Jun
22

It’s A Short Ride From Publishing Douthat and Brooks To This




Posted at 14:22 by Tintin


ABOVE: Swami Ashley Britney Dawn Amber Parker*

Shorter Ashley Parker, The New York “News Worth Paying For” Fucking Times
Handwriting Experts Weigh In on Weiner’s Signature (and Psyche)

  • Because I didn’t have enough time to gut a rooster and cast its entrails, I asked some graphologists to analyze Anthony Weiner’s signature. Their analyses conclusively prove (drum roll, please) that Anthony Weiner is an egomanical sex pervert who has no respect for rules.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*The shit hanging down from Ashley’s neck was in the original picture and not Photoshopped.


639 Comments »

  1. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:32

    They were just subliminally influenced by the name Weiner.

  2. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:34

    re: Post Title

    In Ashley Parker’s defense, I prefer this complete fluff non-article over anything that Brooks has evar “written”. For example she cites people with actual names.

  3. smedley, President of Psychobabble University International said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:37

    It is my estimation that Ms. Parker is in want of a penis.

  4. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:38

    Anthony Weiner is an egomanical sex pervert who has no respect for rules.

    making Weiner completely different from all those other upstanding citizens in Washington.

  5. DrDick said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:38

    The decline of the NYT decline into WaPooian irrelevance continues apace.

  6. Spearhafoc, who is the very model of a modern Major-General said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:39

    Anthony Weiner is an egomanical sex pervert who has no respect for rules

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  7. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:40

    Bobo version:

    I was in the strangest of situations, the last time I heard about Anthony Weiner. It was a Tibetan Cleansing Ceremony being performed at the salad bar at the Applebees in Kabul. Imagine my surprise when I found out that in attendance was a cab driver from Manhattan. We exchanged the usual small talk about how China is on teh verge of taking over teh world. Then he shared with me the following story about Anthony Weiner, who he had in his cab not two weeks ago,,,

  8. Ted the Slacker said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:40

    Seems to me that when Douthat and Brooks bother to show their work, it looks rather like this.

    And relatedly, Taibbi on Douthat and Neo-Seriousness… just a helpful reminder that at his core Douthat is an asshole.

  9. Spearhafoc, who is the very model of a modern Major-General said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:46

    So a guy walks into a salad bar, and…

  10. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:49

    Chunky Bobo version:

    Imagine if Twitter had been around in the 60s during Vatican II. The era of Free Love with its loose morals and mind altering enhancements would have lead to tweets that make Anthony Weiner’s offending emissions seem tame. This in conjunction with New Age Spirituality, with degenerate perverts like Charles Manson claiming their perverted worldviews as a form of religion – what would Dignitatis Humanae looked like?

    It’s a good thing that the ability for depraved exhibitionists to expose their private parts to all and sundry wasn’t around, else the Church may have delayed in supporting the right to religious freedom.

  11. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 14:55

    Clarification: I’m not saying that Ashley Parker’s “article” isn’t complete hackish garbage. It most definitely is. Just that Brooks and Douthat easily have her beat in terms of uselessness, intellectual dishonesty, smug self-righteousness, lack of self awareness and in Manboob Douthat’s case, cup size*.

    *Apologies for teh cheap lookism dig. It’s too early in teh day and I’m ungenerous as a result of getting outta teh boat.

  12. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:00

    Mr. Weiner’s personalized John Hancock

  13. Ted the Slacker said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:01

    Bobo version:

    Lots of Friedman in there too…

    For me, Bobo has always been about an extended metaphor to cover for the stupid and lack of evidence to whilst pushing the neocon voodoo du jour. To wit:

    The story of Anthony Weiner is a tale of Washington hubris wrapped – or perhaps unwrapped – in the loss of civility that runs through modern America. This is a glimpse into our past as much as a preview of the future, where licentiousness intersects with new technology and the peculiar world of public service is one again in the cross-hairs. It is a contradictory and confusing world, which in Weiner’s case saw a deficit of civility magnified in increasingly the free world we live in. Which brings me on to the paramount importance of controlling the deficit and spreading freedom…

  14. kg said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:02

    Imma hold out judgement until I hear back from the phrenologist.

  15. Ted the Slacker said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:05

    Chunky Bobo version:

    When Michaelangelo painted junk on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, that was different…

  16. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:06

    Lots of Friedman in there too…

    True. Maybe I should have placed teh meeting somewheres in teh Midwest instead of Afghanistan.

  17. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:09

    After I graduated from college (and the job market was nearly as decrepit as this one) I took a job working for a notoriously psychotic guy; it was very common for new hires to last no more than two weeks, some barely lasted one day.

    He constantly found rationalizations for the revolving door on his practice, and was always coming up with new ways to screen potential employees for more of what he saw as reliability.

    At one point, he insisted every applicant submit handwriting for analysis (he also had some of his employees do it; to the best of my recollection, I scoffed and refused).

    Of course, it did not change the situation; not only is handwriting analysis utter bunk, but the root cause was unaffected.

    What an asshole he was.

  18. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:10

    Anthony Weiner is an egomanical sex pervert who has no respect for rules

    sounds like he throws a helluva party.

  19. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:11

    an egomanical sex pervert who had no respect for rules

    I found my epitaph!

  20. Spearhafoc, who has a few more Nazi puns said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:16

    Do the Reich Thing
    Queer as Volk
    Boy from Brazil Meets World

  21. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:21

    Today we all live in a Weiner Republic.
    ~

  22. Ted the Slacker said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:24

    Bobo I think is generally less into details (when he does go that route, you get the Applebee’s fubars)…. He heard something from a small businessman in Spokane, and elsewhere in real America, agrees there’s too much pr0n on the internet.

    Friedman’s version would be: I shared a cab with a businessman in Spokane, one of the biggest ratchet-makers in the north-west, and we went to have a eat-as-much-as-you like lunch at Pizza Hut. Here we spent the afternoon comparing gadgets, it was mind-blowing. In the end, I was able to sketch an awesome graph of the microsoft share-price which I regressed against the number of Tweeterers in Egypt, concluded mostly the internet in America is full of crap.

  23. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:29

    HANDWRITING ANALYSIS IS THE MOST SCIENTIFICAL OF ALL SCIENCES!!!!!

    Tintin, I can tell from your typing that you are one of those asshole Belgians and probably gay.

  24. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:31

    re: Bobo v Friedman

    I can take teh criticism, TtS is absolutely right. Also, nowhere near enough “surprising” conventional wisdom. But I ain’t going back to take another shot at being Brooks – I feel horrible enough as is.

  25. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:34

    He heard something from a small businessman in Spokane

    Why you gotta be all up in Spokane’s biznass?

  26. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:35

    Yeah, Douthat would think Manson’s worst transgressions were sexual, wouldn’t he?

  27. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:36

    HANDWRITING ANALYSIS IS THE MOST SCIENTIFICAL OF ALL SCIENCES!!!!!

    The SECOND most. Bill d’O Reilly’s “body language” analysts are absolutely infallible.

    I can tell from your ALL CAPS and inaccurate statement that you are female.

    OH YEAH, I WENT THERE.

  28. Ted the Slacker said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:39

    OH YEAH, I WENT THERE.

    There being internetz-style analysis, another ironclad scientific theory…

  29. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:39

    The SECOND most. Bill d’O Reilly’s “body language” analysts are absolutely infallible.

    I can tell from your ALL CAPS and inaccurate statement that you are female.

    YOU’RE wrong. Body language comes after phrenology!

    The SECOND most. Bill d’O Reilly’s “body language” analysts are absolutely infallible.

    I can tell from your ALL CAPS and inaccurate statement that you are female.

    Hey, have you been hanging out at The Spearhead?

  30. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:40

    Know what’s funny? Funny funny?

    These fuckheads are the intellectual vanguard of the right.

    Of course, they’re just holding in place until the news channel and utter destruction of the education system take full effect. They have lots of work to do since all those idiot baby boomers will start declining on the voter rolls.

  31. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:41

    Hey, have you been hanging out at The Spearhead?

    Huh? Is that code for “send a dickpic”?

  32. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:41

    Vanguard? More like vanTARD! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

  33. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:44

    Huh? Is that code for “send a dickpic”?

    I wish. It’s an MRA site that I refuse to link to. But I will link toDave Futrelle, who blogs about the place a lot.

  34. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:44

    More like vanTARD! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

    You are a goddess.

  35. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:48

    OOOHHHH, our male brothers looking out for the downtrodden (and preferably white christian) males everywhere. Someday I’ll get back my right to hang a Penthouse centerfold RIGHT OVER MY DESK.

  36. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:52

    MoDo version:

    I’m not one to get all upset over images such as the one Anthony Weiner sent, but I am surprised. Considering how mincingly and submissively he behaved, his package sure is different than what I would have guessed. The lesson here then is that even gay guys can have large mandates. A sure sign that gay marriage will be legalized soon.

    On the plus side, perhaps now that one well endowed man can be fill both gay and married quotas, there’ll be more of them to go around on teh dating scene.

  37. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:53

    Argh. I had “be counted as” but thought “fill” was funnier. Just pretend like I editted it properly.

  38. Ted the Slacker said,

    June 22, 2011 at 15:59

    Pretty clear DKW enjoys doing MoDo.

  39. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:01

    There being internetz-style analysis, another ironclad scientific theory…

    Since you have now read it on the internet, you must swear to its veracity and refer to it as if you know something nobody else does and remind people that they’d best “wake up” or else were like HILTER!!!!

  40. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:03

    You all must click through to see the signature that was, um …analized…

  41. N__B said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:05

    It is my estimation that Ms. Parker is in want of a penis.

    It is a truth universally acknowledged that a wingnut in want of a penis will soon find him/her/itself the object of many jokes.

  42. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:05

    Pretty clear DKW enjoys doing MoDo.

    Middle-aged sassy red-head who is not too bright and probably easy to convince of teh most ludicrous things? I’ll not lie – No Comment.

  43. smedley said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:10

    D-KW meets MoDo:

    Nice to meet you. Where’s your mom?

  44. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:13

    “You are a goddess”

    I try to tell people this and they just say I’m “delusional” and that I shouldn’t “try to fly” because i could “seriously injure” myself . Also that I can’t stop global warming through sheer FORCE OF WILL.

  45. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:22

    my right to hang a Penthouse centerfold RIGHT OVER MY DESK.

    wouldn’t her kicking and strangling be distracting?

  46. smedley said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:30

    “wouldn’t her kicking and strangling be distracting?”

    Only for a short time.

    Hey, somebody had to say it!!!

  47. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:50

    There were so many directions to take that one, Smed.

  48. Mark D said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:51

    Vanguard? More like vanTARD! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

    Lulz. And lots of them.

    Good to see motherhood hasn’t destroyed your wit.

    Your sanity? Well, eventually. But not your wit.

  49. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:56

    “Your sanity? Well, eventually.”

    Thanks, Mark.

    No, no…sanity already in short supply.

  50. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 16:59

    OK, I don’t blogwhore much, but

    breaking Quitta from Wasilla news.

    Yes, that link fucking works, vs.

    Also, a link to a new Mekons song, free download.

  51. N__B said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:02

    Good to see motherhood hasn’t destroyed your wit.

    People have been commenting on VS’s nice wits for some time.

  52. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:03

    she’s got nice….brains.

  53. N__B said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:23

    Huuuge tracts of land brain.

  54. bobbo said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:24

    MoDo, watch your back.

  55. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:27

    Noting the “big hump” that constitutes the core of the signature

    Ha ha, HUMP.

  56. The Founding Fathers said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:41

    In our day, we had to draw our penis on a sketch pad with a graphite pencil and deliver the image by courier. This method should have been good enough for Anthony Weiner.

  57. Thread Bear said,

    June 22, 2011 at 17:49

    Anthony Weiner is an egomanical sex pervert who has no respect for rules

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

    It is the worstest most terriblest thing in whole wide world if you are a Democrat. If you are a Republican, however, it qualifies you for a run for president.

  58. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:11

    To be fair, Ashley’s twitter says that she was assigned the handwriting topic, her editor then came back and advised her to not read the comments.

    SHOW US YOUR TITS, AND ALL IS FORGIVEN ASHLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  59. Níðhöggr said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:13

    In fact, though the resignation signature comes at a particularly trying time in his political career, it seems remarkably consistent with previous signatures.

    autopen

  60. Lurking Canadian said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:13

    The accusation against Weiner is totally false. I heard from a lady who pretends to be a gypsy fortune teller at the fair that she once read his palm, and it said he was a committed family man.

  61. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:14

    To be fair,

    Are you new here?

  62. El Manquécito said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:15

    Y’all just aren’t old enough to remember when Madame Blavatsky used to have a column at the NYT.

  63. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:22

    “sham – low sodium hunchback said,
    June 22, 2011 at 18:11

    To be fair, Ashley’s twitter says that she was assigned the handwriting topic, her editor then came back and advised her to not read the comments.

    SHOW US YOUR TITS, AND ALL IS FORGIVEN ASHLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Show us your twits!

  64. Pryme said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:25

    Back in the day, you had wait at least ten posts for a PENIS reference. Now you get it in Shorter!

  65. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:26

    Are you new here?

    Fairly.

    I just wanted to spread the credit for the article. If we could discover who gave her the assignment, we could properly ridicule that person too.

  66. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:39

    “Back in the day, you had wait at least ten posts for a PENIS reference. Now you get it in Shorter!”

    Everybody wants shorter penis!

    Wait…

  67. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:44

    Great!!!!!

  68. smedley President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 22, 2011 at 18:59

    See? Freud was right.

  69. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:03

    The best thing I can say about the NYT is they aren’t as bad as The Washington War Criminal Post.
    ~

  70. Jennifer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:08

    RE: post title – suggested revision:

    It’s A Short Ride On the Short Bus From Publishing Douthat and Brooks To This

  71. Pupienus Nymfail Maximus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:09

    A Madame Blavatsky reference. That’s why I love this place. PENIS just ices the cake.

  72. Howard Beale said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:11

    I don’t have any bullshit left. I just ran out of it, you see?

  73. Jennifer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:12

    PENIS just ices the cake.

    You mean…that’s NOT buttercream?!?

  74. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:16

    Mmm, tasty bleachy salty cake.

  75. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:18

    Speaking of short rides on a bus – NOT A QUITTER!!!!

  76. Thread Bear said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:18

    PENIS just ices the cake.

    In the movie I once saw Penis just iced the pie.

  77. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:28

    Speaking of short rides on a bus – NOT A QUITTER!!!!

    Fucking Ahem.

    Try to keep up, will you?

  78. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:31

    Try to keep up, will you?

    Sorry, I was updating my Gravatar.

  79. N__B said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:35

    Updating the gravitar.

  80. Moon Dragon said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:39

    In other words, he could find a home in the Republican party.

  81. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:44

    To be fair, Ashley’s twitter says that she was assigned the handwriting topic, her editor then came back and advised her to not read the comments.

    Of course, she could have told them that it was an asinine topic, and refused to play along.

    She looks like she’s thirteen years old, I wonder if this was a case of “hazing the new kid”.

    Heh, hazing the new kid…

  82. CRA said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:45

    I have a particular misgiving about handwriting analysis. Setting aside the other reasons why it’s a pseudoscience: I happen to write in a strange way, always have, cannot do it any other way. I hold the pen or pencil between my thumb and forefinger with the shaft in my palm; my middle finger braces against the table or paper, and the other two fingers wrap around the shaft. Primary school teachers failed to correct this method and eventually gave up trying when I learned to print nicely so they’d stop bugging me. (I never learned cursive to the slightest degree).

    I doubt anyone would do a double-take on seeing my handwriting, but it looks unusual. A graphologist would not know the above-mentioned factors influencing my handwriting, its development, how I feel and felt as a child about its development, et cetera. In my judgment those factors I described are the primary ones resulting in how my writing and signature look.

  83. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:48

    the new kid
    Maybe hazing. She was on the Weiner Beat the whole time.

    Also,…

    This Old Reichstag
    Klink und Klack , the Panzer Brothers.

  84. smedley President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:52

    “She looks like she’s thirteen years old, I wonder if this was a case of “hazing the new kid”.

    Heh, hazing the new kid…”

    You seem to enjoy yourself………………

  85. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 22, 2011 at 19:54

    I happen to write in a strange way

    Therefore you are a strange person. Graphology lesson OVER.

  86. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:06

    Just sayin’….

    http://www.historyinink.com/702102%20Hitler%20signature.jpg

  87. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:08

    Shell the oxymoronic shrimp but keep the tail on. Season with salt and pepper and soe cayenne if you like. Dip into beaten egg then into a ~60/40 mix of panko and shredded coconut (UNsweetened) and the zest of a lime (microplane FTW). Fry in peanut oil just long enough to get golden crisp crunchy.

    Diced mango, diced red onion, lime juice, diced cucumber, diced jalapeño, salt, cilantro, ??? I think put something else in there, just use whatever you got and like. Deleeeshus salsa!

    Peanut sesame noodles, just look up a recipe if you don’t have your own style.

    OBS seems to be absent so I’ll admit to picking up a six pack of Sapporo at the neighborhood kwikkymart. Please don’t tell anyone, k?

  88. smedley President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:12

    Any beer is better than no beer. So sayeth the Lord.

  89. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:20

    Shell the oxymoronic shrimp but keep the tail on. Season with salt and pepper and soe cayenne if you like. Dip into beaten egg then into a ~60/40 mix of panko and shredded coconut (UNsweetened) and the zest of a lime (microplane FTW). Fry in peanut oil just long enough to get golden crisp crunchy.

    Diced mango, diced red onion, lime juice, diced cucumber, diced jalapeño, salt, cilantro, ??? I think put something else in there, just use whatever you got and like. Deleeeshus salsa!

    Peanut sesame noodles, just look up a recipe if you don’t have your own style.

    I am down with this.

  90. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:21

    I dot my “i’s” with little swastikas. I think this means I’m shy and retiring.

  91. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:25

    You know who ELSE tied his shoes with little knotsies? Nazis? How do you make that work in print?

  92. Whale Chowder said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:28

    The joke is, “How did Hitler tie his shoesies?”

    I’m here all week, tip the fish, try the waitress, etc.

  93. El Manquécito said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:35

    After years of research I’ve settled on this as my favorite cold sesame noodles. Happened to have the jpg on my desktop because of requests from enthusiasts. Undercook the noodles, whether udon or rice, rinse copiously in cold water, drain and toss with the sesame oil. Toss with sauce, garnish with cucumber, scallion, chopped peanut and cilantro (all mandatory). If I’m making it for me I use habanero instead of jalapeño.

  94. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:35

    OBS seems to be absent so I’ll admit to picking up a six pack of Sapporo at the neighborhood kwikkymart.

    You shop at the kwikkymart?!!? How could you?!?

  95. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:40

    Show us your twits!

    The NYFT regularly airs those puppies out.

  96. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:43

    Der Fuhrer scribbles PENIS in his big hump too. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

  97. Concerened-not the troll said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:45

    Weiner’s handwriting could analyzed after about ten beers and fresh snow.

  98. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:47

    You stupid liberals! Here are TEN WAYS to prove you are stupid! Stupid liberals!

  99. Concerened-not the troll said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:50

    Is now a good time to bring up what happened to Weiner’s staff?

  100. El Cid said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:52

    Some recent Wonkette stories:

    Idaho State Senator Had ‘Medical Reason’ For Being Drunk, Stealing SUV

    …[Idaho Senate Republican Caucus Chairman John] McGee, 38, was arrested early Sunday after police say he took a Ford Excursion and cargo trailer from the southwest Boise home of a “complete stranger” and got it stuck in a yard just down the street. A breath test showed the four-term lawmaker’s blood-alcohol content was nearly twice the legal limit, police said.

    McGee made his first court appearance via video from jail. During the brief hearing, his attorney said there are “medical explanations” for McGee’s actions that would negate any criminal liability in the case. He declined to elaborate.

    Shockingly from our hardest working politician impersonator, who once again found the demands of her tasks too difficult to continue on with:

    Sarah Palin Follows Comedy Rules And Quits Bus Tour Halfway Through

    Probably NO HUMAN ON EARTH SAW THIS COMING but just as God or common sense or Mohammed long ago wrote in stone that which must come to pass, Sarah Palin has decided to quit her dumb summer vacation RV road trip before it was finished.

    Quick and pointless and halfway through, like all of Sarah Palin’s activities that are not giving birth. Oh well, we sort of forgot it was even happening? Way to go, Lamestream Media, you failed to remind us for an entire week about Palin’s existence.

    On our learning morality:

    New Bristol Palin Memoir Tells How To Get Pregnant While Drunk

    Famous unemployed ex-pregnant person Bristol Palin released a “memoir” about something, we do not care what, except that she recounts how she lost her virginity to hillbilly idiot Levi Johnston while blacking out on wine coolers during a camping trip.

  101. Bitter Scribe said,

    June 22, 2011 at 20:53

    Isn’t personality analysis through handwriting now considered like phrenology? You know, a stupid idea that sounded plausible enough to make a lot of people who should have known better waste their time?

  102. Creationists said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:00

    Don’t look at us.

  103. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:00

    I made cellophane noodles with chicken gizzards, vegetables, and an unholy soy sauce/rice vinegar/tomato paste mixture. Foolishly, I was out of eggs- a fried egg would have gone nicely into this dish. Also, shockingly, I am fresh out of sriracha.

    Mmmm… sriracha… uhhhhh…

  104. Birthers said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:01

    Huh?

  105. Donald Trump's candidacy said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:02

    Scribe, you’re fired!

  106. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:07

    Donald Trump’s candidacy said,,,

    Au contraire, Bad Hairpiece’s “candidacy” worked out exactly as planned.

  107. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:07

    You stupid liberals! Here are TEN WAYS to prove you are stupid! Stupid liberals!

    Yet and still, I was going to bring back a mango and dissect it, but couldn’t decide among the 45 or so I caught before making it to the phrase “liberal neighborhoods” and leaving the site due to an intense pain behind my eyes. I suspect that this guy is so stupid it made me physically sick or injured.

  108. conservatism said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:10

    You know, a stupid idea that sounded plausible enough to make a lot of people who should have known better waste their time?

    I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.

  109. Larry Craig said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:10

    People with that type of signature, she said, “like to make a big show of things and make a great presentation of things.”

    TAPTAPTAP!

  110. kg said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:11

    what are the rules for aheming? i made a phrenology comment upthread and nuts!

    fine, the comment sucked anyhow.

  111. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:12

    Birthers said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:01

    Huh?

    This one was strictly limited to full metal jackasses.

  112. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:14

    what are the rules for aheming?

    The first rule of aheming is you don’t talk about aheming.

    The second rule is you must use a semi-obscure movie reference to an overrated movie to distract the listener so that he/she can’t tell that you no clue.

    The third rule is pie.

  113. Pupienus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:16

    You shop at the kwikkymart?!!? How could you?!?

    The South Waterfront’s kwikkymart, Urbana Neighborhood Market, is like a mni WholeFoods. Fresh local organic produce, local charcuterie products, artisinal bread, rather good wine selection, &c. This IS Portland after all. The only thing they could add to make it more Portlandy would be a stripper bar but it wouldn’t do well in this ‘hood.

  114. smedley, President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:16

    “You stupid liberals! Here are TEN WAYS to prove you are stupid! Stupid liberals!”

    I was going to say: Hey, this sounds like fun. Can we play? But then I realized for the last 40 years, conservatives have gotten everything they say they want.

  115. Kwikimart said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:18

    Hey! All of our food products are carefully aged on the shelf.

  116. Pupienus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:18

    Prolly.

  117. Pupienus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:20

    Please append the “prolly” to the penultimate preceding comment. Thank you. And fuck off.

  118. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:21

    Holly smoke.

    Dear Concerned American

    Obama falsifying a copy of his birth certificate was an affront to our Constitution and to our American values. The document he presented to the American people has been found to be a forgery by experts in the field, go to http://bearwitness.info/BIRTHCERTIFICATECENTRAL.aspx for information. We should not allow him to get away with such an outrageous act of dishonesty. However, I see this as a God sent opportunity to get rid of this man once and for all. I believe that next year it will be too late. If he runs he will be reelected, period. Guaranteed. These communists do not abide by Democratic electoral laws. They will cheat, steal, lie, accuse us of racism, create class envy and misinform the American people with the full collaboration of the Media. They will not peacefully handle over the White House. The White House is their ”Holly Grail” and they will not give it up without some down and dirty fight. We all know we can’t fight at their level, so we’ll loose.

    We can disqualify him now, this year before it is too late. Four more years of his Administration will destroy our country. No more regrets next year. Let’s do it now! Do not stop talking about this! Call Congress, send faxes please tell everyone!
    God save us!

  119. Whale Chowder said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:25

    tsam, I hesitate to ask, but where the fuck did you find that turd?

  120. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:26

    The White House is their ”Holly Grail” and they will not give it up without some down and dirty fight

    Merry Christmas, motherfuckers!!!

  121. Pupienus said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:28

    The birther cultists will never stop.

  122. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:29

    http://townhall.com/columnists/johnhawkins/2011/06/22/10_ways_conservatives_should_give_liberals_exactly_what_they_say_they_want

    I knew it was going to be incredibly stupid…still I was surprised.

  123. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:30

    Oops. Did not mean to do that.

  124. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:34

    I knew it was going to be incredibly stupid…still I was surprised.

    You know, I’ll take all of those if the conservatives all agree that no state should get more federal money than it pays out.

  125. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:34

    Merry Christmas, motherfuckers!!!

    Seasons Greetings to you too.

  126. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:47

    You know, I’ll take all of those if the conservatives all agree that no state should get more federal money than it pays out.

    Funneh ha ha – I’d probably take all of them. No conditions. i.e.

    Teh Frist – Moar halfway houses and integration of inmates into society? Absolutely. WTF is a “liberal” neighbourhood? In my neighbourhood? Sure! But then they’d be Canoodlian criminals that haven’t gone through teh USian penal system. Also my neighbourhood is kinda weak for social services so it ain’t teh greatest in that sense. Transit’s not bad though.

    Teh Second. Well aside from teh fact that teh idiot has no comprehension of how the electrical grid actually works – I’m still for it. See, what Hawkins is calling for turns out to be a robust Renewable Energy Credit market – i.e. moar jurisdictions enacting Renewable Portfolio Standards. A great idea.

    If you remove teh irrational hate and fear from Hawkins zingers, they don’t end up sounding so bad after all.

  127. CRA said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:48

    “I knew it was going to be incredibly stupid…still I was surprised.”

    John Hawkins is a “professional blogger.”

  128. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:50

    The South Waterfront’s kwikkymart, Urbana Neighborhood Market, is like a mni WholeFoods. Fresh local organic produce, local charcuterie products, artisinal bread, rather good wine selection, &c. This IS Portland after all. The only thing they could add to make it more Portlandy would be a stripper bar but it wouldn’t do well in this ‘hood.

    Prolly.

    I figured, I was just specifically trying not to say anything about your beer choice.

    We have a good convenience store near my place, most importantly with a great beer selection.

    I was up in Multnomah Village on Sunday evening and they had some cool shops around there too. I would happily live in Portland, as long as I didn’t have to drive frequently.

    Of course, since it was Portland, there was a crazy person walking fast “laps” around the main “downtown” area singing at the top of his lungs for most of the evening. I understand he’s a bit of a fixture in the neighborhood.

  129. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:53

    tsam, I hesitate to ask, but where the fuck did you find that turd?

    A comment on that John Hawkins turd that Sub kindly shared with us. I felt that extreme paranoia, mixed with God references and a most unfortunate misspelling of Holy made for scary good fun. These people live among us. They have managed to feed themselves and not forget to breathe for a fatal length of time.

  130. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:55

    “John Hawkins is a “professional blogger.””

    I did not know there was money in being a professional booger. I totally missed my calling.

  131. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 21:55

    they will not give it up without some down and dirty fight Sanchez

    Booyah!

  132. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:01

    I was sad for humanity when I found out what that was.

  133. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:03

    OT dust-up in Left Blogistan brewing. We are getting dangerously close to an invocation of teh Jane Hamshers of the Right – I guess I’ll just have to wait for Cole to chime in.

  134. Chris said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:04

    These communists do not abide by Democratic electoral laws. They will cheat, steal, lie, accuse us of racism, create class envy and misinform the American people with the full collaboration of the Media.

    You know, for people who love backwoods common sense from salt of the earth Regular Joes, and despise pointy-headed intellectuals for thinking they know best, these guys have amazingly little confidence in the intelligence of the American people.

  135. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:08

    OT dust-up in Left Blogistan brewing.

    LINKS.

  136. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:15

    Oops. Did not mean to do that.

    That’s a terrible thing to say about Dudeskull, I don’t care HOW much he pees on you.

  137. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:18

    Teh Frist – Moar halfway houses and integration of inmates into society? Absolutely. WTF is a “liberal” neighbourhood? In my neighbourhood?

    Mine might be called a “liberal” neighborhood, although of the two directly adjacent houses, one neighbor is a libertoonian (would be a Randian, I would guess, but I don’t think he can read) and the other one is a hardcore conservative Christian (although not one of the repellent ones)

    And we have several halfway houses nearby.

    So we’ve already done our part, and maybe the released gun-nut rightwing militia whackos can be installed in a facility near Mr. Hawkins.

  138. Chris said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:19

    I knew it was going to be incredibly stupid…still I was surprised.

    Just read it. As someone I read somewhere once said, conservative humor consists solely of hauling out the stereotype and pointing to it as the punchline.

    Often falls flat in non-conservative company because 1) the stereotypes were more concerned with trashing somebody than being funny, 2) the stereotypes are too obscure for non-conservatives to know them and too absurd for non-conservatives to get them, 3) a fair amount of the stereotypes comes in “tee hee black people like watermelon!” format that invites a punch in the teeth rather than a laugh. Among other reasons.

  139. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:21

    We have a good convenience store near my place, most importantly with a great beer selection.

    Hey! We do too! Maybe that’s what defines a liberal neighborhood- non corporate beer swill readily available within walking distance.

    Also, it’s run by Iraqis.

  140. CRA said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:21

    “… these guys have amazingly little confidence in the intelligence of the American people.”

    Yup, and the only smart black Americans are the very few Herman Cains, Clarence Thomases, et al. The other 99% (?) are fooled into voting democratic, i.e. stupid as fuck, but heavens no it isn’t racist or elitist to believe that.

  141. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:21

    there was a crazy person walking fast “laps” around the main “downtown” area singing at the top of his lungs for most of the evening

    Sorry about that.

  142. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:32

    “there was a crazy person walking fast “laps” around the main “downtown” area singing at the top of his lungs for most of the evening

    Sorry about that.”

    He said “walking” not “shambling”

  143. Tehanu said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:33

    And for an encore, Ashley can ask some astrologers for their Deep Thoughts about the Rethuglican clown-car population. Or maybe she knows a psychic who’ll give her the skinny on where Obama hid the bodies of the white people who wrote his books. Or….

  144. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:39

    He said “walking” not “shambling”

    Can you see this? I’m doing it as hard as I can.

    zombie-stereotyper.

  145. El Manquécito said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:41

    Maybe that’s what defines a liberal neighborhood

    Maybe so. In my whackaloon, christianist, gun-toting cracker backwoods the nearest good beer selection is a horrifying 37 miles away. I make pretty good beer though, it has that satisfying tax free taste.

  146. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:47

    Maybe so. In my whackaloon, christianist, gun-toting cracker backwoods the nearest good beer selection is a horrifying 37 miles away.

    HOLY FUCK.

    Ya gotta find a better place to live, dude. I have like a dozen brew pubs within that distance.

  147. M. Bouffant said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:47

    I believe it is a “liberal” ‘hood if there’s a “u” in it.

  148. M. Bouffant said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:49

    Can you see this? I’m doing it as hard as I can.

    Your webcam is NOT on.

  149. Aunt Acid said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:50

    It’s considered a “Libertarian” neighborhood if it’s located in Somalia.

  150. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:51

    “Can you see this? I’m doing it as hard as I can.”

    Maybe you stop looking at my picture.

  151. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:51

    The shit hanging down from Ashley’s neck was in the original picture and not Photoshopped.

    Yeah, but can we talk about her shirt? Is that…faded denim? What the fuck is she, a hipster?

  152. Toxic Waste, Coal Slurry, and Spent Uranium said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:53

    Oh sure, Republicans will tell you they’ll rent out their basement to ya but when you actually show up it’s never their fucking basement they meant.

  153. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:57

    Maybe you stop looking at my picture.

    pfft. Not enough skull.

  154. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:01

    I believe their definition of “liberal neighborhood” would involve lots and lots of not-white people.

  155. tsam said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:03

    Yeah, but can we talk about her shirt? Is that…faded denim? What the fuck is she, a hipster?

    Most likely.

    The look on her face betrays her attempt to hide the fact that she just ripped a nasty one….

  156. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:03


    pfft. Not enough skull.”

    There is never enough Dudeskull!

  157. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:04

    The South Waterfront’s kwikkymart, Urbana Neighborhood Market, is like a mni WholeFoods. Fresh local organic produce, local charcuterie products, artisinal bread, rather good wine selection, &c. This IS Portland after all.

    Hmmm…needs moar food carts.

  158. Another Kiwi said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:06

    Do not turn on zombicam, for humanity’s sake.
    The third rule is pie. What sort of pie?? Liberal elitists!

  159. Aunt Acid said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:09

    their definition of “liberal neighborhood” would involve lots and lots ofone or more not-white people

    Phixt for greater accuracy

  160. vacuumslayer said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:09

    Liberal elite pie is Pi.

    Or the vagina of a really smart coed.

  161. Thread Bear said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:14

    Everybody knows that there are 5 and only 5 liberul neighbohoods in Murica. They are Berkeley, San Francisco, New York, The West Coast and The East Coast.

  162. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:17

    AND the Third Coast.

  163. CRA said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:17

    I think we need to retire the term “coed.”

  164. El Manquécito said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:19

    Ya gotta find a better place to live, dude. I have like a dozen brew pubs within that distance.

    Believe me there are compensations.

  165. Thread Bear said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:21

    I think we need to retire the term “coed.”

    Awww man! That would make more than half the titles in my pr0n collection obsolete.

  166. gocart mozart said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:41

    A cool jazz/rock fusion jam surprise for y’all.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNi6EFJU8E8&feature=related

  167. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:51

    Substance McGravitas said,

    June 22, 2011 at 22:08

    OT dust-up in Left Blogistan brewing.

    LINKS.
    </blockquote

    Link.
    ~

  168. El Manquécito said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:51

    A cool jazz/rock fusion jam surprise for y’all.

    It’s a Bruceroll! Don’t click!

  169. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 22, 2011 at 23:52

    Stupit html. Do what I meant!
    ~

  170. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:00

    Stupit html. Do what I meant!

    droggling.

  171. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:11

    Everybody knows that there are 5 and only 5 liberul neighbohoods in Murica. They are Berkeley, San Francisco, New York, The West Coast and The East Coast.

    SIX–you forgot Slippery Gulch, where I reside.

    This neighborhood is unabashedly liberal.

  172. M. Bouffant said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:14

    Slippery Gulch

    Izzat next to the slope of the same name?

  173. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:14

    Also, am I alone in being automatically suspicious when I see anything entitled “Common Sense….”?

    I always imagine it being “common sense” that we don’t raise taxes on “job creators” during a recession, or expansion, for that matter. Also, black people are evil and try to steal our white women. Pure common sense, right?

  174. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:16

    Izzat next to the slope of the same name?

    HAHA, I’m pretty sure it’s where that slope deposits you when you’ve slid to the bottom…

    …I go back to the top of the slide, where I stop, and I turn and I go for a ride, and I get to the bottom and I do it again.

    I heard that song today and fell in love with it for the 100th time or so…

  175. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:21

    I alone in being automatically suspicious when I see anything entitled “Common Sense….”?

    Yes you are wrong and common sense says you now owe me ten dollars.

  176. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:25

    Yes you are wrong and common sense says you now owe me ten dollars.

    Must. pay. 10. dollars….

  177. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:27

    I suppose King George would have agreed with me…

    Bring the PAINE!

  178. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:28

    Hmmm…needs moar food carts.

    One can never have too many food carts. There are three semi-permanent carts here in the hood, none of them particularly remarkable. A riding buddy was on teevee last night, Eat Street or Street Eats or something. He makes the best damn fish and chips in town at his cart, The Frying Scotsman.

  179. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:29

    Google can be a scornful mistress

  180. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:33

    Slippery Gulch is a funny name for a vajayjay.

  181. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:36

    OFFS NY, just fucking do it already. Do not make me come back east and give you what for.

  182. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:40

    I’m actually with the frumpy on the piercing thing. Thats actually pretty intense for folks that young. I prolly sound ancient.

  183. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:58

    Linda Schrock Taylor also wrote this classic:

    This is America. It does not belong to the Federal Reserve. It does not belong to the Treasury Department or any usurpers of power, especially any who wish to change America for the worse. We the People want back our lovely, detailed, well-designed greenbacks. Our greenbacks were works of art. Your pastels are ugly; tacky; and off-centered. We the People never gave either of you, nor the federal government, any permission to turn our beautiful, if fiat, currency into pastel-colored, badly designed, worthless-looking representatives — to be sent worldwide — of the (un)stability of America. Who authorized these Euro-style fakes?

    I have never believed the flimsy tale that the weird FRNs are less easy to counterfeit. It is time that you both, plus everyone else involved with the shafting of Americans via the Currency Coloring Game, openly admit that the underlying agenda(s) — is/are treasonous. Directly behind the dishonest manipulation of our currency is… Pastel Gradualism. Gradually people are eased in accepting colored currency like the rest of the world uses. Who authorized the unwanted changes, and the gradualism of currency conversion? I want to know! Tens of millions of Americans want to know, as well. Fabian Socialism. Creeping Progressivism. Now Pastel Gradualism.

  184. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 0:58

    I try to read as little as possible about La Palin so I did not know the name of her latest attempt at grandstanding (grandlaming?). Someone should have made a “Half a Nation” tour. C’mon people, I can’t do it all by myself.

  185. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:00

    I’m actually with the frumpy on the piercing thing. Thats actually pretty intense for folks that young. I prolly sound ancient.

    Folks how young? She doesn’t say. But that’s the libertarian attitude for you. NOBODY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO STUFF.

  186. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:02

    Also, living in a shoebox caused me to google Linda Schlock Taylor. I was hoping against hope that was parody because it would be very good parody. I fear for my country.

  187. tigris said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:07

    PENIS just ices the cake.

    You mean…that’s NOT buttercream?!?

    Buck cake is all about the batter.

  188. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:12

    “Folks how young? She doesn’t say. But that’s the libertarian attitude for you. NOBODY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO STUFF”

    Yeah, those pics could be of adults…and your point is well-made. I’m pretty uncomfortable with anyone doing that kind of piercing…but if adults want to do that shit, they should go for it. Just don’t show me, FGS.

  189. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:17

    Fabian Socialism. Creeping Progressivism. Now Pastel Gradualism.

    And WHAT’S with those golfers and their hot pink shirts and tight white trousers?

  190. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:18

    I see what you did there.

  191. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:22

    Ow. Those pics did appear to be of adults, however. I only slightly regret not getting that zipper tattoo on my sternum after the second time they opened me up. Would have been fun for the surgeons to see it when they went back in.

  192. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:22

    Making the scar into a tattoo, you know? Did I need to explain that?

  193. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:25

    I don’t get it.

  194. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:29

    That joke needs more potatoes.

  195. M. Bouffant said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:41

    Pictures of willy.

    After allegedly exposing himself to multiple women on hiking trails and leaving pictures of his dick on car windows, former Huntington Park police Chief Paul Lawrence Wadley has managed to avoid having to register as a sex offender by accepting a plea deal.

    The OC Register reports that Wadley’s difficulties began when pictures of male genitalia were found on the ground on Oak Canyon Road in east Anaheim last November. Police were contacted by a woman who had seen the photos lying around on more than one occasion.

    Wadley, 56, was linked to the pics and to flashing hikers at Toyon Park several weeks later, when a fingerprint on a car window that had also been hit with a dick pic was matched to his. Authorities later found similar photos on other cars in the area.

    As part of his plea agreement, Wadley plead guilty to two misdemeanor counts of prowling and one count of vehicle tampering, and will serve three years of probation as well as complete 150 hours of community service.

    According to his lawyer, Al Fadel Amer, Wadley’s guns were taken away but he’ll get them back when his probation ends, and in the meantime, he’s been also ordered to stay away from parks and trails.

  196. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:48

    Wadley handwriting sample plz.

    Tampering with a vehicle.

  197. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 23, 2011 at 1:58

    Why couldn’t his name be Dick Wadley?
    ~

  198. CRA said,

    June 23, 2011 at 2:15

    “Awww man! [Retiring the word "coed"] would make more than half the titles in my pr0n collection obsolete.”

    Porn titles aren’t good for much anyway, except perhaps embarrassing the embarrassable (sp?). Internet porn tends to have lousy filenames like “clip2_1700″ and so on. On the other hand, you can easily change that to something coed-themed if you like; all the participants were probably co-educated.

  199. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 23, 2011 at 2:17

    Also a Veiled WHO Reference.

  200. Uncle Jeffy said,

    June 23, 2011 at 2:19

    He may or may not be an egomaniacal sex pervert, but one look at the hammerhead shark whose picture appeared in this post and I’m willing to be he’ll swear a vow of celibacy for the rest of his life………

  201. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 2:57

    I’m actually with the frumpy on the piercing thing. Thats actually pretty intense for folks that young. I prolly sound ancient.

    Not my thing either, but I don’t look at a kid with saggy pants and take personal offense, or ponder his hatred for authority or bemoan the utter destruction of society because a kid is doing the same damn shit we all did when we were kids.

  202. Anne said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:10

    I’ve read this blog for years. It’s been a salvation during many dark times. I’ve been intimidated because your snark is so…perfect.

    But this NYT article is stupid. Why would I subscribe for this..so I could cancel it?

  203. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:11

    Oh no, she’s totally gone bitchcakes. She’s a weirdo.

    And come to think about it I think it’s pretty silly to compare lacing (which is a fetish, I believe) to wearing saggy drawers.

  204. Anne said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:13

    Plus, I see what you did there. Damn

  205. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:17

    I think we need to retire the term “coed.”

    If we do, how can we discuss past-tense pigeons?

  206. Cap'n Lolipop said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:28

    Any short bus jokes to go along with the “short ride” theme yet? Ahem?

    Ok

  207. Paul or was it John? said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:30

    Coo coo ka choo.

  208. Cap'n Lolipop said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:32

    I think it was John Paul II (saint)

  209. rodertudis said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:46

    “Maybe so. In my whackaloon, christianist, gun-toting cracker backwoods the nearest good beer selection is a horrifying 37 miles away.”

    Is that all? An exhausting 1500 miles away from here. But the Rum is excellent.

  210. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 3:56

    May I have a rhum? [/Peter Sellers]

  211. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:01

    I’ve been intimidated because your snark is so…perfect.

    No need to be intimidated.

  212. CRA said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:04

    “If we [retire the term 'coed'], how can we discuss past-tense pigeons?”

    I may live to regret this, but I am gonna solve that dilemma when I come to it.

    Maybe there’s a German word one could use. You lot seemed to have a suspicious facility with Nazi lingo yesterday. I’d rather believe you’re pigeon-fancying crypto-Nazis than consider why I found that threatening to my ego.

  213. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:13

    And come to think about it I think it’s pretty silly to compare lacing (which is a fetish, I believe) to wearing saggy drawers.

    It’s funny–she has no clue.

    How do they not pick up on the fact that every time a nasty old crank with a haircut she stole from Duran Duran goes on an apocalyptic rant about the decay of civilization because of saggy britches, one of those kids says to himself: “Mission accomplished”.

  214. Ron Howard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:15

    hey rototurd, maybe you’d like to expand a bit on that rum comment, huh? I like Bounty myself

  215. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:19

    Liberal on Facebook; (Not me)

    yes, it appears democrats are both Communists AND Facists. and those funny light bulbs gotta hurt when they’re STUFFED UP YR BUTT

    I laughed.

  216. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:21

    if only mothers were home…filling after school hours with freshly baked cookies, hot chocolate, love and “How did your day go?” conversations. If only…mothers were homeschooling.

    how does the above, go with the below:

    Linda Schrock Taylor [send her mail] is an educational consultant, homeschooling mom, and public school special ed teacher. She is available for presentations, inservices, and workshops.

  217. rodertudis said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:24

    Nicaragua’s national drink

  218. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:26

    She is available for presentations, inservices, and workshops.

    INSERVICES????!!!!!!

  219. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:26

    They let their posture sag in order to force a gut,

    umm, why would this be a look ANYone would go for?

    and create baggy bellies long before childbearing can even do that to them.

    and this? how do you do that?!!?!

    but out of all teh weirdness, the thing i find most alarming is that she is a special ed teacher…damn, those kids have issues enough with out the frumpy harping on them…

  220. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:28

    Still off the smokes, bbkf?

  221. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:29

    Linda’s John Birch bio is longer:

    Linda Schrock Taylor, M.A., taught special education for 35 years in public schools. Now retired from teaching, she is finishing her book for reclaiming lives, “Rapid Reading Remediation;” and is running for Governor of Michigan on a platform for A Constitutional & Literate Michigan. (U.S. Taxpayers Party of Michigan, a branch of The Constitution Party) Michigan residents who are interested in being trained to teach reading as volunteers in Linda’s “Literacy for Michigan” campaign can contact her at readinglessons@hotmail.com.

  222. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:31

    Seriously. The bitch has feathered hair. I did that to my hair with a giant comb I stuck in the back pocket of my jeans that came up to my ribcage in 2004 1981.

  223. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:35

    Linda Schrock Taylor, M.A., taught special education for 35 years in public schools. at The School for Kids Who Can’t Read Good

  224. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:37

    Is there a porn parody of The Office called The Orifice?

    If not, there should be.

  225. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:39

    but out of all teh weirdness, the thing i find most alarming is that she is a special ed teacher…damn, those kids have issues enough with out the frumpy harping on them…

    You know who else was a special ed teacher?

    No, not him—sheesh! Ron Jeremy.

  226. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:43

    Linda’s archives

    She has earned a headliner spot at S,N!

  227. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:44

    Still off the smokes, bbkf?

    why yes i am…hows about you? i’m sure you are since you had it dicked long before i did…

  228. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:47

    why yes i am…hows about you? i’m sure you are since you had it dicked long before i did…

    I am.

    Dicked. HA!

    Well done!

  229. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:48

    “I want to know! Tens of millions of Americans want to know, as well. Fabian Socialism. Creeping Progressivism. Now Pastel Gradualism.”

    This is pitch perfect snark. Or is it?

  230. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:50

    No, not him—sheesh! Ron Jeremy.

    I looked and looked for a picture of “Linda” and Ron together. No such thing exists. I do not think this is a coincidence.

  231. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:54

    looked and looked for a picture of “Linda” and Ron together. No such thing exists. I do not think this is a coincidence.

    prolly if we looked hard enough, we could find an entry in her archives titled, “Schick Venus, Not So!’ Linda’s experience with shaving her chest hair for an important movie role…

  232. CRA said,

    June 23, 2011 at 4:58

    “You know who else was a special ed teacher?

    No, not him—sheesh! Ron Jeremy.”

    That reminds me. When I was about twelve we took some sort of school trip to the public pool in Palm Springs. (It’s olympic size, in a park near the library and the middle/high school) Anyway, the teacher made me look after this retarded kid. I was supposed to keep an eye on him and help him get in and out of his bathing suit. He wasn’t a bad looking kid, just quite retarded, but I noticed his large penis. I was shocked. It was at least eight inches flaccid, if memory serves. That’s why I never forgot.

    That kid did not grow up to be Ron Jeremy, but if Ron had taught him, he coulda provided a career at the appropriate time. I mean the kid was a bit of a spaz but maybe that would mellow with age. Or maybe he just didn’t like me pulling his clothes off and on, and didn’t understand that it wasn’t my idea. The important thing is that he had regular features and that unusual member.

  233. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:02

    he important thing is that he had regular features and that unusual member.

    hmmmm, teh daughter also has regular features but not an unusual member…she is quite busty tho…although she prolly got that from me…

  234. Just Alison said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:02

    They will not peacefully handle over the White House.

    Because you know if you handle the White House too much it’ll get all dirty and stuff.

  235. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:03

    Because you know if you handle the White House too much it’ll get all dirty and stuff.

    which is why we can never have nice things…

  236. CRA said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:04

    “daughter also has regular features but not an unusual member…”

    By which you mean, none at all? –I gotta finish practicing guitar, this is ridiculous typing the stuff I type.

  237. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:04

    omg…letterman just showed a segment called “good things about newt gingrich” this one being that he has never tweeted pictures of his penis because he is too fat for an unobstructed shot of hi penis…it was complete with a graphic…oh my…

  238. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:05

    By which you mean, none at all?

    heh…yes…

  239. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:06

    and the only reason i letterman is on my teevee is because teh hubby went up to bed and the remote i out of reach and i am lazy…

  240. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:11

    Letterman is better than the Chin. Always was.
    ~

  241. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:13

    I read CRA’s story and immediately thought of this guy, since playing something of a retard was most of his schtick. (Yes, I had to look it up, ’cause my memory of Jurassic porn is fading.)

    According to IMDB, though, he was torn between graduate school in journalism or becomig a rabbi, but decided to go into porn instead. Prolly not your kid….

  242. animus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:25

    “Inservices” would be “in-service education” events. Those “other” services are called “incalls” here.

  243. Just Alison said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:25

    Maybe so. In my whackaloon, christianist, gun-toting cracker backwoods the nearest good beer selection is a horrifying 37 miles away. I make pretty good beer though, it has that satisfying tax free taste.

    Jesus H Christ on a moped! Where the fuck do you live? I don’t think there’s anywhere in Australia bar the red centre that’s more than1 or 2 km from a pub – I think it’s a law that, if there’s a paved road, there’s a pub. Most of ‘em brew pubs.

    Man, an Aussie in your neck of the woods would go straight into shock and die.

  244. Just Alison said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:38

    I have never believed the flimsy tale that the weird FRNs are less easy to counterfeit. It is time that you both, plus everyone else involved with the shafting of Americans via the Currency Coloring Game, openly admit that the underlying agenda(s) — is/are treasonous. Directly behind the dishonest manipulation of our currency is… Pastel Gradualism. Gradually people are eased in accepting colored currency like the rest of the world uses. Who authorized the unwanted changes, and the gradualism of currency conversion? I want to know! Tens of millions of Americans want to know, as well. Fabian Socialism. Creeping Progressivism. Now Pastel Gradualism.

    Wow, that’s brilliant. “Pastel Gradualism” eh? I’m pretty sure tens of millions don’t give a single solitary fuck about the colour of the money: they’re more worried about having enough of it to live on.

    Of course, in my day we had good solid groats and were glad of them, by gum. Young people these days with their flimsy plastic ‘money’ and their Fapping Socializm and their Creeping Gromwell. Hmph.

  245. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:48

    “Inservices” would be “in-service education” events. Those “other” services are called “incalls” here

    Well, I consider it evidence that she is a whore. Even if I’m wrong, I’m not really wrong because black people are the real racists and this whole thing is central to my point.

  246. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 5:57

    She complains about “over-punctured, broadly tattooed, under-supervised teenagers.”

    Geez, there should be laws or something against that shit…

    And, yeah, I doubt that the baggy drawers crowd and the piercing play crowd cross paths particularly often, but people can be surprising.

  247. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:04

    So McCain has made “Geddoffamahlawn!” a branch of literature? Or is it a school of philosophy?

  248. Hogeye Grex said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:04

    Re: the topic,

    I wrapped a newspaper ’round my head
    So I looked like I was deep
    I said some mumbo-jumbo, then
    I told him he was going to sleep
    I robbed his rings and pocketwatch
    And everything else I found
    I had that sucker hypnotized
    He couldn’t even make a sound
    I proceeded to tell him his future, then
    As long as he was hanging around
    I said “The price of meat has just gone up
    And your old lady has just gone down!”

    And I said “Look here brother-who you
    Jiving with that cosmik debris?
    Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
    Don’t you know, you could make more money as a butcher?
    So, don’t waste your time on me”
    Don’t waste it, don’t waste your time on me

  249. Hogeye Grex said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:08

    I was sad for humanity when I found out what that was.

    Then you might want to ignore “The Minivan.”

  250. Fenwick said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:13

    I got nuthin’.

    High praise for Slayer’s big wits throughout this thread!

  251. Hogeye Grex said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:19

    Also too, as much as I respect PupMax’s culinary omnipotence, I’m going to have to pass on the birthday party.

  252. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:24

    Hopey Changey:

    Citing success in the war against insurgents over the last two years, he calls for 33,000 ‘surge’ troops to begin coming home, and says it’s time for America to take a more ‘pragmatic’ approach to military intervention.

    By my math, pragmatic = Bush administration troop levels.

    Well, this is a change.

  253. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:30

    Then you might want to ignore “The Minivan.”

    EEP!!!

    Citing success in the war against insurgents over the last two years, he calls for 33,000 ‘surge’ troops to begin coming home, and says it’s time for America to take a more ‘pragmatic’ approach to military intervention.

    Baby brother is handing the baton over to my other younger brother- the overlap is probably going to be a month. Fuh-huck!

  254. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:39

    People go see this stuff just for the crashes:

    Singer Glen Campbell has revealed that he is battling Alzheimer’s disease. In an interview with People, the ‘Rhinestone Cowboy’ hitmaker broke the news about his condition and his plans for a farewell tour.

    The 75-year-old and his wife Kim decided to go public with the news now in order to keep fans from speculating about his behavior during the upcoming performances. “Glen is still an awesome guitar player and singer,” Kim said. “But if he flubs a lyric or gets confused on stage, I wouldn’t want people to think, ‘What’s the matter with him? Is he drunk?’”

  255. M. Bouffant said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:51

    He is plastered 24/7, has to do the tour, & this is a pre-emptive excuse.

  256. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:58

    “Glen is still an awesome guitar player and singer,” Kim said. “But if he flubs a lyric or gets confused on stage, I wouldn’t want people to think, ‘What’s the matter with him? Is he drunk?’”

    reminds me of the last couple of times I’ve seen Lou Reed.

    Also, since this is kind of my Blogwhore day, I have a WHOLE BLOGGO set up for the weird lost week-or-two that I know as Summerfest:

    http://web.me.com/blm/Summerfestblog/Home.html

    Probably of little interest to those of you in COOL places like New York or Arkansas, but still, feel free to stop in and be abusive. What the hell, right?

  257. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 6:59

    He is plastered 24/7, has to do the tour, & this is a pre-emptive excuse.

    Oh fuck you.

    …wait. Are you NOT talking about me?

  258. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:01

    Baby brother is handing the baton over to my other younger brother- the overlap is probably going to be a month. Fuh-huck!

    Are you really saying that one brother is coming home from the sandbox, and the other one goes in? Do we have some kind of weird Bald Bastard Brethren Battle requirement?

    Whatever happened to the Gold Star family system?

  259. CRA said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:05

    Aww man. I am a Glen Campbell fan of sorts. I hope the farewell tour goes well. Like many giants, he made any number of questionable recordings. Of the good ones, I like “Gentle On My Mind,” even though he didn’t write it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToRLCh4m3vA

    “I dip my cup of soup back from a gurglin’
    Cracklin’ caldron in some train yard
    My beard a rustlin’ coal pile, and
    A dirty hat pulled low across my face
    Through cupped hands ’round a tin can
    I pretend I hold you to my breast and find
    That you’re waving from the backroads
    By the rivers of my memory
    Ever smilin’, ever gentle on my mind”

    Once I got really drunk and played that record (on vinyl) over and over again about fifty times. That and “Sunday Morning Coming Down” (the Johnny Cash version)–”On a Sunday morning sidewalk / wishing Lord that I was stoned …”

    My understanding is that a person’s musical ability is one of the last things to go in cases of mnemonic deterioration. (I base this view on Oliver Sachs books, “Musicophilia” and “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat.”) But I dunno. Glen will be fine onstage, I suspect, assuming he isn’t loaded.

  260. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:05

    He is plastered 24/7, has to do the tour, & this is a pre-emptive excuse.

    Who the hell needs an excuse, mo buachaill?

  261. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:07

    Whatever happened to the Gold Star family system?

    They use the same “it’s an all-volunteer army” crap that wingnuts always bring up when asked why they wouldn’t sign up to fight the “existential threat” of Islamofasciohomosocialism.

  262. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:14

    Probably of little interest to those of you in COOL places like New York or Arkansas, but still, feel free to stop in and be abusive. What the hell, right?

    PROTIP: You must go to my future ex-wife Nicole Atkins’ performance… hubba hubba!

  263. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:30

    bastard, it’s on the fucking itinerary now; but in any case she is on the stage that features a daily “Emerging Artist” series; on a typical S-Fest day we tend to alternate between that one and the two local artist stages.

    I really hope I don’t see you there. That would be…trouble.

  264. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 7:43

    I really hope I don’t see you there. That would be…trouble.

    My record deal fell through, no “Emerging Artist” stage for me.

    I’ll be up to my ass in alligators in early July- we have three simultaneous events going on at work. Management has a knack for poaching staff from each other.

  265. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 8:55

    “No need to be intimidated.”

    Agreed. Although easier said than done. When I first stumbled upon this place I was pretty intimidated. Now I read through the posts thinking “Oh, this will not DO. Raise your game, people!” And then I put my adorably pert nose in the air.

  266. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 8:59

    No, but, for realz I’m still a fangirl, despite the appalling lack of links to cute kitten pictures.

  267. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 9:18

    Agreed. Although easier said than done. When I first stumbled upon this place I was pretty intimidated. Now I read through the posts thinking “Oh, this will not DO. Raise your game, people!” And then I put my adorably pert nose in the air.

    I think the key is to jump right in and riff off of a hilarious comment. I started off with occasional one-liners, and now they can’t get rid of me.

  268. paperbagmarlys said,

    June 23, 2011 at 9:30

    Now, I’m confused:

    “…We can only hope they play Firework by Katy Perry…just once..okay twice tonight!…”

    http://theashleyparkerblog.blogspot.com/

    What did the NYT expect?

  269. stackozone said,

    June 23, 2011 at 9:47

    “…over-punctured, broadly tattooed, under-supervised teenagers.”

    Interest! Website? Newsletter? Etchings?

  270. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 10:00

    What did the NYT expect?

    I don’t think that’s the same person.

    I’ve never heard the Katy Perry song, but I’m partial to YMO’s version of Firecracker, though Martin Denny’s original has a goofily charming Tiki Bar/Space Age Bachelor Pad vibe.

  271. jim said,

    June 23, 2011 at 11:09

    That’s some cutting-edge 1920s analysis right there! Keep it classy, NYT!
    Looking forward to the WSJ delightedly counting the corn-kernels in Weiner’s shit next.
    FUCK THE COUNTERTOPS! COME ON GUYS, WE’RE GOING IN!

    Speaking of which: “look at the kerning, sheeple” or GTFO.

  272. Another Kiwi said,

    June 23, 2011 at 11:23

    I’d rather believe you’re pigeon-fancying crypto-Nazis
    It’s worse than that, we’re Cryptococcus.

  273. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 11:24

    Looking forward to the WSJ delightedly counting the corn-kernels in Weiner’s shit next.

    Speaking of which: “look at the kerning, sheeple” or GTFO.

    Heh heh… corning…

    Not to be confused with Corning!

  274. smedley, President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 23, 2011 at 13:26

    We have some brave souls here, those who venture out of boats and bring back mangoes both rotten and tasty, but I daresay Ta-Nehisi Coates is the bravest pirate who ever sailed the ocean blue. He has not only waded through the shark-infested lagoon, but has trudged into the deepest uncharted territory of Bristol Palin’s “memoir” to discover that she is accusing Levi of rape:

    http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/06/am-i-reading-this-right/240893/

  275. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 23, 2011 at 13:49

    He has not only waded through the shark-infested lagoon, but has trudged into the deepest uncharted territory of Bristol Palin’s “memoir” to discover that she is accusing Levi of rape:

    I wonder if she even realized the seriousness of this allegation when she or her ghostwriter put this down. Gadzooks, the Palin saga becomes even more tawdry.

  276. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 13:51

    she is accusing Levi of rape

    Of course she is.* First, she gets to continue to demonize him and does so in such a way that hated libruls will have a hard time defending him. Second, if she didn’t intend to have sex, then she’s still a virgin and von Trapp is a miracle child. Third, it justifies not marrying him even though he HAD SEEN HER DIRTY PILLOWS.**

    *It’s possible that he did rape her. However, given the publicly-displayed vindictiveness of Bristle and her mother over much less serious crimes and some “crimes” that exist only in their imagination, I find it hard to believe that they said nothing during the height of the Johnston/Palin feud last year.

    **Piper Laurie at her best, IMO

  277. smedley, President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 23, 2011 at 15:06

    “**Piper Laurie at her best, IMO”

    Interesting no? that one of the Palin kids is named “Piper?” Sometimes methinks that there are, indeed, strange forces at work in the universe.

  278. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 15:29

    I think the key is to jump right in and riff off of a hilarious comment. I started off with occasional one-liners, and now they can’t get rid of me.

    or you could just shout POOP or PENIS.

  279. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 15:36

    Speaking of PENIS – Happy 18th anniversary to the Bobbitt Incident.

  280. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 15:40

    WHY IS THAT EVEN ON YOUR CALENDAR, WANGCHUCK?

    Oh. Wang. Chuck.

  281. Arakasi said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:08

    Back when John Wayne* Bobbitt was trying to cash in on his notoriety by filming the porno, our local radio station held a contest to determine what the film should be called.

    The winner: “Free Willy”

    *Wayne: the middle name recommended by more serial killers and scumbags than any other

  282. Thread Bear said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:21

    Bobbit did have the ultiate bragging right though:

    “I can be lying in bed at home and bounce the head of my penis off a stop sign six blocks away.”

  283. Thread Bear said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:22

    Pretend there’s an M in ultiate.

  284. paleotectonics said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:26

    CRA said,
    June 22, 2011 at 19:45

    I have a particular misgiving about handwriting analysis. Setting aside the other reasons why it’s a pseudoscience: I happen to write in a strange way, always have, cannot do it any other way. I hold the pen or pencil between my thumb and forefinger with the shaft in my palm; my middle finger braces against the table or paper, and the other two fingers wrap around the shaft. Primary school teachers failed to correct this method and eventually gave up trying when I learned to print nicely so they’d stop bugging me. (I never learned cursive to the slightest degree).

    SPLITTER!!!!

  285. paleotectonics said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:28

    Shell the oxymoronic shrimp but keep the tail on. Season with salt and pepper and soe cayenne if you like. Dip into beaten egg then into a ~60/40 mix of panko and shredded coconut (UNsweetened) and the zest of a lime (microplane FTW). Fry in peanut oil just long enough to get golden crisp crunchy.

    Diced mango, diced red onion, lime juice, diced cucumber, diced jalapeño, salt, cilantro, ??? I think put something else in there, just use whatever you got and like. Deleeeshus salsa!

    Peanut sesame noodles, just look up a recipe if you don’t have your own style.

    OBS seems to be absent so I’ll admit to picking up a six pack of Sapporo at the neighborhood kwikkymart. Please don’t tell anyone, k?

    Marry me? (And my fiance?)

  286. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:33

    Pretend there’s an M in ultiate.

    I’m not into the LARPer stuff.

  287. Whale Chowder said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:35

    Speaking of raising one’s game, here’s one for the ladies:

    Taking a finger hike through Slippery Gulch

  288. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:41

    Interesting no? that one of the Palin kids is named “Piper?”

    My favorite aunt & godmother had a German Shepherd named Piper.
    Interesting? Sadly No.

  289. rodertudis said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:47

    Cool Camera

  290. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:50

    Cool World

  291. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 16:52

    Kool Moe Dee

  292. smedley, President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:09

    Seems that someone told Sarah that Sudan is NOT in the Alps, so she will not be going there in July after all.

  293. Jennifer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:15

    John Wayne Bobbitt did go on to star in a porno, the actual title of which was: John Wayne Bobbit: Uncut.

  294. Chris said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:19

    Damn it.

    I’m skeptical in general of criminalizing hate speech (slippery slope, yada yada), but since there are countries where the system works that way, if anybody deserved it, Geert Wilders was it. There is no fucking way anybody could’ve spoken about Jews or Judaism the way he has about Muslims without being convicted. But hey, their prejudices have moved on, which apparently is progress.

  295. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:21

    John Wayne Bobbitt did go on to star in a porno, the actual title of which was: John Wayne Bobbit: Uncut.

    Titles considered and not used included:
    Ewwwww.
    John Wayne’s Bobbed It.
    John Wayne Bobbit: Did You See What Lorena Did?
    Shorter John Wayne Bobbit.

  296. puravida said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:25

    I’ve been told that Sudan is simply lovely in July.

  297. Thread Bear said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:41

    I’ve been told that Sudan is simply lovely in July.

    The White-eared Kob seem to think so.

  298. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:44

    I am against criminalizing hate speech. I do make an exception and that is Germany’s outlawing of pro-Nazi speech because you know Hitler. Hate speech in Rwanda would be another exception.

  299. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:46

    I’m skeptical in general of criminalizing hate speech (slippery slope, yada yada), but since there are countries where the system works that way, if anybody deserved it, Geert Wilders was it. There is no fucking way anybody could’ve spoken about Jews or Judaism the way he has about Muslims without being convicted. But hey, their prejudices have moved on, which apparently is progress.

    Saw this too…I don’t believe he should be in legal jeopardy for the things he has said.

    However, I do not believe fascists have a right to live, and that this guy should be dealt with by other means.

  300. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:54

    I have been pretty much a first amendment absolutist my whole adult life and just now I walked out on a slippery slope. I hope my footwear has sufficient traction.

  301. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:57

    “However, I do not believe fascists have a right to live, and that this guy should be dealt with by other means.”

    Heh, kill him but allow him to say his last words before he dies.;)

  302. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 17:59

    I’m slipping down the other slope. Hoping to land in the gulch when I hit bottom.

    I stand by my comments, however. People who villianize religions, races, ethnic groups are fascists. There is only one logical end to that road. That’s why I say it’s best to kill them.

    Before you ask, I will go ahead and decide who lives and who dies.

    Problem solved.

  303. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:18

    People who villianize religions, races, ethnic groups are fascists. There is only one logical end to that road. That’s why I say it’s best to kill them.

    Before you ask, I will go ahead and decide who lives and who dies.

    Problem solved.

    I am comfortable with tsam being The Decider.

  304. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:21

    seconded :)

  305. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:30

    I suppose that Khmer Rouge sympathetic statements should be illegal in Cambodia and the obvious question becomes “Wouldn’t it make more sense to outlaw the hate speech before the genocide.” but then who will be the Decider? Somehow I don’t think it would be someone like tsam, more likely Boehner or Scalia/Thomas/Roberts/Alito.

  306. jim said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:32

    Between the placid security of Monochrome Regression & the hectic edginess of Iridescent Vanguardism lies …

    Pastel Gradualism

    Just between you & me? I hear their live show sucks.

  307. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:34

    Before you ask, I will go ahead and decide who lives and who dies.

    I might suggest you will need to delegate some of that duty. Zombie Nation stands willing to step in at your discretion.

  308. Thread Bear said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:34

    I am comfortable with tsam being The Decider.

    I will go on record and agree with this. (I want to stay on tsam’s good side just in case this actually happens.)

  309. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:36

    Citing success in the war against insurgents over the last two years, he calls for 33,000 ‘surge’ troops to begin coming home, and says it’s time for America to take a more ‘pragmatic’ approach to military intervention.

    Shorter Glorious Leader: Fucking liberal whiners, fine, I’ll bring some troops home. But understand that I’m going to keep bombing everybody. Bombs are free! Woot!

  310. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:38

    because you know Hitler

    I do not!

    Granted, I did meet him once at a fundraiser but I would hardly call that as “knowing” him. It never went past oral.

  311. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:39

    On my very first (of many) trip to Amsterdam I went to the COC. COC is the aptly named gay rights org. over there. over coffee I got into a lengthy discussion with a gentleman about our differing positions on hare speech. He was astonished that we merkins are so insistent on allowing people to say hateful things. Just could not comprehend the idea. They have a very different attitude, hence their very different laws vis a vis same.

  312. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:41

    FY iPhone. Hare speech indeed.

  313. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:44

    Fucking rabbits!

  314. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:45

    I believe that their attitudes are influenced greatly by their thoughts along tsam The Decider’s line. Being Dutch and all, they don’t go as far as tsam The Decider. I miss Amsterdam.

  315. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:45

    Leave the bunnies ALOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!

  316. Chris said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:47

    I am against criminalizing hate speech. I do make an exception and that is Germany’s outlawing of pro-Nazi speech because you know Hitler. Hate speech in Rwanda would be another exception.

    Nah. I’m comfortable going free-speech absolutist. As many European nations have proved, outlawing Naziish speech doesn’t do a damn thing to stop Nazis from organizing. So they’ll call themselves the Alliance for the Future of Austria instead of the National Socialist Workers Party. Good for them. That which we call a pile of shit by any other name would smell as yucky.

    I suppose that Khmer Rouge sympathetic statements should be illegal in Cambodia and the obvious question becomes “Wouldn’t it make more sense to outlaw the hate speech before the genocide.”

    Sure, but at what point do you draw the line of what speech is acceptable and what isn’t? Plenty of innocent people were murdered in the name of the French Revolution. Do we outlaw republican (small R) ideas because of that? Etc, etc, etc.

    I prefer drawing the line between speech and action. Talk all you want about how much you want to kill this or that person, but actually try to kill them and you’re done.

  317. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:48

    Fucking rabbits!

    It’s like you’re trying to lure the furries here.

  318. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:48

    Heh, COC headquarters. Still makes me smile.

  319. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:49

    Not a lot of lesbians there I’d guess.

  320. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:50

    I once argued that just about every policy , mores, law, custom, etc. resides on slippery slope… which is why even the most closed culture has to adjust at least once in a while, and argue about where lines are drawn.

    Then they threw me out of school.

  321. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:51

    It’s like you’re trying to lure the furries here.

    Garth: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
    Wayne: No.

    Garth: Neither did I. I was just asking.

  322. Aunt Acid said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:52

    Even more astonishing to Europeans, and especially Asians, is this notion we have of a “right” to bear arms. They’re like “WTF? You mean anyone, regardless how deranged, violent, incompetent or downright stoopid has a right to carry a gun anywhere they damn please? Seriously?

  323. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:55

    “slowly surrendered to their woozy charms.”

    whoever wrote that line, whether bristle or the ghostwriter, should be thoroughly flogged…

  324. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:57

    “I prefer drawing the line between speech and action. Talk all you want about how much you want to kill this or that person, but actually try to kill them and you’re done.”

    As do I. I was just playing devil’s advocate as I was sliding down the slippery slope.

  325. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:03

    As do I. I was just playing devil’s advocate as I was sliding down the slippery slope

    and you prolly find bugs bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny…

  326. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:05

    I think the key is to jump right in and riff off of a hilarious comment. I started off with occasional one-liners, and now they can’t get rid of me

    also, too…just make sure one of your very first posts does not involve an epic tag-fail…they will never let you fergit it…

  327. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:07

    Somehow I don’t think it would be someone like tsam, more likely Boehner or Scalia/Thomas/Roberts/Alito.

    This is the problem with my little manifesto. The only people who could decide these things would be people who actively seek the power to decide such things. These are the people who need to be killed.

    The Tsam Paradox.

  328. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:07

    WAIT

    Gocart Mozart Paradox

    Yeah, I like that better.

  329. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:10

    It’s Catch-2 upside down and backwards: if you want to fly missions, you’re crazy and you can’t fly; if you don’t want to fly it’s proof that you’re sane and can fly.

  330. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:12

    There’s another 2 in there somewhere.

  331. Thread Bear said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:12

    also, too…just make sure one of your very first posts does not involve an epic tag-fail…they will never let you fergit it…

    Just one example of the myriad of ways one can gain fame here at Sadly, No!

  332. CRA said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:16

    “Garth: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny? Wayne: No. …Garth: Neither did I. I was just asking.”

    If you’ve seen the Robert Crumb documentary, Crumb, you’ll recall that as a boy, Robert cut out a picture of Bugs Bunny and kept it in his pocket to fondle.

    And if you haven’t seen Crumb, one wonders why not. Helluva movie, and not just for comic book enthusiasts (something I am not).

  333. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:17

    It’s a Catch-34, for reasons of safety you should set Safe Search to at least Moderate because it no matter how crazy it is – there is a pr0n of it.

  334. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:21

    Just one example of the myriad of ways one can gain fame here at Sadly, No!

    Or loudly proclaim your megalomaniacal intentions to be some sort of benevolent exterminator…

  335. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:22

    I think the key is to jump right in and riff off of a hilarious comment.

    or you could just randomly encourage T&U to not forget to vote.

  336. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:26

    Sexually harrass the female posters…

    Start a pun war…

    Make a masturbation euphemism out of a phrase from a comment…

    Or whatever you like.

  337. smedley, President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:32

    Starting a pun war is easy. Ending them is the hard part. Before engaging, you need an exit strategy. And, don’t forget the War Powers Act.

  338. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:33

    Yossarian couldn’t believe it. “Even rabbits wearing dresses?” he asked incredulously. But he would find out that he was only scratching the surface. Even people wearing fursuits of rabbits wearing dresses.

  339. Euphemonious Monk said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:34

    Makin’ a euphemism

  340. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:39

    making a euphemism…

  341. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:39

    i will now ‘ahem’ myself…

    AHEM!!! i say, sir…AHEM!

  342. smedley, President, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:40

    Did I hear an echo?

  343. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:49

    It depends: do you have your ipod on single play or loop?

  344. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:53

    “Sexually harrass the female posters”

    Well yes, but after awhile the rejection starts to hurt my feelings.

  345. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:54

    I didn’t realize you were flattery operated.

  346. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:56

    Have we met?

  347. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:56

    No, actually.

  348. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 19:57

    Well yes, but after awhile the rejection starts to hurt my feelings.

    There’s an easy solution for that. Emphasis on “easy”.

  349. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:00

    Meeting the vacuum slayer.

  350. vacuumslayer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:03

    “There’s an easy solution for that. Emphasis on “easy”.”

    Yer mom?

  351. Jennifer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:06

    Just one example of the myriad of ways one can gain fame here at Sadly, No!

    Or loudly proclaim your megalomaniacal intentions to be some sort of benevolent exterminator…

    Or gin up a Foreskin Holocaust, insult someone who likes the rigid commenting rules of a different blog by pointing out that you think said rules are bullshit, enthrall others with stories about mythical trolls haunting outhouses & etc.

  352. LittlePig said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:07

    Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 18:44 (kill)

    Fucking rabbits!

    How do they work?!

  353. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:09

    Or gin up a Foreskin Holocaust

    Don’t trust a mohel who drinks gin.

  354. The Dark Avenger' said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:11

    LittlePig said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:07

    How do they work?!

    Induced ovulation.

  355. Jennifer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:11

    LittlePig – eh, have you tested COOKIES yet?

  356. LittlePig said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:14

    (Rats! I forgot to guiltily look around for you before I jumped in.)

    No, ma’am, sorry.

    We haven’t turned the oven on in four months, and I’ve been hesitant to do so. My apologies.

  357. LittlePig said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:16

    I’d offer you part of my first attempt at smoked beef brisket, but I did not do so well in that experiment.

    I can offer it to you if you need to resole a shoe, but otherwise it was a big slab of FAIL.

  358. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:19

    My mom would nevar hurt your feelings. She is a kind woman with tonnes of empathy and patience.

  359. smedley, President Emeritis, Psychobabble University International said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:22

    “My mom would nevar hurt your feelings. She is a kind woman with tonnes of empathy and patience.”

    How big IS she?

  360. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:24

    Low, indirect heat, LittlePig, that’s the key. By low I mean 200 degrees, 225 absolute max.

  361. Jennifer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:25

    LP – no apologies req’d…I’m just anxious for feedback and thus far, NONE of my trusty taste testers have bothered to give me any. Hmmmpf.

    Seriously tho, if you can arm-twist someone else into the mixing & baking, let me know how they rate.

  362. Jennifer said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:26

    Oh, and, LP…I don’t bother with trying to barbecue as long as Craig’s is in DeValls Bluff. They don’t do brisket, but with those ribs, they don’t need to.

  363. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:31

    Silly Jennifer. If it’s not brisket, it isn’t BBQ.

  364. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:38

    but otherwise it was a big slab of FAIL.

    I hate it when that happens. Brisket takes FOREVER to smoke and has some special needs so that it’s not dry or tough. Making corned beef however is pretty easy and once you do that you can make pastrami, one of the world’s great foods.

  365. Fenwick said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:42

    Don’t trust a mohel who drinks gin.

    Don’t trust a Mohole that drinks water.

  366. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:42

    Mmmmm, Corned beef on rye.

  367. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:43

    If it’s not brisket, it isn’t BBQ.

    Pretty absolutist Texano position for somebody from Oregone.

  368. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:45

    Awesome sandwiches, Veggie Version

  369. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:49

    It’s like you’re trying to lure the furries here.

    How do you know we’re not already here?

  370. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:49

    They’re! I meant “they’re”!

  371. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:51

    Silly Jennifer. If it’s not brisket, it isn’t BBQ.

    LOLWUT?

  372. N__B said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:55

    How do you know we’re not already here?

    A distinct lack of discussion about hair conditioners.

  373. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 20:57

    I’ve always wondered…do furries take their suits to the cleaners? I can’t imagine most fursuits are machine washable.

  374. Fenwick said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:01

    If it’s not brisket, it isn’t BBQ.

    Pretty absolutist Texano position for somebody from Oregone.

    BBQ is one of Pup’s rare gustatory absolutisms that is simply wrong. So just ignore him on BBQ.

    Pup is, of course, SN’s premier producer of food pr0n in all other respects. Having a flaw makes a person more human.

    *runs away from Pup and hides in the shadows again*

  375. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:03

    OT – Local (to LEAFS SUCK anyways) woman fondles organ for over forty hours straight.

  376. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:10

    Damnit, DKW, I was all set to write down her address!

    For a friend, of course.

  377. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:20

    Seriously tho, if you can arm-twist someone else into the mixing & baking, let me know how they rate.

    pick me! pick me!

  378. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:22

    If it’s not brisket, it isn’t BBQ.

    made some for the son’s graduation a few years back…total YUM…that is the ONLY thing i miss about living in tx…

  379. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:22

    You can probably find her at Eastminster UC, which is right near teh Big Carrot in case you want any supplements before meeting a woman with that kind of stamina.

  380. gocart mozart said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:23

    Don’t make a mountain out of a mohel.

  381. lurking furry said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:38

    “How do you know we’re not already here?”

    Hah!

  382. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:38

    I once lived in Austin TX, which is surrounded the best ‘cue joints in the world. Friend had a ranch near Lockhart, nowumsayin? I lurvs me some barbecued brisket. Spent time in Houston too but I don’t call that living.

  383. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:39

    Yeah, relax and go out for a nice, bris walk.

  384. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:43

    Yeah, relax and go out for a nice, bris walk.

    pace yourself…don’t cantor…

  385. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:54

    Count your steps: one, two, three, foreskin, five…

  386. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:55

    Austin TX, which is surrounded the best ‘cue joints in the world

    Amusing hyperbole. Next you’re going to say how great the music is there.
    Austin. Pfft.

  387. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 21:56

    I’ve always wondered…do furries take their suits to the cleaners? I can’t imagine most fursuits are machine washable.

    Another paradox. No means of cleaning the suits discretely. But these suits are in dire need of cleaning at all times.

  388. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:01

    But these suits are in dire need of cleaning at all times.

    These suits? How many do you own?

  389. kg said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:05

    I’ll weigh in on the bbq with this tasty contribution

    http://www.smoquebbq.com/

  390. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:14

    No means of cleaning the suits discretely.

    see, instead of cleaning them all separately and individually, you could be super discreet and bring them to the dry cleaner’s along with some stuffed animals or the fun fur from the dash of your car or something…or just throw them all in a lingerie bag and dip them in woolite…

  391. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:14

    To be clear, many cue joints in TX also do ribs (and there’s some awesome turkey sausage in New Braunfels) but if a place doesn’t do brisket, they are NOT a bbq joint.

  392. tsam said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:18

    These suits? How many do you own?

    How many do you want me to own?

  393. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:18

    this is neat

  394. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:21

    I’m the same age as PeeJ and when we were young ramblers there was good cue in only two places in America, Texas and West Tenn. Since then a generation of youngsters has taken up the smokey torch and there is great cue in the damndest places.

  395. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:25

    Jesus Christ, people. There’s this place…it’s called Kansas City?

  396. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:26

    tsam, you can own as many suits as you want as long as I can make fun of you for it.

  397. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:28

    they are NOT a Texas bbq joint.

    There, fizzed that for you. You try telling those old black guys in NW Tennessee that they’re not running bbq joints; they turn out the best pork in the US. They almost never deal with beef but denying their excellence is plain (Texan) cultural blindness.

  398. Not A BBQ Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:30

    I’ve had “BBQ” in Texas. It was super yummy.

    I’ve had “BBQ” in North Carolina. It was super yummy.

    I’ve had “BBQ” in Kansas City. It was super yummy.

    Of course other than being meat, none of them were really similar at all. If we can’t even agree on what something is how the fuck are we supposed to know who makes the best?

  399. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:30

    They almost never deal with beef but denying their excellence is plain (Texan) cultural blindness.

    I agree. And to me, barbecue has *always* meant pork.

  400. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:31

    There’s this place…it’s called Kansas City?

    I hear “they got some crazy little wimmens there”

  401. Oreon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:31

    [nym reset]Bridgeport tasting across the street in less than one hour.[/nym reset]

  402. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:32

    Wow, and I failed at the nym reset. I rule.

  403. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:32

    Which is not to say that I don’t consider beef to be barbecue. Any meat cooked over an open flame or charcoal at a low temperature for a long period of time is barbecue, IMHO.

  404. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:34

    Any meat cooked over an open flame or charcoal at a low temperature for a long period of time is barbecue, IMHO.

    Butbutbut! Indirect or direct heat?!?!? Sauce or no sauce?!?! SMOKE RING!?!!!!!ONE!!ELEVEN!!! ARRHHGHGLSHHGDKGHBLARGH.

  405. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:36

    Any meat cooked over an open flame or charcoal at a low temperature for a long period of time is barbecue, IMHO.

    dry rub, sauce,or both? consider…and discuss…

  406. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:36

    Jane Hamsher says the best barbecue is in Massachusetts.

  407. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:37

    Sauce or no sauce

    Vinegar sauce or sweetish tomato based sauce?

  408. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:38

    Vinegar sauce or sweetish tomato based sauce?

    And is any amount of mustard allowed, at all?

  409. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:39

    Imma gonna get down off my BBQ high horse now after saying that this place has some of the best in the country and in one of the damndest places too, also.

  410. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:40

    And is any amount of mustard allowed, at all?

    NO. What the fuck is that shit about?

  411. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:42

    NO. What the fuck is that shit about?

    SPLITTER!

  412. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:42

    And is any amount of mustard allowed, at all?

    NO. What the fuck is that shit about?

    + 1

  413. bbkf said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:42

    Jane Hamsher says the best barbecue is in Massachusetts.

    Linda Shrock Taylor says the best barbecue is prepared lovingly by stay at home mothers, served with hot chocolate around the family dining table amidst ‘how was your day’ conversation and it’s only to be consumed by those who hike their pants up to their armpits and are not pierced and/or tattooed…

  414. Níðhöggr said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:49

    ’bout 15 years ago I got rather ticked off at Saveur for a BBQ issue that started out by proclaiming only Kansas City style ribs were real BBQ. Guess where the author was from? BBQ has the strongest powers of association I know. Everyone who cliams only one thing s BBQ always claims it about the BBQ where theygrew up. Still, it’s only meat, smoke, low heat and spice that makes it BBQ. Add everything else to taste. btw, the restranteur who invented the Kansas City style ribs wa a transplant from Memphis. Guess where I’m from?

  415. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 22:55

    My favorite method for pork ribs is adapted from St. Julia. It’s not real cue because, well it’s not brisket for one thing and it’s not very smoky for another but if you aint got a smoker it produces some FAB results. Dry rub* liberally** then the ribs go into a roasting pan or similar, loosely covered with foil. Into a 225 oven for four hours. Grill them on medium high, brushing almost continuously with sauce: equal parts honey, soy sauce, peanut oil, some thyme or sage,paprika or cayenne or chili powder (or all of the above) and a hefty dose of cider vinegar – say a couple Tbsp. per 1/2 cup of honey.

    * all sort ‘o shit in that, whatever I feel like when I’m mixing up a batch. Some or all of: pepper, paprika (smoked Spanish paprika, often), thyme, marjoram, Mexican oregano, granulated garlic, touch of allspice/cinnamon, ground coriander (seed), ground bay leaf, savory, nutmeg, whatever else I see in my spice selection that strikes my fancy.

    ** “Liberally” in this case does NOT mean use lube.

  416. El Manquécito said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:00

    Everyone who claims only one thing’s BBQ always claims it about the BBQ where they grew up.

    Having grown up in the mountains of New Hampshire I am immune to this syndrome.

  417. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:02

    Having grown up in the mountains of New Hampshire

    Libertarian paradise!

  418. Royal Kansas Citian said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:05

    Texas may have BBQ, but we got BBA+!

  419. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:06

    Vancouver has better hockey riots than Texas.
    ~

  420. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:10

    Vancouver has better hockey riots than Texas.

    We did not start it.

  421. rodertudis said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:10

    My nominee for the best bbq in the world, or at least in the state. It is not sweet, but a vinegar based sauce. Only pork can be used for proper bbq, not beef. Texans don’t know shit about BBQ. That isn’t to say what they make isn’t tasty, only that it isn’t bbq. A steak slathered in sugary Kraft sauce is not bbq (no matter how big it is).

  422. Níðhöggr said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:11

    Everyone who claims only one thing’s BBQ always claims it about the BBQ where they grew up.

    thanks of correcting my copy, I needit.

  423. rodertudis said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:30

    I forgot to mention something else about bbq. A lot of folks outside the South believe that grilling hotdogs or hamburgers or chicken or steaks, or even vegetables is “barbecuing”. Wrong. It’s grilling. This drives me nuts, I have to say.

    Phone rings (in Pittsburgh)
    Hello?
    Yo, Rodertrudis, I’m calling to invite you to a bbq!
    Cool! What time?
    Oh, about seven, we’ll start cooking when every body show up.
    Oh, really? Then you ain’t having a bbq, friend. You’re grilling out. It ain’t the same.
    Oh, okay, I see. You know what? Fuck you. You’re uninvited. Redneck.

  424. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:32

    rodertudis said,

    Texans don’t know shit about BBQ. That isn’t to say what they make isn’t tasty, only that it isn’t bbq. A steak slathered in sugary Kraft sauce is not bbq (no matter how big it is

    WTF? First, I thought your state was Nicaragua. Second, putting sugary sauce on your beef (NB: brisket, not steak) in TX is a dangerous activity, likely to result in a trip to the ER. Clearly someone doesn’t know shit about Texas BBQ.

  425. LittlePig said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:37

    Low, indirect heat, LittlePig, that’s the key. By low I mean 200 degrees, 225 absolute max.

    Duh. I just left it on too long – I’m used to ‘pork shoulder’ timing. I was also using larger-than-normal hickory chunks and I think that upped the temp more than I expected.

    And I was trying a new rub (a Rendezvous clone – not my thing but wifey is a fan) and I stupidly put as much salt as the recipe allowed. Not being a high salt person (my doctor says my sodium is almost too *low*, which I didn’t think was possible in America), that fuqqored it, too.

  426. Aunt Acid said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:46

    You know what? a hundred million starving Africans don’t give a shit about your smug definitions of what is and isn’t “BBQ”. Cheez, how panty-twistingly precious you all get about your food. I mean, come on–have a little perspective, willya? it’s food, fercryinoutloud. Build a bridge and get over it.

  427. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:47

    I am uninterested in the barbecue conversation.

    Quick, somebody make a euphemism!

  428. Pupienus said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:52

    C’mon Spear, you can’t make “rubbing the meat” a euphemism.

  429. rodertudis said,

    June 23, 2011 at 23:54

    Pupienus said,

    “Clearly someone doesn’t know shit about Texas BBQ.”

    I’ll confess that I have only been to Texas twice. Once to Houston, and I don’t remember what I ate, and once to Port Arthur, where I went to a restaurant that served a bbq porterhouse steak. That is where my impression of Texas bbq ignorance comes from. So yes, you’re correct, I don’t know shit about Texas bbq. I will say this however: if in Texas bbq is made with beef, any cut of beef, IMO, it is not bbq.

    I pretty much grew up in Georgia although my father was military so my family moved around a good bit, overseas and within the U.S. I have made C.A. and Nicaragua my home since 2007.

  430. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:04

    Speaking of Georgia and food….

    Crops Rotting In Georgia Since Farm Workers Fled State

    The Germans have a word for this…
    ~

  431. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:06

    BEST. BBQ. EVAH.

    And YES, it’s a mustard-based sauce. Scroll down the page to the exterior & interior photos. Passes the most crucial test – it’s cooked up and served in a dive. Also note: “Legendary. Worth the drive from anywhere.”

  432. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:10

    C’mon Spear, you can’t make “rubbing the meat” a euphemism.

    You’re right. It’s utterly impossible.

    If only our culture produced more slang terms for human genitalia!

  433. LittlePig said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:22

    “Craig’s serves its barbecue sandwiches Memphis-style: slaw is piled into the bun along with sauced pulled pork”

    He says that like there’s another way to do it. How bizarre.

  434. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:33

    Well there’s pulled pork and there’s pulled pork.

    What are you wearing?

  435. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:36

    OH SWEET–the balanced budget amendment is back.

    I have to say that aside from the fact that we all know who gets balanced to death under so-called balanced budgets, I wouldn’t mind having such a thing when wars come up. Maybe have a provision in there that mandates a direct tax for wars and foreign incursions? The whole “can’t raise taxes” line of shit would evaporate in a big fat hurry.

    Discuss, IF YOU DARE.

  436. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:36

    If it’s pork, why wouldn’t you put mustard on it?

  437. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:37

    What are you wearing?

    Pull this pork and I’ll show you.

  438. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:38

    Well there’s pulled pork and there’s pulled pork.

    What are you wearing?

    Imagine a link to Gaga’s meat dress.

  439. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:39

    Best BBQ I ever had: My cousin married a Guatemalan pastor. His English is terrible. His very slowly cooked bbq chicken is so good it almost makes me cry when I eat it.

  440. N__B said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:43

    and dip them in woolite…

    We all know where that leads.

  441. Looch said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:44

    Imma gonna get down off my BBQ high horse now after saying that this place has some of the best in the country and in one of the damndest places too, also.

    OK, it’s been ten years since I lived in SF. Is Do City BBQ (on Divis) still around? Definitely qualifies as a dive.

  442. N__B said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:44

    The hardest part of very slow cooking is that the pigs keep jumping out of the pot of gradually-heated water.

  443. rodertudis said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:53

    Crops Rotting in Georgia Since Farm Workers Fled State

    These new anti-illegal immigrant laws will effect not just the agriculture industry in Georgia but the construction industry as well. In fact, it will have a pernicious affect on many businesses that depend on cheap labor: restaurants, landscape maintenance, hospitals, nursing homes, domestic labor. GWB was partially right when he warned his republican constituents that Latino immigrants were largely doing the jobs that Americans refused to do. What GWB omitted was that Americans refused to work for ridiculously low wages. It is beginning to look like folks in the U.S. will soon be paying more for just about everything.

  444. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:53

    The hardest part of very slow cooking is that the pigs keep jumping out of the pot of gradually-heated water.

    Apparently Guatemalans have solved this problem. I don’t ask because I feel bad for the poor piggies and chickies.

  445. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 0:54

    What GWB omitted was that Americans refused to work for ridiculously low wages. It is beginning to look like folks in the U.S. will soon be paying more for just about everything.

    Again;

    Vive EL CHE!

    This is a good thing. Eventually we will rise up and take what is rightfully ours.

  446. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:08

    NO. What the fuck is that shit about?

    Colmans in a dry rub. It’s about getting your spices to stick. But as a LEAFS SUCKian barbecue is an excuse to drink beer. Also, we sometimes get smokehouses that rim their ceasars with candied bacon. Does that count as barbecue?

  447. : l said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:11

    That’s the person sitting next to you in the video. I have no feelings about that. Yah, right. That’s not reall it’s just a movie. No, look at it! It’s the room across the hall! It’s real! Well, she wouldn’t have survived then. Alicia’s dead.

  448. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:12

    … is an excuse to drink beer…

    I’m a Canadian who doesn’t drink and doesn’t like Hockey.

    I suck.

  449. Pupienus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:22

    Canada, barbecue – it is to laugh. Tho Schwartz deli in Montfagtreal does the best damned “le smoked beef sandwich” imaginable.

  450. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:29

    Rimming their Caesars.

    (Making myself sick now.)

    Making myself sick.

  451. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:34

    Smoking the beef sandwich.

  452. rodertudis said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:41

    I’m a Canadian who doesn’t drink and doesn’t like Hockey.

    Do you like to dance?

  453. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:50

    I’m a Canadian who doesn’t drink and doesn’t like Hockey.

    So you smoke bushels of weed, then?

  454. Lurking furry said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:52

    After 9 years in the Carolina Lowcountry, I’ve come to love mustard-based BBQ.

    Texas sucks categorically. Except Austin.

  455. owlbear1 said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:55

    But whatever you do, do dis Springsteen…

  456. owlbear1 said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:56

    oh shit!

  457. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 1:59

    Montfagtreal

    Also there are ladies there. In case you didn’t notice.

  458. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 2:01

    Do you like to dance?

    I would if I could. I can’t.

    No rhythm. No coordination. No dancing.

    So you smoke bushels of weed, then?

    Nope. Hate the smell.

  459. Whale Chowder said,

    June 24, 2011 at 2:07

    Taking a finger hike through Slippery Gulch

    To which Jennifer would have added if she was on the ball:

    “Scuse mah finGAHS!”

  460. rodertudis said,

    June 24, 2011 at 2:08

    This is unbelievable. No wonder they’re so difficult to cook.

  461. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 24, 2011 at 2:24

    There’s a LEAGUE for this?!?!?!
    And SCOTLAND is Winning?!?!?!

    Scotland has again been placed at the top of the world league for cocaine consumption.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-13898046

  462. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:01

    I’ll believe anything bad about Scotland.

  463. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:16

    Scotland has again been placed at the top of the world league for cocaine consumption.

    Men need a little extra confidence to roll out in a skirt.

  464. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:19

    snif.
    snif
    snooooooooooort.

  465. Pupienus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:19

    I SAW NO PIGS JUMPING.

  466. Pupienus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:22

    There’s a LEAGUE for this?!?!?!

    I am proud to say that I was a student at Penn State when we were disqualified from the Playboy party school rankings for professionalism.

    I think I was, it’s all been a blur for many decades.

  467. Pupienus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:27

    Is El M. around? I have had tee many martoonis and have no fire in the belly for cuisinating. I thawed some chix thighs, intended to do a Moroccan chix thing (with some of my beautiful preserved lemons) but now I can’t be arsed. The Ho is peckish and I got no ideas (which perfectly matches with my motivation).

    Do i have some sweet soy sauce (ABC brand from Indonesia) and lime? I think I do. How ’bout I rub those thighs with coriander and grill them, have a sweet soy/lime/basil/garlic dipping sauce and maybe some coconut jasmine rice?

    Or another martini.

  468. Gary Ruppert said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:29

    The fact is, Al Gores screed of liberal media bias on Global Warming BS is a bunch of hooey. Liberal left scientists are just like Hitler and they make up lies to get grants and funding. Enviromentalism kills jobs and hurts Amerca, making socialism take over, which is what Obama wants, and the black people too with sharia law and hip hop.

  469. rodertudis said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:44

    I SAW NO PIGS JUMPING.

    Another martini should take care of that.

  470. N__B said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:45

    I SAW NO PIGS JUMPING.

    Perhaps they weren’t properly motivated.

  471. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 3:58

    Those bears aren’t really dancing, either.

  472. jim said,

    June 24, 2011 at 4:01

    Top 40 Radio Explained!

  473. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 4:04

    Another martini should take care of that.

    In process. I’ll let you know how it comes out….

  474. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 4:05

    Baroness Thequzousshoyque Sublimations’s Cookie

    All you do is get giant stygian leech and put cinnamon on top of it before cooking it. That – putting those seasonings on top – is the secret. Chill the meat, then put it on top of some ogre barbarian heart. Put old Gouda (at all grocery stores, make sure to get this old Gouda too) over top of it. Put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. You can add to it whatever you want. Some people put a layer of Cool Whip on it and just eat it like that. I chop up mascarpone, baker’s cheese and rice milk and put them on top, as well as john dory nose. WARNING: You will never be able to order giant stygian leech at a restaurant or bar ever again, as they simply won’t measure up to the ones you can make at home.

  475. N__B said,

    June 24, 2011 at 4:12

    Those bears aren’t really dancing, either.

    Thanks for reminding me to turn off the bedroom webcam.

  476. Just Alison said,

    June 24, 2011 at 4:21

    Hmmm, mebbes I should try rubbing my thighs with coriander. Won’t help the BBQ, although here in Ozland we refer to it (correctly )as “barbie”: a barbie is what most of youse Murkins would call a grill, with (a) some form of hotplate, heated by fire or electrickery, upon which many foodstuffs including chops, sossies, steaks, prawns (big fuckers), and tomatoes are tossed.

    Said food items are pushed around by some bloke wearing a humorous apron (often showing a figure in corset and garters, Ozzie men not being noted for subtlety) until they’re charred. Then they’re piled onto a platter and everyone consumes the hot cinders with gusto, with the dog catching whatever slips from the plates.

    Note that it’s compulsory for the chef to have the food-poking tool in one hand and a beer (‘stubby’ or ‘tinnie’) in the other, and often to playfully drizzle said beer over the meat as it’s cooking.

    Such is the nature of Australian haute cuisine.

  477. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 5:32

    Just Alison, in the course of my research for this post, I learned that Australians don’t say “throw another shrimp on the barbie“.

    They’re prawns.
    ~

  478. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 24, 2011 at 6:01

    This whole “shrimp” vs. “prawn” thing is a sore point with me. Apparently some of the more linguistically-challenged in this country labor under the misapprehension that a prawn is a different (and larger) animal than a shrimp, instead of being just a regional dialect term. (Contrariwise, I’ll bet the same people think mice grow up to be rats, but I digress.)

    We had a fish-and-chips chain around here called Skipper’s that was pretty good (before they committed suicide by trying to spread all over the country). The FTC actually made them stop calling their shrimp “prawns” because that made people expect them to be bigger than they were, leading to disappointment. Well they did, but they decided “If we have to call them ‘shrimp’ they can be as small as we like”, and within a couple of years they were basically popcorn shrimp.

    Why am I venting like this? I don’t know. I’s 9:42 and there’s nothing on TV….

  479. bbkf said,

    June 24, 2011 at 6:02

    I would if I could. I can’t.

    No rhythm. No coordination. No dancing.

    my boss tells me all the time that i’m too white to dance…it’s true…

  480. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 24, 2011 at 6:18

    And the FTC gets all hot and bothered about calling shrimp below a certain size “prawns”, but they people call neutral grain spirits that have never been anywhere near a potato “vodka”, they’ll let them call cassia bark “cinnamon”, and worst of all, they let them call dries leaves with absolutely no tea in them “herbal tea”. If Postum tried to call their product “grain coffee” the FTC would drink their blood out of cups fashioned from their skulls!

    Get offa ma lawn, ya wild kids, ya! Oh well, maybe I’ll watch The Mentalist.

  481. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 6:58

    Yeah, and there’s that whole thing about calling a tomato a fruit…
    ~

  482. Hogeye Grex said,

    June 24, 2011 at 7:15

    I SAW NO PIGS JUMPING.

    Another martini should take care of that.

    I didn’t know pigs drank martinis.

    Present company excepted.

  483. Anonymous said,

    June 24, 2011 at 8:44

    worst of all, they let them call dries leaves with absolutely no tea in them “herbal tea”

    Doubtless it’s because someone thought the word “tisane” was too foreign/faggy (your choice).

  484. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 24, 2011 at 9:09

    Oh, it’s mistaking process for material. Just like calling sheetrock “drywall”. Drives me nucking futz.

  485. stackozone said,

    June 24, 2011 at 9:45

    OK, “Just Alison” – what the hell is up with Chook? Anyways, huh? ‘splain THAT one! (by the way love oz, been there many times).

  486. Suezboo said,

    June 24, 2011 at 10:02

    It is striking how similar the national cuisines of Aus and SAfrica are ! Why, one might almost suspect some ancient genetic link between men of the two countries. Is the meal accompanied by starchy carbohydrates only (bread, potatoes and pap* ) and the delish salads the wimminfolk have tossed up dismissed as mere frou-frou, not fit for those manly men?

    *pap=grits (US), I believe. Stiff maize porridgy thingy. Yuck.

  487. John Revolta said,

    June 24, 2011 at 11:45

    calling sheetrock “drywall”. Drives me nucking futz.

    You mean plasterboard?

  488. actor212 said,

    June 24, 2011 at 11:55

    calling sheetrock “drywall”. Drives me nucking futz.

    You mean plasterboard?

    I think he means gypsumboard

  489. El Manquécito said,

    June 24, 2011 at 13:04

    Sorry, PeeJ, I ducked out to grill some Malaysian satay for Mrs M. Cubes of sirloin, marinated all day in spices, grilled on skewers with vidalia slices, fruity, Malaysian style peanut sauce, jasmine rice, cucumber salad, lots of cilantro and basil and peanuts for garnish. Excellent.

    My last word on cue: the best I’ve had was in Jamaica, pit smoked on allspice wood with a jerk marinade. “The Sufferer”, Boston Bay. Truly astonishing.

  490. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 14:08

    Menu boy be brave like prawn, not cowardly like shrimp.

  491. Pete the Pedantic Puma said,

    June 24, 2011 at 14:32

    Imma gonna

    I’mma = I’m gonna and I’mma bite someone if this keeps up.

  492. kg said,

    June 24, 2011 at 14:35

    how about “I’m finna…”

  493. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 14:47

    WARNING: You will never be able to order giant stygian leech at a restaurant or bar ever again,,,

    Ain’t that teh truth.

  494. Pete the Pedantic Puma said,

    June 24, 2011 at 14:58

    “I’m finna…” is cool as it’s a tidy portmanteau of “I’m fixin’ a.”

  495. Steerpike said,

    June 24, 2011 at 15:23

    For alll you BBQ fetishists, the word “barbecue” is related to the the same liguistic root as “barber” and “barb” (as in barbed wire). The Latin root, “barb” means “whisker” or “beard”. A “barbarian” is someone with a beard, or generally hairy, as opposed to clean-shaven “civilized” Romans. Barbecue, or barb-esque, if you will, means “like a barbarian”, or “primitive”. So any unrefined, outdoor cooking technique like grilling, smoking or roasting over an open flame or campfire would be considered barbecue. “Gourmet barbecue” is an oxymoron, like saying “sophisticated savage”.

  496. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 15:47

    oxymoron, like saying “sophisticated savage”.

    Hey, you calling me a moron?

  497. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 15:51

    “Barbarian” is Greek. It referred to anyone who wasn’t Greek, and thus inferior. It comes from “barbar”: the same sort of thing as “blah blah”; ie. meaningless gibberish. The idea was that anyone who wasn’t Greek was speaking in intelligible babble.

    “Barber” comes from Latin “Barba”, meaning beard (as you said).

    “Barbecue” probably came from a Caribbean word meaning “sacred fire pit”.

    None of those words are related.

  498. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 15:53

    Pete the Pedantic Puma said

    Bugs: Oh, uhh, how many lumps do you want?

    Pete: Oohhh tree or foor

    BAM BAM BAM BAM!

    Pete: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh

  499. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 15:59

    That’s nothing. I spend most of my time on Manboobz correcting this one troll’s grammar.

  500. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:00

    Pete Puma

    Not necessarily the pedantic type…

  501. N__B said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:01

    “Barbarian” is Greek. It referred to anyone who wasn’t Greek, and thus inferior. It comes from “barbar”: fucking elephants in three-fucking-piece suits.

  502. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:02

    it’s ALL Greek to me. Well, a bit of diversity is always nice, French in particular.

  503. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:11

    Jonah’s preparation for writing a blog entry.

  504. Steerpike said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:12

    I’ve heard of that derivation for the word too, Spear, and I think there is at least some etymological controversy on the matter, but all the really cool sociolinguists agree with me.

  505. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:14

    What GWB omitted was that Americans refused to work for ridiculously low wages. It is beginning to look like folks in the U.S. will soon be paying more for just about everything.

    Step One: drive the low-wage immigrant labor out, creating a large gap in the labor marekt at teh upper end.

    Step Two: destroy economy for everyone but the top 2% and corporations.

    Step Three: decimate unions and the middle class, forcing people to move into those low-wage jobs.

    Step Four: Profit!

    Looks like the rich fucks finally figured out that missing middle step.

  506. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:20

    All y’all are wrnog. Barbecue is a portmanteau of bar, be and queue. Meaning waiting in line for another beverage. This reflects the two-state nature of summer eatings – either you are getting a drink or you are waiting to get a drink and thus tending the fire box with meat on it.

  507. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:24

    calling sheetrock “drywall”. Drives me nucking futz.

    You mean plasterboard?

    Wallboard. GWB if you are referring to the standard gypsum cores, but there are other types. Fire resistant, water resistant, cement…..

  508. N__B said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:27

    GWB if you are referring to the standard gypsum cores or a currently-drunken, formerly dry-drunk sack of shit.

  509. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:34

    GWB…. a currently-drunken, formerly dry-drunk sack of shit.

    I have become alarmingly specific about how many nails to drive into those fuckers in the last few years.

  510. Lawnguylander said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:40

    I do not rate for walls made of gysum. Having seen what it does to hair, I’m sure it is very cementitious, but such a building product sounds disgusting and degrading to the workers involved. Imagine how many of them you’d have to have masturbating into buckets or such until they collapsed in order to get enough material for even a single wall.

  511. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:41

    Now watch this drive,,, OUCH.

  512. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 16:59

    I do not rate for walls made of gysum

    The workers involved drink that shit by the gallons and then hate the fuck out some homos.

  513. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 17:13

    OT shameless blogwhore…I’ve got a link up at my joint to a hilarious story (well, I think it’s hilarious) that for some reason, I think only M. Bouffant will find as hysterical as I do.

    So if you’re reading, MB, go check it out. It’s only 3-1/2 pages…but it’s 3-1/2 pages of pure, tears-rolling-down-your-cheeks WIN.

    Also, too: I posted that gif of the Shithouse Troll that Xecky (I think) put together a few years back. At least I hope it was Xecky. If it wasn’t, whoever it was please let me know so I can properly credit you.

  514. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 17:20

    barbarian

    Yeah, what spearhfaahahoc said. ‘Non speaker’ or gibberish. Poles call Germans ‘Niemca’ (?) non-speaker?

    LOL at N__B ‘Babar’

  515. Fenwick said,

    June 24, 2011 at 17:21

    I thought gypsum was a useful building material.

    (b) Gypsum was the correct answer in a fifth grade test I took. Was Mrs. Teague wrong?

    I’m been wondering, you see, barbeque because almost every word Mrs. Teague said in civics about the United States system of government was–as I have since discovered–pure bullshit.

  516. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 17:24

    Shameless blogwhoredom is the best kind of blogwhoredom.

    from Jen’s link: ‘As sweaty modernity thrusts itself upon us, the veil of ignorance that cloaked our nation hangs in tatters, tattered tatters.’

    Yeah, McSweeney’s website is great. They have that ‘Fuck you, I’m Comic Sans’ article. Although I did get irate once and sternly replied to ‘Why the fuck did the Death Star have a trash compactor, anyway?’

  517. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 17:42

    Jennifer, the iPad specific WP layout just plain sucks. Perhaps you’ve never _tried_ to read a blog with it. It is all but unusable. Also impossible to comment from my iPad. Please TURN IT OFF!

    That google books is unusable on the iPad is a matter I will deal with separately.

  518. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:00

    Pupienus – to be honest, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But that’s mostly because I don’t have access to the administrative controls. I’ll have to forward your complaint to my co-blogger who can tinker with the settings. Sorry for the trouble. In the meantime, check back when you can access from a REAL computer, mkay?

  519. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:00

    ‘Why the fuck did the Death Star have a trash compactor, anyway?’

    What else are you going to cram into that plot hole?

  520. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:06

    Yeah, you iPeople quit trying to change the internet to comply with your buggy, over-priced Kindles.

  521. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:13

    I think the Death Star trash compactor may just be one of those movie anachronisms that is only recognized as an anachronism years later. Such as, and also too: I watched Alien last night (well, up until the chest-burster part; then I had to go to the grocery store) and in the very beginning, right after they’ve crash-landed on the hostile planet, one of the female crew members is smoking a cigarette. On board the spaceship.

    Alien was made in 1979, which was about 10 years before smoking was banned on domestic flights; 15 before it was banned on international flights; and about 20 or 25 years before it was banned virtually everywhere else. But…even though in 1979 the writers et al could imagine super-futuristic spaceships, the concept of smoking being banned from other people’s air was something they either couldn’t or didn’t conceptualize. Hell, in 1979, people were still smoking in most offices.

  522. Aunt Acid said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:24

    “R2! Shut down the garbage compactors on the detention level!”
    “No! Shut them ALL down!”

    Apparently there was a lot of uncompacted garbage to deal with on the DS

  523. CRA said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:27

    BBQ is like YHWH and I would appreciate if y’all would stop spelling it out and discussing it because ineffable.

  524. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:41

    Awesome movie. Yeah, the facehugger/Alien character vehicle is totally a metaphor for nicotine addiction. And secondhand smoke.

  525. Pupienus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:42

    Update: repeated application of gin did not lead to any jumping pigs. I shall repeat the experiment FOR SCIENCE!

  526. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:43

    Where Ash the robot is ‘big tobacco’

  527. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:48

    I think the Death Star trash compactor may just be one of those movie anachronisms

    It was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. There were still old-timers using swords for fuck’s sake.

  528. Aunt Acid said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:49

    I would not recommend watching any episodes of “Mad Men” to any of the Sadlies currently trying to kick the habit. In any given scene, every single character must be either smoking, drinking or screwing.

    Sometimes all three.

    While driving (w’out seatbelts, natch).

    Man the early 60′s were some fun.

  529. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:49

    I watched Alien last night

    My favorite anachronism in that, and many other old skiffy movies, are the CRT monitors with curvy fronts.

    While watching them on any number of flat panel devices.

  530. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:50

    At least the Interociter had a flat screen, even if it was three-sided.

  531. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:51

    For DKW
    ~

  532. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 18:53

    Yeah…and when Ripley is trying to decipher the SOS signal that brought them to said planet, it’s showing up on the screen in that green DOS format, all 0′s and 1′s.

  533. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:02

    Mmmmmm Chobot. I’ll be in my bunk.

  534. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:04

    DOS Reboot.
    ~

  535. Thread Bear said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:12

    I am Palin, hear me roar!

  536. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:14

    D-KW – I posted the “missing” page 133 in comments at my joint.

    Don’t know why you can’t see it; it shows up for me every time I go to the link. Maybe google books just HATES YOU.

  537. Níðhöggr said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:15

    hey. jus’s droppin’ by to leave a steamin’ pile oooooo
    an’ lotsa apostrophes

  538. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:33

    hey. jus’s droppin’ by to leave a steamin’ pile oooooo

    I feel like I need something after reading that. Like a cigarette. Or an enema.

  539. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 19:48

    Sorry T&U, I’m all outta cigarettes…

  540. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:01

    Barbecue.

  541. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:06

    Barbecue.

  542. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:10

    In any given scene, every single character must be either smoking, drinking or screwing.

    I have trouble paying attention to any aspects of the show beyond Christina Hendricks’ breasts.

    Just kidding, of course. I like the social commentary, Christina Hendricks’ breasts, the clothes, Christina Hendricks’ breasts, the character drama, Christina Hendricks’ breasts, the actors, Christina Hendricks’ breasts, the occasional glimpse of Alison Brie, Christina Hendricks’ breasts, and of course, Christina Hendricks’ breasts.

    I might have left out Christina Hendricks’ breasts. For that, I apologise.

  543. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:17

    OMGWTFbarbecue.

  544. El Manquécito said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:22

    OMGWTFbarbecue.

    The opposite of low and slow.

  545. El Manquécito said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:22

    ruh roh

  546. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:30

    Whoa, catching up…

    And is any amount of mustard allowed, at all?

    Only if it’s sexy mustard!

  547. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:40

    At least I hope it was Xecky.

    I did a non-animated one, somebody else did a vid, IIRC.

  548. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:53

    I would not recommend watching any episodes of “Mad Men” to any of the Sadlies currently trying to kick the habit.

    There aren’t any Sadlies currently trying to kick the habit.

    There are, however, 4 or 5 of us who have recently, successfully, KICKED the habit. As in, we’re done.

    Amirite, peoples?

  549. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:56

    The new Wonder Woman, who is wonderfully sexy, does not meet Fox’s purity test for patriotism.

    LOL…Always focused and on task, those Fox people.

  550. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 20:57

    There aren’t any Sadlies currently trying to kick the habit.

    There are, however, 4 or 5 of us who have recently, successfully, KICKED the habit. As in, we’re done.

    Amirite, peoples?

    YOUDAMRITE

    Day 47. I had to count that on the calendar because I don’t give a whole bunch of a shit these days.

    bbkf, exford and Fenwich are also quitters.

  551. Steerpike said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:03

    You don’t get to say you’ve quit (past tense) until you’ve been clean for a year. Better yet, two years. Until then, you say you’re “quitting” or better yet, “trying to quit”. Believe me, don’t get cocky. The temptation will always be with you, even if you think you’re safe, the smell disgusts you, the thought of lighting up revolts you, whatever. You will never be safe. If you go around telling everyone, and yourself, that you’re free from smoking, you’re going to start thinking, “well, one won’t hurt. I’ll just have a couple while I’m drinking. Maybe I’ll buy a pack to go out tonight so I don’t have to bum off other people, and I’ll throw the rest away tomorrow…”

    It’s just like being an alcoholic. If you have one smoke, ever, for the rest of your life, you might as well go buy a carton, ’cause you’re gonna be back on the habit, and you’ll have to go through the whole miserable process of quitting all over again.

    Believe me, I know. I am currently a former ex-smoker. Clean for 2 years I was, until my daughter died.

  552. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:09

    bbkf, exford and Fenwich are also quitters.

    Know who else is a quitter?

  553. Spearhafoc, who will not mention Christina Hendricks' breasts in this post said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:14

    The new Wonder Woman, who is wonderfully sexy, does not meet Fox’s purity test for patriotism.

    That version of the costume did have stars running down the sides. You can even see the stars in the picture on the article. The pilot also used a second costume that included the standard star-spangles panties. Literally none of their complaints were valid.

    Also, the pilot didn’t get picked up. That’s good (because it probably sucked) and bad (because it’ll make Warner Brothers even less likely to make any good Wonder Woman adaptations. Goodbye live-action movie and animated series).

  554. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:20

    Believe me, don’t get cocky. The temptation will always be with you, even if you think you’re safe, the smell disgusts you, the thought of lighting up revolts you, whatever. You will never be safe. If you go around telling everyone, and yourself, that you’re free from smoking, you’re going to start thinking, “well, one won’t hurt. I’ll just have a couple while I’m drinking. Maybe I’ll buy a pack to go out tonight so I don’t have to bum off other people, and I’ll throw the rest away tomorrow…”

    This is what got me last time. My outward cockiness is just trying to supress the “OMG THIS IS SO MISERABLE WAAAAHHHHH” feelings that lead you back to the habit. I know if I just held a lit one between my fingers I’d have to start all over again.

    And fuck–sorry about your daughter. That’s a totally free pass to start again. (Not that you need my fucking permission–you know what I mean…)

  555. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:21

    check back when you can access from a REAL computer, mkay?

    Yeah, you fuckin’ poseurs w/ your “devices”!!

  556. Steerpike said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:24

    Thanks TSAM, but I’ve really got to stop blaming her. She would not approve.

  557. Euphemonious Monk said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:24

    Poseuring with devices.

  558. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:26

    Thanks TSAM, but I’ve really got to stop blaming her. She would not approve.

    I don’t read that as blaming her. I read that as having a miserable time trying to deal with it and finding some small comfort in a familiar habit. It’s not unusual for people faced with the ultimate adversity. Nobody gets to judge you for that.

  559. El Manquécito said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:33

    even if you think you’re safe, the smell disgusts you, the thought of lighting up revolts you, whatever. You will never be safe. If you go around telling everyone, and yourself, that you’re free from smoking, you’re going to start thinking, “well, one won’t hurt.

    Enough about bbq OK? Triggering.

  560. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 21:58

    Steerpike – sorry to hear about all of it, especially your daughter. And I wouldn’t dream of harshing on anyone who tries to quit and doesn’t make it or goes back to it under stress. Lord knows how many times I tried to, and really, really wanted to quit, and for whatever reason couldn’t do it.

    Seriously though. I long ago set aside notions of my “specialness” in pretty much any regard. But…I’m not having cravings, hell, I’m not even THINKING about it or having those unthinking moments where I try to reach for one. It’s completely freaky; I can’t figure it. Maybe it will get lots worse when I put down the e-cig as well. I’m stepping down on it to lower and lower levels which hasn’t caused a problem, but I’m still able to dose myself with nicotine and the whole hand-mouth fixation is still there, which I’m sure helps keep a lid on things. But I’m hopeful that it will go as smooth as the rest of it has. I honestly think for me the biggest mental stumbling block was cleared after day 1. That was the first day of my adult life where I had gone a full 24 hours without a cigarette. I think once I found out that I COULD do that, the battle was pretty much mine, at least in my mind – which may be enough to make it so. Let’s hope, anyway.

  561. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 22:07

    By Steerpike’s definition, I haven’t quit. That’s fair. But I don’t feel like I’m actively ‘kicking’ anything any more: I’m not putting in any emotional effort into refraining from cigarettes. The desire just isn’t there. Friends ask and I say ‘I’m currently not smoking.’ Which is good enough for me.

    To say ‘I’ll never smoke again’ would be detrimental because the little voice that loves the cigarettes also loves betrayal.

  562. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 22:12

    exford – my little voice is fortunately also a cheap bastard, so I’m sticking with saying “I’ll never buy another pack of cigarettes.” Completely skirting the “I’ll never again smoke” pit…but if I can stick with “I’ll never buy them again” it will be close enough to equalling the same thing.

  563. exford legs said,

    June 24, 2011 at 22:13

    Sorry to hear about your daughter.

  564. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 22:15

    More DKW bait
    ~

  565. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 22:20

    Your mantra: “I am a recovering smoker.”

  566. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 24, 2011 at 22:59

    Not BBQ. I’m going to be busy next week.

  567. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:04

    It is so sad to think of PM dishing out food from some crappy little cart.

  568. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:11

    I am smoking to recover.

    It is so sad to think of PM dishing out food from some crappy little cart.

    At least he’s working again. And w/ a cash business, if you’re smart, no taxes. Glibertarian paradise!

  569. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:16

    New York’s Senate Republicans are holding an uncommonly long closed-door session on the day they are expected to take up a divisive gay marriage bill.

    If you can’t beat ‘em, beat ‘em off.

    All manner of VxR’s up in that bitch.

  570. Jennifer said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:19

    What’s sad is me not being there to eat PM’s food.

    Also, M Bouffant, I linked a story at my site that I thought you might be the only person to appreciate it as much as me.

  571. tsam said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:21

    I’m am unbelievably tempted to trek to Portland to get some. It’s not that far for me.

  572. M. Bouffant said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:39

    Dep’t. of Irony:

    A Russian woman died from a heart attack brought on by the shock of waking up at her own funeral.

    Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, 49, was mistakenly declared deceased by doctors, the Daily Mail reported Friday.

    But she later woke up – in a coffin surrounded by sobbing relatives. She started screaming after realizing she was about to be buried alive.

    Mukhametzyanov, a resident of Kazan, was rushed back to the hospital where she was declared dead — this time for real.

    Her husband, Fagili Mukhametzyanov, was distraught.

    “Her eyes fluttered and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital but she only lived for another 12 minutes,” he said.

    He told The Sun that he would sue the hospital.

    “I am very angry and want answers. She wasn’t dead when they said she was and they could have saved her.”

    A spokesman at the hospital, also in Kazan, said officials were investigating.

    Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2011/06/24/2011-06-24_russian_woman_fagilyu_mukhametzyanov_dies_at_her_own_funeral_after_being_mistake.html#ixzz1QEbaEMJ5

  573. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 24, 2011 at 23:53

    a bunch of Kansas City faggots

    (speaking of bbq)
    ~

  574. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 25, 2011 at 0:46

    a bunch of Kansas City faggots

    Those KC faggots got nothin’ on UK faggots.

  575. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 25, 2011 at 0:48

    On the one hand picking on comedians shows how weak the right is. On the other you kinda wish there were more actual politicians – and journalists! – saying mean things about Michele Bachmann.

  576. rodertudis said,

    June 25, 2011 at 1:50

    Nicotine. I am an addict, have been most of my life, or about forty eight years. I didn’t start with cigarettes though and I don’t smoke cigarettes now, but cigars. I got started in an odd way.

    My cousin County and I were put to work as kids helping tend trot lines for catfish and eels on the three big rivers in south west Georgia, the Flint, the Chattahoochee, and the Apalachicola (really a Florida river). What we caught got sold to the fish fry houses all over, in Bainbridge, Blakely, Dothan, even as far away as Tallahassee.

    My dad and uncles, who all chewed instead of smoking, because it freed up their hands for the wet work, would shove slices of plug tobacco (Bull of the Woods, Cannon Ball, Beech Nut) into our mouths to keep us from falling asleep and falling into the water. That was the beginning.

    I smoked cigarettes in school because the teachers wouldn’t let us chew, or really because they wouldn’t let us spit. Also, the girls thought the spitting was icky and the smoking looked cool. A lot of the girls smoked cigarettes too. Smoking was cool all the way around. All my friends smoked. My mom smoked and my dad smoked too. My mother smoked Winstons and my dad smoked Pall Malls or Chesterfields. For a while they both smoked Tareytons.

    I have called myself quit smoking several times, but it never lasted. The longest was perhaps two years. I remember starting back too: one night in a bar called Jimmy’s in Columbia, S.C. There was a pack of Marlboros next to me and I asked the fellow if I could have one……

    But I eventually did quit the cigarettes, only to start the cigars. County, who doesn’t have any of his teeth left (uses dentures, which he says are better than real teeth), never got started on cigarettes like I did. He has always chewed, even in school.
    So now I smoke cigars. In fact, that’s one of the principal reasons I live where I do. The cigar I most often smoke, a 52 x 7.25 Habana, made by Jose Briones, cost around $12 in the U.S. Don Jose delivers this cigar to my house in bundles of twenty five (a maso) for one dollar each cigar. I also smoke a corona, a robusto, a toro, and a churchill. I smoke four or five a day, sometimes six if I get up early or stay up late.

    Tobacco in some way or other has ruled my life. Hell, one of the reasons I started my own business in 1986 was so I could smoke when and where I pleased. I built my house with a porch off my bedroom just so I could sit outside in the evening and smoke. I had special heaters installed on that porch so I would be comfortable smoking outside in the winter time. It is an overwhelming addiction.

    I know what it is going to kill me. I have no doubt about this. Last time in the U.S. I had dinner with a doctor friend and he agreed with me, I would most likely die from some kind of cancer caused by tobacco. I don’t blame my dad. He died from throat cancer. His doctor did say though that all the hard liquor he drank probably had as much to do with it as the smoking.

  577. M. Bouffant said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:10

    No one gets out alive.

  578. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:27

    But they might get their favicons to work.

    Just before they’re ground under the wheels of the machine for fertilizer.
    ~

  579. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:31

    Yay. O maybe ofuck. That the following appears in The Weekly Standard of wrongness causes me a bit of trepidation. But mostly I think it’s gonna happen.

    http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/new-york-conservative-party-chairman-predicts-passage-gay-marriage-bill_575521.html

  580. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:34

    And if it does pass, there’s a certain four-letter-nymmed NYer who I shall force into being my gaymarried love slave. BWAHAHAHAHA we can make you do _anything_!

  581. Spearhafoc, who will not mention Christina Hendricks' breasts in this post said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:37

    Joke I read on the Internets.

    Two muffins are baking in an oven.

    One muffin says, “Man, it sure is hot in here.”

    The other muffin says, “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”

  582. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:48

    Ron Paul and Barney Frank coming together.

  583. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:50

    And if it does pass, there’s a certain four-letter-nymmed NYer who I shall force into being my gaymarried love slave.

    No love-slavitude for the two lettered?

  584. Looch said,

    June 25, 2011 at 2:58

    Baking the muffin.

  585. Spearhafoc, who will not mention Christina Hendricks' breasts in this post said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:05

    Joking on the Internets.

  586. gocart mozart said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:22

    Two lettering the love-slavitude

  587. Substance McGravitas said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:29

    God I hate the Washington Post.

  588. rodertudis said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:32

    Barbecue. I think this is probably where the word actually comes from. Wiki:

    “Throughout Mexico, from pre-Mexican times to the present, barbacoa (the name derives from the Caribbean indigenous Taino barabicu….”

    I had read this some time ago, although not in Wiki.

    A little more history.

  589. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:40

    Never trust politicians, but it appears there are 33 out of 62 in the NYS Senate about to vote yes to legalize same-sex marriage.

  590. Pupienus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:51

    If I aint mistaken, NY has just done the right thing. YOU GO GURLZ!

  591. jim said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:52

    LULZ

  592. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:57

    Sorry, two lettered nym guy, you ain’t Big, nor Bad, nor Bald, nor a bastard. These things are important.

    Okay, I’ll spot you the bastard.

  593. M. Bouffant said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:58

    Sorry about all your marriages, NYers!

  594. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:00

    OT, my 200mW laser which Bagoas loves chasing, died so I got me a new ‘un. A 400mW monster and sheeeeeeit, this is fun! Gonna hafta pop some balloons and maybe set off matches.

  595. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:06

    Here we sit watching 55 days at Peking, today’s Netflix delivery, there should be some insightful parallels I can draw but fukkit, we’re having more toonis to celebrate. ‘Course, we decided 20 years ago we didn’t want anything to do with an institution largely supported by people who hate us.

    What fukkin planet do we live on nowadays?

  596. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:07

    And if it does pass, there’s a certain four-letter-nymmed NYer who I shall force into being my gaymarried love slave. BWAHAHAHAHA we can make you do _anything_!

    I don’t get to march you down the aisle, and give you to The Ho?

  597. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:08

    OT, but I always joke about my job being cushy, except when it’s not… this has been a “not” evening.

  598. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:09


    Substance McGravitas said,

    June 25, 2011 at 3:29

    God I hate the Washington Post.

    You misspeeled The War Criminal Post.
    ~

  599. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:10

    I’ll drink a gin and tonic in your honor, BBBB.

    *hic*
    ~

  600. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:16

    600th? Way to go, NY!

  601. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:18

    I’ve just informed Mrs.__B that I will be divorcing her so that I can marry B^4.

  602. sham - low sodium hunchback said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:19

    Cool.

  603. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:19

    Then he’ll be B^5!

    Then he’ll B^6!!

  604. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:19

    I don’t get to march you down the aisle,

    Sounds kinky to me! Let’s give it a shot.

    (yeah, I know yer straight but so is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.)

  605. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:20

    Sexual harassment is a requirement heerabouts, aint it?

  606. gocart mozart said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:20

    “You misspeeled The War Criminal Post.”

    I’m kinda partial to The Washington ComPost myself.

  607. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:21

    Okay, I’ll spot you the bastard.

    Actually, I’m even less not-big than B^4.

  608. gocart mozart said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:28

    “I bet at the Daily Caller, if someone tells a knock-knock joke, everyone runs to the door to see who comes in.” — Anderson Cooper

    “Ha ha ha! You got that right, Anderson! Why, here are a few we were “knocking” around just this morning:”

    Very funny stuff from Jim Treacher. Funny in the ‘”Is this still good? It smells kind of funny.” sort of way.
    http://dailycaller.com/2011/06/24/some-knee-slappin-knock-knock-jokes-for-anderson-cooper/

  609. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:45

    The burning question is: will AC marry that hot little fuck he’s been with-plooving for some years? Not that we care….

    NEEDS MOAR PICS!

  610. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:51

    Pup: Pix.

  611. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 25, 2011 at 4:51

    Why does Jim Treacher have any attention whatsoever?

    Is there anything more to it than his last name?

    Arrrrrrrr!
    ~

  612. M. Bouffant said,

    June 25, 2011 at 5:03

    That’s not even his legal name, I believe.

  613. Disco Ball Battalion said,

    June 25, 2011 at 5:03

    On the internet, no one knows I’m not a dog.

  614. M. Bouffant said,

    June 25, 2011 at 5:04

    First one I’ve seen in focus.

  615. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    June 25, 2011 at 5:41

    The burning question is: will AC marry that hot little fuck he’s been with-plooving for some years? Not that we care….

    Dr Benton Quest?

  616. Jennifer said,

    June 25, 2011 at 5:52

    Now that you mention it, he DOES bear an uncanny resemblance to Race Bannon….

  617. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    June 25, 2011 at 5:55

    When all races are bannoned…
    ~

  618. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 25, 2011 at 7:05

    Well, sounds like it passed. Congratulations, alla you homos! Your evil plan to destroy civilization grows apace.

    And PM—you named your cat Bagoas? Do they allow gay polygamy in Oregon? I’ll have to sound out my girlfriend on the subject, but….

  619. Another Kiwi said,

    June 25, 2011 at 10:07

    Yay NY result. I hope that this was worth losing the rapture for.

  620. Fenwick said,

    June 25, 2011 at 11:54

    Testing a time-travel paradox. This is only a test.

  621. Fenwick said,

    June 25, 2011 at 12:01

    Rats. The test was a failure.

  622. lobbey said,

    June 25, 2011 at 13:17

    Scotland has again been placed at the top of the world league for cocaine consumption.

    yeah, we’re #1, suck it world (or sniff it, whatever)…….

  623. guitarist manqué said,

    June 25, 2011 at 13:44

    Scotland has again been placed at the top of the world league for cocaine consumption.

    It’s been a while since I was there but my reaction is: they have to do a lot because what they have is SO BAD. Maybe the West Africans have helped that out.

  624. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 13:47

    PENIS

  625. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:05

    Dog, VRBK, Bagoas is the cutest little doggie in all the empire.

  626. LittlePig said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:38

    one of the female crew members is smoking a cigarette

    Veronica Cartwright, if I recall correctly. Sheesh, she needed a smoke – her sister had been Lost In Space for over a decade at that point….

  627. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:40

    her sister had been Lost In Space for over a decade at that point….

    And the family ranch had gone from bonanza to bananas.

  628. LittlePig said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:48

    And the family ranch had gone from bonanza to bananas.

    Had to research that one. Bravo!

  629. Helmut Monotreme said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:51

    OT, my 200mW laser which Bagoas loves chasing, died so I got me a new ‘un. A 400mW monster and sheeeeeeit, this is fun! Gonna hafta pop some balloons and maybe set off matches.

    PM,
    Read up on laser safety before you use a 400mW laser. It takes a surprisingly low amount of power to do permanent damage to a retina. A 5 mW laser can cause permanent sight damage if you stare into the beam. 400mW is intense enough that the reflected light might be powerful enough to cause permanent damage.

  630. tigris said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:56

    The vacation intern assumes that a three-month summer internship comes with all of the perks of a full-time job, including several weeks of vacation leave.

    Idiot boss assumes that a temporary unpaid intern comes with all the perks of a full-time employee.

    And congrats to NY, bout damn time.

  631. tigris said,

    June 25, 2011 at 15:58

    Also, the thing Treacher doesn’t mention is that he did in fact check the door every time he wrote a “joke.”

  632. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 25, 2011 at 16:01

    Dog, VRBK, Bagoas is the cutest little doggie in all the empire.

    Oops! Sorry. Just saw the bit about teasing him with laser pointers and the Persian name and assumed he was a persian cat. I guess I’m supposed to be gay—liking cats better than dogs is supposed to be a dead giveaway—but I just don’t like persians. I guess I could never make it as a fruit. Besides, there’s that whole “liking girls” thing….sigh.

  633. N__B said,

    June 25, 2011 at 16:02

    bout damn time.

    It required mostly a non-idiot as governor. Pataki/Spitzer/Patterson don’t make the cut.

  634. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    June 25, 2011 at 16:06

    Hey, before everybody gets all excited about the new thread, here’s a picture from “Owen” over at Ed Brayton’s place. Congratulations, New York!

  635. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 16:20

    Watch out Repulicans! Maggie is gonna get all up in your … Ewww, ever mind that, I bring this for your enjoyment

    http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/270489/gop-will-pay-grave-price-maggie-gallagher

  636. Pupienus Maximus said,

    June 25, 2011 at 16:27

    Oh sure, start a new thread while I’m in the bathroom, willya.

    Re the laser, I am well aware of the safety issues and take appropriate precautions. The monster is for use in the park, where it is open, grassy, unpopulated by people or other animals. It is good that you are concerned, thanks.

  637. that'stheoneTHAT'STHEONE said,

    July 7, 2011 at 1:15

    Hackers have erased my very best note, (from Facebook) and are now attempting to impersonate me. I also had posted that note on sadly,no.com. It was regarding taking action for peace. Seems you have some hackers.

  638. that'stheoneTHAT'STHEONE said,

    July 7, 2011 at 1:16

    These hackers appear to be under the directive of the head of National Security in the USA.

  639. that'stheoneTHAT'STHEONE said,

    July 7, 2011 at 1:17

    You’ll have to return all of my original writing to me, at some point.

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