Aug
7
7
Does Dolly Parton Sleep On Her Back?
Shorter Walter E. Williams, Human Wingnuts Online
Is Profiling Racist?
- Because of the color of my skin, I am more likely to rob a cab driver than someone with white skin, so I’m totally fine when a cab driver refuses to pick me up.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Frankie said,
August 7, 2010 at 19:54
Heh.
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 19:58
Why do Republicans hate themselves so much? It is not just the minorities or the gays, but even the average everyday white rednecks who consistently support policies that rape them up the ass without any lube and sand thrown in to make it “special.”
noen said,
August 7, 2010 at 19:59
Liberals are the real racists because they fail to understand that blacks really are inferior. The Klan was just legitimately trying to protect good hardworking whites from those marauding blacks.
It’s not racism if it’s true!
Carribbean Walrus said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:00
Mon, some of us depend on taxis to get around town, mon. Besides, how would you like it if people said “I can’t serve you mon, because you eat penguins all the time”. I don’t eat penguins ALL THE TIME, mon. Polar bears and orca whales eat penguins too, but you never hear of Shamu being at the curb and four empty taxis drive past, do you mon?
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:00
Help me out here – I don’t get the title. I need to stop living in a shoebox.
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:03
I don’t get the title. I need to stop living in a shoebox.
It is one of those things like “Does the bear shit in the woods?” or “Is the Pope and asshole?”
Bitter Scribe said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:04
I notice that when he tried to make his on-the-one-hand concession, it came out incoherent:
There is no sense of justice or decency that a law-abiding black person should suffer the indignity being passed up.
At least take the time to write a grammatical sentence before you rush to the it’s-our-own-fault conclusion. Jonah, Andrew and the rest will wait that long.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:05
Help me out here – I don’t get the title. I need to stop living in a shoebox.
You’re not thinking about boobs enough.
mmy said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:14
One brave commenter (one of us, for all I know) remarks:
And all of the other commenters prove him to be correct.
Oblio's Cap said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:20
It must suck to go through life scared of everything. At their core, wingnuts are just pathetic, simpering sissies.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:29
It must suck to go through life scared of everything. At their core, wingnuts are just pathetic, simpering sissies.
Ahem
Brooksy said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:33
It must suck to go through life scared of everything. At their core, wingnuts are just pathetic, simpering sissies.
Eh. You might think so, but it’s not so bad. No heavy lifting and the hours are good. Now let me tell you a story about a wonderful jacket I used to have…
Oblio's Cap said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:37
Your version was much more succinct. Apologies.
Hysterical Woman said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:37
I didn’t think discrimination by cabbies would actually be in the article. It’s hard to imagine shrugging off that kind of racism, especially on a cold, rain night. Maybe he just assumes that because he’s not a young black man, racists cabbies will pick him up.
A Black Cabbie said,
August 7, 2010 at 20:42
I won’t pick Walter E. Williams up because he’s an asshole.
gocart mozart said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:04
Pezzi!
http://www.sexualtips.net/
http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A1KPY204GMLJ7K/ref=cm_pdp_people_name_sel
and last but not least . . .
http://www.erlove.com/pezzi.php
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:05
Apologies
No apologies are necessary. Cash, however, is always appreciated.
John Cole said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:07
Walter E. Williams is such a tool. I do wish the black people would shut up, though. Not all of them. Just the unSerious ones. We made one of them President. I gave him money. What more do they want? Gays should shut up too. We should all shut up and enjoy all the freedom and prosperity Obama is giving
dudes like methe country.Walter E Williams said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:09
Yes, America, I’m a bad, bad black man! Now spank me! Spank me hard!
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:11
Wow. This place is has become a study of self-loathing nutters. Oy.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:17
Hit me with your rhythm stick!
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:17
This place is has become a study of self-loathing nutters
That is what happens when you read Walter Williams. That shit is highly contagious.
gocart mozart said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:20
If cabdrivers never pick up black people, who would Walter ruse as a as a miraculous column point agreeing strawman? A street corner three card monty guy perhaps?
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:21
No no. Folks HERE aren’t nutters…I just noticed that the S,N overlords have been highlighting the works od self-loathing gays/wimmin/blacks.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:21
I hadn’t thought of Ian Drury in far too long a time.
Hanx, N__B.
~
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:22
Folks HERE aren’t nutters
Ha ha ha hee hee hee
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:23
Hit me with your rhythm stick!
How about a Wiggle Stick!
gocart mozart said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:23
Proofreading fail, but I kind of like “ruse as a as a” because it has sort of a Freudian Foghorn Leghorn thing going for it.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:29
FYWP. SPIT IT BACK UP!
Steerpike said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:32
What I want to know, once and for all, is: does the pope shit in the woods?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:32
How about a Wiggle Stick!
Damn!
I iz converted!
~
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:33
What I want to know, once and for all, is: does the pope shit in the woods?
Yes, if by “woods” you mean “a gilded toilet in a palace.”
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:36
Yes, if by “woods” you mean “a gilded toilet in a palace.”
I always thought that the proper answer was. “The Pope shits on whomever he pleases.”
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:39
I always thought that the proper answer was. “The Pope shits on whomever he pleases.”
There’s a shaggy dog story I am not going to type out here with the punchline “Everyone shits on Fred.”
tigris said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:51
I’m white. I would be frightened if I were walking down a street late at night and a group of young people were following me, regardless of their color or gender.
Only if they’re prancing, because that shit is TERRIFYING.
Is Profiling Racist?
Is race-based bigotry race-based bigotry? TOUGH CALL.
Scott said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:53
The local paper used to run Williams’ column when I was a little kid, and even then, I mean back when I was in junior high or younger, I always wondered what the hell had happened to make him hate himself so much. I bet talking to him is like talking to Uncle Ruckus…
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:54
No no. Folks HERE aren’t nutters…
Aw, aren’t you sweet?
Warrant said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:57
Shit dudes we just wanted to drop by and say you know, fuckin’ A, we’re so fucking stoked that people are still using the title of one of our singles as a motherfuckin’ cultural reference point or whatever. Just goes to show you metal will never die!@
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 7, 2010 at 21:58
How about a Wiggle Stick!
Holy shit, *that* takes me back…
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:04
I bet none of you bitches lollygag like I do–fiercely.
El Cid said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:06
I don’t see what the problem is with racial profiling as long as it means they’re arresting the n******, Mexicans, Arab /Muslim types, and homos.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:06
I bet none of you bitches lollygag like I do–fiercely.
I’m in the office and so pissed off I’ve lost my voice yelling at the wall. I am not lollygagging although I may shortly be vomiting.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:09
What did the wall ever do to you?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:10
That’s what you get for being an engineer, N__B.
Having just gotten a PCNA for a loan I gots to get out the door and into HUD in a week or so, I SHOULD be at the orifice.
But I just don’t wanna go.
~
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:12
What did the wall ever do to you?
It’s a stand-in for the reviewer for the NYC Dept of Design and Construction who knows less about structural design than the undergrad interns I’ve hired but has a job title that allows him to shit all over my work without fear of reprisal. If I billed my time on this project (I’ve only been counting my employees’ time) we’d be around 350% over budget because I’ve been teaching this jackass things he should have learned in school 20 years ago.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:13
Death Metal Guys Live With Their Moms
~
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:13
What do you do exactly, N_B? I always see you discussing your job…and nNow I’m feeling nosy.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:15
Ok. Geez. Doesn’t it suck to br beholden to morons?
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:16
I’m a structural engineer who works on existing buildings: rehab, renovation, alteration, additions. I lose interest in anything built after 1950.
Steerpike said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:17
As a middle-aged white guy, I’m more likely to develop convoluted, deceptive subprime-mortgage backed derivative, and drive the international economy to the point of collapse, so I’m totally fine when my gated, covenant-controlled community prevents black people from moving in.
Wait, what?
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:18
Ok that helps A LOT. really puts everything in context. When it’s not infuriating I bet it’s really interesting.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:20
I feel so smug about my neighborhood. Yeah, it’s in the burbs but it’s outside of DC so it’s crazy multicultural.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:26
Is today’s quote from Seinfeld?
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:29
I feel so smug about my neighborhood.
I’m kind of partial to my neighborhood. Not really what you would call multicultural, unless you count black bears, grizzlies, cougars, big horn sheep, and the occaasional moose.
noen said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:34
Discrimination:
1. The cognitive process whereby two or more stimuli are distinguished.
2. Unfair treatment of a person or group on the basis of prejudice.
Walter E. Williams is unable to discriminate between two very different meanings of the same word. This proves that Walter is the true liberal here.
Buncha word bigots ya are.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:34
Shut the front door! Wow, that’s some neighborhood. Gorgeous! Most we ever get is some deer in our greeny/tree areas.
DrDick said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:39
Wow, that’s some neighborhood. Gorgeous!
Best part is that everything you see there belongs to all of us. It is in the Rattlesnake National Recreation Area, just outside of town here and 20 minutes from my home.
Smut Clyde said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:46
Does Dolly Parton Sleep On Her Back?
Moar research & observations are called for.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:49
DrDick, Montana is one of the MANY states in this nation I want to explore. I’ve seen some snapshots of it in some of the shelter mags I get and it looks just…magical.
Freedom Is The Anti-Bias said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:51
You liberals are all nuts, this website and the pathetic president you cheer on are proof. Can’t wait for November when we TAKE BACK USA!
Gary Ruppert said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:52
The fact is, left wing is what Hitler was and what Obama is. They want to give all the lazy things for free but there is a prince to be paid.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:53
OK, since it’s Saturday afternoon and it’s quiet around here (trolls are QUIET), I have to ask: are there any horror movie aficionados here? When I was a kid, horror was verboten, so I feel like I’m making up for lost time now. But there’s so little out there in the way of truly good horror. So I’ve started to get into Japanese/French/Spanish horror. Anyone else?!!!!!
Freud said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:54
INteresting.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:55
Just watched Repulsion, which is not classified as horror but could be. Ditto the first fifteen minutes of Mystic River.
Anything with Olsen twins scares me.
exford legs said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:56
Spanish horror
L’Orfonato was good.
Freud said,
August 7, 2010 at 22:59
The Orphanage? I’ve thought about giving that a try. Last Spanish film I saw was a sci-fi-tinged/murder mystery short. Interesting stuff.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:00
Oops, that was me. Do you think Freud would be a horror fan?
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:02
Sounds incredibly interesting. Especially the part about Polanski directing a film about childhood trauma.
mycroft said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:03
Vacuum:
I’ve been re-watching cheesy vampire movies of the 80s lately–Fright Night 2, My Best Friend is a Vampire (w/Robert Sean Leonard!), and Vamp in the past week. This is all research for a very important writing project.
Which French horror films have you watched? I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a good French horror movie, and now I’m curious.
Can’t make any good recommendations because I’m not sure what you’re looking for (my own horror appetite lately has tended toward cheesy/sentimental/witty) but I think pretty much any horror fan would appreciate Dead Snow, a Norwegian film about Nazi zombies, cursed gold, and pretty med school students of both major human sexes. Bonus: The only English lines in the film are a quote from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (“Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.”)
Also, somewhat excitingly, James Cameron is producing another effort to film Lovecraft and this one may just work because he’s rich enough at this point (and apparently sufficiently devoted to Lovecraft) not to care much about commercial viability.
exford legs said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:05
Freud would find horror films -very- interesting.
exford legs said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:05
‘Could you pass ze coke?’
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:07
For reals? I think the French are making the most fucked-up, in-your-face, balls-to-the-wall horror out there.
Of course all the examples I’m about to give are horribly flawed, but I don’t think anyone else is making horror that makes me says “WTF?!!!” these days save the French.
High Tension
Martyrs
The Ordeal
Seen any of them?
Plus, the best horror movie in 10 years, the remake of “The Hills Have Eyes” was directed by Alexandre Aja. What kind of drugs are the French taking? Do not want.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:09
Also, I’m obsessed with “The Descent,”which I found so claustrophobic and bold and scary and straightforward and girl-power-y.
Smut Clyde said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:11
Cronenberg — Rabid, The Brood.
I once had to spend 9 weeks in Canberra on a training course and the general mise-en-scene and atmosphere was like being stuck in a Cronenberg / Ballard collaboration.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:13
Cronenberg horror? “Crash.” But, seriously, Smut, I will go google your choices now.
Smut Clyde said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:14
The fashion choices alone will leave you aghast.
Angry Geometer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:15
I much prefer Hunan Events, the Human Events of Chinese food.
actor212 said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:17
There’s a term for ol’ Wally…he must be somebody’s uncle…I wonder if his nickname is Tom?
actor212 said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:18
Help me out here – I don’t get the title. I need to stop living in a shoebox.
You’re not thinking about boobs enough.
This, despite my best efforts to raise the boob level around here…
Smut Clyde said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:20
I think the French are making the most fucked-up, in-your-face, balls-to-the-wall horror out there.
I have not been able to watch “In My Skin”. A serious of unfortunate career choices have desensitised me to scenes of physical trauma but some things are too fucked up even for me.
J— said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:21
What I want to know, once and for all, is: does the pope shit in the woods?
Oh, if there is a God, give me a sign.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:21
That is work best left to padded bras. Unless you’re all volunteering to walk behind us and push our boobs up from behind. I reckon your arms would get tired quickly.
BradyB said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:21
The makers of Martyrs need to do a Hellraiser remake. That last scene gave my nuts the same feeling they get when the rollercoaster starts its descent.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:21
Cronenberg horror? “Crash.”
Based on a Ballard novel. If you want to read horror that’s always called sci-fi, try Ballard’s urban trilogy: Crash, Concrete Island, and High Rise. Having lived in several high-rises, I find the last to be more of a documentary than fiction.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:23
Yeah, I’m not sure I’m up for that either.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:25
I thought the whole movie fell apart when you finally found out what the motivation for the horror was. And the gore was too much for me. But the first two acts fucked me up in a good way.
S. cerevisiae said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:25
Cameron is doing Lovecraft? Which one? Maybe At the Mountains of Madness or The Dreams in the Witch House?
I only hope he does it justice. I loves me some HPL.
Cerberus said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:25
My favorite horror movie was Jacob’s Ladder. If you don’t mind your horror/mystery campy and yet simultaneously kinda interesting and deep, then there’s a japanese movie called Pyrokinesis that’s worth a watch.
Most Japanese horror will fuck you up in general though that one’s pretty tame.
Original Ringu, Audtion, Battle Royale – Not so tame
And if you ever think you are too jaded, watch “Suicide Club”. If you don’t cringe at least once you have ceased to be human (uggh, bowling alley of horror).
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:26
Pan’s Labyrinth. Seriously.
Smut Clyde said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:27
A serious of unfortunate career choices
I TYPED “SERIES”.
Teh Irritable Vowel Syndrome is playing up again.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:28
Pan’s Labyrinth was so disappointing to me. I just wanted it to be all the girl’s fantasies. Whenever it back back to fascist Spain, I just sighed and yawned.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:29
Pan’s Labyrinth was so disappointing to me. I just wanted it to be all the girl’s fantasies. Whenever it back back to fascist Spain, I just sighed and yawned.
See, I saw it as a horror movie, not a drama, and the fantasies and reality were just flip sides of a really horrible coin.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:29
Seen them all. I’m still not quite what sure to make of “Audition.”
I will definitely give Suicide Club a try.
Smut Clyde said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:31
Having lived in several high-rises, I find the last to be more of a documentary than fiction.
Also inspiration for a boffo Hawkwind track.
vacuumslayer said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:32
They were, but I just wanted it all to be in that fantasy world. When they went back to real life, it was jarring for me. But this is coming from a woman who’s (whose? I never know) head is in the clouds 23 hours out of the day. I can’t be objective about this sort of thing.
Cerberus said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:36
vacuumslayer-
You might also like Pyrokinesis, it’s campy on the surface and filled with a lot of exaggerated characters but it has surprising pathos and some good anti-establishment and feminist undertones that slip in there. Plus enough story for like 2 or 3 movies in the amount of time of 1 movie.
exford legs said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:37
Yep, I couldn’t sit through ‘Audition’. I had to bail out.
mycroft said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:39
High Tension
Martyrs
The Ordeal
I guess I wasn’t counting Haute Tension because I’ve been fixated on horror with a supernatural element. I have not yet seen Martyrs though it’s queued. I did like Calvaire but always count that as a Dutch film that happens to be in French.
Cameron is doing Lovecraft? Which one? Maybe At the Mountains of Madness or The Dreams in the Witch House?
Mountains of Madness. That’s promising, since I can actually picture a big budget big special effects version of that film working out reasonably well (despite DFW’s fairly reliable rule that as f/x budgets increase suspense decreases).
My horror fanboy wet dream would be Lynch directing Dreams in the Witch House or Cronenberg doing Whisperer in the Darkness (more like Cronenberg circa 1980something doing Whisperer in the Darkness but then anyway….)
tigris said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:43
What I want to know, once and for all, is: does the pope shit in the woods?
Smut has posted a picture from a zoo’s pope enclosure.
Too-Proud: Native American said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:46
Like they said 300 years ago.
THERE GOES THE FUCKING CONTINENT!!
Steerpike said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:47
I don’t know about horror films, but for a complete mind-fuck, try reading “perdido Street Station” by China Mieville. I’m on my third go-round right now and just. fucking. wow. Anybody here hip to Slake Moths?
S. cerevisiae said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:48
Sweet! I can just see the sweeping Antarctic vistas. If he does it right I think the suspense could really build.
tigris said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:50
Not a huge horror fan, so take these with a grain of salt, but this film gave me actual running chills. This also has some very spooky moments. Psychological rather than gory, though, for both.
mycroft said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:51
I don’t know about horror films, but for a complete mind-fuck, try reading “perdido Street Station” by China Mieville. I’m on my third go-round right now and just. fucking. wow. Anybody here hip to Slake Moths?
It’s been six or seven years since I read it, but I recall really digging Perido Street Station around the time it came out. Actually I’m a big fan of Mieville’s work–it’s sometimes too ambitious and he occasionally gets about a “C” for delivery, but I like what he tries to do.
g said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:53
We watched Todd Brownings’ “Freaks” last night. That was pretty creepy.
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:55
Someone who actually knows some history takes on Newt: http://gotmedieval.blogspot.com/2010/08/professor-newts-distorted-history.html
N__B said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:56
We watched Todd Brownings’ “Freaks” last night. That was pretty creepy.
Of course, any time a newbie comes here I start chanting “one of us…one of us…”
tigris said,
August 7, 2010 at 23:57
We watched Todd Brownings’ “Freaks” last night. That was pretty creepy.
I’ve ever been able to finish that, it is VERY creepy.
Steerpike said,
August 8, 2010 at 0:01
I have greedily devoured everything Mieville has written. Perdido is his best, IMO, and its sequels, The Scar and The Iron Council were almost as good. His first, King Rat, like Neal Stephenson’s earlier books, show the promise of the great writer he would one day become, and his most recent, The City and the City, much like Stephenson’s Anathem, show a bit of overreach, and a misplaced desire to Be Taken Seriously.
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 0:30
. His first, King Rat, like Neal Stephenson’s earlier books, show the promise of the great writer he would one day become
I think the comparison to Stephenson is on the money. King Rat is actually probably my sentimental favorite, though I agree Perdido is probably his best work overall.
Sheesh said,
August 8, 2010 at 0:49
Audition affected me deeply, such that I couldn’t masturbate for weeks.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 0:58
I bet none of you bitches lollygag like I do–fiercely.
Ha! I’m pretty sure I could give you a run for the money, girl.
I watched The Orphanage recently, and I found it to be creepy, but not particularly scary. I really only like supernatural horror, though I’ll watch gory shit if it’s good enough. Honestly, besides The Exorcist, which I saw when I was 11, the movie that has scared the shit out of me most was the American remake of Ringu. I mean MUCH more than the original. Embarrassingly enough, I had to cover up the TV in our bedroom for a couple of days with a blanket.
Oh, and alien abduction movies scare the shit out of me.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:00
I read King Rat in the 8th grade and it gave me nightmares for weeeeeeeks…
I haven’t seen The Audition yet. I’m a little afraid of it.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:02
Oh, and I haven’t read any of Clavell’s stuff since King Rat because I was so deeply scarred…maybe I need to.
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:05
Oh, and I haven’t read any of Clavell’s stuff since King Rat because I was so deeply scarred…maybe I need to.
We were posting about Mieville’s King Rat, not Clavell’s. Though Clavell’s was also quite jarring and disturbing but for distinctly different reasons.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:07
We were posting about Mieville’s King Rat, not Clavell’s. Though Clavell’s was also quite jarring and disturbing but for distinctly different reasons.
Ah ha! That’s what I get for skimming while drunk.
gocart mozart said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:12
I posted this on alicublog when it was On Topic but I feel like reposting it here because nothing is ever off topic here. Let’s hope the twenty teens will also be the Al Franken Decade.
Jane Curtin: Well, the 1970′s are in their final month, and with some thoughts on this decade and the one we’re about to enter, here’s Weekend Update’s Social Sciences Editor Al Franken.
Al Franken: Thank you, Jane. Well, the “me” decade is almost over, and good riddance, and far as I’m concerned. The 70′s were simply 10 years of people thinking of nothing but themselves. No wonder we were unable to get together and solve any of the many serious problems facing our nation. Oh sure, some people did do some positive things in the 70′s – like jogging – but always for the wrong reasons, for their own selfish, personal benefit. Well, I believe the 80′s are gonna have to be different. I think that people are going to stop thinking about themselves, and start thinking about me, Al Franken. That’s right. I believe we’re entering what I like to call the Al Franken Decade. Oh, for me, Al Franken, the 80′s will be pretty much the same as the 70′s. I’ll still be thinking of me, Al Franken. But for you, you’ll be thinking more about how things affect me, Al Franken. When you see a news report, you’ll be thinking, “I wonder what Al Franken thinks about this thing?”, “I wonder how this inflation thing is hurting Al Franken?” And you women will be thinking, “What can I wear that will please Al Franken?”, or “What can I not wear?” You know, I know a lot of you out there are thinking, “Why Al Franken?” Well, because I thought of it, and I’m on TV, so I’ve already gotten the jump on you. So, I say let’s leave behind the fragmented, selfish 70′s, and go into the 80′s with a unity and purpose. That’s what I think. I’m Al Franken. Jane?
Jane Curtin: Thank you, Al. That’s the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Smut Clyde said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:15
Original Ringu, Audtion, Battle Royale – Not so tame
There is only one Battle Heater.
Cure, Pulse, Retribution from Kiyoshi Kurosawa.
Marebito, memorably reviewed as “as mad as a barrel of green squirrels dancing a jig on a giant blue flower.”
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:17
“The 90s are gonna make the 60s look like the 50s” Big Audio Dynamite, Free
Ann Onymous said,
August 8, 2010 at 1:44
Yes, being despised at the outset because of your skin color or gender appearance or appearance of sexual preference… That’s All Fine And Dandy, because no one is responsible for their own biases. It’s society’s fault, according to Walter E. Williams, and we’re all OK just letting social norms dictate who we hate. After all, it might be hard to reconcile our hatred with a newfound human and humane connection to individuals we previously feared. Better to avoid such contradictions at all cost.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:05
Am I in the right blog? Is this Making Light?
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:05
POOP
POOP
POOP
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:14
Someone’s been eating her fiber!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:20
EVERYBODY POOP NOW!
~
KWillow said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:21
The scariest Movie EVER is “The Haunting”, starring Julie Harris. B&W (I think) based on Shirley Jackson’s Haunting of Hill House.
No monsters, no visible ghosts, kinda noisy in parts.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:21
Above I see an interest in horror.
Ted’s caving page
All text of course, but that’s the best kind.
Larkspur said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:26
Whoa. Is this what entropy means to me?
I am house-sitting. The Beloved Dog is snoring. I am not permitted to use the Big House’s fancy state-of-the-art television apparatus, but not to worry: I can get limited cable TV in the Little House (aka The Guest House – very very cozy). So I can’t order up any special movies. But I may watch “Deep Impact” later. That movie is seriously underrated. There are some good parts to it. Big wave action. Tea Leoni. Morgan Freeman as President Obama. It’s kind of cool. I saw it first in the movie theater because at the time, the only thing on TV was the Jerry Seinfeld series finale, and since I’d never seen one single episode, and everyone else had, I figured, hey, no crowd at the cineplex. I was right. I don’t know if I was right for my particular reasons, but it was a diverting entertainment experience.
I can picture Tea Leoni gulping that double martini right now. Makin’ me thirsty.
As for The Topic: is this guy really trying to make a point about racial profiling being, like, the total opposite of requiring routine guy mammograms? I think I will send him an asteroid.
Steerpike said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:26
What’s this? I go away for 2 whole hours and ther’re what? a measly 18 posts? The hell? You people starting to get lives or something?
Larkspur said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:28
I have only screamed once while in a movie theater, and that was during the last part of “Wait Until Dark” (1967). I think it was just after the opening of the refrigerator door….
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:29
“Deep Impact”
The only apocalypse chick flick ever made.
Not bad, actually.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:41
At the very end of the first Jason movie everyone in the theater stood up and screamed. It was the most amazing thing I ever felt. It was like someone yanked on a string and I stood involuntarily.
Honus said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:42
“The Devils” with Oliver Reed if you cab find it. based on “The Devils of Loudin” by Aldous Huxley. 1971, originally rated X. Scary as shit and has he added benefit of being a true story.
Honus said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:43
“The Devils” with Oliver Reed if you can find it. based on “The Devils of Loudin” by Aldous Huxley. 1971, originally rated X. Scary as shit and has he added benefit of being a true story.
James Cameron said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:45
The Old Ones were Men. They were Men!
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:46
EVERYBODY POOP NOW!
I was just reading John Masefield’s old adventure-fluff novel The Taking of the Gry and in it a young naval officer is describedhttp://www.sadlyno.com/archives/32785.html#comments as a “poop-ornament.”
I’ve been laughing about that phrase ever since and thought I’d share it here.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:47
Oops, pardon the pasted-in comments link there.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:47
What’s this? I go away for 2 whole hours and ther’re what? a measly 18 posts? The hell? You people starting to get lives or something?
I’m trying to *pretend* like I have a life, at least. I mean, I could post 10-12 times in a row, but that’s pathetic and would probably make me cry later.
g said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:50
Has anyone started drinking yet?
Lurking Canadian said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:51
Just to be contrarian, I will point out that I could not stand Perdido Street Station.
When Stephen King writes about writing, he talks about the “hole in the page” (Misery is rife with this metaphor, but it shows up under another name in On Writing). Basically, he’s saying that the writer should get out of the way and let you experience the story. I like that kind of writing.
Perdido Street Station is the only Mieville I’ve read, but if it’s characteristic, then Mieville does the exact opposite. He’s like a little organ grinder monkey jumping up and down in the corner saying, “Look at me! Look, that guy’s kissing a bug! Aren’t I weird? Look, they’re walking through filth! Again! Aren’t I weird? Aren’t I edgy?”
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:54
noen:
Ted’s Caving Page is still one of my favorite things on the internet. Wicked creepy.
Chris said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:55
I think the French are making the most fucked-up, in-your-face, balls-to-the-wall horror out there.
I can’t remember the English title, but “Diaboliques” was a great movie I saw recently – old school French horror flick.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 2:59
Has anyone started drinking yet?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yes.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:11
The Mrs. is with friends in the burbs. It’s just me, Old Overholt on the rocks, Silent Hill (almost over) and then Max Payne.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:20
I need to go buy more drink ingredients.
I would have done so already, except Dr. Dick (IF that is his real name) has got me searching youtuber for Jim “Reverend Horton” Heath videos.
~
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:21
N__B, I sense that you enjoy video game movies as much as I do. Have you ever seen that one that’s not actually based on a video game, but it’s a horror movie that incorporates a video game in it, a la The Ring? It is awesome.
I am listening to 90s indie rock and getting ready to go out. Maybe.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:22
If you’re curious, right now I’m listening to Cannonball by The Breeders, which is the fucking quintessential 90s soft loud soft song. Fuck Nirvana.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:25
N__B, I sense that you enjoy video game movies as much as I do. Have you ever seen that one that’s not actually based on a video game, but it’s a horror movie that incorporates a video game in it, a la The Ring?
There’s The Game, which was the last time Michael Douglas actually tried to act. The Ring was okay, but for whatever reason didn’t strike a chord with me.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:25
Love the Breeders.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:29
There’s The Game, which was the last time Michael Douglas actually tried to act. The Ring was okay, but for whatever reason didn’t strike a chord with me.
Hm, no. I was talking about “Stay Alive,” which took me about 4 minutes to Google, sadly enough. It’s terrible, but I’d put it between Silent Hill and Max Payne (with Silent Hill being at the top).
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:29
I secretly love The Breeders more than I love The Pixies…
M. Bouffant said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:31
“Lullaby of Birdland,” George Shearing.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:31
I should also point out I have zero patience for game movies when I don’t know the game. I played Max Payne and MP2 into the ground.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:33
Er, I meant “loud soft loud.”
IFTTDY: Reverend Horton Heat is immensely entertaining. I recommend not listening to anything past about, uh, 2003 if I were you, though.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:34
I should also point out I have zero patience for game movies when I don’t know the game. I played Max Payne and MP2 into the ground.
Well, see, this isn’t a real video game. It’s just like, the video game becomes part of people’s lives and they die. So maybe you wouldn’t like it. It really is pretty bad.
I watched Surrogates today. It was fucking terrible.
PurpleOnion said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:35
I am on pins and needles of anticipation for “them” to take America back to a time when:
spousal abuse was a family secret,
child abuse only occurred when a weapon was used instead of parents’ fists,
no one complained about child abuse unless there were broken bones,
minorities knew their place, including the Irish,
lynchings expedited justice,
white supremacy was a given,
cops carried a “throw away” weapon,
lard was a vegetable,
drinking and driving was a convenience,
finger printing was not invented,
religion dominated politics,
the Geneva Convention was not written,
international law did not exist,
robber barons were dominant,
a cop could be bribed for $20,
members of the mob were good neighbors,
enemies could be labeled as communists,
peace activists were appeasers,
John Wayne, Art Linkletter, and Pat Boone were heroes,
Superman was not a gay actor,
Spam was a meal,
Ronald Reagan was king,
Dick Cheney ran things,
people did what they were told,
Americans trusted their superiors,
women could be sexually harrassed,
women knew their place,
Jesus was white,
Arabs did not know the value of oil,
consumers could not sue or complain,
sentimentality was a powerful manipulator,
Hollywood cheated talent and disrespected audiences,
TV dinners were thought to be a miracle,
advertisers could say whatever they chose,
product safety was not important,
people were naive’ about the environment and pollution,
there were no regulations to prevent the powerful from harming the less fortunate,
wars were for defense,
torture was a secret,
corporate influence was hidden in the shadows,
more people were suckers,
status mitigated punishment,
America was delusional,
the science of sociology did not exist,
one’s mother was god,
when fratricide was not shocking,
trust was ignorance,
kindness stupidity,
and when asshole were free to be assholes.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:36
I watched Surrogates today. It was fucking terrible.
I knew that just from Willis’s toupee in the trailer.
PurpleOnion said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:37
assholes not asshole
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:38
I knew that just from Willis’s toupee in the trailer.
Well, yeah, so did I. I just make it a point to watch awful science fictiony/thriller movies. For free, at least.
Half the fucking exposition was a news report or some shit.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:38
“Has anyone started drinking yet?”
I cannot drink per my lease agreement.
“Ted’s Caving Page is still one of my favorite things on the internet. Wicked creepy.”
I only just discovered it. I’m reading it now.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:40
I cannot drink per my lease agreement.
You should delouse.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:42
PurpleOnion said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:35
Hey, approximately 30 out of approximately 48 ain’t bad.
M. Bouffant said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:42
TV dinners are a miracle.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:44
I cannot drink per my lease agreement.
Oh, sweet Jesus, what? When I sober up, I’m going to have to examine my lease again…
Meanwhile, still thinking about vampire movies said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:48
…Cronos, anyone? I mean, it’s even got bugs.
And when’s the last time you licked up blood from the floor of a men’s bathroom?
Oh. Well, nevermind then.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:49
T&U – Where I live is a HUD subsidized building for homeless folks. To qualify to live here you have to be homeless and off drink and drugs and/or seeing a therapist and taking your meds. I don’t have a drinking problem. I don’t usually disclose a lot of personal info but I thought I’d be sociable for once.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:53
Where I live is a HUD subsidized building for homeless folks. To qualify to live here you have to be homeless and off drink and drugs and/or seeing a therapist and taking your meds. I don’t have a drinking problem. I don’t usually disclose a lot of personal info but I thought I’d be sociable for once.
Ah ha. That’s kind of what I thought–please forgive my tasteless joke.
Spaghetti Lee said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:56
And when’s the last time you licked up blood from the floor of a men’s bathroom?
My own, or someone else’s?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 3:59
My own, or someone else’s?
I was going to say something about other bodily fluids, but this is much better….
PS, am I insane in thinking that you’re an MU student?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:05
PPS: Sorry if that’s creepy. I tend to have a very, very good memory for stuff that people say and I always freak them out when I bring it back up…
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:08
an MU student?
Of all the letters in all the alphabets in all the world, he had to walk into mu.
Hysterical Woman said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:12
I watched Audition on YouTube not knowing anything about it, except not to trust women with long black hair and white clothes. It is two-thirds (questionable) romance movie, one third omigod.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:12
Of all the letters in all the alphabets in all the world, he had to walk into mu.
You’re not succeeding in making me feel less creepy.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:13
Why do people like horror?
I’m reading that Ted’s cave web page and it’s a little creepy but not a lot. In the end it could all be a well written hoax. I have never had weird or creepy unexplainable experiences. Lot of other people I’ve know say they have. My little brother says when we were younger on the farm he saw a UFO. Not a light in the sky but a large object moving slowly over the fields. Other friends have said that they have visions or other things.
None of this stuff ever checks out. In a way maybe it would be nice to think there are aliens in the skies or demons under the ground. Maybe that’s why people like this stuff. I don’t, not particularly. If it’s well written or a well made movie, maybe, but not otherwise. Maybe I’m weird.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:19
You’re not succeeding in making me feel less creepy.
Oh, was that the goal?
In college, a girlfriend say that being with me was like being shipwrecked and finding a rock in the middle of the ocean to hang onto. I was cold, hard, and covered with slime, but she was glad I was there.
I think she liked me.
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:22
said, too.
Spaghetti Lee said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:31
Why yes. Yes I am.
Lurking Canadian said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:42
In college, a girlfriend say that being with me was like being shipwrecked and finding a rock in the middle of the ocean to hang onto. I was cold, hard, and covered with slime, but she was glad I was there.
I wouldn’t know what to do with that. “Um…Thanks? I guess I’m glad you didn’t go with flotsam?”
N__B said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:44
I wouldn’t know what to do with that.
I went with “Uh…sure. Want another drink?”
Snorghagen said,
August 8, 2010 at 4:57
Cronos (1993) should not be confused with Kronos (1957), a classic so-bad-it’s-good 1950s horror flic.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:07
Why yes. Yes I am
Just curious, because I am an MU employee (don’t tell on me for slacking off all the time). And a recent graduate of an MU graduate program.
But I am also a KU grad, so, like, go fuck yourself?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:08
I wouldn’t know what to do with that.
Better than “you complete me” or some shit.
DrDick said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:21
But I am also a KU grad
Harrumph! Oklahoma ’87 (Ph.D.).
Lurking Canadian said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:21
Better than “you complete me” or some shit.
Maybe so, but then again, I wouldn’t know what to do with “You complete me”, either.
I’m just drunk enough to feel mellow about the whole universe, so I will wish you all a good night.
Spaghetti Lee said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:32
go fuck yourself?
M-I-Z-Fuck-K-U, and such as.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:36
eMU
Just sayin’.
~
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 5:48
In college, a girlfriend once told me dating me was like always being at a really great party. She actually said “You’re a drunken chaotic mess and evenings with you sooner or later descend into glib, shallow conversations and gay new wave songs played way too loud,” but that’s pretty much what a great party is.
g said,
August 8, 2010 at 6:03
I successfully drank gin tonight. Who’da thought? Gin usually makes me gag.
g said,
August 8, 2010 at 6:07
Actually – I should be more clear. I had a gimlet made with Hendricks gin – normally I can’t drink gin, but withe the lime juice and bit of sugar, it was surprisingly palatable. After we finished our cocktails, I successfully made the most awesome savory tart you’ll ever taste, with zucchini, tomato, onion and French Comte cheese, then my spouse made an authentic Caesar salad.
My pie-crust-making study is turning out to be quite productive.
Now I’m polishing off a bottle of sauvignon blanc in my pajamas.
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 6:14
Actually – I should be more clear. I had a gimlet made with Hendricks gin – normally I can’t drink gin, but withe the lime juice and bit of sugar, it was surprisingly palatable. After we finished our cocktails, I successfully made the most awesome savory tart you’ll ever taste, with zucchini, tomato, onion and French Comte cheese, then my spouse made an authentic Caesar salad.
Anatomy of an evening w/girlfriend at a conference out of town:
Glenfiddich neat. Miami Vice Season 1. Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. A couple of Nabokov short stories.
cAnceR haT said,
August 8, 2010 at 6:17
“If you don’t mind your horror/mystery campy and yet simultaneously kinda interesting and deep, [ ]“
Two words – EVIL DEAD.
By the way, does profiling make all people in backwoods Arkansas think you have a pretty mouth and want to hear you squeal like a pig?
M. Bouffant said,
August 8, 2010 at 6:37
And what was that bottle of wine doing in your PJs?
<i.Kronos (’57) is actually one of the best (YMMV) of the B&W sci-fi drive-in flicks of the period.
Arky said,
August 8, 2010 at 6:48
I find a lot fucked up shit is funny. This is really, impressively not fucking funny.
Jennifer said,
August 8, 2010 at 7:08
Stephen King wrote a book-length treatise on horror, both written and cinematic, which not only attempts to answer noen’s question about why people like horror but also includes a pretty good list of horror movies. Of course since the book was written way back in the early-to-mid 80s, it won’t include anything written or filmed since then.
King makes what I think is a very astute point when he talks about why horror on film is so much harder to sustain than in print. It’s because film is so literal and a reader’s imagination can quite often conjure up something much worse than a filmmaker can portray. He also wrote about how whatever is popular in the horror genre at the moment is a pretty good barometer of repressed cultural fears – when you nuke people, they imagine monsters created by radiation; when your fears are xenophobic you get a lot of movies about hostile space aliens, body snatchers, and the like; and when old people worry about those damn kids on their lawn you get demon baby movies.
All that having been said, I thought The Ring was just pretty fucking creepy. The other one that still ranks up there for me is Kubrick’s The Shining, a deeply flawed film but one which I think mastered creating a feeling of foreboding better than any other I’ve ever seen. I hadn’t read the book before seeing it and that somehow made it worse when I did read the book; when I got to the lady in the bathtub I had those horrifying images to go with it. Though if King is correct, maybe that was a blessing – I might have imagined worse otherwise.
Oh, and the Stephen King book I was referring to is called Danse Macabre.
Ned Beatty said,
August 8, 2010 at 7:14
Bad Mangos!
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 7:15
Stephen King wrote a book-length treatise on horror, both written and cinematic, which not only attempts to answer noen’s question about why people like horror but also includes a pretty good list of horror movies. Of course since the book was written way back in the early-to-mid 80s, it won’t include anything written or filmed since then.
I really liked Danse Macabre. King had some weird axes to grind back then, especially against minimalism (I’m fully convinced this was mostly because Jay McIerney was mean to him once) in modern fiction. King has probably written about as lucidly as any modern writer about the appeal of weird fiction.
One thing that struck me about King was that he understood that when you upped the grossout factor (which he does often) you are really letting the reader off the hook. Gore and horror are mutually exclusive because the sight/thought of gore is a kind of release, and horror is all about preventing release and building tension. That’s another reason so few horror movies are actually scary.
Matt T. said,
August 8, 2010 at 8:24
First, my neighborhood is the French Quarter, and that’s pretty neat. Second, I like horror movies for the most part, but off the top of my head, the only ones I’d recommend for actual viewing would be John Carpenter’s The Thing and Prince of Darkness, the latter which scared my brother so badly he quit watching horror movies with me. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen a good horror movie since I don’t know when. The ones that aren’t tedious torture porn like Saw or Hostel are gunked up with bad CGI and even worse acting. Who would’ve thought that after the ’80s the thespian quality in gut-munchers would actually go down?
Now, this is what happened to me tonight at work. About an hour-and-a-half before the end of the shift, some yayhoo walks right into the kitchen and the following conversation occurs
Guy: “Do you have foie gras?”
Me: “Uh, no.”
Guy: “Well, it’s French.”
Me: “Okay.” [Beat as the guy just stares at me] “We don’t have it.”
Guy: “Do you know any restaurant that would have it?”
Me: “Hell, I don’t know, you might try Court of Two Sisters or Palace Cafe.”
Guy: “They don’t. Who else?”
Me: “I really don’t know. Sorry.”
The guy then turns and walks out the door, leaving said door open, without another word. Number one, I’m a cook, not a restaurant guide. Number two, this is New Orleans, not Paris and “Creole” is not synonymous with “French”, cuisine-wise. Number three, dude, don’t just walk into my kitchen. That’s a good way of getting something that’s either sharp or recently exposed to flame thrown at you.
gocart mozart said,
August 8, 2010 at 8:49
What is foie gras? French for oregano?
wiley said,
August 8, 2010 at 8:55
I read “The Shining” when it came out, and for reasons I can’t remember I was at an aunt’s house alone. When I got to the prostitute in the bathtub scene I had to go to the bathroom. The curtains were drawn across the bathtub, so I ended up reading the rest of the book instead. Boy was I relieved when my aunt got home.
gocart mozart said,
August 8, 2010 at 9:03
I think Actor 212 might be interested in this. It is a shame that Dr Pezzi has now been blacklisted by the reality community and that coward Breibart.
http://www.sexualtips.net/penis_enlargement.htm
Writing Advanced Enlargement and The Science of Sex took several years of working 100 hours per week. They’re packed with information that is worth infinitely more than what I’m asking for them. How do you put a price on your happiness and fulfillment in life? It’s difficult to do that, but it isn’t difficult to realize that my books are unquestionably worth buying and reading.
One of my friends told me a true story that illustrates this point. She had a gorgeous friend (I’ll call her Jessica) who was dating Mark, a handsome, personable, successful stockbroker. Things were going so well for them that wedding bells seemed to be in the near future. Then something happened . . . .
After kissing and hugging one day, Jessica slipped her hand into Mark’s pants, finding a penis that did not meet her expectations. She withdrew her hand as if she’d touched a poisonous spider and avoided him thereafter as if he had a raging case of the bubonic plague.
Mark was probably devastated by how he was dumped so suddenly, but I’ve heard of worse cases in which men committed suicide because they’d rather die than go through life with a penis that isn’t large enough. Of course, most men aren’t dumped by their fiancées, and most men don’t kill themselves because they don’t measure up “down there.” However, many men (probably the majority of men) go through life wishing they had a larger penis. I know that I can help men achieve that goal, so I know that Advanced Enlargement is worth much more than $49. I’ve thought about increasing its price substantially, probably in the range of $300 or so. You could spend more than that for an iPod or a one-day vacation!
justme said,
August 8, 2010 at 9:12
Best. Picture. In. Ages.
Seriously.
justme said,
August 8, 2010 at 9:18
RE: Pezzi.
This little tidbit he penned says a lot.
Sheesh said,
August 8, 2010 at 11:13
>> I watched Surrogates today. It was fucking terrible.
> I knew that just from Willis’s toupee in the trailer.
I watched it and didn’t think it was all fucking terrible. There were some bits I kinda liked. I think the ridiculous hair on his surrogate was kinda intentional.
Anonymous said,
August 8, 2010 at 12:46
Oh, and the Stephen King book I was referring to is called Danse Macabre.
That’s a fun book. Tracking down some of the fiction and media he discusses in there is worth it, particularly Arch Oboler’s “Drop Dead! An Exercise in Horror”, which turns up digitized from download now and again.
As for horror films… I watch a lot of vintage stuff (Universal and Hammer era) and while much of it doesn’t have the power to scare any more, it often has a lot of charm– and then surprises you when it’s STILL scary.
cAnceR haT said,
August 8, 2010 at 13:02
Hey, isn’t this thread about Dolly Parton sleeping on her back?
Can’t we just talk about BOOBS?
LD said,
August 8, 2010 at 13:05
[blockquote]
justme said,
August 8, 2010 at 9:12
Best. Picture. In. Ages.
Seriously.
[/blockquote]
I’d actually love to see someone in the rally holding two signs: “God hates fags” on one hand, and “brits better stop smoking” in another.
S. cerevisiae said,
August 8, 2010 at 14:39
What, no love for Night of the Lepus?
S. cerevisiae said,
August 8, 2010 at 15:34
The horror of the giant bunnies must have killed the thread.
Larkspur said,
August 8, 2010 at 15:41
It’s always risky to invoke bunnies. Especially on the internet. Especially in regard to movies. I think it was the time one of them got boiled that did it. Changed everything. It’s like a horror story or something.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 8, 2010 at 15:42
Death Bunny
~
Carribbean Walrus said,
August 8, 2010 at 15:49
Best French Horror Walrus movie: Le Penguin Waddled From Le Grave
tigris said,
August 8, 2010 at 16:21
The scariest Movie EVER is “The Haunting”
aHEM!. It is a great movie. That door scene creeps me out just thinking about it.
Anonymous said,
August 8, 2010 at 16:29
What, no love for Night of the Lepus?
I’d like to read the book it was supposedly based on, Year of the Angry Rabbit, whose plot sounds almost completely unlike what the movie came up with (Australia decides to deal with its rabbit problem by engineering a new strain of myxomatosis, which turns out to not be particularly effective on rabbits– but VERY effective on humans. Hello new bioweapons world superpower…).
Scott said,
August 8, 2010 at 16:47
Yes, yes, yes to “The Haunting.” Wonderfully scary movie based on a wonderfully scary book.
Also love “Night of the Demon,” a ’57 thriller starring Dana Andrews. The spotlighted demon is an absolutely awful effect and it shows up on most of the DVD covers, so a lot of folks pass it over ’cause they figure it must be lame. But it isn’t — it’s got some excellent scares in it, usually very subtle and creepy, with some great acting, especially from Niall McGinnis, who plays the world’s most charming Satanist.
I could do a long, long list of my favorite horror movies, but I’m not sure anyone wants that…
vacuumslayer said,
August 8, 2010 at 16:59
Sorry to threadjack and run last night. My better half and I had a dinner date last night and let’s just say the DC trains were not running on time. Didn’t get home ’til midnight.
I’m trying to get caught up on everyone’s posts.
Jennifer, The Shining was one of the reasons horror became verboten in my house. I watched it, freaked out and couldn’t get to sleep afterward.
I thought The Ring was AMAZINGLY creepy. I would not go near my DVD player for a week after watching. What’s telling about that is the movie was about a VCR player!
Jack Elam said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:10
Oh, yeah, this is the guy that duck wanted to run for President.
Chris said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:24
Sorry to threadjack and run last night. My better half and I had a dinner date last night and let’s just say the DC trains were not running on time.
I know what you mean.
Teh Internetz said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:24
Did someone say bunny?
Jennifer said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:24
vs – can you believe, I’ve actually gotten into arguments online with people who claimed the made-for-TV version of the Shining starring Rebecca deMornay and that dude from Wings was the better of the two.
No fucking way. Those creepy twin girls, the woman in the bathtub, the overall look of the movie (those low-angle camera shots of the kid riding his bigwheel down the hall are in and of themselves creepy), but most of all, the music…Kubrick may have made a mess out of some of the details, since he threw in things that you just couldn’t get without the narrative of the hotel’s history…but in terms of the feel of the movie, he knocked it out of the park.
Nom de Plume said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:25
I’m reading that Ted’s cave web page and it’s a little creepy but not a lot. In the end it could all be a well written hoax.
Sure sign of a hoax: people returning again and again to a place that scared the shit out of them. People generally don’t do that.
Nom de Plume said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:31
King never got over the fact that Stanley fucking Kubrick dared to make changes to his masterpiece, and he always resented the original movie for that reason. So he bought the rights to his own book back from Kubrick so he could remake it. Kubrick included a clause in the contract stipulating that King could never mention the original movie again, which I’ve always thought was about the best contractual clause I’ve ever heard of.
g said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:33
So i want to know what Matt T’s restaurant DOES have on the menu.
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:39
King never got over the fact that Stanley fucking Kubrick dared to make changes to his masterpiece, and he always resented the original movie for that reason. So he bought the rights to his own book back from Kubrick so he could remake it. Kubrick included a clause in the contract stipulating that King could never mention the original movie again, which I’ve always thought was about the best contractual clause I’ve ever heard of.
Especially entertaining in light of the fact that Nabokov’s response to Kubrick’s Lolita was a something like a genial, “Well, it wasn’t my book but it was pretty and it helped make me even richer. So.”
Thackeray was conspicuously silent w/r/t Barry Lyndon.
vacuumslayer said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:40
Actually, King preferred that version, too. I never saw it, but I really like Steven Webber. I’m sure he did a great job.
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:41
Steven King is a fucking hack. Also.
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:44
And don’t even get me started on Stephen Webber.
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:46
No I’m fine this morning just fucking fine what’s it to you anyway now fuck off.
Looch said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:50
PM not good in the AM, apparently. Perhaps a BM?
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 17:53
And don’t even get me started on Stephen Webber.
Don’t diss the Webb man. He didn’t stop at merely animating Brian Hackett, the precursor to the burnt out ex preppy manchild archetype that would come into full-blown ascendancy during the late 90s*. He was then able to swallow his (considerable) pride and dedicate himself to becoming a competent, entertaining, occasionally subversive character actor. Now that he’s landed a recurring role on In Plain Sight, I expect that show to move to the next level as well.
Right. Look. I was in high school and I thought it was awesome he wore patterned shirts with clashing neckties and had curly whiteboy jazz horn player style hair. Still.
=============================
* If Doogie Howser was the Steve Malkmus of sitcom characters, then Brian Hackett was its Evan Dando.
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:03
To be honest, I haven’t seen any of those shows as i mostly stopped watching TV sometime around 1975. I am in truth pop ilculturate. Who is Evan Dando?
The BM was good but we were planning to dump the puppy at a (semipro dog trainer) friend’s place for one blessed day sans puppy and go for a fabulous motorcycle ride to Mt. St. Helens. And it’s fucking raining. IT DOESNT FUCKING RAIN HERE IN AUGUST GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.
Scott said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:03
I’ve known people who said they preferred the miniseries of “The Shining” to Kubrick’s movie. They usually argue that it’s the version that Stephen King prefers. My usual answer is “Oh, you mean the guy who directed ‘Maximum Overdrive’?”
vacuumslayer said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:04
You should see his twitters. They are seriously fucked up in a great way.
W. Kiernan said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:07
g: Has anyone started drinking yet?
I started drinking in 1971.
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:12
We likely have something in common WK. I too have been drunk just once in my life though only since 1974.
Pupienus Maximus said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:14
FSM how have I offended thee?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:27
King never got over the fact that Stanley fucking Kubrick dared to make changes to his masterpiece
King can go fuck himself. Seriously. He should have been stoked that Kubrick directed that movie at all, which is far superior to the book, IMHO. (Sorry, I just do not like Stephen King).
BTW, I’m having duck hash and poached eggs for brunch, and it’s pretty damned good.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:29
Also, coffee AND a bloody Mary.
S. cerevisiae said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:42
Duck hash? is that more like blonde Lebanese or black Afghani?
Anonymous said,
August 8, 2010 at 18:45
The spotlighted demon is an absolutely awful effect
Actually, for a man-in-suit monster it’s quite good– but it is totally out of keeping with the tone of the film (having been added in at the request of the producers who wrongly thought the movie was all sizzle and no steak).
As for The Shining, it’s one of those cases of “bad adaptation but good movie”. Then again, it seems like King’s favored narrative style, with lots and lots of things taking place in the head of this or that character, really wouldn’t translate well to the screen anyway.
vacuumslayer said,
August 8, 2010 at 19:19
Lurve Stephen King. You’d think a man that prolific would somehow churn out more crap. But I’ve actually been incredibly impressed with most of the stuff I’d read by him. And aside from being wonderfully, imaginative, he’s a true feminist.
mycroft said,
August 8, 2010 at 19:28
As for The Shining, it’s one of those cases of “bad adaptation but good movie”. Then again, it seems like King’s favored narrative style, with lots and lots of things taking place in the head of this or that character, really wouldn’t translate well to the screen anyway.
It’s weird that, for a spectacularly commercial writer who came of age when King came of age, he never got the hang of writing highly adaptable novels. I suppose it never mattered much–King was a franchise at a pretty young age and whether the adaptations turned out well or turned out poorly he was still cashing the cheques.
Still, character introspection in novels that are mostly churned out with a third person omniscient narrator is notoriously clumsy to film. Much of the genuinely spooky stuff in King happens as recollections/introspective asides/sudden realizations and involuntary memory chains. You’re right that this is unbelievably difficult to adapt well to film.
vacuumslayer said,
August 8, 2010 at 19:36
Oh, and I also think “The Shining” was a masterpiece, token Magical Negro aside.
Jennifer said,
August 8, 2010 at 19:50
Don’t diss Stephen King, even if he was wrong about Kubrick’s version of The Shining. The man is a great storyteller. His one major failing is that AFAIC, he generally can’t write good endings. He always tries to make everything ok in the end, and having read Danse Macabre, I understand that this is how he thinks it’s supposed to be in a horror-story arc. I don’t agree. I think it pretty much mitigates the impact of the horror itself. IMHO, the only book of his I’ve read that had an appropriate ending was Pet Sematary, because you just knew that as bad as everything that happened in the book had been, what happened after it ended might have been even worse.
vacuumslayer said,
August 8, 2010 at 19:51
BTW, on my Firefox tab, what I see is “Sadly, No! Does Dolly Parton”.
And I just want to say congrats. I’ve always liked her.
Bilo said,
August 8, 2010 at 20:19
I can picture Tea Leoni gulping lots of things. She shore got a purdy mouf.
noen said,
August 8, 2010 at 21:28
Well, I finished the “Ted’s Cave” story, Snopes says it is fiction and they even can locate the author. I thought it was very good and it started to really creep me out towards the end. But is that horror or suspense?
I’ve never cared much for Stephan King. He seems kind of reactionary to me. In the sense that his brand of horror constitutes a *reaction* to something that is “other” and it therefore tends to re-enforce traditional mores. Teens who are sexually active are the ones who get killed and so on.
tigris said,
August 8, 2010 at 21:40
Yeah, I read it, too; it was alright. Apparently 2 people claim to have written it: some internet guy apparently named Ted and Thomas Lera.
Larkspur said,
August 8, 2010 at 23:59
Tea Leoni in “Deep Impact”. God, she was cute and brave. I loved how she was running around at the beginning, trying to work her way up at MSNBC, wearing those preppy cotton shirts, pencil skirts, bare legs, sensible pumps, and pearls. And yep, Bilo, purdy mouf and I am feeling cheerful today so I won’t dwell on your possibly unsavory implications, I will simply take you literally – that is, I will take your words literally – and agree. I love big front teeth that show unless you intentionally shut your mouth. Skeet Ulrich has that too.
And I love Stephen King. I haven’t read nearly all his books, but I like what I’ve read, and his writing book is terrific. As far as movies, he needs to learn what Joseph Wambaugh eventually did (after much conflict and gnashing of teeth): just have your people get the best deal possible, and let it go.
One of the things I’ve always found intriguing is that in creating his novels, he takes his authorial role as God very seriously. He loves every single character, even the horrible, depraved, evil ones. That’s what I imagine God doing: understanding them, loving them, and then mightily smiting them the hell down. (Alannis Morrissette did that nicely in “Dogma”.)
And hell, yeah: I like it that he doesn’t hate women, but seems to regard them as fully human persons.
Larkspur said,
August 9, 2010 at 4:11
ze zread, I killz it. Killz it ded. Bwahahah. ::sob::
deering said,
August 9, 2010 at 5:30
“For a complete mind-fuck, try reading “perdido Street Station” by China Mieville.”
Ya. It’s on my short list of “If M. Night had had any sense/less ego, he would have adapted this years ago” books.
deering said,
August 9, 2010 at 5:40
“Also love “Night of the Demon,” a ’57 thriller starring Dana Andrews.”
Yeah, that’s a good one. It’s based on CASTING THE RUNES, a wonderful M. R. James short story. A flick that still scares me is CITY OF THE DEAD (aka HORROR HOTEL), which can best be described as a cross between BRIGADOON and BLACK SUNDAY. It’s never a good sign when your “History of Witchcraft” prof. is Christopher Lee…
deering said,
August 9, 2010 at 5:50
“And aside from being wonderfully, imaginative, he’s a true feminist.”
Yup. He also earns my undying respect for improving how he wrote non-white characters when it was pointed out to him that his early ones (in THE SHINING and THE STAND) were in “Magical Negro” territory. Instead of whining that evil PC-ism was cramping his style or not having any non-whites in his stories all together or doing the token thing, he upped his game and gave them the kind of research/fleshing-out his white characters got.
Anonymous said,
August 9, 2010 at 12:20
…[King's] brand of horror constitutes a *reaction* to something that is “other” and it therefore tends to re-enforce traditional mores.
I don’t have my copy of Danse Macabre here in hand, but I seem to remember that he argued that horror as a genre tended to be reactionary. So yeah.
Doctorb said,
August 10, 2010 at 6:13
And another thing: don’t think I feel sorry for you ’cause your daddy died. My father came back from the Korean War with his brains so scrambled, he thought he was Jesus! They put him in a nuthouse for five years, when he came out, he didn’t think he was Jesus no more, he thought he was God. Which made me Jesus. This shit got pretty heavy.
Origuy said,
August 10, 2010 at 8:33
When I was a kid, I used to love the British Hammer films. Not so much for the horror as for the boobies.