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Who Are You and What Have You Done With Pastor Swank?
There was a time when the only thing Pastor Swank had in common with hippies was that he never bathed. But now he’s come out in favor of bringing the troops home from Iraq:
Multinational forces are carrying the heavy burden for Iraq security. It’s not working. To support the troops, bring them home.
My God! He sounds like a MoveOn.org press release! But it really is Swank. Check out the fifth paragraph:
It’s stupid; but that’s the way Islam “thinks.� Therefore, on with the imploding of Iraq, though disappointing it will be for those who dreamt of a democracy overlaying a Muslim country — the first of its kind. However, one cannot take a hard-worked democracy such as is in America and make it into a ready-to-sprout democracy plant flowering over a killing cult.
Tune in next week when Swank will fill us in on his grand plan to levitate the Pentagon.
tigrismus said,
August 3, 2006 at 2:25
ready-to-sprout democracy plant flowering over a killing cult
Now I have a “Helter Skelter” earworm. Dangit.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
August 3, 2006 at 2:30
I like the idea of the ready-to-sprout democracy plant. Are they like sea monkeys? Can I buy one at the garden shop as a present, or do they only come by mail order?
JiuNoon said,
August 3, 2006 at 2:36
But no more forces from non-Muslim countries should give their lives for a cult and country that really do not appreciate personal freedoms.
Sorry. I was distracted by the Religious Right telling me that protesting is support for the terrorists, that women shouldn’t be able to decide what to do with their own bodies, and that homo nups are teh devil. What were you saying about cults and personal freedoms?
Kathleen said,
August 3, 2006 at 2:46
Are they like sea monkeys?
in fact, they are exactly like sea monkeys. I can totally see all of the Korner Kids squinting and chanting “I do see the democracy flowering! I do see it!”
mikey said,
August 3, 2006 at 2:55
Or disappointing it will be for wingnuts global despising death cult immams and muslims of terror.
Damn, this dood makes my brain hurt…
mikey
TC said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:10
Even if that’s not the real Swank, he’s still got a way with syntax tortured.
iamcoyote said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:21
Wait, I thought Turkey was the first Muslim democracy. Or is he talking about the first attempt at imposing democracy by bombing the shit out of the voters first? That’s kinda unique, innit?
Jack of None said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:23
What about a democracy plant over a Thrill Kill Kult?
maddie said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:26
This is not surprising. When Buckley came out with his column in February saying the Iraq war has been a failure, it seemed pretty clear that he was handing the wingnuts their exit strategy: “Those A-Rabs are just too uncivilised to become a democracy.”
This will become the wingnut excuse for the loss of the Iraq war, along with the “stab-in-the-back liberals” meme.
You can count on seeing more of this crap.
Smiling Mortician said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:30
I like the idea of the ready-to-sprout democracy plant. Are they like sea monkeys?
Actually I think he was picturing something more like a Shia-pet.
Dorothy said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:43
I was watching Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century last weekend (hey, I have an 8-year-old daughter–no wisecracks!), and I had a revelation:
Pastor Swank is from the year 2049! Check out these quotes from the movie:
“ONE sin minor and my life is a living black hole!”
“My parents are in trouble major!”
It explains so much.
Dan Someone said,
August 3, 2006 at 3:59
When Buckley came out with his column in February saying the Iraq war has been a failure, it seemed pretty clear that he was handing the wingnuts their exit strategy: “Those A-Rabs are just too uncivilised to become a democracy.�
Oh, won’t that be sweet? Then we can break out the clips of the 2004 State of the Union address:
We also hear doubts that democracy is a realistic goal for the greater Middle East, where freedom is rare. Yet it is mistaken, and condescending, to assume that whole cultures and great religions are incompatible with liberty and self-government. I believe that God has planted in every human heart the desire to live in freedom. And even when that desire is crushed by tyranny for decades, it will rise again.
Buck B. said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:00
Wait, I thought Turkey was the first Muslim democracy.
Yeah, them and the few dozen other democracies in the Organization of the Islamic Conference.
Do the ‘nuts really think there are no Muslim democracies?
REB 84 said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:03
“Nobody Comes Home From War Unchanged”
This quote is from Paul Rieckhoff, Executive Director of the Iraq Afghanistan Veterans of America IAVA.org/. It links to a short eight minute film about his organization.
Regardless of your political affiliation or opinion of our involvement in Iraq you owe it to yourself and to American’s military men and women to watch this video. It helps summarize “The True Cost of War.”
QuestionItNow – Still In Iraq
maddie said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:13
Oh, won’t that be sweet? Then we can break out the clips of the 2004 State of the Union address:
Mmmm….yesss…more cognitive dissonance for the masses.
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:46
Shorter Swank: I hate to be the one to coin this phrase, but it turns out you can’t spread Democracy at gunpoint. Huh.
shargash said,
August 3, 2006 at 4:59
“Yeah, them and the few dozen other democracies in the Organization of the Islamic Conference.”
Yeah, like Lebanon and the Palestinians. Oops. I think when Swank said, “the first of its kind“, I think he meant the first Muslim democracy to be a kiss-W’s-ass client state of America.
D. Sidhe said,
August 3, 2006 at 5:57
You understand that he probably is envisioning redeployment of the troops along the border to keep the whatever-it-is-we’re-calling-them-to-humorously-mock-the-wingnuts-today out, and just fucking nuking Iraq, and probably anyone else breathing over there for good measure.
The enemy of my enemy is usually some fuckwit I want nothing to do with. Just so with Swank.
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2006 at 6:13
Haha! No, shargash. The Repubs didnt’ get a chance to try to steal those elections, so they CAN’T be “real” democracies! NOw, maybe if they started up a branch of College Republicans…
apostropher said,
August 3, 2006 at 6:40
Is it just me, or has Pastor Swank begun to morph into Charles Nelson Reilly?
Ginger Yellow said,
August 3, 2006 at 11:26
Multinational forces? Surely the proper nomenclature is “forces multinational”.
Major Woody said,
August 3, 2006 at 12:49
(snap, snap, snap) Groovy, Pastor Swank! Go, cat, go!
tigrismus said,
August 3, 2006 at 18:19
I like the idea of the ready-to-sprout democracy plant. Are they like sea monkeys?
Actually I think he was picturing something more like a Shia-pet.
Holy crap, I think that’s a bannable offense.
Marq said,
August 3, 2006 at 19:06
Relax, everyone. Swank will remain swanktastic as long as he has his blinding hatred of teh homo-nups to guide him, so all remains keul. Besides, I’m sure he’s up for a war on Iran!