Jul
30

Fightin’ Words By V. D. Aches




Posted at 23:21 by HTML Mencken

V.D. Hanson — with emphasis on the V.D. (the wingnut disease!) — discourses on a “clarified” wartime lexicon, and thus we can trace the many spirochetes’ journey from Bush’s and Olmert’s jockstraps straight to Victor’s sore noggin:

“Civilians� in Lebanon have munitions in their basements and deliberately wish to draw fire; in Israel they are in bunkers to avoid it. Israel uses precision weapons to avoid hitting them; Hezbollah sends random missiles into Israel to ensure they are struck.

“Collateral damage� refers mostly to casualties among Hezbollah’s human shields; it can never be used to describe civilian deaths inside Israel, because everything there is by intent a target.

[...]

“Innocent� often refers to Lebanese who aid the stockpiling of rockets or live next to those who do. It rarely refers to Israelis under attack.

The “militants� of Hezbollah don’t wear uniforms, and their prime targets are not those Israelis who do.

“Multinational,� as in “multinational force,� usually means “third-world mercenaries who sympathize with Hezbollah.� See “peacekeepers.�

“Peacekeepers� keep no peace, but always side with the less Western of the belligerents.

[...]

What explains this distortion of language? A lot.

[...]

But most of all, the world deplores the Jewish state because it is strong, and can strike back rather than suffer. In fact, global onlookers would prefer either one of two scenarios for the long-suffering Jews to learn their lesson. The first is absolute symmetry and moral equivalence: when Israel is attacked, it kills only as many as it loses. For each rocket that lands, it drops only one bomb in retaliation — as if any aggressor in the history of warfare has ever ceased its attacks on such insane logic.

The other desideratum is the destruction of Israel itself. Iran promised to wipe Israel off the map, and then gave Hezbollah thousands of missiles to fulfill that pledge. In response, the world snored. If tomorrow more powerful rockets hit Tel Aviv armed with Syrian chemicals or biological agents, or Iranian nukes, the “international� community would urge “restraint� — and keep urging it until Israel disappeared altogether. And the day after its disappearance, the Europeans and Arabs would sigh relief, mumble a few pieties, and then smile, “Life goes on.�

Well, I have a few clarified wingnut definitions for Diseased Dicktor:

“Moral equivalence” — what nationalist, tribalist and racist pigs say when you demand a single standard of judgement be applied to all war criminals.

“Anti-semitism” — what wingnuts use to bludgeon critics of Israel, but never use against its actual praciticioners, the bulk of whom being pro-Israel Christians who believe that Jews killed Christ and who support Israel only because they believe it will bring more quickly that day when Jebus returns to kill all non-believers, including, yes, Jews.

“Genocide” — what wingnuts accuse, mostly correctly, Iran’s regime of enthusing-over; yet wingnuts themselves, from John Podhoretz to Glenn Reynolds, share the same sort of the same sort of enthusiasm but which is instead parsed in wingnutese as “steely resolve”.

“Terrorists” — what wingnuts call Palestinians who misguidedly and atrociously attack civilians in the nastiest ways so that, one day, they may have a nation of their own. These Palestinians also unfortunately make friendly overtures to the most reactionary regimes on Earth. On the other hand, “terrorists” can never be made to apply to pre-1948 Zionists who atrociously attacked civilians and made friendly overtures to the most reactionary regime in Earth’s history.

“Peacemaker” — the ultimate slur-word according to wingnuts, many of whom claim to be Christian, but are only of the “I come not with peace but with a sword” variety.

“Ragegasm” — what wingnuts feel when they see any Muslim blown to bits.

“Glassify” — what wingnuts dream of doing to Mecca and Medina.

“Diplomacy” — an outmoded and contemptible way for the United States and Israel to deal with the world.

“Hearts & Minds” — some of the many organs in Muslim bodies which ought to be incinerated, especially should the Muslims in question assert any self-determination.

“islamofascist” — term of approbrium used against all Muslims; objectively used: the Muslim equivalent of Western Evangelical wingnuts.

“History” — the record of strong tribes exterminating the weak, which America and Israel would do well to learn from.

“Blame America First Crowd” — term of abuse heaped upon people who demand that America live up to its own principles before it demands such living-up-to from people and governments of other nations.

“Classicist” — ‘historians’ like VDH and Paul Johnson who semi-literately plunder ancient texts looking for the most bloody phrases, ideas and actions which they then demand that America follow the example of.

“Empire” — what wingnuts desire that the United States sustain and enlarge — all the while denying that it exists on the grounds that empires can only be made by the overt annexation of new territories.

“Warrior” — a person who sits at a keyboard surrounded by empty Mountain Dew cans and crumpled Doritos sacks and proselytizes for the joys of fascism and bloodlust.

“United Nations” — A geopolitical body concerned with the inherently immoral notion of world peace, to which such people as John Bolton must be sent to destroy by “reform”. (See also “Antichrist”.)

“George W. Bush” — The Son of Heaven; a Dear Leader in whose magical codpiece wingnuts put their faith.

20 Comments »

  1. mdhatter said,

    July 30, 2006 at 23:45

    The precision of the Israeli’s explanations of the strikes is unprecedented.

    How were they ever supposed to know there were civillians in that apartment building? or UN observers in that UN observation post for that matter?

    no witness, no crime.

  2. Lo Ping Wong said,

    July 30, 2006 at 23:47

    “Agenda” – What liberals have, furthered via lies and unseemly machinations.
    “The Truth” – What convservatives have, furthered the same way.

  3. g said,

    July 30, 2006 at 23:50

    Lookee here! Another cute little troll!!!

  4. g said,

    July 30, 2006 at 23:51

    Ooop, I think, Lo Ping, my sarcasm-meter was on the fritz. Beg pardon.

  5. FlipYrWhig said,

    July 31, 2006 at 0:11

    The Hanson piece, or at least the beginning of these excerpts, reads like a Chuckle Hut comedian pointing out the differences between black people and white people.

  6. Some Guy said,

    July 31, 2006 at 0:22

    “Ever notice how conservatives putt like this, but liberals putt like this?”

  7. mdhatter said,

    July 31, 2006 at 0:26

    “Now watch this drive”

  8. Marq said,

    July 31, 2006 at 1:07

    “George W. Bush� — The Son of Heaven; a Dear Leader in whose magical codpiece wingnuts put their faith.

    Oh, please tell me that the codpiece needn’t be rubbed in order to get an answer. Please, please, not that! But, how else would one activate the codpiece in order to receive the mystical answer? I mean, it’s not like it’s a Magic 8-Ball. If anything, it’s a Magic 2-Balls, and their answers are “Reply hazy, try again.” and “Outlook not so good.”, so it’s a bit less varied than the real thing. OTOH, those are the only two answers he needs!

  9. Guest said,

    July 31, 2006 at 1:48

    “But most of all, the world deplores the Jewish state because it is strong, and can strike back rather than suffer.”

    9.4 points/10. A very strong example of Bush-style “some people” Newspeak, cranked up to 11 (the whole world is “some people” on this issue – wonder what the whole world might have to say about that?). Remarkable for its expression of victimization in the language of strength. “Everyone picks on Johnny, just because Johnny keeps beating people up when they tell him to stop beating people up. Shame on them!” A thoroughly corrupt headf*ck, this one.

  10. MD said,

    July 31, 2006 at 2:27

    I’ll add a few to this impromptu dictionary:

    “Appeaser” — anyone who opposes genocide, or who doesn’t attend the post-genocide party.

    “Churchillian” — any wingnut who uses lofty phrases that support staying the course on a strategy of insipid stupidity.

    “Staying the Course” — the acquired skill of denial of being neck-deep in Iraqi shit, while the banker is on the way to foreclose on the Humvee.

    “Cut and Run” — a strategy that dares suggest that the US armed forces (“the strongest in the world”) are being run rings around by rag-tag insurgents; A refusal to acknowledge that the US controls the Green Zone, now and forever.

    “A Failure of Foreign Policy” — any peace treaty or accommodation of differences; A refusal to pre-emptively invade.

    “The Decider” — our Great Leader who decides that he should decide that a decision to decide rests in the one who decides that a decision to invade is what deciding is all about.

    “United States” — a republic and nation-state designed to serve the interests, obsessions, and hobbies of wingnuts.

    “Victory” — That for which nothing can be substitued; anyone who suggest a substitute is an Appeaser (see above).

    “Unipolar World” — that world that exists in the minds of wingnuts, while they are mind-melding with Victory (see above).

    “Casualties” — Statistics; something kept at the Pentagon.

  11. Phoenician in a time of Romans said,

    July 31, 2006 at 2:45

    “Aggressor” – anyone in a country bordering Israel, and sometimes minorities within “the Jewish State”. Aggressors don’t suffer.

    “Anti-semitism” – asking questions such as “Why were Israeli soldiers in the Lebenon in the first place?”, “Don’t people have a right to fight invaders?”, “Does Hizbollah attacking Israeli soldiers have anything to do with previous Israeli attacks against Lebanese civilians?” or “Don’t Arabs suffer just as much as Israelis?”.

    Deterrence – a result of the imposition of righteous force. Not to be confused with suffering or striking back.

    Measured response – the killing of massive amounts of civilians and militia by Country A within Country B as a consequence of terrorist action. To be lauded.

    Righteous force – the use of bombs and arms by a formal military to destroy homes, lay waste to infrastructure and kill civilians in pursuit of nationalist goals. Not to be confused with terrorism.

    Striking back – a result of the imposition of terrorist force. Not to be confused with suffering or striking back.

    “Suffer” – a condition only felt by Israelis, and when the distinction is necessary, the majority ethnicity in “the Jewish State”.

    “Terrorism” – the use of bombs and arms by an informal militia to destroy homes, lay waste to infrastructure and kill civilians in pursuit of nationalistic goals. Not to be confused with righteous force.

    “Terrorist action” – the kidnapping or killing of limited numbers of soldiers from country A within Country B by members of country B. To be condemned. IMPORTANT – whereever possible, downplay the location of such terrorist actions, lest it encourage anti-semitism.

    “Terrorist action (2)” – the attempted killing of massive amounts of civilians and military by militia from Country B within Country A as a consequence of measured response. To be condemned.

  12. chimera said,

    July 31, 2006 at 3:12

    “Warrior� — a person who sits at a keyboard surrounded by empty Mountain Dew cans and crumpled Doritos sacks and proselytizes for joys of fascism and bloodlust.

    Nuh-UH!

    Cheez-Puf sacks.

  13. Dan Someone said,

    July 31, 2006 at 3:20

    “Innocent� often refers to Lebanese who aid the stockpiling of rockets or live next to those who do. It rarely refers to Israelis under attack.

    WTF? “…or live next to those who do…”??? Guilt by neighborhood association?

  14. islmfaoscist said,

    July 31, 2006 at 5:23

    This is the picture that should accompany the definition of precision weapons.

  15. The Devil's Asshole said,

    July 31, 2006 at 5:38

    “Civilian” can now be defined in such a way that it means “legitimate target”? Okay, so “war” means peace, and “ignorance” is strength.

  16. Bistroist said,

    July 31, 2006 at 15:24

    MD: “Churchillian� — any wingnut who uses lofty phrases that support staying the course on a strategy of insipid stupidity.

    As opposed to:
    “WardChurchillian” — anyone who tentatively entertains the notion that there may be any other contributing factor to discord anywhere on the global, national, or local stages than Nazislamofascixuality, or ponders, however momentarily, the deeper significance of Newton’s third law.

  17. Shorter Rightwing Arseholes said,

    July 31, 2006 at 19:48

    PeaceMonger: a liberal terrorist who wishes to influence the United States to NOT kill innocent people.

    PeaceMaker: my gun (i.e. Blessed be my PeaceMaker, for it shall kill all the brown people and liberals on the earth)

  18. shargash said,

    July 31, 2006 at 20:55

    You know, ‘ol VD is supposed to be a historian. You’d think he’d have a better grasp on facts than the average home-skooled Fox News wingnut. Sadly, No!

    Hezbullah fighters do wear uniforms. The Israeli troops invading Lebanon were complaining that they looked so much like Israeli uniforms that they were having trouble telling friend from foe.

    Also, Hezbullah fighters don’t use human shields. One of the innovations of Hezbullah (vis-a-vis the inept Palestinians) is to stay away from civilians. Hamas keeps getting betrayed to the Israelis by the civilians around them. Hezbullah learned that lesson and doesn’t (see this).

    Hezbullah does have a political arm (it is a political party, after all). Those people do things like feed the poor. They do not wear uniforms and do mingle among the people. They, however, are aid workers, not terrorists, by any rational definition of the term. But then the wingnut definition is –

    Terrorist — any brown-skinned Muslim; anyone within blast radius of a brown-skinned Muslim.

  19. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    August 1, 2006 at 4:51

    Death cult, culture of death, party of death: A belief system to be ascribed to any community whose continued existence has become inconvenient or annoying.
    Culture of life, party of life: A group of people arguing in favour of (or actively involved in) killing members of the current culture of death.
    /Bierce

  20. beepbeepitsme said,

    August 7, 2006 at 3:50

    Are You The Antichrist? Test Here…
    http://beepbeepitsme.blogspot.com/

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