Aug
1

Beneath the Planet of the…




Posted at 11:46 by HTML Mencken

wINGNUTSpARTYHATS.jpg
[En hommage à Miguel]


PZSquid.jpg

Oh PZ the good Pirate of Darwinism, the wingnuts did get you?

“It was the Leviathan, sent from the evil Davy Frum’s locker

PZ you must attack! THE CREATURE WILL EAT YOU!!!

Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni has eight arms and two tentacles, a sharp beak, and hooked suckers which….” [BLAARGH!! CHOMP CHOMP. PBBBBT.]

“…proves the awesome utility of pandering to the bullshit populism of Creationists! Praise Jebus, students!”

Eeek it is to late! The evil wingnut beast did eat PZ and then poops inky blackness on science!!!


GoldsteinPenisHead2.jpg

Shhh! We are like Levi-Strauss persons among the natives. Look it is their snake doctor! We must observe the crazy wingnut creature! It goes into the Klonopin trance….

“I am a classical liberal, like Glenn Reynolds is a libertarian! No wingnuts here, just cock! LOOK AT IT! BY THE POWERS OF THE MAGICAL COCK FETISH, YOU TOO CAN OUT-SOLDIER THE SOLDIERS!

Now begins the cocko cult ritual! It is to funny!

“BOIOIOIOINNNG!!! SMACK SMACK SMACK!!!”

“Blarggh! I will slap you with my cock, reveal your identity, then my tribe will snuff you with axe handles and make sexual remarks about your children! Yet I am a victim!

Wingnut cock shaman is a crazy retarded.


AravosisQ.Finaljpg21.jpg

Hahaha! It is the spacedork from emu quadrent!

“Why hello there! Cynthia McKinney is a Klingon but Katherine Harris is like my favorite Ferengi evar! Now send me some money so I can teleport to Paris for some orchid shopping on the Rue de Douchebagoises!”

Haha the aliun is a orange humanoid! Did the wingnut gravybeasts eat your eyebrows, aliun?

“You are banned from the Americablog space-time continuum!”

AIEEEE-


mickeykausjughead.jpg

Why does buttertroll fiberal try to sabotage Riverdale? It is not Jughead? Gilbert Gottfried or Jughead? It is a mystery!

“It’s the only way a fugloid like me can find his own Betty or Veronica! Plus, their politics are more sensible and centrist than Kos‘s, Blarg!!”

The Jughead creature is a trickbeast! A wingnut in desgise! Archies and Reggies beware. The Jughead is a secret Moose Mason friend!


MaxBootBoot.jpg

Hahah it is the Kernul Clodhopper wingnut!

“Blarggh! The soldiers are pussies!! And beware the Chinese earthquake ray!”

Now the soldiers have stabbed the wingnuts in the back!? It is logicel. For a wingnut.

MaxBootPith.jpg

“‘Wilsonism‘ is just my bullshit way to sweeten for the masses what I’m really on about: ‘Exterminate the brutes!’”

Poor liberals and islams, the jingos did eat your babies! It is to sad. Haha poor ‘idealist’ sensibel liberals, neoconmen did knock you up and run away! It is to funny.


TrevinoHelmet2.jpg

HAHAH! IT IS THE DIGDUG WINGNUT!! LOOK OUT FOR POOKA AND FYGAR, DIGDUG WINGNUT!

“Bosh, flimshaw! Bilious, video-gaming fools, I am not that pixellated mountebank; I am, rather, piece number 8 from the WingNet’s favorite (second only to Risk) of great games whichforth we apply to life: Stratego! ‘Tis a game that I am, by the way, much better at than Kos!”

Oh Stratego miner, are you digging for poop?

“I am delving for bombs — techniques of the fascist right which I simultaneously subscribe to and project upon the bilious Left, like Kos! It is part of my ploy suchtofore to present Phalangist Reaction as Centrism, and Outright Fascism as Acceptable Conservatism.”

HAHA IT IS POOP! BUT YOUR LAST MINE CAVED IN!!!

“Indeed and certes! Online Civility: a cause lost, marry and forsooth! Sabotaged (‘swounds!) by bilious hatemongers of the bilious Left, like Kos!

But silly wingnut! It is because you are the hypocrite!

“Thou bilious obsessive, so not unlike Kos! There be other castles athwart Kos’s ‘neathwise which I tunnel!”

LIKE THIS, REVENJE WINGNUT!! ADMIT IT, YOU DID SAY “BLARGH BABY I LOVE YOU. LET’S BE BUTTERTROLLS TOGETHER”. AND BOMBSHELL ASHLEY DID SAY, “SORRY WINGNUT RETARDED CREATURE, BUT I DO NOT DATE WINGNUTS BECUS THEY EAT THE CHILDREN.”


MalkinAnchorBabyFinal.jpg

What a cute little crybaby! Look out baby the wingnuts will eat you!

“BLARGH!!!! NO MORE DRIVE-BY CITIZENSHIP! DEPORT ALL ANCHOR BABIES — EXCEPT ME!”

Oh it is a wingnut tantrum by a wingnut baby! And the trickcreatures diapers are poopy. IT IS TO STINKY!


Previous Wingnuts In Party Hats
Graphics as always by S,N! Research Labs

35 Comments »

  1. Roxanne said,

    August 1, 2006 at 12:59

    Oy. I need more coffee.

  2. Oleanna said,

    August 1, 2006 at 14:07

    What’s fascinating about Goldstein in particular is that he displays the full wingnut complex, for all to see: sadism, sexual hostility, macho posturing, bullying, fearfulness, paranoia, persecution fantasies — the whole nine yards. It’s hardly a surprise that this self-styled “rugged individualist” runs whimpering to a trial lawyer (!) after someone insults his family on other peoples’ blogs. Watch him sue the crazy woman for inflicting emotional hardship.

    Not exactly a guy you’d want on the front lines of the war he loves so much.

    Oh wait, he’s not on the front lines.

  3. Mark said,

    August 1, 2006 at 14:14

    Kudos on the Michelle pic… the hat even color coordinates with her outfit.

    Two thumbs up!

  4. Dan Someone said,

    August 1, 2006 at 15:17

    Not quite sure why PZ Myers merits a hat here.

    As for the rest… well, there were way too many correctly-spelled words for my taste. But extra points for the Dig Dug references.

  5. Retardo Montalban said,

    August 1, 2006 at 15:27

    We love PZ. We put him in for fun.

    PZ, of course, is no wingnut.

  6. Nellyds said,

    August 1, 2006 at 15:37

    Kudos retardo. Not just anyone could carry on the proud tradition of fat chicks in party hats.
    The inclusion of aravosis makes it seem like a left-wing-nuts in party hats would work too. Just consider the well of material that is john-currently-vacationing-in-paris-and-still-begging-for-donations. While there are no pictures of Chris in Paris or Joe in DC, you can put a hat on an orchid. Americablog in party hats: make it happen!

  7. Gavin M. said,

    August 1, 2006 at 15:41

    The inclusion of aravosis makes it seem like a left-wing-nuts in party hats would work too.

    Ah yes, the ‘Moonbats in Party Hats’ project. We really do think of everything, you know.

    [going back to bed after an episode of sleep-typing]

  8. teh l4m3 said,

    August 1, 2006 at 17:06

    Miguel is the hottest leaf-blower EVAR!!!!1! He can ford my Rio Grande any time!

  9. Shorter Rightwing Arseholes said,

    August 1, 2006 at 17:12

    You know, I just can’t seem to find the humor in this. Unlike alot of your other contributions, Retardo, this one is stale. It breaks, it doesn’t bend. It’s unfunny. I am the most liberal asshole on the planet, and it still isn’t funny to me.

    Your REAL writing is much more engaging than this stuff that seems like you threw it together in five minutes.

    I must point out that the Goldstein-with-cockhat image is brilliant, however. You are quite good with the photoshoppery. The l33t speak has got to go, however.

  10. Republic of Palau said,

    August 1, 2006 at 17:37

    Call that a cephalopod hat? This is a cephalopod hat.

  11. Martin Wisse said,

    August 1, 2006 at 17:42

    I was robbed by two men!

  12. Gus said,

    August 1, 2006 at 17:43

    You’re a sick motherfucker.

  13. tigrismus said,

    August 1, 2006 at 17:45

    Dan Someone, do you really think PZ will complain? He got the AWESOMEST HAT EVER. I want one of those, dammit!

  14. Republic of Palau said,

    August 1, 2006 at 18:07

    Sorry PZ, it’s not as good as my cuttlefish hat.

  15. Republic of Palau said,

    August 1, 2006 at 18:10

    Blech. The SN comment authentication doodah went all peculiar on me, sorry for the double nd potentially triple post.

  16. Republic of Palau said,

    August 1, 2006 at 18:10

    Blech. The SN comment authentication doodah went all peculiar on me, sorry for the double (and potentially triple) post.

  17. D. Sidhe said,

    August 1, 2006 at 18:13

    There’s no way that’s a colossal squid. Unless PZ is, I dunno, the size of an apartment building.

  18. Retardo Montalban said,

    August 1, 2006 at 18:16

    It hatched baby squids that ate poor PZ.

  19. Gavin M. said,

    August 1, 2006 at 18:28

    Your REAL writing is much more engaging than this stuff that seems like you threw it together in five minutes.

    I must point out that the Goldstein-with-cockhat image is brilliant, however. You are quite good with the photoshoppery. The l33t speak has got to go, however.

    Agh, you don’t get the reference!

    (The original.)

    And I do all the art around here, fer yer infermation.

  20. Retardo Montalban said,

    August 1, 2006 at 19:39

    Blah. I guess the people who liked that last one arent around this time (except Teh — hey Teh!), or I just didnt write this one as well. It can’t be the art because it’s top-notch. Fuck, Tacky hasnt even shown up yet, and I was certain we’d get some trolling comedy out of him. Sorry for the fucking disaster post.

    At least PZ liked it.

  21. TC said,

    August 1, 2006 at 20:19

    Yeah, total waste and completely missed the target if PZ just laughs it off, and yet no winguts come a’trollin’

    write it off to collateral damage, fellas, and get back to the video wars!

  22. Gentlewoman said,

    August 1, 2006 at 20:24

    Oh jeebus, you guys slay me. I just scared the hell out of my pets (and probably my neighbors) by laughing loudly enough to wake them all up. You guys are my idols. I can’t decide whether the cockhat or the cephalopod hat is better. Poor PZ! I’m sure he was a good sport about it, though. Oh oh oh, still laughing while typing. Thank you again for all you do. I think, as wonderful as the photos are, it’s the Miguelspeak that really sends me round the bend. I don’t know why I think it’s so funny, I just do. Blaargh! You are banned from the Americablog Space-Time Continuum!

  23. Mr. Mordant said,

    August 1, 2006 at 21:31

    I had a really good laugh, Retardo. I just tend to avoid commenting when I don’t really have anything to add besides “Awesome post, dood! You rule! You owe me for a new keyboard/monitor!” and so on.

    So, for me, the default setting is that you rule. If you should ever happen to reek, I’ll be sure to bring it up – in the spirit of constructive criticism of course. Or the spirit of “we’re big boys, so we can speak our minds and hug and make up later”. So, yeah, be proud of your work here.

  24. fiver said,

    August 1, 2006 at 23:16

    Retardo, I think I love you.

  25. Kathleen said,

    August 2, 2006 at 1:57

    awesome

  26. Charlotte Smith said,

    August 2, 2006 at 2:14

    Damn, that was too funny! It almost hurt not to laugh out loud when I read it the first time (stupid job, cutting in to my S,N! time). I applaud you, sirs. Keep up the good work!

  27. Proteus454 said,

    August 2, 2006 at 3:21

    Are you kidding, Retardo? Comedy Gold! Do another next…say, month ro so, eh?

  28. Pinko Punko said,

    August 2, 2006 at 3:32

    this one is equally awesome, you guys are just poopshooting so fast.

  29. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 2, 2006 at 4:23

    Yeah, this one’s good and should have future installments. There are so many well-shaped wingnut noggins to, um, cover.

  30. Scheherezhade said,

    August 2, 2006 at 4:25

    Jeebus, Retardeau, one lone commenter doesn’t like your opus and you’re all like, wah, wah, wah, nobody likes me, I suck.

    Well,boy, genius is always misunderstood, so suck it up princess and get back to your creating.

    I would say something about the genius of Gavin’s artwork, but unfortunately, my eyeballs clawed their way out of my sockets at the sight of Jeff in his “cocked” hat and were last seen at the station waiting for the next train out of town. But I saw enough of it to conclude that the pic of Jeff reminded me of Tenniel’s illustrations for Alice In Wonderland. Was such your intention?

  31. Jillian said,

    August 2, 2006 at 11:28

    It is to funny!

  32. Major Woody said,

    August 2, 2006 at 12:59

    Well, Mr. Montalban, not quite my cup of tea, old boy. I much prefer a merry jape at the peccadilloes of our betters, as is most typically your wont. Or perhaps some bawdy commentary accompanied by a lithograph of JLo in her knickers. Bwah ha!

  33. Sadly, No! » A Quick Note said,

    August 4, 2006 at 15:19

    [...] PS — Message for Pasty: I’m still mocking you! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! [...]

  34. Sadly, No! » Kibbles & Bits said,

    August 15, 2006 at 18:55

    [...] Speaking of Tacky, he was recently seen in a Party Hat, which reminds me to talk the police about Outside The Tent’s obvious kidnapping of Gavin. Let him go, Clif! We need him! Besides, to get the proper Party Hat effect, you have to kidnap Miguel, too, and last I heard, umm, he’s still here at S,N! Research Labs. But if you did kidnap him, he might write for your post: “BLARGH!! Buttertroll Brooks wants a brown people snack! It is a eat attack!” [...]

  35. Sadly, No! » Fan Club (Beware, Brendan!) said,

    December 22, 2006 at 11:21

    [...] Even though Brendan is not anonymous, who knows what an unhinged cuntface like Dig Dug Trevino is capable of. [...]

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