30
Oh Noes! Homoes!
ABOVE: Mullah Al-Bozell
Shorter Mullah Ba-Rent Al-Bozell, Clown Hall:
The “Good News” of Gay Teens
- The queers are in your teevee set,1 turning your children into homos.2
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
1The queers are also in your Clown Hall, turning your wingnuts into homos. No, seriously. Right on the page with Mullah Al-Bozell’s diatribe about favorable treatment of gay teens on television, there is an ad, I kid you not, for gaydar.net — with a picture of hunky shirtless guys, touching each other and getting ready, one must imagine, to put their naughty bits into unbiblical places. Here’s a pdf capture of the entire page, and below is a partial screenshot (with a blow-up insert of the gaydar ad for your viewing pleasure.)
2This seemed like a fair question to ask Mullah Al-Bozell:
And here’s another question for his buttboy Timofey Graham:
El Manquésito said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:45
I’m like a hospital, I’ve got lots of patients.
Jennifer said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:46
Heh. I guess gaydar.net knows where it’s most likely to reap the most clickthroughs.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:48
Not AGAIN!?!?!
~
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:48
I think people should also “get in line” and refrain from calling black people “niggers.”
He’s really disappointed that homophobia is going the way of racism: in other words it becomes less and less acceptable. Bummer.
papa zita said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:49
I know one thing. I ain’t getting out of the boat, ’cause I know I’ll end up like Maurice Black in I Cover The Waterfront. Or was it Tiger Shark? No matter, I will not end up losing body parts to see what the latest insanity is. Rotten mangoes my ass, there be sharks in that water.
S. cerevisiae said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:52
That is perfect.
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:53
It’s not that bad. Brent just seems a teensy bit disappointed that the gay teen suicide rate isn’t a skosh higher.
moderately good looking not so hunchback said,
January 30, 2011 at 16:56
Television is shoving teh gaii down our throats!!!!
Get in line ?
shortale said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:04
They fixed it. I’m getting an ad for the Ford F-150. Nothing to see here. Move along.
Though further down there’s an ad for Zoosk featuring some firm-jawed manly sorts seeking companionship.
Jack Elam said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:08
The queer gay kids have already chosen the fag path of buttfucking darkness. No amount of normalcy on their screens will change them now, especially with all those queer gayfags on the teevee shoving the normals to one side.
moderately good looking not so hunchback said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:14
the Ford F-150
Oh goodie!!!1
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/33202.html
Gerald Fnord said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:17
Perhaps al-Barent is one of those traditional sorts of Real Man who’s always found women suspiciously effeminate and at least a little contemptible, what with admitting to having emotions beside fear and hate and not having the penis.
Perhaps he thinks that a Real Man basically hang about with other Real Men: working, hunting, fishing, firing guns at foreign sub-men—and limit his fraught and dangerous contact with women to fucking and hitting them—the only forms of contact with them that won’t make you less of a man from infection by their cooties.
Under those conditions, I can see how it would be tempting, and really better in line with his preferences and principles, for him to make that fatal (and damning) mistake to sex it up with guys instead…leading him to an unseemly fear that others would be so easily turned.
shortale said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:19
Hunchback,
Well played.
I was unaware that I had floated a Hindenburg class “straight line”. Oh, the humanity.
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:21
I’m losing track of all the things that turn straight people queer. I remember when there was massive wingnut poutrage because Starbucks put quotes from famous people on their paper cups, and one was Armistead Maupin. Which explains why I walked into that Starbucks totally straight, took one sip of my coffee (ok, latte) and turned bi.
And all this time I thought it was from eating the muffin!
moderately good looking not so hunchback said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:25
shortale,
just about anything here is a straight line.
Or in this case….
Celia said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:42
There was a variant on this (the gay agenda infiltrating our schools rather than our televisions) in the UK a few days ago, which you might like to see. We get these people too.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1349951/Gayness-mandatory-schools-Gay-victims-prejudice-new-McCarthyites.html
DrDick said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:43
So Bozo’s younger, less gifted, bastard brother ran out of toilet paper again and had to use his copy of Clown Hall, giving us this sordid mess?
The Variants said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:44
Crap. Missed the start and left orphan posts on the last one. Gotta play catchup now.
((Here’s a proposal: If you are the first to discover a new thread has opened, drop a note on the current one that the party has moved elsewhere.))
The Variants said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:46
Hilarious set-up, Tintin!
The Variants said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:54
Jack: You were terrific in Once Upon a Time In the West!
That was filmed in Arkansas, wasn’t it? (Loved the way Leone used the Ouachita Mountains as a majestic backdrop!)
TruculentandUnreliable said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:57
Why do you hate the free market, Tintin?
moderately good looking not so hunchback said,
January 30, 2011 at 17:59
re: proposal
Creeping Eschatonism.
N__B said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:00
Why do you hate the free market, Tintin?
The so-called free market isn’t free! They made me pay for mangoes.
Timexoned said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:06
Dear Mr Bozel:
The material on your Web site raises complicated and disturbing images in my mind that I find offensive.
I know that I should be more secure in my self-identification as a member of the human race so that the merely being forced to acknowledge the existence of extreme right wing bigots should not disturb me so much, but the fact is that it does.
Even if the extreme right-wing denial-laden homophobe that you’re portraying is just an act, please refrain from such explicit portrayals lest it give anyone ideas.
Thank you.
D.N. Nation said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:26
Wingnuts. Failing at the internet again? Shocking.
Clampy Furrowbrow said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:27
Shorter Bozo-el:
My TV has only one channel and no off switch.
DrDick said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:32
My TV has only one channel and no off switch.
And his brain has no “on” switch.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:44
Fuuuuuuck. I just spilled milk all over my copy of S. Dapniche’s classic.
At least now it will feel at home with all my food and beverage and toothpaste-stained books.
By the way, if someone can find an effective and comfortable way to read in the tub, I will be their BFF. I also will probably never leave the house.
The Variants said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:54
Jack Elam traps the fly.
Major Kong said,
January 30, 2011 at 18:57
They fixed it. I’m getting an ad for the Ford F-150.
Shorter every pickup truck commercial ever -
Dude, if you buy this truck you are so not gay.
DrDick said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:06
Dude, if you buy this truck you are so not gay.
And you are totally studly and hung like a stallion!
N__B said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:07
By the way, if someone can find an effective and comfortable way to read in the tub, I will be their BFF. I also will probably never leave the house.
Have a friend in the tub to hold the book and turn the pages.
Arky said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:19
I’m sure Clown Hall has no idea how that ad got there and anyway it has a wide stance and it was afraid because there were lots of black guys hanging around.
And uh … Clown Hall thought it was just an ad for masseurs and professional luggage carriers anyway!
pedestrian said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:20
Their most controversial scene was the two private-school boys singing “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” to each other
Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:23
Have a friend in the tub to hold the book and turn the pages.
I’m gonna need a bigger tub.
Jeffraham Prestonian said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:24
I hate to be the one to ask, but… you do know how these web ads work, right?
Since I’ve been talking about wireless innertubes all over the place, most of my ads are cellular broadband service ads. So…
.
N__B said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:24
I’m gonna need a bigger tub.
Say hello to a little friend.
Arky said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:26
Not so veiled penis reference.
N__B said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:33
OT, but weirdly appropriate: G-string theory.
t1 said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:36
Bozell is shit-head, no doubt, but you might want to consider the fact that many ads are targeted at the user, not the website. By using cookies, the ads will literally follow you around the internet. Spend some time on different sites looking at, say, camping gear and you’ll have ads for REI popping up on sites that you visit.
I can’t say for sure that that is what happened here, but it could be.
Substance McGravitas said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:38
I visited Townhall, now I’m gay, and my whole pornography collection has been rendered WORTHLESS.
Pupienus Maximus said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:39
FYiPad
BWAHAHAHAHA
I have always been amused by the “turn you gay” meme. Way back in the 19hrmphcough’s when I was a lad just starting to realize my fondness for unbiblical sexytimeses I also realized that many of the people who claimed to be horrified at the mere thought of such things were in fact fascinated if not obsessed with the idea.
Recruitment was often the prevailing conventional wisdom regarding how people become homerseckshuls leading me to conclude that those people internally believed that homosex must be way more enjoyable than regular normal everyday sex. Why, it must be addicting, even. Once you have gay sex YOU ARE HOOKED. Smoke just one pole and you will never want to go near those icky cootie infested girlie things EVER AGAIN.
Thank you al-Bozoll for the continued lulz.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:39
I visited Townhall, now I’m gay, and my whole pornography collection has been rendered WORTHLESS.
You pay for porn?
jim said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:42
Link code is cruel.
That score again for you boys & girls keeping track at home: Adbot 1, Bozell 0!
Yes indeed – Brent Bozell has been pwned in a debate with SPAM.
These edge-of-your-seat contests soon to come:
*Michelle Malkin vs. Melba Toast*
*Jonah Goldberg vs. Lint*
*Newt Gingrich vs. A Gnat*
*Sarah Palin vs. A Flat Tire*
*Pamela Gellar vs. Dandruff*
*Andrew Breitbart vs. A Doorjamb*
………. IN THE MORONDOME®©™!!!
(free parking on Sundays – balloons & facepainting for the kids – no shoes no shirt no entry)
jim said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:48
You pay for porn?
Hey. Hey! HEY!
Can a brother get a “*****TRIGGER ALERT!*****” all up in this bitch?
Oh, those dark & disappointing times … the long dry-spells … oh, if I had only seen what magic was to come … such a tragic waste … so … so … sob!
N__B said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:49
I believe you meant “long hard dry spells.”
No-Visible-Means said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:53
From the comments section at Town Hall:
*blink…….blink*
Why, I think this is a great idea! The scripts almost write themselves.
Bonanza–Hop SingOzzie & Harriet–ThornberryStar Trek–All of em. The whole freakin ship!Dragnet–Bill Gannon. Hands down.My Mother the Car–Er, no. Cause it would still suck.CHiPs–Uh, never mind.
You get the idea. Carry on.
No-Visible-Means said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:55
fywp
talula badula said,
January 30, 2011 at 19:56
Hey! vs please don’t say nigger again. Make your own argument and leave us Niggers out of it.
Lancelot Link said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:12
*Michelle Malkin vs. Melba Toast*
*Jonah Goldberg vs. Lint*
*Newt Gingrich vs. A Gnat*
*Sarah Palin vs. A Flat Tire*
*Pamela Gellar vs. Dandruff*
*Andrew Breitbart vs. A Doorjamb*
You forgot, “George W Bush vs. A Pretzel”
Tintin said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:16
Are you making the unwarranted assumption that I visit sites that would identify me as GAY??? Well, I do not. Were that true, I’d be seeing ads with these two hunky guys and ads for various parapheGAYlia all over the net and I do not. I think the ad got triggered by the fact that Mullah Al-Bozell’s column used the word GAY about a hundred times. Hmmph.
t1 said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:22
tintin,
I’m just sayin’ that when I followed the link, the ads that popped up for me were for big pick-up trucks, viking swords, and products that make your penis _smaller_. But that’s just me.
Substance McGravitas said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:25
Whippersnappers do not remember a time when becoming old enough to pay for it immunized you from the danger of shoplifting it.
pedestrian said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:40
Can you imagine how the old hits from the 50?s and 60?s would look now if they were re-released to make them look more contemporary?
The Andy Griffith Show. Andy is a single gay dad and Aunt Bea is transgendered, but otherwise the characters are the same.
El Manquésito said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:44
And verily they knew him to be GAY for it was inscribed upon his cookies. Do those cookies also reveal whether he is French or Belgian? See next thread. Seb brings the euro-lulz.
DrDick said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:47
Whippersnappers do not remember a time when becoming old enough to pay for it immunized you from the danger of shoplifting it.
Us old farts, however, remember it all to well.
pedestrian said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:48
when I followed the link, the ads that popped up for me were for big pick-up trucks, viking swords, and products that make your penis _smaller_
I got a Sarah Palin book, pickup trucks, and Virgin Air. I avoid Sister Sarah like the herpes, I’ve never driven in my life, and – weh heh hellll… just ask the gents.
I think the ads are attuned to the site.
Sir Craig said,
January 30, 2011 at 20:58
Just wondering…I know that Clownhall publishes a lot of these idiots, but I was wondering if, instead of linking to the articles on Clownhall we linked to the ones they post on Yahoo? I know, chances are we would miss such delightful ironies as the Gaydar.com ad showing up on the same page, but I feel a bit conflicted about enabling any more traffic to these reptilian sites.
Or am I missing something? Because if I knew following to the link to their site did NOT show up as an increase in their traffic, then I’m good…
smut clyde said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:02
I get advertisements for bicycles and trebuchets and homeopathic sheep drench.
gocart mozart said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:22
I get adds for high fructose sheep juice and potato doughnuts for some reason. Must be the website.
jim said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:27
homeopathic sheep drench
… by far the least popular of David Lynch’s early short films.
Spaghetti Lee said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:31
I think the point is, we may know that adbots don’t actually display one’s deepest desires, but the Wingnut that Time Forgot probably doesn’t, so he’ll be wondering how to get rid of those ads and why they make him feel so fulfilled at the same time.
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:40
I get advertisements for pet unicorns and yogurt that makes you poo–it DOES know me!!!
pedestrian said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:44
Just don’t buy the unicorn poo yogurt from China.
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 21:46
I get mine exclusively from New Zealand because they make it with high fructose unicorn syrup.
Another Kiwi said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:06
And how high are the unicorns in New Zild? Frucking high I tells ya
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:10
This is why your ground unicorn horn makes such a good aphrodisiac.
smut clyde said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:11
It is a lot of work rounding up the pointy little buggers at mustering time and herding them to the processing plant, but we do not begrudge the extra work for this way you know you are getting free-range unicorn syrup and none of that battery-farm crap.
Pupienus Maximus said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:15
Now fortified with all-natural hobbit protein!
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:18
And we appreciate your efforts. We can pay in Hobbit-Dollars, right?
Another Kiwi said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:20
it is a lot of work rounding up the pointy little buggers at mustering time
Ahh the early morning start when the magic badgers paw at the door eager to be off and chase the ‘corns. The flagons of homoeopathic sheep drench warming over the campfire, the fairy bread shining in the dawn’s light. the jangling of the silver lariats, the huffing of the paint tins.
One never tires of it
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:21
New Zealand truly is a land of magic.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:26
Now fortified with all-natural hobbit protein!
You really don’t want to know where it came from…
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:33
Hobbits, like unicorns, are horny.
Alex said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:49
Yeah, I got off the boat. After facing the tiger of Robin-of-Berkeley’s skull fucking of Iris Chang’s corpse, this wasn’t shit. Shitty mangoes, though.
That Bozo guy sure has buttseks on his brain. A lot.
John Revolta said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:52
Thought it said “umbilical places”. I was all, “geez, what’ll these crazy homoes
get up to next??”.
pedestrian said,
January 30, 2011 at 22:59
Thought it said “umbilical places”. I was all, “geez, what’ll these crazy homoes
get up to next??”.
A common pickup line is, “innie or outie?”
Arky said,
January 30, 2011 at 23:24
Smoke just one pole and you will never want to go near those icky cootie infested girlie things EVER AGAIN.
Once you’ve had dick, to girls you’ll say ick.
Once you’ve had schlong, it’s ladies, so long.
Once you’ve had cock … Hey, where’d that guy with the hook come from? Stop! Leggo, aak!
Arky said,
January 30, 2011 at 23:24
Crap. Blockquote fail. I blame the guy with the hook.
vs said,
January 30, 2011 at 23:30
That’s how it worked for me.
Spaghetti Lee said,
January 30, 2011 at 23:46
Once you’ve had willy, girls just seem silly.
pedestrian said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:09
Once you’ve had penis, pussy seems heinous.
Pupienus Maximus said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:20
Once you smoke pole, you don’t want no vag-hole.
Pupienus Maximus said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:21
After plumbing boy tubes, orget iabout boobs.
Pupienus Maximus said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:22
Once you’ve been plooved, you eschew the groove. Okay, I’m groping,i admit it.
Anonymous said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:27
By the way, if someone can find an effective and comfortable way to read in the tub, I will be their BFF.
A book rack?
Substance McGravitas said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:32
Once you try wang
Girls ain’t no thang
vs said,
January 31, 2011 at 0:32
I just take my iPhone (in protective case of course) to the tub. Got kindle, you’re all set.
Smut Clyde said,
January 31, 2011 at 1:37
an effective and comfortable way to read in the tub,
Waterproof books.
That’s assuming you use water. It voids the warranty if you fill the bath with the blood of exsanguinated virgins.
Another Kiwi said,
January 31, 2011 at 1:47
Maw naiver let us taken no books in the barth. Nor outer it neither. We’s to busy smokin’ poles down at the country club
jim said,
January 31, 2011 at 4:45
Once you ride rod, Paul Lynde is your God.
Substance McGravitas said,
January 31, 2011 at 5:47
One taste of the dong
And girls just seem wrong
Spaghetti Lee said,
January 31, 2011 at 8:21
Once you’ve tried johnson,
Vaginas will look uglier to you than the green gooey stuff from the Japanese horror movie Kansen.
Substance McGravitas said,
January 31, 2011 at 8:55
Once you’ve had a tallywhacker
You will call your whore and sack her.
Julia Grey said,
January 31, 2011 at 16:58
((Here’s a proposal: If you are the first to discover a new thread has opened, drop a note on the current one that the party has moved elsewhere.))
There are those of us (the few, the brave) who have been known to read day-old threads.
Because we have no lives.
DAS said,
January 31, 2011 at 17:12
No-Visible Means,
Bill Gannon in Dragnet being gay? What? Don’t you know anything about the show? Bill Gannon was a wholesome family guy. It’s Joe Friday who was gay, gay, gay!
BTW, Dragnet totally promoted homosexuality: Gannon was comic relief while Friday was the hero of the show. How long until Bozell protests Dragnet?
Reality Check said,
February 14, 2011 at 14:47
I’m a homo, and I hate to disappoint you, but the ad on the TownHall page has nothing to do with TownHall and everything to do with the person VIEWING the page. Browsers, cookies, adbots all combine to figure out what ads YOU are most likely to be interested in. It may or may not have something to do with your other browsing history, perhaps you’ve already visited GAYDAR, or it may just be because you went to look at an article about gays. But the adbot picked out that ad for YOU, not for Brent Bozell.
Sorry to poop on your party.