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FOX Fans!
Earlier today, I wrote that I couldn’t imagine how deranged you’d have to be to rely on FOX News as your sole source of information. Well, I don’t have to imagine anymore, as FOX has asked its readers to give their views on the budding alliance between Hugo Chavez and the Iranian government. Behold:
Anti-U.S. leaders Hugo Chavez of Venezuela and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad met in Tehran on Saturday, pledging mutual support for one another, state media reported. [...]
If YOU were president, how would you handle Hugo Chavez’s overtures to Iran?
You know where this is going, right? Oh, yes you do:
Above: FOX’s All-Star Panel of Viewers. I think Gary Ruppert’s the guy on the right.
“We cannot afford an Iran in our hemisphere. Word needs to get to Chavez that he and his government will be taken down if he aligns his country with Iran, or any other rogue state. While a country’s sovereignty should be respected, that only pertains to its internal impact, not when it comes to worldwide terror.” — Ron (Knoxville, TN)
That rather undercuts the Preznit’s point that we invaded Iraq to end the rape rooms, no?
“Give Iran 30 days to dismantle the nuke program. If they don’t, we should destroy as much of their military and industrial capability as possible.” — Bob (Adrian, MO)
Now that’s a plan of action! I can’t imagine why no one’s thought of it yet! Ambassador Bolton, I hope you’re taking notes (and sadly, you probably are).
“I would make sure that Chavez does not get any aid from the U.S. I would also prohibit travel to Venezuela and triple tax on any U.S. companies that operate there.” — Ray (Mt. Pleasant, MI)
This strategy has worked oh-so-well in taking down Fidel Castro, after all…
“I would declare war on Iran. They have killed, and supported others that killed, Americans.” — Charles
This is a great response. He literally thinks we should respond to Chavez’s overtures to the Iranian regime by declaring war on them. I bet this guy would respond with “DECLARE WAR ON IRAN!!” even if FOX had asked him a question about shoes.
“I would not tolerate Chavez. He is a very dangerous man. He may appear harmless, but he is a real threat not only to America but to the entire civilized world!” — Leonard
You get the feeling that Leonard’s suggestion was orginally written in all caps with about fifty billion exclamation points at the end of it, but that FOX edited to make it look somewhat more sane.
“We need to end the control of our country by environmental extremists. Drill for oil everywhere, build nuclear plants, and continue to seek alternatives.” — Jerry (Vine Grove, KY)
Yes, drill for oil everywhere!! In Yellowstone Park!! Under the Empire State Building!!! UNDER GIANTS STADIUM!!! WHERE JIMMY HOFFA IS BURIED!!!!!!
“I would point out that Venezuela appears consistently in last place of world competitiveness in all aspects of management and productivity. A country with so much revenue and natural resources only has such poor handling as a result of ignorance of the general population.” — Susan (Houston, TX)
I hear Chavez has a small willy too. Pass it on.
Gavin adds: Consistently in last place of world competitiveness? Worse than, like, Liberia, Cameroon, and all that?
[checking]
Oh wait, no. Unless she means ‘appears’ as in, “My random, unexamined thoughts are just as valid as what society calls [air-quotes] ‘objective reality.’”
“Chavez is another terrorist just like his counter part in Iran. Having said this, we cannot make any positive impact on terrorism unless we deal with the regime in Iran.This is the single most crisis facing free world today.” — Mansoor
And here I thought Hezbollah was the single most crisis. Make up your minds, doods.
“I would stress that what Chavez and the Iranian Mullah’s have most in common is the repression of their people. In both cases, the oil wealth is being lavished upon weapons programs instead of promoting the health, well-being and freedom of their people.”
Hey- they sound like Republicans!
Likewise, Chavez had better watch out. Were the Islamic fascists to continue to gain power, they would one day give Mr. Chavez the choice between bowing to radical Islam or to losing his head.” — Chuck (Fulks Run, VA)
And with that, I bid you goodnight. The Red Sox are clinging to a 4-3 lead, and I need to give them my emotional support…
…what, why are you looking at me like that? I’m not crazy. Fuck y’all…
…and whadya know- Travis Hafner cracks a two-run homer off Timlin. Christ. I hate this damn team.
Mullah Dos said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:00
The Red Sox, like Venezuela, and Iran, hate America.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:00
“A country with so much revenue and natural resources only has such poor handling as a result of ignorance of the general population”
Boy, I’d hate to live in a country like that! By the way, I heard that, even today, 50% of Americans believe we found WMD in Iraq.
mikey said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:00
“I would declare war on Iran. They have killed, and supported others that killed, Americans.� — Charles
You know, Charles (if that’s your REAL name), the greatest killers of American Citizens, year in and year out is, yep, you guessed it, AMERICAN Citizens!!!
Guess we oughta declare fucking WAR on America, you fucking loon-ah-tick!!!
mikey
J. A. Baker said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:09
I bet this guy would respond with “DECLARE WAR ON IRAN!!� even if FOX had asked him a question about shoes.
Q: Say Chaz, why are you wearing clown shoes? You know they clash with your straitjacket.
A: BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME WANT TO DECLARE WAR ON IRAN!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!!11111!!!1!!!!1!!!!1111!!!!!!111!1!!1!!
Gus said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:12
Oh, come off it. You had your World Series win two years ago. Just 84 more to go to the next one…
Porgy Tirebiter said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:15
The guy on the right looks an awful lot like Field General Jeff Goldstein.
Nellyds said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:31
Likewise, Chavez had better watch out. Were the Islamic fascists to continue to gain power, they would one day give Mr. Chavez the choice between bowing to radical Islam or to losing his head.� — Chuck (Fulks Run, VA)
Why is this man warning Chavez? A leftist sympathiser perhaps? This merely invalidates everything Pammy’s been saying about the media.
GoatBoy said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:35
Fatty mulletbeast is drinking the beer?? CREATURE did wear wig for HAT! She looks hungry! Wighat creature SCARES fatty beard! Bug robot beast cannot help? Sad but YES!!!
Sean said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:51
I bet Jerry (Vine Grove, KY) would be upset when the landlord of his trailer parks kicks him out to drill.
tom durkin said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:52
Geez- a country run by oilmen squandering resources and international goodwill? How terrible. I wonder if they also have a problem of super-rich taking wildly disproportionate % of the national wealth?
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:54
I like that. I especially enjoy the part where Fox viewers believe the President has the power to declare wars.
Constitution? Nah, to “wordy” Hey! NASCAR! VROOOM!
“Chavez and Venezuela are the biggest terrorist threat in this hemisphere. Thus, we must bomb Iran.”
Buh? Never heard of any Venezuelian car bombers…
And how is he a threat to the World? Makes no logical. Rampent paranoia slowly killing inner child…
shargash said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:55
Just to prove how ignorant they are, the people of Venezuela have the highest opinion of their own freedom of any country in Latin America. Fools! We just need to open a Fox News channel to set them straight.
J— said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:58
and triple tax on any U.S. companies that operate there
Like Chevron, Exxon Mobil, Shell, and Verizon, for example.
Teh L0raX said,
August 3, 2006 at 5:03
“The solution to Chavez, Castro, and all terrorists is simple. America needs to drill oil and flood the market: bringing down the price of gas in the U.S. and bankrupting our enemies.” — Jim
The fact is that we must build a superbig derrick on top of ANWR and drill down to the core of the earth–which contains, as we all know, a creamy nougat of light sweet crude. As soon as we hit the core a ginormous gusher floods both the market and the planet. This will bring down the price of oil and bankrupt our enemies and usher in the return of Christ. Everyone’s a winner.
P.S. The core of the earth also contains dinosaurs. And giant mushrooms. For reals, yo.
Jeffery Faulk said,
August 3, 2006 at 5:05
This shit scares me. These ignorant bastards wouldn’t know the truth if it was pounded into their heads with a baseball bat. That won’t stop me from trying though if any of these morons got in my face. Unfortunately they don’t have the balls to spout this shit in front of someone who knows reality when he sees it. They have the right to their opinions but not when those opinions support the criminal activities of our ignorant leaders. Fuck you Bush, you started this devisive shit. May you burn in the Hell of your own making.
ahem said,
August 3, 2006 at 5:15
Odds on the Faux Preznits filling up at Citgo? High.
Fools! We just need to open a Fox News channel to set them straight.
Curiously enough, most of the private TV stations in Venezuela are rabidly anti-Chavez. I’m guessing that all those brown folks who voted him in are too poor to own televisions.
D. Sidhe said,
August 3, 2006 at 5:52
So what amounts to a focus group on the broadcast quality of the only news channel watched by the guy who’s shown no real hesitations to bomb the shit out of people without warning thinks we should bomb the shit out of Venezuela.
But we’re supposed to be outraged they’re pumping up their military? We’ve tried to overthrow their government once already within the possible memory span of even FOX viewers, why *wouldn’t* they be spending on the military?
GoatBoy said,
August 3, 2006 at 6:04
“why *wouldn’t* they be spending on the military?”
/taps nose
Mo's Bike Shop said,
August 3, 2006 at 6:23
I’d triple tax on any U.S. companies that operate there–Ray (Mt. Pleasant, MI)
Those would be the companies supplying your gasoline, Ray.
Their notions of what’s going on are just totally postmodern, I keep thinking of “Because Drake was too clever for the German fleet!”
c
Ginger Yellow said,
August 3, 2006 at 11:50
How exactly are the Islamic fascists going to take power in Venezuela? According to the CIA, 96% of the population is Catholic and 2% is Protestant.
brooksfoe said,
August 3, 2006 at 11:50
I’d triple tax on any U.S. companies that operate there–Ray (Mt. Pleasant, MI)
Too late – Chavez already did! That’s why the US opposes him!
Duhhh…drrrroool…ugh…Oof. I hit myself! Oof! I did it again!
D. Sidhe said,
August 3, 2006 at 13:07
Well, as we learned this week, many Catholics are very liberalwhich is why it should surprise no one that Mel Gibson actually was never a conservative in the first place, what with palling around with Michael Moore and saying anti-Semitic things, which just proves that liberals are the anti-Semites we’ve always said they were, just like Venezuela and Iran, except that Iran’s not actually Catholic, which, uh, may be the whole point.
Help, I’ve become entangled in the talking points and can’t get out!
Well, at any rate, they’re all commies down there. Just like Iran. Oh, wait.
Flying Rodent said,
August 3, 2006 at 13:33
Do we expect anything less of FOX?
I remember the phone poll they took less than a month after the end of the invasion of Iraq. This is the exact question –
“Iran: Is it time for talking or tomohawking?”.
A better question might have been, “What’s better than one war?”. I think even FOX viewers might know the anticipated answer to that one.
I’ll leave it to you to guess how the viewers felt on the tomohawking issue.
Honey said,
August 3, 2006 at 13:36
“THIS IS L.H. PUTTGRASS SIGNING OFF AND HEADING FOR THE TUB!!!”
xebecs said,
August 3, 2006 at 14:32
How exactly are the Islamic fascists going to take power in Venezuela? According to the CIA, 96% of the population is Catholic and 2% is Protestant.
Because the other 2% are Atheists! We will use our Atheist power to Islamisificate Venezuela to the fully Islamificatednessish point, so that all the Islams will help us convert the remaining Christians to DEVIL WORSHIP! Then we will have pie.
Travis G. said,
August 3, 2006 at 14:56
Huh. I always pictured Gary as having a mustache.
DUDACKATTACK!!! said,
August 3, 2006 at 15:13
What if the question was; “Would FOX viewers accept a $1.00 price cut per gallon of gas?”
Too late! You blew it already!!
Ooof ! I hit myself again!! Ow!
Tak, the Hideous New Girl said,
August 3, 2006 at 15:53
I wonder if they also have a problem of super-rich taking wildly disproportionate % of the national wealth?
Shh! That sounds an awful lot like a class war.
We don’t have none of that here. They can take all the national wealth they want because God says they deserve it!
g said,
August 3, 2006 at 16:24
Ermmm…what was it that Chavez did that was so bad, again? I ferget.
Oh. Right. It was saying nasty things about George Bush.
BruceH said,
August 3, 2006 at 16:28
Right on Tak. Preach it girl!
Halleluiah!
Dorothy said,
August 3, 2006 at 16:52
So, Fox is asking what the US should do to Venezuela; is anyone asking what Venezuela can do the US?
Venezuela-owned Citgo Petroleum Corp. has decided to stop selling gasoline at some 1,800 stations in the United States following calls by President Hugo Chavez to nix contracts that benefit U.S. consumers more than Venezuelans.
Wes F. in North Adams said,
August 3, 2006 at 17:00
“THIS IS L.H. PUTTGRASS SIGNING OFF AND HEADING FOR THE TUB!!!�
Honey, marry me.
Your gender, orientation, and my marital status are unimportant. You pulled out L. H. Puttgrass, and that’s all that matters.
WF
TC said,
August 3, 2006 at 17:11
Wes, you beat me to it.
Anyone who checks Bloom County is A-OK in my book, and should be instantly added to the Sadly, No pantheon of Respected Commenters.
MCH said,
August 3, 2006 at 17:23
The states where Citgo will stop selling gasoline are: Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma and South Dakota. A limited number of stations in Illinois, Texas, Arkansas and Iowa will also be affected.
Eeenteresting. They’re mostly red states, yes? And just last winter, Venezuela provided home-heating aid to blue-state New England residents.
Isn’t this a little like your down-the-street pal showing up at your door and telling you to go screw, that he came over to play with your little brother instead because you’re an asshole?
Christopher said,
August 3, 2006 at 17:50
OiI couldn’t even tell you which one was Venezuela if you gave me an unlabelled map, and I still can tell these are stupid ideas.
How is it possible to be so ignorant?
uberpatriot said,
August 3, 2006 at 17:54
xebecs –
BE SILENT! You are putting the Atheist Islamififiedishnessing of Venezuela Plan (patent pend.) in jeopardy with your loose talk.
Oh, and Satan says the pie will be strawberry-rhubarb.
tigrismus said,
August 3, 2006 at 18:09
There was an article on the news yesterday about France having to slow nuclear power generation drastically because the coolant water was just too hot for safe operations. If the weather continues to trend warmer nuclear is not going to be the panacea this dude seems to expect. And we already do drill for oil in the US-US oil extraction peaked between 1965 and 1970, and has been falling ever since, due not to decreased activity but to depletion. Anyone who thinks enough oil remains under the US to make any sort of real difference is smoking crack by the truckload. Hey, as much as that guy’s smoking, maybe we could add a miniature turbine over the pipe…
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
August 3, 2006 at 18:15
“I would stress that what Chavez and the Iranian Mullah’s have most in common is the repression of their people. In both cases, the oil wealth is being lavished upon weapons programs instead of promoting the health, well-being and freedom of their people.�
Q: What’s the difference between Chavez and Bush?
A; Chavez was elected by a majority of the voting populace…
Marq said,
August 3, 2006 at 18:56
Reading the “thoughts” and “opinions” of congenital idiots is, quite frankly, hideously depressing. So, “thanx” for bringing them to my attention. Ick.
Sexy Sadie said,
August 3, 2006 at 20:08
Personally, I’ve noticed in the past that Gary has hinted at being black. Anyway, even if he’s not, the guy on the right seems too thin and not slovenly enough to be Gary.
LJ/Aquaria said,
August 3, 2006 at 20:28
I would stress that what Chavez and the Iranian Mullah’s have most in common is the repression of their people. In both cases, the oil wealth is being lavished upon weapons programs instead of promoting the health, well-being and freedom of their people.�
Q: What’s the difference between Chavez and Bush?
A; Chavez was elected by a majority of the voting populace…
Chavez believes in progressive taxation.
Chavez doesn’t mind pissing off the “elite.” And not the intuhlekchul elite. But Bush’s kind of elite: Self-serving bastards with more greed than sense. especially a sense of decency. The only sense they have is one of entitlement. How dare these peasants expect to be anywhere other than prostrate before us! And give us your money, too, vile serfs! You’re too foolish to know what to do with it!
Honey said,
August 4, 2006 at 12:15
More skin on HBO!