There is more merriment in store today from Right Wing News. You remember, that’s the site that is run by the troglodytic John Hawkins and that surveyed other right-wing troglodytes asking them who was the worst person in American history. You’re probably not surprised that monsters like Jimmy Carter, FDR and the Kenyan-in-Chief were at the top of the list and thought by the surveyed bloggers to be way worse than, say, Timothy McVeigh, John Wilkes Boothe, Jeffrey Dahmer, Aldrich Ames, Rachael Ray and Richard Simmons, some of whom did not even make the list.
The new merriment is that John has reached deep into the loose change shoebox he keeps under his bed (a safe place because no one has ever gone looking for anything near Hawkins’s bed) and announced that Right Wing News is going to sponsor . . .
. . . Homocon! Better yet, RWN is the very first sponsor of Homocon given that, understandably, Frito-Lay, and Mountain Dew have cut back on their sponsorship budgets.
“Homocon?” you ask. “Que est-ce que c’est, ce Homocon?” Well think Comic-Con and replace the socially-inept, lonely, dweebish middle-aged men who love comics with socially-inept, lonely, dweebish, middle-aged Republican men who love other men. The main difference between Comic-Con and Homocon is that there won’t be anybody running around in Star Wars costumes at Homocon but instead there may be awkward gay men running around in Ann Coulter costumes, since Coulter — an internationally recognized gay rights icon — will be the keynote speaker at this upcoming Shame-boree.
The reaction by Hawkins’s faithful commenters have been mixed. One commenter promptly and predictably showed up with this:
Hmmm.. Must be that you’re actually a Homo yourself.
Gross, Disgusting, The Conservative has gone to hell.
Read the Bible people!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course, I always do everything that people tell me in sentences with twelve million exclamation points. I’lll be back after I’ve finished reading the Bible, including the bit about smashing babies against rocks, presumably for having eaten scallops or something.
I’m back. I couldn’t make it past Genesis 3:16.
Another commenter was flirting with possible attendance but couldn’t help admitting to a concern or two:
Seems like a good project. As an aside, it might be helpful for marketing if GOProud made the itinerary a little more clear.
Apparently he’s concerned that one of the break-out panels will be a trip to an S&M leather fisting bar in Chelsea.
However, if the commenter was concerned about the meeting’s agenda, rather than its itinerary, he has a good point. And this is where I can help. I thought it might be helpful to the homos of Homocon if I proposed an agenda. So here it is:
|9:30||Registration||Only social parasites expect free Danish pastries, so bring your own food.|
|10:15||First Panel||“How Gay Conservatives Are The Real Victims.”|
|10:45||Second Panel||“Why Are Gay Liberals So Obsessed with the Victimization of Gays?”|
|11:00||Coffee Break||Only social parasites expect free coffee. Find a Starbucks.|
|11:15||Third Panel||“Why It’s Okay To Bargain Away The Rights of Other Gays for Your Own Tax Cut.”|
|11:45||Fourth Panel||Dating Tips for GOP Homos — Wear Antiperspirant, Brush Your Teeth, Change Your Underwear and Don’t Shout ‘Trust, But Verify’ When Coming.”|
|12:00 noon||Lunch||Find an Olive Garden|
|2:00||Fifth Panel||“If You Were In Favor of Gay Marriage, Which Gay Blogger Would You Gay Marry?”|
|3:00||Sixth Panel||“Who Is The Hottest: Lindsey Graham, Our Sole Sponsor John Hawkins, or Mitch McConnell?”|
|6:00||Brown Bag Dinner and Keynote Address||Ann Coulter: “Why Can’t Homos Throw a Baseball without Looking Like a Girl?”|
For a mere $250, you too could be among the lucky attendees.