Bear with me, all you teatard mockers. I’m on a roll (of vodka tonics). Consider the Tea Party movement — a collection of mouth-breathing social misfits who increasingly gather in public places. That’s the nail in the horseshoe that touches off the movement’s own downfall. That’s why this whole teabagging clusterfuck is going to collapse upon itself and wind up shooting rainbows and unicorns out of its violently expiring asshole.
Y’see, it’s long been conventional wisdom that tolerance is best achieved by the slow and steady infiltration of diversity amongst the bigoted. If only enough people figured out that they actually knew a gay person or a Muslim person or watched ‘Will and Grace’ or whatever, eventually they’d become more tolerant and less prone to jumping at wingnut dog whistles.
But the truth is, an enormous number of people were never going to figure this out organically, due to the fact that they are naturally misanthropic shut-ins with no capacity for visiting the public square and getting to know their fellow citizens.
It has often been said, for example, that people would become more tolerant of homosexuality when they discovered that their son or daughter was gay.
Nice in theory. But how does that work when a significant portion of your population will never ever never have a son or daughter, not by making that choice, but because their extreme sexual retardation undermines any shot they have at procreation?
Here’s where the Tea Party movement comes in. For the first time in living memory, the social retards are actually emerging from their secret lairs to kibbitz amongst other people in the light of day. True, those other people are people like Glenn Beck, but at least they’re other living, breathing human beings and not distant, pixelated voices reverberating from the Intertubes echo chamber.
My prediction is that the more these Tea Partiers gather and protest, the more they will actually have to confront other meatbags with different views, appearances and agendas. They may all be mostly misanthropic but they’re not completely sociopathic, or at least I hope they’re not.
And if I’m right, we may see something truly ironic and almost beautiful — a conservative movement that finally decided to take to the streets after decades of grumbling obscenities in the privacy of its walled-off enclaves … and by dint of that long-avoided mingling with fellow citizens discovered that it had more in common with the diverse members of its various cohorts than it had ever imagined.
Or we’ll have a Civil War. Make the next one a double.