I ended up on the English pedophile’s page.

[Tintin adds: Fixed. We had a WordPress burp when I posted this.]

The one of the goals behind repealing DADT is to change the standard military combat uniform to a flouncy sun dress.

You say this like it’s a bad thing.

The other goal is forced universal transfusions with tainted ghey blood.

I’m barred from donating blood – which I used to do fairly regularly – because in 2000 and 2001 (pre Mrs. __B) I dated a woman who was born in Lagos. Having had sex with someone who lived in west Africa – even though her family moved to England when she was five and she has no memory of participating in wild orgies before then – is enough to be permanently labelled as unclean.

Fuck you Red Cross, fuck you homophobia, fuck you racism, and while I’m at it, FYWP.

I learn neat things from these people. For instance I did not know that every single gay man in the universe has AIDS. No I did not.

For instance I did not know that every single gay man in the universe has AIDS. No I did not.

I would assume that the cooties you have – as a member of the female persuasion – interfere with learning these important facts.

That and my ladybrain, N_B.

GAY BLOOD TURNS YOU INTO A ZOMBIE!!!!!!!

ladybrain ~= cooties

I always wondered how gheys reproduced. Now I’ve learned something.

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

So is this the same Clif from Cheers who thinks he knows everything but is woefully underinformed?

I’m confused. If there were an active duty transgendered MTF servicewoman, wouldn’t you want her to wear the female version of the uniform (for the occasions where they’re wearing full dress and it makes any difference)?

Also, isn’t there some sort of physical examination associated with becoming a member of the armed forces? Wouldn’t that process flag anyone that was HIV positive and allow for appropriate precautions to be taken (apparently according to Kincaid this would mean entombing them in an impregnable coffin and launching them into deep space with a giant catapult).

Isn’t his overblown concern regarding the HIV status of fags just a flimsy justification since non-fags can get infected too? He even mentions that the military already has 19,000 soldiers with HIV/AIDS.

Then there’s the point that if we were screening potentail military servicemembers based on HIV/AIDS potential, Then it make the most sense to have an all-lesbian army (no, I don’t have a newsletter or website dedicated to the all-lesbian army).

Also, PENIS.

GAY BLOOD TURNS YOU INTO A ZOMBIE!!!!!!!

Substitute “negro” for “gay” and you kinda hone in on this fella’s mindset, I believe.

(no, I don’t have a newsletter or website dedicated to the all-lesbian army).

Dammit!

So thirty years of developing protocols in civilian hospitals and urgent care facilities means nothing, that if a man or woman has AIDS, they are automatically an epidemic?

Sheesh. What a doosh.

Isn’t his overblown concern regarding the HIV status of fags just a flimsy justification since non-fags can get infected too?

Oh no, straight men never get HIV or AIDS. Just ask Magic Johnson (and there’s a name if I’ve ever heard one).

GAY BLOOD TURNS YOU INTO A ZOMBIE!!!!!!!

My gay blood cells practice safe sex.

Having had sex with someone who lived in west Africa – even though her family moved to England when she was five and she has no memory of participating in wild orgies before then – is enough to be permanently labelled as unclean.

That’s why you have sex with one of the good ones–like a Ghanaian, for example.

The really dumb thing about those requirements are that a lot of people don’t go around quizzing their partners about whether or not they’ve ever had sex for money, or if they’re male, if they’ve ever had sex with men. I have a feeling that if we applied those criteria stringently, there would be few people left to give blood at all, just through guilt by (genital) association.

Having had sex with someone who lived in west Africa – even though her family moved to England when she was five and she has no memory of participating in wild orgies before then – is enough to be permanently labelled as unclean.

Actually, I, too am banned for the same reason. My spouse did anthropology field work in Nigeria during certain years – well before I met him, and we’ve been married over 20 years now. But I still can’t donate blood.

If there were an active duty transgendered MTF servicewoman, wouldn’t you want her to wear the female version of the uniform (for the occasions where they’re wearing full dress and it makes any difference)?

I have no idea what this guy is on about because I have vowed to stay in the motherfucking boat, but if he’s like your garden variety homophobe, he doesn’t want the transwoman to exist, or at least wants her to continue to pretend being something she’s not.

The only thing more horrifying than men having sex with men is men wanting to be WOMEN. I mean, how disgusting, right?

a lot of people don’t go around quizzing their partners about whether or not they’ve ever had sex for money

For damn sure, nobody ever asked me that. I had a hard enough time giving it away.

Having had sex with someone who lived in west Africa

Wait. So all I need do is take up one of them Nigerian scams and I get a lifetime pass out of donating blood?

Oh man, where do I sign up???

The only thing more horrifying than men having sex with men is men wanting to be WOMEN. I mean, how disgusting, right?

Except for the whole having-our-own-breasts-to-play-with part, which is okay in most men’s fantasies.

The really dumb thing about those requirements are that a lot of people don’t go around quizzing their partners about whether or not they’ve ever had sex for money

Define “money”. Define “sex”. Because I know an awful lot of wives whom did just that in order to live comfortably.

Except for the whole having-our-own-breasts-to-play-with part

I’d miss seeing my penis, tho.

Except for the whole having-our-own-breasts-to-play-with part, which is okay in most men’s fantasies.

And the hot lesbian sex.

I’d miss seeing my penis, tho.

Put it in a jar on your night-table.

Also, too, what about men who have had sex with women who have had sex with men who have had sex with men? Or, you know, women who have had sex with women who have had sex with men who have had sex with men? I mean, it’s not like the HIV is weaker the further removed you are from the original source. Could it be that these criteria are, like, bullshit?

Totes heterosexually, of course.

Could it be that these criteria are, like, bullshit?

they’re like bullshit, but bullshittier.

Some gems:

the transgendered are an essential component of the so-called LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered) community

Um, “so-called”?

While it is tempting to think that the only damage that would be done would be the turning of our once-feared military into a global laughingstock

Doesn’t Israel allow gays to serve? Is the Israeli military a laughingstock? How about the Brits? The Aussies? Need me to go on?

But what about the “rights” of those of us who seek to avoid dangerous and risky sexual behavior?

Amen, brotha! Cuz we all know straight people never engage in that shit.

They will demand sexual favors to rise in the ranks, creating even more problems down the road. It is a recipe for national suicide.

National suicide? Hell, I’m thinking of joining right now. But…for realz, that would be bad. Because straight dudes never harass women. That NEVER happens. Just ask my husband, who DIDN’T have to discipline a guy because he was stalking and harassing a woman who worked under him. No…that NEVER happens. Only gays do that shit.

Define “money”. Define “sex”. Because I know an awful lot of wives whom did just that in order to live comfortably.

Uh huh. I guess if you don’t list “prostitute” as your occupation, you’re okay to give blood? And yeah, this also gets to what we define as “sex.” Unprotected oral sex is riskier than protected penetrative sex, but I’d bet that most people would think the former would be okay, but the latter would not.

My gay blood cells practice safe sex.

But they’re still GAY. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Seriously, is the guy who wrote this article 12? ‘Cuz it sounds like something a middle-schooler would write. First of all, it’s filled with wrongness. I mean, he’s just flat-out wrong about so many things. Then there’s the usual preoccupation with the buttsex. I mean, this translates basically as “GAY GUYS ARE GROSS!!!! THEY DO IT IN TEH BUTT!!!!!!” Jesus fucking christ.

Doesn’t Israel allow gays to serve? Is the Israeli military a laughingstock? How about the Brits? The Aussies? Need me to go on?

OMFG! Gays are allowed to serve in most of the NATO countries! The US had better withdraw from any joint NATO actions since that would be exposing the brave servicemen to Teh Ghey and possibly exploding Ghey blood laced with anti-American HIV!!ones!

Also, too, what about men who have had sex with women who have had sex with men who have had sex with men? Or, you know, women who have had sex with women who have had sex with men who have had sex with men?

What if it’s with a chimp? Chimps can have AIDS, right? So what if a man has sex with a chimp?

So what if a man has sex with a chimp?

I dunno. Is it a girl chimp?

What if it’s with a chimp? Chimps can have AIDS, right? So what if a man has sex with a chimp?

Why R U such a H8r? That is such mean spirited speculation about Laura Bush.

My gay blood cells practice safe sex.

But they’re still GAY

Only ten percent, according to current statistics, but of course, many of the rest have dabbled no doubt and some probably indulged in mutual masturbation as adolescent blood cells.

And the het cells? Totally fuckin’ libertine. They breed like rabbits.

(literally. I have hemochromatosis)

I dunno. Is it a girl chimp?

*blush*

I didn’t bother to check.

Thanks for bringing back those wizened, bile-inducing mangoes, Vacuumslayer!

the transgendered are an essential component of the so-called LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered) community

The “so-called” kills me! I, personally, prefer the shorthand “queer,” but I’m still confused as to what is “so-called”?

I’m also sure that transpeople will be delighted to learn that they’ve actually been accepted as part of the queer community instead of just an afterthought tacked on by cispeople who often only want to fight for trans rights when it’s convenient.

But what about the “rights” of those of us who seek to avoid dangerous and risky sexual behavior?

You have the right to go fuck yourself, dude. Because nobody else will.

Teh Ghey and possibly exploding Ghey blood laced with anti-American HIV!!ones!

And then the ESSPLODING GHEY BLOOD MAKES YOU A GHEY ZOMBIE THEN YOU UNCONTROLLABLY LUST FOR COCK!!!!!

It’s true! I heard that really happens!

That is such mean spirited speculation about Laura Bush.

*wiping down screen*

Fuck you, DKW.

No wait. Fuck your mother.

What if a man has sex with your mom? Because I totally did.

T&U, I let you off easy. Trust me, you do NOT want to go click on that link.

some probably indulged in mutual masturbation as adolescent

I never got that. The last thing I wanted to see when I was a teen jerking off was another teen jerking off. I wanted airbrushed facsimiles of women…like D-KW’s mom.

I, personally, prefer the shorthand “queer,” but I’m still confused as to what is “so-called”?

Actually, he has a point: LGBT is not a widely known acronym to describe that population for his readers (usually, they call them fags or as you point out, queers), and “so-called” is not inappropriate. It’s a form of self-identification. Imagine if it had been a bunch of white folks sitting around watching auto racing. “So-called NASCAR dads”. Get my drift?

I cut him slack for that one.

What if a man has sex with your mom?

What? Take her virginity? At 85?

What is the “women’s military uniform” anyway? Capri-length cargo pants? Open-toed wedge heel boots? Lime green and robin’s egg blue camo patterns?

The last thing I wanted to see when I was a teen jerking off was another teen jerking off.

STOP JUDGING ME!

No, seriously, I’m with you. I never understood it, but it happened, and happened a lot around me.

What is the “women’s military uniform” anyway? Capri-length cargo pants? Open-toed wedge heel boots? Lime green and robin’s egg blue camo patterns?

Sign me up!

What is the “women’s military uniform” anyway?

Here

Sure would make me want to thrust deeper into enemy territory.

and happened a lot around me

Sure. When you in the center of the circle.

I never understood it, but it happened, and happened a lot around me.

Maybe you were purtier than you think.

GODDAMN miniature fast ladyfingers.

Actually, he has a point: LGBT is not a widely known acronym to describe that population for his readers (usually, they call them fags or as you point out, queers), and “so-called” is not inappropriate. It’s a form of self-identification. Imagine if it had been a bunch of white folks sitting around watching auto racing. “So-called NASCAR dads”. Get my drift?

Honestly, no. It seems to me that he’s inserting some bullshit snark in here that implies that we’re deviant sinners who don’t deserve to have any words to name ourselves with, except bad ones. I mean, I think that’s what you’re saying, but I’m not going to cut him slack on that.

GODDAMN miniature fast ladyfingers.

LULZ! What’s funny is is…it’s true. I am an incredibly fast typist and I do have really petite hands.

What is the “women’s military uniform” anyway? Capri-length cargo pants? Open-toed wedge heel boots? Lime green and robin’s egg blue camo patterns?

I think that’s the Midwestern Mall Mom uniform, actually.

I never understood it, but it happened, and happened a lot around me.

Maybe you were purtier than you think.

When I was thirteen and a counselor-in-training at a Y day camp, we used to play softball at the fields over by the UN.

Now, back in the day, I had really long hair. Anyway, across the street was the rest stand for the 42 Street crosstown bus, where the drivers would take meal breaks and use the park’s bathroom to pee.

Anyway, I’m waiting my turn to bat, my back to the street, when I hear this wolf whistle and some guy shouting “Whoa, baby! Nize azz!”

Naturally, being a horndog in training, I whipped around to look, only to see a bus driver staring up at me.

We were both…embarrassed.

I do have really petite hands.

So you’d make my penis look huge!

We were both…embarrassed.

And so you rented a room to learn to deal with these feelings…or so the videos would have me believe.

So you’d make my penis look huge!

You wouldn’t be actor if you didn’t make the joke. I set you up. You spiked it.

“But what about the “rights” of those of us who seek to avoid dangerous and risky sexual behavior?”

Wait, are straight guys so weak that they can’t prevent themselves from dangerous and risky sexual behavior? So, if all the dangerous people (gays & women) are out of the military won’t straight guys then turn to each other (because they’re so weak-minded)?

Ha. My husband told me that when he first saw his BFF in middle school, he thought, “Damn, that ugly chick has really good taste in music!”

are straight guys so weak that they can’t prevent themselves from dangerous and risky sexual behavior?

Yes. Why do you think sluts get raped all the time?

And so you rented a room to learn to deal with these feelings

And how leather felt around my throat, yes.

Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that.

Wait, are straight guys so weak that they can’t prevent themselves from dangerous and risky sexual behavior?

Clearly, you’ve never drived with a adolescent male. It ain’t just sex.

Was this not inevitable? Did we not all know going in that this thread would quickly devolve into a convo about circle jerks and auto-erotic asphyxiation? I blame Tintin.

Did we not all know going in that this thread would quickly devolve into a convo about circle jerks and auto-erotic asphyxiation?

I was hoping for more female anatomy, for comparison’s sake.

Did we not all know going in that this thread would quickly devolve into a convo about circle jerks and auto-erotic asphyxiation?

You said “going in”…heh heh. heh heh.

I was hoping for more female anatomy, for comparison’s sake.

Hey, I posted a hot photo of Rihanna! Don’t blame me!

In addition to the load of homophobia, the whole column undermines the stated purpose of “Accuracy in Media” by telling the reader what the “media will not tell you.” Geez, Cliffie, let something not happen before you tell us what the media failed to tell us.

Did we not all know going in that this thread would quickly devolve into a convo about circle jerks and auto-erotic asphyxiation?

“Devolve”? All excellent, enlightening conversations must include discussions of circle jerks and erotic asphyxiation, auto or otherwise.

Geez, Cliffie, let something not happen before you tell us what the media failed to tell us.

I always thought “Accuracy in Media” meant they actually hit the bowl when they took a dump.

Remember:Gay = automatic AIDS, no tagbacks.Straight and HIV poitive = You’re really gay, right?Also, purity of essence.

are straight guys so weak that they can’t prevent themselves from dangerous and risky sexual behavior?

I have not gotten out of the boat, but it seems he thinks high ranking, HIV-positive, gay officers will require their straight subordinates to provide sexual favours in exchange for positive reviews and/or promotions.

You see, all gay people are rapists who have AIDS, so this makes perfect sense if you are a psychotic bigot projecting all over the place.

he thinks high ranking, HIV-positive, gay officers will require their straight subordinates to provide sexual favours in exchange for positive reviews and/or promotions.

So it’s Tailhook, just the Tom of Finland version.

projecting all over the place.

Veiled EWWWWWWWWWW.

ust the Tom of Finland version.

Does he make that awful-tasting toothpaste?

[Happy birthday, Actor – a straight line gift-wrapped.]

Oooh, Nikki Haley really did the nasty with that blogger!

Lifting the ban on gay blood potentially affects millions of people who may have to access the nation’s blood supply because of accidents or illnesses that they suffer. Those absolutely dependent on blood transfusions to survive, the hemophiliacs, would face immediate risk of death.First of all, gay blood? Really? What type is that? (Someone more clever than I plz submit suggestions) Also, too, someone should really invent a way to test for HIV and automatically screen all blood transfusions. What is this, fucking 1980? Someon’s been watching too much Golden Girls.

So it’s Tailhook, just the Tom of Finland version.

Tailhook is the projection part. “If I had that kind of power over young, hot women, I would totally make them [fill in disgusting blank]. That means those gay soldiers would, too”.

Probably the existence of a decent and honourable human being, of any gender or sexual orientation, is something this guy is not able to comprehend.

Does he make that awful-tasting toothpaste?

It comes in mint

*volleyed back. It’s not my birthday*

Oooh, Nikki Haley really did the nasty with that blogger!

With an emphasis on “nasty.” Again, I don’t really give a shit about the affair–I just can’t believe she has such bad taste.

BTW, these people are FUCKING IDIOTS. Didn’t they learn anything from Tiger Woods???

Tailhook is the projection part. “If I had that kind of power over young, hot women, I would totally make them [fill in disgusting blank]. That means those gay soldiers would, too”.

Exactly. People who make those sorts of statements about other people’s sexualities are usually hiding something nasty just beneath the surface themselves.

BTW, these people are FUCKING IDIOTS. Didn’t they learn anything from Tiger Woods???

They may have one-upped him.

There are pictures, you see…

There are pictures, you see…

SHUT. UP. Really?

SHUT. UP. Really?

The blogger in question is slowly releasing info in drips and drabs. If you follow the Wonkette link I posted, you’ll find links to FITSnews, where entire text message exchanges are posted which state that some reporter got his hands on at least one photo, presumably proving they were having an affair.

This is going past outting a hypocrite. I’m thinking the blogger in question has a grudge against Haley.

At any rate, there’s a promise that “more from Haley” will be posted. Stick around, this is going to be fun.

Who made popcorn?

Wow! That South Carolina! What a den of iniquity!

But “South Carolina politics at its worst” is setting the bar quite low, in the wake of the Sanford soap opera and given that another of the candidates running for the Republican nomination, lieutenant governor André Bauer, has had to contend with long-running rumours that he’s gay.

where entire text message exchanges are posted which state that some reporter got his hands on at least one photo, presumably proving they were having an affair.

I just skimmed. I must have missed that part.

Who made popcorn?

I did. It’s organic!

What if it’s with a chimp? Chimps can have AIDS, right? So what if a man has sex with a chimp? I had a RW classmate in the mid 80s tell me that’s how AIDs started. gay African men having sex with chimps…

I had a RW classmate in the mid 80s tell me that’s how AIDs started. gay African men having sex with chimps…

Oh, I heard that in the 90s!

I always thought “Accuracy in Media” meant they actually hit the bowl when they took a dump.

Actually they usually seem to hit the keyboard..

I learn neat things from these people. For instance I did not know that every single gay man in the universe has AIDS. No I did not.

Did you also know that AIDS is their punishment from God? It’s true. The TV said so.

I had a RW classmate in the mid 80s tell me that’s how AIDs started. gay African men having sex with chimps…

It’s happened, but presumably this was heterosexual.

Um, I should have narrowed that link down to this.

It’s happened, but presumably this was heterosexual.

Dr. Lovecraft, please pick up the white courtesy phone.

“Did you also know that AIDS is their punishment from God? It’s true. The TV said so.”

Totally. But it makes you wonder about the straight people and children AIDS. Are they being punished too?

While it is tempting to think that the only damage that would be done would be the turning of our once-feared military into a global laughingstock

There are no gays in the military now, subverting DADT. Our military is therefore not a laughingstock now.

With. UGH

And the het cells? Totally fuckin’ libertine. They breed like rabbits.

(literally. I have hemochromatosis)

And thus, thanks to his medical condition, actor212 wins the thread.

actor212 wins the thread

Wow! This is an award I’ll cherish for as long as I remem– oh, look! A chicken!

With. UGH

I prefer women with UGH. They have that je ne sais quoi…

oh, look! A chicken!

Wow, this urban farming thing really has taken off.

I need to stop reading the news: http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/5/25/869823/-Great-patriotic-Republicans-reject-taking-care-of-9-11-responders

Fuck you all, Republicans. Fuck you all.

oh, look! A chicken!

Wow, this urban farming thing really has taken off.

Ever seen Eraserhead, T&U?

Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.) argued New York was trying to dump its responsibility for caring for victims of the terrorist attacks on the feds.

Because when a Republican president fails to ensure the safety of his citizens, the city should have to bear the burden.

Ever seen Eraserhead, T&U?

*shudder*

That film was almost as creepy as Mel Gibson’s Hamlet.

Ever seen Eraserhead, T&U?

Yes. It may or may not be featured in my nightmares from time to time.

Have you ever seen Stroszek? I like that chicken much better.

Have you ever seen Stroszek?

No, but the IMDB summary makes it sound like the perfect summer film.

That film was almost as creepy as Mel Gibson’s Hamlet.

Hell, that film was almost as creepy as Mel Gibson.

No, but the IMDB summary makes it sound like the perfect summer film.

Yes. Herzog is quite uplifting. Rumor has it that Ian Curtis was watching Strozsek when he hanged himself. See? It’s a barrel of laughs!

I have a feeling that if we applied those criteria stringently, there would be few people left to give blood at all, just through guilt by (genital) association.

Holy crap! I always just give blood through my arm. You guys are really hardcore!

Or did I misunderstand again…

Hell, that film was almost as creepy as Mel Gibson.

Ironically, it caused Mel Brooks to hire Lynch to direct “Elephant Man”.

Totally. But it makes you wonder about the straight people and children AIDS. Are they being punished too?

Acceptable collateral damage. Divine Vengeance is 110% effective.

Holy crap! I always just give blood through my arm.

*crossing legs tightly*

Herzog is quite uplifting.

But does he separate?

Holy crap! I always just give blood through my arm. You guys are really hardcore!

Or did I misunderstand again…

You did. That is *so* not my scene.

But does he separate?

What? Eggs?

OK, so how does a Teabagger in IDAHO lose a primary when a) he’s endorsed by Ms Teabagger herself, and b) runs against a swarthy skinned Latino (remember, IDAHO!) improbably named “Labrador”?

Herzog is quite uplifting.

But does he separate?

Channeling Jane Russell again? Dude, you need to find a younger role model.

What? Eggs?

Ah, to be young: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_brassieres#The_1940s

OK, so how does a Teabagger in IDAHO lose a primary when a) he’s endorsed by Ms Teabagger herself, and b) runs against a swarthy skinned Latino (remember, IDAHO!) improbably named “Labrador”?

Labrador’s a ‘bagger, too. It’s fucking Idaho, man.

You did. That is *so* not my scene.

The blood mobile is not your scene? Or did I just stumble into something I really don’t want to know about.

You know what, I’m going to just start over today, and pretend I didn’t even see the hallway where that door was cracked open…

Labrador’s a ‘bagger, too.

So he’s a bolsito de te?

Channeling Jane Russell again? Dude, you need to find a younger role model.

I saw “The Aviator” recently.

Morning guys! Sure is a swell day! Republicans say anything stupid yet? Hey, did you hear that DKW’s mom “gets around”? LOL

[in unison] Good morning, Mr. Dog. We’re all in our places with bright shining faces. [/unison]

Ah, to be young: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_brassieres#The_1940s

I was deliberately being obtuse, silly.

The blood mobile is not your scene? Or did I just stumble into something I really don’t want to know about.

Yeah. Just forget I said that….

I was deliberately being obtuse, silly.

Obtuse triangles are less silly than acute ones.

“Mysticdog said, Hey, did you hear that DKW’s mom “gets around”? LOL”

YOU SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH! That woman is a saint!

I was deliberately being obtuse, silly.

They are rather outsized, but soft, you’d prefer acute pair of tits?

Have you ever seen Stroszek?

Ever seen a grown man naked?

More on the moron feedback to the Republican party.

“A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!” a third complains. “And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

Brilliant.

I had a RW classmate in the mid 80s tell me that’s how AIDs started. gay African men having sex with chimps…

It’s happened, but presumably this was heterosexual.

ew

YOU SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH! That woman is a saint!

I’ll say!

If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

I KNEW Michael Phelps had black lagoon genes.

Wait, are we talking about triangles or boobies? I’m confused.

Ugh the gays are always getting in the way. Also, they have the *balls* to come out!

OK, so how does a Teabagger in IDAHO lose a primary when a) he’s endorsed by Ms Teabagger herself, and b) runs against a swarthy skinned Latino (remember, IDAHO!) improbably named “Labrador”?

Labrador’s a ‘bagger, too. It’s fucking Idaho, man.

I don’t think it helped that his opponent mouthed one of Obama’s speeches verbatim. ‘Baggers don’t take kindly to that sort of seditious nonsense. Obama is black.

““A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!” a third complains. “And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

omg. That HAS to be a parody troll.

You know, once gays are allowed to serve openly in the military, we’ll have a black preside….oh shit.

Have you ever seen Stroszek?

Ever seen a grown man naked?

This this the most ridiculous movie-related non-sequitur in the history of movie-related non-sequiturs.

T&U <3's gladiator movies.

Dammit.

Whatever. You know what I meant.

YOU SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH! That woman is a saint!

Saint Theresa of the Open Legs.

Wait, are we talking about triangles or boobies? I’m confused.

Triangular boobies, for the sci-fi fans.

Saint Theresa of the Open Legs.

Leave your homage on the nightstand.

T&U <3's gladiator movies.

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Leave your homage on the nightstand.

What? The used condom?

What? The used condom?

She gives it to you for free? No fair.

She gives it to you for free? No fair.

Oh the money! I usually stick that in the poor box in front.

What? The used condom?

In a recession?? You have the cash for those? I can only afford the sex or the condom.

poor box

VhomelessvadgeR?

In a recession?? You have the cash for those? I can only afford the sex or the condom.

I manage a hedge fund that shorts DKW’s mom.

If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

poor box

VhomelessvadgeR?

No, DKW’s sister, who has to pick up mom’s sloppy seconds.

No fair

Now we’re talkin’.

YOU SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH! That woman is a saint!

The Patron Saint of Sailors on Shore Leave?

I usually stick that in the poor box in front.

Ow. Don’t you get splinters?

If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.

Like Otters! And Michael Phelps!

If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.

Like Otters! And Michael Phelps!

Yea! All mammals should walk on water, like Jesus!

No, DKW’s sister, who has to pick up mom’s sloppy seconds.

Suddenly, mopping peep show booths sounds like an excellent career choice…

The Patron Saint of Sailors on Shore Leave?

The Patron Saint of Having Sex for Money.

Tact is liberals.

This this the most ridiculous movie-related non-sequitur in the history of movie-related non-sequiturs.

And by ridiculous you mean BEST, right?

“Suddenly, mopping peep show booths sounds like an excellent career choice…”

Was it you who mentioned a joint called “The Glory Hole” somewhere in Missouri?

And by ridiculous you mean BEST, right?

That’s how all my dates end.

Like Otters! And Michael Phelps!

And lobsters! Who could forget A Fish Called Lobster…

There ya go, T&U. I have more if you wish to challenge me again.

That’s how all my dates end.

With ridicule?

Dude, you’re doing it wrong. If you want to get laid, you have to ridicule her at the start.

And by ridiculous you mean BEST, right?

That’s how all my dates end.

Mine end with a heated debate about the true meaning of “no”

**kidding**

Dude, you’re doing it wrong

That’s what she said. Right before “get out”.

Was it you who mentioned a joint called “The Glory Hole” somewhere in Missouri?

Yup. It’s in some little town…it’s a restaurant?

We do have a place here with an “arcade” and some rooms where people, you know, gather.

It’s behind a church. Missouri is weird.

the true meaning of “no”

It has multiple meanings depending on what she’s wearing, evidently.

Ouch, tsam. Dark but funny. 🙂

While it is tempting to think that the only damage that would be done would be the turning of our once-feared military into a global laughingstock

Really, the US is the only laughingstock for being the last major army in the world not to integrate. Makes us look like fraidy cats, screaming titty babies, lily livers, pathetic weenies . . .

Ouch, tsam. Dark but funny. 🙂

I’m mad at my job today, so I’m going with the asshole humor.

I try to be amused, but this shit just isn’t funny. What is it with bigots and blood? If Jews aren’t using it to make matzos, gays are tainting it and passing it along by transfusions, or bleeding, or something, and black people just have a black version of it ready to taint the pure white gene pool.

Hey, Cliff, no one wants access to your precious red and white corpuscles. Keep them to aerate that lump of Swiss cheese you call a brain.

Dude, you’re doing it wrong. If you want to get laid, you have to ridicule her at the start.

Are you trying to ensure he never has sex again???

To quote a friend: “Lookit, I’m not trying to be all big headed and shit but I’m a good looking woman so if you’re gonna roll up on me and start a conversation, don’t turn around and tell me, ‘you’re alright looking, you wanna come by this party?’ Damn, Sinatra, try not to get hit by my panties flying right off.”

I mean, this translates basically as “GAY GUYS ARE GROSS!!!! THEY DO IT IN TEH BUTT!!!!!!”

But by the Immutable Law of Wingnuts whatever he’s obsessing about is really his secret shame. Even money he either watches Anal Sluts IX on endless loop at home OR he’s gay.

And considering how paranoid he is about gay men hitting on him . . . yeah.

While it is tempting to think that the only damage that would be done would be the turning of our once-feared military into a global laughingstock

It’s tempting to think that writing a bitchy little article about how scary teh gheys are doesn’t make the author a global laughingstock.

Dear Internet;

I am completely and utterly stupid. Here, let me prove it by making up a bunch of shit and representing it as fact.

Signed;
Ultimate Closet Case.

The odd thing is that, beyond his antics, the character of Klinger was a competent soldier. Is Kincaid (not the Painter of Light(TM)(R)(C) ) saying he would rather have incompetents in the military than cross-dressers?

“Makes us look like fraidy cats, screaming titty babies, lily livers, pathetic weenies . . .”

Drama queens! Don’t forget the drama queens!

(literally. I have hemochromatosis)

Oh, thanks. One more thing for my hypochondriac ass to worry about.

It is particularly common in Caucasians of western European descent. Symptoms are often seen in men between the ages of 30 and 50 and in women over 50, although some people may develop problems by age 20.

Right. Beautiful.

Damn, Sinatra, try not to get hit by my panties flying right off.”

I can sing!

I’m also sure that transpeople will be delighted to learn that they’ve actually been accepted as part of the queer community instead of just an afterthought tacked on by cispeople who often only want to fight for trans rights when it’s convenient. kicked off the bus when they ask to be written into civil rights bills instead of just blindly supporting the rich white gay male cause du jour.

Fixt.

saying he would rather have incompetents in the military than cross-dressers?

I don’t even think it’s a matter of incompetents, its a matter of people wanting to actually join the military. Kincaid and his like aren’t going to. I’m not. So, why don’t we just let anyone who wants to die for our country do so without being labeled a queer because, if anything, they are tougher than any of us.

But what about the “rights” of those of us who seek to avoid dangerous and risky sexual behavior?

So he’s in the closet because he’s afraid of GERMS?

Whatta He-Man.

Oh, thanks. One more thing for my hypochondriac ass to worry about.

Don’t worry. It’s treatable.

Oh, and take care of your liver.

I’m destined to have lupus or MS or something equally nasty.

Are you trying to ensure he never has sex again???

It’s a strategy, yes. More for me!

One more thing for my hypochondriac ass to worry about.

You can’t catch it. It’s genetic. Like teh gehy.

“The odd thing is that, beyond his antics, the character of Klinger was a competent soldier. Is Kincaid (not the Painter of Light(TM)(R)(C) ) saying he would rather have incompetents in the military than cross-dressers?”

Shhhh. Don’t tell Cliffie’s readers that Klinger wanted OUT of the army, while the subject at hand is about people wanting IN the military. They just might conclude that Cliffie is full of shit. Oh, who am I foolin? THEY READ CLIFF KINCAID!

not a gator, I go into every wingnut tirade knowing that every last word of it will be pure projection.

kicked off the bus when they ask to be written into civil rights bills instead of just blindly supporting the rich white gay male cause du jour.

Wait, what? Are you implying a prominent “LGBT” organization did such a thing? Just be patient! When all their rights are thoroughly secured, they’ll be more than happy to halfheartedly pretend to address the issues transpeople face. I mean, it’s not like they’re dying or anything.

We do have a place here with an “arcade” and some rooms where people, you know, gather.

It’s behind a church. Missouri is weird.

Now that’s a religion one can get behind?

You can’t catch it. It’s genetic. Like teh gehy.

Yes you can. Gays in the military, trench warfare and sharing latrines will certainly cause an outbreak of owning small dogs, decorating like a professional and excessive cleanliness and grooming. Oh, and stereotyping will be rampant.

I need to stop reading the news: http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/5/25/869823/-Great-patriotic-Republicans-reject-taking-care-of-9-11-responders

FWIW, the bill is advancing anyway. But I’d like to know who the 12 who voted no were.

Hey, Cliff, no one wants access to your precious red and white corpuscles. Keep them to aerate that lump of Swiss cheese you call a brain.

That would interfere with his strict Cheetos dunking regimen.

FWIW, the bill is advancing anyway. But I’d like to know who the 12 who voted no were.

Health care is theft. It only encourages 9/11 responders to be more sick. Jesus, it’s not like they ran INTO a terrorist attack. WTF? Deficit!

Are you implying a prominent “LGBT” organization did such a thing? Just be patient!

Besides, how much chutzpah did you have thinking fat Barney Frank wanted to share the congressional bathroom with some screaming queers? Huh?

Nascar dads don’t self-identify as and call themselevs Nascar dads. That’s why the “so-called” is a childish insinuation. We call ourselves the LGBT community. I usually say alleged community but that’s a whole ‘nother issue.

Jesus, it’s not like they ran INTO a terrorist attack.

And even if they did, they CHOSE to. Am I my brother’s keeper?

Now that’s a religion one can get behind?

OK, I see what you did there…

Well, on the plus side, all the intra-gay community fighting and wank just makes me laugh harder as the Republicans implode this year. The Tom Tancredo wank from yesterday reminds me of the way the Millennium March ended in lawsuits and recriminations. Just makes the Schadenfreude that much more delicious.

I caught Gay once. I was laid up in bed with fabulousness for a week.

Am I my brother’s keeper?

Only if you’re DKW’s mom.

And even if they did, they CHOSE to. Am I my brother’s keeper?

You know who else was his brother’s keeper?

Now that’s a religion one can get behind?

Indeed! I like to take communion at least three or four times a week…I can never get enough of the body, you know.

I caught Gay once. I was laid up in bed with fabulousness for a week.

I see that the demons were exorcised. Lucky break for you.

Nascar dads don’t self-identify as and call themselevs Nascar dads. That’s why the “so-called” is a childish insinuation.

Thank you for being much more succinct than I.

The poor brown folks we are bringing the joys of freedom and democracy to aren’t laughing. The rest of the planet fortunate enough to enjoy some semblance of freedom and democracy without the assisstance of the glorious USA military/indutrial complex aren’t laughing either- they’re breathing a sigh of relief. The gay troops I served with in Germany in the 70’s were in the closet, but were pretty comfy with those of us who saw through the predjudices and recognized the competency of the individuals. My youngest child (who is MTF transgendered) may not want to go in the service, but I sure would like to know they could if they wanted to.

Just makes the Schadenfreude that much more delicious.

Is it really fair to call it Shadenfreude when the suffering is maliciously self-inflicted? Shadenfreude implies a sinister motive on the part of the watcher. This is more like the sweet sweet taste of justice.

literally. I have hemochromatosis

So does my sister-in-law. They drain her (via arm) once in a while to get some of the iron out.

So how are ya doing, Rusty?

“tsam said,
May 26, 2010 at 18:21

I see that the demons were exorcised. Lucky break for you.”

sometimes my elbow still gets a little fabulous. That means rain’s a-commin’.

One thing that’s missing from the otherwise excellent deconstruction of the Kincaid’s twisted psyche is this: but it seems he thinks high ranking, HIV-positive, gay officers will require their straight subordinates to provide sexual favours in exchange for positive reviews and/or promotions.

Translation: All the senior officers are fags! It’s just like when the Jews controlled er, I mean, …

sometimes my elbow still gets a little fabulous. That means rain’s a-commin’.

HAHA! When it’s about to rain men?

(women in your case, but the pun doesn’t work so well without the more direct reference)

“Now that’s a religion one can get behind?

Indeed! I like to take communion at least three or four times a week…I can never get enough of the body, you know”

Madonna? Whore? Whore? Madonna?

As you can see, I’m working my way down, trying to catch up. I’ll get to actor’s bukkake thing soon.

Besides, how much chutzpah did you have thinking fat Barney Frank wanted to share the congressional bathroom with some screaming queers? Huh?

No, we definitely need those magical men and women force fields around public bathrooms to keep the good ones from being associated with the riffraff.

No, we definitely need those magical men and women force fields around public bathrooms to keep the good ones from being associated with the riffraff.

Yeah, cuz the idea of peeing next to a gay makes me scared! It violates my constitutional rights! Wah!

Madonna? Whore? Whore? Madonna?

Depends on who’s asking…

“tsam said,
May 26, 2010 at 18:27

sometimes my elbow still gets a little fabulous. That means rain’s a-commin’.

HAHA! When it’s about to rain men?”

of course! 😉

“Madonna? Whore? Whore? Madonna?”

My sister! My daughter! My sister! My daughter!

I like to take communion at least three or four times a week…I can never get enough of the body, you know

So does the “priest” put the “wafer” directly on your tongue in your church?

Brandi said,
May 26, 2010 at 18:10

FWIW, the bill is advancing anyway. But I’d like to know who the 12 who voted no were.

Here you go.

“BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins. These fish are unable to compete against the fish of other countries, but now their increased lubrication will allow them to fly through the water. Faster fish = good.”

from America Speaking out…. which of you guys have been trolling

I think T&U’s one is a troll, too. It is also aquatic-life related.

“BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins. These fish are unable to compete against the fish of other countries, but now their increased lubrication will allow them to fly through the water. Faster fish = good.”

And I know I like to slather my fish in oil before grilling. Win-Win.

So does the “priest” put the “wafer” directly on your tongue in your church?

Yes! Eventually, he also gives me some “wine” to drink.

I think T&U’s one is a troll, too. It is also aquatic-life related.

Oh, I definitely think so, too. It’s sad when we can’t tell the difference, though.

Sad yet hilarious!

Speaking of…

“Fox News and Fox Business collectively devoted six segments and over 14 minutes to the website . America’s Newsroom even treated the website’s launch as ‘breaking news,’ running Fox News’ dramatic ‘news alert’ graphics and sound to introduce the segment. “

Oh, I definitely think so, too. It’s sad when we can’t tell the difference, though.

Sadder still, neither can they. I can just picture it: “Faster dolphins… **taps fingertips together** That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

SHUT UP!!! IF AMERICA WANTS TO CREATE A RACE OF SUPER-DOLPHINS, WE CAN!!! AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM APPLIES TO DOLPHINS, TOO!

SHUT UP!!! IF AMERICA WANTS TO CREATE A RACE OF SUPER-DOLPHINS, WE CAN!!! AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM APPLIES TO DOLPHINS, TOO!

Last week bioengineering was Satan. This week, and because it’s animals, which the bible says we can kill, it’s ok.

> The other goal is forced universal transfusions with tainted ghey blood.

This is one of those cases where I’m going to have to Trust The Shorter™ and not click through.

Okay, it’s Dana Dickwhisperer Millbank, but I’m bettin’ that some of the comments he highlighted here from that “America Speaking Out In Tongues” site have Sadlynaut fingerprints all over ’em. Fess up!

kingubu said,

May 26, 2010 at 19:08

AHEM.

AHEM

What, you actually think I read your comments? That’s so sweet.

(fine, I’ll consider myself ahemmed)

What, you actually think I read your comments? That’s so sweet.

Oh, please. Play cool if you want, I guess.

My link setup was pretty subtle, so I’ll let it slide…this time.

So does my sister-in-law. They drain her (via arm) once in a while to get some of the iron out.

So how are ya doing, Rusty?

Fortunately, my case is not so advanced that I need to be drained. I just cut myself shaving and I’m done, pretty much.

But I do have to get my liver ‘grammed every so often. I knock on wood.

Madonna? Whore? Whore? Madonna?

Depends on who’s asking…

I got a handful of Benajmins that want to know.

BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins. These fish are unable to compete against the fish of other countries, but now their increased lubrication will allow them to fly through the water. Faster fish = good.

We have a dolphin gap? I blame the obesity crisis: all that fat and oil in the dolphin diet, that can’t be healthy.

BP: Bringing oil to America’s shores.

My co-worker just said, “So, is there some sort of oil leak going on?”

I swear to God. You almost have to admire that level of obliviousness.

I got a handful of Benajmins that want to know.

If it means I can get away from this vapid ninny, I’m there.

Best line from the Milbank piece:

Rep. Mike Pence (Ind.) contributed to the discussion by twice giving out the wrong address for the new site.

You can’t make this stuff up, you know…

Any word on the boy kitteh yet, T&U?

If it means I can get away from this vapid ninny, I’m there.

Aw, sweety, if you want to get away from hubby, you know you have a place to come! I didn’t need to bribe you!

BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins.

With freakin’ laser beams on their heads?

Any word on the boy kitteh yet, T&U?

He’s at the vet’s now. Hopefully he’ll give them a sample soon. I don’t want him to have to spend the night, poor baby. This is the first time he’s been at the vet’s without one of us there.

He’s at the vet’s now.

Maybe you could go over and post at America’s Got Cooties Speaking Out and post a long screed about why no universal health care for our pets.

With freakin’ laser beams on their heads?

Doctor the Missus Monarch, I presume?

.

“With freakin’ laser beams on their heads?”

HEE!!

actor212 said,
May 26, 2010 at 19:30

Alternatively, a suggestion that people ought to be able to buy that health insurance for animals. It’s cheaper, and we’re mammals after all… That way those lazy slobs who refuse to buy health insurance can have some.

That way those lazy slobs who refuse to buy health insurance can have some

And it pays for euthanizing!

Aw, sweety, if you want to get away from hubby, you know you have a place to come! I didn’t need to bribe you!

It scares me when you’re nice.

With freakin’ laser beams on their heads?

DAMN YOU!!! You beat me to it.

Alternatively, a suggestion that people ought to be able to buy that health insurance for animals.

Hey, the veterinarian was enough for ladies wanting abortions pre-Roe v. Wade, why wouldn’t it be enough now?

It scares me when you’re nice.

See? There’s no point in starting a date without ridicule, if this is the response “being nice” gets.

Heh. Weigel’s trying to engage the Palin fanboys:

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/right-now/2010/05/inside_my_palin_mailbag.html

Popcorn anyone?

The fact is, if only the free market were allowed to work, if the government left us alone and taxes were lower, things would be much better.

You know who else was his brother’s keeper?

This guy?

The fact is,

if brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose.

[I]f the government left us alone […] things would be much better.

Yeah, the government should leave homosexuals alone instead of inflicting DADT on them. Glad to see you making sense for once!

and why the news media is held in deserved contempt and slight regard.

Somebody’s been cracking his Thesaurus!!!

Popcorn anyone?

Naturally, Joe McGinnis is a dyed-in-the-wool pedophile. While I bet at some point in his life, he was a catholic priest!

Somebody’s been cracking his Thesaurus!!!

Is that the 21st century version of “walking his dinosaur”?

Conservatives don’t want government intrusion…until they want government intrusion. Bankstas getting rich by gaming the system is ok. Gay rights, abortion rights, immigrating to this country and trying to live with dignity? Notsomuch.

Gary Ruppert gets to comment here, whilst I wait in the moderation queue?!?!?!

Not that I am an international celebrity commenter, but jeezus!

.

Is that the 21st century version of “walking his dinosaur”?

It is now! See, if we cooperate and work real hard, we can turn anything into a dumb sex joke.

See, if we cooperate and work real hard, we can turn anything into a dumb sex joke.

*GASP*

Was(Not Was)! Is no sex joke!

See? There’s no point in starting a date without ridicule, if this is the response “being nice” gets.

Well, I was talking about, like, normal people, you know?

I swear to God. You almost have to admire eliminate that level of obliviousness.

Amended instructions…

Well, I was talking about, like, normal people, you know?

Oh I see! Just because I’m not “normal”, I can’t be nice?

Amended instructions…

Dude, I had to physically restrain myself from throwing something at her and/or yelling at her.

Bitch took my message pad this morning, too. I can’t prove it, but I know it was her…

Was(Not Was)! Is no sex joke!

Good lawd. Have I been here too long? Is EVERYTHING a VPR or VMR to me now? Congratulations, S,N. You’ve soiled this once pretty mind. I used to have a pretty mind!!!!!

Oh I see! Just because I’m not “normal”, I can’t be nice?

I was talking about myself. Never mind…

You’ve soiled this once pretty mind. I used to have a pretty mind!!!!!

And now it’s just beautiful, the full ripe…mind…of a luscious and voluptuous…brain.

I don’t….. I can’t even…..

So Hitler himself was an active homosexual. And some people wonder, didn’t the Germans, didn’t the Nazis, persecute homosexuals? And it is true they did; they persecuted effeminate homosexuals. But Hitler recruited around him homosexuals to make up his Stormtroopers, they were his enforcers, they were his thugs. And Hitler discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits and the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whomever Hitler sent them after. So he surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Brownshirts, were male homosexuals.

No, really
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/05/top_social_conservative.php?ref=fpa

I was talking about myself. Never mind…

Perhaps you can take a Rorscach test? Let me get my etchings.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/05/top_social_conservative.php?ref=fpa

I guess he and Cliff Kincaid won’t see eye to dick, huh?

<i.I don’t….. I can’t even…..

Oh, you’re not a Nazi? I thought you were because of the, you know…that thing you like to do?

Soooooo…about those pink triangles….

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/05/top_social_conservative.php?ref=fpa

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday gays were too wimpy to be soldiers; today they are too brutal.

Yessir, Republican observation projection comes through again!

From the TPM Muckraker link:

Fischer said on his radio show that “God is obviously looking for” “more Phinehases in our day.” In the book of numbers, Phinehase kills two people with a spear after seeing them engage in “sexual immorality.”

FWIW, the name “Phinechas” means “the Nubian”. I wonder how today’s reactionaries would react if a, um, well someone named “the Nubian” were to slay a couple in flagrante delicto. Especially considering that couple was engaging in what was, at the time, “old time religion”.

So the religious right is cheerfully waiting for a “Nubian” to slay a couple engaged in the traditional religious rituals of this country?

The one of the goals behind repealing DADT is to change the standard military combat uniform to a flouncy sun dress.

It’s 90 fookin degrees out, I think wearing a flouncy sun dress (commando) would be the best damn option on a day like this.

I will go on the record saying I only own two skirts, a sarong and the Samoan equivalent, a lavalava. While I have worn both in public, it’s only on rare occasions.

In the book of numbers, Phinehase kills two people with a spear after seeing them engage in “sexual immorality.”

If that’s not a VPR, then nothing is.

Oh, you’re not a Nazi? I thought you were because of the, you know…that thing you like to do?

You mean the way I dress up in leather and black uniforms and…? Naw, I’m not really a Nazi, I just dress like one.

I will go on the record saying I only own two skirts, a sarong and the Samoan equivalent, a lavalava. While I have worn both in public, it’s only on rare occasions.

Oddly enough, I only own two pairs of pants, which I rarely wear in public.

Long, flowy natural-fiber skirts are a good bet for hot days. Much better than shorts. Men should wear them more often.

You mean the way I dress up in leather and black uniforms and…? Naw, I’m not really a Nazi, I just dress like one.

Hey, whatever turns your crank, man.

(creep)

I will go on the record saying I only own two skirts, a sarong and the Samoan equivalent, a lavalava.

What? No kilt?

No off-the-shoulder Oleg Cassini?

No miniskirt?

What kind of man are you????

It is now! See, if we cooperate and work real hard, we can turn anything into a dumb sex joke.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any sentence of the form “[verb] the [noun]” will eventually be used as a euphemism for masturbation.

What? No kilt?

Those things are expensive! *sniff* How was the beer and bacon tasting?

How was the beer and bacon tasting?

Didn’t go. I ended up riding my bike a little longer and harder* than I intended. By the time I showered and dried off, it was nearly nine.

* Yes, that’s her name, Bike.

I’ll be off immanentizing the eschaton.

If you know what I mean.

And ye kin get a five yard kilt for less than $200. Bet yer sarong cost more, boy-o

I’ll be off immanentizing the eschaton.

PROTIP: Bring lotion.

I’ll be off immanentizing the eschaton.

Buckley-bating!

Kinda gives Firing Line a whole new meaning.

I’ll be off immanentizing the eschaton.

If you know what I mean.

Jesus is coming to dinner?

I’m gonna go juice the papaya. Cya in 2 minutes.

This thread is like so gay.

I’m gonna go juice the papaya.

“Pet my girl,” step aside! There’s a new euphemism in town!

And ye kin get a five yard kilt for less than $200. Bet yer sarong cost more, boy-o

Nuh-uh, and the lavalava was purchased in Pago Pago, where it’s an everyday article of clothing.

I’m gonna go juice the papaya.

“Pet my girl,” step aside! There’s a new euphemism in town!

Somewhere actor’s head is exploding. *

*VER

Jesus is coming to dinner?

He didn’t say “elasticizing the supper”.

Somewhere actor’s head is exploding.

I was riding the bike.

Nuh-uh, and the lavalava was purchased in Pago Pago, where it’s an everyday article of clothing.

So? The trip costs you ten times what a kilt would cost. But hey, if you want to wear, you know, one season skirts, be my guest.

I’m gonna go juice the papaya.

oooo… that’s a good one!

So he’s in the closet because he’s afraid of GERMS?

Whatta He-Man

Well, there’s something you should know about He-Man.

Jesus is coming to dinner?

“Every time you masturbate, God kills a third of humanity.”

or perhaps “…the angels open another seal”

Though what seals have to do with the end of the world, I’ll never understand. Maybe they are pissed we club their babies?

I’m gonna go juice the papaya.

Mash the melons, too, while you’re at it.

I was squeezing the lemon in 1968 bitchez!

Though what seals have to do with the end of the world, I’ll never understand. Maybe they are pissed we club their babies?

I think they’re pissed they got such low billing in the bible.

Think about it, every other page its “Lamb of God” this and “Lamb of God” that. Even the fatted calves got better press, and they’re obese!

Operation Top Kill, which according to BP “pumps heavy drilling fluid” into the busted well, has commenced.

Really. There’s an image I didn’t need.

So he’s in the closet because he’s afraid of GERMS?

Whatta He-Man.

Uh, about He-Man.

So? The trip costs you ten times what a kilt would cost. But hey, if you want to wear, you know, one season skirts, be my guest.

The trip was paid for by Uncle Sam.

“pumps heavy drilling fluid” into the busted well

VDKW’sMR?

“Operation Top Kill, which according to BP “pumps heavy drilling fluid” into the busted well, has commenced.”

And, of course, this too will fail. So what is Plan J?

“pumps heavy drilling fluid” into the busted well

VDKW’sMR?”

Well, the well may well be busted. Well, what say you, DKW? Well?

So what is Plan J?

What is this “plan” you speak of?

The trip was paid for by Uncle Sam.

So you were in the military, and wore skirts?

DON’T TELL!

What is this “plan” you speak of?

Look, they had to call it something and “Shitwe’remakingupontheflyaswegoalong,don’tjudgeus,OK?” doesn’t fit newspaper headlines easily.

The pumping starts, the Dow plummets.

Go fig.

So you were in the military, and wore skirts?

‘Twas my brother. We all got skirts and ornamental clubs (VPR?) as gifts, making it the BEST CHRISTMAS EVAR!!!

they had to call it something and “Shitwe’remakingupontheflyaswegoalong,don’tjudgeus,OK?”

Oh, so I do have a “plan” for my life after all? Sweet!

Completely OT, I just have to share this fucking awesome Bettye Lavette cover of “It Don’t Come Easy”*.

*No VER intended.

Completely OT, I just have to share this fucking awesome Bettye Lavette cover of “It Don’t Come Easy”*.

My buddy Al plays guitar in her touring band.

In fact, that’s him on guitar behind her

“What is this “plan” you speak of?”

Has Pat Robertson been praying for an end to this? If not, why not? Has he shared with us what God told him about the reason God hates the Gulf of Mexico?

Has he shared with us what God told him about the reason God hates the Gulf of Mexico?

It’s because, contrary to the laws laid down in Leviticus, the inhabitants of the region insist on eating shellfish… pork products too.

Well…I hope you’re all happy. You’ve finally done it. You’ve brought an end to civilization as we know it. BEHOLD: cats and dogs living together.

I wonder when some natural disaster is going to call a press conference and blame Pat Robertson:

BP Oil Spill: Y’know, I really didn’t want to do this, y’all, but that big bully, Pat Robertson, kept calling on God, dropping a dime on his azz bout this hurricane and that flood, and God was taking his millenial bath…that lasts a century, you know?…and so he called me up and asked me a straight up, so I said, Yo! G! For you? This nizzle’s in the shizzle hawouse!”

(I did that in lingo cuz, you know, black oil, right?)

BEHOLD: cats and dogs living together.

Thank you. That was the sweetest thing ever. My homicidal mood is abating temporarily.

I could post a few links from You Tube about interspecies sexing, but it even made me a little queasy.

I find that site is good for all that ails me.

I wonder when some natural disaster is going to call a press conference and blame Pat Robertson:

The BP Oil Gusher is hardly a natural disaster.

The countersite: http://www.fupenguin.com/2009/11/dissatisfied-ferrets-resort-to-jewish.html

I find that site is good for all that ails me.

Caturday is my favorite day of the week. It’s hard to hate everyone on Caturday.

and the lavalava was purchased in Pago Pago
I had beri-beri so I went to Baden-Baden for the cure-cure.

The countersite:

Yeah, I can’t read that at work because it makes me giggle like a complete dumbass.

BTW, whazzup with the Sadlies? By my calculation, we have had, on average, 1(one) thread per day for about the last ten days. It’s not as if the conservatards are not offering plenty of grist for the mill. Why just yesterday, TBogg spanked Mark Hemingway, but good. And I hope actor appreciates the, um, opening I just, um, opened.

The BP Oil Gusher is hardly a natural disaster.

Which is why it makes for a perfect “God got Robertson back” gig.

Why just yesterday, TBogg spanked Mark Hemingway, but good.

Mark “I’m not the author, because I can’t write” Hemingway?

BTW, whazzup with the Sadlies?

Obviously, they are all too busy spanking the Hemingway, if you know what I mean (and by now how could you not?).

TBogg spanked Mark Hemingway, but good.

The mouseover photo caption made me snort.

Besides, going to Firedoglake for teh funnay is like going to Michael Steele for advice on how to get your kid into the KKK. He might know, but he won’t *know*.

I had beri-beri so I went to Baden-Baden for the cure-cure.

But then got bit by a tsetse which was hiding in a gris-gris.

BTW, the GOP’s America Speaking Out website is hilarious. Well played, netizens, well played!

You know, you’d figure as many times as Hemingway has been skewered by a site called “Sadly, No!” that he’d be suspicious of ANY email that starts with “Sadly….”

But then got bit by a tsetse which was hiding in a gris-gris.

A little kava-kava will clear that right up.

Or rather, make you not care.

I knock on wood.
You kids and your cute euphemisms.

“Besides, going to Firedoglake for teh funnay is like going to Michael Steele for advice on how to get your kid into the KKK. He might know, but he won’t *know*.”

You do know that you can bypass FDL and go directly to TBogg by clicking the link at the top of this page on the Seb roll, right?

You do know that you can bypass FDL and go directly to TBogg by clicking the link at the top of this page on the Seb roll, right?

Which reminds me, I wanted to file an EEOC complaint against Sadly, No! for not including my blog.

I’m watching Operation TOP KILL… it looks like a lot of something is leaking from whatever it is the camera is focused on. I’m sure this is a good thing.

From the GOP site:

I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case.

it looks like a lot of something is leaking from whatever it is the camera is focused on.

It’s likely hot water or hot fluid* to keep the mechanism from freezing up.

* VER

I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case.

What? No Night Elf Mohawks with grenades?

I’m barred from donating blood – which I used to do fairly regularly
I’m barred because during the early days of the UK BSE outbreak I was living in England subsisting largely on a diet of bovine spinal tissue (or English meat pies, which are basically the same thing), which apparently put me at risk of developing vCJD nnkwerao5wv9u3jhw9q

Well, because of that and the anemia. And the beri-beri.

“From the GOP site:

I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case”

Srsly, I would like to see the math on what would happen if the border was sealed and all the illegals were sent back. For one thing, the cost of a new house here in Texas would skyrocket, as either the builder would have to pay a living wage or the work would just not get done.

which apparently put me at risk of developing vCJD

Similarly, my baby-eating disqualifies me.

I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case

Dammit, I love nerds.

by clicking the link at the top of this page on the Seb roll

It’s at the top of your page? On the bottom for me*.

*Not a veiled VButtseksR. Not intentionally, anyway.

“baby-eating”? “baby eating”?

See what I mean?

Dammit, I love nerds.

Have I shown you my photoresist etchings on silicon wafers?

What is it with bigots and blood?
Godwin violation.

Ties in with his insistence that American military power should be “feared” rather than, say, respected.

Have I shown you my photoresist etchings on silicon wafers?

*gasp*

Just what I’ve been missing in my life!

What’s a Hemingway?

Oh, about 300 lbs.

Dammit, I love nerds.

Especially smartass ones!

What is it with bigots and blood?

Even bigots can’t resist the allure of a tasty, tasty black pudding?

Damn, missed the joke by a mile, should have written:

Even a racist loves a black pudding.

Just what I’ve been missing in my life!

Maybe you’d be interested in my dongle.

Especially smartass ones!

Very rarely do I like someone who isn’t at least a bit of a smartass.

Maybe you’d be interested in my dongle.

I don’t know. I don’t take just any old data into my port…

I don’t take just any old data into my port…

Let’s interface over some W I N E first. No rush.

Do you know who else might have interested in your dongle Actor?

http://thinkprogress.org/2010/05/26/afa-hitler-gay/

Do you know who else might have interested in your dongle Actor?

Dude, I’m not gay, K?

Well, mostly. There’s that ten percent of my blood cells.

Let’s interface over some W I N E first. No rush.

Well, this is a GNU side of you I haven’t seen.

Unrelated: Is CYA a high fucking art everywhere else in the adult working world, or is it just here?

Related to the my unrelatedt: don’t get pissy with ME when YOU fuck up.

Where did that “t” come from?

Where did that “t” come from?

I just assumed you were speaking Dutch.

Well, this is a GNU side of you I haven’t seen.

I like showing my softer bezels every so often.

“Dude, I’m not gay, K?”

That’s exactly what a closet Queen would say.

Do you know who else wasn’t gay?

Do you know who else wasn’t gay?

Gay McGay?

AFA: Hitler was gay, and he recruited gay soldiers because they had ‘no limits’ on their ‘savagery.’

I was going to make a joke about Bryan Fischer merely ploughing in the same furrow as “Liberal Fascism”, but I couldn’t think of any way of linking it to DKW’s mum.

Gay McGay?

Exactly.

I’m watching Operation TOP KILL

How does it compare to “Red Dawn”?

ploughing in the same furrow

I see what you do there.

Do you know who else wasn’t gay?

Me. No, really. The Ho has more than once said “PeeJ isn’t gay. He’s actually a straight but trapped in a gay man’s body.”

Quote: “As a result of the repeal of DADT, thousands of straight and healthy soldiers will probably leave in disgust and dismay, while tens of thousands more will choose never to sign up. Our military will end up in shambles, the war against Islamic fascism would be jeopardized, and a draft would be required to fill the ranks with soldiers reporting to the male homosexuals already there and in command positions”

Clearly a rectally retrieved factoid..

And now it’s just beautiful, the full ripe…mind…of a luscious and voluptuous…brain.

Aww, now you made me hungry.

soldiers reporting to the male homosexuals already there and in command positions

Worst Penthouse letter EVAH.

T&U, I think CYA was invented in ancient Sumer. It has always been with us.

Worst Penthouse letter EVAH.

Even without reference to privates standing at attention.

Clearly a rectally retrieved factoid..

Nuh uhhh. Every other country that allows gays in the military had that very thing happen to them. Remember Atlantis?

“As a result of the repeal of DADT, thousands of straight and healthy soldiers will probably leave in disgust and dismay, while tens of thousands more will choose never to sign up.

Our military will end up in shambles, the war against Islamic fascism would be jeopardized, and a draft would be required to fill the ranks with soldiers reporting to the male homosexuals already there and in command positions.

They will demand sexual favors to rise in the ranks, creating even more problems down the road.

It is a recipe for national suicide.”

O.Kaaaay. Anyone who really believed that such slippery slopes were likely would go mad. Methinks he secretly wants a commanding gay to demand sexual favors from him, and may already be paying one to do so.

Btw, I can’t donate blood because I served in Germany in ’81 and ’82. I’m not sure I want to know why that’s a problem.

T&U, I think CYA was invented in ancient Sumer. It has always been with us.

Let’s just say today reminded me why I stopped giving a shit.

And my little dude has to stay at the vet’s overnight. 🙁

Your little dude should be at a hospital for HUMANS, cheapskate.

Btw, I can’t donate blood because I served in Germany in ‘81 and ‘82. I’m not sure I want to know why that’s a problem.

Perhaps this
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071650/

And my little dude has to stay at the vet’s overnight. 🙁

I hope the vet is able to help him.

Unrelated: Is CYA a high fucking art everywhere else in the adult working world, or is it just here?

Everywhere else.

SASQ Vol. MXLCCVI

Snark Attack!

http://www.americaspeakingout.com/
sample suggestion:

“Request that Thomas Paine’s book, ‘common sense’ be retitled on account of Paine being an atheist. Everyone knows the founding fathers were Christian, it’s common sense.”

I have to admit that this suggestion has a lot of merit.

“Widen stance on the homogenda! The constant temptation to accidentally $uck a peter is obviously more than our really, really straight Republican senators and representatives can resist. To the boxcars! “

This also:

“One time I saw a Mexican living in America on the television and his English was fine. I was thoroughly insulted and called an exorcist to remove the demons from my television. He never came. Sometimes, when the night is as still as a cat about to leap on its prey, I can hear the screams of the trapped heathen souls as they rattle away in their cathode ray prison. I bought some earplugs, but they were too big.”

I must admit, next to Sadly, NO! my new favorite website is Amerikka Freakin’ OUT! Such drollery.

I must admit, next to Sadly, NO! my new favorite website is Amerikka Freakin’ OUT! Such drollery.

I’m seeing a runtime error page now when I try to go there.

IT phail.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/ynews_wl2271

I predict that somewhere in the country, an evangelical pastor will pick up on this and claim that God is punishing Greece for being too socialist with one of his cyclical, ages-old and perfectly natural phenomena Egyptian plagues.

I am really bummed I can’t wander over there and bring juicy mangoes back.

I haz a sad.

Tsam may be the muthafucka threadkillah but Looch is the Sandman.

I put these suckers to sleep.

I just remembered what the image at the top of the post reminds me of. I think Clif Kincaid could use some Ludovico Technique sessions with Julian and Sandy. He might turn out Fantabulosa!

OK, Michele Bachmann (!) posted this over at Red-faced State:

“Republicans are ready to abandon these old ways of closed door deals and elitist policy discussions, ways that have to be honest, lured Republicans off the path of limited government and limited spending in years past. This time, we’re turning to you, the American people.

We want you to let us know what you want funded and what you don’t, what programs you disagree with and what solutions you’d like to see us explore. AmericaSpeakingOut.com is an innovative, transparent and honest initiative that will allow you to do just that. Instead of Washington telling you what’s best, you can now take control.

Minnesota has a long and treasured history of civic participation, so I’m expecting plenty of ideas and thoughts from my home state. And I hope that with help from the rest of the Country, we can right this ship and restore America’s greatness.”

Ok, dere, you near-Canucks in Minniesoda, time to step up at AmericaFreakingOut.

Don’t let Michele down!

I keep pushing the thumbs down button but the music doesn’t change stations. I don’t like this music. It’s too provocative. Please fix the thumbs down button.

This is hilarious!!

This is almost as much fun as LOL Cats or that Wal-mart people site.

English is are official langauge. Anybody who ain’t speak it the RIGHT way should kicked out

American values:

I don’t like how bike riders are always showing off with their skinny shorts. If they like wearing their skinny shorts, they should do that when their with the men who like that, not me.

Or on national security:

Take away all of our guns and use them to secure the border. That’s a compromise everyone likes.

Are you guys seeing the site?

…. I bought some earplugs, but they were too big.

Effing genius, that and everything that came before it.

SOCIALEST!

Sometimes late when things are real and people share the gift of snark between themselves,
Some are quick to take the bait and catch the perfect prize that waits among the shelves.

But Oz never did give nothing to the Tan Man
That he didn’t, didn’t already have
And Cause never was the reason for the evening
Or the tropic of Sir Galahad
So please believe in me…

When I say I’m spinning round, round, round, round
Smoke glass stain bright color
Image going down, down, down, down
Soapsuds green like bubbles…

Well, the well may well be busted. Well, what say you, DKW? Well?

I say that you went to the well one too many times.

Comment on America Freakin Out man…

Where is the link for rent-a-boy?

This is a job for Lassie.

(I did that in lingo cuz, you know, black oil, right?)

Hoo, boy…

“We need a lot more of those “slippery when wet” signs posted around outside when it rains. It rains a lot where I live. 11 Total Votes”

or,

“Privatize bacon.”

Indeed! I like to take communion at least three or four times a week…I can never get enough of the body

I wonder if Jesus had halitosis. I imagine they ate onions in the Near East back then.

What about those 7th Day Adventist loonies? Do they use mouthwash? If it was good enough for Jesus…

Shadenfreude implies a sinister motive on the part of the watcher. This is more like the sweet sweet taste of justice.

Schaden = shame, scandal
Freude = joy

Schadenfreude = enjoying the suffering/scandalous fall of others

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

PS: sweet justice would be seeing the crooks in prison!

oops, wtf am I talking about? Schande is a scandal. Fuck me, I suck.

wikipedia says Schaden means “adversity, harm”. it also says I suck.

Schande is a scandal. Fuck me, I suck.

A shanda fur die goyim.

So Hitler himself was an active homosexual. And some people wonder, didn’t the Germans, didn’t the Nazis BLAH BLAH BLAH MADE UP AHISTORICAL CRAP

Wingnutty conspiracy theorists will just never get over Ernst Röhm, who didn’t even fucking survive the first year of the Tausendjahrreich. Whatever.

A top official with a leading social conservative group recently laid out the view that Adolf Hitler deliberately recruited gays to be his “enforcers,” because they had “no limits” to “the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict.”

Sounds like somebody has been reading too many comic books.

So Hitler himself was an active homosexual…

How can someone waste their time imagining this shit from the flimsiest of tangled logic, and yet completely ignore the role the Bush family had in building the Nazi war machine? I mean, one is real, easily researchable and truly criminal and unethical. The other captures wingnut latent homosexuality, I guess.

Schaden = shame, scandal
Freude = joy

Schadenfreude = enjoying the suffering/scandalous fall of others

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

PS: sweet justice would be seeing the crooks in prison!

Fair enough.

Say Obama keeps both chambers. Think he’ll quit being a Republican?

How can someone waste their time imagining this shit from the flimsiest of tangled logic, and yet completely ignore the role the Bush family had in building the Nazi war machine?

There’s no end to the effort these guys will put into validating their goofy beliefs. It must suck to have beliefs that require a complete detachment from reality to keep from drifting away from them.

Think he’ll quit being a Republican?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

If a tree falls in the forest– Okay, I’ll shut up now.

There’s no end to the effort these guys will put into validating their goofy beliefs.

It amazes me how stupid people can so enjoy weaving endless webs of conspiracy based on the barest wisps of information, but won’t ever get off their ass, take the bus to the local community collidge library and read a few good books on the damn topic.

Whereas to me, with my training, speculating without good information is a waste of my time and often triggers such impatience that I find it physically painful.

But maybe that’s just me.

It must suck to have beliefs that require a complete detachment from reality to keep from drifting away from them.

Well, in a way it does suck because if they do run into credible disconfirmatory information there is the real risk of a mental breakdown.

I know of a few cases of ex-Christians (usually ex-Fundies) who very nearly lost it when they found out that the New Testament is just a bunch of legend and hearsay. (Plus they lose their social support & frequently can lose spouse and communication with close relatives at the same time. Not good.)

Whereas to me, with my training, speculating without good information is a waste of my time and often triggers such impatience that I find it physically painful.

I get annoyed with that bullshit in a hurry too. For me, watching people try to equate gays to Hitler or Obama to some violent, fundamentalist muslim just gets beyond infuriating. Deep down, they know that shit isn’t true. Yet they just keep spreading it around, fabricating evidence, building tautologies that keep the logically impaired trapped in the web…Unfortunately it doesn’t take much intelligence to pull something like this off. You only need to be intelligent enough to know that everything you say is utter bullshit.

Shun that heretic!!

I know of a few cases of ex-Christians (usually ex-Fundies) who very nearly lost it when they found out that the New Testament is just a bunch of legend and hearsay. (Plus they lose their social support & frequently can lose spouse and communication with close relatives at the same time. Not good.)

I watched a guy fall to pieces after falling away from one of those psychobaptist operations that had him convinced that teh gayz were actually demons! I didn’t know what to do for him. This dude FELL APART. It was just sad. I’m not sure what became of him.

M. Bouffant said,
May 27, 2010 at 6:40

Shun that heretic!!

There’s that, but mostly it’s the fucking sanctimonious pity they feign that is more than a little nauseating.

Sado-masochism? Sex magic?

Granted, I’m talking total pseudo-science, but so is a lot of deprogramming and psychotherapy.

Sounds like somebody has been reading too many comic books.
But the WRONG COMIC BOOKS.

Adolf Hitler deliberately recruited gays vampires to be his “enforcers,” because they had “no limits” to “the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict.”

Ficksed.

Baron Blood.

Stands to reason that someone who falls apart after being heavily involved in a cult that believes gays are actual demons was pretty lightly pasted together in the first place.

I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case

Alright, I know I am late to party, but this can NOT stand! Level 12 mages?? Is this person INSANE?? Look, I don’t care if their healers have a 5800 gear score, those mages are dead at the slightest sign of trouble. Especially frost mages–damn, those things are squishy.

No, you want a buttload of Death Knights and Retribution Paladins, with some Rogues to pick off anyone who gets past the first line of defense. Warlocks deliver terrific damage, so you’ll definitely want a few of them (they bring the brimstone BIG time!). Of course you’ll need healers–your Holy Paladins, Priests and Restoration Druids.

Alright? Are we clear? Any REAL PATRIOT can tell you that that is how you protect our borders! Level 12 mages…amateurs…

It amazes me how stupid people can so enjoy weaving endless webs of conspiracy based on the barest wisps of information, but won’t ever get off their ass, take the bus to the local community collidge library and read a few good books on the damn topic.

But, but, historians are just a trade guild who all support one another’s ideas, so they can’t be trusted. [/Jonah Goldberg, noted conservative pundit]

Shorter Jonah: Don’t you see, they’re in on it, too [/Any conspiracy nut, ever]

But, but, historians are just a trade guild who all support one another’s ideas, so they can’t be trusted. [/Jonah Goldberg, noted conservative pundit]

History, like reality, has a well-known liberal bias.

Level 12 mages would be the pre-negotiation compromise, Journal.

Level 12 mages would be the pre-negotiation compromise, Journal.

You’re just pissed because they can sense you coming up behind them.

Level 12 mages couldn’t handle the 5-hour raids either.