Fighting “Fraud” with Fraud

miller_FWS

Slightly Shorter John J. Miller, America’s Shittiest Website™
A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read

  • Sending your readers to Amazon to review books and rate reviews is very, very naughty, except, of course, when I send my readers to go give favorable reviews of my book and to vote against unfavorable reviews of my book. Oh, and note to myself for the future, do not post badly written chapters from my book that can serve as the basis for negative reviews — or at least don’t post chapters with hackneyed metaphors like “mechanical Cyclops.” Also, the assassin would too look at the drapes and tassels even though a gun was being pointed at him and anyone who says otherwise hasn’t seen the faaabulous drapes and tassels I had in mind.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 382

 
 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

So I got special mention at Big Hollywood?

WooHoo! I’ll be sure to cherish this memory for as long as it stays with me.

Errrrrrrrrr, what were we talking about?

 
 

“mechanical Cyclops.”

I still see a prostethetic dildo when I read this. Humourless, to boot.

Or Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz…which in Miller’s case would be an improvement.

 
 

Sometimes I want to write the balls-out parody-conservative novel of these guys’ dreams, and it’d end up something like The Iron Dream by Norman Spinrad. The problem is you can’t satirize porn, whether political porn or sex porn. Someone will always fap to it.

 
 

Check out Michael Walsh’s response (also at the Corner), especially the last four sentences.

 
 

On Friday, a left-wing website launched a coordinated attack

Erm, no.

 
 

Now, in fairness, PeeJ, the last line of TinTin’s review said “You know what to do”.

Mind you, this is an entire set of humanity who could straight-faced read the PNAC website and get absolutely no inkling that perhaps September 11 might have been either condoned or worse, facilitated, but somehow one short sentence easily missed at the end of a multiparagraph humour review is a summons to Cthuhulu…

 
 

On Friday, a left-wing website launched a coordinated attack

They did? Was that all that shouting of “Gerbils!!11!!” that I heard?

 
 

Well, it was coordinated in that your writing was so shitty that it caused us to vomit as one.

 
 

Their behavior is a case study in illiberalism — an online book-burning mocking party

Fixed.

 
 

“A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read”–a supreme example of dishonesty AND self-promotion in a single headline!

It takes a “conservative” to confuse mockery with censorship. Waah, etc.

 
 

a supreme example of dishonesty AND self-promotion in a single headline!

He must write the blurbs for those e-mails the Heritage Foundation and American Stinker keep sending, offering free books with every subscription.

 
 

“A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read”

Go ahead. Read it. Just don’t blame us.

 
 

Not just a mechanical cyclops, but one that glistened from a recent cleaning.

I don’t remember, but did it thob too?

Was there anything about it that was described as “rope-like”?

Did it strain or perhaps threaten to thrust?

Did Miller go to school at a large midwestern university?

 
 

On Friday, a left-wing website launched a coordinated attack

Allegations that the left has done something coordinated requires a high degree of proof. I want to see the original triple vault long form copies.

 
 

I want to see the original triple vault long form copies.

And stick the landing, biatches.

 
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism
 

“A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read”

Sadly, no.

Nothing would make this leftist happier than to watch conservative idiots waste their money on shit like this.

We just want to mock you rightards for reading it!

 
 

On the original thread here, one right-winger basically pled for our mercy on Miller.

*snark*

 
 

From Miller’s post:

“I’m hardly the first National Review writer to face such abuse. Just ask Jonah.

Waaah!

 
 

And the only thing one would ask Jonah is:

“Supersize that?”

 
 

The only thing that would save that dreadful book would if the main character had a time-traveling dolphin as a sidekick.

 
 

a time-traveling dolphin

with frickin’ lasers!

 
 

It amazes me that Miller truly does not seem to have considered the possibility that his book simply sucks.

Too much wingnut welfare?

 
 

it’d end up something like The Iron Dream by Norman Spinrad. The problem is you can’t satirize porn, whether political porn or sex porn. Someone will always fap to it.

As indeed was the case even with The Iron Dream – there was someone who went to Spinrad and raved about the book and what a great story it was but didn’t understand what all the Nazi stuff was all about. YEEESH.

And no, it’s not “A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read”; from the excerpts I’ve seen it’s a book that IT doesn’t want you to read. To paraphrase someone or other – this is not abook for reading; this is a book for laying down and avoiding.

 
 

Now, in fairness, PeeJ, the last line of TinTin’s review said “You know what to do”.

Oh heck, I thought that meant “make fun of what you find ludicrous.” If it meant “post a review at Amazon” I’m afraid I didn’t know what to do, and I’m sorry to have let you all down.

 
 

Book reviewers are the stormtroopers of liberal fascism.

 
 

Book reviewers are the stormtroopers of liberal fascism.

Are there matching outfits?

 
 

“Hey, feel free to flame this prolix bipedal divot for the paper brick made of ugly, stink & fail he’s selling” =/= “a coordinated attack”

WTF is this weak shit!?

I’d expect “Sadly, No!” to at least rate as a “left wing attack-website” if not “an ultra-left-wing cyberterorist-nihilist hate-website” by now. Let’s face it. If our vigilance & zeal falters, Wonkette or Fafblog may overtake us by creating a Snark Gap … & we must NEVER allow ourselves to wind up on the wrong side of a Snark Gap.

Umm. Contrariwise, it may be worth noting that I was not/am not a loyal Snarktrooper … seeing as I just didn’t bother ragging on John J. Dipstick’s novel-like thing (other than here) (what with the excerpts & blurb-copy alone already spontaneously inducing vomiting, nosebleeds & piles).

 
 

Are there matching outfits?

Rumbled tweed jackets with little swastika elbow patches.

 
 

Rumbled, rumpled, Rumpole… same diff.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Should we lady members were rump-sprung tweeds, a la Margaret Rutherford playing Miss Marple?

 
 

Contrariwise, it may be worth noting that I was not/am not a loyal Snarktrooper …

Me either. I only joined for the business opportunities.

And the uniform. Chicks love the uniform.

 
 

Rumbled tweed jackets with little swastika elbow patches.

I totally misread that, and thank goodness I’ve now seen the error of my ways because that tumble weed had nowhere to attach the patches. Plus: OMG SEE-THROUGH and soooo very cold.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

I wonder if it’s as bad as this—from the Baen Free Library: A Libertarian Fantasy by Milton Friedman’s son! (To be honest, I haven’t read it, and I’m trashing it anyway—typical leftist, yada, yada, yada. I really only wanted Laumer’s works, but I downloaded all their free stuff, why not?

(That link takes you to the front page, and then some kind of Javascript crapola takes you from there to the individual books, so no direct URL.)

What’s interesting is the bimodal distribution of the reviews—the largest percentages are “bad” and “great” and sag considerably in between. Is this unique to politically-motivated fiction?

 
 

It’s amazing how many commenters over at Big Hollywood are responding to Nolte’s post with “just like a German!” “jokes” because Sadly, No! evidently originated in Germany. Because liberals are the real racists.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Crap, I forgot the title: “Harald,” by David Friedman.

 
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan)
 

“thob”

I’m pretty sure the train did not thob. As I understand it, describing a thobbing black tain glistening in the night, thusting itself foward at the innocent, wild-eyed blonde tied spead eagled to the tacks is illegal in 48 states.

 
 

I submitted my post, I really did. It was a nice post, loaded with links and all kinds of fun for the whole family. And now WP has absconded with it and won’t give it back. I just wanted you all to know that I’d made the effort. And now, it appears I have to go. I explained to the nice officer that the only reason I smoke the pot is because I really need the potash to fertilize my garden but he says I have to go downtown with him anyway.

 
 

mark f said,

It’s amazing how many commenters over at Big Hollywood are responding to Nolte’s post with “just like a German!” “jokes” because Sadly, No! evidently originated in Germany. Because liberals are the real racists.

Apparently they don’t know yet that I’m French, a fag, or both.

 
 

Apparently they don’t know yet that I’m French, a fag, or both.

Ah, but wouldn’t being French automatically make you both. You know there’s a reason that macho is a Spanish word.

 
 

Ooooh. Churman matching outfits. How nice.

 
 

As indeed was the case even with The Iron Dream – there was someone who went to Spinrad and raved about the book and what a great story it was but didn’t understand what all the Nazi stuff was all about. YEEESH.

And the American Nazi Party put it on their recommended reading list.

 
Thobbing with laughter
 

…and a thrank-you to all.

Sadly, now I gotta get away from the computer and do something tedious…

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Oh, cap. I was hoping to ead that desciption.

 
 

It amazes me that Miller truly does not seem to have considered the possibility that his book simply sucks.

Go read his ardent defenders in the original thread here.

Even THEY know it’s a

 
 

lame ass effort and FY, Dell keyboard…

 
 

Amazing save there, actor

 
 

And the uniform. Chicks love the uniform.

Getting the down out of the tweed is a bitch.

 
 

Apparently they don’t know yet that I’m French, a fag, or both.

Oh noes! Right now someone who’s credulously accepted Jonah Goldberg’s premise only thinks you’d be out murdering Jews if you weren’t mocking bad books (you know, because that’s what leftist Germans used to do). If he finds out you have consensual sex with men he might really get angry.

Wait . . . I forget which one of those things blustery righties secretly more wish they could be doing.

 
Coach Urban Meyer
 

Wuzza-wuzzwrong, loony libs? Can’t take a little SPREAD of COMEBACK from the National Rockin’ Review? Your tears nourish Da Cool Coach! Book it, done! Urban out.

 
Knights in Black Satin
 

Wouldn’t a “Mechanical Cyclops” be a gigantic humanoid robot with one eye?

 
 

Woah, Miller, sorry about that. I didn’t realize we were offending your PeeSee sensibilities with our politically incorrect style of humor. In the future, we’ll be more respectful of the bland, inoffensive Altar of PC at which you worship.

 
 

“Mechanical Cyclops” is a Steely Dan cover band.

 
 

Someone let Sirius know his post came home. And that he should take the posters of the utility poles.

 
 

Posters as in “flyers.” Eeep.

 
 

“this is a book for laying down and avoiding.”

Cue my favorite Mark Twain comment, re something by Henry James:

“Once you put it down, it’s almost impossible to pick it up.”

 
 

Never mind. He’s gonna do it all over anyway.

 
 

He must write the blurbs for those e-mails the Heritage Foundation and American Stinker keep sending, offering free books with every subscription.

Ahh yes. I remember a few years ago that I had to sign up for ClownHall to post on Hewitt’s blog. For shits and giggles, I used my real e-mail address. The daily freak-outs over the most benign stuff were like Folgers in my cup.

 
 

Can’t take a little SPREAD of COMEBACK from the National Rockin’ Review?

I believe only ZRM is best able to answer as to in what condition National Review could possibly comeback.

NRO still doing begathons?

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

tigrismus said,

November 23, 2009 at 20:29

“Mechanical Cyclops” is a Steely Dan cover band.

I loved their hit single: Taking Old One-Eye to the Optometrist.

 
 

I loved their hit single: Taking Old One-Eye to the Optometrist.

Wasn’t the B side “One Eyed Jacks Are Kings In The Land Of The Blind”?

 
 

“A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read” wrap in razor wire and shove up your ass.

Fixed.

 
 

Wasn’t the B side “One Eyed Jacks Are Kings In The Land Of The Blind”?

I thought it was “Riding the One-eyed Train to Georgia.”

 
 

Here’s a quote from page 3:

“He had walked the route Lincoln would take to the other rail line, checking alleys and side streets for the best escape routes.”:

Yes, Lincoln himself would–go ask why–check the alleys and side streets. And the use of “route” twice in the same sentence.

We are invited to read an entire book of this sort of thing. Like the kid on the Daily Show being read to from Palin’s book, “I would rather kill myself.”

 
 

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

 
 

Chicks love the uniform.

I wear one at my job, & either I’m doing something wrong or that’s bunk.

Heh. Perhaps the spirit is willing but the flesh is blart.

 
 

It should be thrown with great force.

Ah, finally.

Trebuchets.

 
 

I loved their hit single: Taking Old One-Eye to the Optometrist.

I was rather offended by their song about the evils of bifocal folk, Two Against Nature.

 
 

It seems to be working. There’s a spate of five-star reviews up. Some of them seem to be from the usual suspects, like Linda Chavez (didn’t know she was still around) and M.W. (Mark?) Hemingway.

Hemingway added: “Amazon should pull the bad reviews as they are clearly not done in good faith.”

As opposed to the good ones?

 
 

Taking into consideration the number of neo-Confederates in the GOP nowadays, I wonder if the “First Assassin” is the hero of the John J. Miller’s book.

While it would be irresponsible not to speculate on this, it would be irresponsible to subject yourself to Miller’s turgid prose in order to find out.

 
 

left-wing website … a coordinated attack
I was occupied that day, herding the cats.

 
 

I believe only ZRM is best able to answer as to in what condition National Review could possibly comeback.

Apparently it would be spreadable.

 
 

Do I hear a siren?

waaaAAAAAAAAAAaah waaaaAAAAAAAAaah waaaaAAAAAAAAaah

 
 

It seems to be working. There’s a spate of five-star reviews up. Some of them seem to be from the usual suspects, like Linda Chavez (didn’t know she was still around) and M.W. (Mark?) Hemingway.

It’s worth noting that, in light of this month’s NRO Begathon, that this is what their people spend their day doing.

 
 

a coordinated attack

As someone whose clumsy damn fingers force me to use the backspace key way too often I’m afraid I was not eligible to participate in this venture.

 
 

a coordinated attack

It would help if someone cleaned up the banana peels.

 
 

Can’t even make it to the fuckin’ joke on time. WOE IS ME!!! GIVE ME A COLUMN AT BIG HOLLYWOOD TO WHINE IN!!

 
 

It’s worth noting that, in light of this month’s NRO Begathon, that this is what their people spend their day doing.

Hey, don’t knock it. I spend my day reading and posting to Sadly, No! instead of doing my job.

 
 

I’d expect “Sadly, No!” to at least rate as a “left wing attack-website” if not “an ultra-left-wing cyberterorist-nihilist hate-website” by now.

Way too late — TBogg has been a Demonic conservative ridicule-machine for over a year.

 
 

It’s worth noting that, in light of this month’s NRO Begathon, that this is what their people spend their day doing.

This month’s Begathon?

Didn’t NRO have a Begathon last month? Won’t they have another one next month?

 
The Goddamn Batman Tried To Publish His Memoirs Once, But For Some Reason "Going Completely Fucking Apeshit: An American Life" Was Deemed Unsuitable For Publication
 

Ah, let’s savor some of these tidbits from the four- and five-starrers:

Look. This is a first novel. It’s not flawless, but how many of us get to be J.D. Salinger and have our first novels called one of the great works of the century?

Great supplement to our homeschool curriculum.

I loved the book and will be putting on my Christmas list to give friends and family.

An excellent read from an ewxcellent [sic] author.

Read it and judge it on your own and not for what some liberal on-line book burning agenda may want you to think.

OK, maybe I’m biased because I have known the author for a long time…

For those of us who love getting absorbed in historical fiction you can do no better than this.

I can say, with complete honesty, that Miller absolutely deserves readers like this.

 
 

Hey, don’t knock it. I spend my day reading and posting to Sadly, No! instead of doing my job.

Needs more “SEND ME MONEH.”

 
 

How would one go about burning books online? Wouldn’t that require taking a flamethrower to the entire internets?

 
 

I suspect that the Goddam Batman has had his fill of authors with the surname of “Miller” for quite sometime now.

 
 

How would one go about burning books online? Wouldn’t that require taking a flamethrower to the entire internets?

Surely you’ve heard of internet flame wars.

 
 

How would one go about burning books online? Wouldn’t that require taking a flamethrower to the entire internets?

I think if you flame the author, it’s equivalent to burning the book. In their minds, at least.

 
A Demonic Conservative Ridicule-Machine
 

*squirts Sarah Palin with a Seltzer bottle*

 
 

a coordinated attack

Nice to know that this guy’s ego is so big he thinks we’d forgo issues like, bringing troops back home or getting real, affordable health care so we could UNLEASH THE FURY on his oh-so monumental book release party.

 
 

If we put the book in the trebuchet, lit it and sent it flying over the corn field, would that work? Would they be happy with a flaming book launch?

 
 

I think if you flame the author, it’s equivalent to burning the book.

Don’t forget to read your food before you eat that menu!

 
 

Headline at TPM:

“Fox News Threatens Pink Slips for On-Screen Errors”

Seriously.

 
 

I loved the book and will be putting on my Christmas list to give friends and family.

Translation: I hate my friends and family. May they burn in Hell.

 
 

According to one of your FOX presenters / celebrities, it’s time to raise standards and stop with the meaningless self-esteem-raising encouragement:
When we refuse to allow our children to receive a trophy for participation, we are on the road to restoring the meaning of merit in our Republic.

Perhaps Miller did not receive the memo.

 
 

“Fox News Threatens Pink Slips for On-Screen Errors”

Bill O’Reilly wants his in mauve. From Victoria’s Secret. It’s in his contract, apparently.

 
 

Ah, shitty attempts at online brand protection and information control…these guys make me giggle.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

I can’t believe Miller didn’t even THANK us. I’m sure our fraudy fraudelentness and the ensuing hissy fits boosted sales of his “book.”

 
 

I can’t believe Miller didn’t even THANK us. I’m sure our fraudy fraudelentness and the ensuing hissy fits boosted sales of his “book.”

We may have screwed the pooch here. He can repackage it as “The Book Liberals Love to Hate,” or some such and sell a dozen more copies.

 
 

I am surprised that Big Hollywood is so upset. It’s such a mild site with a rare cross word for anyone.

 
 

Translation: I hate my friends and family. May they burn in Hell.

Yeesh. You do the ‘translation’ gig here too, Pryme?

How much of it have you read and why do you give a shit if someone writes a fictional book or not, no matter what his politics were? If someone I knew spent a significant amount of their day saying stupid crap about any of Jimmy Carter’s fictional books and even going to Amazon to write a review of it when they hadn’t read it, I’d tell them to get a life, too.

At the very least, I’d tell them they were better than that and to focus their energy on something that really mattered.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Pardon me, I meant “sales” of his “book.”

 
 

Warning: this is a repost from a pevious thread now updated with a link.

Non-mechanical Cyclops said,

November 20, 2009 at 22:18

If the vitreous humor is coming out, stop chopping and call your optometrist immediately.

Now you tell me.

Of course, if you keep chopping and lose that other eye you could have a promising career as an ECHL referee.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Hey look, it’s Dennis

 
 

If someone I knew spent a significant amount of their day saying stupid crap about any of Jimmy Carter’s fictional books and even going to Amazon to write a review of it when they hadn’t read it, I’d tell them to get a life, too.

At the very least, I’d tell them they were better than that and to focus their energy on something that really mattered.

Get a life, you’re better than this.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

At the very least, I’d tell them they were better than that and to focus their energy on something that really mattered.

Dude, you got a chance to pimp your book AND act the victim. You really should be thanking everyone.

Plus, I doubt anyone spent a “significant amount of their day.” How long does it take you to write an Amazon review, anyway?!

 
 

Get a life, you’re better than this.

**Watches,somewhat awestruck, as Tig blows coiling smoke away from her six-shooter**

 
 

Hey Dennis! Oliver must have posted something you can’t argue against.

The author’s politics mean little to me; it’s just bad writing. Like I said earlier, a time-traveling dolphin would have saved it.

 
 

Hemingway added: “Amazon should pull the bad reviews as they are clearly not done in good faith.”

Pfft, yeah, pull all the bad reviews of ANY book, just in case, while you’re at it! How dare people claim a book sucks just because it does! And Amazon isn’t the Congress so the First Amendment doesn’t apply, so stop saying that.

Hell, why don’t we just make it illegal to criticize wingnuts JUST BECAUSE they’re acting like total fools – and do it in the name of freedom & liberty! WOOO! WOLVER-aw, you know the drill.

 
 

For those of us who love getting absorbed in historical fiction

Ew.

 
 

How much of it have you read and why do you give a shit if someone writes a fictional book or not, no matter what his politics were?

Enough, Dear Dennis, to know shit when I see it.

If I see a turd on the sidewalk, I don’t go over, scoop up a heaping big handful, slather into my mouth and then pretend its pate.

I leave that to you pudwhustles.

 
 

How would one go about burning books online?

You’re right. It would be more accurate to call it a “book de-rezzing.”

 
 

The author’s politics mean little to me; it’s just bad writing. Like I said earlier, a time-traveling dolphin would have saved it.

How much of it have you read, Pryme? And bullshit on the author’s politics meaning nothing to you- it wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion otherwise.

 
St. Xecky Gilchrist
 

bullshit on the author’s politics meaning nothing to you- it wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion otherwise.

Indeed – that’s what this site is for. So why come here and harrass people for doing it?

 
 

So why come here and harrass people for doing it?

Because L’il Johnny has one feeling and we herted it.

 
 

You’re right. It would be more accurate to call it a “book de-rezzing.”

Farenheit 451 gigs?

 
 

It would be more accurate to call it a “book de-rezzing.”

Veiled Tron reference.

 
 

“Nice story, Grandpa. Could’ve used a vampire, though.”

 
 

“How much of it have you read, Pryme? And bullshit on the author’s politics meaning nothing to you- it wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion otherwise.”

And Miller would not be a “published” “author” if he did not write for National Review. Chicken. Egg.

 
 

How much of it have you read

What Actor said.

Mr. Miller is pissed we’re suggesting the shit and banana sandwiches he labored over for hours minutes might taste bad, even if we didn’t eat ours! HOW DARE WE.

 
 

Farenheit 451 9-11 gigs?

Moore-ized for your protection.

 
 

And Miller would not be a “published” “author” if he did not write for National Review.

I wonder who he blew to even get that gig? Is Bill Kristol still in charge over there? He always seemed rather…uncloseted, to me.

 
 

it wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion otherwise

It’s possible (very possible, in fact) to make fun of a bad piece of literature regardless of politics.

The guys behind Disaster Movie or Meet The Spartans? They could be more liberal than Ed Asner and I still say their work is crap.

 
 

bullshit on the author’s politics meaning nothing to you- it wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion otherwise.

I remind that a large part of Miller’s online oeuvre is of the “100 Conservative Rock Songs” and “Top Conservative Novels” sort.

 
 

“Fictional book”? It doesn’t exist? It’s like something out of Borges!

 
 

We may have screwed the pooch here. He can repackage it as “The Book Liberals Love to Hate,” or some such and sell a dozen more copies.

You say it like it’s a bad thing, but think of the long-term implications.

Miller was rejected because he’s a shitty writer and publishers still assume that sales are driven by quality. But the only people who partronize conservative authors are conservatives, and conservatives only live to piss off liberals. All we have to do is focus our outrage on the worst that the vanity presses have to offer and we kick devolution into overdrive.

In the near future publishers will say, “It’s bad, but is it bad enough?” A generation or two of this and all conservatives will be illiterate. Sadly, no one will notice.

 
 

Oooh looky! A butthurt humorless dildo “conservative” has arrived. Hilarity will ensue.

 
 

Could’ve used a vampire, though.

Not based on what they’re doing with vampires today, Yeesh.

Howza ’bout some ninjas?

 
 

Miller’s writing is so bad, Cheney had his books pulled from Guantanamo Bay.

 
 

actor212,

How’d you know I meant you when I said it was beneath you?

I mean, c’mon, at least you had already reviewed another book- a book on cameras- before you reviewed this one on Amazon, so you didn’t register for the sole purpose of blasting his book.

But someone with your intelligence level and photographic memory, really, you come off looking like Ana Marie Cox reading half of ‘Going Rogue’ before she crammed in her review before the deadline in the Washington Post.

If this was non-fiction like ‘Liberal Fascism’ and someone like a Dave Niewert had laid out the key points, I can see doing like what 99.99% of all liberals did with that one and bash it pretending they read it.

But fiction. By someone you otherwise wouldn’t pay the slightest bit of attention to. And what, 50 posts from you on it here, at least?

Dude.

 
 

BTW, I’d certainly appreciate an analysis from Mr. Miller’s defenders as to exactly WHY giving a book a bad review, even a fake bad review, is somehow tantamount to burning it.

‘Cause, you know, seems to me they’re totally different things.

Of course, I once got accused of “censorship” for going into bookstores and turning the books of conservatives around so the front cover didn’t show, so I might be the wrong person to be asking.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Aaaand yet again, this situation demonstrates the conservative tendency to project their authoritarian traits on other people.

I’d totally write a book about it if it weren’t for the mean mean mean meanie mean mean reviews it would receive on Amazon.

 
 

How’d you know I meant you when I said it was beneath you?

Gee, there’s a shock, Dennis. YOU know everything is beneath me!

 
 

Dennis you are such the little menace! But let me ‘splain you sumpin: He was targetd because he lied about publishers not printing first novels. phtphpthptphptt

POOP, also.

 
 

Dennis, seriously. You’ve read many of my blog posts. You’ve engaged in long discussions with me at my blog.

You know, in short, that I’m not an idiot.

This book reeks, and if you read my review carefully, you’ll see that nowhere do I mention Miller’s politics.

I calls ’em like I sees ’em. Now, if you’re suggesting that his book popped up on my radar because of his politics, yes, this is true.

But go read TinTin’s original post on the book.

He doesn’t mock Miller’s politics.

He mocks Miller’s naked and embarassing self-promotion, including his call to have Tom Selleck star in the film version of this shitty novel.

 
 

How much of it have you read, Pryme? And bullshit on the author’s politics meaning nothing to you- it wouldn’t even be a topic of discussion otherwise.

You are right. If it weren’t for his politics and wingnut welfare, none of us would have ever read a single paragraph. We would never have even heard of this joker.

As it is, we’ve read plenty. You only need one bite of a shit sandwich to know that it’s a shit sandwich.

 
 

Gee, there’s a shock, Dennis. YOU know everything is beneath me!

Everything including his mother.

 
 

How much of the book did John Miller read? He certainly wrote it, but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t read it.

 
 

YOU know everything is beneath me!

Now now, I heard DKW’s mom insisted on being cowgirl.

 
 

I mean that as a compliment, actor. It is beneath you. You’re better than that.

 
 

How much of the book did John Miller read? He certainly wrote it, but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t read it.

*golf clap*

 
 

DAMN YOU PEEJ

 
 

If this was non-fiction like ‘Liberal Fascism’ […]
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!1!!
I see you have a problem discerning the difference between fiction and outright hackery.

 
 

Dennis, let me see if I can make my position a little clearer:

Miller writes for one of the most hateful right-wing websites known to man. My god, it employs Jonah Goldberg, who called me a Nazi!

Now, I have not read his non-fiction work. Perhaps that is his muse and perhaps he should stick with that.

But to ask us, me specifically, to give a person who condones hatred a free pass because he made a stretch…well, that’s not good enough for me to not get my fair share of criticism in.

Again, my critique had nothing to do with his politics and everything to do with his crappy writing style (you missed my review of Monster Planet on Visual Bookshelf…you think I ripped Miller a new one?)

 
 

Now now, I heard DKW’s mom insisted on being cowgirl.

You know who else insisted on being the cowgirl?

DKW’s mom!

Oh wait…

 
 

I see you have a problem discerning the difference between fiction and outright hackery.

I’m pretty sure I addressed hackery in that post, WIlly.

Go back and reread it.

See where I referenced Dave Niewert?

Allrighty, then.

 
 

Neiwert.

 
 

Go back and reread it.

See where I referenced Dave Niewert?

Allrighty, then.

It’s funny how conservatives that that, just because they aren’t banned like we would be on their sites, we have to hang on their every word.

I have a friend who refers to this as “White Male Syndrome” (the assumption that ones beliefs and experiences are relevant and normative in all circumstances.)

 
 

Ped, in fairness, that comment about Neiwert does change the tone of his post signiificantly.

 
Commander Coriander Salamander
 

pedestrian said,
“I have a friend who refers to this as “White Male Syndrome” (the assumption that ones beliefs and experiences are relevant and normative in all circumstances.)”

But, but, but……I thought that we were The Real Americans?

 
 

Dave Neiwert is a hack but the apolitical Miller’s minim opus is deserving of utmost respect.

 
 

It is beneath you.

Wait–DKW’s mom is beneath Actor? This doesn’t make any sense.

 
 

I thought that we were The Real Americans?

With battle-action sounds and a kung-fu grip!

 
 

But someone with your intelligence level and photographic memory, really, you come off looking like Ana Marie Cox reading half of ‘Going Rogue’ before she crammed in her review before the deadline in the Washington Post.

Look, you only have to listen to 30 seconds of a Florence Foster Jenkins recording to know that she was the god-awfullest, most comically inept “singer” ever to stumble into a recording studio. Same thing with “Going Rogue”.

Sarah Palin is the Florence Foster Jenkins of politics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM6qntPpyZ0

Same goes for “First Assassin”. Good luck on recouping the printing costs.

 
 

Is it too late to change the name of my blog to “The Blog The Right Doesn’t Want You To Read”?

 
 

You know, in short, that I’m not an idiot.
You just play one on TV?

 
 

Ped, in fairness, that comment about Neiwert does change the tone of his post signiificantly.

That’s generous of you, but I don’t see how. Since when does this guy get to come around and tell us what we can and can’t mock? Maybe he would prefer that we kept to a narrower vein of criticism, but that’s not really his call.

 
 

actor-

Your review starts like this:

One scene alone can sum up how god-awfully hamhanded and overwritten this book is:

How do you know that scene sums up anything if you haven’t read it? If your intent was to discourage anyone from reading the book, wouldn’t it have been worth the effort to actually read it in order to write a more convincing review?

Now that it’s obvious you didn’t, the end result is you’ve only served to pique more people’s curiosity; which can only have a positive effect on Miller’s book sales. I seriously doubt anyone posting here was ever going to read the book once they realized he wrote for NRO and WSJ, but you and Sadly, No! have given his book more publicity than he probably ever knew was possible otherwise.

My guess is he’d probably like to thank you.

And everyone else here who took the time to go to Amazon and weigh in.

 
 

How do you know that scene sums up anything if you haven’t read it?

Two words. Mechanical cyclops.

 
 

Since when does this guy get to come around and tell us what we can and can’t mock?

Oh, I wasn’t commenting on that aspect of his comment. He’s entitled to his opinion, as are we, of course.

I do note that everybody who’s come here hasn’t said that our critiques were wrong, only that they were cruel or made only because of his politics.

That’s interesting.

 
 

So why are you still here bitching? Christ on a cracker.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Oh, Enfant Terrible, how can you say that about Florence Foster Jenkins? (My mother was a pianist, and when confronted with music “experts” she used to ask what they thought of the “great soprano.” Hilarity often ensued…)

 
 

Mine was to “his sales are probably up.” Yay free market, go forth and prosper, already.

 
 

I seriously doubt anyone posting here was ever going to read the book once they realized he wrote for NRO and WSJhow awful it was.

Fixt.

…but you and Sadly, No! have given his book more publicity than he probably ever knew was possible otherwise.

Given how much conservatards enjoy playing the much maligned victim in their fantastical silent majority, this is probably true.

 
 

One scene alone can sum up how god-awfully hamhanded and overwritten this book is:

How do you know that scene sums up anything if you haven’t read it?

The operative word there is “can”, Dennis. I can listen to a Creed song and immediately determine that not only will I not buy the album, but that the album itself is likely bad since the song I’ve heard just now was the one that the band itself highlighted as its best work.

Or a Jim Carrey movie will be unfunny based solely on the trailer, again presumably the work he feels most proud of.

Similarly, Miller highlighted that passage as an example of his best writing.

That’s pretty much all that needed to be said.

 
 

wouldn’t it have been worth the effort to actually read it in order to write a more convincing review?

There isn’t enough Benzedrine in the world…

which can only have a positive effect on Miller’s book sales

Yes. Fiendish of me, isn’t it? All those people are going to read his book and I’d bet about half will go “holy shit, A212 was right!” and the others will toss it aside and probably never buy another book by Miller.

Despite his considerable future efforts to try to match his sales!

 
 

Is there some Godwin’s Law equivalent for Creed references when discusses the artistic merit of something?

 
 

discussing!

 
 

I seriously doubt anyone posting here was ever going to read the book once they realized he wrote for NRO and WSJ, but you and Sadly, No! have given his book more publicity than he probably ever knew was possible otherwise.

Anyone dumb enough to buy a terrible book just because we don’t like it is welcome to do so. It’s better than sending money to politicians who are hell-bent on destroying the country, just to piss off people who want to make the country work.

If we max out their credit in the fiction aisle, I will sleep very soundly.

 
 

Look, I can’t talk for others, but a lot of my favorite author are conservatives. Borges, Vargas Llosa, Tolkien, Hamsun, Dostoievski, etc.

And I am not that demanding, especially where science fiction is concerned. I endure a lot of bad writing and paper thin characters as long as the plot is interesting. I liked some Heinlein and a lot of Herbert ( admittedly one is a libertarian and the other some sort of tree-hugger).
To use a recent example, I have discovered and read a lot of the Honor Harrington novels. Now here we have an conservative author who threws his politics at the reader in a annoying fashion. But I ignored that.

But there is no reason to read a crappy writer who self-published just because he is also an minor conservative columnist. What is that, some sort of Affirmative Action or that? I reserve the right to ignore him on the basis of a few badly written snippets as long as there a still a lot deserving and published authors out there to read.

 
 

How do you know that scene sums up anything if you haven’t read it?

You just go ahead and keep eating the entire shit sandwich before making a judgement.

 
 

I do note that everybody who’s come here hasn’t said that our critiques were wrong, only that they were cruel or made only because of his politics.

That’s interesting.

Just saw this this morning on NRO and haven’t had a chance to read the book yet, but when I saw your name on Amazon reviewing it as if you had read it I laughed so hard I almost coughed up blood. I don’t mean that in a bad way or ion jest- just that I knew the chances of you reading a fictional book by a conservative writer for NRO were about 1 in 10,000.

 
 

“My guess is he’d probably like to thank you.”

So, he writes a post at NRO wherein he DOES NOT THANK ACTOR. Must have slipped his mind.

 
 

IM said,
November 23, 2009 at 22:55

Look, I can’t talk for others, but a lot of my favorite author are conservatives. Borges, Vargas Llosa, Tolkien, Hamsun, Dostoievski, etc.

Good post, IM. You’d probably enjoy Miller’s post at his website then; ‘Novels of the Right’. My vote was for Mark Helprin’s “A Soldier of the Great War’.

 
 

Dennis, you are a twit*.
reviewing it as if you had read it

One *might* say that there is some implication by use of “sum up.” However, any reasonably intelligent and balanced person would expect a reviewer to not read beyond the cited literary dungheap.

*And a twatwaffle.

 
 

Similarly, Miller highlighted that passage as an example of his best writing.

You’d think that would have made it obvious.

 
 

Is there some Godwin’s Law equivalent for Creed references when discusses the artistic merit of something?

I was thinking the same thing. Clearly, once the Band That Shall Not Be Named has been invoked, can any discussion recover from there? I think not.

 
 

I don’t mean that in a bad way or ion jest- just that I knew the chances of you reading a fictional book by a conservative writer for NRO were about 1 in 10,000.

You’d be surprised. I read Buckley’s novels. Bill, I mean, not Chris.

 
 

Other examples of conservative writing:

“War Good”
“Capitalism Good”
“Socialism Bad”
“Why Poor People Choose to be Poor”
“Marx was a Marxist”
“Liberal Fascism”

 
 

Clearly, once the Band That Shall Not Be Named has been invoked

That’s putting them on par with Voldemort.

Can’t we refer to them as “Lowest Common Denominator”?

 
 

I don’t know; I think he has the wrong approach. A pot of message and all that.To illustrate: I recently tried to read upton Sinclair, The Jungle.

Socialist: check
famous book: check
book with impact on history: check

But I didn’t finish it. For all the message and all my historical interest, it isn’t a good novel.

 
 

But I didn’t finish it. For all the message and all my historical interest, it isn’t a good novel.

The part where the kid gets eaten by the rats is pretty good.

 
 

This morning I almost coughed up blood. I don’t mean that ion jest- I literally have a life-threatening medical condition that I will leave untreated becuase I think it helps me win arguments on the internet.

 
 

Good post, IM. You’d probably enjoy Miller’s post at his website then; ‘Novels of the Right’. My vote was for Mark Helprin’s “A Soldier of the Great War’.

I find it interesting that certain right-wingers need lists of best conservative this and best conservative thats. It’s probably because being conservative is often more of a tribal identity than a carefully considered ideology developed by the conservative. Not too long ago one right-wing blog was deep into the consideration of the “Top 10 Conservative Horror Movies” for cripes sake. What next? The 50 Best Conservative Appetizers? (Deviled eggs are clearly out for the name alone.)

Also interesting is that non-conservatives make lists that are just about the best in the genre: top 100 American novels, 50 best C&W songs, etc. I may have missed it, but have there been left wing sites proposing lists of the best liberal novels or the top 5 liberal romance movies?

 
 

<But I didn’t finish it. For all the message and all my historical interest, it isn’t a good novel.

The part where the kid gets eaten by the rats is pretty good.<

I should have read on! I blame the internet. In the good old times I would have read on out of sheer boredom.

 
 

the top 5 liberal romance movies?

Brokeback Mountain!

Shaving Ryan’s Privates!

 
 

In the good old times I would have read on out of sheer boredom.

The porn was better in Rand, however.

 
 

Even then there were limits to my boredom. I did watch the movie, isn’t hat enough?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I may have missed it, but have there been left wing sites proposing lists of the best liberal novels or the top 5 liberal romance movies?

No, but let’s be honest, here. Most anything worth reading/watching/listening to probably falls under the category of “liberal” for these douchebags; thus the constant search to find anything of value in pop culture that could be twisted into being views as “conservative.”

Plus, the tribal thing, too. Also.

 
 

Clearly, once the Band That Shall Not Be Named has been invoked

So, what should we name this new internet law? Creed’s Law? Hmm, naw.
Sapp’s Law? A little better. Pearl Jam In Spandex Law? That wont get the job done. Longish for meme purposes.

 
 

“A Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read”

Is he kidding? We were all pointing and laughing – of course we want people to read it. And laugh.

 
 

So, what should we name this new internet law?

The Tent Commandment.

 
 

To use a recent example, I have discovered and read a lot of the Honor Harrington novels. Now here we have an conservative author who threws his politics at the reader in a annoying fashion. But I ignored that.

Weber’s turned into some kind of pinko commie, recently. His recent books are all about malicious corporations exploiting suffering populations in third world countries on the planets of the “Solarian Verge” by, among other things, not providing them with free healthcare Prolong treatments. He even had a police officer in a recent book thinking to himself that he really hoped his intelligence about the terrorists he was chasing didn’t come from torture; and that if it did, he hoped they could prosecute the torturers. I think it must be Eric Flint’s influence.

If this was non-fiction like ‘Liberal Fascism’ and someone like a Dave Niewert had laid out the key points, I can see doing like what 99.99% of all liberals did with that one and bash it pretending they read it.

Now that is downright insulting. I read every word of Liberal Fascism before I started bashing it. Well, in fairness, I started bashing it halfway through, but I did finish it. It gets worse the farther along you get.

 
 

what should we name this new internet law?

The Last Taboo.

 
 

I have to admit that the right’s adventure into “stickin’ it to The Man” rhetoric has a lot more whiny, butthurt appeals to pathos than I expected.

 
 

The 50 Best Conservative Appetizers? (Deviled eggs are clearly out for the name alone.)

Crab claws. Right ones only, of course.

 
 

I started bashing it halfway through, but I did finish it. It gets worse the farther along you get.

I was in possession of a galley copy that I thumbed thru before I started bashing the book.

I did, however, bash Jonah long before that.

 
The Goddamn Batman's Most Relentless, Implacable Foe Remains... Fried Mozzarella Sticks
 

What next? The 50 Best Conservative Appetizers?

Well, Buffalo wings are from upstate New York, so obviously… uh, maybe not.

 
 

The Tent Commandment.
Okay. I think this would do. Short and sweet. East to type. I think we have a winnah!!

 
 

Lurking Canadian,

yes, but the Solarian League reminds me of the EU and that would fit again. And in one of his early novels he was quite nonchalant regarding torture.

 
 

It should be called Richards’ Law except my name is not really Ben Richards!

 
 

What is he going to write next? An article about the top 100 conservative broadway musicals?

The world has enough good writers that nobody should ever have to put up with reading shit. It would seem that publishing companies agree…

Now excuse me, I have to go clean the mechanical cyclops.

 
 

ohgod…I have an ear worm….a Tent Commandment earworm!

 
 

The 50 Best Conservative Appetizers?

Pigs in a blanket, only the “blanket” is a crisp hundred dollar bill. Or a page from Going Rogue. Or a piece of Sarah Palin’s used toilet paper. These things are less different than they might seem.

 
 

An article about the top 100 conservative broadway musicals?

o/~ Clang, clang, clang went the Zyklonnnnn o/~

 
 

The 50 Best Conservative Appetizers?

Not sure gargling on Rush Limbaugh’s low-sperm-count manchowder counts as an appetizer…

 
 

An article about the top 100 conservative broadway musicals?

I am 60 going on 70

 
 

Actor, your trolls must really love you when they follow you to OTHER blogs. What is this weird enchantment you cast over them?

 
 

I for one an strongly in favor of absorbent hysterical friction. Also.

 
 

Rusty, Dennis is a decent sort of fellow. He’s not a wingnut by any stretch of the imagination, to be sure. I’ve known him for four or five years easily, and we often have interesting policy discussions and disagreements.

I find he actually listens, which took me aback at first.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Not sure gargling on Rush Limbaugh’s low-sperm-count manchowder counts as an appetizer…

Oh, sweet Jesus. I just vomited. Violently. Un-fucking-cool.

 
 

Speaking of Marx, one of Mr. Karl’s favorite writers was Honore Balzac, who was a reactionary.

Sometimes you can look beyond the politics. I myself said some very nice things about a book by a Libertarian the other day on this very blog – he wrote a good story, good enough that I could ignore his cheesy politics.

HOWEVER… don’t tell me I have to give a writer a fair chance, if the excerpt he posts to a public forum as representative of his book sucks dead moose testes.

Cripes, I just a couple months back made it halfway through Wizard’s First Rule before giving up on it. Which had nothing to do with what I’ve heard are the author’s right-wing poitics, but the bare fact that he didn’t tell a good story and I found I cared nothing about what happened to his characters.

 
 

I find it interesting that certain right-wingers need lists of best conservative this and best conservative thats. It’s probably because being conservative is often more of a tribal identity than a carefully considered ideology developed by the conservative. Not too long ago one right-wing blog was deep into the consideration of the “Top 10 Conservative Horror Movies” for cripes sake. What next? The 50 Best Conservative Appetizers? (Deviled eggs are clearly out for the name alone.)

And AT THE SAME time decry people for purportedly disliking a work merely because the author is a conservative. Basing approval on the creators’ politics is YOUR bag, peeps. It’s the raison d’etre of Big Hollywood, and accounts for most of Miller’s online efforts.

 
 

Basing approval on the creators’ politics is YOUR bag, peeps.

(cf An American Carol)

 
 

So, what should we name this new internet law?

The Stapp Act.

 
 

It’s like Heinlein. I don’t like his politics, but I was able to get thru “Stranger” despite them. Perhaps even because of them. One would imagine a libertarian would endorse any sexual congress that didn’t hurt people outside of the consenting adults. Under any circumstance, the book stands on its own merits and made me ponder the role of outsider in society.

 
 

Not sure gargling on Rush Limbaugh’s low-sperm-count manchowder counts as an appetizer…

Oh, sweet Jesus. I just vomited. Violently. Un-fucking-cool.
As it turns out, Rush witnesses that very reaction when he takes an excursion to foriegn lands.

 
 

My vote was for Mark Helprin’s “A Soldier of the Great War’.
I liked “Winter’s Tale”. “Refiner’s Fire” — not so much.

This business of “Best Conservative Novels” sounds rather goalpost-shifty. A novel, if sufficiently well-reviewed, apparently becomes a Novel of the Right if the author has elsewhere espoused a conservative worldview. On the other hand, the author may be carefully non-partisan — or even an ardent left-winger — and the book can still be annexed to the Right if it can be read in some way as an allegory or an expression of some version of conservative principles [e.g. pessimism about human perfectability]. The same book might mesh equally well with some version of liberal principles [e.g. pessimism about human perfectability], but SHUT UP that’s way.

As a corollary, if Miller’s book is condemned by enough (neutral) reviewers as something that stinks like old halibut, then people are free to decide that (despite Miller’s affiliations) it’s really a Book of the Left… and as such sheds no shame upon the Right.

 
 

On the other hand, the author may be carefully non-partisan — or even an ardent left-winger — and the book can still be annexed to the Right if it can be read in some way as an allegory or an expression of some version of conservative principles [e.g. pessimism about human perfectability].

I’ve always wondered about Michael Crichton, since State of Fear came out. Was he really a conservative, or was he just a climate change denialist?

 
 

what should we name this new internet law?

Creedo?

 
 

Not sure gargling on Rush Limbaugh’s low-sperm-count manchowder counts as an appetizer…

But if it does, what would the rest of the meal be?

 
 

and the book can still be annexed to the Right if it can be read in some way as an allegory or an expression of some version of conservative principles

Isn’t this the idea behind the conservabible? Also.

 
 

The 50 Best Discoveries of Conservative Science.

 
 

Jonah would never eat a shit sandwich with so many vegetables on it.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Looch said,

November 24, 2009 at 0:24

what should we name this new internet law?

Creedo?

Crediting Crud with Creed Cred.

 
 

Crediting Crud with Creed Cred.

The Crud Creedo?

 
 

On the other hand, the author may be carefully non-partisan — or even an ardent left-winger — and the book can still be annexed to the Right if it can be read in some way as an allegory or an expression of some version of conservative principles

c.f. 1984 and Animal Farm.

 
 

and the book can still be annexed to the Right if it can be read in some way as an allegory or an expression of some version of conservative principles

Isn’t The communist manifesto.

Fixed.

 
 

The 50 Best Discoveries of Conservative Science.

No way, man, it’s these guys for sure.

 
 

Not sure gargling on Rush Limbaugh’s low-sperm-count manchowder counts as an appetizer…

But if it does, what would the rest of the meal be?

Eating a bullet?

 
 

and the book can still be annexed to the Right if it can be read in some way as an allegory or an expression of some version of The communist manifesto.
It’s only a matter of time before some bright spark at Big Hollywood praises Marx’s prescient warning about the erosion and dissolution of all our cultural standards and values by the inexorable functioning of an unfettered free market Godless Liberalism dragging everything down towards the lowest common denominator.

Money is the universal, self-constituted value of all things.

 
 

In the near future publishers will say, “It’s bad, but is it bad enough?” A generation or two Another week of this and all conservatives will be illiterate.

Yea verily, it hath been fixteth.

 
 

1. Rocky Mountain Oysters

2. Herring in Sour Cream (the “tangy” stuff)

3. Chopped Chicken Liver

4. Head Cheese

SNOTCHOS.

 
 

But if it does, what would the rest of the meal be?

Fava beans and a fine chianti.

 
 

Guys: I’ve read something that may be worse than what’s in that book.

How dare you judge the merits of that work based on the shortest of snippets.

 
 

I left off the most important bit… How dare you judge the merits of that obviously conservative work of pirate-rape graphic novelry based on the shortest of snippets.

 
 

How dare you judge the merits of that work based on the shortest of snippets.

Veiled foreskin reference.

 
 

Pirate foreskins are the eye-patches of nautical cyclopean fascism. Also: sea-men.

 
 

Nautical Fascism: The Pirauthoritarian Impulse from Mussolibeard to Whole Grog

 
 

Rusty Shackleford said,

Actor, your trolls must really love you when they follow you to OTHER blogs. What is this weird enchantment you cast over them?

Don’t remember the exact link that brought me here, Big Russ, but I got here via the blog post on NRO, and then Amazon. Wasn’t that hard to find that this site was the source of the story. I can assure you, no stalking was involved.

The only time I’ve even ever heard of this site was when some clown named Zython here thought it was cute to post racist verbiage under a conservative blogger’s name.

 
 

Dennis, do you have any thoughts on the experience of gargling Mr. Limbaugh’s low-sperm-count manchowder? Hoping for some word from an expert…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The 50 Best Discoveries of Conservative Science

More of the same

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The train, propelled by gouts of steam,
A glistening, iron Polypheme…

 
 

what should we name this new internet law?

Creedo?

Creed-Duh!

 
 

I’ve always wondered about Michael Crichton, since State of Fear came out. Was he really a conservative, or was he just a climate change denialist?

What was that book he did about sexual harassment? Disclosure?

Yea. Conservative.

 
 

I got here via the blog post on NRO

Miller’s post included no link to this site.

 
 

J–,

His did not, but Michael Walsh’s did.

 
Brooks "Brooks" Baxter
 

Because they haven’t played this song on the air
Not that anyone but me and him care
And the disc jockey has moved out of town
The district courthouse says he’s nowhere to be found
He said to think long term investment and
That all the others had forgiven themselves
He said the net reward would justify
The colossal mess they made of their lives
Hey Mr. DJ, I thought you said we had a deal!

 
 

Guys: I’ve read something that may be worse than what’s in that book.

Huh.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

yep, bad writing, we can haz it.

 
 

Nolte’s at Big Hollywood. The Corner don’t link here as far as I can tell.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned Eye of Argon yet.

Hey Mr. DJ, I thought you said we had a deal!

You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch your record.

 
 

Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

November 24, 2009 at 2:09 (kill)

The 50 Best Discoveries of Conservative Science

More of the same

Wow, Lenski displays a patience that is near saintly.

M. Bouffant said,

November 24, 2009 at 2:24 (kill)

OK, judge this book from its snippets!

Attention BigHo, THIS is a book that needs to be immortalized in celluloid.

I like to imagine any proofreader losing interest at the very moment the Pope lost his clothes, in the twinkling of an eye, otherwise how did “per sey” and “relm” make it through on the first freaking page?

 
 

And such comma abuse should be prosecutable.

 
Tintin's Third Nipple, The One He Wants You To Pinch
 

And hey, if you know that Miller toad, tell him that “I’d Love To Change The World” is NOT a conservative song! I’m sick of hearing that shit! It’s obviously a song that’s making fun of conservative creeps who carp about everything that’s wrong with the world but can’t be bothered to get off their asses and stand up for their beliefs. And besides anything that pretty and haunting cannot ever be called conservative. Also.

 
 

Page 11 of that little nugget refers to the “Untied Nations”. MB, that is weapons-grade awesome WHERE IS THE REST?

 
 

And who is Bruce E Powell, Google is not helpful.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

And hey, if you know that Miller toad, tell him that “I’d Love To Change The World” is NOT a conservative song!

Most of the songs weren’t. If St Joseph, patron of Strummers, were still with us, he’d have smashed Miller’s nose.

 
 

She tried hard to keep herself a stranger to her poor old father’s slight income by the use of the finest production of steel, whose blunt edge eyed the reely covering with marked greed, and offered its sharp dart to faultless fabrics of flaxen fineness.

Kennings FAIL.

OK, judge this book from its snippets!
That is not a book. It is just the colonphon.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Kennings FAIL.

I’d erect a scorn-pole, but the SPCA has been on my case for previous horse decapitations.

They never pulled that shit with Don Corleone.

 
 

Northrop Frye said of Ros’s novels that they use “rhetorical material without being able to absorb or assimilate it: the result is pathological, a kind of literary diabetes

Alas, poor Bruce, I have found a new literary love object.

As of 2004, none of her works are in print. Her books are rare and first editions command prices of $300 to $800 in the used-book market.

DAMMIT!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

DAMMIT!

Double damn- no results at Project Gutenberg.

 
 

If someone I knew spent a significant amount of their day saying stupid crap about any of Jimmy Carter’s fictional books and even going to Amazon to write a review of it when they hadn’t read it, I’d tell them to get a life, too.

Tell you what, after Miller becomes a nuclear scientist, a naval officer, a state governor, a Nobel laureate and the fucking President of the United States you can make the comparison to Jimmy Carter’s books, or anything the former fucking President does.

God fucking damn but you people do have an overinflated opinion of yourselves, don’t you? It just shows up in so many inadvertent ways you can’t even see. I don’t know if it’s that or your overweening sense of entitlement to be taken seriously no matter how stupid you act that is the more annoying.

You know, do you guys respect Ward Churchill or Bob Avakian? Hell no. Just like we don’t respect Rush Limbaugh or Glen Beck. The difference is we think they’re all crazy, and you only think the first two are.

That, and the first two have no power, and the second two have way too much.

 
 

Joe Max said,

November 24, 2009 at 4:02

This

 
 

So from BBBB’s link to a Cracked article to the blogs on AmericanHeritage.com, where I found this, a no-doubt top Conservative Poet we scorn merely because we disagree with his stance on immigration. Bair is my new hero and role model.

 
 

The worst kind of liar is the one who will continue the lie even as you are both aware of its true nature. Actor212 is the sort who would willingly engage in such chicanery on a scale both large and routine, a creep dedicated to maximizing his joy at all times under the auspice of righteousness.

Consider his boastfulness about participating in the shame reviews about John J. Miller’s novel. He giddily demonstrates his own shamelessness by proudly declaring his role in the dishonest practice, but driven by a base propriety he doubles back and generates a series of lame excuses to justify his behavior to those sympathetic but skeptical of the pointlessness of the cruelty. “Miller’s an awful writer,” he proclaims, basing this analysis off an excerpt from a book hundreds of pages long. Despite his assertions that he simply hates bad writing, actor212 launches a vicious attack on Miller and his work purely at the behest of an infantile left-wing site (no points for independent thinking). Miller’s excerpts are in fact unremarkable, but by that virtue they are also fall short of dreadful. Posing as an arbiter of good prose (an interesting role to take seeing as his own site has been scrubbed of remarkable prose or insight), actor212 spuriously holds another to a standard he himself is incapable of meeting, adding hypocrisy to a list of personality traits that already includes “cruel” and “mean-spirited” and “self-important.”

Stopping at one point to ridicule Miller’s excerpt (“He notices the drapes instead of the gun, how STUPID is that!?”) as implausible, actor212 makes the statement with the enthusiasm of a beleaguered detective who finally found the murder weapon and closed the case. It’s already irrelevant at this point, as he has reached the end of his bag of tricks (hint: it was empty to begin with) and is left with nothing except his own self-satisfaction at behaving inappropriately towards one who can’t directly retaliate (my, how the computer screen makes some brave!). Despite this list of hateful and sophomoric behaviors, it might could be forgiven were he to take the simple step of honestly admitting that he’s aware of his cruelty, but that he’s doing it anyway just because he wants to. Alas, even the sociopath understands that to maintain relationships, he must conceal his evil. Fortunately for the rest of the world, actor212 does a miserable job of this.

 
 

I found this, a no-doubt top Conservative Poet we scorn merely because we disagree with his stance on immigration. Bair is my new hero and role model.

Heeey. I like his work. Who’d a thunk it?

 
 

Shit. Actor left. And forgot his troll. Someone wanna give it cab fare home?

 
 

God fucking damn but you people do have an overinflated opinion of yourselves, don’t you? It just shows up in so many inadvertent ways you can’t even see.

Maybe one day they will see, in a blinding flash, and they’ll get so ashamed of themselves they’ll spazz out for the rest of their lives, like the snake-keeper in the Gary Larson cartoon who got a collective attack of the willies. But I doubt it.

Show me a guy who gratuitously rips on Jimmy Carter, and I’ll show you a douchebag.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Pouring libations to Neptune time after time from their stomachs.

Sheer brilliance!

 
 

My own close textural analysis — using state-of-the-art algorithms for determining lexical similarity — reveals that (a) The First Assassin was ghost-written by Bill Ayers; and (b) Rick Astley’s letter was written using the automatic Complaints Generator website.

 
 

Rick Isley said,

November 24, 2009 at 4:16

Oh, you told him.

You work all day on that? Run it through the brain trust? The “evil” part is a nice touch.

You really don’t get out much, do you?

 
 

Maybe one day they will see, in a blinding flash, and they’ll get so ashamed of themselves they’ll spazz out…

Na ga happen.

 
 

“Miller’s an awful writer,” he proclaims, basing this analysis off an excerpt from a book hundreds of pages long.

I may be wrong, but I’m assuming that when you choose a part of your book to excerpt on Amazon, it’s going to be what you consider your best, most compelling writing.

If someone shows me a sample of what he proclaims to be his best writing and it still sucks balls, may I not then assume that the rest of his oeuvre will do the same?

 
 

a creep dedicated to maximizing his joy at all times under the auspice of righteousness.

You’ve got righteous creep down pat, you just lack the joy. Perhaps you can substitute giddy enthusiasm.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

We’ve been Rickrolled!

 
 

Rick Astley’s letter was written using the automatic Complaints Generator website.

Stick another quarter in, I love this song!

 
 

“I’m tired and I’m sleepy,/ My mind will not work right,/ So I’ve about concluded/ I’ll write no more tonight.”

Not me, mind you (I’m here all wk., tell your friends.) but some may want to keep that advice close to their evil troll hearts.

 
 

I may be wrong, but I’m assuming that when you choose a part of your book to excerpt on Amazon, it’s going to be what you consider your best, most compelling writing.

Or at the very least, representative of your work in general.

I have a philosophy of The First Chapter. If I pick up a book, and the first chapter is shit, I don’t continue it. Sure, the story may pick up later on… but I’m not holding my breath for it to, and there are enough books out there I should read / want to read / have to read to bother with something unappealing.

If you want to invite me into your home, in other words, don’t force me to walk through a pile of garbage on your front step. It tends to put one off.

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

“Righteous Creep” was a lesser Pacino effort, I thought. Although it was far superior to “Scent of a Cockwaffle”.

 
 

If you want to invite me into your home, in other words, don’t force me to walk through a pile of garbage on your front step.

Veiled shitmoat ref.

 
 

“Righteous Creep” was a lesser Pacino effort, I thought. Although it was far superior to “Scent of a Cockwaffle”.

Did you not admire Pacino’s courage in portrayal of the sordid and perverted conservative underworld of Losing?

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

I have a valuable pre-title change “Cruisin'” VHS with the original title, “The Matt Drudge Story”.

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

Na ga happen.

I dunno – I think it may be happening right now, only they’ve buried the shame and self-awareness parts and are maintaining the freakout.

 
 

So, what should we name this new internet law? Creed’s Law? Hmm, naw.
Sapp’s Law? A little better. Pearl Jam In Spandex Law? That wont get the job done. Longish for meme purposes.

Stapp infection.

 
 

I kind of like this one by Ms. Ros. It’s like a gruesome Dr. Seuss poem. I’d like to see a metal band put these words to music:

Holy Moses! Have a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!
Some rare bits of brain lie here,
Mortal loads of beef and beer,
Some of whom are turned to dust,
Every one bids lost to lust;
Royal flesh so tinged with ‘blue’
Undergoes the same as you.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Where’s ZRM when you need him?

 
 

Where’s ZRM when you need him?

Out to eat.

 
The Little Tassels Shined
 

I think the problem is that the actual blurb on the book says ” . . .there’s not a false note in the whole book. Read it and tell me I’m wrong.”

Which is all we’ve been doing.

If they wanted to minimize the ridicule, the blurb should have just quoted Rick Isley and left it at that:

. . .short of dreadful.

Except that’s not quite true either . . .

 
 

First they came for the heavy warhorse skeletons, and I did not speak out because I was not a heavy warhorse skeleton;
Then they came for the sea unicorns, and I did not speak out because I was not a sea unicorn;
Then they came for the spectres, and I did not speak out because I was not a spectre;
Then they came for the norns, and I did not speak out because I was not a norn;
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.

 
 

“Narnia: Resistance to Tyranny”, by Substance McGravitas.

 
 

Sergeant Major Reekoutfudxayr Speeding-Renumbers’s Oversize Concentrated milk Swirl

Ingredients:
1 sand tiger
7 pinches pigheaded concentrated milk, braised
1 tablespoon garlicky lizard’s leg
7 jars dear crucian carp toe
4 cups flour
1 pound fat

Sacrifice a nearby triggerfish or a creature of similar size. Discard remains furtively. Place the sand tiger into a large skillet. Use a food processor to mix the lizard’s leg with the concentrated milk. Stuff the resulting concoction into the sand tiger. Cream – very wrenchingly – the crucian carp toe, flour, and the fat. Knead everything together systematically. Fry in badger oil for 111 minutes. Serves 4 ugly friends with cybernetic stomachs.

 
a concerned citizen
 

At the very least, I’d tell them they were better than that and to focus their energy on something that really mattered.

Like arguing here? Good show, old chap.

 
 

The worst kind of liar is the one who will continue the lie even as you are both aware of its true nature.

Colin Powell at the UN?

Dick Cheney anytime he opens his pie-hole to do anything other than devour a small child?

Mission fucking Accomplished?

I could go on, but why bother.

Man. The utter lack of self awareness of these people never ceases to amaze.

 
 

I don’t feel so bad after reading THAT!

 
tensor, an ugly and clueless slave to bad literary fashion
 

… why do you give a shit if someone writes a fictional book or not, no matter what his politics were?

Continuing on what others have written, a “book of fiction” contains a fabricated tale. A “fictional book” would be one that does not really exist. I find it amusing that someone who confuses these terms still lectures on literary criticism.

I’ll have to admit, Mr. Miller has taken a different tack from that pursued by his fellow wingnut-welfare recipients. He’s written bad fiction about dead politicians; they write ugly fiction about living politicians, and mislabel it as opinion. One can slog through acres of their dreck without recognizing G.W. Bush as an overprivileged, drunken ignoramus, whose cruel sadism towards the weak was mitigated only by his laziness and incompetence; likewise, one would never suspect Secretary Clinton to be a center-right Democrat, who successfully raised a young lady under difficult circumstances.

In short, Dennis, we don’t feel any need to handle Mr. Miller with kid gloves, because he comes from a set who never, ever, allow basic human decency to interfere with their apologies for cruelty, or their slagging of decent persons. Castigate us all you wish; you remain an apologist for hackery.

 
 

Oh, and just to combine that willful dissembling thing with the literary bent of the thread…

Liberal Fascism.

 
 

No, Bitter Scribe, you may not. Have you ever seen a movie where the first half is much better than the second? Sure you have. Should film critics start walking out halfway through every movie? Should they watch the clips on Letterman and rate the movie based on that? Of course not. A book isn’t any different. In fact, it’s more stringent, since one can be excused for a restroom break during a film, but a book awaits for study and review.

 
 

It’s also interesting how the author of this post titles it: Fighting “fraud” with fraud. This assumes that Miller ever asked his readers to write phony reviews for him, which he didn’t (feel free to prove me wrong with solid evidence, none of which exists). But this site’s own vile fraud is left out of quotations while the alleged (and once again nonexistent) fraud is put in quotations, as if dishonesty from the right were worth noting but when from the left is simply leveling the playing field.

 
 

Actor212 is the sort who would willingly engage in such chicanery on a scale both large and routine, a creep dedicated to maximizing his joy at all times under the auspice of righteousness.

Are you paid by the word?

If you want to make “sort” the subject here, the “sort” you refer to should be either a well-recognized category, or one whose existence you yourself have proved. Otherwise, placing A212 in the category fails to insult. Better to make A212 the subject, and insult directly.

Also, “willingly” adds nothing. That’s the way people normally engage in chicanery, so it’s not worth noting.

“Routine,” of course, makes “at all times” redundant.

Finally, the conclusion that “large” and “routine” are the best modifiers for the job is the English language’s way of telling you to abandon the “on a scale” construction. For such routine modifiers, the construction itself is on a scale too large.

Actor212 is a self-righteous creep who finds joy in routine resort to the most dishonest chicaneries.

Fixed.

Understandably, that was the last of your “sentences” I bothered to read.

 
 

November 24, 2009 at 11:35

Actor212 is the sort who would willingly engage in such chicanery on a scale both large and routine, a creep dedicated to maximizing his joy at all times under the auspice of righteousness.

If you want to make “sort” the subject here, the “sort” you refer to should be either an already well-recognized category, or one you yourself have described compellingly. Otherwise, placing A212 in the category fails to insult. Better to make A212 the subject, and insult directly.

“Willingly” adds nothing: that’s the normal way in which chicanery is engaged; it’s not worth noting.

“Routine” makes “at all times” redundant.

The conclusion that “large” and “routine” are the best modifiers for the job is the English language’s way of telling you to abandon the “on a scale” construction. For such routine modifiers, the construction is on a scale too large.

These inclusions might be justifiable if they made the prose mellifluous. They do not.

Actor212 is a self-righteous creep who finds joy in routine resort to the most dishonest chicaneries.

Fixed.

Understandably, that was the last of your “sentences” I bothered with.

 
 

Never gonna give it up, never gonna let it go!
Never gonna come right out and admit, Miller blows!

 
Just Alison, aka Snail Joust
 

Have you ever seen a movie where the first half is much better than the second?

Sometimes. But if the first half (or quarter, or whatever) is absolutely full of shite, then I walk out.

Should film critics start walking out halfway through every movie?

Not every one, just the utterly crap ones. I used to do film reviews, and I did occasionally walk out of films, but only when I couldn’t stand any more utter shite. I did sit through the entirety of what I consider to be the most egregiously boring film of all time (no names), and promised myself that I’d never do it again. Yes, I wrote a review excoriating it. And yes, I copped some flames for that, from true believers who disagreed with my assessment. Fair enough: everyone has the right to their own opinion, just as I have a right to mine.

A book isn’t any different. In fact, it’s more stringent, since one can be excused for a restroom break during a film, but a book awaits for study and review.

You dim bugger, you’ve just destroyed your own premise. If a book is more stringent (which terminology I’d question, but not right now), then you’re implying that every bit of a book has to be worthy, and clearly the excerpts we’ve seen are not: they’re the most turgid drivel I’ve seen in a good long while. And I read a lot. Man’s writing is clunky and verbose and truly godawful, which is why folks here are making fun of it (plus the accusation that he had to vanity-publish because the publishers hated his hair or summat, which excuse has been amply disproven here).

 
 

“nobody should ever have to put up with reading shit. It would seem that publishing companies agree”

Not in a world with Dan Brown in it, they don’t.

 
 

#

Bitter Scribe said,

Maybe one day they will see, in a blinding flash, and they’ll get so ashamed of themselves they’ll spazz out for the rest of their lives, like the snake-keeper in the Gary Larson cartoon who got a collective attack of the willies. But I doubt it.

Show me a guy who gratuitously rips on Jimmy Carter, and I’ll show you a douchebag.

Bitter Scribe, you obviously felt a burning desire to defend what you feel is a societal injustice to the historical record of Jimmy Carter, but you make a serious flaw in your analysis.

You see, I never ripped on Jimmy Carter, gratuitously or otherwise.

My only reason for mentioning Carter’s name in reference to John J. Miller’s book was that he was a liberal involved in politics who had written historical fiction.

 
 

My only reason for mentioning Carter’s name in reference to John J. Miller’s book was that he was a liberal involved in politics who had written historical fiction.

The point made above, which apparently bears repeating, is that comparing John Miller to Jimmy Carter, based on personal accomplishments, seems a bit unfair to Carter. John Miller is no Jimmy Carter, shall we say?

 
 

No one compared Jimmy Carter to John J. Miller in any way, Looch, especially with regard to their personal accomplishments.

Much as everyone’s regard for Miller’s historical fiction novel here, yours and Bitter Scribe’s contempt is misplaced.

 
 

Yes, we should all read every word of a book before judging it– that’s why publishing houses ask for a sample chapter.

 
 

On the Creed front: “Scott Stapp: Oral Sex Tape With Kid Rock Not Actual Sex”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/23/creed-frontman-scott-stap_n_367836.html

 
 

He giddily demonstrates his own shamelessness by proudly declaring his role in the dishonest practice,

You base this conclusion on a sample of my writing that is even shorter than the Milelr excerpt I used.

Hypocrite. Liar. Crawl back under your rock and lick your wounds.

 
 

Shit. Actor left. And forgot his troll. Someone wanna give it cab fare home?

I thought you folks would enjoy the retard.

Pardon me: the writer of insignificant talents.

 
 

Consider his boastfulness about participating in the shame reviews about John J. Miller’s novel. He giddily demonstrates his own shamelessness by proudly declaring his role in the dishonest practice, but driven by a base propriety he doubles back and generates a series of lame excuses to justify his behavior to those sympathetic but skeptical of the pointlessness of the cruelty.

Pastor Swank! Is that you?

 
 

Should film critics start walking out halfway through every movie?

Absolutely, if the first half is that horrid. Why waste anyone’s time?

Are you suggesting that we lower the literaray standards of the English language on the off-chance that perhaps Miller’s book improves down the line?

Are you aware Glenn Beck is campaigning against just this sort of “loser wins award” thinking?

 
 

Please refrain from the use of “Glenn Beck” and “aware” in close proximity.

Tenks.

 
 

N__B,

Sorry. I lost my equanimity for a minutial interval at that position in space-time.

Hey, I’m bringing the Norm Crosby for this geek!

 
 

By the way, Isley, if you think for one moment that I have any shame about being cruel to Miller, disabuse your neurotic little brain of that notion. You (because clearly you are he) ain’t all that.

 
 

This one goes out to my namesake….

O/~ Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny tassels in your eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes…o/~

 
 

Isley writes in pendantic “I AM” meter.

 
 

Had anyone here read this awful sentence in the very first paragraph of a book….

The apartment was small, with slanting floors and irregular heat and a buzzer downstairs that didn’t work, so that visitors had to call ahead from a pay phone at the corner gas station, where a black Doberman the size of a wolf paced through the night in vigilant patrol, its jaws clamped around an empty beer bottle.”

….would they feel the burning desire to go on, based on the various critiques offered in this blog thread?

 
 

YOu mean read Barack Obama’s book?

Sure would!

 
 

Obama engages in the best kind of writing: show, don’t tell. He could have written: “I grew up so poor that my apartment had uneven floors, a buzzer that didn’t work and heat that was on and off, even in the dead of winter. The neighborhood was so dangerous the corner gas station had this huge Doberman that would patrol it a beer-bottle chew toy glistening in its teeth.”

You know, the way Miller would have written it.

 
 

Ahh, actor, I’ve always valued your opinions of Obama when he was running against Hillary far more than after she conceded to him. To your credit, those turned out to be quite prescient.

 
 

I make no bones that I believed Hillary would make a better President than Obama. I took a pillorying here and in other liberal web venues for that opinion.

Unlike conservatives like the Palin/Gingrich dust-up, we’ve mended fences, and I can defend Obama.

Particularly given the morass he was handed by Bush, and you KNOW how I feel about Bush…

 
 

Thing is, you never should’ve been pilloried by anyone, then. before Hillary conceded.

You turned out to be right.

 
 

I don’t know, Dennis. This is an unprecedented crisis, and it seems to me that Obama is availing himself of almost the identical advice that Hillary would have gotten.

And it’s made the left very angry at him.

 
 

You know, the way Miller would have written it.

I prefer the way you wrote it over William Ayers’ version. You would’ve made a better ghost writer than he was.

 
 

You would’ve made a better ghost writer than he was.

Oh no doubt! It is what makes me qualified to judge Miller’s book.

But are you suggesting that Obama is so illiterate that he can’t string a simple illustrative sentence like that on his own?

I mean, the man graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School where he was president of the Law Review, an extremely prestigious honor and one that is very hard to earn.

Now, interestingly enough, the book you quote from, “Dreams From My Father” was written BEFORE the 1995 meeting where Ayers was introduced to Obama…

 
 

It’s also interesting how the author of this post titles it: Fighting “fraud” with fraud. This assumes that Miller ever asked his readers to write phony reviews for him, which he didn’t (feel free to prove me wrong with solid evidence, none of which exists). But this site’s own vile fraud is left out of quotations while the alleged (and once again nonexistent) fraud is put in quotations, as if dishonesty from the right were worth noting but when from the left is simply leveling the playing field.

You care too much.

 
 

DN,

Apparently, Isley missed this sentence in Miller’s whining little plea:

This calls for a counterattack.

 
 

humorless mechanical Cyclops said,

“Here comes ol’ one-eye!”

 
 

Which does raise an interesting issue for the trolls so vigorously attacking our reviews:

Is it any less honest for someone who hasn’t read more than the excerpt to post reviews?

Because clearly, that’s precisely what happened, unless you presume that all those people downloaded the book (and yet the book’s ranking at Amazon never moved in proportion) and were able to finish an eye-glazingly written novel inside of a few hours.

 
 

Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,

November 23, 2009 at 20:04

“thob”

I’m pretty sure the train did not thob. As I understand it, describing a thobbing black tain glistening in the night, thusting itself foward at the innocent, wild-eyed blonde tied spead eagled to the tacks is illegal in 48 states.

See, now… that’s just WRONG.

 
Mechanical Cyclops
 

I am myopic! Woo! Woo! Chugga chugga!

 
 

I am myopic! Woo! Woo! Chugga chugga!

Better stop before you go blind…

 
 

Is it any less honest for someone who hasn’t read more than the excerpt to post reviews?

Was kidding on the Ayers thing. I’d have place a smiley face thing on there but I hate those things. As to the reviews, I treat them all with a grain of salt unless it’s obvious they’ve taken the time to read the book. The blurbs from other authors don’t mean much to me and the editorial reviews don’t either- not a great deal, anyway.

But the reviews people log in to Amazon to write about any particular book remind me of the financial chat pages back in the dot.com boom days.

 
 

“I am myopic! Woo! Woo! Chugga chugga!

Better stop before you go blind…”

Saw Lyle Lovett last night. Opened with “Choke my chicken.”

 
The eye of sauron
 

I sneer at your mechanical cyclops.

 
 

This assumes that Miller ever asked his readers to write phony reviews for him, which he didn’t (feel free to prove me wrong with solid evidence, none of which exists).

Except for, oh, I dunno, HIS OWN WORDS:

Also, if you’re able and willing to contribute your own customer review of The First Assassin — now or at some point in the future — this would be even more valuable.

 
 

Alternate Shorter: Waaah! Liberuls wuz mean to me. Buy my book so I can get an industrial-sized tube of Desitin and soothe the butthurtz!

 
 

Bitter Scribe, you seem to have a problem with reading comprehension for at least the second time now on this thread.

Miller never asked anyone to write a phony review.

 
 

Neither did TinTin, Dennis, something you and Isley seem to forget.

 
 

Bitter Scribe, it’s no fair using Miller’s words, that’s beyond all possible rules of proper debate, and what, are you a telepath that you can understand what Miller was really thinking because he might have meant “your own customer review” in a way that actually meant “don’t write a customer review because Reagan wouldn’t want that” or maybe he accidentally left the “p” off “review” and meant “preview” which means something totally different than “review” so just shut up, meanie liberuls, shut up and stop making Dennis have sads.

 
 

Miller never asked anyone to write a phony review.

So bad reviews are “phony,” but good reviews aren’t? I’ll have to remember that for my next performance evaluation.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Still with the fake review “debate,” huh?

 
 

T&U,

It’s a slow week. The bird’s brining.

 
 

Bad reviews are totally phony because no one in the universe would really think that John J. Miller wasn’t the greatest writer ever. It says so on the Corner, and you think they lie? THEY DO NOT LIE. Also, Reagan said his book’s awesome. What do you have to say to that, liberal pansy owls? Reagan crushed you and Carter is History’s Greatest Monstor and John J. Miller is a great writer, and if you disagree, you are a lying phony liberal foggort! NO ERASUMS

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s a slow week. The bird’s brining.

Are you gonna fry it? I think ours is going to be fried, but I’m not positive.

I just received directions to the place where I’m having Thanksgiving. When there are phrases such as “take a left at Hillbilly Junction” and “cell phones don’t work out here, so you can ask for directions at the yellow house on the left–they’re nice folks,” and “I hope Mr. T&U likes trompin in the woods and three-wheeling,” you know it’s going to be awesome. I just have to remember not to make fun of Ron Paul.

 
 

Mine? Is being delivered 🙂

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Mine? Is being delivered 🙂

If we weren’t going somewhere else, we’d do the same.

 
 

No, Bitter Scribe, you may not. Have you ever seen a movie where the first half is much better than the second? Sure you have. Should film critics start walking out halfway through every movie? Should they watch the clips on Letterman and rate the movie based on that?

I’m parsing this, parsing this, parsing this:

I think you’re trying to say “Hey, it’s bad OK. But it’s not that bad!”

In closing, this has got to be the lamest defense I’ve ever seen for a writer, Mr. Miller. Yes. I’m pretty sure that’s got to be you.

There are a million books to read. It’s not worth wasting one’s time on shit written by hacks who have no talent.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Thank god there’s killfile for the actor-stalkers who wander off the reservation.

 
 

Slippy,

Apparently, Isley is the kind of fanboi who, when his team is down by nine runs in the bottom of the ninth, two outs, two strikes on the batter who’s just pulled a muscle in his rib cage and is the last available player on the bench, is sitting there crossing his fingers urging his team to “just keep trying!”…

 
 

Rusty, I envy you your power.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Rusty, I envy you your power.

Firefox, Greasemonkey, killfile for SN!

Learn it, live it, love it

 
 

At work, I have IE7. That’s all we’re allowed.

I work in a corporatocracy.

 
 

Apparently, Isley is the kind of fanboi who, when his team is down by nine runs in the bottom of the ninth, two outs, two strikes on the batter who’s just pulled a muscle in his rib cage and is the last available player on the bench, is sitting there crossing his fingers urging his team to “just keep trying!”…

Shit, actor. Pretty close scenario to Kirk Gibson against Dennis Eckersley in the 1988 World Series vs. Oakland. 2 out in the bottom of the ninth trailing by a run with a 3-2 count and a stomach virus and two bad wheels.

Boom, home run, game over.

A’s never recovered.

 
 

This is not the New York Review of Books, and no review was posted here, just a laughable excerpt which was duly and deservedly laughed at. No author deserves respect or a thorough reading just because he wrote a book, and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve plaudits for managing to get dreck on paper, he’s not a puppy.

And Jesus H, Rick, if you’re going to bitch about calling it fraud because Miller made no explicit call for Amazon reviews, you can’t in the same breath accuse this site of “vile fraud” when it made no explicit call for Amazon reviews. But of course Miller did make an explicit call: “This calls for a counterattack. Readers of The Corner can go on Amazon.com’s customer-review page for The First Assassin and rate the customer reviews. By clicking a button, you can describe which reviews are helpful and which are unhelpful. These decisions matter. Reviews deemed most helpful rise to the top of the section. Also, if you’re able and willing to contribute your own customer review of The First Assassin — now or at some point in the future — this would be even more valuable.” A call from the author to fans and friends to rate down pans, rate up positive reviews, and post fan reviews is unethical to say the least, and probably a lot closer to the legal definition of fraud than anything this site has done.

 
 

Dennis, that was ONE run. One would expect to hang in there for that, unless your a Yankee fan…I said NINE runs.

 
 

This is not the New York Review of Books, and no review was posted here, just a laughable excerpt which was duly and deservedly laughed at.

C’mon, tigrismus, the whole thing is beyond silly at this point. All one has to do is look at all the 1-star reviewers to tell what’s going on.

Aldous Huxtable? Kudos for his original name, but his only book review. Extra credit for giving it two stars instead of one. That’s thinking on his feet.

Charles Bragg. His only other review was for a cookbook. At least it appears that he read that one, which he described as “fascinating”. Double bonus kudos for mentioning Bullwer-Lytton Fiction Prize.

Blarty Barcklebart. Again, excellent name whoever you are. No other reviews for anything. This book must have made quite an impression on him even though he didn’t like it that it motivated him to do something he’s never done before. I’ll have to take that into account.

Alicia Morgan. Only other review was for an unknown Bush-basher in which she declared she wants to live in that author’s America. Wow. Just wow.

Lee Markson. His very first book review EVAH. No longer an Amazon virgin. Well done, sir. Best description of boring I’ve ever read.

Mark Devlin. Also his very first appearance. Riveting review on his first attempt. I look forward to many more.

random observer. Admits he/she read the first chapter and was a lurker here at Sadly, No! Points for honesty. I must admit I did enjoy his review of the Birkenstocks.

 
 

That was a response to Rick Isley’s posts specifically, which you may scroll up and read for context.

 
 

And yes, it was beyond silly when Miller posted his breathless “Book the Left Doesn’t Want You to Read” post. People post Amazon reviews of books before they read them, both praise and pans, oh the humanity.

 
 

Curious, Dennis, if you’d take that keen eye for detail and go read all the people who voted the book up.

I doubt you have the stones to do it.

 
 

Voted it up or reviewed it with 5 stars, actor? I already stated that I don’t out a lot of credence in those reviews either way. Looking at them now it does appear that several of them are first timers, but the level of detail indicates a greater likelihood that they’ve at least read the book. it is curious that there are three reviewers with the last name ‘Rogers’, though. Bottom line, that’s why I told tigrismus that it’s a pointless exercise for both sides. The 5 stars I’d likely consider with about the same weight as I would looking at a book in the bookstore and reading the blurbs from friends of the author on the back cover. And like I said before, it’s not a whole lot different than those chat pages in the dotcom days when even a teenager could talk up a tech stock based on someone’s valuation model for a company that didn’t have any earnings. Everything with a grain of salt when it comes to anything politically motivated, for or against.

 
 

Looking at them now it does appear that several of them are first timers

The defense rests, your honor.

 
 

Perhaps now a motion to dismiss is in order. Is tu quoque a valid defense?

 
 

Ad hominem, ad nauseum, in perpetuum.

 
 

Hi, Dennis! I’m more pleased than you can imagine that you found my review riveting.

Look, Actor thinks you’re a decent enough sort for a conservative (here I’m assuming a large value of “conservative”). And you haven’t posted anything in this thread to make me think he’s wrong about that (assuming he’s a he). So let’s be frank. I can’t speak for the other one-star reviewers. But in my case, at least, of course the point of my review was to thumb my nose at Miller and his NRO/BigHo fanboys.

My opinion of Miller’s work is entirely genuine, mind you. Based on the excerpt, his writing is bad. Gobsmackingly bad; so bad that, if I did not know better, I’d have thought it the work of a parodist attacking bad writers. There are many conceivable circumstances under which I’d not have bothered posting a review of that thing, but none under which my judgement of his gifts as a prose stylist would differ.

Here’s why I did bother, though. Miller asked the troops to go post reviews; they dutifully did so. I don’t hold that against Miller, actually. If one has written something and wants to sell it, self-promotion is, at worst, forgivable. No, it’s the fanboy hordes I despise. Orwell excoriated partisan Stalinist and partisan Roman Catholic commentators alike for forming their (publicly expressed) literary judgements on the basis of how effectively a work advanced their cause. Now, I detest both those cults. Possibly you detest at most one of them. The precise focus of allegiance doesn’t matter terribly, though. What is objectionable is the Zhdanovite stance. And, when people like Miller’s positive reviewers swarm like ants at the command of their queen to Amazon.com to vote up a book they have been told is from the correct side, it is meet and proper that their fun be spoilt.* (To anticipate your question: yes, that would be just as true of some horribly inept book by somebody whose politics I find congenial. And, no, in that case I couldn’t be arsed to go mock his work on Amazon. But then, nor could I be arsed to go there to vote his work up to begin with.)

There is one thing that, in retrospect, I might have said a bit differently. One commenter to my review thought I was mocking Miller for being self-published. I wasn’t. I think it’s funny that he had to self-publish; I really do think it’s hilarious that not even Regnery would publish his appalling pablum. And I think it’s a pity that Miller failed to draw the correct inference from the fact that not even an extremist conduit for wingnut welfare would pay him for his drivel. But as for his going out and making the investment in vanity publishing? If he thinks the commercial (and even quasi-commercial) publishers have made a mistake, and if he believes in his product, then good for him. I admire that, actually. I think he’s wrong, mind; and I’m certainly not going to let any of my discretionary income confirm him in his folly. But if he manages to make a buck off the rubes, fair play to him.

* I don’t think all the positive reviewers were necessarily insincere. Some seemed genuinely interested in this sort of historical potboiler; and some of those might not know, or might not care, about the author’s politics. Surely they should want better-crafted examples of the sort of thing they like, but de gustibus and all that. But the obvious ideological fellow-travellers, like the reviewer who thought Miller’s book a perfect addition to his home-schooling curriculum? Or the one who, in referring to the non-wingnut mockers as “brown-shirted thugs” revealed himself to be the 666th Platonic emanation down from Jonah Goldberg (himself the 666th Platonic emanation down from the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Boy)? For such creatures did the gods disdain endow.

 
 

Actor212 would be Actress212 if he wasn’t a he, Mark

 
 

Hi, Dennis! I’m more pleased than you can imagine that you found my review riveting.

Look, Actor thinks you’re a decent enough sort for a conservative..

Mark, sorry to have used you as the butt of a joke. I think I’ve pretty much stated my reasons for posting on this topic and I think both sides have made more of this than need be. My main beef is that this is a fictional novel. So he’s a conservative writer, so what? Do you guys want to deny him a right to make some extra money for selling a book that has squat to do with advancing conservative principles? Why would you even care if he sold 100 more books or a hundred less than he would otherwise if you all hadn’t banded together to write reviews on Amazon?

If you found out he’s making extra money from a hobby in some other capacity, say, selling some of photos he had taken or some paintings he had drawn, would you go out of your way to tell people that his photos or paintings sucked based on a partial glimpse of one of the corners of the picture?

Just saying going on Amazon and writing a negative review for a fictional novel because you don’t like the guy’s politics doesn’t make any sense to me.

 
 

So he’s a conservative writer, so what?

He spends his days producing works of stupidity for the decadent and depraved and therefore deserves ribbing.

Kingsley Amis had a lot of opinions I very much disliked, but, you know, he was nobody’s toady and nobody’s fool and was an extremely fine writer.

 
 

would you go out of your way to tell people that his photos or paintings sucked based on a partial glimpse of one of the corners of the picture?

Yup.

It doesn’t matter his politics, as Mark pointed out and as I pointed out. A bad novel is a bad novel. Period.

 
 

Dennis,

sorry to have used you as the butt of a joke

Why? Don’t be. It’s all about the entertainment, baby. If all my “rightwing opponents” argued and wrote as clearly as you do, and as plainly in good faith, life would be boring.

Do you guys want to deny him a right to make some extra money for selling a book that has squat to do with advancing conservative principles? Why would you even care if he sold 100 more books or a hundred less than he would otherwise if you all hadn’t banded together to write reviews on Amazon?

Well, as I said, I can’t speak for the rest of us guys, but as for me, that’s the one thing I don’t begrudge Miller.

Just saying going on Amazon and writing a negative review for a fictional novel because you don’t like the guy’s politics doesn’t make any sense to me.

Ehh? I didn’t go on Amazon to write a negative review just because I don’t like Miller’s politics. It’s true I don’t like them. But I wrote a negative review because his writing is howlingly bad. I detest Evelyn Waugh’s politics as much as I detest Miller’s. I detest Celine’s much more. I could attack both men for many things, but not for their literary gifts. One pardons them like Paul Claudel; pardons them for writing well. Miller, by contrast, will need to look elsewhere if he wants mercy.

Actor212,

…would be Actress212 if he wasn’t a he

If that’s true, then only because you have internalized the values of the phallogocentric patriarchy. Bastard.

 
Faustian Bargain Bin
 

Dennis, speaking as someone with a degree and a bit in English literature (the rest of the second was in rhetoric), couldja please, please, please for the love of squid learn the difference between fiction and fictional?

You keep saying the novel is “fictional.” I am fairly certain it’s entirely too real. It is, however, fiction. Any equivalence between the two terms is utterly fictive.

On next week’s episode, watch as the FBB uses an 800-year-old piece of horse furniture to get medieval on people who use the phrase “reign in,” instead of “rein in.”

 
 

I’ll try, Faustian, thanks. When I was writing it, for some reason saying ‘a fiction novel’ didn’t seem quite right to me, but I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought.

 
 

If that’s true, then only because you have internalized the values of the phallogocentric patriarchy. Bastard.

I love my penis and all the penile things I can do with it.

 
 

Dennis,

A novel by its very definition IS fiction. Just say novel. If you want to classify Miller’s book…you know, beyond “egregiously written piece of shit”…”historical novel” would be the way to go.

 
 

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