Chinga Tu Stinko De Mayo
ABOVE: Jim Terry (center) and Mini Daddy (Adriansito) El Nino Mas Bonito*
Usually the columnists over at RenuMurka.com seem to be stuck back in the early nineteenth century, at least the more progressive ones do, with the others more firmly lodged in the fifteenth or sixteenth centuries. So, it’s quite refreshing to find Jim “Ugly American” Terry stuck only in early May.
Apparently he’s been mulling over the indignity of Cinco de Mayo since, well, Cinco de Mayo and finally got around to writing a lengthy column to get it all off his chest.
Our story starts in scenic Schuyler County, New York, in early May:
Schuyler County, New York is a beautiful area of the state. Watkins Glen, our ultimate destination and the county seat, sits at the south end of Seneca Lake. …
The forested hills which rise from Seneca’s shores are dotted with … vineyards. The Finger Lakes area of New York is wine country, and Seneca Lake is home to more wineries than any of the other lakes. …
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Schuyler County’s estimated 2009 population was 18,720, down about 2.6 percent from the 2000 census count. The 2008 estimate of white population was 96 percent. The 2008 estimate of persons of Hispanic or Latino origin was 1.5 percent.
Ah, yes, what travelogue would be complete without a prominent mention of the relative absence of brown people, taco stands and garlic breath? This is probably our first clue that something is about to go terribly, terribly wrong with Terry’s column.
We arrived in Watkins Glen late Sunday, May 2, and my wife and I checked into the hotel. As the week progressed we noticed signs at several eating and drinking establishments about the upcoming Cinco de Mayo celebration.
Sheez, even when you go out of your way to vacation in a place without any beaners, the sneaky little cucarachas sneak up on you anyway.
About one third of Texas’ population is Hispanic or Latino, the majority being of Mexican ancestry. We know about Cinco de Mayo in Texas. I asked a woman in Watkins Glen if she knew anything about Cinco de Mayo. “No,” she said. “Only that it is a reason to have drink specials.”
Whew! Just drink specials. Old Jimbo was getting worried that the town might bus in a bunch of poncho-clad Mexeecans from Juarez who’d get all liquored up on tequila and then go mariachi-ing and chimichanga-ing down the streets of Watkins Glen, trying to shove their thick pork quesadillas down the unwilling throats of decent white folks.
That gives us time for a little history lesson from Jim who, you’ll be surprised to learn, is quite the expert on the history of countries where dark people live:
On May 5, 1862, the Mexican army defeated a French force at the town of Puebla. Cinco de Mayo is observed in the state of Puebla, but it is not a national holiday in Mexico.
Ah yes, the well-established rule that only national holidays can be celebrated elsewhere. Wingnuts are always complaining about rules being shoved down their throats by the nanny state, but at least those rules sometimes make sense.
I wondered: Why is Cinco de Mayo celebrated in Watkins Glen, New York, 2000 miles from Puebla, Mexico and with an estimated Hispanic population (with no estimate of nationality) of fewer than 500 persons in the entire county?
The smart kids can see where this is going: we celebrate Cinco de Mayo in tiny little mostly-white villages in order to encourage illegal immigration
Many of the people who complain about the [illegal immigrant] problem are not beyond going to the local drive-in grocery, where out-of-work illegals often hang out, and raising two or three fingers to indicate how many workers they want to take home for cheap yard work. They then pay in cash, … and … they have encouraged to bring in more illegal foreign entrants/occupants with the hope of unreportable income. What message do America’s businesses send by adopting a minor foreign holiday which the majority of the population of the country of its origin doesn’t celebrate?
That’s right. The message we send is come on in, Mexicans, because if you do, then once a year near the beginning of May you can watch the gringos get silly on $3 Coronas and cheap margaritas while listening to bad mariachi music. Frankly, I’m surprised that given this opportunity there are any Mexicans left in Mexico.
*Cf. (h/t TacoTown)
(A) I thought the wingers were in favor of capitalism creating and then exploiting people’s desire for umbrellaed drinks.
(B) For those who don’t know the political geography of NY state: the southern tier (the counties along the PA border) has been losing population and its mind since deindustrialization and the failure of family-farm economics became acute.
I’m looking forward to his long rant on St. Patrick’s Day about how even in Irish-absent, Latino-heavy districts like San Diego, it’s still celebrated at all the local bars in order to lure Bostonian refugees to create more cathedrals, even though it’s not really an important holiday in Ireland.
Oh wait, the Irish are seen as white these days so that’s completely acceptable.
Basically CdM is an American holiday, like St. Patrick’s Day, and, like StPD, is mostly an excuse to drink.
So how is this related to hiring illegal alien laborers, especially since so many of them are from Central American countries and NOT Mexico?
FYI, there’s a funny TV ad, I think for Guinness, that shows an Irish farmer walking for miles to get to the village pub, where they are celebrating Cinco de Mayo.
Oh wait, the Irish are seen as white these days
Ya know…. I try to use my imagination and see things from a populist, nativist, anti-immigrant point of view but I just can’t wrap my head around seeing someone like this as “not-white”. ::boggle::
Does that mean I have to give up going to ersatz Oktoberfests because it’s not an official holiday season in the U.S.?
Oh wait. I forgot that Oktoberfest meets the wingnut approved melanin-deficiency requirements. My bad.
The only people I know who celebrate Cinco de Mayo are whitebread Amurikans, for whom it is simply (another) excuse to get shitfaced wasted on overpriced, mediocre Mexican beer.
There goes your chance at landing a job at the Washington Post, Tintin.
I hope you’re happy.
~
That’s right. The message we send is come on in, Mexicans, because if you do, then once a year near the beginning of May you can watch the gringos get silly on $3 Coronas and cheap margaritas while listening to bad mariachi music. Frankly, I’m surprised that given this opportunity there are any Mexicans left in Mexico.
I imagine it’s because there are plenty of Americans doing the same thing in Mexico, and it happens on more of a year-round basis.
noen-
Used to be the case back in the early 20th century that Irish and Italians weren’t white. Italians weren’t white until very recently, with them basically in the latin@ role until the 70s at the earliest.
In the late 19th century, germans weren’t “white” either with anglo-saxon-ness being critical to whiteness.
There has definitely been recent movement to try and recruit Asians into the white community.
In short, “white” is a very fluid categorization.
I’m looking forward to his long rant on St. Patrick’s Day
Another excuse to get shitfaced wasted, this time on insipid green beer. If you live in Chicago you also get to watch the city dump tons of green food dye into the Chicago River. They also celebrate Columbus Day for the Italians and Polaski Day, but I think only the Poles pay any attention to that.
I dunno, Noen, it looks more…blue and green to me.
In the late 19th century, germans weren’t “white” either with anglo-saxon-ness being critical to whiteness.
With Germans, the more Catholic you were the more you were part of the papist conspiracy to take over WASP America.
This is a fair point. But how is the lack of adequate penalties for employing undocumented labor caused by Cinco de Mayo? We know that in November of 2008 racism ceased to exist, so there must be some other reason.
I celebrate holidays made in America, about America, for America, just as I look to purchase products Made in America.
Gonna be looking for a long, long time.
Used to be the case back in the early 20th century that Irish and Italians weren’t white.
I know this intellectually but I just don’t get it. I don’t know how else to explain it. The words make a proper sentence but then…. nothing.
There has definitely been recent movement to try and recruit Asians into the white community.
Yeah, I remember being in high school %*^% years ago and being told, or reading, that Asians were “yellow” and Native Americans were “red”.
“But… they’re not yellow (or red). They just look like they’ve got a bit more of a tan than I do.”
Now when it comes to being fiscally conservative I can “grok” that ’cause ah be po’ folk. Yay! It’s Ramen night again! But this other…. don’t get it at all.
I celebrate holidays made in America, about America, for America
Why does he hate Christmas? /Fox News
“Drive-in grocery”?
In addition to some Christian holidays, which I celebrate, I celebrate holidays made in America, about America, for America, just as I look to purchase products Made in America.
Jeebus, I was going to make a funny about this, but I’m just baffled. “holidays made in America, about America, for America?”
Does Father’s Day count? Secretary’s – oops, Administrative Professionals day?
Here’s a quote from one of his earlier columns, decrying the horrors of bureaucracy:
He admires the pushy senator, and likens the teenaged page who’s just doing his job to an unfriendly federal bureaucrat.
I’m sure it would have been OK for the teenaged page to let in any guy who claims to be a senator – and they would have forgiven him for letting in the next guy who tried to sweet-talk his way in, kinda swarthy looking with a bulky backpack and a heavy coat in the middle of summer, a little nervous, but hey, the guy had a convincing story.
Liberals like Mexicans more than the white people who Built America, so they are anti White and Anti USA, wht the hatte?
I celebrate holidays made in America, about America, for America
Trail of Tears Day comes around faster every year.
“Drive-in grocery”?
Only the poor and stupid liberals actually go inside and ::shudder:: jostle with the lower classes. We call in our order and then drop by to pick it up never leaving the car.
In another column, wherein his family, on a road-trip, marvel at the wonders of McDonalds, he blames Obama for the introduction of scarey freeway interchanges, and the metric system.
Guy’s a crank, in short; someone who thinks there’s a Euro-style plot behind everything, and who takes every inconvenience personally.
Now, my Dad was like that a little, but he was 78, he’d earned the right to be a crank.
How does he celebrate Martin Luther King Day? Inquiring minds would like to know.
In another column, we learn that Jim Terry has never figured out how to put his mail on vacation hold at the post office.
Does Father’s Day count?
Does New Year’s count? Is St. Valentine’s Day a Christian holiday? Named after a figure in Christendom but has elements borrowed from earlier pagan festivities.
Which isn’t case at all with Christmas and Easter.
Does he celebrate every Presidents Day by buying a car?
How does he celebrate Martin Luther King Day? Inquiring minds would like to know.
By going to white sales.
I tried to drive in Kroger and they told me not to come back.
Does he celebrate every Presidents Day by buying a car?
Does he celebrate every Arbor Day by planting a tree?
No, that’s way too greeny for him
Now, my Dad was like that a little, but he was 78, he’d earned the right to be a crank.
Man, it must suck being Jim Bunning’s kid.
After reading the whole column, I’m pretty sure it was just an excuse for Terry to plug his son-in-law’s father’s restaurant in exchange for some free food.
How does he celebrate Martin Luther King Day?
If he’s like the current Texas GOP platform, he celebrates Martin Luther King Day by using King’s name to try and get rid of any “multiculturalism” in schools.
How does he celebrate Martin Luther King Day?
If he’s like Mississippi, he celebrates it by honoring Robert E. Lee.
Not jus Mississippi, but Alabama and Arkansas as well.
Does Juneteenth count as an American holiday?
There probably is no good way to say this, but Mississippi is, what, 35% black? It’s just a little surprising to me that the white populace there (for the most part) has kept up this Robert E Lee/Stars and Bars/Lost Cause stuff for so long, without enraging the black population to the point of serious conflict. I probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but it seems weird to me.
It’s just a little surprising to me that the white populace there (for the most part) has kept up this Robert E Lee/Stars and Bars/Lost Cause stuff for so long, without enraging the black population to the point of serious conflict.
The Late Unpleasantness notwithstanding, serious conflict has not historically gone their way.
As a real (real meaning white) American, I propose we rename Cinco de Mayo “Freedom of May”. We still need an excuse to do tequila slammers and chase them with Coronas (without the faggotass limes), but we don’t have to get all touchy feely PC with job stealing drug mules.
Oh wait, the Irish are seen as white these days so that’s completely acceptable.
Odd coincidence that Irish Catholics are now acceptable, but the same assholes who hated them before teh gayz and beaners took over America are now defending the rapist priests and the churches that shelter them from accountability. Guess that “blame it on the secularists” message makes them feel like they share a common enemy–people who can read and write, and actually think about stuff.
Does Juneteenth count as an American holiday?
Does it come with mandatory binge drinking?
There probably is no good way to say this, but Mississippi is, what, 35% black? It’s just a little surprising to me that the white populace there (for the most part) has kept up this Robert E Lee/Stars and Bars/Lost Cause stuff for so long, without enraging the black population to the point of serious conflict. I probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but it seems weird to me.
Well, whitey had the law on his side all this time. Black people know that anything even remotely close to a crime against a white person down there will result in an unfairly harsh sentence. Look at how many peaceful marchers during the Dr. King era were locked up and beaten and blasted with fire hoses…
For the WIN! Hilarious! Sthufferin’ Thuckothashpth!
Did I walk up on a dead thread?
Did I walk up on a dead thread?
It’s more of a Sunday afternoon veging on the sofa type of thread.
As a real (real meaning white) American, I propose we rename Cinco de Mayo “Freedom of May”.
Or just celebrate Mayo.
How can you blame him? What kind of asshole forces a senator to submit to the same security protocols as everyone else? It’s not like those protocols were put in place to protect his entitled ass. I like the officious description, too. It’s a very apt description of teenager taking his job seriously.
Or just celebrate Mayo.
Oh, good idea. We can make white russians out of Freedom Mayo. Mmmmm
Ain’t that the truth!
“…I asked a woman in Watkins Glen if she knew anything about Cinco de Mayo. “No,” she said. “Only that it is a reason to have drink specials….”
And all other holidays celebrated in the US are just excuses to SELL STUFF, be it Margaritas or Star-spangled red-white-blue T-shirts, or Chocolates & cards for Mom, ties and cards, for Dad, sheets & towels for MLK day, and so on.
Any TRUE conservative would know IT’S ALL ABOUT MONEY!
I wondered: Why is Cinco de Mayo celebrated in Watkins Glen, New York, 2000 miles from Puebla, Mexico and with an estimated Hispanic population (with no estimate of nationality) of fewer than 500 persons in the entire county?
Because they can use it to sell more stuff. Welcome to CAPITALISM being shoved down your throat. ENJOY.
Also, now that I know the history, I will henceforth celebrate Cinco de Mayo by beating a French soldier.
“…now that I know the history, I will henceforth celebrate Cinco de Mayo by beating a French soldier…”
Thanks, I needed a laugh. My last one was about the “Caribbean Walrus”
Dammit, KWillow. I guess that’s what I get for thinking about beating Frenchie.
i.e. I didn’t mean to post ALMOST EXACTLY the same thing you did RIGHT AFTER you posted it.
I will henceforth celebrate Cinco de Mayo by beating a French soldier.
Tigris is the wrong sex to use that particular euphemism.
When you give someone a badge and a title, they sure become officious.
Coming from a man complaining that without his badge or his title he cannot be properly officious, but NOT PROJECTION at all.
I will admit to being biased (i.e. Anti-Freedomed) on this one, but can’t we fuse the two pseudo-ethnic boozefests into Cinco de County Mayo?
To be fair to Dipshit, it was probably existential angst over being in the middle of the former Six Nations territory and realizing that the celebration of St. George’s Day and Sinterklaas did to the Iroquois. It all started with glass beads and whiskey and the next thing you know the Father of the Country is torching your town.
…and Polaski Day, but I think only the Poles pay any attention to that.
It’s Pulaski, and the only reason he has a day is because some white ethnic types who were indignant about Chicago having a black mayor started whining about the blacks having King day.
If you ever want to upset someone when the subject comes up, mention that Casimir Pulaski was gay.
What kind of asshole forces a senator to submit to the same security protocols as everyone else?
Some kid who’s fully aware that the job market is really tough right now, is probably new on the job and wants to make a good impression by doing his job the way he was told to, and doesn’t know The Honorable Buford T. Chickenfucker from Colonel Sanders. Hell, I probably couldn’t pick out my state senator from a lineup, and Texas has thirty-one of them. I’ve worked more than one job where I had to ask to see some ID before letting someone in, letting them borrow equipment, etc. and there’s nothing that’s more of a pain in the ass than someone who insists that they’re so famous that they don’t need no stinkin’ ID.
Also keep in mind that Texas is a “shall-issue” state for concealed carry, and that this (apparently) isn’t at the state capitol, and it’s possible that this unidentified man fits the description of disgruntled older white man with a gun. If he doesn’t like those rules, he can petition to have them loosened or lifted, but I doubt that his buddies at the Texas Lege would see clear to doing that; they’d probably just tell him to get a minder that can help him get his shit together when he’s hung over.
Bah. Forgot to change the nym.
Technically our first clue is that “renewamerica.com” in the URL.
Oh shit someday in my lifetime Juneteenth is going to be mostly white people drinking malt liquor and wearing T-shirts that say “Kiss Me I’m Black”.
Also most Mexican beer is basically German-style beer; brewing (of beer) in Mexico really only took off under Emperor Maximillian, along with that oompah music.
My absolute favorite Mexican holiday is March 18th, the anniversary of the day in 1938 when President Lázaro Cárdenas nationalized the country’s oil.
It sounds like a lot more fun than the battle of Puebla, and it just begs to have a drink invented to celebrate it — maybe something involving Guinness and tequila, but what would we call it?
Is everybody at work or sober or something? That really was a hanging curve.
The Spanish for hungover is crudo.
Um, maybe some Kahlúa too….