Nov
17
17
Innocence By Association
ABOVE: Bronzino, Portrait of a Young Moron (c. 1530)(sludge on wood)
Shorter Ben Smith, My Daddy Ruined A Bank And All I Got Was A Shitty Political Website And Some Crappy TV Stations:
Playing the race card on ‘Going Rogue’
- In considering whether Palin’s ghostwriter Lynn Vincent is a racist, it is more important that Vincent goes to a megachurch with a black preacher than that she is friends with a racist opponent of interracial marriage.
Shorter Robert Stacey McCain, The Worse McCain:
Ben Smith, Right and Wrong
- I can’t be racist because I’m friends with a white woman who goes to a church with a black preacher.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Joe Max said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:09
The wingnut self-cannibalization continues. I don’t think I have enough popcorn for this.
…and, first?
stackozone said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:13
This is all because of that group of treasonous, back-stabbing, bastards, the People’s Front of Judea
M. Bouffant said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:13
Number two!
Snowwy said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:14
I cannot be lured out of the boat for love or money. Not even the catfight featured the previous thread convinced me to click through.
I learned my lesson years ago. And again with Mr. Dr. Zaius a couple of days back.
Always Always ALWAYS Trust the Shorter.
M. Bouffant said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:14
Not even. Poop!
stackozone said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:15
HA! I think NOT, my friend!
Joe Max said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:16
Meh. Smith is boring, as usual. But I will not click through to the Stacey-monster.
Joe Max said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:18
Hey, Smith’s blog has been “edited for clarity.” What did it say before?
Anthony said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:23
What’s great about the RSM post is that he never clarifies his position on race. He doesn’t even deny being racist, he just denies that Ben Smith could know whether or not he is racist.
Joe Max said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:24
This is SO fucking cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMEQU485wJc
Teabaggers being totally punked.
Anthony said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:24
While we’re on catfights what ever happened in that McCain-Johnson feud anyway.
Blarg said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:28
Number three!
El Mono said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:29
Best “painting” yet! Makes me laugh every time I scroll back to it, the facial expression and title are such a perfect match.
OK, I’m a nobody, but thanks anyway for doing these, they’re unique and brilliant little satires.
commie atheist said,
November 17, 2009 at 8:49
Also shorter McCain:
People have asked me for a definitive statement for my views on race, so here it is – liberals are wrong about everything.
Seriously.
Jeff Fecke said,
November 17, 2009 at 9:38
Even better, this shorter McCain update:
UPDATE: Some have said that I didn’t answer the question as to whether I’m a racist. Oh, golly, look at the time.
owlbear1 said,
November 17, 2009 at 10:08
You certainly demonstrating the cowardice necessary, McSticky.
ACORN Flakes: a great taste America loves said,
November 17, 2009 at 10:27
By the way, Tintin — congrats on 50,000 views for the Gathering Storm parody.
N__B said,
November 17, 2009 at 13:59
Hey, Smith’s blog has been “edited for clarity.” What did it say before?
“Boooga boooga boooga.”
Also, NUMBER SEVENTEEN!
Also.
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 14:13
RS McCain is pretty much the real world basis for Stephen Colbert’s character, is he not? He’s like the Serpentor of wingnuts, comprised of a perfect mix of all of history’s worst wingnuts.
BtI said,
November 17, 2009 at 14:23
Nah, Colbert’s character is a deeply ignorant but essentially non-malevolent asshat. McCain is a vindictively reactionary arrogant shitbag, devoid of anything approaching a redeeming or excusing characteristic.
Sheesh said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:03
Hey Flip,
Motherfucking Win Forever for that Serpentor simile.
actor212 said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:20
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
Man, there isn’t enough popcorn in the world for all this infighting!
Number 6 said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:20
Number two!
Who is Number One?
Looch said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:23
Man, there isn’t enough popcorn in the world for all this infighting!
Burn, baby, burn.
Stephen said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:24
In a world torn apart by civil war, only one man and his strike force can stop the ensuing bla- er, liberal menace.
*Erick Erickson does his best to impersonate Jack Bauer while the words RED STATE STRIKE FORCE blaze across the screen*
*cue X-Men 3 movie trailer music*
actor212 said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:29
While this applies to the last thread as well, we should name this kerfuffle Bra Wars.
Evil Bender said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:34
McCain’s defense of the “opposed to interracial marriage” attack is priceless: “I’m not a racist. Also, most people don’t like interracial marriage, so I’m totally vindicated for a position I’ve not admitted to taking!”
Gary Ruppert Number Two said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:47
asshat
ill never get enough of that word.
woops! the fact is…
D Johnston said,
November 17, 2009 at 15:56
The comments on Smith’s piece are a hoot, too. About half of them are just “Blah! Obama Wright Ayers blah!” You have to hand it to the wingnuts – They may not be able to build coherent arguments or understand policy in any real way, but they can memorize long lists of inconsequential names and figures!
LittlePig said,
November 17, 2009 at 16:12
Bravo to Stephen for the Don LaFontaine homage.
And for something a bit more lowbrow
“Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! See Erick Erickson battle Robert “the Stacyest” McCain in an all out demolition derby! See Don Surber bite the head off a bat! See Jonah Goldberg eat 75 Ding-Dongs in seven minutes! See Pam Oshry jiggle her gazongas! See Ben Smith get his lunch money stolen! Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!!!!”
actor212 said,
November 17, 2009 at 16:28
“Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! See Erick Erickson battle Robert “the Stacyest” McCain in an all out demolition derby! See Don Surber bite the head off a bat! See Jonah Goldberg eat 75 Ding-Dongs in seven minutes! See Pam Oshry jiggle her gazongas! See Ben Smith get his lunch money stolen! Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!!!!”
It’ll make the WWE’s Survivor Series look like a church picnic! This one comes complete with REAL CANNIBALS!
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 16:45
I really love the wingnut concept of what a “racist” is, which I infer means “one who eschews all contact under any circumstance with a person or persons of a particular race”
McCain is sure that Vincent isn’t racist because the pastor at her church is black. Maybe next he can demonstrate that David Duke isn’t racist because his dry cleaner is black. They’re not even going with “has a black friend” here, but have dropped the bar to “knows someone black.”
Later when that standard no longer works, they can move to “knows of someone black”
J Neo Marvin said,
November 17, 2009 at 16:52
What is it with all these idiots named Ben? The (allegedly ex-) Virgin Ben, the plagiarist Ben, and the Politico Ben. A Michael Jackson song about a rat comes to mind.
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 16:53
RS McCain:
This is simply false, and I dare Ben Smith to put forth evidence that my “views on race” have made me “a pariah even on the right.”
Actually I agree with Mr. McCain here. It’s quite easy for me to imagine that nothing he could possibly do would make him a pariah on the right. These people think “barack the magic negro” is funny and can’t understand why people get upset when they use words like “shiftless” and “uppity” to describe the Obamas.
I’m really not sure how one would become a pariah on the right, if it is even possible aside from going the John Cole/Charles Johnson “notice conservativism isn’t perfect” route.
Jake H. said,
November 17, 2009 at 16:56
Palin’s brand of evangelism puts racial reconciliation high on the agenda! OK, check. I guess the McCain-Palin campaign was about racial reconciliation in the form of Obama monkey dolls.
Love love LOVE this from Smith: *UPDATE: Edited for clarity. And McCain disputes his critics’ characterization of his views on race.
You don’t say! Someone denies they’re a racist? That’s real news!
You know who else disputes their critics’ characterization of their views on race? Segregationists. Klansmen. Neonazis. You ever see that episode of “Lockup” on MSNBC where they interview the guy who shaved off his eyebrows so he could have an extra square inch or so of real estate on which to tattoo additional white supremacist slogans because he had run out of space on the rest of his head and body? You know what that guy does in the interview? DISPUTES HIS CRITICS’ CHARACTERIZATION OF HIS VIEWS ON RACE! Looks Ben Smith owes HIM an update.
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:02
Ok, I was wrong, above about how they will lower the bar on the “see, I’m not a racist!” defence. McCain:
It’s no longer “I know someone black” but “I am friends with someone who isn’t racist”
This is where reality laps satire again, and Colbert is left in the dust – he now needs not a picture of him with his black friend, but a picture of him with his white friend who has a black friend.
It’s the 6-degrees of Kevin Bacon anti-racism defence.
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:11
Sigh, and what I just wrote is back to the shorter. Ok, I’m getting back on the boat, and didn’t find any mangoes, or even any damn tigers.
Jake H. said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:15
I do enjoy the general pattern here, which is basically
Beltway Journalist: The views of Slobbering Lunatic must be taken seriously. His anger at the take-over of America by politically correct Stalin Hitler Muslims is shared by many, and Obama did personally kill all those people at Fort Hood with gay AIDS missiles.
Slobbering Lunatic: Hey Beltway Journalist, your characterization of the shadow cabal that has taken over our government as mere “politically correct Stalin Hitler Muslims” is a whitewash that denies the blood on the hands of far left activist hysterical left liberal Olympia “Rock Salt” Scozzafava (Treasonist, Isle of Lesbos)! Typical Em Ess Em, you punk faggot! I will shoot you in the face with a bullet made of patriotism and pork products, thus denying you the proper Muslim burial you crave!!!
Beltway Journalist: Is Obama too black to continue as a gay president?
Bitter Scribe said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:28
Oh, how I wish one of McCain’s kids would get involved with a black person. The sound of his head exploding would be audible several states over.
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:40
Careful, RS McCain is a bad mother fucker:
The Tragically Flip said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:41
Jake, that was outstanding BTW.
Pryme said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:49
@ Bitter,
Is this close enough?
actor212 said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:54
I’ve been cranking it out on deadline since 1986
I’m not sure what masturbation has to do with right wing blog–
Oh.
Bitter Scribe said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:55
Pryme: No, but it was damn good.
That’s the guy from Law & Order, right?
The Goddam Batman Never Meant 2 Cause U Any Sorrow, The Goddamn Batman Never Meant 2 Cause U Any Pain said,
November 17, 2009 at 17:59
Sexy.
Nosexy.
Sexy.
Nosexy.
Sex–wait, what the fuck am I talking about? Nosexy and nosexy! Nosexy and nosexy! Good grief, I’m going mad. I blame it all on the imminent arrival of this crawling horror. Time to take a vacay in someplace with white sand and sapphire-blue seas and let Gotham fight its own goddamn crime for a couple of weeks.
See what I mean? SEE?!? said,
November 17, 2009 at 18:01
…and I repeated the Namespace from another post. Just me, Alfred with a big-ass bottle of sunscreen, and a margarita the size of a fishbowl. Later, bizatches.
Pryme said,
November 17, 2009 at 18:14
Bitter: Yep…DUN-DUN!
Alex said,
November 17, 2009 at 18:39
I can’t wait for you to get started on the Francis Bacons. Or, come to think of it, Bosch, Ensor, Dali. Hey, The Great Masturbator is an actual Dali painting.
actor212 said,
November 17, 2009 at 19:03
Hey, The Great Masturbator is an actual Dali painting.
Well, hellllllllllllllllllllllo, Dali!
SomeNYGuy said,
November 17, 2009 at 19:34
“I’ve been cranking it out on deadline since 1986″
His dick must resemble raw hamburger by now.
And why “on deadline”? Does his mommy ration the time he spends in the bathroom?
Brandi said,
November 17, 2009 at 20:49
I’ve been cranking it out on deadline since 1986,
I’d hate to be the one who has to clean the underside of that desk.
tigrismus said,
November 17, 2009 at 20:52
Man, there isn’t enough popcorn in the world for all this infighting!
Luckily it turns out sorghum, amaranth, and millet are all also poppable, because we are going to need them all, and even then we are going to need to open more currently protected areas to popgrain drilling.
MIcky Kaus said,
November 17, 2009 at 20:57
then it would behoove Ben Smith
What?! Where?
timb said,
November 17, 2009 at 21:54
How authoritarian are conservatives? No matter how many sites link to McCain’s OWN writings to make the point he’s a racist, the clowns who follow him won’t even click. “The man writes he’s not a racist; why would I need to read his racist writings to know he not one?”
g said,
November 17, 2009 at 21:57
then it would behoove Ben Smith
Are we behooving again?
g said,
November 17, 2009 at 21:57
And what IS the issue with Lynn Vincent being racist? There’s no way I’m going to click over there. Not from here.
Smut Clyde said,
November 17, 2009 at 22:36
This is the same Lynn Vincent who has elsewhere claimed that although she thinks homosexuality is a depraved perversion (yea, like unto communism in its erosive effect on morality!) and homosexuals are dishonest (because they pose as normal family-centred citizens when they march when everyone knows they are really leather-clad sex addicts), she is nevertheless not homophobic, because she has gay friends.
There’s a pattern here.
There’s also something emblematic about her call for homosexuality to be re-defined as a mental illness under the DSM. I mean, if you think someone’s sexual preferences are morally wrong, and you react by wanting someone else to medicalise that preference rather than arguing for your moral beliefs, how feckin’ cowardly is that?
jim said,
November 17, 2009 at 22:43
To me, the funniest thing about the “paintings” is how many of their subjects would’ve decried the original Renaissance as a threat to traditional Dark Ages Family Values that must be stopped before it destroys us all … back in Teh Goode Olde Dayse when
doctorsbarbers were still drilling holes in skulls to let the demons out, & an invitation from a priest to come to a community barbecue wasn’t good news.“I’ve been cranking it out on deadline since 1986?
But forgetting to wipe up afterwards since 1993.
Which conclusively settles the “pariah” question.
Ms. Dixie Beauregard said,
November 18, 2009 at 0:28
Why I do say, I have a great deal of empathy for this Stacey McCain. Like her, I have often been accused of being a racist, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth! While it is true that I have, occasionally, written things critical of particular coloreds, the truth is that I value them greatly as a race. Why, betwixt my domestic assistants and the associates whom I employ in my cotton-growing enterprise, I must know over three dozen individuals of the Negro race. We get along wonderfully as well — they are unfailingly polite and I enjoy listening to their songs. Now I ask, what racist would be able to state something like that?
Doctorb said,
November 18, 2009 at 0:29
The virgin’s Ben
The pantload’s Dough
But they call McCain Pariah
Arky said,
November 18, 2009 at 1:11
Can we get these asshats bigger megaphones? Really, I want to see what happens when only two non-Caucasians vote GOP in the next round of elections.
And Michael Steele isn’t one of them.
That would be teh giggles.
(I am the new numbah two! You are numbah six! Whippersnappers who haven’t seen the original, get offa mah lawn!)
Zebbidie said,
November 18, 2009 at 12:57
Doctorb
Thatwas very funny. I hope you didn’t just toss it off to be ignored because it is at the arse end of a thread. That deserves a tradition of its own for people to be aware of
Master Mahan said,
November 18, 2009 at 19:10
That’s odd… when Obama had a black preacher, it meant he *was* a racist.
Doctorb said,
November 19, 2009 at 2:59
Yeah but he can also simultaneously be Chamberlain and Hitler, because … because shut up, that’s why.
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
November 20, 2009 at 2:13
This is where reality laps satire again, and Colbert is left in the dust – he now needs not a picture of him with his black friend, but a picture of him with his white friend who has a black friend.
Which can only really culminate in “I’m not racist! You can tell because there’s no pictures of Hitler holding me as a baby.”
And then when someone does find those pictures….