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A kind reader brought to my attention a recent gem from reformed liberal and licensed psychologist Robin of Berkeley that starts out with someone in a hybrid car running over the cat of one of Robin’s clients. Now you and I would probably place the blame for this unfortunate incident on the client for letting her cat run wild outside the house where it likely darted into the street in front of the vehicle, precipitating its own near demise.
But that’s because you and I don’t inhabit Robin’s world where, at every turn, evil LIEberals heap odious indignities on Robin and her friends. Wait, wait, how do we know that the driver was a liberal? Because, you ninny, he was driving a hybrid. Only liberals drive hybrids. Oh.
I have my own tales to tell from my week in Berkeley.
I’m sure you do, Robin.
I was walking gingerly through a crosswalk (I have bad knees) when an impatient driver shot me the bird. His car was graced with a Coexist bumper sticker.
What really happened: Robin was crossing against the light, limping at a glacial pace, and a young Republican driving Mommy’s beamer flipper her the bird and yelled “Get out of the road, you fucking gimp, and stop stealing my money to pay for your fucking disability check!”
One more: I was meeting a friend at a cafe, and we needed another chair. A man, sitting alone and surfing the net, had his legs strewn on an extra chair. When I asked him nicely to borrow it, he refused. The guy was wearing a Free Tibet t-shirt.
What really happened: A guy wearing his roommate’s t-shirt pointed out all the other empty chairs in the cafe and suggested that she take one of those instead.
[I'd] been dating [Peter] for a few months when I was ready to have the conversation. I sat him down and told him I cared a lot about him. Did he see a future between us? He looked at me as though I were from another galaxy. Then he uttered something that I have never forgotten. He said, “A relationship? I’m not capable of a relationship.”
What really happened: Peter just wasn’t that into Robin. Go figure.
The Peters of the world may not be withholding love or affection or even simple kindness. … Perhaps the reasons are genetic. Maybe it has to do with copious pot and alcohol use or overuse of prescription drugs. In places like Berkeley, it may be inbreeding. Mental illness, character defects, bad upbringing — the culprits are endless.
And this woman has clients?
Of course, conservatives can be hypocrites, too. But we on the right don’t delude ourselves into believing that our voting patterns allow us to be dirty, rotten scoundrels.
In fact, when conservatives are rude, it’s because they have a right to be rude, what with being the innocent victims of all this hypocritical liberal rudeness. Oh, and Peter, if you’re reading this, dude, you dodged a bullet.