20
Thank God Rob Didn’t Find A Copy of The Koran (UPDATED)
Rob Port, owner of the aptly named “Say Anything” blog, was allowed a few days off from stocking the galoshes shelf at the Home of Economy in Minot, North, Dakota, to come to Washington to attend CPAC with all the other kewl konservative kids.
Not having been more than about 100 miles from Minot before (and that was to go to the State Fair to scarf down a few fried Snickers bars), Rob thought he should do a little sight-seeing in the Nation’s Capital.
So he hit upon the idea of bravely visiting the lair of the enemy — or what you and I would call the White House.
During that tour Rob found himself in the White House library:
Now, according out [sic] the person who guided our tour, the library is stock [sic] with books picked out by the First Lady, Michelle Obama. Being a bit of a bibliophile,1 I started to peruse some of the books on the shelves…and lookie, lookie what I found.
By itself, this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But … In the context of Obama’s economic policies?
Well, I’ll let you make your own call.
Now granted that this was the first time Rob had probably ever been in any kind of library, much less one in a home, so he might not have understood that having a book on the history of socialism on a shelf doesn’t make the owner a socialist anymore than a copy of The Two Towers would make him a hobbit.
But not surprisingly, this isn’t the end of the story on this discovery by Mr. Rob “if you can find cheaper galoshes at WalMart I’ll refund the difference” Port. The perpetrator behind the vile socialist tome in the White House wasn’t Michelle Obama but an even more radical and dangerous socialist — that pinko Jackie Kennedy, who put the volume in the White House library way back in 1963.
Well, muses Port, after discovering his error, there’s always the Mao Christmas ornament as definitive proof that Obama is a socialist. And don’t forget all the other “red” ornaments on the tree.
[h/t Tbogg]
UPDATE: Well, guess who just piped up? Why, the White House sleuther himself, Mr. Rob Port. He chides us for targeting him for our “special brand of hatred for diversity in thought.” Okay, Rob, our gig is up. We admit it. Sadly, No! is intolerant of stupidity and our notion of diversity of thought doesn’t include teh stupid. We’ll just close up shop now.
But Rob’s not done with us and points out some grievous factual errors in our post. First, the state fair is in Minot so he didn’t have to drive 100 miles to visit the fried Snickers booth. And he’s no longer employed at the Home of Economy. He doesn’t tell us his current job but the Great Gazoogle did. He’s now a private detective. No shit, Sherlock. Well, based on his sleuthing skills in this post, caveat fucking emptor.
1 Uh huh. Right. And I’m an expert on string theory and a world-class figure skater.
El Cid said,
February 20, 2010 at 20:56
I don’t see why books should be allowed in the White House in the first place. All them words ain’t gonna do nothing but confuse somebody any how, and you don’t need no damn book learnin’ to make President type decisions no way.
Monkey Child of the Dragon King said,
February 20, 2010 at 20:58
“A bit of a bibliophile” abeeba abeeba abeeba a bib of a booby a pile of a poopy aboobie aboobie aboobie…whir…fzzt…pow! clunk.
Stephen said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:02
The Obamas read about history? This is worse than we thought. Clearly we need to impeach this bastion of evil and replace him with someone who doesn’t expose himself to any un-American ideas whatsoever.
But where could we find such a person? Hmmmmmmm…
Jacob Singer said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:03
I’m thinking Rob Port could pass for a hobbit fairly easily.
El Cid said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:04
No wonder SouthWest airlines kicked him out of his seat.
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:07
So, we’re supposed to get in a panic about a book written about the American Socialist Movement of… 1897-1912.
Now, this may just be me speaking here, but I would imagine that book would be terribly out of date for basing economic policies. I mean, shit, 1912 isn’t even going to invoke the Bolsheviks.
Esteev said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:08
He is a bit of a “bibliophile” as in he scours the web for young books to abuse… sexually.
N__B said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:13
having a book on the history of socialism on a shelf doesn’t make the owner a socialist anymore than a copy of The Two Towers would make him a hobbit.
Isn’t Rob worried that his copies of Penthouse will make him a blond with implants?
tigrismus said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:16
By itself, this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But … In the context of Obama’s economic policies?
Wait, when did the big O outlaw private ownership of the means of production? Dangit, I take ONE LITTLE NAP and I miss everything.
Esteev said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:19
“I’m not saying Obama is an octogenarian but I did find a Reader’s Digest in his bathroom.” -Rob “Yes, that’s in stock” Port
Galactic Dustbin said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:28
He is TOO “A bit of a bibliophile”, his basement is not filled with Archie comics- they are graphic NOVELS damnit!!
tigrismus said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:34
Is his bibliophilia the kind that causes paper cuts on the naughty bits?
Esteev said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:40
Is his bibliophilia the kind that causes paper cuts on the naughty bits?
His bibliophilia has been cleared up with a little penicillin.
J— said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:42
Look what Reagan took into the White House Library.
Tommykey said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:45
Does he really have a picture of K-Lo on his wall? If so, that’s probably the most disturbing thing about him.
commie atheist said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:46
The first rule of Communist Book Club is to never talk about Communist Book Club.
Esteev said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:49
The first rule of Communist Book Club is to never talk about Communist Book Club.
The second rule of Communist Book Club is to not read books about ideologies you disagree with — so you don’t know anything about what you don’t agree with.
commie atheist said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:53
Rob Port, owner of the aptly named “Say Anything” blog, was allowed a few days off from stocking the galoshes shelf at the Home of Economy in Minot, North, Dakota
That’s clearly a liberal lie, you lying liberal. He’s the manager of that store, which means he tells other people to stock the galoshes shelf, and yells at them when they take extra-long breaks. Get your facts straight, lefty losers.
g said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:56
Well, sure, of COURSE the Obamas would use the History of American Socialism from 1897 to 1932 as a guide for their plans to change America!
Starting with that new-flangled horseless carriage industry!
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:58
His photo appears to lend credence to the theory that he types his blog with one hand.
Well, what wingnut or ‘pig wouldn’t, what with that gorgeous picture of K-Load looking down on him?
bondwooley said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:01
OMG!!! Books in the White House! That could poison a presidential mind. This is the last straw. I’m moving to Canada:
http://bit.ly/ahQTbl
(satire)
Lesley said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:03
Being a bit of a bibliophile…
He read My Pet Goat, too???
commie atheist said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:06
Well, muses Port, after discovering his error, there’s always the Mao Christmas ornament as definitive proof that Obama is a socialist. And don’t forget all the other “red” ornaments on the tree.
And, of course, Andrew Not-so-Breitbart, Mark (Human) Steyn, and Jim (not Susannah) Hoft were all over that phoney baloney story like flies on shit.
The modern-day Conservative Movement:
1) throw shit against wall
2) see if any sticks
4) if nothing sticks, repeat step 1
4) Profit!
owlbear1 said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:10
Being a bit of a bibliophile,…
Rob, what you do to your books doesn’t mean what you think it means.
S. cerevisiae said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:10
I automatically become a follower of any viewpoint of anything I read – don’t you?
J— said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:17
and a world-class figure skater
Talk to President Saakashvili of Georgia. He’ll hook you up.
Vacuumslayer said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:18
Is that the guy who got kicked off the airplane?
commie atheist said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:29
Is that the guy who got kicked off the airplane?
One can only wish that he would emulate Silent Bob and keep his fucking mouth shut.
Steerpike said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:31
The least they could have done was to wait until the plan took off
Dorothy said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:41
The modern-day Conservative Movement:
1) throw shit against wall
2) see if any sticks
3) if nothing sticks,
claim that those damn leftists poured oil on the wall to prevent shit from sticking, and that this conspiracy against your shit PROVES that your shit is absolutely 100% TRUE!
And it doesn’t stink,either.
SED said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:46
what can i do but lurk. what more can be said than welcome to our fair city, where books are touched often.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:46
Well, what wingnut or ‘pig wouldn’t, what with that gorgeous picture of K-Load looking down on him?
That’s no picture- he actually lured her into the house with the promise of a cas
ke ofAmontilladoCheetos, and started walling her in, but then quit because he ran out of breath.Drocket said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:08
*Jackie Kennedy, who put the volume in the White House library way back in 1963.*
Oh my god, you’ve uncovered the REAL conspiracy here. We all that know, of course, Barack Obama was born in Kenya, then smuggled into the US with a forged birth certificate and fake newspaper articles announcing his birth were inserted into the newspaper archives. Now, though, we discover that the conspiracy goes even deeper.
Michelle Obama was born in 1964. This book clearly proves that the Kennedy family was involved in the birth of Michelle too! After JFK created Michelle in a top secret military lab to be a perfect wife for their future Manchurian president, Jackie Kennedy place this book in the White House library so that Michelle would find it when she became first lady 46 years later, thus activating the implanted programming that would cause the Obama’s to work for socialized medicine and destroy America!
It all makes perfect sense now!
KWillow said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:18
What I’d like to know is what books did Nancy Regan, Babs Bush and Laura Bush place in the library?
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:20
What I’d like to know is what books did Nancy Regan, Babs Bush and Laura Bush place in the library?
Nancy: Effective Blowjobs in 60 Seconds
Babs: My Beautiful Mind and The Dusky Folk
Laura: How to Kill Your Boyfriend
KWillow said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:27
Do you think the White House Library has a shelf dedicated to all the Conservative Books written in the last 20 years? “Liberal Fascism” “Treason” “Going Roque” and don’t forget the Masterpieces by O’Really and Libbbbby. Porn in the WH!
FelixMoronia said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:38
CA, I believe your four points got defined the other day as “Clownsourcing”.
“Clownsourcing” needs to spread through all these here tubes like, like a virus!
actor212 said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:46
I think he thinks “bibliophile” means someone who keeps a dog-eared copy of Penthouse in his bathroom.
actor212 said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:48
stocking the galoshes shelf at the Home of Economy in Minot, North, Dakota
I got off the boat. *blush*
Did someone find my leg in a gator’s mouth? I really need that kneecap.
MarkusR said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:49
In the context of total absolute paranoia that Obama is a closet marxist, yes, the book is a “revelation.”
vacuumslayer said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:55
“What I’d like to know is what books did Nancy Regan, Babs Bush and Laura Bush place in the library?”
Tasteful erotica for women. Duh!
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:59
OT, but barf-worthy. They just had Trike Force Erik and K-Load on NPR, free to lie (which they did with not a pause) and being given softball questions.
Remind me again why I stopped giving a penny to them several years ago, or why ANYBODY in their right mind would think the media is “Liberal”?
PS: I asked only about people in their right mind, so don’t use wingnuts or ‘pigs as an example.
actor212 said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:59
What I’d like to know is what books did Nancy Regan, Babs Bush and Laura Bush place in the library?
1) Better Homes And Gardens (also, “Frank Sinatra’s Cock”, but that’s not really a book)
2) Medicare For Dummies
3) Well, he wasn’t exactly a book, but he was a thick as a dictionary.
Rusty Shackleford said,
February 20, 2010 at 23:59
The Home of Economy’s website is… lacking. Apparently Minot is in Grand Forks, and none of their departments stock any products.
vacuumslayer said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:00
“No wonder SouthWest airlines kicked him out of his seat.”
Well, crap. Thought I’d made the joke first. That’ll teach me not to read thru the thread.
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:04
I got off the boat. *blush*
Careful when you do this. Zonealarm tells me that that perverse website tries to make it start serving, and cports tells me there is some kind of connection attempt from facebook. I’m guessing here, but it looks like he has some script in place for all unwitting visitors (Noscript didn’t report anything, however)
Ever since I found out a lot of the nutjob/’pig websites place intrusive tracking cookies on your computer, I’ve been even more loath to get off the boat. The Occams Razor answer to why they do this is to have verified click numbers to make dough. So, YA reason to avoid getting off the boat – you’re giving involuntary wingnut welfare to the bozos every time you visit.
actor212 said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:12
Apparently Minot is in Grand Forks, and none of their departments stock any products.
Well, that explains how he managed to get time off to go to CPAC
actor212 said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:14
Repig,
Fortunately, my ISP shunts all their traffic thru a few central offices in the city and somehow, no matter where I log in from, it shows me in Brooklyn.
I know this, because some FReeper thought he’d scare me by describing my “neighborhood”. When he finished his description, I casually mentioned that area is zoned for warehouses and that I don’t live near the loading cranes for the cargo ships.
Wyatt Watts III said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:18
Rob Pork– I mean, “Port”–misses the real story here. Two books to the right is Roy F. Nichols’ The Invention of the American Political Parties,” published in 1967.
Nichols was also the author of Franklin Pierce: Young Hickory of the Granite Hills.
Benjamin Franklin Pierce AKA “Hawkeye” was the character portrayed by Alan Alda in the tv show M*A*S*H and Donald Sutherland in the film. Alda is a pinko liberal and Sutherland is Canadian.
Why is Michelle Obama (or Jackie Kennedy or whoever) stocking the White House bookshelves with books that remind us of Hollywood liberals and Canadians?
Wyatt Watts III said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:19
Also, Alan Alda was in the movie Canadian Bacon with John Candy.
John Candy was in the film Planes, Trains, and Automobiles with… Kevin Bacon.
actor212 said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:22
Damn. Why do I suddenly feel like a bacon cheeseburger?
bay of arizona said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:25
From what I heard, the author of that book is a strong anti-communist and writes the history from that perspective.
sj said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:28
Somebody referenced “Liberal Fascism” above. Wouldn’t reading that make you into a “Liberal Fascist”?
El Cid said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:43
Having read through sections of the book in question in Google Books, I may now buy a used copy.
kth said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:47
He’s a something-phile, that much is fairly likely.
swing stater said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:47
It doesn’t matter what books are in the White House library or who put them there, Obama is a socialist.
Tom M said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:57
It doesn’t matter what books are in the White House library or who put them there, Obama is a socialist.
Well. that’s settled, then. You have no idea what a socialist is, nor a “lefty” nor….oh, man, this is going to be a long list.
Esther said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:05
No wonder SouthWest airlines kicked him out of his seat.
el cid ftw
El Cid said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:08
Anybody so damn fixated on “ideas” and words and lists and shit is a damn socialist anyway and shouldn’t oughtta be runnin’ they mouth so damn much.
boy with a problem said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:13
Isn’t Rob worried that his copies of Penthouse will make him a blond with implants
His friends say he’s a dumb blonde/But they don’t know he dyes his hair
boy with a problem said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:32
hey, so long al haig, and thanks for all the nothin’.
well, thanks for providing that one sublimely awkward moment for ghwb. that was fun.
Mr. Wonderful said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:41
His “I’ll let you make your own call.” is the closing line of the wingnut standard essay form, for which the opening is “Isn’t it interesting that…”
N__B said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:48
I know this, because some FReeper thought he’d scare me by describing my “neighborhood”. When he finished his description, I casually mentioned that area is zoned for warehouses and that I don’t live near the loading cranes for the cargo ships.
But think of your reputation for toughness if people think you live in Red Hook.
boy with a problem said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:54
Red Hook is tough indeed. Robert Suydam, a lettered recluse of ancient Dutch family, possessed originally of barely independent means, and inhabiting the spacious but ill-preserved mansion which his grandfather had built in Flatbush, was a total badass.
Pope Bandar bin Turtle said,
February 21, 2010 at 1:55
Esteev said,
February 20, 2010 at 21:08
He is a bit of a “bibliophile” as in he scours the web for young books to abuse… sexually.
Dang it, you beat me to it!
Gary Ruppert said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:07
The fact is, isn’t it interesting that you liberals are always stupid marxist poopheads? I’ll let you make the call.
herrnaphta said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:08
Fortunately, Ira Kipnis’ classic book is now back in print, thanks to the good folks at Haymarket Books. A history of the Socialist Party at its peak, when it received over a million votes, this kind of thing might be useful reading for those of us trying to build an alternative political movement today…
Gary Ruppert said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:09
The fact is, socialism is really bad and it is what Obama is. It is worse than Hitler.
The Tragically Flip said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:11
swing stater said,
February 21, 2010 at 0:47
It doesn’t matter what books are in the White House library or who put them there, Obama is a socialist.
Boy, there’s a persuadable vote the Democrats have lost. Let me guess, you think the “Democrat Party” needs to get back to its Zell Miller roots so it can win over upper middle class white males like yourself?
vacuumslayer said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:22
Does anyone else think Gary Ruppert is actually Gary Ruprecht… and that he has to keep the cork on the fork at all times?
N__B said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:26
Robert Suydam, a lettered recluse of ancient Dutch family, possessed originally of barely independent means, and inhabiting the spacious but ill-preserved mansion which his grandfather had built in Flatbush, was a total badass.
Fucking A bubba.
Andy said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:51
Violin violence
This Gary Ruprecht?:
“PLYMOUTH – Police accused a local man of hitting his daughter with a violin last weekend.
Gary Ruprecht, 47, of 4 McClellan Drive, was charged Sunday with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and assault and battery in connection with the domestic disturbance at his home.
Police said Ruprecht was fighting with his wife Saturday when their daughter intervened and got hit in the head with the violin. No serious injuries were reported.”
At least it wasn’t a piano…
Tacitus Voltaire said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:53
a lettered recluse
a cluttered lettuce?
a reflected excuse ?
a recused eclectic?
Mari said,
February 21, 2010 at 2:59
It’s time for everybody to take a stand against domestic assault and violins.
Elephant Butte said,
February 21, 2010 at 3:21
Next assault on a Federal Office will be with a fiddle. They got no ideas of their own.
de stijl said,
February 21, 2010 at 3:54
Why does a hobbit have a picture of an uruk-hai on his wall?
Sheesh said,
February 21, 2010 at 4:02
*sniff sniff*
Manflesh.
Shell Goddamnit said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:04
Wait, when did the big O outlaw private ownership of the means of production? Dangit, I take ONE LITTLE NAP and I miss everything.
In the midst of all this FRESH HELL, this made me smile. Tanks!
Shell Goddamnit said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:05
fuckin html italics fail…sorry, sorry, sheesh, this nefer appens
gocart mozart said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:12
I have a question. There is a bottle of Captain Morgan in my pantry left by a prior tenent who had to leave in haste the details of which would be better left unstated. Does this make me a pirate and if so, what can I do to rectify this situation?
gocart mozart said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:14
Specifically, should I be worried about any possible violations of piracy law?
77south said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:15
Roll with it. Get an eyepatch and a boat and work it for all its worth.
tigrismus said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:19
I believe it has been unequivocally proven that only an increase in piracy can save us from climate change.
Spiny Norman said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:22
Rob : Bibliophile :: Limbaugh : Coprophile.
Sheesh said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:22
Damnit, Tig beat me to the joke I wanted to make!!
Spiny Norman said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:23
@ budding yeast:
“I automatically become a follower of any viewpoint of anything I read – don’t you?”
Now I do.
jim said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:27
UH oh … I’ve got both the Bhagavad-Gita & the King James Bible … so I guess now I’m going to have to start riding a war-chariot & having doubts about my martial prowess while building an ark & circumsizing myself.
Help me, Lord Shiva of Nazareth!
What I’d like to know is what books did Nancy Regan, Babs Bush and Laura Bush place in the library?
1-”Maldoror” 2 -”The Necronomicon” 3 -”Crash”
Ever since I found out a lot of the nutjob/’pig websites place intrusive tracking cookies on your computer, I’ve been even more loath to get off the boat.
Amen … & as much as I enjoy trolling these dickweeds, it’s rather irksome that I continue to get “American Spectator” junk e-mails (I just deleted yet another one, complete with hyperbolic encomium from Mann Coulter stating that their inability to get a Pulitzer is a primary selling-point for them). Sucking up to me to support a wingnut website is about as sensible as ACT-UP trying to fundraise from the Hell’s Angels.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:32
Well, crap. Thought I’d made the joke first.
Jonah would never get kicked out of a plane with so many vegetables in it.
de stijl said,
February 21, 2010 at 5:52
Specifically, should I be worried about any possible violations of piracy law?
Maybe you should be more worried about ninjas.
purvis ames said,
February 21, 2010 at 6:01
Burn all the books, I say! And the White (wink, wink) House boy with it!!
purvis ames said,
February 21, 2010 at 6:08
Straight from Rob:
Grant me the serenity to ignore the trolls,
the courage to debate with honest opponents,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I don’t know exactly who he’s talking to but it just might be Jeebus!
KWillow said,
February 21, 2010 at 6:16
Perhaps he’s praying to K-Lo?
KWillow said,
February 21, 2010 at 6:18
. . . I don’t see any lighted candles under her photograph, but he may have eated them. Mmmmmm . . . candles . . .
Dan Someone said,
February 21, 2010 at 7:04
Just remember, ninjas can’t catch you if you’re on fire.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 21, 2010 at 7:18
UH oh … I’ve got both the Bhagavad-Gita & the King James Bible … so I guess now I’m going to have to start riding a war-chariot & having doubts about my martial prowess while building an ark & circumsizing myself.
Nah, you should write a Dan Brown-esque conspiracy-thriller riffing off the work of this guy.
Smut Clyde said,
February 21, 2010 at 8:39
BwaP cited Lovecraft back at 1.54 and still no response from BBBB. Shame, shame, shame again pleash barman.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 21, 2010 at 9:15
BwaP cited Lovecraft back at 1.54 and still no response from BBBB. Shame, shame, shame again pleash barman
In my defense, I now associate Red Hook with delicious spleen sandwiches- in other words, the “Horror of Red Hook” is delicious.
I’d add a link for “spleen sandwiches”, but I’ve done that at least twice.
Boney Baloney said,
February 21, 2010 at 10:00
Weak. The original post, not the usual grab-ass: weak. This is an example of the difference between reading, admitting reading, and recommending.
“I went to that URL and there was a picture of a guy wearing USB cans-with-microphone. And an action zoom of a book. CPAC transmits cooties! And I thought Seanbaby dropped off the grid after that, thing, with the, you know.”
“I have no knowledge of that, Senator. Heh heh. Um. I don’t know what’s up with Seanbaby, actuallly, I kind of assume people are dead after a while, you know how it is.”
“Yeah, but who else does Photoshops with Marvel exclamation balloons? Remember how he used to do the thing with the screen caps? The Superfriends with MST3K captions? That was the shit! …Yeah, so, I hit page-down twice and fell asleep. Life’s too short for cover bands, so, what’s the Sad Negativity house position, Michael Moore, fat or really fat?”
“I didn’t actually suggest reading it, I just referred to it. — Oh shit, a giant armadillo! Let’s scatter!”
N.C. said,
February 21, 2010 at 10:36
I’m … huh. What?
Boney Baloney said,
February 21, 2010 at 10:46
OMFG! EEEK! YIKES!
Yeah, I’m confused as well. Leering beardo wearing a headset at the top of the post? Duh… what? Sounds like crazy talk to me, too. But not, I suspect, for the same reason.
Anyone aware of all Internet traditions who can’t I.D. Seanbaby without hitting Google has a very small penis, I’m sorry to say. That includes the ladies.
Smut Clyde said,
February 21, 2010 at 12:37
Now that things are evidently OT –
I have only just been appraised of the fact that Pere Ubu are touring. Are they coming to NZ? Are they bogroll.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 21, 2010 at 12:59
I have only just been appraised of the fact that Pere Ubu are touring. Are they coming to NZ? Are they bogroll.
Poor boy, do you believe in chance?
actor212 said,
February 21, 2010 at 13:18
But think of your reputation for toughness if people think you live in Red Hook.
I grew up in a tougher neighborhood. The mobsters by me wore suits.
And Red Hook has actually gotten to be quiet pleasant. I ride my bike thru there pretty regularly. It’s gentrified. Except the projects, of course.
thomas said,
February 21, 2010 at 14:39
I feel it necessary to point out that he wouldn’t have to travel 100 miles from Minot to the North Dakota State Fair. The fair is in Minot. “The More You Know!”
lobbey said,
February 21, 2010 at 15:25
There is a bottle of Captain Morgan in my pantry left by a prior tenent who had to leave in haste the details of which would be better left unstated. Does this make me a pirate and if so, what can I do to rectify this situation?
Canadian dry ginger & agasturi (sp?) bitters….
kiki said,
February 21, 2010 at 15:58
The trouble with the axiom “know your enemy” is that it involves learning things, and it is NEVER GOOD to learn things.
tomcj said,
February 21, 2010 at 18:47
Nobody is funnier than the writers on this blog!!!! Direct quote:”so he might not have understood that having a book on the history of socialism on a shelf doesn’t make the owner a socialist anymore than a copy of The Two Towers would make him a hobbit.”
I have been laughing and sending that quote to people for an hour now.
I love this blog. Long may you run & let the readers find you, please!
Bitter Scribe said,
February 21, 2010 at 20:29
Wait, wait, wait. Someone is still selling galoshes?
Details and URL, please. I haven’t been able to find a pair in almost 10 years.
dirty fucking hippy said,
February 21, 2010 at 21:52
Judging from the above photograph of Rob, probably he has bigger things in mind for himself than being an investigator, such as a career as a wingnut media star. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t have much talent.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 21, 2010 at 22:32
He doesn’t tell us his current job but the Great Gazoogle did. He’s now a private detective. No shit, Sherlock. Well, based on his sleuthing skills in this post, caveat fucking emptor.
I see a great future for Mr. Pork.
digitusmedius said,
February 21, 2010 at 22:56
This goes a long way to explain why everything looks like teh socialism to right wing mooks. It would take having to read a book, or something like a book, maybe even an internet page with words on it, to learn what socialism really is. “Twill ever be thus.
deering said,
February 21, 2010 at 23:25
Well, someone has to pick up where James O’Keefe left off, no? And this will give Rob a chance to indulge his Sam Spade/Bruce Willis fantasies as well…
fish said,
February 21, 2010 at 23:42
Shit, I better get rid of my Nazi history books before I start going all “Heil Hitler” at my kid’s baseball games…
fish said,
February 21, 2010 at 23:50
Wait, the guy has a Thomas Jefferson poster over his bed?
Woodrowfan said,
February 22, 2010 at 3:09
judging from my books I either a) live in 1913 or b) live in Ankh-Morpork on the back of 4 elephants balanced on a ginat space turtle!
Thag Mandino said,
February 22, 2010 at 6:15
A bibliophile is someone who molests books, right?
Thag Mandino said,
February 22, 2010 at 6:18
Wait, there were other comments before mine?
A concerned citizen said,
February 22, 2010 at 9:07
Apparently this guy flunked out of North Dakota State University. That’s kind of impressive.
islmfaoscist said,
February 22, 2010 at 10:36
I saw it on wiki so it must be true: The word ‘galoshes’ originated from a style of Gaulish (i.e., French) boot. That’s right, a “Surrender Monkey” boot.
By itself, this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But in the context of Rob Starboard having failed to serve, so far as I am aware, in America’s military? In the context of the House of Economy having such an idiotic name?
In the context of Anne Coulter saying they were both wars?
Well, I’ll let you make your own call.
address my envelope, lips! said,
February 22, 2010 at 15:58
No, no, no, Nancy Reagan added Dianetics to the WH library, Babs Bush installed Searching for Whiteopia because she thought it was an atlas, and Laura B added the entire Ron L. Hubbard oeuvre because “he’s such a forward-thinking genius and brilliant writer, and I can’t believe Nancy left out Battlefield Earth, that slut”.
tsam said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:35
Now, this may just be me speaking here, but I would imagine that book would be terribly out of date for basing economic policies. I mean, shit, 1912 isn’t even going to invoke the Bolsheviks.
Ha! Now why would the movement’s end predating the Bolsheviks stop the wingnuts from invoking it in their quest to reveal the sleeper in the White (?) House? Somehow this all means FEMA camps and gun grabbing.
Rob Port said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:42
First, the state fair is in Minot so he didn’t have to drive 100 miles to visit the fried Snickers booth. And he’s no longer employed at the Home of Economy.
Busted libs! Yer all just mad n shit cuz I nailed the commie like bibliophiles are wont to do and whatnot.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:46
I’m a twenty-something guy was born in Alaska but now lives in North Dakota. I work as an investigator and spend most of my free time writing about politics.
He’s fathered children but is not married, too.
So lemme see…he’s an “investigator”…does this mean he drills holes in the girls’ bathroom at the local high school?
Meanwhile, he’s fathering children at an alarming rate, probably forcing the mother to live off the welfare (and oh by the way, North Dakota is the number one state for Federal speding per capita and it ain’t just defense spending!) while he skimps on his child support payments AND he’s fucking someone else besides his kid(s) mommy.
Way to go there, Mr K-Lo Wanna Be! Does she know you’re a fucking tramp?
tsam said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:46
Lesley said,
February 20, 2010 at 22:03
Being a bit of a bibliophile…
He read My Pet Goat, too???
Yeah, when he couldn’t handle all the words and stuff and no pictures in Animal Farm, he thought he’d tackle the classics instead.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:47
Apparently this guy flunked out of North Dakota State University.
He majored in goat fucking. How you screw that up is beyon–…ah, I see now.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:48
Wait, the guy has a Thomas Jefferson poster over his bed?
He has a purty mouf.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:49
feel it necessary to point out that he wouldn’t have to travel 100 miles from Minot to the North Dakota State Fair. The fair is in Minot.
Most of that distance is spent finding the fair. It’s rather…tiny…you see.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 16:51
Home of Economy
Y’know, this is probably the stupidest name for a store I can imagine. It’s like someone wanted to be the Home Depot but figured “Home Station” sounded like a gay bar.
Was there already a “House-o-Bargains” in Minot, ND????
tigrismus said,
February 22, 2010 at 17:19
Most of that distance is spent finding the fair. It’s rather…tiny…you see.
Just like his “fried Snickers bar.”
Oblio's Cap said,
February 22, 2010 at 17:21
And I’m an expert on string theory
Cool! Will you show me how to make a Cat’s Cradle?
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 17:23
And I’m an expert on string theory
BFD. So’s my cat.
Oblio's Cap said,
February 22, 2010 at 18:17
And I’m an expert on string theory
Most yo-yos are!
de stijl said,
February 22, 2010 at 22:11
I kind of like the name “Home Of Economy” – it has a Bioshock vibe to it.
It’s a circus of values!
Fester Addams said,
February 22, 2010 at 22:42
“Diversity in thought”, he says. That’s great! Rational and irrational, sane and insane, factual and fantasy, all living together in perfect harmony….
tsam said,
February 22, 2010 at 23:19
If da book don’t fit, you must just fucking QUIT, Rob.
Seriously. Please quit. Nobody likes you.
actor212 said,
February 22, 2010 at 23:32
I kind of like the name “Home Of Economy” – it has a Bioshock vibe to it.
You mean like in an “all your base are belong to us” kind of way?
Hm, yes, I suppose it works that way.
robotrevolution said,
February 23, 2010 at 18:50
Rob Port is a very, very silly person who knows full well there is nothing wrong with Michelle Obama stocking history books. After all, Port lives in ND, where we have several socialist institutions (state-owned bank, grain elevator, etc.).
Port likes to create controversy so he feels like a mover and a shaker. He only says the things he says for personal gain – there’s no emotion or truth behind his conservative facade.
robotrevolution said,
February 23, 2010 at 19:50
Oh, and cameras are not permitted during White House tours. If the library counts as part of the White House, Port broke da rules. That makes him no better than a socialist!