Jan
20

A Tale Of Two Newspapers




Posted at 22:20 by Tintin


ABOVE (left to right): Jonah Goldberg, David Brooks

Shorter Jonah “The Whale” Goldberg, The New York “There’s A Porch Monkey In The White House” Post
Haiti’s True Curse

  • The real problem in Haiti is that it’s populated by a bunch of lazy niggers, and if we just keep giving them money nothing will ever change.*

Shorter David Brooks, The New York Fucking Times, Fer Chrissake
The Underlying Tragedy

  • The real problem in Haiti is that it’s populated by a bunch of lazy niggers, and if we just keep giving them money nothing will ever change.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*Travis G. posted earlier a better shorter version of Jonah’s column.

60 Comments »

  1. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 20, 2010 at 22:31

    Couldn’t the NYT keep giving us news for free and charge for Brooks’ column?

  2. ice weasel said,

    January 20, 2010 at 22:35

    Once again, where’s that execrable WSJ op-ed saying the same thing?

  3. Marion in Savannah said,

    January 20, 2010 at 22:43

    Better the NYT should charge Bobo, MoDo and the Pasty Little Putz whose initials are RD for publishing their crap.

  4. Jody said,

    January 20, 2010 at 22:48

    I peeked in at the Brooks column, and to read him of all people prattle on about a ‘progress-resistant cultural influences’ was too much to bear.

  5. not a gator said,

    January 20, 2010 at 22:52

    Sick, sick, sick.

  6. Sophist said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:04

    The countries that have not received much aid, like China, have seen tremendous growth and tremendous poverty reductions. The countries that have received aid, like Haiti, have not.

    Shorter Bobo: This apple and this orange are totally the same thing, dude. Totally.

  7. D Johnston said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:08

    No. I already forced myself to read Jonah’s load, I am not reading the same bilge from BoBo Brooks. Just repeat everything I wrote in the last thread here.

  8. Anonymous said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:12

    Maybe they would be less ‘progress resistant’ if the US hadn’t kidnapped their elected progressive president and replaced him with an IMF-freindly neo-liberal sock puppet.

  9. D Johnston said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:13

    Okay, I lied. I read it.

    As Lawrence E. Harrison explained in his book “The Central Liberal Truth,” Haiti, like most of the world’s poorest nations, suffers from a complex web of progress-resistant cultural influences. There is the influence of the voodoo religion, which spreads the message that life is capricious and planning futile.

    Oh God. Because Bobo is such an expert on Vodun, having no doubt watched every terrible jungle magic grindhouse flick made since the 50′s. I think being entombed in the rubble of his own house is too good for Brooks.

  10. LittlePig said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:18

    I think being entombed in the rubble of his own house is too good for Brooks.

    It was like reading a tract from the White Citizen’s League in the 1950s. I knew Brooks was bad, but this column could get him elected Imperial Grand Dragon. Unbelievable, even giving the incredibly low bar.

    The Times should go ahead and change the column name to David BrooKKKs

  11. Dave in Virginia said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:28

    These people really believe that the Third-World poor are poor because they’re inferior and lazy.

    They really believe it.

    It’s astounding folks like that consider themselves educated.

  12. tsam said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:32

    “Oh God. Because Bobo is such an expert on Vodun, having no doubt watched every terrible jungle magic grindhouse flick made since the 50’s. I think being entombed in the rubble of his own house is too good for Brooks.”

    I know everything about voodoo cuz I watched Live and Let Die. Which I think is the best Bond film. Also the most educational such as on voodoo stuff like sacrifices. Central to….

  13. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:34

    to be fair, Live and Let die does have some nice Jane Seymour in it….

  14. El Cid said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:39

    Why did all these lazy Haitians never just build factories and shopping centers out of dirt and use dirt money to pay for their new dirt products?

  15. sparkletits said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:39

    I love how the NYPost comments include this line:

    “I really enjoy reading this rag when a journalist calls a spade a spade.”

    Wow. Dogwhistle, motherfucker?

  16. Pryme said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:42

    Shorter Daily Caller:The Haitian/Devil Agreement of 1791 was real. You want proof? Here’s your proof! (bends over, farts).

  17. stryx said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:44

    The countries that have not received much aid, like China, have seen tremendous growth and tremendous poverty reductions.[citiation needed]

    Can’t we please just shoot the person who got paid to write this? Or better yet, the person who paid for this crime against logic and English?

    Holy flaming Christ in furry pink chaps- First Return for China Starving.

    and this

    WILSON ASKS RELIEF FOR STARVING CHINA; Appeals to American People to Prevent Death of Millions From Famine. 30,000,000 ARE IN NEED He Points to China’s Friendship for Us and Urges the Necessity of Quick Action. NAMES RELIEF COMMITTEE invites Prominent Men ThroughoutCountry to Collect Funds

    NYT Dec., 1920

  18. mysticdog said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:45

    Bobo has been emboldened! Should be a fun run up to the elections!

    At this point, I am pretty sure we are fucked. The most powerful nation on earth is run by morons elected by morons, cheered on by morons. Bring on Idiocracy. At least Starbucks “Gentleman’s Lattes” come with full release.

    Barring Republican civil war, it will be at least 7 years before we get another chance at responsible leadership. I am pretty sure we cannot survive until then.

    I wonder if we can start a movement /inviting/ UN black helicopters in to take over the country?

  19. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:47

    Sophist said,
    January 20, 2010 at 23:04

    The countries that have not received much aid, like China, have seen tremendous growth and tremendous poverty reductions. The countries that have received aid, like Haiti, have not.

    Shorter Bobo: This apple and this orange are totally the same thing, dude. Totally.

    So what Haiti needs is a Great Leap Forward? You know how the right-wingers are always telling us what a master stroke the Great Leap Forward was….

    And all the aid China got doesn’t count because it came from the Soviet Union. See how it works?

  20. allp said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:48

    The countries that have not received much aid, like China, have seen tremendous growth and tremendous poverty reductions. The countries that have received aid, like Haiti, have not.

    Or maybe it’s because China is run by Commies.

  21. sparkletits said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:54

    …it will be at least 7 years before we get another chance at responsible leadership.

    We *have* responsible leadership.

    Responsible for totally lying to us and running on platforms of lies like Hope, Change, and the Fierce Urgency of Now, and really meaning just Hope To Pander to Corporate Interests, Change Nothing By Continuing Bush Policies of Secrecy and Corporate Whoring, and the Fierce Urgency of Immediately Forgetting Campaign Promises The Moment Your Hand Leaves the Swearing In Bible.

  22. sparkletits said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:54

    Argh, I’m just so fucking angry, sorry.

  23. Sophist said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:57

    TVRB: Ekzackly. Like Bobo says, what Haiti need is a cultural revolution, so it can be a fuzzy-wuzzy worker’s paradise like China. Plus, they don’t practice vodun in China (and I guess the Dominican Republic doesn’t either, seeing as how they’re doing so much better than Haiti), so if they give that up the sky’s the limit!

  24. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    January 20, 2010 at 23:58

    At least these guys are honest.

  25. KWillow said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:00

    “…countries that have not received much aid, like China…”

    Except “Favored Nation” status. God, Brooks is stupid.

  26. mmy said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:02

    Looks like Jonah is following the old Gene Siskel rule: write it once, sell it four times. In related news, Siskel was a fucking hack.

  27. tigrismus said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:07

    There is the influence of the voodoo religion, which spreads the message that life is capricious and planning futile.

    So TOtally unlike apocalyptic Christianity.

  28. Chris said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:13

    Hey, I love Live and Let Die – I just don’t think it’s a treatise in Haitian culture and/or international development and earthquake relief.

    What he’s right about; most third world countries that have broken out of poverty have indeed done it mostly on their own initiative and not through foreign aid. Think Taiwan, South Korea, Singapore, etc, which are usually considered the most shining example.

    What he doesn’t mention; when these countries started to develop, we usually stood aside and encouraged their growth, without interfering in their internal politics. And when development eventually led to not just capitalism but democracy, we respected the will of the voters and didn’t interfere with that, either. That’s not the way we’ve treated Haiti.

    What he really doesn’t mention; these countries capitalist growth with energetic state intervention in the economy – things like land reform, tariffs, using tax money to invest in infrastructure and education, and, ultimately, universal health care.

    Amazingly, the great success stories in economic development are Keynesian and involve a healthy balance between capitalist innovation and state intervention. On the other hand, free-market fundamentalism has yielded little besides stagnant banana republics, like Latin America for most of the last century. Hmm.

  29. sparkletits said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:18

    That Facebook link was fail.

  30. not a gator said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:21

    @Pryme

    Shorter Daily Caller

    Got through first paragraph. Backing away slowly … slowly.

  31. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:25

    Oh, crap. It probably linked to my personal Facebook page. Today is shite.

  32. your conscience said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:25

    I’ve noticed you are a little fast and loose with the “n-word”, Tintin.

    Yes, you’re projecting the term onto rightwing “racists” but the fact is that you libs will use any opportunity or excuse to vent your latent racism.

  33. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:27

    DIAF conscience troll.

  34. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:30

    Anyway, that Facebook link I fuxxored up is to a group that hates the Haitians and has all sorts of racist shit posted on it.

    And today is still pretty much shite.

  35. El Cid said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:31

    A bit of perspective on how elected Democrats seek to avoid any potential power they might have when it has to do with things ordinary Democrats might support:

    [One year ago] When there [only] were 58 Senate Dems and 257 House Dems, everyone agreed that health care reform was at least possible, and likely enough to pass that it was worth pursuing.

    Now the Dems’ congressional majority is a little bigger. It just takes a little courage to resist the urge to run away.

    Yeah. That’s right. We are now in the incredibly weak position of having 1 more Senator in the Democratic caucus than when Obama was inaugurated, and because of this severe loss of -1 Senators, Obama is now urging the legislature not to ‘ram through’ health care because “Massachusetts has spoken” and Scott Brown must ‘be a part of that process’.

  36. sparkletits said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:32

    Shorter “your conscience”:

    If I can’t use the word nigger, neither can you.

  37. stryx said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:32

    Think Taiwan, South Korea, Singapore

    Um, war and colonization?

    How about Places we’ll start a nuclear war over?

    How about Places ruled by dictatorships until recently?

  38. El Cid said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:32

    I agree with the emerging consensus from David Brooks that Haiti needs to have a peasant based Maoist revolution in order to build up the agricultural and social base from which industrialization might occur.

  39. El Cid said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:37

    Taiwan, South Korea, and Singapore — all places far more developed in the last century than Haiti, and all of which had enormously interventionist governments which subsidized local industry, imposed the death penalty for repatriating capital by investors, and which were granted subsidized and favored trade by the U.S. And when the folks got uppity, the U.S. backed mass slaughters by the authoritarian parties leading the places.

    Haiti we continually sent in Marines to fuck shit up, and then subsidized generations of cheap tyrants to keep Haiti an anti-developed primary-product exporting hell.

    Their first free election got the elected president overthrown in a coup, restored by the U.S. on the agreement that the President would impose shitty, anti-development IMF policies, and then in 2004 the Marines came again to throw that elected President out of the country and drop him off in Africa, because, um, aren’t Haitians pretty much Africans anyway? Same thing.

    Then at the end of 2009 that same majority supported political party was literally banned from elections.

    So, yeah, why couldn’t Haiti be like South Korea? Why aren’t they building dirt-based LCD HDTV’s?

  40. Chris said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:47

    “Taiwan, South Korea, and Singapore — all places far more developed in the last century than Haiti, and all of which had enormously interventionist governments which subsidized local industry, imposed the death penalty for repatriating capital by investors, and which were granted subsidized and favored trade by the U.S. And when the folks got uppity, the U.S. backed mass slaughters by the authoritarian parties leading the places.”

    Hey, I’m aware it wasn’t a cakewalk and I’m aware that we committed more than our share of sins in supporting thugs like Chiang Kai-shek or Syngman Rhee. But eventually, their governments did democratize and did cede power peacefully when defeated in elections, and we let it happen. That’s what we haven’t done in Haiti, or most of Latin America for that matter, and it’s a very big factor for why they’re so much worse off.

  41. noen said,

    January 21, 2010 at 0:53

    I think I’m going to give up politics and take up drinking. Yes I know it leads to addiction, multiple health problems, dementia and a slow horrible death drowning in your own vomitus, that’s why I’m taking up drinking.

  42. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:01

    The countries that have not received much aid, like China, have seen tremendous growth and tremendous poverty reductions.

    I know I posted this before but, damn it, Brooks has the damn attention span of a mayfly.

    I mean, did China really have a better outcome than Haiti?

  43. Chicago City Comptroller said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:03

    God, what a fucking load. Jonah Goldblob JONAH FUCKING GOLDBLOB piously telling other people in one of the poorest countries on earth that they just don’t work hard enough, and David Brooks, the whitest man in the world pontificating about Voodoo.

  44. Mark said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:11

    Interestingly, where I live, if you’re a racist, they DON”T give you a newspaper column.

  45. Larkspur said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:12

    Jonah’s portrayal at the top of the post, by a Great Artist, is really good except for his face is too pale. The florid factor needs emboldening. Brooks looks nicely bilious, but unfortunately his writing isn’t so much bilious as insipid, with a weird lofty majesty utterly unsupported by its content. So grayish-bilious will do.

  46. Sophist said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:13

    I mean, did China really have a better outcome than Haiti?

    Well, a lot of people died, but on the other hand the whole fucking country didn’t collapse into a anarchic pile of rubble and bodies. So yeah, I think their outcome was measurably better.

  47. Larkspur said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:14

    Well, didn’t China actually starve huge numbers of its people to death? They have lost many in earthquakes as well, but earthquakes aren’t policy. Crappy buildings, maybe, but not the earthquakes themselves.

  48. tigrismus said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:19

    Whatever happened to fighting the earthquakes there so we don’t have to fight them here? Have we become (more) capricious and decided that such planning is futile?

  49. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    January 21, 2010 at 1:55

    noen said,
    January 21, 2010 at 0:53

    I think I’m going to give up politics and take up drinking.

    what made you wait so long?

  50. tsam said,

    January 21, 2010 at 2:15

    “zombie rotten mcdonald said,
    January 20, 2010 at 23:34
    to be fair, Live and Let die does have some nice Jane Seymour in it….”

    Oh yes it does. She’s still gorgeous to this day. I love Bond films. I also love 24. I just hate it when people think make-believe TV and movies are real. It’s right up there with the pictures of white Jesus and talking to imaginary friends.

  51. tsam said,

    January 21, 2010 at 2:18

    “tigrismus said,
    January 21, 2010 at 1:19
    Whatever happened to fighting the earthquakes there so we don’t have to fight them here?”

    Silly liberal, money is for helping defense contractors and oil tycoons kill brown people. Not for helping brown people like, not die and stuff.

    I laughed my ass off at your comment–perfect!

  52. Sophist said,

    January 21, 2010 at 2:50

    Well, didn’t China actually starve huge numbers of its people to death?

    Well, yeah. How else were they supposed to get rid of all those Chinese practitioners of Vodun who, due to their belief that life is capricious, couldn’t see the wisdom of central planning? A hundred flowers can’t blossom if people keep picking them as offerings to Baron Samedi, nowhadamean?

  53. sparkletits said,

    January 21, 2010 at 2:55

    tsam and ZRM said:

    “zombie rotten mcdonald said,
    January 20, 2010 at 23:34
    to be fair, Live and Let die does have some nice Jane Seymour in it….”

    Oh yes it does. She’s still gorgeous to this day. I love Bond films. ”

    I see your Jane Seymour and raise you my own personal favorite British brunette actress, Amanda Pays from Max Headroom.

  54. sparkletits said,

    January 21, 2010 at 2:56

    Damn italics tags.

  55. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    January 21, 2010 at 3:11

    why do I have to pick ONE, sparkletits?

  56. Tehanu said,

    January 21, 2010 at 3:33

    so Tintin points out that rightwingers are racists and a troll promptly appears to accuse Tintin of “latent” racism. A troll with the unutterable fucking gall to call himself “conscience.” I suggest that said troll shut the fuck up and ask himself why he isn’t nearly as concerned about his own and his whole side’s OVERT racism.

  57. Linnaeus said,

    January 21, 2010 at 7:48

    I have a confession to make.

    I didn’t Trust The Shorter(tm) this time. I thought, “Really? Are they really saying that? No. They wouldn’t.”

    They did. I’ve learned my lesson. Always Trust The Shorter(tm).

    I admit that I have a soft spot for Haiti, in part because the country is such an incredible underdog, and I’ve always admired the Haitian-Americans I’ve known. I also have Haitians in my family — my brother is married to a Haitian immigrant.

    Even his best friend…

  58. slippy Trusts the Shorter said,

    January 21, 2010 at 18:29

    I can’t wait for the Times to disappear behind a subscription firewall again so people will quit linking this bullshit writing and David Brooks will finally lose his undeserved employment.

    On the other hand, I’m struggling with Brooks’ insistence that some sort of central planning is required in Haiti because I thought Free Markets = GOOD and Government Planned Economy = BAD but I suppose it’s too much to ask a total shithead hack like Brooks to have a consistent opinion on anything, isn’t it?

  59. jim said,

    January 22, 2010 at 0:21

    countries that have not received much aid, like China

    History fail = this.

    The Kuomintang got well over a billion from the US in hopes they could win hearts & minds & thus beat Mao (with no real obligation to ever pay back a single freakin’ penny of it, let alone usurious interest rates) – & that’s a billion in 1940s money, which is like, what, 15-25 billion now?

  60. bjacques said,

    January 22, 2010 at 11:30

    We also gave money to Belgium in WWI, after the Boche marched through and trashed the place,

    After WWII there’s the Marshall Plan, and as mentioned above, we threw lots of money at any country clever enough to say they needed it to keep the Commies at bay.

    Personally, I blame that evil Voodoo priest in “The Serpent and the Rainbow.” You know, the one who in the book is actually a pretty OK guy, and for whose sister Wade Davis arranges treatment for her cancer.

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