May
17

Please, God, Stop Bob Before He Breeds Again




Posted at 15:47 by Tintin


ABOVE: Bob Owens demonstrates his own patented method of
self-defense


Shorter Bob Owens, Confederate Wanker
Left-Wing Think Progress Advocates Stripping Citizens of Constitutional Rights Without Benefit of Trial, Conviction, or Notice of Even Being A Suspect or Any Other Kind of Goll-durned Notice and Not Even with the Chance to Sit Down and Sip on a R.C. While Enjoying a Slim Jim or Some Pork Rinds Like They Sell at the QuikMart on Highway 12 You Know the Ones With Bacon and Barbecue Flavors and Caddy Smells Like Trees

  • When guns for terrorists are outlawed, only outlaws will have terrorists.

    Guns don’t kill people, terrorists do.

    Terrorists don’t kill people, guns do.

    Aw, fuckit. Guns for everyone!


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

716 Comments »

  1. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:51

    “Again”? There truly is no God.

  2. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:53

    Also, meh re: that last post, since it’s already sort of covered in the title. Need moar coffees.

  3. Smiling Mortician said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:54

    Those of you on Hypocrisy Patrol will be relieved to note they’ve got it covered, courtesy of commenter Foxfier:

    Miranda is kind of new. Right to bear arms isn’t.

  4. LittlePig said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:55

    Is there even any proposed legislation that has anything to do with guns? The NRA is only the most powerful lobby in the country – nothing would happen even if something was proposed, and I don’t think there is even that.

    Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  5. dave said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:56

    No objection to summarily executing American citizens accused of terrorism, right? Right?

  6. LittlePig said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:59

    All it would take would be for The Islamic Shock to “accidentally” say, near a live mic, “Whitey has been declared illegal. The bombing starts in five minutes”.

    Next day we start collecting all the bodies – not from any bombs, of course, but from the wave of cardiac arrests across the nation. Then the ‘baggers can get their country back…well, six feet of it, anyway.

  7. ChristMD said,

    May 17, 2010 at 15:59

    I see what you did there with Faulkner. Caddy also smells like leaves.

  8. Larkspur said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:00

    Ooh, OT: Dick Cheney has endorsed Meg Whitman in the California governor’s race. That should make any normal person do a prairie dog OMG, but I don’t know from normal any more.

  9. LittlePig said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:00

    No objection to summarily executing American citizens accused of terrorism, right? Right?

    None whatsoever. White people can’t be terrorists! You been living under a rock or sumpthin’?

  10. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:01

    Always. Trust. The. Um. Shorter?™

    So Bob thinks Shahzad should be accorded all the rights an American citizen is entitled to in the course of prosecuting him?

    How enlightened of him!

  11. mmy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:06

    I got out of the boat, because the title of the shorter kind of confused me. Turns out there are some tasty mangoes in the comment section:

    Once governments start to accumulate power they are normally loathe to relinquish it. I’m through with voting myself, as Huey Newton said, “Don’t vote, it only encourages them.”

    Rightists quoting Black Panthers! Truly Obama has brought us all together.

    Well, unless he was quoting Huey Long and was too dumb to get the name right. And since he wants to change the government by not voting, he may well be. Hurm.

  12. Jennifer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:06

    LittlePig – nope, no proposed legislation, nothing even run up the flagpole. But Cletus is convinced they’re coming for his gun, facts be damned. I actually had this conversation with a voter a few weeks ago while knocking doors for Halter. I said, “what gun legislation has been introduced?” and the guy admitted that nothing had. Then I asked, “what gun legislation has been proposed?” and the guy admitted that nothing had. Then I said, “why would ‘gun rights’ be your biggest concern going into the election if no one is even proposing any legislation dealing with guns?” Because, he said, it’s what they WANT to do. “But if they WANTED to do it, wouldn’t they at least be talking about it? Why would they wait unitl AFTER an election when they’re going to lose seats to do something that none of them seem to be interested in doing anyway, when it would be more difficult to do it then instead of now?” At that point, he just got a confused look on his face.

    They believe what they want to believe and what they’re told to believe.

  13. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:07

    White people can’t be terrorists!

    They’re “patriots”.

    Which means anytime you hear that codeword, assume they’ve got C4 strapped to their chests.

  14. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:08

    Huey Newton said, “Don’t vote, it only encourages them.”

    Um, that was Jack Parr.

    OK, that just made my day.

  15. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:08

    Actually, he said “I don’t vote, it only encourages them” to be factual.

  16. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:12

    I’m through with voting myself, as Huey Newton said, “Don’t vote, it only encourages them.”

    I thought he said that the heart of rock and roll is in Cleveland? I’m confused.

  17. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:13

    I thought he said that the heart of rock and roll is in Cleveland?

    Not if LeBron James splits.

  18. s said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:15

    Yup, A.T.T.S.

    Luckily, our Founders sought to create a nation based upon the rationality of laws and not the swirling emotions of men.

    Sheeeit, any first year Law & Order student knows that.

  19. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:17

    Not if LeBron James splits.

    I’m sure everyone has seen these, but it gives me the opportunity to post a couple of my favorite hastily-made Cleveland tourism videos.

  20. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:17

    Is there even any proposed legislation that has anything to do with guns?

    Proposed gun legislation:

    http://gunowners.org/111anatb.htm

  21. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:19

    I’m through with voting myself, as Huey Newton said, “Don’t vote, it only encourages them.”

    And I thought he was famous for saying “ouch” when the apple fell on his head.

  22. stryx said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:20

    At that point, he just got a confused look on his face.

    With a picture, this could be the basis for a whole new internet tradition.

  23. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:20

    And I thought he was famous for saying “ouch” when the apple fell on his head.

    No, that’s the guy who invented the cookie wrapped fig jelly.

  24. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:21

    And I thought he was famous for saying “ouch” when the apple fell on his head.

    Wait, how can cookies talk?

  25. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:21

    my favorite hastily-made Cleveland tourism videos.

    I always thought the best tourism video of Cleveland was the opening of the Drew Carey Show.

  26. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:21

    No, that’s the guy who invented the cookie wrapped fig jelly.

    *sigh*

  27. Another JIm said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:21

    Um, that was Jack Parr.

    He knew that! He was just using that city-boy Irony stuff.

  28. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:21

    TruculentandUnreliable said,
    May 17, 2010 at 16:21

    Ahem.

  29. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:24

    No, that’s the guy who invented the cookie wrapped fig jelly.

    Oh, so it was a fig that fell on his head.

  30. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:25

    That cookie sure has a lotta vegetables innit.

  31. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:25

    Ahem.

    Yeah, I know.

  32. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:26

    Oh, so it was a fig that fell on his head.

    I don’t think so, but its possible the apple knocked some sense out of him.

  33. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:26

    Yeah, I know.

    I know you know. I just wanted to highlight it that I knew.

  34. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:27

    Miranda is kind of new. Right to bear arms isn’t.

    Wait. Was there some sort of time delay in ratifying the Bill of Rights such that the Second amendment is much older than the Fifth?

  35. Jennifer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:28

    actor212 – my bad; although it looks like they’ve also rolled a lot of non-gun proposed legislation into their list as well. Even so, do any of these proposals have any chance of going anywhere? There’s about as many of them focused on liberalizing gun rights as there are on restricting them, and the ones that fall into the “restricting” category seem to be just nibbles at the edges focused on very narrow situations or geographic areas. Certainly none of them deal with taking away anyone’s guns.

  36. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:29

    Miranda is kind of new. Right to bear arms isn’t.

    Wait. Was there some sort of time delay in ratifying the Bill of Rights such that the Second amendment is much older than the Fifth?

    It distresses me that in this country the right to bear arms is well known, but the right against self-incrimination requires a reminder.

  37. Ted the Slacker said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:30

    From Guncounter’s dictionary…

    Advocate, verb, “to poll NRA members on”

    And from the annals of crapping on a perfectly decent cause (raising money for wounded vets), America’s Shittiest Website offers this intro:

    “Historians will debate former Coalition Provisional Authority administrator Jerry Bremer’s legacy.”

    Uh okay, Can’t Produce Anything… it’s legacy was being just about equally hated by everyone in Iraq, including our soldiers, that’s a pretty fucking impressive achievement in the midst of an incipient civil war.

  38. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:30

    I know you know. I just wanted to highlight it that I knew.

    No, you just wanted to highlight my FAILURE.

    Wait. Was there some sort of time delay in ratifying the Bill of Rights such that the Second amendment is much older than the Fifth?

    You do know that Ben Franklin invented the time machine, right? Shit was all fucked up because of that.

  39. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:30

    Jennifer,

    True, and most of the stuff on that list won’t ever make it IN to committee, much less get reported out, but for the truly paranoid, it counts.

    And you’re right: I suspect they went over to Thomas.gov, typed in “gun” and hit search. Some of those proposals seem wholly unrelated to gun rights for the average citizen.

  40. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:31

    I know you know. I just wanted to highlight it that I knew.

    No, you just wanted to highlight my FAILURE.

    I was hoping to shame you into viewing my etchings.

  41. Martian Buddy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:33

    Yay! Klansman Owens has discovered due process! Now, maybe he’ll apply this new concept that he’s learned to Arizona’s “show me your papers” law.

    Maybe I’ll get this damn horse to sing, too.

  42. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:34

    Don’t forget to set your clocks to double standard time!

    No citizenship or civil liberties for suspected terrorists!

    …except for the right to purchase guns with no background check and no waiting period…

    But other than that, kill the fuckers! YEAH!

  43. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:35

    Don’t forget to set your clocks to double standard time!

    Nicely played!

    Martini?

  44. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:36

    I wonder if Bob has made the connection between stripping some people of civil liberties and the ramifications of that for the rest of us…HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

    Oh, I see. Only where guns are concerned.

  45. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:37

    Martini?

    Yes, please, hold the Martin.

  46. eidos said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:37

    Miranda is kind of new. Right to bear arms isn’t.

    Suspected terrorists should not be read their Miranda rights until they have been thoroughly grilled.

  47. N__B said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:37

    I’m through with voting myself, as Huey Newton said, “Don’t vote, it only encourages them.”

    And I thought he was famous for saying “ouch” when the apple fell on his head.

    No, that was his brother Dewey.

  48. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:37

    Also, let’s be clear on this – Bobo Wens is advocating that people on the terrorist watch list be allowed to purchase firearms. He is not advocating for the elimination of said watch list (which he views as flawed) just that these folks ought to be able to arm themselves in case ebil liverals try to increase their taxes or give them health care or somesuch.

  49. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:38

    Now, maybe he’ll apply this new concept that he’s learned to Arizona’s “show me your papers” law.

    **holding breath**

    **holding. breath***

    **hol–aw fuck it. He ain’t gonna do it.

  50. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:39

    Yes, please, hold the Martin.

    One knee to the groin coming up!

  51. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:39

    health care or somesuch

    Where they’re going, they won’t need health care.

  52. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:39

    Don’t forget to set your clocks to double standard time!

    No citizenship or civil liberties for suspected terrorists!

    …except for the right to purchase guns with no background check and no waiting period…

    But other than that, kill the fuckers! YEAH!

    Imagine the head ‘splosions that would occur if they put suspected terrorists on a no gun list instead of, or even as well as, a no fly list. That would be great fun to watch.

  53. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:41

    I was hoping to shame you into viewing my etchings.

    Fig Newtons would work better.

    He is not advocating for the elimination of said watch list (which he views as flawed) just that these folks ought to be able to arm themselves in case ebil liverals try to increase their taxes or give them health care or somesuch.

    Makes perfect sense to me!

  54. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:42

    One knee to the groin coming up!

    Lemme get the video camera ready. We’ll need to post this on Youtube.

  55. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:42

    Why is it I’m always reminded of Emerson’s saying “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds” when I see Bobo’s picture?

    Oh, and FYWP!

  56. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:42

    What does WP have against Emerson????

    Why is it I’m always reminded of Emerson’s saying “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds” when I see Bobo’s picture?

    Oh, and FYWP! Again!

  57. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:43

    Fig Newtons would work better.

    With a fine brandy?

  58. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:43

    I wonder how well-versed Owens’ is with Ralph Waldo Emerson?

  59. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:45

    Fig Newtons would work better.

    With a fine brandy?

    Better yet, just the brandy.

    I wonder how well-versed Owens’ is with Ralph Waldo Emerson?

    This is a rhetorical question, right?

  60. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:45

    I thought he said that the heart of rock and roll is in Cleveland?

    Not if LeBron James splits.

    I got their first album. I bet it’ll be worth a lot once they split up.

  61. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:46

    I wonder how well-versed Owens’ is with Ralph Waldo Emerson?

    He’s probably much more familiar with Ralph Wiggam than Ralph Emerson.

  62. N__B said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:46

    Fig Newtons would work better.

    With a fine brandy?

    Fermented fig-newton brandy.

  63. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:46

    Better yet, just the brandy.

    Now you’re talking. Brandy goes well with etchings.

  64. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:47

    One knee to the groin coming up!

    Lemme get the video camera ready. We’ll need to post this on Youtube.

    You just might win $10,000!

  65. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:47

    Fermented fig-newton brandy.

    Bouhka!

  66. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:48

    Brace yourselves, there is coherent comment on Bob’s thingy thing:

    Ironically, the Obama administration -along with their cheerleaders and propagandists- are simply continuing the work begun by the Bush administration. The Democratic and Republican Parties, the Democratic-Republican political class, long ago declared war on the people and the constitution of the United States.

    Hard to argue with that.

  67. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:48

    It distresses me that in this country the right to bear arms is well known, but the right against self-incrimination requires a reminder.

    well, Even I think reminding a suspect under arrest of his right to have a gun seems to be a bit ill-considered.

  68. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:48

    I wonder how well-versed Owens’ is with Ralph Waldo Emerson?

    This is a rhetorical question, right?

    yes and no.

    Fucking WP won’t let me post the actual quote I have in mind.

  69. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:49

    Brace yourselves, there is coherent comment on Bob’s thingy thing:

    Deleted in five….four….three….

  70. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:49

    You just might win $10,000!

    **contemplating the consequences of letting actor smash my junk***

    Lemme get back to you on that.

  71. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:50

    Even I think reminding a suspect under arrest of his right to have a gun seems to be a bit ill-considered.

    I’m not sure. I think it would remind him of the freedoms he’s losing by being an asshole.

  72. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:50

    Deleted in five….four….three….

    Haha! No shit. I would stick around to see if they flame him/her into oblivion, but I’d like to keep my breakfast where I put it.

  73. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:52

    If you read the actual Think Progress piece, NRA MEMBERS are the ones who want people on the watchlist not to be able to buy guns, and they are against the stand that NRA leadership has taken. Anyhoo, I welcome Bobo to the ACLU’s stance on terrorist watchlists!

  74. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:52

    Lemme get back to you on that.

    So let us see a show of hands
    And let it be resolved
    That a trauma’s much more funny
    If your own groin’s not involved

  75. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:53

    NRA MEMBERS are the ones who want people on the watchlist not to be able to buy guns

    Aside: I’ve always wondered why the NRA never used Michael Moore in their “I’m the NRA and I vote” ads.

  76. Martian Buddy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:54

    Re. Tintin’s title, I have to admit I’m shocked that Klansman Owens managed to breed. Given his mall ninja ways, I would have expected him to have neutered himself by employing his waistband as a holster.

    Maybe he’s a uni-baller.

  77. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:54

    Fig Newtons would work better.

    With a fine brandy?

    Dammit, I’m totally buying some Newtons because that sounds delicious.

  78. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:55

    Brandy goes well with etchings.

    I would imagine it would help facilitate the etching-viewing process, in fact.

    Brace yourselves, there is coherent comment on Bob’s thingy thing:

    I dunno. Huey Newton guy agreed with it.

    (Now that fucking Huey Lewis song is stuck in my head! The fucker.)

  79. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:55

    Maybe he’s a uni-baller.

    We’re assuming his wife told him the truth.

  80. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:57

    Re. Tintin’s title, I have to admit I’m shocked that Klansman Owens managed to breed.

    I think my brain blocked that out in self defense the first time, so thank you so very much for making sure it got through. *whimper*

  81. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:57

    We’re assuming his wife told him the truth.

    His children do look awfully…..swarthy…

  82. Martian Buddy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:58

    We’re assuming his wife told him the truth.

    Good point.

  83. Spengler Dampniche said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:58

    I’m a gun owner, so I have some kind of magical credibility on this subject (such as can only be conferred by taking a test a lobotomized gibbon could master, and then dropping a couple hundred bucks on the hardware).

    If the gummint wants to take my guns, you know what I’m going to do? Put them in a box for ease of removal. Why? Why do I not care about my rights and like such? Because the gummint has nuclear weapons, tanks, jet fighters, aircraft carriers, and bombers.

    It might have made sense to worry about the right to bear arms (as opposed to Michelle Obama’s filthy bare arms) when those same arms were all anybody was bearing. This entire issue should have become moot right about the same time weapons started being measured in megadeaths.

    Having said this, I’m more worried about getting hit by an asteroid than I am about infringement on my right to project small bits of metal over long distances at great speed.

  84. El Cid said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:59

    The NRA always claims that existing laws & regulations are sufficient and just need to be properly and fairly enforced, until anyone suggests actually doing that, in which case they freak out about the gubmit comin’ ta getcher guns.

  85. N__B said,

    May 17, 2010 at 16:59

    His children do look awfully…..swarthy…

    Future Michigan pageant winners?

  86. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:00

    I would imagine it would help facilitate the etching-viewing process, in fact.

    Among other viewings. And unveilings.

  87. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:01

    so thank you so very much for making sure it got through

    That’s the second time since Friday I’ve heard that.

  88. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:01

    His children do look awfully…..swarthy…

    Future Michigan pageant winners?

    Not unless Bob married, way way way way WAAAAAAY out of his league.

  89. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:02

    Rogue comma!

  90. Chris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:03

    They believe what they want to believe and what they’re told to believe.

    Once again; totalitarian movement. Great story, by the way.

  91. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:06

    Once again; totalitarian movement¹.

    ¹ Veiled high colonic reference

  92. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:13

    Well, that’s just awesome.

  93. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:13

    The NRA always claims that existing laws & regulations are sufficient and just need to be properly and fairly enforced, until anyone suggests actually doing that, in which case they freak out about the gubmit comin’ ta getcher guns.

    It’s sad to watch, because they’re right about enforcing existing gun laws. Then they fall apart when someone suggests that letting parolees, felons, teenagers and OMFG terrorists!! pick up guns at gun shows with no paper trail, no background check and no waiting period.

    I have to admit that I after the Bush administration, I felt like I owed the gun nuts a qualified apology. When I saw all of the police state type abuses that followed the Patriot Act, I began to understand the argument that poorly written laws that remove restrictions from law enforcement and government agencies usurp liberty for everyone. But equilibrium has been restored–no fly good, no gun bad for those under (presumably legal) surveillance for suspicion of executing a terrorist strike.

  94. The Goddamn Batman Does Not Care For Guns, For Obvious Reasons, Although He Does Not Want The Right To Keep And Bear Batarangs To Be Infringed said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:14

    Think Progress has been having much fun with the NRA convo: They’ve noted that at least some members don’t mind not being able to carry inside the convention center and also think that, contrary to the customs of the stereotypical Old West saloon, allowing folks to take guns into bars is probably a bad idea. (And guess where the NRA leadership is on the latter issue?)

  95. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:20

    They’ve noted that at least some members don’t mind not being able to carry inside the convention center

    Makes sense if you’re a person who supposedly respects individual rights and property rights. Then again, it’s not like NRA fans are well-known for their consistency.

  96. Martian Buddy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:21

    Texas state Board of Education calls for more cowbell wingnut in the history curriculum:

    The new amendment (.pdf), which is expected to get a vote on Thursday, would require high school history students to “discuss alternatives regarding long term entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare, given the decreasing worker to retiree ratio” and also “evaluate efforts by global organizations to undermine U. S. sovereignty.”

  97. creature said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:22

    So how about they repeal that bill of attainder, “The Gun Control Act of 1968″, so I can get my gun(s) (back) like those terrorist fellas? Hmmmm?

  98. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:22

    Is there a pool on who the first wingnut is who will claim that an Arab-American Miss USA is all part of the sharia conspiracy of the Muslim-In Chief?

    I’m going with the Shrieking Harpy.

  99. Chris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:23

    I have to admit that I after the Bush administration, I felt like I owed the gun nuts a qualified apology. When I saw all of the police state type abuses that followed the Patriot Act, I began to understand the argument that poorly written laws that remove restrictions from law enforcement and government agencies usurp liberty for everyone. But equilibrium has been restored–no fly good, no gun bad for those under (presumably legal) surveillance for suspicion of executing a terrorist strike.

    Yeah, I’ve never really been hostile to gun rights. That’s not the main reason, but it’s one of them.

    The only problem with the “we need our guns to protect ourselves in case the guv’mint gets too big for its britches” is that if we ever do turn into a police state, these NRA members won’t be the ones fighting it. They’ll be the ones breaking out the brown shirts and organizing into militias to enthusiastically help the feds track down Muslims, Hispanics, liberals and everyone else who’s not like them.

  100. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:24

    Is there a pool on who the first wingnut is who will claim that an Arab-American Miss USA is all part of the sharia conspiracy of the Muslim-In Chief?

    Is Donald Trump close enough?

  101. El Cid said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:25

    In addition, the NRA types always think that the “well regulated” part of the 2nd Amendment is sort of a fictional, throwaway phrase, much like Randians thought that Wall Street should best be left to govern itself.

  102. creature said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:26

    And I am stunned, amazed and nearly (not quite) overwhelmed by the invocation of Huey Newton by a (I assume, could wrong) wackaloon white-boy domestic terrorist, who probably has guns, too!

  103. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:26

    After those assholes started screaming about letting drunken frat boys pack guns to class, following the VA Tech massacre, I went back to thinking they’re a bunch of useless pole smokers who deserve no voice in anything.

    Imagine that scene: You hear gunfire. Instantly, 10 or 12 other guns come out. Nobody knows who the bad guy is, nobody has any defensive combat training, everyone is panicked, and bullets start flying. So twice as many innocent people die, law enforcement has NO idea who to take down because there are guns everywhere…yeah, this all seems like an awesome idea.

    That doesn’t even begin to address how many jilted lover shootings there would be if there was a sudden surge in the number of guns hanging around college campuses.

  104. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:27

    Is there a pool on who the first wingnut is who will claim that an Arab-American Miss USA is all part of the sharia conspiracy of the Muslim-In Chief?

    I think the outcry will be “moah liebrul hated of Murrica”, since this was the same pageant that kicked Carrie Jean Premenstrual, or whatever her name was, for challenging Perez Hilton last year.

  105. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:30

    I think the outcry will be “moah liebrul hated of Murrica”, since this was the same pageant that kicked Carrie Jean Premenstrual, or whatever her name was, for challenging Perez Hilton last year.

    Ah yes. Let the celebration of diversity and reasoned debate begin!

    Hello?

    Hello?

    “This is United States calling, are we reaching?”

  106. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:31

    Imagine that scene: You hear gunfire. Instantly, 10 or 12 other guns come out. Nobody knows who the bad guy is, nobody has any defensive combat training, everyone is panicked, and bullets start flying. So twice as many innocent people die, law enforcement has NO idea who to take down because there are guns everywhere…yeah, this all seems like an awesome idea.

    Makes me wonder how much money the body armor industry has invested in the gun lobby.

  107. Snorghagen said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:33

    The new amendment… would require high school history students to … “evaluate efforts by global organizations to undermine U. S. sovereignty.”

    Like Halliburton?

  108. Joe Max said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:34

    @Jennifer: “Because, he said, it’s what they WANT to do.”

    The entire wingnutosphere have turned into mind readers.

    This keeps coming up again and again. I was listening to “Left, Right and Center” on NPR, and their resident neo-con idiot Tony “I-get-paid-by-Rev.-Moon” Blankley, when asked by Robert Scheer why wingnuts condemn Obama for doing certain things no differently than Bush did (the bank bail-out was the topic) he offered this nugget (to paraphrase): that a dog knows the difference between being kicked by “accident” and being kicked “by malice”, even though the kick itself is the same. Meaning, if a dogs master stumbles over it in the dark, the dog reacts differently than if a burglar breaks in and kicks it maliciously.

    So there ya go. They just KNOW that Obamahitler REALLY wants to take away their guns and turn the country to a communist hell.

  109. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:37

    turn the country to a communist heaven and consevative hell.

  110. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:37

    those assholes started screaming about letting drunken frat boys pack guns to class

    Yeah, as someone who works at a university office with panic buttons and across the hall from an office with automatic lockdown doors, I would like to say that this is a TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA.

    I’m just glad I work in the middle of the office so there’s time for me to pop out the window in case somebody decides to shoot us.

  111. Martian Buddy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:37

    I’m going with the Shrieking Harpy.

    She’s still laid up on her fainting couch over the thought of a mosque being built near hallowed wingnut ground in NYC.

  112. Snax said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:43

    As soo as I saw that a muslim had won Miss USA, first thought was, “How is Debbie gonna spin this as a victory for fundamentalist Islam”. The answer, Taqiyyah. Debbie loves the concept of Taqiyyah, it alows her to claim this bikini wearing, Chritmas celbrating, college educated, birth controll supporting woman as an agent of Hezbolla.

  113. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:44

    If I were a Texas history student I would write an essay combining “A Modest Proposal” and “Soylent Green”; how using grandma and grampa as food can turn the world into a Randian paradise.

  114. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:48

    Debbie loves the concept of Taqiyyah

    Considering her taste in clothing and make up, she’s all about the Taqqi

  115. LittlePig said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:49

    at a dog knows the difference between being kicked by “accident” and being kicked “by malice”, even though the kick itself is the same

    That’s exceptionally retarded, even by Blankley standards.

    Now that fucking Huey Lewis song is stuck in my head!

    Me too, except now I hear it as “They say the heart of rock and roll is in Cleveland…”

  116. El Cid said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:52

    Imagine that scene: You hear gunfire. Instantly, 10 or 12 other guns come out. Nobody knows who the bad guy is, nobody has any defensive combat training, everyone is panicked, and bullets start flying. So twice as many innocent people die, law enforcement has NO idea who to take down because there are guns everywhere…

    Actually, law enforcement knows exactly what to do:

    Shoot the 7 year old girl in the neck with a flashbang grenade; drop C4 onto the rooftop and burn the whole complex down; or send in tanks which launch a fire burning those inside to death.

  117. Martian Buddy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:53

    As soo as I saw that a muslim had won Miss USA, first thought was, “How is Debbie gonna spin this as a victory for fundamentalist Islam”.

    Diana West, also too. “Creeping Sharia” is her one note and she hits it for all she’s worth.

  118. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:55

    “evaluate efforts by global organizations to undermine U. S. sovereignty.”

    Like churches who shelter criminals from being justly, legally punished at the same time they try to overturn settled law?

  119. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:55

    Shoot the 7 year old girl in the neck with a flashbang grenade; drop C4 onto the rooftop and burn the whole complex down; or send in tanks which launch a fire burning those inside to death.

    Don’t forget about the dogs!

  120. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 17:59

    turn the country to a communist heaven and consevative hell.

    VD*R

    *Dio

  121. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:00

    Ack! TagFail.

    The first to go will be the owners/developers of WordPress.

  122. LittlePig said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:02

    If the new Miss USA is the new method for turning American opinion favorable towards Sharia, then…well, where do I sign up?

  123. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:04

    “Creeping Sharia” is

    not only my favorite band but also my favorite ground cover.

  124. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:07

    Is there a pool on who the first wingnut is who will claim that an Arab-American Miss USA is all part of the sharia conspiracy of the Muslim-In Chief?

    Pipes.

  125. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:07

    Down here in Dumbfuckistan the State Legislature has just voted that if a bar owner says it’s okay y’all can pack heat. A bunch of drunken rednecks with guns… What could possibly go wrong?

  126. jim said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:07

    Uh-oh.

    I … I just can’t resist … the temptation … pulling me in … have to … troll again!

    The Magical Rocket-Propelled Goalposts strike again!

    The title of this post includes a perfect desciption* of “extraordinary rendition” … a Bush policy which the American Right enthusiastically endorsed as “getting tough with terrorism” – & this proposal doesn’t involve incarceration or torture, either.

    I’m far from anti-gun myself; I grew up with them – but I find America’s fetish for weapons both macabre & pathetic.

    “Miranda is kind of new. Right to bear arms isn’t.”

    Habeas corpus is kind of new. Divine Right Of Kings isn’t. Women’s sufferage is kind of new. Slavery isn’t. Separation of church & state is kind of new. Cannibalism isn’t.

    Longevity does not equal validity.
    Posted by: jim at May 17, 2010 11:07 AM

    Um, I’ll just be popping out for a cigarette & a cold shower now. Carry on.
    ———————-
    * My absolute refusal to use Spellcheck – let me show you it.

  127. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:08

    Yeah, as someone who works at a university office with panic buttons and across the hall from an office with automatic lockdown doors, I would like to say that this is a TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA.

    I’m just glad I work in the middle of the office so there’s time for me to pop out the window in case somebody decides to shoot us.

    Terrible is right. As someone who works in the security and access control business, I can unequivocally say that college campuses are at the forefront of security for students. They were doing it long before the Columbine panic happened, and redoubled their efforts after. There are intelligent ways to protect students and staff, and then there is the right winger way. Mutually exclusive, antithetical propositions, these.

  128. scratch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:09

    Don’t know nothin bout no guns, but Delonte West sure is a Mother Fucker.

  129. Brandi said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:09

    That doesn’t even begin to address how many jilted lover shootings there would be if there was a sudden surge in the number of guns hanging around college campuses.

    Jilted lovers? Try finals-week suicide attempts.

  130. creature said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:11

    And I am stunned, amazed and nearly (not quite) overwhelmed by the invocation of Huey Newton by a (I assume, could be wrong) wackaloon white-boy domestic terrorist, who probably has guns, too!

  131. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:11

    Why do you hate Dumbfuckistan, Marion?

    What? Oh…those actually good reasons.

  132. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:12

    Actually, law enforcement knows exactly what to do:

    Shoot the 7 year old girl in the neck with a flashbang grenade; drop C4 onto the rooftop and burn the whole complex down; or send in tanks which launch a fire burning those inside to death.

    Another fine development of the post 9/11 era. Military tactics in law enforcement. Burn the college to save it…Better kill everyone in case charlie is hiding among the survivors. They’re pretty much all against us anyway, right? What with all those liberal professors trying to take guns away from college students…wow look, a circle!

  133. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:16

    Separation of church & state is kind of new. Cannibalism isn’t.

    Interesting combination there, Jim.

  134. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:16

    That doesn’t even begin to address how many jilted lover shootings there would be if there was a sudden surge in the number of guns hanging around college campuses.

    Jilted lovers? Try finals-week suicide attempts.

    Or how about the drunken target shooting from dorm balconies? Maybe some accidental shootings while “cleaning my gun”? The pro-column is still O-fer.

  135. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:24

    Or how about the drunken target shooting from dorm balconies?

    No balconies or drinking allowed where I went to school as an undergrad, but I can’t say with certainty that I wouldn’t have shot one of the people on my floor for stumbling loudly in at 4:00 in the morning on a weeknight, or for just being a dumbass in general.

  136. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:26

    No balconies or drinking allowed where I went to school as an undergrad, but I can’t say with certainty that I wouldn’t have shot one of the people on my floor for stumbling loudly in at 4:00 in the morning on a weeknight, or for just being a dumbass in general.

    I know, right? Traffic. Ugh. Stupid people cause shootings on both sides of the gun.

  137. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:27

    No balconies or drinking allowed where I went to school as an undergrad

    Yea, and we weren’t supposed to have sex in the library carrells, but I know of at least two forced marriages…

  138. 77south said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:28

    Yes, firearms in college campuses would be a tremendous way to de-escalate tensions in dormitory stereo volume wars.

  139. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:28

    Don’t forget live ammo frat-boy hazing.

  140. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:32

    Well, first of all FYWP! Three posts in three days is by God not posting too fast.

    So: Things the government can (indeed must) take away on suspicion:
    fair trial, access to counsel, freedom of movement, protection against torture, life.

    Things the government absolutely must not take away without due process:
    guns

    Sort of puts paid to the NRA’s notion that the right to own guns is the freedom that guarantees all the others, since the others are already gone in the first set.

    Does anybody else wonder how long it will be before zombie Orwell stumbles angrily out of his grave to yell, “It was supposed to be a warning people! I did not intend for you to use it as a How-To-Guide!”

  141. jim said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:34

    the most lethal attacks on American soil have all been committed with easily acquired objects (box cutters, household and industrial chemicals)

    Oh man, *Cough* thisgoddamned cold✺ I’ve got is *Hork* a real *Squonk* raging bitch.
    —————————–
    ✺ It’s funny because it’s actually true!

    My immune system is dyslexic: for me the flu is usually a merry frolic, whereas colds are a long journey into hell. Right now my head feels like 20kg of Fugly in a 10kg box.

    I CAN HAZ DETH PANEL NAU PLZ?

  142. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:34

    we weren’t supposed to have sex in the library carrells, but I know of at least two forced marriages…

    Well, yeah. My roommate and I had pot and booze stashed in our closets, which wasn’t unusual. No regulations on sex, but people on my floor were really weird and immature about it anyway.

    firearms in college campuses would be a tremendous way to de-escalate tensions in dormitory stereo volume wars.

    Right? I can recall shouting, “If you play that fucking Dixie Chicks song one more time, I swear to GOD I will kick your ass!” And I’m pretty mild-mannered!

  143. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:35

    but I know of at least two forced marriages…

    “It’s a nice day for a white wedding…”

  144. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:36

    I CAN HAZ DETH PANEL NAU PLZ?

    HAHAHA! Nice

    Martini?

  145. 77south said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:39

    For me it was some dumbass song song by Toad the Wet Sprocket that my neighbor had on repeat that nearly drove me out of my skull. This song is why I gleefully assisted when our entire wing moved that guy’s stuff into the showers. and why I would set off his car alarm every time I walked past.

  146. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:39

    Right? I can recall shouting, “If you play that fucking Dixie Chicks song one more time, I swear to GOD I will kick your ass!” And I’m pretty mild-mannered!

    You are obviuosly far more mild-mannered than me. I would certainly have shouted, “If you play that fucking Dixie Chicks song one more time, I swear to GOD I will kick your ass!”

  147. g said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:43

    Suspected terrorists should not be read their Miranda rights until they have been thoroughly grilled.

    What marinade would you use?

  148. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:43

    Right? I can recall shouting, “If you play that fucking Dixie Chicks song one more time, I swear to GOD I will kick your ass!” And I’m pretty mild-mannered!

    I drove people nuts playing Barry Manilow¹ on the rathskeller jukebox.

    ¹ Stop judging me!

  149. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:44

    What marinade would you use?

    Terroraki sauce, what else?

  150. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:46

    You are obviuosly far more mild-mannered than me.

    If I did that, I’d be threatening to kick half the girls’ asses on my floor.

    I just remembered that we also had a couple of dorms that allowed smoking/had smoking floors. How quaint!

  151. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:46

    I drove people nuts playing Barry Manilow¹ on the rathskeller jukebox.

    ¹ Stop judging me!

    No, I won’t. That’s truly, truly vile.

  152. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:46

    I drove people nuts playing Barry Manilow¹ on the rathskeller jukebox.

    Life gets much worse than that. A friend of mine used to have the apartment next door to Barry’s. He was a great fan of his own music mucus when he wasn’t busy practicing on his piano. Oh, did I mention that the bulding had thin walls?

  153. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:47

    White whine marinade

  154. Snorghagen said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:49

    Separation of church & state is kind of new. Cannibalism isn’t.

    And that’s why I support the right of all born-again Christian cannibals to carry concealed firearms and boning knives.

  155. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:52

    OK, the topic has wandered a bit (NOES!) but I have been bothered all morning by one thing in this post:

    Bobo has bred spawn?

    Really?

    I am very ambivalent about viewing evidence of this Snopes-worthy assertion, or the whimsical notion that he could find a (living) partner in such an endeavor.

    I am sure someone is going to ruin my day.

  156. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:53

    Bobo has bred spawn?

    Really?

    I just took Tintin’s word for it, as I’m too terrified to try to prove it.

  157. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:54

    or the whimsical notion that he could find a (living) partner in such an endeavor.
    I’m thinking that’s why he so desperately needs to carry a gun.

  158. Snorghagen said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:55

    I am very ambivalent about viewing evidence of this Snopes-worthy assertion, or the whimsical notion that he could find a (living) partner in such an endeavor.

    He doesn’t need a partner. He reproduces by binary fission.

  159. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:56

    I just took Tintin’s word for it, as I’m too terrified to try to prove it.

    Well, I’m not gonna go look for it. That’s for damn sure.

    There could be some giggles, though.

  160. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:56

    Well, we know he’s bought a slave married:

    On another, more important level, I am also a North Carolina native with a New York-bred wife and in-laws. Our family and values come from the convergence of two very different cultures.

  161. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:57

    on the rathskeller jukebox.

    There must be more than one college rathskeller, right, or did you got to UW-Madison?

  162. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:58

    Lurking Canadian said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:32 (kill)

    Well, first of all FYWP! Three posts in three days is by God not posting too fast.

    Hee hee, it is posting pretty frequently for a lurker. Maybe you should become Posting Canadian and stop confusing the poor bit bucket.

    I CAN HAZ DETH PANEL NAU PLZ?

    Well, you remember when they warned about the rationing that would occur? Yeah.

  163. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:58

    “New York-bred”

    Upstate? One would guess so.

  164. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 18:59

    There must be more than one college rathskeller, right, or did you got to UW-Madison?

    I think almost every university has a rathskeller. It’s a very important piece of the lberal agenda.

  165. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:00

    Right? I can recall shouting, “If you play that fucking Dixie Chicks song one more time, I swear to GOD I will kick your ass!” And I’m pretty mild-mannered!

    Mild mannered surface, but there’s a ballbuster underneath. Please tell me the the Dixie Chicks fan’s name was Earl…

  166. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:00

    I am also a North Carolina native with a New York-bred wife

    I didn’t know New York bred wives for barely-literate, ugly, delusional wingnuts. Do they have, like, puppy mills? Do they select the worst genetic stock instead of the best?

  167. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:01

    Do they select the worst genetic stock instead of the best?

    Like I said, upstate.

  168. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:01

    I think almost every university has a rathskeller. It’s a very important piece of the liberal agenda.

    I didn’t know pitchers before noon on Friday was part of the liberal agenda…worked in good for me though.

  169. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:02

    I didn’t know New York bred wives for barely-literate, ugly, delusional wingnuts.

    You’ve obviously never been north of Westchester County.

  170. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:02

    Please tell me the the Dixie Chicks fan’s name was Earl…

    No, although my life would be complete upon meeting a 19-year-old blond girl named Earl. I think it was Crystal, or maybe something a little less trashy…Ashley?

  171. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:05

    Like I said, upstate.

    You’ve obviously never been north of Westchester County.

    Methinks Bobby is being slightly disingenuous here by implying that his wife’s family is vastly different from his, given that they probably live in a more rural area than he does.

  172. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:06

    I didn’t know pitchers before noon on Friday was part of the liberal agenda…

    I’m just guessing here but, you are a liberal aren’t you? So the pitchers before noon on Friday had the desired effect. Now, take Bob Jones University where there are no pitchers before noon on any day. You will find no liberals there. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

  173. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:07

    Now, take Bob Jones University where there are no pitchers before noon on any day.

    Except in the mens’ locker room and maybe behind the stands at the football stadium. They lack catchers, however.

  174. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:08

    I didn’t know pitchers before noon on Friday was part of the liberal agenda

    Wait…we were supposed to wait until Fridays?????

  175. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:08

    I didn’t know New York bred wives for barely-literate, ugly, delusional wingnuts. Do they have, like, puppy mills? Do they select the worst genetic stock instead of the best?

    Don’t let the electoral blue fool you. I’m unfortunate enough to live in the blood-red half of a consistently blue state. Cathy McMorris Rogers. ’nuff said. California and Oregon have their share of psychos living among the humans.

    They do have puppy mill operations. The engineering of teh st00pid involves minimizing the number of branches on the family tree.

  176. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:09

    So the pitchers before noon on Friday had the desired effect.

    Shit, the Great Liberal Corruption has gone so far that it’s pitchers before noon on Thursdays.

    Which has always caused me to wonder how the hell the people who refuse to take Friday classes ever graduate…but maybe I answered my own question.

  177. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:11

    They lack catchers, however.

    There’s a “natural selection” process for determining who catches. The stronger, alpha types dom the weaker ones. It establishes a pecking order that follows them to national politics.

  178. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:11

    The stronger, alpha types dom the weaker ones. It establishes a pecking¹ order that follows them to national politics.

    ¹VPR

  179. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:14

    ¹VPR

    Allegorically veiled. Ipecac of stumbling, incoherent prose. How’d I do?

  180. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:17

    Allegorically veiled. Ipecac of stumbling, incoherent prose. How’d I do?

    Like a sheep in heat.

  181. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:17

    ohnoz–broked trhed

  182. jim said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:22

    Martini?

    Only if I can trade it in for a nice big yummy jar of good wholesome ether. Or maybe some curare.

    Well, you remember when they warned about the rationing that would occur?

    OH SMEG.

    Awesome. Crown me – I’m Teh King Of Snot Mountain!

  183. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:22

    Like a sheep in heat.

    Fail.

    I went for irony with the natural selection, because we all know that Darwin stuff is just a tool of the devil–not unlike the metric system and Harry Potter books, or any books for that matter, and a NSVPR with the pecking. Well, back to the old drawing board.

  184. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:26

    Methinks Bobby is being slightly disingenuous here

    But Bob’s a reel murikin. He is incapable of being disingenuous because John Wayne and shutup.

  185. N__B said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:28

    Methinks Bobby is being slightly disingenuous here

    Yes, it is true that he is no genius.

  186. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:29

    Well, back to the old drawing board.

    There’s your problem. If you used an etching board like Actor all your posts would be totally anti-FAIL.

  187. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:30

    Teh King Of Snot Mountain!

    I am hearing that as:

    “Deh Ging od Snod Moundan.”

  188. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:36

    Like a sheep in heat.

    Fail.

    Clearly, you’ve never fucked seen a sheep in heat. I have.

  189. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:37

    Then the ‘baggers can get their country back…well, six feet of it, anyway.

    Hardrada reference for the win!

  190. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:41

    There’s your problem. If you used an etching board like Actor all your posts would be totally anti-FAIL.

    Oooohhhhh–now I see. Hey–etchings seem to help Actor lure girls back to his righteous bachelor pad too. I’m gonna need some lessons

  191. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:43

    Clearly, you’ve never fucked seen a sheep in heat. I have.

    I impatiently await the newsletter and related electronic eye-fuckings.

  192. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:44

    Hey–etchings seem to help Actor lure girls back to his righteous bachelor pad sleazy executive stay hotels too.

    Fixed for accuracy

  193. N__B said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:44

    Clearly, you’ve never seen a sheep in heat. I have.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_a09G6r-L4

  194. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:45

    I impatiently await the newsletter and related electronic eye-fuckings.

    I almost responded to this with a pun. Almost! My pride got the best of me…

  195. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:45

    Which has always caused me to wonder how the hell the people who refuse to take Friday classes ever graduate…but maybe I answered my own question.

    I drink, therefore I cram!

  196. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:46

    Sheep in heat, with bonus cock action

  197. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:49

    Sheep in heat, with bonus cock action

    Ewwwwwe.

  198. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:50

    Sheep in heat, with bonus cock action

    Ewwwwwe.

    I knew I could trust someone else to go for the pun, anyway.

  199. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:51

    I knew I could trust someone else to go for the pun, anyway.

    Oh, like I’m suuuure.

  200. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:53

    I almost responded to this with a pun. Almost! My pride got the best of me…

    Too roud to pun? Shear nonsense. Now if you’ll excuse me, I ‘ve something¹ in the ovine.

    &sup1Most definitely not a VPR.

  201. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:53

    Oh, like I’m suuuure.

    FINE. But that’s the last time I’m letting my pride get in the way.

  202. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:54

    I knew I could trust someone else to go for the pun, anyway.

    Didn’t think you could ram it in there, huh?¹
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ¹ Velied “That’s what she said” reference

  203. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:54

    Damn you missing p! and semi-colon!

    You know how hard it is for me to comment without p or colons.

  204. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:54

    I ‘ve something¹ in the ovine.

    Who you trying to fleece?

  205. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:56

    &sup1Most definitely not a VPR.

    And who are you trying to kid?

  206. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:57

    I ‘ve something¹ in the ovine.

    Who you trying to fleece?

    He’d better not get caught, or he’ll have to go on the lamb.

  207. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:58

    He’d better not get caught, or he’ll have to go on the lamb.

    I missed that one, but I’m glad it didn’t get pasture eyes.

  208. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:59

    Your bleatings barely graze me.

  209. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 19:59

    I missed that one, but I’m glad it didn’t get pasture eyes.

    Well, it might behoof you to pay more attention.

  210. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:01

    Well, it might behoof you to pay more attention.

    Thereby hangs a tail.

  211. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:01

    Well, it might behoof you to pay more attention.

    Yeah, you could get the wool pulled over your eyes.

  212. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:03

    Don’t bleat around the bush

  213. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:03

    Yeah, you could get the wool pulled over your eyes.

    On the advice of my attorney, I must say mutton and plead the Fifth.

  214. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:03

    Mutton for mutton, but I got no more puns.

  215. Looch said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:03

    OUT!

  216. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:05

    But you have a jacuzzi!

  217. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:06

    Mutton for mutton, but I got no more puns.

    I could sell you some, but I’d have to haggis with you over the price.

  218. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:06

    What the flock. Cud you stop it with the puns?

  219. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:08

    Interesting aside, a group of cattle is a herd, so “cowherd” makes sense, but a group of sheep is a flock. Sheepherd is a nonsensical word, it should be Sheep Flocker. Imagine the updates this would require to the Bible.

    The Lord is my Sheep Flocker.

  220. 77south said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:08

    Goat to hell! the puns aren’t stopping until I get a chance to ram one in.

  221. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:12

    What the flock. Cud you stop it with the puns?

    Would some nice music by George Shearing make you feel better?

  222. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:15

    Would some nice music by George Shearing make you feel better?

    I think he needs naked pictures of Norma Shearer.

  223. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:16

    Okay, since no one else is going to…

    The Lord is my Sheep Flocker.
    DO NOT WANT!

  224. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:16

    Goat to hell! the puns aren’t stopping until I get a chance to ram one in.

    You certainly have the chops to try. But you have to loin from the master.

  225. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:17

    Mutton for mutton, but I got no more puns.

    Here, let me lanoline you a hand.

  226. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:18

    And I mis-spelled “lanolin.” I don’t know how I sheep at night.

  227. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:18

    Here, let me lanoline you a hand.

    I know many deflocked priests how got in trouble that way.

  228. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:19

    oh no, what have I done?

  229. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:19

    You certainly have the chops to try. But you have to loin from the master.

    Meat puns? I’ve racked up a few of those over the years…

  230. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:21

    oh no, what have I done?

    Started a pun war. It’s obviously your collie!

  231. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:25

    I’ve racked up a few of those over the years

    Yes, that’s quite the rack you’ve got there.

  232. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:25

    Yes, that’s quite the rack you’ve got there.

    Shanks!

  233. Bigby said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:28

    Interestingly, in the mid-80′s at my podunk Uni (State Penn), guys would bring their guns to the dorms all the time for the weekend after T-giving break to hunt in Central PA. You’d see the deer rifle just sitting in their closets for a couple weeks, then they’d bring them home during Christmas Break. Dunno what they were gonna do when they bagged a 10-pointer…make it into jerky in the doom room, next to the Gro-Light weed? ‘Course, they were all Real Americans and whatnot so it was ok.
    I wonder if yer still allowed to bring a Model 700 onto campus to keep in one’s closet anymore…

  234. les said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:30

    Is there a pool on who the first wingnut is who will claim that an Arab-American Miss USA is all part of the sharia conspiracy of the Muslim-In Chief?

    Sorry, Our Lady of Perpetual Outrage was there early on.

  235. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:30

    Shanks!

    ….for the mammaries….nice teats.

  236. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:35

    ….for the mammaries….nice teats.

    You’re udderly ridiculous.

  237. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:41

    You’re udderly ridiculous.

    We’ve expanded to cows? That puts me on the horns of a dilemma.

  238. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:43

    We’ve expanded to cows?

    I think someone tried to steer the conversation that way by mentioning cud.

  239. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:45

    I think someone tried to steer the conversation that way by mentioning cud.

    I had ruminated about that, but then realize I was being a silly ruminant

  240. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:46

    Unless…are sheep ruminant? I can’t imagine they’re dominant.

  241. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:47

    Still with the sheep puns?

    I’ll get my cote…

  242. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:49

    I’ll get my cote…

    Butt no.

  243. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:49

    I’ll get my cote…

    No, you don’t calf to go! We’re talking about cows now.

  244. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:51

    Unless…are sheep ruminant?

    They are. I don’t know what I was thinking…guess I showed my grass on this one…

  245. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:51

    Unless…are sheep ruminant?

    Of course, what self-respecting even-toed ungulate isn’t?

  246. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:52

    No, you don’t calf to go! We’re talking about cows now.

    Yeah, but I’ll have to vaca the premises anyway.

    Yo, Actor, you gonna be in Brooklyn tomorrow?

  247. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:54

    Of course, what self-respecting even-toed ungulate isn’t?

    Other than Joe Camel, who probably spits.

  248. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:55

    Anybody in the NY Metro Area, get your butts to Gowanus tomorrow evening.

  249. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2010 at 20:57

    Of course, what self-respecting even-toed ungulate isn’t?

    So, I guess pigs got no self-respect?

  250. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:06

    The Large Hadron Collider, doin it again.

  251. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:08

    So, I guess pigs got no self-respect?

    Yup. That’s why they’re so ridiculously tasty, but so very unkosher.

  252. Another Kiwi said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:08

    Time to get Veal, people.

  253. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:10

    So, I guess pigs got no self-respect?

    Well, d’uh – pigs. I guess I opened up the can of kosher.

    Interesting aside – what type of God forbids his people to eat bacon? Cruel that is.

  254. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:12

    Yo, Actor, you gonna be in Brooklyn tomorrow?

    If my head stops spinning.

  255. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:12

    The Large Hadron Collider, doin it again.
    ‘Twas the Merkin Tevatron what found it out, not the Urpeen LHC.

    USA! USA!

  256. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:14

    ‘Twas the Merkin Tevatron what found it out, not the Urpeen LHC.

    DUR I CANOT REED. Goddamn, I think my co-worker’s stupidity is infectious.

  257. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:14

    Interesting aside – what type of God forbids his people to eat bacon?

    Another good reason to go Godless: bacon.

  258. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:20

    Of course, what self-respecting even-toed ungulate isn’t?

    I prefer my camel toes to swallow.

  259. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:21

    You wimmins done ruined governing!

    Money shot:

    Women in politics have been in position so long now that men are not the men they once were. They have to take into account how their decisions and policies will be viewed by the ladies. Being weak, pathetic, and a bunch of pansies being entrusted with positions of power are all the result of this great error.

  260. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:23

    Money shot:

    Yeah, I did not need that in association with this shit.

  261. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:27

    Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:21

    You wimmins done ruined governing!

    Money shot:

    Holy. Fucking. Shit.

    Willy, you have an IQ to look out for. What in the hell are you doing at that den of iniquity?

  262. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:28

    Yeah, I did not need that in association with this shit.

    Dude’s got a point. You women are the reason I do stupid stuff like get haircuts and brush my teeth and play guitar… So really, you are dragging me down. Also, John Wayne.

  263. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:30

    Is there ANYTHING we can’t ruin?

  264. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:30

    DUR I CANOT REED. Goddamn, I think my co-worker’s stupidity is infectious.

    Just say “Goodbye, Earl” and pull the trigger on the super rad shotgun. It’s the next “Hasta La Vista, Baby!” You can totally get away with it if you say something cool like that.

  265. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:31

    What in the hell are you doing at that den of iniquity?

    One of PeeZee Myers’ denizens pointed this out.

    I may have a genius IQ but I’m a sucker for mangoes.

  266. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:33

    Is there ANYTHING we can’t ruin?

    Wow, that leaves the door wide open*

    *VspreadingR.

  267. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:33

    You women are the reason I do stupid stuff like get haircuts and brush my teeth and play guitar…

    Hey, nobody’s forcing you.

  268. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:34

    Well we’ve ruined government, ladies!

    What should we ruin next?

    Laser tag?
    Rush concerts?
    The secret formula for Hooter’ wing sauce?

    Mwuahahahaha! The possibilities are endless!

  269. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:35

    One of PeeZee Myers’ denizens pointed this out.

    I may have a genius IQ but I’m a sucker for mangoes.

    You’re one courageous individual.

  270. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:35

    Laser tag?
    Rush concerts?
    The secret formula for Hooter’ wing sauce?

    YES.

  271. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:36

    Although I’d probably switch laser tag to cosmic bowling.

  272. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:37

    Hey, nobody’s forcing you.

    Are too.

  273. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:39

    TruculentandUnreliable said,
    May 17, 2010 at 21:36

    Although I’d probably switch laser tag to cosmic bowling.”

    I have no idea what that is but it sounds fun.

  274. another nym said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:41

    TEH FUCHING FERRETS!

  275. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:41

    Hey, nobody’s forcing you.

    Are too.

    Are not. Apparently, you’ve decided it’s in your best interest for some reason or another to practice at least minimal hygiene.

    I have no idea what that is but it sounds fun.

    It’s kind of like laser tag. But with bowling.

  276. Esteev said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:43

    I’ve read this whole post and comment section and I am appalled that no one here seems to care that MISS USA IS A TURRUST INFILTRATOR!!! Or something.

  277. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:44

    Hey, nobody’s forcing you.

    Are too.

    My word, Lysistrata’s goals have shrunk over the years.

  278. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:45

    We’ve also ruined men’s ability to be better educated and make more money than their wives, or something.

  279. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:46

    My word, Lysistrata’s goals have shrunk over the years.

    VPR.

  280. Whale Chowder said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:46

    Wow. So far behind…

    Better yet, just the brandy.

    One word: roofies.

    …require high school history students to “discuss alternatives regarding long term entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare, given the decreasing worker to retiree ratio” and also “evaluate efforts by global organizations to undermine U. S. sovereignty.”

    Out of curiosity, would those organizations include BP, Bayer, Exxon, Disney, et al.?

    Won’t even go in for the puns since you all grabbed the best ones. I’ll just have to hide.

  281. Esteev said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:47

    We’ve also ruined men’s ability to be better educated and make more money than their wives, or something.

    Where do I sign to receive my Sugar Momma?

  282. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:47

    Esteev the only thing that concerns me is beauty pageants still exist.

  283. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:49

    My word, Lysistrata’s goals have shrunk over the years.

    VPR.

    Did you read the transsexual slash version?

    (I sort of knew this would happen, but my inner thesaurus refused to provide a better word. I will think of it in a few minutes, I’m sure.)

  284. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:50

    We’ve also ruined men’s ability to be better educated and make more money than their wives, or something.

    AHA!

    Wait. I got nothin’.

  285. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:51

    (I sort of knew this would happen, but my inner thesaurus refused to provide a better word. I will think of it in a few minutes, I’m sure.)

    Expectations have declined?

  286. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:52

    You women are the reason I do stupid stuff like get haircuts and brush my teeth and play guitar

    Wait….you use a brush on your teeth? Hell, I threw mine away when I lost my hair!

  287. Esteev said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:53

    the only thing that concerns me is beauty pageants still exist.

    slayer, they are just fronts to subjugate America’s wimmins to…to…uh, I have no idea. Besides a fear of anything brownish, why would anyone would have a problem with this woman winning?

    But, pageants still exist and there are some people who watch them religiously.

  288. Willy said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:53

    We’ve also ruined men’s ability to be better educated and make more money than their wives, or something.
    From that link:

    “He might not have the degree, but he’s got a lot of talent.”

    Yeah, but it seems they make us better at other things. I think it’s a WIN-WIN.

    Disclosure: Mrs. Willy has more education and income than Willy. But I got skillz.

  289. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:54

    Esteev the only thing that concerns me is beauty pageants still exist.

    If by “concern” you mean “pleases me on lonely Sunday nights”, then I concur.

  290. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:54

    The especially retarded (satire) thing about some puff piece regarding women “marrying down” is that the economy has been hit hardest in sectors that affect men. I’m sure there are quite a few RNs out there whose husbands have been laid off from construction jobs, among a whole host of other circumstances.

  291. Whale Chowder said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:54

    We’ve also ruined men’s ability to be better educated and make more money than their wives, or something.

    Sign me up! Actually, Mrs. Chowder has out-earned me in several of the last twenty-mumble years, not counting the early years of the Chowderlets. I never felt threatened but maybe that was because I always had a good job. Hers was just more remunerative.

    Wait. I got nothin’.

    Hm, there might be a clue in there…

  292. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:57

    Women have ruined pornography with their constant demands to be fucked harder.

  293. Esteev said,

    May 17, 2010 at 21:58

    regarding women “marrying down”

    So they “Slum it” for life?!

  294. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:00

    I net about the same as the husband, but only because he regularly works overtime. He certainly works much, much harder than I do. I’m also more educated, but he’s just as smart as I am, if not smarter. Amazing how those sexist AND classist assumptions reinforce each other.

  295. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:03

    AHA!

    Wait. I got nothin’.

    It’s all that hair weighing down on your brains so your thoughts can’t get out.

  296. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:04

    Women have ruined pornography with their constant demands to be fucked harder.

    Wait, what?

  297. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:05

    No pron magazine ever got jealous because I turned the page

  298. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:08

    Wait….you use a brush on your teeth? Hell, I threw mine away when I lost my hair!

    You got the right idea. I’ve been contemplating that since my score to “eww, fuck you” ratio has gotten rather embarassing.

    My girlfriend makes significantly more money than I do. It wasn’t a case of marrying down so much as her catching a break for a very large entertainment organization. She still has to come to me for ammunition when she gets into one of her facebook disputes, and I just built her a pretty awesome master suite, so calling it “marrying down” is pretty much a stupid thing to say. It comes from the same place as the expectation that women should make less than men, or should aspire to marry a rich guy and fix all of that silly fulfillment stuff with valium and pool boy trysts.

  299. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:10

    It’s all that hair weighing down on your brains so your thoughts can’t get out.

    HAHA! Joke’s on YOU! There are no thoughts in there! I win! Heyyyy, wait a minute…

  300. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:11

    No pron magazine ever got jealous because I turned the page

    I thought it was jealousy when the pages get all stuck together and I can’t access my favorite photoshop piece.

  301. Esteev said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:11

    facebook disputes

    I usually settle out of court. Those TROs are getting annoying. Actor, you can back me up on this.

  302. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:13

    Those TROs are getting annoying. Actor, you can back me up on this.

    Boy, if those things were money, I could retire.

  303. 77south said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:15

    First they came for the Ferret Leggers, I did not speak out because I was not a Ferret Legger.

    What’s next?
    Bog Snorkeling?
    Shin Kicking?
    Hurling?
    These killjoys must be stopped!

  304. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:17

    She still has to come to me for ammunition when she gets into one of her facebook disputes

    It’s funny, because I post political shit on my page all the time, and nobody has ever called me on it, even though I know a lot of people on my friends list are conservative. I’d like to think it’s because they’re afraid of my awesome debating skillz, but it’s more likely that they just think I’m boring.

  305. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:17

    First they came for the Ferret Leggers, I did not speak out because I was not a Ferret Legger.

    Snipe hunts. Count on it.

  306. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:17

    Bog Snorkeling?

    Oh, lord. I read this as “boy snorkeling” for a minute, and was really, really disgusted.

  307. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:17

    I’d like to think it’s because they’re afraid of my awesome debating skillz, but it’s more likely that they just think I’m boring.

    Or it could be your awesome tatas.

  308. Esteev said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:18

    Those TROs are getting annoying. Actor, you can back me up on this.

    Boy, if those things were money, I could retire.

    I can eye-ball 1000 feet to within 2 centimeters. I’m training to become a surveyor.

  309. Eric Massa said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:18

    Oh, lord. I read this as “boy snorkeling” for a minute, and was really, really disgusted.

    Boy snorkeling? Where?

  310. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:19

    I can eye-ball 1000 feet to within 2 centimeters. I’m training to become a surveyor.

    I just unzip and add five feet.

  311. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:19

    I have a whole wall at home covered with those fuckin TRO’s. Stupid bitches. They should be flattered by the attention.

    I have no idea why my gf insists on arguing with a guy whose profile picture is a Confederate flag. I keep telling her to either mail him a bomb or ignore him. Those are the only things those dumbfuck redneck losers respond understand. Every time gay marriage comes up she jumps right in there and tries to talk sense into the loudmouthed crackers that frequent the local news channel profile. Poor girl. She’s an ardent supporter of full equality, but she’s hopelessly outnumbered. I do love her persistence though.

  312. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:22

    even though I know a lot of people on my friends list are conservative

    I’d guess that they’re a little smarter than your everyday fuckfaced teabagger, or they’re afraid you might crush them and feed them to zombie rotten mcdonald. I don’t directly confront you for both reasons.

  313. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:22

    They should be flattered by the attention.

    Really! And what’s a few webcams among friends????

  314. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:23

    I just unzip and add five feet.

    YEAH–up high, brother, fuck yeah. XING!

    Tell em.

  315. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:24

    Really! And what’s a few webcams among friends????

    I know, right? WTF? Why does everyone gotta be so goddam uptight? I’d get naked for a webcam on demand.

  316. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:24

    oH GOD, words, please come back.

  317. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:27

    Or it could be your awesome tatas.

    I’m going to assume that by “tatas,” you mean “brain cells,” because I don’t want to think about how you might have seen my boobs.

  318. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:28

    I’d guess that they’re a little smarter than your everyday fuckfaced teabagger, or they’re afraid you might crush them and feed them to zombie rotten mcdonald. I don’t directly confront you for both reasons.

    Aw, thanks.

    I think?

  319. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:30

    They should be flattered by the attention.

    I love you in the most peculiar way
    Though why it’s odd exactly I can’t say
    I know that loving you can’t be a crime
    Except for when I stalk you all the time.

  320. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:32

    Aw, thanks.

    I think?

    It’s a compliment. Non sexual, non threatening, no passive aggressive jabs…

    Wow, you’ve come to expect that from all of us, haven’t you?

  321. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:33

    I love you in the most peculiar way
    Though why it’s odd exactly I can’t say
    I know that loving you can’t be a crime
    Except for when I stalk you all the time.

    It still shouldn’t be a crime! Wolverines! I mean, yeah. John Wayne.

  322. Whale Chowder said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:36

    I’d get naked for a webcam on demand.

    No interest.

    Website: DO NOT WANT

    Newsletter: take me off your mailing list.

    *shudder*

  323. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:36

    Wow, you’ve come to expect that from all of us, haven’t you?

    Yup. I believe it’s a form of PTSD.

    Also, grinding people up and feeding them to zombies isn’t very nice, so I wasn’t sure…

  324. 77south said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:38

    Seriously, people. Stalking? In the age of the intertoobs? I notice I have exactly the same success rate when I stay up all night hiding in a rain filled ditch wearing night vision goggles as I do when warm and dry in front of my computer. Which is to say zero. But I get rejected by a much better class of women at a much faster rate when using a dating web site, so that’s a win right? right? /sob.

  325. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:39

    I’d get naked for a webcam on demand.

    A higher-quality goatse would be in the public interest.

  326. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:40

    Really! And what’s a few webcams among friends????

    I’m going to assume that by “tatas,” you mean “brain cells,” because I don’t want to think about how you might have seen my boobs.

    I rest my case, tsam

  327. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:42

    I rest my case, tsam

    Nice try, but your Paypal payment never went through.

  328. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:43

    Nice try, but your Paypal payment never went through.

    I thought they looked a little too firm for a woman your age.

  329. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:44

    I notice I have exactly the same success rate when I stay up all night hiding in a rain filled ditch wearing night vision goggles as I do when warm and dry in front of my computer.

    You should buy the high hide and find a nearby tree. It cuts down on the cases of pneumonia.

  330. LittlePig said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:47

    Boy snorkeling?

    Sure now and the lad must be in Father Flannery’s swim class then?

  331. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:47

    Nice try, but your Paypal payment never went through.

    I thought they looked a little too firm for a woman your age.

    Damn, that actually stung a little.

    Apparently, you want to be ground up and fed to zombies. Or at least punched in the face.

  332. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:49

    Damn, that actually stung a little.

    I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? What if I showed you my etchings?

  333. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:52

    I rest my case, tsam

    Well played, sir. Very well played.

    Double martini with a Petron chaser?

  334. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:53

    Double martini with a Petron chaser?

    Toss it all into an empty Ripple bottle. I have a reputation to keep up.

  335. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:53

    I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? What if I showed you my etchings?

    Are you sure my pendulous breasts won’t block my view?

  336. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:54

    You should buy the high hide and find a nearby tree. It cuts down on the cases of pneumonia.

    Luckily for all the neighborhood women, pr0n on demand on the interwebz keeps me plenty busy. Wow, this is getting ugly.

    In other news, fuck the Yankees.

  337. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:54

    Toss it all into an empty Ripple bottle. I have a reputation to keep up.

    Oh, no worries. I keep paper bags on hand to cover the bottles for all of my repeat customers.

  338. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:55

    Are you sure my pendulous breasts won’t block my view?

    I’ll hold them for you.

  339. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:55

    Nice try, but your Paypal payment never went through.

    Mine still says pending, would you look into that for me? thanks.

  340. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:56

    Double martini with a Petron chaser?

    That sounds like a one-way ticket to Throwupville.

  341. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:57

    I’ll hold them for you.

    When did you become such a gentleman?

    Mine still says pending, would you look into that for me? thanks.

    Oh, sorry. I don’t take arcade tokens as payment.

  342. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:57

    Etchings and boobs! I came back at just the right time!

    Btw, has anyone else noticed that Joe Sestak speaks with the same cadence as Mr Rogers?

  343. actor212 said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:57

    When did you become such a gentleman?

    Who said I’d be gentle?

  344. 77south said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:58

    Oh, sorry. I don’t take arcade tokens as payment.

    She is a practical woman. Subway or laundromat tokens only.

  345. Woodrowfan said,

    May 17, 2010 at 22:59

    I just unzip and add five feet.

    two men on a bridge

    man #1 boy, that water’s cold..

    (pause)

    man #2 deep too

  346. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:00

    ” fuck the Yankees”

    I love tha movie. Asia Carrera gave the most moving performance.

  347. Woodrowfan said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:00

    wait, there’s pron on the internet? nobody ever tells me nuthin!

  348. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:00

    Oh, sorry. I don’t take arcade tokens as payment.

    But all the other rides take them…

  349. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:01

    ” fuck the Yankees”

    I love tha movie. Asia Carrera gave the most moving performance.

    Ahh, girl knows her stuff!

  350. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:02

    Who said I’d be gentle?

    Even better!

    Subway or laundromat tokens only.

    One day I’ll make it to the big city, and when I do, I’ll be more than ready!

  351. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:03

    “tsam said,
    May 17, 2010

    Ahh, girl knows her stuff!”

    Just not how to spell “that”

  352. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:04

    Asia Carrera

    Ah, vacuumslayer, you are a girl after my own heart.

  353. Woodrowfan said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:04

    Ahh, girl knows her stuff!

    there’s a great quote from “Body Double” for this, but I’m at work/……

  354. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:05

    Double martini with a Petron chaser?

    That sounds like a one-way ticket to Throwupville.

    Yes it would. But there would be a short window of awesome there…

  355. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:07

    Ahh, girl knows her stuff!”

    Just not how to spell “that”

    You should have left it. I thought you were going for gangsta.

  356. Brandi said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:16

    Interesting aside – what type of God forbids his people to eat bacon? Cruel that is.

    One who apparently didn’t think his people would figure out that whole trichonosis thing and how to work around it.

  357. Smut Clyde said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:18

    Did someone upthread mention “can of kosher”?

  358. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:20

    I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? What if I showed you my etchings?

    Are you sure my pendulous breasts won’t block my view?

    Exactly where ARE your eyes?

  359. Whale Chowder said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:23

    Exactly where ARE your eyes?

    Y’know how when you get old yer boobs sag?

    Well T&U is so young hers actually float!

  360. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:25

    Exactly where ARE your eyes?

    I know where mine are! Heh heh.

  361. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:25

    “tsam said,
    May 17, 2010 at 23:07

    Ahh, girl knows her stuff!”

    Just not how to spell “that”

    You should have left it. I thought you were going for gangsta.

    I can see why you get that; I give off a super gangster vibe.

  362. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:26

    Y’know how when you get old yer boobs sag?

    Don’t I ever.

  363. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:27

    “TruculentandUnreliable said,
    May 17, 2010 at 23:04

    Asia Carrera

    Ah, vacuumslayer, you are a girl after my own heart.”

    It’s not you’re heart I’m after.

    Mwuahahahaha!

  364. tigris said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:28

    Don’t I ever.

    Can you throw ‘em over your shoulder like a continental soldier?

  365. Smut Clyde said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:28

    Going back upthread:
    our Founders sought to create a nation based upon the rationality of laws and not the swirling emotions of men.

    The precedents for this philosophy go a long way back.

  366. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:29

    Well T&U is so young hers actually float!

    I like you. You’re nice. Unlike SOME PEOPLE.

    I give off a super gangster vibe.

    Golly, are you ever right! I’d even say you give off a super DUPER gangster vibe!

  367. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:30

    “It’s not you’re heart I’m after.”

    your. UGH!!

  368. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:33

    “It’s not you’re heart I’m after.”

    your. UGH!!

    Well, I tried to help you with the last one, but I have no save for this one1.

  369. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:34

    “It’s not you’re heart I’m after.”

    your. UGH!!

    VVR?

  370. Whale Chowder said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:35

    Wait. You’re after her UGH?

    Ew.

  371. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:35

    Just don’t kick me out of the cool table, tsam. I’ve worked my fucking ASS off to get here.

  372. Whale Chowder said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:36

    Damn you, PeeJ Pupienus Maximus and your quick fingers!

    Wait, do all the boys say that to you?

  373. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:37

    “Pupienus Maximus said,
    May 17, 2010 at 23:34

    “It’s not you’re heart I’m after.”

    your. UGH!!

    VVR?”

    I don’t think it’s that V.

  374. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:38

    VVR?

    VVJJR

  375. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:40

    Damn you, PeeJ Pupienus Maximus and your quick fingers!

    Wait, do all the boys say that to you?

    Only the ones who find out my name.

  376. Jennifer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:41

    Not sure how I should feel about this, but yesterday apparently someone used the search term “sisters hold penis” to find my blog.

    …..ewwwwwwww!!!!!

    Today is Lyta’s birthday, and I found the most disturbing/funniest birthday video – one that would be appropriate for any of you here (and probably for many of the people you know in real life). Also a really cool dead shark cake, and a POOP cake.

  377. Rusty Shackleford said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:41

    First the eyeball scorch at Subby’s place, now this?

    Fuck it, I’m going to LOLcats

  378. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:45

    The internet is a harsh mistress.

  379. Smut Clyde said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:45

    What’s next?
    Bog Snorkeling?
    Shin Kicking?
    Hurling?

    They wouldn’t dare take on the clog dancers.

  380. Rusty Shackleford said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:48

    Now I am offended by the poor grammar and spelling of the cat fanciers.

  381. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:49

    vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:35

    Just don’t kick me out of the cool table, tsam. I’ve worked my fucking ASS off to get here.

    Never even considered it. Not for a second. I’d miss you if you were gone.

  382. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:50

    Besides. I’m always good for a sentence fragment. Or two. Also.

  383. tsam said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:51

    Wait. You’re after her UGH?

    Ew.

    Whoa, whoa whoa….dude…let’s let this play out.

  384. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:53

    “Whoa, whoa whoa….dude…let’s let this play out.”

    That made me chuckle.

  385. vacuumslayer said,

    May 17, 2010 at 23:58

    “Rusty Shackleford said,
    May 17, 2010 at 23:48

    Now I am offended by the poor grammar and spelling of the cat fanciers.”

    Everyone always says “Think of the children!” But you know what? Think of the cats!! They are in crisis and really falling behind.

  386. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:02

    Think of the cats!! They are in crisis and really falling behind.

    Feed them some children.

  387. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:03

    Everyone always says “Think of the children!” But you know what? Think of the cats!! They are in crisis and really falling behind.

    But their inferior intellect and general truculence (see what I did there) makes them prime candidates for being left behind. This is a crisis of their own making.

  388. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:04

    Feed them some children.

    **theatric gasp**

    I’m insulted, nay, offended by your comment! What if a child reads this?

  389. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:08

    What if a child reads this?

    Get real. They’re too busy gnawing on wiring or climbing the draperies.

  390. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:09

    Feed them some children.

    Or tinsel. At least make it festive.

  391. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:15

    Or tinsel. At least make it festive.

    Oh–I’ve seen this. It’s one of those things that it utterly disgusting, yet you can’t take your eyes off of it…

  392. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:17

    utterly disgusting, yet you can’t take your eyes off of it…

    LIke this thread. Or Substance’s blog. Or T&U’s UGH.

  393. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:18

    Feed them some children.

    Or tinsel. At least make it festive.

    There’s more than one way to skin a cat. The best way is while the cat is still warm. Make an incision in the belly, midway between the hind legs, cutting forward to the sternum. Waat?

  394. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:19

    LIke this thread. Or Substance’s blog. Or T&U’s UGH.

    Yes, yes and hm, I don’t know. I’m unable to speak with authority on this one.

  395. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:23

    Sudden, jarring left turn;

    Know how to starve a zombie? Send him to the Republican Convention.

    Rime of the Ancient Zombie
    Skulls, skulls everywhere, nor any brains to nom!

  396. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:27

    I’m unable to speak with authority on this one.

    C’mon, you’re a grown (grow’n?) man. You’ve seen an UGH before.

    If not, perhaps Vacuumslayer could draw you a picture.

    Or you could <your search engine here> it.

  397. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:30

    C’mon, you’re a grown (grow’n?) man. You’ve seen an UGH before.

    They’re not like asians, meaning they don’t all look alike. Oh, and I see what you did there–nice.

    If not, perhaps Vacuumslayer could draw you a picture

    Me like pichers!

    Or you could it.

    AOL says no–for my own good.

  398. Jennifer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:31

    Heh.

    My kitty has a busted lip right now. A week ago, I’m sitting in here working and hear this shrieking from the backyard. I go out there and see that kitty has something pinned down by the side of the raised patio, but she’s got her head up and has this surprised look on her face. And then the “something” leaps up and bounds away – a bunny. She only tried chasing it halfway around the house; when she comes in, I notice her chin/lower lip area looks kind of pinkish. By the next day, her lower lip is all swollen.

    As I told her: “Eartha, sometimes the bunnies bite back.”

  399. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:36

    Eartha Kitty?

    Awesome.

  400. Jennifer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:38

    Actually, it’s Eartha Katt.

    After Eartha Kitt. You know, Catwoman.

  401. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:39

    Coolest cat name ever

  402. dirty fucking hippy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:41

    I like the quick reference to The Sound and the Fury at the end…Confederate Yankee as idiot manchild…

  403. Jennifer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:45

    Tanks! It took a long time to name this cat. Her head and face have a very African/Egyptian desert cat vibe shape-wise, somehow I connected that with Earth Kitt who I always thought was very exotic-looking, and of course had the whole “Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect, Batman” Catwoman thing going on too. Anyway, it seems to fit her.

  404. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:50

    Miss USA, I like her:

    New Miss USA Once Won Pole Dancing Contest

  405. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:51

    Eartha Kitt: Evil

  406. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 0:52

    It must have been a belly dance to polka music, right?

  407. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 1:01

    As I told her: “Eartha, sometimes the bunnies bite back.”

    This reminds me of a tasteless joke the punchline to which is, “Get ‘em now, son, before they grow teeth!” I do not know why.

  408. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 1:06

    Miss USA, I like her:

    New Miss USA Once Won Pole Dancing Contest

    This, in addition to not being (or pretending to be) a dumbshit white girl from fucking Texas or some such idiot repository, makes me like her more all the time.

  409. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 2:15

    Mom! Tsam broke the thread! Again!

  410. justme said,

    May 18, 2010 at 2:23

    “This is United States calling, are we reaching?”

    “See he keeps hanging up, and it’s a man answering.”

  411. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 2:36

    Looch said,
    May 18, 2010 at 2:15

    Mom! Tsam broke the thread! Again!”

    This why we can’t have nice threads.

  412. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:01

    This why we can’t have nice threads.

    I will immediately return my white satin three-piece suit.

  413. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:02

    This why we can’t have nice threads.

    Well, we all probably had something to do with that, I suppose (he said, *cough* sheepishly).

  414. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:04

    I will immediately return my white satin three-piece suit.

    I have a beige one, somewhere. With flared pants. Looked good with my fu manchu.

    (Ha, pre-Interons time, no searchable pix)

  415. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:09

    I have a beige one, somewhere. With flared pants. Looked good with my fu manchu.

    I bow before your mightiness, Ming the Merciless.

  416. Chris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:18

    This, in addition to not being (or pretending to be) a dumbshit white girl from fucking Texas or some such idiot repository, makes me like her more all the time.

    Just imagining the fucking fury of the entire right wing at the sight of a sand nigger being “Miss USA” is enough to make me laugh out loud.

    That is, until I remember that they translate this kind of impotent cultural rage into the electoral polls. The Miss USA thing alone will probably make the difference between a few rednecks staying at home tomorrow or going in to vote teabagger. Man, what a country…

  417. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:20

    “I will immediately return my white satin three-piece suit.”

    Hey let’s not get crazy…well…just so long as you don’t hastily dispense with your acid-washed jeans.

  418. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:25

    just so long as you don’t hastily dispense with your acid-washed jeans

    Actually, about the height of that craze, I had a buzz cut about five months every year. I hate the heat and resembling a toilet brush was (physically) cool.

  419. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:25

    Hey let’s not get crazy…well…just so long as you don’t hastily dispense with your acid-washed jeans branes.

    Fecksed for alternate reality.

  420. not a gator said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:41

    http://www.debbieschlussel.com/21757/exclusive-miss-usa-contestant-is-shiite-muslim-who-supports-hezbollah-hezbo-taqiyyah-allows-bikinis/

    The url word salad says it all, really.

  421. not a gator said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:42

    FYWP for making that a link… like I want to improve her Google PageRank. Fuck that noise.

  422. not a gator said,

    May 18, 2010 at 3:47

    This, in addition to not being (or pretending to be) a dumbshit white girl from fucking Texas or some such idiot repository, makes me like her more all the time.

    Just imagining the fucking fury of the entire right wing at the sight of a sand nigger being “Miss USA” is enough to make me laugh out loud.

    That is, until I remember that they translate this kind of impotent cultural rage into the electoral polls. The Miss USA thing alone will probably make the difference between a few rednecks staying at home tomorrow or going in to vote teabagger. Man, what a country…

    So you’re telling me the wingers missed the non-stop-Kardashians-all-the-time on cable and the gossip rags at the convenience store?

    (They can’t tell the difference between Sikhs and Moslems so I doubt they grasp the complexities of Ay-rab vs. Persian vs. Armenian… I mean, that is an Armenian name, right?)

  423. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 4:25

    Newt:

    Through any means necessary, from violent street protests to the insidious expansion of bureaucratic power, the Left have spent the last four decades tightening their grasp over America and its most important institutions—the federal bureaucracy, academia, Hollywood, Big Labor, and even big business.

    Apparently the Left won everything. Well done, have some cake.

  424. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 18, 2010 at 4:43

    Apparently the Left won everything. Well done, have some cake.

    yeah, sure, after a couple of your recent posts, I don’t think I am eating ever again.

  425. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 4:49

    Right, Mr. Organ Meats.

  426. Chris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 4:54

    They can’t tell the difference between Sikhs and Moslems so I doubt they grasp the complexities of Ay-rab vs. Persian vs. Armenian

    That’s why their case for racial profiling fails even on their own terms. Let’s agree with them that racial profiling is both effective and worth the price to be paid by us as a society; you still run into the problem that the people who advocate it are invariably too stupid, too ignorant and too racist to be able to profile with any effectiveness at all. (If it was up to these clowns, Jesus of Nazareth would be on the no-fly list).

    And yep, according to wikipedia, the Kardashians are Armenian on their father’s side.

  427. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2010 at 5:26

    the Kardashians are Armenian on their father’s side.

    I am hopelessly out-of-touch with the various Star Trek spin-offs.

  428. John Revolta said,

    May 18, 2010 at 5:47

    sometimes the bunnies bite back

    This is totally going on my tombstone

  429. Liz212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 5:48

    @Bigby

    No guns at the State Penn anymore. Also outlawed in dorm rooms? Toasters. Seriously.

  430. Snorghagen said,

    May 18, 2010 at 5:50

    the Left have spent the last four decades tightening their grasp over America and its most important institutions… even big business.

    The anarcho-corporatist revolutionary cadres have seized control of the means of production.

  431. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 6:29

    Liz212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 5:48 (kill)

    @Bigby

    No guns at the State Penn anymore. Also outlawed in dorm rooms? Toasters. Seriously.

    As I recall, toasters were verboten way back in the dark days of the 70′s. On the plus side, one could score a lid pretty much anytime by going down to The Wall and shouting out “Hey! Anybody got any dope?” Even if no lid was to be had, somebody would at least get you stoned gratis. Erm, so I was told.

  432. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 7:12

    So humorless, even a caveman could PENISDILDO.

  433. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2010 at 8:37

    Did you notice how some wag has captioned the image in PM’s linked story?
    Courtesy of University of Tubing

  434. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 9:10

    Did you notice…

    No. I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts it weren’t no wag but only a delicious, sweet typographical error; no wage-slave assistant editor is that clever.

  435. Liz212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 9:18

    I don’t think I know what The Wall is. Was that the old student center (current one is The Hub)? Or is it that wall by the bookstore on which someone, wonderfully, wrote “Viva Don Knotts”?

  436. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 9:41

    Kids these days. Doan no nuttin. The Wall is the low restraning wall along E. College Ave. in front of old main, between Allen and Pugh. Basically, across the street from the Rathskeller to across the street from Zenos. Precise coordinates for finding my butt-print there can be supplied upon request.

    Disclaimer: I went to PSU in the 70′s when we were allegedly disqualified from the Playboy party school rankings for “professionalism.”

  437. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 9:52

    The student center, btw, has _always_ been “The HUB.” (Hetzel Union Building, a most fortunate acronym). The HUB has been through several complete renovations but has always been and will likely always be the spiritual center of campus.

    For extra credit, see what you can find about “Gentle Thursday” or “the Phi Psi 500.” *Sigh* I miss my yoot – such a shame I wasted it.

  438. Liz212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 10:06

    You’re right, Hetzel Union Building. (Graduated a few years ago and had forgotten.) And I know where The Wall is after the description. Gentle Thursdays are gone, as far as I know, and I learned to ignore frat boys making idiots of themselves. I heard they were moving The Creamery way the fuck out to the new far eastern part of campus. Sacrilege.

  439. owlbear1 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 11:50

    Does it take a trial (ya know, that innocent until proven guilty bs) to get on the Terrorist Watch List or does it just take knowing the wrong people who say scary things that frighten security people?

    How does one get added to the list?

    If isn’t via a trial with evidence and defense attorneys, why is it okay to strip Constitutional rights simply on the say so of a Secret Government List?

    Or is this just a case of “They just know” which ones have been naughty ?

    How does a person get added to the Terrorist watch List?

  440. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2010 at 13:44

    Worse than a Secret Government List — a Secret Bureaucratic List. Rife with errors, as you might expect from something thrown together as a bureaucratic convenience, with every incentive to be over-inclusive; entries that are there through a mere similarity of names. And once an entry is on the list, it doesn’t come off again.

    Sounds a lot like the Windows Registry architecture, now I think about it.

  441. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 14:09

    entries that are there through a mere similarity of names

    You do know that “Porn Cletus” is on the list, right?

  442. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 14:45

    a Secret Bureaucratic List. Rife with errors, as you might expect from something thrown together as a bureaucratic convenience, with every incentive to be over-inclusive; entries that are there through a mere similarity of names.

    We used to have an Iraqi who had become a naturalized citizen years and years ago who worked in my department. His name is about as generically Arabic as you can get. His poor assistant always dreaded booking flights for him, because on more than one occasion, she’d have to scramble to get him on a later flight because he had been detained. He also tried to get her to get him off the list–that was, of course, fruitless.

  443. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:11

    Liz212

    Pardon me, are we related?

  444. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:13

    the Left have spent the last four decades tightening their grasp over America and its most important institutions—the federal bureaucracy, academia, Hollywood, Big Labor, and even big business.

    And that, dear friends, is why the media is so liberal: we own the advertisers, to the exclusion of any right wing media moguls. Murdoch is a front, dammit!

    In fact, to own stock in America, you have to register at your local chapter of the Wobblies.

  445. kingubu said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:15

    So, we’ve got not-Bimmler, not-Bubba, and now, not-PeeJ. I think I’ma need a database.

  446. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:25

    Through any means necessary, from violent street protests to the insidious expansion of bureaucratic power, the Left have spent the last four decades tightening their grasp over America and its most important institutions—the federal bureaucracy, academia, Hollywood, Big Labor, and even big business.

    Oh I get to do it! Sadly, no! That’s a nice bit of projection there, Newt, but everyone who is not a total fuckup knows that it was you righties that have held power since Reagan and fucked the whole world up. You’re worse than kids blaming siblings for breaking mom’s stuff. This is why mom can’t have nice things. Stupid fat white guys.

  447. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:27

    I think I’ma need a database.

    Or a not-base

  448. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:27

    I really, really hope my family gets out of Texas before my nephew is old enough to go to school. “The education board has dropped references to the slave trade in favour of calling it the more innocuous ‘Atlantic triangular trade…’”

    Also, too, I am on a TEAR today and maybe should avoid the internets and re-invest that energy into something productive….

  449. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:27

    Disclaimer: I went to PSU in the 70’s when we were allegedly disqualified from the Playboy party school rankings for “professionalism.”

    Whoa–that’s embarassing.

  450. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:31

    ‘Atlantic triangular trade…’

    Who’ll give me a square for this lovely nubian triangle? Look at those points of her own, way up high! Who’ll give me a square? A square..can I hae a cube? A cube! A dodecahedron! A SPHERE!

    Sold to the portly gentleman from Charleston, South Carolina!

  451. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:32

    Mom! Tsam broke the thread! Again!”

    This why we can’t have nice threads

    ***pout***

    I’m sorry.

  452. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:34

    I really, really hope my family gets out of Texas before my nephew is old enough to go to school. “The education board has dropped references to the slave trade in favour of calling it the more innocuous ‘Atlantic triangular trade…’”

    Ya know, I’m all for nuclear –excuse me, nukular– test bans, but it occurs to me that an exception might be in the interest of humanity.

  453. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:35

    Oh for fucks sake. Did I break it again???

  454. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:36

    You have to admit, the right wing has a MUCH better grasp of how to use language to change ideas…”Atlantic triangular trade” totally de-centers the US’s role in the slave trade, and focuses on the people who were supplying the slaves instead of the people who were, you know, using them.

    Apparently, the invisible hand of the market doesn’t work for the slave trade, as people would have continued supplying them even if there was no demand in the US.

  455. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:38

    Ya know, I’m all for nuclear –excuse me, nukular– test bans, but it occurs to me that an exception might be in the interest of humanity.

    Fine with me. Just let me get the baby (aw, he’s not so much of a baby anymore!) and the in-laws out of there first. And their pets.

  456. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:39

    Apropos of nothing, yesterday a bird got stuck in our air duct then got loose in our house. I had to chase it out with a broom. It was dumb.

  457. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:40

    Oh, wait. No, you can’t bomb Houston, at least, although it SUCKS. The Rothko Chapel is there. I would leave Austin alone, too.

  458. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:41

    We need a fresh thread…this one smells stale, kinda like sex with DKW’s mom.

  459. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:46

    We need a fresh thread

    Yes. I need some jokes to laugh at, or at least something new to yell about.

    Maybe my breakfast of two Rice Krispy treats and a 20 ounce coffee was a bad choice.

  460. DKW's Mom said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:53

    Shut up, vacuumslayer. Don’t hate because I have mad skillz in the bedroom and White Castle bathrooms.

  461. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:57

    Maybe my breakfast of two Rice Krispy treats and a 20 ounce coffee was a bad choice.

    I hear diabetes is all the rage this summer.

  462. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 15:58

    ‘Atlantic triangular trade…’

    “Texas, where history comes for a face-lift.”

  463. Mr DKWs Mom said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:00

    Don’t hate because I have mad skillz in the bedroom and White Castle bathrooms.

    Our honeymoon suite?

  464. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:02

    I hear diabetes is all the rage this summer.

    It’s okay. I take vitamins.

    I don’t put sugar in my coffee, either.

  465. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:03

    I don’t put sugar in my coffee, either.

    I do. I like my coffee the way I like my women: weak and bitter.

  466. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:04

    weak and bitter.

    That’s how I like my Democrats!

  467. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:05

    That’s how I like my Democrats!

    That explains Tom Suozzi.

  468. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:06

    I like my coffee the way I like my women: weak and bitter.

    That explains so much…

  469. 77south said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:06

    I do. I like my coffee the way I like my women: weak and bitter.
    I’d head that you liked them tied up in a sack and carried over the Andes on the back of a mule.

  470. DKW's Mom said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:07

    “Mr DKWs Mom said,
    May 18, 2010 at 16:00

    Don’t hate because I have mad skillz in the bedroom and White Castle bathrooms.

    Our honeymoon suite?”

    Ah yes….I remember it well, despite the silver paint I huffed that day.Good times.

  471. tigris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:09

    the Left have spent the last four decades tightening their grasp over America and its most important institutions—the federal bureaucracy, academia, Hollywood, Big Labor, and even big business.

    Let me tell you, the socialist CEOs are going to be Newt’s worst nightmare.

  472. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:09

    I don’t know how people drink coffee without sugar. That’s hardcore.

  473. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:09

    I’d head that you liked them tied up in a sack and carried over the Andes on the back of a mule.

    I really will have to live down that nickname, El Exigente, one day.

  474. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:09

    the Left have spent the last four decades tightening their grasp over America and its most important institutions—the federal bureaucracy, academia, Hollywood, Big Labor, and even big business.

    Goddammit, where is my fucking Soros check, already?

  475. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:11

    Goddammit, where is my fucking Soros check, already?

    *toeing sack of mail marked “Sadly, No!” under desk*

    What now?

  476. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:11

    I don’t know how people drink coffee without sugar. That’s hardcore.

    Oh, I am totes hardcore. TOTES.

    I do put a little bit of milk in it, though.

  477. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:12

    *toeing sack of mail marked “Sadly, No!” under desk*

    What now?

    Who made you treasurer, anyway?

  478. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:14

    Who made you treasurer, anyway?

    Treasurer?

    I’m just a mail clerk.

  479. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:14

    Let me tell you, the socialist CEOs are going to be Newt’s worst nightmare.

    It’s so awesome that the Tea Pity is souring to Newt. That guy is the worst person on the planet.

    Great tweet from Media Matters earlier: “On Hannity, Gingrich says were in the greats battle since the Civil War — and thinks you should buy his book!”

    The Civil War, Newt? Really?

  480. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:16

    I don’t know how people drink coffee without sugar.

    Stick with the Beaver Buzz.

  481. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:17

    Stick with the Beaver Buzz.

    If she had a vibrator, why would she need coffee?

  482. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:19

    Stick with the Beaver Buzz.

    Damning evidence?

  483. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:19

    “Texas, where history comes for a face-lift.”

    Texas, where freedom means you don’t have to face reality!

  484. Mysticdog said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:19

    even though I know a lot of people on my friends list are conservative

    The sad thing is the number of liberal highschool and college friends who turned into Beck-adoring wingnuts. I had two very cool female friends say they had religious experiences during pregnancy, and now forward on posts about Obama-care forcing people to get microchips for the Mark of the Beast.

    (sorry to take the conversation back 12 hours, I’ve been busy)

  485. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:20

    hey had religious experiences during pregnancy

    Veergen Birfs?!

  486. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:20

    “actor212 said,
    May 18, 2010 at 16:17

    Stick with the Beaver Buzz.

    If she had a vibrator, why would she need coffee?”

    doesn’t everyone get…sleepy…after?

  487. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:21

    Texas, where freedom means you don’t have to face reality!

    Texas, where indoctrination ain’t just for lefties.

  488. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:22

    Stick with the Beaver Buzz.

    So, it’s basically Red Bull without the HFCS and with a suggestive name?

    If she had a vibrator, why would she need coffee?

    Dude, I’m like a stereotypical man when it comes to that shit. I need a nap afterwards. And maybe a turkey sandwich.

  489. Djur said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:23

    I don’t know how people drink coffee without sugar.

    For my part, I’ve never understood why people drink coffee with sugar. In my experience, it inevitably makes it taste worse.

  490. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:23

    It’s so awesome that the Tea Pity is souring to Newt. That guy is the worst person on the planet

    Mmmm–he still worships at the pole of Karl Rove. But yeah, Newt needs to go to his masturbation fantasyland, Somalia. Nice place, ‘cept for all the brown people, but maybe we could revive the Atlantic Triangular Trade whatchamacallit.

  491. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:23

    I had two very cool female friends say they had religious experiences during pregnancy, and now forward on posts about Obama-care forcing people to get microchips for the Mark of the Beast.

    Oh, man. Those can be the WORST, because if you (meaning I) argue with them, they’ll say, “You’ll understand when you have kids.” Really? So all liberals don’t have children? That means nothing to me, except that you’re a condescending asshole.

  492. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:23

    “The sad thing is the number of liberal highschool and college friends who turned into Beck-adoring wingnuts. I had two very cool female friends say they had religious experiences during pregnancy, and now forward on posts about Obama-care forcing people to get microchips for the Mark of the Beast.”

    which is precisely why I supported health care reform in the first place. Where’s my fucking microchip??!!!!!

  493. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:24

    I don’t know how people drink coffee without sugar. That’s hardcore.

    If I wanted to drink it sweet, I’d just dip my finger in the cup.

  494. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:24

    vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:09

    I don’t know how people drink coffee without sugar. That’s hardcore.

    I like my coffee black…

    Like my…

    Sharpies.

  495. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:25

    Mmmm–he still worships at the pole of Karl Rove.

    Worst strip club EVAR!!!!

  496. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:25

    I like my coffee black…

    Like my…

    Sharpies.

    Really? I prefer the red ones. The nose is a little better on them, and you don’t get hit hard with that acrid smell right away.

  497. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:26

    Where’s my fucking microchip??!!!!!

    Srsly, if we all had a chip that told doctors what is wrong with us we’d solve preventative medicine!

    Plus, missing children would be found quicker.

  498. Mysticdog said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:26

    “It’s so awesome that the Tea Pity is souring to Newt. That guy is the worst person on the planet. ”

    Tough call. Rush (the fatman, not the rockband, dammit), Beck, Stossel, Savage, Cheney, Rove, Kristol; its a really hard pick. Newt at least has the comically loathesome appearance and delivery so you don’t have to worry about anyone really listening to him.

  499. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:26

    Mmmm–he still worships at the pole of Karl Rove.

    Worst strip club EVAR!!!!

    Horrifying. Would the strippers dress up like Sarah Palin* and Nancy Reagan?

    *You KNOOOOOOOOW this has been done. A LOT.

  500. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:28

    Really? I prefer the red ones. The nose is a little better on them,

    I’m a big fan of Elmer’s Rubber Cement for my nose.

  501. 77south said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:28

    which is precisely why I supported health care reform in the first place. Where’s my fucking microchip??!!!!!

    I’m holding out for Apple’s 2nd generation Mark of the Beast Chip. They put so much more thought into the whole user experience. And I’ll wait for the 2nd generation so I don’t have to fight all of the fanboys to get one.

  502. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:30

    I’m a big fan of Elmer’s Rubber Cement for my nose.

    A little too heady for me. I don’t really have any brain cells to spare.

    And I’ll wait for the 2nd generation so I don’t have to fight all of the fanboys to get one.

    And you KNOW that the price is going to go down…

  503. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:37

    doesn’t everyone get…sleepy…after?

    I’m too busy doing the “I got me some” dance at the foot of the bed.

  504. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:39

    I’m holding out for Apple’s 2nd generation Mark of the Beast Chip.

    I’m on the alpha list. Altho, to be honest, I’m concerned about reports that the chip seeks out bowls of salsa. Must be a design flaw.

  505. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:39

    *You KNOOOOOOOOW this has been done. A LOT.

    Chicken or egg? I think she modeled her look after the “naughty librarian” (uh… no offense!) look, as featured on late-night cable.

  506. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:42

    If I wanted to drink it sweet, I’d just dip my finger in the cup.

    That’s rather…small…even for a finger.

  507. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:43

    Oh, man. Those can be the WORST, because if you (meaning I) argue with them, they’ll say, “You’ll understand when you have kids.” Really? So all liberals don’t have children? That means nothing to me, except that you’re a condescending asshole.

    Definitely the worst. I became even MORE liberal when I had kids. I must be some kind of weirdo, but I want them to be healthy and educated and have a fair shot at prosperity, rather than be a slave to the robber barons like our generation is. You become more conservative when you start going to church and start eating the shitsammiches they serve up on a regular basis. Before too long, you turn into the egocentric, SUV driving, phuktard bumper sticker sporting, Sarah Palin loving superdouche. So you lecture your friends on how stupid they are for using their brains, and tell them they’ll understand when they have children.

  508. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:43

    So, it’s basically Red Bull without the HFCS and with a suggestive name?

    The saskatoon-flavoured one is drinkable whereas Red Bull tastes terrible. More caffeine also too and so on.

  509. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:46

    I think she modeled her look after the “naughty librarian” (uh… no offense!) look, as featured on late-night cable.

    I can’t help but take offense. Bump-Its? Really?

  510. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:46

    I must be some kind of weirdo, but I want them to be healthy and educated and have a fair shot at prosperity, rather than be a slave to the robber barons like our generation is.

    Not to mention not wanting your children to grow up in a toxic stew of chemical contaminants.

    Just what the hell is it that “conservatives” want to conserve?

  511. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:47

    Before too long, you turn into the egocentric, SUV driving, phuktard bumper sticker sporting, Sarah Palin loving superdouche.

    Wait. Do we live in the same town?

  512. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:48

    Just what the hell is it that “conservatives” want to conserve?

    Their own sense of self-entitlement and the ability to do whatever the fuck they want.

  513. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:49

    The saskatoon-flavoured one is drinkable whereas Red Bull tastes terrible. More caffeine also too and so on.

    Saskatoon haz a flavor?

  514. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:50

    Saskatoon haz a flavor?

    It’s got Saskat you can chewan

  515. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:53

    I can’t help but take offense. Bump-Its? Really?

    I had never heard of these until Palin came along. They’re hair falsies, right?

  516. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:56

    I had never heard of these until Palin came along. They’re hair falsies, right?

    Yup. I had heard of them, but I didn’t think that anybody actually used them. They’re dowdy and make your hair look completely dated…

  517. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:57

    Saskatoons:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amelanchier_alnifolia

  518. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 16:58

    Saskatoons:

    I know. I was just kidding.

    Okay, so ladies who do authentic vintage looks and wear bump-its are okay in my book, although I think they’re a little lazy.

  519. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:00

    They’re dowdy and make your hair look completely dated…

    It’s funny. I would have though wearing a falsie on top of your head would be cutting-Gaga-edge.

  520. Chris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:00

    You become more conservative when you start going to church and start eating the shitsammiches they serve up on a regular basis.

    I broke that trend. I started going to an evangelical church in college at the invitation of my roommate, and it played a big part in pushing me further into the arms of liberalism. (These people are FUCKING CRAZY!!!!)

  521. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:02

    WTF?!? My parents read this shit! I’m gonna have to watch my language from now on.

  522. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:03

    I want them to be healthy and educated and have a fair shot at prosperity

    So you are raising the islamofascommisocialist Gestapo! The horror!
    “Use their brains?!” You should be ashamed!

  523. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:05

    Wait. Do we live in the same town?

    We might as well. Eastern Washington is Western Idaho. The electoral blue is comforting, but this half of the state is full of chowderheads. Even the relatively nice people over here are conservative–just following the lead.

  524. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:05

    So you are raising the islamofascommisocialist Gestapo! The horror!
    “Use their brains?!” You should be ashamed!

    Me so craaazy!

  525. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:06

    WTF?!? My parents read this shit!

    Holding up the iPad with one hand?

  526. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:06

    The sad part is my baby boomer parents don’t know what the hell they want. They want equal rights for gays and women to have the right to choose and for the wars in Iraq to end but, as my dad says about Rush (not the band) “he makes some good points. Illegals are ruining this country.”

    And no amount of deregulation talk can crack those bigoted skulls.

  527. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:07

    WTF?!? My parents read this shit! I’m gonna have to watch my language from now on.

    Oh no–I’m thinking this Thanksgiving is going to be somewhat…uncomfortable.

  528. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:07

    I would have though wearing a falsie on top of your head would be cutting-Gaga-edge.

    Only if the rest of your look is cutting-edge and/or you’re going completely vintage. Which very few normal people do.

  529. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:10

    The sad part is my baby boomer parents don’t know what the hell they want. They want equal rights for gays and women to have the right to choose and for the wars in Iraq to end but, as my dad says about Rush (not the band) “he makes some good points. Illegals are ruining this country.”

    I don’t get it either. Many of those boomers were the kids (the regular college students) marching in protest to Vietnam. Then they turn around and put Reagan in office. They believe some of the most fucked up things. Illegals are ruining this country? This country has been a nation of immigrants since before it was a nation. The racists have made the same arguments since day 1. Not one of their paranoid prophesies has come true.

  530. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:11

    I would have though wearing a falsie on top of your head would be cutting-Gaga-edge.

    Only if it comes with the faux nipple.

  531. Mr DKWs Mom said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:13

    WTF?!? My parents read this shit! I’m gonna have to watch my language from now on.

    Yes, and you’ve been a naughty boy. You know what you have to do: Momma needs douching.

  532. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:16

    WTF?!? My parents read this shit! I’m gonna have to watch my language from now on.

    Wow. Dude. Bummer. I only hope your mom logs on in between clients. I’d hate to have her start laughing when B^4 gets his turn.

  533. Mysticdog said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:17

    Would the strippers dress up like Sarah Palin*

    I’m gonna second that I think she went for the naughty librarian look intentionally. I still love that convention shot of the young ‘tard looking up between her legs. Could have been any stripper movie opening (no pun) scene.

    I propose that she go swimming in on the Lousianna coast to show how safe it is. She really isn’t that hot, but I think it would be hilarious and still kind of sexy if she came out covered in oil. And then a BP rep demanded she gave the oil back, it is there’s.

    I’d also accept her being eaten by a school of playful dolphins, who normally aren’t red meat eaters but are bright enough to know the enemy when they see her.

  534. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:18

    Not one of their paranoid prophesies has come true.

    Well, in the eye of the conservative, immigrants are ruining the country. But “ruining” to a conservative could be called “improving” to a progressive.

    For instance, with that Arizona “show me da papers” law, Hispanics will largely stop voting Republican. And that may help the country.

  535. Mysticdog said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:18

    sorry, pod of dolphins.

  536. Mysticdog said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:20

    Not one of their paranoid prophesies has come true.

    Except about the Irish.

  537. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:22

    Except about the Irish.

    I.. am too drunk to argue with that.

  538. N__B said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:22

    Only if the rest of your look is cutting-edge and/or you’re going completely vintage.

    Actor swears by long-line bras.

    Which very few normal people do.

    Q.E.D.

  539. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:22

    this half of the state is full of chowderheads

    HEYYY!

  540. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:23

    I broke that trend. I started going to an evangelical church in college at the invitation of my roommate, and it played a big part in pushing me further into the arms of liberalism. (These people are FUCKING CRAZY!!!!)

    Same for me. My (Thankfully) ex wife’s mother is a fucking psycho evangelist idiot. She keeps trying to “save” my 3 daughters, not even realizing that she’s putting her own life in danger. I have gone to their scummy little church a couple of times, and the second time, and I am not making this up, the fucking pastor is handing out the shitsammiches and says “…evolution, because we all know that doesn’t exist…” Then he chuckles, as if anyone who believes in evolution must be some sort of idiot. I dragged my three daughters out of there, right in the middle of it.

  541. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:23

    I’d hate to have her start laughing when B^4 gets his turn.

    Watch it, you!

  542. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:24

    Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:22

    this half of the state is full of chowderheads

    HEYYY!

    This guy knows what I’m talking about.

  543. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:26

    For instance, with that Arizona “show me da papers” law, Hispanics will largely stop voting Republican. And that may help the country.

    It should swing the last of them, sure. I know that today the “immigrant problem” is about people voting for candidates who are not insane. I’m guessing it probably always was.

  544. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:26

    Actor swears by long-line bras.

    They lift and separate those sagging breasts.

  545. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:28

    voting for candidates who are not insane.

    Texas.

  546. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:29

    She really isn’t that hot

    Consider the competition… she’s spanktocious compared to, say, Mike Huckabee, or Bobby Jindal.

    I dragged my three daughters out of there, right in the middle of it.

    Good on ya! It’s pretty horrible to see the minds and spirits of children get poisoned with this crap.

  547. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:30

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  548. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:31

    Virginia is for lovers, Tejas is for losers!

    I feel so sorry for the normal people buried in all that st00pid. There are plenty of them there, but you can’t hear them over the dogwhistles, gunfire and loud fucking trucks.

  549. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:33

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    And this is a surprise?

    Though I have to say, I ate bacon all last summer, and when I went to get my cholesterol checked, it was the lowest it had ever been. All the cured, smoked stuff I eat is homemade, so I’m going to pretend that makes it okay.

  550. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:34

    Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:30

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    This commenter on the article page says it well:

    Duh!
    For their next study, they will determine if staying under water too long can cause drowning…

  551. Chris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:35

    Sorry to hear about that, Tsam, but I’m sure your daughters will thank you someday for dragging them out. (For us, it was the Big Bang. No joke).

  552. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:37

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Just switch to uncured pork belly, or resign yourself to an early grave.

  553. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:38

    Just switch to uncured pork belly

    Not sure that’s any better, dude.

  554. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:39

    For their next study, they will determine if staying under water too long can cause drowning…

    LOL exactly. When I saw this article, I thought of this Non Sequitur cartoon.

  555. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:39

    Sorry to hear about that, Tsam, but I’m sure your daughters will thank you someday for dragging them out. (For us, it was the Big Bang. No joke).

    They already have. I’ve had a proxy war with their grandmother for years. I’m winning the war though. I might possibly be the luckiest father on earth. I got 3 healthy girls who are all kicking ASS in school and staying out of trouble. 16, 14 and 13, and all tearing life a new ass.

  556. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:43

    I’ve had a proxy war with their grandmother for years.

    You’re like the mujahideen of the thinking people! Wait, that makes no sense.

  557. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:43

    They lift and separate those sagging breasts.

    *GLARING*

    THOSE are testicles!

  558. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:45

    Not sure that’s any better, dude.

    Ssshh… you’ll break his heart.

    It’ll be okay, Esteev, have some tasty pernil, and some mofongo con chicharrones.

  559. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:46

    It’ll be okay, Esteev, have some tasty pernil, and some mofongo con chicharrones.

    Now we’re talkin’! Pass me the guacamole!

    *eyes widening, eyes tearing, mouth burning*

    Sh!t! That’s wasabi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  560. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:51

    16, 14 and 13, and all tearing life a new ass

    Just don’t let them grow up to be cows, boy.

  561. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:52

    have some tasty pernil

    Yum. It’s my personal opinion that the only parts of a pig that are worth eating are the belly, the ribs, and the shoulder. Anything else is rather bland (and usually badly cooked), unless it’s prosciutto. Plus, eating pork loin feels like eating people to me.

  562. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:53

    THOSE are testicles!

    Dude, whatever blows yer skirt up but I personally wouldn’t use a bra for a jockstrap. Just sayin’, y’know?

  563. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:54

    Just don’t let them grow up to be cows, boy.

    HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Wow…I almost feel bad for someone with that much self-hatred. But not really.

    I never wear pants. Does this mean I can have as much sex as I want?

  564. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:54

    Dude, whatever blows yer skirt up but I personally wouldn’t use a bra for a jockstrap

    They’re swollen from lack of…I mean, too much sex.

  565. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:55

    Does this mean I can have as much sex as I want?

    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yes.

  566. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:57

    Unless “pants” is just a euphemism for underwear. Which is stupid.

    That’s, like, two steps away from “keep your legs closed.” GROSS.

  567. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 17:58

    Yum. It’s my personal opinion that the only parts of a pig that are worth eating are the belly, the ribs, and the shoulder. Anything else is rather bland (and usually badly cooked), unless it’s prosciutto.

    I’m partial to the neck.

    Plus, eating pork loin feels like eating people to me.

    Long pig!

  568. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:00

    I’m partial to the neck.

    How could I forget capicola?!

    In my defense, it can be made from the shoulder…

  569. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:02

    Plus, eating pork loin feels like eating people to me.

    Long pig!

    Especially that super-processed, brined, Hormel stuff that never ever browns? Creepy and disgusting. The other white meat!

  570. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:07

    In my defense, it can be made from the shoulder…

    You know what else is made from the shoulder? HITLER HAM! Anybody who says differently can kiss my Boston butt.

    Oh, and anybody in the NY metro area, I will reiterate- get your butts to Gowanus tonight!

  571. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:08

    Just don’t let them grow up to be cows, boy.

    Biggest fight with their mother to date: I decided that if they want birth control, they get it, no questions asked–(along with the obligatory PLEASE make good decisions and be careful….). Mom blew a gasket (VDSR). I will win this one. And Elsie the church lady who is way too worried about who her neighbors are fucking can suck it.

  572. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:10

    HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Wow…I almost feel bad for someone with that much self-hatred. But not really.

    I never wear pants. Does this mean I can have as much sex as I want?

    Yes. As a man, I give you permission to have sex if the man wants you to.

  573. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:14

    You know what else is made from the shoulder? HITLER HAM!

    If that shit is even 1/10th shoulder, I’ll be surprised…

    decided that if they want birth control, they get it, no questions asked

    Yay! My friend has a teenage son. She bought a box of condoms, showed him where they were, and said, “If you need these, take them. I will replace them–no questions asked. They will always be here.” I like that she supplies them, but he doesn’t have to ask for them.

  574. Snorghagen said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:14

    Virginia is for lovers, Tejas is for losers!

    I feel so sorry for the normal people buried in all that st00pid. There are plenty of them there, but you can’t hear them over the dogwhistles, gunfire and loud fucking trucks.

    You seem to be implying that I’m part of some strange group you call “normal people.”

  575. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:14

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    There’s plenty of good sausage out there you can eat daily.

  576. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:16

    HITLER HAM!

    I love Spam (the meat product, not unsolicited emails). Yeah yeah salt nitrites blah blah blah. I’m gonna die of something (and my search for Castle Anthrax has been, up to now, fruitless, so dying of too much sex is out.)

  577. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:16

    I give you permission to have sex if the man wants you to.

    You know any het men that wouldn’t have sex with any woman at the drop of a fifth?

  578. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:16

    Yes. As a man, I give you permission to have sex if the man wants you to.

    Gee, thanks. But I guess I can only have sex with dudes who wear kilts, since everyone else has to keep their pants on.

  579. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:16

    If that shit is even 1/10th shoulder, I’ll be surprised…

    The shoulder tends to be pretty cheap… although snouts and tails are cheaper… HMMM…

    decided that if they want birth control, they get it, no questions asked

    It’s a safe bet they’ll be more responsible about sex than their fundie peers- now THAT’s axiomatic!

  580. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:17

    You seem to be implying that I’m part of some strange group you call “normal people.”

    I am, yes. I struggle with avoiding the temptation to write off an entire geographical area because the fuckups outnumber the thinking people. So that was strictly to acknowledge your presence and let you know we feel for ya.

  581. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:17

    Yeah yeah salt nitrites blah blah blah. I’m gonna die of something

    I don’t care about your health. I care about the fact that it’s fucking disgusting.

  582. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:18

    There’s plenty of good sausage out there you can eat daily.

    VPR?

  583. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:19

    I’m not sure, but I think a wag at the New York Times is trying to be all Beavis and Butthead here:

    Heh heh…he said “tar balls”…heh heh

  584. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:19

    There’s plenty of good sausage out there you can eat daily.

    VPR?

    V????????????????????

  585. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:19

    I love pork loin; it’s incredibly versatile. Last week I cut two into cubes, marinated them, grilled them and served them w/ homemade tsatsiki. Freaking amazing.

  586. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:19

    The shoulder tends to be pretty cheap… although snouts and tails are cheaper… HMMM…

    Yeah, but half of that stuff is preservatives and filler.

    And trotters! We have some of those in our freezer that terrify me every time I open it. I believe in nose-to-tail eating, but I just can’t do some of it.

  587. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:21

    I love pork loin; it’s incredibly versatile. Last week I cut two into cubes, marinated them, grilled them and served them w/ homemade tsatsiki.

    It is. And it’s super-easy to cook (as long as you don’t overcook it, entire population of the United States). I’d just rather have chicken or tofu.

  588. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:21

    And trotters! We have some of those in our freezer that terrify me every time I open it.

    Maybe if you thawed the jockeys out…

  589. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:23

    It’s a safe bet they’ll be more responsible about sex than their fundie peers- now THAT’s axiomatic!

    Why is it so rare that people actually learn from their own mistakes? When you tell kids “sex is bad, if you have sex you get pregnant and die and jesus will hate you”, they seem to run right at it. When you empower them to make the decision themselves, it becomes about themselves. That makes the decision making process vastly different from worrying about disappointing mom and dad and Jesus. Although, I must say that my parents were not fundies, and pretty much let me make my own decisions. So I never developed that paranoid fear of evil sex.

  590. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:23

    And trotters! We have some of those in our freezer that terrify me every time I open it.

    Crubeens!

    Actually, for the best recipe for trotters and tails, I defer to my boricua friends from the South Bronx.

  591. Esteev said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:23

    OT but if anyone has a DROID and wishes to sync their iTunes with it I just found this program @ http://www.doubletwist.com.

    I will never have to buy another apple product again!

    As you were.

    FYWP.

  592. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:24

    I care about the fact that it’s fucking disgusting.

    I guess it’s all relative. MDP* is as yummy as it sounds, and it’s in just about anything that isn’t a solid, recognizable chunk of chicken/turkey. But since it’s a matter of taste we all have our “favorite”, right?

    *MDP=Mechanically Deboned Poultry

  593. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:26

    Actually, for the best recipe for trotters and tails, I defer to my boricua friends from the South Bronx.

    That looks really good. I’m okay with them as long as I can’t see what they were anymore.

  594. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:27

    I will never have to buy another apple product again!

    No, of course not. Except for the iCar, the iHouse, the iCandy….

  595. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:28

    But since it’s a matter of taste we all have our “favorite”, right?

    Of course. I was just giving you shit…

    I have an appalling Diet Coke habit and a problem with Jalepeno Cheddar Cheetos, so I can’t judge.

  596. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:36

    Olives are my failing – green, black, Kalamata, dry cure, jalapeno-stuffed, blue-cheese-stuffed. I. Have. No. Control. Buy me one of them gallon jars of queen pimento-stuffed and I’ll at it all in one sitting.

  597. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:36

    I will never have to buy another apple product again!

    Someone just gave me their old powerbook.

    Communism is good. Capitalism is stupid. Give up.

  598. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:37

    I found I have a spare e left over.

  599. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:37

    Then they turn around and put Reagan in office.

    Hmmph. Speak for your own parents. I actually was a DFH in my palmier days and I sure as shit had nothing to do with that. Insulted, that’s what I am, and deeply wounded…

    (Well, not actually, but not all of us turned into morans.)

  600. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:39

    Olives are my failing

    I have never met an olive I did not love. I don’t really like the jarred blue-cheese stuffed ones, so we stuff them ourselves. They’re really good in a vodka martini.

  601. LittlePig said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:40

    Okay, I’m pissed off.

    Via wonkette, I see on TPM that
    “The Secret Service investigated an Alabama high school teacher for using the example of shooting President Obama while teaching a geometry lesson. “.

    My kid got expelled for TALKING about a BB gun. This assassination-teaching teacher in Alabama will get…a good talking-to. No disciplinary action is planned.

    Anywhere else, I would write it off as just tacky. But in a damn school, where kids have to watch their langauage lest they inadvertendly get friggin EXPELLED? No. No sir. Fire his ass.

  602. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:40

    Tsam, good on ya. I’ve taken a similar approach with my own kids and so far, so good. One’s in college, maintaining a 4.0 in honors Comp Sci and apparently making good decisions daily. The other one is still in HS but with a great circle of friends and no apparent issues (and we do pay attention).

    Letting them know what you want and why and giving them the power to make choices for themselves really does seem to work. OTOH, we know good parents who have kids in trouble of one sort or another…so YMMV. A lot of V.

    Of course, it works the other way too…just look at DKW. A miracle, given his mom.

  603. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:44

    Re: Boomers, I love this post from Ed. (With the usual caveat that it certainly doesn’t represent all Boomers, but does reflect the stereotype of the middle-class white Boomer)

    “This is an unfair characterization. It disregards the fact that we earned the right to do those things. We earned them by being awesome.”

  604. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:44

    I love olives more as a flavor booster than as a snack. I like to throw a handful in along with that amazing brine to things like pAsta puttanesca.

    When I was little my dad says I liked to wear on each finger. So they’re obviously good fashion accessories too.

  605. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:45

    But in a damn school, where kids have to watch their langauage lest they inadvertendly get friggin EXPELLED?

    I swear, public schools are getting more and more authoritarian by the minute. It worries me.

  606. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:48

    When I was little my dad says I liked to wear on each finger.

    Garnish for the zombie in the basement?

  607. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:50

    “actor212 said,
    May 18, 2010 at 18:48

    When I was little my dad says I liked to wear on each finger.

    Garnish for the zombie in the basement?”

    he’s so old fashioned he thinks feeding toddlers to zombies is “wrong” and “horrifying”

  608. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:52

    Garnish for the zombie in the basement?

    I thought we were the only family with a pet zombie! He was my brother’s only friend. We tied brains around his neck so Shuffler would play with him.

  609. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:52

    he’s so old fashioned he thinks feeding toddlers to zombies is “wrong” and “horrifying”

    How else are you going to keep him shoveling coal into the boiler if you don’t give a little nomnoms to the zomzoms?

  610. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:53

    I thought we were the only family with a pet zombie!

    In Levittown, NY, they came free with the house.

  611. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:53

    a little nomnoms to the zomzoms?

    I never knew the undead could be so cute!

  612. tigris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:54

    Just don’t let them grow up to be cows, boy.

    So only she gets to define what empowers other people, regardless of how those people feel about it? If so, she’s empowered to kiss my ass.

  613. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:55

    I never knew the undead could be so cute!

    Oh sure! Hell, some of them even supermodel! Ever hear of Mischa Barton?

  614. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:55

    Hmmph. Speak for your own parents. I actually was a DFH in my palmier days and I sure as shit had nothing to do with that. Insulted, that’s what I am, and deeply wounded…

    Not my parents–I vividly remember how upset they were about Reagan getting elected, and how infuriated they were that all they could produce in 84 was Mondale. But Reagan/Carter was 50% to 41%. Baby boomers, being a pretty good sized bubble in the electorate, had to have participated heavily in that.

  615. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:56

    I thought we were the only family with a pet zombie!

    Our neighbors had a pet zombie but they had to get rid of him after he kept tearing through the basement door. He kinda smelled bad too.

  616. Mysticdog said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:56

    I swear, public schools are getting more and more authoritarian by the minute. It worries me.

    Its good training for the world they are growing into.

    Or maybe we will get a new punk wave out of it.

  617. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:57

    Just don’t let them grow up to be cows, boy.

    So only she gets to define what empowers other people, regardless of how those people feel about it? If so, she’s empowered to kiss my ass.

    That’s right. Us white males are tired of you women thinking you get to say yes or no. We want that power back.

  618. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:57

    Our neighbors had a pet zombie but they had to get rid of him after he kept tearing through the basement door.

    We put wool gloves on ours when I was a kid.

  619. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:57

    My kid got expelled for TALKING about a BB gun.

    Zero tolerance is one thing (a very bad and stupid thing) but this is something else.

    As a former school board member I hated expulsion hearings. WTF is the Superintendent expelling a kid for talking about a weapon?

    Then, after my two terms on the school board I taught science at an alternative school full of kids that were expelled. Even more examples of not-the-brightest board members/supers from all over my county.

  620. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 18:59

    Ever hear of Mischa Barton?

    That explains so much.

    Not my parents–I vividly remember how upset they were about Reagan getting elected

    I know I’ve said this here before, but my mother said that she wished that Reagan had died when he was shot.

    I’m actually not sure things would be any better. Either way, he’d have been made a demi-god by the right.

  621. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:00

    Its good training for the world they are growing into.

    Or maybe we will get a new punk wave out of it.

    Hopefully, it’s the latter.

    It’s insane to me. Why do I want to work in public schools, again?

  622. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:00

    I know I’ve said this here before, but my mother said that she wished that Reagan had died when he was shot.

    I’m actually not sure things would be any better.

    The elder Bush was an asshole but not bananas.

  623. tigris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:01

    That’s right. Us white males are tired of you women thinking you get to say yes or no. We want that power back.

    GET A HAIRCUT, HIPPIE.

  624. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:03

    The elder Bush was an asshole but not bananas.

    I was thinking more along the lines of the need to martyr Reagan than anything else…but I really don’t know what practical consequences that would have had, if any.

  625. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:03

    Good news (or something to laugh at)?

    Family-values Republican Congresscritter (Indiana) forced to resign for bonking a female staffer.

    Beeg schmile!

  626. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:03

    As an actress Mischa Barton made a very good model.

  627. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:07

    I was thinking more along the lines of the need to martyr Reagan than anything else…but I really don’t know what practical consequences that would have had, if any.

    It was really early in his presidency. The practical consequences would have been enormous.

  628. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:08

    As an actress Mischa Barton made a very good model.

    Her acting had this “undead” quality to it.

  629. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:08

    The elder Bush was an asshole but not bananas.

    It’s sad when we look back on guys like him and think “wow, Republicans were so much less insane back then.”

    I think the same thing when Bob Dole comes up. It is a little scary when you think of just how far right these guys have gone. Their purging campaign is even scarier.

  630. cyntax said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:09

    Why do I want to work in public schools, again?

    Cause working at places like Exeter, which produced GWB, would drive you insane?

  631. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:09

    But Looch aren’t you surprised it was a FEMALE staffer?

  632. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:09

    It was really early in his presidency. The practical consequences would have been enormous.

    Less voodoo economics, less empowerment of Wall Street–I think you’re right about the ramifications.

  633. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:11

    “Her acting had this “undead” quality to it.”

    Or even “completely dead”

  634. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:12

    …a FEMALE staffer?

    Veiled strap-on reference?

  635. Looch said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:12

    But Looch aren’t you surprised it was a FEMALE staffer?

    I was kind of surprised it was human, actually.

  636. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:13

    It was really early in his presidency. The practical consequences would have been enormous.

    I meant the practical consequences of martyring Reagan, not the practical consequences in general. Of course, at the very least, HW wouldn’t have been elected president in 1988.

  637. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:13

    It was really early in his presidency. The practical consequences would have been enormous.

    Not really. His first election margin was comparatively small in terms of the popular vote. Unlike Kennedy, there wouldn’t have been a mythos evolved around him (war hero, youthful idealist) and it was really early in the term that he wouldn’t even have put forth a legislative agenda or proposal, unlike Kennedy who had already defended the nation against Communism, promised civil rights reform and lowered taxes.

    In fact, only William Harrison would have had a shorter term, and no one remembers him at all, and Harrison was a war hero and Congressman to boot.

  638. tigris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:13

    Yeah, I think Bush was unethical, but he wasn’t the moron Reagan was on taxes.

  639. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:14

    Why do I want to work in public schools, again?

    Cause working at places like Exeter, which produced GWB, would drive you insane?

    Yes. Not that it matters, since, you know, there are no jobs.

  640. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:19

    Not really. His first election margin was comparatively small in terms of the popular vote.

    I was unclear. I didn’t mean the practical consequences of his martyrdom, which I think we agree on: it’d be restricted to those who tend to marginalize themselves anyway. What I meant were the practical consequences of him being dead and unable to sign things, pursue foreign policy, complain about welfare queens, and so on. Would’ve been a big plus, relatively speaking, to have Bush the elder instead of Reagan.

  641. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:19

    For clarification, the resigning R-Ind rep in question is Mark Souder. Here’s video of him one on one with the mistress.

  642. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:21

    What I meant were the practical consequences of him being dead and unable to sign things, pursue foreign policy, complain about welfare queens, and so on. Would’ve been a big plus, relatively speaking, to have Bush the elder instead of Reagan.

    For one thing, he would have had eight years to fuck up the Bush name. We might have skipped 43 altogether.

  643. justme said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:21

    since everyone else has to keep their pants on.

    That’s going to make taking a dump, um, awkward.

  644. Chris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:21

    Not really. His first election margin was comparatively small in terms of the popular vote. Unlike Kennedy, there wouldn’t have been a mythos evolved around him (war hero, youthful idealist) and it was really early in the term that he wouldn’t even have put forth a legislative agenda or proposal, unlike Kennedy who had already defended the nation against Communism, promised civil rights reform and lowered taxes.

    They’d have made him a martyr to the anticommunist cause, and conspiracy theories about liberal and Soviet involvement would have proliferated wildly enough to make the JFK conspiracy theories look like nothing. Conservatives don’t care what people have accomplished (just look at the 2004 election). They only care how people talk.

  645. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:21

    I was kind of surprised it was human, actually.

    Tracy Jackson is kinda cute really, if you happen to be the kind of guy that’s attracted to women that look kind of motherly.

  646. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:22

    Yeah, I think Bush was unethical, but he wasn’t the moron Reagan was on taxes.

    Yep, and the Reagan “philosophy” (sic) hadn’t been fully developed. Bush I would have been the do-nothing caretaker he turned out to be in ’88 and somebody Democratic probably would’ve been elected in ’84. Since we’re living in fantasy world, i’ll go on to speculate that the Dems would’ve run somebody less lame than Walter Mondale.

    Though looking at the primary candidates, maybe not.

  647. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:22

    Here’s video of him one on one with the mistress.

    WTF?

    Why is it all these Jabba The Hutt Republicans get laid by babes that are actually not bad looking????

  648. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:24

    Tracy Jackson is kinda cute really, if you happen to be the kind of guy that’s attracted to women that look kind of motherly.

    She is really cute! WTF?

  649. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:25

    Since we’re living in fantasy world, i’ll go on to speculate that the Dems would’ve run somebody less lame than Walter Mondale.

    Fucking Gary Hart….goddammit!

  650. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:25

    Why is it all these Jabba The Hutt Republicans get laid by babes that are actually not bad looking????

    Maybe it’s his personality?

    More likely, it’s the fact that there is a dearth of attractive, powerful Republican men.

  651. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:29

    Youtube of Mark Souder and Tracy Jackson.
    An intimate setting, and the topic is SEX.

  652. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:29

    More likely, it’s the fact that there is a dearth of attractive, powerful Republican men.

    What about that nice Lindsey Graham feller?

  653. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:30

    An intimate setting, and the topic is SEX.

    Barbecue chicken wrap tastes not so good the second time thru.

  654. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:31

    Lindsey Graham: powerfulRepublican bottom.

  655. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:31

    What about that nice Lindsey Graham feller?

    Pssst…I think he’s, you know…gay.

  656. tigris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:33

    Here’s video of him one on one with the mistress.

    Holy fuck is he ugly. I’ve heard power is an aphrodisiac but DAMN he’d need to be a lot more powerful and my eyesight would have to be a HELL of a lot worse.

  657. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:34

    Pssst…I think he’s, you know…gay.

    NO!

    Um, hm, well then how about that nice David Dreier of California? He seems like a decent sort, always well-dressed.

  658. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:36

    Um, hm, well then how about that nice David Dreier of California?

    Nope. Totally gay.

  659. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:36

    Holy fuck is he ugly. I’ve heard power is an aphrodisiac but DAMN he’d need to be a lot more powerful and my eyesight would have to be a HELL of a lot worse.

    Where did his neck go?!

  660. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:38

    Nope. Totally gay.

    Well, maybe she could wait for this fellow to be elected, if he can beat the incumbent Democrat. Plus, he’s in Virginia, which we KNOW is a totes not gay state!

    Sharply dressed, beautiful speaking voice. His house is immaculate, as well

  661. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:40

    Well, maybe she could wait for this fellow to be elected, if he can beat the incumbent Democrat.

    Oh, this is a plus: “His house is immaculate, as well.”

    Still gay, though.

  662. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:40

    Where did his neck go?!

    It’s out for reddening.

  663. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:41

    Where did his neck go?!

    The narrator from Rocky Horror Picture Show borrowed it for a formal party

  664. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:54

    And now for something completely different, a girl with four kidneys!

  665. cyntax said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:57

    And now for something completely different, a girl with four…

    Kidney’s, huh? I thought you were going someplace else with that.

  666. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:58

    Wait….conservatives weren’t happy with Facebook, a social networking site run by a fucking Randian asshole? They had to go invent their own?

  667. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:59

    Where did his neck go?!

    Had it removed to speed his slopping. He now dominates the hogs at feedin’ time.

  668. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 19:59

    Oh. And PENIS! Also.

  669. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:00

    Kidney’s, huh? I thought you were going someplace else with that.

    If it’s what I think you thought I meant, that would make her rutting cattle.

  670. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:00

    Wait….conservatives weren’t happy with Facebook, a social networking site run by a fucking Randian asshole? They had to go invent their own?

    “Ricochet”? Really?

    They did invent their own URL shortening service (*snicker*), so I guess this shouldn’t come as a surprise.

  671. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:01

    They did invent their own URL shortening service

    In fairness, “tinyurl” made them self-conscious, and “snipurl”…well….

  672. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:02

    Wikipedia:Conservapedia::Facebook:____________

    Mucho lulz at this:

    Approximately 40 contributors will have an online conversation that is akin to a conservative cocktail party.

    I wonder how they’re gonna get the roofies in my drink.

  673. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:02

    And given Facebook’s poor management, shitty design, and privacy invasions, you’d think they would love it!

  674. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:03

    In fairness, “tinyurl” made them self-conscious, and “snipurl”…well….

    I use bit.ly. I can’t think of anything wrong with that, unless they’re afraid it will remind them of pony play.

  675. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:06

    I wonder how they’re gonna get the roofies in my drink.

    K-Lo and Goldberg will make out in front of you, giving Derbyshire a chance to slip them in while you’re distracted due to all the vomiting.

  676. Brandi said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:06

    Many of those boomers were the kids (the regular college students) marching in protest to Vietnam.

    And as soon as the draft was rescinded, it was fine. After all, THEY didn’t have to worry about putting their asses on the line.

  677. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:08

    Wait….conservatives weren’t happy with Facebook, a social networking site run by a fucking Randian asshole? They had to go invent their own?

    Back up all of your files. That much stupid on one server will likely break the internet.

  678. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:10

    Where did his neck go?!

    That dickhead is circumcised.

  679. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:11

    K-Lo and Goldberg will make out in front of you

    All that comes to mind is sumo.

  680. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:12

    Oh. And PENIS! Also.

    Ahem.

  681. cyntax said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:13

    If it’s what I think you thought I meant, that would make her rutting cattle.

    Or Eccentrica Gallumbits’ big sister.

  682. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:15

    All that comes to mind is sumo.

    I’ll be damned.

  683. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:16

    Ahem.

    Damn you. And I even saw that post but didnt click thru since, you know, Websense.

  684. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:17

    I use bit.ly

    Websense picks that up as a file sharing site for me. But other than that, I can’t see a thing wrong with it.

  685. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:20

    I’ll be damned.

    That’s disgusting, Sub.

  686. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:21

    Substance McGravitas said,
    May 18, 2010 at 20:15

    OK, I’m appropriately grossed out.

  687. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:22

    Websense picks that up as a file sharing site for me. But other than that, I can’t see a thing wrong with it.

    Actually, I don’t really even use bit.ly that much anymore, since my Twitter client automatically shortens URLs. AFAIK, most do, which makes their efforts even funnier.

  688. tigris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:22

    Approximately 40 contributors will have an online conversation that is akin to a conservative cocktail party.

    Jesus.

  689. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:22

    That’s disgusting, Sub.

    Huh?

  690. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:23

    Huh?

    I dunno, but Willy agrees with me.

  691. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:24

    And as soon as the draft was rescinded, it was fine. After all, THEY didn’t have to worry about putting their asses on the line.

    Well, I figured that was part of it, but I also thought that with all the sabre rattling at the USSR, boomers would have a long enough memory (5 to 15 FUCKING YEARS?) to remember the effect that war had on their generation. I guess they were willing to take their chances with a schizophrenic idiot who wanted to restore a ruling class and dismantle 150 years of gains made by organized labor. As an added bonus, we could end up in a nuclear war! YES! That’s my guy!

  692. tsam said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:25

    I’ll be damned.

    You’ve been waiting all day to launch that rocket, haven’t you, Sub?

  693. Chris said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:25

    And as soon as the draft was rescinded, it was fine. After all, THEY didn’t have to worry about putting their asses on the line.

    Yeah, for a lot of these people it really was all about them and not the Vietnamese’ lives. From hippie to yuppie, it’s actually perfectly logical that “I don’t want to have to fight for my country” and “I don’t want to be told I can’t do drugs” in 1970 would lead to “I don’t want to pay my taxes” in 1980.

  694. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:28

    You’ve been waiting all day to launch that rocket, haven’t you, Sub?

    T&U went K-Lo/Goldberg tryst plus vomit, so I HAD TO.

  695. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:31

    T&U went K-Lo/Goldberg tryst plus vomit, so I HAD TO.

    In the spirit of Mutually Assured Defecation, no doubt.

  696. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:33

    A picture is worth a thousand turds.

  697. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:34

    A picture is worth a thousand turds.

    *polite golf clap*

    Oh, nicely played, sir!

    Martini?

  698. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:36

    A picture is worth a thousand turds.
    So to clear out my whole alimentary canal, the ‘baby’ is Da Pantload, right, or is it their spawn?

  699. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:38

    So to clear out my whole alimentary canal, the ‘baby’ is Da Pantload, right, or is it their spawn?

    Oh, good lord.

    I could have said something a lot, lot worse, you know!

  700. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:40

    Martini?

    That’ll loosen the ol’ inhibitions.

  701. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:43

    I could have said something a lot, lot worse, you know!

    Put up or shut up.

  702. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:44

    Put up or shut up.

    But I like to complain!

  703. actor212 said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:49

    But I like to complain!

    There’s a ballgag with your name on it.

  704. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:51

    There’s a ballgag with your name on it.

    I knew as soon as I posted that, I walked right into that one.

  705. Willy said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:52

    Little did I know that wives are single-use only. Here I was wearing out the one I had.

  706. vacuumslayer said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:53

    I find it infuriating that so many armchair generals have never served. It’s easy to bay for war when all the horrors of it are just abstractions to them.

  707. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:55

    Little did I know that wives are single-use only. Here I was wearing out the one I had.

    You silly liberals and your recycling.

    Unrelated: I’d like to apologize for the poor sentence construction in my previous post.

  708. Whale Chowder said,

    May 18, 2010 at 20:59

    There’s a ballgag with your name on it.

    You’ve been looking in her closets again, haven’t you?

  709. Anonymous said,

    May 18, 2010 at 21:11

    Yeah, for a lot of these people it really was all about them and not the Vietnamese’ lives. From hippie to yuppie, it’s actually perfectly logical that “I don’t want to have to fight for my country” and “I don’t want to be told I can’t do drugs” in 1970 would lead to “I don’t want to pay my taxes” in 1980.

    Wow, I never thought of it that way…Astute observation, Chris!

  710. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2010 at 21:38

    From hippie to yuppie, it’s actually perfectly logical that “I don’t want to have to fight for my country” and “I don’t want to be told I can’t do drugs” in 1970 would lead to “I don’t want to pay my taxes” in 1980.

    It’s still worth remembering that Reagan got around 45 million votes in his first election. That’s a lot of votes I guess, but not a majority of the population or the voting age population and just barely a majority of registered voters.

  711. Chris said,

    May 19, 2010 at 0:00

    It’s still worth remembering that Reagan got around 45 million votes in his first election. That’s a lot of votes I guess, but not a majority of the population or the voting age population and just barely a majority of registered voters.

    If you look at the map, though, almost every state went red. That’s why it was such a splash; because even though his overall numbers weren’t that decisive (in our elections, are they ever?) he was able to appeal to enough swing voters nationwide, not just in some states or areas, to turn almost the entire map red.

    (A respectful bow to Minnesota, by the way, the only state to remain steadfastly Democratic in every election since 1972).

  712. tsam said,

    May 19, 2010 at 0:22

    Reagan/Carter results

    This shows Reagan getting 50.1%, WITH John Anderson pulling down 6.6% and Ed Clark (probably a Republican vote drain) at 1.1%.

    That’s a pretty decisive victory, though not the drubbing that ObamaSexMachine laid on McCain.

  713. Iamspartacus said,

    May 19, 2010 at 5:55

    I don’t have time to read 712 comments. Will someone tell me why Bob is sitting in a wok?

  714. Whale Chowder said,

    May 19, 2010 at 6:48

    Will someone tell me why Bob is sitting in a wok?

    He heard about a Wok to Washington for Second Amendment rights.

  715. actor212 said,

    May 19, 2010 at 15:24

    I knew as soon as I posted that, I walked right into that one.

    And did you enjoy? And yes, I was happy to see you and no, that’s not a telephone pole in my pocket.

  716. actor212 said,

    May 19, 2010 at 15:32

    That’s a pretty decisive victory

    No. Nearly as many people voted against Reagan as for him.

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