30
You Better, You Bet
I’ll see Travis’s Noah’s ark and Gavin’s Ark of the Covenant and raise them with my “Ancient Book of Psalms”. Blah; all that Travis’s and Gavin’s archeological coups prove is the greatness of God or Jebus or the Hamburglar or someone. Mine, on the other hand, does that and considerably more: it justifies whatever Israel does!
Pammy describes it as a “miracle”, as evidence of “G-d weigh[ing] in.” We’re told that the book was found open at Psalm 83, which apparently augurs well for wackos like Pam (and you thought Randroids were athiests — nope, not when believing in “G-d” is a necessary part of tribalist hategasms), the great multitude of Rapturist nutbags in God’s (other) country, and the relatively small number of fundamentalist Jews in Israel.
Yet happy as Batshit Shrieks is about the artifact, Psalm 83, and all that it allegedly portends, I’m certain that deep down she’s disappointed in “G-d” that He didn’t see fit to “make found” an ancient book of Deuteronomy — open, instead, at chapter 25, verse 19. That‘s some explicit justification for genocide right there and thus would be the greatest possible spiritual food (in comparison, the Psalm is but an hors d’oeuvre) for all the heirs of Kahane in Israel and America now cheering so wildly, “Shoot, apartment building, score!”
mikey said,
July 30, 2006 at 3:10
A few klicks east of an loc we shot our way into a bunker on our way to vacation in Cambodia. I led a fire team down the ramp into the center of the bunker proper. Killed a wounded guy and a woman. There was a bible on the table, next to a candle-lantern thingie. It did not occur to me to check which page it was open to. I scooped it all up and dumped it in a canvas bag and gave it to G-2. Dammit. Might have missed some VERY important message. Like on bullwinkle….
mikey
islmfaoscist said,
July 30, 2006 at 3:15
Both the really expensive vellum-bound collector’s Bibles and the cheap King James versions found in hotel room bureau drawers make great toilet paper. The middle of the road ones not so much.
Haven’t gotten the opportunity to try a Torah or a Q’uran yet, but I will report on their flushability and butt-feel when I do.
Some Guy said,
July 30, 2006 at 3:15
http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/brian/brian-18.htm
They’re all I bloody got to eat!
Retardo Montalban said,
July 30, 2006 at 3:17
I’ve been meaning to ask you, Mikey: do my references to and characterisations of Vietnam bother you? If so, I’d gladly mute the volume, as it were. Just say the word.
My brother’s dad, for a while my de facto stepdad when I was a child, was a Vietnam Vet. He spoke a bit more about things than my Grandfather did about his experiences in WWII, but still he was as deeply scarred, perhaps more so. So i can and do respect what you went through, and can adjust if you but say the word.
mikey said,
July 30, 2006 at 3:45
Ah hell no, ‘tardo. Look. Lemme say this for anybody who reads this here blog. One of the reasons I am SO hard-line anti war is, oddly, not my war experiences. Its simply this, and I think every vet would agree. EVERYTHING. Every fucking thing that I have ever done or ever experienced since is measured thru the prism of war. War is the scale, and my life is only the mercury. There was a time when I couldn’t figure out why the world was a cartoon, and all the people nothing more than pop-up targets. Two dimensional, fake, imaginary, y’know?
But check it out. I’ve made my peace. I know how I got here, and sure, if I could change stuff I would. I’d try to find the courage to go to canada.
See, I try to offer lessons. People have helped me a lot, to get where I am and to be who I’ve become. Combat is a very good teacher. You do NOT want to flunk the final. I’d like to think that we are getting to a time where the lessons of violent hatred and political conflict can be learned.
Watch al Jazeera. Look at the pictures. If you’re going to talk about war, at least be conversant with its by-products. And if by learning the lessons I learned I can convince one mom to convince one kid that joining the marines is a rip off and there are better things to do for your country, we win.
Please continue to bring it, Retardo. You are a voice I want to hear, unfiltered and unconstrained….
mikey
Retardo Montalban said,
July 30, 2006 at 4:06
Wow, mikey, you’re a hell of a guy, and of course I dont at all mean that because you nicely complimented me, but for what you’ve done and are doing. Reminds me of my granddad (who always said, “the only way the army will ever get me back is by dragging me by my boots”) and I can give no higher compliment.
mikey said,
July 30, 2006 at 4:12
Well, fact is if I can DATE that young mans mom while we’re keeping him out of the marines. Well, where’s the DOWNSIDE???
mikey
Gentlewoman said,
July 30, 2006 at 4:37
mikey, that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. This: War is the scale, and my life is only the mercury. almost made me cry.
Karl the Grouchy Medievalist said,
July 30, 2006 at 4:57
Atlas Shrugs, and the reporter of the story, are nitwits. They should have talked to a medievalist. Psalms are numbered differently in the Latin bible. Likely an Irish manuscript from the 8-10th c, particularly if it’s using the Vulgate translation.
here’s a link to the appropriate chapter.
People need to pay attention to medievalists.
J. A. Baker said,
July 30, 2006 at 5:04
Interesting… According to this site, it may not be Psalm 83 that this book was open to.
Word of warning, though: when I stumbled on the site, there were two hard-right ads. One was for a Jewish homophobe website (the Jewish version of ex-gay ministries, I think…) and the other was one of those “Are American Jews in Danger?” paranoia agents…
J. A. Baker said,
July 30, 2006 at 5:06
Darn…beaten to the punch by Karl…oh well…great minds think alike,eh?
Some Guy said,
July 30, 2006 at 5:14
What’s up with the G-d and L-rd?
J. A. Baker said,
July 30, 2006 at 5:53
Like I said, looks like my source is as “fair and balanced” as Faux “News.” And yet, even they found something Atlas’ Juggs (Motto: My tits are as Nazi as my mind!) never bothered to suss out.
mr. memento said,
July 30, 2006 at 6:29
Some Guy asked:
What’s up with the G-d and L-rd?
See here: http://www.jewfaq.org/name.htm#Writing
However, this convention seems like a silly way to “avoid writing the name of God.” God’s name is YHVH; I would think it would be enough to just come up with some substitute like “the Lord” or “the Name”, and just use that freely. If the argument is that “God” is a name of God and so it should be written “G-d”, then I ask: why isn’t “G-d” now a name of God? Perhaps people will soon be writing “G–”, or even “—” …
Sexy Sadie said,
July 30, 2006 at 6:31
Love will cut you, just like a knife?
politically lost said,
July 30, 2006 at 8:15
we all know it was really the flying spaghetti monster that created the universe, stop posing.
Marq said,
July 30, 2006 at 8:24
That’s why I’m so partial to “He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken.” Or “Cthulhu,” naturally.
Oy! And after reading that, I read the “www.jewfaq.org” URL as “www.jewfag.org”. Sheesh!
So far, no one has figured out the greatest danger of this whole widening Middle East crisis: while the regular Jews, Muslims, and Christians are all distracted killing one another, those sneaky kabbalah-types will swoop in and destroy us all! I just knew that Madonna was up to no good! Also, what of the Baha’i? No one ever takes them seriously enough as a threat, the bastards!!1!
D. Sidhe said,
July 30, 2006 at 8:32
Stop taking the damned Bibles out of the hotel rooms. Just leave the stupid things where they are. Believe me, the Gideons are not in league with Satan, but they are a bunch of assholes. Every five years, they come to your hotel and give you exactly enough Bibles for the rooms you have. Then they take the old ones, and, I dunno, recycle them to charity, just like old mattresses. They do not actually put them in the rooms, the maids have to do that.
Every time you dick with a hotel room Bible, you are costing the maid at least five minutes while she goes to steal one out of some other poor maid’s room so the super doesn’t scream at her. You are causing a rift in the delicate peace that exists between loads of laundry, in those rare and precious moments when the maids aren’t being forced to steal washcloths from one another because the guests smear waterproof makeup all over those and there are never enough unstained ones. Just leave the damned thing alone.
I understand you think God is a hoax and the Gideons are dorks, but do you really hate the minimum wage maids? And before you answer, remember who’s cleaning your toilet and washing out your coffee-pot. And ask yourself if you want her to have time to wash her hands between the toilet and the coffee-pot.
Seriously. Leave them be.
I mean it. I’ll come to your house.
Some Guy said,
July 30, 2006 at 8:35
Flying Spaghetti Monster. Quant.
Personally, I’m a proud member of the Church of Chronology. Unlike you heathens, we know that Lavos fell from the Sky in 65,000,000 BC, bringing forth all life on this planet, and will one day awaken, destroying everything he created. Unless, of course, we chosen few are true enough in our faith to awaken the mighty Chrono, praise be upon him, who will slay Lavos and bring all true believers to the holy land of Guardia.
So sayeth the Book of Marle, part of the Holy SNES Catridge of Magus.
Best game of all time. Seriously.
vaara said,
July 30, 2006 at 11:40
If Pamela Shrugs is so devout that she refuses to spell out the “G” word, why did she post to her blog 9 times yesterday?
Nino the Mindboggler said,
July 30, 2006 at 13:44
Pamalamadingdong is in dire need of intervention. I susprct she’d snorting Oxycontin in the bathroom before she shows her twisted visage and erect nips when she describes a new plan to create fuckable corpses.
Call Bravo or A&E and give me a cut of the profits.
Notorious P.A.T. said,
July 30, 2006 at 17:00
Has anyone heard the new Er*c Cl*pton album?
Dan Someone said,
July 30, 2006 at 17:07
Mikey, if you are ever coming to the Chicago area, please let me know. I would like to buy you a beer.
Dan Someone said,
July 30, 2006 at 17:09
And by the way, if God (or G-d or Yahweh or whatever his name tag says this week) wants to send us a message about Israel, why the fuck would he dump it in a bog in Ireland?
Singularity said,
July 30, 2006 at 18:02
A: Mikey, thanks for the strength of character you show by sharing your experience with those who have no understanding of what war means to the people who fight. Let’s hope some young neo-con chickenhawk stumbles across them and has a change of heart.
B: You people seriously don’t get the meaning of this miracle, do you? The Irish are conspiring to destroy Israel. Or the Israelis are trying to destroy all the Irish people in Lebanon. Or something. But it’s no coincidence that both Ireland and Israel start with “I”. And there is no “I” in “team”. Think about it.
owlbear1 said,
July 30, 2006 at 18:43
And by the way, if God (or G-d or Yahweh or whatever his name tag says this week) wants to send us a message about Israel, why the fuck would he dump it in a bog in Ireland?
==========
cuz he’s already done a burning bush.
btw-
Annotating hotel bibles is much more fun.
Mary Jones said,
July 30, 2006 at 20:42
There are only two cool things about this:
a.) It’s been 200 years since the last medieval Irish manuscript was found. It leaves the distant hope that there are more missing manuscripts to find, even though it’s still unlikely.
b.) There might be some new Old Irish glosses; interesting to scholars, especially linguists, but that’s about it.
c.) Ok, there’s a third thing–bogs are cool. You never know what you’re going to find in ‘em, but it’s usually well-preserved.
fillerbunny said,
July 30, 2006 at 21:06
Retardo, I’d just like to state now that I am giving you the big hate for tempting me with the link to Pammy’s Tits, for now I know what the synaesthetic visual for the smell of day old vomit and feces is…..
Jack of None said,
July 30, 2006 at 21:23
Personally, I’m a proud member of the Church of Chronology.
Unfortunately, I follow the FF 3/6 Path, which states hundreds of years ago, there was a great war, in which there was much destruction wrought; after this, the Espers shut themselves away and the power of magic gave way to the power of steam. One may still access these powers by communing with the crystalized remains of dead Espers, or moving around the three holy Goddess Statues that sustain the world — but such an action is an abomination, and anyone who commits it must be faced as a final boss.
Do we have to have a holy war now? Or can we just shut ourselves up in our rooms with our respective SNES games and agree to disagree?
Christian said,
July 30, 2006 at 21:31
Hmm, A Randroid getting all gushy about a passage in the Bible.
St. Ayn would not be pleased, from her acolytes:
“Religion is a primitive form of philosophy, because it attempts to provide a theory of the nature of man, man’s place in the universe, and a guide to human action. But religion admittedly has no rational basis, meaning: no basis at all. “Faithâ€? is merely someone’s assertion (without evidence) that something is true. As a “guideâ€? to life, it couldn’t be more dangerous. And it is becoming an increasing danger to Americans as the 21st Century approaches. The religious right’s efforts to enforce religion and destroy our rights is all around us: laws preventing abortion and assisted suicide, censorship, school prayer in public schools, laws against homosexuality, laws mandating the teaching of “creationism.â€? “
The cognitive dissonance has reached cranium splitting levels.
The Fool said,
July 30, 2006 at 22:17
Here’s the hilarious kicker: the nutters were going on about Pslam 83 that this book was turned to and its message about the destruction of Israel, blah, blah, blah. But the Pslam 83 that the ancient book was turned to didn’t actually say all that. Because Psalm 83 then is what we now call Psalm 84 — and it doesn’t say anything like that!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The fucking nutters can’t even get their bogus story straight.
g said,
July 30, 2006 at 22:55
Mikey, you are admirable. I usually don’t know what to say after reading one of your comments; you seem to capture it all.
Hey, how was your evening out yesterday?
Not having ever seen combat, not having ever even seen a dead person except for one that was already dressed and cleaned up, I am pretty much ignorant.
But I have a terrible imagination. I know what it’s like when my finger is cut with a knife; it is not that hard to magnify that and imagine a larger, more horrible wound. I know how quickly blood flows from a cut or a scalp would, it is not that hard to imagine blood flowing tenfold. I have hit my head hard on something unyeilding; it is not that hard to imagine that blow being much, much worse. I have seen my child’s knee skinned – I don’t want to imagine what it must be like to see my child in greater pain.
I don’t want to imagine those things happening to other people, I don’t care who they are.
There are people right here in the US who are perfectly happy thinking about other people’s children in pain, about rivers of flowing blood, about shattered heads and wounds from sharp things —- and they haven’t got the imagination to feel for the suffering. How can you advocate for the slaughter of others without knowing what it must feel like?
Bloated Plutocrats » Blog Archive » I heart the intertubes said,
July 31, 2006 at 6:21
[...] People like Mikey, a commenter at Sadly, No! Its simply this, and I think every vet would agree. EVERYTHING. Every fucking thing that I have ever done or ever experienced since is measured thru the prism of war. War is the scale, and my life is only the mercury. There was a time when I couldn’t figure out why the world was a cartoon, and all the people nothing more than pop-up targets. Two dimensional, fake, imaginary, y’know? [...]
Marq said,
July 31, 2006 at 16:57
Gee, mikey, now outside blogs are linking here because of _your comments_! Baby, yer a soooooooooopah star!!!1!
mikey said,
July 31, 2006 at 23:46
Oh jeezus. Think I oughta get a haircut?
mikey