Bucky Dent

Bill Buckner

William F Buckly Jr.

Joe Buck

Buck McKeon

I’m talking Amway people and their party-invading, friend-torturing, hungry-eyed ilk.

A girl I know (but no longer like) sent out a massive bulk email to everyone in her address book, saying she was part of a great new business opportunity, selling phone services in a pyramid scheme. I ignored it – being an Aussie, I like to support the local companies, and this one is a US import.

Yesterday I got a call from her “upline”. You know those people who greet you so enthusiastically by name that it takes you a few seconds to realise they are not actually anyone you know? One of them. Loud, eager, and totally fucking obnoxious. After twenty seconds I already wanted to kick him in the balls. He kept me on the phone for five minutes, while I pulled out progressively less and less polite excuses.

“I work full time.”
“I work full time and I’m planning on doing postgad study next year.”
“I don’t think I really have the time.”
“I really don’t think it sounds like something I want to do.”
“No, seriously, I’m not interested.”

I fucking hate people who corner you and force you to be rude to them to get rid of them, and overly aggressive pyramid sellers are the worst offenders at this. I especially hate when they corner you at parties, and you think “I must find the host and suggest that he never invite this turd to any future gatherings.”

*pant pant*

Okay, rant over.

Oh sweet Jesus, how I hate Texas.

Oh yea, and fucking Texans . . . like and Karen Hughes and Kenny Boy Lay and Ross Perot.

And fucking adopted Texans . . . like W. and Cheney and Jerry Jones.

Oh yea, and fucking Texas oil companies . . . like Exxon and Enron and the rest of those blood sucking bastards.

And the worst . . . the fucking Dallas Cowboys.

I hate fucking Texas.

Gotta go with the rest of the crowd on the abusing animals and kids

And speaking of animals, I hate the assholes who refuse to spay or neuter their cats/dogs because they want their kids to “experience the miracle of life.” Bookend that scenario, numbnuts, and take your little darlings to a shelter to “experience the miracle of death” that is the fate of millions of unwanted animals every fucking year.

Bush, Cheney, and and the whole disgusting crowd.

Exxon-Mobil.

Ditto on libertarians. What a bunch of crybabies.

Authors of crappy books. And a special unquenchable hate for authors of crappy books that become bestsellers. Patricia Cornwall (or whatever the hell your name is) and David Baldacci, I’m looking at you. And the twit that wrote “The DaVinci Code.”

Whoever decided that CDs and DVDs needed to be encased in childproof packaging.

(1) That dude in the bar who says he can hook me up if I can just give him the money, so I give him the money, then I never see the shit.

(2) The current government.

Oh, sorry, that’s redundant, isn’t it?

(3) The guy who takes your number but never calls.

Wait, that’s me, ain’t it? Um. Sorry. Must have lost it. But at least I’m not:

(4) That guy who calls whom you never gave your number to.

Around here we call them telemarketers. That, or we say, “Hey, man, I gave you my number when? No, I don’t know any Tom, dude. No. No.” *click*

(5) What, he called back? “Nope, still no Tom here. No, sorry, you must have the wrong number. Well, these mix-ups happen, Senator Lieberman.”

I used to shuffle through the little bars of soap and the coffee filters on my cart and say, “Dang, I know I had it here somewhere. You know, I bet I left it down the hallway, next to room 119.”

Remember, heads of corporate America: pay minimum wage, be forced to keep employees who alienate customers.

Then you should hate Sensible Liberals (TM), a.k.a neoliberals, because they are the jackasses that say in effect, “yeah well, fuck the poor here, because Free Trade is so attractive for its consistency, and besides, fuck those factory workers in the South, I just saved 10 dollars at Pottery Barn!” And unions are corrupt! Blarg, inefficiency is worse than poverty!

People I wouldn’t go so far as to say I hate, but who annoy the piss out of me:

-People who say things like, “As long as they don’t cancel the fall-season on TV, or get caught fixing the Superbowl, the government is apparently free to do whatever it wishes.”

These people are almost always ostensible liberals. You know what? Liberals should be aware of the fact that the middle class is shrinking to beat the band. I’m not exactly poor, but I have lately hung out almost exclusively with lower-class people, and yeah, they like to watch American Idol.

They like to watch fucking American Idol because it starts right after they get home from their 12 hour shift on the assembly line and as soon as it’s over they have to have a long talk with their wife/husband to figure out how the fuck they’re going to be able to afford to fix the car AND still have any money left over for groceries this month, and then they get to tell little Billy, “No, I’m sorry son, you can’t try out for basketball; we just can’t afford the equipment” and they just want one hour, one fucking hour in the week where they aren’t dealing with life-shattering crises.

Jesus, I hate it when people reflexively lionise te poor as salt of the earth types, but the fucking yuppies who watch American Idol because they’re vacuuous twits who simply choose not to have any problems are a dying breed.

The longer I spend with poor people the more pissed off I get at how liberals reflexively remove them from the discussion.

Mikey, have I mentioned that you are a total sweetheart? In case I haven’t, consider it mentioned. I’m not much of a creative writer–spent too much time writing scientific papers–but my creativity is in other areas (click on my name).

I hate that the Default American is always white. White Americans are generally the worst offenders as far as this goes, but … bleh.

Yet at the same time, I bet you a dollar that if a white American saw a black person, their first assumption would be that they’re an American.

birdseatbugs: Can we get a Tim Eyman in there?