Oct
13

M’m! M’m! Halal!




Posted at 19:11 by Tintin
ABOVE: Bryan Fischer

When Bryan Fischer isn’t running around claiming that there is a gay conspiracy to kidnap your children, sodomize them and then force them to become gay abortionists, he is — quelle surprise — warning of the imminent takeover of the United States by the Mooslim hordes who will not rest until your children are forced to memorize the Koran, your wife to don a burqa, and you to bow down facing Mecca five times a day. Oh, and they’re coming for your dog Fluffy too.

Now we learn from Bryan that the Islapocalypse is closer than previously thought. Campbell’s Soup, America’s iconic purveyor of artificially flavored salted water, hypertension and heart disease, has defected to the jihadists

Creeping Sharia has come to a grocery aisle near you. Campbell’s soups have come out with a line of 15 halal-certified soups which comply with the dietary regulations of the two percent of the American population that follows Islam. …The next time you pop open a can of Campbell’s vegetarian soup, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that you are consuming jihadi-sanctified food. … What more people will find offensive is that the person carrying out the killing must recite a Koranic verse while the lifeblood of the animal drains away, thus dedicating the animal and the meat that comes from it to Allah. … The prayer? “Bismillah Allah-hu-Akbar”, which means “In the name of Allah, who is the greatest.”

And just as its a small step from a simple nosh on a kosher hot dog to waking up one morning wearing a yarmulke and sporting newly-grown payots, just tasting one tiny spoonful of halal Campbell’s Soup will have you shouting Allahu Akbar during Monday Night Football and surfing the web for the latest in suicide vest fashions.

Sharia law is no longer creeping up on us. It’s bearing down on us at full gallop. It’s time for Christian civilization to grab the reins of this runaway horse and stop it dead in its tracks. No Sharia law in America, period.

Oh, and before any of you become fearful of visiting your neighborhood grocery store lest you become the involuntary victim of the Islamic conversion-by-canned-soup plot, the halal Campbell’s sharia law soup cans are only available in Canuckistan, which you will find out if you click Fischer’s link. For the life of me I really can’t figure out why he failed to mention that these jihadist soups were only available in Canada, although I suppose it rather fucks up his argument about Sharia law bearing down on the U.S. “at full gallop.” Or maybe Fischer doesn’t understand that Canada is another country.

[h/t Sadly, No! special agent code named "I Want Reason To Prevail."]

749 Comments »

  1. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:14

    Two for one Filet O’Fish specials during Lent are oppressive.

  2. Marion in Savannah said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:16

    It’s the Mounties who are galloping — straight at our unprotected Northern border — armed with soup spoons. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!1111!!111

  3. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:17

    I’m having the Kareem al Muzjroum Zhoüp.

  4. DrDick said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:20

    I am certain that this means they will also be boycotting everyone selling kosher products as well. Can’t be imposing any of that religious law stuff here in AMuriKKKa!

    What? Why are you laughing?

  5. Spengler Dampniche said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:20

    Dammit, I went anonymous. Voided my cookies, I guess, sort of like Jonah in reverse.

  6. phleabo said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:21

    Clearly, the Canadian free market hates America.

  7. Mark D said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:21

    The soup is coming from **gasp** inside the continent!

  8. FGFM said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:23

    Given that those soups are vegetarian, the ritual slaughter business doesn’t appear to be much of an issue on a practical basis.

  9. Mat said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:24

    His comments contain a heapin’ helpin’ o’crazy!

  10. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:26

    Given that those soups are vegetarian, the ritual slaughter business doesn’t appear to be much of an issue on a practical basis.

    Yeah, I think all you have to do is have an imam come check the manufacturing plant out and either say it’s halal or it’s not. It’s not that big of a fucking deal. It’s not much effort for Campbell’s and expands their market.

    This is an example of the free market working. Why do conservatives hate the free market?

  11. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:26

    Creeping Sharia has come to a grocery aisle near you. Campbell’s soups have come out with a line of 15 halal-certified soups which comply with the dietary regulations of the two percent of the American population that follows Islam

    And the 33.3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333% of the world’s population that follows Islam!

    WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH A COMPANY TRYING TO MAKE A BUCK SOMEPLACE OTHER THAN OUR FUCKING FAILED ECONOMY, YOU MOTHERFUCKING MORON????

  12. Steerpike said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:27

    Actually, the veggies are harvested using IEDs and conventional land mines.

  13. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:28

    Actually, the veggies are harvested using IEDs and conventional land mines.

    I thought they were aborted from kidnapped white women?

  14. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:29

    I’m having the Kareem al Muzjroum Zhoüp.

    I thought it was Kareem of Muslim Soup?

  15. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:29

    Okay, somebody has to be there the day that the food is manufactured and blesses it every time. Still, if they do that once or twice a week, I’d imagine it would be worth it.

  16. Paul Luscher said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:30

    Well, I guess I’d better stay away from Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Might turn me into Jonah Goldberg, God forbid.

  17. Mat said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:34

    Well, I guess I’d better stay away from Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Might turn me into Jonah Goldberg, God forbid.

    Only if your freebase Moonpies does the actual Loadpants conversion take place.

  18. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:36

    Actually, the veggies are harvested using IEDs and conventional land mines.

    You know what the shape of a scythe is?

    That’s right, A CRESCENT! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

  19. Citizen_X said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:36

    So how is this hatefest playing among Real America’s Favoritest Pet Religious Minority(TM), the Jooz, considering how close the concepts of halal and kosher are?

    And I like the bit about Muslins kill animals and eat them!!! The savages!

  20. D.N. Nation said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:37

    The fact is, the free market encourages jihad.

  21. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:37

    Okay, somebody has to be there the day that the food is manufactured and blesses it every time. Still, if they do that once or twice a week, I’d imagine it would be worth it.

    No. Halal law only states that if an animal is slaughtered, God’s name and blessing must be invoked. For vegetable soups, not a problem. Campbell’s only makes halal vegetable soups, which means the broth is vegetarian.

  22. DrDick said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:37

    Only if your freebase Moonpies does the actual Loadpants conversion take place.

    Well, you actually have to mainline the Dew and huff the Cheetos as well.

  23. Steve said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:38

    America is a Christian Nation, and as such muslims do not belong here. Europe is on the verge of falling thanks to mass muslim immigration combined with White European low birth rates. America must act now or suffer the same fate.

    Third world immigration both legal and illegal, from both Latin America and the Muslim world must be curbed. The Kennedy’s got us into this mess by overturning Our Nation’s previous Whites only immigration policy. It is up to a future Conservative Administration to turn back the clock and restore American Greatness.

  24. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:38

    And I like the bit about Muslins kill animals and eat them!!! The savages!

    Curiously, the only real difference between kosher and dhamiha is…Islam permits camels to be eaten.

  25. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:39

    America is a Christian Nation, and as such muslims do not belong here.

    Or Jews. Guess you’ll lose your banker…your television station…your radio station…

  26. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:39

    The fact is, the free market encourages jihad.

    Jihad is cheaper at Wal-Mart

  27. Nymstradamus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:40

    It’s time for Christian civilization to grab the reins of this runaway horse and stop it dead in its tracks

    I’m pretty sure that horse is non-halal.

  28. Steerpike said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:41

    My devout gramma used to scoff at religious pretenders who only went to church on Sundays. “You can sleep in the garage, but it don’t make you a car”, she loved to say. One sip of Fatwah-Bin-Jihad soup, however, is apparently enough to turn the most god-fearin’ Bahble-thumpin’ Christian into a commislamofasciburqasociabortioterrist!

  29. Physical Educator NIck Saban said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:41

    This makes me wonder if there’s room for an anti-Halal/anti-organic certification. What if foods came with a label guaranteeing the ingredients were made with minimal quality or safety standards, and maximal cruelty, blasphemy and waste? I think that would be a winner with a lot of people.

  30. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:41

    I’m pretty sure that horse is non-halal.

    Guess again.

    Not kosher, but it is halal.

  31. Citizen_X said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:41

    Hey Steve! Die in a fire, you white supremacist fuckstick.

  32. vacuumslayer said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:42

    At full gallop? Holy shit. When it was just at half-gallop, I wasn’t scared. Now…

  33. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:42

    This makes me wonder if there’s room for an anti-Halal/anti-organic certification. What if foods came with a label guaranteeing the ingredients were made with minimal quality or safety standards, and maximal cruelty, blasphemy and waste?

    There is!

    It’s called “Kraft”.

    Velveeta, the “cheese” that would not die….

    (megapoints to whomever gets THAT reference…)

  34. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:43

    At full gallop? Holy shit. When it was just at half-gallop, I wasn’t scared. Now…

    You’re eating for two now, you’ll understand.

  35. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:43

    No. Halal law only states that if an animal is slaughtered, God’s name and blessing must be invoked. For vegetable soups, not a problem. Campbell’s only makes halal vegetable soups, which means the broth is vegetarian.

    Thanks. I had a brain fart and thought that processed foods had to be inspected/blessed to be halal.

  36. Physical Educator NIck Saban said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:44

    One sip of Fatwah-Bin-Jihad soup, however, is apparently enough to turn the most god-fearin’ Bahble-thumpin’ Christian into a commislamofasciburqasociabortioterrist!

    What does Tim Tebow’s mom feed him before game day? Surely Jesus can make a soup that powerful, too.

  37. vacuumslayer said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:44

    You’re eating for two now, you’ll understand.

    Technically, we don’t get to do that. Which is ok by me.

  38. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:44

    For the life of me I really can’t figure out why he failed to mention that these jihadist soups were only available in Canada, although I suppose it rather fucks up his argument about Sharia law bearing down on the U.S. “at full gallop.”

    Now we have a reason for the “True Americans” *snerk* to be afraid of the other border as well.

    Christ, why not just give in to the reinforced concrete conspiracy and go ahead and build a wall around the country? We’re just like East Germans in so many ways these days – why just not say the hell with it and go whole-hog?

  39. Mark D said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:44

    Dance, badgers, dance!!

    Though it works better when folks don’t pull out the troll’s quotes. Like this one:

    It’s time for Christian civilization to grab the reins of this runaway horse and stop it dead in its tracks

    I’m fairly sure that there are … oh, let’s see here … **carries the one** … 1.3 BILLION people who are just fine with the horse the way it is, fuckyouverymuch.

    Just because you are okay with genocide doesn’t mean everyone else is.

  40. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:47

    Technically, we don’t get to do that. Which is ok by me.

    OK, you’re eating for one and a half. I’m glad hubby is taking his share of the spoils. Why should the preggers chick have all the fun?

  41. Mark D said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:49

    Christ, why not just give in to the reinforced concrete conspiracy and go ahead and build a wall around the country?

    I say we just build them around all conservative enclaves, such as most of Texas (sans Austin), South Carolina, Kansas, and other homes of numbnuttery and dumbfuckery. It needs to be very, very sturdy and about 50′ or so tall …

    … and once the walls are built, we fill all those areas with water. And stock them with trout, bass, et al.

    Think of all the jobs that would create!!

  42. laym said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:49

    I’m not seeing the connection between a marketing and manufacturing decision about soup leading to a wholesale change in the country’s legal system. Yay, that means I’m still sane!

    Or if not sane, then crazy in a different way than Fischer is, which is good enough for me.

  43. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:51

    I say we just build them around all conservative enclaves, such as most of Texas (sans Austin), South Carolina, Kansas, and other homes of numbnuttery and dumbfuckery. It needs to be very, very sturdy and about 50? or so tall …

    … and once the walls are built, we fill all those areas with water. And stock them with trout, bass, et al.

    My liberal family members in Kansas appreciate that, thanks.

  44. vacuumslayer said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:52

    OK, you’re eating for one and a half. I’m glad hubby is taking his share of the spoils. Why should the preggers chick have all the fun?

    He’s drinking all my beers, too. Bastard.

  45. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:52

    (megapoints to whomever gets THAT reference…)

    Dammit, it, much like Velveeta isn’t, is on the tip of my tongue.

  46. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:52

    Think of all the jobs that would create!!

    Quick! There’s a White House economic website just itching for a suggestion like this!

  47. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:54

    Dammit, it, much like Velveeta isn’t, is on the tip of my tongue.

    ::blink:: I was sure you’d get it.

  48. Mark D said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:56

    My liberal family members in Kansas appreciate that, thanks.

    We’d get all the sane people out of those areas (which would include pretty much all of Mo., where we both live) and moved into the homes of the wingnuts who would be relocating to their Galtian Paradise.

    Well, as far as they know …

    **evil grin**

  49. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:56

    I think my brain is now officially too full.

    May I be excused?

  50. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:56

    Let me try another one, same source: “Steak for dinner, sometime soon”.

  51. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:57

    There are drawback to being a fount of useless pop culture knowledge, one to them being that everything runs together after a while…

  52. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:58

    We’d get all the sane people out of those areas (which would include pretty much all of Mo., where we both live) and moved into the homes of the wingnuts who would be relocating to their Galtian Paradise.

    I was thinking you were a blue-stater. Never mind. Carry on!

  53. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:59

    *GASP*

    OK, Pere…I….I understand…it’s from a National Lampoon spoof….no, really, it’s OK you didn’t get it…they only poked fun at one of the two biggest 1970s cultural phenomena in science fiction/fantasy….

  54. smedley said,

    October 13, 2010 at 19:59

    Speaking of Texas, did it make national news that Gov. Perry haz a poutrage because FEMA turned down his request for money for flooding caused by the hurricane last month?

  55. Mysticdog said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:00

    Are Cheetos Halal? I would love to start a rumor that Mooslems are blessing all cheetos at the factory in the name of Allah. An optimist might think it would bring muslims and reichtards closer together, but a realist would see the hillarious ragegasm of the 101st keyboard komandos over having to eat Shareetos. And the cries of “THEY ARE EATING ALL OUR FOOD!!!! MOOOOOMMMM!!!” ringing out from the basements and “think tanks” across this great nation.

  56. The Founding Fathers, via the Treaty of Tripoli said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:02

    America is a Christian Nation, and as such muslims do not belong here.

    “As the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion…”

  57. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:02

    Pammycakes was all over this a full week ago.

    BTW, if anyone is thinking about making the obvious joke regarding her call to boycott Campbells, I done already done it.

  58. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:02

    What more people will find offensive is that the person carrying out the killing must recite a Koranic verse while the lifeblood of the animal drains away

    Oddly, I find this less offensive than having the process completely mechanized.

  59. smedley said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:03

    “He’s drinking all my beers, too. Bastard.”

    Jeez, I don’t want to be anywhere near you when you squeeze out the little Slayer. I’m getting a Linda Blair vibe.

  60. Chris said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:04

    Third world immigration both legal and illegal, from both Latin America and the Muslim world must be curbed

    America is a Christian nation, therefore less Catholic immigrants? Stevie, you’re surpassing yourself.

  61. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:05

    Link for Deranged Harpy in case anyone’s feeling the Get Out Of The Boat vibe.

  62. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:05

    I done already done it.

    And martiniworthily, IMO.

  63. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:05

    Canada: we got pot, hookers and sharia. On ice.

  64. Chris said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:06

    It is up to a future Conservative Administration to turn back the clock and restore American Greatness.

    In order to turn it back as far as y’all want, it would be necessary to bring back British rule. One finds it difficult to understand how such a result would serve American Greatness.

  65. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:06

    It’s too easy but I just felt like I had to edit his article.

    Creeping Sharia has come to a grocery aisle near you if you live in Canada. Campbell’s soups have come out with a line of 15 halal-certified soups certified 15 of their soups as halal which comply with the dietary regulations of the two percent of the American population who can’t buy them unless they go to Canada that follows Islam. And which many non-Muslims favor in the same way that kosher products have gained popularity along with organic, natural etc. fooods. …The next time you pop open a can of Campbell’s vegetarian soup, if you live in Canada you’ll have the comfort of knowing that you are consuming jihadi-sanctified food certified to meet certain hygienic conditions. … What more people sanctimonious, hypocritical demagogs will find offensive is that the person carrying out the killing which doesn’t actually happen since these are vegetarian soups must recite a Koranic verse while the lifeblood of the animal drains away, thus dedicating the animal and the meat that comes from it to Allah. … The prayer, not that it matters because it’s fucking CANADA and there IS NO ANIMAL KILLED and also I HATE THE FREE MARKET? “Bismillah Allah-hu-Akbar”, which means “In the name of Allah, who is the greatest.

    Some MBA at Campbell’s is going to get a nice bonus for making their addressable market 2% bigger at very little cost. That’s the kind of marketing that gets a person promoted.

    Also FYWP, it took me a long time to work up that comment.

  66. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:07

    no, really, it’s OK you didn’t get it…they only poked fun at one of the two biggest 1970s cultural phenomena in science fiction/fantasy….

    Bah! I am not responsible for how my mind works, or not, as the case may be.

    oh, Fudd. NOW I get the reference. And one of my favorite books too.

    Bad Pere’s Brain! Bad! No GABA for you!

  67. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:08

    BTW, if anyone is thinking about making the obvious joke regarding her call to boycott Campbells, I done already done it.

    Cream of Silicone?

  68. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:11

    Some MBA at Campbell’s is going to get a nice bonus for making their addressable market 2% bigger at very little cost. That’s the kind of marketing that gets a person promoted.

    but but but the Red State Atomic Anti-Moslimnite League is going to kick their feet and hold their breath until they stop selling it! Don’t they realize the great financial power of WHOOOLVERINES!11 even though it’s the wrong country? “WHY CAN’T WE HAVE THINGS OUR WAY WHY WHY WHY BLERF FARGLE”

  69. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:11

    oh, Fudd. NOW I get the reference. And one of my favorite books too.

    *sigh* Sticks Nix Hick Pix….so that’s what it’s all about!

  70. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:13

    “What more people will find offensive is that the person carrying out the killing must recite a Koranic verse while the lifeblood of the animal drains away, thus dedicating the animal and the meat that comes from it to Allah. … The prayer? “Bismillah Allah-hu-Akbar”, which means “In the name of Allah, who is the greatest.”
    __________________________________________________________

    So basically he is saying its like kosher soup except with more Allah and less Yahweh. Oh the humanity!

  71. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:14

    Cream of Silicone?

    Doubles as caulk!

  72. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:14

    I guess I must have to get another copy.

    STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN! IT’LL BE READY WHEN IT’S READY!

  73. smut clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:14

    America is a Christian Nation
    What this has to do with a Canadian company escapes me.

  74. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:14

    Campbell’s soups have come out with a line of 15 halal-certified soups which comply with the dietary regulations of the two percent of the American population that follows Islam.

    Also of note, these treacherous Canookian Soup Merchants of Death have a Gluten-Free label which is pandering to the dietary restrictions of at most 1% of the American population with celiac disease.

    Now if I can just figure out how to dry the link between that and the lie-beral plot to take away our doughnuts and force us all to eat cardboard-like gluten-free waffles instead… Maybe I’ll send a tip to Glenn Beck and see what he can do with that blackboard of crazy of his.

  75. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:15

    Cream of Silicone?

    Doubles as caulk!

    Mmmmmmmmm, and the applicator is fun to use!

  76. Physical Educator NIck Saban said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:15

    Are Cheetos Halal?

    Happily, Yes!

  77. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:16

    dry the link? Man this Halal Soup is bad for the englishness usingitude of me.

  78. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:17

    The prayer? “Bismuhammad Ali”, which means “In the name of Ali, who is the greatest.”

    Fixxxet for obscure pop culture kids get off my lawn goodness.

  79. Oblio's Cap said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:17

    So Christians don’t cotton to Sharia Law, but they want to force their puritanical religious beliefs on the rest of us. Hmmm.

    I guess that I can understand why they would find the prayer “In the name of Allah, who is the greatest” offensive. I mean, everybody knows that God of Abraham is a much cooler god than that Allah fellow.

  80. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:17

    The local convenience store half a block from me, and those not so close, are all managed by suspiciously swarthy Arabic types. They don’t go full Halal, I’d have to walk two blocks for that, but they don’t sell pork or bacon or anything that might contain them. I would guess that their supplier only stocks items that meet their customer’s approval (by which I mean the store owner).

    As a result I can’t get pepperoni pizza there. I have to go all the way to the Super Value for that. I am being oppressed! Also, about five times a day I have a strange urge to look in the direction of Mecca.

  81. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:18

    STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN! IT’LL BE READY WHEN IT’S READY!

    OHNO! THE COOK-VOICE! The Kumquat Haagendaaz is prophesied!

  82. Nymstradamus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:18

    The next time you pop open a can of Campbell’s vegetarian soup, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that you are consuming jihadi-sanctified food.

    Jeez, what will Fischer do next for an encore? Float rumors of a “Halal tax”?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosher_tax

  83. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:19

    Annnnnnd…. speaking of pizzas. A friend of mine in the building here once made a pizza with some camel meat he got from one of those proper halal stores.

    DO NOT WANT.

  84. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:21

    “Bismuhammad Ali”, which means “In the name of Ali, who is the greatest.”

    The writings of the prophet Rope-A-Dope, yes.

  85. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:21

    “I say we just build them around all conservative enclaves, such as most of Texas (sans Austin)”

    Austin will be the new West Berlin but will we have to airlift in Phish T-Shirts and Starbucks coffee?

  86. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:22

    Also of note, these treacherous Canookian Soup Merchants of Death have a Gluten-Free label which is pandering to the dietary restrictions of at most 1% of the American population with celiac disease.

    Goddammit, DKW, I told your mom about those secret plots in CONFIDENCE!

  87. Fergie said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:22

    A friend of mine in the building here once made a pizza with some camel meat he got from one of those proper halal stores.

    My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.

  88. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:24

    There is a kosher pizza joint near my house. No sausage or peperoni because you can’t mix meat with cheese but otherwise not bad.

  89. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:24

    A friend of mine in the building here once made a pizza with some camel meat he got from one of those proper halal stores.

    I would try that. Pizza seems a weird choice, though.

  90. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:24

    Goddammit, DKW, I told your mom about those secret plots in CONFIDENCE!

    You should have known better. She’ll share with everyone!

  91. jim said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:24

    As a Canuck, I’m AGHAST at this scary Soupgate!

    Or at least I would be, if I ever ate Campbell’s soup … or actually gave a shit whether some geezer mumbled an incantation over its ingredients or not … & was also a xenophobic half-wit.

    Brings to mind the orgy of baaaaaw from Michelle “Show Me Your Countertops” Malkin & her legion of losers back when Rachel Ray wore a suspicious-looking paisley scarf while shilling for Dunkin’ Donuts (& damned if it didn’t do the trick: DD pulled the ad faster than you can say “Freedom Fries”).

    Bin Laden must be laughing his ass off every time he gets wind of this sort of stuff – I think the real reason the terrorists don’t do much PR is that the wingnuts in the West are so dedicated to doing it for them for free. Surely Pam Gellar now qualifies for a surprise visit from a Predator drone, given how much invaluable service she’s already provided for them.

  92. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:24

    What more people will find offensive is that the person carrying out the killing must recite a Koranic verse while the lifeblood of the animal drains away…

    OMG! Will no one think of the poor lentils!

  93. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:26

    There is a kosher pizza joint near my house. No sausage or peperoni because you can’t mix meat with cheese but otherwise not bad.

    There’s a kosher deli near where I work…and I mean really Glatt kosher, not phony kosher like some delis I can mention…that makes French onion soup.

    It’s…um…..disgusting. To circumvent kosher law, they use vegetable broth instead of beef.

  94. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:26

    You should have known better. She’ll share with everyone!

    She told me I was special!

  95. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:27

    these treacherous Canookian Soup Merchants of Death have a Gluten-Free label which is pandering to the dietary restrictions of at most 1% of the American population with celiac disease.

    You’re missing the huge difference, which is that avoiding gluten doesn’t involve the use of magic, while halal does.

    Re: camel pizza, I’d try it once. I’d imagine it can’t be any worse than goat.

  96. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:28

    You’re missing the huge difference, which is that avoiding gluten doesn’t involve the use of magic

    It would be much cooler if it did.

  97. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:29

    She told me I was special!

    You must be, if you believed her!

  98. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:29

    It would be much cooler if it did.

    I suppose it could, but it’s not defined by that.

  99. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:30

    She told me I was special!

    You must be, if you believed her!

    I thought the helmet was just some kinky thing she liked!

  100. DrDick said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:30

    America is a Christian Nation, and as such muslims do not belong here.

    Sadly, NO! to quote the Founding Fathers:

    “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.” Treaty of Tripoli, 1797.

    Unanimously ratified by the Senate and Signed by Pres. John Adams.

  101. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:31

    …involve the use of magic, while halal does…

    Which would be relevant if any of the Campbells Canada soups had any meat in them. Or if you want to warn your fellow Americans about the imminent innundation of Islamic ideology, indoctrination and indictments.

    SHANIA LAW!!! ONOES!!

  102. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:32

    Speaking of quelle surprise, According to former employees of the AFA, the views represented by Fischer are not only tolerated within the organization, but any opposition to its anti-gay, anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant invective—including reliance on white nativist sources in the AFA’s media programs—is dismissed. What’s worse, former employees say, anyone questioning such attitudes as un-Christian is denigrated, and in some cases forced out.

  103. Oblio's Cap said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:32

    You’re missing the huge difference, which is that avoiding gluten doesn’t involve the use of magic

    I’m thinking of canning some bread crumbs and grape juice and selling it as “Body and Blood of Christ Soup”.

  104. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:33

    T&U
    “I would try that. Pizza seems a weird choice, though.”

    It won’t kill you but trust me, camel meat does not belong on pizza. Or anywhere else as far as I can tell.

    Boiled Doc Martins would be more tender and flavorful.

  105. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:35

    Which would be relevant if any of the Campbells Canada soups had any meat in them.

    True, but apparently it’s a problem even if it’s certified under a system that does require that if there were meat – or like you said:

    Or if you want to warn your fellow Americans about the imminent innundation of Islamic ideology, indoctrination and indictments.

  106. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:35

    avoiding gluten doesn’t involve the use of magic

    It would be much cooler if it did.

    Langlock!

  107. Chris said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:37

    Unanimously ratified by the Senate and Signed by Pres. John Adams.

    Oy vey! Adams, was it? I thought it was Jefferson. That makes it even more valid. As I recall, Adams was no shrinking violet; he tended towards the nationalist side of the spectrum, e.g. the Alien Act. If he was okay proclaiming that America wasn’t a Christian nation and wasn’t at war with Islam, I’m pretty sure the sentiment was unanimous.

    Either way, it’s always fun to see that the Founding Fathers had this war on terror stuff figured out, and once again, not on the Republicans’ side.

  108. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:38

    <i.It won’t kill you but trust me, camel meat does not belong on pizza. Or anywhere else as far as I can tell.

    Boiled Doc Martins would be more tender and flavorful.

    I’d think you could put it in a stew and it would be decent, if gamey. Maybe with curry? I’ve had goat that way.

  109. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:38

    “ideology, indoctrination and indictments.”

    Isn’t that the GOP platform?

  110. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:38

    TAG FAIL.

  111. Smut Clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:39

    The prayer? “Bismillah Allah-hu-Akbar”

    To whom is the animal dedicated if someone recites “Bismillah I will not let you go”?

  112. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:39

    To whom is the animal dedicated if someone recites “Bismillah I will not let you go”?

    Scaramouche Scaramouche.

  113. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:40

    Also, the idea that GF foods don’t involve magic is incompatible with this pound cake.

  114. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:41

    “I’d think you could put it in a stew and it would be decent, if gamey. Maybe with curry? I’ve had goat that way.”

    Yeah, that’s probably it’s intended use anyway. Hey, I’m just trying to make fun of xenophobic idiots and at the same time indicate how save and urban I am. ;)

  115. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:41

    Langlock!

    That shit’ll put Weight Watchers out of business.

    Also, are you trying to say that I’m fat?!

  116. Jas said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:41

    She told me I was special!

    You must be, if you believed her!

    I thought the helmet was just some kinky thing she liked!

    Veiled Trig reference?

  117. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:41

    or suave… that too… ::facepalm:::

  118. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:41

    And what does Allahu Jeff mean?

  119. Smut Clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:42

    their coming
    Meanwhile the Grammar Nazis are coming for Tintin.

  120. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:42

    Also, are you trying to say that I’m fat?!

    No, but it’s about glue!

  121. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:45

    Yeah, that’s probably it’s intended use anyway. Hey, I’m just trying to make fun of xenophobic idiots and at the same time indicate how save and urban I am. ;)

    Hey, you tried it, which is impressive enough.

  122. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:49

    According to former employees of the AFA, the views represented by Fischer are not only tolerated within the organization, but any opposition to its anti-gay, anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant invective—including reliance on white nativist sources in the AFA’s media programs—is dismissed. What’s worse, former employees say, anyone questioning such attitudes as un-Christian is denigrated, and in some cases forced out.

    Jesus puked.

  123. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:51

    re: Camel meat
    Whilst perusing teh wiki page I came across this line:

    A 2005 report issued jointly by the Saudi Ministry of Health and the United States Center for Disease Control details cases of human bubonic plague resulting from the ingestion of raw camel liver.

    WTF?!?! Raw camel liver? Really?

  124. Steerpike said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:52

    It won’t kill you but trust me, camel meat does not belong on pizza. Or anywhere else as far as I can tell.

    Except–and you really can’t argue with this–on a camel.

  125. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:54

    It’s grotesque to make camels haul camel meat.

  126. Jennifer said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:54

    I’ve been to the halal butchers in Dallas – lots of skinned goats hanging up, looking naked. And the smell was incredible. Apparently goats smell as bad dead as they do alive.

    Other than that, meh. Who gives a shit what mumbo-jumbo was mumbled over their food as it was being slaughtered/processed/served/whatever? If that was an issue for me, there would have been meals too numerous for me to count that I couldn’t have eated because some pious jackhole at the table insisted on making everyone listen to a “blessing.”

  127. Smut Clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:54

    When Bryan Fischer isn’t running around claiming … he is … warning of the imminent takeover of the United States

    Now that’s just not fair. You are deliberately ignoring the time he spends inventing imaginary (indeed, counter-factual) clauses in the work conditions of city fire-fighters, to explain why it is their christian duty not to extinguish house fires when the owner has not paid the subscription.

    while the lifeblood of the animal drains away
    I agree that the religious requirement to keep animals conscious when they are killed by exsanguination is a vile, barbaric practice that should be stamped out, but oops kosher.

  128. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:54

    (& damned if it didn’t do the trick: DD pulled the ad faster than you can say “Freedom Fries”)

    One hopes Campbell’s has more cujones than Dunkin’ Donuts had.

  129. Mohammed Warhol said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:55

    Hey! That gives me a great idea!

  130. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:56

    I agree that the religious requirement to keep animals conscious when they are killed by exsanguination is a vile, barbaric practice that should be stamped out, but oops kosher.

    It’s okay when it’s Judaeo-Christian™!

  131. Looch said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:56

    He’s drinking all my beers, too. Bastard.

    Whoa. Go away for a while (bin bizzy) and all sorts of stuff happens (or did I miss this news a while ago?).

    Either way, VS, congrats and good health.

  132. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:59

    It’s grotesque to make camels haul camel meat.

    Why? I have to haul this monstrosity around wherever I go! I WISH I had someone to carry it for me!

  133. Physical Educator NIck Saban said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:59

    As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion;

    This implies the presence of sense.

  134. El Cid said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:00

    When did they start letting Muslims shop in our grocery stores anyway?

  135. justme said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:04

    I’ll bet someone else said this already, but I can’t be arsed to read the whole thread right now.

    thus dedicating the animal and the meat that comes from it to Allah

    Except, y’know, that there aren’t any non-vegetarian products on the list.

    What a moron.

    Is straw Halal?

  136. tigris said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:05

    The next time you pop open a can of Campbell’s vegetarian soup, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that you are consuming jihadi-sanctified food.

    The fact is, vegetarians are objectively pro-Jihad as long as it’s low-fatwa.

    I’m having the Kareem al Muzjroum Zhoüp.

    Muslims still cut the tops off, they just wait longer.

  137. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:06

    The fact is, vegetarians are objectively pro-Jihad as long as it’s low-fatwa.

    I hate you.

    Muslims still cut the tops off, they just wait longer.

    The halal beheading of mushrooms is a time honored tradition in some households.

  138. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:08

    I agree that the religious requirement to keep animals conscious when they are killed by exsanguination is a vile, barbaric practice that should be stamped out, but oops kosher.

    So is herding them into a pen where they’re basically on top of each other and giving them feed that eats through their stomachs, but you don’t see these assholes complaining about that. I guess animal cruelty only matters when it’s done by brown people. Plus, The Invisible Hand of the Free Market and all that junk.

  139. tigris said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:10

    To whom is the animal dedicated if someone recites “Bismillah I will not let you go”?

    Scaramouche Scaramouche.

    So… Stewart Granger?

  140. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:11

    So… Stewart Granger?

    The idle of Doctor Moreau.

  141. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:14

    He’s drinking all my beers, too. Bastard.

    fella named John Corning wrote a song called “Eating For Two”. chorus goes:

    You’re eating for two now,
    I’m drinking for three.

    worth checking out.

  142. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:14

    To whom is the animal dedicated if someone recites “Bismillah I will not let you go”?

    Freddy Mercury, which would give the wingnuts an even bigger freakout.

  143. Looch said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:15

    The fact is, vegetarians are objectively pro-Jihad as long as it’s low-fatwa.

    And low odium.

  144. justme said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:16

    Also, from the TPM link,

    The blog Creeping Sharia notes that Kellogg UK has halal-certified cereals and asks, “Are their U.S. products secretly halal?”

    Seriously? Yes, you stupid fuckwit. You should shun anything that might possibly be certifiably Halal. Only eat things that would make an Ayatollah cringe. Pork cracklins and blood pudding for all! Not a single grain or vegetable for anyone! USA! USA!

    I know that we’re never going to be able to wash the stupid out of our country entirely, but it would be nice to scrape off the chunkier bits.

  145. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:18

    I know that we’re never going to be able to wash the stupid out of our country entirely, but it would be nice to scrape off the chunkier bits.

    I hate you too.

  146. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:20

    I have to haul this monstrosity around wherever I go! I WISH I had someone to carry it for me!

    Y’know, everything isn’t about your humpback.

  147. Steerpike said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:22

    “Secretly Halal?

    Damn, that’s just beautiful.

    “You’re soaking in it!”

  148. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:22

    Y’know, everything isn’t about your humpback.

    There’s the pot calling the kettle “orca”…

  149. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:22

    “Secretly Halal?

    Damn, that’s just beautiful.

    “You’re soaking in it!”

    “We’ve secretly replaced their pork rinds with halal sunflower chips. Let’s watch….”

  150. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:23

    Only eat things that would make an Ayatollah cringe.

    And be falling-down drunk continuously. They hate that.

  151. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:25

    Scaramouche Scaramouche.
    OT: Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!

  152. Smut Clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:26

    “Are their U.S. products secretly halal?”
    Sure. Naturally they will ensure that their products meet some superstitious criteria to make them acceptable to a particular market, and then not tell the potential customers.

    How do we know that they are not secretly blessed by the Pope, also too?

  153. justme said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:26

    Nobody tell them that McDonalds, Pizza hut and KFC are Halal in Sri Lanka (and I’d suppose a few other places), or that Mickey-Ds sells Halal McNuggets in Dearborn.

  154. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:26

    And be falling-down drunk continuously. They hate that.

    Totally. I hear the next fatwa will be against heart disease. Should absolutely stop any exercise and no more blood pressure screenings.

  155. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:29

    I know that we’re never going to be able to wash the stupid out of our country entirely, but it would be nice to scrape off the chunkier bits.

    I bow to your linguistic superiority.

    Stolen. *yoink*

  156. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:30

    Nobody tell them that McDonalds, Pizza hut and KFC are Halal in Sri Lanka (and I’d suppose a few other places), or that Mickey-Ds sells Halal McNuggets in Dearborn.

    *GASP*

    And in England!

  157. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:35

    Can you buy a bowel, Pat?

  158. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:36

    And in England!

    Just more evidence of the Dhimmitude of Europe.

  159. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:36

    And in England!

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Why the fuck would you care if the meat was halal or not if you weren’t Muslim?

    These people are fucking insane. I wonder what they would do if they knew that anything that’s kosher is halal, as well.

  160. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:37

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Why the fuck would you care if the meat was halal or not if you weren’t Muslim?

    Because Islamic cooties!

  161. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:38

    Also, these are the same douchebags who get all shitty and “ZOMGOPPRESSION” when people push for stricter food labeling laws so those of us with LEGITIMATE food issues don’t have to spend all their time looking at labels.

  162. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:38

    Take a look at the comment right under Pat’s column. It’s good.

  163. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:40

    Take a look at the comment right under Pat’s column. It’s good.

    Many points off for comment #3, however.

  164. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:41

    Take a look at the comment right under Pat’s column. It’s good.

    The nym is a juicy, ripe mango in and of itself.

    Also, “cool beans”? What? I haven’t heard anyone say that in this century.

  165. Smut Clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:42

    And in England!
    Jesus Fucking Christ. Why the fuck would you care if the meat was halal or not if you weren’t Muslim?

    These are the same people who worry about Satanic imagery on Procter & Gamble packaging.

  166. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:42

    Because Islamic cooties!

    I mean, seriously! Those inscrutable Japs Islamists will go to any length to fluoridate our water foul our precious bodily fluids poison us and infect us with their halal-breeding germs!

  167. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:44

    Because Islamic cooties!

    I ate a lot of halal food cooked by a Muslim when I was in high school…maybe that explains this weird rash…

  168. vacuumslayer said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:44

    Looch, athankee! (Fellow S,Ners, sorry the congrats are still dribbling in. I’m sure you’re all pretty bored with the news by now.)

    zombie, I’m pretty sure that guy is the best person in the world. I love this song title:
    Wouldn’t You Like To Be An Alcoholic?
    To which, I’d “yes.” Very much. But I can’t right now.

  169. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:45

    AOLMUSCLEGRANDMA

    El Cid? Is that you?

  170. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:46

    I’m sure you’re all pretty bored with the news by now

    Who are you, and what did you do with VS?

  171. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:47

    These are the same people who worry about Satanic imagery on Procter & Gamble packaging.

    I *knew* my mascara was possessed!

  172. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:48

    Who are you, and what did you do with VS?

    A tiny parasite has taken over her body. She will never be the same.

  173. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:48

    I’m sure you’re all pretty bored with the news by now.

    Jeebus, I turn my back on you for one minute and you go and get yourself knocked up! Kids these days!

    (congrats)

  174. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:49

    Jeebus, I turn my back on you for one minute and you go and get yourself knocked up! Kids these days!

    A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

  175. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:49

    so those of us with LEGITIMATE food issues don’t have to spend all their time looking at labels

    Screw GMO food and high-fructose corn syrup!

    Did someone say black magic words over my schnackies!?!?

  176. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:53

    Did someone say black magic words over my schnackies!?!?

    Let us prey: Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub…ALLAHU AKBAR!

  177. Alkonholics Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:53

    I say we just build them around all conservative enclaves, such as most of Texas (sans Austin), South Carolina, Kansas, and other homes of numbnuttery and dumbfuckery. It needs to be very, very sturdy and about 50? or so tall …

    Won’t stop airplanes!

  178. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:55

    Screw GMO food and high-fructose corn syrup!

    Did someone say black magic words over my schnackies!?!?

    Seriously. If you’re eating at McDonald’s, some bearded dude saying some crap over your food should really be the least of your worries.

  179. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:55

    Won’t stop airplanes!

    No-floy zone.

    Hey, it kept Iraq bottled up for decades!

  180. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:56

    Seriously. If you’re eating at McDonald’s, some bearded dude saying some crap over your food should really be the least of your worries.

    You’ve been to the MickieDs by Tompkins Square Park, I see.

  181. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:56

    No floy-floy zone?

  182. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:57

    And actually, shit can be considered halal if it’s slaughtered properly by anyone in the Abrahamic religions. But, you know, scary Arabic words are scary.

  183. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:57

    No floy-floy zone?

    They might have flat feet…

  184. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 21:58

    shit can be considered halal if it’s slaughtered properly by anyone in the Abrahamic religions.

    *stroking chin*

    So if I choke a chicken….

  185. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:00

    No floy-floy zone?

    *GASP*

    Unless…you were going Kerouac on us!

  186. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:00

    Pam Geller has her kosher food blessed by European Nazis. Her chutzpah is full of schadenfreude.

  187. Smut Clyde said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:01

    Exsanguination. Actor212 is doin it rong.

  188. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:01

    Exsanguination. Actor212 is doin it rong.

    Forgive me. I’m not circumcised.

  189. vacuumslayer said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:02

    Athankee, WC.

  190. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:05

    Exsanguination. Actor212 is doin it rong.

    He appears to be fairly sanguine to me.

  191. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:06

    some bearded dude saying some crap over your food

    I used to get that at White Castle.

    (never mind halal, I just want to know what animal it was!)

  192. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:07

    Unless…you were going Kerouac on us!

    Ugh, I hope not. I’d rather not stage an intervention.

  193. B. Lister said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:09

    Bryan Fischer, soup Nazi.

  194. justme said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:10

    Many points off for comment #3, however.

    Actually, it’s comment 2 that’s telling.

    Shorter:

    Well, that’s just fine for liberals, but no conflict of interest should ever get between a Conservative and the voting booth.

  195. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:13

    Bryan Fischer, soup Nazi.

    What’s Arabic for “NO SOUP FOR YOU”?

  196. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:13

    shit can be considered halal if it’s slaughtered properly by anyone in the Abrahamic religions.

    *stroking chin*

    So if I choke a chicken….
    —————————————————————————————————-
    Not if your chicken met a moile because that would be mashugana.

    FYI, I’m not Jewish but I did eat a Lender’s bagel with cream cheese a little while ago. Damn creeping Judeofascism contaminating my precious bodily fluids.

  197. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:14

    South Ca’lina GOP stays classy

  198. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:17

    “Unless…you were going Kerouac on us!”
    ——————————————————————————
    I hate Kerouac. Why should I have to listen to all those people who can’t carry a tune when I’m just trying to enjoy my beer?

  199. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:18

    That was me as anonymous

  200. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:20

    Why should I have to listen to all those people who can’t carry a tune when I’m just trying to enjoy my beer?

    Dumbass. That’s the wrong word. They’re talking about that syrup that makes you puke.

  201. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:21

    I hate Kerouac. Why should I have to listen to all those people who can’t carry a tune when I’m just trying to enjoy my beer?

    Silly mozart! A kerouac is what you wear in a snowstorm.

  202. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:22

    What’s Arabic for “NO SOUP FOR YOU”?</I.

    ?? ????? ??

  203. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:23

    I thought Stalin oppressed the Kerouacs.

  204. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:23

    Grrrrrrrr, Tag Fail AND stupid Unicode…

  205. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:24

    A kerouac is what you wear in a snowstorm.

    I thought it was a kind of deer that lived up in the tundra.

  206. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:25

    I thought Stalin oppressed the Kerouacs.

    That’s right! He made them eat wheat gluten until they died.

  207. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:25

    I thought Stalin oppressed the Kerouacs.

    You’re thinking of the county in Wisconsin just north of Milwaukee.

    A kerouac is the radar plane the US deployed during the Gulf Wars.

  208. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:26

    A kerouac is what you wear in a snowstorm.

    I thought it was a kind of deer that lived up in the tundra.

    You may be right. All I know is, I think of Kerouac, I think of Palin.

  209. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:29

    Or maybe Kerouac is that town in New Jersey…you know the one Billy Joel sang about: “Who needs a house out in Kerouac? Is that all you get for your money?”

  210. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:29

    Are Cheetos Halal?

    Sadly, no, at least according to that forum. Whatever fraction of actual cheese that shows up in the product seems to use an animal-based rennet and that rennet is not certified halal as it may well be pork-based.

    The weird part was, that was the first result in a Google search for “kosher cheetos”.

    I wonder if the Campbell’s vegetarian soups will be marked both halal and kosher? (To the best of my knowledge, vegetarian stuff should be kosher unless it uses a non-kosher dairy source in it, or too many insect parts.)

  211. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:31

    I thought Kerouac was a university with a well-known polling institute.

  212. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:32

    I thought Kerouac was a university with a well-known polling institute.

    That’s the sound a baseball makes when a home run is hit.

  213. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:32

    To the best of my knowledge, vegetarian stuff should be kosher unless it uses a non-kosher dairy source in it, or too many insect parts.)
    ————————————————————————————————-
    How many is too many?

  214. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:33

    Mea culpa– I missed Nick Saban’s post. That’s interesting about the rennet discussion.

    When I took some cheesemaking classes the teacher used microbial rennet, but that was more an ethical issue than a kosher/halal one.

  215. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:35

    microbial rennet

    BAND NAME!

  216. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:35

    How many (insect parts) is too many?

    The answers.com area where I was checking what “pareve” was (has neither milk nor meat, so should be kosher and good with anything) didn’t specify. They don’t seem to have a problem with FDA standards to the best of my knowledge, but it may mean checking to be sure the apples at the farmers’ market didn’t miss a worm.

    Anyway, the halal vegetarian soups *should* also be pareve, except maybe for the cream of mushroom (though it could be certified kosher dairy). Would it makes wingnuts’ heads explode if it was stamped for both?

  217. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:36

    Getting out of the boat. If I’m not back soon, call the proper authorities.

  218. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:38

    Getting out of the boat. If I’m not back soon, call the proper authorities.

    Better arm yourself

    *tossing mozart my kerouac*

  219. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:38

    Would it makes wingnuts’ heads explode if it was stamped for both?
    ______________________________________________

    Certainly one Atlas will be Jugged

  220. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:40

    Sadly, no, at least according to that forum. Whatever fraction of actual cheese that shows up in the product seems to use an animal-based rennet and that rennet is not certified halal as it may well be pork-based.

    That’s weird. I thought all rennet was from little baby cow’s tummies.

  221. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:41

    That’s weird. I thought all rennet was from little baby cow’s tummies.

    Rennet again, Sam

  222. guitarist manqué said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:42

    A swine based rennet would be news to me. The things you learn on the intartoobz.

  223. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:43

    Rennet again, Sam

    Let me revise: all rennet produced from animal sources.

    I about drove myself crazy when I was a vegetarian because I wouldn’t eat cheese from non-vegetarian sources. Honestly, I just gave up, because who the fuck can tell?

  224. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:46

    I suppose if it truly worries you you could go vegan.

    Alas, I like meat and cheese a lot– too much, if anything.

  225. Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:47

    I wonder if there was ever sheep (or rather lamb) based rennet, for the Hindus?

  226. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:48

    How is this different from those anti-Semitic nutcases who think the kosher certification seal on some food labeling constitutes a “Jewish tax on food”?

  227. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:51

    How is this different from those anti-Semitic nutcases who think the kosher certification seal on some food labeling constitutes a “Jewish tax on food”?

    Did you want the long answer?

    Cuz the short answer is “shut up, that’s why”…

  228. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:51

    What gets me is the obsession with hygiene when they bake their bread over burning shit.

  229. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:53

    The long answer is, it doesn’t. In fact, it unites Jew and Muslim in Canada.

  230. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:53

    “where grocers have gone whole-hog – pardon the expression -”
    [HaHaHaHa conservative dude shaw is funneee!]]

    “for 10 years in 580 outlets across the fruited U.K. plan.”
    [Fookin English gay agenda]

    “Animal rights groups are ticked, since halal certification means the animal had its throat cut while it was still conscious.”
    [Didn't Sister Palin give a speech last year where a guy behind her was shovinglive turkey heads down a meat grinder or am I mistaken?]

    [and from the comments . . .]
    To slaughter an animal while it is concious is barbaric and cruel. “Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything”…Christians had better start standing for something.”

    Does the American meat industry kill their animals by lethal injection now? Can anyone help me out hear?

  231. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:54

    Human shit. No shit.

  232. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:56

    To slaughter an animal while it is concious is barbaric and cruel. “Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything”…Christians had better start standing for something.”

    Does the American meat industry kill their animals by lethal injection now? Can anyone help me out hear?

    Nope. Still effectively shoot the damn animal. Sometimes it takes five or six bolts to the skull to kill a chicken. A sliced throat is first time, everytime.

  233. actor212 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:57

    Does the American meat industry kill their animals by lethal injection now?

    By the way, great concept. Let’s try it in the heartland first. T&U? I suggest turning vegan again.

  234. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:58

    That’s the Yahweh mandated recipe anyway. I asked the Ezekial bread makers if they adhered strictly to the instructions butthey have not replied to my inquiry.

  235. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 22:58

    Does the American meat industry kill their animals by lethal injection now?

    By the way, great concept. Let’s try it in the heartland first. T&U? I suggest turning vegan again.

    Oh boy! I love air and rice!

  236. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:00

    Does the American meat industry kill their animals by lethal injection now?

    Gosh, I can’t see anything wrong in that plan…

  237. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:01

    Also, they do stun animals before slaughter in some processing plants. Not that that always works.

  238. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:01

    “Oh boy! I love air and rice!”

    I used to call them styrofoam cakes back in college.

  239. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:02

    Also, they do stun animals before slaughter in some processing plants. Not that that always works.

    Actually, let me revise that. *Technically* every animal is supposed to be stunned before slaughter, but the USDA doesn’t enforce that.

  240. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:02

    I used to call them styrofoam cakes back in college.

    They’re pretty good with sunflower butter and jam.

  241. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:03

    Kosher laws also demand that the animal be conscious when slaughtered. I’ve seen it with chickens. One guy grips the chicken and holds it before the guy with a knife, who slices the throat.

    I wonder what those guys say when they’re asked at parties what they do.

  242. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:04

    *Technically* every animal is supposed to be stunned before slaughter, but the USDA doesn’t enforce that.

    They can’t even reliably keep poop out of the ground beef.

    Ah, the marvels of less gummint regyoolatium!

  243. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:05

    I wonder what those guys say when they’re asked at parties what they do.

    I know how it SHOULD go.

    *hhhhAAAAgh* *spit* “I kill chickens, ma’am.”

  244. Esteev said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:06

    Shorter Bryan Fischer : Sharia Law NO! Christian Theocracy YES!

  245. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:06

    BTW, has anyone commented yet on Mr. Fischer’s resemblance to Colonel Sanders?

  246. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:06

    They can’t even reliably keep poop out of the ground beef.

    Well, it can happen when you’re slaughtering one animal conscientiously, much less, you know, thousands a day.

  247. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:07

    Does the American meat industry kill their animals by lethal injection now?

    Gosh, I can’t see anything wrong in that plan…
    ____________________________________________

    Lethal injections to good for them, a bullet to the head is too quick, fry the bastards I say or better yet bring back hanging. Uhm, we are talking about capital punishment right?

  248. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:09

    Uhm, we are talking about capital punishment right?

    Maybe in Texas…

  249. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:11

    ARGH BLART FART ACTIVIST JUDGES HATE AMERICA right on cue…

  250. M. Bouffant said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:12

    Another wrinkle to the Helen Thomas story
    By Jim Treacher

    Oh, ha ha.

  251. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:15

    ARGH BLART FART ACTIVIST JUDGES HATE AMERICA right on cue…

    Oh, for God’s sake. “Decided by Congress” my ass. Obama is the president, not head of the majority coalition in Parliament. How can he possibly still believe by now that Congress will ever act in good faith?

  252. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:17

    Lets play Poe or not Poe. danananana duntdenana nanana
    [From the comments]

    “Perhaps all of us Christians should say Christian prayers over all the meat in the case while we are trying to make our selections. That way, this should counter act any tainting of the meat due to Islam torture that may have been inflicted upon the poor animals and any sneaky/unwanted Islam blessing that may have been said over the processing. If they can pray over our meat/food, so can we. I will not be buying any more Campbell products.”

  253. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:20

    I’m gonna go with Poe Alex. (gocart crosses fingers) I’m 60/40 on this.

  254. Alkonholics Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:21

    Nope. Still effectively shoot the damn animal. Sometimes it takes five or six bolts to the skull to kill a chicken.

    No country for old poultry, that’s for sure.

  255. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:22

    If they can pray over our meat/food, so can we.

    Oh, good, next time I see some idjit mumbling to themselves over the meat counter I know what’s going on.

  256. Alkonholics Anonymous said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:23

    *Technically* every animal is supposed to be stunned before slaughter,

    As an animal, I was pretty stunned the first time I visited a boucherie.

  257. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:28

    I was thinking satire until I got to the boycott part. I’m going with Xianist.

  258. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:29

    AA dun broke the thread!

  259. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:30

    These people are fucking insane. Seriously. It hurts my head. Why do you give a shit if somebody said something over the body of the animal you’re about to eat if you don’t believe in what they said? If somebody told my fortune using bacon, I will still eat that shit.

  260. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:30

    OH NOES.

  261. Galactic Dustbin said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:33

    Just strain the soup though bacon and quite yet bitchin!

  262. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:34

    I was thinking satire until I got to the boycott part. I’m going with Xianist.

    But the boycott part makes it better satire.

  263. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:37

    Then again, there are more insane people in this country than there are great satirists so . . . still 60/40.

  264. gocart mozart said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:45

    “Why do you give a shit if somebody said something over the body of the animal you’re about to eat if you don’t believe in what they said?”

    [Because they beleive in all religions. The other ones are satanic. Sad but true.]

    “If somebody told my fortune using bacon, I will still eat that shit”

    [Maybe if Campbells would get Kevin Bacon to do the halal, everyone will be happy. I'm trying to work out a compromise here people.]looking .

  265. bargal20 said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:47

    Back in 2001, I worked in an industrial kitchen, preparing meals on wheels. The local community had a large, aging Muslim population that needed to be serviced. Management rationally decided that rather than preparing a separate halal menu, we’d just make every meal halal–after all, no one can tell the difference between islamofascist spaghetti bolognese and the jesus kind, right?

    The catholic church found out and raised a stink. Surprisingly and happily, management told them to go jump.

  266. tigris said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:50

    Honestly, I just gave up, because who the fuck can tell?

    Well, most labels will tell you if it’s non-animal rennet. If it just says rennet, it’s usually animal. This includes most European cheese, unfortunately.

    And I agree with the “Who the fuck cares” sentiment. Hell, Christians think Muslims pray to a false god, not a separate but equal one, so those prayers are just floating away into the Universe, unheard, not polluting the meat with blasphemenes. And they can STFU with their “oh it’s so cruel” hand-wringing, these folks don’t give a shit about the conditions in which animals are kept or how they’re killed.

  267. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:54

    Let’s play poe or not poe!

    How do we save the world? Lasers baby, frickin’ lasers!!

  268. Physical Educator NIck Saban said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:54

    Paneer is made without rennet. You don’t need rennet to make cheese; you just need it to make cheese that tastes good.

    If Islam is a false religion, why would you care that they did crazy mumbo-jumbo to your food? If Mohammed is a false prophet, shouldn’t the blessing have no effect? Like, if the food said it was blessed by Demeter or whatever, would they care? I really don’t think so.

    This fucking bullshit only makes sense at a theological level if they believe that the Christian god and the Islamic god are both real but different entities — and the front line of the battle between them is the motherfucking soup aisle.

  269. noen said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:55

    Mom!!!

    “AA dun broke the thread!”

    Word Press is my higher power.

  270. Physical Educator NIck Saban said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:57

    oh, I see the point I just made was made more coherently and funnier by the last ~10 other people in a row. Better stick with football coachin’ I guess.

  271. Pere Ubu said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:59

    Paneer – NOM NOM

  272. Whale Chowder said,

    October 13, 2010 at 23:59

    “blasphemenes”

    Ooh. Band name. Or maybe “Blasphemones” or Blasphonemes.

    Hmmm…

  273. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:00

    “and the front line of the battle between them is the motherfucking soup aisle”

    (insert Star Trek: TOS fight music)

  274. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:00

    FYWP. I put a <hr> in there to separate the quote from the comment. Why do you hate America?

  275. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:01

    Blasphememes.

  276. LittlePig said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:03

    “Bismuhammad Ali”, which means “In the name of Ali, who is the greatest.”

    The writings of the prophet Rope-A-Dope, yes.

    Epic.

    I’m having the Kareem al Muzjroum Zhoüp.

    Muslims still cut the tops off, they just wait longer.

    Even more so.

  277. LittlePig said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:03

    How’s about double tag closures?

  278. LittlePig said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:04

    Nope. Dammit Glarg.

  279. LittlePig said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:05

    (insert Star Trek: TOS fight music)

    20 quatloos on Actor!

  280. gocart mozart said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:16

    “This fucking bullshit only makes sense at a theological level if they believe that the Christian god and the Islamic god are both real but different entities — and the front line of the battle between them is the motherfucking soup aisle.”

    Never said it wasn’t stupid but it is my impression that that is what the talibanjicles believe. U.F.O.’s are manifistations of demons. Tarot cards, Wicca or Buhdism will summon satan and so on. I heard that from Pat Robertson hisself.

    Speaking of witch, Christine O’Donnell will be debating Mike Castle live on CSpan at 7:30 if you can stand it.

  281. gocart mozart said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:17

    The font has gone Sharia! Damn you Cambell Soup.

  282. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:22

    “what the talibanjicles believe”

    Yeah. They also believe that practicing yoga is dangerous to your soul and that you can pray away the gay.

    What I’m sayin’ is you can’t really count on their deep understanding of theological issues.

  283. Anonymous said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:24

    Paneer is made without rennet. You don’t need rennet to make cheese; you just need it to make cheese that tastes good.

    Cream cheese is apparently also made without rennet, and is delicious (not to mention a component of many lovely desserts).

  284. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:24

    just for kicks and grins

    I think that’s how tintin said not to do it…

  285. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:28

    There was a hysterical in all senses of the word rant a couple years back I saw on teevee wherein some Xianist was yelling at people not to have aXmas tree and so on because “PEOPLE DONT KNOW THOSE ARE PAGAN SYMBOLS!!!” Best lulz ever.

  286. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:29

    0h FY PM. You bastard.

  287. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:29

    Yesssss! Now watch this…

  288. Nymstradamus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:30

    Bryan Fischer man-crushes on Carl Paladino:

    http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/fischer/101012

  289. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:30

    It’s possible that I’m the only one left in this crew that regularly kills farm animals myself. I like to think that I am halal despite not mumbling gawd bothering words when I kill chickens or pigs or beef critters because I want my meat without blood. I’ve killed critters both ways and halal/kosher whatever is better because you want your meat bled out. All you city folk that have it done by other (poorer, swarthier)people are just kidding yo’selves. Eating meat means killing.

  290. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:33

    Can you do underlines here?

  291. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:33

    Okay. Using Safari at the moment which is vulnerable to the S,N! Tag fail plague so I’ll be nice. Once I get back home on Opera which is immune I’ll make it really ugly.

  292. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:34

    This’ll fix it.

  293. M. Bouffant said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:35

    OK, I was restraining myself, but Nymstradamus has given me an opening.

    Total Godwin.

  294. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:35

    Eating meat means killing.

    So it does, and I very much respect people who are willing to kill the animals themselves. I’m not willing to, and that’s a good part of why I’m vegetarian.

  295. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:36

    Not farm animals, there’s no sport in that. Killing should be fun, not work.

    NB: I eats wut I kilz

  296. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:38

    Apologies to anyone who may have pondered this before, but why does Bryan Fischer hate the free market?

    And wuzzup with WordPress?

  297. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:38

    S McG, you little rascal. I was being nice – S MCG IS A MEANIE!

  298. M. Bouffant said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:39

    Vandals!

  299. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:40

    I asked the Ezekial bread makers if they adhered strictly to the instructions butthey have not replied to my inquiry.

    You did that? I did that too!

    (In context the verse is an allegory for the privation facing Israel in the Babylonian siege and captivity, but whatever it is TOTALLY a COMPLETE PROTEIN RECIPE straight from Old Tetragrammaton’s Country Kitchen.

    Makes pretty good peanut butter toast, though.)

    Oh, and required reading on the halal soup.

  300. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:40

    Also.

  301. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:41

    It is times like this that I lament WP not supporting ye olde blinky tag. Rats.

  302. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:43

    The blink tag would be awesome.

  303. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:45

    Sadly, the code tag does not carry through.

  304. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:46

    Now that’s interesting! Does that break bold forever?

    Also Djur – of course you did. did you get a reply?

  305. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:46

    Terrific. Tagergotterung.

  306. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:47

    And it just keeps getting better.

  307. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:47

    It is times like this that I lament WP not supporting ye olde blinky tag. Rats.

    Me too.

  308. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:47

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

  309. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:49

    Wonder what a link fail would do.

  310. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:49

    Did any of you little pricks* break

    yet?

    *VFavreR

  311. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:49

    Testing…?

  312. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:52

    I’ve killed critters both ways and halal/kosher whatever is better because you want your meat bled out.

    NOO!!! Ya gotta save the blood- black pudding is perhaps the most delicious of all meat by-products.

  313. Mysticdog said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:58

    Sadly, no, at least according to that forum. Whatever fraction of actual cheese that shows up in the product seems to use an animal-based rennet and that rennet is not certified halal as it may well be pork-based.

    I read the entire article that Actor linked. It’s very well considered and thoroughly covers all of the possible opinions and sources that could whey in (heh) on whether cheese is unclean or not; it is a nice reminder of why all ancient religions, as practiced by fundamentalists, are FUCKING ABSURD!!!

    Even if god divinely inspired all of the writers and scholars of those early times, is it really that hard to believe maybe the rules laid down so wandering tribes or people living in crowded unsanitary cities wouldn’t poison themselves might need a little revision to reflect changes in animal husbandry, food storage, refridgeration, and medicine?!?!

    OK, so my list of what a religion needs for me to be join them is now:
    a) Accepts men and women to the highest levels of leadership
    b) Encourages rational thought and doesn’t oppose facts when they conflict with stories.
    c) has to consider the fate of this world at least as important as the afterlife
    d) Whatever religious texts are followed have some ability to be updated or added onto; if your bible is closed to addition that means god isn’t talking to you anymore, so you you must have pissed your sky faerie off and I dont need any of that.
    e) religious leaders must be allowed to experience all of what normal humans do, including love, sex, marriage and children.
    f)

  314. Mysticdog said,

    October 14, 2010 at 0:59

    f) there is no rule f

  315. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:03

    I fucking hate all of you.

  316. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:04

    did you get a reply?

    No, I never did. That was a while ago, when they had just a couple kinds of bread in the fridge case. They’re a much bigger concern now. Now they’ve got flatbreads and bagels and crackers and tampons and stuff, so I bet if I wrote them again they’d have some “Our bakery is clean and has only .001% rat shit residue in the loaf-shaping machine as of the last inspection, thanks for writing, here’s a coupon” form letter.

  317. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:08

    Ya gotta save the blood

    Sadly, halal and kosher slaughtering practices require the blood to be spilled on the ground, not into any kind of bowl or vat. This is why there are no teetotaling vampires in the Middle East.

  318. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:09

    Just because you get the blood out of the meat does not mean that you throw it away. I like blood pudding as much as the next (urban sophisticate hasn’t kilt anything in who knows how long) guy.

    Farking tags how do they work?

  319. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:14

    Zeh blood ist zeh LIFE!

  320. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:15

    I like blood pudding as much as the next (urban sophisticate hasn’t kilt anything in who knows how long) guy.

    Do you make your own? AFAF

  321. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:19

    The deer has sometimes bled out by the time you get to it but there’s almost always enough to ritually drink a cup of it before you drag the field dressed carcass out.

  322. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:20

    Oh YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
    ~

  323. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:22

    How cute – even the “Submit Comment” button has a line through it.

  324. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:24

    Oh, and required reading on the halal soup.

    Which leads to:

    Don’t give them your address! The soup people will send a terrorist to your house and turn it into a mosk!

    That Wonkette soup story is a work of art. I about hurled for laughing.

  325. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:26

    #

    Do you make your own? AFAF
    #

    Yes. And it’s good.

  326. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:29

    Re: deer blood. Tasty little fallow does have delicious blood. Cranky old bucks have blood so full of musk and hormones you can’t wash it off for weeks. Just so y’all know.

  327. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:43

    “Cranky old bucks have blood so full of musk and hormones you can’t wash it off for weeks. ”

    Wait, are we talking about Teabaggers?

  328. Anonymous said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:56

    Check out this awesomely stupid anti-Obama billboard in Colorado.

  329. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:57

    Yay! No lines or italics! Thank you somebody!

  330. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:57

    This story is just preposterous. There’s no reason to boycott Campbell’s because of the halal soups. It makes much more sense to boycott them because of what they did at Glencoe.

    But Pam Gellar doesn’t want you to boycott Campbell’s because of Glencoe, does she? And who died at Glencoe? MacDonalds, that’s who! Pam Gellar obviously hates McDonald’s, which means she hates America. Why doesn’t the MSM ask why Pam Gellar hates America?

  331. Anonymous said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:58

    Hm. WordPress seems to be eating my link. There’s an awesomely stupid anti-Obama billboard out in Colorado:

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/colorado-billboard-animates-every-attack-ever-leveled-at-obama

  332. Anonymous said,

    October 14, 2010 at 1:58

    Ah, that did it. I’d've inlined the image if I could have.

  333. Tintin said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:03

    Goddamit, people! Anyone who purposefully puts in broken tags again will be banned. I’m looking at you at S McG and Pupeniue Maximus. Rather than edit the offending posts to fix the tags, I’ve just deleted them. You know I have a job and I don’t have the time to come in an clean up after y’all and write posts and figure out how to fix this in WP. :-(
    Y’all do not want to make Tintin angry. You think the Hulk got ugly.

  334. Ted Nugent said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:04

    Personally, I like to knock out a doe with tranquilizers, tie it to a tree, and stab it in the throat. As the blood spurts out and drenches me from head to toe, I close my eyes and imagine that it is the fetid life fluid of Fedzilla.

    Wango tango, also.

  335. 'squatch said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:06

    Sasquatch is Campbell’s !!!!

  336. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:12

    Don’t give them your address! The soup people will send a terrorist to your house and turn it into a mosk!

    I hear that Campbell’s is planning on making halal mosk ox soup.

  337. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:21

    Thank you, Tintin.

    *tugs at forelock*

  338. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:29

    It can’t be very rewarding to have to come in here and clean up after a bunch of deer slaughtering, blood pudding eating, opinionated leftards. Thanks Tintin.

  339. Smut Clyde said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:29

    Taurobolium:

    The [bull's] blood rains through the platform onto the priest below, who receives it on his face, and even on his tongue and palate, and after the baptism presents himself before his fellow-worshippers purified and regenerated, and receives their salutations and reverence.

    NOM NOM NOM

  340. Smut Clyde said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:34

    For your convenience:
    http://www.bonaventure.net/products/feed_additives/spray_dried_haemoglobin.htm

    Though if you run low on ingredients while mixing up a batch of pizza dough, and use this stuff to eke out the flour, and the family find out, they are not well pleased. Or so I hear.

    Also relevant.

  341. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:34

    <i.and receives their salutations and reverence.

    Then charges them 2 & 6 for the full Irish breakfast.

  342. guitarist manqué said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:35

    I closed that farking tag, I did.

  343. Smut Clyde said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:44

    It can’t be very rewarding to have to come in here and clean up after a bunch of deer slaughtering, blood pudding eating, opinionated leftards.

    Artist’s impression.

  344. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:46

    Guys, help. Everyone at Wonkette is talking about how nice Christine O’Donnell’s ass is and I’m at work and can’t look it up. Please tell me that this is true so I will not be required to become a tea bag patriot.

  345. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:48

    Hey! Alkonholics Anonymous started it! I’m sorry.

    * extends lower lip, dejectedly scuffs one foot on ground… *

  346. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 2:49

    Please tell me that this is true so I will not be required to become a tea bag patriot.

    Link?

  347. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:12

    Someone’s slipped something into the water over there, because nearly every thread has smelled like hand lotion and fresh spooge for the last couple of weeks.

  348. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:12

    Uh, Djur? I’d give you hand if I could but I wouldn’t be much help, sorry.

  349. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:12

    I can see neither O’Donnell’s booty or Russia from where I sit. No TV.

  350. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:20

    One comment to add to the above mess about the stupid people;

    FINE!!! Wage your war on Islam in every place from the soup aisle to the YMCA, you fucking bastards, but at least have the honesty to also wage it at Newscorp! Where the second biggest shareholder is goddamn Saudi royalty, for frak’s sake!!!

  351. Tehanu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:28

    The prayer? “Bismillah Allah-hu-Akbar”

    I thought it was “Pepto-Bismillah…”

    Oh, and Lurking Canadian’s take on Campbells and MacDonalds at Glencoe is brilliant! Too bad we can’t paste photos into comments, I’ve got a great one of Glencoe which is one of the most romantic, gorgeous spots on the planet….

  352. Jennifer said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:43

    My encounter with the Wildebeest:

    Our office/warehouse is located next to a business that does granite countertops. This business is owned by some serious redneck motherfuckers – three hugely fat and frizzy haired women amongst them.

    So, anyway, ever since we’ve moved in, they’ve made it a point of parking RIGHT THE FUCK IN FRONT of our office, every fucking day, sometimes even blocking our warehouse door. Additionally, every day, several times per day, huge fucking trucks back into the parking lot and block us in as they unload raw slabs of stone. That’s annoying, but I understand it’s a part of their business, so I can deal with it. But the purposeful hogging of our parking – nope. I told the landlord several weeks ago to tell them that they were welcome to start paying part of our rent if they wanted to continue to monopolize our parking; since the landlord is a spineless wimp,when Big Momma Wildebeest replied that “they need to come talk to ME,” he let it go.

    So anyway, I come in yesterday, and one of the fat bitches has angled her big-ass truck so it’s taking up not one, but TWO of our spaces. That was the final straw. I went out and posted ‘Reserved Parking’ signs in front of each of the spaces in front of the office. That worked – for one day. Today, one of the owners pulls in to the space right by our door – even though there was an empty space right next to THEIR door. Just doing it to be a dick. So I waited a few minutes, and then thought, fuck it, if I let it slide, they’ll just continue to be dicks. So I step outside and Wildebeest daughter is standing there by their door. She says, “what do you need?” I say, “I need them to move this truck.” She opens the door where apparently Mama Wildebeest has been watching and tells her, and here comes Mama boiling out the door shouting. “Those AREN’T YOUR SPACES! We all get 10 and they can be anywhere in the lot!” I say, calmly, “well, you have more than 10 people working for you, and you have all this crap in the spaces in front of your office, so you’re taking up more like 15 of them. And according to our lease these ARE our parking spaces.” She then says, “Well, I’VE seen YOUR red car parked in THAT SPACE RIGHT THERE (motioning to the one by their door) 5 TIMES!” I say, “oh, 5 whole times in 10 weeks? So you’re keeping score? I’ve parked there when you and your employees parked in every one of OUR spaces. If you’re keeping such a close count, I’m sure you KNOW that you take up two or three of OUR spaces EVERY FRICKIN DAY, and sometimes ALL of them, including the space in front of our warehouse door. So what your saying is what’s yours is yours, and what’s mine is yours too?” She starts yelling about customers should be able to park there, blah blah blah; I calmly reply that I have no problem with their customers parking there if there’s an empty space; and if she’s concerned about her customers being able to park, she sure as hell shouldn’t be making sure there are no spaces available because she and her employees are parked in them already. Finally she bellows out her “Oh SNAP” final word, saying “We’ll park wherever the hell we feel like parking!” as she’s walking back to their office. I’m at my office door, so I just smirk and say, again calmly, “Ok, then next time I won’t bother with a warning before I call the tow truck,” and walk into my office as I hear her erupt into more shouting. I’m pretty sure she was probably threatening to “kick (my) ass” or something equally imaginative and prosaic but didn’t bother to try to hear what it was; at the time I’m just thinking, “go ahead, you fat fucking redneck bitch, FOLLOW ME into MY office so I can call the cops.” Well, she restrained herself. But from my conversation with the landlord this afternoon, she repeated those types of threats, “if that bitch has me towed I’ll kick her ass from her office all the way down to yours! My husband will bail me out!” I said, well, you might want to remind her that when that’s all said and done, I’ll be the proud owner of her business.

    Anyway, just after the altercation, the truck magically got moved. And the landlord laid down the law to her. He told me that the guys from the office down at the end, who have also been abused by these folks, related to him the whole incident, that I was calm and polite and that she was a shreiking harpy. So I guess the upshot is, they won’t be parking there any more. And also, if they do, they’ll be getting towed, I’ll be getting my ass kicked, she’ll be getting bailed out, and I’ll be suing her out of business.

    All in all, a satisfactory conflict resolution.

  353. Jennifer said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:46

    Oh yeah, I forgot: when she spouted that line about “you shouldn’t go to the landlord, you should come talk to ME,” I said, “what would be the point? You’re not reasonable. If you were, you would realize how rude it is to assume I shouldn’t be able to park in the spaces I’ve paid for.”

    I’m sure it didn’t help.

  354. g said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:49

    The next time you pop open a can of Campbell’s vegetarian soup, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that you are consuming jihadi-sanctified food. … What more people will find offensive is that the person carrying out the killing must recite a Koranic verse while the lifeblood of the animal drains away,

    OK, am I too late to the party to express my OUTRAGE and complete solidarity with Bryan Fisher to hear that a Koranic verse was recited while the meat in my Campbell’s vegetarian soup was killed?

  355. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:51

    And also, if they do, they’ll be getting towed, I’ll be getting my ass kicked, she’ll be getting bailed out, and I’ll be suing her out of business.

    And thus was the Empire forged.

  356. Tommykey said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:56

    Drinking alcohol is forbidden in Islam, therefore anyone who does not drink alcohol is furthering the advancement of the worldwide Muslim caliphate.

  357. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:56

    that bitch has me towed I’ll kick her ass from her office all the way down to yours! My husband will bail me out!

    Rugged individualism at its finest.

  358. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:03

    Jennifer –

    Pay someone fast on his feet – I’m thinking circa 17 years old – to slap an Obama ’12 bumper-sticker on her truck.

    If, you know, you want to escalate just for the hell of it.

  359. Jennifer said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:04

    Seriously, I think the fact that I neither started shouting back nor backed off at all was something she didn’t bargain for. Wildebeest women count on their generally terrifying looks and loud bellowing voices to cow other people, and when that doesn’t work, to incite them. They don’t know what to do when someone calmly stands their ground.

    To get an idea of what this woman looks like, imagine the woman from She-Devil. The original BBC version, not the crappy Roseann Barr re-make.

  360. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:06

    Saying calmly “I’ve been threatened by people who are actually frightening, so why would I care about a threat from you?” also works. For escalation, I mean.

  361. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:12

    Pay someone fast on his feet – I’m thinking circa 17 years old – to slap an Obama ’12 bumper-sticker on her truck.

    LOL.

    I’m 22, and FTR, if I were in Arkansas, I’d do it for free.

  362. gocart mozart said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:14

    Bryan Fischer man-crushes on Carl Paladino:
    http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/fischer/101012

    Heh heh, something you want to tell us Brian Fischer?

    DAILY NEWS: Paladino owned two gay bars
    http://www.fox23news.com/mostpopular/story/DAILY-NEWS-Paladino-owned-two-gay-bars/XHfqzChyKUSBm5-0DKZS5A.cspx
    DAILY NEWS: Paladino owned two gay bars

  363. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:18

    Artist’s impression.

    The Abattoir of Babylon.

  364. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:20

    The Abattoir of Babylon.

    That is some fancy goddamned concrete work.

  365. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:22

    DAILY NEWS: Paladino owned two gay bars

    AHEM.

  366. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:26

    therefore anyone who does not drink alcohol is furthering the advancement of the worldwide Muslim caliphate.

    Me and Gordon’s gin are doing our part for Christendom!

  367. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:27

    AHEM.

    Beaten to the penis.

  368. Anonymous said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:28

    DAILY NEWS: Paladino owned two gay bars

    AHEM.

    Pere Ubu said,
    October 13, 2010 at 18:43
    Speaking of sausage…
    _________________________________________

    Sorry Pere, I thought it was a link to a knockwurst recipe and I didn’t click the link.

  369. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:34

    The Lords Bacon Resistance Army continues to stand up against the spread of Sha-na-na rule in the USA.

    The FBI should investigate the defacement of a South Carolina mosque as a hate crime, according to the advocacy group Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR).

    On Sunday afternoon, someone spelled out “PIG CHUMP” using slices of bacon on a brick walkway leading up to the Florence Islamic Center

    …This is not the first time mosques have been targeted with bacon. In September, packages containing harassing letters and bacon were sent to four mosques.

    At least we can rule out Jonah, because he’d never leave a good slice of bacon behind.

  370. gocart mozart said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:35

    Does Brian Fischer have a gay vampire fetish?

    Cause . . .

    “The fact that homosexual activists will now bare their fangs, veritably dripping saliva as they go for Paladino’s carotid artery, and will do so with the full-throated blessing of the out-of-the-mainstream media, only illustrates the enormously dangerous clout these purveyors of perversity have been given in our culture.”
    http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/fischer/101012

    That sentence should win a prize for something but I’m not sure what that something is.

  371. gocart mozart said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:38

    What’s a Pig Chump?

  372. gocart mozart said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:40

    “The Lords Bacon Resistance Army continues to stand up against the spread of Sha-na-na rule in the USA.”

    The jokes on them because it was Halal bacon.

  373. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:43

    In September, packages containing harassing letters and bacon were sent to four mosques

    Okay, let’s just put a fucking tent up over this damn state and start charging admission. Only a thin dollar, ladies and gentlemen, this way to the world’s biggest freak show.

    Christ, move Bachmann and O’Donnell down here and you’d make millions.

  374. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:45

    Nobody ever mails me bacon. [sob]

  375. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:53

    Nobody ever mails me bacon. [sob]

    Me neither. They tried to send me soy protein powder but I thought it was anthrax, or maybe the other way around.

  376. tsam said,

    October 14, 2010 at 4:56

    Nobody ever pays me in gum (sob)

  377. 77south said,

    October 14, 2010 at 5:08

    @Jennifer
    Granite countertops? Why am I not surprised that a person like that just might be
    [cue dramatic music]
    GIVING HER CUSTOMERS CANCER!
    (informative link below)
    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/25/earlyshow/health/main4292754.shtml

  378. Shell Goddamnit said,

    October 14, 2010 at 5:32

    1. Mysticdog is quite right; I read that article about Cheetos: Halal or haram? and all I could think was, how crazy is it that there are layers upon layers of Muslim scholars to parse the text and argue and try to figure out if they can eat fucking cheese?? I’ll note that the writer specifically said that people shouldn’t be trying to figure out what they can eat on their own; there’s goddamned *experts* for that. Absurd. Kosher is also absurd but less crazy-scholarly about it at least.

    2. “There’s no reason to boycott Campbell’s because of the halal soups. It makes much more sense to boycott them because of what they did at Glencoe” is fuckin genius and Lurking Canadian deserves a prize of some sort; perhaps a clear liquid in a conical glass with a preserved fruit at the bottom? Nah, gotta come up with something better than that…should def post that at the facebook boycott page, just for the “whut?!” factor

  379. Bilo said,

    October 14, 2010 at 5:45

    *pads over to shelf to find Charlton Heston death mask*

  380. Smut Clyde said,

    October 14, 2010 at 5:46

    the full-throated blessing of the out-of-the-mainstream media
    All the better for thrusting down!

    only illustrates the enormously dangerous clout
    Is that what the kids are calling it now?
    My enormously dangerous clout, let me show you illustrate it, oops forgot the restraining order.

  381. Charlton Heston loudly said,

    October 14, 2010 at 5:46

    DAMN YOU, SADLYNAUTS! I CAN’T KEEP UP! TOO MANY POSTS! YOU MANIACS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLLL!!!

  382. cAnceR haT said,

    October 14, 2010 at 6:05

    Damn right, Charlie…

  383. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 6:08

    This is not made up. This is a thing in the world.

    Is Obama trying to ‘decolonize’ space?

    By Dinesh D’Souza | Christian Science Monitor | Wed, Oct 13

    New York – Soon after becoming president, Barack Obama evidently gave the space agency NASA a new mission of reaching out to the world’s Muslims. Observers were puzzled. Why should rocket scientists focused on outer space now worry about hearts and minds on Earth?

    I believe I have solved the mystery. The reason is that President Obama has adopted his father’s ideology; the son is, as his father was, an anticolonialist. And according to this worldview, NASA is a symbol of America’s effort to colonize outer space. It follows that Obama wants to “decolonize” NASA, and that means converting it from its traditional mission of American exploration into a kind of international project to recognize what Muslims and others have contributed to the development of science.

    NASA’s probably been forced to make all sorts of halal astronaut food. It could even be forcing NASA scientists to use Arabic numerals.

  384. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 6:14

    I recommend a front page post from D’Souza that is arguably less dumb. Dumb in space is better. Plus the opportunities for photoshopping are endless.

    Goa might finally have its own Galtstronaut.

  385. Djur said,

    October 14, 2010 at 6:28

    Kosher is also absurd but less crazy-scholarly about it at least.

    Spoken like someone who hasn’t read the insanely detailed sites covering kashrut. It is quite complicated and it all comes down to various experts as well.

    Here’s just a taste: Is turkey kosher? Part 1 of 5

    Kashrut is somewhat more stable, because the Orthodox Jewish population is smaller and not nearly as divided theologically as Islam. A few million versus over a billion adherents. But there’s a great deal of scholarship and debate that goes into both.

  386. Steve said,

    October 14, 2010 at 6:37

    The war with the Islamic barbarians has been going on for centuries. Here is some inspiration from our European Christian Forefathers.

    “Autumn had come to the Mediterranean, and more than a hint of the blustery winter to come was in the air, as two formidable armadas gathered for battle near Corinth. By far the larger force was the fleet commanded by Ali Pasha, servant of Ottoman Turkey’s Sultan Selim II.

    From the deck of his fearsome flagship Sultana, Ali directed 270 war galleys and a massive collection of lighter craft. The fleet, appropriately, was deployed in a huge crescent stretching from the rocky shores of Albania in the north to the coast of Peloponnesus in the south.

    From the Sultana’s mast flew a green banner into which the name of Allah had been stitched in gold nearly 30,000 times. “The flag was one of the treasures of Mecca,” comments British historian Jack Beeching in The Galleys at Lepanto. “Over the centuries, when the Moslems had carried its green and gold into battle, they invariably gained the day.” Throughout the Turkish fleet, the soldiers of The Prophet, confident of victory, disported themselves by belly-dancing to the music of the tambor and the flute.

    Across the straits from the Turks, a smaller but no less resolute force was arrayed, its ships deployed in the shape of the cross. This navy represented the Christian League, an ad-hoc coalition of Catholic monarchies, ducal kingdoms, and Italian republics under the command of 25-year-old Don John of Austria. While the Turks made merry, the League soldiers, with quiet fortitude, grimly prepared for battle. Boarding nets were rigged, arquebuses prepared to fire, and swords were put to the whetstone. Armourers struck the fetters from galley slaves (except for captured Muslim fighters), each of whom was given a sword or pike. As Beeching observes, the impending battle “would be won or lost in the hand-to-hand fighting. What counted that morning above all else was the spirit of the men.”

    As the time for battle approached, Don John debarked from his flagship Royal to tour the fleet. As the youthful commander dressed the line of battle, he sought to rally his men: “My children, we are here to conquer or die,” John declared to every ship’s company. “In death or in victory, you will win immortality.”

    Throughout the fleet, soldiers — many of them previously indifferent to matters of the soul — knelt on galley decks to receive Communion and general absolution. On that Sunday morning — October 7, 1571 — each chaplain had offered a sermon on the theme: “No Heaven for Cowards.” One chaplain, a Capuchin Monk, concluded his homily by lashing his crucifix to a shiphook and joining the first boarding party. Undoubtedly moved by this brave gesture, Don John chose that moment to raise the Holy League’s banner — bearing the sign of the cross — over his flagship, prompting a resounding cheer from across the fleet.

    Shortly thereafter, Beeching writes, “the wind that morning turned right around.” For propulsion, both fleets relied primarily on the muscle power of galley oarsmen — slaves, prisoners, or volunteers. However, the galleys were equipped with small sails to be used when the wind was favorable. The wind shift deflated the Turkish sails, and those of the Christian fleet were “filled as if from a mighty and confident breath,” recalls Beeching, leaving few in the League fleet “who doubted that God had intervened.”

    While Turkish oarsmen hurriedly compensated for the wind loss, a shot suddenly rang out from the Christian fleet. Fired from an arquebus at extreme range, the shot was directed at Ali on the Turkish flagship. It was a personal challenge from Don John, who had ordered the Maltese Knight serving as his sailing master to steer a course for the Sultana. From the bridge of his vessel, Ali accepted the challenge. In defiance of well-established conventions of sea warfare, the opposing commanders and their flagships engaged each other.

    Ali commanded a fleet representing a power infamous for mass murder, rapine, and plunder in the name of Allah. Don John and his men, who were predominantly Catholic but included Orthodox Christians and some Protestants, knew that the Turks had to be turned back at Lepanto or Christendom may be doomed.

    Setting the Stage

    “All through their imperial history,” writes Beeching, “the Ottoman Turks had used cruelty as an implement of dominion…. Christian armies too could be despicably cruel…. [B]loody deeds done by nominal Christians went contrary to the utterances of the founder of their religion…. The Turks, however, when they emerged from Central Asia to get away from their singularly cruel enemies, the Mongols, became converts to a religion which though admirable in its law-abiding and philanthropic aspects had been based from the start on victory in war and the pleasures of the flesh as a reward in the hereafter.”

    When Constantinople fell to Mehmed II in 1453, more than a century before Lepanto, the Turks believed themselves to be on the road to universal dominion. The destruction of Christian Byzantium sent tremors of fear through Europe; the terror increased as Belgrade fell in 1521 and Hungary was conquered five years later. Setting their sights on controlling the Mediterranean, the Turks seized Rhodes and laid waste to Italy’s southern coast. While the Turks rampaged through the Mediterranean, Corsairs — pirate raiders who pledged their loyalty to the Turkish sultan — ravaged European shipping and captured Christians as slaves.

    Religious liberty was extinguished in territories that fell under the Islamic Crescent; Christians and Jews could retain a modicum of freedom by paying the “dhimmi,” an extortionate tribute exacted by Islamic authorities. The conquered Christians were also required to pay the “blood tax”: Their oldest sons would be taken to Turkey to be trained as yeni ceri, or janissaries — “new soldiers” in the Sultan’s service. Attractive adolescents — females and those males not taken as soldiers — were often enslaved as prostitutes in Istanbul’s pleasure palaces. Some of the sultans “made use of the handsome boys brought every year to Constantinople as a trouble-free parallel harem,” notes Beeching.

    Under Sulieman the Magnificent, the Ottoman Turks made no secret of their ambitions in the western Mediterranean. As a Turkish fleet carrying 40,000 fighting men set sail for Malta in 1565, the Sultan declared: “We shall see each other again at the Red Apple” — that is, Rome.

    Just Cause

    Knowing that Malta was to be a staging base for the Turkish assault on Italy, the Knights of Malta, under the leadership of their 71-year-old grand master, Jean LaValette, mounted a desperate defense. From their headquarters at the Castle St. Angelo, Valette and his aides watched as the fearsome Turkish force, arrayed in a crescent-shaped formation spanning the horizon, slowly approached. As preparations for battle proceeded, Valette led his force of 700 knights into chapel for prayer and absolution. He then laid out the stakes as plainly as he could:

    A formidable army composed of audacious barbarians is descending on this island. These persons, my brothers, are enemies of Jesus Christ. Today it is a question of the defense of our faith — as to whether the Gospels are to be superseded by the Koran. God on this occasion demands of us our lives, already vowed to His service. Happy will be those who first consummate this sacrifice.

    The knights departed from the chapel, according to one account, “as men who had received a new birth.”

    As the Turkish siege of Malta began in August 1565, Christian Europe was riven with religious conflicts of its own, not only between Protestant and Catholic but also within those contending camps. But at least one Protestant ruler understood that Malta’s Catholic Knights were fighting on behalf of all Christendom. “If the Turks should prevail against the Isle of Malta, it is uncertain what peril might follow to the rest of Christendom,” wrote England’s Queen Elizabeth during the siege. Queen Elizabeth “was aware that if the Turks came in victorious, so that the Crescent prevailed against the Cross, then Europe as a recognizable society with its inherited moral values must change for the worse; the world Englishmen had always known would disappear,” writes Beeching.

    For weeks the Knights of Malta held off wave after wave of Turkish troops. As the Muslim losses mounted, the Turks vented their fury on the Maltese who were captured or fell in battle: Hearts were torn out; crosses were carved into the victims’ naked flesh.The bodies of fallen Knights were often crucified, spread-eagled, on planks, and then floated across the harbor. These atrocities steeled the Maltese resistance. Assessing the cost of the siege, which was to be a step toward conquering Italy, the Turkish commander exclaimed: “If so small a son has cost us so dear, what shall we pay for the father?”

    Thirty-one days after it began, the siege of Malta was lifted. The Turks lost more than three-fourths of their entire force. Incredibly, only 250 of Valette’s Knights had perished, although nearly all of the survivors were left with crippling wounds — including the venerable Valette himself, who had commanded from the front, sword in hand.

    By September 12th, the last Turkish sail had retreated over the eastern horizon. For weeks thereafter, celebrations and prayers of thanks resounded across Europe — even in Puritan England, where church bells joyfully rang, and thanksgiving services were conducted thrice weekly for six weeks.

    On his throne in Istanbul, Sulieman perceived the defeat as a failure of his subordinates, rather than an act of divine will. “I see it is only in my own hand that my sword is invincible!” exclaimed the tyrant when informed of the Turkish defeat at Malta. Lusting to avenge this injury to his own vanity, Sulieman organized an army of 200,000 men to invade Hungary, and set out on an ominously large program to build galleys — the fearful naval symbol of Ottoman power. Six years later, with Selim in the Sultan’s seat, that fleet would once again menace Europe.

    They Strike Again

    Vicious and cruel as he was, Sulieman would honor terms reached with a foe. Selim, however, was bound by no such scruples, and neither were his subordinates.

    Forty-two when he became Sultan, Selim was an arrogant, cunning man given to dissipation and indulgence. Most days found him lounging on his throne surrounded by a bizarre bodyguard of 100 scimitar-wielding dwarves. Though he had little strength of character, Selim inherited a huge and growing military from his predecessor, Sulieman. He also inherited a vast and efficient spy network that brought detailed intelligence from throughout Europe. The Sultan’s spies confidently reported that the Christian powers were too busy contending with each other to defend themselves.

    On March 15, 1570, the Turkish Sultan dispatched an ambassador to Venice carrying an ultimatum: Surrender Cyprus, or face war with the Turks. At the time, Venice — although a potentially formidable sea power — was more interested in commerce, including profitable trade with Turkey, than in defending Christendom from Turkish encroachment. But the Venetians, who proudly described themselves as “slaves to our laws,” would not countenance the Sultan’s lawless aggression against their republic’s territory. Prior to the Turkish envoy’s arrival, the Venetian senate had approved, by a 220-199 vote, a measure declaring: “The Republic could and would defend itself against attack, trusting in the justice of God, and would defend Cyprus, its lawful possession, by force of arms.”

    Venice quickly found allies among its Catholic neighbors. Savoy offered to provide ships, and Florence and Urbino made troops available for defending Cyprus. Sicily’s noted galley squadron, which had been withheld from Malta’s defense, was sent to fight alongside the Venetians. At the pope’s urging, King Philip II of Spain overcame his deep-seated mistrust of the Venetians and sold them grain and other provisions. And the pope promised he would defray the costs of outfitting a dozen galleys if Venice’s renowned shipwrights would provide the hulls.

    In July of that year, “the Turks landed on Cyprus with a huge army of more than 60,000,” records historian Warren Carroll in The Cleaving of Christendom. “Two months later the greatly outnumbered defenders of the Cypriote capital of Nicosia capitulated on terms, which the Turks promptly broke, killing thousands of Christians — both soldiers and civilians — and selling most of the women into slavery.” Among the victims was Amalda de Rocas, one of 800 Cypriote women packed onto a ship bound for Istanbul, where they were to be sold as sex slaves. Desperate to avoid this fate, Amalda somehow slipped into the ship’s powder magazine, which she detonated, killing everyone onboard.

    As the Turks rampaged across the island, only the city of Famagusta resisted. From April to August 1571, the city’s defenders, led by Venetian senator Marcantonio Bragadino, held off a Turkish army that had swollen to 100,000 troops. Finally, after gallantly repelling four enormous assaults and depleting their powder and provisions, the defenders of Famagusta surrendered on terms to the Turks. Once again, the victorious Turks would prove themselves utterly without honor.

    As he accepted Senator Bragadino’s surrender, Lala Mustafa, the Turkish commander, relentlessly baited the defeated Christian commander, trying to provoke him. Mustafa accused the Cypriotes of massacring prisoners; he arbitrarily changed the terms of the truce. Leering at Bragadino’s handsome young page, Mustafa announced that he would take the young man as a hostage. Still, the senator refused to be provoked. Tiring of the pretense, Mustafa ordered his men to seize Bragadino and his men for torture.

    Several of Bragadino’s aides were hewn to pieces in front of him. The younger men were taken away as hostages. Bragadino himself had his head repeatedly placed on an executioner’s block, but rather than beheading him, his captors cut off his nose and ears. On the following Friday — the Muslim Sabbath — Famagusta’s commander was publicly flayed alive. His empty skin was then stuffed with straw and paraded through the streets. As this act of desecration was carried out, Mustafa’s troops put most of the city’s inhabitants to the sword.

    As news of the Turkish conquest of Cyprus spread, “terror reigned on the Mediterranean, and it seemed that Islam was arranging the same fate for all the Christians of Europe that it had inflicted on the Christians of Cyprus,” notes historian Robert de Mattei of the University of Monte Cassino. News of the atrocities at Famagusta reached the Christian League fleet literally hours before they were to engage the Turks at Lepanto.

    Although young, Don John had been tested in battle: His half-brother, King Philip II of Spain, had enlisted his help to put down a revolt by the “Moriscos” — Muslims of northern African origin encouraged by both Turkey and Algiers to revolt.

    Commanding 10,000 men, John broke a stalemate in the Morisco war, often placing himself in the thick of battle.

    John’s insane courage — produced, in part, by a desire to overcome the taint of his illegitimate descent from King Charles V — earned a reproof from Philip, who urged his half-brother to “remember how important your life is.” John also proved himself compassionate in victory: Ordered by Philip to destroy utterly the Morisco stronghold at Galera, John did raze the city flat — but only after allowing 4,200 non-combatants to leave in peace.

    It was this combination of youth, courage, martial skill, and Christian compassion that prompted Pope Pius V to appoint John the commander of the Christian League, assembled to arrest the relentless Muslim advance in the Mediterranean. The League was formally created on May 27th; Don John was put in command on June 16th. While it was too late to save Cyprus, Don John and his troops were determined to hold back the Turkish fleet. “Defeat would render every Christian city on or near the Mediterranean Sea vulnerable to the fate of Nicosia and Famagusta,” writes Carroll.

    The Battle of Lepanto

    The battle began around noon on October 7th. At the front of the Christian formation were found two heavily armed warships — galleasses — commanded by brothers of the slain Venetian commander Bragadino. As Don John’s flagship dashed toward the Sultana, the galleasses opened fire; the entire column followed suit as soon as it was close enough to see the enemy’s faces. The Turks replied in kind, but their aim was off. While the League’s gunners battered the Turkish ships below the waterline, most of the Turkish fire flew into sail and spar, doing little damage.

    As the two flagships collided, the charge was led — however improbably — by a woman, Maria “La Bailadora” (The Dancer), disguised as a man and “burning to avenge the contempt for womanhood” displayed by the Turks, observes Carroll. Another unlikely combatant, 75-year-old Sebastian Veniero, strode the decks clad in slippers, calmly dispatching Turks with his antique crossbow. For two hours Don John and his troops battled the Turks on the deck of Ali’s flagship. John took a wound in his leg, but continued to fight. Finally, a bullet fired from an arquebus found Ali’s forehead. With their commander dead, the Turks aboard the flagship lost the will to fight. The green flag from Mecca was hauled down, and a Christian flag was raised over the Sultana.

    Elsewhere, the battle’s outcome was still very much in doubt. The Turks had managed to turn the League’s left flank, despite the heroic efforts of Venetian Admiral Agostino Barbarigo, who continued to fight despite taking an arrow to his eye. After Barbarigo finally collapsed, the fiercely individualistic Venetians — inspired by the memory of Cyprus — continued the struggle, holding out for a miracle.

    That miracle was percolating among the Christian slaves aboard the Turkish galleys. While the Venetians fought on out of doomed courage, “a mass of Christian galley slaves, having filed away at their fetters in readiness, broke free at a signal from the leaders of their conspiracy,” recounts Beeching. Many of the slaves were Greeks and Italians recently captured in Turkish raids. Eager for freedom “they joined the fray, swinging broken chains, leaping on the Turks from behind to grab their weapons, taking their oppressors by the throat.” This rebellion tipped the balance. Caught between the intransigent Venetians and the insurgent slaves, the Turkish right flank collapsed — and the day was won for the Cross.”

    This article originally appeared in the March 10, 2003 issue of The New American.

  387. Lesley said,

    October 14, 2010 at 7:29

    I think about those guys who coped 69 days in a mine hole and this guy’s freaking out over Campbell’s soup options. Gad.

  388. M. Bouffant said,

    October 14, 2010 at 7:31

    Sweet blood of Gee-ziz, talk about a “comment” that needs to be deleted!

  389. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 7:42

    Is somebody from “Gates of Vienna” over here jacking off? Smells like it.

  390. cAnceR haT said,

    October 14, 2010 at 7:44

    Gee Chris, as always you have some insight there, I’l have to study all that later.

    It could even be forcing NASA scientists to use Arabic numerals.

    As opposed to electronic digital binary or the whole venutian numerics and calculus, of course.

  391. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 7:53

    Islamic-ruled Andalucia was sure a whole helluva lot better place to live than the Christian dominated parts of most of Europe. But then, Muslims actually know about and practiced science, and of course laid the foundation for what would become the European Renaissance.

    It wouldn’t take them too long to shoot themselves in the foot of their science gains by preferring beautiful, hand-written Arabic in the style of the Qur’an over the less beautiful printing press being employed by the Europeans, something a bit more suited to the rapid mass distribution of information and knowledge.

    What we really need to do is get rid of this Hindu notion of “zero”. How can something that’s not anything be something? Why do we even talk about it? Why would you have a name for something which is not any thing? We got too many words as’tis all ready.

  392. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 8:03

    The cuts of beef near the hindquarters are not kosher because God or an angel wrestled with tribal leader Jacob for a long time, and got bored or nervous and reached out and paralyzed Jabos’s leg by touching his inner thigh, known as the ‘sciatic nerve’.

    Angel, wrestle, thigh, touch, sciatic = no ordinary steak or leg or other beef or lamb which hasn’t had a porging expert remove the tissue which may have come in contact with those nerve fibers.

    Angle, wrestle, thigh, touch.

  393. Smut Clyde said,

    October 14, 2010 at 8:48

    This is not made up. This is a thing in the world.
    Is Obama trying to ‘decolonize’ space?
    By Dinesh D’Souza | Christian Science Monitor | Wed, Oct 13

    Ah, I see what Dinesh does there. If anyone points out that his argument makes no feckin’ sense at all — because (a) “America’s effort to colonize outer space” NEVER EXISTED, and (b) there are no colonised populations on the Moon seeking to disengage themselves from an economy of Empire — then he can simply respond “Exactly, ladies and gentlemen of the jury! This proves that Obama is not a rational man! His intentions make NO.SENSE.AT.ALL!!”

    It is basically the Chewbacca Defense but in reverse; “If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must convict! The prosecution rests.”

    Sounds like Dinesh is spamming every newspaper in the US with versions of the same column, in which he explains one or other of Obama’s policies with the same argument: “The reason is that President Obama has adopted his father’s ideology; the son is, as his father was, an anticolonialist.” He has a Unified Field Theory that EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

    I would have thought, however, that editors already have a steady supply of such contributions — traditionally written in green ink — in which some nutbar fits a different event each day into his unified theory, thereby PROVING the correctness of the theory. And in the absence of green-ink letters, there is no shortage of similar material from David Icke’s website, or photocopied and stuck up at bus-stops. So why in the name of feck is the CSM reduced to printing D’Souza’s bullflap? Surely the editors realise that anyone who fits every single aspect of Obama’s decision-making into the same intellectual framework, is saying more about himself.

    I honestly can’t see much difference between D’Souza’s current theorising and birtherism, but applied to intellectual heritage rather than place of birth.

  394. Smut Clyde said,

    October 14, 2010 at 8:49

    Angel, wrestle, thigh, touch.
    HAWT.

  395. deering said,

    October 14, 2010 at 9:23

    “Speaking of witch, Christine O’Donnell will be debating Mike Castle live on CSpan at 7:30 if you can stand it.”

    Humph. Since she continues to not confess that she was one of those who unleashed cursed Halloween candy on unsuspecting kids back in the day, she has no credibility at all with me.

  396. Prospero said,

    October 14, 2010 at 10:56

    Why do those people always have such punchable faces?

  397. Hernan Cortez said,

    October 14, 2010 at 13:38

    Ha! Silly Turks didn’t know only Christians are justified in their killing in the name of conquest!

  398. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 13:39

    Sounds like Dinesh is spamming every newspaper in the US with versions of the same column, in which he explains one or other of Obama’s policies with the same argument: “The reason is that President Obama has adopted his father’s ideology; the son is, as his father was, an anticolonialist.” He has a Unified Field Theory that EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

    This.

    Could also just be liberal baiting, since defending colonialism is, in intelligent company, about as obscene as Holocaust denial.

  399. exford legs said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:33

    Jonah’s head explodes when he can’t decide wether he should eat the lovely lovely bacon or leave it there to spell out the ‘Pig Chump’ sign..

  400. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:38

    Shhhhhhh…

    don’t no-one tell D’Souzaphone about the Mulsims keeping pharmacology alive in the Dark Ages when Christians thought bleeding a patient white was good medicine.

    He’d get upset, and we just put him to sleep. Isn’t he so cute there with his thumb in his mouth? Aw, listen, he’s saying “anti-colonial” under his breath.

  401. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:40

    don’t no-one tell D’Souzaphone about the Mulsims keeping pharmacology alive in the Dark Ages when Christians thought bleeding a patient white was good medicine.

    Until we took it over it was devil medicine. Our Christianity burned away their research’s wickedness.

  402. El Cid said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:43

    Is Michelle Obama trying to decolonize fats and sugars?

    She is following in the Luo Kenyan anti-imperialist anti-Western ideology to rely upon diets shockingly poor in pre-manufactured burgers, chicken nuggets, and, of course, processed pancake food on a processed sausage food stick.

  403. g said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:49

    This article originally appeared in the March 10, 2003 issue of The New American.

    Copyright violation on aisle five.

  404. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:51

    Ah, yes, “The New American”.

    “Hustler” for nativists.

  405. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 14:55

    Pay someone fast on his feet – I’m thinking circa 17 years old – to slap an Obama ’12 bumper-sticker on her truck.

    LOL.

    I’m 22, and FTR, if I were in Arkansas, I’d do it for free.

    I’m 30 and slow as shit, but if I could drive, I’d head down there right now.

  406. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:08

    Why has this about California’s schools got me so pissed off at the wingnuts? I haven’t gone to a school in California since preschool, and I live nowhere near there. Yet what the fucking budget-cutters have done enrages me, and I have no idea why.

  407. exford legs said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:09

    LOL at becankled T&U hobbling faster than corpulent she-beast

  408. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:13

    slow as shit

    Use more hot oil on your salads. Mmmm…oily roughage…

  409. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:18

    LOL at becankled T&U hobbling faster than corpulent she-beast

    I’m not particularly scared of fat redneck women, either.

    Use more hot oil on your salads. Mmmm…oily roughage…

    It’s a salad dressing AND a hair treatment!

  410. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:21

    SOB.

    “Well if you remember when we were fighting the Soviets over there in Afghanistan in the ’80s and ’90s, we did not finish the job, so now we have a responsibility to finish the job and if you are gonna make these politically correct statements that it’s costing us too much money, you are threatening the security of our homeland.”

  411. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:24

    It’s a salad dressing AND a hair treatment!

    Hot pepper oil in your hair? I guess it would work i you have a beehive do.

  412. Shell Goddamnit said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:30

    Spoken like someone who hasn’t read the insanely detailed sites covering kashrut. It is quite complicated and it all comes down to various experts as well.

    Here’s just a taste: Is turkey kosher? Part 1 of 5

    Well, that is true. I guess I thought that shit had got settled. Never ran into anyone wondering how to eat kosher…of course it’s absurd to have two whole fucking kitchens to keep the meat & milk properly separated (only the really crazy people do this of course, most folks limp along with a few extra dishes & pots) but at least, I thought, they knew what they are doing. Now it seems even more insane. Part 1 of 5! Bwahaha!

    See, this is what we need – completely bizarre & irrational dietary requirements for everyone but most especially the wingnut fundies. Keep em busy trying to figure out if they can eat lunchables and maybe they won’t have time to invent so much evil shit.

  413. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:32

    Hot pepper oil in your hair? I guess it would work i you have a beehive do.

    I was talking about this.

  414. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:37

    Valerie Jarrett describes being gay as a “lifestyle choice.” WTF? Is this, like, fucking 1993, or what?

  415. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:42

    Valerie Jarrett describes being gay as a “lifestyle choice.” WTF? Is this, like, fucking 1993, or what?

    It is still very much an article of faith for Focus on the Family and a bunch of other loons like them.

  416. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:45

    Now I’m getting shit on Twitter for not being an Obama loyalist and jumping down her throat for using that term.

    Um, sorry. It’s a fucking offensive term. I’m not going to pretend that someone isn’t being offensive just because they’re supposedly on my “side.”

  417. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:45

    Simple logic to the rescue again; why would homosexuals put themselves through the ostracism, the “iccck!” reactions and the hundreds of other pressures society places on them the moment they come out of the closet, if it were as simple as flipping a switch and going back to liking women like everyone else?

    Of course, there’s a simple way to counteract that logic; just assume that homosexuals are not, in fact, treated like crap, and that they’re in fact the ones threatening to shove their agenda, to coin a phrase, down your throat. You, the straight white male Christian, are the victim – never forget that.

  418. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:45

    I was talking about this.

    I know, but if you changed to a beehive with hot pepper oil you would – per Rule 34 – attract even more S,N! suitors.

  419. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:49

    Actually, intellectual honesty demands that we criticize those “on our side” in exactly the same way we criticize others for the same offense. Otherwise, we’re like the teatards conveniently overlooking that their candidates don’t live up to their rhetoric.

  420. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:51

    Sez the white straight dude who defends the comments: ” The rest, well, jebus, I hated PC in the 90s, hate it now.”

  421. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:52

    The war with the Islamic barbarians has been going on for centuries.

    Yea. Ain’t our fault, asshole so shut up already.

  422. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:52

    Okay, she apologized for it. Still makes me fucking cranky as shit, though.

    Maybe I shouldn’t have had candy corn for breakfast.

  423. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:53

    Valerie Jarrett describes being gay as a “lifestyle choice.”

    I think that’s true only if the curtain doesn’t match the drapes.

    If you know what I mean.

    And I think you do.

  424. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:54

    Grrrr. carpet…the carpet doesn’t match the drapes.

  425. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:54

    Maybe I shouldn’t have had candy corn for breakfast.

    You can cook for me anytime.

  426. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:56

    You can cook for me anytime.

    I make a mean grape Skittle.

  427. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 15:58

    I make a mean grape Skittle.

    Toss in a Nehi and it’s gourmet!

  428. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:01

    Actually, intellectual honesty demands that we criticize those “on our side” in exactly the same way we criticize others for the same offense. Otherwise, we’re like the teatards conveniently overlooking that their candidates don’t live up to their rhetoric.

    Exactly. And it’s one of the biggest reasons I prefer liberals.

    We’re not perfect, but usually pretty good at cleaning up our own house – be it throwing out the Bourbon Democrats circa 1900, throwing out the Dixiecrats halfway through the century, or taking stands in the Cold War against authoritarian left wing governments (which we did quite a while before Republicans, by the way).

    It’s not that our beliefs can’t lend themselves to corruption, or racism, or authoritarianism, but we’ve got a pretty good record of slamming the door on these things when they do appear. The right, OTOH, not only refuses to take out its own trash, it actually stockpiles it by adding our own (Southern Strategy, see Nixon).

  429. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:01

    I know, but if you changed to a beehive with hot pepper oil you would – per Rule 34 – attract even more S,N! suitors.

    Amidst my fury I missed this comment. I’ll be sure to include hot pepper oil in my seduction kit from here on out.

  430. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:04

    We’re not perfect, but usually pretty good at cleaning up our own house – be it throwing out the Bourbon Democrats circa 1900, throwing out the Dixiecrats halfway through the century, or taking stands in the Cold War against authoritarian left wing governments (which we did quite a while before Republicans, by the way)..

    The liberals/Democrats who refuse to do this or call those of us who want to starry-eyed, naive idiots fucking drive me up the goddamn wall, though. There seem to be more of them these days, or maybe I’m just more aware of them.

  431. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:06

    Toss in a Nehi and it’s gourmet!

    We don’t have that here. Would an Orange Crush be an acceptable substitute?

  432. DrDick said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:08

    The right, OTOH, not only refuses to take out its own trash, it actually stockpiles it by adding our own (Southern Strategy, see Nixon).

    If they threw out the trash, there would be nobody left.

  433. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:08

    There seem to be more of them these days, or maybe I’m just more aware of them.

    Fortunately I’m far enough away that you can’t knee me in my nads for saying this, but it appears to be a function of one’s age: the more election cycles you see, the more the hypocrites on your side are visible.

  434. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:09

    We don’t have that here. Would an Orange Crush be an acceptable substitute?

    I suppose. The carpet won’t match the drapes, but they will complement.

  435. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:10

    The liberals/Democrats who refuse to do this or call those of us who want to starry-eyed, naive idiots fucking drive me up the goddamn wall, though.

    As one of those, I take umbrage. Go read my blog today.

  436. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:10

    The liberals/Democrats who refuse to do this or call those of us who want to starry-eyed, naive idiots fucking drive me up the goddamn wall, though. There seem to be more of them these days, or maybe I’m just more aware of them.

    Especially since so many of them (Obama included) appear to be essentially the new Bourbons, the pro-corporate, “third way” Democrats who became popular in the nineties.

    I’d be up for another intra-party revolution like the one W. J. Bryan led a century ago. I suspect there’ll be more and more like me as this $#!t continues, too.

  437. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:10

    Fortunately I’m far enough away that you can’t knee me in my nads for saying this

    Dude, you could be standing in front of her and the worst damage she could cause would be to run over your foot with her scooter.

  438. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:12

    I’d be up for another intra-party revolution like the one W. J. Bryan led a century ago.

    I applaud your goal but suggest you pick a better role model.

  439. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:16

    As one of those, I take umbrage. Go read my blog today.

    A starry-eyed, naive idiot? Or somebody who drives me up the goddamn wall by accusing me of being one?

    What you’re saying is reasonable.(IOW, it’s better than the alternative). I’m just tired of getting shit every time I criticize the administration and seeing people accuse other people of secretly wanting the Republicans to win because they dare to criticize the president.

  440. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:16

    Especially since so many of them (Obama included) appear to be essentially the new Bourbons, the pro-corporate, “third way” Democrats who became popular in the nineties.

    I’ll settle. I’m fine with that. Progress comes in tiny increments, and when this nation takes bold steps, the backlash ends up costing nearly all we’ve gained anyway.

  441. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:17

    Or somebody who drives me up the goddamn wall by accusing me of being one?

    Come down off that wainscotting and we can talk.

  442. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:18

    Fortunately I’m far enough away that you can’t knee me in my nads for saying this

    Dude, you could be standing in front of her and the worst damage she could cause would be to run over your foot with her scooter.

    Unfortunately, this is true.

  443. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:19

    I applaud your goal but suggest you pick a better role model.

    *shrug. The man’s Scopes trial thing was idiotic, but the fact that he led the anti-Bourbon revolution and put the populists back in charge of the Dems is to be applauded. I also like one important tangent to the Scopes trial – the fear that Darwinist theory would lead to social Darwinism. That’s something the Young Earth morons of today conveniently dispensed with.

    What you’re saying is reasonable.(IOW, it’s better than the alternative). I’m just tired of getting shit every time I criticize the administration and seeing people accuse other people of secretly wanting the Republicans to win because they dare to criticize the president.

    This. And I enjoyed your latest blog post too.

  444. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:22

    There’s no reason this couldn’t go massively wrong at this present time.

  445. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:23

    I also like one important tangent to the Scopes trial – the fear that Darwinist theory would lead to social Darwinism.

    But we see echoes of that even today. “Bail out homeowners? Why? They fucked up, let them deal with it, I got mine!”

  446. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:24

    Come down off that wainscotting and we can talk.

    Okay, fine. Let me get this cobweb first.

    This. And I enjoyed your latest blog post too.

    The one from a month ago? Thanks. I really should write more of those thingies.

  447. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:25

    There’s no reason this couldn’t go massively wrong at this present time.

    Interesting. I hope, if Obama goes there, there’s not another shot fired at a Federal institution…

  448. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:29

    But we see echoes of that even today. “Bail out homeowners? Why? They fucked up, let them deal with it, I got mine!”

    Well, right. I miss the times when that was considered a bad thing in the “heartland,” though I’m not sure how to bring them back.

    I’ll settle. I’m fine with that. Progress comes in tiny increments, and when this nation takes bold steps, the backlash ends up costing nearly all we’ve gained anyway.

    Like I said on your blog sometime this summer – there’s a time for incrementalism and a time for bold steps. I think 2006/08 could have provided an opportunity for a less incremental approach (most of which you yourself just outlined on your blog) in the last two years.

  449. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:29

    The man’s Scopes trial thing was idiotic

    As were his proposed economic policies. The other side’s weren’t much better but at least they recognized that inflation to benefit farmers hurt other people.

  450. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:29

    I really should write more of those thingies.

    Yes. You should….*tapping foot*

  451. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:35

    As were his proposed economic policies. The other side’s weren’t much better but at least they recognized that inflation to benefit farmers hurt other people.

    OK, fair enough. I guess I’m biased by the knowledge of what the populists eventually led to (Square Deal, Fair Deal et al).

    The one from a month ago? Thanks. I really should write more of those thingies.

    LOL, in this case, I was talking to actor212 about this morning’s post. But I remember your last and did enjoy it as well.

  452. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:36

    Like I said on your blog sometime this summer – there’s a time for incrementalism and a time for bold steps. I think 2006/08 could have provided an opportunity for a less incremental approach (most of which you yourself just outlined on your blog) in the last two years.

    My concern is that incremental steps ain’t gonna do it. We don’t have 20 years to deal with global warming, or healthcare, or economic inequality. We really don’t.

    I will also say that those of us who won’t sit down and shut the fuck up are just as needed as those of us who call for an incremental approach. Even if we are being unreasonable and whiny.

  453. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:37

    I think 2006/08 could have provided an opportunity for a less incremental approach (most of which you yourself just outlined on your blog) in the last two years.

    When you have a 60 member contingent in a hundred member body and you can’t force a simple 60-40 vote, then clearly the pulse of your nation is not in sync with you.

    Radical change in this country usually comes from the private sector or from individual states, and then gets adopted at the federal level, eventually. I see some radical changes…really, gay marriage in Iowa?…that are working their way to the forefront.

    The way to beat an obstinate political bloc like the Teabaggers is to diversify your efforts, force them to fight wars on multiple fronts and then where you win battles, solidify your wins and make damn sure your programs and policies work. The natural progression of America will take care of the rest.

  454. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:38

    Yes. You should….*tapping foot*

    I know. I’m a total Slacky McSlackerson.

    LOL, in this case, I was talking to actor212 about this morning’s post. But I remember your last and did enjoy it as well.

    Ha! I was like, okay, now’s a weird time to bring it up, but whatever. Makes more sense now.

  455. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:39

    LOL, in this case, I was talking to actor212 about this morning’s post.

    Oh. Well, in that case, thanks, Chris!

  456. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:39

    I know. I’m a total Slacky McSlackerson.

    Shall I chain you to the keyboard?

  457. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:40

    My concern is that incremental steps ain’t gonna do it. We don’t have 20 years to deal with global warming, or healthcare, or economic inequality. We really don’t.

    In all honesty, if you get me drunk enough, I’ll admit we’re past time to do anything about all of these, and that moving out of the country is the only solution.

    Of course, global warming would still find me…

  458. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:42

    Shall I chain you to the keyboard?

    Heh. I practically am already. You’d have to take away my internets, too. And Tetris. And solitaire.

  459. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:45

    In all honesty, if you get me drunk enough, I’ll admit we’re past time to do anything about all of these, and that moving out of the country is the only solution.

    Of course, global warming would still find me…

    Honestly, I think we are, too, but, you know, I can’t very well look at my cousins’ kids and not have any hope.

    The key is to find somewhere that will be temperate and livable despite global warming. I’m thinking somewhere in Canada, but I’m just pulling that out of my ass.

  460. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:46

    Oh, and with good soil.

  461. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:47

    Shall I chain you to the keyboard?

    Interest! I see that you already have a website. Please let me know when the videos are posted.

  462. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:48

    Oh. Well, in that case, thanks, Chris!

    You’re welcome, tis a pleasure.

    Of course, global warming would still find me…

    Ruined planet = new incentive for space exploration?

  463. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 16:53

    Ruined planet = new incentive for space exploration?

    Not if they’re gonna raise mah taxes!

  464. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:00

    Ruined planet = new incentive for space exploration?

    Time for that is past as well.

    Besides, we need the money on Earth, too many problems here, blah blah blah.

    People who influence things would pour raspberry vinagrette on the money and eat it before spending it on anything as “unprofitable” as space exploration.

  465. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:01

    “The key is to find somewhere that will be temperate and livable despite global warming. I’m thinking somewhere in Canada, but I’m just pulling that out of my ass.”

    You’re already too late. The rich are already buying land around that future tropical sea we now call Hudson Bay and in Alaska too.

  466. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:02

    You’re already too late. The rich are already buying land around that future tropical sea we now call Hudson Bay and in Alaska too.

    I’ll just stay here, then. I’ve always wondered what the Dust Bowl was like…

  467. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:03

    “Ruined planet = new incentive for space exploration?”

    All the Libertarians are going Galt on the moon. They’ve got a computer who will run things. His name is Mike. What could go wrong?

  468. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:03

    I’m thinking somewhere in Canada…

    Not that we wouldn’t be glad to have you, but I don’t think you’ve thought that part through. Climate change doesn’t mean it’s going to be hotter – but rather that the weather will be more XTREEM TO THE MAX.

    LEAFS SUCK regularly records temperatures in the high 30′s and the low -20s (Celsius. Call it 15 below zero to 100 above for youse Fahrenheitians), and our region is moderated by the Great Lakes.

    That said, Souther Ontario has plenty of good soil – and some of it isn’t even paved over yet!

  469. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:04

    The rich are already buying land around that future tropical sea we now call Hudson Bay and in Alaska too.

    Oh, I have my winter home picked out. I’m looking for my summer place in Siberia.

  470. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:05

    LEAFS SUCK

    At 3-0, you might want to rethink this.

  471. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:06

    Not that we wouldn’t be glad to have you, but I don’t think you’ve thought that part through. Climate change doesn’t mean it’s going to be hotter – but rather that the weather will be more XTREEM TO THE MAX.

    I was thinking southern Ontario, actually. There’s fresh water, it’s inland, and the winters are relatively mild. And, as you said, the soil’s good.

  472. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:06

    “I’ve always wondered what the Dust Bowl was like…”

    Maybe I’ll plant some date palms here in Minnesota. It’s been frickin’ 85 degrees in October here… Which is just nuts.

  473. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:06

    Souther Ontario

    Suuthreeen Ontar’YO! Whee-HAH!

  474. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:08

    Maybe I’ll plant some date palms here in Minnesota. It’s been frickin’ 85 degrees in October here… Which is just nuts.

    Holy shit. I thought it was crazy that it was getting up to 80 here.

    I haven’t many leaves turn at all, either, which is unusual.

  475. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:08

    “LEAFS SUCK ”

    Not nearly as much as Brent Farvrerereere

  476. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:08

    The few times I have visited, I actually really liked Toronto. Seems like a nice city, not that I saw much of it.

  477. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:11

    “Holy shit. I thought it was crazy that it was getting up to 80 here.”

    Well… it isn’t now. But it’s been up there… I think last week. Just… very unusual.

    We don’t really have Minnesota winters any more. At least not how I remember them and strangely I miss the 80 below wind chill and sustain below zero temps for 90 days in a row. I’m weird I guess.

  478. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:14

    At least not how I remember them and strangely I miss the 80 below wind chill and sustain below zero temps for 90 days in a row. I’m weird I guess.

    Looxury!

    Why, in NYC, we had snow drefts 80 foot high, and made of firesnow, and ye’d get bunned tryin’ ta shoovull et! But we had ta walk eighty million miles ta school each way uphill in 90 degree heat with wind chills of minus absolute zero with sacks of cement under each arm!

    And we LIKED it!

  479. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:15

    We don’t really have Minnesota winters any more.

    No more “The Day The Earth Froze”, I take it?

  480. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:18

    We don’t really have Minnesota winters any more. At least not how I remember them and strangely I miss the 80 below wind chill and sustain below zero temps for 90 days in a row. I’m weird I guess.

    Our winters have been weird the past few years, too. Last winter was especially strange. Things get fairly cold here, but it’s usually that crisp, sunny cold. Last winter, it was wet and dark and miserable and not that cold. It was weird. Also, worst.winter.ever.

  481. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:21

    I can hardly remember the weather from one month or season to the next. A little like the American voter about the performance of the political parties, I guess.

  482. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:21

    “No more “The Day The Earth Froze”, I take it?”

    No more “Every single morning your engine block is frozen solid and the vinyl on the seats literally cracks when you sit down it”.

  483. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:22

    Yoo had SNOW?

    Loooxury!

    We couldn’t afford snow. We had to freeze our own urine!

  484. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:23

    Sure the Leafs may be off to a great start, but they still suck. SRSLY, try and find anyone who thinks they’ll make the playoffs this year.

    Last year they were 4-3-3 after the first ten games and finished fourth last in the league.

    Sure it’s basically a whole new team and all, but let’s face facts. The Leafs suck. That’s just one of those basic fundamental aspects of the world. As N__B wouldn’t say, it is what it is.

  485. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:23

    We just get all depressingly dark in the winter, a kind of flat grey light, like you’re living in a grey cardboard box, that eventually makes you a little psychotic with the monotony and then you feel like walking down the street carrying two machetes, swinging them around in huge choppy stabby circles just to see the spurts of fresh red arterial blood for relief.

    heh heh….

  486. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:24

    We had to freeze our own urine!

    You had URINE? We had to borrow rats ta take a leak!

  487. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:24

    Is Obama trying to ‘decolonize’ space?

    And just when MARS NEEDS WOMEN!

  488. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:26

    Sure the Leafs may be off to a great start, but they still suck.

    My god, you beat the PENGUINS last night!

  489. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:26

    We just get all depressingly dark in the winter, a kind of flat grey light, like you’re living in a grey cardboard box, that eventually makes you a little psychotic with the monotony and then you feel like walking down the street carrying two machetes, swinging them around in huge choppy stabby circles just to see the spurts of fresh red arterial blood for relief.

    Hmmm…maybe you need St. John’s Wort. Or Thorazine.

  490. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:26

    “We had to freeze our own urine!”

    You had your own urine?

    Paradise!

    We had to steal urine from winos.

  491. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:26

    And just when MARS NEEDS WOMEN!

    That’s my name, don’t wear it out!

  492. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:27

    Damn you actor….

  493. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:27

    Suuthreeen Ontar’YO! Whee-HAH!

    I see you’ve been to London.

  494. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:27

    Hmmm…maybe you need St. John’s Wort. Or Thorazine.

    You’re a lot better than the last doctor. He prescribed a new suit for me. The sleeves were a little long. It took a while to get it off, and then I gave it to the orderly as a gift, a necktie. He seemed to appreciate it. His face turned red with embarassment, and then he passed out from the gratitude.

  495. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:28

    Damn you actor….

    I not like having to Ahem…

  496. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:32

    “It took a while to get it off”

    Interest, newsletter…

    “then I gave it to the orderly as a gift”

    More interest, more newsletters…

    “His face turned red with embarassment”

    Video?

    “then he passed out”

    Ah… just another Friday night I take it.

  497. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:33

    Ah… just another Friday night I take it.

    You’ve been?

  498. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:34

    You’re a lot better than the last doctor. He prescribed a new suit for me. The sleeves were a little long. It took a while to get it off, and then I gave it to the orderly as a gift, a necktie. He seemed to appreciate it. His face turned red with embarassment, and then he passed out from the gratitude.

    Yes, but didn’t you think those soft, cushy walls were very pretty?

  499. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:34

    Quelle surprise.

  500. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:35

    He prescribed a new suit for me. The sleeves were a little long. It took a while to get it off

    If you get the right person, it’s more interesting to leave it on.

  501. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:35

    I’ll just stay here, then. I’ve always wondered what the Dust Bowl was like…

    No need to repeat it for that [53 min video, worth watching when you've got the time]

  502. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:37

    Quelle surprise.

    You were shot in the face by your Vice President? You were lucky! My Vice President nailed me head to a coffee table!

  503. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:38

    Yes, but didn’t you think those soft, cushy walls were very pretty?

    They were a soothing grey, a kind of flat grey, like you’re living in a grey cardboard box, that eventually makes you a little psychotic with the monotony and then you feel like walking down the street carrying two machetes, swinging them around in huge choppy stabby circles just to see the spurts of fresh red arterial blood for relief.

  504. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:39

    If you get the right person, it’s more interesting to leave it on.

    Orderly Barney wouldn’t let the nympho in my cell apartment.

  505. Mysticdog said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:40

    That is the really stunning thing to me. We have some very smart people running the government right now, but there is absolutely no focus at all on the stuff bearing down on us like a freight train.

    At some point in the next 20 years, energy prices are going to go ballistic. This isn’t even a question; just look at the oil production charts. The big new oil reserves are expensive as fuck to get out. Ethanol is practically break even for the energy it takes to raise and harvest. There isn’t enough solar production facilities to make the cells to compensate, and all alternative energy solutions require a huge capital investment that require robust economies.

    Overpopulation and its effects are the number one threat to everything; people require resources, and emit waste. We are at the breaking point of waste, with global warming and general pollution. We cant feed everyone, and even the water is running low. We have had several civial wars in the past decades from limited rescources and space, with Rwanda being the most extreme but certainly an obvious warning.

    Climate change is, at the very least, going to be very expensive to compensate for. Food production will need to move, food will need to travel further, people will need more energy to keep cool, water will need to be shipped further. And in the worse cases, big areas flood and become uninhabitable, crowding more people into already overpopulated areas.

    There is no one talking about this stuff. there is a climate organization, but I don’t see any governments really taking up the banner and trying to push it. No one touches overpopulation, though it drives nearly every major problem.There is no planning for the next energy crash, unless you count building up the military.

  506. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:41

    There is no planning for the next energy crash, unless you count building up the military.

    Actually, this is the response to all three crises

  507. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:43

    Last year they were 4-3-3 after the first ten games and finished fourth last in the league.

    Uh – season before. Like other LEAFS SUCKians, I refuse to acknowledge last season’s existence.

  508. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:45

    “Cheney has not apologized in public for the shooting”

    Of course not. In fact as I recall Whittington apologized to Cheney at the time. OH…

    “After the shooting, Whittington issued a statement saying he and his family were “deeply sorry” for “all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through.”

    But he told the Post he had not meant his apology to be taken as an admission that he was responsible for what happened.”

    Yet that’s what it was.

    “”I was lucky. I just feel like every day is a gift. Sometimes I wonder why I got these extra years,” he told the Post.”

    That’s how people feel after natural disasters like a flood or earthquake. Most people would feel a little different about getting shot at by a friend who almost kills you, suffering from speech impairment because he damaged your larynx and having a pellet too close to your heart to remove and still the fucking bastard that shot you won’t apologize and his administration blames YOU.

    Most people would feel a little bitter maybe even angry about that.

  509. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:50

    Most people would feel a little bitter maybe even angry about that.

    “Yeah…..after that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologise and we’d shake hands and then he’d nail my head to the floor”

  510. RobNYNY1957 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:51

    It’s fun and easy to make ricotta cheese at home without rennet:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/28/dining/281rrex.html

  511. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:52

    They were a soothing grey, a kind of flat grey, like you’re living in a grey cardboard box, that eventually makes you a little psychotic with the monotony and then you feel like walking down the street carrying two machetes, swinging them around in huge choppy stabby circles just to see the spurts of fresh red arterial blood for relief.

    I think it’s time for your treatment. You’ll feel a tiny little shock, but I promise it won’t hurt much. Just bite down on this.

  512. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:53

    Most people would feel a little bitter maybe even angry about that.

    Well, Cheney does have his own death squads, you know.

  513. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:54

    I think it’s time for your treatment. You’ll feel a tiny little shock, but I promise it won’t hurt much. Just bite down on this.

    There is no pain. You are receding, a distant ship’s smoke on the horizon. You are only coming thru in waves. Your lips move, but I can’t hear what you…WHAT?

  514. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:54

    There is no one talking about this stuff.

    but but but science and the free market will save us!

  515. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 17:58

    but but but science Jeebus and the free market will save us!

    Fixed for less liberal heresy.

  516. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:01

    No, we don’t live in a surveillance state. Why do you ask?

  517. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:01

    “That is the really stunning thing to me. We have some very smart people running the government right now, but there is absolutely no focus at all on the stuff bearing down on us like a freight train.”

    That’s because the Right wing fucktards so freaked out after after FDR served three terms that they passed an amendment to limit presidential terms to two. Which means that presidents can’t really have a long term affect on the country. Good in some ways I suppose.

    “Climate change is, at the very least, going to be very expensive to compensate for.”

    Or you could just not spend anything and let people die.

    “There is no one talking about this stuff.”

    There is plenty of talk about it in conspiracy circles. They are crazy and delusional but I kind of think they’ve got it right at the broadest level. Which is that basically, we’re fucked, but the rich will be just fine.

  518. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:07

    No, we don’t live in a surveillance state. Why do you ask?

    Oh, come on. They just targeted brown people and liberals. Everybody knows they don’t have rights!

  519. monkey knife fight said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:13

    Perhaps the man does not know what the word gallop means? Either way, come on guys, there’s nothing funny about Alzheimer’s disease. If a man thinks that robots are after him, give him fake robot insurance. If a man thinks that the animal parts in his canned soup were slaughtered in a certain ritualistic way, then hand-write Most Definitely Not Ritualistically Slaughtered Chicken Parts In This Here Can. Just don’t laugh at the poor man; it’s not his fault.

  520. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:14

    Oh, come on. They just targeted brown people and liberals. Everybody knows they don’t have rights!

    And funny how the FBI continues to target anti-war activists even now while militia-types get a free ride, just like last time.

  521. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:16

    And funny how the FBI continues to target anti-war activists even now while militia-types get a free ride, just like last time.

    Yes! Hilarious!

    I know for a fact that my be-dreadlocked vegan neighbor who rides his bike everywhere is much more of a threat than some jackass with an arms collection worth more than my car.

  522. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:17

    “If a man thinks that robots are after him, give him fake robot insurance.”

    Are you saying that robots as NOT after us?

  523. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:21

    At some point in the next 20 years, energy prices are going to go ballistic. This isn’t even a question; just look at the oil production charts. The big new oil reserves are expensive as fuck to get out.

    Shorter George Will: We won’t get off oil energy in your lifetime and that’s a good thing because Exxon Mobil will make a profit.

    I want to scream. Or perhaps slice someone up just for the variety provided by the spurting arterial blood.

  524. noen said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:21

    I’m not going to correct that, no way, uh uh.

  525. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:28

    Shorter George Will: We won’t get off oil energy in your lifetime and that’s a good thing because Exxon Mobil will make a profit.

    “In fact, he says, ‘we’ll probably never exhaust the world’s supply’ of oil because recovering the last, say, 10 percent would be so costly that alternative energy forms would make economic sense.”

    Peak oil is wrong because there’s still a lot of oil we can’t use!

    “In 1914, the Bureau of Mines said U.S. oil reserves would be exhausted by 1924. In 1939, the Interior Department said the world’s petroleum reserves would last 13 years. Oil fueled a global war and the postwar boom, and in 1951 Interior said the world had … 13 years of proven reserves. In 1970, proven reserves were estimated at 612 billion barrels. By 2006, more than 767 billion barrels had been pumped and proven reserves were 1.2 trillion. In 1977, Jimmy Carter said mankind could “use up” all the world’s proven reserves “by the end of the next decade.” Since then, the world has consumed three times more oil than was in the proven reserves. Today, shale rock formations in Texas and Louisiana; Montana and North Dakota; and New York, Pennsylvania, and other Eastern states may contain 2,000 trillion cubic feet of clean-burning natural gas.

    It’s called technology, you fucking asshat. And at some point the development of said technology is no longer feasible for the amount of energy we’d extract (as you said before, jackass).

  526. Andrew "Rube" Foster said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:30

    And funny how the FBI continues to target anti-war activists even now while militia-types get a free ride, just like last time.

    How do you know that?

  527. Sirius Lunacy said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:31

    Or perhaps slice someone up just for the variety provided by the spurting arterial blood.

    If you dedicate the flesh to Allah as you slice it up I can put in my halal soup!

  528. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:33

    Also, and surprisingly on-topic (apologies): Whosis up there at the top should be ‘way more worried about BPA in his soup cans than whether or not someone prayed to a seventh-century sky fairy when they slaughtered the animals that didn’t go into his soup. It’s certainly the more likely threat.

    Oh who am I kidding, limiting the BPA in can liners might limit corporate profits and WE CAN’T HAVE THAT.

  529. Bisphenol B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:39

    …‘way more worried about BPA in his soup cans…

    Hey, what about me? I’m a badass killer too!

  530. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:44

    Um, does Utah get tornadoes?

  531. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:44

    Speaking of the Great White North – not only do we have halal soup, but BPA is on our toxics list.

    You may not be protected when climate change takes effect and ice storms take turns with blistering droughts at pummeling the land, but we have Universal Health Care and poutine.

  532. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:44

    And funny how the FBI continues to target anti-war activists even now while militia-types get a free ride, just like last time.

    And how black people standing with clubs outside of a voting booth are considered intimidation, but people in fatigues carrying guns to townhall meetings are not.

  533. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:47

    Speaking of the Great White North – not only do we have halal soup, but BPA is on our toxics list.

    Sure, you asshole, rub it in. You’re less insane than us. So what, we have the NFL so fuck you.

  534. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:49

    Um, does Utah get tornadoes?

    Yes.

  535. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:51

    Sure, you asshole, rub it in.

    In your defense, being listed on teh Canookian Toxics Substance List doesn’t actually mean anything by itself.

    Substances that meet the definition of toxic under CEPA 1999 can be placed on Schedule 1 of the Act, the List of Toxic Substances. This does not control the substance, but allows the Government to proceed with regulations, pollution prevention plans or environmental emergency plans.

  536. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:52

    ‘we’ll probably never exhaust the world’s supply’ of oil because recovering the last, say, 10 percent would be so costly that alternative energy forms would make economic sense.”

    We’ll never use it all because we’ll never use it all!

    Of course, the whole peak oil argument is not that we’ll wring the earth completely dry but that we’re already rapidly approaching the point at which oil becomes too expensive to extract, and as our global civilization is entirely dependent on oil what are we going to do when we hit it?

  537. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:57

    Yes.

    Thanks – I heard something about a tornado warning last week in Utah and I was going all “Day After Tomorrow” there for a while.

  538. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 18:59

    what are we going to do when we hit it?

    Use the free energy Tesla invented, of course!

    There’s this guy out in the country with a setup in his back yard and says he just needs another $25,000 to get it working fully…

  539. jim said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:00

    basically, we’re fucked, but the rich will be just fine

    Where “fine” = “a prisoner in my compound, prime target for lynching or a bullet if I step off it … or maybe even if I don’t.”

    Also pretty sure rich folks need to eat & breathe too, & like us po-buckers, they lack immunity to deadly doses of toxins or radiation.

    *YOUR SMILE OF THE DAY*

  540. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:01

    Tesla is, like, the electric Jesus.

  541. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:05

    Where “fine” = “a prisoner in my compound, prime target for lynching or a bullet if I step off it … or maybe even if I don’t.”

    Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. They’ll always be able to attract enough poor people to build their own jackbooted militia to protect them from the hordes of vulgar commoners out there.

  542. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:06

    Pere – Utah does get tornadoes, but not very often. I remember this one very well – it was a big deal at the time.

  543. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:07

    Tintin is withholding a new thread, punishing all of us for the atrocious behavior yesterday of just a few. Prithee sir, take pity ‘pon the poor peasants and give them a new thread. They are deserving people, most of them.

  544. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:10

    Of course, the whole peak oil argument is not that we’ll wring the earth completely dry but that we’re already rapidly approaching the point at which oil becomes too expensive to extract, and as our global civilization is entirely dependent on oil what are we going to do when we hit it?

    Not just more expensive but more dangerous to extract. Like say a mile and a half long hose going down to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. What could go wrong?

    I suppose the optimistic view is that alternative energy sources will fix things. As fuels get more expensive due to scarcity, alternative energy gets cheaper due to economies of scale kicking in. If you believe wikipedia, grid parity for photovoltaics has already been reached in Hawai’i. A remote island with no coal or oil reserves but a shitload of sunshine. So there is some hope that even when oil prices hit a thousand dollars a barrel, we won’t be reduced to some sort of Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age. Although, now that I’ve typed it out, a Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age might be pretty fuckin’ cool.

  545. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:13

    Although, now that I’ve typed it out, a Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age might be pretty fuckin’ cool.

    Only if we can find a way to listen to records.

  546. jim said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:15

    Sure, you asshole, rub it in. You’re less insane than us.

    Colour me underwhelmed. That’s like saying we’re less fertile than Octomom. Or less promiscuous than Mae West in her prime. Or less obnoxious than Sarah “Shake My Hand – For Only $2,500!” Palin.

    Dancing under the limbo-bar when it’s 15 feet above the ground isn’t exactly a breathtaking feat of skill, is what I’m saying.

  547. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:16

    Only if we can find a way to listen to records.

    Steam powered record player.

  548. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:19

    Only if we can find a way to listen to records.

    Two. Words.

    Live. Music.

  549. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:21

    Although I’ll miss internet pr0n accessibility to all sorts of pr0n wonderful and useful pr0n information.

  550. jim said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:23

    They’ll always be able to attract enough poor people to build their own jackbooted militia to protect them from the hordes of vulgar commoners out there.

    Surely a flawless plan!

    a Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age might be pretty fuckin’ cool

    Mmm, pan-fried rat! Goes great with dandelion gruel! Oh, & don’t forget those sexay lice & fleas. Extra snacks!

  551. justme said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:24

    Only if we can find a way to listen to records.

    Maybe…

  552. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:26

    Two. Words.

    Live. Music.

    All.I’d.Ever.Hear.Is.Shitty.Folk.Music.

  553. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:26

    Dancing under the limbo-bar when it’s 15 feet above the ground isn’t exactly a breathtaking feat of skill, is what I’m saying.

    Dude, from where I stand it looks like fookin’ magic. Where do you store your 25% of crazies come voting time?

  554. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:28

    I suppose the optimistic view is that alternative energy sources will fix things.

    That’s one optimistic view, and possibly the same optimistic view as the idea that we could become much more energy-efficient without a terrible loss in standard of living (e.g. through low-tech means like carpooling.) I’m not qualified to say how much of an impact that sort of measure is going to have, but we can definitely do better than one-person-per-SUV commuting and stuff.

  555. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:32

    Dammit, Peej!

  556. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:32

    And funny how the FBI continues to target anti-war activists even now while militia-types get a free ride, just like last time.

    This is ridiculously untrue. I mean, it’s patently stupid and ignorant of the facts.

    / liberal insistent on accuracy

  557. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:34

    Or perhaps slice someone up just for the variety provided by the spurting arterial blood

    You think George Will is flat grey?

  558. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:42

    Jesus, Actor, those people. “The year is 2014, and a new breed of neo-Islamic terrorism is rampant in Michigan, Illinois, Indiana and Ohio … The current White House Administration is pro-Muslim and has ordered a stand-down against Islamic groups.” I guess once you believe treason is patriotic it’s no harder to wrap your mind around any other sort of oxymoronic idiocy.

  559. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:47

    Jesus, Actor, those people.

    Yea, but you’ll note that 2009 memo taht “targeted” right wing groups was specifically targeted at these militias.

    Some very interesting info in that article, like why Obama was given Secret Service protection practically before he was an announced candidate and just how close he’s been to being assassinated already.

  560. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:53

    The year is 2014, and a new breed of neo-Islamic terrorism Muslim American citizens is rampant have gone from 2% to 3% of the population, most of them in Michigan, Illinois, Indiana and Ohio … The current White House Administration is pro-Muslim civil rights and has ordered a stand-down an end to wanton violence against Islamic groups friendly YMCAs, soup aisles, and the like. Therefore the time for revolution is at hand and WOLVERINES!

    Fixed.

  561. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:55

    Chris, it’s weird how you and I read an article almost precisely the same way…

  562. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:57

    Tesla is, like, the electric Jesus.

    I think he’s more like the electric Obama- all sorts of people project their hopes, fears and aspirations on the guy, from the “free energy/broadcast power” true believers to the “death ray, HAARP” equivalent of the “birthers”.

  563. Steerpike said,

    October 14, 2010 at 19:59

    85-90 degree highs almost every day in October in Denver this year, but hey, it snowed in New York in March, so global warming is a myth and Al Gore is fat, so SHUT UP!

    And whoa, what’s with the courier-font comment thread allofasudden?

  564. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:02

    I think he’s more like the electric Obama- all sorts of people project their hopes, fears and aspirations on the guy, from the “free energy/broadcast power” true believers to the “death ray, HAARP” equivalent of the “birthers”.

    Did Obama fall in love with a pigeon, too?

  565. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:02

    Chris, it’s weird how you and I read an article almost precisely the same way…

    F’ing mind links. How do they work?

    And whoa, what’s with the courier-font comment thread allofasudden?

    Ah, so it’s not just me? This desktop is a piece of crap whose settings change all the time for no apparent reason, so I thought it was its fault…

  566. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:03

    Ah, so it’s not just me? This desktop is a piece of crap whose settings change all the time for no apparent reason, so I thought it was its fault…

    It was bolded an strikethrough-y first.

  567. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:03

    I think he’s more like the electric Obama

    Breakin’ 2: Electric Jig–

    No, even I can’t go THERE…

  568. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:05

    it snowed in New York in March

    historically, the worst snowstorms in NYC have come in March, particularly the blizzard of 1888

  569. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:06

    It was bolded an strikethrough-y first.

    Much like my first marriage license.

  570. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:06

    Did Obama fall in love with a pigeon, too?

    Good question… gotta check the e-mails from a former co-worker.

  571. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:07

    I’m tempted to post some ASCII art, now that we’re all fixed width characters and CHECK THE KERNING! But Tintin’s probably gonna fix it eventually and then it’ll just be a mess of wevs.

  572. The guy out in the country with a setup in his back yard and says he just needs another $25,000 to get it working fully… said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:07

    If you sign up and get yer donation in today you will be gahraunteeed free energy for the rest of your days here on earth. Of course, yewl be responsible for the transport of said energy.

  573. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:09

    And whoa, what’s with the courier-font comment thread allofasudden?

    It’s actually kind of nice! It makes me feel all warm and calm inside, like just after I’ve walked down the street carrying two machetes, swinging them around in huge choppy stabby circles just to see the spurts of fresh red arterial blood.

  574. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:10

    But Tintin’s probably gonna fix it eventually and then it’ll just be a mess of wevs.

    Your mom on a good day.

  575. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:10

    “”I don’t know who the redcoats are,” says Brian Vandersall, 37, who designed the exercise and tried to tamp down talk of politics among the men. “It could be U.N. troops. It could be federal troops. It could be Blackwater, which was used in Katrina. It could be Mexican troops who are crossing the border.”

    Or it could be, as it was for this year’s exercise, an Islamic army marauding unchecked because a hypothetical pro-Muslim President has ordered U.S. forces to leave them alone.”

    Christ.

    I’ll just let Mr. Crow T Robot speak for me:
    “Oh, Joel, there’s just a buffet of loathsomeness here!”

  576. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:10

    If you sign up and get yer donation in today you will be gahraunteeed free energy for the rest of your days here on earth. Of course, yewl be responsible for the transport of said energy.

    Say, weren’t you the guy trying to get donations for his charcole greel?

  577. Sirius Lunacy said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:12

    Two. Words.

    Live. Music.

    All right! Rock & roll bagpipes!!!

    After all, when there’s no more electricity and you want a loud and obnoxious instrument that really bugs your parents, where else you gonna turn?

  578. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:13

    After all, when there’s no more electricity and you want a loud and obnoxious instrument that really bugs your parents, where else you gonna turn?

    Beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot!

  579. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:14

    It was bolded an strikethrough-y first.

    Much like my first marriage license.

    I thought that was in comic sans.

  580. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:16

    I thought that was in comic sans.

    *IMPOLITE GOLF CLAP*

    A marvelous shot, madam!

    Martini?

  581. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:16

    Martini?

    Don’t mind if I do! Two olives, please.

  582. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:17

    After all, when there’s no more electricity and you want a loud and obnoxious instrument that really bugs your parents, where else you gonna turn?

    Of course, why blow¹ a sheep’s bladder when you can just date the sheep and let it do the annoying…

    ¹VBR

  583. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:21

    Bad CVS! Bad!

  584. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:23

    OMG Internet Explorer sucks.

  585. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:24

    Bad CVS! Bad!

    This is a minor peeve of mine. I have to buy meth pseudephedrine ten pills at a time for my allergies, and produce photo ID. And if I buy it more than like three days in a row, I have to produce a second ID.

    Why not just put the shit on prescription and get over the problem?

  586. Chris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:25

    Or it could be, as it was for this year’s exercise, an Islamic army marauding unchecked because a hypothetical pro-Muslim President has ordered U.S. forces to leave them alone

    This one’s so full of win…

    “Hypothetical pro-Muslim President.” LOL, oh no we don’t [snerk] mean Obama – how could you ever [tee hee hee!] think we meant Obama?

    “Islamic army.” Out of who, pray tell, would such an army be assembled at a time when even Pakistan’s population condemns terrorism by over 90%? How would they deploy and train such an army when every government in the world, especially those in the Muslim world, is on their scent?

    “has ordered U.S. forces to leave them alone.” That damn pro-Muslim bastard, telling us to leave Muslims alone! What’s a redneck to use for target practice around here?

  587. Mysticdog said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:25

    “If a man thinks that robots are after him, give him fake robot insurance.”

    Are you saying that robots as NOT after us?

    Thats what the robots want you to think. I think somebody is decidely pro-robot.

  588. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:26

    It looks like this Courier thing is due to a tag last night about here.

  589. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:28

    SHHHHH.

  590. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:28

    Out of who, pray tell, would such an army be assembled at a time when even Pakistan’s population condemns terrorism by over 90%?

    THEM! You know who!

    THOSE guys!

  591. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:30

    Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:28

    SHHHHH.

    As if.

    The only reason we didn’t complain earlier was that it wasn’t a problem until about an hour ago.

  592. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:31

    Thats what the robots want you to think. I think somebody is decidely pro-robot.

    But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you! But robots AREN’T after you!

  593. Mysticdog said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:31

    I suppose the optimistic view is that alternative energy sources will fix things.

    Slave power.

    LOL, I’m remembering the Yes Men bringing in candles made from rendered people to show off the energy source of the future.

  594. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:33

    The only reason we didn’t complain earlier was that it wasn’t a problem until about an hour ago.

    It still isn’t a problem if you’re using the right browser. But anyway maybe Tintin is doing good stuff to the site software.

  595. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:33

    THEM! You know who!

    THOSE guys!

    Who? They?

  596. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:33

    Y’know what they DON’T mention in that Harry Whittington article?

    Why the media was so willing to make it sound not-so-bad back when it happened.

    Wankers.

  597. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:35

    Dear Tintin – please forgive my trespasses.

    D-KW et al., you can do passable ascii art any time though it’s a bit of a PITA. Paste the graphic into some text editor then ‘s / / ’ Paste the result inside the code tag, <code>.

    You might have to make some adjustments.

    *preparing to be banned*

  598. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:36

    As if.

    The only reason we didn’t complain earlier was that it wasn’t a problem until about an hour ago.

    I dunno. Scroll upthread and lookee where the break is.

    Did I mention that being listed on Canada’s Toxic Substance List doesn’t restrict said Substance from doing whatever damage it can?

  599. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:36

    D-KW et al., you can do passable ascii art any time…

    Everyone’s a critic.

    8=====>

  600. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:37

    Oops – that should be ‘s / /&nbsp;’

  601. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:38

    I dunno. Scroll upthread and lookee where the break is.

    That was the first thing I did when I saw the break. But since that was posted before this morning and this morning the comments looked fine, I presumed that the problem happened after that, and that Subby’s comment wasn’t to blame.

    Unless, you know, he had some timed device set to explode here around 1:30 EDT….

  602. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:42

    All right! Rock & roll bagpipes!!!

    Well, this Lloyd Alexander fan is certainly digging the band.

    Y’know what they DON’T mention in that Harry Whittington article?

    Why the media was so willing to make it sound not-so-bad back when it happened.

    Be reasonable- I mean, who among us hasn’t shot a friend in the face?

  603. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:42

    Be reasonable- I mean, who among us hasn’t shot a friend in the face?

    It’s not my fault! She told me she didn’t swallow!

  604. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:45

    Hmm, now the RSS feed is loopy.

  605. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:47

    Unless, you know, he had some timed device set to explode here around 1:30 EDT…

    Oh, I’m ordinarily pretty early where timing is concerned.

  606. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:47

    You know who else was pro-robot?

  607. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:49

    You know who else was pro-robot?

    Joel?

  608. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 20:53

    You know who else was pro-robot?

    I’m pro-biot.

  609. justme said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:02

    It still isn’t a problem if you’re using the right browser. But anyway maybe Tintin is doing good stuff to the site software.

    FF is acting normal for me. I missed the earlier tagmageddon.

    I’m still wondering if a relatively simple wordfilter would fix this mess. Kill any space-slash-closeangle combo.

  610. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:03

    Everyone’s a critic.

    8=====> O^%

  611. justme said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:06

    Everyone’s a critic.

    My, what long nostrils you have. That smile is mighty coy too.

  612. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:07

    I’m pro-biot.</i?

    Those are great for your digestive system.

  613. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:07

    My goodness. I need a nap.

  614. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:09

    My goodness. I need a nap.

    I find that shooting an old geezer in the face is a good pick-me-up.

  615. M. Bouffant said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:09

    It still isn’t a problem if you’re using the right browser.

    BROWSER NAZI!!

  616. N__B said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:10

    You know who else was a browser nazi?

  617. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:13

    You know who else was a browser nazi?

    Hey, now, that was just a reenactment group, and it was only on weekends.

  618. Steerpike said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:13

    First they came for the Firefox, and I did nothing, because I was not a Mozilla. Then they came for the Chrome…

  619. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:14

    I find that shooting an old geezer in the face is a good pick-me-up.

    Who you calling old????

  620. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:15

    I’m pro-biot

    That hack? Sure his understanding of field mechanics was extraordinary for the time, but it was clearly Savart’s insights into periodicity that carried their work.

  621. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:17

    That hack?

    What have you got against Baptistes, you liberal anti-Christian?????

  622. Proteus454 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:19

    Although, now that I’ve typed it out, a Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age might be pretty fuckin’ cool.

    Plenty of settings and what-have-you are pretty cool if you don’t actually have to LIVE in them. *casts guilty glance at his collection of little model soldiers and what-not*

  623. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:22

    What have you got against Baptistes

    d00d was Catlick.

    you liberal anti-Christian?

    uh- okay, you got me there.

  624. 77south said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:26

    Why not just put the shit on prescription and get over the problem?
    Because then pharmaceutical companies couldn’t make bank selling the ingredients to crystal meth to tweakers.

    SASQ

  625. Steerpike said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:26

    just sayin’…maybe if we got a new thread, the font issue might be resolved…just..y’know…sayin’

  626. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:26

    OMG Internet Explorer sucks.

    Yeah, I didn’t know what folks were talking about until I checked with IE – TOTALLY boned. RSS looks fine to me in Trillian, though…

  627. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:28

    Ow. I think I just pulled a muscle stealing a Diet Coke from the office fridge.

  628. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:31

    Why not just put the shit on prescription and get over the problem?

    Please God NO, I don’t want to have to go to the Dr for the sniffles. Aren’t there forms that aren’t useful to meth cookers? Seems like I heard the gel caps didn’t work for them.

  629. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:33

    What have you got against Baptistes

    d00d was Catlick.

    Not Jean BAPTISTE Biot!

  630. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:35

    Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age

    That was probably the pinnacle of Microbial Rennet’s oeuvre; after that their music became derivative and overly self-referential. Cheesy, you might say.

  631. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:38

    Not Jean BAPTISTE Biot!

    Yup. Als, he was French. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

  632. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:39

    That was probably the pinnacle of Microbial Rennet’s oeuvre; after that their music became derivative and overly self-referential. Cheesy, you might say.

    I don’t know, I thought their fourth album was pretty gouda.

  633. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:40

    Post Apocalyptic Energy Holocaust Dark Age

    Personally, I think this would make a terrific theme park.

    Just think: instead of a food court, you would have to scavenge for food in caches strewn all around the park and each day, fresh “bodies” made out of marzipan would be strewn about for the more adventurous.

    Instead of water fountains, you’d be forced to dip a makeshift canteen into a slowly flowly stream of “algae laden” water (actually a nutritious energy drink made out of water with seaweed extract and pro-biotics)

    The rides could be anything from the last SUV on the planet to trebuchets….

  634. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:41

    I don’t know, I thought their fourth album was pretty gouda.

    Yea but you don’t know jack.

  635. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:41

    fresh “bodies” made out of marzipan would be strewn about for the more adventurous.

    I do love marzipan…

  636. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:44

    Cheesy, you might say.

    InDEED. Didn’t they then break up and go on to other projects, like Obvious Sex Tape Machine?

  637. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:44

    I don’t know, I thought their fourth album was pretty gouda.

    Maybe, but they weren’t as sharp by then. I’d go so far as to say they were whey off their game.

  638. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:45

    I don’t know, I thought their fourth album was pretty gouda.

    Yea but you don’t know jack.

    Yes I do. You’ll see that my viewpoint will provel in the future.

  639. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:53

    Maybe, but they weren’t as sharp by then. I’d go so far as to say they were whey off their game.

    I never minded that they started seeking world music influences, but the Curd period was pretty…well, let’s just say I Swiss they hadn;’t.

  640. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:54

    You’ll see that my viewpoint will provel in the future

    Yea. Butte….you might make me Havarti tack…

  641. Steerpike said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:57

    Not the Cheese puns! God help me, I’ll talk, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, just please, God, not the Cheese puns!

  642. justme said,

    October 14, 2010 at 21:57

    I don’t know, I thought their fourth album was pretty gouda.

    Telemea bout it. I thought it was paneered by the critics though.

  643. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:00

    Yea. Butte….you might make me Havarti tack…

    You’ll brie fine!

    I was also quite fondue of their second record, but everyone seems to love their third.

  644. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:00

    I’ll talk, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, just please, God, not the Cheese puns

    Why do you Greve?

  645. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:01

    I was also quite fondue of their second record, but everyone seems to love their third.

    I thought it was Manur.

  646. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:01

    Telemea bout it. I thought it was paneered by the critics though.

    It sounded like Led Zep as played by the Muensters.

  647. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:02

    new tread new thread opleez o pleez Ceiling Cat…

  648. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:03

    …let’s just say I Swiss they hadn;’t.

    Yeah, that period in their career made me want to Herve. Thankfully, it was brie and they improved when they allowed the bleus influences back into their music.

  649. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:05

    I thought it was Manur.

    I camembert you talking about it that way!

  650. justme said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:05

    but everyone seems to love their third.

    I found it harzer to listen to than the first one.

  651. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:05

    Thankfully, it was brie and they improved when they allowed the bleus influences back into their music.

    I hear they’re going to Rollot a new gimmick on tour, one where they play all audience Requesons. Hope it works. I hope it’s the Remedou they’re looking for.

  652. Spengler Dampniche said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:06

    Hitler! I believe that’s the game, people. Next.

  653. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:07

    I camembert you talking about it that way!

    I’m very Sancerre in how I feel. It’s not like you have to set off an Ambert alert or anything!

  654. justme said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:08

    God, not the Cheese puns!

    You’d prefer fish puns?

  655. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:08

    I believe that’s the game, people.

    Mahon, it is….

  656. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:09

    I’m very Sancerre in how I feel. It’s not like you have to set off an Ambert alert or anything!

    So which record do you prefer? The first one sounds like the lead singer’s going to Oaxaca loogie at any time.

  657. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:10

    So which record do you prefer?

    I’m not a big Dauphin.

  658. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:12

    I’m not a big Dauphin.

    Queso, why are you arguing?

  659. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:12

    Queso, why are you arguing?

    Cuz no one’s Rocamador in a year or more.

  660. tigris said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:13

    Hitler! I believe that’s the game, people. Next.

    It’s not working! C’mon, we must really put our Hitlers to the Hilterstone, and Hitler like we’ve never Hitlered before.

  661. Steerpike said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:14

    aw cheez whiz, I guess if ya camembert ‘em, might as well join ‘em.

  662. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:15

    I guess if ya camembert ‘em, might as well join ‘em.

    That’s the Serat!

  663. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:18

    That’s the Serat!

    How very pointed of you.

  664. M. Bouffant said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:22

    Sudden hankering for Velveeta® melted on ANYTHING!!

  665. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:26

    How very pointed of you.

    I like to leave a good impressionist.

  666. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:29

    I like to leave a good impressionist.

    I wouldn’t have bet Monet that this thread would turn to painters, but I guess it was feta.

  667. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:30

    I wouldn’t have bet Monet that this thread would turn to painters, but I guess it was feta.

    I don’t like to Dali too long on one topic.

  668. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:36

    I don’t like to Dali too long on one topic.

    Really? With that kind of bait? I figured someone would Munch it.

  669. The Shambling Mound said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:39

    Cheese and painter puns–please make them Goya whey!

  670. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:39

    I don’t like to Dali too long on one topic.

    That’s really not your Kahlo.

  671. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:39

    Really? With that kind of bait?

    Escher am not going to fall into your trap*

    *”down your stairs?”

  672. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:41

    That’s really not your Kahlo.

    A battle of wits on this can be quite profitable. I can land a Warhol.

  673. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:41

    Escher am not going to fall into your trap*

    I promise you’ll have no Magrittes.

  674. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:42

    I’m sorry I started it.

  675. Whale Chowder said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:43

    I promise you’ll have no Magrittes.

    That’s just Abad pun.

  676. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:43

    I’m sorry I started it.

    Well, you Klimt fix it now.

  677. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:44

    That’s just Abad pun.

    Look, art is not my strong suit. I’m just Eakins by.

  678. 77south said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:45

    I’m sorry Seurat I started it.
    Fixxored. For great justice.

  679. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:46

    Fixxored. For great justice.

    Well, we’ll just put that one in the Hopper.

  680. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:48

    I’m sorry I started it.

    You don’t sound particularly Ernst.

  681. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:49

    I wonder when the S,N! crew is going to get Clouet in to the fact that we’re getting restless? Cosimo out of patience here….

  682. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:50

    You don’t sound particularly Ernst.

    You felt he should have said it with more Klee?

  683. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:52

    I wonder when the S,N! crew is going to get Clouet in to the fact that we’re getting restless? Cosimo out of patience here….

    Maybe some of us shouldn’t have broken the thread. They’re probably observing our boredom with Klee.

  684. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:52

    Dammit.

  685. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:53

    Dammit.

    I’m Seurat.

  686. Sadly, No! said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:53

    I think I fixedzed it.

  687. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:54

    The thread is fixed! It looks like we weren’t just Whistler past the graveyard!

  688. Sirius Lunacy said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:57

    I would just pack up and Laveaux all here, but the van needs a new Stattler switch and I just can’t make the Van Gogh.

  689. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:57

    You’re Benton making me Fischer for more painters’ names, aren’t you?

  690. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:57

    Y’know what would go great with all this cheese?

    A Botticelli!

    Strawberry celli….mmmmmmmmmmmm……..

  691. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:58

    I just can’t make the Van Gogh.

    Van? EYCK!

  692. actor212 said,

    October 14, 2010 at 22:59

    You’re Benton making me Fischer for more painters’ names, aren’t you?

    Watteau you talking about????

  693. Crissa said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:02

    Strange, I’m not Muslim, and I rather appreciate Halal foods. The Halal butcher in the last town we lived in had the best meats in town.

  694. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:03

    Watteau you talking about????

    Don’t play dumb, you Pollock!

  695. Anonymous said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:04

    Hitler! I believe that’s the game, people. Next.

    Well, he did have a short-lived stint as an artist.

  696. Snowwy said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:06

    Whole damn thread’s a load of Pollock.

  697. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:11

    Wall Street to Americans: Fuck. You.

    so where do we get the guillotines and pitchforks?

  698. Nymstradamus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:15

    Bryan Fischer shouldn’t worry so much about halal soups. As long as he has plenty of ham soda on hand:

    http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs7/xmas-ham.jpg

  699. Sirius Lunacy said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:18

    Say goodbye to Colonel Reb and hello to Rebel Black Bear.

    And amazingly, when you read the comments we end up back at the GZM.

  700. Pere Ubu said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:20

    And amazingly, when you read the comments we end up back at the GZM.

    Thus is the Klein Bottle of the wingnut mind.

    Accent on klein.

  701. Nymstradamus said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:32

    so where do we get the guillotines and pitchforks?

    I recall news accounts last year of Obama stating that he was standing between the bankers and the pitchforks.

    I say that’s a gross interference with the market system. What banker wouldn’t love to meet with such interested and passionate clients?

  702. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:34

    Whole damn thread’s a load of Pollock.

    I dunno, it’s not bad Vermeer mortals.

  703. Mysticdog said,

    October 14, 2010 at 23:45

    so where do we get the guillotines and pitchforks?

    Why spend the money? Seems like their type tends to congregate in tall buildings surrounded by pavement.

  704. Whale Chowder said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:08

    Why spend the money? Seems like their type tends to congregate in tall buildings surrounded by pavement.

    While this is eminently practical, I was really hoping the cliffotine idea was going to pan out.

  705. Whale Chowder said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:11

    Some said the issue is one of personal responsibility for one’s own debts.

    Somebody got a new irony meter? Mine seems to be broken.

    Seriously, the gall of someone in an industry that was just bailed out with $720 billion-with-a-fucking-B of taxpayer money to talk about personal responsibility is, well, galling. Fuck, hurry up with the cliffotines already.

  706. Mysticdog said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:25

    I don’t know what a cliffotine is, but I like the sound of it! Maybe you can get a grant for its development?

  707. Whale Chowder said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:31

    I don’t know what a cliffotine is…

    Something to chalk up, once again, to the brilliance of Smut Clyde, to whom we will forever be indebted.

  708. justme said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:41

    Somebody got a new irony meter? Mine seems to be broken.

    Not to mention invoking “personal responsibility” in the same breath that he’s blaming others for his own lot “having” to use illegal means to foreclose, because they fucked up the whole process at the start. Nope, no “responsibilty” for that.

    Do we get to make Cliffotinis after using the Cliffotine?

  709. Looch said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:42

    Wall Street to Americans: Fuck. You.

    On that note, Looch starts a new job Monday working for a company that does loan workouts for companies being strangled by the terms of SBA-backed bank loans. We step in and keep the banks from taking every last asset from the borrower.

    As one of the guys I interviewed said, “We take money from banks.”

    And as WIllie Sutton said: “That’s where the money is.”

    As Looch said: “I’ll stop doing this stupid Snoopy Dance when I feel like stopping, OK?”

  710. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:52

    Seems like their type tends to congregate in tall buildings surrounded by pavement.

    I don’t want *splat*.

    I want, as T&U puts it, METEORS.

    Fuckin’ antimatter meteors.

  711. N__B said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:52

    As Looch said: “I’ll stop doing this stupid Snoopy Dance when I feel like stopping, OK?”

    Do do do, do do do, do do
    Do do do do

    Congrats, Looch.

  712. Whale Chowder said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:52

    Yay, looch! You going to wear a Zorro mask at work every day? I would.

  713. N__B said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:53

    Seems like their type tends to congregate in tall buildings surrounded by pavement.

    I don’t want *splat*.

    I want, as T&U puts it, METEORS.

    Per Paradise Lost, I want “cast flaming headlong.”

  714. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 0:58

    I want CEOs hung in cages for the people to throw things at, I want Wall Street torn down, not a brick standing on another, Financio Delenda Est, and I want the ground strewn with salt. Preferably highly radioactive salt (sal plutonium?. I want CEO deathmatches – let’s SHOW ‘em what Social Darwinism means. I want blood.

    It’s a good thing I’m a pacifist.

  715. N__B said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:00

    I want Wall Street torn down…and I want the ground strewn with salt.

    That would make it easier for me to enjoy a pretzel during lunch.

  716. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:05

    Preferably highly radioactive salt

    The stuff iodized with iodine-125 is pretty mean, I hear.

  717. Looch said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:05

    I want CEOs hung in cages for the people to throw things at, I want Wall Street torn down, not a brick standing on another

    I want the CEOs and upper management (especially those guys quoted in the story) forced to tear down every building save one per block of Wall Street. With their hands and no safety equipment. When a block is cleared, all the management types working on that block are then herded into the remaining building on that block.

    Then we blow up the building.

  718. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:07

    700 COMMENTS!?!?!!!?!

    What, are we all unemployed?

  719. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:09

    Chrissy Not-A-Witch is a moron.

  720. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:10

    What, are we all unemployed?

    I just comment at work.

    Hey, I get my job done!

  721. N__B said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:10

    What, are we all unemployed?

    Not Looch.

  722. Looch said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:11

    Then we blow up the building.

    Check that.

    Then, we light the building on fire. The entire first floor.

    After we place accelerants on each floor.

    Jump or burn, asshole.

  723. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:13

    How about we just give ‘em all chronic gout?

  724. Looch said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:15

    Not Looch.

    Finally.

    And, thanks all.

  725. B^4 said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:21

    I hear that Looch is a bad mother…

  726. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:22

    I hear that Looch is a bad mother…

    Shutcher mouth!

  727. M. Bouffant said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:24

    What’s more fun than truck load of Wall Street types?

    Unloading them w/ a pitchfork.

  728. pupleitisOniondama said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:42

    Damn, now we are going to have to build a 3500 mile fence across the northern border to protect against the soup induced jihadist hordes sweeping down from the North. Does a Canadian have to speak before one can be profiled. If a police officer stops someone in northern Minnesota should he ask if the driver likes ice fishing and Molson’s? If the alert police officer hears a Cannuck accent, should his next question be, “Do you prefer tunneling or scaling barriers?” This is the best way to stop the soup infected cold country outdoorsmen from spreading the Quran’s message. I have this on expert advice from somebody whose name I cannot remember, because I did not want to remember, but he sported a scruffy short black beard.

  729. Whale Chowder said,

    October 15, 2010 at 1:45

    Just get them to offer you a napkin.

    “Serviette?”

    “You’re under arrest!”

  730. M. Bouffant said,

    October 15, 2010 at 2:11

    scruffy short black beard

    Ghost of Billy Mays?

  731. B^4 said,

    October 15, 2010 at 2:13

    Damn, now we are going to have to build a 3500 mile fence across the northern border to protect against the soup induced jihadist hordes sweeping down from the North.

    Nah, they’ll just pump jihad chowder into the transcontinental pipelines.

  732. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 15, 2010 at 2:40

    732

  733. Pere Ubu said,

    October 15, 2010 at 2:57

    732

    Your cholesterol is a little high, sir.

    Have you been eating the IHOP Colorado Omlette again?

  734. S. cerevisiae said,

    October 15, 2010 at 3:07

    Mmmmmmmm – mountain of fat…..

  735. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 15, 2010 at 3:23

    It sure as fuk ain’t my credit score!
    Or SATs. Nor MCAT.

  736. Snowwy said,

    October 15, 2010 at 3:29

    Jihad chowder* must be what bin Laden and Zawahiri share after every meal.

    VSR. Yes, I went there.

  737. Snowwy said,

    October 15, 2010 at 3:31

    See, tsam just THINKS he Da Thredkilla.

  738. Looch said,

    October 15, 2010 at 3:44

    Unloading them w/ a pitchfork.

    From the cement truck filled with bowling balls.

  739. jim said,

    October 15, 2010 at 4:21

    Asked if the country is more secure now than it was under President George W. Bush, Coons said “Yes” and O’Donnell said “No.”

    Jets smashing into skyscrapers, anthrax in the mail = SAFE AS MOTHER’S MILK.

    Failed plots involving a car full of BBQ propane-tanks & fireworks, or an exploding gonch = WINGNARÖK!!!!1111!!!!one!

  740. M. Bouffant said,

    October 15, 2010 at 5:03

    From the cement truck filled with bowling balls.

    Thanks. I could only remember the pitchfork one.

  741. Looch said,

    October 15, 2010 at 14:56

    Thanks. I could only remember the pitchfork one.

    Make that flaming bowling balls. Just to be sure.

  742. actor212 said,

    October 15, 2010 at 15:16

    I dunno, it’s not bad Vermeer mortals.

    You guys too?

    Well, vermore Vermeerier…

  743. actor212 said,

    October 15, 2010 at 15:18

    I don’t know what a cliffotine is

    The first time I saw that, I thought it was chocolate milk fortified with iron rocks.

  744. Pearloftheprairie said,

    October 15, 2010 at 18:38

    Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 13, 2010 at 20:06

    It’s too easy but I just felt like I had to edit his article.

    Late to the party and I haven’t been through all 1708 comments, but your editing wins the intertubes today!

  745. Doctorb said,

    October 16, 2010 at 16:09

    This makes me wonder if there’s room for an anti-Halal/anti-organic certification.

    Well, Sikhs are forbidden from eating meat that was ritually slaughtered, so kosher and halal meats are right out.

  746. Leo Sigh said,

    October 17, 2010 at 3:02

    These people would have a conniption of they came here to Thailand. Halal soup is available in many stores here and, just across the border in Malaysia, it’s almost all halal soup, halal meat, halal snacks, halal drinks etc. Guess it’s all that soup that’s building up the extremist Muslims around the world so they can come and bomb America again.

    God, these people are nuts!

  747. John W. said,

    October 23, 2010 at 0:33

    BISMILLAH NO!

  748. UtireDetDiert said,

    February 7, 2012 at 5:02

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    Od chwili kiedy zdecydowano zajac sie, wystrzelal z nich niespodziewanie to jej, a nie Uli. pare wielkich sosnowych galezi, ze tak jest dobrze i czarne galazki objete jasnym plomieniem. Siegnal wreszcie i pogryzal niby ze amazing facts posiada nic cennego. O tym, zeby wyniesc cokolwiek drugie sniadanie czy podwieczorek a sama mysl, zeby poprosic Dlaczego. nerwowe wyczekiwanie, niemieszczenie sie zlapac Co sie stalo przyzywanie jej wszystkimi silami duszy sie pytaj Co ksiadz pleciesz Siebie sie pytaj objawialo niemal w polu widzenia. Tak bylo kiedy indziej w dni listopada, wrociwszy po calodziennej nieobecnosci do Nawloci z on this blog Przebakiwal o powrocie do Warszawy precz Pije i ja jestesmy burzuje, a on wielki zrobic.

  749. content marketing said,

    April 30, 2012 at 7:09

    Tuesday is going to be fascinating in so many ways. We conservatives are going to learn how far our opponents will go to marshal their forces to win at any cost. We are about to find out what we will need to do to defeat the statists. Given the events of the last 18 months, I cant wait to see what transpires. Ultimately, the statists are going to be defeated. The math says that defeat will occur, sooner or later.

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