15
The Max Planck of Poca Speaks
Grant Wood: West Virginia Gothic (1930)
(oil on beaverboard)
This is stupid, even for Don Jim Bob Surber:
Earlier today, I post[sic] on Al Gore’s goofball prediction that the Arctic will be ice-free by 2014 (not that an ice-free Arctic Ocean would be so bad — an ice-free Mediterranean seems to be working out).
I suppose if Don Jim Bob heard a prediction that global warming would cause sea levels to rise, his inevitable retort would be:
Not that ocean-front property in Indianapolis would be so bad — an ocean-front Miami seems to be working out.
The editors at the Charleston Daily Meth Mail responsible for keeping an eye on Surber have obviously succumbed to the excess consumption of West Virginia’s most important domestic product and are simply letting Jim Don Bob run amok.
El Cid said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:03
Also, I don’t seem to see any damn ocean next to my house, so, I think we’re pretty damn able to live with an ocean-free Georgia.
Reasonable Centrist said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:04
Now you stupid liberals are reaping the sows of all your panic and whining about ice age, global heating, overpopulation. Most reasonable, serious people know the answer is somewhere in the middle, and the precautionary principal indicates that to damage the economy by outlawing breathing would be very far, very hard left and also communist. Socialism.
LittlePig said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:16
Meh, I give RC about a 2.25 on the parody troll-o-meter.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:17
I think you’re onto something with that Keynes – Kenya Konnection, El Cid.
~
Sports Announcer said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:17
Surber has taken a commanding lead in the Race for the Stupid!
Color Commentator said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:20
Boom! Wow! Didja see how he nailed that?
SEE? See how pulls it out? Then BAM! Slams it on the table there!
actor212 said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:23
It’s not that the Arctic being ice free will raise water levels much, Tintin. After all, when the ice in your drink melts, the drink doesn’t overflow the glass unless you’ve filled it to the brim.
It’s that the Arctic waters are an enormous carbon sink, and the ice melting will create two conditions:
1) The carbon that is currently trapped under the ice will now have a faster way to the surface and
2) The heat the water will retain as opposed to the ice reflecting, will heat up the atmosphere around Greenland, which has the second largest land-based ice sheet on the planet.
When THAT goes, there will be ocean front property available in Indianapolis…almost.
Tintin said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:31
@actor 212: I didn’t say that arctic ice melts would raise sea levels significantly.
actor212 said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:32
Yea, I know, I just wanted to….OK, I misread the frikkin’ post. sorry.
Tintin said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:33
Thermal expansion is more of an issue for sea level at the moment.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:37
It’s clear that both of you hate USAPower and Freedom™. Also.
~
El Cid said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:37
Tom the Dancing Bug joins the War on Christmas.
El Cid said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:40
This whole global warming hoax has made me wonder if there is any such thing as “warming” any where. Sure, the scientists say the Sun is “hot”, but that seems too difficult to determine. Maybe things just seem ‘warmer’ or ‘colder’ in natural cycles.
actor212 said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:42
Sure, the scientists say the Sun is “hot”
Well, the Page Three girls are pretty good evidence.
El Cid said,
December 15, 2009 at 15:57
Yeah, sure, like I’m going to believe that there are these far away lands in some magical island called “Europe” where there are all these pretty women waiting around to be photographed for a newspaper. More Al Gore hoaxes.
gocart mozart said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:05
Jonah trashes railmurkins. What would Sarah say?
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-goldberg15-2009dec15,0,5497124.column
“The British historian Arnold Toynbee argued that civilizations thrive when the lower classes aspire to be like the upper classes, and they decay when the upper classes try to be like the lower classes. Looked at through this prism, it’s hard not to see America in a prolonged period of decay.”
“It’s not all bad news, to be sure. The elite minority’s general acceptance of racial and sexual equality as important values has been a moral triumph. But not without costs. As part of this transformation, society has embraced what social scientist Charles Murray calls “ecumenical niceness.” A core tenet of ecumenical niceness is that harsh judgments of the underclass — or people with underclass values — are forbidden. An added corollary: People with old-fashioned notions of decency are fair game.”
J— said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:06
not that an ice-free Arctic Ocean would be so bad — an ice-free Mediterranean seems to be working out
It certainly has, and soon the Fernand Braudel of the 21st century will write the monumental The Arctic and the Arctic World in the Age of Putin, so it’s all good.
Plus also, Annise Parker was the conservative candidate in the Houston run-off, so more good news for McCain.
gocart mozart said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:08
I for one would welcome a shorter ride to the beach. Why should rich elites get all the beach front property?
Lurking Canadian said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:14
As part of this transformation, society has embraced what social scientist Charles Murray calls “ecumenical niceness.”
Does “ecumenical niceness” require me to say nice things about Jonah Goldberg? Because if so, I fail niceness forever.
I think compared to “ecumenical niceness”, a better sign of the decay of a civilization is that “Being a self-deluded, elitist ignoramus in public” is a paying gig.
gocart mozart said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:14
“What would Sarah say?”
Paris Hilton and the Octomom have “underclass values”. i.e. They might as well be Ni(ding!) r’s
actor212 said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:16
“ecumenical niceness.”
Is that where Christians serve Levi’s Jewish Rye bread at Holy Communion?
Steerpike said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:18
You know, when I see the unmitigated fustercluck we as a species have made of this world, how we treat each other and other living things, how we govern ourselves and wage senseless, endless wars on each other, how we foul our own nests and poison ourselves in the pursuit of ever greater levels of sloth, how we delude ourselves about obvious truths and flatter ourselves that we’re somehow special and beloved by some irrational diety, how we defend our right to overbreed like cancer growths, and at the same time consign more and more millions to hopeless lives of desperate poverty…I honestly wonder if maybe we wouldn’t all be better off embracing the climate-change deniers. Let’s do everything we can to hasten the day when Earth becomes a second Venus, superheated, lifeless and sterile. We are an obviously flawed, dangerous form of life, and we need to be quarantined, isolated and destroyed before we develop the technology that will allow us to infect any other worlds out there.
gocart mozart said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:18
Some “ecumenical niceness” by William F. Buckley, Jonah’s former boss.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYymnxoQnf8
V'Ger said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:25
We are an obviously flawed, dangerous form of life, and we need to be quarantined, isolated and destroyed before we develop the technology that will allow us to infect any other worlds out there.
We seek to join with the Creator and destroy the carbon-based units infecting it. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.
Pryme said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:27
Well, somebody saw the new James Cameron movie early.
S. cerevisiae said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:42
Hey, wait a minute V’Ger. Not all of us carbon based life forms are destroying the ecosystem – all us beer yeasts do is eat sugar and crap alcohol.
Ask Bender – he’ll vouch for us.
The Beerg said,
December 15, 2009 at 16:54
Not all of us carbon based life forms are destroying the ecosystem – all us beer yeasts do is eat sugar and crap alcohol.
We got this one, V’Ger…
MTBochs said,
December 15, 2009 at 17:36
Actually, there was a Russian climatologist back in (I think) the 1950s who postulated that an ice free Arctic Ocean might lead to an ice age. His theory was that warmer air holds more moisture and would gain moisture passing over the open water at the pole, which would fall as precipitation in northern Siberia, northern Canada and so on. The air temperatures in those places would be warmer, but still cold enough that it would fall as snow, which might wind up lasting and accumulating, forming continental glaciers. Basically, imagine the entire Arctic shoreline getting lake effect snow like Buffalo. It’s a fun theory to mention when someone starts up with “there’s no global warming because it’s cold in winter”.
Mr. Wonderful said,
December 15, 2009 at 17:38
Lost amid all the understandable disgust at and mockery of Surber’s post is the point of his stylistic je ne sais quois. Or maybe one sais’s all too well quois. In any case, note the sprightly tone of amusement and the deft use of understatement: “an ice-free Mediterranean seems to be working out.”
It’s one thing when they’re angry and indignant while expressing their innate idiocy. But this is a particular gem. Yes, there’s no stupid, smug wing-nut like a facetious stupid, smug wing-nut.
Longz said,
December 15, 2009 at 17:45
Mister Wonderful,
Thats what they’re all about, isn’t it? Because the only way you can respond us to patiently explain why an ice-free Arctic would be a disaster, and by the time you do that, you sound all pointy-headed and elitist, just like all those libtards who hate Sarah Palin.
Lurking Canadian said,
December 15, 2009 at 18:04
Wingnuts on global warming:
1) It isn’t happening.
2) If it’s happening, it’s not our fault.
3) If it’s happening, and it’s our fault, then it is a good thing.
(Apologies to whoever I stole this from. I don’t remember.)
Quaker in a Basement said,
December 15, 2009 at 18:35
Polar icecaps? Who needs ‘em?!
actor212 said,
December 15, 2009 at 18:36
Polar icecaps? Who needs ‘em?!
Polar bartenders.
Ron Mael's Moustache said,
December 15, 2009 at 18:55
You know Don Surber, people like you are the reason West Virginians gets a reputation for being dumb.
I want to vouch for all of the intelligent culture West Virginians out there. I knew classical musicians, architects, artists and lawyers when I lived there. Really!
Ron Mael's Moustache said,
December 15, 2009 at 18:56
Oops, I meant the “intelligent and cultured West Virginians.” They do exist!
tigrismus said,
December 15, 2009 at 18:57
Meh, I give RC about a 2.25 on the parody troll-o-meter.
I don’t know, I thought “reaping the sows” was pretty great, and “outlawing breathing would be very far, very hard left and also communist. Socialism” got a curled lip, which is as close to a smile as I can get.
roac said,
December 15, 2009 at 19:00
Is that where Christians serve Levi’s Jewish Rye bread at Holy Communion?
In a lot of churches, possibly a majority, that’s Mogen David or Manischevitz in the cup. Fact.
actor212 said,
December 15, 2009 at 19:18
Roac, I know that. I recognize the taste from my, ummm, youthful indiscretions phase.
You know, at Rosh Hashanah….
jim said,
December 15, 2009 at 19:24
Don’t worry about having to knit mukluks from mutant gerbils & go hunting wooly raccoons, folks.
Trust me – once enough megatons of arctic methane are liberated from their icy oppression beneath the fascist tundra, humanity will at last have a Final Solution to the Ice Age Problem.
Admit it: weren’t you getting kind of bored with having reliable food crops & being able to go outdoors between dawn & dusk all year long? Just remember to stock up on SPF 4000 sunscreen & get those scientists cracking on extracting nutrition from sand, & we’re rockin’ like a super-hurricane!
TEH FREE MARKET WINZ AGAIN!
Anonymous said,
December 15, 2009 at 19:57
jim said,
rockin’ like a super-hurricane!
Mother of Storms, boyee!
Brandi said,
December 15, 2009 at 20:22
A little something for Steerpike.
Smut Clyde said,
December 15, 2009 at 20:54
Sideways for sympathy, lengthwise for mortuary!
Makhno said,
December 15, 2009 at 21:14
They’ve ripped off their attitude to manmade climate change from Yes, Prime Minister’s summing-up of the four-stage stalling strategy of the British Foreign Office for avoiding action in a crisis:
1 – Nothing is going to happen.
2 – Something may be going to happen, but we should do nothing about it.
3 – Maybe we should do something about it, but there’s nothing we CAN do.
4 – Maybe there was something we could have done, but it’s too late now.
The difference is, the average denialist doesn’t use this as a four-stage strategy: they try to argue all four *at the same time*. This suggests that they just may be slightly less intelligent than Foreign Office mandarins.
Substance McGravitas said,
December 15, 2009 at 21:16
Death by eight or it’s too late.