Intellectual Firepower On Display


ABOVE: Mike McDaneil, Junior Confederate Wanker in Training

Shorter Mike “Junior Goober” McDaniel, Confederate Wanker:
The Unintended (or Not) Consequences of Magazine Capacity “Restrictions”

  • Here are my four killer (Can I say that?? LOL) arguments against imposing any restrictions on high-capacity magazines:

    1. People will still commit mass carnage in parking lots with single shot, breech loading rifles and swords

    2. The difference between killing 15 and 31 people is tactically negligible.

    3. Our Founding Fathers specifically intended to guarantee a constitutional right to high-capacity pistol magazines.

    4, Once the government takes away our high-capacity magazines, the next thing you know they will take away our submachine guns and shoulder-fired rocket launchers.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 789

 
 
 

Keep your government hands off my sharks with frickin’ lasers on their heads!

 
 

” they will take away our submachine guns and shoulder-fired rocket launchers”

So totally BOGUS.

QUERY: Does Substance get to keep his marshmallow gun?

 
 

Military firearms have large capacity magazines because the vast majority of rounds are fired to keep somebody pinned down. It’s rare for someone in combat to actually see the people they’re shooting at. That’s why the Army transitioned from highly accurate, long-range M1 rifles to the “spray and pray” M16.

I can’t really think of any civilian context that requires that kind of firepower.

 
 

I guess that these clowns think that reasonable gun control laws would somehow interfere with our Constitutional right to kill as many of our fellow citizens as possible.

That, or they really have sudden hankerings for deer tartare that they just can’t control.

 
 

Goddam. I’m in a real quandry on this one. I’ve learned to the Trust The Shorter. I haven’t been out of the boat in weeks. But I’m s-o-o tempted on this topic. I’ve got to cogitate on taking such a dangerous step.

While doing so, I’m going back to Aljazeera. I’m still wired-in to Egypt.

PS: Left orphan comments on the last thread. And a courtesy message there that this thread has started.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Ugh. Got out of the boat. Trust the Shorter, forrealz.

“It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms. At the Civil War battle of Gettysburg in 1863, both sides suffered approximately 51,000 casualties in three days of fighting using primarily single shot, breech loading rifles and muzzle loading cannon quite crude by contemporary standards. Some 5000 horses were also killed. The problem, in 1066, 1863 and today is human nature, not the tools employed.”

That (with apologies to Trig) is one of the most fucking retarded arguments I have ever fucking seen.

 
 

I can’t really think of any civilian context that requires that kind of firepower.

ZOMBIES.

 
 

By his own twisted logic then I guess he wouldn’t mind being restricted to owning swords and muzzle loading rifles because, hey, they’re just as good.

Right?

 
 

Dear Sweet Cthulhu Below:

It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms.

That is some weapons-grade stupid. Not only would it be stupid if it were actually true, but he just made it up. Not only do we not know how many people died, we don’t even know how many fought:

We have no accurate figures of the number of soldiers who took part in the Battle of Hastings. Historians have estimated that William had 5,000 infantry and 3,000 knights while Harold had about 2, 500 housecarls and over 6,000 members of the fyrd.

 
 

Damn you for posting faster, T&U. That is the last time I waste time fact-checking!

 
 

Set aside the fact that criminals don’t obey any law.

This is true. I got a speeding ticket once and from then on it’s been nothing but securities fraud and treason.

 
 

Set aside the fact that criminals don’t obey any law.

The career criminals I know are, in fact, very law abiding, under the general rule; “Never commit a misdemeanor while committing a felony.”

 
 

It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms.

You forget: that includes abortions.

 
 

If you can’t tell the difference between an actual battle in an actual war and absolutely everything else that could ever happen, you don’t deserve to have fingers to shoot with. Or type with.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Damn you for posting faster, T&U. That is the last time I waste time fact-checking!

I have to use this MLS for *something*….

 
 

Set aside the fact that criminals don’t obey any law.

I learned this the hard way when I waited for a red light after burning down a crowded church. Cop gave me a ticket because my front wheels were in the crosswalk.

 
 

Helmke’s claim that the 1994-2004 Clinton Gun Ban’s 10-round magazine limit was “effective” is easily disproved nonsense. It’s hard to imagine what Helmke means by “effective,” unless he counts as effective inconveniencing and annoying the law abiding while not in any way hampering criminals. My co-blogger Bob Owen’s recent article (see the link at the beginning of this article) on the Columbine killers—who would want their names mentioned here—eloquently makes that point.

If the other Columbine students had been allowed to pack fully automatic weapons the carnage would have been diminished considerably.

Alas, the pansy-ass school system would not even allow them to carry swords for defense.

 
 

Set aside the fact that criminals don’t obey any law.

It makes grand jury presentations a lot easier. “We’ve got video of this guy selling drugs. We’re charging him with all the crimes.”

 
 

1. People will still commit mass carnage in parking lots with single shot, breech loading rifles and swords

2. The difference between killing 15 and 31 people is tactically negligible.

3. Our Founding Fathers specifically intended to guarantee a constitutional right to high-capacity pistol magazines.

All three of those arguments taken to their logical end allow citizens to carry strategic nuclear weapons. After all, the Constitution says “arms,” not “small arms.” And people will still be committing mass carnage without nukes. So why not let people have nukes?

 
 

Set aside the fact that criminals don’t obey any law.

Well I suppose this argument is supposed to be along the lines of “psychopathic killers are going to brake teh law when the go on their homicidal rampages, therefore it is pointless to make high cap magazines illegal since psycho-killers won’t care about their clips being 20 or so rounds longer than legally allowed. I mean what are you going to do – write them a ticket?”

To which I’d just like to point out that Loughner’s weapon and high cap magazine were both legal.

 
 

I just watched ‘Bowling for Columbine’ again last night and was struck — nay, smitten — by the simple fact that nothing has changed, except now the conversation about improved gun laws ends within hours, not weeks, after an atrocity occurs.

I blame the Jews.

 
smedley, neither housecarl nor fyrd
 

Teh Great Orange Satan currently has a diary up about one Jeffrey Harbin, a neo-nazi in Arizona, who was indicted for making an IED designed for maximum human carnage. I can’t wait to see McDaniel’s defense of Harbin.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The fucktardedest thing about saying “If we outlaw high-capacity magazines, only outlaws will have high-capacity magazines” is that not only does it mean that they’ll be difficult to get because they’re illegal, they’ll also be difficult to get because they’d be more expensive and fewer of them would exist.

 
 

I can’t really think of any civilian context that requires that kind of firepower.

ZOMBIES.

Don’t be silly. in a mass zombie attack, spraying bullets indiscriminately doesn’t help much; remember, it takes a head shot, so you need that accuracy.

Plus, eventually you’re gonna run out of bullets, no matter how many you have. We’ll make more zombies.

… which makes me think that what this fuckweasel wants is a 300 million round magazine, JUST SO HE CAN MAKE SURE.

 
 

they’ll also be difficult to get because they’d be more expensive and fewer of them would exist.

Criminals ignore all laws, including the law of supply and demand.

 
 

Some interesting items to consider:
1. Loughner used an extended magazine holding 31 rounds.
2. This is the largest magazines that could be legally obtained.
3. He was stopped while reloading.

Seems pretty decisive to me, banning high capacity magazines will lead to Shania Law!!11!ones!

 
 

because they’d be more expensive and fewer of them would exist.

The Chris Rock law!

 
 

Alt. shorter No. 3:

Second Amendment law was unsettled until five justices finally ruled our way.

 
 

It should also be noted that the gentleman recently apprehended in a mosque parking lot with a vehicle full of explosives (not a terrorist because of shut up) did not require an extended magazine for his intended weapon, therefore we should all have any kind of magazine we want. But not vehicles laden with explosives.

For my part, I have a subscription to Consumer Reports, some vintage copies of American Homes from the 1940s, and an almost-complete collection of the original Starlog. If the government comes for these…

 
 

Plus, eventually you’re gonna run out of bullets, no matter how many you have. We’ll make more zombies.

True, and the girls of Onechanbara have amptly demonstrated their BOOBIES that swords are very effective weapons against teh undead*.

*And also their BOOBIES.

 
 

It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms.

So in 12 hours of pitched combat every survivor of the Battle of Hastings killed (on average) … one person.

Yes, this is exactly like killing ten people in five seconds down at the Buy-Rite parking lot.

What shouldn’t be forgotten is that the author switches from deaths at Hastings to casualties at Gettysburg in order to disguise the odd little fact that in three days of combat, 160,000 men only managed to kill about 8,000 of each other which makes Gettysburg a far, far safer place to be than Hastings. By like an order of magnitude. Guns and canon not withstanding.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Don’t be silly. in a mass zombie attack, spraying bullets indiscriminately doesn’t help much; remember, it takes a head shot, so you need that accuracy.

Plus, eventually you’re gonna run out of bullets, no matter how many you have. We’ll make more zombies.

If you’re to the point where you have to shoot indiscriminately, you might as well just throw towel in and either join or shoot yourself in the head.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Criminals ignore all laws, including the law of supply and demand.

Yet I see that even the most heinous murderer still follows the law of gravity. Interesting…

 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Here’s a thought exercise for Goober and his ilk:

Imagine someone holds you up with a gun. Would you prefer they point a single shot breech loader or a thirty-shell magazined Glock?

QED

 
 

Seriously, though: there’s the common fallacy (VPR) that if we outlaw guns, gun parts, accessories, etc. then only outlaws will have same. But in the real world, these devices create outlaws. The more lethal and outrageous the firepower, the more likely possession of same will lead to fantasies of apocalyptic violence. If people could wear Superman costumes that gave them super-powers, that wouldn’t lead to more heroics. It would lead to tens of thousands of deaths by misadventure. It’s precisely the same with guns. Except every idiot has those.

Only I possess a working superhero suit.

 
 

Does Substance get to keep his marshmallow gun?

I doubt his penis is detachable.

 
 

Only I possess a working superhero suit.

Only because I was finished with it after that workout in the dungeon.

 
 

I can’t really think of any civilian context that requires that kind of firepower.

You never know when you’ll go up against a deer armed to the teeth.

 
 

But in the real world, these devices create outlaws.

Yes. All wingnut discussion on this point assumes there is a static category “criminal” which consists solely of people not like, you know, us – probably melanin-enhanced, but who can be sure, now that we have kicked God out of our schools?

 
 

The problem, in 1066, 1863 and today is human nature, not the tools employed

Me dost think the lady doth protest too much.

If you’re going to make the argument that weapons don’t kill, people do, then you should probably address the issue that the fewer weapons people have, the less likely it is they will kill, simply because they can’t.

 
 

housecarl

Hey! A new career for me!

 
 

I blame the Jews.

Especially Smith and Wessonstein.

 
 

It makes grand jury presentations a lot easier. “We’ve got video of this guy selling drugs. We’re charging him with all the crimes.”

Awesome.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Shorter Rightwing: YOU AREN’T THE BOSS OF ME! *hmph*

 
 

I myself personally am just grateful I don’t have to put up with this kind of European nonsense. USA! USA! USA!!!!

 
 

OT: David, stop trying to make Composure Class happen! It’s not going to happen!

 
 

MORE BOOBIES

I would love to oblige, but I only the wishes of a certain manipulative witch are my command any more. Thus, LESS BOOBIES.

 
 

I myself personally am just grateful I don’t have to put up with this kind of European nonsense

yea! Who wants old and busted when you can have new hottness?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

OT: David, stop trying to make Composure Class happen! It’s not going to happen!

“He is asexually handsome, with a little less body fat than Michelangelo’s David. As he crosses his legs, you observe that they are immeasurably long and slender. He doesn’t really have thighs. Each leg is just one elegant calf on top of another.”

Damn, *I* don’t pay this much attention to dudes’ legs, and I have sex with them.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I have to say, I don’t get the puffy home theater furniture in that place. You’d think they’d be able to hire a decorator.

 
 

1. People will still commit mass carnage in parking lots with single shot, breech loading rifles and swords

The unrestricted use of fighter jets is also a problem. I thank the lord that Jethro’s kid has his up on blocks on the front lawn, eyesore though it be.

 
 

When bioterror weapons are outlawed, only outlaws will have them.

Wait. What?

 
 

” point a single shot breech loader…”

VPR

 
 

For brain bleaching purposes, if needed.

The Second Amendment guarantees me the right to own a Siberian tiger for self-defense purposes and, at a deeper level, to keep the government in check.

 
 

For brain bleaching purposes, if needed.

Oh sure! None of those fucking welfare-sucking anchor babies actually has to go SHOVEL any of the shit, no wonder *they* like it. You know, *they* always enjoy watching us hard-working Americans slave just to feed them and give them housing, and who the fuck do they laugh at? Especially those shitty little Asian monkeyboys????

 
 

” point a single shot breech loader…”

VPR

I think that would be more a pump-action shotgun, but that’s just my take on it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

BUT THE BABY MONKEY TRIES TO MAKE SNOWBALLS LIKE THE GROWNUP!!!!!!

 
 

“Damn, *I* don’t pay this much attention to dudes’ legs, and I have sex with them.”

Aaaand we’re ack to “knee deep in white pussy” already.

 
 

It’s precisely the same with guns. Except every idiot has those.

Shorter Dampniche:

If we outlaw guns then only outlaws and the children of outlaws will shoot themselves or their loved ones accidentally.

 
 

BUT THE BABY MONKEY TRIES TO MAKE SNOWBALLS LIKE THE GROWNUP!!!!!!

Taking jobs from real Americans.

 
 

Aaaand we’re ack to “knee deep in white pussy” already.

The white man’s burden.

 
 

All I can say is that it’s a small blessing that these people are too stupid to build nuclear weapons, and aren’t bright enough to figure out how to steal them, because the first idiot that gets his hands on one will be screaming that the right to threaten large cities and the ecosystem is guaranteed by the Second Amendment.

And thank Jeebus they don’t sell aircraft carriers at the local army-navy store.

 
 

Guns are necessary to preserve equality. Let the gay shotgun weddings commence!

 
 

BUT THE BABY MONKEY TRIES TO MAKE SNOWBALLS LIKE THE GROWNUP!!!!!!

Gotta admit, that was pretty goddamn cute.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Taking jobs from real Americans.

Maybe they can’t get real Americans to do those jobs for free. Did you ever think about that?

 
 

…the first idiot that gets his hands on one will be screaming that the right to threaten large cities and the ecosystem is guaranteed by the Second Amendment.

The idiots actually find their right to threaten the ecosystem in a much older document.

 
 

And thank Jeebus they don’t sell aircraft carriers at the local army-navy store.

No you gotta buy them online. I put HMS Invincible on my Christmas list, but apparently the Chinese outbid Santa.

 
 

Maybe they can’t get real Americans to do those jobs for free. Did you ever think about that?

Oh surrrrrrrrrrrrre, and that makes child labor right?

 
 

When I was a kid, you could go to the mall, and nobody expected the Battle of Hastings.

 
 

Here’s the thing about the whole “guns agin gubmint” arguement.

We own guns. Specifically, we own guns as defined by the courts and Congress: they can’t be automatic weapons, they can’t hold more than X rounds, yadayadayada.

Now, if the government was really going to turn on its own people, what kind of weapons would they bring to bear?

Just about anything you can imagine.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t hold the Wolverine-ish illusion that a couple of drunks in Idaho are going to hold off even a patrol of US Army regulars carrying M-16s and M-9s with grenade launchers, and Abrams tanks. That shit wasn’t even believable when the fucking Ewoks did it, and they don’t drink.

Can we please drop that fucking “Rebel Cause” bullshit nonsense?

 
 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t hold the Wolverine-ish illusion that a couple of drunks in Idaho are going to hold off even a patrol of US Army regulars carrying M-16s and M-9s with grenade launchers, and Abrams tanks.

The Iraqis did it. And that’s including the fact that US servicemembers are much less inhibited about shooting them then they are about shooting US citizens.

 
 

The Iraqis did it.

Yes, but they had all the weapons we sold them back in the 1990s. And even then, they lost the war first.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The Iraqis did it. And that’s including the fact that US servicemembers are much less inhibited about shooting them then they are about shooting US citizens.

I think the point is moot. Any kind of crazy government takeover is probably going to favor rightwingers, anyway. They’d probably help out.

 
smedley, neither housecarl nor fyrd
 

“Aaaand we’re ack to “knee deep in white pussy” already.”

You’re doin’ it wrong………..

 
 

AIIAIAIYEEEEE

I neglected to turn down the volume on my bedside radio when Cokie Roberts came on this morning, as is my wont as a prophylactic against exposure to idiocy. It wasn’t bad enough that she could let it go with just “the administration is always one step behind the situation.”. Noooooo, then she has to say “if the Prez isn’t vocal in support of the protesters does that lead to more terrorists?”.

Please, someone, anyone, SHUT HER UP NOW.

 
 

The words “Cokie Roberts” should not appear that close to “prophylatctic”, I don’t care who you are.

 
 

The rubber hits the road, so to speak.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I neglected to turn down the volume on my bedside radio when Cokie Roberts came on this morning, as is my wont as a prophylactic against exposure to idiocy. It wasn’t bad enough that she could let it go with just “the administration is always one step behind the situation.”. Noooooo, then she has to say “if the Prez isn’t vocal in support of the protesters does that lead to more terrorists?”.

Ha! That happened to me this morning. I shouted, “Shut the FUCK up, Cokie” from my bathroom. I don’t care if it bothered the neighbors. They woke me up last night with their semimonthly four-minute sex session at 1:00 in the morning.

 
 

I think the point is moot. Any kind of crazy government takeover is probably going to favor rightwingers, anyway. They’d probably help out.

This. The primary cognitive dissonance in the Second Amendment fever dreams is that if teh Gummint is going to come take your guns away, they will be sending the US military. i.e. the guns they are keeping to prevent tyrrany and despotism from breaking out across the United States are being kept for the purposes of shooting at the US soldiers.

 
 

They woke me up last night with their semimonthly four-minute sex session at 1:00 in the morning.

Dear Pearl Forum,

I never thought I’d be writing to you. But the most extraordinary event occurred, and I would be remiss if I neglected to inform you of it. Last night, at an hour past the upright stroke, I was awakened by —

 
 

They woke me up last night with their semimonthly four-minute sex session at 1:00 in the morning.

Sure they weren’t just changing the sheets? What man can last four minutes?????

 
 

the guns they are keeping to prevent tyrrany and despotism from breaking out across the United States are being kept for the purposes of shooting at the US soldiers.

YOO ESS AYYY!!!! YOO ESSS AYYY!!!!!

Also, their love of America does not extend to its gubmint, IE the entity, other than land mass, that defines what America is.

 
 

Actor, it takes me 40 minutes just to get an erection these days.

 
 

Actor, it takes me 40 minutes just to get an erection these days.

Wait…it needs to be erect?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Sure they weren’t just changing the sheets? What man can last four minutes?????

I thought you were able to last *longer* when you got older?

She was shouting, “Oh, yeah, right there!” Maybe she was just excited that he was able to get the fitted sheet on right. (Why is that so difficult for people? It’s weird).

 
smedley, neither housecarl nor fyrd
 

Once again, you loony libs aren’t thinking like a teatard. Here is the right way to think: When the revolution comes, the brave US Military will join with the teatards to overthrow the Usurper in Chief. Got it?

 
 

I thought you were able to last *longer* when you got older?

It just hurts enough to feel like it’s longer.

 
smedley, neither housecarl nor fyrd
 

“it takes me 40 minutes just to get an erection these days”

Having a partner might help.

 
 

Maybe she was just excited that he was able to get the fitted sheet on right.

I bet he got the top-sheet all hospital cornered, too.

 
 

Having a partner might help.

Wait…partner?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I bet he got the top-sheet all hospital cornered, too.

I’m jealous. I want a partner who can hospital corner my top-sheet.

 
low sodium hunchback
 

If molten lead is outlawed, only outlaws will have molten lead.

 
 

97 already? I’m getting my car detailed. This is not a euphemism for anything.

 
 

Think the Founding Fathers didn’t want to assure that every (white, property-owning) male could own a death ray? Think again:

http://tinyurl.com/63kkl46

 
 

I’m jealous. I want a partner who can hospital corner my top-sheet.

Well, I can tuck it into your folds anytime you’d like.

 
 

I myself personally am just grateful I don’t have to put up with this kind of European nonsense.

Bread oven! SHEEPFOLD!

 
 

Well, I can tuck it into your folds anytime you’d like.

And unlike your mom, you don’t even have to roll her around in the flour first to find the right one,

 
 

I’m getting my car detailed.

So they’re scrubbing your…upholstery?

*bowchicawowwow*

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Well, I can tuck it into your folds anytime you’d like.

Are you calling me fat?

 
 

Are you calling me fat?

Sure sounded like that to me!

 
 

I want a partner who can hospital corner my top-sheet.

If we know what you mean, and you think that we do.

 
 

Are you calling me fat?

Will it get me into your pants if I say yes?

 
 

“I would love to oblige, but I only the wishes of a certain manipulative witch are my command any more.”

This makes me want to dedicate novelty song videos to you ALL NIGHT LONG.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Will it get me into your pants if I say yes?

No. I may have low self-esteem, but the neg isn’t going to get you anywhere.

 
 

“I would love to oblige, but I only the wishes of a certain manipulative witch are my command any more.”

This makes me want to dedicate novelty song videos to you ALL NIGHT LONG.

Revenge for poor grammar?

 
 

“Will it get me into your pants if I say yes?”

Although this cools my ardour considerably.

BTW, I’m sure someone’s beaten me to making this point, but if criminals NEVER obey laws, we probably have no need for laws, right?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Although this cools my ardour considerably.

Don’t worry. I don’t wear pants.

 
 

I’m sure someone’s beaten me to making this point

V… never mind.

 
 

I bet he got the top-sheet all hospital cornered, too.

HOT.

 
 

No. I may have low self-esteem, but the neg isn’t going to get you anywhere.

Here’s where I bust out the magic line that regains me all that feminist cred and goodwill I just burned.

Does this approach work on your mom?

 
 

“Does Substance get to keep his marshmallow gun?

I doubt his penis is detachable.”

Well, that certainly would change the meaning of “shoot you with my marshmallow gun”

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Does this approach work on your mom?

Considering the fact that she was married to my dad for 20 years, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

 
 

,,,I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

Okay then, would you please tell your mom that I think she’s fat.

 
 

“V… ”

Si?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Okay then, would you please tell your mom that I think she’s fat.

Dude, you’re on your own with that one.

 
 

Dude, you’re on your own with that one.

Geez, this mom-fucking thing is getting to be hard* work.

*VPR

 
 

Is it bad that, even if it were true that Taco Bell meat is only 33% meat, I still crave it?

 
 

I’m jealous. I want a partner who can hospital corner my top-sheet.

We’ll get it so tight you can bounce a penny.

 
 

Taco Bell meat is only 33% meat*

 
 

Or a-plenty.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Is it bad that, even if it were true that Taco Bell meat is only 33% meat, I still crave it?

I’d rather have fake meat than e coli-riddled meat that they scraped off the factory floor and threw into a grinder, personally.

 
 

“s it bad that, even if it were true that Taco Bell meat is only 33% meat, I still crave it?”

I kinda get it. Ive had a long, torrid and dysfunctional affair with the place for years.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

(Pssst…I’ll bet the “guacamole” is only 30% avocado, too. If that).

 
 

This thread has taken a turn for the wurst.

 
 

Don’t knock wurst.

 
 

I never sausage an awful pun.

 
 

LINK

You see what I did there.

 
 

You guys are brats.

 
 

Y’all are the biggest bunch of brats I’ve ever had the chance to meat.

 
 

Speaking of links, if Ma Nature didn’t want us to eat babies, she wouldn’t have made their chubby little limbs resemble sausage links. I mean, they’re kinda ASKING for a nom.

 
 

Fuck it, I’m making a run for the border

 
 

I wish you and your GI tract well.

 
 

Fuck it, I’m making a runs for the border

Fixxed for MOAR POOP. Serves you right for getting to a joke before me.

 
 

Fuck it, I’m making a runs for the border

This thread needs moar shit moat.

 
 

This thread needs moar shit moat.

Careful what you wish for. It’s lucky that I only see vs’ wishes as my command because the all the talk of sausage from earlier would lead to a truly disgusting shit moat link.

 
 

This thread needs a bix box of penes.

 
 

fine. A big box. Whatever.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Apparently, when I was drunk, I got into a discussion in the Amazon reviews of The Net Delusion: The Dark Side of Internet Freedom with some dude who was rambling about Soros. I really need a hobby.

 
 

If we outlaw high-capacity magazines, only outlaws will have high-capacity magazines

Well, at this point in our history, I’m less worried about outlaws. They are less likely to indiscriminately spray multiple rounds of automatic fire at crowded supermarkets than are nut-cases who can buy their ammo at Wal-mart.

 
 

Nukes? Well, since our Founding Fathers put in the Second Amendment so that random groups of people with a grievance could overthrow the government, as opposed to (say) state militia—because they loved the mob so damned much,

…and since the Big Evil Gummint now has nukes

…it follows as does “the night” Polonius’ previous words in that speech that individuals need to have nukes.

 
smedley, maybe a housecarl, but a fyrd of no one
 

“Apparently, when I was drunk, I got into a discussion in the Amazon reviews of The Net Delusion: The Dark Side of Internet Freedom with some dude who was rambling about Soros.”

Lemme guess: He insisted that, just because Soros and Obama have not yet taken over the internet doesn’t mean they won’t.

 
 

Thank you Pup Max. Another item onto my list of things I can’t unsee. Made all the worse when I assumed you had to be joking and did a bit of Googling.

There’s video.

 
 

just because Soros and Obama have not yet taken over the internet

YOU LIE!!!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I am against all governement restrictions on porn magazine capacity!!!

 
 

chubby little limbs resemble sausage links. I mean, they’re kinda ASKING for a nom.

tell me about it.

and the skulls are so SQUISHY. Like soft-shell crabs.

 
 

“Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
January 31, 2011 at 19:09

POOP for vs.”

ROFL. I must have it.

 
 

I am against all governement restrictions on porn magazine capacity!!!

they still make porn magazines?

 
 

zrm, I already warned N_B that I’m gonna nom on Little _B if I ever get to meet him.

 
 

zrm, I already warned N_B that I’m gonna nom on Little _B if I ever get to meet him.

Fine. N__B has the big brain anyway.

 
smedley, maybe a housecarl, but a fyrd of no one
 

“just because Soros and Obama have not yet taken over the internet

YOU LIE!!!”

Oops. I forgot that I was a member in good standing of the Soros-Alinsky-Chomsky-Obama legion of loony lefties and still enjoyed all the privileges thereof. I tend to forget that those teatards regularly have their internet disconnected or re-routed to moveon.org. My bad.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Lemme guess: He insisted that, just because Soros and Obama have not yet taken over the internet doesn’t mean they won’t.

Pretty much, yeah. He argued that the book calls for censorship/regulation of the internet (it doesn’t) and that because the author is an Open Society fellow, “the project was funded by George Soros. Soros doesn’t like it when people who disagree with him are allowed to air their views in cyberspace (or anywhere else, for that matter), so naturally he’s going to cultivate and sponsor writers who can serve as his mouthpiece while lending his own scary programme a patina of intellectual respectability.”

 
 

TruculentandUnreliable said,

No. I may have low self-esteem, but the neg isn’t going to get you anywhere.

For T&U.

 
 

For T&U.

Their motto is We Come In All Sizes. That’s my motto too! Your mom is fat.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

For T&U.

Look, PM. I know I’m hot enough to turn anybody straight (or gay) temporarily, but as I said, the neg is NOT going to work on me.

 
 

A clear and convincing demonstration that large magazines are an essential need.

 
 

“zombie rotten mcdonald said,
January 31, 2011 at 19:38

zrm, I already warned N_B that I’m gonna nom on Little _B if I ever get to meet him.

Fine. N__B has the big brain anyway.

Yeah, he had no objection. I think because I’m not a zombie. He only fears the zom nom.

 
 

He only fears the zom nom.

Actually, I get the impression that he is frightened of architect cooties.

 
 

Are architect cooties more or less potent than girl cooties?

 
 

When I find myself in times of trouble, I’m glad these clips hold up to thirty
Rounds of ammo, they’re high – capacity.
And in my hour of darkness; Loading bullets in the magazine
Rounds of ammo, they’re high – capacity.

(high) Capacity magazine, (high) capacity magazine.
Rounds of ammo, they’re high – capacity.

[second verse unchanged for added creepitude]

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Are architect cooties more or less potent than girl cooties?

If your dad’s an engineer, then yes.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The primary cognitive dissonance in the Second Amendment fever dreams is that if teh Gummint is going to come take your guns away, they will be sending the US military. i.e. the guns they are keeping to prevent tyrrany and despotism from breaking out across the United States are being kept for the purposes of shooting at the US soldiers.

Meanwhile, the righties are the same ones who tend to want a huge military budget. I think, though, that the real “black helicopter” folks think that “blue helmeted UN troops” will be the invading/occupying force. WOLVERINES!!! PENIS FISH!!!

A clear and convincing demonstration that large magazines are an essential need.

Ohio Bar? Worst theme restaurant EVER!!! Apologies to Thunder.

 
 

I really need a hobby.

Two hobbies in one: first you restore it, then you play it.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Two hobbies in one: first you restore it, then you play it.

1. Restore it
2. Play it
3. ???????
4. PROFIT!!!

 
 

“PENIS FISH!!!”

*Labrador-like head tilt*

If your penis fish lasts more than 4 hours, consult your doctor or marine biologist.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Two hobbies in one: first you restore it, then you play it.

Dude, I’ve never seen someone get so evangelical about a stringed instrument.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

3. ???????

Leverage my boobs and mediocre singing voice to get a record deal?

 
 

Dude, I’ve never seen someone get so evangelical about a stringed instrument.

A veined instrument though, different story.

First you restore it, then you play it. This can be done simultaneously.

 
 

Two hobbies in one: first you restore it, then you play it.

1. Restore it
2. Play it
3. ???????
4. PROFIT!!!”

VMR

BTW, I first read this as “two hobbits in one”

 
 

Damn you,DKW!

 
 

I, OTOH, do not have big boobs, but I do have a big voice. Seriously…I’ve got some pipes.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Leverage my boobs and mediocre singing voice to get a record deal?

Worked for Jewel!

**ducks thrown crockery**

 
 

“Set aside the fact that criminals don’t obey any law.”

Why have any laws at all? All criminals are going to defy all of them anyway…?

What passes for conservative “logic” makes my head hurt.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Worked for Jewel!

It did! She could yodel, though.

Then again, I know that “casualty” =/= “casualness,” so that has to count for something, right?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Rest assured, you didn’t break the thread- this has just been a “Googling Jewel” break.

 
 

I think the point is moot. Any kind of crazy government takeover is probably going to favor rightwingers, anyway. They’d probably help out.

Correct and my opinion as well.

Meanwhile, the righties are the same ones who tend to want a huge military budget.

And an NSA with the powers to wiretap whoever they want without a judicial system looking over their shoulder, and a government with the power to declare anyone an enemy combatant and detain them indefinitely in a foreign jail. You know, no potential for abuse there at all.

I think, though, that the real “black helicopter” folks think that “blue helmeted UN troops” will be the invading/occupying force.

Yes they do. UN = the butt of right wing conspiracy fantasies since Mr. Welch and Mr. Koch Senior founded the John Birch Society.

Which if quality comedy for anyone who has the slightest idea how the UN actually works. Memo to the author of the “Left Behind” series; if there ever is an Antichrist, you should be praying day and night that he does end up Secretary General of the UN, because he’d probably have more power over humanity if he became Governor of the Falklands. The idea that he’d have a secret fleet of black helicopters that’s going to go around giving everyone the mark of the beast’s pretty hysterical.

(Only slightly less hysterical is the idea that if there really was a New World Order Illuminati/Mason/Catholic/Muslim liberal conspiracy to take over the earth, their black helicopters would have nothing better to do than flying around Montana mutilating cattle and stealing 9 milimeters).

 
Quaker in a Basement
 

Y’all go on ahead. I’m staying here on the boat and having another fruity rum umbrella drink.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Rest assured, you didn’t break the thread- this has just been a “Googling Jewel” break.

*phew* I was afraid my knowledge of Jewel had horrified people and kept them away.

 
 

,,,this has just been a “Googling Jewel” break.

Is that what the kids are calling it these days? IIRC, Jewel’s big break was the video for >You Were Meant For Me – so no yodelling required, just a lot of writhing on the floor trying to slip out of your dress.

Upload your practice vids and we’ll be glad to critique them for you.

 
 

Speaking of chick singers, anybody else notice that Ke$ha is the 21st century’s Ad-Rock? I mean that as a compliment.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

just a lot of writhing on the floor trying to slip out of your dress.

You forgot about looking obnoxiously wistful.

Fuck, now that song is in my head.

 
 

You forgot about looking obnoxiously wistful.

I did. As did everyone else. We only remember the writihing on the floor part.

 
 

“the administration is always one step behind the situation.”

Precisely how is the administration supposed to be ahead of the situation?

 
 

They were supposed to have assassinated Mubarak, replacing him with a candy-dispensing robot.

 
 

Precisely how is the administration supposed to be ahead of the situation?

Truther!

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

I realize I’m not the sharpest spork in the drawer (waves) , but If I follow Juniors…um, logic, then since in two vastly different wars years ago SOLDIERS using then mordern weapons killed a lot of each other, then it’s ok for modern civilian gun owners to own high capacity magazines because if they decide to kill unarmed civilians it won’t equal the battle casualities.

 
 

I suppose it is true that “random interventions that increase the chaos and lessen the prospects of a good outcome” do count as “leading the situation”, and are better than leaving another country’s internal affairs un-interfered-with.

 
 
 

So anyway the power went out in the computer room. It was the breaker. I fixed the problem, but the fact is that some day it won’t be the breaker. And I’ll be forced to spend time away from this blog. Perhaps even get a life. The prospect of this terrifies me.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hey Canada, STOP PICKING ON O’REILLY

Well, according to the folks at the Bay of Fundies, GODDIDIT!!!!

 
 

Googling Jewel break.

I always thought it was men who had the family jewels.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

What is this “life” you speak of?

 
 

So anyway the power went out in the computer room. It was the breaker. I fixed the problem, but the fact is that some day it won’t be the breaker.

Someday, it will be the zombocalypse.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I fixed the problem, but the fact is that some day it won’t be the breaker.

It’ll be a 400 foot long radioactive mutant dinosaur, and that will be awesome!!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I suppose it is true that “random interventions that increase the chaos and lessen the prospects of a good outcome” do count as “leading the situation”, and are better than leaving another country’s internal affairs un-interfered-with.

I’m the decider! Gotta be decisive!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Way to step on my dick, zrm!

 
 

Sadly minds think alike, BBBB.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So, would you rather die in a zombie attack or a 400 foot long mutant dinosaur attack?

 
 

in a zombie attack, you would keep moving.

 
 

Bay of Fundies

Ouch.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

Wow! Junior wrote all those words to basically say”Wah! Liberals want to take away my security blanket! I AM BEING VICTIMIZED!!!111″

 
 

Someday, it will be the zombocalypse.

It’ll be a 400 foot long radioactive mutant dinosaur, and that will be awesome!!

This is why I like you guys. You take lemons and you make lemozombiedinoade.

 
 

Not only would it be stupid if it were actually true, but he just made it up. Not only do we not know how many people died, we don’t even know how many fought:

To follow up on Malaclypse’s point, I went Googling for “Hastings 7000 casualties single day”, expecting to find that this is an accepted gun-lobby talking point. But no, this seems to be the rare case of a rightwinger making up his own lie rather than repeating one already in circulation.

“7000” does occur frequently as one estimate of Harold’s total forces. What happened here (I suspect) is that McDaniel picked on the Battle of Hastings for his argument but couldn’t find a casualty figure, so he decided “Feck it, let’s pretend that the entire English army died to a man; it’s only the Internet, no-one’s going to care about facts”.

 
 

Way to step on my dick

Oh my!

 
 

It’ll be a 400 foot long radioactive mutant dinosaur, and that will be awesome!!
Protect your power supply.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Sadly minds think alike, BBBB.

Stop looking at my big bald noggin so hungrily!

So, would you rather die in a zombie attack or a 400 foot long mutant dinosaur attack?

How about a 400 foot long mutant zombie dinosaur?

 
 

So, would you rather die in a zombie attack or a 400 foot long mutant dinosaur attack?

Mutant dinosaurs, because they can’t hide.

 
 

Way to step on my dick

Oh my!

NSFW

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!! NOT SAFE FOR WORK. By the way, that’s Actor on the left, I think.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

7000. Juniors just not through watching 300 for the 24th time.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

in a zombie attack, you would keep moving.

I’m more interested in not being dead in general.

 
 

He’s not lying, folks. NSFW. And not really hot unless you LITERALLY like seeing dicks stepped on.

 
Harold, yeah, that one
 

I’ll gather my 2,500 housecarls and over 6,000 members of the fyrd against that mutant dinosaur and it’ll be a fair fight.

 
 

How about a 400 foot long mutant zombie dinosaur?

Be kind enough to post a link to that movie.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

Gawd, Spengler.

 
 

It’ll be a 400 foot long radioactive mutant dinosaur, and that will be awesome!!
Protect your power supply.

A 400 foot long radioactive mutant dinosaur is my power supply.

 
 

I’m more interested in not being dead in general.

not an option.

Life has a 100% mortality rate.

 
 

And not really hot unless you LITERALLY like seeing dicks stepped on.

Depends on whose dick and maybe “hot” wouldn’t be the word.

 
 

A 400 foot long radioactive mutant dinosaur is my power supply.

THAT is fucking badass.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Just think of the carnage that would have occurred in Tuscon if the shooter had thirty one berserkers in his clip.

 
 

Depends on whose dick and maybe “hot” wouldn’t be the word.

Fair enough. There are some dicks I’d like to stomp on. And, if nothing else, I dig the boots.

 
 

Way to step on my dick

Oh my!

NSFW

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!! NOT SAFE FOR WORK. By the way, that’s Actor on the left, I think.

Plus, I can’t really wear heels like that.

 
 

Just think of the carnage that would have occurred in Tuscon if the shooter had thirty one berserkers in his clip.

and bees in his mouth so when he talked, he shot bees….

 
 

Those are the kind of shoes I was hoping we stuff M. Bouffant into when he went undercover at the Duggar cult meeting talk.

 
 

Those are the kind of shoes I was hoping we stuff M. Bouffant into

gonna have to chop him up pretty fine…

 
 

Feck. I got outta the boat. Here I was doing so well at not clicking too. Fucker actually tries to address the point that Loughner was stopped while trying to reload by saying maybe he did reload and the gun jammed, but maybe he didn’t, the reports are confusing so it’s impossible to know. Therefore shut up that’s why.

And then he follows up with pages of gun pr0n explaining how ninja-ly super gun d00ds would nevar have that problem and can shoot like they have infinite ammo cheat on.

Great. Hey asshole, what about mentally unstable psychotics? How good are they at changing magazines and clearing hypothetical maybe jam maybe not jams?

With apologies to teh Ruppert, the fact is Loughner shot up lots of folks because he had a lots of bullets in his clip because that was what was legally allowed. He was stopped while reloading – ask Patricia Maisch.
The fact is extended magazine bans may not have an effect on super Wolverines like you who can swap a clip and clear a jam faster than your mom can agree to a business transaction – but that is FUCKING NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS THAT MENTALLY DAMAGED PSYCHOS CAN GET THEIR HANDS ON CRAZY POTENT ARMAMENTS. THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

 
 

and bees in his mouth so when he talked, he shot bees….

More and more I’m wanting to construct some weird patchwork Mad-Libs-esque story authored by the posters at this blog.

Zombies
Dinosaurs
Bee mouths
Hot librarians
Architects
Engineers
Pervy writers

WTF more do you want?

 
 

TREBUCHETS.

 
 

TREBUCHETS.

Natch. And also kooky Kiwis and Canucks. The wacky neighbors of the story!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

HOW CAN I MAKE COLOR COPIES FOR YOU IF WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER???

 
 

I’m surprised he didn’t cite Agincourt, because after all it was only them Frenchies that did the dying.

Wassat? He never heard of Agincourt? Oh, right then. Nevermind.

FYWP, I got yer “slow down” right here.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

Not sure ol’ ‘Zilla is a 400 footer.

 
 

In preparation for what they hope to be a new front in a never ending battle, anti-gun forces are engaging in the continual re-branding of gun control, a re-branding occasionally made necessary when the public becomes wise to the most recent re-branding of a decaying carcass.

Now there’s a metaphor a gun-nut can love.

 
 

HOW CAN I MAKE COLOR COPIES FOR YOU IF WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER???

Oils please. Thanks for asking. The service here is great!

 
 

WTF more do you want?

Needs moar hawt hawt gaysex.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

He re-ally, re-ally do-es go on and o-n.

 
 

Once the carcass is decaying, who really cares what ranch it came from?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’m surprised he didn’t cite Agincourt

He hasn’t had “Agincourt” pop into his head since RIghtwingers have had a 5-4 majority.

 
 

Needs moar hawt hawt gaysex.

It goes without saying that there will be HOT GAY SEX.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oils please. Thanks for asking. The service here is great!

I hate my life.

 
 

Machine guns have never been banned in America, merely tightly regulated, and incidents of their criminal misuse are essentially nonexistent.

http://www.google.com/search?q=machine%20gun&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbo=u&tbs=nws:1&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wn

Also: aren’t you supposed to be scaring us with evil Mexicans?

 
 

Oh, are we back on topic now? I was still writing a weird and wonderful story in my head.

Anyway, this guy sucks. And not in the good gay sex way.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

HOW CAN I MAKE COLOR COPIES FOR YOU IF WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER???

Get thee to a scriptorium, and don’t leave out the funky animal heads on the initial letters!

 
 

the murderous would simply use other more time-tested methods of killing. It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms. At the Civil War battle of Gettysburg in 1863, both sides suffered approximately 51,000 casualties in three days of fighting using primarily single shot, breech loading rifles and muzzle loading cannon quite crude by contemporary standards. Some 5000 horses were also killed. The problem, in 1066, 1863 and today is human nature, not the tools employed.

I don’t have anything snarky to say about this. I just wanna let it percolate here.

 
 

How is someone supposed to criminally misuse a machine gun? “This is a stickup! See that jeep over there? Give me your wallet, or it’s going to open fire, riddling the two of us with holes!”

 
 

HOW CAN I MAKE COLOR COPIES FOR YOU IF WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER???

Monks used to do it all the time. Here’s a box of crayons.

 
 

What the fuck is wrnog with these people? SRSLY, they are all like “Loughner’s not one of us – he’s a total whackaloon nutjob, maybe a leftsist if anything – stop politiciziing, besides he was a hippie pot smoker” on the one hand and “Man, if i were Loughner, I’d never have been stopped because I gots mad reloading skillz” on the other.

MikeM, I mean this seriously. Seriously, not SRSLY, but really actually seriously. Get some help. Talk to a counsellor or a psyciatrist or well anyone but the folks at your gun club. Just for a moment. Please. Humour me. Seriously, get some help.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

Uzi.

 
 

The problem, in 1066, 1863 and today is human nature, not the tools employed.

No wait. I do have something to say.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I hate my life.

Suggested title for T&U autobiography, A Cankle for Leibowitz.

 
 

Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

January 31, 2011 at 21:45 (kill)

OK, we’re even now. And Ow those spike heels hurt.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

HOW CAN I MAKE COLOR COPIES FOR YOU IF WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER???

Use different colors of paper.

 
 

Here’s a box of crayons

FUCK YEAH!

 
 

Boy we are all helping T&U today, aren’t we?

 
 

No wait. I do have something to say.

And yet fire-bombing killed far more people, so why is VS so concerned about nuclear weapons?

 
 

Suggested title for T&U autobiography, A Cankle for Leibowitz.

boy, if that doesn’t earn you polite geeky applause, nothing will.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Suggested title for T&U autobiography, A Cankle for Leibowitz.

Instead of scientific knowledge, I’ll be preserving diagrams about organizational improvement in hospitals and medical teaching centers.

 
 

I never applaud politely. I applaud in a very undignified way and sometimes my hands miss each other. It’s a messy, embarrassing and unfortunate. I am, however, good at fetching alcohol.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

FUCK YEAH!

That never fails to make me laugh.

 
 

Also shopping lists.

Fortunately the people you work for only seem to reference and cite internal documents, so it’ll be a self standing masterpiece of archival brilliance!

Also, don’t forget to include some photocopies of your BOOBIES.

 
 

That never fails to make me laugh.

I know. Me too. Tee hee!

 
 

I doubt that they even understand STOP signs. And yet STOP signs are good. The sign doesn’t force us to stop. We have agreed to stop at a red octagonal sign saying “STOP”, look both ways, and proceed when it is safe to do so. We’ve agreed to do this even when the prospect of stopping seems annoying to us, or when we’re in a hurry. We’ve agreed because most of the places marked by a STOP sign are places where, if nobody ever stopped, unpleasantness would almost certainly ensue. We agree while being fully aware that we do not simultaneously agree to restrict our movements in other ways, like not leaving our dwellings after dark, or not gathering in groups greater than three.

We get it that agreeing on STOP signs is a societal good. And that even though the sign cannot physically force us to stop, we understand that if we fail to stop, we might be subject to a citation, or, if we smoosh somebody, criminal and/or civil penalties.

So we should be able to agree on NO FUCKING EXTENDED MAGAZINES without freaking out about militias and basic civil rights. It just requires thinking and figuring shit out. Nope: they want one single answer, and then they don’t want to think about it again, ’cause thinking is hard.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

Also: aren’t you supposed to be scaring us with evil Mexicans?

Shhh! Right wing gun dealers are helping our exports by practing their Second Amendment right to sell as many guns as they want to Mexican drug cartels.

 
 

I always wanted to name a kid Crayola. Crayola. It’s so pretty.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Also, don’t forget to include some photocopies of your BOOBIES.

I’ve already secreted them in various files in the office so that people will come across them for years after I’m gone.

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

HOW CAN I MAKE COLOR COPIES FOR YOU IF WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER???

Tell them black and white are the only colors available.

 
 

In Arizona, the shooter was reportedly overwhelmed not because of the time required for a magazine change. He did—according to some accounts–make a successful magazine change, but his weapon malfunctioned on the second magazine and he apparently lacked the skill to clear it.

The world would be a better place if he had had access to a larger magazine or a machine gun or a nuclear-powered submarine.

 
 

Awww fuck. All this Canticle talk has made me realize that I missed an opportunity. That eliminationist rhetoric masterpiece I POOPed out in teh latest EPIC thread is flawed.

Eliminationist rhetoric:
Sic transit gloria merda.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The stupid fucking thing doesn’t even need to be in color to understand it. It’s various shades of green. Various shades of black and white would work equally well.

 
 

A modest proposal and such:
1) The USA determines how many folks get kilt each year by bullets entering them in places that are not good for future functioning.
2) The USA makes a decision about the acceptability of the number. Too high, too low?
3) The USA decides on ways to lower or increase the current number to the agreed upon level.
4) The Civilian Firearms Toll is adjusted every 4 years to a new acceptable level.
5) I get the royalties for the system which I just made up. Thank you very much

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Shhh! Right wing gun dealers are helping our exports by practing their Second Amendment right to sell as many guns as they want to Mexican drug cartels.

Buy it for the article

 
 

The world would be a better place if he had had access to a larger magazine or a machine gun or a nuclear-powered submarine.

AND if the people in the crowd had been similarly-armed. Moar is always betta!

 
Snort - Hatter! Hatter!
 

5) I get the royalties for the system

This is Murica! Ain’t got no royalties!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The stupid fucking thing doesn’t even need to be in color to understand it. It’s various shades of green. Various shades of black and white would work equally well.

Maybe you should enlist the aid of a colour vision specialist, if only one would frequent this part of teh t00bz.

 
 

A modest proposal and such:
1) The USA determines how many folks get kilt each year by bullets entering them in places that are not good for future functioning.
2) The USA makes a decision about the acceptability of the number. Too high, too low?
3) The USA decides on ways to lower or increase the current number to the agreed upon level.
4) The Civilian Firearms Toll is adjusted every 4 years to a new acceptable level.
5) I get the royalties for the system which I just made up. Thank you very much

Why do you hate our freedoms, AK?

BTW, did you see this?

Oh The Simpsons is a treasure trove.

“There’s the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.”
“Isn’t that the wrong way?”
“Yes, but faster.”

 
 

To follow up on Malaclypse’s point, I went Googling for “Hastings 7000 casualties single day”, expecting to find that this is an accepted gun-lobby talking point. But no, this seems to be the rare case of a rightwinger making up his own lie rather than repeating one already in circulation.

“7000? does occur frequently as one estimate of Harold’s total forces.

I think you are forgetting about INFLATION.

Also: Booby secretions – DO NOT WANT

 
 

Yep I saw, thanks vs. Teh Simmos have been a bad influence on me for too long

 
 

I’m sorry, but no, I do not agree that STOP signs are a societal good. They should all be replaced with YIELD signs.

 
 

In Arizona, the shooter was reportedly overwhelmed not because of the time required for a magazine change. He did—according to some accounts–make a successful magazine change, but his weapon malfunctioned on the second magazine and he apparently lacked the skill to clear it.

So we should allow people to have any size magazine they want but we should pass a law that they can only buy unreliable guns that jam easily?

Ok, it’s a start.

 
 

Oh, stop, smedley. Don’t make me pull over.

 
 

The stupid fucking thing doesn’t even need to be in color to understand it. It’s various shades of green. Various shades of black and white would work equally well.

Then Snort’s suggestion is valid. Use green paper and you will have various shades of black and green.

 
 

It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms.

A little something has popped up in the intervening years called modern medicine. Before antibiotics and sterile surgical instruments, an enormous percentage of the battle-wounded died of infections. Today’s weapons are much more lethal, but those who don’t die instantly are fairly likely to live.

When was the last time you heard of a mass bow-and-arrow slaying, even in those nations that are silly enough to ban handguns? I’d prefer to take my chances with Medieval weaponry, thx.

 
 

WE DON’T HAVE A COLOR COPIER

Tell the customer to move the picture rapidly back and forth and rely on the Benham effect.

 
 

I’m sorry, but no, I do not agree that STOP signs are a societal good. They should all be replaced with YIELD signs.

Agreed. I much prefer it when your mom doesn’t STOP, but instead YIELDs.

 
 

They should all be replaced with YIELD signs.

This is Muricka dammit. We will never yield!!!

 
 

When was the last time you heard of a mass bow-and-arrow slaying
AHEM.

 
 

I’ve done some crazy things with bees but bees in the mouth seems like a bad idea. You could have some in a sack under your doublet with the spout at your neck for releasing them but you’d want to have a stiff wind behind you when you did it.

We always have extra bees:

http://imgur.com/V5x3S

 
 

When was the last time you heard of a mass bow-and-arrow slaying

It was an accident, I swear, I was just cleaning my bow and it went off.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Also: Booby secretions – DO NOT WANT

Oh, don’t be such a baby! WHAT?

 
 

When was the last time you heard of a mass bow-and-arrow slaying

BAN HIGH CAPACITY QUIVERS!

 
Snort - Hush Tweedles
 

Kind of hard to carry a concealed sword to a political rally.

 
Snort - Hush Tweedles
 

BAN HIGH CAPACITY QUIVERS!

Does this have something to do with Ted Haggard?

 
 

TEH TEA PARTY WILL NEVER YIELD!

 
 

“Kind of hard to carry a concealed sword to a political rally.”

………………..Nah. Too easy.

 
 

Damn you Thread Bear!

 
 

How is the field of Bee Knee surgery? So many people think that they are the bees knees that it must be a good trade to be in

 
 

““Kind of hard to carry a concealed sword to a political rally.”

………………..Nah. Too easy.”

Am NOT.

 
 

I have some pizza dough in the fridge and need some cool things tO put on it. Ideas?

 
 

And also too, a really well trained super-assassin that’s half ninja and half cybernetic android from the future (Arn-Sho Kosugenegger) could kill at least thirty people with just one spear of arugula. But you ain’t gonna ban arugula, are you? You libs are fucking hypocrites.

And what about dragons? What if a dragon breathed fire and burninated everyone? That’s super-bad. And dragons love gold. But you’re not banning gold. Proof that libs have broken logic. Facts and logic-ness is always on the side of the Second Amendment.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I have some pizza dough in the fridge and need some cool things tO put on it. Ideas?

Red onions, artichoke hearts, and feta cheese. Maybe some sundried tomatoes or ham of some sort.

 
 

I have some pizza dough in the fridge and need some cool things tO put on it. Ideas?

Yes.

 
 

“arugula. But you ain’t gonna ban arugula, are you? ”

You bet your sweet ass I’d ban high capacity salad spinners.

 
Snort - Hush Tweedles
 

Yes, sun dried tomatos. No, pineapple.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Fuck yeah, they’re closing campus, so I don’t have to come to work tomorrow AND I don’t have to use vacation.

 
Snort - Hush Tweedles
 

Yeah,yeah T&U.

 
 

Nope: they want one single answer, and then they don’t want to think about it again, ’cause thinking is hard.

Quite by accident (this is relevant, honest), I stumbled across a sci-fi fan website recently which happened to include a page explaining the concept of the slippery slope fallacy and why it was a fallacy. Here it is.

The reason it’s relevant is that he uses the NRA’s arguments against gun registration to illustrate his argument. And, in response to angry pro-NRA mail, he proceeds to debunk their objections to the argument as well.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

When was the last time you heard of a mass bow-and-arrow slaying?

Last one I heard of was sometime in the 80s

 
 

T&U, I like your style.

Subby, tell ya what: I’ll make that…if I can watch you eat it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Shit, I need to stock up on booze.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I have some pizza dough in the fridge and need some cool things tO put on it. Ideas?

Chicken marsala…

Broccoli rabe sauteed with garlic, and sausage…

Spinach, garlic, and bacon (or pancetta)…

Cheese optional preferred in all of the above.

 
 

When was the last time you heard of a mass bow-and-arrow slaying?

There may be one sometime in June. Perhaps we should hurry along the ban on high capacity quivers.

 
 

Would you ever put Swiss chard on a pizza, B^4? or is that just too weird?

 
 

BBBB.Spinach garlic bacon-all right!!! Good Cheddar as well

 
 

Also; more than any other Republican candidate, I fucking hated Huckabee’s racist Bible-thumping guts in the 2008 election, and I still fucking hate them now.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Would you ever put Swiss chard on a pizza, B^4? or is that just too weird?

I would. With some sort of bacon or pancetta.

 
 

I’m glad I never saw that Gavin post about wingnut pizza, having hidebound reactionary ideas about pizza formed in five long years in New Haven.

My suggestion: littleneck clams, bacon and roasted red peppers on a white (no sauce) pie with lots of garlic. A little fresh mozzarel finely chopped parsley and parmesan.

 
 

I have some pizza dough in the fridge and need some cool things tO put on it. Ideas?

Tacos Supreme.

 
 

What kind cheese?

 
 

Zamfir, Master of the Pancetta

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Also; more than any other Republican candidate, I fucking hated Huckabee’s racist Bible-thumping guts in the 2008 election, and I still fucking hate them now.

I saw that earlier. It made me cranky.

And maybe in light of, like, major upheaval in the Middle East he should, you know, shut the fuck up.

 
 

El, that sounds amazing. Wish I had clams.

And the cheese question was to T&U.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Would you ever put Swiss chard on a pizza, B^4? or is that just too weird?

Hell yeah, bubeleh! LIke T&U, I’d put some sort of pork product on it. I love my dark leafy greens (good thing, too, because lamb’s quarters are free).

 
 

OC, how are you feeling?

 
 

OC, how are you feeling?

Like a million bucks. No. 3 combo, three tacos supreme, Diet Mountain Dew. FUCK YEAH

 
 

“bubeleh”

That made me giggle. I’ve never been a bubeleh before.

And thanks for all these ideas, everyone. It’s helping formulate a plan.

 
 

“Like a million bucks. No. 3 combo, three tacos supreme, Diet Mountain Dew. FUCK YEAH”

BAN HIGH CAPACITY BOWELS!!!

 
 

I have some pizza dough in the fridge and need some cool things tO put on it. Ideas?

BLACK PUDDING.

 
 

Black pudding is some kind of blood thing, isn’t it?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And the cheese question was to T&U.

With the swiss chard and pancetta?

I’d just do a basic melting cheese…you could do fresh mozzarella or some sort of basic white cheese mix.

 
 

he should, you know, shut the fuck up. A brand new internet filled with the boozle of your choice is coming your way m’am

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’m glad I never saw that Gavin post about wingnut pizza, having hidebound reactionary ideas about pizza formed in five long years in New Haven.

Pepe’s opened a location in Yonkers, up the road from Bastard Central.

BLACK PUDDING.

With sauteed onions and sliced, hard-boiled eggs… you may be on to something.

 
 

I find cooking it is helpful as well.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

OOOH or a little goat cheese. I’d probably omit any other cheesus, though.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And caramelized onions.

 
 

I had New Zild made Buffalo Mozzarella whilst on holiday. I am so sophisticated that I may explode

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

With the swiss chard and pancetta?

What could be more obvious? Swiss cheese!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

What could be more obvious? Swiss cheese!

Dude, this bakery where I worked used to have rye crusts. That would be awesome.

 
 

how long has it been since a Sadly thread turned all foodie?

 
 

I am so sophisticated that I may explode

you need a relief valve.

 
 

I JUST bought some goat cheese today. I’m thinking of going in a Mediterranean directiOn…onions, olives, fresh and/or Sundried tomatoes, feta or goat cheese. Hell, maybe some capers…

 
 

Diced chorizo, pickled jalapenos, little cilantro, sun dried maters, little bit crumbled cheese, homemade salsa if you MUST have a sauce.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

how long has it been since a Sadly thread turned all foodie?

Gotta ask the Emperor Pupienus Maximus

 
 

B^4 and T&U, gotta give you props. You know your stuff.

 
 

There is nothing that is not improved by capers. Yes, even virgin unicorn’s blood

 
 

What could be more obvious? Swiss cheese!

Dude, this bakery where I worked used to have rye crusts. That would be awesome.

somebody’s way ahead of you.

 
 

Pizza: thin layer of hoisin sauce, top with sauteed leeks and oyster mushrooms.

 
 

“Dude, this bakery where I worked used to have rye crusts. That would be awesome.

somebody’s way ahead of you.”

I would eat that. Enthusiastically.

 
 

Mimes, need mimes. Get all the cheesey flavor with less cholesterol.

 
 

sauteed leeks

Those days are over.

Oh! You meant…..

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Pizza: thin layer of hoisin sauce, top with sauteed leeks and oyster mushrooms.

Sounds good… I’d even throw thin slices of atsu age on that.

 
 

ZRM :WTF!?!?!?! They just put the whole plate in the deep frier?

 
 

I’ve been to two of the expansion Frank Pepe’s (they even put one just up the road from my mother-in-law!) and they are absolutely excellent. Identical coal ovens and ingredients. It’s too good to last but while it lasts it’s undeniably a GOOD THING.

 
 

I’ll gather my 2,500 housecarls and over 6,000 members of the fyrd against that mutant dinosaur and it’ll be a fair fight.

I can already tell that the best part of my week will be introducing the terms “fyrd” and especially “housecarl” here.

 
 

They might as well put Adam Rchman’s heart in a deep fryer.

 
 

“Mimes, need mimes. Get all the cheesey flavor with less cholesterol.”

I’ll just pretend to put that on.

 
 

They might as well put Adam Rchman’s heart in a deep fryer.

I’ll have that with fries, a side of ranch, and a Diet Coke plz

 
 

“Another Kiwi said,
January 31, 2011 at 23:18

ZRM :WTF!?!?!?! They just put the whole plate in the deep frier?”

WELCOME TO AMURKA!!

 
 

stuff M. Bouffant

I hear this more often than one might imagine.

 
 

They might as well put Adam Rchman’s heart in a deep fryer.

For dessert, Rodney Allen Ripple.

 
 

“My co-blogger Bob Owen’s recent article (see the link at the beginning of this article) on the Columbine killers—who would want their names mentioned here—eloquently makes that point.”

I read this as “co-bagger”, was I wrong?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I can already tell that the best part of my week will be introducing the terms “fyrd” and especially “housecarl” here.

Baby, you start talking about Hardrada, and I’ll propose on the spot.

 
 

“For dessert, Rodney Allen Ripple.”

Veiled short black child actor from the ’70’s who is not Gary Coleman reference.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I read this as “co-bagger”, was I wrong?

No.

SASQ.

 
 

“My co-blogger Bob Owen’s recent article (see the link at the beginning of this article) on the Columbine killers—who would want their names mentioned here—eloquently makes that point.”

I’m also wondering why he thinks the Columbine killers would want their names mentioned here.

 
 

“If I can eat this deep fried hippo, four pounds of coleslaw, and two loaves of bread in one hour, I’ll walk away with a tee shirt with my name on it!”

 
 

“Teh Great Orange Satan currently has a diary up about one Jeffrey Harbin, a neo-nazi in Arizona, who was indicted for making an IED designed for maximum human carnage. I can’t wait to see McDaniel’s defense of Harbin.”

If IED’s are criminalised, only criminals will have IED’s.

 
 

In the Wogga Wogga Steak House, when we stopped by in 1995, iffen you could eat the Kilo (2.2 pounds) steak, you could get a free Chocolate Mousse dessert. A trip to the cardiac ward was not part of the prize As I recall

 
 

With some sort of bacon or pancetta.

Nussschinken. I have some in the fridge.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Nussschinken. I have some in the fridge.

Oooh, I was *just* thinking about prosciutto.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Alan Rickman?

 
 

Sense prevailed at last: I stayed safely in the boat again.

I really need a hobby.

VS: Knitting would be practical….

B4: +10 for Stamford Bridge! (and for ‘Bay of Fundies’)

Larkspur: Liked the Stop Sign explanation of ‘the general will’. (This argument also works against anarchists.) Also, Crayola!

Chris: It was a delight to read your On-Topic commentary throughout the thread.

ALL: The strand will the brats-sausages-meats wordplay was truly excellent! I larfed muchly. (Using on-topic praise: Hair-trigger, rapid-fire wit.)

I’m mulling over making some on-topic comments, particularly concerning military history, and the Idiot’s gross misinterpretations and misrepresentation. Other commenters covered most of the key points, so it might be pointless. But it,s rare that I find a topic right in my wheelhouse. I’ll cogitate while checking in on Egypt again.

(I may even get out the boat: I’d like to rip a new asshole for the Idiot.)

Enjoyable thread! Wish I had been able to participate more. Have fun.

 
 

Mmmmm – deep fried hippo. I must admit I do like to watch his show on occasion just to see some of these ridiculous challenges that some restaurants have. He was at a barbeque place in North Carolina that sounded awesome. I like Bizzare Foods as well.

 
 

Alan Rickman?

They could only put the Sherriff of Nottingham’s heart in a deep-fat fryer if they dug it of his chest with a spoon.

 
 

Rickman would be avenged

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I really need a hobby.

VS: Knitting would be practical….

That was me. Although I’d love to knit a little skullcap for Dudeskull.

 
 

He was at a barbeque place in North Carolina that sounded awesome.

I like BBQ. Brought home some decent store-bought for dinner tonight. I like NC / eastern style (sweeter, molassases and all that)….but I love Texas / western-style even more.

 
 

“They could only put the Sherriff of Nottingham’s heart in a deep-fat fryer if they dug it of his chest with a spoon.”

He wasn’t attacked by a spoon weilding criminal officer, his chest just spontaneously broke out in little smiley faces.

or,

If spoons are outlawed, only Robin’s Merry Men will have spoons.

 
 

This‘ll finish today’s appetite depression. Thanks all!

Our World-Famous FREE 72oz. STEAK DINNER (if eaten in 1 hour) is only for the very hungry.
Many have tried. Many have failed.

 
 

Mmmm, health food! Argle-Bargle!

 
 

SMG=MONSTA

“Many have tried, many have failed”. The official Afghanistan catchphrase.

 
 

Bring the kids and Grandma! Watch it on our webcam!

Should you become ill, the contest is over… YOU LOSE! (Please use the container provided as necessary.)

 
 

Question, is this offensive?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blinded_by_the_light
“And some kidnapped handicap was complainin’ that he caught the clap from some mousetrap he bought last night,
Well I unsnapped his skull cap and between his ears I saw
a gap but figured he’d be all right”
http://www.brucespringsteen.net/songs/BlindedByTheLight.html

 
 

400th?

 
 

is this offensive?

Yeah, but mostly ’cause it stinks on ice.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Question, is this offensive?

Well, gocart mozart, you are hardly a neutral party in this controversy.

 
 

Should you become ill, the contest is over… YOU LOSE! (Please use the container provided as necessary.)

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

 
 

Was it animated goatse?

 
 

Well I unsnapped his skull cap and between his ears I saw
a gap but figured he’d be all right

Not offensive because unlike SOME AROUND HERE the narrator of this story did not eat the brain he exposed.

 
 

BTW, I always heard that line as “Wrapped up like a douche…”

 
 

Well vs . . .

“The Earth Band’s recording of the song features several changed lyrics. The most prominent change is in the chorus, where Springsteen’s “cut loose like a deuce” is replaced with “revved up like a deuce.”[1][2][3]
This is commonly misheard as “wrapped up like a douche.”[4] Springsteen himself has joked about the controversy, claiming that it was not until Manfred Mann rewrote the song to be about a “feminine hygiene product” that it became popular.[5]”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blinded_by_the_light

M. Bouffant said,

“Yeah, but mostly ’cause it stinks on ice.”

Oh yeah, so does DKW’s mom when you have sex with her!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Sooo…if we’re lucky, we’ll get 10 inches of snow, and if we’re not, we’ll get up to 26 inches.

I probably should have bought some groceries, but I have milk, coffee, booze, and cat food, so I think I’ll be okay.

 
 

Do you own a cat?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh yeah, so does DKW’s mom when you have sex with her!

I don’t know what that means, but it sounds kinda gross.

 
 

gocart, I’m a little embarrassed by how giggly that made me.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Do you own a cat?

Nah, I just like the salmon-flavored Friskies a lot.

 
 

Yes Gocart Mozart, declare your interest!!!
Is it safe outside??
How can a song be offensive iffen you don’t know what the jim jam willakers it’s about???

 
 

How can a song be offensive iffen you don’t know what the jim jam willakers it’s about???

I can be Offended By That Tune in three seconds, Tom.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

How can a song be offensive iffen you don’t know what the jim jam willakers it’s about???

Obviously, you could never get a job with Bozell’s organization.

 
 

“How can a song be offensive iffen you don’t know what the jim jam willakers it’s about???”

It makes the baby Trig cry?

 
 

“I can be Offended By That Tune in three seconds, Tom.”

THAT was funny.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

gocart, I’m a little embarrassed by how giggly that made me.

It’s okay. I literally snorted.

 
 

I’ve done that, too. It’s damn sexy!

 
 

Pfft, us gourmands stick to Science Diet.

I wonder how Havarti would taste on a pizza. Or melted on Lavosh with them there capers and a bit of salmon? Nom!

 
 

It’s okay. I literally snorted.
Personally I prefer to eat the pizza.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I wonder how Havarti would taste on a pizza. Or melted on Lavosh with them there capers and a bit of salmon?

Substitute Lefse for Lavosh, and you can market it as a Scandinavian pizza.

 
 

Good god. I sincerely appreciate his dedication the joke. Damn, that’s just admirable.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 
 

Blood pizza!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

There will be pizza!

 
 

I eat your pizza. I eat it up.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

What about Cheetos?

Ah, yes. That is one for the ages. If future anthropologists and/or aliens sift through the digital ashes of our civilization, I hope they come across that post.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

No Pizza for Old Men?

 
 

The “touching the face of god WITH YOUR DICK” is prolly one of the funniest things I’ve read. I’m sorry I missed that S,N era.

 
 

Pizza’s Honor

See what you started, B^4?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Helping Smut

That pizza actually looks fantastic, but who the hell serves BREAD with it?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Jesus save me. I canNOT believe I live here sometimes.

 
 

I am obligated to point out that a round, bread based comestible with radius ‘z’ and thickness ‘a’ contains a volume of pi*z*z*a.

 
 

“TruculentandUnreliable said,
February 1, 2011 at 1:28

Jesus save me. I canNOT believe I live here sometimes”

I LOLed. The comments are great. Gotta read moar.

 
 

“All this obsession over Rhinos is just going to leave us vulnerable to the real danger to America’s heartland: Coordinated dinosaur attacks.”

*tears of laughter*

Bonus: this ties together this thread.

 
 

PM wins an internet filled with his favourite algebraic cheese.

Also, loved the Rhino attacks dude. And the comments, fucking commas how t do they work?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I LOLed. The comments are great. Gotta read moar.

Yeah, some people are saying it’s photoshopped, but even if it is, it’s definitely representative of shit you’d see around there. Well, the spelling’s probably better than normal.

There’s a guy who parks his truck in the garage near my office, and he has a good 20-30 anti-Obama stickers, including the classic: One Big Ass Mistake America.

 
 

Wait until unco-dinos attack you, then you’ll see who’s worsest.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

That pizza actually looks fantastic, but who the hell serves BREAD with it?

It gives one the option of making a pizza sandwich.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’ve seen “People of Walmart”, his fears are not misplaced.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It gives one the option of making a pizza sandwich.

Oh, naturally! I can’t believe I forgot that classic dish! It’s great with beer and a side of breadsticks.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You guys, when you go down there, you realize that people can smoke ANYWHERE. AAAAAAAAANYYYYWHERE. I’m pretty sure they still allow smoking at daycares.

 
 

“here, you realize that people can smoke ANYWHERE. AAAAAAAAANYYYYWHERE. I’m pretty sure they still allow smoking at daycares.”

To be fair, kids can be really annoying.

 
 

I’m pretty sure they still allow smoking at daycares.

Baby back ribs.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Another one for Smut- TREBUCHET!!!

You guys, when you go down there, you realize that people can smoke ANYWHERE.

Oral sex and cigarettes don’t mix.

 
 

Outback Steakhouse is like the Holocaust.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oral sex and cigarettes don’t mix.

We’re going to pretend I had the foresight to set that one up for you, k?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Outback Steakhouse is like the Holocaust.

For your colon!

 
 

Outback Steakhouse is like the Holocaust.

Arbeit Macht Fried Onion Blossom.

 
 

Outback Steakhouse is like the Holocaust.

For your colon!

Explains the gas…

 
 

I want an arsenal of orbitally-deployed thermonuclear warheads.

It’s the only way to be sure.

 
 

Oh come on. If you nuke your neighbour’s house there’s the possibility of catastrophic damage to the lawnmower he borrowed from you.

 
 

Red Lobster is like the Al-shatat. As well as tref.

 
 

That’s a ’72 Buick Riviera “Boattail” over his shoulder. That reminds me: My uncle Dorsey used to make boats out of car hoods by welding two together with doors used for the sides. You could order a 1939 Ford, Dodge, or Cheverlet boat, with, say, Studebaker doors and tell folks you favorite car was a boat. Once he made a boat nearly thirty feet long using Cadillac doors. The outside door handles made pretty good pole holders and anchor ties too. The Oldsmobile (or the Packard) hoods didn’t work as well, because they had those chrome exhaust ports. The only problem with car boats was they were heavy and therefore hard to pull out of the water. But if you left your boat in the water (we kept ours hidden in some willows at a place called Burningleg), they were just about indestructible.

But Dorsey, now he was a gun loving nut. When he wasn’t welding boats he was hunting or if it wasn’t hunting season he was out shooting his guns, “sighting ’em in” he called it. His favorite thing in the world was dove hunts, and he couldn’t wait until dove season started, around September 1st in our neck of the woods. The only problem with Dorsey was that after hunting and shooting, his most favorite thing was drinking. You have probably heard that hunting and drinking don’t mix. Well, you couldn’t tell that to Dorsey. Hunting was drinking, and vice versa. The first thing he did after his first swig of Four Roses was take out a gun and start pointing it at a pretend bird and making gun shot sounds. Shhboom, shhboom.

Once we had gone on a dove shoot on a field owned by Buddy Spurlock just across the state line in Alabama. We got there about ten o’clock in the morning and parked our trucks underneath a stand of live oaks situated around a trickle of water called Cold Spring. We took up our positions all along the east side of the field, which must have been nearly twenty five or thirty acres. The corn had already been combined but there was still a ton of loose kernels on the ground to draw in the birds. The dove had flown in heavy all morning and we had run out of shells after about two hours of shooting. Dorsey was the first to run out and since he was closest to Cold Creek he hollered he was going after a couple more cases. After about thirty minutes or so, my daddy walked down to where I was and told me to go check on Dorsey and bring back the goddamn shells. He told me not to say anything to Dorsey that would piss him off, just get the shells and come on back.

When I got down to where the trucks were parked, I noticed that Dorsey was lying across the front seat of his truck, his feet sticking out of the passenger side and his shotgun lying right along with him, the muzzle pressed hard under his chin and his hand covering the trigger guard. He smelled like bourbon. In fact, I could smell the bourbon from thirty feet away. This caused me to panic, so forgetting completely about the shells I tore off for the field. I was about halfway back when I heard Dorsey’s shotgun go off. I froze and got the terrible urge to go to the bathroom. My daddy came running down the field and grabbed me by the arm and yelled, “What the hell is going on?” I told daddy that Dorsey was passed out in his truck and he had the barrel of his shotgun pressed up under his chin. We took off running for the trucks.

When we got there Dorsey was sitting up straight trying to tune in his radio. There was a big hole in the driver’s side door, about half way up. Daddy asked Dorsey what had happened and he replied, “Well, I’m not sure, but it looks like somebody shot a hole in my door. You think it’ll be any good?”

 
 

it was not until Manfred Mann rewrote the song to be about a “feminine hygiene product” that it became popular
From the age of eleven until the age of forty-five, I could have sworn that the other lyric went “and Little Early Birdy gave my anus curly-whirly.”

So, naturally, I thought that’s what assholes were for.

/VASR

 
 

T&U and VS: I liked this comment about the Rhino truck:

Probably worth noting the other bumper sticker is for “Silver Ribbon Coalition – Promoting awareness of the need for support of people with brain disorders and disabilities.”

 
 

“Oral sex and cigarettes don’t mix.”

Nah, you are just blowing smoke.

 
 

T&U: I hope you get lucky…and only get 10 inches. (Yeah, I’m lascivious…) But if that 26-inch avalanche hits…well, we can all have fun talking about your clutch and tires again.

 
 

I could have sworn that the other lyric went “and Little Early Birdy gave my anus curly-whirly.”
It doesn’t?

 
 

Where do you live T&U? I’m looking at 20+ inches also.

(gocart looks down past his waist)

 
 

ZRM :WTF!?!?!?! They just put the whole plate in the deep frier?

relevant.

 
 

Meet Rep. Darrell Issa. He promises to scrutinize and investigate every possible picayune aspect of the Obama administration, but this might be taking things a little too far. He’s now requesting information about everyone who requested FOIA information over the last four years. (behind NYT paywall)
http://crooksandliars.com/

Someone should request information about everyone who requested FOIA information and then someone else should request information about everyone who requested FOIA information about people who requested information about everyone else who requested FOIA information and so on.

 
 

After much cogitation, decided not to get out of the boat, or do any military history exegesis to pulverize the Idiot’s assertions. Instead, I’ll repeat a book recommendation that is germane:

The Face of Battle — John Keegan

Much of the Idiot’s screed was based on spurious distinctions and absurd comparisons of pre-gunpowder, single-shot muzzle-loader, and modern warfare.

For real insight into these periods, Keegan examines exactly the same periods. He presents a detailed–and thoroughly accessible–analysis of three battles: Agincourt (pre-gunpowder) … Waterloo (single-shot muzzle-loader) … and The Somme (modern). Keegan’s introductory chapter on the uses and limitations of military history is superb.

The Face of Battle is as much about the nature of man as it is about the nature of warfare. I recommend it highly.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

But if that 26-inch avalanche hits…well, we can all have fun talking about your clutch and tires again.

Oh, my parking brake cable has come loose and drags the ground and I haven’t been able to take it in yet, so I’m not driving anywhere any time soon.

Where do you live T&U? I’m looking at 20+ inches also.

Heh. Missourah!

 
 

He’s now requesting information about everyone who requested FOIA information over the last four years.

Funny how Republicans bitch about government waste, while Democrats moan about the poor. Yet Republicans run up huge deficits on stupid shit, while yer Democrats are comparatively responsible, fiscally speaking, but they kick poor people off welfare and cut taxes for the rich.

*strokes chin*

 
 

Heh. Missourah!

Speaking of that and pizza, has anyone had St. Louis-style? Ultra thin crust, provolone cheese. It’s much tastier than it sounds.

 
 

T&U, New England for me. I guess this global warming is a scam after all BWAAAAAH!!!

 
 

I guess what I meant to say is that Al Gore is fatter.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Speaking of that and pizza, has anyone had St. Louis-style?

It actually has Provel normally. /pizza pedant

I’m not really a big fan because of the Provel, but I much prefer it to Chicago-style.

 
 

“Speaking of that and pizza, has anyone had St. Louis-style? Ultra thin crust, provolone cheese. It’s much tastier than it sounds.”

Never buy pizza from a protestant. Just saying.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U, New England for me. I guess this global warming is a scam after all BWAAAAAH!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Which is totes why we’ve had three times as much precipitation this winter than normal!!! HAAAAAAAAAA!

That shit makes me cranky.

 
 

Al Gore is fat!

But seriously I recommend Jeff Master’s blog for some good info on why we are getting these big snowstorms. Shorter: Warm air holds more water vapor and you get much more snow with temps 20 above zero than twenty below. Even shorter yet: Cold =/= snow.

 
 

It actually has Provel normally

Well, I’ve been skooled. I have fond memories of it, but I haven’t had it since I was young enough to think that fish sticks were palatable, so who knows?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I have fond memories of it, but I haven’t had it since I was young enough to think that fish sticks were palatable, so who knows?

It’s cool. A lot of people like it. And keep in mind that the only times I’ve had it was when it was cold delivery pizza in not St. Louis.

 
 

Kickass Buick Riviera.
.

 
 

Seriously, go SMcG’s link. Do some cursor roll-overs. The writer seems benign and earnest, but, as Sub said, it is really baffling.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Looked up the website after I saw that. It is baffling.

What. the. fuck? I’m going to have to look at this when I’m not unsoberish. Right now, it’s just creeping me out.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The Photoshopped dinosaur right out in front of everybody is pretty fucking hilarious, though.

Poor guy. He ain’t right.

 
 

Oh come on. If you nuke your neighbour’s house there’s the possibility of catastrophic damage to the lawnmower he borrowed from you.

Or to the charcoal grill that blew over onto his lawn during the hurricane.

 
 

Ugh, why do they put provolone on a pizza? I like my tire rubber not on my pizza, k’thanks.

 
 

Provolone is very cool, Crissa. Perhaps not on a pizza, and certainly not on your pizza. But don’t you think it’s kind of neat to bite a cheese that sort of bites back? It’s like al dente cheese. Again, I wish I were not lactose fucking intolerant.

 
 

But don’t you think it’s kind of neat to bite a cheese that sort of bites back?
Casu marzu.

 
 

Smut clyde, I am for to be dying ded now. I have learned nothing. Nothing.

 
 

So, if I understand the issue correctly, (And given that I know nothing about gun magazines or the banning thereof besides what I’ve read in this thread, I probably don’t.) certain people have argued that large magazines should be banned, because if a gunman has to constantly stop and reload, that introduces more potential points where the weapon might fail and bystanders and police could stop him.

The counterargument, as I understand it, is that in fact reloading a gun is a simple, fast procedure, but longer magazines tend to be more unreliable, so, in fact, using a thirty round magazine introduces more potential failure points then using 3 ten round clips. Boiled down to a nub this is what McDaniel is arguing.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think that counterargument is particularly ridiculous or outlandish, which makes it all the more amazing that Mike does such a bad job at making it.

First of all, I’m always really baffled when people make an argument that amounts to “This thing is ultimately meaningless and trivial, which is why I’m deeply concerned about what you do with it”. If the difference between a ten round clip and a thirty round clip is “tactically negligable” (I can’t believe he actually said that!) then what do you care whether you have one or the other?

I mean, he starts by arguing that criminals can fire off three magazines just as fast as they fire off one, and then goes on to say,

“While most incidents of civilian shootings involve relatively few rounds, there are certainly circumstances where a magazine capacity of more than 10 rounds can save, and has saved, innocent lives. Citizens, up to two millions times each year, use firearms to stop criminal attacks, usually without firing a shot. A group of criminals sizing up a woman in a parking garage late at night would surely take into account the 15 round magazine of her handgun as she drew her weapon.”

So why wouldn’t this woman just carry three magazines in her purse? Either clip size is irrelevant or it isn’t!

I hate how emotional these conversations get; you can theorize all you want, but the whole thing boils down to two empirical questions: “Are several small clips less reliable then one large clip?” and “Does a small clip size limit a gun’s use for self defense?” Both of which you’re only going to learn by actually going out and gathering data. Anecdotes about how you saw this guy reload a gun five times in one second this one time are meaningless. The battle of Hastings is so amazingly irrelevant that I can’t even come up with an analogy for how meaningless it is.

 
 

if a gunman has to constantly stop and reload, that introduces more potential points where the weapon might fail and bystanders and police could stop him.

It’s not a question of the gun failing during reloading. It’s that reloading stops the gunfire and gives people nearby a chance to tackle the shooter – as they have repeatedly demonstrated a willingness to do if doesn’t mean getting shot.

“Citizens, up to two millions times each year, use firearms to stop criminal attacks, usually without firing a shot.”

His argument here is horseshit. There were roughly 400,000 robberies last year and he would have you believe that there five robberies thwarted by pistol-packing mommas* for each that took place. Ask a cop if he or she believes that to be true.

*Veiled something or other from the Penthouse Forum.

 
 

Let me be more generous: there were 1,300,000 violent crimes of all types last year (some of which did not involve guns). The ratio of more crimes thwarted by possible victims carrying guns than took place is still ridiculous.

 
 

On the topic of a different mound of horseshit, Dennis Prager:

Back to leftist controls on speech: One can only speak of male-female differences if the difference shows the female as superior. Thus to say women are innately more intuitive is perfectly acceptable, but to say men are innately more likely to excel at math is “sexist.”

In the interest of keeping my calm, I will limit my response to this.

 
 

On the topic of something that’s not a mound of horseshit, here, courtesy of Balloon Juice, is A Guide: How Not To Say Stupid Shit About Egypt.

Example;

“The Twitter Revolution”. No, this is the Revolution of the Egyptian people. Egyptians resisted for decades. They were tortured, jailed and repressed by the Mubarak and Sadat regimes. Twitter and Facebook are tools. They did not stand in front of the water canons, or go to jail for all these years to get the credit. There were demonstrations all summer long and for a several years through out Egypt but they are rarely covered, because we are worried about what Sarah Palin said, or some moronic Imam saying something stupid. Does it sound a bit arrogant to take credit for a people’s struggle?

I’d say the same for the deluded egomaniacs who actually believe it’s all because of Bush that the “Arab street” is demanding democracy. Thankfully, very few liberals followed that lead and credited Obama’s Cairo speech back in 2009, but I’ve heard that too in a couple comments section.

 
 

Back to leftist controls on speech: One can only speak of male-female differences if the difference shows the female as superior.

I keep hearing all this shit about what I believe and how people suppress my free speech and wondering why it doesn’t match up with anything I’ve ever experienced on the Interwebs or anywhere else.

Oh. Oh! I think I get it now – because they’re full of shit! Knew there was a reason.

 
 

N__B-

Just before that, Prager wrote of the suppression of political correctness. No, Dennis, no one is keeping you from saying whatever foolishness pops into your head. Please keep amusing us here at SN!

New parlor game: Is Prager truly stupid or does he just play the fool to keep the wingnut welfare rolling in? This game can be played with all of our conservatard friends!

 
 

because they’re full of shit!

Until they let it all out, and then there’s a mound.

 
 

T&U, New England for me.

Where in New England, gocart? Just north of Boston here.

 
 

I keep searching for evidence that white men are an oppressed minority and I just can’t find it. Maybe I should shove my head up my ass and look up there.

 
 

OT: Back to work today. See you guys in hell. Or at least, a little less frequently.

 
 

See you guys in hell. Or at least, a little less frequently.

Well, I frequent Hell pretty often…

 
 

The counterargument, as I understand it, is that in fact reloading a gun is a simple, fast procedure, but longer magazines tend to be more unreliable,,,

Not a gun nut, so I don’t know whether this is even true or not. Google provided no help on my cursory search, except to point out what type of jam rates we’re talking about. From, of all places, teh Wiki:

No more than 20 malfunctions are permitted during the first 10,000 rounds fired, not even minor jams that can be cleared without the use of any tools.

 
 

I keep searching for evidence that white men are an oppressed minority

Only in a threesome when I’m on the bottom.

 
 

Thankfully, very few liberals followed that lead and credited Obama’s Cairo speech back in 2009, but I’ve heard that too in a couple comments section.

To the extent that it encouraged a few people, particularly the young, to think we’d have their backs, this is not an inaccurate statement to make, however.

 
 

I keep searching for evidence that white men are an oppressed minority

Only in a threesome when I’m on the bottom.

I learn something new every day: actor’s a bottom!

 
 

I learn something new every day: actor’s a bottom!

At my age, it’s just easier to be ridden.

 
 

It is silly to credit either Bush Jr. or Obama for the peoples’ struggles in Tunisia or Egypt.

I credit myself.

 
 

My bottom is an actor.

 
 

“I credit myself.”

I credit myself too, then i feel sleepy.

 
 

By the way, in 2006 maybe a million and a half Mexicans gathered in the zocalo — the central square in Mexico city — spending days protesting a most likely stolen election (from the leftist candidate, of course), and then tens of thousands remained encamped for weeks.

No one in this country gave a shit, that is, except for lecturing those paranoid little Mexicans on their silly conspiracy theories and why don’t they grow up and realize that no one wants their country to be governed by screaming anarchists when well-dressed, US-trained politicians are available.

 
 

I credit myself too, then i feel sleepy.

This word, “credit”…I do not think it means what you think it means.

 
 

I know. My “joke” was lame. But El Cid’s comment made me giggle…

 
 

A group of criminals sizing up a woman in a parking garage late at night would surely take into account the 15 round magazine of her handgun as she drew her weapon.

Scene: Parking garage, late at night.

Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 1: Hey check out that sweet white christian woman over there. Way hotter than any patchouli reeking hippie chix.
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 2: You always had a thing for fat trailer trash with cheetos stains on their sweatpants. Must remind you of your momma.
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 1: We should totally accost her and give her a gay abortion and raise her personal income taxes!
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 2: Yeah, it is on like Donkey Kong. Yo, white christian lady! We’d like to talk to you about anthropogenic global warming.
[woman draws gun]
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 1: Look out! She’s carrying a gun! My entire world-view that is so very narrowly straight-jacketed by my leftsist brainwashing-filled upbringing is turned upside down! My feminazi notions of women nevar carrying guns because they are morally superior to men has been challenged!
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 2: Don’t worry, remember that it’s liberals that are the real misogynists! Women only exist to highlight the failures of men and also to help spread left-wing propaganda. She’ll nevar pull teh trigger.
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 1: Wait! Look more carefully! That’s no ordinary Glock pistol! It has a high-capacity magazine!
Leftsist Islamofascist Thug 2: ONOES! We are undone! Let us flee back to teh Soros funded villain lair and hatch a new scheme! Perhaps we’ll attempt to harass this white christian lady eight hundred and fifty seven thousand, six hundred and twelve more times only to be thwarted by the Second Amendment!

 
 

Don’t you people know that self-crediting will make you go blind?

 
 

Don’t you people know that self-crediting will make you go blind?

But I bought my glasses on credit!

 
 

That was great, DKW. Two wild and crazy leftsist Islamofascist thugs!

 
 

A group of criminals sizing up a woman in a parking garage late at night would surely take into account the 15 round magazine of her handgun as she drew her weapon.

Was she going to shoot her car door open? Most women I know would draw their keys in a parking garage late at night.

Oh. And wouldn’t go alone.

 
 

Thanx. But it’s not all laughs. That frightening scene happens up to two and a half times every year!

 
 

Was she going to shoot her car door open?

You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!!!

 
 

Right. A group of criminals are in a parking lot underground waiting not just to quickly rob some lady and maybe beat and rape her, but to have an extended shoot-out while they count her bullets, you know, because all small time thugs are just like movie bad guys aiming to kidnap a high official.

What this lady really needs is some sort of tunnel and an explosive so she can run ahead of them and then throw the explosive behind her and then do that thing where you jump out just as the ball of flame behind you erupts out.

Unfortunately this scenario of the lady and the gang of heavily armed, bullet-counting would-be kidnappers gives no other character to which the hero lady can give a sardonic quip about what had just happened after jumping from the fireball.

 
 

RONG. Heroes/heroines in movies always walk away from ‘splosions in slomo.

 
 

Unfortunately this scenario of the lady and the gang of heavily armed, bullet-counting would-be kidnappers gives no other character to which the hero lady can give a sardonic quip about what had just happened after jumping from the fireball.

Woman (played by A.Jolie) turns to cowering simpering male companion/ major domo: “Guess I blew them good, huh?”

 
 

That frightening scene happens up to two and a half times every year!

That’s almost as many as text messages sent every single day!

 
 

Woman (played by A.Jolie) turns to cowering simpering male companion/ major domo: “Guess I blew them good, huh?”

Except that Jolie could have shot the entire gang with one bullet. A famous documentary called Wanted demonstrated this ability.

However, in different situations in which opponents were simultaneously attacking from multiple directions using various human and magic armaments, extended and multiple magazines were needed, as researched in the film Lara Croft.

And even if the size of bullet magazines are limited, you still face the problem of steam powered Gatling-gun style automatic fire cross-bolts which can fire millions of rounds from an impossibly tiny drum, should various ne’er do wells choose to use these powerful weapons to commit crimes rather than killing vampires attacking a rural village.

 
 

Scene: Veterans Day services at a war memorial monument in a small town somwhere in Heartland country.

America-Hating Union Thug: Their patriotissssm and nationalisssstic pride! It buuurrrnnnnssssss usss. It sssstingssss our shrivelled black godlessssss heartssss it doessss! Make it ssssstop.

America-Hating Punk Ass Kid Who Won’t Stay Off Your Lawn 1: 5w33t! 1mma g0nn4 s#00txx0rz wh1t3ys!
America-Hating Punk Ass Kid Who Won’t Stay Off Your Lawn 2 through 30: Yeah! Us too!

[Lieberals shoot first, mostly at unarmed women and babbies because they are despicable. They all miss because lie-beral suck.]

Brave And Noble Second Amendment Hero: Lie-berals! These guys are worse than Islamofascist Terrarists! Well, even though they are horrible shots, there is always a danger when live fire is involved, and I must act to minimize risk and damage to people and property! It looks like there are thirty one of them – but fortunately I am open-carrying my Mark VII .50 cal Action Express Desert Eagle with fourteen inch barrel. It holds seven rounds in the clip and one in the chamber (who doesn’t go around with a chambered round at all times? I mean why bother open-carrying a weapon that isn’t ready to be used?). I can fire two shots a second and it takes me four seconds to reload. The stopping power of the .50 cal AE means I’ll only need one bullet per aggressor (that’s how I roll) and my marksmanship is so astoundingly good that I won’t miss more than three times. Let’s see, carry the two, add some time to pose and look awesome, hmmm, should wrap this up in thirty-five seconds.

[thirty-three seconds later]

Brave And Noble Second Amendment Hero: w00t! 33 seconds! New High Score!

Stunningly Attractive And Very Grateful Hot Babe: MY HERO!

 
 

Then they blowed ’em up. Blowed ’em up real good!

 
 

And even if the size of bullet magazines are limited, you still face the problem of steam powered Gatling-gun style automatic fire cross-bolts which can fire millions of rounds from an impossibly tiny drum, should various ne’er do wells choose to use these powerful weapons to commit crimes rather than killing vampires attacking a rural village.

That weapon was so bad it was good.

 
 

That weapon was so bad it was good.

If only Beowulf had one, there’d be no Muslim terrorists.

 
 

Why aren’t there more movies about ass-kicking women who slay household appliances? Hmmm?

 
 

You know what needs to be banned? high capacity pet hair, that’s what.

 
 

@DKW: Was that a Mel Gibson production, written by Mel Gibson, directed by Mel Gibson, and starring Mel Gibson?

 
 

Why aren’t there more movies about ass-kicking women who slay household appliances?

So you think…she’s quite the bitch!

 
 

Was that a Mel Gibson production, written by Mel Gibson, directed by Mel Gibson, and starring Mel Gibson?

As told to Wm. Shakespeare by M. Gibson, yes.

 
 

“@DKW: Was that a Mel Gibson production, written by Mel Gibson, directed by Mel Gibson, and starring Mel Gibson?”

Needs moar anti-semitism.

 
 

“Needs moar anti-semitism.”

Stunningly Attractive And Very Grateful Hot Babe: MY HERO! Let’s have lots of sex and make little Aryan babies!

Better?

 
 

Shorter Dennis Prager: White men are an oppressed minority, so why am I not getting laid?

 
 

Late to the party, but I did enjoy the Five Easy Pizzas. Also, just want to warn those of you in the heartland, beware the Lone Rhinoceros.

(Just wait till we unleash the RhinoSoros)

 
 

It’s actually a production of the crazy imaginings of MikeM and Bobo Wens and all those fucktards that think limiting pistol magazines to ten rounds is some sort of assault on FREEDOM! But I am pretty sure that Mel could make a shit-ton of cash moneys from teh script.

 
 

Prager, again, is confused. He equates “political correctness” with “banning.” He is free to do all of the things he lists. And we are free to laugh at him.

 
 

And we are free to laugh at him

This seems to be the concept that trips so many wingnuts up. Not only do they want to be repulsive, they want to get gold stars and dress-up sparkleponies as reward for their repulsiveness.

 
 

Married women are not to be referred to as “Mrs.” but as “Ms.”

ORLY?

A woman may reveal as much of her body as she wishes. But if a man is perceived by a woman as looking too long at what she reveals, or if he comments on what she reveals, he may be fired from his job or sued for “sexual harassment.” A woman may wear a miniskirt and crop-top, but a man may not have a calendar of women wearing miniskirts and crop-tops on his desk at work. That constitutes sexual harassment and a “hostile work environment.”

I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But the quotation marks around “hostile work environment” and “sexual harassment” are prolly a good place to start.

 
 

To be fair, gold stars and dress-up sparkleponies sounds pretty awesome.

 
 

And we are free to laugh at him.

This is the thing that conservatives forget: they take themselves so seriously, and they assume they simply must be right in all things, that when someone comes along and smacks their little hands from the cookie jar and tells them “not nice,” instead of just saying “don’t care” they continue to sniff and moan about the slap, and not look at what they did and decide whether it’s worth it.

Boy, if I had a dime for every time my hand got slapped and I made that choice, I’d have a few hundred bucks in my pocket. In dimes.

 
 

Prager says he would be “thrilled” if an athletic team chose “Jew” as a mascot. Well, OK, then:

Broadcaster: “The Jewboy quarterback throws the ball to the Jew on the thirty, he’s to the twenty, ten, touchdown!! Have you ever seen such a play by the Jews? That throw was on the MONEY!! And that Jew ran like Adolph himself was chasing him!!!!”

 
 

To be fair, gold stars and dress-up sparkleponies sounds pretty awesome.

I really like them, too…but I don’t expect them as a reward for being a walking pile of shit.

 
 

A woman may wear a miniskirt and crop-top, but a man may not have a calendar of women wearing miniskirts and crop-tops on his desk at work.

I don’t know a single workplace where this calendar would be offensive, if it was done as tastefully as a woman dresses each morning.

If anything, we’d all look at the guy with the calendar and wonder if, you know, he had something in his closet he was not sharing with us.

 
 

The spam from Human Events this morning was trying to sell me “tactical knives.”
OBAMA TOOK AWAY OUR RIGHT TO OWN STRATEGIC KNIVES!

 
 

“tactical knives.”

“OK, general, we are being attacked by an army of pot roasts. What shall we do?”

“DEPLOY THE TACTICAL KNIVES!”

 
 

Shorter Dennis Prager: White men are an oppressed minority, so why am I not getting laid?

Actually he seems not to be wondering why he can’t get laid so much as wondering why he can’t have sexyist calenders at work and leer at his female co-workers.

 
 

A woman may wear a miniskirt and crop-top

Actually, I’m pretty sure that most workplaces have dress codes that would frown upon this sort of dress. Nevermind the fact that 99% of women would willingly choose NOT to dress that way at work. Sounds like Prager dreams of a workplace that looks suspiciously like a porn set.

 
 

I really like them, too…but I don’t expect them as a reward for being a walking pile of shit.

Sure, but imagine what a wonderful world it would be if it were gold stars and dress-up sparkleponies for everyone! Man, that would be so awesome, it might be worth the fact that SOCIALISM!

 
 

Actually, I’m pretty sure that most workplaces have dress codes that would frown upon this sort of dress. Nevermind the fact that 99% of women would willingly choose NOT to dress that way at work. Sounds like Prager dreams of a workplace that looks suspiciously like a porn set.

And the other one percent might, if Prager wasn’t leering all the time.

 
 

Sure, but imagine what a wonderful world it would be if it were gold stars and dress-up sparkleponies for everyone!

Can my sparklepony wear jeans, please? I feel like he’d be more comfortable. Or maybe bunny slippers. Yes. Bunny slippers.

 
 

Man, that would be so awesome, it might be worth the fact that SOCIALISM!

OK, but only if they come with some sort of automatic machine gun with UNLIMITED magazines filled with deadly GLITTER!!!!

 
 

Actually he seems not to be wondering why he can’t get laid so much as wondering why he can’t have sexyist calenders at work

Look, you get laid your way, and let Prager get laid his, K? Stop judging the man…

 
 

Can my sparklepony wear jeans, please? I feel like he’d be more comfortable. Or maybe bunny slippers. Yes. Bunny slippers.

Socialist sparkleponies come with bunny slippers and jeans. Sequined fishtail gown sold separately.

 
 

A woman may wear a miniskirt and crop-top, but a man may not have a calendar of women wearing miniskirts and crop-tops on his desk at work.

Also true, a woman may adjust her own clothes by shifting her skirt or hiking a bra strap, but the looks you get when you try and help them out with that.

Also, there are office washrooms where presumably women go to relieve themselves. And yet forwarding a link to Two Girls, One Cup to all staff gets you a talking to from HR.

 
 

This seems to be the concept that trips so many wingnuts up. Not only do they want to be repulsive, they want to get gold stars and dress-up sparkleponies as reward for their repulsiveness.

This.

This is the thing that conservatives forget: they take themselves so seriously, and they assume they simply must be right in all things, that when someone comes along and smacks their little hands from the cookie jar and tells them “not nice,” instead of just saying “don’t care” they continue to sniff and moan about the slap, and not look at what they did and decide whether it’s worth it.

And this. The whiny little bitch syndrome is such a pain in the ass.

 
 

And yet forwarding a link to Two Girls, One Cup to all staff gets you a talking to from HR.

You’ve proven this with experiments?

 
 

You’ve proven this with experiments?

Uh, I mean “or so I’ve heard.”

 
 

Also true, a woman may adjust her own clothes by shifting her skirt or hiking a bra strap, but the looks you get when you try and help them out with that.

I interned at a research lab in high school. The head scientist was from Switzerland. He used to check the length of miniskirts by jamming his hand thumb up against the girl’s crotch. If he could see his pinky, the skirt was too short.

I miss the 70s.

 
 

Prager says he would be “thrilled” if an athletic team chose “Jew” as a mascot. Well, OK, then:
Apparently Prager speaks for all Jews on this subject.

Back in the 70’s particularly I remember a lot of uproar over the use of Native American names for sports teams. I could easily understand the objection to names like “Redskins”. Some of the others I did not nescessarily understand the objection, but I did understand that there likely was something to it if others were complaining. At that time many teams changed their names, and at least as many others did not. The point being they were all free to weigh the pros and cons and make the decision.

I am still dissapointed though that the former UMass Redman changed their name to the Minuteen rather than to the UMass Debators.

 
 

You know what else? Dennis Prager, being a good conservative and not some ebile lie-beral leftsist, loves his mother. Well, in that case he should have no problem with all the other men who are loving his mother. Often in groups of three or more.

 
 

It’s guys like Prager who make me glad I dress conservatively (as in somewhat modestly, not unfashionably). The idea of this misogynist creep giving me the once-over makes me shudder.

 
 

Can my sparklepony wear jeans, please? I feel like he’d be more comfortable. Or maybe bunny slippers. Yes. Bunny slippers.

All sparkleponies must wear miniskirts and crop tops!

 
 

You know what else? Dennis Prager, being a good conservative and not some ebile lie-beral leftsist, loves his mother. Well, in that case he should have no problem with all the other men who are loving his mother. Often in groups of three or more.

Maybe if his mother had been “loved” more skillfully, she wouldn’t have raised such disgusting worthless piece of filth.

 
 

I was just wondering why we hadn’t seen El Cid in a while.

How not to say stupid things about Egypt? Read Naguib Mahfouz.

For more current fiction re: Cairo, The Yakoubian Building is required reading. Added plus, lots of buttseks.

 
 

All sparkleponies must wear miniskirts and crop tops!

Even the boys?

 
 

Oh look, I have a fresh jar of pontification! Here: Re: the ‘conservative’ tendency to be vile and then resent being called out for it, you have to remember these are people who don’t have an objective bone in their bodies. Not objectivist, mind you. Objective. Religion feeds on (and rewards) this characteristic by reminding its applicants that they have a personal relationship with God, and they can talk to Him and He will listen.

The problem with being incapable of placing yourself into a sufficiently abstracted frame of reference to be able to see how you’re coming off to other people — to understand the balance between self and other — is of course that it leads these folks to tell themselves stories about the world, then believe them as absolute truth. They’ll also listen to similar stories from like-minded people (cue Tea Party, Republicans, Fox). But they’re always examining each other for signs of ideological impurity. There’s no real connection. Just millions of cranks agreeing about a few issues.

What do we get from this trait? Well, on the big scale we get rulers, for one thing: that fellow Godwin mentions. The previous preznit. Father Coughlin. Jim Jones. And on and on. But on the everyday level we get these twats who think all women should respond to their code of behavior, or that cheating is self-enrichment and therefore okay as long as only they do it, or that lotsa guns are necessary because they, being the Center of the Universe, are therefore also the Target of All Crime.

Now I feel stabby.

 
 

Sparkleponies shit chocolate pudding, did you know that? I won’t mention how I learned this.

 
 

Dennis Prager:

Through the use of public opprobrium, laws and lawsuits, Americans today are less free than at any time since the abolition of slavery (with the obvious exception of blacks under Jim Crow).

But that is the exception that proves the rule, amirite? No, but seriously, racism ceased to exist after 1954 and sexism, homophobia, ageism, and ableism never restricted anyone’s freedom.

 
 

Yeah, man, being unable to buy a bazooka is totally like being enslaved!

…Wait… huh?

 
 

Re: Prager, QE fucking D.

 
 

Sparkleponies shit chocolate pudding, did you know that?

Sheriff Pony is better.

 
 

A quick snapshot of today’s GOP.

 
 

Iron Man suits for everyone!

 
 

No, but seriously, racism ceased to exist after 1954 and sexism, homophobia, ageism, and ableism never restricted anyone’s freedom.

You forgot Americans means “real Americans.” i.e. white Christian men that vote Republican.

 
 

The problem with being incapable of placing yourself into a sufficiently abstracted frame of reference to be able to see how you’re coming off to other people — to understand the balance between self and other — is of course that it leads these folks to tell themselves stories about the world, then believe them as absolute truth.

The irony is, he’s trying to get the rest of us to see things his way.

 
 

Speaking of rhinos, upthread T&U linked to something pretty fucking funneh. The comments are not to be missed.

 
 

Iron Man suits for everyone!

Iron Maiden suits for the gays

 
 

Sheriff Pony is better.

But I did not suit the deputy.

 
 

A quick snapshot of today’s GOP.

I like how the cameraman climbed a tree for safety.

 
 

Through the use of public opprobrium, laws and lawsuits, Americans today are less free than at any time since the abolition of slavery

Clearly, Dennis mistakes “free” for “able to be a jerk”

(Go ahead, Ahem away…)

 
 

Through the use of public opprobrium, laws and lawsuits, Americans today are less free than at any time since the abolition of slavery (with the obvious exception of blacks under Jim Crow).

Oh bullshit, those assholes LOVE public opprobrium, they had a whole mini movement to “bring back shame.”

 
 

Now I feel stabby.

Curiously, I was watching West Side Story this morning and the “I Feel Pretty Song” came on and I was trying to write the parody as I sang along:

I feel stabby
Oh so stabby
I feel stabby and bloody and gayyyyyyyyyyyy

OK, it’s a work in progress.

 
 

Spengler Dampniche said,
February 1, 2011 at 18:17

Well pontified. You’d think this kind of behavior would be shed in childhood. Sadly, no!

Through the use of public opprobrium, laws and lawsuits, Americans today are less free than at any time since the abolition of slavery (with the obvious exception of blacks under Jim Crow).

Up until Jackson, the average WASP (much less the Injuns or the filthy Cathylicks that cropped up when you moved into the Louisiana Purchase and further west) couldn’t even vote to make Washington pay attention to his grievances. But yeah, sure, the fact that a Dem just made it to the White House means we’re less free than they are. Idiot.

 
 

they had a whole mini movement to “bring back shame.”

“Shame! Come back, Shame!”

 
 

I wonder if this might turn Poopy from atheism:

But the youth, looking upon Him, loved Him and began to beseech Him that he might be with Him. And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with Him that night, for Jesus taught Him the mystery of the kingdom of God. And thence, arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan¹

¹Veiled bukkake reference

 
 

“they had a whole mini movement to “bring back shame.”

OMG, I remember that. I guess that I would love for them to feel shame too. Just about different things.

 
 

All sparkleponies must wear miniskirts and crop tops!

Even the boys?

The boy sparkleponies are dressed like this.

 
 

The boy sparkleponies are dressed like this.

Y’know, I had forgotten about that image.

For a REASON!!!!!

 
 

I wonder if this might turn Poopy from atheism:

I must first point out that “turning from atheism” is nonsensical. Atheism is not a thing but precisely lack of a thing.

As for the letter, HAWT!

 
 

Atheism is not a thing but precisely lack of a thing.

Atheists have no balls. Got it.

 
 

Atheists have no balls. Got it.

I’m an atheist and I have at least ten balls.

 
 

Atheists have no balls.

LOL. Wev justification you need to have Magic Sky Fairy keep the baddies away – just don’t drip any of it on us.

 
 

I’m an atheist and I have at least ten balls.

God bless.

 
 

Atheists have no balls delusions.

… for accuracy.

 
 

Ooooh, struck a nerve, did I?

You guys sound practically like Dennis Prager.

 
 

Did somebody say “fairy”? I love fairies!

 
 

Ooooh, struck a nerve, did I?

Not here, I’m certainly not a militant atheist and I try my best to respect other’s beliefs. I was was just correcting an inaccurate statement you made. It’s been a while since I sat down and counted carefully, so I may miss some here, but I have 2 testicles,commonly referred to as ball, I have 2 eyeballs, the ball and socket joints in my hips and shoulders count for four more balls and the balls of my feet make ten. That’s all I’m sayin’.

 
 

Ooooh, struck a nerve, did I?

Oh fo fuck’s sake. We’re the ones that sound like shitwads? Okay asshole, here you go – your best possible outcome from poking atheists.

Yes. My life is all hollow and meaningless without God and I live a pathetic horrible existence that makes me envy you for your Faith and Belief.

Feel bettar?

 
 

My life is all hollow and meaningless

Needs more goatse.

 
 

Needs more goatse.

To be fair, goatse guy makes me believe in the existence of Hell.

 
 

Needs more goatse.

That’s awfully hollow that is.

 
 

Speaking of hollow assholes…

 
 

I’d have a reason for livin’
And my sins would be forgiven
If I only had a god

I could call myself Jewish,
Christian, Muslim, Hinduish
If I only had a god

 
 

I guess that I would love for them to feel shame too.

Yeah, but they won’t. They want everyone else to feel shame, but if they feel shame it’s a loss of freedom nearly as bad as slavery. Just like everything else he complains about: laws are bad, but hey let’s ban abortions, private sex acts, etc, lawsuits are bad except when I need to sue somebody.

 
 

Well that went better than I expected.

 
 

I was born into a Christian family. But then I grew up.

 
 

Exactly, tigris.

Also too…Wow, is thread gonna go Epic?

 
 

My parents let me do my own thang re: religion. I never chose to be atheist really, it’s just that it never occured to me to believe in god.

 
 

Oh noes. I jinxed it with my “epic” talk.

 
 

This thread is not really epic, but it is epicurious.

 
 

Me. Short ribs. Dinner tonight. GO!

 
 

I’m sure the thousands of totally preventable gun deaths annually in the US Of A are central to his point. Little kids in the inner-cities are now routinely planning the details of their own funerals before they graduate from elementary school – that is what you call a seriously fucking obvious warning-signal right there. Freedom of choice ought to amount to more than urn versus coffin.

I’d have a lot more sympathy for the Second Amendment fanboys if Americans were still in peril of roving Indian war-parties or large bands of vicious Hessian thugs. As for “brave patriots defeating the evil government goons,” your 12-gauge or Glock versus a set of helicopter-mounted .60 Cal Gatling guns isn’t exactly a bookie’s worst nightmare – despite the thrilling 1980s docu-drama Red Dawn, in the absence of a People’s Air Force, you’re not even going to be very entertaining as target practice for long.

The difference between a ten-round magazine & a thirty-round one ceases to be “tactically negligable” if you are Target #11.

 
 

As for “brave patriots defeating the evil government goons,” your 12-gauge or Glock versus a set of helicopter-mounted .60 Cal Gatling guns isn’t exactly a bookie’s worst nightmare

I would be tremendously entertained to see one of those ballsy militiamen come face to face with an actual black helicopter. I hope they’re wearing brown pants when they do.

 
 

To be fair, goatse guy makes me believe in the existence of Hell.

I really visualized the entrance to Hell as less….anus-y.

 
 

Ooooh, struck a nerve, did I?

Oh fo fuck’s sake. We’re the ones that sound like shitwads? Okay asshole, here you go – your best possible outcome from poking atheists.

I did!

 
 

“Tactically negligable” assumes that crazy lunatics shooting into crowds are using tactics. Though I must point out, in Sun Tzu’s other book – The Art of Going Nucking Futs, he does mention that a higher capacity magazine is a tremendous tactical advantage when you want to kill as many innocent bystanders as possible.

 
 

Well that went better than I expected.

That’s because I don’t troll as expertly as you do, my friend. I just wanted to tweak your nose a little.

 
 

it’s just that it never occured to me to believe in god.

See where THAT got you? All married and pregnant and happy and shit.

Also, missing an r.

 
 

I’d have a lot more sympathy for the Second Amendment fanboys if Americans were still in peril of roving Indian war-parties

They’d claim that outsourcing to Bangalore counts.

 
 

Also, missing an r.

Missing rs are the mak of the devil!

 
 

You are the most grammar and spelling-concerned zombie I know.

 
 

missing Arrrrrs is the plight of a pirate castaway.

 
 

R’s ae fo libeals. Eal Ameicans don’t need them!

 
 

Tonight? Juses, I have no idea. I rarely even give it a thought until mid-afternoon at the earliest. Last night I made goulash. Shin beef – IT MUST BE SHIN BEEF! Lots onions, Hungarian sweet paprika, Hungarian half-sharp paprika, a bit of tomato paste, a soupcon of caraway, savory and marjoram, homemade beef stock. Sour cream. Spaetzle. Green beans for color. Natch, I’m fixin to reheat some for lunch in just a few.

 
 

Oh my. Talk more food to me baby. Your porn Is sooooo good.

 
 

Oh good, actor took his gawd pilz today. I’d prefer an epicurious thread, even an epicene one. Of course, like the poor, goatse is always with us.

 
 

Anyway, I’ll prolly just do them with carrots and parsnips in red wine and beef broth.

 
 

Dinner tonight was supposed to be a ten course Chinese banquet in advance of New Years, but the incoming storm has put the kibosh on that.

I dunno what we’ll be doing instead, but I do know we have some avocados that are close to ripe. Avocados and bourbon – I wonder what that’ll be like.

 
 

It’s true you need real Hungarian paprikas for a goulash but the home-made beef broth is just as important.

I had a cooking gig last night: nicoise of mahi-mahi, haricots, tomatoes, egg,picholine olives and roasted new spuds on baby greens from the garden (hey, it’s lettuce season here!) with a basil vinaigrette. Fresh 6 grain sourdough. Boston cream pie. The client was pretty happy (the Boston cream pie was rather good) but I had to suffer through half an hour of Faux news in the kitchen. How can they be so wrong about everything?

 
 

I really visualized the entrance to Hell as less….anus-y.
http://www.johncoulthart.com/feuilleton/2010/10/06/infernal-entrances/

 
 

I’ll prolly just do them with carrots and parsnips in red wine and beef broth.

Kinky!

Me, I’m marinating turkey tenderloins as we speak, for a quick 20 minute broiling and then pop some asparagus in for a roasting, then a nice cabernet.

 
 

Avocados and bourbon – I wonder what that’ll be like.

Gua–gua-guaca-*hic*-guacammmmmmmmmmmmmmolleeeeee. *burp*

 
 

Oh good, actor took his gawd pilz today.

I don’t need pills.

 
 

Goddammit, now I want what everyone else is talking about. Hell, even the avocados and bourbon…though not necessarily together.

 
 

I suppose I brought this on myself with the epicurious coment, but as I now face unexpected and severe time constraints it looks like I’m relegated to drive-thru fast food or nothing this evening. All this talk of real food only makes it worse.

 
 

All this talk of real food only makes it worse.

So the pot roast that’s in the crock pot would just be gilding the lilly?

 
 

Avocados and bourbon

Doesn’t sound appealing but then I never thought an avocado margarita would be so damn tasty.

 
 

I’ll prolly just do them with carrots and parsnips in red wine and beef broth.

The branes? Ditch the carrots.

 
 

TruculentandUnreliable said,

January 31, 2011 at 16:18

Ugh. Got out of the boat. Trust the Shorter, forrealz.

“It should not be forgotten that some 7000 were killed in a single day at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using the available hand weapons, which did not include firearms. At the Civil War battle of Gettysburg in 1863, both sides suffered approximately 51,000 casualties in three days of fighting using primarily single shot, breech loading rifles and muzzle loading cannon quite crude by contemporary standards. Some 5000 horses were also killed. The problem, in 1066, 1863 and today is human nature, not the tools employed.”

That (with apologies to Trig) is one of the most fucking retarded arguments I have ever fucking seen.

wow…deeply, deeply regretting getting out of the boat…also, even tho i vehemently oppose the ‘r’ word because my daughter are one, i was sorely tempted to use it directly after reading the above excerpt by the jr. wanker…

 
 

Doesn’t sound appealing,,,

You have your food staples, I have mine. I think there’s also some of that Smuckers Caramel sauce left, but I ain’t putting that on my avocados.

No, I’ll probably have at least semi-real food, I just have no idea what’s in the fridge.

 
 

Also avocado margaritas? Interest! Newsletter? Website?

The two things that make tequila most yummy are the same two that make avocados yummy. Salt and lime.

 
 

All this talk of real food only makes it worse

Yeah, sorry. I imagine this thread isn’t great for hungry people.

But I’m about to pile on: for lunch I had leftover pasta and (red) clam sauce. It’s not fancy*…but so fuckin’ good.

*canned chopped clams
a little wine
tomatoes
parsley
rosemary
shallots and garlic sauteed in butter in olive oil…

 
 

Also avocado margaritas? Interest! Newsletter? Website?

Yeah. I, too, would like to drool over whatever the hell that is.

 
 

actor took his gawd pilz today

Gottpilz? God Mushrooms?

 
 

Uh, mushrooms that give you visions? Those aren’t holy. Just fun!

 
 

Pics or it didn’t happen.

Boston cream pie

 
 

You made that?

 
 

Boston cream pie

As has often been said about T&U, she can’t cook but she can make my banana cream pie…

 
 

avocado margaritas?

Pizza FAIL.

 
 

Uh, mushrooms that give you visions? Those aren’t holy.

Don’t tell Ezekiel.

Altho in fairness, his might have been from ergot.

 
 

You made that?

I did. It’s a strange hot milk sponge cake with no rising agents but the eggs. We get great vanilla beans from Mexico, makes for better fancy custards.

 
 

I did.

*gulp* El Manquesito, I am down on bended knee asking for your hand in marriage.

 
 

You’re going to have to fight Mrs Manqué and prolly a couple of those she vanquished to get to the front of the line.

 
 

Just for vs

*blushes* Athankee, actor.

 
 

*blushes* Athankee, actor.

Be careful or you’ll put an eye out.

 
 

We were talking about linoleum and shit the other day…

http://imgur.com/a/VxSoA

The washbasin stand was just a crazy idea that popped in my head. That bent pipe on the basin was mounted at the top of the stand as a towel rail. A nice piece of cut glass for a shelf and that was that. And yeah, I laid the tile. I did everything.

 
 

Three bowls full for each and every member of the the Egyptian army.

 
 

Check this out. The bottom tomato-y photo is mine. Just one of my stock photos. Looks neat, doesn’t it? BTW, any of you who like to mess around in Photoshop or your digital art program of choice, you are welcome to use my stock. Seriously. Take. Enjoy. Use it for whatever the fuck you want. Just lemme know. Unless you use it for something goatse-adjacent. In which case…please, don’t let me know.

 
 

That bent pipe on the basin was mounted at the top of the stand as a towel rail

It looks like you removed it in between pictures.

 
 

‘Removal’ means I picked it up. Actually, I think i put it there for the second picture for some reason. I mounted it just under the basin rim but as I recall, didn’t get around to it for a week or two.

I kinda miss that house.

 
 

‘Removal’ means I picked it up.

Ah, yea that would explain it. It looks like it would make an awesome towel rack just under the sink, true.

 
 

I kinda miss that house.

so all that work and you don’t live there any more? sad. we are in the midst of home improvement and it’s not going fast enough…perhaps that’s why i don’t miss my house at all…

 
 

we are in the midst of home improvement and it’s not going fast enough

You are approaching the problem incorrectly, Grasshopper. The word “midst” implies the existence of an end-point. Home renovation is a journey, not a destination.

Or, as my neighbours put it, “Once you get it all done, the downstairs bathroom is going to look awfully shabby…”

 
 

Home renovation is a journey, not a destination.

Also known as the “you may as wells”

 
 

Or, as my neighbours put it, “Once you get it all done, the downstairs bathroom is going to look awfully shabby…”

so true…this is why we have been at it 26 years…and it is an awfully old house…

 
 

Also known as the “you may as wells”

my f.i.l. always says ‘ya, know, a guy could just …fill in the blank…’

 
 

,,, you are welcome to use my stock. Seriously. Take. Enjoy. Use it for whatever the fuck you want. Just lemme know. Unless you use it for something goatse-adjacent. In which case…please, don’t let me know.

AKA the realist’s licensing agreement.

 
 

Are you for gay marriage? Cuz you just got pwned.

That guy looks like he had Ws smug smirk surgically implanted permanantly on his face.

 
 

my f.i.l. always says ‘ya, know, a guy could just …fill in the blank…’

My dad was a carpenter. I grew up eating sawdust and we only lived in a four room apartment. God knows what we would have endured if the bastard had bought a house.

 
 

Also known as the “you may as wells”

My wife pronounces it, “If we’re going to do this, we should do it right“.

 
 

My dad was a carpenter. I grew up eating sawdust

did you inherit any of his skills and how do you feel about sweltering summers and bitterly cold winters?

 
 

did you inherit any of his skills and how do you feel about sweltering summers and bitterly cold winters?

I did, actually! I can drink three beers on my lunch break and whistle at girls!

 
 

I did, actually! I can drink three beers on my lunch break and whistle at girls!

okay…i will let you drink beer and you can whistle at me all you want…when can you be here?

 
 

okay…i will let you drink beer and you can whistle at me all you want…when can you be here?

Well, let me consult with my union. I can probably be there early next week. Assuming there’s no slow down. And that we’re crossing picket lines.

 
 

Are you for gay marriage? Cuz you just got pwned.

My few remaining braincells just committed suicide. DAMMIT I NEEDED THOSE.

 
 

I can probably be there early next week.

bring your longjohns and a parka…our high temp today was -4…and next week doesn’t look much better…

 
 

AKA the realist’s licensing agreement.

Exactly.

That guy looks like he had Ws smug smirk surgically implanted permanantly on his face.

I know, right?

 
 

Shorter K-Lo:

Conservatism is as queer as a three-legged stool

 
 

bring your longjohns and a parka…our high temp today was -4…and next week doesn’t look much better…

You got sheep? It looks like it could be cold. And lonely.

 
 

James O’Keefe wanna-be (but at least she’s hot) goes after a private charity this time.

 
 

My few remaining braincells just committed suicide. DAMMIT I NEEDED THOSE.

Just think about how it makes you less attractive to ZOMBIES.

 
 

My wife pronounces it, “If we’re going to do this, we should do it right“.

which further translates in my house as; ‘… phone a man…… you suck at DIY…’

 
 

James O’Keefe wanna-be (but at least she’s hot) goes after a private charity this time.

Isn’t it wonderful how they can suddenly get all concerned about human trafficking. Isn’t it sad that this only happens when they think they can use it to further their agenda.

 
 

Isn’t it wonderful how they can suddenly get all concerned about human trafficking.

What she forgets to mention is they are now the subject of an FBI investigation, as well as numerous local police warrants.

 
 

which further translates in my house as; ‘… phone a man…… you suck at DIY…’

Oh no, I’m allowed to do it. What I’m not allowed to do is to cheap out on the finish materials used. I only really care about the stuff behind the drywall, but my wife cares about the part you can SEE, too, for some reason. She even thinks the room “isn’t finished” until all the trim is done! Women truly are mysterious and enigmatic creatures.

 
 

bring your longjohns and a parka…our high temp today was -4…and next week doesn’t look much better…

It is unlikely, no matter how fat algore gets, that we will get down to -4 celsius for the whole winter. I just wanted to rub that in on account of all the food pron I was forced to read.

 
 

What she forgets to mention is they are now the subject of an FBI investigation, as well as numerous local police warrants.

this gets mentioned in the comments, but according to the posters, they only reported it after it was discovered the same ‘pimp’ showed at 12 other clinics…which has them frothing and fapping at a furious rate…

 
 

but my wife cares about the part you can SEE, too, for some reason. She even thinks the room “isn’t finished” until all the trim is done! Women truly are mysterious and enigmatic creatures.

i. feel. her. pain.

 
 

that we will get down to -4 celsius for the whole winter

what’s that in farenheit?

 
 

James O’Keefe wanna-be (but at least she’s hot) goes after a private charity this time.

Planned Parenthood has demonstrated that they do not report abuse. They are experts at turning a blind eye and asking for “as little information as possible.”

Oh, they report abuse alright, even when the abuse is obviously limited to wasting the valuable time and resources of charity workers and law enforcement agents.

 
 

what’s that in farenheit?

Mid-20s, or about the average IQ of a Teabagger.

 
 

Mid-20s, or about the average IQ of a Teabagger.

heh…also, i wish i lived someplace that only got down to the mid twenties in the winter time…

 
 

according to the posters, they only reported it after it was discovered the same ‘pimp’ showed at 12 other clinics

Actually, each individual clinic filed a report with Planned Parenthood and reported what happened to the police. When a dozen identical reports came in, Planned Parenthood took the extra steps of contacting the FBI about what was potentially a national ring, and launching their own independent investigation. This turned up the Live Action connection, which will hopefully minimize the time diverted away from investigating real underage prostitution.

 
 

i wish i lived someplace that only got down to the mid twenties in the winter time…

Where in the blue hell DO you live, then????

 
 

which further translates in my house as; ‘… phone a man…… you suck at DIY…’

she couldn’t quite believe it. As a Canuck, she assumed every man could do DIY, us Euratrash, not so much. She still watches me doing (minor) DIY shit with a very critical eye.

 
 

As a Canuck, she assumed every man could do DIY, us Euratrash, not so much.

You don’t know many East Germans, do you?

 
 

Just think

Ok, you’ve lost me.

And the BigGov Planned Parenthood article asks: “To these people I ask: What more will it take?”

You work for people with a known history of making totally honest no editing to take things out of context we really really promise videos then making outrageous demands based on lying shit it turns out they made up, and then you demand a whole organization be shut down because of your totally honest and up-front you promise videos of one lady, what do YOU think it will take?

 
 

Damn. I wish I was a better animator. I’m listening to “Miss You” by the Rolling Stones and realized this would be a perfect song for a Daffy Duck parody….

 
 

but my wife cares about the part you can SEE, too, for some reason

oh noes.. are we entering Andy Gray territory.. next thing you know we’ll be harassing T&U to explain the offside rule !!!!

 
 

“so all that work and you don’t live there any more”

We were serial renovators. Until I tackled the _complete_ reno of an 1860 house many of the projects were taken on in large part to justify the purchase of some nifty tools I did not yet have, or the upgrade of ones I did have.

 
 

You don’t know many East Germans, do you?

apart from a mysterious woman at a Vienna coffee shop in the ’80’s, no

 
 

next thing you know we’ll be harassing T&U to explain the offside rule !!!!

I could never understand the offside rule, that’s why I play goalie.

 
 

You don’t know many East Germans, do you?

Women? Or men?

Or does it make a difference? Stick them in a blue rubber suit and put them on a luge, and you can’t tell the difference.

 
 

Where in the blue hell DO you live, then????

Blue hell, from the sounds of it. -4 F is really frickin cold. Even we hardy Canuckistanis run and cower in our sod huts when it gets to -20 C. Schools don’t even let kids play outside when it gets that cold.

 
 

Where in the blue hell DO you live, then????

oh, that’s right…you were on vaca when we discussed this last…i’m in western mn…right in the bottom of the hump that sticks into south dakota…feel free to make ‘bottom’ ‘hump’ ‘stick into’ and ‘south dakota’ jokes…

 
 

We were serial renovators. Until I tackled the _complete_ reno of an 1860 house many of the projects were taken on in large part to justify the purchase of some nifty tools I did not yet have, or the upgrade of ones I did have.

oh, you lucky dog, you…

 
 

i’m in western mn

wait…there’s a *western* Minnesota????

 
 

wait…there’s a *western* Minnesota????

well, it’s a mix between farmers and faux cowboys…sorta like okalahoma!, now that i think of it…

 
 

well, it’s a mix between farmers and faux cowboys

A typical Friday night at Heifers and Hogs, but that’s beside the point.

 
 

wait…there’s a *western* Minnesota????

I thought everything in Minnesota was northern. And my boss just left this 26.6 degree lattitude to go up there. She seems to think that snowmobiling and ice fishing are fun. I obviously work for a crazy person.

 
 

wait…there’s a *western* Minnesota????

oh, and it’s a glorious place! it’s mostly flat, sparsely populated, with mosquitoes, humidity and unrelenting wind in the summer and freezing cold, snow and unrelenting wind in the winter…really, you should visit sometime…

 
 

I thought everything in Minnesota was northern.

This.

You know, Minnesota, then Northern Minnesota, then Northern Northern Minnesota, then Frostbite Falls.

 
 

it’s mostly flat, sparsely populated, with mosquitoes, humidity and unrelenting wind in the summer and freezing cold, snow and unrelenting wind in the winter…really, you should visit sometime…

Yes.

It’s. Going. On. The. List. Now.

*backing out slowly*

 
 

“wait…there’s a *western* Minnesota????”

Better known as southeastern North Dakota.

 
 

I thought everything in Minnesota was northern and metro! so do our legislators amirite! give me a rimshot, here! us rubes out here on teh border are forgotten folks…

She seems to think that snowmobiling and ice fishing are fun. I obviously work for a crazy person.

obviously…

 
 

Better known as southeastern North Dakota.

hey, i resent that!

 
 

*I* have been to Bemidji.

 
 

flat, sparsely populated, with mosquitoes, humidity and unrelenting wind in the summer and freezing cold, snow and unrelenting wind in the winter

I have the deepest pity for you and Northern Maine and all the other places that suffer horrible summer insect invasions, as though the winter weren’t enough.

 
 

Willem Dafoe getting comfy while ice-fishing.

 
 

*I* have been to Bemidji.

well, la di da, mr.! i’ve never been…that’s like near that arm thing that sticks into canada, isn’t it?

 
 

The closest I’ve been to northern Minnesota is Detroit.

And even then, I needed a cultural debriefing.

 
 

Do I have to bust out with my stories about how cold it got in McMurdo Station Antarctica when I spent the winter there?

 
 

Do I have to bust out with my stories about how cold it got in McMurdo Station Antarctica when I spent the winter there?

But how could it get so cold when it’s SOUTH, lie-beral???????

 
 

But how could it get so cold when it’s SOUTH, lie-beral???????
You pack your swimsuit, I’ll pack my snow gear, we’ll take a little trip south* and we can compare notes as to who is more comfortable.
*to Antarctica

 
 

Do I have to bust out with my stories about how cold it got in McMurdo Station Antarctica when I spent the winter there?

NO! also, you only spent ONE winter there…either protecting our freedoms or making a piss-pot full of money…i’ve spent 44 freaking winters here…let me whine just a little…

 
 

damn…tag fail…i should never rant, even sarcastically…

 
 

“Better known as southeastern North Dakota.

hey, i resent that!”

I must apologize. After consulting the great mapzoogle I see that i should have said “northeastern South Dakota.”.

 
 

I must apologize. After consulting the great mapzoogle I see that i should have said “northeastern South Dakota.”.

apology accepted…and ftr, they each suck equally…

 
 

When I was a lad we would have been grateful for McMurdo Station. Instead we each took turns hollowing out our siblings as shelters against the weather, burning our fallen limbs on the fire, when you could light a fire, what with the howling winds.

 
 

Are you near the river? I’ve read they are expecting big floods again this year (although that would be north of you up by Fargo/Moorhead).

Americans were still in peril of roving Indian war-parties

We’re getting the band back together!

 
 

When I was a lad we would have been grateful for McMurdo Station. Instead we each took turns hollowing out our siblings as shelters against the weather, burning our fallen limbs on the fire, when you could light a fire, what with the howling winds.

Looxury!

We used to have ta build shelter by spitting and peeing onto a mound, then sendin’ the wee bairn in wi’ shovel ta pick out a four by four box for all twelve of us, where dad woul’ beat us into unconsciousness, then get up and harvest ice for martinis for bankers in New York!

 
 

Instead we each took turns hollowing out our siblings as shelters against the weather, burning our fallen limbs on the fire, when you could light a fire, what with the howling winds.
We used to have ta build shelter by spitting and peeing onto a mound, then sendin’ the wee bairn in wi’ shovel ta pick out a four by four box for all twelve of us, where dad woul’ beat us into unconsciousness, then get up and harvest ice for martinis for bankers in New York!

have you two ever thought of opening a summer camp?

 
 

Instead we each took turns hollowing out our siblings as shelters against the weather

Gasp! GOATSE! It all makes sense now.

 
 

get up and harvest ice for martinis for bankers

Well of course you and your family were from the rights side of the tracks doing gentleman’s work. We shivered through the night and if we hadn’t died by morning, as we did from time to time, we would awaken to the sound of papa’s piss clattering onto the landscape in yellowish icicles, at which time we knew we had to milk the polar bears who ate us to survive.

 
 

at which time we knew we had to milk the polar bears who ate us to survive.

You were looky. You had polar bears….errr, in Antarctica…

We had ta melk penguins. Ever try ta find the teats on a bird?

 
 

Jeez I didn’t think Minnesota mozzies were much. My top five:

1. Corkscrew Swamp, FL, Oct.
2. Gaspée Peninsula, Quebekistan, late May
3. Maine. Sure, the Allagash, but lots of Mainers think Georgetown rates. June-Aug.
4. Mississippi delta, Arkansas side, SW of Memphis, May
5. Yellowstone River delta, Montana, July

 
 

Jeez I didn’t think Minnesota mozzies were much.
depends on the year…one thing’s for sure…they ain’t big, but they are freaking persistant! and of course, you can’t top any insects found south of the mason dixon line…*shudder*

 
 

Mosquitoes are nothing. Try New York State’s infamous Black Flies. They don’t just sting, they take a hunk of flesh with them.

 
 

also this…

“The Black Fly Song”, a song by Wade Hemsworth inspired by his experiences with them

 
 

We had ta melk penguins. Ever try ta find the teats on a bird?

I can think of a lot worse places to be. Like down in the street
Or down in the sewer
Or even at the end of a Skua.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s been snowing for about eight hours and it’s not showing signs of letting up. I’m not going into work tomorrow.

In other news, I’m almost done with Spengler’s book. The bastard.

 
 

People yammer about California not having seasons. But Wisconsin, Michigan, Minnesota, Maine – all of them, as many people have just pointed out, only have two seasons: snow and bugs.

I sure hope algore doesn’t embolden northern skeeters, ’cause then they could start carrying dengue fever, which Glenn Greenwald, who lives at least part time in Brazil, currently has and is in the hospital for it.

So my question is: is citronella enough?

 
 

I wonder if black flies are related to horse flies. I’ve been bit by those flies, and damn, it hurts and you get bruised and swollen, and I reckon, if flesh is excised, you could prolly die from it. Rise Again: This Time It’s Flies, starring Jeff Goldblum. Oh, never mind, it sounds too porntastic.

 
 

is citronella enough?
I have written and then deleted a lengthy comment about pizza toppings, having misread this as “cilantro”.

 
 

Now cilantro could kill flies from a foot away. Cilantro candles: you could clear an entire back yard. Not that normal people would come visit, what with the reek of cilantro.

 
 

is citronella enough?

citronella is never enough: the story of glenn greenwald

 
 

It’s been snowing for about eight hours and it’s not showing signs of letting up. I’m not going into work tomorrow.

again, repeating a comment from upthread: you lucky dog, you…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So my question is: is citronella enough?

No. But then again, mosquitoes love to feast on my succulent blood. Apparently I’m some sort of treat to them–everyone else around me will be bite-free, but I’ll TONS of them.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

again, repeating a comment from upthread: you lucky dog, you…

But I’m in Missouri. We’re not used to this crap! I have honestly never seen anything like this in my life.

 
 

No. But then again, mosquitoes love to feast on my succulent blood. Apparently I’m some sort of treat to them–everyone else around me will be bite-free, but I’ll TONS of them.

this is my daughter exactly…then she swells up like mad…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

this is my daughter exactly…then she swells up like mad…

Yeah, I’m not as bad as I used to be, but there were a couple of times that it looked like I had a second kneecap.

 
 

But I’m in Missouri. We’re not used to this crap! I have honestly never seen anything like this in my life.

yes, i thought of that…just enjoy your day off…and count yourself lucky that it is more of novelty…we are at the point of winter that we are sick to death of snowstorms and have had enough practice that we are expected to be at work…weather is no longer an excuse…

 
 

You had polar bears….errr, in Antarctica…

Antarctica? A honeymoon destination, at least for those who had the money, which we did not as the bills got so brittle in the cold they’d disintegrate. No, no Antarctica for us, more’s the pity, and instead for our resort we had to build ourselves pools, filling them by the pailful with nitrogen.

 
 

But I’m in Missouri. We’re not used to this crap!

also, the year we lived in texas and it snowed was just awesome! it was melting as it hit the ground, but we got out of school and my mom’s work closed down…and we were all like, ‘ha, ha! this is nothing, you bunch of sissies!’ and they were all like, ‘yankee, go home!’

 
 

#2 “I’m getting tired of all the loserFAG liberals corrupt our free speech! The loser currently in the WHITE house isn’t helping things!
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TruculentandUnreliable
 

yes, i thought of that…just enjoy your day off…and count yourself lucky that it is more of novelty

This is the third snowstorm we’ve had that’s dumped more in one storm than we normally get in a season. This one is THE WORST, though. It’s about 20 inches total by the end, I think.

 
 

For fly affectionadoes, I highly recommend the various “Oases” found upin the various Saudi deserts: they come for the dead sheep stuffed into oil drums, they stay for tasty human flesh!

 
 

Oh my.

“Speech codes are regulations prohibiting speech that is otherwise protected by the First Amendment.”

If he’s so concerned he should send some money to the ACLU. They have a habit of fighting against speech codes. If only his head would asplode I’d point it out to him but alas, he’d just call me a liar.

 
 

You know what doesn’t have flies? Disneyworld. No flies, none. No mosquitoes. Occasionally there’s a piece of paper on the ground, but someone in a polo shirt scampers right over to pick it up. Possibly they’ve stolen a sample of T&U’s succulent blood and engineered a wide range deterrent, or at least a diversion. But I think not. I think there are mighty chemicals at work, and future generations of Mickeys will have little white hands growing out of their foreheads or, like, no hands or whatever.

 
Till Eulenspiegel
 

Protesters on the streets of Cairo cheered as Mubarak said he would go.

CNN is officially a comedy news network. Packing that much stupid into one sentence is quite a feat: bizarrely misinterpreting the response to a situation they’ve described in a horribly misleading manner.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Ugh, I couldn’t even begin to read that. What a douche.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You know what doesn’t have flies? Disneyworld. No flies, none. No mosquitoes.

That’s creepy.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

But I’m in Missouri. We’re not used to this crap! I have honestly never seen anything like this in my life.

How is the booze supply holding up?

 
 

*I* don’t have flies. Anymore.

 
 

“Speech codes are regulations prohibiting speech that is otherwise protected by the First Amendment.”

I’m no fan of speech codes, as they might prevent me from telling him what an ass-sucking lackwit he is, but even I, a tiny kitten with a brain the size of a bean, realize when a blog or even a university sets them up it it’s not actually unconstitutional.

 
 

I’m really sorry to hear that Glennzilla got dengue cause it is no fun I’ll tell you what. And given the size of his enormous brain a brain fever probably hurts him more than it might an itinerant musician like yours truly. I didn’t have the break-bone kind but the plain old thrashing, sweating brain fever kind in a 48 peso a night room in Salina Cruz, Oax, Mex. Whew.

Yes, there are at least 4 kinds of dengue, but I don’t think any one of them is any fun.

 
 

vs, I could care less about Batman (the goddamn DC comic, specifically), but I’m pleased as a cartoon Kapow to meet another Tor reader. Well met!

 
 

You know what doesn’t have flies? Disneyworld. No flies, none. No mosquitoes.

That’s because they sap your blood for the entrace fee. The competition’s too fierce.

 
 

they come for the dead sheep stuffed into oil drums

This is a sexual deviance I’ve not heard of before.

 
 

Laugh if you must, but if Walking Dead has taught me anything it’s that a 6 shot handgun is inadequate when surrounded by zombies.

 
 

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