Jul
26

Possibly The Dumbest Thing Yet Said About Shirley Sherrod




Posted at 16:47 by Tintin


ABOVE: Jeffrey Lord

Jeffrey Lord, The American Spewtator
Sherrod Story False

  • Shirley Sherrod is a bigger liar than Andrew Breitbart because she claimed that a relative of hers was lynched when in fact he was merely beaten to death.*

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*The Dyer Anti-Lynching Bill, which served as a model for state anti-lynching laws, defines lynching as “depriving any person of his life without authority of law.” No ropes mentioned anywhere at all.

548 Comments »

  1. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:49

    HOLY FUCK.

    I want to know what the hell they’re thinking when they say shit like this.

  2. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:49

    Beatings don’t kill people. Massive internal hemorrhages kill people.

  3. Scott said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:51

    Not getting off the boat.

    But Jeffrey Lord sure as hell sounds like a guy who would benefit from getting his neck stretched.

  4. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:51

    I *so* wish I believed in hell.

  5. Scott said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:52

    And what do ya bet Herman Munster up there goes to church two or three times a week and thinks he’s got the moral high ground because of it.

  6. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:53

    I *so* wish I believed in hell.

    You don’t believe in other people? Solipsism run amok.

  7. Scott said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:54

    I *so* wish I believed in hell.

    I wish I believed in it, just so I could enjoy the looks on these guys’ faces when they got told, nope, not getting through the Pearly Gates. Sure, I’d be stuck in hell with ‘em, but I’d like to think those few seconds of Schadenfreude would keep me sustained for a while…

  8. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:55

    You don’t believe in other people? Solipsism run amok.

    Oh, I meant the traditional version of hell, with that dude with the pointy stick thing and fire and stuff. If we’re talking about your interpretation, then I certainly do, and Jeffrey Lord is a perfect case in point.

  9. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:57

    Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

    Oh good grief. Even the shorter pisses me off.

  10. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:59

    I wish I believed in it, just so I could enjoy the looks on these guys’ faces when they got told, nope, not getting through the Pearly Gates. Sure, I’d be stuck in hell with ‘em, but I’d like to think those few seconds of Schadenfreude would keep me sustained for a while…

    Yeah, me too. Plus, I’ve been plotting revenge on various people all morning, but it would be nice if God would just take care of that for me.

  11. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:01

    it would be nice if God would just take care of that for me.

    Have you tried asking nicely?

  12. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:01

    Can I interest you in a telepathic death ray? It only works intermittently, but I’ve found it very handy in long meetings.

  13. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:03

    Can I interest you in a telepathic death ray?

    I just used the New & Improved Karma, which is surprisingly efficient at getting people back.

  14. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:04

    Have you tried asking nicely?

    Not lately.

    Can I interest you in a telepathic death ray? It only works intermittently, but I’ve found it very handy in long meetings.

    What’s the range on that baby?

  15. Quaker in a Basement said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:04

    Would someone please just run over and check on the kind of countertops Shirley has and the size of her television so we can finally leave her alone?

  16. Scott said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:04

    I keep telling myself I need to write a novel that’s basically the anti Left Behind — the Rapture happens, the fundies don’t go anywhere, and then spend the rest of the novel willingly serving the Antichrist, just to get revenge on God for rejecting them.

    If I had a better grasp of sci-fi/fantasy or some actual time I could spend putting a few thousand words on paper every night, maybe I’d finally put the durn thing together…

  17. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:05

    What’s the range on that baby?

    Not sure, but when I’m focused on it, people on the subway all move away from me.

  18. J— said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:09

    Regardless of the dictionary’s definition, English is considered the most nuanced of languages because each word has a specific, unique meaning giving context and emotion to any written or spoken idea or statement. I don’t need a dictionary to instruct me on the accepted meaning of the word “lynching.”

    Commenter LaneyB, internet philologist (7.26.10 @ 7:41AM).

  19. Mysticdog said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:09

    You know what will suck? If it turns out Jesus will forgive them. He can be such a tool.

  20. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:09

    I keep telling myself I need to write a novel that’s basically the anti Left Behind — the Rapture happens, the fundies don’t go anywhere, and then spend the rest of the novel willingly serving the Antichrist, just to get revenge on God for rejecting them.

    This is amazeballs. Why does everyone else always have the good ideas???

  21. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:10

    You know what will suck? If it turns out Jesus will forgive them. He can be such a tool.

    That bastard.

  22. Marco said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:10

    No, the man was not lynched. I am also not taking a steaming shit on Jeffrey Lord’s desk. I am fertilizing it.

  23. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:11

    Lord’s too crazy for some Spectator regulars:

    http://spectator.org/blog/2010/07/26/taking-issue-with-jeff-lord

    http://spectator.org/blog/2010/07/26/sherrod-story-true

  24. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:11

    Lord’s too crazy for some Spectator regulars:

    Wow. That actually gave me a little hope for humanity. Just a little.

  25. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:12

    Regardless of the dictionary’s definition, English is considered the most nuanced of languages because each word has a specific, unique meaning giving context and emotion to any written or spoken idea or statement. I don’t need a dictionary to instruct me on the accepted meaning of the word “lynching.”

    Which is why a hanging is a hanging, a beating is a beating, and lynched is the unlawful deprivation of life by a non-governmental group.

    Idjit.

  26. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:13

    This is amazeballs. Why does everyone else always have the good ideas???

    *making note to write anit-Rapture novel*

    Because you don’t steal them.

  27. J— said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:13

    Radley Balko has a more detailed critique of the article here

    Hey, maybe there’s something to this libertarianism.

  28. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:13

    I keep telling myself I need to write a novel that’s basically the anti Left Behind — the Rapture happens, the fundies don’t go anywhere, and then spend the rest of the novel willingly serving the Antichrist, just to get revenge on God for rejecting them.
    I’m not sure they’d go over to the antichrist to spite God, but they would probably just claim it wasn’t the rapture at all, and any minute now the REAL Jesus would show up and gather them up to fundy heaven.

  29. Pryme said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:14

    Of course his name is “Jeffrey Lord.” Who else would write something like that?

  30. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:15

    “Regardless of the dictionary’s definition, English is considered the most nuanced of languages because each word has a specific, unique meaning giving context and emotion to any written or spoken idea or statement. I don’t need a dictionary to instruct me on the accepted meaning of the word ‘lynching.’”

    Also, Saddam totes had WMDs, and fascists were liberals and liberals are fascists.

    PS: We’ve always been at war with eastasia.

  31. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:15

    Beatings don’t kill people. Massive internal hemorrhages kill people.

    Indeed.

    And when massive internal hemorrhaging caused by beatings is outlawed, only outlaws will cause massive internal hemorrhaging by beatings.

  32. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:16

    Because you don’t steal them.

    Ah, that’s how that works? Damn my integrity and morals!

  33. J— said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:16

    Lord, Jeffrey was a soldier of the king

  34. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:16

    Hey, maybe there’s something to this libertarianism.

    I’ve always thought so. I consider myself a true libertarian. Government is the lesser of two evils of an organized society, the corporation being far more evil and far more insidious, since it is answerable only to…government!

  35. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:16

    By the way, just why does it derange all you racist anti-white liberals so much just because someone stands up for the honor of Southern segregationist white mobs murdering blacks extralegally?

    What’s so wrong with that?

  36. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:18

    English is considered the most nuanced of languages because each word has a specific, unique meaning giving context and emotion to any written or spoken idea or statement.

    Actually, that’s nonsense regardless of the nauseating context of this discussion. English is full of words with overlapping meaning, synonyms, and words with multiple and even (cleave) contradictory meanings.

  37. (Not actually the real) Mona said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:20

    Hey, maybe there’s something to this libertarianism.

    VINDICATION!.

  38. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:20

    I’ve always thought so. I consider myself a true libertarian. Government is the lesser of two evils of an organized society, the corporation being far more evil and far more insidious, since it is answerable only to…government!

    And, at least, in a proper democracy, the power that the government has is at the behest of the people, whereas the power of a corporation lies in just a few guys who already probably had lots of power to begin with.

  39. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:20

    Actually, that’s nonsense regardless of the nauseating context of this discussion. English is full of words with overlapping meaning, synonyms, and words with multiple and even (cleave) contradictory meanings.

    This is true, but it’s also true that English has the most extensive vocabulary of any of the alphabet-based languages (if you read some linguists, of course).

    Which is why it astounds me that a jackass like that commenter can say that with a straight-face while undoubtedly using words like “problematic” incorrectly.

  40. J— said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:21

    See RobNYNY1957′s response in the comments, N__B. If you dare disembark!

  41. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:21

    Actually, that’s nonsense regardless of the nauseating context of this discussion. English is full of words with overlapping meaning, synonyms, and words with multiple and even (cleave) contradictory meanings.

    Um, yeah, and that “point” he made indicates that. Shorter jackass: “Words mean whatever I want them to mean.”

  42. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:21

    And, at least, in a proper democracy, the power that the government has is at the behest of the people, whereas the power of a corporation lies in just a few guys who already probably had lots of power to begin with.

    Exactly, and precisely why, if Adam Smith could look forward 250 years, he would have more carefully written “Wealth of Nations” to include a chapter or two on the lesser of two evils, I have no doubt.

  43. Kevin Moore said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:21

    I had to click the link to see if the shorter was a distortion or not — not cuz I don’t trust you guys, but it was simply too stupid to be believed. Oh, the egg on my face. It’s even dumber than expected. “Because I fucked up the facts on Sherrod last time, I will now make up for it by nitpicking where there are no nits to pick all in an attempt to still hate her, cuz her liberal blackness makes me skeered.”

  44. J— said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:22

    Re: comment at July 26, 2010 at 17:20

    Ha!

  45. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:22

    J– –

    Thanks, but I NEVER get out of the boat. Perhaps Rob might repeat himself on his next visit here.

  46. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:22

    Besides, it’s been so many years, why won’t you racist libruls stop tarring the word “lynching” with such negative connotations?

  47. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:23

    I know two perfectly nice gentlemen named “Lynch.”

  48. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:23

    why won’t you racist libruls stop tarring the word “lynching” with such negative connotations?

    Lynchburg is also where Jack Daniels is made.

    Happy now????

  49. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:25

    I’m sure Howard Kurtz will soon be along to tell us that this column was the fault of the Obama administration for having pressured Sherrod to resign in the first place, thus the fault of liberals, so SHUT UP.

  50. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:27

    Regardless of the dictionary’s definition, English is considered the most nuanced of languages because each word has a specific, unique meaning giving context and emotion to any written or spoken idea or statement. I don’t need a dictionary to instruct me on the accepted meaning of the word “lynching.”

    This is why THERE ARE NO PUNS IN ENGLISH.

  51. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:27

    Were all of you screaming about Eraserhead and Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks? I thought not, you racists.

  52. Pinko Punko said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:27

    T-

    I think you meant Jeffrey Lord.

  53. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:28

    Exactly, and precisely why, if Adam Smith could look forward 250 years, he would have more carefully written “Wealth of Nations” to include a chapter or two on the lesser of two evils, I have no doubt.

    Yeah, I don’t grok much to hierarchical constructions in general, but we’re human and it’s pretty much a part of who we are. That doesn’t mean that I won’t seek to make realistic choices on minimizing that type of shit in society, though. Republicans, on the other hand, get off on it as long as they’re not at the bottom of the pile.

  54. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:28

    Were all of you screaming about Eraserhead and Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks? I thought not, you racists.

    “Firewalk With Me” made me a little ill.

  55. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:28

    Were all of you screaming about Eraserhead and Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks?

    Does bored thumb-twirling count as screaming?

  56. Mysticdog said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:30

    Lynching is the ultimate form of free expression! And brings us closer to the libertarian ideal of people taking back their right to distribute justice as they best see fit!

  57. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:31

    Does bored thumb-twirling count as screaming?

    For “Vanilla Sky” it does.

  58. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:32

    Does bored thumb-twirling count as screaming?

    For “Vanilla Sky” it does.

    Train of thought: Vanilla Sky -> Liquid Sky -> Me and My Rhythm Box

  59. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:33

    For “Vanilla Sky” it does.

    No, wait! That was Cameron Crowe. It was boring enough it should have been Lynch.

  60. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:33

    Does bored thumb-twirling count as screaming?

    Any minor hand or body gestures by libruls counts as thunderous screaming to conservatives’ sensitive hearing, whereas the atomic bomb explosions of right wing bellowing must be described as being less audible than a gnat’s fart in a hurricane when they whine about how they’re never ever heard.

  61. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:33

    Were all of you screaming about Eraserhead and Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks? I thought not, you racists.

    No, just Lost Highway. I kept forgetting that it wasn’t a student film with a decent budget.

  62. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:34

    Does bored thumb-twirling count as screaming?
    I have no mouth and I must bored thumb twirl. No… wait, that was Harlan Ellison.

  63. El Cid said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:34

    Anti-lynching laws are theft.

  64. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:35

    Shorter wingnut: I have no asshole and I must evacuate my bowels.

  65. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:37

    Exactly, and precisely why, if Adam Smith could look forward 250 years, he would have more carefully written “Wealth of Nations” to include a chapter or two on the lesser of two evils, I have no doubt.

    He did write in favor of progressive taxation and government regulation, however.

    And re the libertarianism thing, it’d be easier to take them seriously if they really were suspicious of the government and not just the welfare state. Seems to me a libertarian should be worried about the size and cost of our military, the powers granted to our intelligence and security agencies, and attempts to regulate our personal behavior as well.

  66. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:40

    And re the libertarianism thing, it’d be easier to take them seriously…if so many of them did not live in states that depend on federal dollars for water projects or military installations to prop up the local economy.

  67. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:41

    That, too.

  68. wolf vostell said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:44

    Poor Jonah, got scooped by Jeffrey Lord.

  69. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:47

    He did write in favor of progressive taxation and government regulation, however.

    And in opposition to corporations and any business combination that took personally responsibility out of the marketplace.

    In fact, the taxes and regulation you mention were specifically about business combinations.

  70. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:48

    BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT AYN RAND SAID!!!!!!!!!

  71. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:51

    BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT AYN RAND SAID!!!!!!!!!

    I always wondered who the “she” in “That’s what she said” was. Now I know, and I am a better man for it.

  72. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:52

    I always wondered who the “she” in “That’s what she said” was. Now I know, and I am a better man for it.

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

    Plus, “she” is DKW’s mom. Obviously.

  73. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:52

    I am a better man for it.

    That’s what she¹ said

    ¹VARR

  74. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:53

    Does this remind anybody else of things like “Now, c’mon, drugging her and having sex with her can’t REALLY be called rape, since she never said no, amirite?”

  75. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:55

    Hugo Black was in the Klan so Shirley Sherrod is a racist.

  76. gocart mozart said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:56

    As dumb as the American Spectator thing is, it can’t be more retarded than this clip. Warning: Contains Beck.

    http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/beck-and-his-cohost-have-big-giggle

    Also, this new guy a C&L is pretty funny.
    http://crooksandliars.com/brad-reed/breaking-multiple-ranches-springview-neb

  77. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:58

    Hugo Black was in the Klan

    That is unpossible. Only whites in the klan.

  78. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 17:59

    Shorter Glenn Beck: He’s heard of someone I haven’t! What a fag!

  79. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:01

    Only whites in the klan.

    Yeah, we thought only humans in it too, but YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS IN THE KLAN????

  80. W. Kiernan said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:01

    Shorter Jeffrey Lord: I hate n****rs so much I can’t think straight.

  81. Ezra K. (best blogger alive, aks about me) said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:03

    Word up, cronies. It’s E$ back like Jordan, wearin’ the foh five. I’ve been chilling out on the boat, all decked out in white linen from head to toe and a pair of hot pink Band of Outsiders topsiders and damn I glisten glisten. Just ignoring frantic texts from Matt Y (that gelatinous motherfucker can’t even do a line on his iPhone without a typo but Eazy E can do lines all night long, ladies) about how we should “hagn [sic] out soon.” Anyway I’ve also been waiting on a phonecall from Rahm to see how he wants the whole Sherrod boo-boo played off so you Progressives out there are just gonna have to wait a minute to be told what to think there. Just wanted to check in so y’all don’t forget me. What I will say for right now is that whatever did or didn’t happen with that black chick who got her ass fired then reinstated, it’s important to remember that O-Dogg is really smart and has great abs and translates Urdu love poetry into French in his spare time and we runnin’ this shit, yo. It’s so totally unlike the bad old days, when Bush was in power, remember that? That dunny couldn’t even talk right, wouldn’t shut down Gitmo, kept escalating our involvement in foreign conflicts, repeatedly arrogated for the government powers that infringed on our civil liberties….those days are over homeys. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a deck full of Vassar chicks and a bottle of Cold Duck I told them is Brignac Brut Gold so if y’all need anything you’ve got my digits.

  82. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:05

    Just wanted to check in so y’all don’t forget me.

    Ezra? Ezra who?

  83. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:06

    Ezra? Ezra who?

    *refrains from making a pun based on the name of a one-hit band from the 90s*

  84. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:06

    Ezra Klein and Urban Meyer – never photographed together….

  85. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:07

    *refrains from making a pun based on the name of a one-hit band from the 90s*

    You mean, like, “Matt Y is better than Ezra”?

  86. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:09

    You mean, like, “Matt Y is better than Ezra”?

    Yeah, something like that. I think I was going to ask you if you thought you were Better Than Ezra or some sort of reference to that one song they did….

  87. J Neo Marvin said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:09

    This whole shameful episode really has provided a splendid opportunity for shameless white racist douchebags to show their true colors.

    Used to be enough for someone to cry plaintively, “Have you no sense of decency?” on TV. Now, you get mobs of prominent-for-no-reason pundits who just stare back blankly: “Decency? What’s that?”

  88. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:10

    Matt Y is Four Non Blondes

  89. The "Liberal" Media said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:10

    “Decency? What’s that?”
    It sounds like something that would make people accuse us of having a liberal bias, so let’s skip it.

  90. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:11

    Matt Y is Four Non Blondes

    Huh uh. Marcy Playground.

  91. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:12

    When you’re talking about brutal hate crimes, semantics matter.

  92. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:13

    Matt Y is Collective Soul.

  93. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:13

    Matt Y is better than The Spin Doctors
    Matt Y is better than Blind Melon

  94. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:14

    When you’re talking about brutal hate crimes, semantics matter.

    You some kind of anti-semantite?

  95. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:14

    Da Lench Mob – not really about lynching, because of the spelling

  96. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:15

    What’s the difference between Jeffrey Buttlord and HITLER?
    One’s an anti-Semitic ranter, the other’s an anti-semantic writer.

  97. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:15

    Matt Y is Da Lench Mob

  98. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:15

    Whoop, N__B beat me to a less contrived version of the same joke.

  99. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:15

    You some kind of anti-semantite?

    A most hateful one. I’m also an anti-Dentite!

  100. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:16

    brutal hate crimes

    Now, now, now, I have to take issue with your use of the terms “brutal,” “hate,” “crimes,” “hate crimes,” “brutal hate,” and any other permutation of the three words you used in this context.

  101. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:17

    You gotta be fast when I’m procrastinating.

  102. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:17

    Arghh! I’ve hunted and searched fruitlessly and now there’s 93 replies. What I needed was a sound or video clip from BBC’s Coupling of Jeff’s mom saying in a very disappointed tone of voice “Oh Jeffrey!” And it should have been in the first few posts. Well, my whole week is a failure now.

  103. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:18

    What’s the difference between Jeffrey Buttlord and HITLER?

    The difference between white power and white trash, I suppose.

  104. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:19

    You gotta be fast when I’m procrastinating.

    That’s when I do my best non-work, too!

  105. Prospero said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:19

    What the fuck is wrong with those people? What the fuck is wrong with those people? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE PEOPLE?!

  106. Ezra K. (best blogger alive, aks about me) said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:21

    I think the cleaning lady’s kid at our summer place was listening to a Better Than Ezra song once, so I had my dad let her go because even at a tender age E$ wasn’t going to put up with being punked. E$ never fronted with those Buzz Bin dunnies but I do have a copy of an old Lemonheads album from back when Jesse Peretz was still in the band. Jesse comes over now and then and we shoot the shit, drop some E, scrump a few Proggy Girls (they come over for E$, sometimes the J-Man gets my castoffs) and I ask him how his old man is doing. Like if he needs new columnists or whatever. Seriously, Marty, E$ is pro-national security, pro-Israel, and very motherfucking photogenic. Hit me up.

  107. J Neo Marvin said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:21

    I keep telling myself I need to write a novel that’s basically the anti Left Behind

    Have you ever read Right Behind? It grew out of the comments section on Slacktivist’s exhaustive deconstruction of the odious Left Behind series. It’s a collection of stories wiuth the premise, “How would real human beings act if the Rapture happened?” There are some real good writers contributing to this blog, and it’s open to submissions. LaHaye and Jenkins’ hideous idea of God tends not to come off very well.

  108. Meanderthal said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:21

    I got out of the boat, only to discover that the column itself is not nearly so bad as the comments that follow it. I’m never getting out of the boat again.

  109. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:24

    and I ask him how his old man is doing.

    How the fuck did I not know this?

    I got out of the boat, only to discover that the column itself is not nearly so bad as the comments that follow it. I’m never getting out of the boat again.

    Jesus. have some gin. You obviously need it more than I do.

  110. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:25

    Have you ever read Right Behind? It grew out of the comments section on Slacktivist’s exhaustive deconstruction of the odious Left Behind series. It’s a collection of stories wiuth the premise, “How would real human beings act if the Rapture happened?” There are some real good writers contributing to this blog, and it’s open to submissions. LaHaye and Jenkins’ hideous idea of God tends not to come off very well.

    Ooooh, that sounds interesting. Bookmarked.

  111. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:25

    “How would real human beings act if the Rapture happened?”

    Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?

  112. jim said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:27

    I can sure see how this lady has got wingnuts losing their shit: they’ve by & large had to begrudgingly acknowledge her sterling character, but the potential of her following up on her stated desire to “get Breitbart” (who a lot of them secretly fap to see as a hero, & who’s left his faux-journalist arse flapping helplessly in the breeze by being so gratuitously dickish) surely makes them frowny & blue.

    How do you e-mail a Brillo crying-towel?

  113. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:27

    I got out of the boat, only to discover that the column itself is not nearly so bad as the comments that follow it. I’m never getting out of the boat again.

    I found that it’s never the columns that inspire the Shorter that are so bad(though they are uniformly awful), it’s the comments that are truly sick. I always feel as if I need some kind of steel brush/Lysol scrubdown after reading them.

  114. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:28

    “Fuckabee”

    *giggle*

  115. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:29

    Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?

    Oooh! Now that’s a way to really piss off a nutter! I imagine most of the appeal of the Rapture is the thought that people like you will be…left behind. They’d totally kick you off, N_B. You’d be screwed.

  116. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:30

    “Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?”
    I doubt that’d work, since everybody knows Raptards sweat butter.

  117. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:30

    *refrains from making a pun based on the name of a one-hit band from the 90s*

    Not in ENGLISH, it’s too precise.

  118. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:30

    How do you e-mail a Brillo crying-towel?

    Gleefully.

  119. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:31

    I found that it’s never the columns that inspire the Shorter that are so bad(though they are uniformly awful), it’s the comments that are truly sick. I always feel as if I need some kind of steel brush/Lysol scrubdown after reading them.

    I agree. The only reason this kind of media exists is to stir up the wingnuts’ nest every day. No planned campaign could rival the dreck that their own minds come up with.

  120. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:33

    Jesse Peretz. Heh. Sweet reference. Speakin’ of the ‘heads, how bout that Squirrel Bait?

  121. Angry Geometer, mango sampler said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:34

    If that person was truly beaten to death — and that’s a big if; a reasonable mind would have to consider the possibility it was suicide — it was done in accordance with God’s will. And who are you to question the will of God?

    Speaking of God, the fact that blacks are still upset about the whole slavery kerfuffle (after 150 years! It’s like still being upset about the Beatles breaking up 110 years from now!) shows that they haven’t learned the Christian virtue of forgiveness like conservative white people have. Conservative white people have learned to love their oppressors; the reason why black people can’t do the same is because they’ve been brainwashed by the liberals to hate Jesus.

  122. Bitter Scribe said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:34

    My heart skipped a beat when I saw the “Lou Dobbs Tonight” bug in the corner of your screen capture and thought for a moment that CNN rehired the useless son of a bitch. Stop scaring me like that.

    As for Mr. Lynch Parser, I have this vision of him or an ancestor standing at the edge of a lynch mob going, “Don’t use a rope! NO ROPES!”

  123. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:34

    I doubt that’d work, since everybody knows Raptards sweat butter.

    The mental image that conjures is Boss Hogg from the TV show.

  124. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:35

    I agree. The only reason this kind of media exists is to stir up the wingnuts’ nest every day. No planned campaign could rival the dreck that their own minds come up with.
    Do they say the same thing about our threads? “OMG they have no respect for stuffed shirt white guys that spew bullshit all day!” “Its like they want people to not go to war on brown people all the time, are they even American?”

  125. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:35

    Lynch Parser? I barely KNOW ‘er!

  126. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:36

    If that person was truly beaten to death — and that’s a big if; a reasonable mind would have to consider the possibility it was suicide

    In the graphic novel From Hell, Alan Moore mentions the possibility that Mary Kelly was simply a very determined suicide. Fair warning: the link’s gruesome.

  127. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:37

    Do they say the same thing about our threads? “OMG they have no respect for stuffed shirt white guys that spew bullshit all day!” “Its like they want people to not go to war on brown people all the time, are they even American?”

    Nah. It’s like fucking Ulysess up in this shit for your average wingnut.

  128. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:39

    Mick LaSalle wrote a story called “The Event” in which liberal Christians were the only ones raptured and the Fundies were all “left behind,” plus there’s a thinly veiled Bush as the Antichrist.

  129. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:39

    [Monty Python]After all, homocide is only extoverted suicide[/Monty Python]

  130. Angry Geometer, mango sampler said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:41

    speaking of mangoes, they’re 2 for a dollar at Safeway right now. You should get out of the boat for excellent bargains!

  131. Gary Ruppert said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:42

    ,,after 150 years! It’s like still being upset about the Beatles breaking up 110 years from now!

    The fact is the blacks want special rights but they’ve never even heard of Jesse Peretz. How do you explain that one lieberals?

  132. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:51

    Do they say the same thing about our threads? “OMG they have no respect for stuffed shirt white guys that spew bullshit all day!” “Its like they want people to not go to war on brown people all the time, are they even American?”

    There was a very active PJM thread a while back speculating on what mental disorders could make liberals so sociopathic that they’d treat conservatives so disrespectfully.

    No idea where it is now, but I remember it made it onto Sadly, No!

  133. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:55

    It’s true. Many of them think we are sociopaths, which I find fascinating because–AS ALWAYS–it’s projection.

  134. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:56

    There was a very active PJM thread a while back speculating on what mental disorders could make liberals so sociopathic that they’d treat conservatives so disrespectfully.

    I would say that I have a superiority complex, but it’s possible that I’m just a wonderful person.

  135. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 18:58

    I’m too humble. I don’t recognize how awesome I am.

  136. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:01

    I’m too humble.

    Some pig?

  137. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:01

    Found it!

    http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/how-should-conservatives-deal-with-the-lefts-disrespect-and-lack-of-empathy/?singlepage=true

    They are incapable of self-affirming love because they see themselves as evil, and thus must do everything in their powers to destroy what has been made by whom they perceive as similar to themselves-white Americans. Ergo, why they hate anything that white Americans have built, and our traditions and values, why they side with minorities and why they have made a Faustian deal with Islamic jihadists.

    Yeah, that’s us all right…

  138. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:02

    I have isues, especially with trust. Otherwise, I would ALWAYS trust the shorter. But I think the real mental disorder didn’t appear till after I read too much wingnut.

  139. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:05

    They are incapable of self-affirming love

    As a group, we discuss masturbation far too often for this to be true.

  140. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:07

    “N__B said,
    July 26, 2010 at 19:01

    I’m too humble.

    Some pig?

    I love that book.

  141. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:08

    Isn’t deciding people are bad because of mental disorders Librul Moral Relativism ™ or something?

  142. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:09

    “As a group, we discuss masturbation far too often for this to be true.”

    Yes. “Discuss” masturbation.

  143. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:10

    Yes. “Discuss” masturbation.

    If there’s been a group masturbation session, I missed it. Individually we are well in touch with ourselves.

  144. Major Kong said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:12

    “As a group, we discuss masturbation far too often for this to be true.”

    There are people who’ve done it more times than me, but they’re older than me.

  145. Anonymous said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:13

    The fact is the blacks want special rights but they’ve never even heard of Jesse Peretz. How do you explain that one lieberals?

    Your Peretzel is making me thirsty.

  146. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:14

    “If there’s been a group masturbation session, I missed it”

    That’s a shame. A good time was had by all. We even got t-shirts: S,N Wank-Off 2010.

  147. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:15

    They are incapable of self-affirming love because they see themselves as evil, and thus must do everything in their powers to destroy what has been made by whom they perceive as similar to themselves-white Americans. Ergo, why they hate anything that white Americans have built, and our traditions and values, why they side with minorities and why they have made a Faustian deal with Islamic jihadists.

    8-o

  148. E$'s Gentleman's Gentleman, Cadbury said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:15

    Jesse Peretz. Heh. Sweet reference. Speakin’ of the ‘heads, how bout that Squirrel Bait?

    I like the cut of your jib, sir. Now I must vacate the iPad or Master Ezra shall surely beat me sternly.

  149. Jennifer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:16

    Re: the whole Adam Smith and corporations & government: I put up a post about that yesterday that included the link to The Corporation, which if you haven’t seen it is now available on hulu, even if you don’t want to read the boring crap I wrote on the topic of conservative economic lunacy.

  150. Jelperman said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:23

    I guess the lynching in Jasper, Texas wasn’t really a lynching since the peckerwoods dragged their victim to death behind a truck.

  151. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:31

    Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?

    Really? You’d want to go to any heaven where a Rapturist is invited?

  152. Jelperman said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:34

    Going by the American Spewtator’s “logic”, the Jews and Gypsies killed by SS death squads don’t count as part of the Holocaust since their bodies weren’t destroyed by fire.

    What a racist sewer that magazine is.

  153. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:35

    Really? You’d want to go to any heaven where a Rapturist is invited?

    They’re all too uptight to enjoy themselves, so no lines to wait on for sex and booze. Long lines for harp lessons, but fuck that.

  154. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:37

    so no lines to wait on for sex

    1. I love how you guys say “wait on line” instead of “wait in line”! So cute.

    2. You have to wait in line for sex???

  155. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:38

    They’re all too uptight to enjoy themselves, so no lines to wait on for sex and booze.

    Mostly because neither of those exist in their heaven.

  156. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:38

    1. I love how you guys say “wait on line” instead of “wait in line”! So cute.

    So you log IN to the Internet?

  157. Angry Geometer, mango sampler said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:38

    If there’s been a group masturbation session, I missed it.

    You weren’t here for the last trollfest?

    Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?

    There were two little imps who was as black as tar
    Tried to get to heaven in an electric car
    The car wheel slipped on down the hill
    Instead of going to heaven they went to Jacksonville.

  158. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:39

    2. You have to wait in line for sex???

    In hedonist heaven, one might. In Baptist heaven one does not.

  159. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:40

    1. I love how you guys say “wait on line” instead of “wait in line”! So cute.

    Yeah. NYC dialect. Cute for 400 fucking years.

  160. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:41

    NYC dialect. Cute for 400 fucking years.

    You coul’ say DAT agen!

  161. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:41

    They’re all too uptight to enjoy themselves, so no lines to wait on for sex and booze.

    Mostly because neither of those exist in their heaven.

    They’re there. If they weren’t, the Baptists would have nothing to feel superior about, and you know that’s an essential part of their heaven.

  162. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:42

    So you log IN to the Internet?

    No. I get on the internets.

    And do you say, “Hey, all those people are standing in a line,” or do you say, “Hey, all those people are standing on a line”?

  163. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:43

    And do you say, “Hey, all those people are standing in a line,” or do you say, “Hey, all those people are standing on a line”?

    All those people are standing on line.

  164. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:44

    All those people are standing on line.

    On WHAT line?

    Look, my people say “warsh.” I understand.

  165. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:45

    On WHAT line?

    No, no. It’s “What’s my line.”

  166. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:46

    “and values, why they side with minorities and why they have made a Faustian deal with Islamic jihadists.”

    That’s bullshit! I made a Jihadian deal with Faust.

  167. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:46

    the Baptists would have nothing to feel superior about

    So you’re saying Baptists drink and have sex now?

    Sure about that? They seem awfully uptight and judgemental.

  168. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:46

    I made a Jihadian deal with Faust.

    I made a Dealian Faust with Jihad.

  169. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:47

    So you’re saying Baptists drink and have sex now?

    They don’t drink. Some of them do have sex, though, unless they’re been stealing their kids from the Catholics.

  170. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:47

    *they’ve* Wev.

  171. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:48

    So you’re saying Baptists drink and have sex now?

    No, those things are available in their heaven but unused. If they were not available, how would the denizens get their fix of superiority?

  172. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:48

    All those people are standing on line.

    On WHAT line?

    The line they’re standing on!

  173. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:49

    If they were not available, how would the denizens get their fix of superiority?

    They’re in heaven.

  174. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:49

    “I made a Dealian Faust with Jihad”

    I made a Faustian Delorean with a Jihadi.

  175. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:49

    The line they’re standing on!

    WHERE? Is it some invisible line only New Yorkers can see?

  176. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:50

    In Soviet Union, line stands on you

  177. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:51

    Is it some invisible line only New Yorkers can see?

    Yes. The one between being upset by 9-11 and milking it for politics.

  178. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:51

    What’s the difference between a catholic and a baptist?

    A catholic will say hi to you at the liquor store.

  179. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:52

    The line they’re standing on!

    WHERE? Is it some invisible line only New Yorkers can see?

    OK, look….see all those people standing there?

  180. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:54

    Bill Kristol continues to court Sarah Palin’s affections. If his nose gets any browner, he’s going to be deported.

  181. 24shamsky said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:54

    “Fuckabee”

    No, fuck a half-a-bee. He had an accident.

  182. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:55

    So you’re saying Baptists drink and have sex now?

    Sure about that? They seem awfully uptight and judgemental.

    They don’t drink etc., but they need the drinkers et al. to be judgmental about.

  183. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:56

    Someone up there said
    “I *so* wish I believed in hell.”

    I’ve been re-watching David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. I believe in Bob.

  184. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:56

    They don’t drink etc., but they need the drinkers et al. to be judgmental about.

    Yes, but they can do that in absentia.

  185. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:57

    OK, look….see all those people standing there?

    For hypothetical purposes, yes, I do. But they’re not on top of or stuck to some sort of line…they’re just standing, together, in a line.

  186. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:59

    My dear departed grandmother loved nothing more than gossiping and judging other people, and even she was known to say, “Those Babtists just think they’re better than everybody else.”

  187. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:59

    stuck to some sort of line

    A useful talent when one wishes to tightrope walk upside down.

  188. Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 19:59

    They don’t drink etc

    In my experience, yes they do. They don’t judge people for drinking, they judge people doing it openly. (Much like sex).

  189. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:00

    But they’re not on top of or stuck to some sort of line…they’re just standing, together, in a line.

    Right, on line!

  190. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:02

    Look, I don’t expect you to get this whole “on line”/”in line” thing. After all, English is a langauge with many many words, and they all have different meaning and nuance, with different emotional content.

    Here’s an example: “In New York, you stand on line on inline skates.”

    See? See what we do there?

  191. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:03

    *sigh*

  192. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:05

    Sounds like you’re refudiating stuff, actor. BTW, iPhones auto-correct “refudiate”.

  193. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:07

    iPhones auto-correct “refudiate”.

    Autocorrection should come with editorial comment. “It’s repudiate, asshole, not refudiate.”

  194. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:10

    Yes, but they can do that in absentia.

    Oh no, you can’t get a really good sneer on without the sneeree being in eyeshot. You have to be able to see someone to look down your nose at them.

  195. 'Lissa Ruppert said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:10

    The fact is, wevs. Totes wevs.

  196. wolf vostell said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:10

    I can’t do the comments on Mr. Lord’s lovely article justice but they are worth reading. I’m sure Jonah is surfing them right now to try to find something to chew on. They are all: Mao! Stalin! Take that you dead black man! And it’s all downhill from there. (Question: If the only history book you’ve ever read is Liberal Fascism, does that make you a creep or do only creeps read Liberal Fascism?) Also, has AS moved the article up to the top since this morning? I guess hits are hits, when they aren’t a lynching.

  197. Angry Geometer, mango sampler said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:11

    So you’re saying Baptists drink and have sex now?

    Sex is OK as long as you don’t do it standing up — that might lead to dancing.

  198. J Neo Marvin said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:11

    They are incapable of self-affirming love because they see themselves as evil, and thus must do everything in their powers to destroy what has been made by whom they perceive as similar to themselves-white Americans. Ergo, why they hate anything that white Americans have built, and our traditions and values, why they side with minorities and why they have made a Faustian deal with Islamic jihadists.

    Why try to understand what other people are thinking when it’s so much more fun to make shit up?

  199. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:11

    “Autocorrection should come with editorial comment. “It’s repudiate, asshole, not refudiate.””

    Lol. I always thought it would be funny if navigation voices gave you shit. “told you to stay left, fucknut.”

  200. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:13

    I always thought it would be funny if navigation voices gave you shit. “told you to stay left, fucknut.”

    I forgot who, it was some celeb, maybe Dennis Leary, who refused to do celebrity voices for a GPS unit unless he could tell people off.

  201. g said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:14

    Mick LaSalle wrote a story called “The Event” in which liberal Christians were the only ones raptured and the Fundies were all “left behind,” plus there’s a thinly veiled Bush as the Antichrist.

    Garrison Keillor did a hilarious skit on a PHC show where he called all the local churches to inquire about rumors of the rapture, and they all answered their phones except for the Unitarians, who turned out to be only ones raptured.

  202. Willy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:15

    So you log IN to the Internet?

    No. I get on the internets.

    I log athwart the internet, that way I can pee, poo, or teabag it with equal facility.

  203. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:16

    I really wouldn’t understand the point of using Dennis Leary unless he could do his schtick. I mean would you want Polite Don Rickles GPS?

  204. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:18

    Whoa. Remind me to wash my hands after using the Internet, especially if Willy’s been on it.

  205. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:18

    So let us celebrate the new term “refudiate.”

    Not that there’s anything wrong with “refute.” It means, according to Webster’s Third, “to overthrow by argument, evidence, or proof; prove to be false or erroneous.”

    Refudiate-It means to overthrow by just making shit up, pulling stuf out of your ass or just closing your eyes and pretending it never happened.

  206. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:20

    Effing Unitarians, that’s just like them. Gone to have coffee with _____ (fill in blank here).

  207. Willy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:20

    Everybody would get lost with an Ozzy Osborne-narrated GPS. Unintelligible in both diction and content.

  208. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:21

    Gone to have coffee with _____ (fill in blank here).

    If it’s Willy, I’m not so sure it’s coffee.

  209. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:22

    Okay, so I’m totally objectively pro-tattoo. Or at least, not anti-tattoo. The majority of my friends have at least one, and one of my friends makes his living as a tattoo artist. However, that did not keep me from almost telling this 20-year-old chick that she was such a pretty girl, and why would you get a tattoo of a skull and roses and “Daddy’s Girl” in comic sans on your NECK???

    At least it’s not a tramp stamp. I guess.

  210. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:23

    If it’s Willy, I’m not so sure it’s coffee.

    Poor Willy.

    Make a hundred pithy and scatching comments here, and does anyone remember his snark? No.

    Appear in nearly every thread, and does anyone remember his fealty? No.

    But take one dump athwart the internet…..

  211. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:23

    Okay, so, it wasn’t comic sans, but it was close enough.

  212. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:23

    Refudiate-It means to overthrow by just making shit up, pulling stuf out of your ass or just closing your eyes and pretending it never happened.

    My the lord repuke you.

  213. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:24

    “Daddy’s Girl” in comic sans on your NECK???

    Hey, I’d want my chick thinking about me even if I’m behind her!

  214. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:24

    If it’s Willy, I’m not so sure it’s coffee.

    Poor Willy.

    Make a hundred pithy and scatching comments here, and does anyone remember his snark? No.

    Appear in nearly every thread, and does anyone remember his fealty? No.

    But take one dump athwart the internet…..

    Show a few thousand people your etchings…

  215. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:25

    But take one dump athwart the internet…..

    The classics never get old.

    Classic jokes, how do they fucking work?

  216. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:25

    My the lord repuke you.

    I was repuked once, but I changed my voter registration back to Democrat and got better.

  217. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:26

    I repuked then puked again.

  218. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:27

    Effing Unitarians, that’s just like them. Gone to have coffee with _____ (fill in blank here).

    Which reminds me, if you’re ever in Kansas City, there is a quite lovely little vegetarian restaurant in the basement of the Unity temple. Their menu contains great detail as to whether or not your dish is vegan/gluten-free/soy free and will gladly customize it to your needs. Yes, it’s a fucking stereotype of itself.

  219. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:27

    It’s the Comic Sans that bothers me most of all.

  220. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:27

    why would you get a tattoo of a skull and roses and “Daddy’s Girl” in comic sans on your NECK???

    Because your father is Axel Rose and the use of Comic Sans is the closest you dare go towards disrespect for fear of drowning in his rage-induced spittle?

  221. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:27

    I repuked then puked again.

    I was repuked when I gave her too many roofies.

  222. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:29

    I was repuked when I gave her too many etchings.

    Fixt!

  223. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:29

    Okay, yeah, to be fair, the font was more like a comic sans version of the traditional Sailor Jerry font, if that means anything to anyone.

    She also had the Aries symbol on the other side of her neck and some crap on the back, along with a bunch of shit on her forearms. But NOTHING on the upper arms. Now, I’m not one of those people who’s prone to thinking that people get tattoos in order to rebel, but really, wtf?

  224. jim x / another j said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:32

    I keep telling myself I need to write a novel that’s basically the anti Left Behind — the Rapture happens, the fundies don’t go anywhere, and then spend the rest of the novel willingly serving the Antichrist, just to get revenge on God for rejecting them.

    I have a title in mind – “Right Behind You”.

  225. g said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:32

    As for tattoos – Things are going to be very colorful in the old folks’ home in 2060.

  226. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:33

    I thought it was de rigueur for tattoos to be done in these kinda fonts.

    But I’m hardly an expert. Wouldn’t get one if you paid me.

  227. jim x / another j said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:33

    If I had a better grasp of sci-fi/fantasy or some actual time I could spend putting a few thousand words on paper every night, maybe I’d finally put the durn thing together…

    I can’t recommend National Novel Writing Month enough. Comes around every November. Every human being on Earth should do it at least once.

    http://www.nanowrimo.org/

  228. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:35

    But I’m hardly an expert. Wouldn’t get one if you paid me.

    I don’t have any tatts, but on some people, they look pretty teh hawt.

  229. jim x / another j said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:36

    Have you ever read Right Behind?

    …and so much for the creative uniqueness of my title. I still like mine better tho…

  230. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:36

    Sailor Jerry font? Is this it?
    http://www.cubanica.com/fonts/sailor_gothic

    Not bad, certainly not comic sans, which should be banned.

  231. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:38

    I thought it was de rigueur for tattoos to be done in these kinda fonts.

    No, not unless you’re a Mexican gang member.

    They can be in any kind of readable font. Or unreadable if your artist sucks.

  232. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:38

    Fraktur is the Jew of…. no wait. Fraktur actually IS fascist.

  233. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:40

    Sailor Jerry font? Is this it?

    Yeah. Actually, all of those are pretty traditional.

  234. Comic Sans said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:40

    Not bad, certainly not comic sans, which should be banned.

    You ain’t got the cojones. Bring It On.

  235. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:41

    I don’t have any tatts, but on some people, they look pretty teh hawt.

    Personnaly, I think that if you’re not hawt a tatto really isn’t going to help and if you are hawt then a tatto only distracts. Call me a body art conservative if you must, but I prefer to think of myself as an all natural DFH.

  236. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:44

    I don’t have any tatts, but on some people, they look pretty teh hawt.

    They’re just not my style. Sometimes–not always! so don’t everybody jump down my throat–they come across as an affectation to me.

    Ditto to what Sirius says.

    Comic Sans, well-played, Madame. Well-played.

  237. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:44

    …vegetarian restaurant in the basement…

    I AM SO THERE

  238. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:46

    Personnaly, I think that if you’re not hawt a tatto really isn’t going to help and if you are hawt then a tatto only distracts. Call me a body art conservative if you must, but I prefer to think of myself as an all natural DFH.

    BODY ART CONSERVATIVE!!!

    Actually, I don’t care. When people say, “I personally don’t find them attractive,” that’s perfectly fine with me. It’s just when they’re judgmental assholes and make assumptions about other people’s characters based on them. Or when the bus driver asks me if my dad knows about mine.

    I mean, I’m judgmental about people’s tattoos, but that’s only if they’re shitty. I’m just a snob like that.

  239. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:48

    …vegetarian restaurant in the basement…

    Will we ever see the day when carnivores eat in the basement and the vegetarian restaurant is in the revolving room at the top of the tower?

  240. Whale Chowder said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:48

    2. You have to wait in line for sex???

    At DKW’s mom’s place you do.

    They’re all too uptight to enjoy themselves, so no lines to wait on for sex and booze.

    I grew up on an island full of Dutch Lutherans, connected to the mainland by a bridge. When I was growing up, we’d occasionally hear of one of the town elders getting into one sort of seamy trouble or another on the mainland. My very proper (and very Catholic) mother would just roll her eyes and say “Bridge Dutch. Insufferable on this side of the bridge and drunken philanderers on the other.”

    AFAICT, Baptists are no different.

  241. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:49

    I AM SO THERE

    It was fucking good, dude.

    Oh, and there were a fuckload of tattoos there. Probably more tattoos than people.

  242. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:51

    It was fucking good, dude.

    That basement is a lot nicer than most, I admit. And the chocolate cake looks damn toothsome. But would it KILL them to put a NY Strip on it?

  243. HellCat said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:52

    At least Wille and Snoop are’t all starting up a bunch of race card sh8.

  244. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:52

    But would it KILL them to put a NY Strip on it?

    Yes. Besides the whole meat thing, it’s KANSAS CITY. They’re called KC strips there.

  245. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:54

    But would it KILL them to put a NY Strip on it?

    Little know fact: all the chefs there are cows, so YES.

  246. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:54

    I reckon I could order a block of cheese, some lobster bisque (what? Come on!), and an entire chocolate cake.

  247. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:55

    “Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest.”

    Bauhaus is fascist now? Wkiki sayeth: “Defeat in World War I, the fall of the German monarchy and the abolition of censorship under the new, liberal Weimar Republic allowed an upsurge of radical experimentation in all the arts, previously suppressed by the old regime. Many Germans of left-wing views were influenced by the cultural experimentation that followed the Russian Revolution, such as constructivism.” And “Gropius himself did not share these radical views … it [Bauhaus] was founded with the idea of creating a ‘total’ work of art in which all arts, including architecture would eventually be brought together.

    So if I have this right Bauhaus was an aesthetically conservative reactionary response to the liberal creative experimentation of the Weimar Republic. Which was then itself fetishized by effete metrosexual liberals with their fascist Macs and fascist Adobe photoshop while sipping their fascist Italian expresso and wearing fascist Che Guevara T-shirts listening to their fascist punk bands.

    Got it.

  248. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:56

    Little know fact: all the chefs there are cows, so YES.

    I snorted embarrassingly.

    The main ingredient in most dishes is cud, by the way.

  249. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:56

    It’s just when they’re judgmental assholes and make assumptions about other people’s characters based on them.

    Whenever I see a young lady with a tattoo I just can’t help but think to myself “I bet she’s just truculent and unreliable”.

  250. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:57

    “Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest.”

    Oh, wait. Who? What? Where? WTF?

  251. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:58

    Whenever I see a young lady with a tattoo I just can’t help but think to myself “I bet she’s just truculent and unreliable”.

    Not a bad assumption to make, at least in my case.

  252. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:59

    Bauhaus is fascist now?

    Calling N__B!

  253. tsam said,

    July 26, 2010 at 20:59

    Chris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 16:49

    HOLY FUCK.

    I want to know what the hell they’re thinking when they say shit like this.

    No, you don’t. I second your HOLY FUCK.

  254. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:02

    “Oh, wait. Who? What? Where? WTF?”

    From the link that kind ‘ol comic sans poster gave to me. This one
    http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/monologues/15comicsans.html

    Sorry I’m slow. I sometimes actually read the links people post and then think and try to come up with something funny. Doesn’t always work. Ah haint had noone O tha there book larnin. Ayyuup.

  255. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:04

    From the link that kind ‘ol comic sans poster gave to me. This one

    Gotcha. I read that a while ago, so I didn’t re-read, and totally forgot about that part.

    The university chancellor actually sends out mass e-mails to the whole campus in Comic Sans.

  256. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:07

    And what do ya bet Herman Munster up there goes to church two or three times a week and thinks he’s got the moral high ground because of it.

    I’ve noticed in life that the bigger the thief or the liar, the more Jesus this and Jesus that and big infusions of cash for the Building Fund (send pastor to Aruba fund) or Xtian-affiliated hate groups.

  257. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:08

    The university chancellor actually sends out mass e-mails to the whole campus in Comic Sans.

    I worked with one of those. There was also a VP at the same place who refused to capitalize – not out of principle but because he wasn’t good at it. The institution is now gone.

  258. tsam said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:09

    Besides, it’s been so many years, why won’t you racist libruls stop tarring the word “lynching” with such negative connotations?

    Yer turnin’ the whitewash all funny colored!

  259. No-Visible-Means said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:10

    That’s a shame. A good time was had by all. We even got t-shirts: S,N Wank-Off 2010.

    So, who drew the short straw for cleaning up the mess afterwards?

  260. Willy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:10

    Got it.

    The article was right, however, in suggesting to folks who rag about Comic Sans to lighten up. Did you get that part?

    IMO, Comic Sans more readable than Arial or TNR, the usual fonts in biz. I use it for emails at work to distinguish from the droppings of the rest of the flock.

    btw, I posted as Comic Sans.

  261. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:10

    The university chancellor actually sends out mass e-mails to the whole campus in Comic Sans.

    Clown College?

  262. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:11

    The Buddhists were pretty open about this. Send a barefoot monk to a wealthy house.

    “Oh, Lord Oppressthepeasants. So sad. Such a great sinner will be comfortable in life, but very uncomfortable in hell.”

    “Fine. How does a new temple sound?”

    “Oh, Great Lord SaintonEarth! Heaven and Earth sing your praises!”

    Every once in a while some reformer would opine that building temples could hardly count as expiation of sins, but they usually shut that fellow up quick.

  263. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:13

    I keep telling myself I need to write a novel that’s basically the anti Left Behind — the Rapture happens, the fundies don’t go anywhere, and then spend the rest of the novel willingly serving the Antichrist, just to get revenge on God for rejecting them.

    If I had a better grasp of sci-fi/fantasy or some actual time I could spend putting a few thousand words on paper every night, maybe I’d finally put the durn thing together…

    Oooh, damn, that’s awesome.

    I bet you could hire a good hack itching for her first byline if you set up a contest on Livejournal.

  264. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:14

    The article was right, however, in suggesting to folks who rag about Comic Sans to lighten up. Did you get that part?

    I got it, and think it’s fucking funny. I still think it’s hideous, though.

  265. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:14

    “So, who drew the short straw for cleaning up the mess afterwards?”

    I think everbody was drawing short straws if you know what I mean.

  266. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:15

    Clown College?

    Close enough.

  267. Whale Chowder said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:15

    So, who drew the short straw for cleaning up the mess afterwards?

    It wasn’t a problem, DKW’s mom just took a shower after.

    what? why’re you looking at me like that?

  268. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:15

    English is considered the most nuanced of languages because each word has a specific, unique meaning

    Unintentional comedy for $200, Alex.

    Guess this jeenyus never looked up “English”, “is”, “have”, “need”, etc in the dictionary.

  269. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:17

    Eeee The Mountain Goats will be here in October!

    My god, I am a fucking stereotype of myself.

  270. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:19

    Eeee The Mountain Goats will be here in October!

    Good eatin’!

  271. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:20

    I use it for emails at work to distinguish from the droppings of the rest of the flock.

    And the t-shirts all your coworkers wear are actually German and mean “The Willy, The.”

  272. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:21

    Eeee The Mountain Goats will be here in October!

    Don’t show fear, try to look bigger than you are, and they’ll go away.

  273. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:22

    “The article was right, however, in suggesting to folks who rag about Comic Sans to lighten up. Did you get that part?”

    I didn’t “rag about” comic sans. I merely suggested, in the interest in light hearted fun, that it’s use be banned and it’s proponents hung, drawn and quatered. It’s an ugly font.

    And now for something completely different:
    The Dangers Of Pragmatism (and user friendliness!)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvialpgl9Jg

    Because there just aren’t enough self righteous pricks in this world.

  274. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:23

    Oh, gawd, gocart, this is comedy GOLD:

    Have you never noticed the ominous wrought iron work over the employees entrance of every Arby’s franchise: “Arby’s Makes Fries”? They’re just biding their time.

    Tapping a deep vein of snark, here.

  275. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:24

    I merely suggested, in the interest in light hearted fun, that it’s use be banned and it’s proponents hung, drawn and quatered

    I disagree. I prefer knowing who the morons are.

  276. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:24

    I merely suggested, in the interest in light hearted fun, that it’s use be banned and it’s proponents hung, drawn and quatered.

    AHA! LYNCHING!

  277. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:25

    A lady in my office who is in a position higher than mine submitted her resume in Comic Sans. I hate my life.

  278. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:29

    “AHA! LYNCHING!”

    RACIST!

  279. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:30

    The university chancellor actually sends out mass e-mails to the whole campus in Comic Sans.

    Clown College?
    The faculty and staff of the Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College is not laughing.

    My alma mater is so maligned.

  280. tsam said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:30

    They’re all too uptight to enjoy themselves, so no lines to wait on for sex and booze. Long lines for harp lessons, but fuck that.

    Tour of Heaven…

    (God) Please follow me–but be very quiet by this next door. That’s where the rapturists are and they think they’re the only ones here.

  281. noen said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:31

    Comic Sans is the Jew of… oh forget it…

  282. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:32

    The faculty and staff of the Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College is not laughing.

    Hotty Toddy, bitchez

  283. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:33

    Google reports about 37,200 results for “high-tech lynching”.

    From right-wing websites we learn that other victims of the virtual lynch mob, apart from Clarence Thomas, include Sarah Palin and Rand Paul.

  284. tsam said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:35

    Clarence Thomas, include Sarah Palin and Rand Paul

    Poor great Americans. How could they do this to such stellar examples of statesmanship?

  285. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:35

    Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College

    It may be SPELLED “Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College”, but it’s pronounced “Yoknapatawpha Kounty Kommunity Klown Kollege.” “K” = Komedic Gold

  286. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:36

    So, who drew the short straw for cleaning up the mess afterwards?

    IMO a cum mop would be more effective but there have been budget cuts.

  287. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:37

    Hotty Toddy, bitchez
    You mistake me, Ole Miss and YCCCC are two separate and distinct educational institutions. Ole Miss is the more famous, older and accredited of the two, YCCCC is the one with academic standards, and athletic recruitment integrity.

  288. Willy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:38

    Lots of CS haterz. Who’d a thunk it?
    Get it out folks, that way you won’t take it out on loved ones.

    @tigris: you’re right about my coworkers’ hatred of CS, though a couple of us soldier on with our ugly, silly, wretched font. No shirts…yet.

  289. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:38

    “Yoknapatawpha Kounty Kommunity Klown Kollege.” “K” = Komedic Gold
    No, that’s Ole Miss.

  290. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:39

    IMO a cum mop would be more effective but there have been budget cuts.

    LOLGROSS.

  291. PeeJ said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:39

    I can’t be bothered to if it’s been covered already. I’ll just comment with out reading the thread. Too goddamn many to read, anyway.

    Lord Jeff:

    [...]
    No idea
    [...]
    Again, I have no idea.
    [...]
    Whatever else, Mr. Breitbart is no fool. [Great validation of previous claims - Ed]
    [...]
    Again, I have no idea
    [...]

    There’s FIVE fucking pages of no idea whatsoever there. Five fucking pages to show beyond any doubt that he hasn’t got a clue. Five pages of an”argument” based on a high degree of factual wrongitude and also only minimally cohesive and completely beside the point anyway.

    These people are fucking insane, dumb as dirt, psychotic, or some combination thereof.

  292. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:40

    The car wheel slipped on down the hill
    Instead of going to heaven they went to Jacksonville.

    Ouch, talk about missing the target. Although the beach is nice.

  293. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:40

    Google reports about 37,200 results for “high-tech lynching”.

    Bleeding edge app.

  294. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:40

    Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?

    don’t do it. They’re just being sucked up into the spaceships of the Greys for wholesale anal probing.

    Which, now that I think of it, is probably pretty much a kind of heaven for most of ‘em.

  295. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:41

    2. You have to wait in line for sex???

    In hedonist heaven, one might. In Baptist heaven one does not.

    Only because the Baptists are bonking each other, with no regard for age, disability, weight, looks, color, or kinship relationships.

    Baptists are the true liberals.

  296. not a gator said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:42

    Yeah. NYC dialect.

    Oh, is THAT where that bit of verbal idiocy comes from? It’s quite current in working class Boston as well.

  297. Angry Geometer, mango sampler said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:43

    Getting upset at Don Imus’ racist remarks was considered a lynching back in 2007.

  298. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:43

    “Lots of CS haterz. Who’d a thunk it?
    Get it out folks, that way you won’t take it out on loved ones.”

    The McSweenys CS response was hilarious. Don’t feel bad. Everybody here declared nick cage to be like ZOMG THE WORST ACTOR EVAR the other day I disagree. But I don’t sweat it.

  299. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:48

    don’t do it. They’re just being sucked up into the spaceships of the Greys for wholesale anal probing.

    It’s a plook book!

  300. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 21:53

    It’s a plook book!

    Stuck like a (long) pig.

  301. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:02

    IMO a cum mop would be more effective but there have been budget cuts.

    Next time we rent the Zamboni.

  302. Willy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:03

    Everybody here declared nick cage to be like ZOMG THE WORST ACTOR EVAR the other day

    Since this is limited to ‘actor’ I guess that would leave Tori Spelling out, unless you know something I don’t.

  303. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:04

    An image you didn’t want in your brain, courtesy of Breitblart:

    Victoria Jackson sunbathing nude…and thinking!

  304. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:06

    A lady in my office who is in a position higher than mine submitted her resume in Comic Sans.

    Apparently, N__B also does all his engineering reports using it.

  305. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:06

    “Lots of CS haterz. Who’d a thunk it?
    Get it out folks, that way you won’t take it out on loved ones.”

    Tori Spelling…bless her heart.

  306. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:07

    I guess that would leave Tori Spelling out, unless you know something I don’t.

    Unless you happened to catch Bristol Palin’s try at it.

  307. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:07

    “Next time we rent the Zamboni”

    Lol…gross

  308. GregB said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:08

    Did anyone ever check the kerning of the lynch rope?

  309. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:08

    An image you didn’t want in your brain, courtesy of Breitblart:

    Um, is that supposed to be poetry?

    Also, ew.

  310. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:08

    Victoria Jackson sunbathing nude…and thinking!

    for extremely generous definitions of ‘thinking’.

    “Communist Behavior.”

  311. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:09

    Did anyone ever check the kerning of the lynch rope?

    I was about to *AHEM* you, but it was last thread I posted that…

  312. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:09

    Um, is that supposed to be poetry?

    hmm. pimples, bees, and communists. Could be.

  313. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:11

    hmm. pimples, bees, and communists. Could be.

    Is it sad that my second thought besides “EW” was “Potato chips don’t cause pimples, you daft bitch. The “communist in the White House” thing didn’t even faze me.

  314. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:11

    All sorts of punctuation gone wrong.

  315. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:13

    So, she’s lying out in her yard, nude, thinking about how she’d like to be able to ‘keep up’ with Obama and about all that socialest stuff he keeps ramming down people’s throats.

  316. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:14

    There’s a strange, red bump inside my eyelid.
    Scarlet is pregnant with my first grandchild.

    It’s not poetry. She’s writing lyrics to her version of “King Of Pain” by the Police.

  317. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:14

    “Grab onto the leg of a floater to hitch a ride to heaven?”
    Speargun. Just saying.

    I don’t need a dictionary to instruct me on the accepted meaning of the word “lynching.”
    …or to disparage someone who is using it according to the dictionary meaning…

  318. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:16

    But, as time went on, just like Israel, we gradually started to take His blessings for granted, and abandon His laws. We kicked God out of the courts, the public school system, our families, and our personal lives.

    …says the divorcee…

  319. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:16

    So, she’s lying out in her yard, nude, thinking about how she’d like to be able to ‘keep up’ with Obama and about all that socialest stuff he keeps ramming down people’s throats.

    Her lying naked in her backyard is a hideous enough image for most of us, but nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo! YOU had to go one step further and have her getting all bothered erotically….

  320. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:19

    It’s not poetry. She’s writing lyrics to her version of “King Of Pain” by the Police.

    There’s a black pres caught in the White House…

  321. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:20

    Also, yuck. Too.

  322. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:20

    Her lying naked in her backyard is a hideous enough image for most of us, but nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo! YOU had to go one step further and have her getting all bothered erotically….

    It could’ve been worse Actor, I could have mentioned about how I heard through the grapevine that she’s really keen on dropping by to see your etchings.

  323. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:20

    We kicked God out of the courts, the public school system, our families, and our personal lives.

    Goddamn right. And I kicked him out of my bar, because he got stinking drunk on Wild Turkey and was hitting on everything in sight.

  324. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:21

    I could have mentioned about how I heard through the grapevine that she’s really keen on dropping by to see your etchings.

    I wouldn’t etch her with your charcoal.

  325. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:21

    And I kicked him out of my bar, because he got stinking drunk on Wild Turkey and was hitting on everything in sight.

    God’s a Kickin’ Bird man? I thought He’d have better taste than that.

  326. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:21

    And I kicked him out of my bar, because he got stinking drunk on Wild Turkey and was hitting on everything in sight.

    Look, I know I have paranoid delusions but I was not hitting on everything in sight…

  327. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:21

    It’s not poetry.

    If it was in Comic Sans it might have been considered poetry.

  328. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:22

    I thought He’d have better taste than that.

    JUDGETH ME NOT!

  329. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:23

    God’s a Kickin’ Bird man? I thought He’d have better taste than that.

    That boy ain’t right.

  330. Sirius Lunacy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:23

    God’s a Kickin’ Bird man? I thought He’d have better taste than that.

    To be fair, He turned it into wine before he drank it.

  331. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:23

    “Look, I know I have delusions of grandeur but I was not hitting on everything in sight…”

    FIXT!

  332. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:24

    To be fair, He turned it into wine before he drank it.

    Yeah, but it was BLUE NUN.

  333. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:26

    JUDGETH ME NOT!

    Oh, come on. You couldn’t at least go for the Jim Beam Black?

  334. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:27

    “Look, I know I have delusions of grandeur but I was not hitting on everything in sight…”

    English is a living language with more words than any other language and therefore words have precise meanings and nuance and I don’t need a dictionary to know the generally accepted meaning of paranoia, so shut up that’s why!

    (Actually, that fits here, according to the DSM)

  335. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:28

    We kicked God out of the courts, the public school system, our families, and our personal lives.

    Trust VJ to side with the stalker.

  336. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:28

    Lacryma Christi, cuz God is one mean mofo.

  337. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:31

    “Trust VJ to side with the stalker”

    I know,right? I bet VJ was super-pissed when god got barred from Chuck E Cheese.

  338. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:32

    Trust VJ to side with the stalker.

    VJ is far too close to some sort of slang for “vagina.” Please stop.

  339. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:33

    That’s VJJ

  340. Jennifer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:34

    Re: tattoos: I’ve never been able to overcome the attitude the old southern small-town gentility ascribed to them – it’s something that’s just not done. I have gotten over tagging everyone who has one as being trash. Like vs, I’ll be leaving this world in a natural condition, with no silicone or ink enhancements (and hopefully no metal pins, plates, or other devices either). If I had every decided to cross that line, I would have gotten one in a hidden location where only the most intimate friends could see it. Like this one, the only tattoo I’ve ever seen that I would consider getting myself.

    Re: the comic sans haterz – the prettiest font is still Palatino. But comic sans doesn’t bother me. Wouldn’t use it on a resume, though.

  341. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:38

    The current restraining order bans God from coming closer than 100 metres from the public school system.

  342. Angry Geometer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:39

    Jackson? I hardly know son!

  343. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:43

    Bauhaus is fascist now?

    Calling N__B!

    Please. I didn’t call Gropius a fascist, just a douchebag. While that Venn diagram has overlap, the single wing of d but not f is quite large.

  344. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:44

    Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goooooodbye!

  345. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:44

    The current restraining order bans God from coming closer than 100 metres from the public school system.

    From above and below, too, right? It’s a spherical exclusion zone. Because I would have been thrilled to go to school inside a zorb.

  346. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:45

    Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goooooodbye!

    Bastard’s getting 11 million pounds.

  347. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:45

    BP chief executive Tony Hayward will get an immediate annual pension worth about £600,000 ($930,000) when he leaves in October, the BBC has learned.

    What a horrendous failure.

  348. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:45

    You know who else was a fascist???

  349. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:46

    I was gonna say…

  350. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:46

    Fuck you, you fucking piece of elephant shit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/26/neel-kashkari-tarp-guru-s_n_659423.html

  351. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:49

    “Yoknapatawpha Kounty Kommunity Klown Kollege.” “K” = Komedic Gold

    No, that’s Ole Miss.

    Word.

  352. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:50

    Christ on a wheat thin, N_B. I was just about to drink myself into a good mood…

  353. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:51

    Christ on a wheat thin, N_B.

    Don’t forget the Velveeta!

    I was just about to drink myself into a good mood…

    Ignore my previous advice.

  354. Whale Chowder said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:52

    The faculty and staff of the Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College is not laughing.

    I knew it! All. One. Guy.

  355. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:52

    Hey, I wouldn’t eat Velveeta with someone else’s mouth.

  356. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:53

    Don’t forget the Velveeta!

    I was just about to drink myself into a good mood…

    Velveeta martini?

  357. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:54

    Shameful foodie confession: I love that nasty dip made with Velveeta and Rotel. Please don’t hate me.

  358. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:54

    Hey, I wouldn’t eat Velveeta with someone else’s mouth.

    Velveeta: The Cheese That Wouldn’t Die.

  359. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:55

    I would have been thrilled to go to school inside a zorb.
    HTH.

  360. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:56

    Shameful foodie confession: I love that nasty dip made with Velveeta and Rotel.

    You only love it because IT’S AWESOME

  361. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:57

    Re: tattoos: I’ve never been able to overcome the attitude the old southern small-town gentility ascribed to them – it’s something that’s just not done. I have gotten over tagging everyone who has one as being trash. Like vs, I’ll be leaving this world in a natural condition, with no silicone or ink enhancements

    Word. And no way in hell do I think all tat-having people are trash. No fucking way.

    The permanence of them has always scared me. It’s one thing to fuck with your hair…speaking of which…I once died my hair black once. Black. I meant do dark brown. Thought I’d look like Scarlett O’Hara. Well, I more closely-resembled Tommy Wiseau than I did the stunning Vivien Leigh. But I had the color stripped by a professional. It could be undone. I’ve had my hair cropped to almost bald. Right now it is well past my shoulders and chemically-straightened. This can all be undone.

  362. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:58

    Shameful foodie confession: I love that nasty dip made with Velveeta and Rotel. Please don’t hate me.

    Hate? I used to make it all the time.

  363. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:58

    Right now it is well past my shoulders and chemically-straightened. This can all be undone

    Not until you’ve seen my etchings…

  364. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:58

    Velveeta: The Cheese That Wouldn’t Die.

    Zombie Cheese? It’s a lynching offense in Wisconsin.

    We don’t use ropes. We force feed you deep fried food until your arteries burst.

  365. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:59

    I knew it! All. One. Guy.
    I am not!

    I mean…
    You sir, impugn the dignity of South central Mississippi’s finest non-accredited correspondence academy for the promotion of the clowning arts and other programs too numerous to list. In fact any minute we expect to be regionally recognized for our contributions to society at large and clowning in specific.

    I demand satisfaction. Flamethrowers at dawn? at the venue of your choosing.
    Sincerely yours,
    Both of the Faculty and Staff of the YC&cetera

  366. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 22:59

    Velveeta martini?

    I’ll take just the martini, please!

  367. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:00

    The permanence of them has always scared me.

    Sure, I totally get that. I think I’ve put more thought into my tattoo and future tattoos than most people put into having children.

  368. actor212 said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:00

    I demand satisfaction. Flamethrowers at dawn? at the venue of your choosing.

    Wouldn’t a clown college use those squirting flowers?

  369. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:01

    the clowning arts

    Excuse me, good Sir, but I was under the impression that you were a licensed Space Gynecologist. I’m starting to think you have only a passing familiarity with the truth. GOOD DAY! I SAID ‘GOOD DAY’!!!

  370. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:02

    Sure, I totally get that. I think I’ve put more thought into my tattoo and future tattoos than most people put into having children.

    I don’t doubt that. And, FTR, I think yours happen to look awesome.

  371. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:02

    Re: tattoos:

    Have none, because they make Wife Sublime barf.

    However, as a young punk, and happily piercing various ears (before noses became commonplace) I have no problem with the BodMod crowd. As one of the first few Urban Professionals in my profession who wore an earring on a daily basis, Am kind of looking forward to facial hardware showing up on lawyers and bankers.

  372. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:04

    Holy crap, N_B. I guess it must be kind of nice to have no conscience; you get to take the big hand-outs and still claim the moral high ground in denying them to others. Conservatism in a nutshell.

  373. Doctorb said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:04

    Obviously by “lynch”, Jeffrey meant “there’s a nice knock-down argument for you”, not the pedestrian meaning of “for a group claiming to serve justice/race/tradition to extralegally kill someone”. Mr. Lord is obviously a very gifted journalist to make words — particularly verbs, which are the proudest words, and hard to manage — mean what he chooses them to mean. Impenetrability!

    I mean, it’s unfortunate that Ms. Sherrod was unaware of Jeffrey Lord’s criteria for what is and isn’t a lynching, and that she probably chose to use Tuskeegee’s criteria, or just figured “hey, some white guys murdering a black guy out in the open, figuring they’ll get away with it because of where they live — sounds better if I call it a lynching”, but that hardly excuses her lapse in judgement there.

    In conclusion, Jeffrey Lord is a syphilitic pedophile, a term of my own coinage that I use to mean “someone who enriches the English language by contributing new definitions for old words”. Jeffrey Lord: Well done! (by which I mean “fuck off”).

  374. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:04

    And, FTR, I think yours happen to look awesome.

    Thanks!

    and happily piercing various ears

    So, do you do this before or after eating the branes within the attached heads?

  375. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:05

    Wouldn’t a clown college use those squirting flowers?

    The flamethrowers are actually gas-filled flowers with a sparker.

  376. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:06

    Holy crap, N_B. I guess it must be kind of nice to have no conscience; you get to take the big hand-outs and still claim the moral high ground in denying them to others. Conservatism in a nutshell.

    I was sweating bullets at the thought of having you for an enemy before I realized you were talking about Douche Neel. Don’t scare me like that.

  377. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:06

    QUESTION: When zombies nom on a person with piercings, do the piercings hurt your throat?

  378. N__B said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:06

    When did we see T&U’s tattooistry? And was popcorn involved?

  379. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:07

    Excuse me, good Sir, but I was under the impression that you were a licensed Space Gynecologist. I’m starting to think you have only a passing familiarity with the truth. GOOD DAY! I SAID ‘GOOD DAY’!!!

    of the clowning arts and other programs too numerous to list
    Our internationally recognized Rocket Surgery program is second to none!*
    It is a sad day on the internet for the reputation of the old YCCCC.

    *well none of the other non accredited correspondence rocket surgery programs can match it anyway.

  380. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:07

    I would have gotten [a tattoo] in a hidden location where only the most intimate friends could see it.

    Invisible ink. Only shows up in the crematorium, and only briefly.

  381. Doctorb said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:07

    Seriously, I could not believe that the shorter was accurate, so I looked and there it was, just that. Every. Damn. Time. This. Happens.

    And the comments, ay dios mio, they make YouTube look like the Algonquin Fucking Round Table.

  382. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:09

    So, do you do this before or after eating the branes within the attached heads?

    you know, zombies have breather lives before becoming undead. Or, as we say, sham-FABULISS!

  383. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:10

    QUESTION: When zombies nom on a person with piercings, do the piercings hurt your throat?

    Spit em out like buckshot. It’s when it is useful to come from an area of the country with Germanic heritage; anybody who’s eaten fresh hassenpfeffer knows what imma sane.

  384. tigris said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:10

    I was sweating bullets at the thought of having you for an enemy before I realized you were talking about Douche Neel. Don’t scare me like that.

    Yeah, well, GROPIUS.

  385. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:11

    When did we see T&U’s tattooistry? And was popcorn involved?

    I thought VS had seen mine through my last.fm account, but that photo is tattooless. Now I am suspicious!

    you know, zombies have breather lives before becoming undead.

    I just thought “various ears” implied more than just two…

  386. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:12

    I just thought “various ears” implied more than just two…

    I spent several semesters in engineering school. It permanently impairs your ability to count.

    Also, multiple piercings.

  387. les said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:16

    The Rapture already happened. The only 9 persons found worthy enough to ascend to Heaven were from a small Christian hippy commune in Connecticut that nobody ever heard of. And so the wait goes on.

  388. Willy said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:24

    We force feed you deep fried food until your arteries burst.

    What makes that any different than what they do to themselves?

  389. 77south said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:29

    What makes that any different than what they do to themselves?
    it takes longer

  390. Whale Chowder said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:30

    Flamethrowers at dawn?

    Those pistols that shoot out the flag that says BANG.

    Perhaps custard pies.

  391. Whale Chowder said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:31

    Also: if you demand satisfaction, may I suggest DKW’s mom?

  392. M. Bouffant said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:32

    (Um…it’s not a sin to be sunbathing naked if no one but God is watching, right?)

    VJ asks the great theological questions.

  393. Smut Clyde said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:34

    Mr. Lord is obviously a very gifted journalist to make words — particularly verbs, which are the proudest words, and hard to manage — mean what he chooses them to mean.

    No-one begrudges the right of Mr Lord and his colleagues to speak their own dialect of English among themselves, complete with its own grammar and its own word definitions. He can even call it Cobonics if he wants to, and if he doesn’t, I will. Where we take issue is when he starts criticising normal English speakers for not using Cobonics.

  394. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:40

    Oh! My picture with the tattoo is on Twitter. Phew.

  395. tsam said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:46

    The permanence of them has always scared me. It’s one thing to fuck with your hair…speaking of which…I once died my hair black once. Black. I meant do dark brown. Thought I’d look like Scarlett O’Hara. Well, I more closely-resembled Tommy Wiseau than I did the stunning Vivien Leigh. But I had the color stripped by a professional. It could be undone. I’ve had my hair cropped to almost bald. Right now it is well past my shoulders and chemically-straightened. This can all be undone.

    Are you one of the other 12 humans who made it through your 20′s without getting a tattoo like everyone else? I still don’t have one at 40. I never could find anything I would want to be on me forever.

  396. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:48

    Are you one of the other 12 humans who made it through your 20?s without getting a tattoo like everyone else? I still don’t have one at 40. I never could find anything I would want to be on me forever.

    *high five* I flirted with the idea of getting my nose pierced in my 20′s and never got around to it…

  397. vacuumslayer said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:49

    Oh! My picture with the tattoo is on Twitter. Phew.

    Not stalking you, I swear! Yes, yes, I stole some underwear, but that’s ancient history.

  398. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:52

    What makes that any different than what they do to themselves?
    it takes longer

    plus, you get to drink a LOT more.

  399. Whale Chowder said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:52

    Yes, yes, I stole some underwear, but that’s ancient history.

    In the clothing business, they call that “vintage,” not “ancient.”

  400. Doctorb said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:53

    Re: the Left Behind thingy, there’s this:
    http://www.funhouse.com/cgi-bin/artfetch/%3C5104ge$rcv@news.pacifier.com%3E

  401. Doctorb said,

    July 26, 2010 at 23:54

    Or, if you like links that work, :
    http://www.pacifier.com/~ascott/fictions/megiddo.htm

  402. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:00

    Links that work are so passé. It’s, like, you’re trying so hard, ya know?

  403. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:06

    No tattoos for me. I’ve never even considered it. It’s not a “trash” thing – I think it’s fun to look at other people’s tatts. But I think of me plus tattoo, and all I can picture is gravity. I mean, eventually that cute little rose or heart is gonna migrate south.

    Okay, so tell me: what’s the second ickiest font? CS is the worst, apparently. Which fonts will also garner mocking sneers and derision? Is there a “liberal” font? Or a “wingnut” font? (I think wingdings don’t count.) Can you ID a libertarian by his or her font? What do we think of the serif these days? I just want to keep up.

  404. Guybrush Threepwood said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:08

    I don’t care for that spelling of “Anne-Marie” [sic] but I do dig the green text on black background. Reminds me of ancient Tandy computers, Jolt Cola, and the war3z era.

  405. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:10

    I never could find anything I would want to be on me forever.

    Diane Lane comes pretty close, personally.

  406. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:11

    Regarding, tattoos, I met Lizardman at Summerfest one year.

    Look you don’t have to be comfortable with Body Modification, but you have to admire his ability to COMMIT to the concept.

  407. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:12

    Diane Lane? Very nice. I’d like Morena Baccarin to be on me forever.

  408. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:12

    I never could find anything I would want to be on me forever.

    An L and an R could be helpful.

  409. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:12

    Are you one of the other 12 humans who made it through your 20?s without getting a tattoo like everyone else? I still don’t have one at 40.

    If there are really only 12, it’s quite the coincidence we all comment here.

    Okay, so tell me: what’s the second ickiest font?

    Logger.

  410. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:13

    Okay, so tell me: what’s the second ickiest font?

    personally, the Windows system font goes straight to Number One for me. Shit, even now they still can barely make it look better, and I suspect it’s just because the cranked up the resolution.

  411. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:14

    I’d like Morena Baccarin to be on me forever.

    also a good choice.

  412. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:14

    Oh yeah, tigris. Only a few very select resumes would be improved by Logger font.

  413. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:16

    Oh, we’re judging fonts by what some low-functioning corporate drone finds acceptable on a resume now?

  414. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:16

    My next resume will be delivered by singing telegram.

  415. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:17

    the one after that by trained hedgehogs.

  416. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:18

    the one after that by trained hedgehogs.

    I bet I could land a job with N__B using that ploy.

  417. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:20

    Oh, we’re judging fonts by what some low-functioning corporate drone finds acceptable on a resume now?

    I’m not. It’s about pure ickiness for me. I just flashed on a Logger resume and chuckled. It is probably used to announce summer camp activities, or Boy Scout Jamborees. It is still icky. I guess – with English being so nuanced and everything – I should be specific about the kind of ickiness I have in mind, and that is the ickiness of the unnecessary and inelegant. The other reason for my inquiry is that I do not know what is chic or cool or acceptable, so I need to know which fonts to avoid.

  418. Whale Chowder said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:20

    the one after that by trained hedgehogs.

    …and after that: strip-o-gram.

    All to the same prospective employer, on successive days.

  419. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:20

    Windows system font

    Control Panel>Display Properties>Appearance>Effects then click to select the “Use the following method to smooth edges of screen fonts check box” and (usually) choose Clear Type. I dunno if it’s a system default to have the fucking thing off – it’s been off for every machine I’ve played with and worked on – but I nearly quit a job over the blocky text in Windows.

  420. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:21

    The thing with submitting resumes these days is that even if you do a strip-o-gram, they’re not even gonna look up, much less respond.

  421. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:22

    Singing hedgehog telegram.

  422. El Cid said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:23

    I don’t need a dictionary to instruct me on the accepted meaning of the word “lynching.”

    If lynching is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

  423. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:27

    Singing hedgehog telegram.

    singing hedgehog STRIP-O-GRAM.

  424. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:30

    I’m not. It’s about pure ickiness for me. I just flashed on a Logger resume and chuckled. It is probably used to announce summer camp activities, or Boy Scout Jamborees. It is still icky.

    OK, I am SO using Logger for invitations for our upcoming party. The ironic hipster potential is unparalleled, and the rest of our families WON’T GET IT.

  425. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:30

    On me forever? This guy, please.

  426. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:31

    Boy Scout Jamborees need fonts too!

  427. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:32

    On me forever? This guy, please.

    holy crap, how did they ever shave enough of his eyebrows to do the Vulcan thing?

  428. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:32

    Larkspur, I can’t think of another “standard” font or typeface that stands out like Comic Sans. It’s hard to think of another one that would be as controversial. There are lots of funky fonts I find beautiful and/or horrid.

    “Logger” sounds like it would be kind of awful. Please tell me there’s no woodgrain involved.

  429. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:33

    Seriously, it’s like he’s got a unibrow around the BACK of his head.

  430. Whale Chowder said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:33

    This guy

    Syler?!

    Hope you don’t have any superpowers.

  431. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:34

    If only all unibrows looked that amazing. NuSpock can be remote and emotionless around me anytime.

  432. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:34

    Please tell me there’s no woodgrain involved.

    sorry.

    also, did anybody ever reveal to you the horrible truth about goatse?

  433. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:35

    also, did anybody ever reveal to you the horrible truth about goatse?

    Yes, but luckily just in word form. I hope to live my whole life without ever experiencing the real deal.

  434. M. Bouffant said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:36

    Are we now to be cursed w/ zombie(er) telebision?

    Weren’t the stupid emo-vampires enough?

    Where is the programming for adults? (Where are the adults, for that matter?)

  435. Smut Clyde said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:37

    invitations for our upcoming party.
    I am using this picture.

  436. Smut Clyde said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:39

    the prettiest font is still Palatino
    Also, Gill Perpetua.

  437. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:39

    Who brought up the Lizard guy? That kind of shit FREAKS. ME. OUT. I once watched a show about people doing some pretty extreme body mod stuff (mostly trying to turn into animals) and I’ve been fucked up ever since. I now am very careful not to expose myself to that kind of thing. I like to think of myself as a pretty tough chick, but apparently when it comes to some things I’m a delicate widdle flower.

  438. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:40

    Where are the adults, for that matter?

    I hope you’re not looking here.

  439. Doctorb said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:40

    I figure that when I’m old and my skin elasticity is such that tattoos would look weird, I’m going to look like a prune anyway. It’s like “oh no, my house burned down and there’s some graffiti on it!” Not really a good reason not to get one.

    Also, today I met a woman who had the text of the Mezuzah tattooed on the back of her neck, which just seemed strange, because really you should have it tattooed on your arm and/or the middle of your forehead, no?

  440. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:41

    This website may be called America’s Second-Shittiest Website, but it’s name is the most ironic.

    Srsly, the comments are worth the read. More deflection and projection.

  441. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:42

    Seriously, it’s like he’s got a unibrow around the BACK of his head.

    I have ten times as much hair as this guy therefore I am ten times prettier. Also an extra eye.

  442. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:45

    Also an extra eye.

    Where? Is the question that instantly springs to mind.

  443. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:47

    From Esteev’s link. This guy seems to know what he’s talking about…

    Esteev July 26, 2010 at 4:01 pm
    Like or Dislike: 0 0

    You folks are pretty sad. You seriously think that the WH would approve of the release of terrorist while they are sending more troops into harms way to kill them?

    You let your fear and hatred of Obama get in the way of reasoned debate. You use selective text to prop up your failed world-view. And it is failed. When was the last time conservative policy did good for the country? The answer is never.

    Here (if you know how to use Google you could have found it) is the actual letter: http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2010/07/145142.htm

    It is beyond me how you could read this wrong but:

    The United States is not prepared to support Megrahi’s release on compassionate release or bail. We understand that Scottish authorities are ensuring that Megrahi receives quality medical treatment, including palliative care, while incarcerated. The United States maintains its view that in light of the scope of Megrahi’s crime, its heinous nature, and its continued and devastating impact on the victims and their families, it would be most appropriate for Megrahi to remain imprisoned for the entirety of his sentence.

    So, while the US gov’t didn’t want Megrahi released, if he was to be released, the US wanted him released in Scotland as opposed to Libya.

  444. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:48

    Where? Is the question that instantly springs to mind.

    Way to step right under that falling safe. Don’t you watch cartoons?

  445. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:49

    Big Hollywood criticizes David Brooks:

    With all the pop-psychology gravitas of a Cosmopolitan sex advice column, Brooks declared [Mel] Gibson the prototype narcissist, the “Valentino of all self-lovers:”
    His self-love is his most precious possession. It is the holy center of all that is sacred and right. He is hypersensitive about anybody who might splatter or disregard his greatness. If someone treats him slightingly, he perceives that as a deliberate and heinous attack. If someone threatens his reputation, he regards this as an act of blasphemy. He feels justified in punishing the attacker for this moral outrage. And because he plays by different rules, and because so much is at stake, he can be uninhibited in response. Everyone gets angry when they feel their self-worth is threatened, but for the narcissist, revenge is a holy cause and a moral obligation, demanding overwhelming force.

    Perhaps if Brooks weren’t so infatuated with that impeccable crease, he’d realize he just described the President. Are all of the educated elite this dense?

  446. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:49

    OK, I just Googled Logger. Wow. Just wow.

    I didn’t know fonts could actually qualify as tacky .

    It really is the ironic hipster equivalent of a retro 80′s rainbow and unicorn t-shirt.

  447. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:51

    Way to step right under that falling safe. Don’t you watch cartoons?

    Well, yeah, if it were actor…but Sub doesn’t seem to go in for that sort of thing.

  448. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:52

    LOL tsam …. it’s pointless to argue with them but trolls kick up dirt so I thought I might as well.

  449. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:53

    Logger font: just as it says on the tin

  450. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:54

    I have ten times as much hair as this guy therefore I am ten times prettier.

    Blah blah blah.

    Also an extra eye.

    HOT!

  451. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:55

    Tsam- i didn’t link to my comment! hahah i kept it within the topic of this thread.

    Also, feel free to email me at youwish@nothappenin.org.

  452. Rusty Shackleford said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:56

    Are all of the educated elite this dense?

    Just Brooks.

  453. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:57

    You know what they say about women who like 3 eyes… Neither do I.

  454. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:57

    LOL tsam …. it’s pointless to argue with them but trolls kick up dirt so I thought I might as well.

    I think it’s great. The unfortunate part is they are not to be swayed by all of those “facts” and “actual contextual information whateverthefuck that means” and “stuff”.

    I try that every once in a while, but I don’t have the patience for it. I have a hard time dropping a bomb and leaving. I have to go after the responders, but convincing a dumb guy that he’s dumb is circlejerking of the highest order.

  455. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 0:58

    Are all of the educated elite this dense?

    Mrs Brooks uses Bobo’s head as a hammer.

  456. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:01

    Well, yeah, if it were actor…but Sub doesn’t seem to go in for that sort of thing.

    I’ve only been goatsewrecked by one person here. It wasn’t actor212.

  457. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:01

    circlejerking of the highest order.

    Go on…

  458. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:02

    Circlejerking of the highest order is S,N Wank-Off 2010.

  459. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:03

    No no, the Brooks thing is funny because Brooks described an asshole (Gibson), therefore Mr. Big Hollywood assumes it’s Obama. If you describe Darth Vader, you know who you’re describing? OBAMA. See also HITLER.

  460. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:05

    “I’ve only been goatsewrecked by one person here. It wasn’t actor212.”
    Whoa!! I was just talking about dumb sexual innuendo.

    I will keep my third eye on Sub.

  461. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:05

    S,N Wank-Off 2010.

    It’s being held in Baghdad.

  462. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:05

    I’ve only been goatsewrecked by one person here. It wasn’t actor212.

    I recently did this one which I swear is recognizable to the goatse connoisseur, but nobody cursed at me.

  463. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:06

    circlejerking of the highest order.

    SPHEREJERKING.

  464. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:08

    Mrs Brooks uses Bobo’s head as a hammer.

    Playing air piano to Vanessa Carlton’s “1000 Miles”.

    Hammerhead Brooks is his stage name for the karaoke contests.

  465. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:08

    SPHEREJERKING

    Similar to Hobbes, I can turn a circlejerk into a squarejerk!

  466. Esteev said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:11

    Hammerhead Brooks is his stage name for the karaoke contests.

    That’s not a karaoke!

  467. M. Bouffant said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:22

    It’s being held in Baghdad.

    Note Snark Lane, to the right (East?) of the Northeast Christian Academy.

  468. Lurking Canadian said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:24

    The Rapture already happened. The only 9 persons found worthy enough to ascend to Heaven were from a small Christian hippy commune in Connecticut that nobody ever heard of. And so the wait goes on.

    I once read a Harry Turtledove short in which the events of Revelation took place in the fields around Verdun in 1916. The horsemen of the Apocalypse were mowed down by a foulmouthed and trigger-happy French machine gun crew who were unable to believe their luck that the Germans had sent them such a glorious target. We’ve been living in the Time of Tribulation ever since.

    And for my money, font technology peaked with Courier fixed pitch.

  469. Smut Clyde said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:27

    The United States is not prepared to support Megrahi’s release on compassionate release or bail.

    Flying Rodent got rather pissy about a US senator — member of a legislative body that never said No to the booty and cheap oil promised from the invasion of Iraq — slagging off the Brits for making ‘blood money’ oil deals with Libya,

  470. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:29

    AND????

  471. actor212 said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:53

    Well, yeah, if it were actor…but Sub doesn’t seem to go in for that sort of thing.

    Funny you never see us photographed together…

  472. actor212 said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:55

    Oh, we’re judging fonts by what some low-functioning corporate drone finds acceptable on a resume now?

    Says the guy whose first listing on his CV is “long pig nommer”

  473. actor212 said,

    July 27, 2010 at 1:58

    a licensed Space Gynecologist

    Some people call me the Space Gyno.

    Some call me the Gangster of Love.

    You may call me…Tim.

  474. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:06

    Flying Rodent got rather pissy about a US senator — member of a legislative body that never said No to the booty and cheap oil promised from the invasion of Iraq — slagging off the Brits for making ‘blood money’ oil deals with Libya,

    This is why I say the clocks in Washington (and most of “rural/real” America) are set to Double Standard Time.

    I mean shit, if you want to get all fucking technical about it…There’s likely zero chance that the US has had anything to do with what the oil companies have done to sub-Saharan Africa, right? We abhor that sort of deplorable behavior and doggone it, we’re just about to form a committee to look into that and possibly subpoena some middle managers tell us how important we are.

  475. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:06

    “actor212 said,
    July 27, 2010 at 1:53

    Well, yeah, if it were actor…but Sub doesn’t seem to go in for that sort of thing.

    Funny you never see us photographed together…

    Except when DKW’s mom is holding the camera.

  476. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:06

    You may call me…Tim.

    I’ll call you Maurice “weee wowwwww”

  477. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:07

    I recently did this one which I swear is recognizable to the goatse connoisseur, but nobody cursed at me.

    I swear I didn’t see that until now. It is a real trait of a liberal narcissist that you would bring attention to it.

    You fucker.

  478. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:07

    Except when DKW’s mom is holding the camera.

    Whoa! VS ups her game. *smacks ass* Good hustle, girl!

  479. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:09

    I swear I didn’t see that until now. It is a real trait of a liberal narcissist that you would bring attention to it.

    You fucker.

    He had JUST made it off of the “to kill” list, and bounds right back to the top.

  480. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:10

    “Except when DKW’s mom is holding the camera.

    Whoa! VS ups her game. *smacks ass* Good hustle, girl!”

    It’s the Vodka, Coach. It’s the Vodka.

  481. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:11

    I will keep my third eye on Sub.

    Yes, do NOT EVER click on any blind links Sub posts. I did once, forgetting what I was doing, and lived to regret it. It was goatse guy with, like, pokemon or some shit. (Ewww).

  482. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:12

    I guess I did live, though. That’s something, right?

  483. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:12

    He had JUST made it off of the “to kill” list, and bounds right back to the top.

    He’s protected by his vicious unibrow. Zombies bite, it bites back.

  484. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:14

    Also: Kennerly Old Style.

  485. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:15

    It’s the Vodka, Coach. It’s the Vodka.

    Whatever it is, you double up on it for the playoffs!

  486. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:16

    I never click his links, T&U. For the sake of my sanity.

  487. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:17

    He’s protected by his vicious unibrow. Zombies bite, it bites back.

    Wow, this inspired (or maybe induced) a hilarious visual of a unibrow that extends to the bald guy side of the head hair, continuing all the way around. If I don’t trim my brows for 60 or 70 years and shaved my dome I could totally grow one.

  488. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:19

    the bald guy side of the head hair,

    What? Are you drunk?

  489. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:23

    What? Are you drunk?

    On my way. Wow, that might be a lousy description, huh.

    Think Tenacious D guy that isn’t Jack Black.

    Connect a unibrow to that and you’ve got a look that will keep the ladies coming for years to come. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

  490. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:26

    *The Dyer Anti-Lynching Bill, which served as a model for state anti-lynching laws, defines lynching as “depriving any person of his life without authority of law.” No ropes mentioned anywhere at all.

    It ain’t no damn lynchin’ lessin’ you use a gotdamn rope, son. Sheeit. Don’t you know nuthin?

    I guess it’s only called that if you do it the Jeffrey way.

  491. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:28

    What? Are you drunk?

    Oh yeah–if you get a phone call and it’s nothing but heavy breathing, that’s NOT me.

  492. Smut Clyde said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:28

    AND????

    I accept that when a US senator condemns another government for acting beholden to big corporations, the condemnation is purely for internal consumption and should not be read anywhere else in the world except for comic effect.

  493. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:29

    Those are real knee slappers. Especially around the mass grave sites–they “kill” there.

  494. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:29

    Think Tenacious D guy that isn’t Jack Black.

    Oh, I see where that description came from. (LIE)

  495. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:30

    Oh yeah–if you get a phone call and it’s nothing but heavy breathing, that’s NOT me.

    You know, if you hadn’t said anything, I would have just assumed it was actor.

  496. M. Bouffant said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:35

    You know who else was gay? That’s right!

  497. Snowwy said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:35

    No-Visible-Means said,
    July 26, 2010 at 21:10

    That’s a shame. A good time was had by all. We even got t-shirts: S,N Wank-Off 2010.

    So, who drew the short straw for cleaning up the mess afterwards?

    Duh. Who almost always shows up too late to actually *participate* in the fun?

  498. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:50

    Oh yeah–if you get a phone call and it’s nothing but heavy breathing, that’s NOT me.

    “Son, better grab your inhaler, you got the asthma real hard.”

  499. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:57

    tsam, please don’t tell me yer a Tenacious D fan, too. My mind can only be blown so many times.

  500. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:58

    LOL at “the asthma”.

    The D is teh awesome.

  501. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:58

    [catching up]
    No tattoos. It’s the permanence thing.

    You haven’t truly lived until you’ve tried to configure the fonts in Xwindows.

    I admit that I once posted a link to the ASCII goatse.
    [/catching up]

  502. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:59

    And yes, I hate myself for writing “teh awesome” just as much as you do.

  503. tsam said,

    July 27, 2010 at 2:59

    tsam, please don’t tell me yer a Tenacious D fan, too. My mind can only be blown so many times.

    I get a kick out of it every now and then, but I’m not downloading purchasing any of it. I guess that’s a no, but I don’t dislike them.

  504. N__B said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:00

    singing hedgehog STRIP-O-GRAM.

    What do you think led to my marriage?

  505. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:01

    Ok…whew. Mind still in tact.

  506. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:02

    I get a kick out of it every now and then, but I’m not purchasing any of it. I guess that’s a no, but I don’t dislike them.

    Oh, if you have to buy it, then no, I don’t like them, either…

    “Sex Supreme” and “Fuck Her Gently” were my jams in college, though.

  507. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:05

    No tattoos. It’s the permanence thing.

    My sister said it was like being stung repeatedly for what seems like forever, and you get to pay for the pleasure, so I guess after that you’d want it to last.

  508. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:05

    I mean, “have you ever been worked on by two guys who are hot for your snatch?” will always been funny to me.

  509. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:06

    My sister said it was like being stung repeatedly for what seems like forever, and you get to pay for the pleasure, so I guess after that you’d want it to last.

    The tattooing part sucks, but the healing part is much, much worse. And itchy.

  510. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:06

    “Sex Supreme” and “Fuck Her Gently” were my jams in college, though.

    “Dio” is one of the greatest power ballads ever written.

  511. N__B said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:07

    “Dio” is one of the greatest power ballads ever written.

    Not to mention the morning-after lament “Dio Irae.”

  512. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:08

    “Dio” is one of the greatest power ballads ever written.

    OH FUCK YES. How did I forget Dio????

  513. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:12

    My favorite TD song “Tribute”. I sing the shit out of that song but it’s hard to compete with JB, who has a genuinely gorgeous voice.

  514. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:15

    Wow. A subject where I actually may be the most meta and nerdy. I actually have all the non musical interludes on both their albums memorized.

  515. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:30

    I didn’t really kill this thread. This is a tribute.

  516. N__B said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:31

    I’m holding a lighter over my head.

  517. vacuumslayer said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:35

    Be careful with that thing.

  518. kate said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:37

    I just saw this and yes its way past intelligent discourse, but good lord how can people be so fucking racist and pass in the mainstream?

    “Because the mainstream is racist my child.”

    Thank you, I love this blog. So wise.

  519. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:14

    For the record (heh), I own the Dio album “Holy Diver.” On vinyl. And a couple Sabbath albums when he was the frontman too. I will even admit to liking “Mob Rules.”

    God I’m old, and had (have? Yes have.) terrible taste.

  520. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:32

    I don’t know what Dio is. It’s not that I have terrible taste; I am tasteless. I think I have a box of vinyl discoid shaped platter things in my apartment storeroom, where my phonograph machine lives. I am quite sure that one of the vinyls is a Buffy St. Marie. Yes, yes. I am dating myself. Someone has to do it.

    Kennerly Old Style is pretty.

    I don’t currently have cable TV access. Did anyone (like Rachel?) kick Jeffrey Lord’s puny flabby racist ass on the TV machine tonight? Maybe he got smote down by God with a lightning bolt for failing to change his last name from Lord to something more appropriate, like Buttugly?

  521. calibre97 said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:34

    You take that back and you take it back RIGHT TOTES NOW!!

    Saying “bad taste” and RJD in the same breath. Shame on you. I got Holy Diver from one of those 11 for a penny dealies on cassette. And I liked it. I also have a fondness for Last in Line.

  522. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:35

    You know, it is not late on the Left Coast. We are in the gloaming. It is totally crepuscular out. So fleeting.

  523. M. Bouffant said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:44

    South, but still on the Coast, it is completely dark. Yet I continue to type.

  524. Substance McGravitas said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:46

    I don’t know what Dio is.

    Dio has rocked for a long long time.

  525. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:52

    South, but still on the Coast, it is completely dark. Yet I continue to type.

    See? Fleeting. I typed at 4:35. You typed at 4:44.

    And I have not rocked in a long long time. I confess.

  526. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:58

    BTW, our beloved Meghan Cox Gurdon has surfaced again, in the lair of the World-O-Crap, with whom I believe we are still and always have been at war, except when we’re not. There is a photo. Her husband is perfectly normal looking – being decidedly plain, I cannot judge – but his eyes look like cold blue marbles.

    Also, Laphroig might go with a cupcake if the cupcake were made of polenta and topped with grilled, honey-glazed peaches and a few slivers of jalapeño, sprinkled with some grains of whatever designer sea salt Megan McWhatever does not like.

  527. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:07

    calibre97 said,

    July 27, 2010 at 4:34

    You take that back and you take it back RIGHT TOTES NOW!!

    Saying “bad taste” and RJD in the same breath. Shame on you. I got Holy Diver from one of those 11 for a penny dealies on cassette. And I liked it. I also have a fondness for Last in Line.

    Back it’s taken. I feel so validated.

    Only semi-related, but did I mention that I saw Iron Maiden live, twice, in the ’80s? Back when you could actually take your big bag o’ doobage and usable-sized-bong into the venue without getting tasered? Good times.

  528. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:12

    You know, it is not late on the Left Coast. We are in the gloaming. It is totally crepuscular out. So fleeting.

    It’s about the perfect time of evening right now. And late? WTF? The meat isn’t even off the grill yet, WTF?

  529. M. Bouffant said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:12

    Man, people will admit anything when they think they’re anonymous.

  530. M. Bouffant said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:14

    You all do realize that Mr. Sun sets later the farther north one is, right? (North of the equator, obviously.)

  531. J— said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:18

    Man, people will admit anything when they think they’re anonymous.

    I gotta get this off my chest. I bought Creed’s latest album and I like it!

  532. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:21

    All I know is that right here, right now, Miss Moon is about to kick Mr. Sun’s ass. He sets, she rises. Yes, maybe not in St. Petersburg (the Russian one), but out of my window, off of my deck, this is what’s happening.

    God. I remember, as a kid, when I first tried to understand the concept that even though I was in Detroit, there was still a New York and a Chicago, and things were happening there, at the very same time. Reality didn’t depend on me seeing it. Tree, forest, crash.

  533. Smut Clyde said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:52

    It is totally crepuscular out.

    Those little crepuscules creep me out when they emerge from their burrows and start scurrying around and I worry what they would look like if they grew any larger.

  534. Smut Clyde said,

    July 27, 2010 at 5:57

    singing hedgehog STRIP-O-GRAM.
    What do you think led to my marriage?

    I had assumed that a week-long bender on tequila and muscarine was involved.

  535. Whale Chowder said,

    July 27, 2010 at 6:49

    I’ve turned off all the lights in the basement and am sitting in the warm glow of the LCD monitor.

    Embarrassing fact #1220304: I know who Tenacious D is but have never heard them sing nor watched the movie.

    Don’t have any tats either. Don’t say you aren’t fascinated.

  536. Seth said,

    July 27, 2010 at 7:27

    Where do they get these people? If I were a victim of a race based killing I am sure that would prefer to be beaten to death to a lynching. It’s just not as nasty.

  537. Seth said,

    July 27, 2010 at 7:32

    My mistake. I thought this was a serious discussion. I didn’t rear the other posts.

  538. Seth said,

    July 27, 2010 at 7:33

    Can’t spell.

  539. Lesley said,

    July 27, 2010 at 7:55

    I gotta get this off my chest. I bought Creed’s latest album and I like it!

    It’s a crime that you paid for it.

  540. Hoosier X said,

    July 27, 2010 at 8:38

    I got out of the boat for this one.

    Man, this Jeffrey Lord guy just does not care if the only people who read him or like or think he’s cool are the worstestest, most stupidestest pieces of dogshit in human form that this country – or the human race – has to offer.

    He should have a show on FOX and a Tea Party candidacy and a column in the New Newsweek.

  541. actor212 said,

    July 27, 2010 at 15:10

    Ronnie James Dio?

    The warm-up act for Creed?

    *ducking*

  542. Larkspur said,

    July 27, 2010 at 15:29

    Hey, Seth. Totally serious post. So serious, so hideous, it made us go crazy, hence the devolution to wackiness.

    I mean, first, there’s the fact that Jeffrey Lord thought this up in his own mind. Then he wrote it down using actual words. Then some other people read it. Then they decided the world needed to hear it, so they published it. This piece of vile, irredeemable piece of crap writing that isn’t even based on some teeny bit of fact – they were proud of it, and happy to see the commenters flock around to enjoy it.

    Hence strip-o-grams, hedgehogs, music reviews, reviews of material alleged to be music, and various other nonsense.

    So anyway, this has been my dead thread “Good morning!” to y’all.

  543. tigris said,

    July 27, 2010 at 16:08

    My mistake. I thought this was a serious discussion. I didn’t rear the other posts.

    Hee hee, you said “rear.”

    It was serious for a while, but there’s not much to say after everyone has observed he’s a soulless, worthless skin-bag who will quibble, incorrectly one might add, about the “true” definition of “lynch” in discussing a brutal race-based murder, and use his wrong, overly narrow definition to call a relative of the murdered man a liar.

  544. Whale Chowder said,

    July 27, 2010 at 17:22

    Also, hi, “Sadly, No!” — have you read any of the previous posts and / or comments?

  545. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    July 27, 2010 at 17:32

    Got out of the boat, the mangoes were putrid, clicked on “Last” page to see his concluding sentence, and they seem to have scrubbed the article.

    Fucking chickenshit cowards.

  546. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    July 27, 2010 at 18:43

    Ugh, it’s back up, and the fucker’s actually defending it by playing even more semantic games.

  547. wolf vostell said,

    July 28, 2010 at 10:57

    …He should have a show on FOX and a Tea Party candidacy and a column in the New Newsweek…

    Instead of, oh, a White House political director, biographer of D. Brooks Smith, or successful presidential campaign worker.

    I know it’s old news but I still can’t look at Reagan and not think “Didn’t mention AIDS until 1987. That’s one mean MF.” Little did I know that Reagan’s silence was evidence of his compassion. With Jeffrey Lord in the WH, it’s a wonder that Reagan didn’t carry a spiked club with and beat to death protesters with facial lesions.

  548. Aruba said,

    July 17, 2012 at 3:21

    Neat blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?

    A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog jump out.
    Please let me know where you got your theme. Kudos

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