Mar
27

The Most Disgusting Story That Has Ever Been Told Ever




Posted at 0:26 by D. Aristophanes

Matt Welch of Reason dialed up the Chatroulette earlier in the week, only to land on the besotted albino non-partisan blogatrix of his dreams, Ann Althouse. As you will see, the conversation is halting at first, the flirtations clumsy, until Ann offers up the coy declaration that she loves being covered in ‘goo’. Matt, no dummy and sensing her receptiveness, piles in with some idle Obama-bashing chit-chat as a show of his male plumage before regaling his would-be conquest with anecdotal tales of HCR proponents’ lack of statistical proof for their position.

All is going smoothly and it sure looks like the Reason offices are about to get splashed with some Welch’s fruit juice if you know what I mean, and I think you do. But even as Ann reaches for that fifth glass of Merlot that usually signals it’s bow-chicka-wow-wow time for hoary old emus, Matt completely ruins his chances with, get this — an out-of-nowhere story about his recent pool party with Mickey Kaus and Eugene Volokh! Talk about killing the mood!

Sure, Matt and Ann do continue to drone on for another 47 minutes about how stupid liberals are, but their hearts aren’t really in it anymore. We predict with confidence — no second date. And just to prove that this really happened, below is photo intertubes evidence of Matt demonstrating to Ann some of the monkeyshines the boys got up to in the swimming pool. Unconfirmed but almost certainly true is that goats were involved.

welch

318 Comments »

  1. creature said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:40

    There is some internet porn I won’t watch- here or on my own. Dammit. Sometimes even the Shorter is too long.

  2. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:40

    “Is social conservatism on the wane on the right?”

    No, it’s on the check and knot.

  3. Spaghetti Lee said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:44

    pool party
    Mickey Kaus
    pool party
    Mickey Kaus
    pool party
    Mickey Kaus

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!

  4. Galactic Dustbin said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:48

    Worst.Slashfic.Ever.

  5. Kevin Moore said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:49

    Two minutes in and I was done. Outside of the write-ups here on SN!, there is nothing to make those people interesting. “Oh, God, I remember what horrors it was to be surrounded by Madison liberals on 9/11 — I mean, worse than 9/11 itself! Like a second jihad right there in the coffee shop, listening to some white kid with dredlocks yammer on about blowback! &c.”

  6. Little Tommy Friedman said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:49

    Matt W Felch

    fuxxed

  7. Tacitus Voltaire said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:55

    ethologists will note here that the male, known as a mattwelch, is exibiting the flehmen reaction to the female altmouse

  8. EnfantTerrible said,

    March 27, 2010 at 0:59

    I will not get off the boat, even if it was sinking in a lake of sulfuric acid.

  9. Pryme said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:02

    Nope, not clickin’. I like my soul the way it is.

  10. J— said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:05

    I think I’d rather view Chatroulette screen grabs.

  11. UKBristolDave said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:06

    Will she devour him after they mate?

  12. Release the Kraken! said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:09

    Note to Welch: Just ’cause guys will listen to a story about three women in a hot tub, doesn’t mean a woman wants to hear about three dudes clogging the pool drain with free floating back hair.

    New sign for this thread: Welcome to our P__L ! Notice there is no EEEWWW in it.

  13. PeeJ said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:09

    ASL?

  14. Judas Peckerwood said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:10

    Hate to bring this up, but technically there is no “shorter” for this post. So you’re all legally obliged to watch this thing in its entirety.

  15. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:13

    I see a classic American dope in Tea Party anger.

  16. southernfemalelawyer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:16

    I don’t have enough tequila in my house to click ‘play,’ so I will venture a shorter shorter:

    AA: blllaaarrrggg liberals blarrrrgggg…

    MW: *sploosh*

  17. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:20

    ethologists will note here that the male, known as a mattwelch, is exibiting the flehmen reaction to the female altmouse

    More like a blehmen reaction.

    Maybe Matt’s just showing her his “O” face.

  18. NobodySpecial said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:20

    Shorter: Do not watch for fear of your immortal soul.

  19. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:23

    Why it’s like a collision between matter and antiantimatter!

  20. Snorghagen said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:24

    Mickey Kaus in a pool. Another reason to never drink water.

  21. southernfemalelawyer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:29

    Why it’s like a collision between matter and antiantimatter!

    TIME COP!!!

  22. Mysticdog said,

    March 27, 2010 at 1:56

    Dammit, then one of my favorite blogs posts this: http://skippyslist.com/2010/03/24/dear-internet/#more-3046

    Weird juxtaposition, no? It makes one doubt the randomness of the Universe sometimes.

  23. "Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:01

    So I’m scouring a used bookstore in the Third World, not finding anything. Then I spot Ann Coulter’s ‘Treason!” Hmm. Might be a fast, amusing read. So I open it randomly and see that … Nixon would have brought peace with honor but for the Democrat Congress. O…K. Just like that. No facts, just opinion.

    I knew it would be bad, but that’s just a whole ‘nother level of stoopid.

    Oh wait, that’s not the Most Disgusting Story That’s Ever Been Told?

  24. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:02

    …the besotted albino non-partisan blogatrix of his dreams, Ann Althouse

    Shirley you meant teh besotted albino right-wing blogatrix Ann Althouse, D. Aristophanes?
    ~

  25. southernfemalelawyer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:13

    …And she is STILL mocking the threats against the liberal congressfolk. And possibly nursing a squirrel. Why why why did I read her blog? I feel like I just drunk dialed an ex…

    (AA was, in fact, my con law prof)

  26. tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:36

    Shirley you meant teh besotted albino right-wing blogatrix Ann Althouse, D. Aristophanes?

    Oh come now, we don’t really need to tell you how non-partisan hoary albino guitar legend Ann Althouse is. She’s so non-partisan she refuses to RSVP partisan invitations even when they include a little stamped postcard expressly for that purpose!

  27. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:36

    Will she devour him after they mate?

    The former pleases me while the latter makes my brain seize.

    Sodding Euroweenie.

  28. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:37

    not… getting… out… of… boat… neeevvverrrrrrrrrrr…

  29. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:37

    (AA was, in fact, my con law prof)

    Oh do tell.

    Yes.

    Do.

  30. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:45

    tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:36

    Shirley you meant teh besotted albino right-wing blogatrix Ann Althouse, D. Aristophanes?

    Oh come now, we don’t really need to tell you how non-partisan hoary albino guitar legend Ann Althouse is. She’s so non-partisan she refuses to RSVP partisan invitations even when they include a little stamped postcard expressly for that purpose!

    Oh I know, tigris. I’ve got a huge collection of Words O’ Wisdom.

    But MMfA has uncovered the real truth.
    ~

  31. Tacitus Voltaire said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:55

    nursing a squirrel

    i am certain that this must be a code phrase of some kind that i have completely missed

  32. Mark D said,

    March 27, 2010 at 2:59

    There is nothing anywhere that will get that image out of my head.

    You go to hell, DA. You go to hell and you die …

  33. Mark D said,

    March 27, 2010 at 3:01

    And my command of the English language is to not ever be ever questioned ever at any time. Ever.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, the mangoes?

    Not mangoes. Don’t go. Just … don’t.

  34. southernfemalelawyer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 3:16

    (AA was, in fact, my con law prof)

    Oh do tell.

    Fer realz. This was right when she was starting her blog, so at that time she was NOT Ann Althouse, Queen of pearlclutching conservative rubbing Let’s talk about ME I *heart* Rush TLA GR XOXOX Im a femminist but will judge you by yer Boobs and the whatnots.

    She was just my con law prof – and I thought she did a damn good job. I thought she was clever and insightful, and I truly enjoyed her and her classes. So when I (and many others from my class and surrounding years) started seeing teh crazy on her blog, I thought she was (very cleverly) creating a character.

    But after the whole thing with Jessica of Feministing, I had a big ol’ bucket of ewww. Honestly? Back in the day, I actually thought she might have a shot at a judicial appointment. But Holy Mother of WTF. Kind of like if you found out that your favorite babysitter went on to a successful career in furry pron.

    So yeah, I had to separate Ann Althouse, Beloved Con Law Professor from Ann Althouse, Your On-Line Source For Rush Limbaugh One-Liners.

  35. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 3:34

    So guys, picture if you will a boat. Not just any boat, but a superliner, with 120 suites, a dozen restaurants, 16 full bars, besides the spa, disco, movie theater, several clubs, on-deck waterpark, driving range, skeet, tennis, and dolphin harpooning platform. There’s even a low-security rehab center for nymphomaniacs up in the bow.

    This boat has its own water processing plant, an indoor tropical rainforest garden, and carries enough food for a sixteen week cruise, if need be. There’s a walk-in cooler devoted entirely to mangoes, which are generally consumed in the form of a mango-champagne sorbet.

    You present me with an endless mire of reeking sewage, a sunless place of dank shadows. The horizon is obscured by a cold miasma that rises from the fen. It is a place without color, without life, without hope.

    In that swamp, two grotesque, spectral figures stare at each other, their glazed eyes like soft-boiled eggs, unseeing and uncomprehending. Sometimes they grunt. Sometimes one of them crouches to squirt watery excrement into the ooze in which they stand, knee-deep. Time seems to have forgotten this place; they might have stood there an hour or an eon. It doesn’t matter, because here nothing matters. There is nothing.

    I glance out the window of my cabin, a plump leather armchair supporting my sprawling bulk, feet propped up on a Louis Quatorze chest. In my hand a mellow scotch catches the light. The room service people have just cleared away a five-course meal, and my beautiful companion is in the shower.

    “I could go out there,” I muse. “I could do that.”

    I’m staying here.

  36. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 4:00

    God Ann Coulter hates a coward.

  37. montag said,

    March 27, 2010 at 4:09

    Thank Jeebus. No offspring likely.

  38. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 4:14

    This is a perfect metaphor for what Obama has done to our Republic:

    http://tinypic.com/r/25i3h9i/5

  39. Citizen_X said,

    March 27, 2010 at 4:31

    Kind of like if you found out that your favorite babysitter went on to a successful career in furry pron.

    We need to hear more about that, also, too.

  40. Citizen_X said,

    March 27, 2010 at 4:35

    That screengrab says, “Download,” and all I can think is, “Why? I can’t possibly drink enough box wine to make myself do that.”

    And Spengler: Bravo. That was like a Lovecraft tale that starts in Xanadu, or something.

  41. Gary Ruppert said,

    March 27, 2010 at 4:36

    The fact is, Freedom Lover is correct. Obama is like a fagot rapist with a large dick and he raped America in the bum. Now the bastard child Socialism is assendent and Patriots are going to fight back.

  42. Gary Ruppert said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:01

    The fact is, yeah. You have no liberal response, liberals.

  43. stibbert said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:08

    hey i’m only a lurknaught but no way i’m gonna click into these kinda gooings-on, please why can’t y’all just leave me out of it?

    when i drink alone, i prefer to be by myself.

  44. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:09

    It’s like yodeling with your ass: it may be loud, but it’s not going to have the right tone.

  45. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:22

    Gary is speaking from experience here.

  46. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:23

    It’s like yodeling with your ass: it may be loud, but it’s not going to have the right tone.

    Yo-del-ay-hee-POO!

  47. pedestrian said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:33

    The first few minutes are like stepping through the looking glass. Imagine a world in which, after 9/11 everyone went all crazy peacenik and reasonable people had to reach out to the internet for others who sanely advocated for war.

  48. Little Boots said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:33

    why must these terrible people upset the children? why?

  49. Barack Obama said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:38

    This is a perfect metaphor for what Obama has done to our Republic:

    America was asking for it, wearing that skimpy health system, the tight fitting one that left sooo much of her uncovered, just begging for some liberal to just give her a good, long, health care package, right up her reconciliation.

    She even had a close call back in 1994, and clearly didn’t learn anything from the experience, electing another Democratic trifecta. Bitch deserved it. She wanted it. Her polls said no, but her ayes said “yes, oh yes, you know what to do with that huuuge bill…”

  50. The Truth said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:42

    testing, testing from my iPhone

  51. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:44

    Freedomlover:

    I watched the first 30 seconds of your latest youtube video. It’s really hard to take someone rooting for a Palin 2012 presidency seriously when they complain about the current President’s lack of experience.

    Just remember, every day that passes, Obama has another day of real, live, personal experience as the most powerful elected official in America. And Palin gets another day’s experience as a famous vagrant. She’s not even governor of the medium city’s worth of people that is Alaska anymore. Unless experience flying around being paid to read off your hands is what you think it takes to be President, maybe you should find another candidate.

  52. The Truth said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:50

    testing, testing from my iPhone

    123

  53. Little Boots said,

    March 27, 2010 at 5:58

    comment eated. sadness.

  54. The Truth said,

    March 27, 2010 at 6:04

    Good, it works. Now I can kick the asses of liberals from anywhere at 3g speeds!

  55. Little Boots said,

    March 27, 2010 at 6:14

    trying once again

  56. Little Boots said,

    March 27, 2010 at 6:17

    thank the jeebus, this site has stopped being a complete fucking douche. love and kisses to you all.

    so what was the topic?

  57. Snorghagen said,

    March 27, 2010 at 6:35

    so what was the topic? revealingracist fucking cartoon.

    Giant poop bubbles in Indiana – pro or con?

  58. Dayv said,

    March 27, 2010 at 7:01

    “Play entire diavlog.”

    Diavlog.

    Diavlog.

    Diavlog.

    Diavlog.

    Diavlogdiavlogdiavlogdiavlogdiavlogadivalofgidvlogdivalo

  59. Sammy said,

    March 27, 2010 at 7:14

    Shorter or not, I’m staying in this boat even if the goddamn thing is sinking.

  60. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 27, 2010 at 7:46

    http://www.youtube.com/user/freedomlover24#p/u

    I am truly truly disappointed at the blandness of the dumbassery on display. Get a fuckin’ rainbow wig or something. Jesus.

  61. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 27, 2010 at 7:48

    Giant poop bubbles in Indiana – pro or con?

    I don’t see what their opinion has to do with anything. And pro or con WHAT?

  62. Hugely said,

    March 27, 2010 at 8:15

    …in the bum…

    ok thats too easy I call fake Gary – this Gary is mosdef is a inhabitant of some commonwealth thingy – probably…

    1) cornish,
    2) scottish,
    3) or aussie

    going on about the bum…

  63. Hugely said,

    March 27, 2010 at 8:17

    “assendent…” heh

  64. Hugely said,

    March 27, 2010 at 8:20

    here is the bastard “assendent” child:

    coco

    my kids love this video lol

  65. Sheesh said,

    March 27, 2010 at 9:12

    tsam said,

    March 26, 2010 at 21:38

    I hear you. These puns make me feel Vaio.

    I give that one a 7.

    Meh…I give it a C++

    If you weren’t so biased you’d give it — at best — an Objective C.

    AM I TOO LATE?!

  66. justme said,

    March 27, 2010 at 9:13

    1). While the idea of gin-soaked mangoes seems appealing at first glance, I have serious reservations about the compatibility of juniper and tropical fruit.

    I am not getting off this fucking boat for pitchforks or hellfire.

    2).

    Spengler Dampniche said, at 3:34

    I may have dislocated something trying to give that a golf clap that would do it justice.

    You should receive the bill next week.

    3).

    recent pool party with Mickey Kaus and Eugene Volokh

    Curiously, since Gav’s McMEgan opus the other day, I have been wondering just what the expected longevity of candiru might be in a, shall we say, chlorine-rich environment, and where one might procure a few dozen specimens.

  67. FreedomLover24, at work said,

    March 27, 2010 at 9:22

    No, kid. I’m not really the Easter Bunny. I’m just a man that’s made some very bad choices in life.

  68. Smut Clyde said,

    March 27, 2010 at 10:11

    exibiting the flehmen reaction to the female altmouse

    Altmouse lordosis DO NOT WANT

  69. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 10:21

    Altmouse lordosis DO NOT WANT

    A couple of Altoids will clear that right up.

  70. justme said,

    March 27, 2010 at 10:29

    the flehmen reaction

    Harelips of Dune?

  71. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 13:59

    This is a perfect metaphor for what Obama has done to our Republic

    I’m not a violent woman (really, I’m not), but I would be unable to refrain from beating the shit out of anyone wearing that shirt/hat/codpiece. The good thing is, at least it allows for immediate identification of irredeemable assholes.

  72. Citizen Refugee said,

    March 27, 2010 at 13:59

    Back in the boat. Covered in leeches. These mangoes are rotten. And a tiger bit the ass out of my trousers.

    Next time will be better.

  73. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 14:00

    Also, D, you owe me a new laptop. I puked all over this one.

  74. 59 Les Paul said,

    March 27, 2010 at 14:39

    Go ahead, put ‘em side by side: the above video, and a link to the term “Cleveland Steamer”. Choices, choices.

    p.s. Nice to not see some asswipe’s 400-foot long copypasta diatribes on this one (yet).

  75. Anna Nicole Sith said,

    March 27, 2010 at 14:49

    @FreedomLover24 said,

    No, kid. I’m not really the Easter Bunny. I’m just a man that’s made some very bad choices in life.

    I can only express my extreme sympathy for someone who’s decided to post comments on a blog so clearly beyond his grasp.

    Did Althouse permanently ban you for lame comments?

  76. Spaceman Spliff said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:01

    … he raped America in the bum. Now the bastard child …

    Gary, does this so-called “bastard child” by any chance have a lumpy appearance, possibly some embedded corn kernels, but no other features or appendages, and stinks to high heaven?

    Ah, it is as I thought … Congratulations, America, on “giving birth” to the future head of the GOP, exactly as foretold by prophecy:


    “And verily, it came to pass… and the Baggers of Tea did bow down before it, and lo, the multitude did praise it, and by its aroma they did know it, and they said that it was really some good shit.”

  77. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:02

    I am truly truly disappointed at the blandness of the dumbassery on display. Get a fuckin’ rainbow wig or something. Jesus.

    But being an illiterate moron qualifies you to blubber on and on.

    From the Youtube in question:

    “Obama can into office with a lot of potential that he is just not living up too.”

    Not to bad for someone learning English as a second language, huh?

  78. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:03

    Or “too”. Self-pwnage first thing in the morning. Awesome.

  79. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:09

    Self-pwnage first thing in the morning. Awesome.

    Just remember to change the sheets.

  80. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:09

    So yeah, I had to separate Ann Althouse, Beloved Con Law Professor from Ann Althouse, Your On-Line Source For Rush Limbaugh One-Liners.

    Another weird story about someone with their head on straight and functioning and then losing it publicly. I don’t get that.

    Thanks for the tale. Interesting, but odd.

  81. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:10

    Just remember to change the sheets.

    In a bit. I’m very relaxed right now.

  82. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:13

    Not to bad for someone learning English as a second language from Sarah Palin, huh?

    Amended for greater accuracy.

    Self-pwnage first thing in the morning. Awesome.

    I like to get my self-pwning done first thing in the morning. Then I don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day!

  83. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:27

    Not to bad for someone learning English as a second language from Sarah Palin, huh?

    He should have asked for Urdu.

  84. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:45

    Interesting book review on a book about the history of “whiteness.”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/28/books/review/Gordon-t.html

  85. Jennifer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 15:56

    As Bill Maher said last night:

    “How’s that hopey-changey thing working out for ya? – pretty good. How’s that Hooked on Phonics thing working out for you?”

  86. Woodrowfan said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:09

    nope, staying right here in the boat. Waiting for the volleyball game to start…

  87. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:15

    I like to get my self-pwning done first thing in the morning. Then I don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day!

    See my advice to Looch.

  88. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:21

    Interesting book review on a book about the history of “whiteness.”

    One of the all-time great moments in the history of whiteness was the discovery that early movie film (B&W, of course) turned red and pink into black and dark gray. “White” people with pink skin looked “black” Quelle horreur! Hence the heavy pancake make-up in the old silent movies.

  89. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:23

    Thanks for watching my YouTube video, T&U.

    Look, it’s the “experts” that drove our country into the ditch, those with “experience”. Perhaps it takes some from outside the beltway (far outside the beltway) to bring a fresh perspective in line with everyday Americans to fix it. The elites, experts, and eggheads are the problem, not the solution.

  90. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:34

    While our establishment foreign policy hawks bullshit about how Venezuela is a “narco-state”, take a look right here at a picture of the practically undetectable, home-made, semi-submersible submarines used by our close hemispheric political ally and greatest recipient of Western hemisphere aid (military and other), Colombia, to ship massive amounts of drugs to the Southwestern coast of Mexico (hence the constant shoot-outs in Acapulco & surrounding environs).

    Good thing our “Plan Colombia” has only resulted in increased / maintained drugs productions and narco-trafficking in our close ally, and shame on Hugo Chavez for choosing to place his country so dangerously next to Colombia.

  91. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:36

    shame on Hugo Chavez for choosing to place his country so dangerously next to Colombia.

    The free marketeers say: he knew it was a bad neighborhood when he moved there.

  92. J— said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:37

    I am truly truly disappointed at the blandness of the dumbassery on display.

    secularstupidest and Restrained No More go potential.

  93. J— said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:40

    got potential

    There it is.

  94. Anonymous said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:45

    Perhaps it takes some from outside the beltway (far outside the beltway) to bring a fresh perspective in line with everyday Americans to fix it./i>

    You’re right. Let’s elect a president from a midwestern state, like Illinois.

  95. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:47

    And unlike Barack Obama in 2008, Palin has executive experience leading a very big state, and has tackled diverse issues from the natural gas pipeline to native subsitence hunting rights.

  96. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:50

    And riding a dinosaur.

    VERY important.
    ~

  97. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:51

    You’re right. Let’s elect a president from a midwestern state, like Illinois.

    Even better, let’s elect one who has first-hand experience dealing with the issues of ordinary people…someone who has worked in local communities, perhaps doing some kind of organizing to help people see that their interests are part of a bigger picture. If only such people existed…

  98. J— said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:55

    Tell us more about Governor Palin, FreedomLover24.

  99. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 16:59

    Palin also has military experience, what with being the Commander in Chief of the Alaska National Guard.

    Hey — if you in the back don’t stop giggling, I’m gonna make you come up to the chalkboard and do word problems!

  100. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:00

    She’s got real purty hair.

  101. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:02

    El Cidddddddd, N__B shot a spitball at me!
    ~

  102. Major Kong said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:06

    Palin has executive experience leading a very big state

    With the population of Akron, Ohio.

  103. Xavier said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:11

    61 minutes long? Do they intend to use this video at Abu Ghraib?

    I was especially entertained by the notion that Althouse doesn’t ‘believe’ tea partiers yelled slurs… since, of course, everyone knows that reality is purely a matter of belief.

  104. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:17

    With the population of Akron, Ohio.

    Nuh-uh. Ya gotta count the moose. She does.

  105. Snorghagen said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:18

    Palin has executive experience…

    Few statesmen can match her experience in the crucial field of suddenly resigning office for no coherent reason.

  106. She said, She said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:23

    Few statesmen can match her experience in the crucial field of suddenly resigning office for no coherent reason.
    I’m sure FreedomLover69 will address that point soon.

  107. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:23

    Few statesmen can match her experience in the crucial field of suddenly resigning office for no coherent reason.

    That’s simply unfair and out of line. There was a book deal offering her millions of dollars, but not while governor. A higher doodie called.

  108. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:23

    She resigned to lend her skills to the Tea Party movement.

    She could have been like most politicians (i.e. Barack Obama) who neglect their office while running for a higher one, but instead she was honest with us, and left her job to someone who could carry it out on a full time basis.

  109. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:25

    Sarah Palin was also honest and correct in saying that the best way she could serve Alaska was to get the hell out of the governor’s seat. Someone so ignorant, petty, vicious, and corrupt simply could do nothing other than harm Alaskan’s interests.

  110. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:25

    I just love how scared of her you liberals are.

    You have to tear her down now, because you know if she got our nomination, she would be an unstoppable force.

  111. tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:25

    So Palin’s better than Obama because he doesn’t have any experience and she does, but Palin’s also good because experienced people are what got us into the mess we’re in and she doesn’t have any experience.

  112. Major Kong said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:26

    I just love how scared of her you liberals are.

    It’s her maverickyness. It terrifies us.

  113. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:27

    secularstupidest and Restrained No More got potential.

    Those ARE pretty great.

  114. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:27

    She doesn’t have any inside-the-beltway experience. She isn’t part of the Washington establishment, which is why the inside the beltway pundits hated her so much, calling her “stupid”, but love Biden who is a certifiable moron. Why? Biden may be a moron, but he’s part of the D.C. east coast establishment, so he gets a pass on his idiocy.

  115. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:28

    I for one am terribly, terrible frightened of the prospect of the awesome, impressive, knowledgeable and mature politician Sarah Palin going up against the universally hated Democrat failure Barack Obama.

    I fear so greatly the prospect that I beg, beg, plead Republicans and TeaTards alike not to seize so viciously upon our President’s weaknesses and run the most impressive American politician ever.

  116. Nom de Plume said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:29

    suddenly resigning office for no coherent reason $1 million per episode.

  117. She said, She said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:30


    I just love how scared of her you liberals are.

    You have to tear her down now, because you know if she got our nomination, she would be an unstoppable force.

    Right and that too also. And can someone explain the new leather fetish:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/26/sarah-palins-motorcycle-j_n_515407.html

  118. Nom de Plume said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:34

    And can someone explain the new leather fetish

    Yeah. She’s getting older (look at the hands). Time’s running out.

  119. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:36

    El Cidddddddd, N__B shot a spitball at me!

    That wasn’t spit.

  120. St. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:39

    You have to tear her down now, because you know if she got our nomination, she would be an unstoppable force.

    Until she quit, you mean. Right?

  121. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:40

    Barack Obama didn’t finish out his Senate term.

  122. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:42

    Parody troll needs to step up his game, the ennui is setting in.
    ~

  123. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:42

    Barack Obama didn’t finish out his Senate term.

    Exactly. Just like Sarah Palin, he abandoned his public office responsibilities to get a book contract and later a TV show deal. What a lazy, lazy man. Americans would punish him at the ballot box should he ever run for public office after skipping out on his Senate responsibilities.

    The Palin juggernaut rolls on, and all the liberal tears won’t be able to stop Americans uniting together for this brave, honest, competent, informed leader.

  124. Nom de Plume said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:43

    Barack Obama didn’t finish out his Senate term.

    He got promoted.

  125. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:43

    Hey, anyone heard any updates as to sales of lozenges and Chloraseptic among TeaTards and Republicans after Barack Obama finished ramming his huge, massive package down their throats?

  126. St. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:43

    Then there’s this. Granted, it’s from mid-February, but:

    “Sarah Palin has upped her national profile in recent weeks, but a new poll shows that the extra attention hasn’t done her any favors. In the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll, the amount of people with a favorable view of Palin has dropped to its lowest point ever recorded by the pollster. More than 70% of respondents said she’s not qualified to be president.

    Palin’s numbers don’t improve much when just Republicans are asked to give their opinion of her, the poll found.

    The Post reports just 45% of conservatives consider Palin qualified to move into the Oval Office. Last November, 66% of conservatives said she was qualified.

    Only 37 percent of Republicans have a “strongly favorable” view of Palin. Among all Americans, her overall favorable/unfavorable split is 37/55, the lowest it’s been since ABC and the Post added her to national polls in Sept. 2008, when John McCain made Palin his running mate on the GOP ticket.

    “Although Palin is a tea party favorite,” the Post reports, “her potential as a presidential hopeful takes a severe hit in the survey.”

    Yep, unstoppable!

  127. arguingwithsignposts said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:45

    I must admit, FreedumbLover69′s trollery is filled with lulz from an alternate reality.

  128. St. Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:46

    Is Quitty McAlso
    a) “unstoppable”
    b) nvncbl
    or
    c) LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?

  129. She said, She said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:48

    Barack Obama didn’t finish out his Senate term.
    Wha-Huh?

    Okay, why be a grocery store clerk when you get to run the whole fucking store? Ass…..

  130. J— said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:53

    Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Ken Salazar, Janet Napolitano. All quitters!

  131. St. Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:55

    Bobby Kennedy was gonna quit his Senate job AND he quit the earthly realm! What a pussy!

  132. St. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:55

    Parody troll needs to step up his game, the ennui is setting in.
    ~

    Eh, go look at Carl’s youtooby place. Sadly, I think he means it.
    (And I think he’s gotta little Sarah kink goin’ on.)

  133. Pryme said,

    March 27, 2010 at 17:57

    She doesn’t have any inside-the-beltway experience.

    Neither did Jimmy Carter, yet Republicans and conservatives hated him.

    She resigned to lend her skills to the Tea Party movement.

    There’s so much to mine in this cave: instead of using her position in Alaska to prove that she can govern a state for a full term, Palin quit to help a Dick Armey-backed astroturf “movement” that didn’t really need her help. And besides confusing them by one saying they need to be independent from the GOP one day and then say “Join the GOP!” the next, the “skills” she brings to this group is really undefined. Couldn’t she have “helped” them better by switching from Republican to the Tea Party while still in office? Why haven’t other prominent Republicans who support the Tea Party resigned to “help” them? How can Palin “help” the Tea Party is she’s supported John McCain against a Tea Party primary candidate?

  134. bulbul said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:01

    I bow to your Photoshop skills, fellaz. You have made AA look almost human.

  135. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:01

    Freedomlover, it’s not the 2008 election anymore. It will be the 2012 election, and assuming Palin was the Republican nominee here are the resumes:

    Candidate A:
    - President of the United States for 4 years
    - Commander-In-Chief of the World’s most powerful military
    - Day-to-day experience making strategic decisions in 2 medium wars
    - negotiated global nuclear weapons reduction treaty
    - passed largest social reform bill in a generation

    Candidate B:
    - Ex partial term Governor of a very small population State
    - ex-Mayor of a tiny town
    - defeated Vice-Presidential nominee
    - Book tour
    - Fox News analyst
    - has a facebook page
    - oversaw large redistribution of oil wealth to Alaskan parasites from producers

    If your criteria really is “experience” then, gee, I don’t know which one you have to vote for. Somehow I think we’ll find out the real criteria is something else.

  136. tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:03

    Outside the beltway experience is important unless it’s Illinois experience, which is not Heartlandy enough.

  137. Kate said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:03

    I looked. And then stopped it and left.

    In the few seconds I sat and listened and really found no compelling reason to stay. Apparently some people find the opinions of these boring simpletons worthy of their time?

    I could listen to a similar conversation in any bar room, breaktime with construction laborers, in a low flying community college cafeteria, a grocery store breakroom, in line at Wal-Mart.

    But not on my free time, no.

  138. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:03

    Obama didn’t get a bounce from passing his government take over of health care.

    As to the nuclear arms reduction treaty, it’s nothing but a sell-out to Putin, the same as when he took down our missile defense shield from Eastern Europe. We need someone who will stand up to the Russian Bear, and modernize our nuclear forces, not reduce them.

  139. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:04

    Bobby Kennedy was gonna quit his Senate job AND he quit the earthly realm! What a pussy!

    Pffft. His brother couldn’t finish one lousy parade in Dallas.

  140. Kate said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:08

    All I can say is I suppose Althouse likens herself to Sharon Stone in that fateful movie where she spreads her legs and men talked about and wanked about it for what a decade?

    Having slobbering 35 year old virgins laughing and drooling at your every word I guess is some kind a power, I guess for really emotionally scarred types?

    Southernlawyer: Your story makes me think that possibly she had some brain injury, perhaps hard impact to her frontal lobe?

    That and Mr. Fake Ruppert’s gay-bum-birth theory might be the most logical theories I’ve heard yet for the origin of the wingnutius americanus.

  141. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:08

    Neither did Jimmy Carter, yet Republicans and conservatives hated him.

    Neither did Bill Clinton, I suspect freedomlover didn’t think that was a plus for the Big Dog either.

    For Obama, his 4 years as a US Senator are simultaneously dangerously little experience to prepare him for the Presidency, and also show that he is a lifetime Washington DC insider and darling of the beltway elite, inured to Potomac insular thinking in the many many years he has spent working in DC.

  142. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:11

    unless it’s Illinois experience, which is not Heartlandy enough.

    This is somewhat ironic, given that Illinois is the state that contains the actual town that is synonymous with “everytown, USA”, that of Peoria.

  143. Major Kong said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:13

    We need someone who will stand up to the Russian Bear, and modernize our nuclear forces, not reduce them.

    Not sure what you can do with 2,500 warheads that you can’t do with 1,500.

  144. Anonymous said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:13

    modernize our nuclear forces, not reduce them.

    Modernizing makes things bigger!

    As this very moment I am using the most state-of-the-art computer which requires over five million vaccum tubes and covers three acres!

  145. Kate said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:15

    Alton Illinois where I grew up could qualify for “any town decimated by manufacturing decline”.

  146. Major Kong said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:16

    Didn’t that Reagan feller sign a nuclear arms reduction treaty?

  147. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:17

    There’s a big difference between Gorbachev and Putin.

  148. El Cid said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:18

    Didn’t that Reagan feller sign a nuclear arms reduction treaty?

    You are dangerously close to violating the Ronald Reagan Living Myth Act of 1992 with these seditious recollections of your so-called “facts”.

  149. tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:21

    As this very moment I am using the most state-of-the-art computer which requires over five million vaccum tubes and covers three acres!

    Holy crap, that’s awesome.

  150. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:22

    There’s a big difference between Gorbachev and Putin

    That’s true, one led a global industrialized superpower governed on the basis of an ideology that calls for the overthrow of all governments not based on that ideology, and the other leads an also-ran declining population resource-trapped regional power with 0 force projection capability and nothing to possibly gain from attempting to overthrow its biggest trading partners.

    Other than that, it’s pretty clear we need far far more nuclear weapons aimed at Putin’s Russia because you know…the Russian bear!

  151. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:23

    Putin invaded a sovevrign neighbor a little over a year ago.

    We also need superior nuclear forces and a first strike capability to keep Red China in line.

  152. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:27

    I often wonder what each active nuclear weapon costs. What are the yearly costs to maintain and secure say, an ICBM missile launch site? How many Air Force guys sit there, 24/7 in shifts waiting for a launch order, needing technicians to maintain the equipment, officers to issue orders, MPs to guard keys and codes, cooks to feed them all, power, heat, supplies.

    Freedomlover is no doubt very worried about the deficit, but I guess reducing a few hundred active strategic missile sites that cost tens of millions of dollars each to run and maintain is not a good idea for reducing the deficit. America might only be able to destroy all life on earth 3 times over instead of the 8x capability that the Founders clearly intended America have.

  153. g said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:28

    Jeebus, I heard a snippet of Palin’s speech on the TeeVee. What a voice! nails on a blackboard!

    I’m wondering if the sound man at that rally wasn’t a Palin fan – he certainly didn’t do Sister a favor by trying to eq out the shrill.

    Wonder how McCain likes the “we’re all Teabaggers now!” theme?

  154. Anonymous said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:30

    Putin invaded a sovevrign neighbor a little over a year ago.

    Yeah, why didn’t Pooty-Poot invade a soverign country on the other side of the planet the way civilized civilizations do?

  155. g said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:30

    There’s a big difference between Gorbachev and Putin

    Oh, damn that Obama! He negotiated with the Wrong Dood!

  156. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:30

    President Bush signing the SORT treaty in 2002 with Vladimir Putin, President of Russia

  157. FreedomLover24 said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:31

    Jeebus, I heard a snippet of Palin’s speech on the TeeVee. What a voice! nails on a blackboard!

    Your sexism is disgusting.

  158. The Tragically Flip said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:38

    China has a nuclear arsenal of less than 300 devices.

    There is no “first strike” capacity against that. The amount of weapons you would need to have a good shot of disabling that many nuclear weapons would cause simply catastrophic worldwide environmental problems that would make any such “victory” completely pyrrhic.

    This is why China is smart. They have just enough completely useless and very expensive nuclear weapons to deter even the largest nuclear power from contemplating a first strike, and they don’t waste tons of money having 5x as many more which serve no useful purposes.

  159. St. Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:39

    In the interest of not being sexist and inflaming Troofie’s selective indignation, I’ll say that I consider Glenn Beck’s voice nails first on a blackboard, and then driven into my dick.

  160. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:43

    I go away for a few hours, spend a little quality time strokin’ and smokin’, come back here bright-eyed and bushy in the tail area, and the whole place is awash in fragments of mango and troll shit. Remember, kids, you feed them, they grow. And they shit where they eat.

  161. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:44

    Incidentally, let us be clear: I wouldn’t fuck Sarah Palin with Ann Althouse’s dick.

  162. She said, She said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:44

    Your sexism is disgusting.
    Lipstick on a pig.

  163. tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:46

    That g is such a woman hater! Grr grr stomp stomp!

  164. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:55

    What I said was sexist, and I apologize. I should have said “I would not wish to engage in sexual intercourse with Sarah Palin, even if I was equipped with the penis of Ann Althouse, who is a woman and of course doesn’t have a penis, which is totally cool with me. I was just funning about that. The reason I do not wish to do so is a matter of personal preference entirely based in my own tastes, and I do not imagine for one moment that Ms. Palin is ineligible for love or sexual attraction, nor that I am entitled to consideration by Ms. Palin for such attention.”

    Man, you have to be so careful these days.

  165. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:56

    I mean “people” you have to be so careful. See? Sexism is EVERYWHERE. It’s a bitch.

  166. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:57

    Sorry, not “a bitch.” I meant to say — I don’t know what I meant to say.

  167. Kate said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:58

    “Your sexism is disgusting.”

    What’s even more disgusting is when simpletons use terms, the meaning of which, completely escapes them and that they profess to hate, to their assumed benefit in self deluded assumptions of wit and thus expose how little they understand the underlying concept of such term.

  168. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 18:59

    Hey, look, ladies! I got you a SPARKLE UNICORN!

  169. jim said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:14

    ACORN thugee ninjas froze the video a mere 2:12 in!

    Censorship!

    F5, damn you, you infernal interwebs! F5!

    Ah, works like a charm now … yep, clear & smooth … uhh … anyone got the number of a good ACORN thugee ninja? I’m rethinking my opinion of censorship by the second here.

    Vloggerfisk:

    Antiwar rallies are teh ick. Using the Dems’ own (admittedly elastic) numbers to slag them in the very next breath after you claimed those numbers were bullshit. Blurp blurp blurp blurp blurp. Goo=fun. Mickey Kaus as kindred spirit of Howie Mandel. Hubby’s teabagger saga. Slup … slup … slup. The perfect is the enema of the goo. A more perfect onion. Glop glop glop glop glop glop glop fuckin’ glop. Golly goasharoonies, Ann, you are SO right that health funding should be public & not private, even though I just mewed & snivelled about how inefficient governement is at running stuff! Agreeing that the American HC system is an inutile slab of roadkill in dire need of being scrapped & replaced – after a mere 24 minutes. Not all of the Teabagger Taliban are barbaric maniacs – a lot of them are really friendly, polite, RESPECTABLE nihilists! Disrespecting proto-fascistic mobs = very disrespectful. Plop plop plop plop plop & probably plop. Americans of color need to stop using their race to make racists despise them, naughty scallawags that they are. Nig-Gate overshadowed that lovely gathering of well-meaning & friendly ignoroids & I want to see the victim say it looking me in the face before I’ll even believe it, neener neener neener. It’s the ultimate dirty trick in the book, sheeplez! Palling around with Birchers & LaRouchites is mere trivia … did we mention they’re really friendly & polite? We have pamphlets & you’ll really like them if you try one. Clunk clunk clunkety-clunk-clunk. Lots of people went & freaked out over socialism – WOWIE ZOWIE, WTF?!? The Tetley Brigades are going to ignore a Gooper PR blitz advocating nullification (“repeal” is their label, since it’s much less Civil Warish) & retreat rather than reload. I pimp neocon narratives but I’ve always considered myself an anti-conservative – & so’s YOUR MOM. The RandBorg will finish digesting the GOP by 2012, as the twelve mystical chromium gophers pull the mighty war-canoe of Reaganotron & we shall overcome one day. Schwarzeneggar is just a big squishie, dahling. Intone intone intone intone, dramallama pause, intone, yo. O noes, teh pendulum is speeding up, iz making me all barfy nau. Blurt blurt blurt. Obama doing big huge shit happen makes him way more of an extremist than his laid-back, low-energy campaign led me to believe, fzzzzzzzz. Paying attention to my government makes me tired, & so can you. “Economics matter” = “I like money” strained through a degree-mill. Drool drool token Afghanistan blurb drool drool drool.

    Then l’heure perdu is over & I mourn for potential fap-time that will never return.

  170. Linnaeus said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:15

    Didn’t that Reagan feller sign a nuclear arms reduction treaty?

    Signed one (the INF treaty) and proposed another (START I) that wasn’t signed until Bush I was president. That sellout!

  171. No-Visible-Means said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:17

    I would not wish to engage in sexual intercourse with Sarah Palin

    Perhaps not. But here is someone who dreams of nothing but.

  172. tigris said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:17

    Hey, look, ladies! I got you a SPARKLE UNICORN!

    Thanks, but I’m on a diet.

  173. Citizen Refugee said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:23

    Real Presnit handles Russian bear.

  174. She said, She said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:31

    http://www.youtube.com/user/freedomlover24#p/u/39/-OE9lI2jfSE
    Ari Fliecher’s drunken younger brother who goes to the gym 2 times a week?

  175. No-Visible-Means said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:33

    Hey FreedomLover24. The next time you upload one of your love letters to Palin, have some mood music playing in the background. Say, oh, how about, something by the Honeydrippers!

  176. Mat said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:37

    The teabaggers are a gaggle of semi-literate, ill-infomed, utterly childish rednecks poop stains, and if Sarah Palin is their leader, that’s perfect, because she’s a babbling idiot who perfectly embodies the abject idiocy of this shit-for-brains political movement.

    PS–Matt Welch is a cunt.

  177. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:40

    I would not wish to engage in sexual intercourse with Sarah Palin

    Perhaps not. But here is someone who dreams of nothing but.

    And whoopsies, I got out of the boat. For exactly two seconds, long enough for Felchinglover to say “dear Governor Palin” and extend a meaty tongue to moisten his dry, red lips. That was it. Back to watching baby pandas sneeze.

  178. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:41

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk
    There’s a sparkle unicorn at the very edge of the frame around 12 seconds in.

  179. No-Visible-Means said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:51

    Ari Fliecher’s drunken younger brother

    It’s the troll from upthread.

  180. Lesley said,

    March 27, 2010 at 19:58

    You watch it over there so I don’t have to watch it over here.

  181. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 20:00

    Thanks for watching my YouTube video, T&U.

    If by “watching,” you mean “pointing and laughing until I got bored, which was about thirty seconds in,” you’re welcome. I’d imagine it’s much like the experience of having sex with you.

  182. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 20:02

    I’ll admit it, I think the jacket’s hot, though not on her. And motocross is in big right now. She either needs to soften it up or harden it, though I think I’d avoid it altogether at her age. A nice leather blazer would be better, or at least a jacket in a different color.

    And that flag pin with it looks (satire) retarded.

  183. Snowwy said,

    March 27, 2010 at 20:29

    T&U, it’s not a pin. It’s embroidered in- so she can’t stop looking (satire) retarded in it. Ever.

  184. St. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 20:45

    And that flag pin with it looks (satire) retarded.

    It’s not enough you call Trig retarded, now you’re going after SuperSarah’s satire?

    How low will you go?

  185. She said, She said,

    March 27, 2010 at 20:58

    T&U, it’s not a pin. It’s embroidered in- so she can’t stop looking (satire) retarded in it. Ever.
    Yeah, I noticed that. Its very Laverne De Fazio looking. On a Fonzie leather jacket no less.

  186. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:04

    That’s not a leather jacket. It’s her labia.

    I’m sorry.

  187. Vacuumslayer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:04

    Spengler Dampniche said,
    March 27, 2010 at 18:59

    Hey, look, ladies! I got you a SPARKLE UNICORN!

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

  188. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:09

    T&U, it’s not a pin. It’s embroidered in- so she can’t stop looking (satire) retarded in it. Ever.

    Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Never mind, then.

    Apparently, she just made a joke about Subarus. If my car is vandalized, I’ll know why.

  189. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:09

    That’s not a leather jacket. It’s her labia.

    I’m sorry.

    You really, really should be.

  190. St. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:15

    Since things seem to drifting idly around here, I came across this article written by a Marine in response to all the Wingnut chatter about “Civil War” and “grab yer gun,” etc.

    Linkee: http://christopher-calbat.newsvine.com/_news/2010/03/26/4073188-an-article-i-wish-i-would-never-have-to-write-to-those-calling-for-a-civil-war-this-marine-wants-you-to-stop-and-think

    Excerpts:

    ” But this government of ours is a democracy. We vote for our representatives, and they vote in our interests. Sometimes, the votes don’t go our way. That’s life, better luck next time. Exhaust your legislative options, and then focus on gaining the required votes and/or seats to achieve your desired legislative vote next election time. That’s the way things work.

    But the SECOND you start committing acts of violence and vandalism, then you’ve usurped that Constitution. You in a way have assaulted it. And then you and I (I being every servicemember who has sworn to defend said Constitution) will have a MAJOR PROBLEM.”

    For those of you calling for a civil war, I implore you to stop and think about what you’re saying. Look around your neighborhood and your city. Now imagine using that terrain to survive. Imagine dodging semi-automatic rifle fire as you scramble from cover to cover, dragging your wounded child behind you. Imagine the deafening report of a mortar as it strikes the ground a 150 feet in front of you, the overpressure enough to shatter your teeth and perforate an ear drum. Try and envision a Stryker rolling through neighbor’s front lawn or a F/A-18 making lazy loops over your head in Close Air Support for the troops in the distance.

    Now with that vision in mind, stop by your local Marine Corps base, being they will be the first military units you’d face in an all out ‘civil war’ . Look at them for a moment, examine their ‘work environment’ . They’re running the track, they’re climbing ropes, they’re grappelling with each other in mock hand-to-hand combat, and shooting targets while moving in raid lines on a daily basis. Nearly everyone on that base, down to our ‘secretaries’ has a combat award of one type or another, they’ve faced some of the most stressful situations on Earth where succumbing to the stress can get you killed, and they flourished.

    Now ask yourselves and be honest – when is the last time you’ve run anything other than late to work, climbed anything other than a flight of stairs, grappelled with anything other than a paper jam, and shot off anything other than your mouth? When’s the last time you were in any situation more stressful than a traffic jam?”

    Sorry for the copypasta.

  191. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:25

    Oh-oh. Did I kill the threedle?

  192. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:30

    Looch–Nice. This is also why I think that if these assholes do decide to launch a “civil war,” it’ll be more of a “Let’s go hunt down liberals and shoot them” thing.

    I just talked to my mother, who recently moved to TN from rural Kansas. She said that she’s encountered a lot of crazy shit in the last couple of weeks. People at work started acting really passive-aggressively hostile toward her when they found out she was a liberal and she was written up for causually saying “Damn” yesterday. (She works at a fucking community college, not an elementary school or a convent). Again, we’re from a very rural area, so when she says that she feels uncomfortable because of the political atmosphere, I believe her.

  193. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:32

    I will also say that even though I live in a college town bubble, I worry about this stuff, too. I am, after all, a youngish, tattooed, childless Subaru driver. I pretty much have “liberal” written all over me.

  194. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:33

    But I am paranoid. If that wasn’t apparent. Also, too.

  195. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:46

    Now *I’ve* killed the thread. Sadly, I have neither POOP nor PENIS content.

  196. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:48

    But I am paranoid. If that wasn’t apparent. Also, too.

    I don’t think you are. I live in semi-rural Massachusetts (it gets more rural than this but it is farm country for the most part). I don’t see much of the real redneck behavior–at least not as the dominant social order. But it’s out there.

    I worry more about random, one-off acts of road rage or drunken confrontations–simply wrong place/wrong time stuff. And after living twenty-plus years in a city, I still feel (hopefully not mistakenly) that I can sense them coming and cross to the other side of the street.

    I don’t consider it paranoid, just keeping your (rural) street radar up and functioning.

    And, of course, there’s always desk gin.

  197. Monkey Child of the Dragon King said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:49

    T&U – does your mom need a bumper sticker?

    http://www.cafepress.ca/nogop2008.302740651

  198. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 21:55

    I don’t consider it paranoid, just keeping your (rural) street radar up and functioning.

    Thanks. I vacillate between being concerned and thinking that I’m being ridiculous. I’m actually pretty worried about my mom.

    T&U – does your mom need a bumper sticker?

    Uh, no. She drives a tiny car. I don’t think she’d do well being rear-ended by a truck.

  199. vacuumslayer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:11

    I will also say that even though I live in a college town bubble, I worry about this stuff, too. I am, after all, a youngish, tattooed, childless Subaru driver. I pretty much have “liberal” written all over me.”

    I’m sure a lot of people make the assumption I’m not liberal…if they’re just going by appearances. And I love the assortment of stickers on my car: “Charleston Girl,” “Obama/Biden” and and MST3K one. I like to keep people guessing.

  200. Major Kong said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:16

    I don’t put bumper stickers on my car.

    I don’t really want to get pulled over by a cop who happens not to share my particular political viewpoint.

  201. vacuumslayer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:17

    Probably smart, but I can’t resist. Besides, I’m a cop-repellent.

  202. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:25

    The best bumper sticker I ever had on a vehicle was one a friend came up with on a late drunken night with friends. They were trying to come up with the shortest phrase possible to capture their view of society. They settled on:

    “Cowards eat our lives.”

    That one got some looks.

  203. vacuumslayer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:28

    It’s better than “Eaters cow our livers.”

  204. vacuumslayer said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:29

    Sorry…my headache’s making me loopy. Or in S,N terms, “poopy.”

  205. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:51

    Giant poop bubbles in Indiana – pro or con?

    Are they poop bubbles of freedom?

  206. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:53

    Are they poop bubbles of freedom?

    Ah were back to an old standby, POOP. Vacuumslayer saved the threedle!

  207. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 22:56

    Are they poop bubbles of freedom?

    Given that shit bubbles are what pass as commentary at the Wall Street Journal and on down the Wingnut food chain, I guess I would have to say yes, they are PBoF.

  208. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:00

    Are they poop bubbles of freedom?

    Are there any other kind?

  209. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:01

    I don’t think freedumlover69 is going to come back and see my ice cold burn. I’m sad.

  210. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:04

    Holy POOP bubbles, freedomlover24 is the man in the orca suit

  211. J— said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:33

    I’d keep an eye on this one.

  212. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:38

    Holy POOP bubbles, freedomlover24 is the man in the orca suit

    And he swims in poop bubble ponds.

  213. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:45

    I’d keep an eye on this one.

    I’ll want to see the second pass at the facts of the matter, a la Eric Cantor’s claim that his offices had been shot at. Not so much, there.
    (If you haven’t kept track, the PD determined that the bullet hit the window after being shot in the air at some point unknown. In other words –that Eric Cantor obviously does not understand — random bullet fall.

  214. Looch said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:46

    Ooops, caught with my parenthesis down.

    *blush*

  215. N__B said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:51

    ( | )

    poop

  216. No-Visible-Means said,

    March 27, 2010 at 23:51

    I don’t think freedumlover69 is going to come back and see my ice cold burn. I’m sad.

    Don’t worry T&U. Trolls never, never, evah, go away. Even when they say they are going away, they never do. It’s an uncontrollable compulsion which they can’t resist. He’ll be back.

  217. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 0:11

    I have to admire freedomlover24′s bravery in linking his Youtube videos and parading all his doughy incoherence in front of the snarkiest people on teh t00bz. How could any woman resist his charm offensive?

    We need someone who will stand up to the Russian Bear, and modernize our nuclear forces, not reduce them.

    Oh, his missile’s aimed at the Russian Bear- sorry ladies, he’s just not into the VJJ.

  218. Dan Someone said,

    March 28, 2010 at 0:22

    That column by the Marine was good, but it will of course fall on deaf ears (eyes?) where it is most needed. Especially this part:

    Now I ‘d like to disperse a myth here – many of you think that US military would not fight civilians. I can’t speak for all, but in my case – the moment you declare civil war, you’re no longer civilians. The moment you attack the constitution, you’re now enemies of that constitution. And I swore to defend and support and if necessary give my life for that Constitution and utilize every tool, technique, and weapon at my disposal to do so. And trust me, I’m not alone.

    The Tea Whackos who think there’s going to be a civil war are so sure that the Military will side with the Real Murrican Rebellion against the Unholy Kenyamuslamifascisocialest Empire.

  219. El Cid said,

    March 28, 2010 at 0:24

    Scientology’s Sea Org gets a bit of court exposure:

    SAN JACINTO, Calif. – At the edge of arid foothills far outside Los Angeles, hundreds of Scientology followers live on a gated, 500-acre campus and work long hours for almost no pay reproducing the works of founder L. Ron Hubbard and creating the church’s teaching and promotional materials.

    The church says its 5,000 so-called Sea Organization members are religious devotees akin to monks who are exempt from wage requirements and overtime. But two lawsuits filed by two former Sea Org members, as they are known, allege the workers are little more than slave laborers, forced to work 100-hour weeks for pennies and threatened with manual labor if they cause trouble…

    …The members are Scientology’s most devoted followers: they sign a billion-year pledge, vow not to have children and live and work communally…

    …The Sea Org traces its roots to 1967, when Hubbard, who was also a science fiction writer, took his most dedicated followers on sea voyages to explore early civilizations and spread his teachings. Its members — called ministers — live communally and often wear maritime-style uniforms with ranks.

    …Headley, 36, says he began to question the religion while working for an average of 39 cents an hour to mass produce cassettes that he says cost the church $1 to make but sold for $75. He also helped make CDs and DVDs and the expensive e-meters used in auditing sessions before graduating to working on in-house film production, he says.

    In 15 years, he said he earned $29,000, a total he surpassed in his first year of business on his own…

  220. Looch said,

    March 28, 2010 at 0:48

    they sign a billion-year pledge

    What’s the big deal? It’s not like it’s a gazillion or anything.

  221. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 0:55

    they sign a billion-year pledge

    What’s the big deal? It’s not like it’s a gazillion or anything.

    The first couple of hundred million are the hardest. Long and hard, throbbing with anticipation, and glistening with L. Ron’s tears.

  222. Marvin the Paranoid Android said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:00

    The first couple of hundred million are the hardest.

    The first ten million years were the worst. The second ten million … they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.

  223. Marvin the Paranoid Android said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:09

    I don’t think freedumlover69 is going to come back and see my ice cold burn.

    Small font faux pas – I thought that read “see my ice cold bum.” Um, pardon.

    I am, after all, a youngish, tattooed, childless Subaru driver. I pretty much have “liberal” written all over me.

    If I get any tats, I might get “liberal” written all over me, too. Heh.

  224. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:10

    (oops that second Marvin was me.)

  225. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:11

    I am the second Marvin!

    No, I am the second Marvin.

    I am the second Marvin.

  226. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:37

    Some second Marvin you all may be /
    But that second Marvin was me.

    QED

  227. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:40

    I thought that read “see my ice cold bum.” Um, pardon.

    I’m so offended! My bum’s usually quite warm.

    Also, Glen(n?) Reynolds says OBAMA HATES TEH JOOS.

  228. Looch said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:43

    I’ll second the second second Marvin in a sec.

  229. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:45

    My bum’s usually quite warm.

    Apologies. It’s hard to tell in an all-text medium.

    There must be an emoticon for “my bum is warm.”

  230. Looch said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:47

    There must be an emoticon for “my bum is warm.”

    I smell a new thread theme.

  231. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:48

    Apologies. It’s hard to tell in an all-text medium.

    Heh.

    My buttcheeks is warm.

  232. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:51

    Also, just to be clear, that is a Tenacious D song. It has nothing to do with my actual buttcheeks.

  233. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:54

    I think there’s a band called “My Actual Buttcheeks.”

  234. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:56

    I smell a new thread theme.

    That’s not a thread theme – especially if you’re in Indiana.

  235. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 28, 2010 at 1:57

    I think there’s a band called “My Actual Buttcheeks.”

    If there isn’t, there should be.

  236. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 2:06

    It has nothing to do with my actual buttcheeks.

    Actual buttcheeks are a finite good.

    Where did freedomlover24 go? I fear believe he may have perished, wearing two wetsuits orca suits, with a big rubber schlange up his bunghole.

  237. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 2:07

    If there isn’t, there should be.

    There is, now that I think of it – I saw them in concert once.

    They were ice cold. No warmup band.

  238. g said,

    March 28, 2010 at 2:28

    So how many teabaggers showed up at Harry Reid’s hometown? a thousand? And how many of them were from out of state?

    Jeebus.

    That’s less people than attended a My Blood Valentine concert in my hometown.

    Get a life, Teabaggars!

  239. Looch said,

    March 28, 2010 at 2:37

    Get a life, Teabaggars!

    I’ve seen a couple of news stories suggesting 5-7 thousand.

    But that doesn’t worry me much, cause even if you had a hundred thousand, the gross IQ of the gathering isn’t more than a shoe.

    “Joyce Bough, 64, of Bullhead City, Ariz., said she didn’t believe the news reports that tea party activist had directed racial epithets at black lawmakers. “They don’t have no true evidence of that,” she said.”

    That, right there, folks, would be true evidence.

  240. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 2:56

    On a happier note, I am listening to a new single by Devo on the local college radio station.

    WOOT!

  241. g said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:02

    “Joyce Bough, 64, of Bullhead City, Ariz., said she didn’t believe the news reports that tea party activist had directed racial epithets at black lawmakers. “They don’t have no true evidence of that,” she said.”

    Meaning….I thought we beat on that dude with the camera so he wouldn’t hear us sayin’ “nigger.”

  242. kate said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:25

    ““They don’t have no true evidence of that,” she said.”

    As opposed to the untrue evidence that Fox News churns out to those morons 24-7 I guess.

    When Glenn Beck speaketh, evidence lays down in surrender to the Tea Beggar’s power.

  243. Esteev said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:29

    I am, after all, a youngish, tattooed, childless Subaru driver. I pretty much have “liberal” written all over me.

    You are so hot, T&U. And I mean that in the least sexist, most noble way. Subarus really get me going.* LoL!

    *because we are infested with a Troofie, I assume jokes of this calibre need explaining. Subaru makes automobiles which help you “go” places. But, because I said T&U was hot, the phrase “really gets me going” has two meanings; unlike “Don’t retreat, RELOAD”. Hope this helped your headache, Freedomlover.

  244. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:32

    I think I’m going to start putting “PBoF” after the names of any idiot media guano-faucets, sort of like what teh mooselimbs do for the prophet.

    David Brooks (PBoF) has a new article up. and so forth.

    Also, N__B,

    I don’t know if ( | ) is best for poop. Perhaps ( ! ) or ( ; ) or ( ¿ ). I’d say ( ¡ ) but it’s getting a little close to goatse.

  245. tigris said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:32

    How did the teabaggers know the egg-tossers were Harry Reid fans? Did they have “We love it when it’s Harry!” t-shirts, or did they spontaneously swear their eternal fealty to Senator Reid? Because frankly I don’t have no true evidence that he has any fans.

  246. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:33

    fywp, with a rake.

  247. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:40

    “PBoF” seems like it wants to append the names of the various drivel-dribblers. In parentheses. Say, like, “Those latest claims by Eric Cantor (PBoF) are such bullshit.” or “God damn, Mark Steyn (PBoF) is actually just an animated section of diseased colon.”

    Might be interesting.

  248. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:41

    How did the teabaggers know the egg-tossers were Harry Reid fans?

    They were organic duck eggs, the most “eleitest” eggs of all!

  249. tigris said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:47

    REAL liberals would have partnered with free ducks to dive bomb the nutsacksuckers, not STOLEN eggs from ENSLAVED ducks.

  250. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:49

    N__B, I think ( | ) can be improved upon as a poopicon. ( ! ) and ( ; ) seem closer, but ( ¡ ) sort of wins regardless of the resemblance to g04tse.

  251. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:50

    …not STOLEN eggs from ENSLAVED ducks.

    They stole the eggs through punitive taxation, enslaving the freedomy ducks in that socialest manner.

  252. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:52

    N__B, I think ( | ) can be improved upon as a poopicon. ( ! ) and ( ; ) seem closer, but ( ¡ ) sort of wins regardless of the resemblance to g04tse.

    let’s see if wfp is okay without the bolding. It looks better with the bold.

    Rassafrassagumbudgiebumbuggerybugbummer

  253. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:53

    Eggs are theft?

  254. Lurking Canadian said,

    March 28, 2010 at 3:59

    Can somebody explain the Subaru thing to me? Is there something fundamentally leftist about reliable CUVs with all wheel drive?

  255. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:07

    Can somebody explain the Subaru thing to me?

    New to me too – here in Salt Lake City they’re seen as a skier thing, esp. the 4wd Subaru wagons. There’s sort of a skier -> outdoorsperson -> environmentalist -> librul association, but it’s not all that strong, I’d have thunk.

  256. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:11

    Eggs are theft?

    Damn white they are, no yolk. This shell not stand!

  257. El Cid said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:17

    Is there something fundamentally leftist about reliable CUVs with all wheel drive?

    No. They just first became disproportionately (compared to the general U.S. vehicle marketplace) among people who were stereotypically (and quite often accurately predictably) liberal.

    I.e., Northeastern and Western outdoors types looking for smaller, more efficient vehicles and not interested in large trucks and SUV’s.

    Like Volvos, they also quickly proliferated among outdoorsy professionals and academics.

  258. Esteev said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:18

    Facts are theft too, also.

  259. Snorghagen said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:27

    This is almost a week old, but I just now came across it.

    Dimwitted Missouri Congressman Todd Akin, trying to rouse the teabaggers:
    I do not believe that the majority of Americans will submit passively to the gold chains of socialism.

    Submit, Fool!

  260. Snorghagen said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:28

    Arrrgh! FYWP.

  261. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:35

    I’d drive a Subaru but people would just think I was a butch lesbian. It’s the man tits.

  262. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:35

    I’m going to regret this, but…

    There must be an emoticon for “my bum is warm.”

    %===> ( | )

  263. tigris said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:36

    Eggs are theft?

    Yes, but they’re also abortions, so there’s good and bad. The best way to be a righteous liberal who can spit on heartland patriots is to make sure the duck consents.

  264. Looch said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:38

    New England is crawling with Subies. With good snow tires they go through most anything. And there are tons of mechanics who fix ‘em. Yeah, like Volvos, but smaller and all-wheel.

    Republicans with similar needs still drive larger vehicles, SUVs and extended pick-up trucks. More room, yeah, but same all-wheel drive but with the added advantage of greater risk of roll-over and high gas consumption.

    So: Subie gets you through the snow safer and cheaper. It’s smarter.

    The math is simple here.

  265. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:43

    Eggs are theft?

    Yes, but they’re also abortions, so there’s good and bad.

    The way to double down on the duck abortions is to cosume a balut.

    Link is not for the squeamish.

  266. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:48

    I have to come up with a neologism for “cosume” to cover up my dumbass typo.

  267. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:49

    I have to come up with a neologism for “cosume” to cover up my dumbass typo.

    Julia Child cosplay.

  268. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:50

    Hey, are any of you other regulars in the midst of a drug-fueled orgy? Let’s just say theme nights at bowling alleys have gone pro.

  269. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:51

    Hey, are any of you other regulars in the midst of a drug-fueled orgy?

    I’m flying on three different decongestants. Does that count?

  270. justme said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:52

    The way to double down on the duck abortions is to cosume a balut.

    I thought Goldman already consumed the whole thing and gave it out as bonuses.

  271. El Cid said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:54

    Facts are theft too, also.

    Facts are more than theft. Facts are enemy. Facts are cold mildewed water on a passionate conservative fire. Facts are the nail that sticks in the retread tire you bought. Facts are the bus that’s blocking your getaway car’s escape. Facts are the weak construction of the thumbnail you put in someone’s seat, but instead of having a punctured rear they now just think you’re a douche. Facts are the expired Sears tire coupon you thought you could pass off as current.

  272. tigris said,

    March 28, 2010 at 4:56

    The way to double down on the duck abortions is to cosume a balut.

    I happen to KNOW that is not a type of mango so no thankyew on the linky-poo.

    Hey, are any of you other regulars in the midst of a drug-fueled orgy?

    Not drug-fueled.

  273. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:04

    Let’s just say theme nights at bowling alleys have gone pro.

    Pin-setter… heh heh…

  274. kate said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:04

    “Hey, are any of you other regulars in the midst of a drug-fueled orgy?”

    I don’t know what qualifies one as a regular around here, but hey, thought I’d add. I had two Lortabs a couple hours ago and two codeine/Tylenols for a leg injury that I don’t feel right now.

    As for sex, no one is around but me and I’m really not putting out the vibes to be interested in myself right now.

  275. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:05

    Julia Child cosplay.

    Dressing up as a consomme?

  276. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:06

    Dressing up as a consomme?

    I was thinking more of consuming.

  277. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:07

    As for sex, no one is around but me and I’m really not putting out the vibes to be interested in myself right now.

    If you are youngish, tattooed, childless, and drive a Subaru, there’s some dude on Long Island who’d go for you in a heartbeat.

  278. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:12

    “Cosume” is when a Japanese couple from Shinjuku share a frozen yogurt.

    I dig tattoos on women a lot — maybe not as much as Jesse James, but then, who does? However, my wife won’t be getting any, because she gets shots in her eyeballs. So she has this weird relationship with needles.

    Is it wrong I just got a boner?

  279. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:13

    Is it wrong I just got a boner?

    What, as change for two fives?

  280. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:15

    “If you are youngish, tattooed, childless, and drive a Subaru, there’s some dude on Long Island who’d go for you in a heartbeat. [If you don’t mind the lack of hair and depending on what B4 means by big that could be a plus or minus}

  281. kate said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:18

    No, no, no and yes it could go either way.

  282. kate said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:19

    Like I said, I don’t even interest myself, so what does that tell you?

  283. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:20

    “Facts are theft too, also.”

    Facts are elitist tools of the communist conspiracy. The baby Jesus and real Americans don’t need no facts. Sarah Palin also.

  284. Esteev said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:21

    If you are youngish, tattooed, childless, and drive a Subaru, there’s some dude on Long Island who’d go for you in a heartbeat

    Hey! That’s me! And I’m always down to help. I’m a humanitarian.

  285. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:23

    I have been trying to form an indifference support group Kate and I would ask you to join but meh, I don’t care enough.

  286. Esteev said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:24

    Like I said, I don’t even interest myself, so what does that tell you?

    It tells me you need another beer/joint.

  287. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:26

    [If you don’t mind the lack of hair and depending on what B4 means by big that could be a plus or minus}

    I’m a mainlander… from the City of Y_____.

  288. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:27

    When I was a kid, I had an ancient upright typewriter that was my pride and joy. On this instrument, I wrote a report in which I substituted “farts” for “facts.” The keyboard was quite steep, and the “R” was directly above the “C,” so it was a plausible mistake. Unfortunately, the sentence I’d intended to write was “detectives sniff out the facts and find out who did it.”

    I’m a professional writer now.

  289. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:28

    Sorry, am I butting in on something?

  290. Esteev said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:40

    Sorry, am I butting in on something?

    Poor word choice.

  291. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:41

    Spengler, I am trying to have a serious discussion about indifference but I guess no one cares.

  292. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:45

    B4, has anything good ever come out of Yonkers? It is the gateway to Flushing Meadows I beleive or is that White Plains?

  293. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:48

    Esteev, no piece of wordplay, no matter how subtle, escapes you. That’s why the chicks won’t write you back. They can tell you’re thinking, always thinking. That scares a lot of people, especially the college-age party girls that spend all day working on their quadriceps muscles and all night learning how to do circular breathing, if you follow my meaning. It’s why I got “STOGIES” tattooed on my chest.

    Gocart, remember that time we tried to set up a meeting for Apathetics Anonymous and nobody showed up?

  294. Tacitus Voltaire said,

    March 28, 2010 at 5:53

    cecil b demilk presentiments

    THE TEN VAGUE SPECULATIONS

    filmed in digestivision

    Soon In A Theatre All Too Near To You

  295. Esteev said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:15

    THE TEN VAGUE SPECULATIONS

    It was overacted.

  296. N__B said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:21

    It is the gateway to Flushing Meadows I beleive or is that White Plains?

    In a non-euclidean universe, either. In our boring, parallel-lines-never-meet reality, neither.

  297. Jennifer said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:29

    I have been trying to form an indifference support group Kate and I would ask you to join but meh, I don’t care enough.

    I tried to put together a help group for the organizationally impaired, but no one could get their shit together for long enough to schedule a meeting.

  298. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:38

    My religion of choice favors strict adherence to these vague speculations. Don’t knock them or something will happen to you. I am not sure what, but something. Consider this a warning. As our prophet Meh the Indecisive said “So it is written, so shall something happen.”

  299. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:40

    So it is written…

    On the back of a receipt – you know, from that one place – it’s around here somewhere… meh, wevs.

  300. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:43

    I tried to form a snark anonymous group but everyone thought I was joking.

  301. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:44

    I tried to form Incognito Anonymous but nobody knew whether they were in it or not.

  302. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:45

    I want to gather all the smart wingnuts in the world for a gathering of sorts but I kind find the guys phone number.

  303. gocart mozart said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:47

    “The guy’s phone number” “Guys” imply there would be more than one which would be silly.

  304. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

    March 28, 2010 at 6:50

    “Guys” imply there would be more than one which would be silly.

    I’m afraid there aren’t even that many. He died right around the time Nixon won.

  305. Spengler Dampniche said,

    March 28, 2010 at 8:40

    Nixon won? That explains everything.

  306. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 28, 2010 at 9:01

    mangoes
    ~

  307. kate said,

    March 28, 2010 at 9:20

    “I have been trying to form an indifference support group Kate and I would ask you to join but meh, I don’t care enough.”

    yeah, I just came back here after organizing my favorite blog bookmarks and catching up on all their blog posts while also finishing up my tax records, because like I give a shit about having my fav blogs right at my fingertips and my taxes?

    Meh, they’ll get done.

    anyway everyone is asleep now,

    so whatever.

  308. gainsayer said,

    March 28, 2010 at 10:01

    has anything good ever come out of Yonkers?

    Mary J. Blige, but I don’t think she’s particularly proud of that either.

  309. owlbear1 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 11:18

    The second experiment—the first long-term study of the effects of high-fructose corn syrup consumption on obesity in lab animals—monitored weight gain, body fat, and triglyceride levels in rats with access to high-fructose corn syrup over a period of six months.

    http://futurity.org/top-stories/corn-syrup%E2%80%99s-big-fat-secret/

    How long has this shit been fed to humans? 20 to 30 years now?

  310. actor212 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 12:41

    an out-of-nowhere story about his recent pool party with Mickey Kaus and Eugene Volokh!

    I made a discovery: breakfast does not taste quite as good when tasted the second time.

  311. actor212 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 12:41

    has anything good ever come out of Yonkers?

    The Raceway?

  312. actor212 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 12:44

    If you are youngish, tattooed, childless, and drive a Subaru, there’s some dude on Long Island who’d go for you in a heartbeat.

    I appreciate you pandering on my behalf, but didn’t you see the last two chicks I dated? No tattoos.

    Piercings, yes.

    And Subarus are too small…

  313. actor212 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 12:46

    ethologists will note here that the male, known as a mattwelch, is exibiting the flehmen reaction to the female altmouse

    Which might be true if not for the fact that Althouse has drunk herself right into menopause.

    Or maybe men-I’ll-pause.

  314. actor212 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 12:49

    nursing a squirrel

    i am certain that this must be a code phrase of some kind that i have completely missed

    You know, blouse bandits.

  315. actor212 said,

    March 28, 2010 at 12:52

    Look, it’s the “experts” that drove our country into the ditch, those with “experience”.

    Yes, I recall: the “adults” who took over in 2001. You know…conservatives.

  316. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    March 28, 2010 at 16:23

    Y’all are saucy!

    As far as the Subie thing, it’s a dead giveaway that you’re a liberal around here. I might as well be driving a hybrid. When we were driving to Texas and around Houston, I think we saw, like, one Subaru the entire time. If people want something that does well in the 2 inches of snow and nasty sleet we get during the winter, they drive an SUV. I guess people are anti-decent gas mileage and cute zippiness around here.

  317. actor212 said,

    March 29, 2010 at 15:45

    As far as the Subie thing, it’s a dead giveaway that you’re a liberal around here.

    I associate Subarus with flannel shirts, work boots, horn rimmed glasses, short hair cuts and square cut jeans.

    And that’s just the women.

  318. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    March 31, 2010 at 19:28

    AHEM.

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