Nov
19
19
Did You Hear The One About The Farmer’s Daughter?
Grant Wood: West Virginia Gothic (1930)
(oil on beaverboard)(no … seriously … on beaverboard.)
Shorter Don “Bill Bob” Surber, Charlsten Daley Male
The Old Cow
- This joke about Nancy Pelosi being an old cow is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. It’s particularly funny to a young, hunky stud like myself.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Bubba Dean said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:31
Holy fucking sheep shit FRIST!!!!!
Also.
Arky said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:38
La Surb likes old cows. Especially if they’re to old to run away when he drops his pants.
Steerpike said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:38
Ah don’ keer who y’are, ‘ats funny rahtchere
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:39
The solution to beaverboard is more secks.
Steerpike said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:39
BTW, to everyone–it’s OK to get off of the boat for this one. The water’s not very deep
stryx said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:40
‘I’m
Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeurDon Surber, and I’ve just killed the old cow‘m a douche gargling hog rapist.’HAR HAR
Fixxxled
Boneless Meatloaf said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:43
This is from episode 14 of “Beverly Hillbillies” I believe.
tigrismus said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:50
Tintin, you are far too kind: that photo makes ol’ thumbhead appear to have a neck!
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:55
Comment offered without comment for our comments.
Tommmcatt said,
November 19, 2009 at 3:57
It’s funny because it’s mysogynistic and ageist.
owlbear1 said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:01
Episode 14? I thought that was the one where Tinsdale sells Hathaway to a rich Middle-easterner?
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:01
In a weird way, this represents an advancement in civics education for the country at large. How many of these knuckle-dragging troglodytes ever knew who the Speaker of the House was before? Even when it was fucking Newt fucking Gingrich? Now they all do.
owlbear1 said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:01
Scuse me, Drysdale.
Boneless Meatloaf said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:02
True, maybe it was Hee Haw.
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:08
fucking Newt fucking Gingrich
That involves wetsuits and dildos, correct?
American Gothic said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:15
Ohh Ohh now you wanna make fun of the the Heartlanders. PeeJ must be docked an artichoke heartless.
noen said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:20
“The water’s not very deep”
More like a damp towel.
M. Bouffant said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:22
From Billy Bob Dickbrain’s common taters, a choice example of reactionary Photoshop™ humor. Srsly, izzat the Tin Man?
SomeNYGuy said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:50
Surbnormal, surbhuman and thoroughly insurbstantial.
Honus said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:54
OT, but has it occurred to these people who so hate hollywood elites that their greatest hero is a hollywood actor wh, een though he was in uniform in WWII never left the US and went home to his wife in Beverly Hills every night of the war?
SomeNYGuy said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:56
…and went home to his wife in Beverly Hills every night of the war?
Except when he found a necktie on the doorknob. Then he had to go to a hotel while Nancy was blowing Sinatra.
SomeNYGuy said,
November 19, 2009 at 4:58
Actually, Reagan was still married to Jane Wyman during the war, which means he went home to his wife but didn’t necessarily find her there.
kingubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:00
Don Surber walks into a bar and orders a Double Entendre, so the bartender gives it to him.
Looch said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:03
You think Sarah Palin is pissed that Don didn’t identify her as the emailer?
kg said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:15
BLARR-HARRR-T
kg said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:20
holy schnizzle goddamed batman, he really looks like that!
Lolly said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:46
You’re messing with the whole fantasy/reality confusion that they hold so dear.
Snorghagen said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:58
I got a joke! I got a joke!
Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, the chauffeur throws her in a vat of acid. Then he blows up a bunch of liberals with great big explosions. Then he runs over Michael Moore. Then everybody thinks that he’s totally cool and babes think he’s hot. Then he runs over Michael Moore again and there are more explosions.
President Firefly said,
November 19, 2009 at 5:59
Fixed so well, I can’t see the mend! I can’t see the stove either!
Don Surber said,
November 19, 2009 at 6:08
The column originally read in its entirety: “Wanna hear a joke? Women’s rights!!!1!!!”
ckc (not kc) said,
November 19, 2009 at 6:09
Dinsdale!
El Cid said,
November 19, 2009 at 6:27
Too awesome. But remember that in math or philosophy “identity” means 1 = 1, and this is only for coastal elite latte fag France blargle flurmp pooopy slup.
Alex said,
November 19, 2009 at 7:00
Obama gets all the attention, but their seems to be a special breed of wingnut-hate for Pelosi. Part of that whole Evil Scary Bitchqueen archetype that they just can’t fucking let go of, even though their own ranks are stocked to the larders with ‘em. But what’s a little cognitive dissonance between friends.
creature said,
November 19, 2009 at 7:24
It never ceases to amaze me how easily these “people” are amused. I, on the other hand need something more substantial, like, “Palin/Some Other Meathead- 2012″ to really tickle my fancy. Unlike this “old cow joke”, that one is current and good for the future, to be enjoyed for the next 3 years (at least). And, ATTS, dammit!
Substance McGravitas said,
November 19, 2009 at 8:44
Totally sweet!
Nathan R said,
November 19, 2009 at 8:57
Murder is always hilarious!
a concerned citizen said,
November 19, 2009 at 9:35
What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
What do you call a black guy surrounded by five white guys? Mr. President.
sarah said,
November 19, 2009 at 9:57
dang, don surber has a pretty sweet job if all he has to do is publish unfunny “jokes” that other people email to him.
animus said,
November 19, 2009 at 11:23
Bachmann/Palin Ove^H^H^H2012!
Mentis Fugit said,
November 19, 2009 at 11:35
El Cid:
and all alone
and ever more shall be so
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 13:03
From teh comments:
Nancy Pelosi is 69. Heh.
Smut Clyde said,
November 19, 2009 at 13:13
A nice though OT example of creative misprision, which I feel obliged to pass on:
Nick Allen, in the Daily Torygraph, asserts that “Major Nidal Malik Hasan, the gunman who killed 13 at America’s Fort Hood military base, once gave a lecture to other doctors in which he said non-believers should be beheaded and have boiling oil poured down their throats.”
There is no source for the assertion, and a cursory browse of the Interducts turns up no source more primary than the Torygraph (or Allen by name). Given that one role of the newspaper in question within the Murdoch empire has traditionally been to print bullshit that can then be cited as authoritative in other journals within the stable, I am going for the “Made up from whole cloth” explanation until further evidence comes along.
Naturally, National Review reprints the story as an example of how political correctness suppresses important information (h/t Whiskey Fire). According to the inventive reading of one K. Lopez, “This happened at Walter Reed Medical Center, years before he would find himself at Fort Hood.”
Sadly, even within the fact-limited confines of Allen’s original narrative, he gives no date for the alleged lecture, other than that it occurred during Hasan’s tenure at WRMC, “where he worked for six years before arriving at Fort Hood in July”. It is almost as if Ms Lopez’s expectations of a shamefully long history of neglected red flags have blinded her to the words in front of her eyes.
I am eagerly awaiting the next re-telling of this story, once it has been given more artistic verisimilitude by even more corroborative detail.
Lurking Canadian said,
November 19, 2009 at 13:35
Slightly-OT, one of the guys commenting on the “old cow” joke is still working the “His last name’s really SOETORO!” angle. Have any of them explained why they think Soetoro is any blacker or more Muslim than Obama? Even if he did change his name, it’s not like he changed it to Anderson or Smith to hide his ethnicity, or whatever they’re claiming.
once gave a lecture to other doctors in which he said non-believers should be beheaded and have boiling oil poured down their throats.
Wouldn’t you love to see the abstract for this lecture? “In this work we show that 3-4-cyclokinase can reduce symptoms of suicidal ideation in some patient populations. Thus, all infidels must be beheaded. ALSO”
stryx said,
November 19, 2009 at 14:45
John Boehner was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a huge orange lizard jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Boehner, in his usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: ‘You get out and check – you were driving.’
The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.
‘You were driving; go and tell the farmer,’ says Boehner.
Two hours later, the chauffeur returns wearing a kaffia, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
‘My God, what happened to you?’ asks Boehner.
The chauffeur replies: ‘When I got there, the farmer gave me an ACORN tattoo, the wife performed a Wiccan ritual and the son made love to me. Then we had forced gay abortions ’
‘What on earth did you say?’ asks Boehner. ‘I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: ‘I’m John Boehner’s chauffeur, and I’ve just killed the old orange lizard.’
Makhno said,
November 19, 2009 at 15:16
The Torygraph, though it is becoming more and more Murdoch-like, isn’t actually a Murdoch paper. It’s owned by two other tax-dodging lunatics: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_and_Frederick_Barclay.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 15:49
ALWAYS. Trust. The. Shorter.™
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 15:51
Nothing like a fat old man telling jokes about an old cow.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 15:53
Sarah Palin was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a leathery cougar jumps out into the road, they swerve at the last moment, just barely missing it – but the cougar is apparently completely bonkers as it stays right there on the road, staring the limo down. Palin, in her usual charming manner, asks to the chauffeur: ‘Are thems good eatin’?’ as she rolls down the window, rifle in hand.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 15:56
Sarah Palin was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a leathery cougar jumps out into the road
Why did she get out of the car to get in front of it anyway?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:00
Although Surber’s joke is older than dirt, it ain’t conservative enough. That joke is GETOFFAMAHLAWN In Name Only. Let’s run it through the Conserv-arama-ding-dong-dilly-POOP-amajig™:
Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven gold-plated, powered by fetus-burning engine car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:
‘You get out and check – you were driving.’‘You think that was bad, wait till you see what I’m going to do to the American taxpayer!!11!!one’ and then tore off the rubber mask revealing Osama bin Laden.Boneless Meatloaf said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:00
At-there’s amost as funny as the one about the dead terrorist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go
(Teh Clenis makes a cameo, if you can wait it out)
wapsie said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:05
Nominative singular of Lat. for “mind” is mens. Mens fugit. If we’re working on analogy with tempus fugit. Etiam stercus. Atque virga. Etiam.
The Tragically Flip said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:07
Help me peel back the onion of conservative idiocy here. I get that the author wants Michelle dead (though Pelosi doesn’t die in the joke), but is the subtext here that Obama supposedly wants Michelle offed?
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:13
Mens fugit
Mens fugit. Hell, Mens fug anything that mooooooooooves!
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:14
Ok, Ok, so Don Surber was touring the country side in a chauffeur driven car…
Oh hell, even I can’t make that one funny.
Jennifer said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:15
I’ve been to the American Gothic house – it’s in Eldon, Iowa, and these days, they have one of those cutouts of the famer and his wife standing out in front, so the few tourists who might drive by can pose with their heads in the cutouts. And by the time you get down to city hall, someone will have called the woman who works there to report on the state license plates of the cars that were parked in front of the house. It’s real Mayberry RFD, all the way.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:18
Is beaverboard when they strap you down on your back and try to drown you by putting wet stuff on your face?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:21
So, wait, I’m confused…
Publishing a picture of Sarah Palin that she voluntarily had taken six months ago on the cover of Newsweek is ZOMG SESCKSIST!!111!!!11, but jokes about Nancy Pelosi being murdered that refer to her as an “old cow” are a-okay?
Time to go back to Remedial Feminism 101, kiddos.
LD said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:24
The farm people must have been “ree’l ‘muricans”.
Think about it: They are told two clear and simple facts, which they immediately twist according to their wierd political views. They they proceed to booze, gluttony and sex with a complete stranger.
I wonder if they paid the chauffor too…
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:28
Publishing a picture of Sarah Palin that she voluntarily had taken six months ago on the cover of Newsweek is ZOMG SESCKSIST!!111!!!11, but jokes about Nancy Pelosi being murdered that refer to her as an “old cow” are a-okay?
Welcome to Real Amurica!
g said,
November 19, 2009 at 16:36
I get the joke!! They’re identifying themselves with people who peddle their daughter for sex!
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:16
From now on, this should be our stock response to trolling.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:20
Surber actually prefers horses to cows.
But he’s also a very lazy fucker. He just stands behind the horse, sticks his dick in, grabs the reins, and keeps saying, “Giddyup. Whoa. Back. Giddyup. Whoa. Back.Giddyup. Whoa. Back…”
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:22
He just stands behind the horse, sticks his dick in, grabs the reins, and keeps saying, “Giddyup. Whoa. Back. Giddyup. Whoa. Back.Giddyup. Whoa. Back…”
Look, even a cattle auctioneer can’t speak fast enough for the horse to stay on that tiny dick…
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:23
Is beaverboard when they strap you down on your back and try to drown you by putting wet stuff on your face?
Some people, lots of money, etc. etc.
You know the drill.
I am eagerly awaiting the next re-telling of this story, once it has been given more artistic verisimilitude by even more corroborative detail.
I think we have our new “people shredders”/”Jews in Iran” story. Get ready to hear this over and over, folks. They want it to be true, so they’ll act like it is.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:23
Gross. Can we talk about drowning in beavers some more?
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:25
Can we talk about drowning in beavers some more?
Stand back! This crisis requires a professional.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:28
I am eagerly awaiting the next re-telling of this story, once it has been given more artistic verisimilitude by even more corroborative detail.
Is this like the game of Clue? We get to guess who’s next?
OK, here’s my prediction: Pam Atlass, a week and a half from now (after she’s finished her cigarette from the mudwrestling with Schlussel)
“OMG! I have two sources that say that Abdul Nidal Hasan made a suicide video just before he attacked the barracks at Fort Hood AND THE TAPE WAS MADE AT WALTER REED!”
tigrismus said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:34
I am eagerly awaiting the next re-telling of this story, once it has been given more artistic verisimilitude by even more corroborative detail.
Hee hee, in the RSS feed the italics don’t show so I thought folks were enquiring about beaverboarding.
Anonymous said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:35
Don Surber walks into a bar and orders a Double Entendre, so the bartender gives it to him.
FTW
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:35
Stand back! This crisis requires a professional.
I’m not sure if I should be concerned or impressed.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:37
I’m not sure if I should be concerned or impressed.
*licking eyebrows*
Don’t try this at home. I’m a professional.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:40
In non-beaver related news, Doug Hoffman is officially unconceding. And has the crazy-ass letter to make it official.
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:51
In non-beaver related news, Doug Hoffman is officially unconceding. And has the crazy-ass letter to make it official.
“Oh, ACORN! Is there anything you can’t do?” /Homer Simpson
gocart mozart said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:53
Shorter Don Surber: Liberaals are poopyheads.
Joe Max said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:54
You don’t understand. Wingnuts don’t think there’s anything wrong with sexism. In fact, they like it. They only scream ZOMG SESCKSIST!!111!!!11 to shove something in the face of those DFH lie-bruls to make them cry.
Now, the DFH lie-bruls do a similar thing when they point out the hypocrisy of a gay-hating Republican fundie minister being found dead in two greasy wetsuits with a dildo up his ass. The difference being that the fundie dildo lover doesn’t pose for magazine covers in flagrante delicto.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:57
The difference being that the fundie dildo lover doesn’t pose for magazine covers in flagrante delicto.
That we know of.
Hey! It would be irresponsible not to speculate!
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:57
Conservative humor:
It’s not funny unless some liberal we don’t like gets killed.
Rusty Shackleford said,
November 19, 2009 at 17:59
Doug Hoffman is soliciting donations in his unconcession letter. Hunh.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:00
non-believers should be beheaded and have boiling oil poured down their throats
The boiling oil doesn’t hurt as much if you’re beheaded first.
Torture FAIL.
Rusty Shackleford said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:04
If Gavin didn’t exist we would have to invent him.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:05
Doug Hoffman is soliciting donations in his unconcession letter. Hunh.
Whining about Obamacare and ACORN is expensive, son!
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:05
Smut:
The story originally aired on NPR, by Daniel Zwerdling, based on first person accounts. It happened on “grand rounds”, where the doctor giving the lecture has the latitude to discuss (nearly) anything.
linky to NPR transcript
So while the Telegraph may be the Wahshington Times of London, this particular story is grounded in reality.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:13
OK, according to the link, Hasan meant that this (begeading, oil pouring etc.) is what happens to unbelievers in Hell, not what should be done to them on Earth.
Still sick and twisted (and we weren’t exactly in doubt that Hasan is a sick, twisted fuck), but in that context it’s not too far removed from the crap believers in that other popular desert religion subscribe to. But then it doesn’t have that jihady terroristy yumminess the pundit class are longing for if you look at it that way.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:14
begeading = beheading. Scuse mah fingahs.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:15
Still sick and twisted (and we weren’t exactly in doubt that Hasan is a sick, twisted fuck), but in that context it’s not too far removed from the crap believers in that other popular desert religion subscribe to.
You mean the left behind in the Rapture?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:22
Still sick and twisted (and we weren’t exactly in doubt that Hasan is a sick, twisted fuck), but in that context it’s not too far removed from the crap believers in that other popular desert religion subscribe to. But then it doesn’t have that jihady terroristy yumminess the pundit class are longing for if you look at it that way.
Yeah. As a mostly normal, rational, non-bedwetting adult human being, I am more inclined to question this guy’s colleagues and the military for not being more pro-active in weeding him out and getting him serious psychiatric treatment.
I work in the medical field and know how insular and self-protective physicians can be, and I also know that the military is about 100 times worse. I think we should be thinking those problems, not ZOMG JIHAD. But that would require thought and self-reflection, and we all know that wingnuts can’t stand that shit.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:22
Precisely. Torture is OK because God does it, ya know.
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:25
Torture is OK because God does it, ya know.
He’s got a seperate pocket dimension all set up to do it in, too!
c.f. Pournelle & Niven’s Infero as well as Dante’s original.
Them wingnut born-agains DO loves them some sanctified torture, don’t they.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:25
I think of Hasan more as a Hannibal Lecter than an Osama bin Laden. If we’re going to be all outraged, let’s be outraged about an obviously sick and dangerous man being allowed to practice psychiatry and take on the responsibility of caring for troubled minds. What did his colleagues do, shrug their shoulders?
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:31
Zwerdling of NPR has done some really good reporting on this. Those of you who are really interested in the story should search for “Zwerdling Hasan” on the NPR site.
This morning NPR reported that they were in posession of a fitness report on Hasan from when he was a Captain that painted him as a bad psychiatrist and a bad officer. The report basically concluded that he was likely to do harm to his patients. How he continued to work with patients is a mystery and needs to be investigated. There were plenty of dots to connect; less dots than paint-by-numbers in fact.
But yeah, nevermind all that, ZOMG terrorist!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:33
I think of Hasan more as a Hannibal Lecter than an Osama bin Laden. If we’re going to be all outraged, let’s be outraged about an obviously sick and dangerous man being allowed to practice psychiatry and take on the responsibility of caring for troubled minds. What did his colleagues do, shrug their shoulders?
Exactly. From what it sounds like, this guy would have washed out in any halfway decent medical school because of his mental instability.
Tom said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:33
“OMG! I have two sources that say that Abdul Nidal Hasan made a suicide video just before he attacked the barracks at Fort Hood AND THE TAPE WAS MADE AT WALTER REED!”
I heard that the script was written by ACORN and that Obama was the cameraman.
smedley said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:35
Leave it to conservatives to turn a perfectly good farmer’s daughter joke into a political hit job.
To conservatives lurking here:
Leave the dirty jokes alone! If you must re-formulate the classics to fit your political leanings, go with racial stereotypes; you know, the things with which you are most familiar. You do want to end political correctness, don’t you?
tigrismus said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:39
There was something on NPR last night, that whenever Hasan was supervised he did just well enough to prove he was capable of improvement. Sounds like he knew how to play the system to not be fired.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:40
This morning NPR reported that they were in posession of a fitness report on Hasan from when he was a Captain that painted him as a bad psychiatrist and a bad officer. The report basically concluded that he was likely to do harm to his patients. How he continued to work with patients is a mystery and needs to be investigated.
I’ve poked around a little, and it looks like it’s a fucking bureaucratic nightmare to get rid of a military doctor (much, much more difficult than getting rid of a civilian doctor). Why they couldn’t have at least made him to submit to psychiatric treatment is beyond me. This seems like more of a fuck-up in military culture than in medical culture.
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:50
“he did just well enough to prove he was capable of improvement.”
Well you have to admire his Wally-like ability to work just hard enough to prevent getting canned. Too bad he’s a criminally insane religious nutjob.
Major Kong said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:51
“OMG! I have two sources that say that Abdul Nidal Hasan made a suicide video just before he attacked the barracks at Fort Hood AND THE TAPE WAS MADE AT WALTER REED!”
The phone call is coming from inside the base!
gocart mozart said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:53
Poopy head : Shut Up That’s Why!.
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:56
There was something on NPR last night, that whenever Hasan was supervised he did just well enough to prove he was capable of improvement. Sounds like he knew how to play the system to not be fired.
I ain’t no headology person, but sounds a hella like a classic sociopathic personality to me.
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:57
The phone call is coming from inside the base!
Quick, someone shoot a Coke machine!
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:58
Headology: The study of marine toilets.
gocart mozart said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:58
You do want to end political correctness, don’t you?
NO! SASQ. [I refuted a fart]
J Neo Marvin said,
November 19, 2009 at 18:59
This seems like more of a fuck-up in military culture than in medical culture.
[wingnut]Why do you hate our troops?[/wingnut]
You Want Some Real American Gothic, You Come To The Goddamn Batman, Because, See, He's An American, And Gotham City Is Really Gothic--Oh, Forget It said,
November 19, 2009 at 19:04
The really sad thing about putting Don in American Gothic? He’s never made love to a woman nearly that hot.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 19:08
He’s never made love to a woman nearly that hot.
Listen, he could make her bark like a dog!
Oh. Wait…
cyntax said,
November 19, 2009 at 19:23
The report basically concluded that he was likely to do harm to his patients.
One important qualification: they meant mental harm. They didn’t think he’d do physical harm, and he’d been shunted into a role in which he didn’t interact with patients.
The military certainly didn’t address the problem but given how short staffed they are for head shrinkers, even if Hasan could pick up some of the administrative load, that might have freed up those better suited for caring for patients.
Not a great decision by a long shot, but there’s a saying in the Army: “Fuck up, move up.”
Steerpike said,
November 19, 2009 at 19:40
From the old jokes recycling bin:
One day George W was having a beer with Barack Obama (I know, I know, it’s a joke–go with it) and George confided that he was having trouble “satisfying” Laura. The stress of office had taken its toll on his performance, and he was worried.
Obama said “Here’s what I do: every night, before I go to bed, I take my pecker out and whack it up against the bedpost several times, as hard as I can. This toughens things up, and believe me, I’ve never had any complaints!
So that night, when George was sure that his wife was safely asleep, he crawled down to the foot of the bed, pulled out his little pud and, feeling slightly foolish, began slapping it against the bedpost.
The noise woke Laura, and she turned over sleepily, and said, “Barack? Is that you?”
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:09
I am compelled to share with you this not so veiled PENIS reference. Utah is the comedy gift that keeps on giving.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:12
I’m sure this question’s been asked before, but teh Gazoogle tells me 0 hits with teh quotation marks in.
What does it mean to be Going Rogue from Team Maverick?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:12
Also, apologies for teh’ superrfl’ous apos’tophe’.
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:13
The military certainly didn’t address the problem but given how short staffed they are for head shrinkers…
I recall hearing, the first day Zwerdling was on the story, him going into some detail about how difficult it is to get rid of a physician. I think he went so far as to say his sources (dr.s who worked in the same unit) doubted they would be able to to get rid of him.
Tommmcatt said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:16
Hey! Be nice! The artist’s sister was the model for that farmstress!
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:17
But it wasn’t, D-KW. Using the apostrophe to represent the elision of ‘has” isn’t standard usage but without the apostrophe your construction would be even worse.
/pedant litotes
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:18
I am compelled to share with you this not so veiled PENIS reference. Utah is the comedy gift that keeps on giving.
I am doubly amused because his name is “Buttars.”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:22
Thanks PeeJ. Tell the voices in my head they were right. Next thing you know, stuff’s going get the SHIT BURNED OUT OF IT. ‘
Coach Urban Meyer said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:26
Wuzza-wuzzup, loony libs? In lieu of Da Cool Coach serving up a white knuckle SPREAD of TRUTH all over your commie butts, I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet! Hoffman WILL PREVAIL in New York! You heard it here first, silly socialists…ACORN’s attempts to rig the election have been discovered! You dumbos are doomed, check it! Badoodle-boo-yeah! Urban out.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:35
OMFG.
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:42
OMFG.
Oh please oh please oh please…
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:48
The noise woke Laura, and she turned over sleepily, and said, “Barack? Is that you?”
Another old joke:
One morning in the winter of 2001, W wakes up in the White House after a big snowstorm. He sees “W Sucks” written in yellow in the snow.
He calls the Secret Service, who spring into action.
A few hours later:
“Well, sir, We’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, we’ve done a DNA analysis and can conclusively state the urine is from President Bill Clinton.”
“Oh my god….well, what could possibly be the bad news then?”
“The handwriting is the First Lady’s”
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:50
OMFG.
What would we call the ticket?
“Pecker”?
Marion in Savannah said,
November 19, 2009 at 20:56
There isn’t enough popcorn in the world to supply the quantities needed for the Palin/Obama and Beck/Biden debates…
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:00
the Palin/Obama … debates…
Personally, I would love to see Obama channel his inner “Rock”
Obama: Mrs Palin, is it true you can see Russia from your front porch?
Palin: Why yes, Mr. Pr–
Obama: It doesn’t matter what you can see, you jabroni! I am Barack, and I am the People’s President!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:03
There isn’t enough popcorn in the world to supply the quantities needed for the Palin/Obama and Beck/Biden debates…
While I am PAH-RAYING for this to happen, I doubt the few grownups left in the Republican Party would let this happen. BUT if they don’t, it’s possible that Beck and Palin could run as third-party candidates and it would be a replay of the insane Perot clusterfuck of the 90s, except with more insanity and clusterfuckery.
Dan Someone said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:03
From a sig in the comments over at Thumbheadland:
OsamaHusseinIslamObama 2012?
(the terrorist-Uighur-ACORN-media choice)
-It’s never too early to campaign-
I get everything here except “Uighur” — did I miss something about how Uighurs are as bad as than Mooslims? Or is the commenter just a big fan of oppressive ROC government crackdowns?
smedley said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:07
“OMFG.”
Oh, please. No effing way Beck or any other millionaire gabber is going to run for public office. They don’t put themselves in a position where they could actually lose. Nah gah happen.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:14
did I miss something about how Uighurs are as bad as than Mooslims?
A) Uighurs ARE Muslims
B) China just smacked Obama about for allowing them leave to be anti-China.
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:15
get everything here except “Uighur” — did I miss something about how Uighurs are as bad as than Mooslims? Or is the commenter just a big fan of oppressive ROC government crackdowns?
The Chinese are using (as the Russians have in Chenchnya) the label “terrorist” to attack the Uighurs… yet another adorable legacy of Dear Leader Comrade Bush, and one you pretty much could see coming a mile off after 9/11.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:17
The Chinese are using (as the Russians have in Chenchnya) the label “terrorist” to attack the Uighurs… yet another adorable legacy of Dear Leader Comrade Bush, and one you pretty much could see coming a mile off after 9/11.
Why the fuck would a wingnut listen to what those communist Chinese say, anyway?
Pere Ubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:23
Why the fuck would a wingnut listen to what those communist Chinese say, anyway?
I’m figuring (we ARE talking about the Common Americanus Wingnuttius) this person heard a comment somewhere about Uighurs=terrorist Muslims, and, minus any context (see above) just jumped to conclusions.
Progressive Center Left Grrl Voice of Truth said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:25
It’s interesting to watch it unfold. Notice that Turkey has never gotten away with defining the Kurds as terrorists. Probably a combination of the relative political power Kurdistan has built up with oil money plus everyone involved in that name-calling is Muslim.
Jennifer said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:32
Weird things overheard in the past few days:
On the radio, AM dial, one phrase before station fade-out:
“…all these RADICAL BUDDHISTS…”
I’m still trying to wrap my head around that concept…exactly what would a radical Buddhist do? Nothing…at all?
In the grocery store parking lot, and glad I didn’t hear more:
“She makes this brussel sprout salad…
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:37
Why the fuck would a wingnut listen to what those communist Chinese say, anyway?
If it paints Obamas in a bad light, it;s gospel, source doesn’t matter. Recall the whingers being aghast that Ahmedinejad was treated rudely by the Columbia U Pres.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:38
what would a radical Buddhist do? Nothing…at all?
*waterspit*
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:42
If it paints Obamas in a bad light, it’s gospel, source doesn’t matter.
Say, that rings a bell.
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:43
BUT if they don’t, it’s possible that Beck and Palin could run as third-party candidates and it would be a replay of the insane Perot clusterfuck of the 90s, except with more insanity and clusterfuckery.
You know, I’m not sure how cluster-fucking got a bad name.
tigrismus said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:45
Sinhalese Buddhists can be pretty nasty.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:45
You know, I’m not sure how cluster-fucking got a bad name.
You’re right. I apologize to orgies and orgy-enthusiasts everywhere for my insensitive language.
pedestrian said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:56
Why the fuck would a wingnut listen to what those communist Chinese say, anyway?
These are people who cite Pravda for proof of American media bias.
jim said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:57
Palin + Beck = POCKY
So Biden’s chauffeur runs someone over & they’ve got bupkis – because they’re busy recycling a farmer-joke that’s older than I am about Pelosi?!?
No, no, honey, the rabid dog is right over HERE – congratulations, you just shot the neighbour’s cat.
By far the worst thing Pelosi ever did – refusing to impeach Teh Gang That Couldn’t Lie Straight – is about the only thing they ever applauded her for. It’s uncanny: whenever they get gung-ho about something, you know you’re looking at major-league fail.
From the way these folks loathe her, you’d think she shot her friend in the face & then made them apologize, started a pointless war under false pretenses, initiated a government torture program, had her own personal death-squad, already had outstanding arrest-warrants &/or indictments against her in numerous jurisdictions around the world & was under suspicion of a multitude of serious crimes in the US or something!
acrannymint said,
November 19, 2009 at 21:57
Why they couldn’t have at least made him to submit to psychiatric treatment is beyond me. This seems like more of a fuck-up in military culture than in medical culture.
They don’t even have enough docs to treat the people that need it now.
pedestrian said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:04
Sinhalese Buddhists can be pretty nasty.
Burmese too
cyntax said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:06
They don’t even have enough docs to treat the people that need it now.
Yep. Joe Galloway’s been saying they broke the Army for years now.
kingubu said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:08
exactly what would a radical Buddhist do?
Radical Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything”.
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:11
Radical Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything”.
Hotdog vendor says “WTF? You’re a vegetarian.”
pedestrian said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:13
Actually, funny story about “radical buddhists.”
I was sent to one of those crazy evangelical grade schools in the Bible Belt that teach 6-day creation in science class and the theocratic junta in civics. One day we saw pictures of children who were raised in monastaries in southeast Asia. The poor dears needed immediate missionary help because they were forced to memorize thousands of Buddhist scriptures and wear funny robes.
Here I am squirming in my scratchy (not catholic!) schoolboy uniform, stressing over the three chapters from Romans that I have to recite by rote that afternoon, and NOT FEELING VERY SORRY FOR THOSE KIDS.
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:17
Sinhalese Buddhists can be pretty nasty.
Burmese too
Then too, you got your Radical Faerie Buddhists.and Dharma-Dykes to think about.
Random hotdog vendor said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:20
I resent the implication that my fellow hotdog vendors are stupid. A tofu dog for you, N__B!
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:20
Radical Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything”.
Hotdog vendor says “WTF? You’re a vegetarian.”
Radical Buddhist says….
I got nothing.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:20
When you think about it, Buddhism being full of jerkwads makes total sense. Shorter Buddhism:
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:21
A tofu dog for you, N__B!
I stopped eating boiled street-meat circa 1990, after my third round of food poisoning.
pedestrian said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:24
Enlightenment? FYIGM.
ahem
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:25
I stopped eating boiled street-meat …
I see no mention of your stance vis-a-vis raw street meat. Clarification is needed.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:26
Siddhartha was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car…
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:26
raw street meat
Website, newsletter, subscription.
Smut Clyde said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:27
Radical Buddhists are engaged in a terror campaign of random assassinations of Buddhas on the road.
Vacuumslayer said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:27
Pelosi is 69?!!!!! I always thought she was an attractive woman but now I’m really impressed. And I’m not being snarky.
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:27
I see no mention of your stance vis-a-vis raw street meat. Clarification is needed.
You clarify butter, not meat. Sheesh.
On the other hand, I can see someone – not me – making a fortune in NYC with a string umbrella-ed stands servcie yak tartare and fresh goats’ milk yogurt.
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:28
Serving, too, for those who speak actual english.
Smut Clyde said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:28
Siddhartha was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car…
Large or small vehicle?
PeeJ said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:28
Also, and OT, Xenophon v. Xenu! Awesome!
Smut Clyde said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:29
Radical hotdog vendors cut their own throats.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:30
ahem
Well, in my defense – from your link:
The first being the FYIGM version.
laym said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:31
Pelosi would never expect someone to take personal responsibility for his actions.
Personal responsibility? Jaysus, they pay for boilerplate? I can write boilerplate!
“Pelosi would have insisted on onerous regulations and inspections of the farmer’s livestock.”
See? Where’s mah money?
(Back up to read the comments and see how many other people made the same joke.)
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:31
making a fortune in NYC with a string umbrella-ed stands servcie yak tartare and fresh goats’ milk yogurt
And Khal-Khalash!
(OK, that’s an obscure reference…let’s see who gets it)
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:31
onerous regulations and inspections of the farmer’s livestock
Veiled Gimp reference.
pedestrian said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:32
Large or small vehicle?
Smut, I love you. Um… as I love all sentient beings.
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:32
(OK, that’s an obscure reference…let’s see who gets it)
As soon as I get back from touring 4th Avenue and the Port Authority bus terminal, I’ll respond.
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:33
As soon as I get back from touring 4th Avenue and the Port Authority bus terminal, I’ll respond.
New Yorkers need not respond.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:36
And Khal-Khalash!
with Crab juice?
stryx said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:38
I think someone found the Eightfold Path and took it a little too literally:
1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration
Smut Clyde said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:38
OT, Xenophon v. Xenu! Awesome!
Thread degenerates rapidly into an exchange of Australian and New Zealand cultural stereotypes. My sheep and I are both offended.
From the original Xenophon’s Oeconomicus:
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:41
And Khal-Khalash!
with Crab juice?
And yet, somehow yak vendors seem so foreign to you people…
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:44
“When
a sheepan abbo is ailing,” said Socrates, “we generally blame theshepherdnearestKiwiAussie.”Fixed!
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 22:45
My sheep and I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_a09G6r-L4
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:01
My sheep and I
The Buddhist version was “Baaaaaabaaaaa and the King of Siam”
The fierce Buddhist version, I mean.
pedestrian said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:41
actor, what did you
actor212 said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:52
2X2L calling CQ
2X2L calling CQ
Isn’t there anyone on the air?
Isn’t there anyone on the air?
2X2L calling CQ
Isn’t there…anyone?
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:56
The Martins et em all.
Randolph Carter said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:56
You fool, Warren is dead!
N__B said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:57
And then the Martians et the Martins.
Randolph Carter said,
November 19, 2009 at 23:58
FYWP
Rusty Shackleford said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:02
Ravenous martins
actor212 said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:03
Ravenous martins
MY GOD! THEY ATE HOLES IN THAT HOUSE!
Rusty Shackleford said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:04
“The martin’s digestive process and metabolic rate are extremely rapid, and it must consume its own weight in insects each day. The average weight for a purple martin is about four ounces, which is equal to about 14,000 mosquitoes or that equivalent…”
!!!!
Looch said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:07
Zombie Martins could be a problem.
actor212 said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:10
At 5 mg per mosq, x 14,000, that’s….carry the one…70 g, or TWO AND A HALF OUNCES!
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:17
MY GOD! THEY ATE HOLES IN THAT HOUSE!
That’s no house, it’s a launcher.
Rusty Shackleford said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:17
Zombie Martins could be a problem.
We are not without recourse.
Looch said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:20
TWO AND A HALF OUNCES!
Zombie hor’s douvres. On crackers.
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:26
Unleash the Zombie Kittens!
Larkspur said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:29
This is what entropy means to me.
Renfield said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:33
about 14,000 mosquitoes or that equivalent
The blood is the life! The blood is the life!
The Goddamn Batman Likes His Hot Dogs Chicago-Style, The Way God Intended said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:40
Radical Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything”.
He gives the vendor a twenty, waits a minute, then says, “Where’s my change?” The vendor smiles and replies, “True change comes from within.”
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 0:57
Heh. Here’s a “rimshot” for the Batman.
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 1:04
Is beaverboard when they strap you down on your back and try to drown you by putting wet stuff on your face?
You may be thinking of the medium-density fibreboard.
You do not want to know about the bisonboard.
SomeNYGuy said,
November 20, 2009 at 1:06
Here’s a “rimshot” for the Batman.
Keep a civil tongue in your head and/or the Goddamn Batman’s bunghole.
Tommmcatt said,
November 20, 2009 at 1:19
Do we have to do the thousand-post thing again? I’m still tired from the last one.
cyntax said,
November 20, 2009 at 1:33
Do we have to do the thousand-post thing again?
Yeah but this way you really feel the burn–more aerobic too.
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:07
#200
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:08
two zero one
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:08
C’mon pipples, we got a loooong way to go.
Little help?
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:09
Radical Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog vendor. Eats him.
Carrie Prejean's Schlick Flick Vol. 13: Ping Pong Pudendum said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:09
You do not want to know about the bisonboard.
And you really don’t want to know about the rustytubaboard.
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:10
So who’s playing Borderlands?
Not bad but I’m afraid to play online because it’s easily hack3d and because I’m old none of my friends play video games. So can’t play a private game and won’t play with strangers.
Carrie Prejean's Schlick Flick Vol. 16: 'That's No Moon' said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:13
We’re playing Keep on the Borderlands this Saturday.
tigrismus said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:14
Radical Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog vendor. Eats him.
Buddhist on wiener-man action in street = HOT!
Carrie Prejean's Schlick Flick Vol. 17: Gagging the Clam said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:24
Radical hotdog vendor walks up to a Buddhist Monk and asks, “What is the true nature of a kosher frankfurter?”
“Moo,” says the monk.
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:32
“And you really don’t want to know about the rustytubaboard.”
The ErnestTubboard will have you walking the floor.
Gary Ruppert said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:32
The fact is, the word is “Buddhest”.
Steerpike said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:35
As long as we’re stuck here on another perma-thread, let’s play a little game I like to call name the next Palin baby! I’ll go first:
Sprocket
Twink
Flunk
Grift
Boneless Meatloaf said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:39
Vengeance
Andy said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:40
“(oil on beaverboard) (no … seriously … on beaverboard.)”
Yes, and who put the oil on the beaverboard?….none other than Grant WOOD.
pedestrian said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:40
I predict that Twink Palin takes after his brother-in-law.
Whale Chowder (nee OneMan) said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:45
“Twee”
“Cordite”
“Quit”
Looch said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:46
name the next Palin baby
After her grandmother?
Mimimimi
N__B said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:51
Not bad but I’m afraid to play online because it’s easily hack3d and because I’m old none of my friends play video games. So can’t play a private game and won’t play with strangers.
I just caught up with Bioshock last month. Give me a year or so and I’m up for some internet Borderlandy goodness.
Steerpike said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:07
How about “Track”?
Nah, forget it…too bizarre.
pedestrian said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:16
President
Gary Ruppert said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:17
The fact is, real Americans like me know that Libs are afraid of Sarah Palin. She will be our next president, and I hope Michele Bachman or Glenn Beck are with her to restore the USA to its consitution and small government and lower taxes and freedom. Liberals, just bite me. We are taking our country back in 3,2,1….
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:18
name the next Palin baby
Ruppert
Carrie Prejean's Schlick Flick Vol. 18: Fingerpicking the Slippery Gibson said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:18
Mukluk
Gazebo
Beluga
Macadamia
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:19
Since we’re never going to break 1000 without some diligence…..
Isn’t “assless chaps” redundant?
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:22
Radical Buddhist walks into a gay bar and orders a hotdog.
Your ball.
SomeNYGuy said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:25
Isn’t “assless chaps” redundant?
Maybe in your circles. All the chaps I’ve dated had asses (or I wouldn’t have dated them!)
N__B said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:26
Isn’t “assless chaps” redundant?
True. And they may lead to chapped asses.
N__B said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:27
Radical Buddhist walks into a gay bar and orders a hotdog.
Your ball.
I’m confused. Does he order a weiner or a ball?
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:34
“True change comes from within.”
One-handed golf clap.
tigrismus said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:55
Buddhist always buy from Zen Cohen’s Kosher Dogs.
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:57
I tried to follow the Eightfold Path, but my BoddhiSATvas were too low.
[Goes back to trying to create a "Garden of Eightfold Paths" joke]
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 3:59
I tried painting with beaver on oilpaper, but the medium was too recalcitant.
PeeJ said,
November 20, 2009 at 4:01
[Goes back to trying to create a "Garden of Eightfold Paths" joke]
I wouldn’t bother; Borges already did it.
Strangefate said,
November 20, 2009 at 4:06
If I click on the link to Surber’s site will Dueling Banjos start playing? I’ll feel cheated if it doesn’t.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
November 20, 2009 at 4:09
I tried painting with beaver on oilpaper, but the medium was too recalcitant.
Your media must be prepped using a woodchipper, or industrial food processor.
tigrismus said,
November 20, 2009 at 4:21
Would beaver frescoes be recalcimine?
g said,
November 20, 2009 at 4:37
Have the proprietors abandoned us again?
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 4:42
beaver frescoes
O tempera! O mores!
tigrismus said,
November 20, 2009 at 5:10
Or perhaps “O Castors” or “O Castorimorpha” or summat? Poop.
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 5:25
Bisonboarding in progress.
J Neo Marvin said,
November 20, 2009 at 5:31
Back to the serious part of the thread: just caught C-Span, where some former Bush “terrorism expert” is testifying before the Senate about what Fort Hood truly means, while Joe Lieberman nods sagely. Nauseating.
Wise men give opinions
And we’re wise to listen
Pick the crumbs of our republic,
Something senseless happens
They assign it meaning
Shake it at us like glowstick,
Shiny objects blind your eyes!
Interrobang said,
November 20, 2009 at 7:27
The next Palin baby is going to be named Zamboni. Ole Sarah even said so. She wants him to grow up to be a smooth operator, and not in a rink-y-dink sense, either. (Veiled hockey cup reference!)
Alicia Morgan said,
November 20, 2009 at 8:34
Palin baby?
Boys:
Prick
Trick
Stick
Dragg
Splatt
Hock
Puck
Girls:
Strumpet
Valvoline
Blister
Oleo
Nom de Gwar said,
November 20, 2009 at 10:34
Isn’t “assless chaps” redundant?
For that matter, aren’t dildoes always humorous?
Smut Clyde said,
November 20, 2009 at 11:08
Alicia Morgan said,
Palin baby?
Ah, so it’s like the NATO naming conventions for Eastern-bloc hardware and crypto systems (two syllables = jets, one syllable = propellor craft).
actor212 said,
November 20, 2009 at 16:04
I tried painting with beaver on oilpaper, but the medium was too recalcitant.
If you tip her a twenty, she becomes easy.
Real easy.
Sirius Lunacy said,
November 20, 2009 at 16:06
George W. Bush was traveling through Vermont and stopped to talk to a local farmer.
“How large of an acreage do you cultivate?” Bush asked.
“Oh, it’s pretty big,” the Vermonter replied. “My farm extends for about a hundred yards in that direction and for nearly a hundred-twenty yards in that. And how large an acreage do you handle?”
Bush smiled.
“Back home,” he said, “I have a ranch with my house located at one end. I can get into my truck at the house in the morning, turn the ignition key, step on the gas, and by the end of the day I still won’t have reached the other end.”
The Vermont farmer nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, that’s tough. I once had a truck like that, too.”
Bush replies “Really? I had an entire administration like that.”
actor212 said,
November 20, 2009 at 16:33
beaver frescoes
O tempera! O mores!
When your beaver hits tempra in a fresco by Smut Clyde,
That’s “O mores!”
tomcj said,
November 21, 2009 at 8:22
I left this comment at the site, and I hope that Surber prints it!
I wrote:
And people say conservatives don’t have a good sense of humor! This is brilliant and the commentary is brilliant!
I hope this does go viral and Don Surber get the credit for this!
Fox News needs to bring back “The 1/2 Hour News Hour” !!!!
With pure gold like this, everyone will see just exactly how funny and smart and intelligent and witty conservatives can be, IF, and I hope Don Surber and the commenters here get involved!!!, IF conservatives put all their brain power to the task of just enjoying life and being funny.
Down with PC! Up with conservative wits!!!
Conservatives can do it all!!!!