Nov
26

Three Turkeys for Thanksgiving




Posted at 14:20 by Tintin

nordlinger_turkey
ABOVE: Jay Nordlinger and Turkey (front to back)

Shorter Jay Nordlinger, America’s Shittiest Website™:
Re ‘Attack of the Seven-Foot Fairy?’

  • Is it Thanksgiving already? Well, that means it must be time to start the War on the War on Christmas!

Shorter John J. Miller, America’s Shittiest Website™:
Thankful

  • I am thankful for my self-published book. Soon a wounded soldier in Afghanistan who is receiving his very own copy, specially autographed by me, will be thankful as well, particularly for my autograph. By the way, here’s a link so you can buy my book and be thankful too.

Shorter Debbie Schlüsselputer:
Thanksgiving Is NOT for Vegetarians

  • Vegans can bite me. Ever hear of moobs??

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

168 Comments »

  1. alec said,

    November 26, 2009 at 14:28

    WOOOO!! FALL BREAK!!

    SHOW US YOUR MOOBS!!!!!!

  2. Dot said,

    November 26, 2009 at 14:38

    I will refrain from saying “Screw you Miller”, on this, the true American holiday.

  3. Arky said,

    November 26, 2009 at 14:40

    Hey wait a minute. I don’t see:
    1. There’s no hunger in America because there was tons of food in the grocery store when I bought my 50 lb. turkey.
    2. The fact that Indians welcomed the pilgrims proves Europeans were right to slaughter the native people of America.
    3. President Obama can’t truly appreciate Thanksgiving because he’s a scary Islahomofascist. (Avec intense analysis of his turkey pardoning skills.)
    4. When Sarah Palin is president, we’ll really have something to be thankful for.

    Damn you, I want the complete set!

  4. Dot said,

    November 26, 2009 at 14:41

    Oh, what the hell. Screw you Miller! I mean, honestly, “And I’m thankful that guys like me have the chance to write pieces of entertainment that may help with their rehabilition in some small way.”

    Having one’s brain try to jump out of one’s skull when reading such drivel isn’t really rehabilitation, now is it? And bonus points to SadlyNo’s spellcheck for picking up Miller’s misspelled word in his post. That’s the tight quality control we’ve come to expect from NRO….

  5. actor212 said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:05

    I can’t believe that little shit, Johnny Miller, plugged his book again in a piece about Thanksgiving!

  6. actor212 said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:06

    Debbie’s just jealous because she saw a pair of bobble-tits that were nicer than hers.

  7. actor212 said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:08

    it is still possible to sleep peacebly because rough man stand ready

    Veiled prison rape reference (cf Miller)

    I won’t even begin to point out the spelling AND nonsensical syntax errors.

  8. Till said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:12

    Unprovoked bile at vegetarians (aka liberals, duh), Muslims (hint! hint! wink! wink!), the Spanish (because they’re not American?), attempted cutesiness that’s just plain creepy, and feces…yep, Frau Schlüssel embodies the entire wingnutosphere in just two paragraphs.

  9. Till said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:14

    Oops, I meant the French, not Spanish. Even better.

  10. noen said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:45

    Shorter Debbie:
    One of the great things about thanksgiving is keeping out people we don’t like.

  11. Bill S said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:45

    Debbie Schlussel’s not only an asshole, she’s also a moron. Carnivores ONLY eat meat. She probably means “omnivore”.
    ‘Cause if she DOESN’T, and, according to her, a vegetarian diet turns dudes into chicks…does that mean SHE’S turning into a dude?

  12. Seven-Foot Fairy said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:48

    Merry Verbotenization!

  13. noen said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:55

    “We live in a dangerous world—but one in which it is still possible to sleep peacebly because rough man stand ready to visit violence on those who would harm us.”

    And if you play your cards right maybe he’ll pay you a visit honey.

  14. The Tragically Flip said,

    November 26, 2009 at 15:59

    Conservatives are fucking weird. Why do vegetarians offend them so much? The less people eating meat makes meat cheaper for them by lowering demand.

    They just can’t stop obsessing about what other people jam down their own throats.

  15. Emily said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:05

    Several of Debbie’s commenters are conservatives vegetarians, and they’re ticked off at Debbie.

  16. N__B said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:09

    Fapping and fapping in a private-gym gyre
    The wingnuts strain to hear the Paliner;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Conservatism is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The Dems lack all conviction, while the Reps
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some election is at hand;
    Saint Ronnie’s Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
    A shape with PENIS body and the head of a POOP,
    A gaze blank and mindless as Miller,
    Is moving K-Lo thighs, while all about it
    Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
    The darkness drops again but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough men, their hour come round yet again,
    Allow bad writers to sleep peacebly?

  17. Looch said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:11

    Several of Debbie’s commenters are conservatives vegetarians, and they’re ticked off at Debbie.

    She’s being swarmed by a pack of Hitlers!

  18. Looch said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:16

    Happy “whatever you like calling today as long as it has some sense of grace within it” Day. Off to the Tart’s family for much food and repeated choruses of “Do your balls hang low?”

    “Do your balls hang low?
    Do they wander to and fro?
    Do you have that strange sensation?
    That they are touring cross the nation?”

    Etc. etc. etc.

    Hey! We’re simple folk.

  19. Jennifer said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:22

    I guess we could be thankful that Lil’ Debbie has a heavily-photoshopped 15-year-old photo of herself up at her website, so we don’t have to see what she really looks like.

  20. W. Kiernan said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:34

    Life as a zero-sum game; that’s the wingnut’s template, isn’t it?

    “[Something all people in general have traditionally enjoyed] is NOT for [a particular group of outsiders to my in-crowd, of whom, for political reasons, I disapprove].”

  21. George Costanza said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:34

    Thanksgiving is NOT for Vegetarians (or Vegans); Soy Milk Causes “Moobs”?

    You mean “moops”.

  22. Debbie Schlussel said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:36

    George Costanza said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:34

    Thanksgiving is NOT for Vegetarians (or Vegans); Soy Milk Causes “Moobs”?

    You mean “moops”.

    moobs.

  23. George Costanza said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:39

    Debbie Schlussel said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:36

    George Costanza said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:34

    Thanksgiving is NOT for Vegetarians (or Vegans); Soy Milk Causes “Moobs”?

    You mean “moops”.

    moobs.

    MOOPS.

  24. N__B said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:46

    George, Debbie:

    It’s spelled “boobs.”

    You’re welcome.

  25. tigrismus said,

    November 26, 2009 at 16:52

    Shorter Jay Nordlinger, America’s Shittiest Website™:
    The plural of anecdote is too data.

    Shorter John J. Miller, America’s Shittiest Website™:
    YAY ME.

    Alternate Debbie Schlüsselputer:
    Fuck putting aside differences and drawing together as a nation to give thanks for all the ways we are blessed, today is really only about meat and vegetarians can get the fuck out.

    Also, if you want to talk moobs, Hugh Hewitt must have suckled soy from his infancy on. Also too, I bet Debbie’s got back cleavage.

  26. LittlePig said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:05

    I was late to the party yesterday, but I just gotta say

    Jennifer said,

    November 25, 2009 at 19:42

    Whoops. Misidentified blog. This is the blog that satisfies my dystopian yearnings. The link I posted is correct for WOVERINES and PENIS, but the one posted here is the one I drop in on regularly…it’s a guy documenting how societies fall apart at the seams, one personal vignette at a time.

    I know you confused the hell out of me. Seeing the pictures of the Red Dawn remake, with all the Republicans thrown in the re-education camps brought a tear of joy to my eye.

    I hear it’s got a tragic ending though – (SPOILER ALERT) The sonsabitches break out of the camps.

    If that ain’t a tearjerker I don’t know what is. Makes Old Yeller look like A Night At The Opera.

  27. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:06

    I’d bet that wounded soldier in Afghanistan would rather be back home, unwounded.

    Which is where he would be if not for Dumbya and company dropping the ball for 7 years for their Iraqi quagmire.
    ~

  28. tigrismus said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:18

    I’d bet that wounded soldier in Afghanistan would rather be back home, unwounded.

    “Wounded” is understating it; he lost both his legs. I can’t get over Miller’s crassness, using this man’s permanent, life-altering injury to plug his damn book.

  29. Ripley said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:36

    “And I’m thankful that guys like me have the chance to write pieces of entertainment that may help with their rehabilition in some small way.”

    They don’t. Any other questions?

  30. ACORN Flakes, a Great Taste America Loves said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:39

    He didn’t lose his arms. He can still write an Amazon review for the book.

  31. Jennifer said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:40

    It’s not just the crassness; how egotistical and detatched from reality would one have to be to think that one’s signature in a book one had written would in any way, shape, or form help compensate for the loss of another’s legs? Did I miss the just miss the part in Waltzing Matilda where he sings about how he doesn’t miss his former life as a rover now that he’s got an autographed copy of John J. Miller’s vanity-published book?

  32. Jennifer said,

    November 26, 2009 at 17:42

    Damn typos. Did I miss the just miss the part….

  33. JGabriel said,

    November 26, 2009 at 18:18

    John J. Miller:

    Soon a wounded soldier in Afghanistan who is receiving his very own copy, specially autographed by me, will be thankful as well, particularly for my autograph.

    In other news, a wounded soldier in Afghanistan now holds the record for shortest ever turnaround time from gift to E-bay …

    .

  34. Dagoril said,

    November 26, 2009 at 18:20

    Happy Thanksgiving, Sadlynauts!

    I’m getting ready to make some white chocolate bread pudding…take that Obama, WHITE FRAKKING CHOCOLATE!!…and am wondering what I did with all of my “Let’s Destroy Christmas” paraphernalia from last year. Especially the Jesus-getting-butt-raped-by-horny-shepherds diorama…that one is just too awesome!

  35. MagicBee said,

    November 26, 2009 at 18:29

    Somebody seriously tell me…do these moops get get paid for these offhand, 30 second bursts of in-creativity? If so, why not us? Are you listening, Mr Frank?

  36. Poindexter Pfentwhistle, Ivy League Grad in Journalistic Studies said,

    November 26, 2009 at 18:42

    In other news, godlstein has written a vegetarian cookbook available on amazon, and is offering autographed cockslaps to real men who’ve been injured.

  37. Joe Max said,

    November 26, 2009 at 18:44

    I am thankful that the Sadly, No! team chooses to keep on writing this blog, and providing us with the Shorters that make each day a little easier.

    No shit, really. Thanks guys.

    Now me and the girls are off to Snowwy’s new digs (the crazy man bought a house!) for their inaugural turkey day. I like turkey, but Lil’ Debbie’s still an idiot.

  38. Lady Doctor Missus Mommy Marita said,

    November 26, 2009 at 19:45

    Gavin may have time to get a post up later today, but if he doesn’t, I’ve set up a Sadlynaut list for the Christmas in the City toy drive (cf and cf). The list here; please consider helping make a homeless kid really happy, and let me know if there are any (appropriate) toys you’d like added to the Sadly list.

    Happy turkey/tofurkey day everyone!!!

  39. Arky said,

    November 26, 2009 at 19:49

    Why do vegetarians offend them so much?

    They think vegetarians eat people who are in a permanent vegetative state and your average fReichtard has all of the symptoms.

    Either that or they think it’s vaginatarians and they’re just plain jealous.

  40. BlackBloc said,

    November 26, 2009 at 19:52

    Who’s surprised that Lil’ Debbie thinks Thanksgiving is all about stuffing your face?

    Anybody?

    I was a lot healthier when I was vegan, ballooned up a bit since I stopped checking what I eat as much as I used to. Going vegan for a while wouldn’t hurt, Debbie. You might even look like that picture on your site again someday.

  41. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2009 at 19:58

    In other news, godlstein has written a vegetarian cookbook

    Via LGM godlstein wants you to pay TWENTY BUCKS A MONTH to read him.

  42. Jennifer said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:05

    Well, the pre-Thanksgiving turkey*, cooked day before yesterday, has been carved up, bagged, and frozen and the carcass is cooking down in a pot on the stove for turkey & rice soup; the cornbread and biscuits for the dressing were baked last night, crumbled, and allowed to dry; the celery has been sauteed in butter with the sage and other spices added; now I’m ready to go to mom’s to put it all together.

    *(I cook about 4 turkeys a year since I can’t stand that nasty pressed turkey deli meat…and thanksgiving is the only time of year that I can reliably find turkeys that aren’t injected with 15% or more of that preservative broth crap. Plus, Kroger had the good (non-adulterated) frozen turkeys for $.37/lb! So I have my turkeys for the rest of the year stockpiled in freezers all over the place – and I only paid about $4.50 for each of them.)

  43. g said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:25

    How mean-spirited does someone have to be to write a Thanksgiving column that does nothing but sneer at the holiday menu choices of other diners that don’t affect her?

    What a shriveled up little turd Debbie Schlussel’s soul must be.

  44. kg said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:26

    efficient! I do something similar with chicken, since it my preferred poultry.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

  45. Debbie Schlussel said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:40

    George Costanza said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:39

    Debbie Schlussel said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:36

    George Costanza said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:34

    Thanksgiving is NOT for Vegetarians (or Vegans); Soy Milk Causes “Moobs”?

    You mean “moops”.

    moobs.

    MOOPS.

    MOOBS!

  46. George Costanza said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:42

    Debbie Schlussel said,
    November 26, 2009 at 20:40

    George Costanza said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:39

    Debbie Schlussel said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:36

    George Costanza said,
    November 26, 2009 at 16:34

    Thanksgiving is NOT for Vegetarians (or Vegans); Soy Milk Causes “Moobs”?

    You mean “moops”.

    moobs.

    MOOPS.

    MOOBS!

    MOOPS !!!!!!!!!!

  47. N.C. said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:46

    Children, please.

    Mantits.

  48. George Costanza said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:47

    preying mantits?

  49. PeeJ said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:57

    FYI, Glenn Greenwald likes Brad.

  50. PeeJ said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:58

    FYWP
    http://www.salon.com/news/opinion/glenn_greenwald/2009/11/25/bolton

  51. owlbear1 said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:58

    Why look! It’s a Cornustupida of Arrogance and Mendacity.

    …again today.

    Please everyone have a safe and healthy Harvest festival.

    gobble gobble

  52. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2009 at 20:59

                                                                                    O.O

  53. Candy said,

    November 26, 2009 at 21:40

    preying mantitis

    Happy Thanksgiving, Sadlies! Thank you for being you.

  54. g said,

    November 26, 2009 at 21:43

    I sure treasure the two holiday traditions of the past couple yeasrs – George Bush holding a plastic turkey, and Sarah Palin gabbing away while Quasimodo cuts the throats of upsidedown turkeys flailing their limbs in aluminum cones.

    Classic.

  55. Mentis Fugit said,

    November 26, 2009 at 21:53

    George Costanza said,

    Debbie Schlussel said,

    George Costanza said,

    Debbie Schlussel said,

    George Costanza said,

    Thanksgiving is NOT for Vegetarians (or Vegans); Soy Milk Causes “Moobs”?
    You mean “moops”.

    moobs.

    MOOPS.

    MOOBS!

    MOOPS !!!!!!!!!!

    Mornington Crescent.

  56. Smut Clyde said,

    November 26, 2009 at 22:05

    Perhaps you should explain the rules, Mr Fugit
    (unless you were referring to the Peculiar Crimes Unit).

  57. J— said,

    November 26, 2009 at 22:45

    Via LGM godlstein wants you to pay TWENTY BUCKS A MONTH to read him.

    Ha. It looks like they ripped off the Led Zeppelin IV symbols and the Three Bulls background.

  58. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2009 at 22:49

    Also: The QOR Club.

    I sense cockplay.

  59. J— said,

    November 26, 2009 at 22:52

    What happened with the catch wrestling site? I thought that was supposed to generate some revenue.

  60. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2009 at 22:56

    Very old news, but Jeff gets the smackdown from Dan Riehl.

  61. justme said,

    November 26, 2009 at 22:57

    The plural of anecdote is too data.

    and

    Cornustupida

    have made my T-day already. Thanks.

  62. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:00

    What happened with the catch wrestling site?

    Zero comments. I assume all the action is behind the paywall.

  63. Doctorb said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:03

    Debbie’s so great, not caring if other people eat ham. Hooray for tolerance! Unlike a certain other so-called “religion” I could name but won’t because it is the subtext of everything I say ever. So it’s kind of odd that she is so bothered if someone eats tofu (although the Tofurkey is pretty awful actually. The Unturkey was good but they went out of business).

    So if “soya chunks” sounds like “artificial feces for a movie set”, I wonder what “mashed up food stuffed into an intestine” would sound like, really. I mean, aside from a delicious kosher kishka. What I don’t wonder, by the way, is what sort of movies Debbie has been watching where feces, artificial or otherwise, are important.

    And the phrase “certain substances and essences” totally makes Debbie sound like a sane person and I hope she makes a habit of talking like General Jack D. Ripper. The cromulence of it all would behoove me so much.

    I am thankful that there are dedicated people scouring the wingnut blogosphere and separating for us the so-bad-it’s-hilarious comedy gold from the so-bad-it’s-bad dross.

  64. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:37

    Rick…um…oh yes! MORAN! Allow me to share my secret Thanksgiving desire. I wish to go through an entire Thanksgiving Day without reading in a newspaper, seeing on the internet, or have anyone mention to me that Native Americans have nothing to be thankful for today, that they are in mourning, and that it’s my fault.

    My what a noble desire.

    The Mayflower stuck around until April 1621, supplying the colonists with whatever food they couldn’t beg for, trade for, or steal from the Indians.

    Mission unaccomplished.

  65. Smut Clyde said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:37

    Cornustupida

    Shirley you mean ‘cornucrapia’.

  66. Smut Clyde said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:40

    my secret Thanksgiving desire
    Give the man credit for honesty. The world would be a more beautiful place if those annoying dispossessed people would have the decency to disappear.

  67. M. Bouffant said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:41

    Ick ick ick!

    Not only did I click on the Dan Riehl link provided by someone who obviously hates Thanksgiving, to read the most hideous sentence ever:

    Ke-rist, Jeff, I’ve been doing an Ace groupie for over a year. And yes, she’s female.

    (Can you imagine? DON’T!)

    but America’s Shittiest Website has gone shit-brown for Turkey Day, & (Google-style) have a graphic of a child in an “Indian” costume about to sodomize a turkey.

    Now I can’t watch any more football, because I am struck blind.

  68. Just Alison, aka Snail Joust said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:51

    Kind of OT, although it was on-T for the last post which was way too long to get involved with (“put your hands up and back away from the thread”)…

    Anyways, this. Mebbes that pasty dickhead who wrote the article about food insecurity might want to help out with this. Or mebbes a fucking 13-year-old girl knows more and is a better person, eh?

  69. Gary Ruppert said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:52

    The fact is, Happy Thanksgiving to True Conservatives in the Heartland. Screw you, liberals eleitists on the coasts. I hope you choke on your tofurkey.

    Here’s to our troops. however, their C in C is a fraud and hates America.

    Hopey Changey biased idiots? Get back to reality soon, before the Free Market does for you.

  70. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 26, 2009 at 23:59

    Who does Debbie think she’s fooling? She’s having bile for Thanksgiving.

  71. wiley said,

    November 27, 2009 at 0:02

    Nuts to the face, right Ruppert? Get cancer.

  72. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 0:08

    Uhh… is WordPress working?

    FYWP!!!

  73. Seven-Foot Fairy said,

    November 27, 2009 at 0:12

    I am thankful that Gary has ridden me reverse cowgirl while I tatooed the Protocols of the Elders of Zion on his back.

  74. Tehanu said,

    November 27, 2009 at 0:25

    That’s not the real Gary. The real Gary is a bigoted, prissy little chickenhawk who likes to fantasize about awful things happening to anybody who disagrees with him or has a different skin color, but would never actually come out and say “I hope you choke” because somebody’s fist might come out of his screen and pop him if he did. I don’t have to hope that this imitation Gary chokes on whatever pathetic bird he eats today, because even if he did, and sustained major brain damage from lack of oxygen before some elitist who actually knew something like the Heimlich maneuver rescued him, nobody could tell the difference.

    And as Joe Max said:

    November 26, 2009 at 18:44

    I am thankful that the Sadly, No! team chooses to keep on writing this blog, and providing us with the Shorters that make each day a little easier.

    No shit, really. Thanks guys.

    Yeah, me too. Thanks Brad et al., and keep it coming!

  75. Doctorb said,

    November 27, 2009 at 0:50

    Debbie’s got another article explaining how keeping kosher influences her Thanksgiving. It’s mostly neutral but she can’t seem to resist taking a gratuitous swipe at Muslims (halal is a ripoff of kashrut and also a “lite” version thereof) and animal advocates (Jews care about not inflicting needless suffering in animals, but they’re not PETA whackos*).

    I mean, I’m a pretty argumentative person and all, but I find that I can usually give a 30-minute talk about cancer without throwing in something like “growth for growth’s sake is the ideology of the cancer cell” or “normally when these cells somehow enter the wrong environment, they recognize that they are not wanted, unlike C-plus Augustus and his imperialist stooge mercenaries argh sheep pimp argle blargle “**.

    * I think she’s still sore over Agriprocessors and the UO certifiers and how PETA made it slightly more difficult to “deny that men do all they can to dissimulate this cruelty or hide it from themselves,” &c. Because you know, now PETA is a bunch of anti-semites of course.

    ** I am not often invited to speak at Liberty University, though.

  76. Mentis Fugit said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:07

    Smut Clyde:

    Perhaps you should explain the rules, Mr Fugit
    (unless you were referring to the Peculiar Crimes Unit).

    I once intended to do so. I thought I’d work up to it by honing my rusty writing skills on something simple and straightforward, like cricket, then some large gentlemen – at least I think they were gentlemen, though I would never have described an accent as “eldritch” prior to their visit – from the Ministry of Serendipity reasoned with me over the course of several days.

  77. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:15

    Debbie’s got another article explaining how keeping kosher influences her Thanksgiving.

    Does she show any awareness of the dissonance between (a) “My self-imposed food restrictions are no barrier to my participation in a celebration of national unity”,* and (b) “The self-imposed food restrictions of those people over there make them Outsiders who must be Excluded! Unclean! Unworthy!” ?
    I suppose I could visit her website and check, but I would rather talk someone else into doing so.

    Come to think of it, one could argue that her find-an-outgroup approach to the holiday is historically the more accurate way of commemorating a bunch of rigidly exclusionist Jonestown-lite nutbars.

  78. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:18

    Does she show any awareness of the dissonance between (a) “My self-imposed food restrictions are no barrier to my participation in a celebration of national unity”,* and (b) “The self-imposed food restrictions of those people over there make them Outsiders who must be Excluded! Unclean! Unworthy!” ?

    Cognitive dissonance is central to the wingnut personality.

  79. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:20

    Now WordPress is accepting my comments? Oddly enough, WordPress’ spell-check function registers “WordPress” as a misspelling.

    Well, the comment I was going to post originally was:

    Who does Debbie think she’s fooling? She’s having bile for Thanksgiving dinner.

  80. tigrismus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:21

    I’m thankful for Gary and hope he finds the liberal disciplinarian of his dreams. Don’t stop believing, big guy, and don’t forget your safe word!

  81. Cheney Folk Hero said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:25

    “We live in a dangerous world—but one in which it is still possible to sleep peacebly because rough man stand ready to visit violence on those who would harm us.”

    This is such a beautiful example of homoerotic conservative war lust it deserves its own post

  82. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:38

    Don’t stop believing, big guy, and don’t forget your safe word!

    HEARTLAND!!!

  83. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:57

    What rough beast slouches towards Bethlehem to visit violence on those who would harm us?

  84. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:27

    Whatever rough beast it be, rest assured that Mr Miller gets tingly as he contemplates it.

  85. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:30

    Of course, Yeats was predicting the current state of the Republican party:

    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

  86. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:35

    This is such a beautiful example of homoerotic conservative war lust it deserves its own post

    I’m squicked out by the humiliation-porn element.
    “Effete urban couch-dweller (likes Gor cosplay, sleeping peaceably; trading liberty for a little short-lived security) seeks rough, virile, upright-standing man for protection.”

  87. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:36

    likes Gor cosplay

    I see what you did.

  88. McJohn said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:39

    I bet the safe word is “Wolverines!!!!1!!!”

    But how do they get the numeral in there?

  89. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:40

    I wonder what Ernie Anastos is doing for Thanksgiving.

    Brining the turkey, indeed.

  90. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:43

    likes Gor cosplay

    Likes QOR cosplay

    Or is that cockplay?

  91. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:48

    I see what you did.
    Initially jesting, but then I remembered that Miller wrote that book that you mean people were so mean about, in which Portia the beautiful slave-girl (“who holds a vital clue”) is the Mary Sue character.

    Just noticed that N_B was onto the Yeats business up at 16:09.

  92. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:52

    All your Saga references are belong to us.

  93. Poindexter Pfentwhistle, Ivy League Grad in Journalistic Studies said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:52

    All those on your Druidic Solstice gift giving list are sure to enjoy”The First Assassin” or “Liberal Fascism” or “The Kosher Vegetarian Cookbook (with cockslapping signifiers full color inserts)” You can get them all, singly or together, at Amazon.com. Just type the tag “buzzkill neocons”

  94. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:56

    All your Saga references are belong to us.

    Oh, I think not.

  95. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:57

    but then I remembered that Miller wrote that book that you mean people were so mean about, in which Portia the beautiful slave-girl (”who holds a vital clue”) is the Mary Sue character.

    Ah, yes, the Miller’s tale… I thought the ass-kissing parish clerk was the Mary Sue character.

  96. Jay Are Eff said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:14

    “”a heavily-photoshopped 15-year-old photo of herself “”

    Do you mean one from 15 years ago, or one of her when she was 15? Because there is a MASSIVE bloody difference.

  97. tigrismus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:17

    What rough beast slouches towards Bethlehem to visit violence on those who would harm us?

    Whatever rough beast it be, rest assured that Mr Miller gets tingly as he contemplates it.

    And Debbie will eat it, if it’s kosherly butchered. Then bitch about those who wouldn’t eat it.

    but then I remembered that Miller wrote that book that you mean people were so mean about, in which Portia the beautiful slave-girl (”who holds a vital clue”) is the Mary Sue character.

    Who holds a vital clue 100 miles away. I guess that makes it a distal clue, as well.

  98. kg said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:32

    B to the BBB
    As far as beating egg whites into mashed sweet potatoes and baking it up. — Mission accomplished! They were freakink deli ious. Also. The fresh ground nutmeg dnt hurt

  99. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:35

    Awesome kg! You really can’t go wrong with Ipomoea batatas.

  100. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:44

    All those on your Druidic Solstice gift giving list are sure to enjoy”The First Assassin” or “Liberal Fascism” or “The Kosher Vegetarian Cookbook (with cockslapping signifiers full color inserts)” You can get them all, singly or together, at Amazon.com. Just type the tag “buzzkill neocons”

    Rats, I already made my purchases.

  101. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:50

    Vegans can bite me
    Debbie is made of tofu??

  102. kg said,

    November 27, 2009 at 3:57

    she is fairly bland and pale…

  103. Snarla said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:00

    “Rough men.” I love that no conservative ever remembers that women are in the military. I couldn’t have passed for a “rough man” even on my butchest day.

  104. kg said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:00

    I’ve got a full belly, I’m surrounded by pets and loved ones. Fresh drink nearby. Jesus, I’m soft!

    I’ve got the goddamned squishy belly to prove it>

  105. jim said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:05

    “We live in a dangerous penis—but one in which it is still possible to blart peeancefreeancebly because rough manatees stand ready to visit post-objectivist discontinuities of scale on those who would address my post, libs.”

    Remixed.

  106. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:07

    I hear a soldier in Afghanistan had a copy of The First Assassin in a breast pocket over his heart and it stopped a bullet and saved his life. And he was a rough man. Also.

  107. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:08

    she is fairly bland and pale…

    And she’s certainly tasteless.

  108. tigrismus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:14

    So maybe she’s why Hewitt has moobs?

  109. N__B said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:15

    Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 1:57 (kill)

    What rough beast slouches towards Bethlehem to visit violence on those who would harm us?
    #

    Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 2:27 (kill)

    Whatever rough beast it be, rest assured that Mr Miller gets tingly as he contemplates it.

    AHEM. http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/26655.html#comment-1002305

    I’m thankful that we had a good dinner and my parents are on the socialism-provided train home.

  110. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:18

    Smut Clyde said,
    November 27, 2009 at 2:48
    Just noticed that N_B was onto the Yeats business up at 16:09.

  111. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:20

    Yeah, N__B was all up in Yeats’ grill!

  112. N__B said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:21

    Yeah, N__B was all up in Yeats’ grill!

    I was hankering for some Anglo-Irish breakfast meat.

  113. Dan Someone said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:32

    On this day of giving thanks, I am thankful that I live in a country where I can choose not to click the links to those fuckweasels’ asshattery.

  114. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:38

    Shredded God-Damned Gerbil with Swirled Red Leicesters

    All you do is get God-damned gerbil and put butter and pepper on top of it before risottoing it. That – putting those seasonings on top – is the secret. Whisk the meat, then put it on top of some leech toe. Put Red Leicester (at all grocery stores, make sure to get this Red Leicester too) over top of it. Put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. You can add to it whatever you want. Some people put a layer of solemn Reblochon cheese on it and just eat it like that. I chop up pasta filata, medium Gouda and Manouri cheese and put them on top, as well as goat skull. WARNING: You will never be able to order gerbil at a restaurant or bar ever again, as they simply won’t measure up to the ones you can make at home.

  115. J— said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:46

    Miller’s rough men quote is one of those lines attributed to someone alwayswithout citation, and when you go look for the source, it just isn’t there. In this case, it’s George Orwell.

    The person who actually wrote that line is Tocqueville, but he said roughnecks, not rough men.

  116. ckc (not kc) said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:49

    Shredded God-Damned Gerbil with Swirled Red Leicesters

    …awful lot of cheese in that recipe – don’t imagine you’d even be able to taste the gerbil

  117. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 4:58

    …awful lot of cheese in that recipe – don’t imagine you’d even be able to taste the gerbil

    A strategy that works with spleen as well.

  118. N__B said,

    November 27, 2009 at 5:38

    B^4 – How would you serve gizzard?

  119. justme said,

    November 27, 2009 at 5:56

    We all live in a dan-gerous pe-nis ♪

    a dan-gerous pe-nis ♬

    a dan-gerous pe-nis ♫

  120. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 5:59

    B^4 – How would you serve gizzard?

    When I cook it at home, I simmer the bayjaysus out of them for a couple of hours, until they are tender and use them as I’d use any chicken part (think Ernie Anastos here), but I do like the fried gizzards that the Chinese restaurants often serve (the one on 4th Ave around 8th St in Brooklyn does them pretty well).

    I often buy chicken hearts, put them on a skewer, and grill them up- a trick I picked up from the Brasilenos. Best part of the chicken (unless you’re Ernie Anastos).

  121. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:01

    B^4 – How would you serve gizzard?

    With fava beans and a nice Chianti!

  122. Gizzard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:04

    Do my bidding, Bastard.

  123. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:09

    Do my bidding, Bastard.

    I hear and obey.

  124. What Have You said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:15

    When I cook it at home, I simmer the bayjaysus out of them for a couple of hours…

    The bayjaysus is the best part!

  125. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:18

    Do not meddle in the affairs of gizzards, for they are subtle and easily over-cooked.

  126. ckc (not kc) said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:23

    Do not meddle in the affairs of gizzards…

    “I don’t know how long they tortured him, but through the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words: ”

    ___________ _____________

    (it’s a contest, folks)

  127. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:25

    “I don’t know how long they tortured him, but through the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words: ”

    Bookmark this!

  128. What Have You said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:32

    …they discerned two words:

    “Dried dung.”

    …for they are subtle…

  129. g said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:34

    Apple and pumpkin pie, leftovers. Mmmm!

  130. justme said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:35

    “Dried dung.”

    …for they are subtle…

    I’ll stick with the white truffles.

  131. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:36

    …they discerned two words:

    Turnip! Buttocks!

  132. justme said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:40

    Turnip! Buttocks!

    Hmm, I though I burned those photos.

  133. What Have You said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:42

    …they discerned two words:

    Morningtown Crescent.

  134. Peter Griffin said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:51

    Vagina boob.

  135. Sarah Palin said,

    November 27, 2009 at 6:52

    And also.

  136. justme said,

    November 27, 2009 at 7:40

    …they discerned two words:

    Semiotic blancmange.

  137. dim-witted badger said,

    November 27, 2009 at 7:42

    fucking pelicans

  138. GoatBoy said,

    November 27, 2009 at 8:08

    Mickey Kaus!

  139. Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,

    November 27, 2009 at 8:09

    Lonny Martello!

  140. Not Really Saul said,

    November 27, 2009 at 8:15

    “…they discerned two words:”
    Shalom, gentlemen!

  141. not a gator said,

    November 27, 2009 at 8:51

    N__B, please accept this humble offering of one (1) internet. Use it in good health.

    I actually appreciate this poem now, after hating it in high school. Duuuuude.

  142. Jay Are Eff said,

    November 27, 2009 at 10:12

    “…they discerned two words:”

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TwoWordsObviousTrope?from=Main.TwoWords

  143. Lesley said,

    November 27, 2009 at 10:12

    Enjoy this video of Palin being spoofed by Canada’s national treasure, Mary Walsh.

    Walsh, in the guise of Marg Delahunty, caught up or rather tried to catch up with Palin during a book signing event. She met with about as much success as one could expect when bursting upon a former American vice presidential candidate with a camera in tow. Which is to say, she was thrown out of the event, but Delahunty never one to give up, hung about outside the exit and managed to capture a quick sound bite from Palin.

  144. N__B said,

    November 27, 2009 at 12:18

    a quick sound bite from Palin.

    That’s going to fester.

  145. stackozone said,

    November 27, 2009 at 12:29

    Substance McGravitas said,

    All your Saga references are belong to us.

    Oh, I think not.

    I LOVED Daniel-Day Lewis when he was with SAGA.

  146. N__B said,

    November 27, 2009 at 12:48

    I am thankful, a day late, that someone else has clients as fucking stupid as mine: http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p.html

  147. Mrs Tilton said,

    November 27, 2009 at 14:02

    Who holds a vital clue 100 miles away

    Slavegirls with absurdly long arms are TEH HOTT.

  148. Gary Ruppert said,

    November 27, 2009 at 14:23

    The fact is, Sarah Palin stands for freedom and USA power, which is why liberals hate her.

  149. Looch said,

    November 27, 2009 at 14:58

    And John Miller continues to fuck that chicken.

    Avoid the Malls [John J. Miller]

    Just buy The First Assassin already, okay? My website has a homepage for the book.

    The National Post (of Canada) asked me for a few book recommendations. When it asked “Q: What is your favourite recent Canadian book?”—I didn’t even have to make up an answer.

    And the discerned two words?

    “Mechanical cyclops!”

  150. Joe Max said,

    November 27, 2009 at 15:06

    I just saw a report on Russian Times television (RT is Russia’s version of CNN) on the free traveling medical clinics being run in the USA, providing health care to people who have none.

    I can’t be sure, but it seemed like there was an almost smug overtone to the coverage, mixed with pity. Maybe I’m just imagining it, but just watching the report made me profoundly embarrassed for my country. Even the goddamn Russians don’t treat their citizens so badly.

  151. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2009 at 15:12

    With a lot of hard work and more than a little luck, Sarah Palin might make a passable night manager at a Wendy’s somewhere.

    Not day manager, mind you. She’s not ready for the big time just yet.

  152. Not really getting the comedic point of the contest said,

    November 27, 2009 at 16:46

    ‘Shire, Baggins’

  153. Sirius Lunacy said,

    November 27, 2009 at 17:13

    ___________ _____________

    (it’s a contest, folks)

    Rose bud?

    Rosebud Light?

  154. N__B said,

    November 27, 2009 at 17:37

    “I don’t know how long they tortured him, but through the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words: ”

    Abby Normal

  155. Sirius Lunacy said,

    November 27, 2009 at 18:03

    Too Data!

  156. Anonymous K. said,

    November 27, 2009 at 18:07

    “Bookmark this!”

  157. Honus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 18:26

    “I’m thankful that so many Americans are willing to risk their lives to protect our freedom. I’m thankful that modern medicine can rescue them from terrible injuries that would have been fatal just a generation or two ago. And I’m thankful that guys like me have the chance to write pieces of entertainment that may help with their rehabilition in some small way.”

    Of corse, big rough John isn’t going to risk his life, because he’s tto valuable writing thise pieces of entertainment to help rehabilitate amputees who protect his blessed way of life. Sort of like his hero, Ronald Reagan, who fought the battle of Palm Springs in WWII.

  158. tigrismus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 18:45

    “Fact is…” and when they were done he was heard to whisper “heart land” as his eyes fluttered closed and a snowglobe fell from his hand.

  159. Jennifer said,

    November 27, 2009 at 18:57

    “Fact is…” and when they were done he was heard to whisper “heart land” as his eyes fluttered closed and a snowglobe fell from his hand.

    So the story has a happy ending, after all.

  160. kingubu said,

    November 27, 2009 at 19:17

    I just saw a report on Russian Times television (RT is Russia’s version of CNN) on the free traveling medical clinics being run in the USA

    RT is evidently doing a better job that the national U.S. press, then. Those traveling clinics have been touring major American cities since summer. At every stop they are swamped by people in need of basic health services.

    Given that they are operating a wealthy country whose political establishment is debating health care and insurance reform you might be tempted to think that even the existence these traveling temporary hospitals would be a major national story. Silly thinker. See, a couple of hundred Ignint McNuggets played 17th century dress-up and yelled at their Congresspeople, which is clearly the more relevant story.

  161. kingubu said,

    November 27, 2009 at 19:23

    “Fact is…” and when they were done he was heard to whisper “heart land” as his eyes fluttered closed and a snowglobe fell from his hand.

    The fact is, no matter how hard Gary pretends to be a sled, Todd Palin still won’t ride him into the sunset.

  162. tigrismus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 20:07

    So the story has a happy ending, after all.

    I forgot to tell you about how he was visited by the ghosts of Wars on Christmas past, present, and future, who addressed his posts.

  163. Joe Max said,

    November 27, 2009 at 21:09

    Does she show any awareness of the dissonance between (a) “My self-imposed food restrictions are no barrier to my participation in a celebration of national unity”,* and (b) “The self-imposed food restrictions of those people over there make them Outsiders who must be Excluded! Unclean! Unworthy!” ?

    I completely realize that a couple of exceptions don’t make the rule, but an Orthodox Jewish family in my neighborhood are the only people I even knew personally who eschewed celebrating Thanksgiving. (Although they threw a mean Succot, and even invited their goyim neighbors to dinner.) It wasn’t that they couldn’t have made an all-Kosher turkey dinner, it was on religious grounds

    On the other hand, I worked with some Iranian ex-pat musicians last Wednesday night, who were all excited about a recipe for turkey with rice pilaf stuffing they were trying out for dinner the next day, all completely Halal.

    It’s just Lil’ Debbie all full of shit as usual. Stuffed with shit, one could say.

  164. LD said,

    November 27, 2009 at 21:14

    tigrismus said,

    November 27, 2009 at 20:07

    So the story has a happy ending, after all.

    I forgot to tell you about how he was visited by the ghosts of Wars on Christmas past, present, and future, who addressed his posts.

    Before that, did his old co-work come to tell him that he can sleep his night safely and uninterrupted without worries and he can, infact, bookmark it?

  165. pedestrian said,

    November 27, 2009 at 21:51

    Debs replies to a commenter who points out that men have been eating soy for centuries without developing breasts:

    perhaps the Asians who consume soy have something in their immune systems or genetic makeup that make them immune to the effects. You never know. DS

    And how could you ever know? There are only two kinds of “facts” in her world: those that call into question her prejudices and can’t be proven, and those that support her prejudices and can’t be disproven.

  166. St. Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    November 27, 2009 at 22:48

    That’s… that’s more than two words, Gare Bear.

  167. Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,

    November 27, 2009 at 23:17

    Of course, how could I have missed it:

    USA Power!

  168. jim said,

    November 28, 2009 at 5:11

    …they discerned two words:

    Teh buttocks.

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