May
29

Rick E. Don’t Lose That Number




Posted at 10:41 by Gavin M.

Erick Erickson, RedState:
My Goodness

Erickson. It was difficult not to resort to the title, ‘Dishing Out The D’oh!’ Because what did that ‘dishing out the dough’ expression even mean, just before? And right after that, it was like he was trying to put together a hot dance mix, except with the savoir-faire of a meaty-handed white guy who dances by nodding with an overbite, and with metaphors instead of Digital Underground’s ‘Humpty Dance’ segueing into Queen and David Bowie doing ‘Under Pressure.’ That is, he followed up ‘the dough’ by bringing ‘the chips’ into it again, from that earlier post with the title about chips falling — implying that he thinks the expression refers to potato chips, and that potato chips ought in some way to be added to or mixed with dough. It was difficult not to resort to some title like ‘Goodbye, Mr. Chips.’ And then we’re what, stuck making Peter O’Toole jokes?

I mean no, hold on a second. His name is ‘Peter O’Toole,’ and no one has ever said anything about this? Did his stage career take place during a period in which the British theatre had as yet felt the influence neither of gay men, nor of sarcasm? Was this before Joe Orton? Or, as happens, was there a Dickie Ballslurper or a Harry Palmer-Manstaff drawing the attention away from the quotidian run of Highcocks, of Woodpoles, Shakespeares, and O’Tooles?

Erickson.

Erick Erickson, RedState:
My Goodness

This was on the world’s narrowest bookshelf, between Polish Navy Victories and Things I Know by Dan Riehl.

I can’t say that I am surprised by the level of aggravation and acrimony in the comments of my “Letting the Chips Fall” post. I certainly promised more than I delivered. You should have seen the first six drafts. They were much better.

Ooh, ooh, I had a whole bunch of funny lines here, but then I used this one. Ha ha! Dude, you’re so burned; they were like, whoah, could there possibly be more zingers, like rapid-fire, like bang-bang-bang? Unlike now, you were laughing big-time.

I’m certain from the context above that Erickson pronounces ‘acrimony’ like ackra-moaney, but cannot explain or prove this.

For the few cheery souls remaining, I appreciate that you got the point — it’s exactly what Will Folks has been doing, but doing in a ridiculous third person narrative. The emails and phone calls from people in the media wanting to know when exactly I was going to do the big reveal on this were more than a little illuminating.

What’s this? A telegram. Ah. See, just as I was about…oh, the phone. Wait. Hello? Indeed, we’ll get to that in due time, my good man. Yes, toodles, guh-bye-bye. Uh, telegram says watch out for the falling [splintering crash with discordant klong of piano notes]

To the rest of you, I apologize for clearly rubbing you the wrong way on this one. I thought it was necessary to make a few points.

First, getting some additional facts out into this conversation that no one else either had or was putting forward including that Will Folks has been trying to push this out for a year

Somebody ought to give him a fiber bar or something. Jeez.

What are they going to do, sit on the edge of his tub Blackberrying stories like, BREAKING: TURTLE HEAD and being all, “Woo, this is a conversation that no one else either had or was putting forward including that Will Folks.”

…and that the Haley team knew about it. Also, that the Bauer camp had been using it for a while to try to keep people from supporting Nikki. Given all the connections there, I do think the Bauer campaign coordinated this.

Second, and most importantly, I think it is necessary to push this conversation beyond what did and did not happen to who, if anybody, is getting Will Folks to try to ruin Nikki Haley. And the intended audience of the post has gotten the hint. I think we’ll be seeing some enterprising journalists start asking questions along those lines.

I think some funny jokesters have already been inspired by this post to start making up some of those funny jokes that we all like so much, as was my secret intention. [sprays breath spray, smells armpit] Most importantly, it is necessary to push beyond that which did not or did happen to who. In other words, we need to start pushing back on that thing so Will Folks doesn’t push it any farther out.

So, as we head into the weekend, my apologies for building up your expectations, but not my regrets. It’s necessary to start pushing this story in the direction it needs to go, which is motivation and other interested parties.

Even morer, or moster important is to start pushing beyond the direction of motivation, if what is how hick wap whichm whom wah. Wait. Dammit, my apologies for not my regrets! No, wait.

Goddammit, you should have seen the first six drafts! [belches] [pumps keg]

Feel free to use this as a thread to beat me up as best you like.

Feeling free to use this as a post to beat him up as even better we like! …Uh, I actually seriously don’t know where the verb went in that sentence, and it freaks me out a little.

Maybe you’ll find it cathartic. As for me, I’m going to go see Robin Hood and maybe Iron Man 2 too.

That’s what we rented Fantastic 4 for. Then we got tickets to the deer and the antelope play.

354 Comments »

  1. the conspiratist said,

    May 29, 2010 at 11:11

    Your so fucking EPIC, Big E!

  2. the conspiratist said,

    May 29, 2010 at 11:15

    There was an apostrophe and and an ‘e’ in that sentence and now they’re just gone…

  3. the conspiratist said,

    May 29, 2010 at 11:16

    Fucking Liberal Moles~!~!~!~!~!~:

  4. owlbear1 said,

    May 29, 2010 at 11:22

    Shorter Erick:

    nyuck nyuck nyuck
    Serves you dipshits right for believing a word I said so go ahead call me names, pissants!

  5. owlbear1 said,

    May 29, 2010 at 12:02

    His name is ‘Peter O’Toole,’ and no one has ever said anything about this?

    My first exposure to Peter Seamus O’Toole was Lawrence of Arabia and I never really felt like insulting him after that.

    Shrug.

  6. H. Rumbold, Master Barber said,

    May 29, 2010 at 12:39

    Um, Eric- I think Reality’s trying to place a call to you when Dan Riehl (and your own peanut gllery) tell you to tone it down. You might want to pick up- or not. It’s not like your teevee gig’s on the line or anything.
    And in the meta-Kabuki line, I’m thinking the the insinuation that Nikki Haley might be hot in the sack may not be all that bad a thing for her political career. If Folks and co-conspirators to be named later really wanted to ratfuck her, they’d be hitting the Sikh thing.

    re: ack-ramoney- are you saying it’s a-criminy?

  7. Gavin M. said,

    May 29, 2010 at 12:57

    re: ack-ramoney- are you saying it’s a-criminy?

    It means I did the phonetics wrong, and am on my way to fix it…

  8. Emma said,

    May 29, 2010 at 13:04

    Um. That’s how I pronounce acrimony, too. I should be ashamed of myself, I guess?

    So, looking at this, I think maybe Erickson’s big secret is that Japanese is his first language, and he isn’t actually a parochial hillbilly at all. (Verbs are elided in informal written Japanese all the time.) So he’s the world’s whitest, fattest, stupidest, ugliest Japanese person. That would explain his comedically inaccurate Southern accent, too.

  9. Dot said,

    May 29, 2010 at 13:30

    Erick Erickson is still alive?

  10. Caliph Garrett said,

    May 29, 2010 at 14:01

    The Story of Rick E. D’oh!

  11. ice weasel said,

    May 29, 2010 at 14:29

    The body is functioning but eric’s brain has been dead for a long time.

  12. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 14:43

    Was this before Joe Orton?

    Gavin’s occasional absences explained: they are more-than-usually lengthy meetings of his coven.

  13. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 15:50

    Erickson pronounces ‘acrimony’ like ackra-moaney, but cannot explain or prove this.

    He also pronounces “subtle” as “sub-tul.”

    I think it is fair to say that Erk is a man deeply unfamiliar with his own limitations.

  14. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 15:51

    Urk had this fantasy of bluffing the librul msm and everyone involved with the story that there was secret information he had that would make everyone look stupid. When everyone backed off, there would be so much gratitude that he would get laid and rooms would hush when he walked in instead of the little snickers that noramally happen andthe RNC would put him up as a candidate and he’d eventually get elected king!

    Instead, everyone laughed like they always do in his dreams, and when he woke up he had wet his pants again so he had to write a post that he meant to wet his pants because that would show those evil libruls!

  15. Arky said,

    May 29, 2010 at 16:11

    Second, and most importantly, I think it is necessary to push this conversation beyond what did and did not happen to who, if anybody, is getting Will Folks to try to ruin Nikki Haley.

    Shorter Erick Bin Erickson: I agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death to keep you from talking about during an election cycle.

    Christ. This stupid S.O.B. is going with the Foley Gambit.

  16. mmy said,

    May 29, 2010 at 16:20

    To paraphrase The Departed, that is the worst mea culpa in the history of meas or culpas.

  17. J— said,

    May 29, 2010 at 16:51

    When I click on those Red State links, I go to the Devil May Care post from early Friday. Are they redirecting?

    Commenter JadedByPolitics is a special commenter, but I must say I’m still waiting for the definitive word on this story from Mike “Gamecock” DeVine.

  18. The Kenosha Kid said,

    May 29, 2010 at 16:57

    I mean no, hold on a second. His name is ‘Peter O’Toole,’ and no one has ever said anything about this?

    Sadly, No!

    Cavett also remarked that Groucho could never end a letter; there was always at least one postscript. In one letter he recalls, Groucho wrote, “P.S. Did you ever notice that Peter O’Toole has a double-phallic name?”

  19. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:08

    Groucho wrote, “P.S. Did you ever notice that Peter O’Toole has a double-phallic name?”

    Thus performing the rare quadruple-ael dildo.

  20. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:16

    I feel like someone should make a “Lawrence of a Labia” joke here.

  21. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:19

    I feel like someone should make a “Lawrence of a Labia” joke here.

    That joke apparently figures in SITC II. If you don;t mind two hours of inanity, you’ve got it.

  22. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:25

    Well I do plan on seeing it at some point so I look forward to catching it.

  23. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:41

    I’m waitin’ for Saturday Hatemail @ the great orange Satan. It often makes me Lol. I bet this blog gets some primo hatemail.

  24. Pseudonymph said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:47

    Erickson, you never disappoint.

  25. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:55

    From the Bestest Place On the Interons:

    “Turn Boehner/McConnell/Cantor into the Human Caterpillar”

  26. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:02

    “Turn Boehner/McConnell/Cantor into the Human Caterpillar”

    Throw in Palin, Bachman, and a couple of Cheneys and you can make the Human Ouroboros.

  27. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:04

    I’m still trying to get “The Human Centipede” out of my head. Thanks, N_B.

  28. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:13

    Just trying to give inspiration for art…

  29. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:15

    The Human Centipede is the most apt metaphor for the right wing that I can think of.

  30. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:17

    Ha!! If I could ever find a way to make sewing people together ass to mouth in a bizarre Nazi-like experiment cute and whimsical I guess that would maKe me some sort of artistic genius.

    *shudder*

  31. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:23

    It’s like eating popcorn:

    “Invade New Zealand. We need to liberate Middle-Earth from the dark hordes.”

  32. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:25

    cute and whimsical

    Oh! You want cute and whimsical, eh?

    Hmmm.

    *thinkingthinkingthinking*

  33. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:27

    “*thinkingthinkingthinking*”

    don’t strain anything.

  34. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:28

    Does this help?

    “Burn more witches. Our ever-growing witch problem is upsetting God and making him do terrible things, like blow up oil rigs and cause this fungus on my big toe. Does this look normal to you?”

    Cute and whimsical, right?

    (the fungus, not the witches)

  35. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:28

    How about a polar bear mother and son eviscerating and eating a Coca-Cola salesman?

  36. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:29

    don’t strain anything.

    Can’t. The colanders are all dirty.

  37. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:30

    I’ve done a super-cute witch…but that is hilarious…as always. That place seems to be comedy goldmine.

  38. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:30

    Or a BP executive being swallowed by the last living shark in the gulf?

  39. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:31

    Or being eaten alive by a swarm of really cute and whimsical oil-encrusted crabs?

  40. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:34

    Polar bears? Yes!! Eviscerating? Prolly nay.

    You would have loved my Cafe Press store. I had some seriously fucked up merch.

  41. Whale Chowder said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:37

    The problem with the whole human centipede thing is I suspect they’d like it. Consider this not-at-all-freudian comment:

    and keep the berating for the LEFT! this is no time to go all LIMP on one of the LEADERS of the Conservative GRASSROOTS!

    Yeah, Erk, don’t go all LIMP on us, nudge nudge.

  42. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:38

    You could do cute and whimsical capitalist bowels…

  43. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:39

    OK. this should help:

    “Use BP oil spill to create a wall of fire with lasers and howitzers along Canadian-US border.”

    Which would solve this problem as well:

    “Stop Celine Dion before it’s too late.”

    I am so helpful, aren’t I? Hmm?

  44. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:41

    There are gay bathhouses that are less obsessed with cock than the entire wingnutosphere.

  45. jim said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:41

    Ain’t it cute as an island made of marshmallows swarming with talking kittens when they whip out the haughty blustery postmoderny cornpone-faux-Zen-tude bullshit, right when it’s most obvious that they’re astronomically far out of their depth about something?

    Just makes you want to pinch their widdle pudgy cheek until they SCREAM.

    Right at the moment when Ecchson looks like a Pee-Wee right-winger trying to play a shift with the Chicago Blackhawks, suddenly the “just another regular Gog-Magog-&-Teh-Holy-Spit-Fearin’ Murken like the rest of you” spiel evaporates while he tries to channel William S. “Shitfaced” Buckley.

    Dane Cook channeling Bill Hicks would be more believable.

  46. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:42

    What happens if Celine’s heart goes on?

  47. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:43

    What happens if Celine’s heart goes on?

    Deaf people will rule the world.

  48. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:44

    “N__B said,
    May 29, 2010 at 18:43

    What happens if Celine’s heart goes on?

    Deaf people will rule the world.”

    Bingo.

  49. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:47

    What happens if Celine’s heart goes on?

    The boat hits an iceberg and sinks.

    I know! It came as a shock to me, too.

  50. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:53

    The boat hits an iceberg and sinks.

    I always tear up at happy endings. I can’t help myself.

  51. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:56

    I know! It came as a shock to me, too.

    You joke, but I sat behind a group of high-school-age girls when I saw Titanic in a theater and they were shocked and amazed (and I know this because of their not-very-quiet whispering) when they realized, about 2:15 into the movie, that the ship was going to sink…despite the fact that the opening scenes show the wreck on the sea floor.

    They were, of course, there to moon over Leo…

  52. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:57

    VS, this should help:

    “Area 51 should be open so we can see the Aliens held there.”

    Cute and whimsical little girl meets cute and whimsical ET…

    …and the he swallows her.

    (VwevR)

  53. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 18:59

    Cute and whimsical little girl meets cute and whimsical ET…

    …and the he swallows her.

    It would be cuter and whimsicaller if she swallowed* him.

    *As in “chewed hi up, swallowed, and digested his flesh.” Get your minds out of the gutter.

  54. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:00

    This is drenched in cute and whimsical:

    “Sharks. With laser beams on their heads. Oh, make Mr Bigglesworth a General cat.”

  55. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:00

    The trick to enjoying Titanic is not to pay any attention to the plot. Leo, Kate, The Rich Guy…feh, who cares? (Well, the naked boobies are OK. I’m not made of stone, people.)

    The parts about the ship sinking, from the effects to all the varied reactions of the people on board, ranging from noble heroism to sniveling, self-serving cowardice really are excellent.

    But, as you say, that is not why it sold seventy gazillion tickets.

  56. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:01

    No, no, don’t thank me. Happy to be of assistance.

  57. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:04

    The parts about the ship sinking, from the effects to all the varied reactions of the people on board, ranging from noble heroism to sniveling, self-serving cowardice really are excellent.

    The very-long CGI tracking shot called “Song of the Titanic” on the DVD* which starts with the rich folks on the upper deck, goes past the bridge and the smokestacks, through the dining rooms and parlors, through the stoke hold and engine room and then ends back up top is the prettiest homage to technological power since Kipling. Unfortunately, its three minutes out of three hours. The sinking and mechanical failure later are very good, but not as poetic.

    *Don’t judge me.

  58. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:06

    I never got the Leo thing. Alway thought he had a moonpie face. Great actor, though.

  59. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:08

    Great actor, though.

    In recent years, yes. Back in the dark ages of 1997, not so much.

  60. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:08

    This will inspire you.

    “You can’t break a Ninja Cat We need to train an army of Ninja Cats. Cats are natural born hunters and predators, and it is known that they indeed have 9 lives, many more than the typical human life (being one). They are also excellent at hiding themselves and would be ideal for sneaking into countries and assassinating communist leaders to lessen the ever growing threat of communism, finding key terrorist leaders and shattering the global terrorist network. In fact they could be potentially useful in the current Korean crisis. Loyal to their trainers, the cats could rain destruction and fear throughout the world, and if ever captured would never tell who they are serving. Finally, after they have solved the worlds problems, they could serve as border patrol and show unflinching resolve at keeping illegals where they belong, anywhere but here.”

    Ninja kitties! Cute and whimsical (and unbreakable, apparently).

  61. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:09

    Cute and whimsical little girl meets cute and whimsical ET…

    …and the he swallows her.

    Aww, sick! ET’s into vore!

  62. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:11

    Lurking C, I thought “Titanic” was really well done. Lovely to look at and compelling. And I DETEST disaster movies. DETEST them. As with any commercially-successful endeavor, it’s too tempting to dismiss it as crap. But it wasn’t crap. I only saw it once, but I thought it was an impressive film.

  63. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:13

    Ninja kitties! Cute and whimsical (and unbreakable, apparently).

    Sorry, but that’s minor-league, Looch. The Hovercats are already on the job.

  64. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:16

    ?????????

  65. Asshole Button said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:21

    What happens if Celine’s heart goes on?

    Impossible. She’s never been the cause of a heart on.

  66. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:29

    Stoopit Hovercats.

  67. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 19:58

    I actually like this idea:

    “Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers with patches and logos of their contributors displayed prominently on their clothing in proportion to the respective contribution of each donor. The largest donor would get the largest logo. While on the house or senate floor each politician would also have to wear a ball cap with the logos of their three largest sponsors displayed.”

  68. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:00

    Me too.

  69. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:10

    Wouldn’t it work better if they had to wear a physical representation of the sponsor’s product? Anyone who took money from Taser Inc. would have electrodes strapped to their genitals, anyone who took money from big pharma would be high as a kite, and anyone who took money from Exxon Mobile would be drenched in crude oil.

  70. Whale Chowder said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:28

    I sat behind a group of high-school-age girls when I saw Titanic in a theater and they were shocked and amazed … when they realized…that the ship was going to sink…

    Future Tea Party Patriots.

  71. Asshole Button said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:28

    Wahh. AmericaShriekingOut is down again.

    I guess they didn’t expect to be so… popular.

  72. Whale Chowder said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:31

    Also, too, and as well: Vacuumslayer you need to ditch that cute, whimsical, creative shit and start doing paintings of eagles flying free, wolves in the woods, an Indian princess on a rock outcropping in the moonlight, etc. That’s where the money is. You see them for sale in all the finest rural restaurants around here. There must be a market.

  73. Whale Chowder said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:32

    AmericaShriekingOut is down again.

    Ah. Microsoft’s finest products at their…finest.

  74. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:32

    The Dead Kennedys write conservative propaganda.

  75. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:34

    Neato. I don’t rate an RSS entry.

  76. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:36

    FYWP. And

    http://www.redcounty.com/california-uber-alles-and-dead-kennedys-coming-revival/40450

  77. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:36

    Vacuumslayer you need to ditch that cute, whimsical, creative shit and start doing paintings of eagles flying free fucking underage chickens.

    Fiqqst for greater Tbagginess.

  78. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:41

    WC, I’m thinking of going topless Nubian queens and leopards on black velvet next.

  79. Lesley said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:53

    Erick writing 6 drafts of anything is pretty funny stuff.

  80. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:53

    We must fill the Frazetta gap before the Russians do.

  81. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:54

    You really can’t go wrong with naked chicks in rich, lush settings.

  82. N__B said,

    May 29, 2010 at 20:56

    the Frazetta gap

    Cleavage reference veiled with veils.

  83. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:01

    boobies

  84. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:06

    How about just a giant 6′ canvas full of them?

  85. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:09

    A boobiemonster!!

  86. tsam said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:09

    vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 17:16

    I feel like someone should make a “Lawrence of a Labia” joke here.

    Genius. The whole genius and nothing but the goddam genius. Sometimes the best joke is no joke at all.

  87. tsam said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:14

    Also, too, and as well: Vacuumslayer you need to ditch that cute, whimsical, creative shit and start doing paintings of eagles flying free, wolves in the woods, an Indian princess on a rock outcropping in the moonlight, etc. That’s where the money is. You see them for sale in all the finest rural restaurants around here. There must be a market

    Damn right there is. I was once fooled into walking into a local mall shop here in Spokane by the sign alleging that there was art inside. Wolves, mooseses, cougars (not the good kind), native americans, and lots of rivers and barns, and nothing else. Needless to say, I felt cheated and not tickly in my pee pee spot.

  88. tsam said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:15

    You really can’t go wrong with naked chicks in rich, lush settings.

    As a scientist, I can verify the veracity of this statement.

  89. tsam said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:17

    FYWP. And

    http://www.redcounty.com/california-uber-alles-and-dead-kennedys-coming-revival/40450

    I’m personally offended and insulted by this fucking article. Now I don’t want to threaten violence here, but….yeah.

  90. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:18

    I don’t think yer really a scientist.

  91. H. Rumbold, Master Barber said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:21

    You really can’t go wrong with naked chicks in rich, lush settings.

    Yep. Henri Rousseau

  92. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:27

    I can’t compete with that.

  93. tsam said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:29

    I don’t think yer really a scientist.

    I just printed out my diploma, wanna see it? Nyah ;P

  94. Whale Chowder said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:30

    Henri Rousseau

    That girl ain’t right. Tiny little hips and thighs like a speedskater. Even the lion looks startled.

  95. Whale Chowder said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:32

    tsam’s “diploma” looks suspiciously like a reprint of a black velvet nude.

  96. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 29, 2010 at 21:47

    Mark Steyn is totally not gay:

    http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=Y2ZmMjc1YTI3MzhhMTI1MTVlZDMyYTZmMmMzNmI3ODA=

  97. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:15

    That girl ain’t right. Tiny little hips and thighs like a speedskater.

    I know, right? Picasso is another one… most of the time his people are barely even recognizable, they are so bad. I sometimes think the art community is just having a joke at our expense!

  98. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:23

    I heard that tsam is also in the FBI, the Female Body Inspectors and is also and also dabbles in amateur gynecology. Those certificates are available in trucker hat form.

  99. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:24

    and is also and also

    Typefail/jokefail. Ugh.

  100. Smut Clyde said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:30

    The boat hits an iceberg and sinks.

    A *** SPOILER ALERT *** would have been nice, you barstidge.

  101. creature said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:43

    I am saddened (No, Truly) to hear that ASshOle is inoperative- that _I_ can’t get on the goddam thing and add to the cute and whimsical is being taken as a personal affront and gauntlet-slap across my face, I will blame Errk and all those resembling him, physically, mentally or spiritually. They can all go walk into the desert seeking water, or line up for the GreatestHumanCentipde evar, their choice.

  102. Snowwy said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:55

    ASO looks to be back up again.

  103. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 22:59

    Actually, it’s up for me (I am on Safari on a Mac–it didn’t like Firefox on the same machine).

    Sooo:

    “Hey GOP, notice how 90% of the feedback you’re getting on this website is either 1) more in line with the Democrats than it is with you, or 2) is designed to make fun of you? America IS speaking out. Somehow I don’t think you will listen to us. You haven’t been listening for years.”

    Too earnest for my taste, but accurate.

  104. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:04

    And despite BP’s ongoing bogus assurances, the Top Kill is apparently a phail. They keep pumping mud into the thing until they can find another solution line of bullshit to peddle.

  105. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:16

    Those certificates are available in trucker hat form.

    Is that the same school that certifies muff divers and grants licenses for mustache ride operators?

  106. vacuumslayer said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:20

    The very same.

  107. Smut Clyde said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:29

    I think it is necessary to push this conversation beyond what did and did not happen

    So CNN are employing a man who invents allegations in the hope of manipulating the media (such as his employers), with no concern for their truth or falsity.
    Is that really all you need to be a pundit?

  108. kc said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:39

    I hate to say it, but actually, what Erickson wrote was a decent parody of what Will Folks does all the time on his blog. I suspect nobody “got it” because nobody outside of SC reads Will Folks.

    Will Folks is a mudslinger and rumormonger. I’d almost feel sorry for Nikki Haley, except that I know she hired Folks after his character was well known.

  109. kc said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:40

    Not that I’m sticking up for that dumb-ass Erickson, mind you. A pox on both their houses.

  110. Mysticdog said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:42

    But Urk is already such a good parody of himself.

  111. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:52

    Erk is trying to be a playa. Or convince the Trike Force that he is one by using some vague “connections” to force the story into the open by getting reporters to do so digging. That’s how I read it, anyway.

    Now, as a former big city reporter, I don’t see anything in that piece that might get my juices flowing. Nor would I put any stock in what he was saying unless I found someone with some real substance to collaborate any insinuations he made to me privately. While I am sure there are reporters dumb enough to take FatBoyDim at his word (there are tons, to be sure), I suspect few of these would be capable of rooting out information that appears to be held in a few, select hands that have a very specific agenda.
    FBD forgot to take his skate guards off before stepping on the ice with the resulting pratfall.
    (“Pratphail” has a nice ring to it, as well, methinks)

  112. Looch said,

    May 29, 2010 at 23:53

    OK, maybe KC has the better read. I don’t know Will Folks or his blog.

  113. gocart mozart said,

    May 30, 2010 at 0:11

    And the facebook page of the day is . . .

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Plugging-the-Gulf-oil-leak-with-the-works-of-Ayn-Rand/125031037519289

  114. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 30, 2010 at 1:03

    Will Folks is a mudslinger and rumormonger.

    So, uh, different from Erick.

  115. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 30, 2010 at 1:04

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/may/30/hellraiser-dennis-hopper-dies-cancer

  116. Sheesh said,

    May 30, 2010 at 1:24

    I’m thinking of going topless Nubian queens and leopards on black velvet next.

    When Cafe Press upgrades to a black velvet option, I AM SO THERE. Prepare to be rich.

  117. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 1:27

    Finally!! A person with discerning taste!

  118. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 1:38

    And the facebook page of the day is . . .

    Thanks GoMo. There are, apparently, non-Farmville signs of intelligent life on FB.

  119. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:05

    tsam, thread slayer–ha!

  120. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:15

    I would take that back. He takes that title seriously. There can be only one.

  121. Anonymous said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:48

    I heard that tsam is also in the FBI, the Female Body Inspectors and is also and also dabbles in amateur gynecology. Those certificates are available in trucker hat form.

    GODDAMN YOU FACEBOOK PRIVACY SETTINGS! It’s time for me to go off the grid. I had this beautiful intelligent liberal thing going–I was about to SCORE. Damn you VacuumSlayer–how did you find this out?

  122. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:50

    I heard that tsam is also in the FBI, the Female Body Inspectors and is also and also dabbles in amateur gynecology. Those certificates are available in trucker hat form.

    GODDAMN FUCKING FACEBOOK PRIVACY SETTINGS! How did you know this? Time to go off the grid again.

    The scientist thing, it was working.

  123. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:51

    whoa. That first one was NOT there before.

    I have a for-real FYWP. My second one was better right?

    Believe me, the first 6 drafts were HILARIOUS. If you all had seen that, you would bow down and worship me.

  124. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:53

    I heard that tsam is also in the FBI, the Female Body Inspectors and is also and also dabbles in amateur gynecology. Those certificates are available in trucker hat form.

    Wait–does this mean you’re like, attracted to this sort of thing? How about when I stick my tongue between my index and middle fingers and call myself Lawrence of Labia? Just asking. Also.

  125. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:54

    First 6 drafts–LULZ.

  126. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:55

    I just had to chime in after you all left so no one would think that I would leave a barely breathing thread alive. Consider this the pillow to the face of this thread. Nyuk nyuk nyuk

    Limp Bizkit RULEZ BITCH3Z!!!

  127. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:56

    Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:05

    tsam, thread slayer–ha!

    Is that a challenge? Cuz I can kill me some thread. You’re way out of your depth here.

  128. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:57

    Wait–does this mean you’re like, attracted to this sort of thing? How about when I stick my tongue between my index and middle fingers and call myself Lawrence of Labia? Just asking. Also.”

    Sadly, No.

    I do find the mental picture hilarious, however. And, heck, maybe a tad endearing.

  129. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:58

    “Limp Bizkit RULEZ BITCH3Z!!!”

    oh snap. Fred Durst posts here.

  130. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 2:59

    I do find the mental picture hilarious, however. And, heck, maybe a tad endearing.

    How about the fake bad boy thing? I could wear Harley Davidson stuff and get some tribal tattoos, never reveal that I secretly want to smoke a “hog” and I don’t mean one of those fancy motorscooters if ya know what I mean.

  131. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:00

    oh snap. Fred Durst posts here.

    Gary Ruppert’s secret identity, finally revealed!

  132. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:05

    I’m leary of real bad boys…but fake ones seem like they would be somehow worse. Also, the idea of someone wearing Harley gear fills me with mirth.

    I’m pretty sure that being tsam the guitar-playing threadslayer is your best bet.

  133. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:06

    “tsam said,
    May 30, 2010 at 3:00

    oh snap. Fred Durst posts here.

    Gary Ruppert’s secret identity, finally revealed!”

    ok I have to give this a straight up
    ROFL

  134. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:18

    Oh, yeah, Harley gear is totally lame. Ducati gear however…

    (is probably just as lame, but in a more pretentious Italian way)

  135. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:19

    I’m pretty sure that being tsam the guitar-playing threadslayer is your best bet.

    Ok, sticking with that and keeping photos of myself away from the interwebs.

  136. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:22

    (is probably just as lame, but in a more pretentious Italian way)

    HA! No, I don’t think so. The Harley thing is so fucking overdone. The “I’m a bad boy cuz I ride a POS motorcycle” thing has got to run it’s course soon. Please?

    The most pretentious ones are the Vespa (“It’s NOT a scooter, it’s a Vespa”) guys.

  137. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:24

    I mean…if you actually own and ride a Harley(or Ducati)…that’s a whole nother ball o’ wax…

  138. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:33

    I have a pair of Ducatis, in what I like to refer to as “the 77south home for wayward Italian motorcycles”. So, as far as that goes, I can at least walk the walk.

  139. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:36

    And unlike some Ducati owners, I have not gotten a tattoo of the characteristic desmodromic valve train on my person.

  140. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:42

    The “I’m a bad boy cuz I ride a POS motorcycle” thing
    Make it stop! I live in Madison, less than 100 miles from the epicenter of all things Harley. When the wind is out of the east you can smell the desperate longing for outlaw credibility in the air.

  141. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:43

    First they came for the singing trees, and I did not speak out because I was not a singing tree;
    Then they came for the huge shadow elementals, and I did not speak out because I was not a huge shadow elemental;
    Then they came for the death titans, and I did not speak out because I was not a death titan;
    Then they came for the jungle half-elfs, and I did not speak out because I was not a jungle half-elf;
    Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.

  142. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:45

    ” than 100 miles from the epicenter of all things Harley. When the wind is out of the east you can smell the desperate longing for outlaw credibility in the air.”

    Heh. Nice.

  143. Major Kong said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:53

    Harleys are like bellybuttons. Everybody’s got one.

  144. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:01

    Harleys are like bellybuttons
    In the black days when I attended Poynette High, we used to say the same thing about Camaros, although I recall the comparison was more “asshole” than “bellybutton”

  145. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:08

    Harleys are like bellybuttons. Everybody’s got one.

    Hells CPAs. They own the financial district.

  146. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:19

    “the 77south home for wayward Italian motorcycles”

    Do you need foster parents?

    I’m sure I can make room.

  147. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:20

    Also: Hell’s CPAs, that’s good, that is.

  148. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:34

    And Hells Realtors? The run the suburbs. All the rackets: lawn care, snow shoveling, house painting, you name it.

  149. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:34

    THEY running the fucking suburbs.

  150. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:42

    You don’t want to hear about Hell’s IT.

    They all ride **Victories**.

  151. Mysticdog said,

    May 30, 2010 at 4:57

    As far as I know, all motorcycle makes are identified with one type of poseur or another. Except the Honda Goldwings, which are authentically for retirees.

    I would happily take any of them.

    Motorcycles I mean. Not retirees.

  152. creature said,

    May 30, 2010 at 5:36

    ” When the wind is out of the east you can smell the desperate longing for outlaw credibility in the air.”

    77south, I used to live in Daytona Beach- home of the finest trailer week on the planet. I quit riding HD long ago, kept riding Nortons until I got the Ducati and never looked back. I love to see the homogenous non-conformists in their make-believe world. I enjoyed watching an Outlaw beat a chucklehead down for lying out loud that he could kick an Outlaws’ ass. The Hells’ Angels I knew in Ohio were meaner, they’d kill someone for that
    sort of statement. I think the Outlaws were leery of non-member witnesses for anything other than an ass-whipping. I always would ask the tourists how far they had to trailer their machine- then I would ask them why they bothered to own a bike, let alone bring it to ‘Bike Week’, if they weren’t willing to ride the machine. I think I’ve pushed motorcycles farther than some of those chumps have ridden theirs, and I don’t hesitate to tell them. I enjoy beating wannabe’s asses, too. I don’t have to wear a rag to be counted as a 1%er.

  153. Sheesh said,

    May 30, 2010 at 5:41

    #

    Substance McGravitas said,

    May 30, 2010 at 3:43

    First they came for the singing trees, and I did not speak out because I was not a singing tree;
    Then they came for the huge shadow elementals, and I did not speak out because I was not a huge shadow elemental;
    Then they came for the death titans, and I did not speak out because I was not a death titan;
    Then they came for the jungle half-elfs, and I did not speak out because I was not a jungle half-elf;
    Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.

    Someone is poaching your guildies, huh?

  154. Whale Chowder said,

    May 30, 2010 at 6:58

    Harleys are like belly asshole buttons. Everybody’s got one.

    Fiqzed for great hole-dom.

  155. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 7:14

    Harleys are like belly asshole buttons. Everybody’s got one.

    It takes a special sort of asshole to offer the button to the public for discretionary pressing.

  156. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 7:15

    The button looks like an asshole on the belly, doesn’t it?

  157. Poerba said,

    May 30, 2010 at 7:48

    snark misfire on the acrimony, Gavin

  158. Matt T. said,

    May 30, 2010 at 8:30

    Make it stop! I live in Madison, less than 100 miles from the epicenter of all things Harley. When the wind is out of the east you can smell the desperate longing for outlaw credibility in the air.

    The French Quarter restaurant where I work is across the street from a bar called Boondock Saints. It’s apparently the FQ biker bar. Sometimes you get legit bikers on terrifying and incredibly gaudy machines, but most of the time it’s the Hell’s Dentists sort. “Oh, listen,” the old queen waiter likes to say, “you can hear the tiny dicks starting up.”

    And they do not tip for shit, neither.

  159. Jennifer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 8:33

    I thought “acrimony” was what a really bitchy ex-wife gets.

  160. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 8:58

    I have a little voice in the back of my head, that whenever I am moving says, “you can totally go way faster than this.” It doesn’t matter if I am driving, biking, skiing, skiing snowboarding, whatever, I always have that little voice. Sometimes I have to let that little voice drive.

    Do you need foster parents?

    If I get any more bikes, yes. So I totally need more bikes.

  161. Auguste said,

    May 30, 2010 at 9:08

    re: ack-ramoney- are you saying it’s a-criminy?

    It means I did the phonetics wrong, and am on my way to fix it…

    …”ackra-moaney”

    STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND

  162. M. Bouffant said,

    May 30, 2010 at 9:27

    Criminy!

  163. Sheesh said,

    May 30, 2010 at 9:59

    Oh oh oh, I know what will kill this thread: Breastfeeding!

  164. Asshole Button said,

    May 30, 2010 at 10:26

    Watch it, WC.

    And the facebook page of the day is . . .

    LOL, Atlas Plugs.

    The button looks like an asshole on the belly, doesn’t it?

    You don’t say…

  165. Sheesh said,

    May 30, 2010 at 11:16

    Ok, I was wrong. Breastfeeding wasn’t enough to kill the thread. How about some real life?!

  166. Smut Clyde said,

    May 30, 2010 at 11:54

    I thought “acrimony” was what a really bitchy ex-wife gets.

    I thought it was that medicinal herb that I’ve been sticking in the homebrew beer as a chance from wormwood.

  167. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 13:10

    that medicinal herb that I’ve been sticking in the homebrew beer

    It is possible that you have misunderstood the purpose of beer.

  168. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 14:15

    I enjoyed watching an Outlaw beat a chucklehead down for lying out loud that he could kick an Outlaws’ ass. The Hells’ Angels I knew in Ohio were meaner, they’d kill someone for that

    Wow. I didn’t realize there were people that braindead who could live long enough to get a bike license. “Stupid” doesn’t cover Mr. Chucklehead at all.

  169. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 14:51

    Obviously my obsession with AmericaSqueakingOut needs professional attention. I will seek some after the holiday. Until then, however:

    “Free tap dancing lessons for all military personnel. It would make them more comfortable with the end of DADT.”

    “Need more sharks with lasers!”

    “We need to allow certain breeds of dogs into bars with us. Particularly the ones that don’t shed. As long as they have leashes and no one brings in their stupid cat, then we could all have a good time and get drunk and properly acquainted with our house pets. So maybe you don’t pick up a hot wench like you had planned on, but heck, you take home a new pet instead! That is what freedom is all about and that is why Thomas Jefferson wrote the Deceleration of Independence many years ago.”

    “Encourage republicans to find this site, or teach them to use computers!”

    “A major problem in America today is the d*mn kids on my d*mn lawn. You need to fix this right away.”

    “The government has no right to interfere with my religion, or how I practice it, or how I raise my children in my faith. My wives and I are tired of putting up with this nonsense. And while we’re at it, stupid liberal “animal cruelty” charges are BS, too. The goat is a sanctified animal for our ritualistic practices and the blood must be drunk while it is still warm. The cut to the throat is painless.”

    “End Marriage between men and women! Marriages are unions between men and women, & we know what increasing unionization has done to our once-great country!”

    “The husband should have complete control of the household! The woman or mistress should shave herself properly and respect his authority at all times! She should obey him and prepare taco bell for him on a nightly basis, only saving a few bits for herself and all remaining offspring. ONLY THEN will America truly strengthen the Judicial System.”

    “To strengthen families, the government should put steroids in the drinking water like they did with fluorides.”

    “How do we know this is the REAL America Speaking Out website? It would be real easy to direct us away from the real website to this fake one created by the liberal Democratic elite. How else do you explain all of the posts that make sense? I think Congress should investigate this, as well as cheese and chipmunks.” [Ed. note: Winner, winner, chicken dinner!]

    “We must continue the search for saddams WMDs. What about that black cube in saudi arabia that Mohammedans worship, they’re hiding something in there”

    “Get rid of all schools, put lead in water. We will have a future army of republican voters! I for one welcome our republican overlords.”

    “Funding for public high schools should be based on the won/lost record of their football teams. You want new textbooks? Put some points on the board!”

    Shoes for industry!

  170. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 15:10

    The first step is admitting you have a problem.

  171. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 30, 2010 at 15:44

    Rain. More fucking rain. I know this is Portland but even so, this is absurd. I had hoped for a long ride out Clackamas River Road then over the Quartzville byway (NF-11). But it’s rain. I haven’t had an opportunity to really appreciate the GSXR front end and the Ohlins shock that are now on the SV. But it’s going to fucking rain again. Should have bought a Ducati – they are mostly appreciated by not riding them.

    Mebbee I’ll go to the velvetereum.

  172. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 30, 2010 at 15:49

    Waaaaaaa! The Velveteria Museum is no more! FML.

  173. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:12

    http://www.redcounty.com/california-uber-alles-and-dead-kennedys-coming-revival/40450

    Oh, sweet Jesus. It’s far too early and I’m far too hungover to have read that. I’m going to pretend it’s satire.

    I’m still confused about the “acrimony” thing…

  174. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:13

    Rain. More fucking rain. I know this is Portland but even so, this is absurd.

    It was raining an insane amount here for two or three weeks, and now it’s hovering around 90 degrees. I blame global warming.

  175. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:26

    I don’t have to wear a rag to be counted as a 1%er.

    Yow. Hard core lone wolf.

    Not me, the bike is my social life. Me & the Crusty Old Beemer Guys.

    Words of Wisdom From Shell, Goddamnit: The thing to remember about actual 1%ers is that they tend to be…onpredictable. When you deal with them, be nice, and leave early.

    I never have to use these words of wisdom any more, except with my dentist.

    you can totally go faster than this

    Is THAT what the voice is saying? It speaks so constantly it’s just a hypnotic hum. Thought it was engine noise.

    And then at some point the voice starts yelling: “WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?? We’re all gonna die!”

    Sorry keeping up the motorcycle crap but my bike is not running right and I’m dealing with the resulting anxiety & depression, and also the resulting lack of social events on a holiday weekend.

  176. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:29

    And yeah…acrimony. Isn’t that an element or something?

  177. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:40

    The thing to remember about actual 1%ers is that they tend to be…onpredictable. When you deal with them, be nice, and leave early.

    No kidding. My somewhat limited experience with them (on the next barstool kinda thing) was that the edge of menace was pretty detectable. They could be funny, talk baseball or whatever, but it was there and obvious.

  178. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:42

    Oh, sweet Jesus. It’s far too early and I’m far too hungover to have read that. I’m going to pretend it’s satire.

    Satire or self-delusion. Sometimes hard to sort out.

    (And thanks T&U, things are stabilizing a bit)

  179. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:48

    The first step is admitting you have a problem.

    Ha! I do. I do. But I am comforted by the fact I am not the only one.

  180. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:51

    Looch I’m afraid I’ll Get hooked myself. ;)

  181. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:53

    Does anyone know how many goddamn pots and pans it takes to make fish tacos?*

    feels like i spent all morn cleaning the goddamn kitchen.

    *a lot

  182. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 16:56

    Ha! I do. I do. But I am comforted by the fact I am it’s not the only one.

    Acrimony is the only legal tender recognized at the Acropolis. You can’t buy a ticket for the ferris wheel without it.

  183. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:01

    Does anyone know how many goddamn pots and pans it takes to make fish tacos?*

    All of them.

    *Also. Your asterisked comment was not the asterisked comment I was expecting. Also.

  184. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:10

    “*Also. Your asterisked comment was not the asterisked comment I was expecting. Also.”

    I leave to experts such as yourself to come up with appropriate dirty jokes. I knew as soon as I typed in “fish tacos” mirth would ensue.

  185. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:17

    I leave to experts such as yourself to come up with appropriate dirty jokes.

    Dirty jokes? I was merely pointing out the difficulties in (1) the geometric combination of hard, saddle-shaped taco shells with soft, flaky food such as cooked fish, (2) the lack of role models for said combination in the culture in which tacos arose, and (3) convincing teenage boys that oral sex is reciprocal.

  186. Teenage Boy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:22

    Oral sex is reciprocal? Father Shenanigans never told me that.

  187. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:27

    Oral sex is reciprocal? Father Shenanigans never told me that.

    Physics 101 joke: it takes two to have simple harmonic motion.

  188. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:28

    LULZ!! Oh it just got dark and funny up in here. “Father Shenanigans”

  189. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:29

    PS: use soft corn tortillias…for tacos, not oral sex.

  190. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:29

    convincing teenage boys that oral sex is reciprocal.
    Apparently it works like this – You get a fish taco and she does the dishes.

  191. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:32

    she does the dishes

    Veiled denture-cleaning reference.

  192. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:34

    Oh it just got dark and funny up in here.

    Cute and whimsical Father Shenanigans on Black Velvet.

    You’re welcome.

  193. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:35

    Man, you can’t even dangle a participle around here without making a veiled reference of some sort or another.

  194. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:36

    raNdOM cAPs r mY fAVe heAdGear.

    (Tee that up high enough? Hmmm?)

  195. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:38

    Man, you can’t even dangle a participle around here without making a veiled reference of some sort or another.

    I just assume there is always one in there no matter how hard I try and filter. It’s less stressful that way.

  196. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:38

    I wouldn’t recommend dangling anything iffin yer not looking to make a VR.

    Looch, thanks for giving me nightmares.

  197. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:44

    No pots or pans required. Marinate the mahi mahi in orange juice, lime juice, sliced jalapenos, cilantro, and cumin. Just use a ziploc bag. Grill. Mix one finely chopped chipotle chili which you have plucked from the can of chilis in adobe, with half cup mayo and half cup sour cream or Mexican crema. Add the juice and zest of one lime. Mix well. I actually prefer flour tortillas for this preparation. Make tacos with flakes grilled fish, schmear of chipotle lime crema and sliced red and green cabbage. Dos Equis is acceptable as your beverage. Sangria is good too. Make sure you start with a few Margaritas.

  198. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:44

    Barack Obama’s Assassin Jelly Chai

    Ingredients:
    1 assassin jelly
    3 portions plum
    1 oat milk, prognosticatively sugared
    5 pinches devastation beetle leg
    1 tablespoon jasmine
    1 bag sesame

    Sacrifice a nearby oceanic whitetip shark or a creature of similar size. Discard remains with care. Separate assassin jelly eye from tail. Shred tail. Stir the plum with the oat milk over low heat in a skillet. Sprinkle resulting mixture over the assassin jelly. Find some eaux-de-vie and drink it. Whisk – very depressedly – the devastation beetle leg, jasmine, and the sesame. Heap everything together barefacedly. Leave raw but pretend it’s cooked. Serves 2 scrawny enemies with nasty stomachs.

  199. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:46

    Looch, thanks for giving me nightmares.

    Would you prefer nightstalions*?

    * VPR

  200. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:47

    Would you prefer nightstalions*?

    Frau Bluecher would.

  201. jgmurphy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:47

    “To the rest of you, I apologize for clearly rubbing you the wrong way on this one.”

    Actually that could have been the whole post.

  202. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:51

    “To the rest of you, I apologize for clearly rubbing you the wrong way on this one.”

    Ah, so Father Shenanigans apologized? That’s a first.

  203. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:52

    Looch, thanks for giving me nightmares.

    I live to serve.

  204. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:55

    “HE WAS…MY BOYFRIEND!”

    Pup, those sound delish. Really and truly. My approach is considerably less streamlined, however.

    First, I make a roasted tomato salsa (wherein I roast tomatoes, onions, garlic and jalapeno peppers in the oven ’til they start to blacken then mix them in the processor with lime and cilantro) then I make a cabbage slaw with with a mayo, honey, cumin, lime, jalapeno, cilantro dressing and other stuff. Then I use tilapia fried in a beer batter. It’s a lot of steps, a lot of work and–yeah–unbelievably tasty. I may try your way sometime, however. Sounds a bit healthier and easier.

  205. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 17:58

    “Would you prefer nightstalions*?”

    who do you take me for–Catherine the Great?

  206. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:03

    vacuumslayer….the Great

    Someone’s got a high self-opinion.

  207. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:06

    I thought that was already implied by the “slayer”.

  208. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:08

    vacuumslayer….the Great

    Someone’s got a high self-opinion.

    Best damn slayer of vacuums I ever met! And I really miss that old Oreck.

  209. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:10

    I assumed your name meant that, like all true children of nature, you abhorred vacuums but that, unlike most, you had decided to do something about it.

  210. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:13

    Oreck and Dyson have yet to meet me at Thunderdome. It will be the battle to end all woman/vacuum battles. Two will enter. I will leave.

  211. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:16

    “N__B said,
    May 30, 2010 at 18:10

    I assumed your name meant that, like all true children of nature, you abhorred vacuums but that, unlike most, you had decided to do something about it.”

    That is correct. I am an appliance and electronics bully. Computer acting up? I will chuck it out the window. Dishwasher on the fritz? I will kick it in the nads. That’s just how I roll.

  212. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:23

    Looch–No problem! I’m glad to hear. Haven’t heard back from the MIL yet, but I’ll let you know when I do.

  213. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:49

    Where are a (mechanical*) dishwasher’s nads?

    *I have a pretty good idea where pearl-divers’ nads are.

  214. jim said,

    May 30, 2010 at 18:50

    Oh it just got dark and funny up in here.

    Get thee doon & put a light on then!

    I M @ ʃERIUʃ COMMENTER & THIʃ Iʃ @ serious thread 4 OUR serious thymes.

  215. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:00

    “Rosemary and Thyme”? For realz? Ooh, boy.

  216. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:02

    “N__B said,
    May 30, 2010 at 18:49

    Where are a (mechanical*) dishwasher’s nads?”

    sort of in the center towards the bottom.

  217. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:03

    “Rosemary and Thyme”? For realz? Ooh, boy.

    Cute and whimsical little girl detectives…

    …digging up a head in someone’s garden.

    Huh? Whatcha think?

    What?

  218. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:08

    I like it!

  219. stryx said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:31

    I just heard this on Harry Schearer. Y’all may have already heard it but it’s worth repeating.

    The NSFW part starts at 1:55, Booming School 101.

    BP Fails Booming School 101 Gulf Oil Spill

  220. dim-witted badger said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:36

    Ok, I was wrong. Breastfeeding wasn’t enough to kill the thread. How about some real life?!

    poor fucking pelicans

  221. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:48

    I just heard this on Harry Schearer. Y’all may have already heard it but it’s worth repeating.

    Thanks, that was great.

  222. Asshole Button said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:48

    Booming School 101.

    Heh. That’s a diary from teh GOS being read. A rather good one, from a rather good series of them. The latest one is interesting too. Upsetting, but interesting.

  223. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 19:57

    That’s a diary from teh GOS being read.

    Yes. That’s where I first saw it. Couldn’t remember.

    (Looch branephale)

  224. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:10

    Who resuscitated this thread? I got drunk and killed it last night and I return to find this…conversation. Uncool.

  225. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:13

    You cannot kill this thread, you can only hope to contain it.

  226. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:13

    Rain. More fucking rain. I know this is Portland but even so, this is absurd

    Portland? OR?

  227. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:14

    You cannot kill this thread, you can only hope to contain it.

    I must destroy it to save it.

  228. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:17

    I must do so because I am a hungover master of the sun, karate and friendship for everyone.

  229. Asshole Button said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:18

    The more things change… Actually, no. Not so much.

  230. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:21

    Is everyone hung over today? Is that why it s been so quiet? I thought it was my fish tacos.

  231. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:21

    You cannot kill this thread, you can only hope to contain it.

    Oh, so you went to fucking booming school?

  232. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:26

    “Oh, so you went to fucking booming school?”

    no, I was potty-trained before I even started pre-school.

  233. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:28

    The more things change… Actually, no. Not so much.

    I especially like how it’s STILL conventional thought to take some sort of pity on giant corporations and think that doing anything to restrict them is out of the question.

  234. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:29

    Is everyone hung over today? Is that why it s been so quiet? I thought it was my fish tacos.

    UFC fights last night. Captain Morgan owes me a few million branesells.

  235. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:31

    Ultimate Fighting? Dude. That’s hardcore. Is it brutal to watch?

  236. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:36

    Ultimate Fighting? Dude. That’s hardcore. Is it brutal to watch?

    It is, to some extent. It’s a controlled environment, and there are rules which are enforced. It is still a pretty brutal sport, however. Some of us remember our sport-fighting days (with a little shame and nostalgia), and enjoy watching fighters would easily stomp our guts out.

  237. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:45

    Rules? Rules?! Rules are pussies!! *stalks off in slow motion- while somehing explodes in the background- to slay a vacuum*

  238. Asshole Button said,

    May 30, 2010 at 20:49

    I especially like how it’s STILL

    the same fucking company destroying the Gulf with its gooberfisted disregard for safety and utter cluelessness about how to fix their own fuckups.

  239. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:24

    Ok, seriously. I was just watching TV, and saw a commercial for M&M’s. The premise of the campaign is the different colors running for some sort of elected office.

    Now the green M&M is a female. The commercial shows her in a limousine, and she says: “Boys, it’s all about working the polls”.

    Tell me that nobody at that ad agency or the company caught that. Hilarious, despite the over the top misogynistic implication that the female needs to “work the poles” to win.

  240. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:26

    the same fucking company destroying the Gulf with its gooberfisted disregard for safety and utter cluelessness about how to fix their own fuckups.

    And STILL the same “oversight” bureau that is owned and operated by the same gooberfisted scumbag industry. I guess we’ll never learn.

  241. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:28

    stalks off in slow motion- while somehing explodes in the background- to slay a vacuum

    (Cue stock heavy metal music”’)

    Love you in the leather!

  242. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:29

    Have I now crushed the life out of this thread?

    m/>_<m/

  243. zombierottenthread said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:33

    Rrrrghhhhaaaammmmrrrgh

    Loosely translated that means-
    I may be dead but I am unstoppable.

  244. Smut Clyde said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:34

    Rain. More fucking rain. I know this is Portland but even so, this is absurd.

    I have heard that there is a website where you can point out things that are wrong with the US and make suggestions for improving them.

  245. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:59

    I have heard that there is a website where you can point out things that are wrong with the US and make suggestions for improving them.

    There is? Really?

  246. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 21:59

    Where?

  247. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:05

    Love you in the leather!

    I was gonna link to a picture of me in a leather coat. It is DECIDEDLY not sexy. It is the height of silliness. (Seriously…it’s silly. I’m sticking my tongue out.) But I chickened out.

  248. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:13

    I do enjoy hearing Dario Franchitti speak. It’s the unexpectedness of the brogue from someone with that name. Even though it’s totally expected… OK fine.

    And yes, dear threadsecutioner, PDX.

  249. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:30

    I was gonna link to a picture of me in a leather coat. It is DECIDEDLY not sexy. It is the height of silliness. (Seriously…it’s silly. I’m sticking my tongue out.) But I chickened out.

    Bock bock bock bagock! (That’s the sound a chicken makes.)

  250. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:31

    Bock bock bock bagock! (That’s the sound a chicken makes.)

    At least that’s what every text and email I get from a chicken looks like. Primitive beasts, chickens.

  251. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:38

    Bock bock bock bagock! (That’s the sound a chicken makes.)

    It is not. What is “bagock” exactly? Lulz.

    But seriously, I’m just trying to keep Sadly, No Sadly No-ish. I reckon if I link to the picture and everyone thinks I’m cute that smacks of attention-whoring. (And Sadly, No should be Sadly, No…not myspace.) And if people think I’m not cute, well, that just hurts my feewings!

    Oh, and btw:
    Thread-Slaying: Yur Doin’ It Wrong

    *sticks out tongue*

  252. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:54

    But seriously, I’m just trying to keep Sadly, No Sadly No-ish. I reckon if I link to the picture and everyone thinks I’m cute that smacks of attention-whoring. (And Sadly, No should be Sadly, No…not myspace.) And if people think I’m not cute, well, that just hurts my feewings!

    Fair enough.

    Oh, and btw:
    Thread-Slaying: Yur Doin’ It Wrong

    No I’m not. I leave them alive to give myself a good excuse to avoid anything productive. I have a three day weekend and I intend waste it.

  253. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:56

    *sticks out tongue*

    *pokes tongue with unwashed finger*

  254. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:56

    Oh good. I thought I was the only one ( who liked wasting weekends).

  255. tsam said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:58

    I have decided (which makes it law) that yardwork is a tool of the devil and should be banished from society.

  256. Mysticdog said,

    May 30, 2010 at 22:59

    Aren’t there pictures of you reachable by following the the links?

    And you are very cute.

    And already an attention whore :P

  257. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:05

    I have decided, after my unsuccessful date today, I will spend the remainder of the day on beer and video games. :P

  258. Mysticdog said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:05

    Heh, proper threading slaying… “pretty girl posted pictures if you can find them”

  259. vacuumslayer said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:06

    Ha!! I’ll grant u that. I’m always an attention whore for my art. But beyond that notsomuch.

    Instead of saying thank you just imagine me dragging my big toe across the floor, “aww shucks” style.

  260. Mysticdog said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:06

    Sorry, 77.

  261. Mysticdog said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:07

    Did you bashfully look up through your hair afterwards to see if it was working? :)

  262. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:09

    Eh. the beer still loves me.

  263. Mysticdog said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:12

    Beer is good that way.

    Actually, Beer is good in a lot of ways.

  264. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:12

    77south said,
    May 30, 2010 at 23:05

    I have decided, after my unsuccessful date today, I will spend the remainder of the day on beer and video games. :P

    don’t you fucking dare. _Somebody_ has to get some seat time today and it ain’t gonna be me. Fire up that pasta burner and get out there dammit.

  265. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:18

    Fire up that pasta burner and get out there dammit.
    Ok. fine. you talked me in to it, and since I have not cracked the first beer yet, I will find some speed limits to creatively interpret.

  266. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:20

    Oh good. I thought I was the only one ( who liked wasting weekends).

    *Raises hand*

    Um, no.

    It’s probably worse in my case, since I keep wandering over to ASO.

    And, sorry 77South.

    Oh, Spag, we’re getting all huggy again.

  267. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:21

    Oh, 77, I now notice you’re not a big ess after all.

  268. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:23

    Careful though, those citations for exceptional performance aren’t as great as they sound.

  269. 77south said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:25

    Careful though, those citations for exceptional performance aren’t as great as they sound.
    1. discretion is the better part of valor.
    2. I have every Harley rider in the state running interference for me this weekend.
    3. I keep to the back roads.

  270. N__B said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:29

    I will spend the remainder of the day on beer and video games

    Steam native for the Mac! I’ve been playing Half-Life 2 on my MacBook! I love the world!

  271. Looch said,

    May 30, 2010 at 23:29

    I have every Harley rider in the state running interference for me this weekend.

    Watch out for Hells Ophthalmologists. They are bad dudes.

    “Eye for an eye” and all.

  272. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 0:21

    Whoa. I know it wasn’t a great joke but a Threadkillah?

    *Scratches “Kill a thread” off weekend to-do list*

  273. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 0:25

    Other people are not getting as much done as me.

    “School uniforms should be implemented in all schools. However, the uniform should be just that, uniform throughout the country. This uniform would solely consist of the Mormon magic underpants. That way, if the kids get into physical confrontations, genital shots wouldn’t be considered cheap shots due to the protection of the magic undies. Also, the interior razor barbs in the front of the undies would keep vulgar, uncontrollable school b0ners at a minimum.”

  274. The End of Capitalism? said,

    May 31, 2010 at 0:44

    Wise Guys: The End of Free-Market Capitalism
    By John Griffing

    President Obama has repeatedly demonstrated his willingness to use manufactured crises to enhance his own power and prestige at the expense of the Constitution. Positioning himself through the use of his own engineered economic meltdown, Obama has fired the executives of private companies, claimed the power to set pay, nationalized health care, and nationalized manufacturing. Obama has even gone as far as using the mistakes of some banks in over-leveraging as a door to threaten banks with “pitchforks,” echoing Leninist populism. Additionally, he orders banks to lend despite the serious drop in deposits, a ludicrous directive that demonstrates his extreme ignorance.

    The crisis-solution scheme is the centerpiece of the Obama policy agenda. Using the now-debunked climate change scare, Obama has attempted global wealth redistribution through unprecedented “climate reparations.” Using the cover of “service,” a principle revered by most Americans, Obama has created his own police force. Using hyped up fears of domestic terror, Obama has attacked free speech and sought to criminalize opponents. Ironically, Obama has given real terrorists the precious rights of American citizens while denying these rights to Americans.

    And now, President Obama is exploiting the government-caused mortgage crisis to usher in councils of regulators to replace Congress in a host of key policy areas. Councils of “wise men” will now rule America. This is an open assault on the Constitution and the freedom of the American people, and it must be stopped.

    Using a falsified tale of economic malfeasance, Obama asks us to accept government by councils of wise men. As part of his financial regulatory plan, Obama would create a select group, i.e. the Financial Oversight Council, charged with formulating the regulations that govern the entire financial sector. There is not an area of the economy that theoretically could not fall under the jurisdiction of this elite group. Last time I checked, the power to regulate commerce rested with Congress, not a gaggle of unelected bureaucrats.

    The irony is breathtaking. Should a financial crisis that was caused by government regulation be solved with more government? “Greed,” we are told, caused the economic meltdown. But if this is this case, then Obama was at the center of this greed, as were many in his party.

    In reality, it is government’s heavy hand in the economy that created the conditions for the Great Depression, Part II. Consider these facts:

    Successive financial reforms pursued in the Clinton years exposed lending institutions to litigation if and when community organizations under the Community Reinvestment Act (CRA) accused lending institutions of discrimination against minorities. This had the effect of a punitive tax on lending institutions unless they lent to people that could not pay. These toxic loans were called subprime mortgages. Government institutions Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac then purchased these subprimes in droves and marketed them as secure investments on the stock market. This kept mortgage institutions artificially in the black and greased a well-oiled political graft machine. The share of the mortgage market tied up in subprime mortgages increased to 30 percent of the total by 2007. And the share of mortgage-related securities that were government-backed neared the $4-trillion mark. It was only a matter of time before defaults rippled through the system. The system was designed to crash.

    The answer to this problem, we are told, is to give government more power. And what President Obama proposes is no trivial power-grab, but the creation of a highly detached and unaccountable cadre of wise men to govern the financial sector in place of Congress. If wise men can gather and make law in place of elected and accountable representatives, America has ceased to be a free nation. This cannot be allowed to happen. At stake is not merely the mundane financial regulations governing inside trading, but the financial freedom of the average American citizen.

    Part of this intelligentsia is to be called the Consumer Financial Protection Agency (CFPA), which will be empowered to tell Americans what kind of credit card they are allowed to have and what kind of purchases they are allowed to make. Credit will no longer be based primarily on punctuality of payment, but on what private Americans choose to purchase. The advocates of the CFPA argue that this approach is necessary, since “[m]any consumers are uninformed and irrational,” leading them to make “systematic mistakes in their choice of credit products and in the use of these products.” In their view, consumers need to be “behaviorally informed.”

    This approach has been tried before. Central Committees decided how much wheat to grow and how many toothbrushes to manufacture, and they set wages based on “need.” Of course, members of the governing class always seemed to “need” more than anyone else. The system failed miserably, and yet America is quickly remaking itself in this archaic image. As Russia, our former Communist nemesis, passes flat taxes and reaps a whirlwind of economic success, the President of the United States is telling businesses what to make and telling workers what they are allowed to earn. What we are witnessing is not merely a new “New Deal,” or enhanced public-private partnership, but the seeds of full-on Totalitarian Socialism, with Obama and his team of Czars as the politburo. And Obama is flashing his socialist credentials at every turn, attacking such free-market concepts as “risk-taking” and “speculation.” What profitable capitalist venture doesn’t always involve these two principles?

    The president also takes issue with “excessive” compensation, which he says “offends” American values, or at least offends his personal socialist sensibilities. Like Caesar’s symbolic refusal of the royal diadem, Obama “reluctantly” accepts the breathtaking and unprecedented power of managing our nation’s businesses and dictating wages. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” is now national policy. This is precisely what Obama intends, pledging to eliminate what he calls this “poverty of ambition, where people want to drive fancy cars and wear nice clothes and live in nice apartments[.]” With an income exceeding $5 million per year, Obama is hardly in a position to judge economic equality. It appears Obama “needs” more than others.

    With the passage of the financial overhaul bill, over half the American economy will fall under some kind of government control after grouping health care, manufacturing, and the lucrative financial sector. The free market will be but a distant memory.

    President Obama’s financial “reform” is nothing less than the destruction of individual freedom in America. If government controls both the means of credit and the object on which it will be spent, it controls people. “We the people” must resist this despotic turn of events while we still can.

  275. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 0:48

    Fine. Be that way.

    “The Army Corps of Engineers should build a massive bong and load it with all the marijuana the DEA has confiscated. Then, they have Bidden use it to totally get ripped, and record what he says.”

    Dude.

  276. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 0:50

    Why does this have to happen when I am the only one here? Oh, am going to get totes blamed for this, I know.

  277. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:04

    It’s your fault, Looch, if you’d succeeded in killing the thread we’d be fine.

    Cut & paste troll = stupid. Who reads this shit any more? It’s like having a serious conversation in a barroom with live music: self-indulgent, incomprehensible & pointless.

  278. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:05

    77south doing our hooligan work for us: 2nded.

  279. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:05

    It’s like having a serious moronic conversation in a barroom with live music: self-indulgent, incomprehensible & pointless.

    Fiqqst for better trolliness.

  280. Snowwy said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:06

    Looch, damnit!

  281. Remember, November... said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:08

    So, let’s see see what is going on with the midterms:

    Sestak is in the middle of a bribery scandal (and now CLINTON could be implicated, too!) Could have nominated a proven statewider winner like Specter, but instead the loony left hijacked the primary and nominated one of their own.

    In Florida, Meeks doesn’t stand a chance.

    Illinois and Delaware are already in the bag, as is Arkansas, North Dakota, and Indiana.

    Add in California, Nevada, and Washington and it looks like Republicans are going to win big in the Senate, and sweep the House.

    The clean sweep is coming, baby! Katie, bar the door!

  282. Shell Goddamnit said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:09

    You know who else is in the bag?

  283. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:13

    You know who else is in the bag?

    D-KW’s mom is more of a double-bagger.

  284. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:14

    All together now!

    “BOOKMARK IT, LIBS!”

  285. Remember, November... said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:15

    Boxer is already behind in California! That will be the seat that flips and gives us a majority in BOTH Houses….

    It’s soooo sweet that Bill Clinton is implicated in the Sestak bribery scandal, too. Two birds, Obama and Clinton, with one stone…

  286. St. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:33

    Ah, spring time. Lots of spiders in that closet. But it still won’t come all the way out, will it? Spiders are less scary, I guess.

  287. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:39

    The end of civilization as we know it is nigh:

    “LOS ANGELES, Calif. –

    Celine Dion is pregnant with twins, a rep for the star confirmed to Access Hollywood.

    The singer’s husband and manager, Rene Angelil, announced the baby news to People on Sunday.

    “We’re ecstatic,” he told the mag. “Celine is just hoping for a healthy pregnancy. She was hoping for one baby and the news that we are having two is a double blessing.”

    The 42-year-old mom-to-be is 14 weeks along.”

    ƒpag help us.

  288. B^4 said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:46

    This d00d is still in a tizzy over Clinton? Get over it, bozo, he just wasn’t into you!

  289. Don't Tread on Me said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:50

    Clinton was a draft-dodging, immoral, womanizing crook who helped cause our current recession, perhaps you should “get over” Bush instead.

  290. Don't Tread on Me said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:52

    And the Clintons, in an apparent alliance with Obama (as also evidenced by Clinton heatedly defending him in public recently?)

    Either Obambi has something on Clinton, or we have the makings of an Unholy Alliance. Chicago thuggery combined with Arkansas corruption…God help us…

  291. B^4 said,

    May 31, 2010 at 1:57

    Dumbass, Clinton was the best Republican president since Ike.

    EaBoD!

  292. Mysticdog said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:07

    Didn’t we used to get a better class of troll here? This cut and paste schmuck just doesn’t do it. He’s really more of a funny-sad.

  293. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:07

    I have decided (which makes it law) that yardwork is a tool of the devil and should be banished from society.

    I’ve known this since, roughly, age ten. After the revolution, we will Pave. It. All.

  294. B^4 said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:16

    I’ve known this since, roughly, age ten. After the revolution, we will Pave. It. All.

    No need to do that, just make sure the weeds that thrive all all edible… or smokeable. I have staked out some additional wild raspberry patches to add to my foraging grounds.

  295. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:16

    After the revolution, we will Pave. It. All.

    That’s what kids are for.

    I have told the eleven-year-old that he has to put his smoke out before he gases the mower but does he listen? Nooo.

  296. Smut Clyde said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:22

    “I don’t care whose crack-pipe it is, you’re just going to take turns with it like a normal family.”

  297. B^4 said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:22

    I have told the eleven-year-old that he has to put his smoke out before he gases the mower but does he listen? Nooo.

    You shouldn’t have let him read Ayn Rand… fire of Prometheus, my ass!

  298. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:24

    No need to do that, just make sure the weeds that thrive all all edible… or smokeable.

    It would be even easier, if we just redefined “weed” away from “evolutionarily successful plant capable of thriving in the local climate” to “botanical weakling that can be outcompeted by everything else with a chlorophyll molecule”.

    Redefine weeds as desirable plants, in other words.

  299. Johnny Pez said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:26

    I can honestly say that I will not waste this weekend, because time spent with dogs is never time wasted.

  300. B^4 said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:27

    Redefine weeds as desirable plants, in other words.

    Just say no to lawns… I’ll be dining on the lamb’s quarters growing in front of the house, thank you very much!

  301. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:42

    I rent, but I am thinking of just letting the big chunk of grass to go to meadow. Landlady said it was cool, so there’s that. But the boy likes cutting the grass after a few beers, so who am I to say no?

  302. Zoogz said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:46

    Didn’t read a single word above, but I gotta bitch about Atlas Juggs and her merry band of asswipes. She’s now suing my current public transportation company for refusing her racist POS ad.

    If my only public transportation option has to raise rates AGAIN for the second time in the last five months due to this crap, I’m sending Juggy a bill and a summons for this idiocy.

  303. tsam said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:47

    WTF? I leave for a couple of hours and one of those SuperGenius® Trolls gets in. Who left the damn screen door open? Hey troll: Aren’t you missing a rerun of Dukes of Hazzard or something? I didn’t read your copy/paste opus because, well, you stole it and that’s theft and nobody likes a thief, theif.

  304. tsam said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:48

    I can honestly say that I will not waste this weekend, because time spent with dogs is never time wasted.

    Cheers! **clink**

  305. tsam said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:52

    It would be even easier, if we just redefined “weed” away from “evolutionarily successful plant capable of thriving in the local climate” to “botanical weakling that can be outcompeted by everything else with a chlorophyll molecule”.

    Great plan. Let nature handle it, knock everything down around fire season…

    I submit that one of the biggest frauds ever perpetrated on middle America was the idea of a “nice yard”. Now we spend massive amounts of money on poison and gas and tools and other such nonsensical shit, and then give up the only time our employer overlords grant us to trying to make genetically engineered plants grow and kill the stuff that occurs naturally. It’s a losing battle, not to mention stupid.

  306. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:55

    Didn’t read a single word above, but I gotta bitch about Atlas Juggs and her merry band of asswipes. She’s now suing my current public transportation company for refusing her racist POS ad.

    Gee, I wonder if the fact that Detroit has a large Muslim population had anything to do with their choice of transit agencies?

    From Zoogz’s link, text in the ad that they wanted to put on buses but the transit agency declined:

    “Fatwa on your head? Is your family or community threatening you?”

    Schmucks.

  307. tsam said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:56

    Didn’t read a single word above, but I gotta bitch about Atlas Juggs and her merry band of asswipes. She’s now suing my current public transportation company for refusing her racist POS ad.

    If my only public transportation option has to raise rates AGAIN for the second time in the last five months due to this crap, I’m sending Juggy a bill and a summons for this idiocy.

    Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to get by in life being an illiterate hatemonger? Pam, those fucking tits aren’t going to save you from the fires of hell, you whore.

    My sympathies, zoogz.

    That is all.

  308. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 2:56

    Who left the damn screen door open?

    Not me. I swear, I latched it.

  309. Looch said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:04

    Zoogz’s link leads one to this:

    http://freedomdefense.typepad.com/leave-islam/

    Lovely.

  310. gocart mozart said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:12

    The End of Capitalism? said,

    Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap.

    Everything you said is wrong including “farglesnot” and “brartfart”.

  311. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:34

    The end of civilization as we know it is nigh:

    “LOS ANGELES, Calif. –

    Celine Dion is pregnant with twins,

    Where in the prophecies is the simultaneous dominion of two antichrists mentioned?

  312. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:43

    Am I the only one here who thinks the time has come for an alternative currency in this country, just to piss everybody off? It doesn’t have to be one of those tortured Libertarian ideas involving barter for goods and services transferable within geographical limits until some extra-regional transaction allows for same to be moved to another micro-economic region, thus obviating the need for a comprehensive, universal tender, and keeping this ‘capital’ out of the hands of dirty fucking jews international banker types so that it can only be used for essentially interpersonal transactions that abet meritocratic accumulation of this alterna-wealth. I’d be perfectly happy with fake dollar bills with George Washington replaced by Bozo the clown making a huge cock and balls out of balloons in the central cartouche.

    These bills would be exchanged for real dollars, like Disney Dollars back in the golden age of theme park fiefdom, and would serve absolutely no purpose except to threaten the shit out of the feds.

    I, for one, would enjoy the chaos this created every time somebody pulled out their wallet and said, “oh gosh, this place doesn’t take Bozos, my bad… Use this card instead.” Confidence in the dollar would collapse, photocopy machines would be held in evidence, and chaos would reign.

    Chota peg, anyone? Don’t mind if I do.

  313. Smut Clyde said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:46

    How about this?

  314. Smut Clyde said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:47

    WP disapproves of my suggestion (petrobacked Iranian rials).

  315. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:48

    Now we spend massive amounts of money on poison and gas and tools and other such nonsensical shit, and then give up the only time our employer overlords grant us to trying to make genetically engineered plants grow and kill the stuff that occurs naturally. It’s a losing battle, not to mention stupid.

    This is a brilliant precis of the whole yardwork racket. Golf clap!

    But I must be getting really middle-aged – I spent a good hunk of the morning cutting up tree branches and found I actually enjoyed it.

  316. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:48

    A currency called “donkey dicks” would also satisfy. I sense a project for my art blog.

  317. Smut Clyde said,

    May 31, 2010 at 3:55

    Beer vouchers.

  318. gocart mozart said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:12

    This WND columnist won the R’s primary for the U.S. House of Reps. .
    http://www.artrobinsonforcongress.com/

    His bio/rambling history of the last 60 years is full of wingnutty goodness.

  319. Jennifer said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:25

    I had a Mr. Leonard Pierce sighting over at alicublog. I wonder why he doesn’t ever post here at S,N! anymore…does he just not love us now?

    Maybe it was the horrors of attending CPAC under the auspices of the imaginary American Milk Solids Council that did him in. He came around rarely after that, but you could tell it wasn’t the same, that it had been a strain on him. Maybe S,N! causes him to have terrifying flashbacks.

    A pity. He’s still got it though.

    Also too, whatever happened to Rugged in Montana?

  320. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:26

    From gm:

    Art is an expert on energy and widely known for his petition signed by more than 31,000 American scientists exposing human-caused global warming as a fraud.

    Oh, that WND columnist.

  321. dim-witted badger said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:29

    Also too, whatever happened to Rugged in Montana?

    fucking pelicans

  322. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:31

    Also:

    Art and Laurelee have moved to Oregon in 1980, and with colleagues establish the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine. They also work with the Reagan Administration on defense, and Art writes a platform plank at the 1988 Republican Convention.

    By November 1988, they have 12-year-old Zachary, Noah 10, Arynne 8, twins Joshua and Bethany 6, and Matthew 18 months.

    It is Armistice Day, November 11. President Reagan has made a wonderful speech. All of the Robinsons seem to have a stomach flu, but by morning, they are much better – except for Laurelee.

    Laurelee is dead.

    If only there had been an Institute of Science and Medicine nearby.

  323. Asshole Button said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:33

    The End of Capitalism?

    I actually read the whole first paragraph.

    Well, at least we’re not at risk of running out of sheer idiocy anytime soon.

  324. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:38

    Well, at least we’re not at risk of running out of sheer idiocy anytime soon.

    If only it could be bottled and used to kill dandelions. Then gardening and internet trolling would both be more fun.

  325. Asshole Button said,

    May 31, 2010 at 4:42

    If only it could be bottled and used to kill dandelions. Then gardening and internet trolling would both be more fun.

    Alas, I think it’s more like the Anti-Roundup and can only be used to bleach unartistic PENIS renderings into otherwise pristine lawns.

    Though that does have some entertainment value as well.

  326. Asshole Button said,

    May 31, 2010 at 5:04

    If only there had been an Institute of Science and Medicine nearby.

    This left me agog,

    Steel, aluminum, machine tools, automobiles, chemicals, and multitudes of other American products that Art admired in his Weekly Reader are still being made – but the industries that make them are moving abroad, unable to thrive in the new American political climate.

    Yes, Art. The evils of Socialism, taxation and government interference sent all our industry to the furrin lands. It had nothing to do with eliminating taxes (tariffs) in the name of “free trade” so the companies could outsource to cheaper slave labor in the third world where life is cheap. Nope, nothing at all.

    Fucking hell, these people are blind, deaf and dumb. Really, really dumb.

  327. The Red Badger of Courage said,

    May 31, 2010 at 5:13

    Also too, whatever happened to Rugged in Montana?

    fucking pelican

    How does that work?

  328. The Red Badger of Courage said,

    May 31, 2010 at 5:16

    Clinton was a draft-dodging, immoral, womanizing crook who helped cause our current recession

    But did he have his jacket on in the Oval Office?

  329. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 5:18

    How does that work?

    Avoid the beak.

  330. Asshole Button said,

    May 31, 2010 at 5:30

    Also, too. BALLS.

  331. jim said,

    May 31, 2010 at 5:47

    *stalks off in slow motion- while somehing explodes in the background- to slay a vacuum*

    Pre-Plasma-Screen TeeVee: She’s on her way, boss! How in the hell can we stop her?

    Hoover Upright: What are you, a chump? THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN STOP HER. We either run for our lives now while we still can, or stay here & die. Did … did you just hear something in the other room?

    P-P-S TV: OH NO! RUN! IEEEEEEEE!

  332. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 31, 2010 at 6:15

    Apropos nothing, my wife is out in the garage harvesting her perfectly legal California medical marijuana plant. It looks like it will have enough buds on it to fill a gallon-sized freezer bag. God, I love medicine.

  333. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 31, 2010 at 6:22

    No wait, speaking of hybrid plants that couldn’t live without human intervention.

  334. gocart mozart said,

    May 31, 2010 at 7:37

    Yes Sub Mc, this is the most awesome pair of sentences in the history of political profiles. Its practicly Vonnegutian.

    “It is Armistice Day, November 11. President Reagan has made a wonderful speech. All of the Robinsons seem to have a stomach flu, but by morning, they are much better – except for Laurelee.

    Laurelee is dead.”

  335. gocart mozart said,

    May 31, 2010 at 7:43

    “Also too, whatever happened to Rugged in Montana?”

    He was hunting jackalopes and accidentally shot himself in the chest. At least that’s what the jackalopes tell me.

  336. islmfaoscist said,

    May 31, 2010 at 11:44

    Shorter Ross D:

    The Birds and The Bees

    Until sperm and egg donation is treated with appropriate gravity by society, just like childbirth is, our children will continue to suffer.

  337. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 31, 2010 at 12:45

    I live in a gulf coast community. I went to the beach yesterday. The oil has not reached us yet and we are not in immediate danger, but I took my camera and got some nice pictures just in case. And it just amazes me that with all this mess you can still find this at http://www.artrobinsonforcongress.com/ (emphasis mine)

    “It is time to reduce excessive taxation, roll back oppressive over-regulation, reign in government-sponsored litigation, and stop government over-spending. We must get big government off the back of the American worker, off the back of American industry, and off the back of American business. Only this can restore and preserve American exceptionalism,” said Art.

    And even more amazing is the fact that so many voters think this is wonderful stuff. Apparently “real Americans” are longing for something like this. Thank any and all gods for liberals and DFHs!

  338. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 31, 2010 at 13:22

    I’m sure there must be several multi-million dollar homes and vacation properties along the gulf coast that are owned by various oil executives. So I’m thinking, if there really is a God, and I mean a vengeful Old Testament, Pat Roertson ideal type of God, then all the oil would be making it’s way directly to the beaches in front of those properties and the rest of us and especially all God’s innocent creatures would be left alone. Unfotunately there does not seem to be such a God. Certainly at BP and all other corporations involved in the Deepwater Horizon project there appears to have been a severe lack of intelligent design.

  339. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:06

    Apparently “real Americans” are longing for something like this.

    The most terrifying part of that picture is that the apocalypse apparently moved the Empire State Building 3 miles south.

  340. Wingnuttia said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:11

    The most terrifying part of that picture is that the apocalypse apparently moved the Empire State Building 3 miles south.

    Godzilla!

  341. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:18

    Save us, Mathew Broderick! Save us!

  342. Johnny Pez said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:31

    Save us, Mathew Broderick! Save us!

    I’m afraid it’s Matthew Broderick’s day off.

  343. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:34

    I’m afraid it’s Matthew Broderick’s day off.

    Kicking back, counting the dough his wife has pulled in with SITC2?

  344. Johnny Pez said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:44

    Kicking back, counting the dough his wife has pulled in with SITC2?

    Well, it’s not like he hasn’t made a pile of money on his own.

  345. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:47

    Until sperm and egg donation is treated with appropriate gravity by society

    Regulation: great for boners and buhginas.

  346. N__B said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:48

    Does “treatment with gravity” = dropping from a great height?

  347. Johnny Pez said,

    May 31, 2010 at 14:53

    Does “treatment with gravity” = dropping from a great height?

    Well, if you were to drop Chunky David Brooks from a great height, he would certainly become more grave.

    VSR

  348. g said,

    May 31, 2010 at 16:23

    tap tap tap…..is this thing on?

  349. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 31, 2010 at 16:24

    Anybody believe this?

    Yeah, me neither.

  350. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 31, 2010 at 16:26

    Ha ha, pirates are cool.

  351. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 31, 2010 at 16:27

    Ha ha, pirates are cool.

    I hope they were at least wearing frilly shirts.

  352. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 31, 2010 at 16:33

    Bibi’s cancelled his White House talk plans. What a baby.

  353. All the more reason to keep several Red State accounts ready for the opportune time said,

    May 31, 2010 at 18:54

    Shame
    tryptic Friday, May 28th at 6:30PM EDT (link)
    I had hoped that you might give a true apology. But you’re in some bizarre state of denial that is truly breathtaking in its contempt for truth and ethics.

    The only point youve made is that your word means nothing.

    But by all means enjoy the comfort of your denials and the unquestioning adoration of the mouth-breathing crowd.
    Log in to Reply

    You know what SLUG? drop dead…
    JadedByPolitics Friday, May 28th at 6:37PM EDT (link)
    you and your high and mighty attitude makes this Conservative SICK! why don’t you go on over to Kos and play with likeminded people because you DO NOT belong here…putz!

    Whoever has his enemy at his mercy &
    does not destroy him is his own enemy
    Log in to Reply

    Hey, tryptic, you arrogant punk. Why do you think
    Achance Friday, May 28th at 6:42PM EDT (link)
    that anyone here would give a tinker’s damn what you think. It was a game; the game did some things but didn’t do the ultimate thing. When you’ve grown up and actually done something, maybe established a little respect here, somebody might give a damn what you think. And as to mouth -breathers, I bet you’re breathing through your mouth when you’re doing that one-handed typing.

    In Vino Veritas

  354. All the more reason to keep several Red State accounts ready for the opportune time said,

    May 31, 2010 at 19:23

    What?

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