One Thing You Can Say For Home Schools Is They Aren’t Integrated

Shorter Jo-Dough Loadberg, America’s Shittiest Website™:
Diversity as Comparative Advantage

  • Do you have any frickin’ idea how hard it is to find a private school for your kids that isn’t overrun by a bunch of non-white children?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 358

 
 
 

Good lord, is he using a product DESIGNED to yellow the teeth? Because it’s hard to imagine how he could achieve that hue otherwise.

 
Spearhafoc, who is seeing Captain America tomorrow
 

Second!

 
Spearhafoc, who is seeing Captain America tomorrow
 

There is nothing about his appearance that looks good, Jennifer. The crooked tie; the unbuttoned, disheveled collar; the face-mullet.

Jonah is not a very presentable person.

 
 

The name tag is an excellent touch! Nicely done.

Definitely staying in the boat though.

 
 

Tintin, did you photoshop those stains onto his shirt & tie?

 
 

Most disturbing: that he has procreated.

 
 

Now, if you’ve spent any time in the world of mainstream journalism, or even just observing it, you’ll know that seminars, training sessions, conferences, panels, briefings, newsletters dealing with diversity have been commonplace for more than a quarter century. Whether you think that’s a good thing or bad — or a mix of the two — is a topic for another day. But the idea that it still remains a selling point — either in reality or simply in the minds of marketers – for getting people to attend a conference is really astounding.

A good editor recognizes it as a selling point and FORCES ANDREW MCCARTHY TO ATTEND.

See also, asshole.

 
 

does he have a stain on every one of his shirts?

 
Spearhafoc, who is seeing Captain America tomorrow
 

Usually, I feel bad about mocking somone’s appearance, but all of Jonah’s problems could be easily fixed if he just put a modicum of effort into his grooming/dressing habits.

 
 

sorry to carry over a post from last thread, but:

the ultimate non-hand sport

 
Spearhafoc, who is seeing Captain America tomorrow
 
 

But the idea that it still remains a selling point — either in reality or simply in the minds of marketers – for getting people to attend a conference is really astounding.

Even after a quarter century! It is really astounding, but not for the reasons he believes.

 
 

Now, if you’ve spent any time in the world of mainstream journalism, or even just observing itas i have…on the other side of the glass…tap, tap, tapping for attention as all those other *real* journalists with their typewriters, and notepads, and contacts, and leads, and writing skills, and…and…*SOB* where’s my cheetos?!?!?

 
 

Not getting out of the boat, but I am curious as to what problems he has with the “non-whites.”

 
 

Sepak Takraw looks like some wrote something backwards. Warkat Kapes, on the other hand, sound FIERCE.

 
St Bastard of the Glabrous Pate
 

the ultimate non-hand sport

{horndog} Is there a women’s division? {/horndog}

 
 

someONE, dammit.

 
 

The name tag is an excellent touch! Nicely done.

does the nametag say ‘plaque’ or ‘pigpen’? either way, totes apropo…

 
 

Warkat Kapes, on the other hand, sound FIERCE.

i believe j.k. rowling planned to use him as the next defense against the dark arts prof had she continued the series…

 
 

Also too,

Athletics, academics, the physical plant: These were at best secondary.

Yeah, private schools making no mention of academics so they can spend moar time pimping out their “diversity”. Totes believable.

I was going to just call this “Ridiculously Phony Made-Up Bullshit”, but I think a better term might be Liberal Fascism.

 
 

Not sure why — maybe the heat, the humidity, the lack of sleep, the morphine, a sudden longing for rotted mangoes — I got outta the boat.

The swim was okay as soon as I found out how to avoid the Piranha of Dumb– very refreshing, actually. But the shore?

Stay. Away.

When we looked for a private school for our daughter, my wife and I were stunned to see how so many D.C.-area private schools push diversity as their edge over rival schools.

Yes… how dare schools that are not qualitatively different from each other in 99% of areas tout the fact they can help a bunch of rich white kids deal with those Not Like Them. I mean, it’s not like the real world has different types of people from different backgrounds or anything.

There’s also the small fact that, by touting their diversity, they can go around saying, “SEE! We’re not just for a bunch of snobby rich white folks! We actually have a few Asians, a few folks from India, and **gasp** even a black student!

Besides, don’t Goldberg and Co. tout school vouchers as a cure-all for our educational system’s woes? Um … where, exactly, does he think people are going to redeem those things?

 
 

Most disturbing: that he has procreated.

i was more surprised he was married

 
 

my wife and I were stunned to see how so many D.C.-area private schools push diversity as their edge over rival schools.

I mean, are their any foreigners in the D.C. area? What possible reason could there be for private schools to fish for money from diverse rich folks? It’s not like it’s a centre of government or anything.

 
 

Um … where, exactly, does he think people are going to redeem those things?

The white folks will redeem them at the private schools, the minorities, of course, will redeem them at the liqour stores and crack houses.

 
 

he lives in DC? I expected he’d live in McLean or Great Falls or some such expensive suburb…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Alternate Shorter Jonah: What is this world coming to, when positions go to non-legacy appointees?

 
 

It always astounds me when Jews–it even surprises me about Republican Jews!–decry diversity and multiculturalism. I mean, not to go all Godwin and shit, but if “first they came for . . .” was ever an appropriate reference . . .

 
 

Why do schools push their diversity? First, do you not know how many people of all sorts of jobs in DC don’t need to be seen sending their kids to an all white school. A bigger reason is that the promotion fof diversity is targeted to most parents that are conerned that they migh be sending their child to one of the schools that are incubators for snotty, bigotted frat-boys. Most parents immediately understand that concern, but not this guy. He can’t even immediately understand what food makes it into his mouth and what makes a suicide leap for freedom falls on his clothing.

 
 

A charter school in my area confessed that they have a hard time diversifying the student body. It’s a math and science school, so the insanely overwhelming majority of the kids are upper class white nerds with almost zero social skills. The school system has been less capable of identifying lower class nerds of any skin color or ethnic background with intellectual gifts. Probably cuz their lack of social skills are dealt with more brutally.

 
 

He can’t even immediately understand

period.

 
 

Jonah would fit right in in Texas. Actual wording from Perry’s Godfest website:

“As a nation, we must come together and call upon Jesus…”

Actual letter in today’s Austin paper:

“May God find favor in Perry’s courage, and may this nation be protected from threats within and without, achieving deliverance that only God can bring about.

Rabbi Yaakov Rosenblatt

Dallas”

Texas. Where even the Jews are Christians.

 
 

He has a point, from his point of view. For a ton of people in this country, diversity not only isn’t a selling point but it’s a big negative. So openly advertising your diversity would be a bad selling point in many contexts.

What he’s missing:

1) This isn’t one of them. Most people in DC (thank Christ) aren’t like him. This is still a majority-black city, with a ton of immigrants and foreigners (many of them not White/Anglo/Christian) on top of that. Yes, “diversity” is a selling point for them. It’s not just because there’s less white racism here: it’s also a necessity when you’re living in a town like DC. Experiencing nothing but your own kind leaves you ill-equipped just for walking the streets here, let alone looking for a professional career.

2) Inside the country, rapidly growing nonwhite population; outside the country, rapidly rising nonwhite major powers. Whether or not diversity’s a selling point, it ought to be everywhere, and for the same practical reasons that it is in DC – knowing nothing but your own kind isn’t going to leave you very well-armed for the planet Earth in the 21st century.

 
 

Most disturbing: that he has procreated.

To be fair, there is some glimmer of hope – hope for the child, hope for his spouse, and hope for the gene pool – that his spouse had the good sense to cheat on him.

 
 

he lives in DC? I expected he’d live in McLean or Great Falls or some such expensive suburb…

Yeah, the suburbs in Northern Virginia are havens for the white, conservative, upper middle class demographic, the people who find Maryland too blue statey and shudder at the thought of walking too close to eastern DC.

Oddly enough, though, they also have a ton of Middle Eastern Americans. I’ve always wondered if that living arrangement ever got awkward.

 
 

I’m just amazed that any organization of “professional journalists” would include Jonah in their mailings.

 
 

He has a point, from his point of view.

which is central to his point…

 
 

Texas. Where even the Jews are Christians.

If they don’t want to be expelled, yeah.

 
 

Back in 1992 I was in charge of putting photos of our company’s personell into a “Digital Directory”. What fun I had. The best part was making my hated Boss’ teeth a bright yellow, and sharpening the points a bit. Also making him look just a little bit more wrinkly. And emphasizing his cheesy hair dye job- looked purple. Heh. Good times.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

A bigger reason is that the promotion fof diversity is targeted to most parents that are conerned that they migh be sending their child to one of the schools that are incubators for snotty, bigotted frat-boys. Most parents immediately understand that concern, but not this guy

He only got where he is because his horrid mother almost brought the “big dog” down. Fuck, they’re like Grendel and Grendel mere, with less charm.

He can’t even immediately understand what food makes it into his mouth and what makes a suicide leap for freedom falls on his clothing.

I’d bet cash money that the food which falls on his clothing eventually makes it into his mouth.

 
 

Do you have any frickin’ idea how hard it is to find a private school for your kids that isn’t overrun by a bunch of non-white children?

For all values of “overrun”= 1-3%.

 
 

I’ll just leave this here, via Think Progress:

‘According to a 2006 article about then-Congresswoman-elect Bachmann’s style, Dr. Bachmann “hit the stores” to buy her outfit for a meeting with Dick Cheney and came home with “a sleek, simple hourglass dress with a yoke collar in winter white” and “a matching coat and shoes.” ‘

It was, no doubt, fabulous.

 
 

That Nieman Report link I posted earlier? It’s an old link from ’03. Here’s the current ASNE data.

Pantload mentions twenty five years – that’s how long this whole media diversity thing has been selling for. Actually, it’s longer than that. The ASNE target of racial parity between newsroom and general population in 1978. Twenty five years is funneh, because that’s how long they postponed the deadline when they missed it in 2000.

 
 

o/t, annoying earworm…went out to dinner last night and an old guy across the dining room from us looked like voldemort…’hairspray’ ads are playing nearly non-stop on radio…the result is an earworm mash-up:

good morning, voldemort…

 
 

,,,that his spouse had the good sense to cheat on him.

While certainly a possibility, does not preclude the child having messed up genes. I mean first, she chose Jonah Goldberg as a spouse and second, she’s one of those women that thinks feminism has ruined society.

 
 

“a sleek, simple hourglass dress with a yoke collar in winter white” and “a matching coat and shoes.”

I’m sure it was stunning

 
 

It was, no doubt, fabulous

Every queen should have her own Congress Barbie to dress up.

 
 

RE: West

One lawmaker suggested the leadership take West out to the “woodshed” to set him straight.

Total VbathouseR

 
 

she’s one of those women that thinks feminism has ruined society.

Does that mean that when Jonah stays up all weekend eating Cheetos, watching Star Trek and finally developing a chubby for Jeri Ryan some time around 3 a.m. on Monday, she just has to lay there and take it?

 
 

In DC, I’d think diversity would be a selling point in that it means “your child will be attending class with future world leaders from all over the globe” and not just with future Jonah Goldbergs.

 
 

hmmm…i knew i’d seen allen west before!

 
 

The comments are great. Diversity cannot be written without scare quotes…and apparently being concerned with such is just so much “narcissism.”

 
 

makes a suicide leap for freedom

This made me snort then giggle.

.

 
 

Diversity cannot be written without scare quotes…

Allright, someone throw me a life jacket, Imma getting out of the boat.
.

 
 

…my wife and I were stunned to see how so many D.C.-area private schools push diversity as their edge over rival schools…

His wife seems to be as horrible a person as the Loadpants. I pity their daughter.

I’m sending my 13 year old to a private school because she was horribly bullied at her public Middle School, and the school district’s response to my complaints was to put up “anti bullying” posters. They refused to send her to another middle school. Strange.

I was worried daughter might become a White Bread Snob, or whatever private school kids are like, but 1/3 of the school is scholarships and there appears to be more racial diversity than her middle school.

Jonah should check into religious schools if he’s opposed to diversity. Ass.

 
 

mark f said,

July 21, 2011 at 21:15

[horrible things removed for sanity]

mark f wins the award for the most disturbing mental image EVAR!

 
 

I just wonder who you gotta blow over there to get a little gold star next to your nym.
.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

hmmm…i knew i’d seen allen west before!

He was so much better in Batman.

 
 

“Diversity” is nothing more than a bludgeon used to force Westerners (mostly White) to give up and stop defending the culture that has produced more freedom, prosperity, and stability for more people than any culture in the history of the world.

Skin color doesn’t mean much. Culture means a lot.

Uh huh.
.

 
 

“Diversity” is nothing more than a bludgeon used to force Westerners (mostly White) to give up and stop defending the culture that has produced more freedom, prosperity, and stability for more people than any culture in the history of the world.

Wolverines!!!

 
 

Here’s a list of Jonah’s most recent posts.

7/15: I like cigars.

7/15: Here’s a copy/paste of a DCCC fundraiser. I copy/paste all of these – can you tell I’m not working?

7/15: Here’s a copy/paste from a Mitch McConnell op-ed.

7/18: Here’s another copy/paste of a Democratic fundraising email.

7/19: Here’s something sort of like a joke about liberals hating Fox.

7/20: Here’s a copy/paste from a magazine article.

7/21: Hey, not that I’ve been blowing off work to take of personal business or anything, but how about that diversity thing at DC private schools?!?!?!?!

 
 

I had a bellyful of this Diversity Madness while I was in the Air Force. We had Hispanic Heritage Week, Black History Month, Women’s History Month. Of course there was no White Heritage Week. Everybody knew if you complained about the lack of a White Heritage Week at best you would be sent to Diversity Sensitivity Training hell to get your mind right. At worst your chances for promotion were dead.

I can say all this now since I’m retired and I don’t think they can come after my pension.

White Heritage Week, now that’s funny. Also to the not so tacit admission to spending a large portion of his life living off the gubmint teat.
.

 
 

Right. It’s White “Culture” we’re concerned with, not the white race. That makes is totes not racism. We’re concerned with the oppression of “Westerners”, who just by the most amazing coincidence happen to be white, by all those other not-white “Easterners”, and “Southerners”. We’re perfectly happy to associate with them (not socially, of course, but professionally, if necessary), as long as they speak, act, think and, as far as possible, look like us.

 
 

the culture that has produced more freedom, prosperity, and stability for more people than any culture in the history of the world.

He’s got a supporting link for that and you just neglected to copy it over, right? Right?

 
 

Look at most any government office you come in contact with (driver’s license; Social Security Office; and of course the TSA) and you will find a “diverse” but frequently incompetent if not downright infuriating group of folk that a reasoning person wouldn’t turn loose in an outhouse with a muzzle on!

I can’t imagine who this person might be talking about.

 
 

I think mark f found the answer to the step usually left with a ? just before the step titled “Profit!!!”

 
 

…“Diversity” is nothing more than a bludgeon used to force Westerners mostly White People to give up and stop defending the culture that has produced more freedom, prosperity, and stability for more people than any culture in the history of the world…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

White Heritage Week, now that’s funny

Funny, I am white, but I celebrate four distinct heritages. What the fuck is “white” heritage? I imagine it involves accordions, but Messicans like those too.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I can’t imagine who this person might be talking about.

The House of Representatives is pretty damn white… male too.

 
 

grrr…. comment messed up.

 
 

the physical plant: These were at best secondary.

First thing I did when I visited my kid’s school was demand to see the boiler room. Then I checked the roof. Finally I asked to review their asbestos management plan. How many custodians you have on staff?

They had the temerity to ask if I wanted to sit in on a class. Pish!

 
 

I don’t think they can come after my pension.

OK, what are the odds that this guy is all “don’t raise the debt ceiling or raise taxes, the government needs to use money wisely and spend within its means!” or “teachers unions cheat taxpayers!” etc.

 
 

He’s got a supporting link for that and you just neglected to copy it over, right? Right?

I’m afraid not.
.

 
 

What the fuck is “white” heritage?

I assumed it had something to do with Wonder bread and other bland foods.

 
 

What the fuck is “white” heritage?

Miracle Whip sandwiches.

 
 

“Diversity” is nothing more than a bludgeon used to force Westerners (mostly White) to give up and stop defending the culture that has produced more freedom, prosperity, and stability for more people than any culture in the history of the world.

Skin color doesn’t mean much. Culture means a lot.

Culture’s been their dog-whistle for “race” for as long as “race” has been too touchy a subject to discuss. Same reeking pile of shit in a different wrapping.

As for the claim that respecting other people is really a secret plot to hurt white people, it goes at least as far back as George Wallace’s claim that the Civil Rights Act would enslave white people. It was bullshit then and it’s bullshit now. Although it’s true that for some people, accepting equality is as devastating an existential crisis as being made inferior.

And the rest of the world, by the way, isn’t nearly as interested in stopping “the culture that has produced more freedom, prosperity and stability” as they are in seeing that culture actually practice those values with respect to them. (As opposed to the standard MO of ruling through friendly dictators).

 
 

OK, what are the odds that this guy is all “don’t raise the debt ceiling or raise taxes, the government needs to use money wisely and spend within its means!” or “teachers unions cheat taxpayers!” etc.

Astronomically high I’d imagine.

 
 

I assumed it had something to do with Wonder bread and other bland foods.

mayo=norwegian salsa…

 
 

The House of Representatives is pretty damn white… male too.

And thinking about the teabagger caucus, puts the following in a more positive light;
…incompetent if not downright infuriating group of folk that a reasoning person wouldn’t turn loose in an outhouse with a muzzle on!

.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

mayo=norwegian salsa…

This actually had me, as the kids say, LOL.

 
 

his actually had me, as the kids say, LOL.

You youngsters of tomorrowland!

Back when I was in collage, it was difficult indeed, to get we janitorial savants to “LOL”.
~

 
 

Damn you, Malaclypse.

Sure, first Donalde hates on me all last thread, and now you. You at least had the good taste to not need all caps and random profanity. For that and a host of other reasons, I like you better than Donnie.

 
 

Damn you, Malaclypse.

EPIC ASSHOLE!!!

Wait, do jokes work when you carry them from thread to thread?

 
 

Uh oh…

 
 

Wait, do jokes work when you carry them from thread to thread?

well…ya! otherwise all the threads would surely be deads…

 
 

such as:

carrying the joke…

 
 

EPIC ASSHOLE!!!

It’s true – I am at my most evil when I use my powers of iambic pentameter. Just ask Donalde’s Grendel’s mom.

 
 

Of course there was no White Heritage Week.

I think it’s called The Fourth Of July.

 
 

the physical plant: These were at best secondary.

First thing I did when I visited my kid’s school was demand to see the boiler room. Then I checked the roof. Finally I asked to review their asbestos management plan. How many custodians you have on staff?

Dude, you mean the weed they shared didn’t count?

 
 

I am at my most evil when I use my powers of iambic pentameter.

Most of us just sprinkle a little garlic on, man.

 
 

Of course there was no White Heritage Week.

It’s called “The other 51.”

 
 

It’s called “The other 51.”

well done…i was trying to think of something along that line… u r brilliant…

 
 

a hint for future parents. If your family tends towards the large size, don’t name any of your kids “Jonah”

 
 

<i.It’s true – I am at my most evil when I use my powers of iambic pentameter. Just ask Donalde’s Grendel’s mom.

correct me if i’m wrong, but doesn’t teh donalde make his students read his blog as part of their *classwork*? it strikes me that he would be alienating ALOT if not all of his students by the dumb ass spewing of bile he posts…

 
 

Isn’t White Heritage Week the Republican National Convention?

 
 

white heritage? it involves golf pants, white belt and shoes and small yappy dogs..

 
 

also…i am NOT brilliant…tag fail plagues me…

 
 

And Pat Boone shilling gold on telumavision.

 
 

Invisible-hand: yeah, but there are different types of dressing up. There is the “dressed up and feeling good” (which you were) and “dressed up because I am so uptight that if I ate coal I’d poop diamonds” which is Tucker and his ilk..

 
 

ARGH, wrong blog!

 
 

correct me if i’m wrong, but doesn’t teh donalde make his students read his blog as part of their *classwork*? it strikes me that he would be alienating ALOT if not all of his students by the dumb ass spewing of bile he posts…

THAT’S A GOOD TEACHING THING!

 
 

Lecture launcher?

 
 

Sounds like vomiting up a lecture.

 
 

a hint for future parents. If your family tends towards the large size, don’t name any of your kids “Jonah”

Since childhood he as been afraid of being swallowed by a whale and this is his self-defense mechanism, being to large. Plus if it happened, the irony would kill him first.

 
 

Um…er…why _isn’t_ Goldberg homeschooling his kid if he’s so sceered of the Pernicious Influence Of the Tarbrush, among other liberal eeevvils?

 
 

White Heritage: Next time an idiot asks why there’s no NAAW(hite)P (Yeah, there is/was one, but …) mention the U.S. Army, Navy, etc., & most police departments, to name but two significant examples.

 
 

Lecture launcher?

more of a poop flinger, really…

or a ca-ca cannon…

or a feces fusillade…

you get the drift…

 
 

Phewww-wee I got the drift.

Whale bait longs for the day when there will be no need for diversity classes. Also know as the 1950s.

 
 

“What the fuck is “white” heritage?”

“Miracle Whip sandwiches.”

I must confess that the surest way to bring down wrath upon your head at a deering family reunion is to use Miracle Whip in the potato salad. The rest is silence…

 
 

White Heritage Week brought to you by Miracle Whip, the exciting new product from the makers of Viagra.

 
 

correct me if i’m wrong, but doesn’t teh donalde make his students read his blog as part of their *classwork*?

If memory serves, some of the students who did see his blog on his suggestion were offended by the cheesecake pics, & filed sexual harassment complaints against Demonized Doug. All bullshit, of course, as he noted. (Or is that “bullsh*t?”)

 
 

Fear/hatred of “diversity” can reach comical proportions with these people. A few years ago, a trustee of an affluent lily-white bedroom suburb of Chicago pitched a shitfit because a proposed vehicle sticker design featured drawings of a black and a Hispanic child. He stormed about how diversity is being shoved down his throat.

When you have a problem with even a drawing of a child of color, you have a problem.

 
 

Scene: Camp David, in the woods.

Hey there, Mr Obie.
Excuse me? To you, I’m Mr President.
Oh, is that right? Okay then. Mr Obie President.
How can I help you?
Well, see here, I got a dog I wanna sell yee.
This dog?
Don’t see another do yee?
No, I suppose not.
This here’s a fine dog, good fer huntin.
Is that right? I’ve always wanted a good hunting dog. What’s he hunt?
Why, most ennythin, squirrels, rabbits, coons, har har. Make yee a good price.
This dog only has three legs!
Yep, that’s why I’m making yee a special deal on him.
I don’t know about this.
Tell you what. A thousand dollars, cash money, and I’ll thrown in this here collar.
Say you’ll include the collar?
That’s right. Genuine leather.
Well, I’m still not sure.
You drive a hard bargain Mr Obie President.
How about the leash to go with the collar?
Dadblame, you’re a slick one. Tell you what, $500 more and the leash’s included.
Now you’re talking! Will you take a check?
I done tolt you, the deal’s for cash money.
Okay. Hold on a minute, let me see here. I’ve only got $1450.
Well, that’ll have to do, won’t it? Yee owe me fifty dollars.
No problem. I’m good for it, I swear I am.
I believe yee. Here, here’s yer dog.
Whoa, he bit me!
That’s right. He’s a hunter, I done tolt you that. Har Har.

 
 

Joe-nah buys different brands of yogurt so he can claim to be multicultural.

 
 

My mom always bought Miracle Whip™.

And therefore, I always buy same.

Don’t h8 me because I’m beautiful…
~

 
 

The ethnicity of his housekeepers has been diverse.

 
 

My mom always bought Miracle Whip™.

And therefore, I always buy same.

If your mom banged the football team would you bang the football team too? HUH?

 
 

For that and a host of other reasons, I like you better than Donnie.

I’m cuter, too. Not that that’s particularly difficult.

We always had Miracle Whip and I thought it was the same thing as mayo until I started buying my own groceries.

 
 

ARGH, wrong blog!

Yeah, like we’d notice.

And what’s so wrong about it anyway, huh?

 
 

Buying one’s own groceries.

 
 

If your mom banged the football team would you bang the football team too? HUH?

If?

 
 

I know there’s a Mayo Clinic, but not so sure about a Miracle Whip Clinic.

 
 

I thought the Murdochs did a bang up imitation of Alberto Gonzalez in front of the commitee.

 
 

I would bang the (Kevin) Drum.

Slowly. With a claymore.
~

 
 

I bought one of those Miracle Whips, but it left the same marks as the old whip….

 
 

Just wait until you see the marks our eleventy-chessmental Preznit is about to leave on us.
~

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

why _isn’t_ Goldberg homeschooling his kid

I’m sure an investigation into that’s coming up after he exhausts the possibilities of the non-home schools and doesn’t find any pale enough. Then it’ll all be “hey, can my readers recommend a good white tutor” and finally the kid will be hearing “I haven’t looked into this too carefully, but I hear that 2+2 = 7. Gotta dash, deadline!”

 
 

why _isn’t_ Goldberg homeschooling his kid

He’s tired of being corrected by his 5 year old?

 
 

Don’t h8 me because I’m beautiful…

Aw, you know that’s not why.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Submitted without comment.

Until now anything containing less than 10% alcohol in Russia has been considered a foodstuff.

 
 

Buying one’s own groceries.

Whipping the Miracle.

 
 

Russians have tended to treat beer as if it were a soft drink, and it is has even been marketed as a healthier alternative to vodka, the BBC says.

The claim that beer is not actually a health drink changes everything.

 
 

…my wife and I were stunned to see how so many D.C.-area private schools push diversity as their edge over rival schools…

Why do the Jonah family hate the free market, and the choices made by rational agents within that market to maximise their appeal to customers?

 
 

beer is not actually a health drink
Now you’re just being silly.

 
 

Until now anything containing less than 10% alcohol in Russia has been considered a foodstuff.

Mrs.__B sez this is because no Russian ever drank beer to get drunk.

 
 

Now you’re just being silly.

Note that I said it was a claim. One made by Russians.

Talk about sapping your precious fluids…

 
 

We have a winner:

He’s tired of being corrected by his 5 year old?

 
 

So, Russian clams are not as fine as other clams?

Bivalve Libel!
~

 
 

With public schools being rapidly destroyed by the conservative movement, and teachers vilified and fired, more and more Internet schools are popping up.

One really, really good one is

http://www.khanacademy.org/

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Shorter Jonah: Fucking free markets. How do they work?

 
 

It was, no doubt, fabulous

Every queen should have her own Congress Barbie to dress up.

Now you boys are just being mean and cruel. Go to your rooms right now!

 
 

Tea Party vs. MoveOn:

A leader of the tea party group, Rich Raynor of Roseburg, disputed the liberal group’s version of events.

“They are liars,” said Raynor, director of Douglas County Americans for Prosperity. “That is what communists do.”

Members of the smaller group said Monday they were intimidated by the tea partiers, whom they accused of violating their constitutional right to peacefully assembly.

Roseburg resident Lillen Fifield, 70, called the group’s actions an “act of domestic terrorism” and said she was appalled that a peaceful gathering — mostly of women older than 65 — was interrupted.

“It is not OK to go around and intimidate and threaten people. That is not acceptable in a polite society,” Fifield said.

Conservative organizers defended their actions and said they will continue to protest similar gatherings.

“We were there to find out what they had to say and to bring a notice to the public that this kind of thing was going on. Quite honestly, if they have it again, then we are really going to make it well known,” Raynor said.

Raynor said the group believes MoveOn.org is a communist front and said he would not stand for America becoming a fascist nation.

Sara Byers said she could not believe the meeting was targeted for protest. She said the group supports the middle class and wants to take back the government from the stranglehold of corporations.

She laughed at the accusations of communism and said the two groups actually have more in common than people think.

“I just said, ‘Are you kidding me?’ ” Byers said.

Tea party members posted a 2:46-minute video of the confrontation in the park and added captions.

On the video, heckling members of the larger group celebrate breaking up the meeting.

“That sure did it in a hurry, huh?” a man says. A woman references next year’s election year and shouts, “Sure shows who is going to win! We are!”

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 
 

Don’t call those teabaggers “Storm troopers”, though, or their fee-fees will be hurt.
~

 
 

When we looked for a private school for our daughter, my wife and I were stunned to see how so many D.C.-area private schools push diversity as their edge over rival schools.

Uh. Yeah. If you live in the D.C. area and you not only have a problem with diversity, but you openly admit it, you have clearly been living under a big fucking rock.

Which hopefully shall be used to pound you over the head.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Old ladies. They’re roughing up on OLD LADIES for fuck’s sake. And they’re doing it in the name of “traditional American values”.

But somebody at an anti-war rally in 2003 one drew a small moustache on GW Bush, so both sides do it.

 
 

The headline. The headline.

It’s only the river, it’s only the river.

In other news, here’s the G-Sicks:

The plan would simplify the tax code by reducing the number of tax brackets from six to three, lowering the top rate from 35 percent to somewhere between 23 percent and 29 percent. That could provide a windfall for wealthy taxpayers because the 35 percent tax bracket currently applies to taxable income above $379,150.

To help pay for lower rates, the plan would reduce popular tax breaks for mortgage interest, health insurance, charitable giving and retirement savings.

On the business side, the plan would lower the corporate income tax rate from 35 percent to somewhere between 23 percent and 29 percent, all of which would be funded by eliminating unspecified tax breaks for businesses.

USA! USA! USA!
~

 
 

tigris said,

In DC, I’d think diversity would be a selling point in that it means “your child will be attending class with future world leaders from all over the globe” and not just with future Jonah Goldbergs.

And so it is.

Also, Chris’ comments upthread at 20:39 and 20:47 correspond to my views about–and experience of–the DC Metro Area and NVA. (I lived in Fairfax for five years before moving to Baltimore.)

Also too and moreover, this is Soo-Pah thread so far!

*vanishes upthread to catch-up*

 
 

To help pay for lower rates, the plan would reduce popular tax breaks for mortgage interest, health insurance, charitable giving and retirement savings.

Boy, the prospect of losing my house makes me enthusiastic about 2012.

 
 

“We were there to find out what they had to say and to bring a notice to the public that this kind of thing was going on. Quite honestly, if they have it again, then we are really going to make it well known,” Raynor said.

Raynor said the group believes MoveOn.org is a communist front and said he would not stand for America becoming a fascist nation.

Passing over the ignorant commies = fascists bs, this guy wants to publicly punish wrongthink and the nice little old ladies he’s intimidating are the fascists?

Sutherlin conservative Karen Meier said she posed as a MoveOn.org member and infiltrated the group’s meeting prior to the confrontation. She said she found many of the liberals to be pleasant.

“Obviously, they don’t really know what MoveOn is and who it entails,” Meier said.

THEY don’t know? Jesus, what would it take for reality to pierce that noggin?

“It is not our fault that we outnumber them,” Raynor said. “The philosophy they espouse is not a live-and-let-live philosophy. …”

SAYS THE GUY WHO INTIMIDATED A GROUP OF LITTLE OLD LADIES HAVING A PEACEFUL GET-TOGETHER.

 
 

SAYS THE GUY WHO INTIMIDATED A GROUP OF LITTLE OLD LADIES HAVING A PEACEFUL GET-TOGETHER.

Look, they were plotting the Downfall of Freedumb, or something. All I know is that they were caught redhanded.

 
 

beer is not actually a health drink

WHOA—that’s a specious claim.

 
 

*appears in a puff of smoke*

D-KW: I’m but an amateur trollologist, a mere hobbyist as it were.

I therefore greatly enjoyed your Case Study in the last thread; I learned much from the exposition and illustrations of an expert Forensic Trollologist.

((Didn’t want to forget this note of appreciation in the hurly-burly of this rollercoaster thread.))

*disappears in a puff of smoke*

[Note: NOT cigarette smoke, of course. Solidarity.]

 
 

beer is not actually a health drink

WHOA—that’s a specious claim.

Seriously. Grains are the base of the food pyramid for Christ’s sake!

 
 

Seriously. Grains are the base of the food pyramid for Christ’s sake!

Yeah, and hammered is the base of the happy pyramid, dammit!

 
Lurking Canadian
 

I am given to understand that the people of Jericho invented beer before they invented bread. Beer isn’t just a health drink. It is literally the basis of Western civilization.

 
 

“It is not our fault that we outnumber them,” Raynor said. “The philosophy they espouse is not a live-and-let-live philosophy. …”

SAYS THE GUY WHO INTIMIDATED A GROUP OF LITTLE OLD LADIES HAVING A PEACEFUL GET-TOGETHER.

Wait a minute, this patriot just saved our nation from communistic fascists. Little old ladies can be dangerous. If they’re allowed to gain power, who knows what terrible fate awaits us? What if there were addictive cookies everywhere?

 
 

I think it is significant that the pillars at Göbekli Tepe are shaped like beer tap handles.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

It’s the knitting you have to be careful of. Ever readTale of Two Cities?

 
 

What if there were addictive cookies everywhere?

Or ice cream treats. Little old ladies are notorious for always having freezers full of ice cream treats.

 
 

It’s the knitting you have to be careful of.

Guess what I’m doing right now? Besides wondering what would be a good beer-cookie-ice cream combo, I mean. And other than typing. Just before the typing and beer-cookie-ice-cream wondering. And again after I submit this beast.

 
 

Jesus, what would it take for reality to pierce that noggin?

A pickaxe. But people get all worked up when you administer it.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Everybody who just had a vision of a toothless tigris cackling as the blade of the guillotine falls, raise your hand.

Seriously, though, you’re knitting in this heat?

 
 

substance, are you being trumped by political correctness?!

Obviously political correctness does not survive a thorough Trumping.

 
 

Besides wondering what would be a good beer-cookie-ice cream combo…

A pint of Ben & Jerry’s Black and Tan and some chocolate chip cookies?

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Trumping the political correctness

 
 

Raises hand. Except for the toothless and cackling part.

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

also…whipping the miracle

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

oh, feck me…sorry t & u…i consider myself severely ahemed…

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

beer is not actually a health drink

you shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

Seriously. Grains are the base of the food pyramid for Christ’s sake!

hey, hey HEY…it’s the food PIE, people! do NOT make me get all jeanne deangelis on your ass!

 
 

In other words, the schools try to assure parents that not all their students are nepotistic admits like Jonah Goldberg.

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

oh…hey superdude!

 
 

The Yahoo headline for the gsick deal…

President’s debt offer: risky but could be win-win

For fucking who?

Certainly not the middle class. Or the working class.

Gee, let me think. That leaves… No, I’ll get it… Wait… Almost got it…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuckers.

Seriously. Who the fuck is the other “win”???? By any standard?

Cliffotines, motherfuckers. Cliff. O. Tines.

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

The Yahoo headline for the gsick deal…

i clicked on that headline when i logged on and it would not work…after reading your succint summary, i am glad it did not…

 
 

Scene: Camp David, in the woods, a little while later (happy ending version).

Hello, Hello, Mister, Hello. Mr Country Man, Hello….
Sheeit, if it ain’t Mr Obie President. What the fuck do yee want? Yer money back?
Oh no, not all. I’m here to pay you the fifty dollars I owe you.
No shit. Yee come all the way out here to pay me them fifty dollars?
Yes sir! I am a man of my word. Here, here’s fifty, and here’s another hundred.
What’s the hundert for?
For believing in me!
Well I’ll be goddamned.
Is there a problem? Here, here’s another hundred.
What the f….Hold on Mr Obie President. I serusly need to talk to yee.
What about, you’re not angry with me are you?
Oh no. I ain’t angry with yee. I’d like to ask yee for a job.
A job?
Why, yes sir, Mr Obie President. A job. Working in the White House.
If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly would you do in the White House?
Well, to start, I wouldn’t be giving away the whole goddamn tresry for a three legged dog.
But you assured me it was a good hunting dog. Is that not so?
Yessir. I did. I sure did. But, well, goddamn man, yee really don’t know shit about dogs do yee?
No. No I don’t.
Well, come on then. Let’s go to the White House and learn us somethin about dogs.
Sounds like a splendid idea. The Senate won’t approve you, you know.
Fuck the Senate. When we’re finished with ’em, they’ll all be wanting a three legged dog.
You’re the man, Mr Country Man!
No, Mr Obie President. You’re the Man.

 
 

Obie President

Oh, please do. For once.

 
 

Not gonna happen.

Our preznit:

1) Believes in the Reagan (that is, Saint Ronnie Reagan, the mythical).

2) Thinks he is the reincarnation of same.

He’s going to cut Social Security and Medicare for our own good. The Republicans could have spent a couple centuries trying to invent a Manchurian candidate as helpful to their cause as this guy.

But he just came along.
~

 
 

Apparently, $16 Trillion wasn’t enough.

I suppose, really, what’s the point of taxing them if we’re just going to shovel the Treasury straight into their coffers anyway?

 
 

Behold, the stupidest fucking thing ever uttered by a human being in the history of the universe. This record should be held until early tomorrow when the new stupidest things ever said is said by someone.

GUTFELD: If you’re talking about free birth control, who’s going to use free birth control? The people who can’t afford it. So the left has figured out a way to eradicate the poor, and it’s by eradicating the poor!
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2011/07/21/275123/fox-host-free-birth-control-liberal-conspiracy/

 
 

I am not Mickey Kaus goddamit.

 
 

I am not Mickey Kaus goddamit.

Damn.

 
 

Gay Barbarian horde demands Marcus discipline.

 
 

It has competition from the same post.

On another Fox News segment, the contributor and host decided that birth control wasn’t necessary if women would “just stop having irresponsible sex.”

If those jezebels would just staple their thighs together, everything would be fine.

Because everybody knows, it just takes one woman, having sex, all alone, irresponsibly, to form a babby.

 
 

I am not a Randy Goat.

 
 

I loves me some Dany Taggart!

 
Fenwick, who never proofs adequately
 

Shoulda read “Dagny Taggart”.

(Okay, the joke wasn’t that funny to start with…)

 
 

Gee. I’m all alone here. Hogeye was the last, almost an hour ago. I’m a-skeerd!

 
 

Feeeeeennnnnnwiiiiiiiick…………………….

 
 

Do not worry little Fenwick. I am not here too

 
 

It’s still Thursday here.

 
Doctorb Achmann
 

Welcome to our meetin’ here at the school. We got lots of exciting topics here tonight. We gon’ have a puppet show, we gon’ have some jazz. Just kiddin’. We gon’ pray away the gay. In’t that faaaab’lous*?

 
 

That thing has children?!?!? Oh my G_d! That’s child abuse per se.

 
 

GUTFELD: If you’re talking about free birth control, who’s going to use free birth control? The people who can’t afford it. So the left has figured out a way to eradicate the poor, and it’s by eradicating the poor!

Hm. I’m surprised the Republicans weren’t ahead of the curve on this…

 
 

OT and fair warning: we’re changing the office web site this morning from a set of static pages to a site built in WordPress. The designer’s meeting me here in twenty minutes.

Every time the actual procedure that needs to be used doesn’t match the documentation I will kill a hostage a comp-sci major or IT pro.

 
 

GUTFELD: If you’re talking about free birth control, who’s going to use free birth control? The people who can’t afford it. So the left has figured out a way to eradicate the poor, and it’s by eradicating the poor!

Oh, that’s an old one.

I’m surprised, it’s usually accompanied by a “and who’s poor? Black people! Liberals are the REAL racists!”

 
No-Visible-Means
 

When did the NCSEA authorize it’s members to issue fatwas? You are out of bounds, Sir!

 
 

When did the NCSEA authorize it’s members to issue fatwas? You are out of bounds, Sir!

I am doing so under the aegis of the ASCE, which has some 32 years of seniority over the IEEE (or, as I like to think of it, the Ai-eeeeee!). The NCSEA is a association-come-lately.

 
 

Shockingly, Jonah never considers that the diversity talk is a way to tell non-white families “your kids won’t be the only brown students here.”

 
 

“an”, too.

 
 

I can’t believe you libs are still addressing Jonah’s point. He made it up. It’s a giant steaming pile of Liberal Fascism. While it’s quite probable that at least some of teh private schools in question mentioned diversity as a plus – none of them did so in teh way Jonah is describing. Here’s what probably happened:

School Official: [10 minutes talking about academic excellence, 2 minutes rattling off a list of exceptional alumni, 5 minutes talking about acceptance rates into top tier institutes of higher learning, 3 minutes talking about discipline, 10 minutes talking about the school’s history]

Jonah wakes from his dream of a giant Cheeto teh size of a bus.

School Official: ,,,our student body is also quite diverse with students coming from 20 different countries,,,

Jonah: Fucking politically correct leftsist jerkwads and their DIVERSITY!!!

 
 

a giant Cheeto teh size of a bus.

Add BOOBS and explosions and you have Michael Bay’s next movie.

 
 

Ha–feminist pork.

 
 

Speaking of Shorter Jonah, here he is describing his research methods:

I do my research on Yahoo Answers. So will my kid, since I am too lazy to bring her to the library.

By the way, I won’t be turning in my regular Friday joke column today because I’ll be working on my book. By which I mean posting crap to Twitter.

 
 

Shockingly, Jonah never considers that the diversity talk is a way to tell non-white families “your kids won’t be the only brown students here.”

The fact that any non-whites would care about that makes them the real racists because it makes them the real racists

 
 

I just have to say that Jonah’s little bitchfest here reminds me SO MUCH of what a couple of bored kids in the backseat complain about…

“He’s looking out my window—WAHHHH!”

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

porking the feminist…

oh…wait…

 
bbkf, who is Sister Cat-o-nine-tails of Appreciative Joy
 

Speaking of Shorter Jonah, here he is describing his research methods:

o.m.f.g. he’s letting that stand as a column?!?!? and this man gets paid?!?!? and people actually think he’s smart?!?!

jesus…between this, g sicks and the mn budget debacle, i think i’m just going to shoot myself…

 
 

Yes, Jonah, hopefully you’ll get your wish and we’ll go back to the times you remember so fondly (when there were no liberal fascists). Times when this sort of thing was the norm. I’m sure you’ll be just peachy with that, right?

 
 

Seriously, though, you’re knitting in this heat?

A ski hat, no less. And I do too have teefs. A whole boxful.*

On another Fox News segment, the contributor and host decided that birth control wasn’t necessary if women would “just stop having irresponsible sex.”

Can women, let’s say for the sake of this person’s preconceptions married Christian white women, not get pregnant from responsible sex?

*NO. Just stop it.

 
 

I wish all those married couples using birth control would stop having irresponsible sex.

Soooooooo responsible sex=for procreative purposes only. Gotcha. *bangs head on desk*

 
 

a giant Cheeto teh size of a bus.

Add BOOBS and explosions and you have Michael Bay’s next movie.

You’re being sarcastic, but I’d pay good money to see huge animatronic cheese puffs wreaking havoc on the big screen.

 
 

But ONLY if Tim Burton directed.

 
 

Add “haboob” and you have the latest in wingnut fauxtrage.
~

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The designer’s meeting me here in twenty minutes.

Meeting the designer…

You’re being sarcastic, but I’d pay good money to see huge animatronic cheese puffs wreaking havoc on the big screen.

We have only one hope… SEND IN GOLDBERG!!!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

“I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob,” Don Yonts, a resident of Gilbert, Ariz., wrote the Arizona Republic after a particularly fierce, mile-high dust storm swept through the state on July 5. “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

Diane Robinson of Wickenburg, Ariz., agreed, saying the state’s dust storms are unique and ought to be labeled as such.

“Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman!” she said in a letter to the editor. “Who gave you the right to use the word ‘haboob’ in describing our recent dust storm? While you may think there are similarities, don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

Whereas, over there, the dust is mixed with the burning bodies of the dead, the tang of cordite, and the mutagenic effects of depleted uranium.

 
 

mmmmmmmmm, BOOB

 
 

“I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob,” Don Yonts, a resident of Gilbert, Ariz., wrote the Arizona Republic after a particularly fierce, mile-high dust storm swept through the state on July 5. “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

Here’s how they feel: OMFG, I’M SO GLAD TO BE BACK HOME WITH MY FAMILY AND NOT FIGHTING IN A WAR WHERE MY LIMBS MIGHT GET SHOT OFF!!

 
 

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

It’s enough to drive one to alcohol, isn’t it? Why don’t they just call it a dust typhoon?

 
 

Fuck the wall…they should just build a dome over Arizona to keep everything foreign out. Even the weather.

 
 

Diane Robinson of Wickenburg, Ariz., agreed, saying the state’s dust storms are unique and ought to be labeled as such

america…even our dust storms are exceptional…

 
 

america…even our dust storms are exceptional…

THAT is funneh.

 
 

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

i heard this term last week or so on teh weather channel, and i was wondering how long it would take for the butthurt to commence…

…but then i laffed and said…’boob!’…

 
 

on my drive in this morning:

local sports dork on radio: ‘ya know ron, these nfl players don’t know how good they have it…and i don’t think they are going to accept this offer…you just don’t do that…you never accept the first offer, ever!’

me: ‘unless you’re obama…’

 
 

Who gave you the right to use the word ‘haboob’ in describing our recent dust storm?

The First Amendment. You know, the one immediately before the semen stains on your copy of the Constitution.

 
 

While we’re at it, let’s eliminate all other English words derived from Arabic, like “Algebra”, “Assassin”, “guitar”, “racquet”, “sugar”, “orange”, “syrup” and “tangerine”

 
 

While you may think there are similarities, don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.

That’s tongue in cheek, right? Please, O Universe, let that be tongue in cheek.

 
 

The First Amendment. You know, the one immediately before the semen stains on your copy of the Constitution.

That explains so much. They masturbate on it, instead of reading it.

 
 

BTW, is anyone surprised that WP is creating an “Error establishing a database connection” error on our website?

 
 

They masturbate on it, instead of reading it.

really, it’s the only dignified way of showing your love for your country…

 
 

BTW, is anyone surprised that WP is creating an “Error establishing a database connection” error on our website?

is there any way you can sneak a fywp on your website?!?!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I always thought a haboob involved two warm fronts.

 
 

Roman numerals were good enough for the Romans, right?

I’m taking I-LXX next time I had back east.
~

 
 

“Algebra”, “Assassin”, “guitar”, “racquet”, “sugar”, “orange”, “syrup” and “tangerine”

I prefer the Freedom Fruit Juice from Tropican because it contains less Liberty Sweetener than other brands. I’m going to go practice my Axe of Justice before American Variable-Based Mathematics Class, where the x has been replaced with a picture of Ronald Reagan.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

American Variable-Based Mathematics Class, where the x has been replaced with a picture of Ronald Reagan.

And pi is a God-fearing, Biblical “3”.

 
 

Haboob.

I dunno whether to make teh “,,,will travel” joke or try and figure out a punchline involving teh term “quarter-rack”. Hmmm, guess I’ll just go with posting a video.

What’s all teh haboob, boob?

 
 

“Algebra”, “Assassin”, “guitar”, “racquet”, “sugar”, “orange”, “syrup” and “tangerine”

While english has 200 perfectly good words for booze I am outraged at having alcohol shoved down my throat.

 
 

Speaking of dignified, I was nearly paralyzed by a Five Guys burger last night. I still have traces of Awesome Burger That Is Way Too Big For Human Consumption Shock.

 
 

They masturbate on it, instead of reading it.

Heh heh Even I hadn’t thought of THAT!

 
 

I was nearly paralyzed by a Five Guys burger last night. I still have traces of Awesome Burger That Is Way Too Big For Human Consumption Shock.

I like how one order of fries feeds three people.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

“Algebra”, “Assassin”, “guitar”, “racquet”, “sugar”, “orange”, “syrup” and “tangerine”

I like Albuquerque too.
from wikipedia:
The name comes from the Arabic Abu al-Qurq’, which means “father of the cork oak”

 
 

There are peaceable resolutions to conflict. Sincerely, The Pacific Army.

 
 

I like how one order of fries feeds three people.

hey! they are freedom fries, people! and there ain’t a serving big enuff…

 
 

I like how one order of fries feeds three people.

I also like how their cajun fries are more addictive than crack or internet porn.

 
 

5 guys is awesome

 
 

5 guys is awesome

Hee hee hee….***snicker

 
 

DKW’s mom agrees.

 
 

Unfortunately the other two people sharing my fries don’t want to try the Cajun flavor. Maybe the baby will be into them when she sprouts teeth.

 
 

No innocent remark remains unmolested at Sadly, Non!
~

 
 

I like Albuquerque too.
from wikipedia:
The name comes from the Arabic Abu al-Qurq’, which means “father of the cork oak”

Oh that is good.

 
 

“tsam said,
July 22, 2011 at 17:29

DKW’s mom agrees.”

Tee hee indeed 😀

 
 

all at once or sequentially?

 
 

it is official…i get to mee al franken tomorrow…any thoughts/comments on what i should say?

 
 

The Mediays had so much fun saying Weiner that now they have to rub in the haboobs.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I was nearly paralyzed by a Five Guys burger last night

They offer a fugu burger?

The name comes from the Arabic Abu al-Qurq’, which means “father of the cork oak”

That seems like an overcomplicated derivation, when “albus quercus” is Latin for white oak. For another bit of butthurt, though, the prefix “guad”, as in “Guadelupe”, is a derivation of “wadi”.

 
 

Say “Hello”.

 
 

Encourage Al Franken to get Obama to dump Joe Biden and take him on as VP for 2012. That way we could get a real honest-to-god liberal as president in ’16.

 
 

Did you guys know that John Hinderaker, the singer guy from that Five For Fighting band, Andrew Breitbart and one of the other Power Tools’ daughters are judging a $100,000 poster contest?

 
 

we’re changing the office web site this morning from a set of static pages to a site built in WordPress

And many a hearty FYWPs were heard that day.

I wish all those married couples using birth control would stop having irresponsible sex.

No, no. It’s only the women who are having irresponsible sex. I’m not quite sure how the menfolk occupy themselves, but there it is.

Maybe someone ought to tell those boobs about their habooby DOT.

 
 

We are the official porta-potty of Wikipedias picnics.

 
 

Encourage Al Franken to get Obama to dump Joe Biden and take him on as VP for 2012. That way we could get a real honest-to-god liberal as president in ’16.

this would be awesome…i will do my best…

 
 

The name comes from the Arabic Abu al-Qurq’, which means “father of the cork oak”

Also, “Satan” comes from the Arabic word “shaitan,” which means the same thing, but usually in a God Damn Muzzie context.

Does this mean they’re finally going to stop calling everyone Satan?

 
 

from teh hinderaker:

We conservatives have too often ceded the popular culture space to liberals. There may be some historical explanation for this phenomenon,

ummmm…because you suck at it?

 
 

Ask Al Franken why he hates America in your best Colbert deadpan. I’ll bet he’d get a HUGE kick out of that.

You could also tell him you and your interweb henchmen/women think he’s doing a fantastic job.

 
 

Maybe someone ought to tell those boobs about their habooby DOT.

now i have a rolling stones earworm…

 
 

We conservatives have too often ceded the popular culture space to liberals.

You didn’t CEDE shit, you fucking moron. You got slaughtered on the battlefield like the crybaby pussies you all are. You’re still crying about the Civil Rights Act of 1964 FFS. Go to hell and die, Hindrocket.

 
 

We are working day and night to keep abreast of the haboobs.

 
 

Before things get out of hand.

 
 

ummmm…because you suck at it?

Winning.

Conservatives “cede” nothing to liberals, not even pop culture. They’re just so atrociously bad at it that it’s one area in which liberals manage to predominate.

(People complain that Hollywood’s run out of ideas. Imagine how much sooner that would’ve happened if it was a conservative institution that limited itself to WW2 type war movies and old school Westerns).

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

when i drunkenly stumbled upon ralph fiennes in england, i was a blithering idiot

He was even more discombobulated, but his training allowed him to mask his excitement.

 
 

Thank him for being a good and decent Senator (alas, a rarity), and ask him to do all he can to keep Social Security from being fucked six ways from Sunday in the debt ceiling deal.

You might use different words, though.

 
 

He was even more discombobulated, but his training allowed him to mask his excitement

i suspect this is quite true…

 
 

We need your support.

 
 

hacker, you suck. You just attempted to delete my life story. I don’t have time to retype it now. You FUCKING SUCK.

 
 

Might ask Franken why the Republicans are still allowed to tie the Senate in knots with the mere hint of a filibuster.

 
 

I still have traces of Awesome Burger That Is Way Too Big For Human Consumption Shock.

Hey, just got back from my lunchtime quickie with tsam’s mom.
Speaking of big burgers, us LEAFS SUCKians can’t compare with the masters of lack-of-portion-control down south, but we do have this.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Thank him for being a good and decent Senator (alas, a rarity), and ask him to do all he can to keep Social Security from being fucked six ways from Sunday in the debt ceiling deal.

I remember him telling a poignant story about how his wife’s family depended on Social Security survivor’s benefits after the death of her father.

Tell him to keep giving hell to the assholes.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Speaking of big burgers, us LEAFS SUCKians can’t compare with the masters of lack-of-portion-control down south, but we do have this.

Needs more fried donuts.

 
 

Ask him to infiltrate the Republican caucus as Sen. Smalley. I’m sure if he just said something like, “No, I don’t think we should repeal DOMA; I think we oughtta double DOMA!” he’d be welcomed with open arms.

 
 

There is a need for emergency housing, underground, in the United States and Canada. The shelters are some of the least safe places in the world. I came across a boy running from an abductee the other day, and I couldn’t tell him a better place to go, then a well-lit park. This is unacceptable.

 
 

I attempted a double-DOMA once, and I walked funny and couldn’t sit down for 2 weeks. The video is worth it, for the memories, though.

 
 

i can edit past year’s invites in Live Cycle…is this permissable or do i need the designer’s permission…

Depends on the contract, if they were work-for-hire I think you can pretty much do whatever you want, but it seems a little shady to me personally. Plus there’s tons of copyright-free/royalty-free stuff out there.

 
 

If you do your own designing you can use ALL THE FONTS. Fun!

 
 

Copyright is THEFT!

 
 

if they were work-for-hire I think you can pretty much do whatever you want, but it seems a little shady to me personally

yeah, she is work-for-hire and the shady part is why i have qualms…especially since i live in such a close community and i know her personally…

 
 

If you do your own designing you can use ALL THE FONTS. Fun!

i KNOW!!! that would be neat!!!

 
 

“I like how one order of fries feeds three people.”

I like how they write on the little bulletin board where the potatoes come from.

 
 

Hey, just got back from my lunchtime quickie with tsam’s mom.
Speaking of big burgers, us LEAFS SUCKians can’t compare with the masters of lack-of-portion-control down south, but we do have this.

I can tell from the claw marks on your face…

Um–that burger is a contender here in the Obese States of America.

 
 

I like how they have boxes and boxes of peanuts all over the restaurant. You don’t buy them, you just cram them in your pukehole as fast as you like.

 
 

this i will attempt w/out gushing…but i tend to gush…when i drunkenly stumbled upon ralph fiennes in england, i was a blithering idiot…on the other hand, i successfully interviewed sherwin linton on wednesday, so maybe i’m becoming quite sauve and jaded by celebrity…

Who ARE you?

 
 

How do you come by all these people (besides Franken) when you’re from one of the “M” states with a lot of snow and a really dumb electorate?

 
 

I like how they have boxes and boxes of peanuts all over the restaurant.

I like how they play the Sirius/XM Rock of the 1970s station at maximum volume. Because “Summer Breeze” and “Katmandu” can never be too loud.

 
 

If you do your own designing you can use ALL THE FONTS.

Such a waste, when Comic Sans answers every need.

 
 

Such a waste, when Comic Sans answers every need.

Logger.

 
 

“I like how they play the Sirius/XM Rock of the 1970s station at maximum volume. Because “Summer Breeze” and “Katmandu” can never be too loud.”

Where is your Five Guys? The one I’ve been to in Atlanta plays R&B, soul, Hip Hop, even gospel. Summer Breeze? Never.

 
 

I like how they play the Sirius/XM Rock of the 1970s station at maximum volume. Because “Summer Breeze” and “Katmandu” can never be too loud.

They really are the same wherever you go, aren’t they? Hilarious.

Also; Any Joe Walsh song. Why does ANYONE like that idiot’s fucking crappy music?

tags; tsam is an asshole, music, 5Guys, Joe Walsh

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Such a waste, when Comic Sans answers every need.

Logger.

Cocksure.

 
 

Sir Doughboy of Pantloadhamshire “threatening” to make a joke about a 2012 candidate having the stink of death on them? Given what a gallows-comedy their current stable of would be Prostitutes-In-Chief are, maybe Rosy Manchild needs to narrow the scope of his boffo down a wee bit.

Also: NO BOOBS 4 U!

 
 

Logger.

Cocksure

Anal

 
 

Any Joe Walsh song. Why does ANYONE like that idiot’s fucking crappy music?

Back when I only had antenna tee-vee I used to see a crappy game show late at night, probably after SNL or something. The host of the show would go to some public place and recruit a few people to answer trivia questions, the spacier the person the better. Then in-studio contestants would watch the video and guess whether the person on the street would answer correctly. It was basically Leno’s Jaywalking taken to thrity minutes.

Anyway, one time Joe Walsh was one of the spacy street people.

 
 

On another Fox News segment, the contributor and host decided that birth control wasn’t necessary if women would “just stop having irresponsible sex.”

Personally, I’m very much in favour of women that have irresponsible sex.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Also; Any Joe Walsh song. Why does ANYONE like that idiot’s fucking crappy music?

There are two possibilities: They are living a life of illusion, or life’s been good to them, so far.

 
 

Cocksure

Oh that would look nice engraved: “Mr and Mrs So-and-so request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter …”

 
 

Fuck the wall…they should just build a dome over Arizona to keep everything foreign out. Even the weather.

and the oxygen

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 

tsam is pushing my button. Perhaps it is because you are such a young naif that you are unfamiliar with one of the best power cuts EVAH, Rocky Mountain Way.

Don’t get in a funk #49 about it, just walk away.

 
 

Dis Joe Walsh and there’s a chance you’ll Turn to Stone.

 
 

and the oxygen

We don’t want that Messican air sneaking in and using our Welfare. We must build a fence!

 
 

Where is your Five Guys?

Worcester, MA

 
 

“Substance McGravitas said,
July 22, 2011 at 18:31

If you do your own designing you can use ALL THE FONTS. Fun!”

NO! ONLY COMIC SANS!

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 

I had tee many martoonis last night so dinner was an improvisatory affair. I had some Andouille in the freezer which I nuked to thaw along with a couple chix thighs. Sauteed celery, onion, garlic, bell pepper a diced ripe red jalapeño, and I don’t remember what else. Added the chix and the sausage and some rice, a can of Rotel tomatoes, some chix broth. Probably some other shit I don’t recall. Did I make jambalaya? It was exceedingly good. And easy.

Those of you with manual turntables don’t tell your friends about the last grooves as they will break their automatic turntables trying to listen to them.

 
 

food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus

Just so you’ll know, I am reviewing all your comments/recetas and am planning to write a cook book. I’ll give you some credit, maybe split the haul with you. Okay?

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 

rodertrudis

If you can market recipes which include “some other shit I can’t remember” by all means have at it.

 
 

Surely the world clamors for a cookbook that features jambalaya with POOP in it.

 
 

My first reaction was “well, Jonah, if you are so, shall we say, ‘concerned about diversity’ — and we all know what you mean by that — why don’t you send your kids to a Jewish day school? they aren’t necessarily very diverse*” … but then I thought to do a little fact checking and I am hereby relieved. While Mr. Liberal Fascist’s father was Jewish Lucienne and therefore her spawn are not of my faith. Knowing that I don’t have to claim them makes me a little happier. I don’t know if Mrs. J-Dough is Jewish or not …

* while we Jews are not as white as some leftists convinced that Israel is a colonialist plot to maintain European hegemony in the middle east seem to think we are, the Jewish school my daughter attends is hardly a bastion of non-whiteness, depending on how you define white. While my daughter is hardly the darkest girl in the school due to the diversity of skin-tones of Latinos, Middle-Easterners, North Africans and peoples from the Asian continent, she is only one of two kids in the whole school with an African-American parent. Still, in spite of our daughter’s school teaching traditional religious morality and it’s comforting-to-JBob lack of diversity, since it is a liberal Jewish day school, a good number of the parents/teachers/etc would be, well, a bit liberal for the likes of Sir Jonah.

 
 

“Some other shit” will be referred to as “season to taste”.

Cool.

Get your signed copy now, only $75.00, while copies last.

 
 

Hmm, Catholic private school, or Jewish private school?

Catholic Girls or a Jewish Princess? So hard to decide — it’s nice that Frank was willing to help.

 
 

Yesterday I was invited to lunch with a business associate at his home. It consisted of he and me, his wife and two of her friends. “Lunch” was a loaf of Wonder bread (haven’t touched anything like it since I was 8), Miracle Whip, Kraft individgie slices, a package of turkey (on the table in the package), something called ‘Surprise Salad’ which was small instant pasta shells in Miracle Whip Ranch flavour with something that I think was rice crispies, all accompanied by sweet tea.

I had to come home and grill an herb crusted rack of lamb to get over it.

 
 

tsam is pushing my button. Perhaps it is because you are such a young naif that you are unfamiliar with one of the best power cuts EVAH, Rocky Mountain Way.

Sounds like the hangover talking.

 
 

“Some other shit” will be referred to as “season to taste”.

Certainly you mean “Season to your own fucking taste, you dumb fucker.”

 
 

Its an effin burger sheeple!!!@@!@!@

wake tfup already.

 
 

Get your signed copy now, only $75.00, while copies last.

i hope you are only going to use comic sans for your fontage…

 
 

the ralph fiennes thing happened when i was in college in ’03

Just after Spider.

 
 

THAT’S A GOOD TEACHING THING!

It shouldn’t surprise me that he said this, for realz, but I found myself surprised anyway

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Surely the world clamors for a cookbook that features jambalaya with POOP in it.

Considering the state of food safety in this country, it’s already happened. Still, I don’t imagine “Cooking with E. Coli would make the bestsellers list.

 
 

Yesterday I was invited to lunch with a business associate at his home. It consisted of he and me, his wife and two of her friends. “Lunch” was a loaf of Wonder bread (haven’t touched anything like it since I was 8), Miracle Whip, Kraft individgie slices, a package of turkey (on the table in the package), something called ‘Surprise Salad’ which was small instant pasta shells in Miracle Whip Ranch flavour with something that I think was rice crispies, all accompanied by sweet tea.

I had to come home and grill an herb crusted rack of lamb to get over it.

holy crap…are you okay now?

 
 

NO! ONLY COMIC SANS!

Ahem.

 
 

“Lunch” was a loaf of Wonder bread (haven’t touched anything like it since I was 8), Miracle Whip, Kraft individgie slices, a package of turkey (on the table in the package), something called ‘Surprise Salad’ which was small instant pasta shells in Miracle Whip Ranch flavour with something that I think was rice crispies, all accompanied by sweet tea.

I think that’s what’s referred to as “ghetto gourmet” or “dining at the Wal-Mart Astoria”

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 

El M. – you have Mormon friends?

 
food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus
 

Oh shit – I missed the tea. Never mind.

 
 

Just after Spider.

indeed…i saw him in ‘brand’ on stage in stratford-on-avon…it was awesome!

 
 

It shouldn’t surprise me that he said this, for realz, but I found myself surprised anyway

it’s the vehemence of the all caps that makes it true…

 
 

El M. – you have Mormon friends?

Yeah there’s the tea and the fact that there was no Ambrosia or Jello.

 
 

Certainly you mean “Season to your own fucking taste, you dumb fucker.”

aAbsolutely. The Title: Cooking for Dumb Fuckers, foreword: Although this collection of tested and highly recommended recipes, originally written by the mightily well know and respected Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus, can be followed as they are written, measure for measure, we nonetheless, and with Pupienus’s gracious permission, encourage you, in Pupienus’s own imitable style, to “try some other shit you probably won’t remember”.

 
 

foreword: Although this collection of tested and highly recommended recipes, originally written by the mightily well know and respected Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland, Pupienus, can be followed as they are written, measure for measure, we nonetheless, and with Pupienus’s gracious permission, encourage you, in Pupienus’s own imitable style, to “try some other shit you probably won’t remember”.

this can only be made perfect by:

bon apeTIT, fuckers!

with an illegible signature underneat…

 
 

Surely the world clamors for a cookbook that features jambalaya with POOP in it.

Someone has eaten at the same venerable N.O. establishments as I.

Also, lol@ Wal-Mart Astoria.

 
 

Or, for that matter, some of the ones I worked at.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I live in Wisconsin. I have no idea how Kraft gets their repellent ‘cheese’ slices in every grocery store and on half of the cheeseburgers served in local restaurants, but it vexes me sorely. Here in the dairy state, during the colder part of the year, it is vitally important to never leave empty containers outside lest overstocked cheesemakers fill them with locally produced versions of sharp 5 year aged cheddar, blue cheese, Limburger, Gouda, Mozzarella, Gruyere, Muenster, Colby, Venezuelan Beaver cheese, Wemslydale, gamle ost, bacon cheddar, Monterrey Jack, Caraway brick, Swiss, or any other fantastic fromage you could care to sample. So why people eat that short-chain polyethylene orange crap masquerading as a dairy product is a mystery to me.

 
 

Hey Jonah, how’s that book coming along? ‘Cuz by the looks of your Twitter feed you’re too busy hanging out in a cigar bar and sending Gallagher videos to Dave Weigel.

 
 

“try some other shit you probably won’t remember”. and don’t dis the great Joe Walsh. Relevance is irrelevant.

 
 

with an illegible, gin-soaked signature underneat…

faxed

 
 

By the way, if you asked me what Jonah Goldberg was doing right now, I might say something like “eating Cheetos and looking up Gallagher on YouTube.” I would’ve thought it was a joke. Sadly, no!

 
 

“N__B said,
July 22, 2011 at 20:47

NO! ONLY COMIC SANS!

Ahem.”

Oh fuck. Just pretend I made some terrifically witty trebuchet/Trebuchet joke.

 
 

Oh fuck.

Look! Something shiny! New Thread!

 
 

Hey, you know who’s funny? Sinbad.

 
 

…on the other hand, i successfully interviewed sherwin linton on wednesday, so maybe i’m becoming quite sauve and jaded by celebrity…

As long as it is not a certain William Clarke, you shold be fine.
🙂
.

 
 

“…that short-chain polyethylene orange crap masquerading as a dairy product…”

You mean cheeze food?

 
 

As long as it is not a certain William Clarke, you shold be fine.
🙂

My sense is he probably hasn’t held up all that well against the ravages of time…

 
 

I always thought a haboob involved two warm fronts.

Funneh!

 
 

planning to write a cook book.

This news is oh-so-fine, Pup!

 
 

Also, lol@ Wal-Mart Astoria.

*tearing up renovation plans for the old Bulova watch Factory*

Dammit!

 
 

About the whole “White History Month” they inevitably bring up like they are the cleverest dicks in the ballroom, I’d love just once to have a teacher take them up on their offer.

Whites would get only one month where their heritage or the history of their people were taught, where important white figures from history were mentioned and studied.

And the rest of the year was everyone else.

And then watch the parents panic and run over themselves as “the classics” aren’t being taught in English, European and White American history gets relegated to the shed in favor of covering Ancient Chinese and the study of Malian kings and famous majority minority towns through US history. Covering the vast wealth of history that is always inevitably ignored so that we can focus on the same patches of European and White US history over and over again so “we’ll do well on the standardized tests”.

And then say “well, you wanted a ‘White History month“.

And then to just kick them while they’re down, make the White History Month entirely about now-considered-white immigrant experiences focusing on the harsh treatment of Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans, German-Americans, and so on, dissecting the arguments used to argue against them.

Just once I’d like to see them get what they ask for and really viscerally experience what school is like all the time for a minority student.

 
 

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