Aug
8
8
Update on the War Against Mole-o-Fascism
Demogenes Aristophanes is a bloody genius who should blog more often. Witness:
We have always been at war with the Mole Man.
Fortunately, we have just the team to defeat him:
Donald “Mr. Fantastic� Rumsfeld … watch him stretch our troops too thin!
Condi “The Invisible Girl� Rice … she disappears whenever there’s a crisis!
Dick “The Thing� Cheney … under that rocky exterior is a heart of stone!
George “The Human Torch� Bush … he’ll throw gasoline onto every fire!
Heh. Read the whole thing.
Uhm. Oh. That was the whole thing. Well, read it again.
Mudge said,
August 8, 2006 at 14:30
Superman defeated the Mole Men years ago. There must be Neo-Mole Men by now.
MCH said,
August 8, 2006 at 14:52
If they’d sell the rights to Toho, we could get Mecha-Mole men.
D. Sidhe said,
August 8, 2006 at 15:03
You know I have to, now. The Hollow Earthers are robots. Called Deros. Just like Jillian said. No mole men.
Dammit, why can’t people keep their nutbarism straight? This and the whole black/blue helicopter thing, sheesh. Pay attention!
MCH said,
August 8, 2006 at 15:43
I did get quite a laugh one day when I was walking in Boston. Hearing noise overhead, I looked up and saw a black helicopter that said “UNITED NATIONS” on it. Seriously.
My first thought was, “You gotta be kidding me!” My second was, “They really might wanna repaint that thing.”
sohei said,
August 8, 2006 at 16:00
Art imitates…um… Sadly, No?
Or not…
Ugh said,
August 8, 2006 at 16:17
Sen. Santorum: Secretary Rumsfeld, can you tells us just what the Pentagon is doing to protect us from this Mole-Man-Menace?
Secretary Rumsfeld: Is the Mole-Man a Menace? Sure. Does he live underground? Yes. Do we know where? Of course. Do we have contingency plans for dealing with him? Undoubtedly. Are those plans known to those who need to know and unknown to those who do not need to know and known unknows to the Mole-Man Menace? Certainly.
Sen. Santorum: Thank you Mr. Secretary. Now, what is the Pentagon’s role in preventing the Mole-Man-Woman Marriage Threat, and God forbid the Mole-Man-Man Marriage Threat, to the traditional family?
Secretary Rumsfeld: My God, you’re crazier than I am.
Otto Man said,
August 8, 2006 at 16:34
They’re fine and decent people, Stuart, but they have no idea what the molemen are doing to the soil!
Pere Ubu said,
August 8, 2006 at 16:40
Next – PROOF John “Wants Galactus To Enslave Earth” Kerry was FOR construction of the Ultimate Nullifier before he was AGAINST it.
jpj said,
August 8, 2006 at 16:50
But what about Prince Namor? He’s the one who wants to marry our women! Or at least Sue Storm! Will no one stop Prince Namor?
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
August 8, 2006 at 17:13
Strength … fading … resolve not to blog … diminishing … got … to … think … must … fight … renewed urge to blog … if only … I can … last … a little longer …
Matt T. said,
August 8, 2006 at 17:33
Galactus doesn’t want to enslave the Earth. He wants to eat it. And besides, Kerry’s probably more of a Thanos type of guy, Democrats being the “party of Death” and all.
Bonus geek points to those who get that reference.
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
August 8, 2006 at 17:36
Thanos with the Heart of the Universe or without? Important distinction, you know.
Pere Ubu said,
August 8, 2006 at 17:46
I heard Kerry got a Purple Heart for a self-inflicted wound in the Kree-Skrull War.
GoatBoy said,
August 8, 2006 at 18:26
I knew Silver Surfer. Silver Surfer was a good friend of mine. Pat Robertson is no Silver Surfer.
Dweeze said,
August 8, 2006 at 19:18
Pat Robertson is definitely more Terrax than Silver Surfer.
D. Sidhe said,
August 8, 2006 at 19:26
Ugh, that was beautiful.
Ugh said,
August 8, 2006 at 19:50
Ugh, that was beautiful.
Thanks.
And JFTR, Pat Robertson is clearly the Beyonder.
J. A. Baker said,
August 8, 2006 at 22:30
If they’d sell the rights to Toho, we could get Mecha-Mole men.
Wouldn’t make them transhuma…er…transMole-manists? And would they have a Perfesser Concob analogue leading them?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
August 8, 2006 at 23:53
And if they lead a pastoral, nomadic life-style as mole herders, they are practicing ‘transhumance’. Remember that word; it might come up one day in a Scrabble game.
Marq said,
August 9, 2006 at 15:07
If I were to place the current occupant of the Oval Office into the Marvel Universe, clearly he’d have to be the Hate Monger. Oh, look–I just Godwined the thread!