God Hates Sperm Donors

douthat

Shorter Msgr. Ross Xavier Pius Douthat, S.J., O.P., O.F.M., S.S.J., Th.D+, The New York Fucking Times Pope-Ed Page
The Birds and the Bees (via the Fertility Clinic)

  • Artificial insemination from a sperm donor is bad because a donor baby might accidentally commit incest. If artificial insemination is allowed, people should have to adopt sperm, with all the background investigations that entails, not just buy it on the open market. However, anybody ought to be able to have a baby through old-fashioned Pope-approved fucking.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 442

 
 
 

I think he needs to support a National Sperm Awareness Day, to memorialize the sacrifice of all those wasted sperm who were released outside of a vagina, trapped in condoms, wasted in women who use birth control, or just failed to be the one that found an egg to fertilize. Everyone one of them represents a life that was not allowed to develop.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

people should have to adopt sperm

Wait. So, do you adopt by the sperm, or by the volume? Because I’m not sure I can come up with more than 200-300 names off the top of my head.

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

The even harder part is registering all the little wigglers to vote.

 
 

” anybody ought to be able to have a baby through old-fashioned Pope-approved fucking.”

But I don’t like having sex with under-aged altar boys.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The even harder part is registering all the little wigglers to vote.

Dude, Social Security numbers would be up in the BILLIONS.

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

That’s true re: SSNs. But really, anything where they have to sign their names is going to be a problem.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

But really, anything where they have to sign their names is going to be a problem.

Well, let’s be honest. They’re tenacious, but not very bright. Anything other than blind pursuit of a lady’s eggs is likely to be difficult.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

The authors — Elizabeth Marquardt, Norval Glenn and Karen Clark — depict a population that’s at once grateful to the fertility industry and uneasy about the way they were conceived, supportive of assisted fertility but haunted by the feeling of being a bought-and-paid-for child.

This is such a load of bullshit it makes me want to spit.

I believe there is a large population of in vitro kids who are upset at their parents. There is also a large population of adopted kids who are upset at their parents and a still larger population of biological kids who are upset at their parents. It happens. It is a sad thing when it happens.

But Douthat’s slippery attempts to make in vitro problematic, whereas adoption is well and good are just bullshit. Full disclosure: my son is adopted. We know for a fact that he has at least three half siblings in the world, and we will never know their names or where they are. So, he has a three in 6 billion chance of having sex with a sibling. I don’t see how these odds are any different than the chance any other adopted child, or in vitro child has of committing inadvertent incest. It is a non problem.

We also (full disclosure) paid a lot of money to adopt him. Someday, he will understand the implications and I pray every day that he doesn’t feel like we “bought” him from his mother. Why there should be less risk of his feeling that way than an in vitro baby I just don’t get.

Every time Douthat opens his mouth, a little part of the Catholic in me shrivels and dies. Fuck him sideways. That is all.

 
 

I suspect Douthat’s real problem with all this is he’s afraid it might be too easy for gays and lesbians to have children.

 
 

I keep offering to donate sperm, but the women just move away from me on the subway platform.

 
 

I think it’s more likely that he’s bummd cuz no one wants his dumpy ass’ man juice.

 
 

N__B said,
May 31, 2010 at 17:35

I keep offering to donate sperm, but the women just move away from me on the subway platform.”

LULz!!

 
 

I take comfort n the knowledge that he admits that government regulation is sometimes a good thing.

 
 

Huh. So somehow swallowing has become adopting?

 
 

Oh–marginally OT; I’m was rolling along in my badass Corolla one day, listening to NPR. (shutup). Talk of the Nation is on, the topic is the Catholic Church and their heroic efforts to shield those poor child rapists from dangerous secularists, and guess who they bring on? Yeah, Ross Douchehat.

I stuck around for a minute, listing to his circular attempts to minimize the idea of rape and then gave on NPR for good.

 
 

I keep offering to donate sperm, but the women just move away from me on the subway platform.

I know, right? Same thing happens to me. It’s like they don’t want to be fruitful and multiply as the good book instructs. Stupid equality crap.

 
 

Didn’t Adam fuck Eve? After that, who fucked who to get this great race gong? Sorry, Church, you are built on incest.

 
 

So, he has a three in 6 billion chance of having sex with a sibling. I don’t see how these odds are any different than the chance any other adopted child, or in vitro child has of committing inadvertent incest. It is a non problem.

What are you talking about? This happens all the time. It’s exactly like that Help Desk at the Mexican border where the illegals get on welfare, get free health care and get phatass checks as soon as they get here. Liberals like to pretend it’s not happening, but it really IS.

 
 

nothing wrong with a little incest here and there. i just look to The Hero of 9/11 himself, Mr. Rudy, and think “yeah, my cousin IS hot”. maybe all this poo-pooing of incest is all a front by the “church” to stop us from finding out that it gives you Highlander-like powers. America’s Mayor rules!!11!!

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

If anyone is interested in adopting sperm, I would like to remind you that many jars are available. Adoption fees are negotiable.

 
 

a donor baby might accidentally commit incest.

Well where’s the fun in that?

 
 

Despite their reputation for permissiveness, many European nations have done much more than the supposedly socially conservative America to recognize that children as well as adults have an interest in the way assisted reproduction works. Britain, Sweden, Norway and Switzerland have banned anonymous sperm and egg donation, allowing donor-conceived children access to their family histories once they turn 18.

OMG Teh Eurofags are better than the US Americans. Ross Douchebag, why do you hate America?

Actually, I agree with this. I can think of several reasons why it’s a good idea that an in vitro kid know his/her biological background.

 
 

many jars are available

I think the pickle juice may affect their viability.

 
 

i am an in vitro kid. on Mother’s Day it take out my test tube to lunch and a chick flick and on Father’s Day i take the ol’ pipette out for a beer. Memorial Day is all about remebering the non-latex gloves that fought bravely for my birth.

 
 

“May 31, 2010 at 18:02

Oh–marginally OT; I’m was rolling along in my badass Corolla ”

stop it. Yer getting me hot.

 
 

“Actually, I agree with this. I can think of several reasons why it’s a good idea that an in vitro kid know his/her biological background.”

Agreed.

 
 

Anything other than blind pursuit of a lady’s eggs is likely to be difficult.

That’s my motto.

 
 

Anything other than blind pursuit of a lady’s eggs is likely to be difficult.

The real problem is finding tiny home-fries to go with them.

 
 

so basically he says he prefers draft to bottled??

 
 

So what is Douthat suggesting be done with all this unwanted sperm? Is he advocating the wanton slaughter of millions, nay trillions, of these innocent scrotum babies?

That said, I gotta say I just love these photoshop jobs. This Sacred Dout-heart is a riot.

 
 

Anything other than blind pursuit of a lady’s eggs is likely to be difficult.

This is why those in the know choose blind ladies.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Hmmmm. A brief foray into the fetid NYT swamp reveals that the study Ross “sperm receptacle and former altar boy” Douchehat cites was produced by the “Institute for American Values.” I am unable to imagine that any paper produced by them could possibly be be anything but mendacious bigoted polemic disguised as science solid, peer reviewed research.

 
 

stop it. Yer getting me hot.

Works every time. Heh heh.

 
 

Didn’t Adam fuck Eve? After that, who fucked who to get this great race gong?

Just like a leftist to always bang the race gong.

 
 

“Institute for American Values.”

Promoting imperial units over metric since 1937.

 
 

For some reason Douchhat’s writing reminded me of this..

http://verydemotivational.com/2010/05/30/demotivational-posters-pron/

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

As The estimable R. Porrofatto notes, this latest missive makes Ross’ position unclear via a vis the great tubesock holocaust. We must request clarification.

 
 

Ol’ DoucheHat is still miffed that he didn’t fill up a condom inside ChunkyReeseWitherspoon all those years ago. Pathetic, Douchey, just let it go and go hook up with a defrocked priest- that way it’s not a ‘real’ sin.

 
 

Whooo, there’s and odd tag fail.

 
 

I had a professor once who claimed that as a young man he was told he had to “save it for marriage” and by the time he got married he had saved 3 full barrels full.

 
 

And they might diminish, if not completely undo, what one grown-up donor baby quoted in the study describes as the feeling of existing entirely for “other people’s purposes, and not my own.”

At some point in time, barring some seriously traumatic scenarios, each and every one of us was greenlighted. We were very little at the time and there was nothing we could do about it.

 
 

Wegthema:

My love of irony remains just as hot & heavy as ever – but some days, love stinks.

I’ve gotta say, at night the gulf really doesn’t look that bad.
#bpcares
about 15 hours ago via Twitterrific

“Our rose-colored glasses – let us rub your faces in them.”

 
Asshole Button
 

Just like a leftist to always bang the race gong.

Those liberals will bang anything. It’s all they ever think about. Bang this. Bang that. Upstairs. Downstairs. In the garage. In the shower. In the…

brb.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Oh. Oh my. I can’t decide whether to say something about Solving Ross D.’s dilemma or maybe mention teabaggers or … Webs, i’m on iPhone so I’ll just lay it out here for convenience sake:

BALLS

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011994648_accident31m.html

 
 

I’ve gotta say, at night the gulf really doesn’t look that bad.

Also I am drunk and that girl is HOT.

 
 

the feeling of existing entirely for “other people’s purposes, and not my own.”

I feel that way for about 40 hours every week.

 
Asshole Button
 

Also,

Tubesock Holocaust!!!!!!!

Too

 
 

Oh! For Lurking Canadian, who said:

Someday, he will understand the implications and I pray every day that he doesn’t feel like we “bought” him from his mother.

I was adopted at birth and I’ve never felt that way. I sometimes wonder if there are other folks who look like me, but my parents were my parents, period. Take heart, yo!

 
Asshole Button
 

I’ve gotta say, at night the gulf really doesn’t look that bad.

Also I am drunk and that girl is HOT.

After midnight, all cats record shattering ecological disasters are grey.

 
 

“Asshole Button said,
May 31, 2010 at 19:16

Also,

Tubesock Holocaust!!!!!!!”

if I weren’t already the lead triangle player in Snarkleponies I would so join that band.

 
 

I thought “Tubesock Holocaust” was The Snarkleponies first big breakthrough album…

 
Asshole Button
 

I thought “Tubesock Holocaust” was The Snarkleponies first big breakthrough album…

Or at least seepthrough.

Sorry.

 
 

I thought “Tubesock Holocaust” was The Snarkleponies first big breakthrough album…

Then there was the “Tubesock Holodeck” episode of ST:TNG that gave us insight into how young Wesley Crusher spent his leisure time.

 
 

“Then there was the “Tubesock Holodeck” episode of ST:TNG that gave us insight into how young Wesley Crusher spent his leisure time.”

Did he “crush one out”?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Tubesock holodeck. Now I can’t get the ejaculation scene from Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex out of my head. Damn you SL.

 
 

Wait, wasn’t Tubestock that big concert for the hippies? I hadn’t heard there was a holocaust.

Ya learn something new every day.

 
 

Tubesocks can come in a rainbow of colours. And vice versa.

 
 

…well then.

We’ve got a nationally syndicated columnist (thanks NY Times) actually going (in complete earnestness) the full Jesus’s General.

I know satire has been limping on its last little spastic limps, but this surely has to be the deathblow.

God damn does he need psychological help.

 
 

Did he “crush one out”?

OUCH!

 
 

Wait, wasn’t Tubestock that big concert for the hippies?

Tubestock, I believe, was a large gathering of Intertube MMO enthusiasts. They came from all over the country and even all over the world so they could all sit in their various hotel rooms and IM each other.

 
 

Is it because the web is full of pr0ns that they call it the Intertube(sock)?

 
 

Tubestock, I believe, was a large gathering of Intertube MMO enthusiasts. They came from all over the country and even all over the world so they could all sit in their various hotel rooms and IM each other.

Sponsored by Cinimax and the Playboy Channel??

 
 

They came from all over the country

I see what you did there.

 
 

My very fave VMR is “rough up the suspect”.

*giggle*

I am 8.

 
 

Shorter Ross Douchehat: “In a free market, my sperm isn’t worth jack.”

 
 

Higgledy Piggledy
Pupienus Maximus
Down at the marketplace
Buying some socks.

I gather the pu
On the pienus is minimal
That’s what the boys all say
Down at the docks.

 
 

Yer getting me hot.

[ … but im just a three dressed up like a nine… ]

 
 

Anyways, Douthat’s stupid aside, I’m actually supportive of

bann(ing) anonymous sperm and egg donation, allowing donor-conceived children access to their family histories once they turn 18.

Because of the 1 in 6 donor conceived that responded with “Afraid about not knowing my medical history”. I’d also be supportive of semi-anonymous donors so long as the results from complete medical screenings are provided upon adulthood – you know the same protocol your mom has.

 
 

Boy I can’t wait for the right wing to start freaking out about Obama not bombing the shit out of those dirty hostage-taking Somali Israel pirates.

 
 

You can add an “i” to “Israel” if you like.

 
 

You can add an “i” to “Israel” if you like.

AVAST ye lily-livered scalywags! Submit your Israels or ye shall be speaking with our cannons anon!

 
bay of arizona
 

You can add an “i” to “Israel” if you like.

Only a grammar NAZI would do that.

 
 

You know who else banned abortions and contraceptive advertisements?

YA RLY

 
Lurking Canadian
 

That is almost certainly central to Goldberg’s point.

 
 

OT:

Shorter BP CEO:
Oh gosh golly me, you’re sick? Fuck you. It’s food poisoning, not the chemical weapons we bought at a sickass discount.

 
 

Boy I can’t wait for the right wing to start freaking out about Obama not bombing the shit out of those dirty hostage-taking Somali Israel pirates.

Can’t. Hold. Breath. Much. Longerrrrr….

 
 

Well, hell. Wasn’t Alan Keyes bitching about this one a few years back? Only the way he told it, it was a reason not to let queers have families, because their kids might accidentally commit incest. (For the record, dumbasses, you are more likely to find the other half of your destructive recessive gene in an unrelated person and pass it on to your kids, and aside from that I can’t actually think of a logical reason to oppose accidental-incest-between-strangers. Get genetically tested if you’re really worried about it.)

I can’t figure out why they don’t see how this contradicts their “Hey, you slut, just put it up for adoption because abortion is murder” thing.

Though, honest to fuck, opening adoption records are themselves one of the biggest reasons I’ve chosen abortion. Even if it wasn’t conceived via rape–and that must be a special slice of hell to have *that* kid show up on your doorstep in eighteen years demanding you justify your decisions–I do believe Ross is trying to convince me that I’d be dooming some poor kid to a life of existential angst.

Anonymous medical records are one thing, but my advice? The parents you grow up with are probably all the grief you need. Don’t go looking for your biological parents. You probably don’t want to know what kind of intolerable hellhole of dysfunctional family dynamics your zygote came out of. At least one of them, after all, apparently thought it was better for all concerned not to extend the franchise. Take the hint.

 
 

h/t me, yay me!

Your shorter was better, though mine was shorter.

Until sperm and egg donation is treated with appropriate gravity by society, just like childbirth is, our children will continue to suffer.

 
New England Redneck
 

Novemeber is the begininning of the end of the American experiment with socialism. The Obamanation that causes desolation is gonna crash and burn! The Rinos are being purged from amongst our ranks and true conservatives are leading the charge! JD Hayworth is about to replace Jaun McStain as the Republican Senator from the Great State of Arizona. The people of Arizona deserve much better than an amnesty supporting Quisling representing their State.

Bob Bennet got booted our during the Republican primary in Utah and a true conservative will easily hold his former Senate seat in that solidly Republican State. My prediction is that Tea Party stalwart Pat Toomey will capture Arlen Specter’s Senate seat in Pennsylvania. There is also a strong possibility that Rino Lindsey Grahamnesty will be replaced by a Conservative during South Carolina’s Republican primary. A Conservative Tea Party candidate will easily defeat any Democrat in Conservative South Carolina. And of course Rand Paul will easily be elected to the Senate. What else would you expect in the reliably Conservative Republican State of Kentucky?

There is even hope that Conservative Chuck Devore will defeat Barbara Boxer to capture the Senate seat in California. I predict a narrow victory for him there.

My ultimate predictions for the 2010 Mid Term elecions? A purging of Rinos during the Republican primaries in favor of Conservative Tea Party candidates. And a Republican landslide takeover of Congress during the general elections. I predict the Second Republican Contract with America. This time with Conservatives who stick to their principles. Like Newt Gingrich was before he took a turn to the left. The Tea Party led Republican grassroots will assure that will never happen again. The Conservative base has successfully shown the Republican establishment that they work for us, not the other way around.

 
 

Boy I can’t wait for the right wing to start freaking out about Obama not bombing the shit out of those dirty hostage-taking Somali Israel pirates.

The major powers should break the Israeli blockade of Gaza the same way they broke the Egyptian blockade of Israel back in the mid 1950s … oh, wait a minute …

 
 

If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister? – T. Sturgeon

 
 

Shorter New England Little Neck Clam:

Forget everything we said about that loser we nominated last November!

 
 

My ultimate predictions for the 2010 Mid Term elecions? A purging of Rinos during the Republican primaries in favor of Conservative Tea Party candidates.

Oh, from your lips to God’s ear!

That would be hilarious!

 
 

Novemeber is the begininning of the end of the American experiment with socialism.

HOLY FUCK!! Is there no end to the evil Nazi/Communist/Socialist/Furry experimenting this administration indulges in? Now they’re making up new months!!!! I’ll see you hell before I acknowledge “Novemeber”, Chairman Obambi!!!!!

 
 

The major powers should break the Israeli blockade of Gaza the same way they broke the Egyptian blockade of Israel back in the mid 1950s … oh, wait a minute …

Was that before or after the Israelis stole all that land?

 
 

There is also a strong possibility that Rino Lindsey Grahamnesty will be replaced by a Conservative during South Carolina’s Republican primary

There is a stronger possibility that you will die from stupidity. Go ahead, replace Graham in a primary. I dare you. That’ll show us libz what’s what.

 
 

what one grown-up donor baby quoted in the study describes as the feeling of existing entirely for “other people’s purposes, and not my own.”

To sum up:planned pregnancy & a wanted baby = BAD.
Pregnancy is only GOOD if it is unplanned (except by God’s will) so it disrupts the parents’ previous plans and leaves them resentful.

bann(ing) anonymous sperm and egg donation, allowing donor-conceived children access to their family histories once they turn 18.

Umm, they already have access to their real family histories. They may be ignorant of the donors of their DNA, but so what? In the absence of DNA tests, none of us can be sure about the source of the sperm that contributed to us. Also, yer mother’s a hoor and you’re a bastidge.

 
 

HOLY FUCK!! Is there no end to the evil Nazi/Communist/Socialist/Furry experimenting this administration indulges in?

If yer white, ya better watch out for sepetebemeber!

 
 

Was that before or after the Israelis stole all that land?

God gave them that land. Therefore, it cannot be theft. You calling American Westward expansion theft?

 
New England Redneck
 

You will also see more states following Arizona’s lead in enforcing Our Nation’s immigration laws. More State Constitutional Amendments successfully banning same sex marriages like Florida, Arizona and California did last election season. More State Constitutional Amendments successfully banning racist affirmative action hiring just is Michigan did. And a host of other Conservative ballot initiatives successfully coming into State law all across the fruited plain.

 
 

The major powers should break the Israeli blockade of Gaza the same way they broke the Egyptian blockade of Israel back in the mid 1950s

The US should respond to the assault on the supply flotilla as vigorously as they responded to the Israeli attack on the USS Liberty in 1967. No, wait.

 
New England Redneck
 

The so-called “anchor baby citizenship laws” should be ignored as well. As contrary to popular belief there is no such law on the books. Only a leftwing activist interpretation of the Fourteenth Amendment.

I personally would like to see the so called “anchor babies” have an anchor tied around their necks and cast into the sea. Hahahaha!

But Ill just settle for them being deported along with their criminal parents.

 
 

If yer white, ya better watch out for sepetebemeber!

If you look up “white” in the dictionary, there’s a picture of me, sticking out my tongue. Am I scared of sepetebemeber? You betta bet I am.

 
 

I personally would like to see the so called “anchor babies” have an anchor tied around their necks and cast into the sea. Hahahaha!

He admits this. He ADMITS this. Unless this is a parody troll…wow.

 
New England Redneck
 

“California Penal Code Section 834b
834b. (a) Every law enforcement agency in California shall fully cooperate with the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service regarding any person who is arrested if he or she is suspected of being present in the United States in violation of federal immigration laws.

(b) With respect to any such person who is arrested, and suspected of being present in the United States in violation of federal immigration laws, every law enforcement agency shall do the following:

(1) Attempt to verify the legal status of such person as a citizen of the United States, an alien lawfully admitted as a permanent resident, an alien lawfully admitted for a temporary period of time or as an alien who is present in the United States in violation of immigration laws. The verification process may include, but shall not be limited to, questioning the person regarding his or her date and place of birth, and entry into the United States, and demanding documentation to indicate his or her legal status.

(2) Notify the person of his or her apparent status as an alien who is present in the United States in violation of federal immigration laws and inform him or her that, apart from any criminal justice proceedings, he or she must either obtain legal status or leave the United States.

(3) Notify the Attorney General of California and the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service of the apparent illegal status and provide any additional information that may be requested by any other public entity.

(c) Any legislative, administrative, or other action by a city, county, or other legally authorized local governmental entity with jurisdictional boundaries, or by a law enforcement agency, to prevent or limit the cooperation required by subdivision (a) is expressly prohibited.”

California, like the federal government, is breaking the law by turning a blind eye to illegal immigration. Why they accuse Arizona of breaking the law is beyond me, unless California is in lockstep with leftwing globalists in Washington.

 
The Goddamn Batman Has Certain Needs Which He Does Not Expect You To Understand; A Discreet Aversion Of The Eyes Would Suffice
 

I think that we should all keep the really important things in mind, such as, will we maintain the right of people to have opposite-sex clones of themselves made for sexual purposes?

Also, WRT New England Cheesedick’s proclamation:

I personally would like to see the so called “anchor babies” have an anchor tied around their necks and cast into the sea. Hahahaha!

Make sure that Michelle Malkin hears about that, sport.

 
 

Is there no end to the evil Nazi/Communist/Socialist/Furry experimenting

You should speak well of the furries, as they speak well of you.

 
 

If you look up “white” in the dictionary

Not anymore. Now there’s a picture of me speeding down the road at all of 48mph in my green corolla, NPR blaring out of the stock stereo, with a Harley Davidson helmet on my dome. Sorry to get you all hot and bothered…

 
New England Redneck
 

Questions on Calderon

Why is it our fault that his people shoot each other to death?

Why is it our fault that he cannot find work for millions of his citizens?

Why is it our fault that he resides over a medieval serfdom that diminishes the lives of millions and forces him to illegally instruct them to enter our country, so that his country can receive foreign dollars and his trespassing citizens can enjoy American health and education benefits.

Why is it that we have to pay for the education of illegals when our own citizenry are not being adequately educated?

Why is it the we have black teenage unemployment in the 30% range and yet we have to depend on illegal aliens to fill construction, gardening, restaurant, warehouse and every other unskilled labor requirement? Why doesn’t anyone mention this – that two problems should be solved simultaneously?

Why is it after one hundred years, since the inception of the word “wetback” which entered the written lexicon in 1920, that hordes of unskilled, illiterate Mexicans continue to illegally enter the United States, through recession and through depression, through boom and bust, generation upon generation and no one, virtually no one asks, why is Mexico so wrong and America so right? What is it that America does so exceptionally well that the Mexicans cannot seem to emulate? Have they no resources like oil and gas? Have they no verdant fields upon which to grow, have they no thousands of miles of coastline, have they enough labor to accomplish anything, have they no ability to teach people, have they no law upon which to build a nation? Why is it that they continually fail, that everything they touch turns to waste? Why is it that their propagandists claim the American southwest was stolen from them and no American makes the obvious response – ‘well if you did have it, it would only be an extension of the human destroying, poverty inducing serfdom that you live in, so thank God America had it – where else could you run to? Cuba?

 
 

Cut and pasting from freeper land is not a demonstration of literacy.
~

 
New England Redneck
 

I was a member of the freerepublic but I was banned due to my profanity lased tirade following Obama’s Presidential win. So much for free speech I guess?

 
 

Dude, really? A guy who’s threadjacking here where no one is ever banned is whining here where no one is ever banned that free speech is not respected at a forum where any poster here could get banned for posts that *didn’t* include profanity? You want sympathy? Really? From us?

 
 

Why do you guys keep calling that “free speech”? That has nothing to do with your constitutional right to free speech.

Here’s a little civics lesson for you, no charge for my brother American. (Assuming you’re a male, if not, I apologize).

“Congress shall make no law”

Now does Free Republic appear to be covered by this guarantee? Websites may impose all of the restrictions to certain types of speech they like. So please, don’t call that free speech. If someone had come and arrested you for it, then we have an issue.

 
 

Hee hee–musta scared Ms. Slayer away with my secksay imagery!

That’s how you kill a thread–one innocent victim at a time.

 
 

The Goddamn Batman slips in, unseen and unheard, and drops yet another hilarious nym and comment…

Always look forward to these, Batman!

 
 

You want sympathy? Really? From us?

He wants special consideration from us… you know, affirmative action for assholes.

 
 

Michael Rubin at the National Review:

One final note on proportionality: Fifteen “peace” activists dead is a tragedy, but they represent only one one-thousandth of the death toll of a French heatwave.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

I can’t decide if trolls are better or worse for being long-winded. The gigantic tirades provide so much fodder for mockery, but nobody reads them except the first couple of lines. Maybe what they could do to save everybody some electrons is just post the first couple of verses and provide a link so we can click through.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Incidentally, I recently had one of those mini-revelations about the libertarian mindset that makes no difference but kind of adds a little perspective. I knew a kid in grade school who was never popular, on account of he was a douchebag, and started to take rejection as a badge of honor. Like he was so much his own man he didn’t need a peer group, friends, approval of any kind, or a girlfriend. He started pushing the attitude, getting in people’s faces, insisting they find him irritating. He would even find ways to screw over people that were nice to him because he didn’t need their “pity,” which is what he imagined friendship to be. His entire youth became a giant rejection of everything. He was a perfect nihilist by age 14.

Fast-forward to the Facebook era, and I find out from an ancient friend he’s now a hard-core libertarian, the baggiest teabagger imaginable. It makes perfect sense. I bet a lot of these tannin-soaked sackdanglers come from such origins. They’re not for anything, they’re just against things, and if that means being for something that’s against something else, fine, but it’s only a temporary arrangement until the second thing has been defeated and they can be against the first thing.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Sorry, gigantic tirade.

 
New England Redneck
 

Regardless, this November will be a time to remember!

The beginning of the end of the Socialist party.

 
New England Redneck
 

Btw, I dont need any sympathy.

It was rather foolish resorting to profanity to express my frustrations.

But we all learn from our mistakes.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Dude, come on. I know your childhood sucked and you didn’t make any emotional connections with people, but at least write your own material.

 
 

Why doesn’t anyone troll in verse?

 
 

“tsam said,
May 31, 2010 at 23:29

If you look up “white” in the dictionary

Not anymore. Now there’s a picture of me speeding down the road at all of 48mph in my green corolla, NPR blaring out of the stock stereo, with a Harley Davidson helmet on my dome. Sorry to get you all hot and bothered…”

sir, I doff my cap to you. My whiteness has been trumped.

 
 

“You should speak well of the furries, as they speak well of you.”

Sssssshh.

 
 

you didn’t make any emotional connections with people

Depending on what age that starts, it may be a symptom of sociopathy.

 
 

Fifteen “peace” activists dead

There’s nothing like being killed to refute an activist’s claims about peace.

 
 

Regardless, this November will be a time to remember!

I call Shenanigans. A real troll would have written “irregardless”.

 
 

“irregardless”

Open-border artificial watering of crops.

 
 

The so-called “anchor baby citizenship laws” should be ignored as well. “As contrary to popular belief there is no such law on the books. Only a leftwing activist interpretation of the Fourteenth Amendment.”

“Section. 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.”

Poor New England Dumb Prick couldn’t get past the first sentence before his brain seized up and blew a gasket. His 4th grade Reading Comprehension teacher must be ashamed.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

“Section. 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.”

Oh, I don’t know. It seems like there’s an awful lot of room for interpretation there. I mean, you don’t know that the authors of that clause intended to include Mexicans as “persons”. What are you, some kind of activist judge, reading some kind of “penumbra of humanity” into the Constitution?

That clause is clearly about the rights of corporations.

 
 

Perhaps anchor babies are not “subject to the jurisdiction” of the US and have diplomatic immunity, in which case you need to expel them before they run up a fortune in unrecoverable parking tickets and library fines.

 
 

I actually sorta kinda join Douthat in wondering if artificial insemination is such a great idea, although for completely different reasons. In a world where there are clearly just too damn many people, do we really need to be expending so many resources to have more? I get it that it’s sad when people who want kids can’t have them the “natural” way, but is it really the end of the world? This is just of the top of my head, and I’m perfectly willing to listen to opposing viewpoints, but I think there might be WAY better things to expend research, money, time and energy on than helping privileged people reproduce themselves.

 
New England Redneck
 

How exactly are illegal aliens subject to the jurisdiction there of? They are foreign nationals in Our Nation illegally. They are guilty of breaking our laws.

Section 1 of the fourteenth amendment was writted to guarantee the citizenship of children born to recently emancipated slaves.

Its intention was not to reward law breaking.

Your foolish comment goes to show how ignorant of American history you and the majority of your leftist comrades really are.

 
New England Redneck
 

How exactly are illegal aliens subject to the jurisdiction there of? They are foreign nationals in Our Nation illegally. They are guilty of breaking our laws.

Section 1 of the fourteenth amendment was writted to guarantee the citizenship of children born to recently emancipated slaves.

Its intention was not to reward law breaking.

Your comment goes to show how ignorant of American history and the Constitution you and the majority of your marxist illegal alien coddling comrades really are.

 
dirty fucking hippy
 

New England Redneck
Spoiling my Monday evening
Just want to get drunk.

 
 

Kick Michelle Malkin out of the country and get back to us.
~

 
 

Fun map from the NYT showing the border running through CT between Red Sox Nation and the Evil Empire. It appears I live in enemy territory.

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2006/08/18/sports/18fans_Map.ready.html

 
chimpevil late as fucking usual
 

Tinitn, damn, that p-shop of Jesus of Douchehat always makes me spew whatever liquid I’m partaking of at the moment right into the keyboard. As I I’m sure it has that effect on others, I’m gonna get Mike Papantonio on yr ass to see if we can get some class action thing going on (right after he does the gulf oil spill and shit.)

 
 

More from New England Dumb Prick

“How exactly are illegal aliens subject to the jurisdiction there of? They are foreign nationals in Our Nation illegally. They are guilty of breaking our laws.”

If they aint subject to the jurisdiction of the U.S, how the fuck can they break U.S. law asshole?

That clause was put in there to exempt children of foreign diplomats. The issue was also settled 100 years ago by the then marxist Supreme Court of the United States when it declared that the child of a Chinese immigrant was a U.S. citizen. Get a clue moran.

 
New England Redneck
 

The issue was also settled 100 years ago by the then marxist Supreme Court of the United States when it declared that the child of a Chinese immigrant was a U.S. citizen. Get a clue moran.

You lie!

 
 

Sorry, I overlooked a bit of our trolls stupidity. Persons born in the U.S. are by definition not illegals so the pricks point is beside the point.

 
 

“You lie!”

Your momma is a big poopyhead!

 
Lurking Canadian
 

I was going to ask what crime the baby had committed to make him “illegal”, and then ask, “if the illegal alien parents committed murder, would they not be tried in America?” but nevertheless, thanks for your explanation. It makes perfect sense to me that “subject to the jurisdiction” would be there to exclude foreign diplomats from inadvertently spawning little Americans.

 
New England Redneck
 

They broke the law by invading Our Soverign Nation. They are not American subjects. The Fourteenth amendment was never intended to automatically bestow American citizenship upon the children of foreign nationals. Period!

That clause was put there to exempt anyone born to citizens of a foreign nation you fucking moran.

If it was intended to exempt children of foreign diplomats, who are lawfully in this country, then obviously it was also intended to exclude children born any foriegners.

So how exactly are the children of illegal alien criminals more entitled to American citizenship than children born to foriegn diplomats in this country lawfully?

 
 

Also, too. That photoshop of Douthat is fucking hilarious, laugh-out-loud, guffaw-guffaw hysterical.

But you know what would be that funny times infinity?

Knowing that Douthat had seen it. Has anyone, I wonder, done him the honor of bringing it to his attention? Because as funny as it is, as I’ve pointed out, knowing that Ross Douthat himself had seen it…well, I would have to go change my pants every time Tintin posted it from laughing till I pissed them.

 
 

They are not American subjects.

Neither are we, you fucking moron Teabagger Tory.

 
St. Creature of the Sociopaths
 

The trolls are getting bolder by the minute. The ‘anchor around the neck’ schtick borders on threat of physical violence and murder. Freep-world probably banned him for knuckleheadisms like that one- even they don’t want that kind of stench, not that they don’t deserve it. I always found a face-to-face encounter and a swift delivery of the appropriate level of force, coupled with a good attorney (and no witnesses), solved many of my personal disputes, and with minimal jail time, if any. Free speech, surely you jest, besides, my service to our country preservers your right to exersize that right. The deaths of many others, which we honor today, insured that right and all the others, too. So go hunt down some more drivel to entertain/bore/annoy us with, it’s free!

 
 

New England Redneck
Boring teabagger pretends
To be a lawyer.

 
 

Here is a breif summary of the law of birthright citizenship by the marxists at wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthright_citizenship_in_the_United_States_of_America#United_States_v._Wong_Kim_Ark

Here is the text of the entire case written by the marxist Supreme Court of 1898 in the unlikely event you want to educate yourself.
http://supreme.justia.com/us/169/649/case.html

p.s. Your moms is still a big poopyhead.

 
St. Creature of the Sociopaths
 

Oops, *preserves* and *excersize*, I DID NOT flunk spelling! I got a small keyboard! And bad eyes! And not-so-nimble fingers!

 
 

“The Fourteenth amendment was never intended to automatically bestow American citizenship upon the children of foreign nationals. Period!”

YOU LIE!! See links above.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Fake troll is trying too hard. “Morans”. Case closed.

 
New England Redneck
 

Bullshit!

All that these articles prove is that the Supreme Court has been engaging in leftwing activism for over a hundred years.

Tell We the People something that we dont already know?

 
 

New England Redneck
Obvious faker. Noone
Could be this stupid.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

obviously it was also intended to exclude children born any foriegners.

So, that’s Michelle Malkin done for, then. You can put her on a bus.

 
 

NER, who you are?
Are you real or are you farce?
Would you rhyme your trolling spree?
Can you match the great BLT?

 
 

The Fourteenth amendment was never intended to automatically bestow American citizenship upon the children of foreign nationals.

What, not even legal residents?

And actually, the Supreme Court has upheld its bestowing citizenship upon the children of foreign nationals. Twice.

So fuck you.

 
 

always found a face-to-face encounter and a swift delivery of the appropriate level of force, coupled with a good attorney (and no witnesses), solved many of my personal disputes, and with minimal jail time, if any.

There are few situations in life that cannot be honourably settled, and without loss of time, either by suicide, a bag of gold, or by thrusting a despised antagonist over the edge of a precipice upon a dark night.

 
 

So, that’s Michelle Malkin done for, then.

Actually, if the law really said what the troll asserts, Michelle Malkin can’t be a citizen. Under any circumstances.

Because the Chinese Exclusion Act and subsequent laws, which were rightfully overturned in the 1940s, said that people who were ethnically Asian, including Filipinos, were not qualified to be citizens under any circumstances.

Here’s our troll. Trying to bring back America’s heritage of blatant racism. What a motherfucker.

 
 

Novemeber is the begininning of the end of the American experiment with socialism.

Remememeber, remememeber the Fififth of Novemeber

 
 

Spengler Dampniche said,
June 1, 2010 at 0:38
Sorry, gigantic tirade.

Wow, Spengler. That’s a very insightful description. It makes a lot of sense, and explains some things that I’ve witnessed in my experiences and encounters.

 
 

perhaps if the trolly sorts have a problem with the Constitution, they could take it up with the established case law, you know, the lawyers and courts and a hundred years or so of decided opinion.

I mean, since he is able to read the minds of the dead authors of the Constitution and Amendments, it should be a simple matter to go back and change it all, right?

But even his own demonstrably weak intelligence has got to tell him that arguing with amused snarkleponies on a comedy blog has got to do almost nothing advancing his cause.

fucking moran.

O what a giveaway!!

 
 

A friend of mine is adopted, as is her brother. The records show it would be impossible for her and him to have had the same bio’ parents. So, she’s long joked that he is the ONLY person with whom she could have 100%-certain incest-free sex. (As they get along like, well, a sister and brother in the back seat of a 1,000-mile auto trip, we have no worries.) Artificial fertilization had nothing to do with either of their births. Pope Doofus here is just playing the old Catholic scam: find something his Church does not like, and then make up some b.s. justification for torturing anyone who does it. (Oh, and don’t forget confiscating their property, which was usually the Church’s REAL motivation for denouncing the behavior in question.)

 
 

Because I’m not sure I can come up with more than 200-300 names off the top of my head.

I realize that the topic has drifted a fair bit but this made me laugh audibly. Thanks.

 
 

I don’t know, Smut, those bag of gold and suicide options suck, if you ask me. Like the cliff job, but, too many chances for error. Disposable .38, works every time. Or jack handle, if circumstances indicate leniency..

 
 

Here’s our troll. Trying to bring back America’s heritage of blatant racism. What a motherfucker.

I don’t think it ever left. Certainly not from the minds of a lot of people.

 
 

There are few situations in life that cannot be honourably settled, and without loss of time, either by suicide, a bag of gold, or by thrusting a despised antagonist over the edge of a precipice upon a dark night.

The Reichenbach Falls are never around when I need them.

 
 

‘well if you did have it, it would only be an extension of the human destroying, poverty inducing serfdom that you live in, so thank God America had it – where else could you run to? Cuba?

The right always has had a funny idea of property rights. Yes, you have an absolute right to own this land, unless we think you don’t because you’re a dumb third worlder who doesn’t know what’s best for his land, and aren’t you lucky we’re going to take it from you…

And for the record, I’d be perfectly willing to let bygones be bygones if this was just some two hundred year old sin with no impact on the modern world, except that the same logic’s been used for the last sixty years to justify Israeli land thefts. This kind of racism isn’t a dead issue, more’s the pity.

 
 

By the way, a tip on why so many people from Mexico and Central America like to come north; it’s probably because of grinding poverty, lack of employment opportunities, and governments that never stick up for their own people.

In other word, the things that make their home countries a living hell for them are the same things that make them a wet dream for corporations based north of the border (you know, the people who often as not have more influence over the governments than their own people). Far be it from me to draw any conclusions that might inconvenience the right’s “corporations good for everyone” wet dream, but…

 
 

Smut, I have found that a mutual exchange, on neutral ground, of an assortment of very fine chocolate can often reduce the level of hostility remarkably.

Spengler, I second the compliment about your insightful comment.

I killed the New England Redneck upon reading its first comment, so I’m both amused and pleasantly bewildered by the subsequent colloquy. (Hee, I said “colloquy” and I didn’t never even granulate from college!)

Lastly, I call upon Penis-Canadians everywhere to line up at our very long border and start making us some anchor babies. I don’t have anything against non-Canadian anchor babies, but a Canadian spermvasion would be hilarious, and it wouldn’t contribute to overcrowding because the head explosions from the cognitive dissonance would even things out.

 
 

The thread, it has been broken by me. So sorry.

 
 

I’ll take the heat. It’s my turn anyways, probably.
~

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Sorry, my bad. Left the window open.

 
 

Oh no you don’t!

 
 

I think any child conceivrd from a sperm generated within the territory of the United States should be a US citizen, based on the Douchit view of the world.

 
 

In fact, I think he needs to immediately write in support of the Freedom Sperm movement.

 
 

For years, Gen. J.C. Christian has been stashing mason jars full of little soldiers in his basement in anticipation of the exact crisis that the Redneck from the Tiny-Little-New-Something-States-All-Squished-Together (as we call it down here in Texas) is warning us about.

 
 

Douthat missed his calling to be one of those creepy Catholic priests.

 
 

Btw, Tintin, have you ever considered putting the Douth in a nun’s habit? His doughy soft face is perfect for it.

 
 

On topic Monty Python.

 
 

Douthat missed his calling to be one of those creepy Catholic priests.

And has been taking it out on the reading public ever since he decided for Hah-vad & Chunky Reese W. over the seminary.

 
 

Did you know that the Islamoflotillatists had highly sophisticated weaponry? TBogg has a photo.

http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/

 
 

As if the oil spill wasn’t bad enough, it appears that BP has killed Aquaman.

http://eclecticbanana.tumblr.com/post/651159277/wings1295-aquaman-vs-bp-by-rob-kelly-the

 
 

Here is TBogg’s take on the Sperm v. Douche-Hat controversy

http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2010/05/30/wont-someone-think-of-the-baster-babies/

 
 

And not bring the whole down or anything but seriously, does the NYT get money from the Vatican for having douchehat’s column. Because other than a substantial payoff I just don’t get it. Holy fucking shit that’s some dumb ass catholic shilling.

 
 

Because other than a substantial payoff I just don’t get it.

There are a bunch of theories. I used to believe that by hiring assholes like Safire, the Times (a center-center publication, despite its rep) was trying to make conservatives look bad. But after Kristol and now Douchehat, I’m starting to think that they think this represents “balance.”

 
 

Some years ago, I read of two studies conducted by hospitals that specialize in the genetic diseases of children, which entails the routine testing of the parents’ DNA. In 9-10% of the children, the mother’s husband was not the child’s father. (In my family 9-10% would be a gross underestimate of the number of children who are not the biological children of the mother’s husband.) This adds up to millions of children. This seems to present much greater risk of accidental incest than if all of the sperm donations in the country were made by one man. If we can live with this risk, then IVF does not seem to add much danger.

 
 

In 9-10% of the children, the mother’s husband was not the child’s father.

Let me attempt to channel Douchhat: Since the Catholic Church sez that sex outside of marriage (including adultery) is a sin, it should not exist. Therefore the accidental incest that might be caused by children of adultery should not exist. Therefore it does not exist because I the pope sez so.

 
 

Also, I’m sure I’m my father’s child, but I’m pretty sure I’m not my mother’s. It’s confusing.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Unfortunately, I am definitely a product of both of my parents. Unless my mom just has a thing for tall, flat-footed dudes with allergies.

Speaking of which (and I know this is a dangerous topic here), can someone please inform my mother that “CATS!!!11!!!” is not a hobby? I’m pretty sure 75% of our weekend was spent talking about cats. If I didn’t love her, I would say a single woman who lives with her disabled son and four cats who talks about the damn things so much is bordering on Crazy Cat Lady territory.

 
 

After reading this thread, I am beginning to suspect there is more to human genisis then being delivered by a stork. Once again, I’ve been had.

 
 

Off topic;

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100601/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_israel_palestinians

Apparently, after Israel going “Fuck you, human decency” the other night, Egypt is now responding with “Fuck you, Israel.” With my heartfelt approval.

 
 

Douchehat: Borgias. Look it up, fool.

 
 

can someone please inform my mother that “CATS!!!11!!!” is not a hobby?

I’m gonna hafta differ with you there. Why do you think the slang term for UGH is also a slang term for a cat? Coincidence? Hmm? I think not.

 
 

I am NOT the product of stork delivery. I was created when a fairy princess kissed a mini-unicorn. Everything got all sparkly…then POOF I was born.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Did you know that the Islamoflotillatists had highly sophisticated weaponry? TBogg has a photo.

The husband has more knives than I have lip products…we are totes terrorists. Does it count if the only Wusthof we own is a pink-handled parer that we bought at Tuesday morning?

 
 

I was created when a fairy princess kissed a mini-unicorn

Do you have wings and a horn sticking out of your forehead? That’s gotta make certain activities rather hazardous…

 
 

The husband has more knives than I have lip products…we are totes terrorists

**dialing DHS**

 
 

“Do you have wings and a horn sticking out of your forehead? ”

No, but I sweat glitter and rose water.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m gonna hafta differ with you there. Why do you think the slang term for UGH is also a slang term for a cat? Coincidence? Hmm? I think not.

Maybe so, but not in this case. Hell, that would be more interesting.

I did find out that my brother’s girlfriend’s sister is a sex worker and former dom-for-hire, though. And guess what? They were raised in a fundamentalist household!

 
 

verything got all sparkly…then POOF I was born.

CGI can give better special effects than ILM’s models.

 
 

I did find out that my brother’s girlfriend’s sister is a sex worker

Not to slur your brother’s girlfriend’s sister, but the dumbest woman I’ve ever met (and none too good looking, either) was a phone-sex operator and referred to herself as a “sex worker.” This was before she showed up at a Halloween party dressed as a cow.

 
 

Ohgoodgrief…is he really claiming that incest DOESN’T happen with the Cuban slide form of procreation????

 
 

“CGI can give better special effects than ILM’s models.”

ILM? Don’t have clue what that is.

 
 

The husband has more knives than I have lip products

Veiled insufficient blowjob reference?

 
 

ILM?

Industrial Light and Magic aka Skywalker Ranch aka George Lucas’ shop.

 
 

ILM? Don’t have clue what that is.

Industrial Light and Magic – George Lucas’s outfit for cutting edge* special effects.

*circa 1976.

 
 

I did find out that my brother’s girlfriend’s sister is a sex worker and former dom-for-hire, though.

Ooohhh family dirt!
Ha–It used to be fairly common for manufacturer representatives in my industry to bring strippers and that sort of nonsense to their distributors after a good sales year. I’m just barely old enough to have attended one of those before everyone realized it was sort of a dumb idea. Anyway, I’m watching the strippers (I was 19 at the time), and one of them comes to me and says, “Mark?” (That’s my real name). After a minute, I recognized her as my cousin’s best friend, with whom I’d spent all kinds of time with as a kid. Needless to say, things were less comfortable after that.

So there’s a random, off topic story for ya…

 
 

I was created when a fairy princess kissed a mini-unicorn.

Those damned Japanese can transistorize anything…

HEY N__B! YOU GOING TO THE WORLD SCIENCE FESTIVAL THIS WEEK????

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

, but the dumbest woman I’ve ever met (and none too good looking, either) was a phone-sex operator and referred to herself as a “sex worker.”

Well, technically, she was. I guess this girl does live sex acts on stage (and probably pr0n), so I would say that “sex worker” is an appropriate title. Plus, they have a union and everything!

 
 

After a minute, I recognized her as my cousin’s best friend, with whom I’d spent all kinds of time with as a kid. Needless to say, things were less comfortable after that.

Dude?

Um, what? Chickened out?

 
 

Needless to say, things were less comfortable after that.

Worst Dear Penthouse letter EVAR.

 
 

Aaaah. Okie doke.

Anyway my special effects were done-oddly enough- by ELO. they didn’t look good, but sounded great.*

* if by great you mean make you want to put on leg warmers and go roller skating.

 
 

Anyway my special effects were done-oddly enough- by ELO.

That explains the whole POOF thing…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Veiled insufficient blowjob reference?

I have about 8 responses to this, but it’s far too early for that kind of thing.

 
 

HEY N__B! YOU GOING TO THE WORLD SCIENCE FESTIVAL THIS WEEK????

Probably not. I have a project (which in an ordinary schedule would take about three months in design) that started last Monday and is due Friday. I worked all three days this weekend and don’t see the gears stopping until I send it out to print on Friday.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

a fairy princess kissed a mini-unicorn. Everything got all sparkly…then POOF

those things are quite familiar to me but they all happened well after I was born.

 
 

I worked all three days this weekend and don’t see the gears stopping until I send it out to print on Friday.

Damn.

Did you want me to blow Stephen Hawking on your behalf?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I worked all three days this weekend and don’t see the gears stopping until I send it out to print on Friday.

What are you doing here, then? Get to it!

Seriously, though…that fucking sucks.

 
 

Pup, actor–LULZ 🙂

 
 

So, now that we killed the Al Qaeda #3 operative…again…does this mean that they really are holding Mullah Omar?

*snark*

 
 

Lessons I learned this weekend:

Storing fireworks and high octane gasoline in an un-air-conditioned garage is a bad thing.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Al Quaeda’s #3 – more lives than an UGH.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Storing fireworks and high octane gasoline in an un-air-conditioned garage is a bad thing.

Oh, shit….guess I’d better go get those bottle rockets out of our storage area…

 
 

Al Quaeda’s #3 – more lives than an UGH.

Is this the final meme or is this another case of ShIT¹?

¹Shifting Interent Tradition

 
 

Er, InterNET, sorry.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Apparently, after Israel going “Fuck you, human decency” the other night, Egypt is now responding with “Fuck you, Israel.”

I imagine President Obama feels very much like Job by now. Imagine his stream of consciousness…

So I get elected after that douchebag Bush gets us into two wars, makes the whole world hate us and drives the economy into the ditch. I start trying to clean up that mess, which is enough to occupy a two term president, when this oil thing happens. So then we’re trying to deal with that and the Koreans go crazy and then this fucking thing in the Med, now Turkey wants us to go to war with Israel…What? Egypt too? For fuck’s sake people, somebody throw me a bone here.

 
 

For fuck’s sake people, somebody throw me a bone here.

I wonder: does he think it was worth building that time machine and going back to forge his birth certificate?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

does he think it was worth building that time machine and going back to forge his birth certificate?

Fuck that. He should go back to 2000 and show old people how to vote properly.

 
 

He should go back to 2000 and show old people how to vote properly.

You mean, how to count votes properly, don’t you?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Also, apropos of nothing (except maybe time travel), is it really too much to expect consistently decent writing on TV shows these days?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You mean, how to count votes properly, don’t you?

That, too.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Also, apropos of nothing (except maybe time travel), is it really too much to expect consistently decent writing on TV shows these days?

Evidently.

 
 

is it really too much to expect consistently decent writing on TV shows these days?

You have to know where to look. Remember: Heartland America (present company excluded of course, else why would you complain?) are morons and thus the lowest common denominator to chase the almight advertising buck.

 
 

For fuck’s sake people, somebody throw me a bone here.

I honestly don’t know why anyone would want his job. It must seem like a truly thankless one these days.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And why am I consistently upset by stuff that I KNOW I’m going to be disappointed in long before it’s completely clear that it will disappoint me?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Remember: Heartland America (present company excluded of course, else why would you complain?) are morons and thus the lowest common denominator to chase the almight advertising buck.

Oh, come on. Watching bad TV is an American pastime, no matter where you live.

 
 

Watching bad TV is an American pastime, no matter where you live.

Yes, but I long for the day when “Absolutely Fabulous” is the dumbest show on TV.

 
 

I honestly don’t know why anyone would want his job. It must seem like a truly thankless one these days.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/black-man-given-nations-worst-job,6439/

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

You mean, how to count votes properly, don’t you?

If I could time travel back to 2000 Florida, I’d park a cheeto truck in just the right spot and divert the Brooks Brothers Riot.

 
 

And why am I consistently upset by stuff that I KNOW I’m going to be disappointed in long before it’s completely clear that it will disappoint me?

Your subconcious is an optimist. Or a masochist.

 
 

I’d park a cheeto truck in just the right spot and divert the Brooks Brothers Riot.

I think I’d go one further and just shoot to kill.

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

I think I’d go one further and just shoot to kill.

How about we try my way first – the wingnuts get even more tiresome and foamy if they have martyrs.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Yes, but I long for the day when “Absolutely Fabulous” is the dumbest show on TV.

Yeah, don’t hold your breath.

Your subconcious is an optimist. Or a masochist.

Or both. It’s sad that I never got a pony, even though I never even wanted a pony.

 
 

Yeah the last thing we need is some wingnut martyr. And remember: we’re liberals. We’d never get away with it. Nobody would “both sides do it” for us.

 
 

How about we try my way first – the wingnuts get even more tiresome and foamy if they have martyrs.

That’s so post-9-11 thinking.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

How about we try my way first – the wingnuts get even more tiresome and foamy if they have martyrs.

Yeah, but we’d still get blamed for their strokes and heart attacks due to overconsumption of junk food.

 
 

Yeah, but we’d still get blamed for their strokes and heart attacks due to overconsumption of junk food.

Not at all! Remember, sodium is their friend.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Not at all! Remember, sodium is their friend.

Not if liebrals are giving it to them…remember, anything we do is BAD, even if it was a conservative’s idea in the first place.

 
 

Not if liebrals are giving it to them…remember, anything we do is BAD, even if it was a conservative’s idea in the first place.

And here we are with Romney’s health care plan, Reagan’s counterterrorism policy, Bush’s immigration strategy, and a stimulus plan whose single biggest components wasn’t pork or welfare but tax cuts…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And here we are with Romney’s health care plan, Reagan’s counterterrorism policy, Bush’s immigration strategy, and a stimulus plan whose single biggest components wasn’t pork or welfare but tax cuts…

At this point, those aren’t even conservative “ideas.” They’re based on axiomatic truths, like “Cutting taxes is always good for the economy.”

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

Not if liebrals are giving it to them…remember, anything we do is BAD, even if it was a conservative’s idea in the first place.

The very beauty of my scheme. What’s more conservative than cheetos?

 
 

What’s more conservative than cheetos?

NASCAR.

THAT’S IT! We can run them over with stock cars!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The very beauty of my scheme. What’s more conservative than cheetos?

I don’t know, but how about Diet Coke? I’m trying to break myself of that habit, too…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

THAT’S IT! We can run them over with stock cars!

Why are you so violent today?

Besides, we should just lessen the restrictions on meth manufacturing and the problem will eventually take care of itself.

 
 

Why are you so violent today?

I had a relaxing weekend. I need to amp up my snark.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

I don’t know, but how about Diet Coke? I’m trying to break myself of that habit, too…

If addiction to Diet Coke is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I had a relaxing weekend. I need to amp up my snark.

I hear you. It’s going to take me at least two days to regain my full fury at the world.

If addiction to Diet Coke is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Hey, you know, far be it from me to judge. I just mess up my nails opening cans and feel terribly guilty about my carbon footprint. Not to mention the fact that my overconsumption of stimulants is probably fucking up my heart as we speak.

 
 

It’s going to take me at least two days to regain my full fury at the world.

I find it faster to just let my hate out.

 
 

Not to mention the fact that my overconsumption of stimulants is probably fucking up my heart as we speak.

I’m a fully-trained emergency responder, just so you know, and have advanced certificates in chest massage…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m a fully-trained emergency responder, just so you know, and have advanced certificates in chest massage…

I’ll be sure to notify you in time to hop on a plane and come here when I decide to have a heart attack.

 
 

Not to mention the fact that my overconsumption of stimulants is probably fucking up my heart as we speak.

When they determine that Nutrasweet or Splenda is actually very toxic, I am toast. I easily drink 6 cans of diet soda a day (often non-caf, but still).

I’m trying to ween myself (veiled-needs-yoga-reference?) to flavored soda water.

 
 

I’ll be sure to notify you in time to hop on a plane and come here when I decide to have a heart attack.

Well, why don’t I just come out for some preventative care?

 
 

Diet 7up or diet cherry 7up + Simply Limeade in a 3:1 ratio is making it very hard to ween. I’ve been meaning to put vodka in it, too.

 
 

Oh right, like you didn’t see that one coming…

 
 

Diet 7up or diet cherry 7up + Simply Limeade in a 3:1 ratio is making it very hard to ween.

No wonder! Those all dehydrate you. You need to drink more water, and then you’ll ween like a racehorse.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I easily drink 6 cans of diet soda a day (often non-caf, but still).

Well, that makes me feel like an amateur. Usually, I drink two or three, but it’s starting to go up to four or five. This is on top of a 16-20 ounce coffee. I only get enough water because I drink a shitton at night. Partly because the water at work tastes like crap.

 
 

Diet Coke: Nectar of the Gods…

 
 

I drink a shitton

Um, ew. Maybe once BP is done at Deepwater, they can come take a look at your piping.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh right, like you didn’t see that one coming…

VER?

 
 

If it was veiled, then no, you wouldn’t have seen it.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Our Tintin, who art in France, hello’d be thy bum.
Thy website come*, thy will be done, on the net and as it is IRL
Give us this day our daily thread and forgive us our snarks, as we forgive those who snark against us.
Lead us not into trollery but deliver us from teh st00pid.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Phucking iPhone.
Oh well, I don’t really need to supply the VR verbiage, do I?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Really, actor. I appreciate that you’re trying to set up a number of pornographic jokes, but I have too much respect for myself and my fellow commenters for that kind of thing.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, snap. Al and Tipper are separating. I wonder if Al got too fat…

 
 

I have too much respect for myself and my fellow commenters for that kind of thing.

When the hell did that happen?????

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Probably something to do with dirty lyrics in pop music.

 
 

Forty years of marriage down the drain, eh?

If you figure half of first marriage end up in divorce and half of divorcees get remarried and divorce again, the damned Gores are fucking the curve up for the rest of us!

 
 

What are you doing here, then? Get to it!

I take my vacation in 30-second increments, scattered throughout the year.

In case anyone was wondering, being the boss often sucks shit.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

When the hell did that happen?????

Sorry. Momentary identity crisis. That felt dirty and WRONG.

 
 

Sorry. Momentary identity crisis. That felt dirty and WRONG.

*WHEW*

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

In case anyone was wondering, being the boss often sucks shit.

Yeah, there’s a reason why owning my own business has never really appealed to me. But, you know, if you’re going to work your ass off, better to do it for yourself.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

*WHEW*

I know, right? I felt like I was looking into an abyss, and not in a good way…

 
 

I felt like I was looking into an abyss

DKW’s mom?*

*C’mon, it was just laying there.**

**Like DKW’s mom.

 
 

Diet Coke is probably the only thing that could break my cola habit. That’s some nasty shite.

Also, too, with the “caffeine dehydrates you” stuff: I’m not buying it. A guy stranded in the middle of Death Valley with a 5-gallon jug of tea is going to fare a shitload better than the guy with nothing. Plain water may be more effective for purposes of hydration, but you aren’t worse off for drinking a caffeinated beverage vs no beverage at all.

Alchohol is a completely different story.

 
 

I felt like I was looking into an abyss

Rilly WC? No link to the Guatemalan goatse?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

*C’mon, it was just laying there.**

I know. Don’t expect me to be as generous as DKW’s mom (I don’t have enough time in the day!), but don’t say I never did anything for you.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Plain water may be more effective for purposes of hydration, but you aren’t worse off for drinking a caffeinated beverage vs no beverage at all.

Yeah, I don’t buy it, either. I do think the extra sodium and fake sugar make me feel like shit, though.

 
 

RE: being the boss, the latest business update: we landed a potentially HUGE sale last week; more significantly it’s a SUMMER sale and a chance to make some money before schools start back. It’s with a large church which is raising funds for the Habitat for Humanity house they build each year – 3500 church members and they want to raise $65,000 … if they sell enough to reach that goal, we will make enough not only to pay ourselves back pay but also to cover our costs for getting our database and website set up, plus the first month’s rent on the office/warehouse we signed the lease on week before last and will be moving into at the beginning of August…and still have some left over. The layout on our catalog has started and I’m writing up the copy for all the different products now; catalog should be done by the end of July.

So it’s all good news.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Yay!

 
 

T & U – my poison of first choice year-round is iced tea, just barely sweetened with 1/4 package of Sweet-n-Low. Sometimes I prefer it unsweetened. Anyway, my main beef with diet sodas is that they aren’t food, not even nominally food like the non-diet versions, which at the very least have some ingredients in them made from food. The diet versions are pretty much just chemical stew. I would be more surprised if they didn’t make people feel like shit than I would in hearing that they do.

 
 

Excellent work Jennifer.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Anyway, my main beef with diet sodas is that they aren’t food, not even nominally food like the non-diet versions, which at the very least have some ingredients in them made from food.

Oh, I know. Any moral superiority I gain by not consuming HFCS is completely destroyed by the aspartame. And as a sustainable food advocate, I am a total hypocrite for drinking that shit.

 
 

It’s not about hypocrisy T & U – I mean, when it comes to food we all fall a bit short of sustainability ideals. It’s about …exactly what is all this shit that’s being sold as “food”? And what is it doing to people’s health? You know, there’s been a lot of speculation these last few years that the artificial sweetners may mess with blood sugar chemistry just like sugar does. All I know is, diet sodas aren’t helping anyone get thinner, or even slow down people getting fatter. So I’ve always just kept away from them, though mainly because I think they all taste shitty.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s not about hypocrisy T & U – I mean, when it comes to food we all fall a bit short of sustainability ideals. It’s about …exactly what is all this shit that’s being sold as “food”? And what is it doing to people’s health?

Oh, I completely agree. It’s just that the hypocrite part is another reason why I’m trying to kick it. Also, I do think it has an effect on appetite and metabolism that we’re not aware of yet…in other words, I do think it’s actually helping people get fatter.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

All I know is, diet sodas aren’t helping anyone get thinner, or even slow down people getting fatter

It did for me. Sugarful Coke is something like 100 calories/250mL. When you’re drinking it at a rate of 2L per day like I used to, you’re going to gain a pound roughly every four days, just from your Coke consumption.

Switching to all Diet all the time made a difference. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s a chemical stew and contains absolutely no nutrients, except sodium that nobody needs, but it did was a painless way to reduce my calorie consumption without drastic changes in my lifestyle.

Of course, it did taste like shit at the beginning, but now, years later, I can’t drink the real stuff anymore because it’s so damn sweet I can feel my teeth rotting.

 
 

What could be more sustainable than aspartame? You need like 1/200 the amount in your cola as sugar, which is often harmful to the environment to produce. Aspartame can be produced almost anywhere with vats!

And its not meant to be a food-substitute, it is meant to be a water substitute. Its even multipurpose; you can clean your hands with it because there is practically nothing in there!

(There is a complex mix of snark and rationalization in this message, but I couldn’t begin to deconvolute it)

 
 

Of course, it did taste like shit at the beginning, but now, years later, I can’t drink the real stuff anymore because it’s so damn sweet I can feel my teeth rotting.

See, that’s funny, because that’s how I feel about “sweet tea”, which in these parts means tea sweetened to a syrup-like consistency with sugar. We’re talking at least 3 teaspoons per glass, though I suspect 5 tsp is more the norm. I can’t stand the stuff. Yet, when I want a soda, it’s got to be the “real thing”. The Hallmark is next door to a Hispanic grocery, and they have the “real thing” – Mexican cokes sweetened with sugar rather than HFCS, and I drink one of those a day, more or less. They do taste “lighter” than the HFCS version, but still – very sweet.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Switching to all Diet all the time made a difference. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s a chemical stew and contains absolutely no nutrients, except sodium that nobody needs, but it did was a painless way to reduce my calorie consumption without drastic changes in my lifestyle.

I do agree that if you’re going to drink a large amount of soda, you should drink diet, despite the chemicals. All that shit fucks with your metabolism, so at least you’re avoiding substantial weight gain and radical changes in blood sugar.

What could be more sustainable than aspartame? You need like 1/200 the amount in your cola as sugar, which is often harmful to the environment to produce.

Sodas with “sugar” are actually just full of HFCS, which is quite terrible for the environment. Still, I don’t feel good about the carbon that is used to produce and transport diet soda, as well as the energy that’s used to recycle the cans. (At least I always recycle).

 
Marion in Savannah
 

And not bring the whole down or anything but seriously, does the NYT get money from the Vatican for having douchehat’s column. Because other than a substantial payoff I just don’t get it. Holy fucking shit that’s some dumb ass catholic shilling.

A commenter over at TBogg’s shop, whose name I regrettably cannot remember, suggested that the Times really wanted to have a humor column, but was too concerned about their “serious” image and that The Pasty Little Putz is their way of sneaking one in.

 
 

This should generate quite a pile of wingnut stupid.

On a side note, I hope that c*** walks away with nothing.

 
 

I can’t explain why, but all this talk about beverages makes me thirsty – for a PBR.

 
 

So it’s all good news.

Congrats. It’s the first billion that’s the hardest.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

they have the “real thing” – Mexican cokes sweetened with sugar rather than HFCS, and I drink one of those a day, more or less.

I have to admit to drinking at least 3 or 4 of those when we were in central America last summer. Not only were they made with can sugar, but they were also in glass bottles! Between that and the drinks, I was surprised that I lost weight there. I guess that’s what happens when you walk and ride a bike everywhere.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I can’t explain why, but all this talk about beverages makes me thirsty – for a PBR.

Hipster.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

at least 3 or 4 of those

a day, I meant. I wish it had just been the entire time…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Mexican cokes sweetened with sugar rather than HFCS

Served in cool retro glass bottles! I usually wash my tacos al pastor down with horchata, though.

It’s nice to hear of your big score, Jennifer!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Curse those fast caffeine-stimulated fingers, curse them!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Of course, there’s always Kosher Coke, though it doesn’t taste quite the same as Mexican Coke, in my opinion. That could just be crazy talk, though.

 
 

Curse those fast caffeine-stimulated fingers, curse them!

it’s OK because you’ve been working 112 of the last 36 hours, BBBB.

Keep it up and you’ll be rich in no time, just like N__B and Jennifer!!

 
 

Of course, there’s always Kosher Coke, though it doesn’t taste quite the same as Mexican Coke, in my opinion.

How could it, what with the blood of christian babies and all?

 
 

there’s a taqueria in Madison, right by the Barrymore, that serves Mexican Coke. in Bottles.

 
 

Plain water may be more effective for purposes of hydration, but you aren’t worse off for drinking a caffeinated beverage vs no beverage at all.

AHEM

The Mayo Clinic would disagree, given the level of sucking that crap down that’s been mentioned here.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

it’s OK because you’ve been working 112 of the last 36 hours, BBBB.

Luxury. [/Python]

 
 

Back to work, Ned. Better than not working.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

How could it, what with the blood of christian babies and all?

Oh, so *that’s* what that special tangy flavor is!

 
 

Luxury. [/Python]

yeah, well BBBB is uniquely American, what with working two jobs and all. Luxury, indeed. Although one of them is governmental tit-sucking.

 
 

How could it, what with the blood of christian babies and all?

How did you get a preview of Douchehat’s next column?

 
 

Back to work, Ned. Better than not working

I’m sitting here drafting.

Besides, while I won’t say my business is recession proof, I’ve been through three recessions and have yet to lose enough gross to force me to lay off employees. It helps that laying off is my last resort, but old buildings are always there, even when no one is building new.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

it’s OK because you’ve been working 112 of the last 36 hours, BBBB.

Seems like it! It’s alright, though, the past few days have been fun- I actually like my co-workers, and I got to see some great “vendors” I haven’t seen in a while.

 
 

yeah, well BBBB is uniquely American, what with working two jobs and all.

Funny, his photo doesn’t look like an illegal immigrant at all.

 
 

Oh, so *that’s* what that special tangy flavor is!

I bet you say that to all the guys.

 
 

Congratulations Jennifer. Nice job getting the Xtians to get out there and sell, sell, sell to make you rich rich r$ch! Hahahah! Makes me think o Amway.

Remember us little people when you’re cruising by in your Hummer Limo.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’m sitting here drafting.

CHUG-A-LUG!

Funny, his photo doesn’t look like an illegal immigrant at all.

Well, not to a racist GOPer, but have you ever been to Greenpoint?

 
 

The Mayo Clinic would disagree, given the level of sucking that crap down that’s been mentioned here.

AHEM.

There is nowhere near the level of caffeine in tea or MOST diet drinks as there is in 7 cups of coffee. I’ve not seen anyone here cop to drinking more than a 6-pack per day, which would put their caffeine intake far below that of someone drinking 7 cups of coffee. I drink close to a quart of iced tea daily – sometimes a bit less, sometimes a bit more, without caffeine jitters or dehydration being a problem.

 
 

There is nowhere near the level of caffeine in tea or MOST diet drinks as there is in 7 cups of coffee.

FOUR cups, dear. Four to seven. THAT is well within the realm of the people who have posted here.

 
 

Remember us little people when you’re cruising by in your Hummer Limo.

Of course she’ll remember us. If she didn’t, who would she spit on as she drives by?

 
 

Personally, I’d like to be forgotten by folks doing drive-bys.

 
 

Personally, I’d like to be forgotten by folks doing drive-bys.

That made me laugh.

Sorry, people. I seem to have nothing to contribute today but LOLs. I used up my mojo on the story of my adorable birth and now I’m spent.

 
 

I used up my mojo on the story of my adorable birth and now I’m spent.

That’s what she said.

Wait. What?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I bet you say that to all the guys.

Nah. Just the ones who buy me shoes.

 
 

Funny, his photo doesn’t look like an illegal immigrant at all.

Huh? Roswell????? HULLO??????

 
 

bet you say that to all the guys.

Nah. Just the ones who buy me shoes.

The way to a woman’s heart is through her feet…assuming you can fit through her pelvic opening.

 
 

Whale Chowder – aw, it’s a mainline METHODIST church; those folks are cool. They won’t be waving any snakes around trying to make people buy stuff.

Actually, I’m glad to be a part of it not just because it’s going to really help out the business – Habitat is a great cause, I’ve done work for them before and really believe in what they do – and most people feel the same way about them, which should make the fundraising easier. As far as I can see, it’s a win-win all around – the church gets the money it needs for their Habitat mission, a family gets a home they can afford, people who like Habitat can participate by buying something in the fundraiser, and our business gets through a really tight patch.

As for the Hummer limo, that will NEVAR HAPPEN!!!! I hate those things with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

 
 

That’s what she said.

I’m pretty sure the only person who talks of being spent is this guy

 
 

They won’t be waving any snakes around trying to make people buy stuff.

Then they’re not trying hard enough.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The way to a woman’s heart is through her feet…assuming you can fit through her pelvic opening.

Uh. Mommy issues?

 
 

As for the Hummer limo, that will NEVAR HAPPEN!!!! I hate those things with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.
Well, remember us when you drive by in your white stretched Prius limo, then.

 
 

Uh. Mommy issues?

No. You’re assuming I’m trying to get to a woman’s heart.

 
 

Mommy issues?

Good grief, you really don’t understand men at all, do you?

Look, why do men like big tits? Simple. The first thing we fed from was a boob bigger than our heads. It doesn’t matter if mom dropped A cups or DDs, they were bigger than our heads.

Second, all men are trying to climb back in the womb. All of them, even teh gehys. It’s much safer back in their. How we get there is what distinguishes the civlized man from the neaderthals.

Sheesh. Wimmin….

 
 

THAT is well within the realm of the people who have posted here.

Ummm…not really.

4 cups of coffee averages 500 – 600 mg of caffeine. A similar number of soft drinks averages out to 150 mg. A similar amount of iced tea averages out to to about 150 mg as well. Obviously, there is variation between different brands and what not, but on average, soft drinks and iced tea have about 1/3 the caffeine content. Brewed tea is a bit higher, but still only 1/2 the caffeine of coffee.

Caffeine content of various beverages

 
 

Well, remember us when you drive by in your white stretched Prius limo, then.

Or your stretch VW limo-van, converted to plug-in electric and covered in solar panels. Congrats, Jennifer.

 
 

Habitat is a great cause

Actually, I agree 100%. My dream is to be able to retire someday and travel around the country building homes for Habitat, even if it’s just unskilled labor work.

the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

Oddly enough, that’s about what’s required to drive through downtown in one of those things.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

No. You’re assuming I’m trying to get to a woman’s heart.

Oh. I apologize.

 
 

Typical actor212 – overthinking things again.

Look, why do men like big tits? Simple. The first thing we fed from was a boob bigger than our heads. It doesn’t matter if mom dropped A cups or DDs, they were bigger than our heads.
FTFY. Heh. b00bies.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Good grief, you really don’t understand men at all, do you?

Thanks for reminding me to re-consider crossing over to The Other Side permanently.

 
 

Heh. b00bies.

You must have been bottle fed.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Look, why do men like big tits? [Because they are] Ssimple. The first thing we fed from was a boob bigger than our heads. It doesn’t matter if mom dropped A cups or DDs, they were bigger than our heads. FTFY. Heh. b00bies.

FTFY X2.

 
 

Look, why do men like big tits? [Because they are] simple.

I’m assuming, then, that in the spirit of charity, hubby is a stumpy pencil dick?

Defense rests, your honor.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

As for the Hummer limo, that will NEVAR HAPPEN!!!! I hate those things with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

The troll will now blame Jennifer’s hate for global warming.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

And not bring the whole down or anything but seriously, does the NYT get money from the Vatican for having douchehat’s column. Because other than a substantial payoff

Always – ALWAYS – follow the Benjamins. Who (basically) owns the NYT? Why, none other than Carlos Slim. You get 3 guesses as to what his religion is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlos_Slim

 
 

Look, why do men like big tits?

Let’s ask Pupienus Maximus.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Heh. b00bies.

You must have been bottle fed.

This is why I support the Tits for Tots program, to make sure that prematurely weaned children get the b00bage they need to grow into well-adjusted adults.

 
 

The troll will now blame Jennifer’s hate for global warming.

And for Algore’s marriage.

 
 

This is why I support the Tits for Tots program

I saw an ad for that in a McDonald’s happy meal this weekend.

 
 

Let’s ask Pupienus Maximus.

You rarely see a gay transvestite go for small tits.

I’m just sayin’

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m assuming, then, that in the spirit of charity, hubby is a stumpy pencil dick?

Defense rests, your honor.

Of course not! Why do you think I haven’t crossed over to Homoland yet?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Look, why do men like big tits?

Big tits mean a lot, to a guy who sucks on his thumb.

I saw an ad for that in a McDonald’s happy meal this weekend.

Make that an extremely happy meal.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

The first thing we fed from was a boob bigger than our heads.

First, this leaves out the breastmilkally-challenged, and I have it on good authority (ahem) that they like boobies too.

Second, your hypothesis seems to predict breast obsession should occur with equally frequency among women which…turns out not to be the case, at least as I am given to understand.

 
 

First, this leaves out the breastmilkally-challenged, and I have it on good authority (ahem) that they like boobies too.

Thats societal.

Second, your hypothesis seems to predict breast obsession should occur with equally frequency among women which…turns out not to be the case, at least as I am given to understand.

Oh really?

Then riddle me this, Batman: why are water filled bras and breasts implants a thriving industry in America?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Then riddle me this, Batman: why are water filled bras and breasts implants a thriving industry in America?

As I believe someone has already said in this thread (can’t quite remember who): that’s societal.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Then riddle me this, Batman: why are water filled bras and breasts implants a thriving industry in America?

Because, like the milkshake of legend, they bring all the boys to the yard?

 
 

…why are water filled bras and breasts implants a thriving industry in America?

Because us d00ds love teh b00bies.

I believe LC was referring to the lack of BOOBIES! ob-b00bie-session boobs amongst teh boobie having gender – in which case I have to think his inter-boobs connection is broken.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

In other news, I am going to spend all my vacation hours working with snot-nosed children in the public library. For free.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

the Tits for Tots program

This made me howl.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

In other news, I am going to spend all my vacation hours working with snot-nosed children in the public library. For free great justice.

I wonder how many of said children were prematurely weaned.

 
 

Then riddle me this, Batman: why are water filled bras and breasts implants a thriving industry in America?

As I believe someone has already said in this thread (can’t quite remember who): that’s societal.

Because, like the milkshake of legend, they bring all the boys to the yard?

Because us d00ds love teh b00bies.

Right, which is why every woman on the planet puts out for every man on the planet. It’s all about the men and not one whit about self-image.

Think again.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

T&U, make sure you’ve got all your shots, and keep disinfectant wipes handy. Kids are little open petri dishes of contagion. (So says the woman who works in an ENT practice…)

 
 

I am going to spend all my vacation hours working with snot-nosed children in the public library. For free.

There’s gotta be a joke about “giving it away” in there somewhere.

 
 

(So says the woman who works in an ENT practice…)

Do you get many treeherders in Savannah?

 
 

In other news, I am going to spend all my vacation hours working with snot-nosed children in the public library. For free.

Make sure to wear low-cut blouses. You can help create the next generation of Palin voters.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I wonder how many of said children were prematurely weaned.

Are you saying I should show my cleavage as much as possible? For the children?

 
 

Are you saying I should show my cleavage as much as possible? For the children?

As a general rule, I think you should show all your cleavage to us, yes.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s all about the men and not one whit about self-image.

From whence do you think the self-image issues came? And what does that have to do with nursing?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Make sure to wear low-cut blouses. You can help create the next generation of Palin voters.

I’ll be sure to wear turtlenecks, then.

 
 

Hooray! an argument about social issues that has less chance of being resolved than the age old chicken/egg debate. Now with added pseudo science! (yes I am looking at you, Sociology and Evolutionary Psychology) Add in strong emotions and we could have a good old fashioned flame war!

 
 

Look, why do men like big tits?

I can’t believe no one used a moob comeback here. I’m a little disappointed.

 
 

From whence do you think the self-image issues came?

Hang on…so you’re going to blame the patriarchy for those catty sessions over a glass of Chardonnay? Or the Heathers back in high school?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Look, why do men like big tits?

Let’s ask Pupienus Maximus.

The men I know are mainly interested only in Madonna’s.

 
 

I can’t believe no one used a moob comeback here.

It’s early in the summer yet. That’s a sensitive subject.

 
 

Aw, shit, Douchehat is still on the front page? I’d rather look at drunken Ann Althouse.

Hey, anyone else ever wake up with a massive headache? Why does that happen? An RN friend told me to take a massive caffeine dose so I’m chugging Earl Grey but it only seems halfway effective. I tore up my stomach on Saturday with aspirin so I don’t want to try that today because I’ll probably end up in cold sweats, vomiting.

 
 

Hey, anyone else ever wake up with a massive headache?

Yea. but fortunately I was able to slip my arm out and get dressed before she woke up.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Hey, anyone else ever wake up with a massive headache? Why does that happen?

I assume you’ve ruled out hangover?

Usually, if I wake up with a headache it means (1) I didn’t get enough sleep or (2) I got too much sleep (this one is rare lately, but was common when I was a student) and am as a result hungry, dehydrated or both or (3) I slept in an environment without enough fresh air.

So, my prescription, which is worth exactly what you paid for it, is to go eat something in an outdoor but shaded location and drink lots of fluids.

Or, go back to bed.

 
 

Hey, anyone else ever wake up with a massive headache?

What kind of headache? And take care with that Earl Grey. Bergamot is a potassium channel blocker and may actually make your headache worse.

 
 

Hey cool! LC and I are Fristing together! Soon we can run for the Senate!

 
 

And take care with that Earl Grey.

Nevermind that it will dehydrate you….hehehehehehehe

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Do you get many treeherders in Savannah?

A surprisingly large number. The young ones particularly have trouble with the Spanish moss getting stuck in unfortunate places…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Hang on…so you’re going to blame the patriarchy for those catty sessions over a glass of Chardonnay? Or the Heathers back in high school?

Dude. Even radfems don’t solely blame men for patriarchy. We all participate in it and help to create it. I mean, ultimately, beauty standards for women AND men are rooted in what’s considered attractive to whomever you’re trying to attract. There’s not anything wrong with that, although it makes me look at anyone who says they’re getting a boob job “for me!” like they’re full of shit. But, you know, I comply to a lot of standards others would find objectionable, so who am I to judge?

And catty sessions over a glass of chardonnay?!? I guess I should be thankful that you didn’t go with white zin.

 
 

The young ones particularly have trouble with the Spanish moss

Damned undocumented Messican workers…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hey, anyone else ever wake up with a massive headache? Why does that happen?

It’s because Douhat’s picture is still up there.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Hey, anyone else ever wake up with a massive headache?

Only after I pass out from banging my head against the wall…

 
 

Spanish moss getting stuck in unfortunate places…
Of course you just know in Spain the treeherders call it la moss inglesa or something.

 
 

We all participate in it and help to create it. I mean, ultimately, beauty standards for women AND men are rooted in what’s considered attractive to whomever you’re trying to attract.

Or impress.

Which is why I thought your explanation was simplistic. An awful lot of women’s competition, especially when it comes to personal image, is disconnected from men.

Similarly, an awful lot of male competition is disconnected from women.

 
 

An RN friend told me to take a massive caffeine dose so I’m chugging Earl Grey but it only seems halfway effective

That’s usually for migraines, but seems to be marginally effective. Have you stretched and rolled your neck? That helps me when I wake up with one of those bastards. Oh, and changing the contact lenses that have been in for months…

 
 

Of course you just know in Spain the treeherders call it la moss inglesa or something.

Musgo frances.

 
 

changing the contact lenses that have been in for months…

I had a friend back in college wore the same pair, day and night, for four years.

When they surgically removed them…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Which is why I thought your explanation was simplistic. An awful lot of women’s competition, especially when it comes to personal image, is disconnected from men.

Sure, but I think they’re all rooted in the same thing in one way or another.

 
 

Sure, but I think they’re all rooted in the same thing in one way or another.

Which brings us back around to feeding time in the crib…

 
 

There are a bunch of theories. I used to believe that by hiring assholes like Safire, the Times (a center-center publication, despite its rep) was trying to make conservatives look bad. But after Kristol and now Douchehat, I’m starting to think that they think this represents “balance.”

Heh, why not both? The Boston Globe (snicker) hired Jeff Jacoby in the 1990’s to provide “balance” (wingnut welfare–he sucked more than Erma Bombeck* and Ellen Goodman** combined) but he only succeeded in making conservatives look bad.

While not as deluded as Thomas Sowell, Jacoby was charmingly unselfaware, calling for the extermination of Palestinians one week and bemoaning the cruelty of fly fishing (no, really) the next.

*excuses to those boomers who inexplicably find her “funny”
**I doubt she always sucked, but let’s just say her best years were behind her by the time I started reading the paper

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Which brings us back around to feeding time in the crib…

Okay, Freud.

 
 

Think again

Sorry for the delay in responding – I was thinking about a world where women put out as much as men wanted them to.

I would postulate that if you sampled the femal population of America (heh) you would find a correlation between women who get breast implants and women with an unhealthy addiction for the approval of the PENIS-having gender.

I totes agree that lotsa women go for teh b00bs emphasizing for their own purposes. Over-generalizingly, it’s always about empowerment and it’s empowering because men love teh BOOBIES. So it’s not necessarily about pleasing men – it’s about using our weakness (to BOOBIES) to make them feel strong.

That said, according to the pages archived in my browser history – there are lotsa women who are really into the b00bies too. I suspect that isn’t representative of femal society at large. And by large, I mean BIG BOOBIES!!boobs!1!!

 
 

I dunno why I can’t spele female.

 
 

I think it’s because I’m distracted by teh BOOBIES!!!

 
Lurking Canadian
 

That said, according to the pages archived in my browser history – there are lotsa women who are really into the b00bies too.

I don’t want to make unfair inferences about how you spend your spare time, but if those pictures are what I assume them to be, what you’ve got there is evidence that there are lots of women who are really into being paid for being into boobies.

I admit to a lot of ignorance on the issue, but it would surprise me to learn that breast augmentation happens with equal frequency among lesbians as it does among straight women.

Of course, teasing out how much of this is genetic and how much of it is social and how much of it is about procreation and how much is about hunting gazelles on the plains of Africa and how much is about the care of infants is a task for somebody with a very different educational background than mine.

 
 

After reading this thread, I am beginning to suspect there is more to human genisis then being delivered by a stork.

After mentally correcting this to “genesis” (you’re welcome) I began to think about what Genesis is supposed to mean. Beginnings? Or Begettings? Remember the Nicene Creed states “genitum non factum” which is translated “begotten, not made”. Genitals, thus, begetters. However, genus = spirit. (Genre, genius, genial) Note this says nothing about birth (natus).

WHY are they insistent that their gawd is genitum non factum. WTF does factum mean anyway? Made of clay like Wonder Woman?

In English beget means “to sire”. Is that what it means in Latin? Are they trying to assert that God has DNA? Are they sekrit Mormons? Did YHWH impregnate Mary a la Zeus? I must have said those words hundreds of times in my life with no idea what the hell they were supposed to mean or signify. W. T. F.. Krishna was god incarnate on Earth, right? Maybe Christians are really Krishnaans. Hare hare hare does sound a lot like holy, holy, holy. And is just as meaningful.

Granted, most people are of average intelligence or below! But I don’t get how an adult can seriously believe this most ignorant of all religions! For hundreds of years Western Europeans seriously–under pain of death and torture, no less–professed this complete idiocy. I may be an atheist but come on, there are degrees of absurdity. I mean, there’s Babylon 5 and then there’s Star Wars (no matter how diverting). There’s the Wire and then there’s Dragnet. There’s Clown News Network and then there’s FOX. Ya know? Ah, fuck it.

 
 

…what you’ve got there is evidence that there are lots of women who are really into being paid for being into boobies.

But, but, but… some of it is labelled “amateur”!

 
 

Didn’t want to OT the new thread so soon, but (via atrios) what up with Thad Allen? Has LMRP failed already? That soon, it had to be some sort of complication developed with the shear attempt or something. Anyone know?

 
 

>I admit to a lot of ignorance on the issue, but it would surprise me to learn that breast augmentation happens with equal frequency among lesbians as it does among straight women.

I’m sure it’s social and not genetic. Lesbians know what real boobies look and act like and hence don’t much care for fakes. Whereas the str8 women who get implants are trying to up their cache with certain males. It’s less about how it will look in bed (really odd) and more like what they look like on the street. Many lesbians don’t even desire tons of male attention. (But to be fair, others do like positive male attention, just like some straight guys get an ego rush from guys hitting on them.)

Women who get boob implants tend not to be regarded positively by other women, so there’s that, too. The feminist strain in lesbian culture also strongly resists medicalized approaches towards beauty. For example there is the desire to affirm the femininity of breast cancer survivors who have had mastectomies and lost their hair. Lesbian culture is affirming about these things whereas some straight women have emotions about that similar to that guy who was about to get his dick amputated.

Anyway, you know it’s heavily cultural because what’s up with the Cali obsession with cow boobs? Ugh. US culture is odd in that even erotic images don’t seem much interested in … you know … the goods. (Sometimes there’s some butt showing so I guess American men prefer it doggy style?) The Classical Venus demurely covers her vulva with her hand but the American venus-figure shows off her “assets”. You’d be not far wrong to gather the impression that mating is accomplished with the boob cleavage…

 
 

I would postulate that if you sampled the femal population of America (heh) you would find a correlation between women who get breast implants and women with an unhealthy addiction for the approval of the PENIS-having gender.

Don’t forget, they also want other women to look at them with sick envy. People who get them claim it makes them feel “confident”. (I guess much like attempts at penis enhancement.) Sounds like a need for an external self esteem boost. Like driving a flashy car you can’t afford.

Ie, if you work from the presumption that women who get breast implants (who aren’t in the sex industry where it’s practically a prerequisite for work these days once you’re over 18/19) are pretty shallow, I would say you’re not far off the mark…

 
 

The big boob obsession seems to be a fairly recent phenomenon. (Along with bone-thinness.) If you look at art through the ages, rarely did it feature skinny women with enormous breasts. I think a lot of what men find attractive, they find attractive because they’ve been instructed to find it attractive.

Me, I never got the big boob thing. I always thought small/mediums tended to hang better and have better shape. But…whatevs…it’s not something I care all that much about anymore. The world will keep on spinnin’ whether I “get” things or not.

actor, I disagree with you about women competing being separated from men and what men think. I think that at root of all competition is the desire for validation from men. It’s something women struggle with, especially younger women. Plus there are enough women out there who benefit from the beauty/validation constructs we’ve created that it’s prolly going to continue until we evolve. All of us.

 
 

Have you stretched and rolled your neck?

Okay, trying that … slowly. Too easy to hurt myself worse. I do suspect that I may have been sleeping in an awkward position but it could also have been allergies.

Er, not sure it’s working. My stomach is even more upset now.

 
 

Similarly, an awful lot of male competition is disconnected from women.

Oh, yeah? MY etchings ROCK, motherfucker!!!

 
 

If you look at art through the ages, rarely did it feature skinny women with enormous breasts

On the other hand, literature is filled with women with ginormous titties who are revered for their ability to rear children.

 
 

MY etchings ROCK, motherfucker!!!

Yea? Well, mine are bigger!

WHIP ‘EM OUT!

 
 

FUCK. I just hit control R instead of control T.

Vacuum slayer, I was just trying to comment that breast implants and the pill didn’t exist through the ages and there may be some biological impulse and logic behind the “let’s fake pregnancy boobs” phenom. But I was also wondering aloud why venus of willendorf boobs on porn stars (same thing but taken to an extreme) are considered sexy b/c for me they remind me of my mother, a decidedly unsexy thought.

 
 

On the other hand, literature is filled with women with ginormous titties who are revered for their ability to rear children.

The bajillion-boobied Cybele Ephesian Diana which appears in Roman art (even through the Renaissance) seems relevant to these interests.

Also, her boobies look like mangoes.

 
 

That’s an interesting theory, not a gator…and goodness knows I don’t have all the answers. I think a lot of what’s considered hot,though, still just goes back to the boring old media. Having an hourglass figure is hot? Sure, I’ll whack off to that. Super-skinny with big boobs? I’ll jerk off to that too. I dunno. I just know when you have honest convos in private with men about this stuff, they seem to be a little less impressed with the prevailing beauty standards than most folks would have you believe.

I still think your theory is interesting, though…and I certainly wouldn’t dismiss it outright.

 
 

Similarly, an awful lot of male competition is disconnected from women.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/104388

Too lazy to find the right time in the episode, but recall what they tell Butters when he admits to his feelings for the Raisins girl.

 
 

What kind of headache? And take care with that Earl Grey. Bergamot is a potassium channel blocker and may actually make your headache worse.

Shit, seriously? Now they tell me!

 
 

I just know when you have honest convos in private with men about this stuff, they seem to be a little less impressed with the prevailing beauty standards than most folks would have you believe.

Which is precisely why this stuff about the patriarchal image is about as exaggerated as the boobs on Pandora Peaks.

Look, if men that were involved with women on a day-to-day basis REALLY were interested in humongous hooters, breast implants would be covered under Medicare?

Think I’m wrong? Cuz Viagra is and there’s no goddamned sensible reason why it should be, except that Medicare is run predominantly by men.

Now, I’m not saying that big boobs have no impact on most heterosexual men, and many gay men (look at the female role models universally adored by gay men: Liz Taylor, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe). They do, they absolutely do.

But a) it’s exaggerated, it’s a cartoon image and men get that, and b) it doesn’t explain by any stretch the male fascination with tits, period. If you asked ten men in a bar to look at the tits of some B cupped women, I can promise you you’d have an audience of ten.

 
 

I just know when you have honest convos in private with men about this stuff, they seem to be a little less impressed with the prevailing beauty standards than most folks would have you believe.

No, that’s true too. Everyone has their own “erotic map” and things they look for, find irresistible, etc. Sometimes we express ourselves in culturally defined ways in order to garner approval from others. For example, I don’t find Natalie Portman attractive. Never have. But did I admit that when I was at Brandeis, where she was apparently Jewish Dream Queen? Not much.

I have a friend (a Californian, no less) whose eyes are drawn to the vulva and doesn’t much notice boobs. For various reasons he doesn’t much care that it puts him out of the mainstream but he does find it a little perplexing that other guys don’t share his proclivities … I mean that’s the part you have sex with? … Right?

Personally, I’m drawn to the face (tends to weed out the heroin addicts, lemme tell ya). I’ve met guys who had a fetish for flowing, long hair. And there are many, many guys who are allergic to anime (and relentlessly ridicule those of us who aren’t) because they thinked the pasted-on-yay boobs of anime fetish art (egads… please… not all anime even looks like that) look ridiculous.

But… I do think there is something to the ‘giving off simultaneous fertility and youth/virginity signals’. Shaved legs, fat injected into the face, lifted boobs (ie, never nursed with… hell, Marie Antoinette had a wetnurse nurse her children so as to maintain her “virtue” so that’s a pretty old one), enhanced boob and butt size, slender (never preggers) waist, etc, etc.

I can’t say today is the worst ever because just think about the corset … da-hamn. And middle class girls wore those as a matter of course. At least today all but the idle hyperrich and social climbers think plastic surgery for a minor is beyond the pale.

And people love to fake the appearance of some other thing. Sometimes they have strong social (community-driven) reasons to do so. Black men straightening their hair with lye. Jews in ancient Rome getting “reverse circumcisions”. Indians today using toxic skin bleach. Jews in mid-century American getting nose jobs and dying their hair blond. Or even Mariah applying the self-tanning lotion.

Btw, I saw some pictures of Beyonce the other day and was like “who is that pudgy white chick” and then was all like “hm: race: constructed much?” and then was all like “am I weird for thinking Beyonce looks white, or does she want me to think that, or what? I think I’ve lost the plot here” and then nobody gave a shit. The end.

 
 

Liz Taylor, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe

I think you’re focussing on the wrong attribute here. And you missed Ann Margret.

These women were great performers, were unlucky in love, and had lives consumed by drama. Gay men of a certain age identify with these women. (Well, not so much Marilyn… she certainly doesn’t have the place of honor of Dorothy or even Tallulah Bankhead.)

 
 

it doesn’t explain by any stretch the male fascination with tits, period. If you asked ten men in a bar to look at the tits of some B cupped women, I can promise you you’d have an audience of ten.

assuming it wasn’t a gay bar, and hey, it’s all in the presentation. My wife’s 1/2 cup breasts can look hot in the right clothing or at the right … angle. Um, see y’all later.

 
 

In other news, I am going to spend all my vacation hours working with snot-nosed children in the public library. For free.

That’s terribly wonderful of you? Seriously, library volunteers are awesome. And hopefully it will boost your mood, or at least take your mind off your sucky job.

 
 

Some years ago, I read of two studies conducted by hospitals that specialize in the genetic diseases of children, which entails the routine testing of the parents’ DNA. In 9-10% of the children, the mother’s husband was not the child’s father.

I would like to be convinced, but that 10% figure is bruited about a lot with no-one ever providing details of the research. Jared Diamond claims in one of his books that 10% is an authoritative figure, but he never got back to people who contacted him asking for his source, leaving the impression that it had been his rectum.
The subject came up in a Crooked Timber thread (the topic had initially been “Jared Diamond can be a real plonker”). One commenter had scoured the literature high and low looking for a source for “9 to 10%”, without success.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

That’s terribly wonderful of you? Seriously, library volunteers are awesome. And hopefully it will boost your mood, or at least take your mind off your sucky job.

Thanks. I’m actually getting school credit for it, so I’m not that great. (I don’t know if I have to pay tuition, btw. If so, that’s BULLSHIT.)

 
 

not a gator, I had to pop back into this thread to tell you I read your posts and it’s obvious you’ve got a lot of super-salient points to make on this topic. It’s always a pleasure getting the perspective of a thoughtful man. (I’m assuming you’re a man.)

Note about Beyonce: a little troubled you’d find her pudgy. She’s only gotten thinner and blonder as the years have worn on. (And she’s one of the few high-profile sex symbols whose figure I genuinely admire. She just looks so healthy and normal and womanly to me.) And,yes, she is trying to look white. Unfortunately that seems to be de rigeur (sp?) for many black entertainers. *sigh*

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Yeah, let’s all just agree that boobs in general are pretty awesome.

 
 

The bajillion-boobied Cybele Ephesian Diana which appears in Roman art (even through the Renaissance) seems relevant to these interests.
I am obliged under the terms of my contract to link occasionally to a Hans Bellmer image.

 
 

Yeah, let’s all just agree that boobs in general are pretty awesome.

hear! hear!

 
 

It used to be fairly common for manufacturer representatives in my industry to bring strippers and that sort of nonsense to their distributors after a good sales year.

Clearly I spent my life in the wrong careers.

 
 

These women were great performers, were unlucky in love, and had lives consumed by drama.

True, but then so were any number of Hollywood actresses who were successful performers but made second class by the Hollywood system and were terribly unhappy in their private lives.

Greta Garbo springs to mind, as an example. You don’t see many gay men idolizing her.

 
 

Greta Garbo is a LESBIAN idol. DUH!!

 
 

Note about Beyonce: a little troubled you’d find her pudgy.

You know what? The Williams sisters may be thick but I still find them hot. I like muscle mass on a woman. A super skinny sister with no muscles is completely unappealing to me on any level *cough* callista *cough*.

Re: Beyonce: I’m sure the camera added 15lbs anyway. Not everyone looks good in a swimsuit. She looks fab made up.

Re: me: I’m an ftm. FWIW.

 
 

And,yes, she is trying to look white. Unfortunately that seems to be de rigeur for many black entertainers.

But she broke out in R&B! NM that Mariah does herself up to look more like a sister! NM that Mary K. Blige may rock that blond look but never loses her negritude. Ugh, WTF is wrong with people!!

Can I just lust after Queen Latifah? Body, mind, and spirit. The complete package.

 
 

Jared Diamond claims in one of his books that 10% is an authoritative figure, but he never got back to people who contacted him asking for his source, leaving the impression that it had been his rectum.
The subject came up in a Crooked Timber thread (the topic had initially been “Jared Diamond can be a real plonker”).

What’s funny is that I could swear I saw something about some Mediterranean fishing villages where the percentage was 25% or higher. Yeah, that probably came from my rectum, too. But when everyone is already related and looks the same and the men are away often, the potential for cuckolding is amplified.

A relatively high percentage wouldn’t surprise me (although societally, even 5% is a pretty large number). In certain populations, questionable paternity is a frequent presumption. Recall the Canadian woman who was under scrutiny from the welfare office because she was (allegedly) a chimera and her children kept failing maternity tests?

 
 

Greta Garbo is a LESBIAN idol. DUH!!

Yea. So was Tallulah Bankhead but she still gets a prominent place in the gay man’s pantheon.

 
 

It’s always a pleasure getting the perspective of a thoughtful man.

Careful, gator. Next thing you know, you’re forging passports and hopping on your Kawasaki to escape the border patrol by jumping a barbed wire fence…

 
 

Next thing you know, you’re forging passports and hopping on your Kawasaki to escape the border patrol by jumping a barbed wire fence…

You know, that sounds kind of awesome. I? N? Dean scream?

 
 

Dean scream?

Only if you fall off the bike in midleap…

 
 

Smut Clyde said,

[in response to some vapid dimwit who wrote] Regardless, this November will be a time to remember!

I call Shenanigans. A real troll would have written “irregardless”.

“Disirregardless,” if you please.

 
 

Some rectocranial inversion opined: The so-called “anchor baby citizenship laws” should be ignored as well. “As contrary to popular belief there is no such law on the books. Only a leftwing activist interpretation of the Fourteenth Amendment.”

I believe it refers to Section I of the Amendment which reads, in part: All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.

Well, that’s pretty clear on its face, but if Rectocranial Inversion should choose to argue that “illegal alienz” are *not* subject to the jurisdiction of the United States or any State in which they reside, then any of them in prison must be released immediately. You can’t pick and choose to which laws a group should be subject.

 
 

“…crush one out”?

Well, that gives new meaning to the term “self-abuse”.

 
 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1733152/pdf/v059p00749.pdf

This survey of studies report results from 0.8% to 30% (median 3.7%). The Vanderbilt study that I think I remember had pretty robust methodology — the children were in the hospital for genetic deseases, which are presumably distributed in a non-biased manner.

As I say, in my working/middle class Wisconsin farm and small town family, 10% would be on the very low side.

 
 

“… and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, … ” has nothing nothing to do with being illegal aliens. It refers to parents with diplomatic immunity. That is, the children of accredited foreign diplomats do not get birthright citizenship in the USA, at least not under the Fourteenth Amendment. However, they might still get it under English common law (which still governs the matter in the United States) — the Supreme Court has never ruled on it.

 
 

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