7
My Boxer Shorts Have My Name And It Says Romney
Not since George Allen’s macaca moment has any aspiring presidential candidate so thoroughly and completely dashed his chances for the White House in two sentences or less as Mitt Romney did yesterday in a WaPo op-ed. In the WaPo piece, Mitt, hoping to prove his own foreign policy chops, criticized the New START, which he called Obama’s “worst foreign policy mistake yet.”
Unlike past treaty restrictions, ICBMs are not prohibited from bombers. This means that Russia is free to mount a nearly unlimited number of ICBMs on bombers — including MIRVs (multiple independently targetable reentry vehicles) or multiple warheads — without tripping the treaty’s limits.
Yes, he actually said that. This is the man who wants to be the Commander-in-Chief, the leader of the free world, and the guy who takes the 3 a.m. phone calls in the White House and yet he thinks that you mount ICBMs on bombers. And even though Mitt apparently can’t tell the difference between an ICBM and a lawn dart, he still has the nerve to criticize Obama’s foreign policy.
I guess Romney thinks that missiles are like Irish Setters and you can just strap ‘em to the roof.
Over at Slate, Fred Kaplan points out the rest of the dumb-assery (and there’s plenty of it) in Romney’s op-ed.
Mr. Wonderful said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:39
The treaty also doesn’t expressly prohibit Russia from creating:
* an orbiting battle station the size of a small asteroid, able to harness unimaginable energies with which to incinerate and destroy a planet.
* a vast, pulsating “ribbon” of pure energy that, when allowed to roam the universe, is able to disrupt the very fabric of our (beloved) space-time continuum.
* a giant lizard-like creature able to exhale fire as it wades knee-deep across oceans and bays.
* a cloak of invisibil- oh, never mind.
Jennifer said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:39
But…but…but…he has broad shoulders! And wears magic underpants!
Pseudonymph said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:39
Even worse, the Russians could mount an unlimited number of ICBMs on bombers and LAUNCH THEM FROM AN INFINITE NUMBER OF SUBMARINES!
THEN WHAT, LOONEY LIBS?????
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:39
Bwah ha ha ha re: the Photoshop!
Did he not have a national security advisor look at that shit? Or does he think he knows everything about defense just because he has an “R” behind his name???
The Goddamn Batman Mounted A Jet Engine On His Car, But In His Defense, It Looked Sooooooooooooo Cool said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:40
More importantly, there’s nothing stopping anybody from having bombers on ICBMs, which meant that Slim Pickens could have sparked up a fatty while he was riding that nuke and polluted his precious bodily fluids.
Paul T. Lazaro said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:44
Someone should tell him about the new Russian MIRV–code name “Griffin!”
phleabo said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:46
Ok, so I hate having to defend Romney, but there really is no reason why you couldn’t mount ICBMs on a bomber. The plane couldn’t fly anywhere after you did and you’d probably have trouble reliably launching the missile, but you could probably do it.
Citizen_X said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:49
I got a ICBM strapped to my Gremlin, so dont you fukkin hippies tell me wut I can an cannot do. U think the Rusians coodnt do that two?
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:52
In fairness to Mitt, maybe he thought “ICBM” meant some sort of bowel movement.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:53
In fairness to Mitt, maybe he thought “ICBM” meant some sort of bowel movement.
Perhaps this is what he finds in his magic underwear?
Eskimo Joe said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:56
I have icy BMs inna winter.
Candy said,
July 7, 2010 at 19:57
Maybe the idea of “mounting” an ICBM just got him so lathered up he wasn’t thinking right.
Arky said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:01
There’s also nothing in the treaty to stop the Russians from exploiting the Basselope gap*!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:01
The treaty also doesn’t expressly prohibit Russia from creating:
I was going to make an Austin Powers reference here, but I really didn’t want to give anyone the impression that I actually like that movie or anything…
Arky said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:01
*NAVPR.
(Whoops, I got excited.)
tigris said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:04
I got a ICBM strapped to my Gremlin
Those Blockbuster bombs don’t go off unless you hit them juuuuuust right…
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:07
Those Blockbuster bombs don’t go off unless you hit them juuuuuust right…
According to Bugs Bunny, all it takes is a dinky little hammer to the tip*
*VQuillR
watou said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:07
Putin peers over the pickets at Palin’s pleasure pillows, while Mitt monitors Medvedev’s MIRV mating menace.
In his underpants.
Oh, did that sound dirty?
tigris said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:10
Actually, the Gremlin had quite the mallet for someone his size.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:15
No hope for Romney ’12?
It’s such a shame to let that great hair go to waste.
Pupienus Maximus said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:19
Mitt has apparently moved to the west.
tigris said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:20
Maybe the hair can run on its own? It can’t be any dumber than the man. OOH the shoulders and hair ON ONE TICKET! Romney’s Hair/Shoulders ’12!
Bitter Scribe said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:21
But he sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. That’s nine-tenths of consulting right there, and probably at least two-thirds of politics.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:24
Mitt has apparently moved to the west.
Go west young (relatively for a republican, anyway) man?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:32
BTW, I totally HATE the space-time continuum. Fucker.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:37
Actually, the Gremlin had quite the mallet for someone his size.
I was thinking more of “Forward March Hare”
Doctorb said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:41
Russia is not relevant here — what about Red China? There’s *no* treaty preventing them from all simultaneously jumping off of 5-foot platforms, knocking the Earth out of its orbit, and that’s just what the monsters plan to do!!!
They tried this in 1991 but tens of thousands of Europeans and Americans participated in a counter-jump that, I don’t know, was out of phase or whatever oh hey a squirrel
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:44
They tried this in 1991 but tens of thousands of Europeans and Americans participated in a counter-jump that, I don’t know, was out of phase or whatever oh hey a squirrel
The FDA and Department of Agriculture have worked in concert to counter this nefarious scheme- why do you think high fructose corn syrup is in everything, making us a nation of the portly?
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:46
They tried this in 1991 but tens of thousands of Europeans and Americans participated in a counter-jump that, I don’t know, was out of phase
Sharight. You expect me to believe that tens of thousands of Americans can even jump?
And counteract eleventy billion Chinese jumping off platforms?
Wait! THAT’S why we’re so fat! We’re trying to secretly fight the mass gap!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:46
They tried this in 1991 but tens of thousands of Europeans and Americans participated in a counter-jump that, I don’t know, was out of phase or whatever
It is for this reason that I really doubt conservatives care about national security…we gotta have immigrants in order to balance out the Chinese!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:48
Well, then. Clearly eating HFCS will do the job, too.
DAS said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:48
Perhaps because I am a bit dyspeptic (literally) today, I am also a bit paranoid, but what if this op-ed piece in “even the liberal” WaPo is a plant?
What if the next GOP talking point is going to be “what about mounting ICBMs on Bombers?”? Soon all “serious” people will be “concerned” about this “threat” and “even liberal media outlets” like WaPo and the New Republic will be raising red flags that “some people say the Obama admin isn’t serious about this threat”.
Before too long, Obama, et al, tired of being tarred and feathered as not being serious about national security will insert a no ICBMs on bombers clause. And the GOP will then run against “silly liberals who think you can put an ICBM on a bomber — why should you trust them on national security?”
Call me paranoid, but it wouldn’t be the first time the GOP pushed the Dems to free Side Show Bob from jail and then blasted the Dems for freeing him from jail (during a race in which the GOP was running Side Show Bob for mayor).
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:51
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:44
YOU! are hated.
Doctorb Merkwürdigliebe said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:56
Another important thing about zis treaty is that it says NUSSINK about man-portable shoulder-fired nuclear missiles, nuclear missiles srown by giant trebuchets, or ozzer delivery systems such as a delivery guy bringink a varhead to the White House und zayink “candygram for Mister Obama”.
Alzo, mine shafts are not limited by this treaty, meaning that Russia will no doubt vork overtime to dig new mine schaffts, in which animals can be bred UND SCHLAUGHTERT, and increase our mine shaft gap.
Doctorb said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:57
Don’t believe me?
http://books.google.com/books?id=7e0DAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA3&lpg=PA3&dq=%22what+the+monsters+plan+to+do%22&source=bl&ots=t-xoL51BDH&sig=XlT_yR8AYtCrFW5USkdjmRdZZAU&hl=en&ei=RM80TPWuCeXsnQf2gLH3Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CBUQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=%22what%20the%20monsters%20plan%20to%20do%22&f=false
Lurking Canadian said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:59
The Charles Stross fan in me wants to ask if the new START treaty covers cthonic-derived technologies.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:59
Doctorb Merkwürdigliebe said,
July 7, 2010 at 20:56
As if the gigantic magnifying glass that aliens could use to burn our planet into cinders isn’t enough to keep me awake at night…
Lurking Canadian said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:00
Close the Shoggoth Gap NOW!
(Sorry, hit send too soon.)
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:01
Don’t believe me?
I’m more interested in the fact that Polish men make the world’s worst lovers.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:07
I’m more interested in the fact that Polish men make the world’s worst lovers.
It’s cause the basa kieled over.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:07
YAY! We hit a hundred again today! Woohoo!
77south said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:09
How do men that were born in Belgium moved away before they were six months old, and raised at various army bases up and down the eastern seaboard with a couple years in Norway rate?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:12
YAY! We hit a hundred again today! Woohoo!
Who? What?
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:13
Who? What?
NYC temps.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:13
NYC temps.
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuck. It’s really not too bad here. Just humid.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:14
Forget the Russians, the Chinese, and the Shoggoths, do you people have any idea WHAT THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL!?!?!?
Sorry, can’t help posting this whenever really loony whackaloonery comes up.
Coach Urban Meyer said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:16
Heh indeedy for sheedy, loony libs! Looks like the Mittmeister’s got you Silly Sadlies’ fee-fees all a hurtin, if ya feels what Da Cool Coach is rappin! The fact of the matter is, your precious Obummer has sold this country out to the Silly Soviets, and ya better believe that when ConservoMentum ’10 retakes this country, us Proud Patriots will tell the Obummer ENOUGH OF THAT, JACK! Badoodle-boo-yeah! Get ready for a SPREAD of investigating Obummer’s socializing and back-room deals, too. Taste that SPREAD, libs! taste it!
Hear that comin down the track? It’s the GOP, comin back! Urban out.
don said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:17
There was a program back in the 60s called Skybolt, which would have mounted long-range ballistic missiles on B-52s…perhaps not quite ‘Intercontinental’ but it would have given the planes quite a stand-off capability…if they’d worked, that is. But Romney doesn’t know shit about this, I’m sure…talking out his ass as usual.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GAM-87_Skybolt
don said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:17
Not sure if you could mount them on a Gremlin or not…:)
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:18
Forget the Russians, the Chinese, and the Shoggoths, do you people have any idea WHAT THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL!?!?!?
I like you. You’re not like the other people here in the trailer park.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:18
Hear that comin down the track? It’s the GOP, comin back!
Yea.
Know who else made the trains run on time?
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:19
There was a program back in the 60s called Skybolt, which would have mounted long-range ballistic missiles on B-52s
Jimmy Carter once proposed mounting missiles on freight trains. Apparently, he was laughed at, but not as badly as Mitt will be.
77south said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:20
Know who else made the trains run on time?
Casey Jones. And that didn’t turn out real well for him.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:20
I just want them to revive the Acoustic Kitty program.
(Okay, no, I don’t. That would make me cry).
Angry Geometer said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:21
(Maybe SN! should get some more regular writers. Four Tintin posts in a row and counting…)
Think where our space program would be if you could actually launch giant rockets from a plane 40,000 feet in the air, though. It would violate all kinds of basic laws of physics, but if those (and the ones coddling terrorists) are the only laws Romney wants to break, he’s got my vote.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:22
Casey Jones. And that didn’t turn out real well for him
Driving that train high on cocaine? How would he know?
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:29
It would violate all kinds of basic laws of physics, but if those (and the ones coddling terrorists) are the only laws Romney wants to break, he’s got my vote.
Well, when Mitt becomes a god and rules his own Mittiverse, he can change the laws of physics to suit himself.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:30
Think where our space program would be if you could actually launch giant rockets from a plane 40,000 feet in the air, though.
But Superman Returns proved you could! And we all know that everything that Hollywood puts out should be taken as literal truth! Including an alien being wearing blue tights and his mommy’s dishrag flying around!
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:30
This guy is smarter than Bush Jr. Stick THAT in your brain and contemplate it.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:33
Well, when Mitt becomes a god and rules his own Mittiverse, he can change the laws of physics to suit himself.
Will that mean we’ll all have to wear magic underwear? Fuck.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:34
This guy is smarter than Bush Jr. Stick THAT in your brain and contemplate it.
Way smarter. He graduated BYU with a 3.97 GPA
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:36
Not since George Allen’s macaca moment has any aspiring presidential candidate so thoroughly and completely dashed his chances for the White House
I don’t know–repukes and their minions (just under half of the country) would have absolutely no idea what an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile is, let alone know that mounting one to a plane defeats the purpose of it’s existence while violating quite a few physical laws. If a stupid old crank can stand in front of a camera and sing (horribly) “bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran” and still win the nomination, I’d advise against counting this pretty boy weasel out.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:38
This guy is smarter than Bush Jr. Stick THAT in your brain and contemplate it.
No. It hurts.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:43
Will that mean we’ll all have to wear magic underwear? Fuck.
Only if *ducking behind furniture* you are one of his god-wives.
Caveat, this was made by Southern Baptist types.
Ezra Klein said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:45
What gives, my progressive homies? Mad love for the Mittster’s hair but no love for E$’s flawless sense of style? I don’t wanna be catty but comparing Romney’s hair to what E$ sees with each loving gaze I gaze into one of my own mirrors is like comparing a pile of puke to my own famous almond baked apples with rosewater and a goat cheese infusion . Tom Keller is paying E$ a fortune to keep that recipe to myself because it puts anything at his little restaurants to shame, even though a fortune is just a drop in the bucket when you’re playing on E$’s level.
It’s like that one time I was watching 30 Rock with your girlfriend and she was loosey-goosey on some garrotxa that I had to serve because it went bad the night before and a couple of glasses of ’79 Karthauserhof (what, you thought I was gonna bust out the ’63 for *her*?) and she was cooing over Alec Baldwin’s hair. E$ put an end to that noise real quick. The rest is history, yo. Well, 3 minutes or so of history, followed by an awkward 10 minutes or so of post-history while we waited around for the cab to come pick her up and take her back to your place in time for your date.
What I’m saying is, anyone who doesn’t give E$’s hair the props it so richly deserves just don’t know what kind of fresh hell they’re getting themselves into when E$ and RahmDogg bust down your door (with Matt the Y waddling and quivering enthusiastically in the rear flank) with blow dryers, mousse, pomade, and a goddamn case of high impact finishing spray-wax, motherfuckers.
E$ out.
tigris said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:46
Hear that comin down the track? It’s the GOP, comin back!
O-ho the Gee-Oh-Pee Wagon is a-comin’ down the track, Oh please let it be for me!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:47
Only if *ducking behind furniture* you are one of his god-wives.
Dude, you’d better hope that’s some sturdy-ass shit that Norm Abram made. With Kevlar upholstery.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:48
O-ho the Gee-Oh-Pee Wagon is a-comin’ down the track, Oh please let it be for me!
Oh yeah! Riding on those rails of Steele, Badoodly Oodleofuckit.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:48
He graduated BYU with a 3.97 GPA
And somehow didn’t develop the skills to research the design characteristics of a weapon that has been around since he was cowering under a desk wondering if one was about to vaporize him.
The intelligence comparison came from the shudder I got from thinking “how did we make it through 8 years of a guy who wasn’t even as smart as the guy who thinks Russia might subvert a treaty by hanging an ICBM on a fucking plane?”
That’s assuming that we did actually make it.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:51
That’s assuming that we did actually make it.
Are you suggesting that we’re in some sort of alternate reality in which everything is going to turn out like on [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS}, which would be totally lame?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:52
Ooh, two different varieties of brackets!
Whale Chowder said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:54
Maybe SN! should get some more regular writers. Four Tintin posts in a row and counting…
Please submit form AN-27/j for your full refund.
Jimmy Carter once proposed mounting missiles on freight trains. Apparently, he was laughed at…
…by everybody but the Soviet Union. Actually, I thought the Reagan administration was trying to develop that too. In fact, according to Wikipedia, the Air Force had train-mounted missiles under development since 1959. and (you’ll see if you follow the link in the link) continued through the “Peacekeeper” missile program.
And ICBMs mounted on aircraft isn’t so terribly far from cruise missiles, well, except for the non-ballistic trajectory and relatively short (1000km) range.
Well that’s it for your war porn moment, back to the usual snark.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:57
And somehow didn’t develop the skills to research the design characteristics of a weapon that has been around since he was cowering under a desk wondering if one was about to vaporize him.
C’mon he was secure in the knowledge that his magic underwear would keep him safe from all horrors, nucular or otherwise.
Only unbelievers would build their hopes on science!
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:57
It’s the GOP train. And, yeah, I mean that kind of train.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:57
Are you suggesting that we’re in some sort of alternate reality in which everything is going to turn out like on [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS}, which would be totally lame?
I’m not ruling it out. There will be decades worth of consequences for the last 30 years and the longer we continue it (like what we did with health care), the worse it’s going to get. It’s pretty shocking how people just sleepwalk off to work and let these fuckers tell them just how lucky they are to have this shitty job and that they should put in some extra hours to help out the company, and that they just can’t afford benefits and a living wage, cuz of globalism, dontcha know…
It’s pretty rare to find people who aren’t caught up in all this free market horseshit, believing that all life revolves around stock prices and the next P&L statement…
I’m kinda depressed today, in case you couldn’t tell. I should leave you guys alone to smoke da mitt.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 21:58
It’s the GOP train. And, yeah, I mean that kind of train.
I prefer to think of it as an extended human centipede.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:00
Not that anyone’s asking, but apparently I’m only capable of making sexual innuendos that even some middle schoolers would find childish. Also, I think if I had to go into the belly of the beast like the S,N authors do, my brain would probably go splodey.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:01
…by everybody but the Soviet Union. Actually, I thought the Reagan administration was trying to develop that too. In fact, according to Wikipedia, the Air Force had train-mounted missiles under development since 1959. and (you’ll see if you follow the link in the link) continued through the “Peacekeeper” missile program.
Wasn’t that the MX Missile program? Mobile ICBM’s mounted to underground rail cars to dodge preemptive launch site strikes?
I hate links and I’m a bitter bitch today.
Smut Clyde said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:01
Hear that comin down the track?
It’s a train-mounted mobile Russian ICBM, a Molodets RT-23, cunningly disguised as a bouncy castle!
mako rojo said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:02
OK, I have ths thing called google that Mitt does’t, but that’s ’cause I’m not an expert. Now, with US tech a Midgetman weighs about 30,000 and a Starlifter, though techinically not a bomber, has a payload of 60,000. The sneaky russians could just call their transport plane a bomber and then where would we be, silly Mitt haters. OK, maybe you couldn’t put two in there, in fact with just one, I think the pointy part would have to hang out the back with the flap up. Still, it could work, of course launch would be hell on the crew and the plane would pretty much be a write off, but when you’ve got an unlimited number of them, who cares?
Arky said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:02
But he was a daaaredevil, just like his old man!
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:03
Awww. I got nothin’ smartassy to say. If I could give you a hug (and perhaps an inappropriate ass-squeeze) I would.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:04
Considering how full of shit they all are…
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:04
Not that anyone’s asking, but apparently I’m only capable of making sexual innuendos that even some middle schoolers would find childish
I don’t see what could be wrong with responding to childish, written temper tantrums with sexual innuendo and childish taunting. That’s kinda what we do here, isn’t it? I don’t got the chops for real live beatdowns like some of these guys do, so I stick with the borderline frat rat BS too. It works.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:05
I’m not ruling it out.
On the upside, there’s a nicer alternative reality out there where Bush never was president. And I have a beautiful singing voice.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:05
Awww. I got nothin’ smartassy to say. If I could give you a hug (and perhaps an inappropriate ass-squeeze) I would.
Well that does make me feel better!
Smut Clyde said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:05
Jimmy Carter once proposed mounting missiles on freight trains.
No, he was backing
(which was “fundamentally flawed due to the relative ease with which the Soviets could modify their warheads and circumvent this design”).
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:05
Considering how full of shit they all are…
Would Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh be the front?
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:05
It’s the GOP train. And, yeah, I mean that kind of
trainhuman caterpillar.Fixed for moron wingnuts.
M. Bouffant said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:05
Jimmy Carter once proposed mounting missiles on freight trains. Apparently, he was laughed at, but not as badly as Mitt will be.
…by everybody but the Soviet Union.
Also:
Alvin Greene Action Figure With Vehicle Now Included said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:06
This also means that Iraq is free to mount a nearly unlimited number of ICBMs loaded with nucular anthrax onto drones that can reach America!!!1!
Thank God at least Israel is smart enough to defy this sort of liberal peacenik disarmament UN One World Gubmint overreachingness by denying that they have any nukes at all, thus cleverly avoiding rogue terrorist state status like all the other countries run by batshit insane religious zealots. Besides, nukes are expensive — it’s much more cost effective for them to keep spending the billions of dollars of US foreign assistance on bribes to US Congressmen and infiltration of US three letter agencies and “news” organizations.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:06
I prefer to think of it as an extended human centipede.
YOU! are hated.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:07
It’s the GOP train. And, yeah, I mean that kind of human caterpillar.
AHEM.
And it’s “human centipede,” people. Get your disgusting hipster pop culture references right!
robert green said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:08
just another day, another hope for the forced dissolution of the washington post. fred hiatt’s golden parachute gives me the sadz in advance of course.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:08
Personally, I think we should just build all our ICBM sites on Sarah Palin’s porch.
But that’s just me.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:08
YOU! are hated.
Yeah, I’m not going to feel bad, considering the fact that was up for seven minutes. (That’s what she said).
M. Bouffant said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:08
Extra Also.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:08
Xactly. I leave (on many topics) the deep shit to the people who actually know what they’re talking about. Unlike many conservatives, I don’t enjoy talking out of my ass. Besides, being an immature smartass hangin’ out in the peanut gallery is more fun. :)
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:09
And it’s “human centipede,” people.
Boy, did you dial the wrong number…
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:10
Boy, did you dial the wrong number…
You could not pay me to click that link.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:11
On the upside, there’s a nicer alternative reality out there where Bush never was president. And I have a beautiful singing voice.
Where can I get my hands on some of this “alternative reality”? I could sure use a kilo or two right now.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:12
Rush could use his girth to “muscle” or “flab” his way up front. Besides, it looks like Glenn Beck has plenty of practice swallowing shit.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:13
Where can I get my hands on some of this “alternative reality”? I could sure use a kilo or two right now.
I think you have to set off a nuclear bomb or turn a wheel or get in a tornado or some shit…sorry.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:16
it looks like Glenn Beck has plenty of practice swallowing shit.
HA!!!
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:17
har har. FYTSAM. Stupid tag fail. Stupid html. stupid wordpress. stupid mitt romney. stupid job. grrrrrrrrr.
g said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:17
Heh indeedy for sheedy, loony libs!
I call fake Coach. There’s no Palin mention.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:21
I HATE THEM SOOO MUCH!!!! ;)
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:21
I call fake Coach.
Totally. It has a “Made in Thailand” tag.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:25
BTW, I’m in a shitty mood, too. I ordered a book all about salads, and it’s just plain old pretentious. Pretentious and preachy. And you know if I call “pretentious” and “preachy”…it’s preachy and pretentious, brotha.
Also, I’ve made my first illustrated, in-depth tutorial and apparently everyone’s butthurt I actually want money for it. NO TAKERS. Cheap little motherfuckers.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:25
I HATE THEM SOOO MUCH!!!! ;)
Haha! I stole that from Homer Simpson. He was listening (stop me if you’ve heard this) to a radio commercial which began with the obligatory questions: “Do you hate….” I forget what it was, but slams his fist on the dash and and says “OH I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!” It’s one of those things that still makes me laugh out loud when I think about it.
Malaclypse said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:26
Not since George Allen’s macaca moment has any aspiring presidential candidate so thoroughly and completely dashed his chances for the White House in two sentences or less as Mitt Romney did yesterday in a WaPo op-ed.
He is still, by a long shot, the least evil and stupid Republican. And when he fails again to get the Republican nomination, it won’t be because of stuff like this, but because he worships the Wrong Jesus.
I’d feel sorry for him, if he were not such a contemptible person.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:27
BTW, I’m in a shitty mood, too. I ordered a book all about salads, and it’s just plain old pretentious. Pretentious and preachy. And you know if I call “pretentious” and “preachy”…it’s preachy and pretentious, brotha.
Sorry…we should go get drunk and see what happens from there.
Whale Chowder said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:27
I’m a bitter bitch today.
…today?
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:28
HA!! I vaguely remember. Wasn’t it a commercial for some insanely fattening new sammich? So of course he was ALL OVER that. Am I remembering right?
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:30
…today?
WHAT. EVER.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:31
HA!! I vaguely remember. Wasn’t it a commercial for some insanely fattening new sammich? So of course he was ALL OVER that. Am I remembering right?
Yes, it was something like that. Oddly enough, mischief ensued.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:32
I’ll bring the vodka. ;)
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:34
Kookiness, too, I bet.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:34
I ordered a book all about salads, and it’s just plain old pretentious
“All About Arugula”?
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:36
He is still, by a long shot, the least evil and stupid Republican.
You’re right–honors from a respected college, not a dumb guy. From what people say, his tenure as governor of Massachusetts wasn’t terrible, especially by Repuke standards. It does make me wonder if his ICBM fuckup isn’t just pandering to dumbfucks who don’t know any better–like say, the entire Republican party and all of the teabaggers…
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:40
Off-topic, but this makes me wish I could kick someone in the nuts via the internet.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:41
It does make me wonder if his ICBM fuckup isn’t just pandering to dumbfucks who don’t know any better
The problem is, this is one area where they actually do.
It never ceases to amaze me, but if you ask the average dumb hick about any of three topics, they can launch into a discourse worthy of scholarly review:
- NASCAR
- Football
- American defense (including, of course, Second Amendment rights and the gun).
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:41
Specifically, the guy who turned down a $40,000 a year job straight out of college with a poli sci degree AND NO FUCKING STUDENT LOAN DEBT.
Ahem.
Chris said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:42
He is still, by a long shot, the least evil and stupid Republican.
Why do you say that? It’s hard for me to tell them apart, but as I recall from 2008, Romney was the candidate of the big business wing of the party – not a great recommendation.
I’m still skeptical that he could win, or energize the base, mostly because of his flip flops on abortion, gay marriage and health care, which the true conservatives have already given him hell for.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:42
Off-topic, but this makes me wish I could kick someone in the nuts via the internet.
The kid’s an idiot. Does he not know he can continue to look while he pads out a resume?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:46
The kid’s an idiot. Does he not know he can continue to look while he pads out a resume?
Ultimately, it has nothing to do with that. He just thinks he’s too good for that job. I mean, how HUMILIATING is it to be 24 years old and working at a decent starting wage instead of living at home and sponging off your parents?
I’m more educated than he is and I’ll be *lucky* to get a job that pays that much when I’m done with school.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:48
I mean, how HUMILIATING is it to be 24 years old and working at a decent starting wage instead of living at home and sponging off your parents?
See, if it was my kid, I’m charging rent by the time he’s 23.
Jennifer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:49
That NYT thing has been thoroughly fisked over at Roy’s place, and I think I agree with whoever it was over there who noted that the reason he didn’t take the $40K job is that, for his social class, it would represent a step down. And once you take a step down, there’s no guarantee you’ll get to move back up the ladder with your peers who held out until there was some “work” offered that wasn’t too lowly for them to consider doing.
Malaclypse said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:50
Why do you say that? It’s hard for me to tell them apart, but as I recall from 2008, Romney was the candidate of the big business wing of the party – not a great recommendation.
I did not say he was not evil (I’ve been in MA since he showed up in 1994, and I will say he is not stupid). He is most definitely evil. But he is still less evil and stupid than any other Republican.
Let’s look at the field: Newt Gingrich? Jeb Bush? Bobby Jindal? Mike Huckabee? Cthulhu preserve us, Sarah Palin?
Yes, he is less evil than that pack. And while I’m as willing to crack a “Jesus Jammies” joke as anybody else, there is something deeply unAmerican about the fact that the only reason he will lose the primaries in 2012 is that he prays to the wrong version of Jesus.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:51
See, if it was my kid, I’m charging rent by the time he’s 23.
Right? Especially if you paid for his school? For fuck’s sake.
calibre97 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:52
Wackiness, to be sure.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:53
That NYT thing has been thoroughly fisked over at Roy’s place, and I think I agree with whoever it was over there who noted that the reason he didn’t take the $40K job is that, for his social class, it would represent a step down.
I’ll trot on over and read that. Please forgive me if I can’t find any sympathy for him.
actor212 said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:55
And once you take a step down, there’s no guarantee you’ll get to move back up the ladder with your peers who held out until there was some “work” offered that wasn’t too lowly for them to consider doing.
Because the story of America is everyone is always upwardly mobile?
So that means any rich person will stay rich and eventually, everyone will make more than the national average.
Chris said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:55
Let’s look at the field: Newt Gingrich? Jeb Bush? Bobby Jindal? Mike Huckabee? Cthulhu preserve us, Sarah Palin?
Okay, point. He’s evil, but he’s rationally evil as opposed to batshit insane.
And while I’m as willing to crack a “Jesus Jammies” joke as anybody else, there is something deeply unAmerican about the fact that the only reason he will lose the primaries in 2012 is that he prays to the wrong version of Jesus.
Like I said, flip flopping will have at least as much to do with it. I mean Christ, a huge part of the teabagger base was willing to excoriate Huckabee as a “liberal RINO” because 1) he spoke in a Hispanic church once and 2) he pardoned a criminal and couldn’t predict the future enough to know the man would kill again. How are these people going to react to a candidate with abortion, gay marriage and the original Obamacare in his past?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:56
Because the story of America is everyone is always upwardly mobile?
No. Just rich people.
Jennifer said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:57
Oh, I have no sympathy for the twat, either. His towering sense of entitlement makes it impossible.
But I do love that instead of taking the job, he’s going back to school for a law degree. I guess no one has told him that there are already plenty of folks with those who can’t find jobs.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 22:58
But I do love that instead of taking the job, he’s going back to school for a law degree. I guess no one has told him that there are already plenty of folks with those who can’t find jobs.
Yes, that made me laugh, too.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:00
- American defense (including, of course, Second Amendment rights and the gun).
Points one and two, no doubt whatsoever. Defense, however, I don’t know. Most of the ones I run into seem to think that defense means doing things like going to war in Iraq. The war part of it is all they can wrap their puny little Budweiser soaked brains around. They have no ability think about long term strategy, diplomacy, building alliances, preventing poverty and actually doing something about genocide campaigns. They can’t even begin to comprehend the danger in supporting people like Saddam and Bin Laden, or that fighting proxy wars is really no different than fighting it yourself, aside from the fact that it’s much more cowardly. Military response is only a single spoke in the wheel of defense. It’s necessary, but without the rest of the spokes, the wheel falls apart.
Malaclypse said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:01
Oh, I have no sympathy for the twat, either. His towering sense of entitlement makes it impossible.
Are we talking about the NYT guy with the rich parents, or Romney?
Whale Chowder said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:02
…there is something deeply unAmerican about the fact that the only reason he will lose the primaries in 2012 is that he prays to the wrong version of Jesus.
I’d say that’s deeply, deeply American. Our collective bigotry is written throughout our history.
Chris said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:07
Most of the ones I run into seem to think that
defensegovernment means doing things like going to war in Iraq. The war part of it is all they can wrap their puny little Budweiser soaked brains around.Adapted for broader perspective.
Military responsethe military is only a single spoke in the wheel ofdefensegovernment. It’s necessary, but without the rest of the spokes, the wheel falls apart and there’s nothing left for the military to defend.Adapted for broader perspective.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:22
I’d say that’s deeply, deeply American. Our collective bigotry is written throughout our history.
I don’t think that’s anywhere near as sad and disgusting as using Jesus for a marketing tool, or that someone could be so blind and stupid as to be hooked by that bullshit. But then, buying into the Jesus brand has distinctly American. That’s one of great things we managed to preserve from the dark ages.
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:24
Adapted for broader perspective.
That’s right, they do only believe that government should kill brown people and keep gay people from living their own lives.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:24
*thinking of nothing clever to say, nods sagely*
tsam said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:25
*thinking of nothing clever to say, nods sagely*
I should try that more often. The bullet holes in my feet ache when it rains.
John Revolta said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:26
Let’s not forget the WAR OF NORTHERN AGGRESSION.
I lived in the South for 5 years and was continually amazed at how much Civil War knowledge these guys carried around in their heads- generals, battles, tactics etc. I also knew plenty of guys with Master’s degrees who didn’t believe in evolution. I think they spend all their science classes learning C. W. history instead.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:28
But I do love that instead of taking the job, he’s going back to school for a law degree. I guess no one has told him that there are already plenty of folks with those who can’t find jobs.
I can sort of understand that one, though – I’ve done it myself, though with engineering grad school. The idea was that maybe there would be a recovery while I was studenting and there’d be a goddam job available when I got out and I’d be more employable. It sort of worked.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:29
Specifically, the guy who turned down a $40,000 a year job straight out of college with a poli sci degree AND NO FUCKING STUDENT LOAN DEBT.
The NYT sure has a track record for these “Poor Little Rich Kid” articles. Remember the one about the Williamsburg trust fund kids whose parents can’t afford bankrolling their hipster lifestyles anymore? Can’t be arsed looking it up…
Oh, and I’ve been scarfing delicious wild raspberries at work. HATE ME!!!
Xecky Gilchrist said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:29
Although, thinking on it, I didn’t turn down a job to go to grad school – I went to grad school because I couldn’t find a job.
vacuumslayer said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:29
“I should try that more often. The bullet holes in my feet ache when it rains.”
Shooting yourself in the foot? Not here at S,N! I dig your passion,man.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:31
Oh, and I’ve been scarfing delicious wild raspberries at work. HATE ME!!!
Yummy. Apparently, there are blackberries at my home. And we still have peaches…
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:31
And yes, NYT always does these poor little rich kid stories. Still doesn’t make it any less galling.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:32
I can sort of understand that one, though – I’ve done it myself, though with engineering grad school. The idea was that maybe there would be a recovery while I was studenting and there’d be a goddam job available when I got out and I’d be more employable. It sort of worked.
Yeah, that’s what I did, too (although I have a decent job now). I think I may have made things worse…
Bitter Scribe said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:34
Republicans used to have to get right with Lincoln. Now they have to get right with Jeebus.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:35
I lived in the South for 5 years and was continually amazed at how much Civil War knowledge these guys carried around in their heads- generals, battles, tactics etc
They’re always thinking, “How could this have been done differently, so we could have won?” Sorry, Jethro, time travel only exists in speculative fiction.
And yes, NYT always does these poor little rich kid stories. Still doesn’t make it any less galling.
I just find it funny that anyone would think that these people deserve sympathy.
Whale Chowder said,
July 7, 2010 at 23:40
I don’t think [religious bigotry is] anywhere near as sad and disgusting as using Jesus for a marketing tool
The two are closely interwoven, but our bigotry predates the evangelical movement by the same number of years as the establishment of the Plymouth Colony. In fact, evangelicals
preyplay on the bigotry and tribalism of the religious. This is not to imply that your statement is somehow untrue, just that we’re describing facets of the same shit diamond.And while Europe seems to have largely left it behind, our religious bigotry isn’t unique. It’s uniquely ours, in this day and age, but shares roots with…pretty much all of history.
Substance McGravitas said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:08
They are a poor substitute for ladies of any nation.
Also: Briefcase ICBMs: Are We Protected?
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:18
Specifically, the guy who turned down a $40,000 a year job straight out of college with a poli sci degree AND NO FUCKING STUDENT LOAN DEBT.
Fucking millennials, how do they not work?
Apologies to hard working millennials- I’d a put “trust fund kids” in there, but it doesn’t scan as well.
Malaclypse said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:20
I’d say that’s deeply, deeply American. Our collective bigotry is written throughout our history.
Fair enough. I was thinking of what was actually in the Constitution (“no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States”). I’ll agree we rarely live up to it, but it is still a Damn Good Idea ™.
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:21
I dig your passion,man.
Giggity
M. Bouffant said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:23
No religious test imposed by the gov’t.! But voting one’s conscience (Mine tells me: No nut-jobs in office!) is all-American.
Willy said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:31
shorter Mittens: They’re gonna come at us with sharks with frickin’ lasers on their heads, and we just let them do it.
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:41
And while Europe seems to have largely left it behind, our religious bigotry isn’t unique. It’s uniquely ours, in this day and age, but shares roots with…pretty much all of history.
This is what I was going for–most of Western civilization has ditched the whole “trust the clergy, they talk to god” lie, while we’ve clung to it like a lifeboat from the Titanic. Stupid, I think. How many crimes have to be committed before people realize that clergymen are about as trustworthy as politicians? When you mix the two, it’s like a shit sandwich with shit for bread.
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:42
shorter Mittens: They’re gonna come at us with sharks with frickin’ lasers on their heads, and we just let them do it.
HA! FTFW. You know that’s what he’s thinking!
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:44
Also: Briefcase ICBMs: Are We Protected?
Oh god, are we? I’m prepared to shit my pants if that becomes necessary!
(I totally stole that from someone on this site, and I apologize for not knowing who you are–but credit to you, mystery funnyperson)
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:47
*thinking of nothing clever to say, nods sagely*
Veiled Mensa cosplay reference.
Smut Clyde said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:54
Shooting yourself in the foot?
I’m sure you can get someone to shoot you in the foot rather than have to do it yourself. That’s what friends are for.
Smut Clyde said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:57
Also: Briefcase ICBMs: Are We Protected?
Electromagnetic pulses: Are we protected??
I’m totally prepared to shit someone else’s pants. Electromagnetic lentils have that effect.
beejeez said,
July 8, 2010 at 0:58
Because Russia is going to attack us and everything. That’s how they roll.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:00
I’m totally prepared to shit someone else’s pants. Electromagnetic lentils have that effect.
Your preemptive attacks are no match for Mitt’s magic underpants!
Made by the gnomes of
ZurichSalt Lake City.tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:06
Better dead than red, I always say. What now, bitchez? Bring on the laser beams and airplane guided
ICBM’sCBM’s and EMP’s. I don’t care because Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:07
Fucking electromagnetic pulses, how do they work?
BTW, has anyone else here watched The Might Boosh? I’m I being a dumbass because I don’t get it?
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:09
I’m I being a dumbass because I don’t get it?
Read that question one more time.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:11
Read that question one more time.
I totally did that on purpose.
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:11
/grammar nazi.
I’ve never seen it, but if it’s anything like The Whitest Kids You Know, I think the dumbasses are the ones who DO get it. What channel airs this show?
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:12
I totally did that on purpose.
Touche. Even if you’re lying, you’re looking good.
Smut Clyde said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:13
electromagnetic pulses, how do they work
Imagine battery-powered Mexican Jumping Beans (not a V H-D R).
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:15
I’ve never seen it, but if it’s anything like The Whitest Kids You Know, I think the dumbasses are the ones who DO get it. What channel airs this show?
I haven’t seen that.
It’s a British show…BBC America might show it. We’re watching it on Netflix on demand. It’s just really weird and ridiculously post-modern, and while some of it’s funny, it’s mostly just really bizarre to me.
Although there’s this funny bit about Gary Numan in this episode.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:15
Touche. Even if you’re lying, you’re looking good.
I always look good. Even with this fucking monster zit on my cheek.
stackozone said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:19
Guy won’t sully his hands with a $40,000/yr job? Fuck ‘im. Not waiting for the world to recognize his innate brilliance. And I love the throw-away comparison of his looks to “a Marine”. I got a great idea for a career track: he can put all that Poli-Sci knowledge to work in a mortar platoon, hauling the base-plate. He gets his “career track”, he gets overseas, and he gets to MOVE, MAGGOT!!
All solved, and a guaranteed paycheck!
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:20
Although there’s this funny bit about Gary Numan in this episode.
Do they make fun of his little car from URGH!?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:23
Do they make fun of his little car from URGH!?
No, although that would be awesome. There’s a mod character who is obsessed with him and has “Cars” as his cell phone ringtone, though.
M. Bouffant said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:28
Mighty Boosh has been shown on Adult Swim.
Po-Mo Absurdity is not funny. The suffering &/or painful death of others is “funny” (‘though, oddly, not so much should it happen to me).
Po-Mo Abs can be “amusing,” but tain’t funny, M’Gee.
M. Bouffant said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:31
Any SoCal Sad-Asses feel that quake?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:31
HOLY SHIT COMMUNISTS HAVE INFILTRATED OUR LEMONADE STANDS!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:32
Po-Mo Abs can be “amusing,” but tain’t funny, M’Gee.
Okay, then it’s not just me. I thought I was missing something. I mean, I “got it,” but I didn’t find it particularly funny most of the time.
tigris said,
July 8, 2010 at 1:48
And while I’m as willing to crack a “Jesus Jammies” joke as anybody else, there is something deeply unAmerican about the fact that the only reason he will lose the primaries in 2012 is that he prays to the wrong version of Jesus.
He wouldn’t vote for me because of religion, so fuck him.
BTW, has anyone else here watched The Might Boosh?
I’ve only seen the Old Gregg bit, which I loved.
Lurking Canadian said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:17
From a certain perspective Bert Rutan’s X-prize winner was a ballistic missile launched from an airplane. Obviously it didn’t have the payload or range of an ICBM, but I suppose you could put a bomb in the nose cone, if you had a teeny-tiny bomb and got your plane really close to the enemy.
On the other issue: I feel a great deal of sympathy for young people right now, trying to find a future in an economy that’s been completely hollowed out by thirty years of kleptocracy. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that a douchebag who isn’t willing to take a first job for more than the median household income is any less a douchebag.
M. Bouffant said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:22
Get real. Lemonade stands are financed by The Mom & Dad Nanny State. Unless those little girls giving it away stole the lemons, sugar, etc.
H. Rumbold, Master Barber said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:34
Maybe it’s not lemonade.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:34
On the other issue: I feel a great deal of sympathy for young people right now, trying to find a future in an economy that’s been completely hollowed out by thirty years of kleptocracy. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that a douchebag who isn’t willing to take a first job for more than the median household income is any less a douchebag.
Yeah, I’m not that much older than he is, and I have to say it’s pretty fucking dismal for people even my age who have been in the workforce for a while. There’s definitely no way most of the people I know could afford to have kids, buy a house, etc, etc on the incomes they have without going into major debt.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:34
That said, my friends my age commented on that story on Facebook, and they think he’s just as big a douchebag as I do.
tigris said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:46
Maybe it’s not lemonade.
Horse pop?
Smut Clyde said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:49
I just find it funny that anyone would think that these people deserve sympathy.
They think they deserve sympathy, and they’re the ones who count.
Smut Clyde said,
July 8, 2010 at 2:50
Horse pop?
Gateway drink for US beer.
Looch said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:00
They think they deserve sympathy, and they’re the ones who count.
At some point in the future our boy is going to realize he should have taken this job. You know, after another five or six months of futile job hunting.
At which point he will totally crap in his pants if it is called for.
My third job is officially underway, I’m a shamus.
Yes, I am psyched.
Willy said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:03
My third job is officially underway, I’m a shamus.
There’s jobs as whales?
tigris said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:10
Gateway drink for US beer.
No Dogfish Head 90 for you, young man.
tigris said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:10
There’s jobs as whales?
What, you think they’re free, Willy?
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:16
There’s jobs as whales?
Do I actually need to say “Limbaugh?”
Shell Goddamnit said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:20
HATE ME!!!
Yup.
Looch said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:29
There’s jobs as whales?
It’s all about the blowhole. That’s what I’ve been told, anyway.
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:34
There’s jobs as whales?
It’s all about the blowhole
Welcome to the pool, I guess you all know why we’re here
My name is Willy and I killed Ahab this year
If you want to follow me, you’ve got to swim all out
And put in your earplugs, put on your eyeshades
You know where to put the cork
Looch said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:42
You know where to
put the corkstrap on the ICBMs and fricking lasers.Ficksed for topic relevance (WHAT?)
Looch said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:42
Oh, and N__B:
Martini?
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:44
Martini?
I prefer a rye Manhattan rocks, but thanks.
Larkspur said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:45
I want to make a movie. It will be called 1001 Irish Setters. The tag line will be something like “They were Irish. Setters. Irish Setters bred by man. They rebelled. They evolved. And they have a plan.”
Then the oddly but compellingly derivative soundtrack. Then the gleaming, shining river of red-furred canines running, running, 1001 of them, and the image dissolves into a river of blood.
Then the scene opens: a large station wagon, children racing around like little Von Trapps, packing the car, while a tall man with really great hair, clipboard in one hand, his other hand tapping his watch. “Rise and shine, offspring. We leave at oh-six-hundred on the dot.”
Then the camera pans out and we see the car roof. And the strange, undulating river of red just beyond the white picket fence, swirling around the cottonwoods and the beech trees.
TBC
Larkspur said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:47
Also? Forward March Hare Krishna. My next movie.
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:47
“They were Irish. Setters. Irish Setters bred by man. They rebelled. They evolved. And they have a plan.”
At least one of those dog has to wear the same dress for five years.
Larkspur said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:50
All of the dogs will wear the same fur, for five years, or as long as it takes.
Lurking Canadian said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:54
As long as you promise to absolutely ruin everything that came before during the last fifteen minutes of the series finale, Larkspur, you’ve got a surefire winner on your hands!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:56
As long as you promise to absolutely ruin everything that came before during the last fifteen minutes of the series finale, Larkspur, you’ve got a surefire winner on your hands!
*grumble*
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:58
Tag fail. SO. ANGRY.
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 3:59
It’s been off the air for over a year. Time to calm down, have a drink, and run over an innocent woodland creature.
Larkspur said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:01
Innocent woodland creatures. Run over by man. They reanimated. They evolved. And they have a plan.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:01
Oh, iwas talking about LOST. Not that it doesn’t apply to BSG…
Lurking Canadian said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:02
Does Ron Moore count as an innocent woodland creature? If so, I like the cut of your jib!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:03
Okay. Obviously I need to stop posting with my phone and go to bed.
Larkspur said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:06
Good night, sweet T&U. Rest them typing thumbs of yours. I myself do not have a phone with which to post. I do not think I have the requisite dexterity. I could do a dramatic re-enactment of a fictitious attempt, but that would involve typing on my laptop using my toes. I would be lucky to achieve a simple tag fail.
the conspiratist said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:18
In mid-2007 rumors were rampant that attendees of Palin’s rallies were being bombarded by a highly focused beam of an unknown radioactive isotope as they queued through the metal detectors at every event. The purpose of this bombardment has never been uncovered but the effects of the beam give a hint at it’s design.
It polarized the magnetic fields generated by the neurons in the attendees’ frontal lobes, rendering them stupidity magnets.
Mitt is obviously counting on those rumors being true.
He is still doomed to failure; however, as he can never pull off the sexy librarian’s eyeglass and bun pull.
Larkspur said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:19
….Mitt is obviously counting on those rumors being true.
He is still doomed to failure; however, as he can never pull off the sexy librarian’s eyeglass and bun pull.”
What about…The Wink?
the conspiratist said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:25
What about…The Wink?
Ooh, that too! You betcha!
justme said,
July 8, 2010 at 4:42
Are they made from real Girl Scouts?
N__B said,
July 8, 2010 at 5:02
I like the cut of your jib!
It’s a little late in the day to bring up the foreskin holocaust.
tsam said,
July 8, 2010 at 5:34
Hee hee. Bun pull.
the conspiratist said,
July 8, 2010 at 5:53
Hee hee. Bun pull.
Ooh, and a bum roll also!
Doctorb said,
July 8, 2010 at 7:43
Don’t you hate carpet stores that charge extra for the underpadding?
Homer: I HATE THEM SO MUCH!
Lisa: (picks up a pencil holder) Ooh, I want to get the krünk.
Marge: Mmmm, you don’t want something that overshadows the pencils. (holds up another pencil caddy) How about this pöpli?
Lisa: Mom, no! Everyone at school picks on the pöpli kids – even I do. (under breath) Just hate them so much.
deering said,
July 8, 2010 at 8:17
My favorite part of that NYT article was the bit about how his “up from their own bootstraps” father and grandfather got their lucrative success-insuring jobs through _friends_. I’d bet good money these two deride those “lazy” minorities for not conjuring work out of thin air or making jobs out of broken backs and bleeding hands, just like they did.
deering said,
July 8, 2010 at 8:20
“And once you take a step down, there’s no guarantee you’ll get to move back up the ladder with your peers who held out until there was some “work” offered that wasn’t too lowly for them to consider doing.”
Seriously, is that crap still true? Didn’t the last two recessions and the “so-and-so built an empire while holding a grunt job” 90′s put paid to that limited attitude?
jim said,
July 8, 2010 at 8:52
It takes a lot more than one gaffe to lay a GOP pol low, even one that pathetic. A lot of the RealAmericanz™ who’d be inclined to vote for Mitt have no idea what ICBM even stands for. Team politics & “RULE ONE: Spite Teh Liberals” means that Mitt could advocate child-rape & cannibalism & still only poll a few points behind any other venal twit running for the same brand-name, er, party.
Fortunately, as many here have pointed out, his Magic Gonch has far more dire political implications for Mitt than a little thing like not having a clue about military hardware.
Republicans now being increasingly crippled by the same bigotry they’ve fed into (& won elections with) for so many years = IRONYGASM.
That still leaves the question: who the hell CAN the Goopers run against Obama in two years’ time? Chuck Norris? Zombie Reagan? They’ve sure got an awesome menu to choose from – if you enjoy putrid gruel.
I’m kind of hoping they get desperate enough to ask Walnuts to get back on that soul-killing hobby-horse, & he tells them to eat shit & die in a fire.
Anonymous said,
July 8, 2010 at 10:43
The NYT sure has a track record for these “Poor Little Rich Kid” articles. Remember the one about the Williamsburg trust fund kids whose parents can’t afford bankrolling their hipster lifestyles anymore? Can’t be arsed looking it up…
This one?
Haystack Calhoun said,
July 8, 2010 at 10:59
You want a real gaffe?
There are democrats who EAT VEGETABLES!
Focus please.
W. Kiernan said,
July 8, 2010 at 11:35
I hate to seem so pessimistic, but in what way does this ignorant gaffe diminish Romney’s electoral appeal to the sort of people who vote Republican? It’s all right to be a moron if you’re a Republican, you know. In fact it makes your voters love you better. It’s perfectly acceptable to make statements of “fact” which are clearly untrue, e.g. Ronald Reagan’s budget proposals in the 1980 campaign (cut taxes [for millionaires], double the defense budget, eliminate the Federal deficit all at the same time) or George W. Bush’s budget proposals in his 2000 campaign (the ones which drove Paul Krugman over the edge) or pretty much every assertion that came out of Sarah Palin’s mouth during the 2008 campaign (e.g. “death panels”).
It’s a lot like Oral Roberts’s nine-hundred-foot-tall Jesus. You and I hear that sort of talk and we are just disgusted. But that’s not how Roberts’s followers feel about it. They are just as aware as you and I that Roberts’s claim, as factual reporting, a lie, and not just a lie but a blatantly self-serving one (900′ Jesus was part of a fundraising pitch). And this gives them an opportunity to show off their religiosity, superior to sane people’s religiosity, by ostentatiously affecting to believe this obvious lie. “God said it, I believe it, that settles it! (big shit-eating grin) And it serves as kind of a shibboleth; everybody else who acts as though he too believes it is on your side, while people who can’t quite bring themselves to avow complete faith in this obviously untrue story – well, now, would you want a doubter like that in your Klavern?
M. Bouffant said,
July 8, 2010 at 12:02
There are democrats who EAT VEGETABLES!
Not this one! I barely touch fruit.
deering said,
July 8, 2010 at 12:15
People thought McCain had no chance of being the GOP Republican candidate–but when all was said and done, the conservatives united behind him. No matter what issues the born-aginner types or whomever have with Romney, if he looks like the party’s best chance to defeat Obama (and makes enough concessions to them) they’ll set a land-speed record backing him. Never ever ever underestimate the average conservative’s programming to support their own when the chips are down.
Johnny Pez said,
July 8, 2010 at 14:39
My two-year-old memories of that campaign tell me that McCain only got the nomination because he was everyone’s second choice. And even then, the GOP base hated him so much he had to throw his buddy Rape Gurney Joe overboard and pick Caribou Barbie as his running mate.
If Mittens gets the nomination, he’ll face the same problem, only worse, and he’ll deal with it the same way. Only worse.
Chris said,
July 8, 2010 at 14:52
My two-year-old memories of that campaign tell me that McCain only got the nomination because he was everyone’s second choice. And even then, the GOP base hated him so much he had to throw his buddy Rape Gurney Joe overboard and pick Caribou Barbie as his running mate.
Yep.
Back in 2000, Bush beat McCain because he was able to merge the big business and religious right factions, leaving McCain with nothing but the moderates. In 2008, there was no George Bush – the big businessers distrusted Huckabee, and the religious righters distrusted Romney. Hence, McCain.
g said,
July 8, 2010 at 15:24
Well, if Caribou Barbie comes out, whatever happens in the end, the primary will be vile enough to render out some of the true believers on either side.
I can guarantee you Caribou Barbie is going to play serious “Mean Girl” against her opponents and show off her ignorance blatantly enough to turn off a big chunk of supporters of the other candidates. And a big chunk of her supporters are going to defend her to the death against the supposed slights of her opponents and the media.
So in the end, if it’s Caribou Barbie, plenty of sane Republicans are going to sit it out or vote reluctantly for the Negro President.
And if it’s Mittster, the Palin-ites will sit it out.
Of course, if Mittster tries to do a McCain and nominate Palin as VP, hilarity will ensue.
Johnny Pez said,
July 8, 2010 at 15:50
My dream scenario is that Mittens wins the nomination, and the Wasilla Quitta bolts the GOP and accepts the Constitution Party nomination. Then goes on to win Alaska and half a dozen ex-slave states.
Sweet, sweet schadenfreude.
actor212 said,
July 8, 2010 at 16:39
Defense, however, I don’t know. Most of the ones I run into seem to think that defense means doing things like going to war in Iraq.
Many of the rednecks I’ve been inflicted upon can tell you the yield of all the cruise missiles on the average battleship based on Diego Garcia within a kiloton.
It’s scary, sometimes.
Chris said,
July 8, 2010 at 20:33
Many of the rednecks I’ve been inflicted upon can tell you the yield of all the cruise missiles on the average battleship based on Diego Garcia within a kiloton.
Yeah.
You know, that might be more impressive if any of them knew how to find Diego Garcia on a map.
Redneck said,
July 8, 2010 at 20:34
You know, that might be more impressive if any of them knew how to find Diego Garcia on a map.
Treck quesshun!
Diego Garcias come inna box o’ twenny foah!
Turbine Yukon Palin said,
July 8, 2010 at 20:51
Probably would’ve been hard to record “Rock Lobster” after that, but it’d've made for an interestingly dangerous live show.
PopeRatzo said,
July 8, 2010 at 22:37
It’s silly that you would think Romney’s idiotic op-ed would dash his chances to be elected president.
He’s go the requisite white skin and that’s plenty good enough for Republicans these days. His “CEO experience” in the “business community” will be more than enough for Independents and racist Democrats.
If he could ever make it through the GOP’s primary process, and there are signs that he’s not pant-shitting crazy enough for that, he could beat Obama in a head-to-head election with no trouble, especially since the progressives have thrown in the towel and plan to go into full-tantrum mode and watch the Democrats get slaughtered in November and the Media is buying into the notion that because the stimulus was supposed to stop unemployment at 8 percent, and it didn’t, that Obama needs to become the sacrificial Negro.
Watch how fucked up things are going to become after November. And it will be our fault, too.
deering said,
July 9, 2010 at 0:18
“My two-year-old memories of that campaign tell me that McCain only got the nomination because he was everyone’s second choice. And even then, the GOP base hated him so much he had to throw his buddy Rape Gurney Joe overboard and pick Caribou Barbie as his running mate.”
Ah, but you’ll note that McCain made a concession to the base, which is what Mitt (or any GOP potential) would have to do. And even if he hadn’t, do you _really_ think the Repub. voters would have stood by and a black man becoming president?
“He’s go the requisite white skin and that’s plenty good enough for Republicans these days. His “CEO experience” in the “business community” will be more than enough for Independents and racist Democrats.”
Yep. Corollary to what I wrote above: never, ever underestimate the average conservative’s programming when they are desperate for a potential Big Daddy John Wayne who might to save them from the Eeeeevil Civilization-Destroying Black Man. That and their lockstep thinking (and failing any other prospect coming out of nowhere), are perfect predictors of how they roll.
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
July 9, 2010 at 6:14
There was a program back in the 60s called Skybolt, which would have mounted long-range ballistic missiles on B-52s…
I imagine the accuracy on those things would be fan-fucking-tastic…
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
July 9, 2010 at 6:38
Look, I’ll just ask you all lamenting the probability of Romney making it to Presidential nominee to remember one thing. The Republicans still represent the people that thought the Pope was going to make JFK surrender the United States over to the Vatican.
Mitt Romney may have glorious hair, but I will bet there’ll still be enough bigoted Americans unwilling to trust anyone but a good Protestant to represent the nation in the near future to blow his chances out of the water every time.
Dan said,
July 10, 2010 at 6:10
It’s only fair to get both sides of the issue: http://mittromneycentral.com/2010/07/08/romneys-new-op-ed-on-start-ignites-flurry-of-debate-support-and-criticism/
LanceThruster said,
July 12, 2010 at 3:56
Just as long as we’re not attacked by station wagons with dogs strapped to the roofs. Those dogs not frozen to death would be meaner than the junkyard variety.