airline attacker is narrow, concrete, uniquely definable and universally known

“Want Kraut on that dog?” should know about narrow.

Yeah, but who wants to grope those dirty coloreds?

The right wing male needs to be reminded: No one wants to touch your junk. No one. People have to be paid to do it.

I admit, even I never imagined that taking Bush-era security measures and making them even more extreme would suddenly be attacked as “political correctness personified.”

Sooo…the turrists should just start recruiting white people, then?

airline attacker is narrow, concrete, uniquely definable and universally known

Let the profiling begin!

I admit, even I never imagined that taking Bush-era security measures and making them even more extreme would suddenly be attacked as “political correctness personified.”

With all things right-wing, you must expect the unexpected.

I’d give anything to not have to think about Crotchhammer and junk at the same time. *shudders*

The right wing male needs to be reminded: No one wants to touch your junk. No one. People have to be paid to do it.

I think it’s funny that these peen-peeping scanners have them so upset. I can just picture one of the thinking: “They should make Obama go through one in front of TV cameras!” then immediately gasping, “Oh, God, we can’t have that!”

Getting groped isn’t so bad. The public aspect adds a little to it, don’tcha think?

“Don’t touch my junk is the anthem of the modern man, the Tea Party patriot, the late-life libertarian, the midterm election voter.”

I didn’t read every word of that guy in San Diego’s blurg posts, but I seem to remember him specifically saying he wasn’t a teabagger.

Getting groped isn’t so bad. The public aspect adds a little to it, don’tcha think?

The problem is, you can’t choose who’s groping you.

..my package belongs to no one but me, and do you really think I’m a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?

I think they’re going to have to use prison “volunteers” when Sauerkraut goes through security.

BTW there’s a Brian Fischer part 3 now.

Snoutflamer stoleded that lollipop from a baby.

airline attacker is narrow, concrete, uniquely definable and universally known

But is he known throughout the microphone?

The problem is, you can’t choose who’s groping you.

All the more thrilling, amigo.

“BTW there’s a Brian Fischer part 3 now.”

Oh, goody!

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Trust me, Chuckles, ain’t no one want to touch that withered stalk of grass you euphemistically and hopefully call “junk”.

I remember one rightie idiot over here, a few years ago, saying something along the lines of “suggesting that targeting young bearded brown males will just make the terrorists recruit from other demographics is like suggesting that targeting young shaven-headed white males to prevent football hooliganism will just make the hooligans recruit middle class black women”.

Uh, ye-e-es… you’d stop the majority in both cases, certainly. But a) hooligans depend on weight of numbers, so stopping the majority would be good enough – it’s not good enough in the case of terrorism, as one person can set off a bomb; and b) nobody ever has tried to stop hooliganism by targeting people on the basis of their appearance, anyway, and I’d oppose it if they did.

The problem is, you can’t choose who’s groping you.

True, but they’re as uncomfortable with it as you are, so it’s all good.

BTW there’s a Brian Fischer part 3 now.

Did he delete part 2, as well?

Let me think….we could start profiling with people who are obviously trying to sneak metallic objects onto the plane…perhaps under the guise of, say, some form of wheeled chair or cart to bring their lifeless carcass on board…I mean, after all, who KNOWS what kind of mechanisms that thing might be full of!

Don’t touch my junk is the anthem of the modern man

It makes me nostalgic for “Don’t taze me, bro!”

Can I choose who I grope?

Let the profiling begin!

Actually, I was thinking about this guy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoe_bomber

A Muslim terrorist… named Richard Reid… carrying a British passport… born to white English and black Jamaican parents. The man couldn’t possibly have been caught by the profiling techniques Chuckie wants.

There was a story last spring about a Muslim woman who was caught planning terrorist attacks in the U.S, too. She was white, blonde, and born and raised in Philly.

Profiling. Doesn’t. Frakking. Work. Period. Bitchez.

With all things right-wing, you must expect the unexpected.

Oh believe me, I know. The last two years have certainly taught me that.

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage travelers to amuse themselves with “erotica” before the patdown, so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons. Some not-so-civil disobedience, if you will.

What we really need is for Raptor Jesus to start taking planes. Imagine TSA trying to touch His junk!

GREEEAAAWWWW!!! I OPT FOR OM NOM NOM NOM!

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage travelers to amuse themselves with “erotica” before the patdown, so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons.

I’m so getting the Hooters concession at Terminal 4 now…

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage travelers to amuse themselves with “erotica” before the patdown, so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons.

No one wants to see that.

OK, someone here linked to a t-shirt with Jesus holding a dinosaur. A real moment of tenderness was captured. I NEED THAT LINK.

“so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons”

Is there some prohibition against carrying a summer sausage in your pants?

Some not-so-civil disobedience, if you will.

Or you could just pee yourself while they’re fondling you.

No one wants to see that.

You seem rather tentative in saying that….

VS,

I’m way too nice to you

http://sakura-considers.blogspot.com/2010/04/jesus-holding-baby-dinosaur.html

Whee. Me again (what are the odds this’ll end up in the comments?):

Bryan, I’ve read all your posts on this subject. The original post was primarily about how girly the military and society have become as exemplified by the (untrue, as pointed out by several people) “failure” to award the MOH to people who have primarily killed a bunch of the enemy. You compounded this error by stating that killing lots of enemy would be honored by Jesus. See, I understand what you wrote. What you wrote is stupid and dishonorable. That’s why you’re being pilloried, you dumbass.

Here’s the graphic tee I want to see:
“I Opt Out And I Have A Nervous Bladder”

“OK, someone here linked to a t-shirt with Jesus holding a dinosaur. A real moment of tenderness was captured.”

A resident creationist has a cartoon that is actually fairly amusing. Two dinosaurs are standing on a beach with, presumably, Noah’s ark fading into the distance. One dinosaur says to the other, “Darn, was that today?”

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage travelers to amuse themselves with “erotica” before the patdown, so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons.

No one wants to see that.

You lie!

I would totally do this. No, that’s not a gun, but I am obviously quite happy to see you!

That TSA doughnut dumpster would be gone before you can say “nice woody”.

actor and smedley–bwahahahaha! Good stuff. And, actor, it’s not like you went you got me Canadian donuts or anything…

“I Opt Out And I Have A Nervous Bladder”

Don’t touch that! It might go off!

And, actor, it’s not like you went you got me Canadian donuts or anything…

Ungrateful little….I went A WHOLE THREAD BACK!

Although I am currently off donuts and am onto chewy chocolate chip cookies. Fucking YUM.

Do you think a “Lactating Woman” t-shirt would keep TSA pervs away?

Man! I’m startin’ my own church!

Go to Bryan 2 and let it refresh (relieve?) itself. Bryan 3 who show up. Can’t make linky work again.

Do you think a “Lactating Woman” t-shirt would keep TSA pervs away?

That’s an entire genre of porn. At least that’s what I’m told.

I’m gonna go with no, nothing involving boobs or anything they do will keep the fatman away.

My comment at Bryan III:

Keep plucking that chicken, BryBry

BTW, peeing your pants is a most apropos suggestion, considering what day it is.

Do you think a “Lactating Woman” t-shirt would keep TSA pervs away?

*applying for job at TSA*

Do you think a “Lactating Woman” t-shirt would keep TSA pervs away?

Rule 34 says: No. Not all of them.

actor: living embodiment of Rule 34?

Do you think a “Lactating Woman” t-shirt would keep TSA pervs away?

No, but “Lactating Man” stands a better than even shot.

actor: living embodiment of Rule 34?

They’re swollen!

Although I am currently off donuts and am onto chewy chocolate chip cookies. Fucking YUM.

As your doctor I am obliged to point out that chewy chocolate chip cookies are low in calcium. I certainly hope you are supplementing with a big bowl of ice cream.

OK, someone here linked to a t-shirt with Jesus holding a dinosaur. A real moment of tenderness was captured. I NEED THAT LINK.

I saw that first at The Jesus General’s site, and have it at my desk now. It has never not made me laugh. Keep sharing it!

As your doctor I am obliged to point out that chewy chocolate chip cookies are low in calcium. I certainly hope you are supplementing with a big bowl of ice cream.

I am not. But what I am doing is drinking a buttload of milk. Sometimes I wonder if I’m craving all this cake-y/cookie/pastry stuff just so I can get lots of milk into me. In a very fun, roundabout way…

As your doctor I am obliged to point out that chewy chocolate chip cookies are low in calcium.

She’s lactating. Not a problem…so long as we can watch

No one wants to see that.

You seem rather tentative in saying that….

There you go, projecting all over the place again.

It cant possibly be illegal to have two 12″ latex dildos tapped to your legs, right?

It cant possibly be illegal to have two 12? latex dildos tapped to your legs, right?

No! No! No!

ONE dildo, TWO wetsuits!

It cant possibly be illegal to have two 12? latex dildos tapped to your legs, right?

It’s quite possible to beat someone to death with a 10″ dildo, so it may be.

Not that I would know anything about that.

No! No! No!
ONE dildo, TWO wetsuits!

Be careful. You don’t want to end up like that family values guys. Maybe you should carry luggage instead of wetsuits.

It’s quite possible to beat someone to death with a 10? dildo, so it may be.
Not that I would know anything about that.

**Holds gun to own head**

Elaborate or the N*****r gets it!

drinking a buttload of milk..

Silly me. I thought milk came from lower down on the moo-moos.

I thought milk came from lower down on the moo-moos.

I miss the days before genetic engineering.

drinking a buttload of milk..

Silly me. I thought milk came from lower down on the moo-moos.

Also: drinking milk by sitting in it: ur doin it rong.

**Holds gun to own head**

Elaborate or the N*****r gets it!

And this is why tsam is bestest! Blazing Saddles references! Woo-hoo!

And this is why tsam is bestest! Blazing Saddles references! Woo-hoo!

Well, we’ll be sure to give him a laurel…and hearty handshake.

Also: drinking milk by sitting in it: ur doin it rong.

I’m just multi-tasking. Milk is good for the skin.

Well, we’ll be sure to give him a laurel…and hearty handshake.

I think I’d like a chocolate…and banana milkshake, actually.

It feels all cold and tingly inside my wetsuit.

SHIT–did I just say that out loud?

My very favoritist Blazing Saddles quote and one I think of EVERY TIME I hear about some teabaggin’ nonsense:

You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

I miss the days before genetic engineering.

Before hatchery raised train drivers, yes. Those were the days.

SHIT–did I just say that out loud?

how womantic.

Actually, that movie has one of the timeless political observations of American history: “What did you expect? “Welcome, sonny”? “Make yourself at home”? “Marry my daughter”? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.”

Damn, actor, I’m usually not one to ahem, but…

AHEM.

I always think of “The sheriff is a……!”

Damn you and your two brains….

how womantic

I miss Madeline Kahn so hard.

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage travelers to amuse themselves with “erotica” before the patdown, so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons. Some not-so-civil disobedience, if you will.

http://xkcd.com/779/

I miss Madeline Kahn so hard.

Is that a funeral urn or are you just glad to see me?

Bryan Fisher III.

Bryan Fisher III

I get the feeling that in 2020 we’ll be seeing “Bryan Fischer MMDXLI”

I always think of “The sheriff is a……!”

And I of “Hey, where the white women at?”

And I of “Hey, where the white women at?”

“Lemme whip this out”

I miss Madeline Kahn so hard.

She was so friggen tired.

More awesome from N_B’s link.

Diagram of my bionic frontal lobe.

This is my favorite comment so far from the Bryan Fischer abortion:

Dear Mr. Fischer, If Patton were alive he would slap your face. Sincerely, A Patriot

Sorry, but I gotta give that a big ROFL

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage travelers to amuse themselves with “erotica” before the patdown, so the TSA personnel have to deal with tens of thousands of d00ds with raging hardons. Some not-so-civil disobedience, if you will. – BBB

If the pat-downs get invasive enough, it’ll be even better if the chicks do this. Do the words “wet and wild” mean anything to y’all?

OK, this is pretty funny, too:

http://xkcd.com/661/

This is so predictable. These assholes are all for a police state until it might inconvenience them in any way, and then it’s, “What are you bothering me for? Go grope those people!”

If the pat-downs get invasive enough, it’ll be even better if the chicks do this. Do the words “wet and wild” mean anything to y’all?

In da mile-high on da ground club. Orgy city, baby, shagalicious!

It would make me laugh if 200 or so transvestites decided to fly and eat Viagra like M&M’s before going through security.

The Power Line goons are all over this.

Hinderaker thinks only attractive women should worry, since who wants to grope ugmos, amirite?

Big Trunk thinks this is absurd because he might be inconvenienced while some filthy Moor goes unscanned.

Mirengoff is the best: we should be thankful the troops are defending our freedom to submit to invasive searches, but seriously shouldn’t this be Mooslim-only?

Hey, if you fuck in the city of Denver, does that give you automatic entree into the Mile High Club?

Cuz, you know, some of us earned that title…

Hinderaker thinks only attractive women should worry, since who wants to grope ugmos, amirite?

Why did I get out of the boat? “I would be OK with the technology even though my wife and daughters are very much in the attractive female category.”

Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

I would be OK with the technology even though my wife and daughters are very much in the attractive female category.

Mmmhmmm. Sure they are.

Why did I get out of the boat?

I like to think it’s because I have solid AAA-level shortering abilities.

A battle of twits. A crazy man calls Palin a Soros pawn. Warning: Link contains Alan Keyes.
http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=230037

Mmmhmmm. Sure they are.

Get an abortion. You’ve become faster than me with that parasitic second brain…

I’m more disturbed by the idea that he’s evaluating his daughters’ attractiveness than caught up speculating whether or not they actually are attractive in the first place.

Get an abortion. You’ve become faster than me with that parasitic second brain…

It ain’t the bebe…I’m just in a good mood and I feel like sitting on my ass in front of my computer and collecting a few lulz. They’re so beautiful–like exotic butterflies!

Larkspur, I left you a comment in the previous thread.

I don’t know, I have a daughter and I think she’s beautiful. Of course, she’s only 3 months old. I might feel a little sketchy having such an opinion once she reaches adolescence.

I’m more disturbed by the idea that he’s evaluating his daughters’ attractiveness

He could just be a well-trained redneck.

“Why yes, dear, you’re much more beautiful than the woman on the TeeVee showing her flabby breasts in that tight T-shirt! Are you going to finish that Rocky Road pint?”

I’m more disturbed by the idea that he’s evaluating his daughters’ attractiveness

This seems to be terribly important to the conservatards, hence their tribal “our wimmins are hotter than your wimmins” bragging.

I would be OK with the technology even though my wife and daughters are very much in the attractive female category.

Pics or it didn’t happen*.

*Note, this is not part of a nefarious scheme that ends with me yelling “I TOTES DID YER MOM!!!” at Assrocket’s daughter. Maybe.

*Note, this is not part of a nefarious scheme that ends with me yelling “I TOTES DID YER MOM!!!” at Assrocket’s daughter. Maybe.

Suddenly you’ve become fussy?

ON TOPIC: CTL-F informs me that no one has yet mentioned Anne Coulter. Watching her get pwned by another Fox guy on Hannity was fun to watch. She literally begs Hannity to cut off the guy’s mike.

ON TOPIC: CTL-F informs me that no one has yet mentioned Anne Coulter. Watching her get pwned by another Fox guy on Hannity was fun to watch. She literally begs Hannity to cut off the guy’s mike.

Want the newsletter! Now!!!!

Pupienus Maximus: That’s a shitty comment to leave without any hyperlinks. Do it.

She literally begs Hannity to cut off the guy’s mike.

Wow. Hannity didn’t suck her dick, either!

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/ann-coulter-gets-owned-by-fox-legal-analyst-asks-hannity-to-cut-his-mic/

Wow. Hannity didn’t suck her dick, either!

We don’t know that for sure.

If the pat-downs get invasive enough, it’ll be even better if the chicks do this. Do the words “wet and wild” mean anything to y’all?

Heck, just consider that on any given day there’s going to be at least one women for whom it’s “that time of the month”.

“Sure, you can do a deep search. Could you hold my tampon for me?”

POO

Our Raptor,
Who art in /h/eaven,
shopped be Thy face;
Thy donations come,
Thy posts be done
in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven.
Give us this day our daily Bridget;
and forgive us our trolling
as we forgive those who troll against us,
and lead us not into faggotry,
but deliver us from /fur/ry.

In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server,
Amen.

I’m too tired to make this stuff up.

Save me Raptor Jesus!

Note that the Israelis, who nobody’s ever accused of being politically correct, don’t profile based on appearance they profile based on behavior.

I have a feeling that a Google search would reveal Ann Coulter wasn’t complaining about pointless security measures like removing our shoes and putting liquids in a stupid plastic bag when Bush was President.

At least the other guy is (presumably) consistent.

Also too, her complaining about someone interrupting her is more hypocritical than her complaining about there being a “police state.”

Snort, you missed the PECKER display.

“I would be OK with the technology even though my wife and daughters are very much in the attractive female category.”

He’s willing to offer up his wife and daughter for invasive tech, but dammit he demands a printout.

El Cid is being silly.

Yeah, but who wants to grope those dirty coloreds?

You don’t grope them, you have them force it down your throat.

Pup made me laugh. It’s like he forced that laugh down my throat.

That’s Headley.

*giggle*

*waits for someone to play with me*

Here is a baby.

Which one?

That is freaky. Glad I wasnt tripping my balls off when I clicked.

Elephant vs. alligator tug of war:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-11795932

Tom Bergeron, host of Dancing With the Stars

Here’s the thing. Let’s address the Bristol thing. That’s the thing I get the biggest kick out of on the show. I’m going to put on my political hat. I’m a liberal Democrat, and I state that proudly. But I have no patience with my friends who believe there is a conspiracy keeping Bristol on the show. They’ll say, and they’re friends of a similar political persuasion though I have friends across the spectrum, “Oh, well! She’s still on the show! She’s obviously not the best dancer! She gets the lowest scores!” My response to that is similar to my response to the midterm elections. I’ll say, “OK, right. So who did you vote for instead of Bristol?” “Uh, well, I don’t vote!” “Well, then, f*ck you.” I mean, basically! You can clean that up. I have no patience for that! If you don’t participate to create a different outcome — and this can be true in national politics or a TV reality show — then don’t piss and moan if you don’t like the way it’s playing out. You know, I’m sorry! I think Bristol is clearly not the best dancer here, but she’s a charming young woman who’s shown an incredible growth from week one to this week. If she happens to get more votes for whatever reason, more power to her. If you don’t like it, vote for someone else. But that’s been the part of the show that’s amused me, how quickly people are to seize on conspiracy theories when people aren’t involved in the process

This is for VS or other mac users. It’s pretty easy to alter if you try out Quartz Composer and it looks cool.

I agree, “don’t touch my junk” is the “don’t taze me, bro” of the moment.

And when I first heard about this whole business, I declared to any who cared to listen that the minute that individual decided to use “junk” as a word to describe is genitalia, he lost the argument. End of story. Welcome to being dismissed with the rest of the cast of Jersey Shore.

I don’t know….but what I do know, is that somebody done hoodoo-ed the Hoodoo Man

OT, but just wanted to say hello to all before I go back and read more of the thread. I’ve been too busy the past week and a half to even seek commiseration from you good folks. The business is being re-organized; I am in the middle of a very ugly business divorce. I have locked my former partner out of the bank accounts, shut off her phone, and changed the locks on the office and there was some attorney stuff going back and forth; meanwhile I’m having to run the place with a skeleton staff (because of her habit of hiring her friends, without first consulting with me, and of course they had to go when she did) during the busiest time we’ve ever had. We will survive – barely – but we wouldn’t have if I hadn’t moved on it a week ago Wednesday. Still not sure how things will settle out – she’ll either take a very small buyout (VERY small) or we’ll wind down our final sales in mid-December and dissolve, with me re-opening under a new name and moving forward.

Seriously, you wouldn’t believe the shit that’s gone on in this past week and a half. That woman is crazy, seriously crazy. The snakes are coming out of her head.

That’s some bad juju, Jennifer. My wife recently went through the same thing with a business partner, but thankfully the business was just getting off the ground. Best to have these things happen early in the relationship.

Hope it all works out easiest for you.

Jeez, Jennifer. Wondered where you were, but thought business was keeping you busy. I just figured it would be in a good way.

Personally, I’ll just go through the body scanner. Anybody who gets off on the sight of a naked avatar of me has many deep psychological problems and should not be in a position of authority.

Thanks guys. I look at it this way – if I make it through the next 3 weeks, there’s no doubt the business will succeed and do quite well next year. We’re basically going to end the year in a position of breaking even month-to-month, even after paying salary to someone who wasn’t working for the past 4 months and extending an advance. Basically, if not for that, we’d end the year ahead by some $10K. We haven’t started paying back the line of credit yet, but it’s not much in terms of starting a new business, and we don’t have to start paying it off until next September. So that’s doable.

I’ve already talked to all my vendors, explained that we are “separating our business interests” and that I will be continuing in business, either under the current name or a new one, and that I would like to continue working with them – they’re all on board. And I’m signing up new ones. So if I just finish wading through all the work and the bullshit surrounding ending the current business relationship, things look good going forward.

*waits for someone to play with me*

Hey little girl…would you like some candy political humor?

God don’t make no junk.

Jennifer –

I dealt with that crap in 1996 and I”m still in business. Every nightmare is different, so I’ve got little advice other than go to the gym and use the heavy bag. Punching until your arms stop working is therapeutic.

That’s a terrible story, Jennifer, especially since it really seemed like business was really picking up- did you know this woman before you went into business with her?

Good luck in getting things cleared up Jennifer. If you need someone to sleep with the soon-to-be-former-businesspartner’s mother and then childishly taunt her about it, I know a guy.

N_B – yeah, but was yours delusional? This woman is batshit crazy, stupid, lazy, and a classic narcissistic personality disorder. Get this: the meltdown happened when she showed up at the office at 11:30 in workout clothes and drops a bogus mileage reimbursement form on my desk (I know it was bogus because of – cell phone records!), then proceeds to completely MELT DOWN when she’s told that we can’t cut the check today because we have to pay the taxes. After a loud and lengthy and nasty argument, she storms out of the office and goes directly to the bank and attempts to steal the money for the taxes. Fortunately, I had stopped by that very morning and changed the signature card on the account, and the bank called me. So at that point, I cut off her phone and changed the locks on the office.

Thank god she’s a stupid cunt, or she might have gone to another branch of the bank and perhaps succeeded. Get this, during the argument, she said “HALF the money in that account is MINE!” I mean, she doesn’t even have a firm grasp on the fact that vendors and taxes and landlords and shit like that has to be paid. It’s as if any money that comes in is all profit!

Good lord, I was in business with an Underpants Gnome!

“*waits for someone to play with me*

Hey little girl…would you like some candy political humor?”

Sure, but I’m not getting into your van.

OT – The fourth annual Desert Bus for Hope begins in less than half an hour.

Close the fucking CD door already!

They ought to quit feeling people up and start using dogs.

I used to have a dog that could smell a joint at 100 yards. No shit. I got him from an ex-cop who retired and the force let him take his dog as part of his retirement package. Well, the cop got sick and couldn’t take care of the dog any more, so he offered the dog to me. He told me the dog was really smart and could smell dope a mile away. A bit of an exaggeration, but still, this dog was amazing. We would take our afternoon stroll and the dog would start tugging at the leash whenever we passed a head. At first, it was embarrassing, but after a while I started to have fun with the dog. Like one time we were strolling past this really hot chick and Waldo (the dog) suddenly lurched for this fine chick. She kind of jumped back, kind of startled, and I told her not to worry about the dog, he didn’t bite, he just liked the smell of dope. She looked at me and asked how I got my dog to smell dope and, being afraid of mentioning the cop story because it might scare her off, I fibbed and told her that I had trained the dog to sniff out roaches and that we could usually find a roach or two in the park, enough to get a good high (that part was true). She thought that was cool and asked me if I would like to get high, right then and there. Awesome. So the point I’m trying to make is the TSA folks ought to find some Waldo like dogs to smell people to see if they are carrying bombs.

First, they came for the Muslim junk. I said nothing. My junk is not Muslim

Then, they came for the Mexican junk. I said nothing. My junk is not Mexican.

Then, they came for my junk… Hey, you in the back! Quit giggling! Yes, I said “came”! Oh grow up!

*claps*. I like it!

They ought to quit feeling people up and start using dogs.

I’m all for sic-ing a dog on Krauthammer’s crotch.

Then, they came for my junk…

but I was wisely hiding it in a certain smartass’ mother.

They ought to quit feeling people up and start using dogs.

Dinner time, Fido!

If you’ve just discovered XKCD, you’re in for a treat. Don’t forget the rollover text. I’ve wasted entire evenings just histting “random” over and over again,

Here’s one for DKW

but I was wisely hiding it in a certain smartass’ mother.

I was hiding mine in a certain smart mother’s ass.

He’s willing to offer up his wife and daughter for invasive tech, but dammit he demands a printout.
This sounds sort of familiar from Genesis 19.

To be honest, I think this one is more my speed.

Here is a baby.
vacuumslayer said,
That is freaky. Glad I wasnt tripping my balls off when I clicked.

Sure? It looks normal to me.

Elephant vs. alligator tug of war:

I see no mention there of any Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snakes. Shenanigans!

I administer a major international award in my discipline. A few years ago when I took that year’s winner and his wife to the airport after the festivities, I waited at the security line to see them off. I watched in horror as they took his wife off to the side, went through her purse, and patted her down in full view of everyone in the vicinity. We’re talking about a 77-year old Hungarian piano teacher. Of course there was nothing I could do; raising any kind of stink would only have made things worse, but for cryin’ out loud, what in the world were they thinking?

In contrast, my wife is always allowed to take her knitting needles on a plane.
She uses the circular kind, which could easily be used as a garrote, besides the obvious stabbing capability. Although she’s small, I’m a big, reasonably strong guy, and if we had nefarious purposes in mind (which of course we don’t), she could just hand them to me to do the dirty work. While I’m pleased that she is able to have her knitting with her on the plane, as it makes our flights much nicer, I’ve never been able to understand why she can take a potentially deadly weapon on board with impunity, but more than three ounces of toothpaste is absolutely verboten.

“verboten”

I love that word. I can’t recall if it was here or at another blog where one of the trolls in full meltdown said something was “forbotten!”

“Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 20, 2010 at 3:44

but I was wisely hiding it in a certain smartass’ mother.

I was hiding mine in a certain smart mother’s ass.”

Embarrassed by how easily amused I am.

“Sure? It looks normal to me.”

Huffing doesn’t count, right?

In contrast, my wife is always allowed to take her knitting needles on a plane.
She uses the circular kind, which could easily be used as a garrote, besides the obvious stabbing capability. Although she’s small, I’m a big, reasonably strong guy, and if we had nefarious purposes in mind (which of course we don’t), she could just hand them to me to do the dirty work. While I’m pleased that she is able to have her knitting with her on the plane, as it makes our flights much nicer, I’ve never been able to understand why she can take a potentially deadly weapon on board with impunity, but more than three ounces of toothpaste is absolutely verboten.

I think the logic is you can hide explosives in a toothpaste tube but not in knitting needles… though why you can’t just scan the toothpaste tube to see if it’s full of toothpaste or plastique, I can’t imagine.

As for “potentially deadly weapons” – a completely unarmed human being with the right close-combat training is a potentially deadly weapon. They can’t make air travel completely safe unless they ban passengers.

I heard some guy quoted on NPR, who had calculated the risk of getting cancer from the scans…something like 1 in 30 million…or about the same as having a terrorist attack on the flight.

So why go to the expense and hassle of doing them?

Note that the Israelis, who nobody’s ever accused of being politically correct, don’t profile based on appearance they profile based on behavior.

That’s what they say.

I don’t know anything about their airport security, so that could be true. But if it’s anything like their ground security, then it’s very much based on appearance. So say all my friends who’ve gone through their checkpoints, both Arabs and Americans – “acting suspiciously” there means “being Arab.” It regularly leads to being held at the checkpoint for five hours or more, or simply ordered to turn around and go home, even if it’s a route you take every day to go to work.

If their TSA’s smarter, and really does know how to profile on behavior rather than appearance – then power to them, and let’s reorganize our airport security immediately to look like that. I’m just suspicious because it’s the first time I’ve ever heard of the Israelis not doing racial profiling when given the chance.

What are they doing about people like Jackie Chan, a super black belt who is himself a lethal weapon? I’d like to see them try to look up his butt. He could whip all their asses with his hands tied behind his back. They’re going to have start asking people stupid ass questions, like “Are you a black belt in karate, and if so, what degree? Have you ever won a tournament?” I mean they would have to know which tournaments are like, little bullshit tournaments at the high school gym, and which ones are for real, like the ones in those Jean Claude Van Damme movies.

Pretty soon they’re going to start telling any body that looks like a bad ass they can’t fly. Shit, my sister wouldn’t be able to fly then. I mean, she is a real bad ass. I remember once at the Baskin Robbins they told her they were out of chocolate and she damn near tore the phone off the wall while she was trying to call the police department to file a complaint. If they knew how bad she was they wouldn’t let her fly, unless they made her the special agent on the plane to fight the bombers before they could explode the bombs in their pants.

Maybe they could just put up a sign at the entrance to the airport saying, No Bad Asses Can Fly, and in little print, they could explain, Even if you’re a little bad ass like Jackie Chan.

yeah, but was yours delusional?

Clinically delusional? No. A lying megalomaniac? Yes.

Shit, my sister wouldn’t be able to fly then. I mean, she is a real bad ass.

Is she seeing anyone?

AFAF

Thought Experiment For Instant ROTFLMAO:

Try to imagine Sean Hannity doing this.

I think I killed the thread by sending everyone over to XKCD. If so, here’s another one

These threads are well-nigh unkillable, not even new threads can kill some of them.

The Threadlander: There Can Only Be One.

Great. I have an evening with nothing to do, and no one’s at the playground. What, does everyone have something better to do on a Friday night or something? Sheesh.

What, does everyone have something better to do on a Friday night or something?

I’m still stuck at work, and I have to be up early to teach small children how to fight. Nothing going on here for a while.

There is some discussion over the fact that the low power x-rays are focused on a thin layer of skin, increasing the chances for melanoma.

And chertoff seems to have a “business interest” in the nude machines.

I know. SHOCKING

I know. SHOCKING

The shocking machines are what come next, for after you refuse the pat-down.

http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/the-great-debate-of-our-times-to-let-the-government-touch-or-not-to-let-the-government-touch/#comment-699990

Conservative commenter’s latest “that’ll show’em!” idea; turn good-for-nothing California over to Israel and transplant all of Israel, holy sites and all, over here. That way those libs can finally be run by their betters, and those ungrateful Palestinians can just be on their own!

Humans beings read FailBlog, God reads teabaggers’ minds. I think He’s getting the better deal.

Fucking hell. I’m still not over what I just linked to.

If this wingnut got his way,

1) The Palestinians would get to live with no more theft of property, no more mass detentions, no more house demolitions, no more night raids, no more illegal checkpoints, and no more illegal blockades or continuous aerial bombardments. As a bonus, they’d get Gaza, the West Bank, Jerusalem AND Israel all back.

2) California would get universal health care at last. California’s gays would get to serve in the military at last. And if the foreign aid budget remains the same, California will go from being one of the biggest donor states in the Union, to the single biggest recipient of U.S. foreign aid.

Bleachers, PLEASE don’t throw me into that briar patch!

Oh, I thought I had nothing to contribute, then remembered why — ranted already on the Glue Huffing Post.

I thought the Jews already ruled California, what with Hollywood and all.

A fav xkcd

One for our knocked-up compatriots

And a little something slick

Ugh, reading up on Trans Day of Remembrance stuff for tomorrow, arguing with a bunch of idiots desperate to blow a troll for his excellent “liberals are oppressing me for my free speech” techniques, and I’m pretty sure my kitty is currently possessed by the Anti-Christ.

I need humor stat. I’m even willing to sleep with both DKW and actor2112’s moms to get it. That’s just how desperate I am.

And apparently I killed the thread…

I would never have asked for additional humour if I had known it was running at peak humour capacity.

I apologize to those whose family’s were lost in the great Humour cave in of 2010.

…

I’ll…

I’ll just let myself out.

Careful. You don’t want to trigger an irony deficiency.

Wait wait wait, jas,

Wasn’t it you that was tone-trolling about ‘bankster’ last week, and now it’s about saying ‘junk’ instead of penis and testicles?

Maybe I’m misrememberizing.

Anyhow, it’s not only the “behavioral” profiling that keeps planes taking off from Tel-Aviv from blowing up and being flown into buildings all these years. Layered security, human intelligence, bomb-boxes, etc. You know actual real practices that can actually be measured to improve safety; Not like here in the US where it’s just security theater. Taking off your shoes and pouring out your shampoo is not making you safer.

Bruce was right years ago, and we’re still fucking it up.

http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2006/03/airport_passeng.html

Conservative commenter’s latest “that’ll show’em!” idea; turn good-for-nothing California over to Israel and transplant all of Israel, holy sites and all, over here. That way those libs can finally be run by their betters, and those ungrateful Palestinians can just be on their own!

Wasn;t it Lewis Black who suggested moving Israel to the west coast of Florida? So the guy’s not original

I’m even willing to sleep with both DKW and actor2112?s moms to get it.
Well, as much as I don’t have a problem being part of a threesome with actor’s mom, you could have offered to buy me a drink first.

Also, actor2112? SRSLY, you’re gonna primary Obama?

Ok, I haven’t straight-up blog/art pimped in a bit, so…BOOBS

justme, I think a June birth will prevent this…re: your link.

Also, actor2112? SRSLY, you’re gonna primary Obama?

Oh no. I’m running again for Not-President.

Doesn’t it seem obvious that these two should have an abortion?

http://www.birthornot.com/

Yeah, I linked to thEm in the last thread. They’re repulsive.

Also, actor2112?

Closet Rush fan.

Doesn’t it seem obvious that these two should have an abortion?

Most likely a hoax –

http://moderateleft.com/?p=6598

Yeah, I saw an article about their leanings…which makes it MORE important to vote them an abortion.

I knew halfway into the original article it was bullshite. Most a abortions happen around 8 weeks….not the extraordinarily rare 20 weeks.

Doesn’t it seem obvious that these two should have an abortion?

Well, they’re clearly too stupid to be allowed to raise a child.

I knew halfway into the original article it was bullshite. Most a abortions happen around 8 weeks….not the extraordinarily rare 20 weeks.

Yeah, that and the multiple miscarriages were eyebrow raisers… how many people keep trying to get pregnant then seriously consider aborting the one successful implantation?

Yup, none of it makes a lick of sense.

I’ve been surprised before but I’ve never thought anybody would be stupid enough to actually hold an internet poll to decide whether or not to abort a baby.

Remember this awesome work? God bless your future abortions Bargal20.

http://www.stopmyabortion.blogspot.com/

Hey Jen, sorry to hear the story about the psychotic ex-partner. I can empathize, I ended a personal relationship with many of the features you mentioned. All I can say is remember to allow for a little recovery time emotionally. These types of interactions are bruising.

Sounds like you are doing pretty well, moving forward and all, but just thought I’d toss that in there.

All I know is the that with a new job, new house, and the ongoing responsibilities of keeping an eye on The Rotten Little Perisher (he gets into the beer as soon at I turn my back for a second, is that normal for 12-year olds?), I am in recovery and recharge mode.

Looch: Threadslayer!

I like how the “let’s move Israel to California” guy couldn’t help but make a joke about “and in Hollywood, who would notice?”

Get it? Because Jews run the media! Hilarious! They love the Jews, even the extra-Jewy sinister international media cabal ones!

The vote-for-my-abortion site is a trap! (shoutout to the Admiral)
Krautnumbnuts would be in a straitjacket if he weren’t in a wheelchair.

I predict the rise of the cookie in political discourse.

Pryme said,
November 19, 2010 at 21:00

airline attacker is narrow, concrete, uniquely definable and universally known

But is he known throughout the microphone?

Known “to rock” the microphone.

As for the “Poll our own abortion” ass-hats, I fully agree that they should both be aborted in what seems to be their 160th trimesters. After the little fetus-american makes a successful transition from parasite to viable poster-child.

Their noble sacrifices will please the raptor Jesus OM NOM NOM NOM

Substance McGravitas said,

I predict the rise of the cookie in political discourse.

Political intercourse, perhaps.
~

It just makes sense. There are not now, nor have there ever been, terrorists of an pink/ivory hue.

OT,

I need to start a bleg – I can not imagine going on with life without this. Please contribute now.

Please contribute now.

Good taste is timeless. Thought PDXers only ride bikes & take the train though.

airline attacker is narrow, concrete, uniquely definable and universally known

But is he known throughout the microphone?

Known “to rock” the microphone.

Is he also known to get stupid– I mean outrageous?

Only 133,741 miles on a 2003 Chevy Impala?

There’s gold (and snakes) in that there vehicle!
~

I think the “Poll My Abortion” yay-hoos should do a web stunt revolving around the 2nd Amendment- “Poll our Murder/Suicide Pact”. I’d vote for the two of them to end each other’s lives in a hail of bullets.

I can not imagine going on with life without this.

Fixxored for obviousness.

Fixxored for obviousness.

And Raptor Jesus said, “Taketh my body, and maketh petroleum out of it.”

Good article on Beck from the NYRof B
“The Beck of Revelations”
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2010/dec/09/beck-revelation/

“Beck is the most gifted demagogue America has produced since Father Coughlin made his populist broadcasts during the Great Depression. In the course of one radio or television show he can transform himself from conspiracy nut and character assassin into bawling, repentant screw-up, then back to gold-hoarding Jeremiah, and finally to man of God, without ever falling out of character. Which is the real Glenn Beck? His detractors assume that his basest, most despicable moments reflect his core, and that the rest is acting and cynical manipulation.”

No dubs? Worthless.

The problem with our political system is that both sides are beholden to the extremes. One side screams that one plus one equals two while the other says that it is four. If Obama were wise, in light of the recent elections, he would move toward the center and agree that one plus one equals three .

Fixxored for obviousness.

Beautiful. Perfect.

The first time I heard the let’s-swap-Israel-for-a-state gag was in one of those short films Albert Brooks used to make for Saturday Night Live back in the mid-70s. If I’m recalling it correctly, he offered Georgia.

Bitch fight!
http://www.riehlworldview.com/carnivorous_conservative/2010/11/barbara-bush-should-shut-up.html

Barbara Bush Should Shut-Up

This annoys the hell out of me, because I’m not some rabid Palinista. Crap like this from Barbara Bush leaves one no alternative but to respond to it. What, does she have another son, or a grand kid lined up for the job of President? Reagan handed your husband his, despite some misgivings, and he blew it, Barbara.

Muddle over this comment.

“But the question arises, where do leftist outlets like CNN get the nerve to run around trying to get Repub old folks like Barbara to say thoughtless things?”

Well since there’s nothing happening, enjoy some cute puppy pics

The first time I heard the let’s-swap-Israel-for-a-state gag was in one of those short films Albert Brooks used to make for Saturday Night Live back in the mid-70s. If I’m recalling it correctly, he offered Georgia.

Israel for Georgia?

I didn’t even think it was possible to hate Palestinians that much.

This annoys the hell out of me, because I’m not some rabid Palinista. Crap like this from Barbara Bush leaves one no alternative but to respond to it. What, does she have another son, or a grand kid lined up for the job of President? Reagan handed your husband his, despite some misgivings, and he blew it, Barbara.

Gotta side with Barbara on this one. Anyone who says Palin should stay in Alaska is, well, right. Regardless of her own shortcomings.

Well since there’s nothing happening, enjoy some cute puppy pics

Puppy pics, or Pupi pics? Huh? Huh?

One thing that tickles me pink is that even the nutwing conservatives hate GWB now. It’s not justice for war crimes, but at least when the final history of his atrocious administration is written he may yet be recorded as the Worst. President. Evar.

One thing that tickles me pink is that even the nutwing conservatives hate GWB now.

I wonder how his Decision Points makeover-attempt will work.

Of course, there is the “Still miss me?” crowd, but they are a distinct minority of dead-enders.

Uh, make that the “Miss me yet?” crowd.

One thing that tickles me pink is that even the nutwing conservatives hate GWB now. It’s not justice for war crimes, but at least when the final history of his atrocious administration is written he may yet be recorded as the Worst. President. Evar.

I just hope it’ll last.

Weren’t a lot of them furious with Reagan too for a time because he negotiated with Gorbachev who was really just faking glasnost to get our guard down? Then in the nineties, history got rewritten so that Reagan was right all along and, of course, every one of them was with him all the way…

Uh, make that the “Miss me yet?” crowd.

And I can’t decide if they’re for real or just trying to nettle libruls. Poe city!

And I can’t decide if they’re for real or just trying to nettle libruls. Poe city!

Or could it be a liberal plot to keep shoving their nose in the pile of Bushit.

Wheels within wheels, man… wheels within wheels…

history got rewritten so that Reagan was right all along and, of course, every one of them was with him all the way…

Reagan did have the advantage of the Soviet Union imploding during some years after his tenure, during the term of his veep, which he somehow gets credit for.

Bush will be remembered for being utterly ineffectual against the Great Satan of his day, regardless of the fact that he fucked our country into a black hole and destroyed two others trying to deal with it. Dumbass.

Reagan + a shitload of spin = conquering a nuclear Evil Empire + Morning in America™.

Bush + all the revisionist history he can mine = can’t catch a bunch of cave-dwelling goat-fuckers with box-cutters + ass-augered the economy into Great Depression II, electric boogaloo.

And that’s the best he can do. That’s figuring they can wipe things like Katrina, illegal wiretapping, the destruction of the DOJ, the politicization of Every. Fucking. Thing. The. Government. Does., and so, so much else out of the collective memory of the country.

Revision Points ain’t gonna help much.

Exactly. I’m with Justme. You can polish a turd, but even if you can whitewash 80% of Bush’s shit he still comes out on bottom.

Now… what’s so great about http://gawker.com/5694432/abortion+by+vote-probably-a-pro+life-stunt is that we’re in a brave new world where the Internet never forgets. Since this is all just balloon-boy stunt to be Internet Famous (or even Cable News Famous!) that child will be born and raised regardless of outcome. His birth is just some political fodder. And his life? Will it be more of the same, or will they slink away into obscurity?

That baby will see this shit on the ‘net one day. His buddies will spray-paint it on the walls of his virtual living room and post it to his brain-blog “for lulz”. Thanks, dad!!

That’s figuring they can wipe things like Katrina

The fact that the remains of a destroyed city still fester in the southland is a tip-off.

Since this is all just balloon-boy stunt to be Internet Famous (or even Cable News Famous!) that child will be born and raised regardless of outcome. His birth is just some political fodder. And his life? Will it be more of the same, or will they slink away into obscurity?

I don’t think they’ll be Cable News Famous, but they’ll be Fundie/AntiChoice Lecture Circuit Famous for a while. I think the kid will probably kill them in their sleep when he hits his teens, and be acquitted of murder by a jury.

My genuine hope is that he is born happy and healthy, but gay, and that he turns out to be out and proud and loud, LOUD, LOUD and become a super-caustic atheist spokesperson- a blend of George Takei, RIchard Dawkins, and the Rude Pundit.

I’m going the liberal fascist route and vote for sterilization for both of them and restraining orders against any contact with the child once it’s born.

Of course, if she chooses to abort, a restraining order won’t be necessary.

Which is the real Glenn Beck?

I’m going with the guy who was caught on video doing a photo-shoot, mugging with the crew & having a big laugh over his own fake-crying & fake-RAEG … in other words, he’s still the same attention-whoring shock-jock that once mocked a woman’s miscarriage on air for revenge kicks. I don’t doubt that (like any other decent Method actor) he can work himself up enough to buy into his own bullshit, but I suspect he heartily laughs his ass off over it once the cameras shut off, while he fondles his humongous bags of delicious money.

Caughlin was a real fanatic — Beck is a real con-artist … & the right had better pray that he never decides to bump his ratings by pulling a Howard Beale & telling his viewers that he’s been jacking them up with tinfoil-hat gibberish for corporate benefit the whole time.

**********
“Down with teh evil Porkulus! Obama is destroying Amuricka! AROO! AROO!

PS – MOAR PLZ.”

Uh- that should have been “becomes”.

It is pretty fucked up that this kid will be known as “abort or not” kid before he’s even born. Did his numbnut parents ever think this through?

the right had better pray that he never decides to bump his ratings by pulling a Howard Beale & telling his viewers that he’s been jacking them up with tinfoil-hat gibberish for corporate benefit the whole time.

The money’s too good- why kill a cash cow?

Caughlin was a real fanatic — Beck is a real con-artist … & the right had better pray that he never decides to bump his ratings by pulling a Howard Beale & telling his viewers that he’s been jacking them up with tinfoil-hat gibberish for corporate benefit the whole time.

I would pay real money to see “You fucked up! You trusted us!” played out in real life.

And to give the Republican base a taste of what their populist idols really think of them.

The money’s too good- why kill a cash cow?

Beck is also a loose cannon, & even if your ratings rock you only need to fuck up once to get spiked – just ask Phil Donahue.

I don’t think there’s any question that whether Beck “means it” or not, he is certainly far enough gone that he could wig out on air & say something that could to lead to more trouble than he’s already caused.

Obama Dashboard Doll

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=468758512901&set=a.426125472901.198637.840482901

Sorry about that. I wasn’t sure it would go through.

“I would pay real money to see “You fucked up! You trusted us!” played out in real life.

And to give the Republican base a taste of what their populist idols really think of them.”

Will never happen Chris. These are the twenty percenters. You know that bell shaped curve for IQ? They are the bottom 20%. Those that do manage to figure it out will simply go into denial.

And to give the Republican base a taste of what their populist idols really think of them.

Probably not. Look at the outrage that was stirred up when video of the Fox talking heads at break saying what they really think of Super Sarah got out. Except the opposite of that. A gigantic yawn from the far right.

These people are incapable of recognizing that they’re being taken for a ride, even when their puppetmasters say “Hey stupid, we don’t believe a thing we say! HAHAHA!” right to their faces.

“Beck is also a loose cannon, & even if your ratings rock you only need to fuck up once to get spiked – just ask Phil Donahue.”

He has already accused a Holocaust survivor (Soros) of being a Nazi, the President of building FEMA death camps and being a Muslim Stalinist. What could he do to hurt his carear, accuse a Supreme Court justice of being a goat fucking child molester or endorse a single payer health care system. The former would be derivitive and the later is just crazy talk.

Donahue’s ‘mistake’ was excessive honesty. Somehow I don’t think Beck will have that problem.

Way OT but I stumbled across this on youtube and I thought I would share. The Iranian version of Zappa’s ‘Trouble Every Day’.

Black Sabbath for geeks

Your mornin’ cuteness. Kid’s too young for teen angst IMHO.

The Asians are kicking our asses in kid guitar playing. Wake up America!

I gots da whole intertubes to myserlf. WOOT! WwOOT!

Slow down. You are posting too quickly.

Gawker excerpts a fragment from Sarah Palin’s forthcoming collection of her favourite words:

But [American Idol contestants] get up and sing anyway and are unaccepting and horrified when the judges’ critiques begin. Chalk some of them up as victims of the cult of self-esteem. No one they’ve encountered in their lives — from their parents to their teachers to their president — wanted them to feel bad by hearing the truth.

I am impressed by the implication that one of the responsibilities of the POTUS is telling prospective American Idol contestants, earlier in their careers, that they lack talent.

I am also impressed by the speed with which the phrases “Dancing with the Stars” and “Gorilla costume” rise unbidden to my mind.

Gocart, I have to thank you for that piano Sabbath cover – that was awesome.

One of my favorite piano riffs is on Skynyrd’s Call Me The Breeze – It seems like he has an extra hand and a few extra fingers.