The Maid’s Baby Was Really Maria’s Love Child, I Guess


“It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Birdbrain. It’s Surberman!”

Shorter Jim “Don Bob” Surber, The Churlstun Newzpapur:
The £246 million affair

  • Because Maria Shriver should have asked years ago if the maid’s baby was fathered by Arnold, she doesn’t deserve a stinking red cent in the divorce.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


,

 

Comments: 159

 
 
 

OMG. Dare I click? Is this guy an MRA?

 
 

Well, given his fondness for vehicles….

 
 

If by MRA you mean Mentally Retarded Adult, there’s a possibility, though I’ve seen far higher functionality among my own patient population.

 
 

Ignorant gibberish. He says “many women have babies by other men than their husbands, and the husbands still have to support the kid”. Which proves ex-wives don’t deserve alimony or half the estate.

 
 

Usually, I read a Shorter, think, “Yes, that’s probably the ethical distillation of the piece, but they didn’t really say or mean that.” This time, I clicked through, and… yes, he said and meant exactly that.

To quote: “Maid has baby and she never inquired as to the child’s lineage until the kid was 14?” and “When all is said and done, though, as much as I condemn adultery, Maria Shriver should not pocket $400 million because her husband wronged her like this.”

 
 

And after hiring A-list lawyer Laura Wasser, Arnie’s wife is expected to walk away with a huge proportion of the couple’s estimated fortune of between $200 million and $400 million, despite having an apparent prenuptial agreement, The Times reported.

So wait, nobody knows yet if they even HAVE one, much less if she’s trying to break it? Did he really just write a whole bullshit post about nothing? And JESUS GOD learn what “begging the question” means, Thumbkin.

 
Spearhafoc, who, for the purposes of this post, is Rainer Wolfcastle
 

Maria, my mighty heart is breaking. I’ll be in the Humvee.

 
 

This is what passes for journalism in Charleston, West-By-Dog-Virginia.
.

 
 

you know you’re reading high-level analysis when you encounter this phrase:

We already are seeing this on the Maury Povich Show.

 
 

Nice shoop. If that were really DonBob, though, I would expect him to er, ah…augment.

So, maybe a candid?

 
 

“many women have babies by other men than their husbands, and the husbands still have to support the kid”.

Ugh! This is called the “marital presumption”. The child is presumed to be the husband’s unless proven otherwise. If some other guy were to get DNA testing showing he is the real father than he would become the real father with all rights and responsibilities. There are other factors like parent child relationship and age of the child, best interest of the child etc. Does the kid know that Arnold is his real father? If not, Arnold may have “lost” any parental rights and not have to pay child support. The law is actually, surprise, pretty much the exact opposite of what he wrote.

 
 

The law is a little more complicated and nuanced but I’m too lazy to get into all of it.

 
 

OT, but lasted news on Republican values:

I’ve threatened to shoot people in the nuts, but never in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot!
.

 
 

That man’s nuts! Grab ’em!

 
 

Since I’m too lazy to search, anyone know what the official response is to “world not ending on 21st” event?

On the current subject, is the defense reason here the same as the reason wingnuts defend rich people against taxes?

Meaning: “If I had a baby with my nanny, I wouldn’t want my wife to get any money in divorce.”

 
 

I have to admit, the parking lot is an easier target than the nuts.
.

 
 

I think Don Bob’s default position is that wimmins doesn’t deserves nuttin’ lest they is cookin’ and cleanin’ and takin’ care of they mans.

 
 

Durn gold-diggers, expecting the husbands to uphold their marital vows and all that crap.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Does this idiot have any idea when Arnie and Maria Shriver got married? Any prenuptial agreement wouldn’t have been protecting his assets against depredation by her, I assure you.

 
 

In surber’s defense, a kid with huge muscles and comedic accent should not have gone unnoticed.

 
 

Why does everything beg a question with these GED level writers. Begging the question is a logical fallacy, not the act of making up yet another reason to cry and eat your own boogers-in the literary sense.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

I suggest mandatory DNA tests for all fetii, paid for by the mother of course, until some dude has the time to invent a simple, cheap home test that can be done with some sort of time-saving kitchen appliance.

 
 

I know you’re all sick of hearing about it, but today makes TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE!

Sorry. I need to crow about it and I need validation from people I respect so begin back-patting…….NOW

 
 

> That man’s nuts! Grab ‘em!

Show some mercy; he only showed it/them because a Catholic Schoolgirl in Trouble asked him to do, and I believe that has the force of Comedy Law.

 
 

Only if he” shows them he’s nuts” rather than his nuts. Surberfail

 
 

Nice tsam. Very, very, nice.

 
 

TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE!

i am at two days…and even in my nicotine deprived brain, i can figure out that arnold knocking up the maid is completely different than a woman getting pregnant and the husband is not necessarily the father.

do you want to know why?

neither arnold nor maria were MARRIED TO THE MAID…or living with her…also, the maid had a husband at the time and they divorced…why would maria ask her who the child’s father was?

and, donbubbobobo, we don’t know what the pre-nup even covered, you dumbass…if you have to add the following disclaimer to ANY story you write: “of course, my source may not be telling the whole story” you may just want to wait on committing your incoherent, irrelevant and inane thoughts to paper.

and actually, since the bulk of your work usually has you posting “you misunderstood what i wrote” you may want to re-think your whole *writing career*…

 
 

also…yay for you tsam! and also to, i’m very sad that i know that much about the schwarzenegger affair…

 
 

TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE!

Congratulations! Fifteen years for me this past Cinco de Mayo (after 30 years smoking 2-3 packs a day). YOU. CAN. DO. IT!

 
 

Yeah, standard MRA “bitch don’t deserve shit if she escapes me” rot.

But to answer his question of dumbass.

The reason she’s “earning” hundreds of millions of dollars from this “affair” is because Ahnald is worth 800 million dollars.

So, actually 246 million is a bit low what she would have been given in a straightforward prenup 50/50 affair. So she’s asking for less than she’s entitled even though she has cause for fault, probably because she wants to get out of there as soon as possible and start over without being dragged into painful “I’ll make you miserable for leaving me” court battles with a known-asshole.

And yet, still TailpipeLover419 has a problem with that.

Jeebus, these people really won’t be happy until every woman is legally male property to be thrown away when she’s no longer useful, every poor person is literally starving to death in the streets, and every black person is back on the plantation with a “yes mastah”.

 
 

That’s awesome, tsam. I am patting your back thru the intertubes.

 
 

TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE!

I am 38 minutes without a cogarette. BOOYAH for me.

 
 

Interesting speculation going on at alicublog. To wit:

THINK ABOUT IT

You know, snark all you want, but do we have any hard evidence that the Rapture didn’t happen this weekend?

I mean, it’s perfectly possible that it happened, but only to a very few horrible assholes nobody likes enough to give much of a shit about whether or not they still exist on Earth.

It’s a hypothesis!

May 21, 2011 in Wingnuttery | Permalink

Comments
actor212 said…
Thers,

Revelation specifies that Jesus would choose 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel…except Sasquatch because SASQUATCH ISREAL…so that’s 144,000 people, all Jewish, presumably.

Now, while one might be tempted to go see if Israel…except Sasquatch because, you know…had an unusual spike in mysterious deaths yesterday, the Diaspora and subsequent immigrations has probably dispersed those Chosen over the entire planet. 144,000 deaths in a population of 7 billion wouldn’t even show up in a statistical analysis of the third order.

So it could have happened

/straight-faced snark

 
 

YaY tsam and the other quitters.
I also seen a report of some dumfuck site that that …wait here it is.What a bad person she is!!!
Ahah librarian at city library, I can remember things!

 
 

Jesus would choose 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel…except Sasquatch because SASQUATCH ISREAL

The Donalde is going to be so totally bummed when he finds out that he is not even eligible for the Rapture.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Remember 10 of those 12 tribes of Israel are the American Indians, right? Did 120,000 of them disappear yesterday? How would we find out?

 
 

Tsam: Kudos, dude. Actually, the worst is over. In another two weeks, you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Bonus points: You oughta start tasting your food any day now. Enjoy!!

 
 

Ifthethunderdontgetya
The Lightning will.
Or:
How I spent my summer appocolypse.

Thanks to a friend of a friend of a friend I was able to get playoff tickets at almost reasonable prices for yesterday’s Lightning – Bruins game. Although the Lightning played the first period more like a peewee hockey team and fell behind 3-0 they played much better in the last two periods and won with a 5-3 comeback victory. There was a thunderous response from the home crowd who were ecstatic, or dare I say, even rapt with the outcome. After the game there was a free concert with Cheap Trick. Not my favorite band, but fun and the price was right. All in all, it was not a bad way to spend my last day on earth.

 
 

Remember 10 of those 12 tribes of Israel are the American Indians, right? Did 120,000 of them disappear yesterday? How would we find out?

The FBI will open an investigation into the possible disappearance of numerous Indians in about a month. After 2-3 years of sitting around their offices drinking coffee, they will conclude that there is not enough evidence to move forward.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

@DrDick:

Not if we can get Fox Mulder on the case.

 
 

Did 120,000 of them disappear yesterday? How would we find out?

there’s a casino about an hour away from me…i can run over and check it out?

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Don’t bother, bbkf. You wouldn’t expect ore than a few percent of them to be in the US and Canada, so you wouldn’t really expect employee absenteeism to be much worse than any other day.

 
 

Not if we can get Fox Mulder on the case.

You obviously have not spent much time in Indian country.

 
 

Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up libs. But when it turns out that the maid’s babby really is Maria’s – then you’ll feel like a bunch of asses.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

DKW:

Is the kid’s adam’s apple big enough it could be Ann Coulter’s?

 
 

I just want to say to Maria, if she’s reading this thread, that I am single and I have never ever been unfaithful in my life. So once you get thriough all this and are ready to start a new relationship, call me. Take as much time as you need. I’ll wait.

 
 

While Thread bear has plenty of attributes, which I am sure would fill a good sized postage stamp, I am dependable, funny, write non soppy poems and, best of all, live on the other side of the world and will not be a nuisance!!
No need for any legal mumbo jumbo, just one easy paypal payment every month. I don’t mind ten minutes or so of chat every month on facebook if you want.
As opposed to the lassez faire Thread Bear, I will say hurry up, this offer won’t last!

 
 

Since I’m too lazy to search, anyone know what the official response is to “world not ending on 21st” event?

“Camping, who lives few miles from his radio station, was not home late morning Saturday, and an additional attempt to seek comment from him late in the evening also was unsuccessful, with no one answering his front door.”

from here.

It’d be quite the tasty irony if he turned up dead. It wouldn’t even have to be in some exciting fashion involving two wetsuits– the man’s 89 and statistically not long for this world.

aside to tsam: you have no reason to respect me, a mere anon– but I wish you all good luck in conquering the nicotine habit.

 
 

tsam, turn your back to the internet so I can pat it. Nice going. Did you have any tricks to manage it?

 
Spearhafoc, who would like to congratulate Tsam
 

As long as we’re getting married to people we don’t actually know, I call Alison Brie.

 
 

As long as we’re getting married to people we don’t actually know, I call Alison Brie.

Foul!! OT!

 
Spearhafoc, who would like to congratulate Tsam
 

I don’t recall anything in the Old Testament that forbids marrying Alison Brie. Granted, I tend to doze off during the “beget”s so I might be missing something.

 
 

You obviously have not spent much time in Indian country.

I have read most of Tony Hillerman’s novels and therefore consider myself AN EXPERT on Navajo culture.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Spearhafoc: Hear me now and believe me next Thursday…doze off during the “begats” even once and you will never hear the end of it!

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

I have read most of Tony Hillerman’s novels and therefore consider myself AN EXPERT on Navajo culture.

Is that like how Dan Quayle had read The Hunt for Red October?

 
 

Is that like how Dan Quayle had read The Hunt for Red October?
Or had the movie explained to him.

 
 

Is that like how Dan Quayle had read The Hunt for Red October?

More like how Bush read “The Pet Goat.”

 
 

Sorry boys. Maria & I go back to high school, & I was offering myself long before you all.

Or I thought I offered myself. Maybe it was lost in the Great Bugger Outage.

 
 

No, here it is!

Back off, y’all!!

 
 

“Maid has baby and she never inquired as to the child’s lineage until the kid was 14?”

Um, wasn’t the “maid” (she was a housekeeper) married to a guy? Why would Maria inquire about the lineage of a married employee’s child?

 
 

Indeed, on the birth certificate the housekeeper’s hubby is listed as the father.

On the other hand, even the pixilated picture I saw of the unfortunate offspring indicated an amazing similarity in the tooth dep’t.

 
 

Maybe in Surbertown every birth is greeted with speculation as to who is the real father? He certainly sounds a little bitter…

 
 

We must preserve the sanctity of prenups.

 
 

So Shriver has had time for a good long look at M. Bouffant’s fake non vault form advertisement and we can assume that she has passed it over.
Time to move on, dude.

 
 

Why would Maria inquire about the lineage of a married employee’s child?

There you go again, g. Gettin’ all lojjiekal and stuff.

P.S. Congrats,

Thread Bear said,

May 22, 2011 at 20:56
~

 
 

Time to move on, dude.

Have not been holding my breath.

(Also, have to give her some time.)

 
Spearhafoc, who would like to congratulate Tsam
 

Off topic: I have to announce that my current hypothesis suggests that the Men in Black are synthetic humanoids engineered by the Greys on behalf of the Reptilians. Think about it.

 
Spearhafoc, who would like to congratulate Tsam
 

And yes, that includes both Will Smith and Johnny Cash.

 
 

Maybe M.B. just needs some help in the advertising department.

Perhaps an animated gif, as a certain Subtance McGravitas has been known to produce?

(IF that is his real name. S_McG, that is.)
~

 
 

(Also, have to give her some time.)

Bouffant has been known to grow on people, no matter how hard they try to scrub him off.

 
 

“Remember 10 of those 12 tribes of Israel are the American Indians, right? ”

No, no, no! Only one tribe is American Indian, that being of course, the sasquatch Isreal tribe which originates from the pacific northwest.

 
 

Maybe in Surbertown every birth is greeted with speculation as to who is the real father?

Given his state of knowledge, I’m guessing that every birth is greeted with speculation as to who is the real mother.

 
 

“Indeed, on the birth certificate the housekeeper’s hubby is listed as the father.”

So what you are saying is that Malcom X or Jimi Hendrix could still be Obama’s one true real father long form notwithstanding? Cool!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Regarding the Rapture, only one human being on the entire earth was worthy of salvation. OH YEAH!!!!

 
 

“Regarding the Rapture, only one human being on the entire earth was worthy of salvation. OH YEAH!!!!”

Snap Into a Slim-Jesus!

 
 

“world not ending on 21st” event?

It didn’t?

 
 

I know you’re all sick of hearing about it, but today makes TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE!

Woo-hoo! The worst is well over. Just remember if you screw up now, you will need to repeat those two weeks later,

 
 

Way to go tsam!

I’ve got 4 days under my belt so far. And no crying jags or homicides either. It’s gone surprisingly easier than I thought it would (keeping fingers crossed) – but props to you for inspiring me to go ahead and finally do it.

 
 

I just had a cigarette. Suck on that!

In all seriousnes, good luck you two. As the old joke goes “Big deal, I’ve quit many times.”

 
 

Maybe in Surbertown every birth is greeted with speculation as to who is the real father?

Well, it is West Virginia.

 
 

I am about to have one.

Ummm, delicious!

 
 

Tips for quitting smoking, AKA “Do as I say, not how I have done.”

Don’t fall into the trap of “I will just have this one” or only when drinking with freinds, or only after a big meal, which tends to eventually become “I will just have one a day” which becomes two, three, and so on.

Also tsam and Jenn, are you using any help (the patch, pills etc?)

Also, also, heres a song for quiters.

 
 

congratulations, all you quitters! keep it up!

 
 

I went through a divorce which mercifully included just one trip to court but still, I didn’t see no fucking, bespectacled big toes in glasses observing the proceedings. Has anyone else who’s been to divorce court seen anyone like Surber propped up on a desk or something? I didn’t think so. What does he know about anything besides being buried in the sand for hours at the beach, or how it’s better to be attached to a cyclist than a runner because of the less pounding into the ground? That’s what he’s qualified to comment on.

 
 

Best of luck to all you quitters. I’m pulling for you.

 
 

Pulling the quitters.

 
 

On the current subject, is the defense reason here the same as the reason wingnuts defend rich people against taxes?

Meaning: “If I had a baby with my nanny, I wouldn’t want my wife to get any money in divorce.”

As DimBulb Surber has about as much chance of having a baby with his nanny, or having a nanny for that matter, as he has of becoming fabulously wealthy, I’d say, yeah, sorta-kinda.

 
Spearhafoc, who is a jerk
 

Quitters never prosper.

 
 

Spitters never shim.
.

 
 

My favorite Rapture-related quote so far:
“I do not understand,” said Robert Fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old MTA worker from Staten Island, said after the Rapture never arrived. “I do not understand why nothing has happened.”

Just like sitting through an Eric Rohmer movie.

 
 

What does he know about anything besides being buried in the sand for hours at the beach, or how it’s better to be attached to a cyclist than a runner because of the less pounding into the ground?

When I become empress and get a man harem you are on the list.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

Self-referential post……….

I suggest mandatory DNA tests for all fetii, paid for by the mother of course, until some dude has the time to invent a simple, cheap home test that can be done with some sort of time-saving kitchen appliance.

Too late….some dern smart girlie did it already

23-year-old Kay Aull set up a do it yourself DNA lab in her closet! The MIT graduate says with just $300 and a little bit of knowledge, almost anyone can start combing through their DNA. She brings her lab equipment to our studio to show us how it all works.

http://diybio4beginners.blogspot.com/2009/06/npr-today-radio-kay-aull-discussing-her.html

 
 

As DimBulb Surber has about as much chance of having a baby with his nanny, or having a nanny for that matter

Do diapered encounters with a hooker count? Cuz I could so see Surber doing that…

 
 

TinTin, I’ve been busy this weekend. Two posts in two days? I really HAVE been busy

 
 

“zombie rotten mcdonald said,
May 23, 2011 at 1:40

Pulling for VS.”

It’ll be pushing for me.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

When is the due Dudeskull date?

 
 

Tuesday or Wednesday IIRC.

 
 

Uh- didn’t mean to creep anyone out. I am her doctor.

Actually, it was from this comment yesterday.

Go Team Dudeskull!

 
 

Good luck VS.

Dudeskull Day is anon.

I am sure all the commenters here will be equally appropriate and tasteful.

COUGH

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Dudeskull ISREAL!!!

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

Late to the party, but well done tsam and the other quitters.

29 months since my last cigarette. I don’t miss the little fuckers (very often, anyway.)

And good luck to vs and dudeskull!

 
 

When I become empress and get a man harem you are on the list.

Hot. When you go cross-country skiing, do we all ski 5 lengths behind you?

 
 

Secret Inside Information:

Dudeskull is Tintin.

Don’t let the Donalde™ know, ‘K?

 
 

Many felicitations on the quittage! It can be not very easy at first, but it does get much easier as time goes on. And it is SO much better for you. A habit well worth giving up.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hot. When you go cross-country skiing, do we all ski 5 lengths behind you?

This is her fantasy, the man-harem cross-country skis in front for maximum gluticiousness.

 
 

Now Surber can’t understand why the LAPD, still looking for the second suspect, didn’t announce the name of the first clown they arrested for putting someone into a coma in the Dodger Stadium parking lot.

Tell ya what, Don Bob Jim Boy, I won’t type nuffin’ about West Virginny, & you keep away from stuff about L.A.

 
 

Tell ya what, Don Bob Jim Boy, I won’t type nuffin’ about West Virginny, & you keep away from stuff about L.A.

Annndddd…Don Bob Jim is wrong. The guy has been named.

Maroon.

 
 

tsam, well done on chucking the ciggies….. any special technique, or just sheer willpower!

 
 

Arnold Schwarzenegger may be a dirtball but an affair should not allow Maria Shriver to cancel a prenuptial agreement.

Why the fuck not? If Maria had fucked around on Arnold, I wonder what his reaction would have been?

Actually, no, I don’t wonder.

 
 

gah…tomorrow will be the big test…it’s easy for me to not smoke if i’m hanging out at home, which i pretty much did this weekend…but tomorrow morning’s commute to work will present some challenges…i do have 3 flavors of gum to choose from though, so…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Ski-diddly-eye-dotely!

Stupid sexy Flanders!

i do have 3 flavors of gum to choose from though, so…

You should try keeping bacon in the car.

 
 

“Arnold Schwarzenegger may be a dirtball but an affair should not allow Maria Shriver to cancel a prenuptial agreement.”

At the risk of interjecting common sense into the issue, doesn’t that answer depend on what the terms of the prenup are?

 
 

“I suggest mandatory DNA tests for all fetii, paid for by the mother of course, ”

Yes but only for the “little bastards”. I used to work in that legal field and heard many a client say “I aint giving that bitch a dime, he aint even my kid. How can I overturn the paternity judgment” or words to that effect. I would respond “Then why did you waive your right to a DNA test at the time and instead swear under oath that you were the father when the kid was a baby you fucking moron! Now he is ten, good luck with that.” . . . or words to that effect;)

Good times.

Seriously, it would be better for all involved especially the kid but also the parents and taxpayers.

 
 

I read it. Ow. I’m going to go to sleep now and hope that I don’t have nightmares of his horrible writing.

 
 

“paid for by the mother of course, ”

How about dad pays if he is the father, mom pays if he is not, and state pays if they are indigent?

 
 

“This begs the question of Maria Shriver: What did she know and when did she know it.”

Is there a reward for triteness? And does it involve removing the intestines through the sphincter? It should.

 
 

Better to remove the intestines through the mouth, after all, it’s an entrance, not an exit.

 
 

At the the risk of boring “you people”, I will continue.

In CT, other states are probably similar, it works this way:

Mom has a baby, lets call her Bristol, and applies for Welfare. She is required to name a father and lets say she ‘accuses’ Levi of being the father. Are you with me so far?

At this point, the state will file a paternity action against Levi. On his first day in court, Levi has two choices, he can ask for a DNA test or he can sign a sworn statement called an “Aknowledgment of Paternity.” I refer to the later as an acknowledgment of stupidity but I digress. About half tend to acknowledge. Why is this? A lot of times IMO it is because they are afraid the woman will freak out or maybe at the time they truely believe or want to believe they are the father.

Of course, it is not uncommon for fathers, after the relationship has gone sour, to come back to court five or ten years later and try to reopen judgment and ask for a paternity test. Even if they have proof in their hands from independent testing, a court is reluctaant to grant their motion mainly because it may be very traumatic for the child.

I also wonder about the biological father who just finds out he is dad to an 8 year old. I guess what I am trying to say is get the damn test when the kid is an infant.

 
 

Information overload:

State goes after ‘father’ to reimburse state assistance, mom goes after ‘father’ to establish a child support order.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

“This begs the question of Maria Shriver: What did she know and when did she know it.”

Is there a reward for triteness? And does it involve removing the intestines through the sphincter? It should.

No, no! That’s the punishment I’ve set aside for using the phrase “beg the question” to mean “might prompt one to ask”.

 
 

M. Bouffant said,

“Better to remove the intestines through the mouth, after all, it’s an entrance, not an exit.”

Spoken like a man who has never had too much whiskey.

 
 

“No, no! That’s the punishment I’ve set aside for using the phrase “beg the question” to mean “might prompt one to ask”.

This begs the question, “Why the intestines?”

 
 

If you beg the question well enough, do you get a treat?

I never beg the question. I punch it in the nose just to show it who’s boss. That’s just how I roll.

 
 

Hot. When you go cross-country skiing, do we all ski 5 lengths behind you?
This is her fantasy, the man-harem cross-country skis in front for maximum gluticiousness.

Got a whip in my hand baby
And tigris’ man-harem at leather’s end.

 
 

“Better to remove the intestines through the mouth, after all, it’s an entrance, not an exit.”
Ur doin it rong.

Spoken like a man who has never had too much whiskey.
There is NO SUCH THING.

 
 

Reanimator: the Musical.
Why was I not previously appraised of such a thing?

 
 

I thought in Conserva-Land it was GOOD that the courts favor the Wife/Mother in divorce cases because Motherhood as cornerstone of the blahblahblah.

Whereas squawking about what the woman gets is a Men’s Lib LIBERAL sort of position.

Guess I was wrong.

 
 

Reanimator: the Musical.
Why was I not previously appraised of such a thing?

Is that for reals?! If so awesome.

 
 

I am expecting a review from MB.

 
 

You should try keeping bacon in the car.

All well and fine, but you have to keep the windows rolled up lest the cat jump out.

 
 

Re: animator etc…

The blood will flow so freely that the first rows are designated as the “splash zone.” Needless to say, the show is not for small children.

Win.

 
 

“The difference between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tiger Woods is that TIGER WOODS IS A NIGGER.” Just fucking say it, Surber. We all know it’s what you mean.

 
 

Reanimator: the Musical.
Why was I not previously appraised of such a thing?

Carrie: The Musical.

FYI

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Umclench said,

May 23, 2011 at 10:17 (kill)

“The difference between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tiger Woods is that TIGER WOODS IS A NIGGER.” Just fucking say it, Surber. We all know it’s what you mean.

Yeah, that miscegenation never turns out well.

 
 

While I’ve been to the Steve Allen Theater (it therefore wouldn’t be unprecedented) I wouldn’t advise holding one’s breath for a review, enticing as swigging crummy but free beer to the strains of the Tulsa Skull Swingers sounds.

 
 

Whereas squawking about what the woman gets is a Men’s Lib LIBERAL sort of position.

Guess I was wrong.

You are, actually.

See, liberal men get that the women work as hard if not harder than they do, so we’re content to an equitable arrangement. The details might need some haggling, but conceptually we get that so long as things remain fair, we’re good and can move on.

It’s men who feel they’re owed by the world for the work they’ve put in, and, “that damn bitch had better not even THINK about getting mah greel…I mean, the money I broke my back to make.”

They tend to be conservative.

 
 

I never beg the question.

Clearly, you’ve never been married.

 
 

Actor!!

Whattha hell you doin’ up so late lately?

 
 

Or is you up too goddamn early??

 
 

Well, Saturday’s Rupture was a disappointment. Lt. Col. Teabagger, USAF, Ret. sat quietly while we had a good laugh at the expense of the true believers. He has now moved on. Like the rest of them, he is prolly perusing the usual websites for something to be indignant over. Last year at this time, he was a birfer. Then, last fall, he bought into the lie that our Galtian Overlords were waiting for “Market Certainty” before creating new jobs. This lasted right up until the Republicans and Obama extended the Bush tax cuts for two more years, thereby creating more market uncertainty.

 
 

Hot. When you go cross-country skiing, do we all ski 5 lengths behind you?

This is her fantasy, the man-harem cross-country skis in front for maximum gluticiousness.

In my glorious empire there will be a place both for front skiers with asses needing to be admired and for hind skiers desirous of admiring the ass of their empress.

 
 

Skiing while riding an ass is a difficult task, best left to the aristos.

 
 

OT: New book about Palin out. This one written by a former aide and apparently not too complimentary at all.

 
 

Shorter Scott Johnson:

Obama at AIPAC: Ten theses*

Here are ten things I think about Obama, which are paradoxically banal and disgusting. Also I copied someone else’s homework.

1.) It’s stupid to talk about Palestinians.
2.) Palestinians aren’t even people.
3.) Palestinians are terrorists.
4.) If I pretend to be slightly stupider than I actually am I can say that Obama wants to cut Israel in half.
5.) Obama wants to give Jerusalem to the Muzzies.
6.) Palestinians should not have a place to live.
7.) Obama loves Muzzie terrorists.
8.) Obama says he won’t recognize a Palestinian state at the UN, which proves that . . .
9.) . . . Obama hates Isreal.
10.) Obama hates Israel. And Jews. Seriously, he said so himself. Check the Rashid Khalidi tape; we keep it by the “whitey” tape.

*Actual title.

 
 

Why was I not previously appraised of such a thing?

Your appraisal: Beyond Price!

 
 

mark f said,

May 23, 2011 at 15:48

Shorter Scott Johnson:

Fred Hiatt and company at the Washington Poop (Jennfer Rubin bonus today) have been just as bad.
~

 
 

tsam, turn your back to the internet so I can pat it.

Nevar turn your back on the internet!

But seriously, congrats on the two-week mark. I smoked as a teenager (a long time ago), but still jones for a smoke when I drink enough beer. That is, as you might guess, surprisingly often.

 
 

Whattha hell you doin’ up so late lately?

The cat’s been using my lower lip as a punching bag.

 
 

tsam (14)……Jenn (4)…..bbfk (2) …. and any other Sadlie quitting:

Quel Fromage !

[The name of a distinguished, albeit imaginary, medal I used to award here for Most Excellent Comedy and Wit.]

I’ve lost track of the exact days. I’m now beginning to think in terms of months.

I’ve been putting on weight. I’m still short-fused and explosive. I’m past physical withdrawal, but this motherfucker has its claws DEEP in my head. I still reach for my smokes reflexively. I’m over the worst, but smoking is still a bitch in my freakin’ HEAD.

Much praise, folks….and Solidarity!

For the halibut, I will toke up the days. ((<===nifty typo! I meant to write 'tote'. I'll leave it as it is, of course!))

65 days. Unpossible.

 
 

Hey, VS.

I remember the threads where all of the Sadlies had so much fun suggesting names for the bebe.

Like the other Sadlies, I want to add my very best wishes for you and lil’ Dudeskull. You have so many friends here.

 
 

Great photoshop, TinTin!

(By which I mean actor, of course….)

The Shorter was excellent, as always. I never leave the boat, of course; I rely completely on the Shorter until Sadlies return with mangoes. Words to live by:

Always. Trust. The. Shorter

 
 

There’s new thread. And I’m still futzing around here. Fudge.

 
 

FWIW, almost every pre-nup expires after several years of marriage, usually 7 or 10.

So either Maria had the shittiest lawyer ever back when she got married, or DS really has no idea what he’s talking about.

 
SarahPlain&Tall
 

Why isn’t anyone talking about me?

 
 

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