever, because America is SICK SICK SICk.

 
 

duh…the aristocats…

WINNER. Everybody Wants to be a Cat

Also included: The best lead break by a trumpet EVER.

Bonus blatant racism against both blacks and asians! YAY!

Still a great song.

 
 

I wear a hat made of cookies for fucking.

Come here, my darling, I’m going to ball up my fist and…OOH, COOKIES!

 
 

I wear a hat made of cookies for fucking.

Oh my dears, all your talk of cooking shows has been STOLED:

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=my+drunk+kitchen&aq=0s&oq=My+drunken+k

 
 


Oh my dears, all your talk of cooking shows has been STOLED:

I will be DESTROYED if it is revealed that she does not actually get drunk during those.

 
 

“Double Fist/Side Prayer”

One of the special powers of Sailor Uranus.

 
 

duh…the aristohats…

fixed for topicality

 
 

Another way to multitask, but with cookies.

 
 

Is there a ring around Uranus?

 
 

That Anonymous guy sure types fast.

 
 

Let me guess: George Fucking Will. Reads just like him. Anonymous is welcome to jump into a fire and see just how good his own health insurance is.

 
 

One of the special powers of Sailor Uranus.

Reading that wiki entry, the jokes just come spewing out.

 
 

I think Yawnonymous needs to sit on eating hat. Might help stop this diarrhea.

 
 

Feminists had always claimed that when women took over, we would have a kinder, gentler, more nurturing world. After 36 million arrests and 72 million evictions what we got was Joe Stalin.

lol

 
 

Holy shit

Barrage of wingnut victim blaming in 5…4…3…2….

 
 

Relax dung beetle. The wingnut welfare checks won’t stop if we default.

 
 

I’m w-a-y behind on catching up the thread. From what I’ve read so far, there be some Righteous Anger here. Applause already.

 
 

Will WordPress crumble under the weight of the entire rightwing blogosphere being copy-pastad into this thread?

Part of me wishes so, just ’cause, y’know, FYWP.

A bigger part of me wants this copy-pasta troll to DIAF.

 
Guerrila Voters Cadre 18
 

Hopey McChangeless

Heh

 
Wyatt Watts III
 

That Anonymous guy sure types faps fast.

Fixed it fer ya.

 
 

The blog-follower’s mantra: “Soon it’ll get tired of the copypasta and go away. Soon it’ll get tired of the copypasta and go away. Soon it’ll get tired of the copypasta and go away…”

So tsam, how ’bout them Mariners, eh?

Is it football season yet?

 
 

Copy paste troll? Must be Bachmann practicing before putting together her next speech.

 
 

Mayor McCheese is going to lose his bid for re-election. Not just because of the anemic recovery, stubborn unemployment, runaway spending, staggering deficits, lack of public faith in his ability as burgermaster-in-chief, his hostility towards Dairy Queen’s government, the rise of the McCafe Party, or the Hamburglar-favoring implications of redistricting on the electoral map. Those are all factors, and the coming months will provide endless columns discussing each. (Of this I am sure, for I intend to write some of them.)

But there is a more fundamental reason he’ll lose: Mr. McCheese, once perceived as extraordinary, now just seems extra-ordinary. He has gotten politically boring. And McDonaldLand does not re-elect boring Mayors.

McCheese isn’t boring in the same conventional, square, policy-wonk manner of so many other politicians; he still acts cool, plays basketball, and parties with Hollywood’s A-list. But as a Mayor he has become boring: he is tiresome, unpersuasive, divisive, repetitive, predictable, and cynical — importantly, the opposite of everything advertised himself to be.

Somewhere along the way, the once-soaring speeches of The Great Orator degenerated into longwinded clichés delivered in a grating, repetitive cadence. The electric smile morphed into a frequent scowl. Inspiring messages have given way to blaming everyone else for the lack of success of his policies and scolding his subjects for not “stepping up their game.” His every word seems politically calculated rather than anchored by principle. He’s shown little ability to electrify, motivate, persuade or unify anyone-except his political opposition. The restaurant seems tired of him.

How un-motivating is McCheese as Mayor? He speaks to a McDonaldLand at war and rouses no patriotism. He addresses a military audience without so much as mentioning victory (a word to which he has a particular aversion). He takes a major policy address on troop levels in BurgerKingistan and ends up droning on about “green jobs.” Boring. If there is a single memorable line from his multitude of speeches, please tell me; I already stopped listening –and I doubt that I am alone.
Internationally, his tenure has been demeaning. His unique contributions to McDonaldLand’s foreign policy include “Leading from behind;” embracing a gutless philosophy of McDonaldLand’s Un-exceptionalism; serial apologizing for McDonaldLand; and subjecting McDonaldLand to well-deserved lectures on economic policy by our Communist Wendys financial overlords. And it’s not as if any of this has endeared McDonaldLand to the world; from the Nugget Fields to the Ice Machine to The Great Ketchup Packet Pile to the Burger Stack, alliances are frayed. Is this anything for voters to be excited about? What does McCheese’s McDonaldLand stand for, anyway?

Political cynicism may be expedient, but seeing it repeatedly is boring. Being in favor of tax increases during a recession, before being against them, before being for them again is boring. Advocating breathtaking spending increases as economic “stimulus” and then blaming others for the resulting ballooning deficits is boring. Constant posturing is boring. Constant excuses are boring.

What is surprising is that McCheese’s entire election was based on his
uniquely un-boring image and ability to excite, motivate and inspire. Old. Square. White. Wearing a sash. Cool. Confident. Different. Above-the-fray. And he delivered motivating speeches with a religious rhythm that enraptured his listeners.

From the fainting fans at his rallies to the panting panelists on the Nobel committee, candidate McCheese’s rousing rhetoric tapped into something optimistic and hopeful, capturing the attention of the world. It may have all been childishly utopian — stopping the rise of the oceans, burnishing McDonaldLand’s international popularity by sheer force of his personality, ushering in a post-partisan political era, — but his magical message resonated. McCheese was all promise.

But something happened since the campaign. Time passed. Reality intruded. The magic faded. The promise was broken. We got to know him.

As Mayor, McCheese is prickly and thin-skinned. He is preachy and condescending. He is self-absorbed, self-pitying, self-absolving, self-crediting, and self-aggrandizing. Watching him is more depressing than uplifting. He is exactly what he promised not to be: just like any other ordinary, boring politician.

Oh, fawning media still serve as McCheese’s enablers, singing his praises no matter how poorly he performs. But voters — especially the young — are fickle, if not always discerning. One of the hazards of being elected as a “rock star” Mayor is that whoever is momentarily “hot” is unlikely to remain so four years later. Perhaps McCheese is the Menudo Mayor, the Britney Spears of politics. And McDonaldLand has outgrown its infatuation.

Mayors Catsup, O’Shamrock Shake, and George H.W. Napkin have two things in common: they were dull; and they were defeated in re-election bids. And Mayors MusTard, Shake and George W. Napkin? One may argue about their policies or legacies, but they certainly weren’t boring; and they were all re-elected.

In general, the more boring candidate loses; Catsup, O’Shamrock Shake, Mondale, Dukakis, Napkin (father), Dole, Gore, Kerry…the names alone make my eyes droop almost as fast as listening to yet another McCheese Major Policy Address.

A dull, uninspiring candidate may get elected once, especially if facing an even more boring opponent — note O’Shamrock Shake over Catsup or Napkin over Dukakis. But re-election? Not in this generation.
When a messianic figure is revealed to be all too ordinary, it is impossible for even the best political consultants to restore the original image. Think of the scene in “The Wizard of Oz” when the unmasked “wizard” bellows, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” The curtain has been pulled back on McCheese, and we see that he is no wizard. As a mere mortal, how can he re-create the magic spell of 2008?

It’s not as if no one will vote for him. McCheese still owns key constituencies: clowns, fryer unions and, most importantly, Grimace. But there’s a difference between getting votes, and getting out the vote: it is the difference between losing and winning. And it will be difficult to get out the vote this time around for someone as ordinary — as boring — as Mr. McCheese.

 
 

More TSA Trauma for “Advice Goddess” Amy Alkon!

my boyfriend was disturbed because I was sobbing due to the vile touching of my sexual parts…The screener was a short black woman. I wept as she violated me.

That’s some grim poetry.

Link is not to The Advice Goddess.

 
 

So tsam, how ’bout them Mariners, eh?

grumble grumble rassafrassin blah*&(*@&!1!! I don’t get it. For a minute there, they had me going. My buddy warned me not to believe it. He was right.

Is it football season yet?

Charlie Whitehurst or Tavaris Jackson? YAY FOR US.

It’s REALLLLLLLY hard to be a loyal Seattle sports fan. It truly is.

 
 

It’s REALLLLLLLY hard to be a loyal Seattle sports fan. It truly is.

At least you guys have teams.

 
 

At least you guys have teams.

Duh, Blazers, LOL…

 
 

I would punch my grandmother in the vagina for an iPad trollblocker.

 
 

Go Cougs!

We can’t even do THAT right. Last time they went to the Rose Bowl it was with Ryan Leaf–a terrible human being and epic washout in the NFL.

 
 

Looking for the lost übermenschen of Galt.

Best line in a great riff, DK-W.

 
 

I don’t think your gramma deserves that, vs.

Have you tried Atomic Web browser for iPad? It pretends to be multiple personalities, maybe it’ll run greasemonkey scripts.

 
 

Vagina. The words didn’t sound the same, but if they deciphered the sound, it would have to be words that were okay to use, like vagina. Vagina could mean many things, it depended on the rythym. Mostly I tried to remember the locations, because the other lady said it was the most important.
Cassie let me lie down again. There are men and children angry with me. People keep getting hurt because I complain. I died on the operating table. Anaphalatic shock. It’s hard to sit, because of the stitches. It isn’t too painful at first, but as the day wears on, it gets worse. I try not to say anything, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble because of me.
Everyone that was there before is gone. Soon, all the new girls will be leaving. There isn’t as many Jenny’s this time. I miss Jennifer. I don’t know then, that I will see her again, she will be my cousin from Calgary. Cassie feels guilty at first, but I forgive her. I know that she cares, but when they start to tell me that she doesn’t, I pretend she doesn’t, and that it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to think about my mother anymore.
They say that there is a niche for girls like me, and women like the other lady. They say that the buyers like the story, the stabbings, the knives. The other lady knows from Egypt that most people stolen for sale are murdered, and she refuses to see that happen to me. She can’t run because they cut her achilles tendons in Egypt. She was a runner.
There is a “shipment” going out. All of the girls are leaving, and all of the women, everyone but me and the other lady. All the gurads will be away from the room for a minute. One of the guards is going to pretend he didn’t see. Cassie will create a distraction. I don’t want her to be burnt with the clothing iron again. The other lady and Cassie make me promise not to feel guilty, but to remember the locations, and to tell anyone who would listen.
There is a back door. They say there isn’t, but it’s there. No one has ever escaped. Two woman did though, but they were caught outside. I’ll have to hide for a awhile once I am outside. I go to leave, and I walk fast past the men’s room. Now I know what the yelling and wailing was about. There is a decapitated body sitting in a chair, in the centre of the men and boys. A deterrent for hero’s, said the guard. I freeze at the lightbulb. There is no fixture, it’s a dim bulb in long, dark hallway. Some voices start talking, they say they are my guradian angels, that I’ll be safe if I go back, that bad things happen to little girls who try to escape. Outsmarted by a little girl. That makes him mad. Someone says that I am just like the firestarter. Someone laughs, reality check. I almost can’t move, but then the guard thinks, don’t cause trouble for nothing. I could be shot, letting you run.
Around the corner, there is skeleton bones. I can’t see a door, and I’m sure I’m going to die. Someone says, there is, there is a door. It looks like the cement, and the corner is dark. I feel around blindly, and find the doorhandle. Sunlight.

 
 

Duh, Blazers, LOL…

Yeah, but that’s basketball.

It’s baseball season, with football around the corner.

I am going to the local “West Coast League” (summer league for college players) All Stars game tonight though at least — $10 for seats one row back from first base. There will be beer, hotdogs, beer, fireworks, and beer!

 
 

There is encoded messages sent through the radio, palns for the nazi aka rainbow people’s agenda. Scheduled plans for multiple violent episodes, often occuring at the same time are announced through song selection.
The objective of simultaneous occurences is to overwhelm human resources in the policing, security and military sectors. We, the Pacific Army are asking people worldwide to assist in preventing violence. This is a worldwide issue.

 
 

“at least you guys have teams”

Timberrrrrrrrs! More a mishmash of losers than a “team” wot?

 
 

I remember when people had to mimeograph their paranoid ramblings & paste them to ‘phone booths & traffic light boxes.

 
Whale Chowder from his phone
 

Mimeographing? Luxury! We had to hand write screwed with quill pens and tie them to carrier pigeons.

 
 

Let’s not talk about The IRA and Catholics.

Needless to say, the NLFT isn’t even on their radar, now is it?

 
 

We had to press a reed into wet clay then burn the house down to fire them.

 
 

DK-W’s link (21:32) is a super read. Highly recommended.

VsweetsmokeR

 
 

We had to hand write screwed with quill pens and tie them to carrier pigeons.

Looxury!

We carved our screeds on rocks.

And threw them at people.

 
 

Coming late to the party. Just wanted to say that I really liked Whale Chowder’s comment way above:

The first obligation of government is emphatically NOT to protect its citizenry. It is not to put rubber bumpers on all of life’s sharp corners. It is not to create a CCTV nation where everything that happens is captured on a camera somewhere in case someone does something illegal.

Our government exists to protect our shared image of ourselves. It exists to preserve the obligations and liberties we owe each other. Ideally, it exists to ensure that everyone gets a fair shake and that privilege doesn’t become oligarchy (ha!). It exists to provide the “common weal.”

Government does not exist to protect Jennifer Rubin from ooga-booga dark skinned scary guys.

Especially the last bit. Stupid bint.

 
 

it’s like the trolls don’t even really try anymore.

Sadly, yes. This thread’s specimens are dull-dull-dull.

 
 

I’m not Anonymous! I’m hopelessly behind on the thread, tho.

 
 

An Al-Quida-ish name?

Meaning, what, that O’Reilly is an IRA-ish name?

 
 

Oh, my. So someone’s got too much time on their hands.

 
 

Holy shit

Barrage of wingnut victim blaming in 5…4…3…2….

PROOF IF THERE WAS ANY PROOF NECESSARY MINORITIES INFERIOR LAZY UNMOTIVATED HANDOUT SHUT DOWN AFFIRMATIVE ACTION FORCED GOVERNMENT DESEGREGATION FAILURE STATES RIGHTS WELFARE QUEENS INNER CITY BORDER PATROL ACORN BLACK PANTHER CRIME WORKING AMERICANS TAX DOLLARS ILLEGALS IMMIGRANTS BELL CURVE SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

p.s. Don’t call us racists.

 
 

At least you guys have teams.

Yeah, but I’m curious…what did Sonics fans do when the team left for Okla.? Switch to the Blazers, root for the Thunder, or just say “Fuck the NBA”?

 
 

I believe that the theory that the Norway terrorists were jihadists was the best working theory, given that there was no particularly justifiable reason to have a “working theory.”

Remember, if there’s something you don’t know, and there’s no reason you need speculate, but if there are potentially severe consequences if you do, then, go ahead and say whatever you want about anything, because later you can just note that it was ‘the best working theory’.

Right?

Because, blabbermouth pundits really are just like a team of scientists or engineers working on a crucial problem on a tight timetable.

Except when the engineers or scientists fail and the results of their ‘work’ blows shit up or kills people because they ran off at the mouth instead of knowing what the fuck they were talking about, they get fired or worse.

When loudmouth punditarian assholes get things dramatically wrong, it’s worthy of promotion and adulation as long as they err in the direction of establishment prejudice.

 
 

Every day it gets a little stupider.

As do you.

You’ve got s-o-m-e major league Pity Party going on about yer alimony, doncha?

 
 

“I remember when people had to mimeograph their paranoid ramblings & paste them to ‘phone booths & traffic light boxes.”

For years someone in Early County, Georgia left strange letters in mailboxes all up and down State Rd 45. I was just a kid, but I distinctly remember my grandfather flying into a rage when he read the letters, which he did out loud. My mother wouldn’t let me stay in the room to hear what had been written, and the letters were burned on the stove so there was no chance of sneaking a look at them. To this day I wonder what infuriating message those letters contained, that my otherwise calm and unflappable old grandfather would become apoplectic at reading them. My mother did say that the letters had become a subject for discussion in the weekly Sunday School Class for Adults, but she would not say anything else about them. My grandfather died in 1970 or so. Maybe I should ask my mother about those letters now.

Thanks for reminding me.

 
 

So tsam, how ’bout them Mariners, eh?

Don’t pay him no nevermind, tsam. Here is wisdom:

You’re never a bad as you look when you’re losing … and you’re never as good as you look when you’re wiining. — Earl Weaver

 
 

Someone’s medicine cabinet got rearranged.

 
 

Toes have been stepped upon. Don’t EVEN try to pull off food pr0n ’round here, kid.

 
 

CopyPasting recipes?
That was boring a year ago – same recipes, too.

 
 

Filibuster.

 
 

The screener was a short black woman. I wept as she violated me.

This is awesome poetry!
~

 
 

Wait, wait stop. STOP.

Why the hell isn’t Rub-in holding a big old sammich or dildo or dildo shaped sammich between her paws?

You brassturds think that just because it’s summer you can REST?

Yeah, I see the chicken. The chicken is funny, but those hands are BEGGING for a sammich shaped dildo.

 
the conspiratist
 

If we apply this “logic” elsewhere, we find that it is completely acceptable and; in fact, desirable for a person afraid of Lightening to rig swimming pools to electrocute children in order to raise awareness of the dangers of electricity.

Conservatives, is “Preemptive Retribution” really going to be your defense for a mass murder?

 
 

a person afraid of Lightening

Pls., only one anal-bleaching ref. per thread.
Thank you.

 
 

Pre-emptive Retribution, a theme emerging just a few years into Nineelevendom. This awesomely titled study for the Center for Contemporary Conflicts at the Naval Postgraduate School.

9/11: Wahabism/Hegemony and Agenic Man/Heroic Masculinity

…Strategic insight into the aftermath of 9/11 shows that the implementation of the beliefs and values of democratic American society are more in danger than the American territorial state or its structures of government. On the tactical level there is a clear micro-management of the military by the political.

On the societal level the Patriot Act has shown that America is monitoring individuals and not states in controlling the space of communication between individuals rather than the space of trading routes between states. America the hegemonic state persists but potentially at a price of civil liberty.

The threat to civil liberty stems from enhanced governmental regulation. On the macro level the positive aspects of globalization are being regulated and constrained. On the micro level tourists entering America are being warned that they will be photographed and fingerprinted.

The failure of a second attack of the dimension of 9/11 has led to a search for pre-emptive retribution to placate paranoia.

Vengeances may diminish the moral structure and principals of society. In this asymmetrical networks can succeed by the mere threat of terror in changing the texture of a society. The true threat to democracy comes once fear of facts of violence no longer exists on both sides. Anarchy becomes the alternative to civilization.

However,

Dr. Glen M. Segell FRGS is Director of the Institute of Security Policy, London. He is a Fellow of the Royal Geographical Society, the Atlantic Council of the United Kingdom, and the Inter-University Seminar on Armed Forces and Society. Segell is author of over 60 publications, and was educated at the University of the Witwatersrand, Hebrew University, King’s College London,Trinity College and Canterbury University.

I don’t see a single stint at Regent University, or Regnery Press, or RedState, or organizing the 9/12 projik, so I sure as hell don’t think we need to pay no attention to some long-haired military elitist like him?

 
 

And the crowd went wild.

Fuck me, this guy again?

 
 

I think someone invoked his name, & as if by magic he was here.

 
 

Dear Penthouse Forum:

The screener was a short black woman. I wept as she violated me.

Veiled Fisting Reference?

 
Spearhafoc, who is looking forward to the upcoming Captain Canuck movie (...) What do you mean there's no Captain Canuck movie?!
 

I’m hopelessly behind on the thread, tho.

I thought I was too. Turns out it was at least 60% copy/pasta troll.

 
Spearhafoc, who is looking forward to the upcoming Captain Canuck movie (...) What do you mean there's no Captain Canuck movie?!
 

By the way, how do you pronounce “copy-pasta”?

Is it “copy paste-a” or “copy past-a”?

 
 

@ bitter scribe,
I followed the sonics to (ew) Oklahoma. It was worth it for kevin Durant-he’s a great player. Im a football fan first, so I keep hoping the seahawks will get back to the super bowl. Not looking likely lately (awkward phrase, yeah?), but at least im not a scumbag steelers or cowboys fan. Ill take a soft team over that embarrassment any day.

 
 

So that’s why I never heard of Al Gore killing Serbian teens.

Because he was never commander-in-chief. As you say, he was vice president and candidate for president.

 
 

@fenwick

Chowder’s an m’s fan too. We share this pain. Aren’t you a baltimore fan? Stuck in a division with the 2 biggest asshole teams in the league? (Boston and the Yankees)

 
 

ZOMFG troll tries food pr0n! That’s a line a fool don’t want to cross up in this piece.

 
 

I was going to look for the nutter’s manifesto, but then some troll decided to paste the whole thing into this thread.

 
Whale Chowder from his phone
 

I wouldn’t say fan exactly. I follow ’em enough to know who is who and just how far they are in the cellar this year.

As to the Sonics, when they left I was happy to see them and their demands for public money go. Fuck ’em.

 
 

My favorite line of defense posted on a right-wing blog basically amounts to: “Blood of those kids is on the hands of the Norwegian liberals because in their striving for peace and non-violence they haven’t trained their kids how to shoot murderous fucks like us on sight”.

 
 

Is it too early to return fire? To say that if they want war, they got it? Or will I get concern trolled to death? I’m ready to fight.

the fight wouldn’t last long though, after the fist coup,d of encounters, they would be whining like babies through there cheeto stained fingers, and begging to go back to the basement, and the half written harry potter fan porn…

 
 

fuck me, too much coffee…. “….. first couple of encounters…..”

 
 

Regarding the 30 years of violence during which the IRA killed over 1700 people, including over 600 civilians, King said, “If civilians are killed in an attack on a military installation, it is certainly regrettable, but I will not morally blame the IRA for it”. King compared Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams to George Washington and asserted that the “British government is a murder machine”

What is it with these guys comparing terrorists to the Founding Fathers?

I can sort of get it when Reagan did it to the contras, as disgusting as that was. But the IRA wasn’t a distasteful ally, it was an outright enemy. One that associated with Qaddafi and his Euroterrorist buddies and was at war with our closest foreign ally.

In a “conservative” world, Peter King would be labeled a terrorist supporter and enemy sympathizer and run out on a rail by his own party, you’d think. But then, Reagan could pay ransom to Khomeini and run away from Hezbollah without any criticism, so hey, IOKIYAR.

 
Fenwick the Long-Winded
 

Way off-topic: Baseball

I’ve tried not to clog up S,N with baseball. I’ll risk some length here, because this goes beyond baseball into fandom of any sport, imo.

Aren’t you a baltimore fan? Stuck in a division with the 2 biggest asshole teams in the league? (Boston and the Yankees NY-Evil)

Like the Gondorians who spoke not the name of Morder or wizards who spoke not the name of Voldemort, I refuse to speak of that team or write of them using any descriptor other than Evil.

You cannot how much Baltimore loathes the boorish, drunken, foul-mouthbed ‘fans’ of NY-Evil. There are auto caravans and trainloads–up to 10,000 on weekends–who swarm into Camden Yards every series in Baltimore. I watched an O’s-Evil day game at the Yards on a weekend; I swore I would never go a home game when Evil is in town. Their ‘fans’ destroy the enjoyment of baseball, whether Evil is winning or Evil is losing. They are the nastiest and crudiest ‘fans’ I’ve encountered

The Red Sox fans are sadly diminished now, not in numbers, of course–the obnoxious herd of the Red Sox Nations is witness to that; rather, the Sox fans seem diminished as intelligent observers of the game. I went to college in Massachusetts; I always thought the Red Sox among the very best and most intellingent fans in baseball, for all their passion. They knew the thinking part of baseball and the history of Red Sox baseball.

Boston has gone down in my estimation because the is morphing in the worst aspects of NY Evil: We will match you in the Spending Arms Race for AL-East Supremacy. The arrogance of the Boston players in recent years–excellent though they are–is annoying, particularly on the matter of arguing balls-and-strikes and players. If anything, Boston is even whinier than Evil during games. Aand believe me, you’ve gotta go some distance to be whinier than NY Evil). “That can’t be a strike. We’re the Boston Reds Sox! Our judgement of the strike zone is So MuchBetter than any mortal umpire.

As for NY-Evil, buy your fucking championships as you have always done. Behave like assholes in NY-Evil Stadium if you like, but don’t bring your shit on the road and rub everyone’s face in it.

Disclaimers:

(1) This hatred of NY-Evil does NOT in one iota diminish my appreciation for the performances of Evil players. (I could reel off two dozen names, but don’t wanna clog the thread even moar!)

(2) I bear NO animous toward the METS or their fans. I never see them in Camden Yards, of course. Jon Stewart is a Mets fan… a limited, but high-quality sample of one. Good enough for me.

(3) I have known some fine people from NYC. Perhaps I will one day journey there after the NYC Sadlies–princes all of them–seize control.

tsam:

I don’t think Seattle has a chance of breaking the AL or the MLB record for longest losing streak. 0-21. Baltimore owns it, pal, so you guys just back off!

Did you see my earlier World Sewers proposal on S, N? Here are the current standings:

.417 Kansas City —– playout game
.417 Seattle ———— playout game
.414 Baltimore
.408 Chicago Cubs
.320 Houston

I have a foreboding that the Oreos (that’s how Brooks Robinson pronounces the team’s name) will make this humiliating postseason yet again. Ponder this: Baltimore still has 22 games left to play against…

.624 Boston
.604 NY Evil

I think you guys are done with them after the East Coast road trip, amirite?

Thank you for yer indulgence. We now return you to your regular S,N rollercoaster ride.

.

.

 
 

Is it too early to return fire? To say that if they want war, they got it? Or will I get concern trolled to death? I’m ready to fight.

I was lousy shot at Fort Leonard Wood (except in quick-fire, if they still do that). Never fired a weapon before or since. Don’t own one now. Also I’m an older, creakier, and fatter dude; not fit for really active field duty now (if I ever was).

But I’m a top-o-the-line operations planner. Sign me up.

 
 

This is peak wingnut, IMO They will, against their will, achieve a molecule of self-awareness

 
 

This is peak wingnut, IMO They will, against their will, achieve a molecule of self-awareness

just you and me up, Kiwi, obviously, but that, my freind is a bold statement!

 
 

I know, I just don’t care any more

 
 

What is with neocons that they can’t simply own up to a mistake?

Like TinTin is Sasquatch and is real? Jen, babe, just say it: violence transcends race, religion, creed, nationality. It is inherent in the muddy creatures we are, even if we aspire to better.

 
 

I remember when people had to mimeograph their paranoid ramblings & paste them to ‘phone booths & traffic light boxes.

I remember when they had to paint them on cave walls

 
 

You had a cave? We lived under piles of sticks and left messages by arranging our feces in pretty patterns.

 
 

Having spent yesterday afternoon and evening smoking a particularly large pork butt (previously brined, natch, and coated in a cha siu paste) on antique white oak I resent some troll stinking up the joint with liquid smoke laced phony narratives about not-smoking of meat.

 
 

Finally! Jonah Goldberg weighs in on the debt ceiling debate!

(Shorter, duh, but not by much actually):

I haven’t said much about this because someone paid me a million goddamn dollars to write a book of random musings that’s due this week so I’m like toooootally cramming all my research but the professor’s an easy A.

Anyway, Korean is hard to read LOL but it seems to me that if Obama wasn’t such a fucking pussy he’d just solve the debt crisis by starting a civil war. It’s obvious that it’s totally Obama’s fault for ruining the country but by the way it won’t be so bad here’s a hip joke about Carrot Top. It all reminds me of a dumb analogy with a movie and he’ll probably just blame Bush for everything LMAO *fart*

 
 

Can’t anybody here play this game? Senate Republicans want Reid to allow an up or down vote on their Cut, Cap and Balance bullshit. Why doesn’t Reid play the hostage game that is all the rage in DC? As in, “OK, I’ll allow an up or down vote (which, would fail on a party-line vote) if you guys will allow up or down votes on ALL of Obamas nominees. And, I’ll need that in writing and on video.”

Is Reid afraid it might pass? Maybe. But it would get vetoed. So, I guess Reid thinks he wins points by being a non-hostage-taking grown-up. Hah!

 
 

LUXURY! All of our sticks had been given to you selfish elitist jerks, what with your fancy feces. We had to live with only the memory of sticks, and we communicated by subjecting ourselves to various stresses in order to change the chemical composition of our urine which we would deposit on one another’s legs. It was kinda primitive and hard, but we were happy then. Because we weren’t so bloody uncivilized as not to have universal healthcare.

 
 

Our judgement of the strike zone is So MuchBetter than any mortal umpire.

The problem is the umps can’t keep their canes in all parts of the strike zone at once, and the seeing eye dogs’ calls are way too generous to anyone throwing a ball.

 
 

Fenwick;

(Childish rant inbound, find some cover)

You know, I understand what you’re saying about Yankees fans…

Here’s my problem with teams like Boston, NYY, Dallas Cowboys, Miami Heat, LA Lakers, Chicago Bulls, and my most hated team ever in the history of sports because they are a giant pile of SHIT: The Pittsburgh FUCKING Steelers: The bandwagon fans. I fucking hate their disgusting stupid guts. I HATE going to a Seahawks game at a bar and finding some loudmouthed methed up fucking tweaker in a Steelers jacket sitting there. I want to beat the shit out of them on sight.

This is the Northwest. Despite the fact that most of our teams suck ass–with some notable exception (Gonzaga basketball, Seattle Storm…) we are pretty much perennial cellar dwellers. But it’s what we have, and I do love this part of the country, so I expect some allegiance for our sports teams. So PROTIP for those not wanting to get beat up in the bar–don’t wear your fucking scummy black and yellow shit-gear when I’m drinking.

 
 


An Al-Quida-ish name?

Meaning, what, that O’Reilly is an IRA-ish name?

Heh, no, I misremembered the name from the quickly-debunked claim and thought it had “Al Qaeda” in it.

 
 

You’d beat me up, tsam?

 
 

“Anyway, Korean is hard to read LOL but it seems to me that if Obama wasn’t such a fucking pussy he’d just solve the debt crisis by starting a civil war. It’s obvious that it’s totally Obama’s fault for ruining the country but by the way it won’t be so bad here’s a hip joke about Carrot Top. It all reminds me of a dumb analogy with a movie and he’ll probably just blame Bush for everything LMAO *fart*”

Um, WHAT?

 
 

What is with neocons that they can’t simply own up to a mistake?

I’m pretty sure their dellusions of infallibility prevent that. Besides, if they ever find the analytical and critical skills and apply them to their own belief sets, their entire worldview would evaporate in minutes.

That’s got to be a horrifying thought to someone who takes their social frustrations and inability to blend into modern life out on anyone who doesn’t meet their standard for right and white…

 
 

Um, WHAT?

Did you read the link? Tell me where I’m wrong.

 
 

You’d beat me up, tsam?

….no.

But I’d still be really really really mad.

 
 

PLEASE tell me you don’t like Rapethisburger and the fucking Stinklers….

PLEASE.

 
 

I bet she just has a thing about Troy and his Samoan mane.

 
 

Did you read the link? Tell me where I’m wrong.

No, no. I was just “what”ting Jonah, not you. If it’s half as incoherent as you make it sound…

 
 

PLEASE tell me you don’t like Rapethisburger and the fucking Stinklers….

Mr. Slayer is from Western PA. So I am sort of a fan by osmosis. As much as I can be a fan of any team, as I don’t give a shit about sports.

 
 

I bet she just has a thing about Troy and his Samoan mane.

It is impressive!

 
 

Why doesn’t Reid…

Because Harry is a fucking Republican mole.

 
 

Way off-topic: Baseball

A man in my position is expected to have enthusiasms… enthusiasms… enthusiasms…

 
 

did you know there are no real poor people in America?

Ronald Reagan: “We were told that millions of people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet.”

 
 

We should just apply a sort of witch-test to poverty. If you die from hunger, it turns out you really were poor. Congratulations, you are now eligible to apply for food stamps.

 
 

Teachers make somewhat less than $200,000.

 
 

The overwhelming majority of the poor have air conditioning, cable TV, and a host of other modern amenities.

And indoor plumbing! Hardly anyone has an outie anymore! FEEL THE LUXURY!

Seriously, many cheap ass apartments supply AC and it’s easier to get a hand-me-down TV than to purchase one… you can have AC, a TV, even a cell phone(*GASP!!!*) and still be poor as shit. Idiots.

 
 

The other day I saw one of those new hybrid shopping carts. Only needed one kitty tied to it.

 
 

speaking of vajayjays, did anyone see this?

may or maynot be nsfw…it’s colbert, so who knows?

 
 

I think the point that Heritage is making is “hey look how awesome it is to be poor!” They are complaining that when the lie-beral biased media and SOCIALISM! gubmint talks about poverty people automatically think about starving homeless folks. And while they acknowledge that there are in fact starving homeless folks in twenty-first century America, they’re offended that people don’t immediately conjure up an image of fat and lazy jackasses sitting in air-conditioned luxury playing xbox on one of their two teevees.

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

Been a while since we’ve had one of these!

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

And while they acknowledge that there are in fact starving homeless folks in twenty-first century America, they’re offended that people don’t immediately conjure up an image of fat and lazy jackasses sitting in air-conditioned luxury playing xbox on one of their two teevees.

When I read anything from Heritage – or any rightie blog – that is what I think of, but it’s not the poor people that fit the image.

 
 

For those who like pie.

Option A

Option 2

 
Ted the Slacker
 

You know, I understand what you’re saying about Yankees fans…

It’s a close call IMO between fairweather fans and the raging cultists for who are the bigger dickheads in the sportsfan world.

The raging cultists do often fuck up sporting events, are the most likely people on the planet to start a massive bar-fight, treat anyone who is not one of them as untermenschen, and generally live very sad and pathetic lives screaming at teevees.

The fairweather fans, at least the worst of them, pretend to be raging cultists.

So Tsam’s picture perfect example of the Squealer wannabe for me is the prime example of the biggest dickhead on the planet. The cultists are what they are, but the guy wearing a Brady jersey who jerks off every time Belichik goes for it on fourth down, but who has no sense of what utter pigshit we had to endure till the turn of the millenium, is just pure douche. At least the cultist went through a rite of passage, kind of like he earned the right to be a prick.

Yanks fans have no such excuse though, that’s one reason why they deserve to be the most hated sportsfans on earth.

 
 

And while they acknowledge that there are in fact starving homeless folks in twenty-first century America, they’re offended that people don’t immediately conjure up an image of fat and lazy jackasses sitting in air-conditioned luxury playing xbox on one of their two teevees.

i always think about the kids…you know the one in your class with the flood pants and the too small shirt…who smelled kind of funny…and he always looked tired? and everybody made fun of him? that’s who i think of when i hear about poverty…

and aren’t we supposed to do ANYTHING for teh kids to make their lives better? fuck, i hate those righties…

 
Copypasta Troll
 

I cook it the refried-a crap justa the way you like it, Sadly Naughts. Nice and stinky!

 
 

Jesu cristo al pastor en un torta qué pasa aca?

 
 

You know, I understand what you’re saying about Yankees fans…

the yankees and their fans suck in every way possible…

go TWINS!!!

 
 

Also, there may be an ant colony living in it, although that’s very unlikely.

wouldn’t be so sure about that…ants like donut and cheeto crumbs and POOP…

 
 

Not sure if copy-pasting long, boring, useless crap is a banning offense, but name-stealing is. Just FYI.

 
 

So Tsam’s picture perfect example of the Squealer wannabe for me is the prime example of the biggest dickhead on the planet. The cultists are what they are, but the guy wearing a Brady jersey who jerks off every time Belichik goes for it on fourth down, but who has no sense of what utter pigshit we had to endure till the turn of the millenium, is just pure douche. At least the cultist went through a rite of passage, kind of like he earned the right to be a prick.

I do love my sports teams, but I don’t think a every call against my team is a bad call and every call against the other team is a great call. I don’t mind saying “wow, nice catch” when my hawks get burned. (Then Jennings or Trufant what the hell they’re looking at…)

I hate that a new crop of bandwagon fans appears out of nowhere when a team gets good. New England is a great football team. In some incarnations lately, one of the best in history. I love watching Wes Welker play, and I loved Mike Vrabel when he was there. But I’ll always support my team and pick someone to cheer for that actually gets to the playoffs. I can’t turn into a Patriots fan and abandon my team.

 
 

Nym jacking Xecky should get this clown ejected.

 
 

Fake Xecky is annoying.

 
 

Fake Xecky is annoying.

i miss real xecky! *sob*

 
 

Don’t knock those fair-weather fans, they’re going to be my bread and butter. I have plans to sell the fair-weather fan hat. There will be four of them, one for baseball, football, hockey and basketball. The hats will be nuetral colors, black, grey or white and there will be a roll-a-dex type thing on the front of it. The fair-weather fan will be able to get up in the morning, check the standings, pick the team du jour and flip through the roll-a-dex to display the proper logo. I figure as long as I have to live with these idiots I may as well make it pay. A good freind of mine has a brother who I’m sure will be my first customer.

 
 

Don’t knock those fair-weather fans, they’re going to be my bread and butter. I have plans to sell the fair-weather fan hat. There will be four of them, one for baseball, football, hockey and basketball. The hats will be nuetral colors, black, grey or white and there will be a roll-a-dex type thing on the front of it. The fair-weather fan will be able to get up in the morning, check the standings, pick the team du jour and flip through the roll-a-dex to display the proper logo. I figure as long as I have to live with these idiots I may as well make it pay. A good freind of mine has a brother who I’m sure will be my first customer.

this is genius! might i make a suggestion? for maximum profit? have you seen those generic purse things that you can purchase ‘shells’ for? the shells come in a variety of colors, patterns, etc. and stick to the purse by magnet…the theory being you can have a purse for every occasion/outfit…you could make make magnetic patches of each team and sell them as sets or individually…

 
Ted the Slacker
 

Don’t knock those fair-weather fans

Not even the Yankees? That’s asking way to much.

 
 

shorter piers morgan: everybody else did it, too! waah, waah!

 
 

Fake Xecky is annoying.

i miss real xecky! *sob*

Poor Xecky’s dead
A candle lights his head
He’s lookin’ oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he’s asleep
It’s a shame that he won’t keep
But it’s summer and we’re runnin’ out a’ ice

 
 

And for those keeping track of FYWP moments, our new company website is up on WP, three business days after we were reduced to a 500 error message.

 
 

As to the Sonics, when they left I was happy to see them and their demands for public money go. Fuck ‘em.

I am obviously the biggest basketball fan EVAR! because I didn’t even know the Sonics weren’t in Seattle anymore. Not that I care, but when did that happen?

 
 

Boring troll is boring. Would love to see the proprietors take action.

I’m all for cheering on your team. There’s no reason to be an obnoxious dick about it whether you’ve been cheering your team for 20 years or 1 game, but that’s just me.

People who get so wrapped up in a kid’s game played by grown men (and now women) are kind of beyond my ability to understand.

 
 

when did that happen?

Three years ago? Maybe more. The timeline goes something like this:

Ackerleys owned the Sonics for many years but got bored. Hired Wally Walker to drive the franchise into the dirt (he did an awesome job). Sold to the Starbucks guy, Howard Whats-his-name, Shultz. Shultz retained Walker to complete the shittification of the Sonics, cried many tears when Seattle refused to love him and sold to a consortium from Oklahoma.

Okies immediately threatened to move the team out of town unless they got a new state-of-the-art arena paid for by the city. City said “fuck you.” Okies, who probably were going to move anyway, moved the franchise to Oklahoma City. Amid much recrimination and finger pointing, I quietly said something like “don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, fuckers.”

The End.

 
Ted the Slacker
 

There’s no reason to be an obnoxious dick about it

uh oh, has Mrs Slacker just nym-jacked Whale Chowder?

You’re obviously right, but lectures on manners don’t go down well when some asshole from the Jets has gotten away with the most blatant pass interference evah.

 
 

Okies, who probably were going to move anyway, moved the franchise to Oklahoma City.

Also too,

OKC became attractive to the NBA after the Charlotte Hornets moved to New Orleans and were dislocated by Hurricane Katrina. As a temporary measure the Hornets played much of their season in Oklahoma City and were such an attraction that city immediately moved its way to the top of the league’s potential expansion/relocation destinations.

I don’t know if the Sonics/Thunder ownership had anything to do with getting the Hornets there, but now that I know the consortium was based there it seems beyond plausible.

 
 

Okies, who probably were going to move anyway, moved the franchise to Oklahoma City.

now that foooootball is back in biz, how long before the vikings begin their,’wah, we need a new stadium!’? it will be quite soon no doubt…and if the thought is even enter-fucking-tained by our illustrious legislature at this juncture, i will freak the fuck out…

 
 

I gave up on the NBA when it reached the point where Dennis Rodman was given superstar status. I looked in on the playoffs last year and was mildly surprised to find several of the teams had moved. Some of them should have changed their names though. The Utah Jazz? Really?

 
 

although i have heard reports that our new qb young mr. ponder is a hottie…

 
 

The Utah Jazz? Really?

well, to be fair, the utah jedediahs just doesn’t have the same pizzazz…

 
 

I don’t know if the Sonics/Thunder ownership had anything to do with getting the Hornets there, but now that I know the consortium was based there it seems beyond plausible.

I think they were. They tried to buy the Hornets before they came for the Sonics.

Also of note, Key Arena, former home of the Sonics, had been completely renovated not ten years previously to become the 90’s version of the state-of-the-art arena, which, combined with having to pay for Safeco Field plus destroy the perfectly serviceable Kingdome in order to build Quest New Company Name Field, contributed to the city’s Franchise Fatigue.

Boys, play your games, charge your ticket prices, knock yourselves out. Just quit crying poor-mouth when you want a new $200-million playground.

 
 

The Utah Jazz? Really?

Hey, Kenny G is VERY popular in Salt Lake City!

 
 

Boys, play your games, charge your ticket prices, knock yourselves out. Just quit crying poor-mouth when you want a new $200-million playground.

exactly…see vikings query above…

 
Xecklothayyquou Gilchrist
 

Time to haul out the REAL nym, then!

Clearly this is troofie, back off his meds and online.

The Utah Jazz? Really?

Couldn’t agree more, that is a dumb name. And worse, when they were winning a lot back in the 90s, all the other teams were forced to go by names that ended in “zz”. Buzz, Grizz, Starzz, etc.

 
 

I gave up on the NBA when it reached the point where Dennis Rodman was given superstar status.

I gave up when George Mikan switched to contacts.

Now get off my pterodactyl!

 
 

We lived under piles of sticks and left messages by arranging our feces in pretty patterns.

You had feces which means you ate!

 
 

Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all folks you actually know what you are talking approximately! Bookmarked. Please also talk over with my site =). We could have a link trade arrangement among us

 
 

In case anyone was wondering, Jennifer Rubin is still crazy after all these years.

BENGHAZI, BEACHES!
~

 
 

(comments are closed)