Jun
19
19
Where Would We Be Without NewsMax Polls?
NewsMax, a.k.a., “News for the Inbred and Illiterate,” has released yet another spiffy poll:
Ann Coulter’s new book “Godless: The Church of Liberalism” has created a storm of controversy, but an online poll sponsored by NewsMax.com reveals that Americans overwhelmingly support Coulter and strongly disagree with her critics.
A Sadly, No! poll reveals that most Americans believe typical NewsMax readers spend their days lying on sidewalks and eating their own earwax. Furthermore, 89% of Americans surveyed said NewsMax readers “shampoo their hair with Crisco and Mountain Dew” and “probably don’t have teeth.”
Mark said,
June 19, 2006 at 23:37
I am part of the 5% who don’t think they shampoo at all… and that they have that one tooth up front.
tommy yum said,
June 19, 2006 at 23:38
NewsMax is breaking new ground by only polling themselves.
Kobie said,
June 19, 2006 at 23:44
In a poll of NewsMax editors, support is overwhelming for Ann Coulter.
Brad R. said,
June 19, 2006 at 23:52
In a poll of serial masturbators who live with their parents, support for Coulter is near-unanimous.
Ben in VA said,
June 19, 2006 at 23:54
The fact is, this snark proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that librulhomexislamofascists who want the U.S. to lose the Global War on Terror have no respect for those of us Real America who want to disband and conquer the Godless Church of Liberalism Global.
Brad R. said,
June 19, 2006 at 23:55
That was an amazing amalgamation of Gary Ruppert, Ann Coulter and Swank. Bravo.
M.Sphinx said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:02
Off topic, but what the hell is up with Eschaton right now?
As of this writing, every post on the main page bar one is “another stupid open tread”.
Kobie said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:12
He gets lazy sometimes … :)
chris p said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:18
I think atrios phoned it in today.
mikey said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:19
Newsmax is Objectively Pro Wino….
mikey
Charlotte Smith said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:47
Ontroversy?
Sexy Sadie said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:57
Huh?
Some Jerk said,
June 20, 2006 at 1:00
In a poll of serial masturbators who live with their parents, support for Coulter is near-unanimous
As a serial masturbator who lives with my parents, I object to this slander against serial masturbators who live with their parents.
Kobie said,
June 20, 2006 at 1:23
In a poll of serial masturbators who live with their parents, support for Coulter is near-unanimous
As a serial masturbator who lives with my parents, I object to this slander against serial masturbators who live with their parents.
——————————
What about serial masturbators who don’t live with their parents?
Uh … just askin …
Drew Johnston said,
June 20, 2006 at 1:28
It looks like Atrios’s threadbot is going berserk. Check out the timing on the posts – they’re all within a few minutes of each other.
Kathleen said,
June 20, 2006 at 3:44
one out of one Sadly No readers agrees that Newsmax failed statistics in college.
Tom - Daai Tou Laam said,
June 20, 2006 at 4:51
Threadbot was doing that last night as well but Atrios cleaned up the mess to hide this information from the timezone neutral crowd.
And I would like to congratulate the Sadly, No authors for breaking their alleged OCD as noted by Retardeau’s research efforts. Thankfully your latest poll should meet with wingnut approval as it took as much time and effort to conduct as the poll by NewsHacks.
Speakout said,
June 20, 2006 at 4:55
Hey- I am toothless, shampoo with Crisco, AND eat earwax (surprisingly tasty!)- and **I** don’t read NewsMax OR that Coulter skank. I mean, a girls gotta have principles, ya know?
Ron Mexico said,
June 20, 2006 at 6:26
Why not have S,N! polls? They’d be at least as amusing as the Television Without Pity polls.
Also, you never know when the earwax poll could slip into the mainstream media.
D. Sidhe said,
June 20, 2006 at 6:30
NewsMax polls always remind me of the old TV Nation polls.
Marq said,
June 20, 2006 at 7:29
Also, News Max found that among male virgin Jewish law students, support for Coulter was easily at 100%… and rising!
Yosef said,
June 20, 2006 at 14:34
73% of respondents to the S,N! poll feel that Newsmax readers should eat it, cobagz.
M.Sphinx said,
June 20, 2006 at 0:02
Off topic, but what the hell is up with Eschaton right now?
As of this writing, every post on the main page bar one is “another stupid open tread�.
And that’s different from every other day how?
Ben in VA said,
June 20, 2006 at 16:28
(takes bow)
Thank you, thank you! Some of my best work.
Fezzik said,
June 20, 2006 at 21:47
here Would We Be Without NewsMax Polls?
Exactly where we are *with* NewsMax Polls. It’s spooky, sort of like a butterfly effect with no effect, and no butterfly! NewsMax Polls are a perfect null, a vacuum nature doesn’t abhor.
Lukeness said,
June 22, 2006 at 6:33
“NewsMax is breaking new ground by only polling themselves.”
And as David Letterman would say, “we all know how painful that can be!”
s Losby-Barnes said,
September 13, 2010 at 7:09
I took a poll on the Bush tax cuts, it was probably not what they wanted to hear and I got the message that ” I had already taken the poll” . I had not but who am I to disagree with the almighty Newsmax. I took a screenshot of the response but who am I kidding. Hadn’t taken the poll. So much for polls.