Nov
28
28
Part Man, Part Monkey
Jean-David Ruisseau, Self Portrait with Pretty Hat
(c. 1776) (crayola on white drywall)
David Brooks, The New York Times
The Other Education
- I like Bruce Springsteen. How hip and cool does that make me?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Jennifer said,
November 28, 2009 at 15:55
Alternate shorter: “Springsteen writes about ordinary people, losers, as if their lives have meaning and value.”
Jay Are Eff said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:01
FIR– dammit.
NJ in the house? said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:05
I heard “Racing in the Street” while in line at Applebee’s salad bar last night. It was sublime.
Caliph Garrett said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:08
Just forget about all that Bobo and Applebee’s salad bar nonsense. Springsteen fandom makes me an authentic interlocutor for you worthless ruck!
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:09
Speaking of trash, did anyone else see the episode of Criminal Minds last year where the serial-killer de jure looked exactly like Brooks.
No?
Honus said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:18
Brooks: I like Springsteen and the working-class culture he writes about that my politics are designed to systematically manipulate and destroy.
I also understand these people better than Springsteen because I’m and elite republican. That’s why we’ve so successfully exploited the white working class for the past few decades.
Gary Ruppert Number Two said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:25
i want to click the link. but i dare not.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:29
I guess it’s nice to hear that a multi-millionaire that sings about how tough is his life; has as a fan, a nationally syndicated columnist who claims his credibility comes in ‘home-spun’ yarns.
Circle of Life, Balance of nature, all that stuff.
I bet Brooks’ lack of sentience even allows him to feel an emotional connection to Springsteen’s storylines.
DBR said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:37
Springsteen should be singing songs about how tough it is to tell your personal assistant to tell your decorator to go with the platinum bathroom fixtures instead of the gold.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:46
Can’t I make it any clearer, these fixtures are wrong and this one keeps moving all over the place!
I check myself out in the mirror and I wanna change the sink, the faucet, the whole damn place!
Man I ain’t getting nowhere. Are you even listening to this?
There’s a perfect counter top out there baby, I just know that there is!
Jennifer said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:48
Don’t diss Springsteen just because he made a lot of money with his talent. It would be one thing if he was lobbying to have his taxes cut while singing about the plight of the working man. He’s never done anything like that. If the test of purity is that you must remain poor to authentically be supportive of the working man, then the working man is screwed, because no one listens to poor people.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 16:53
Listening to Springsteen sing about how ‘tough’ things are is like listening to Trent Reznor sing about how ‘depressed’ he is.
Jennifer said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:00
Christ, give it a rest.
Johnny Pez said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:05
I was listening to Sublime at Applebee’s salad bar and . . .
Eh, I got nothing.
The Truthful Problem With Reznor said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:16
Except Depression is a genuine illness that doesn’t respond to just throwing dollar bills at the sufferer. That there are people with harder lives doesn’t mean that people with depression should be able to cope… if they could cope, they wouldn’t be ill in the first place.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:22
I must have missed the reference in the post title. The only thing musical the phrase “part man, part monkey” brings to mind is “Snakedance” by the Rainmakers…
…and I thought they were so obscure that I was the only person who remembered them.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:22
Except; of course, Springsteen never served in Vietnam and Reznor doesn’t suffer from depression.
tigrismus said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:24
For your enjoyment: In any case, over the next few decades Springsteen would become one of the professors in my second education. In album after album he assigned a new course in my emotional curriculum.
NEW. YORK. TIMES.
Jack Elam said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:26
SHUT UP YOU FUCKING FUCKER.
Johnny Pez said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:36
Bobo ran out of shit to write, so he decided to steal some of George F. Will’s old shit.
One Soft Infested Summer, Me And Terry Became Friends said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:38
People never ask me what an “infested summer” is, but if they did, I would say that its the weekend that’s exactly six months from Festivus. But, needless to say, that particular infested summer, Me and Terry tried in vain to breathe the fire we were born in.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:48
Little known fact, the lyric “In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat.” is a reference to David Brooks’ lifes work.
Arky said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:51
It would have been perfect if right as Bobo was going to give himself a happy ending over a photo of Bruce, someone leaned over and said “You know, he endorsed Obama.”
[Cut. Next scene: Bobo in the shower, sobbing and scrubbing himself frantically.]
Till said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:52
Aw, don’t bash poor Trent. I’m sure he took enough drugs to cause just about any emotional state.
And Year Zero was really neat. Also.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:52
Except; of course, Springsteen never served in Vietnam and Reznor doesn’t suffer from depression.
Johnny Cash never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, either, the fraud.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:53
Oh and Owlbear1, SFU, also.
Anthony said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:58
Guys I don’t think Tupac was druglord either…
Everything I thought about life was but a fraud.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 17:58
“Cash was also arrested on May 11, 1965, in Starkville, Mississippi, for trespassing late at night onto private property to pick flowers. ”
Yep.
Anthony said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:00
That’s the girliest thing anyone has ever been arrested for and that’s your proof Johnny Cash is authentic
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:00
Johnny Cash never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, either, the fraud.
I’m shattered.
My brain’s in tatters.
Shattered.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:02
“Cash was also arrested on May 11, 1965, in Starkville, Mississippi, for trespassing late at night onto private property to pick flowers. ”
To be fair, he did write a song about that incident and how he spent a night in jail and paid a $36 fine for it. It was on his San Quentin live album, wherein he did a song about how much his time in said prison was “living hell” to him, THOUGH HE’D NEVER BEEN IN JAIL, the big exaggerator. Oddly enough, the prisoners didn’t mind.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:03
No, Cash cultivated a false image to sell his music too.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:04
And I know for a FACT that Patterson Hood of the Drive-By Truckers never shot a banker trying to take away his farm and buried him in the ol’ sinkhole.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:05
No, Cash cultivated a false image to sell his music too.
Welcome to the music bidness, son. Just so’s you know, most tough-guy rockers would go down with one punch.
laym said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:07
Yeah, and John Lennon had lots of possessions and stuff, the poser!
Address my pretensions, libs!
NutellaonToast said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:07
Wait, are you telling me that there isn’t really a church dedicated to Charles Nelson Reilly? Damn you Dead Milkmen! I bed you’re not even dead! OR MILKMEN!
Lawnguylander said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:08
Did you know that Paul Westerberg doesn’t really hate music and that Woody Guthrie’s guitar never killed a single fucking fascist? What a couple of poseurs.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:09
I doubt any of the Beatles is actually a walrus.
Ringo, maybe.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:11
And now that I think about it, Willie Nelson may have red hair and some folks might consider him strange, but he never did shoot a yellow-haired lady who was trying to still his little lost darlin’s dancing bay pony. Waylon Jennings never walked a high wire. Merle Haggard was arrested for trying to escape jail, but he swears up and down he was set up. Mick Jagger probably really isn’t the devil, though that might explain why he’s had a singing career that’s lasted almost 50 years when he STILL can’t stay on key.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:12
However, Hank Williams Jr? Actual redneck, so if you’re looking for authenticity, there ya go.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:13
Ok having been attacked for dissing Musicians who adopt an ‘image’ to sell their music, how is Brooks such an ass for doing the same to sell columns?
I am not, by the way, defending what Brooks is doing. I was just struck by that fact that Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”, which launched his career, is about being a Vietnam Vet. Something Springsteen wasn’t, and Brooks constant claim of being a ‘home-spun’ advice columnist which obviously he isn’t.
My apologies for stepping on any toes.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:15
On the other hand, Bo Diddley was, without a doubt, Bo Diddley. Except when he was Ellas McDaniel.
Patterson Hood said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:16
I haven’t actually had too much sex and I’ve had enough Jesus. Furthermore, it’s ok to be in love around me. Also. Sorry to have misled all you nice folks.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:17
No, owlbert, no one’s attacking you. We’re making fun of you. Big, big difference.
alone in the dark said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:18
N_B
Remember the Rainmakers! They were from my neck of the woods, and I saw them live many times.
Oh, and owlbear1 and DBR apparently believe that Springsteen was born rich, rather than working his ass off to maximize his talent. Man’s wealthy, but it’s honest wealth, or at least as honest as wealth can be. Neil Young like to sing about the bucolic life and the death of small towns, but the last time I looked he was pretty loaded as well.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:18
On the other hand, Bo Diddley was, without a doubt, Bo Diddley. Except when he was Ellas McDaniel.
Ah, but Bo Diddley was never a gunslinger nor was he a surfer. I highly doubt his “Black Gladiator” claims, too.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:20
Plus, Neil Young never did whatever the hell “Powderfinger” is about. Also – and this is actually true – Lynyrd Skynyrd were, collectively, fans of Mr. Young.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:20
Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”, which launched his career
Really? Because my faulty memory tells me that I saw him in a packed theater nine years before that came out.
Substance McGravitas said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:20
Also Manowar really does have chariots with saddles.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:22
Never heard of Springsteen before “Born in the USA”.
Sorry.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:23
Remember the Rainmakers!
I liked their ridiculously talky lyrics, I liked their music, and most of all, I liked that their first hit had lyrics in part about a structural engineering failure. You don’t see that every day.
Think I’m kidding? http://www.lyricsdownload.com/rainmakers-rockin–at-the-tdance-lyrics.html
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:23
Never heard of Springsteen before “Born in the USA”.
Shame. You could’ve complained that he never went on a killing spree with his little darlin’ like he claims in “Nebraska”, the big ol’ cheater-pants.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:24
Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”, which launched his career
Never heard of Springsteen before “Born in the USA”.
You hearing of someone equals their career being launched? Sure thing, your highness.
satch said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:26
I’ll at least give Brooks credit for not pulling a John J. Miller and trying to redefine Springsteen as “conservative” because his characters are, as Bush said of the woman at one of his townhalls, “uniquely American” because she worked three jobs. Maybe this piece was testing the waters.
Terry's Head On My Chest, Just Another Tramp Of Hearts Crying Tears Of Faithlessness said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:26
No need to apologize, owlbear1, if Springsteen is not your cuppa tea. I’ve heard tell of such people. And “Born in the USA” didn’t launch his career, he was already a-list from Born to Run and Darkness on the Edge of Town. And I clicked on the link, and Brooks is quoting Jon Fucking Landau. That’s only one of many ways to identify Brooks as poseur.
alone in the dark said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:28
Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”, which launched his career.
Did I hallucinate 1981 show in Dallas?
Matt T.
Ain’t “Powderfinger” the weirdest?
BTW, to use owlbear1’s standards, all actors, writers, and painters are frauds. Apparently there is no such thing as imagination in his /her world.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:29
How’s this then,
David Brooks claiming to know what it’s like to be an American by listening to Bruce Springsteen is like Pat Boone claiming he’s understand the plight of Blacks because of his cover of Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti”.
Fewer Triggers in that one?
J— said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:30
I have seen Bo Diddley’s house. It is indeed made of rattlesnake hide and the chimney is a human skull.
And Juice Newton is both the Angel of the Morning and the Queen of the Silver Dollar. She’s very talented.
But Bruce is full of shit when he says he remembers Wanda. She didn’t work at Bob’s Big Boy. She worked at Denny’s.
NutellaonToast said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:31
“:Lynyrd Skynyrd were, collectively, fans of Mr. Young”
Fair point, but it is true that didn’t NEED him around, anyhow.
Matt T. said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:31
Ain’t “Powderfinger” the weirdest?
Even weirder, Young offered it to Skynyrd and there was talk of them recording it on the record following Street Survivors. The Beat Farmers do a pretty kick-ass version of it, though.
Lawnguylander said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:31
Ok having been attacked for dissing Musicians who adopt an ‘image’ to sell their music, how is Brooks such an ass for doing the same to sell columns?
That’s like asking why is it OK for John Steinbeck to have depicted the lives of migrant workers when he came from relative privilege. He sold a lot of books by doing so but he showed compassion for the kind of people he was writing about. Springsteen’s songs are sympathetic to my ear and he does come from a working class background. Compare all that with what Brooks does and why he does it and you have your answer.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:31
Ain’t “Powderfinger” the weirdest?
I could never understand what Young was saying well enough to be bothered by the fact that it didn’t make any sense.
Jack Elam said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:33
Well, you know, Born in the USA was only like FIFTEEN YEARS AND AT LEAST THREE LANDMARK ALBUMS INTO HIS CAREER. If you don’t know about a subject, don’t polemicise about it, you gigantic flapping goat’s vagina.
NutellaonToast said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:36
Jack Elam knows from flapping goat’s vaginas.
tigrismus said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:36
Authors and lyricists sometimes write in the first person; it’s not dishonest, it’s art. If Brooks had written this in a novel nobody would have given a crap, except to mock him for being mind-meltingly awful.
alone in the dark said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:36
“Powderfinger” is McCabe & Mrs. Miller of rock. Boy picks up gun to defend his settlement against river pirates and blows his own head off. Punctuated with feedback-tinged guitar. I have to say it’s grown on me in an absurdist way.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:37
Fair enough Lawguylander. Just like Johnny Cash showed a great deal of compassion for the subjects of his songs. And Lennon, and Young, although I’m not sure about Reznor.
“Never heard of Springsteen before “Born in the USA”.
You hearing of someone equals their career being launched? Sure thing, your highness.”
Actually, no I didn’t know “Born in the USA” wasn’t Springsteen debut album’
Lawnguylander said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:38
Now, now. owlbear1 has been around here for a while . He’s not some twat that just blew in and has always been cool as far as I can remember. He’s just come up with a bad argument so no need to be so harsh.
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:39
Boy picks up gun to defend his settlement against river pirates and blows his own head off.
No kidding? I have to listen to that again.
J— said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:41
Judging from the column, Brooks has missed Springsteen’s long-running commentary on class and economic power. I guess he’s still busy being jolted and exhilarated.
tigrismus said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:43
Yeah, owlbear’s good people. We can disagree about stuff, we’re big tent folks. Thank God, too, because Gary ate like 3 cans of beans.
Johnny Pez said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:44
Yeah, right. Next you’re going to tell me that Iron Butterfly were never really in the Garden of Eden.
alone in the dark said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:46
Well, that’s my opinion.
Djur said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:46
The difference between Bruce Springsteen and Johnny Cash and David Brooks is that the former two sing about working class people and the downtrodden and their music is widely embraced by such people. I don’t think those cheers at San Quentin were a result of mass delusion.
Brooks, on the other hand, writes for the benefit of the upper class. As a so-called public intellectual — as he represents himself — he needs to be held to a higher standard of accuracy. I don’t think Brooks needs to be a member of the class he writes about, and I don’t think musicians need to be a member of the class they sing about. This applies historically. Kropotkin was a prince. Marx was a bourgeois lawyer’s son. And in music, Joe Strummer’s father was a diplomat.
We judge them by their works. And in Bobo’s case, we judge him on bragging about his working class bona fides on the basis of listening to Bruce Springsteen while his actual writings about the working class are a sea of glittering generalities with the occasional obscene falsehood.
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:47
Wait! That isn’t ‘inna gatta davitta baby!”??
g said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:51
I followed Springsteen into his world. Once again, it wasn’t the explicit characters that mattered most. Springsteen sings about teenage couples out on a desperate lark, workers struggling as the mills close down, and drifters on the wrong side of the law. These stories don’t directly touch my life,
Now we know that Brooksie never had a high school girlfriend, never held a menial job, never bought a bag of pot, and never knew anyone who did.
That said, Jennifer, regarding your comment – I was a mad and crazy Springsteen fan, having gone to high school on the Jersey shore and actually recognizing the places and people he sang about – until a day in 1992 when I was walking a union picket line at the Tacoma Dome and he crossed it in his limo and did the show.
Now – the labor dispute was not directly related to his show, it was a complicated 3-party issue. I know his contract probably made it prohibitive for him to cancel a show, and before I wrote this I googled and read that he’d actually been lied to by the promoter that a settlement was in the works. But as far as I was concerned, that was it for me.
Until 2008….then I forgave him.
Arky said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:56
Congratulations sir. Would you like your internon delivered or will you take it with you now?
GoatBoy said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:58
Point at who you’re talking to when you say something like that, ya bug-eyed old coot!
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 18:59
“Powderfinger”
Look out, Mama,
there’s a white boat
comin’ up the river
With a big red beacon,
and a flag,
and a man on the rail
I think you’d better call John,
‘Cause it don’t
look like they’re here
to deliver the mail
And it’s less than a mile away
I hope they didn’t come to stay
It’s got numbers on the side
and a gun
And it’s makin’ big waves.
Daddy’s gone,
my brother’s out hunting
in the mountains
Big John’s been drinking
since the river took Emmy-Lou
So the powers that be
left me here
to do the thinkin’
And I just turned twenty-two
I was wonderin’ what to do
And the closer they got,
The more those feelings grew.
Daddy’s rifle in my hand
felt reassurin’
He told me,
Red means run, son,
numbers add up to nothin’
But when the first shot
hit the docks I saw it comin’
Raised my rifle to my eye
Never stopped to wonder why.
Then I saw black,
And my face splashed in the sky.
Shelter me from the powder
and the finger
Cover me with the thought
that pulled the trigger
Think of me
as one you’d never figured
Would fade away so young
With so much left undone
Remember me to my love,
I know I’ll miss her.
[What's so difficult to understand? The song takes place in the 18th/19th century, People are shooting at the family homestead, kid is the only male home, he raises the rifle to his eye, it backfires and blows his brains out. The End.]
Arky said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:00
Bobo’s fapping over the working class (as portrayed in Springsteen albums) reminds me of the dickheads who (I swear I’m not making this up) informed me that I wasn’t “really” black because I listened to rock instead of rap and I didn’t talk “like black people.”
Fortunately I’ve matured so I don’t feel the need to punch Bobo in the face.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:05
And Johnny Rotten isn’t really the antichrist.
And Jello Biafra is not really Jerry Brown.
And Randy Newman doesn’t really hate short people.
And Ray Davies’ girlfriend did not really run off with his car and went home to her ma and pa, telling tales of drunkenness and cruelty.
And while both Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey actually were boys, their mas were perfectly willing to admit it.
N.C. said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:06
Fergie’s lady lumps weren’t as lovely as I was led to believe.
77south said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:08
Wait a minute. Are you suggesting that the Blue Oyster Cult are not veterans of the Psychic Wars? and that they may, in fact, fear the Reaper?
N__B said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:10
What’s so difficult to understand?
Intuitively obvious to even the most casual observer.
Big John’s been drinking
since the river took Emmy-Lou
Veiled Creature From the Black Lagoon reference.
Djur said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:15
No, but Michael Moorcock was.
Erik W. said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:16
“The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive …”
owlbear1 said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:17
Wait a minute. Are you suggesting that the Blue Oyster Cult are not veterans of the Psychic Wars?
I don’t know. You should see the way they squint on stage.
Citizen_X said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:18
Re: Powderfinger: it’s some kind of authority coming up the river. River pirate boats don’t have numbers on the side.
I used to think it was set in the Civil War, and that it was a Union riverboat, but a lot of people think it’s a more modern setting (Coast Guard boat, his family’s a bunch of drug runners or something, etc.). EIther way, I think it ends with the boat using the deck guns against the stupid/tragic kid shooting at them with a rifle.
Whatever it was, it DID actually happen to Young!
N.C. said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:19
I have just been informed that David Bowie is not “Ziggy Stardust”, as he claimed, but is in fact an English singer named “David Bowie”.
J— said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:22
Are you suggesting that the Blue Oyster Cult are not veterans of the Psychic Wars?
Oh, they certainly are, but a thousand? I don’t think so.
“Powderfinger”
Those don’t sound like pirate to me. More an official capacity.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:22
Actually “David Bowie” was born “David Jones” but he was never in a band called “The Monkees”.
J— said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:23
Or see Citizen_X.
Citizen_X said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:24
To tell you the truth, it makes a lot more sense if Chuck D’s Uzi doesn’t actually weigh a ton.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:25
I have just been informed that David Bowie is not “Ziggy Stardust”, as he claimed, but is in fact an English singer named “David Bowie”.
Even more shockingly, his name is David Jones. But if we start up the War On Pseudonyms, a lot of us are going to get hurt.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:25
“The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive …”
Ah, so that is what that song is about. It all makes sense now.
N.C. said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:25
oh my god
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:26
Beat you to it J Neo Marvin. Nya, Nya.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:27
Well, I know you are not checking out the weather chart right now. Nyah nyah.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:29
On the other hand, Madonna is totally like a virgin.
Citizen_X said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:29
On the other hand, a lot of those Norwegian Black Metal bands actually have been murderous/suicidal satanists who burned thousand-year-old churches.
So there’s that.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:33
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It’s a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde: No, no. It’s about a girl who is very vulnerable. She’s been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who’s really sensitive…
Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… Time out Greenbay. Tell that fucking bullshit to the tourists.
Joe: Toby… Who the fuck is Toby? Toby…
Mr. Brown: ‘Like a Virgin’ is not about this sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That’s what “True Blue” is about, now, granted, no argument about that.
Mr. Orange: Which one is ‘True Blue’?
Nice Guy Eddie: ‘True Blue’ was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don’t even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I’ve at least heard of “True Blue”.
Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn’t say I ain’t heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest Madonna fan.
Mr. Blonde: Personally, I can do without her.
Mr. Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, ‘Lucky Star’, ‘Borderline’ – but once she got into her ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ phase, I don’t know, I tuned out.
Mr. Brown: Hey, you guys are making me lose my… train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Joe: Oh, Toby was this Chinese girl, what was her last name?
Mr. White: What’s that?
Joe: I found this old address book in a jacket I ain’t worn in a coon’s age. What was that name?
Mr. Brown: What the fuck was I talking about?
Mr. Pink: You said ‘True Blue’ was about a nice girl, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, and that ‘Like a Virgin’ was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular fuck machine, I’m talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it’s like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the ‘Great Escape’, he’s digging tunnels. Now, she’s gettin’ the serious dick action and she’s feeling something she ain’t felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Joe: Chew? Toby Chew?
Mr. Brown: It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, ‘Like a Virgin’
Sirius Lunacy said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:36
Queen really were champions of the world though.
Major Kong said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:39
Everybody really wasn’t actually Kung Foo fighting.
handy said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:40
Damn you Dead Milkmen! I bed you’re not even dead!
One of ‘em is.
Sirius Lunacy said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:42
And I strongly believe that Jimmy Buffet has wasted away in Margaritaville on several occasions.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:42
This town really wasn’t big enough for Sparks.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:44
But Brian Eno’s baby was never literally on fire.
Sirius Lunacy said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:45
Paul Simon has felt ‘groovy’ many times but he has never, ever hung out with Julio down by the schoolyard
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:47
And James Brown really DID have soul, and he WAS super bad.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:48
They prosecuted some poor sucker in these United States
For teaching that man descended from the apes
They coulda settled that case without a fuss or fight
If they’d seen me chasin’ you, sugar, through the jungle last night
They’da called in that jury and a one two three said
Part man, part monkey, definitely
[Even I had to use teh google. Well played Tintin]
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:54
also, I am TOTALLY a zombie.
And anyone who says otherwise, even Asshat Brooks, is a damn liar. I’d eat his brains, but he ass-munched em long ago.
and such as.
Snorghagen said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:54
If consumed in moderate amounts, buckwheat cakes and injun batter won’t necessarily make you fat or a little fatter.
No-Visible-Means said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:55
Umm……But……Can you dance to it?
kingubu said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:57
WTF? Next y’all are going to tell me that Jello and East Bay Ray never vacationed in South-east Asia. Poseurs!
If I wasn’t worried about being called a
Humorless DildoMechanical Cyclops, I’d point out how– 20 years of Yuppie coke parties to the contrary– any discussion of whether or not an artist is “real” or not ultimately boils down to whether you like their art or not.Also, lay off owlbear. S/he’s cool. Also.
Erik W. said,
November 28, 2009 at 19:58
Judith & Mel: The Golden Years
alone in the dark said,
November 28, 2009 at 20:04
Oh, hell yeah.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 28, 2009 at 20:06
Powderfinger’s more of a slow dance number, just like Cortez The Killer.
Jack Elam said,
November 28, 2009 at 20:20
It’s on Rust Never Sleeps, work it out.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 20:26
Is that really a naked woman in Dick Cheney’s sunglasses?
http://www.mcclatchydc.com/homepage/story/33328.html
tigrismus said,
November 28, 2009 at 21:12
I bet Rick James did indeed know some very kinky girls.
Tom said,
November 28, 2009 at 21:23
Springsteen? Isn’t it time to move on? The guy was rock&roll 30 years ago. It’s like being in high school in 1980 and bragging about how you like Pat Boone. Brooks can chase the kids off his lawn while quoting Springsteen lyrics at them.
Substance McGravitas said,
November 28, 2009 at 21:26
I hope not. Successful art just does not rest upon the persona of the artist; that’s just worship of celebrity.
Candy said,
November 28, 2009 at 21:50
Courtney Love may be the most authentic lyricist on the planet. Layne Staley was, Mark Lanegan is, also. Sometimes it’s not such a good idea for the artist to explore the depths, fer realz. I can imagine what it’s like to be a homeless person living under a bridge, without ever having to experience it. I can even have empathy. There’s where Brooks hits epic fail. No empathy.
If an artist touches you, and if they’re real to you, that’s all that matters. Fuck a whole bunch of anyone else’s opinion of artistic merit or lack thereof. Unless it’s Scott Stapp who “touches” you. Then you just suck.
justme said,
November 28, 2009 at 22:14
Brilliant shoop.
“Self Portrait with Pretty Hat” just about sums up Bobo’s entire output.
gocart mozart said,
November 28, 2009 at 22:58
Clapton never did “Cocaine” and Lou Reed never did “Heroin”. How dare anyone impugn their character!
acrannymint said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:13
Don’t look at me – I still listen to Arlo
Smut Clyde said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:14
I doubt any of the Beatles is actually a walrus.
Ringo, maybe.
The photographic evidence is irrefutable.
The Truthful Problem With Reznor said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:16
Except Trent Reznor did suffer from depression. And drug addiction too. Pretty easy to cross reference, just plugging “reznor depression” into Google pulls both the wiki, charities dealing with it who reference him, and interviews where he personally admits to it then, but now states he’s over it and in fact so happy these days because he’s getting married. But gosh, taking a counter culture “every one is fake” attitude is so much easier than working out who isn’t actually faking it, isn’t it? And “Being Cool” means never being called on when you’re just being plain old reactionary dumb though; as it’s just too cool to shout the equivalent of “Hey you depressed people, no one knows how you feel! No real music for you!“, because depressed people are so strong they don’t need music they can relate too, especially music which is given away to them free these days… It’s all lies, I tells ya!
Radiohead follow the same free-to-download model for all their releases now too coincidentally, those faux-depressive hipsters! Must be a scam! But anyway, coming up next; Not listening to any emotional music at all for fear of it being labelled “Emo” and thus labelling you a poser!
Smut Clyde said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:16
Apparently the singers of Back on the DHSS were not actually half man and half biscuit.
J— said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:23
Fun fact: Billy Steinberg wrote both “Like a Virgin” and “I Touch Myself.”
acrannymint said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:27
no personal experience at all
M. Bouffant said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:31
B. S.
Think about it.
Substance McGravitas said,
November 28, 2009 at 23:38
Ozzy Osbourne’s not actually entirely made of iron.
Johnny Pez said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:27
And as for Chuck Berry’s ding-a-ling, that’s a question that’s best not considered.
77south said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:42
King Missile’s PENIS really is detachable though. But the court injunction keeps me from elaborating.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:42
Ozzy Osbourne’s not actually entirely made of iron.
However, Ronnie James Dio actually is a holy diver who rides a tiger, whose stripes are visible, but you can clearly tell that said tiger is clean, oh do you see what I mean?
And the Scorpions really are bad boys running wild, and you’d better get out of their weeeeeeeeeee.
Kobie said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:44
Kelis’ milkshake really does NOT bring all the boys to the yard. This is central to my point.
Kobie said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:46
Candy said,
November 28, 2009 at 21:50
Courtney Love may be the most authentic lyricist on the planet.
I just puked a little in my mouth.
itwasntme said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:46
Why did he even fucking write this? Why?
Substance McGravitas said,
November 29, 2009 at 0:57
Kylie Minogue can’t get me out of her head because I am in spiffy microscopic submarine.
Doctorb said,
November 29, 2009 at 1:36
Someone who can use the phrase “desperate lark” as if that made sense writes for the New York Fucking Times?
77south said,
November 29, 2009 at 1:41
This submarine, Is it yellow?
tigrismus said,
November 29, 2009 at 1:46
Someone who can use the phrase “desperate lark” as if that made sense writes for the New York Fucking Times?
Bird fallen on bad times, nestless, doesn’t know where his next bug is coming from…
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
November 29, 2009 at 2:43
Poor Brooks, he had a chance to be a little clever, and to reference the work of the artist he claims to admire, but his tin ear muffs what could have been a topical joke.
In his column The Other Education, in which he writes:
This second education doesn’t work the way the scholastic education works.
and even:
She couldn’t believe what she was seeing — 10,000 people in a state of utter abandon, with Springsteen surrendering himself to them in the center of the arena.
He blows the chance to use a line from Springsteen’s No Surrender which would-how you say- address his point:
We learned more from a three minute record than we ever learned in school
This is why he’ll never become a professional writer.
What? Oh, DAMN!!!
Smut Clyde said,
November 29, 2009 at 3:11
We learned more from a three minute record than we ever learned in school
However, you try convincing a prospective employer to hire you on the strength of that qualification.
Come to think of it, you try explaining to a prospective employer what a “three minute record” actually is (apart from the shortest time it has so far taken me to consume an entire black pudding in one session).
Smut Clyde said,
November 29, 2009 at 3:14
Bird fallen on bad times, nestless, doesn’t know where his next bug is coming from…
The social problem of suicidal song-birds was recognised by Vaughan Williams in his well-known composition , The Lark Ass-Ending.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
November 29, 2009 at 3:53
Damn, I’m bummed I missed this thread.
Kobie said,
November 29, 2009 at 4:38
#
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
November 29, 2009 at 3:53
Damn, I’m bummed I missed this thread.
I was pissed I missed most of it too. Looks like many lulz were had, and brix were shat.
Curly Howard said,
November 29, 2009 at 6:08
Roky Erickson has walked with zombies.
Muffaroo said,
November 29, 2009 at 6:15
I met the missus for the first time in 1978, and she’d been a fan of Springsteen for several years, from when he was a local act in NJ. He was pretty popular then.
I’d best stop now. I’m boring myself.
lupus yonderboy said,
November 29, 2009 at 7:19
I, too, feel like I missed the lulz, or as Armistead Maupin said, “there’s no such thing as being fashionably late to a circle jerk.”
GoatBoy said,
November 29, 2009 at 7:40
I heard Kyoko wasn’t really worried, even though mummy really didn’t only have her hand in the snow.
dex said,
November 29, 2009 at 7:46
best sn! thread ever?
purvis ames said,
November 29, 2009 at 9:46
The very image of the groupie Bobo trying to shove his head up Springsteen’s ass is a national treasure. I think both the Jersey Boys shoud be proud of the their efforts.
Smut Clyde said,
November 29, 2009 at 10:12
“there’s no such thing as being fashionably late to a circle jerk.”
I find your views intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your etiquette advice column.
anthony said,
November 29, 2009 at 14:58
To Chuck D’s credit he did in fact tell them that he never really had a gun but that it was the wax that the Terminator X spun.
Bitter Scribe said,
November 29, 2009 at 18:12
Brooks has always sucked up to the great American redneck class, which he calls “the working man.” It’s his shtick. Doesn’t surprise me that he would try to hitch a ride on Springsteen’s coattails.
The Dark Avenger said,
November 29, 2009 at 19:17
And in the town where I was born, there never lived a man who sailed the sea.
tellybelly said,
November 30, 2009 at 5:39
Thanks to the late, great KMAC/KISS radio stations in San Antonio, TX and the absolutely fabulous Joe Anthony and Lou Roney, we were hearing cuts off ‘Greetings From Asbury Park’ long before most people outside of New Jersey were even aware of Springsteen.
We were also hearing Pavlov’s Dog, Captain Beyond and Wishbone Ash. Joe and Lou, I miss you a lot.
Substance McGravitas said,
November 30, 2009 at 20:09
When you wish upon a star YOU GET FUCK-ALL.
Smut Clyde said,
November 30, 2009 at 21:40
As Flying Rodent pointed out some time ago, it is an outrage that Brian May should first receive a Ph.D in astrophysics and then become Chancellor of Liverpool University, given his unscientific and easily-refuted claim that fat-bottom girls rather than rotational inertia are responsible for the continued rotation of Planet Earth.
Substance McGravitas said,
November 30, 2009 at 21:54
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious doesn’t work.
Mysticdog said,
November 30, 2009 at 21:58
“Why did he even fucking write this? Why?”
I think it had to do with the scads of money the NYT pays him to publically masturbate.
Smut Clyde said,
November 30, 2009 at 22:49
And that business with the spoonful of sugar? The
cactus juicemedicine came STRAIGHT BACK UP AGAIN.Substance McGravitas said,
December 1, 2009 at 0:39
Also Pouring Some Sugar On Me makes me itchy and sticky and uncomfortable.
Dain Brammaged said,
December 1, 2009 at 1:26
But seriously, doesn’t everyone have a Hungry Heart?
Smut Clyde said,
December 1, 2009 at 6:18
On the other hand, the majority of transplant surgeons do agree that a good heart is hard to find.
Sandor said,
December 4, 2009 at 18:21
And I don’t think that billy works downtown, either.
Sandor said,
December 4, 2009 at 18:24
But it’s possible that Johnny does maybe work in a factory.