26
Two-Minute Townhall
Shorter Burt Prelutsky: It also annoys me when seemingly rational people engage these bigoted pinheads in debates on — hey, wait a minute! Would you at least finish reading my column?
Shorter Eliot Peace: Cynthia McKinney is a one-woman Southern Strategy.
Shorter LaShawn Barber: We all deserve a share of the blame for our society’s ills, because we’ve permitted liberals to enact their ruinous agenda.
Shorter Walter Williams: If anything, minimum wage is too high.
Shorter Mark Joseph: In a democracy, freedom of speech should be subtle, patient and exceedingly polite. Speaking truth to power should be reserved for those who live under a dictatorship.
Shorter Brent Bozell: Why doesn’t NewsMax ever win any Pulitzers, hmmm?
Shorter Tony Blankley: I would rather bathe in a gallon of crude than shake Chuck Schumer’s filthy hand.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: I wonder how many illegal aliens are also serial killers.
Shorter Linda Chavez: We must conduct a political purge of the CIA to protect the president from a military coup.
Shorter John Stossel: I’d like to say a word or two on behalf of self interest.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Perhaps there is a bureaucratic solution to illegal immigration.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: We should allow Iraqis to vote on whether our troops will remain, after consulting with Iraqi politicians and others to determine that it would likely pass. (It would have to be worded in a creative way and all that.)
Shorter Kathleen Parker: The stripper at the Duke lacrosse team party went public with her story to gain fame, fortune and favorable treatment from prosecutors for a previous criminal offense. Not the one who claims she was raped, of course, but her friend.
Shorter Mike S. Adams: I wish people would describe me as the male Ann Coulter. (What? Why are you laughing?)
Shorter Travis G: I was expecting a lot more columns about traitors in our midst.
Jillian said,
April 26, 2006 at 20:25
I can’t wait to see what you’re going to do with the early Christmas present in the form of Press Secretary Tony Snow that you’ve been given!
annieangel said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:29
Shorter AnnieAngel: Brad R. sucks!
Raijin said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:34
Smarter annieangel: *crickets chirping*
annieangel said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:43
I don’t get it.
Stacy said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:46
There’s no such thing sa a smarter annieangel, annieangel.
jpj said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:49
Not only does Mike Adams’s column contain TWO references to college classes that teach masturbation (I wonder if either of them required term papers on vulcanized rubber?), but also contained this little gem:
“Racism is best defined as a pathological tendency to interject race into situations where it is not relevant, merely for personal gain.”
See how this lets conservatives off the hook? They inject race into such situations but it is done so with a cold calculation for personal gain hence, not “pathological.”
Anonymous said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:50
Alternative shorter Malkin: If our immigration laws were tighter and better enforced, Angel Resendiz would only have killed Mexicans, and I’m OK with that.
Dan Someone said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:50
Oh, that was moi, by the way.
Yosef said,
April 26, 2006 at 21:58
Nothing by Daniel Son this week?
D. Sidhe said,
April 26, 2006 at 22:14
What I especially enjoy is how many of them, Dan Someone’s included, seem to not only encapsulate the current columns, but the careers of some of these people.
The Stossel one made me weep with joy. I’m sending him a link.
Gary Ruppert said,
April 26, 2006 at 22:57
I’m sure that if you use a magic formula, you can make it seem like Markos’ manifesto sold more than 4,000 copies.
Strange how the supposedly unbiased media put him on the air multiple times to promote an unpopular book.
Anonymous said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:05
I was at the biased media meeting where they discussed putting him on the air. I tried to stop it but lost by one absentee biased media vote. Biased absentee media voters ruin the air.
Gary Ruppert said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:11
The fact is that Colbert basically gave Markos a tongue bath.
None of the media appearances mention how Markos cheered on the deaths of Americans in Iraq.
The Nutroots movement is a movement without one success to it’s name. Not one election was due to DailyKos. Not one bill was passed or stopped due to DailyKos.
They’re the force which has driven the Democrat Party into irrelevance.
Markos is also delusional, with his claims of not having enough liberals in the media. He must not watch the Today Show, the View, CNN, the Evening News, MSNBC, and 60 Minutes.
Mal de mer said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:16
What I especially enjoy is how many of them, Dan Someone’s included, seem to not only encapsulate the current columns, but the careers of some of these people.
I know. It’s like they’re able, magically somehow, to express their one-dimensionality and triteness so effectively that even a very dumb person couldn’t fail to see it.
How do they do that?
Kathleen said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:26
Shorter Gary: The fact is I have anti-leftist points to make and I am going to make them, no matter the topic of the post.
Kathleen said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:30
I just noticed that Gary counted “the View” as the liberal media!
gems like that is why I love having you around Gary!
Marq said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:33
Gary Ruooert: bla, bla, bla, blather, blather, blather…
What th’? I must have the “Idiocy and Bullshit” filter cranked up too high in my browser. I mean, even parts of annieangel’s comments got through. Let’s have a look-see….
Hmm, “Set slider to maximum allowable idiocy and bullshit levels.” Well, I have mine set at a darned generous 30% for idiocy and 25% for B.S. Well, screw it. I’m not willing to go higher than that.
robola said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:34
He must not watch the Today Show, the View, CNN, the Evening News, MSNBC, and 60 Minutes.
Gary, on the other hand, diligently chronicles the morally bankrupt kiddie pool of liberalism that Star Jones and Barbara Walters inhabit. But only after he finishes stuffing all those envelopes. Right, Gar?
Woodrowfan said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:36
Amazing how a book that’s only sold 4,000 copies is currently #22 on Amazon. So of all the books currently in print only 21 have sold more than 4,000 copies. WOW.
Jillian said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:37
The fact is that Colbert basically gave Markos a tongue bath.
And someone is soooooo jealous about it.
Anonymous said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:55
Strange how the supposedly unbiased media put him on the air multiple times to promote an unpopular book.
Posted by: Gary Ruppert |
he’s like anne coulter
but with a larger penis
annieangel said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:56
I’ve been thinking about writing a book.
Anonymous said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:59
that shrill leftist elisabeth hasselbach
Gary Ruppert said,
April 26, 2006 at 23:59
Other news today:
I can’t wait for Tony Snow to shred scumbags like David Gregory.
While Snow has had some rather wrongheaded comments on Bush, his head is in the right place. He’s a true blue conservative and a great spokesman for the second greatest president of the last century.
Chris said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:03
The greatest being, without a doubt, Taft.
mrgumby2u said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:04
So, the LaShawn Barber column included this…”Parker investigates the causes of America’s rampant moral breakdown, touches on major themes of the cultural war (sex education in taxpayer-supported schools, the normalization of homosexuality, radical feminism, child killing, etc.)”
Now I must have missed a memo somewhere, because I had no idea that we’d opened up a child killing front in the culture wars. What I’m still not clear on, though, is which side is doing the killing.
mikey said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:09
Wow. Just, wow. Having Gary trolling here is like having you’re own subway car, complete with it’s own full time loonie. He’s says things that make my head explode and my eyes pop out of my head like all of a sudden I’m in a Popeye cartoon.
Gary, have you noticed that other people shun you? Have you even noticed that even other conservatives run the other way when they see you coming?
See, in order to have ANY shred of credibility, you have to be willing to admit to at least a few errors or mistakes. It’s called throwing a bone to the other side. It makes you look,well, reasonable.
I mean, the second greatest president of the last century? GW Bush? Brad’s right, you’re faking. I know the polls are slanted, but your second greatest president has the second lowest approval rating in history at 32%. Who’s the greatest, Nixon?
mikey
tigrismus said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:14
While Snow has had some rather wrongheaded comments on Bush, his head is in the right place.
Gavin is busy counting his money and laughing his evil laugh, so I’ll fix this one…
While Snow has had some rather wrongheaded comments on Bush, his GIGANTIC head is in the right place.
A. Wombat said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:15
Duh.
Everyone knows who the First Greatest President was. Just ask Gary.
Godwin? Godwin who?
Anonymous said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:17
WIlliam Henry Harrison
greatest president
tigrismus said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:18
And “tongue bath?” Gary, I didn’t know you cared!
madjoey said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:21
D. Sidhe, The Stossel one made me weep with joy. I’m sending him a link.
Back when I was unconscious, I remember listening to some “Greed is good” screed by Stossel and getting so infuriated that I wrote him a terse email. Take that, Stossel! I think he was my cherry-popping wingnut.
One of Slacktivist’s commenters links to a really good anti-Libertarian essay. Libertarianism: The political system for people who don’t like people.
madjoey said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:22
shit. here’s the link
Gary Ruppert, Sr. said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:24
Gary,
Did you take the box of tissues from my nightstand? You seem to go through an awful lot of tissues these days.
Also, your mom is looking for her hand lotion that sits next to the kitchen sink, have you seen it?
Go easy on the Ho-Hos, mom is bring home Appleby’s tonight.
Dadly, Yes!
Patkin said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:33
He’s a true blue conservative and a great spokesman for the second greatest president of the last century.
A. True blue? A DEMOCRAT INFILTRATOR! Snow’s out to destroy the administration from the inside (better hurry)!
B. Last century? We’re in the 21st century. As a matter of fact, GW Bush has been the only president we have had in the 21st century. So was the GW Bush of the 2000-2004 term better than the GW Bush of the 2004-2008 term? Has Bush declined as the god-king, because if so, we’ll need to sacrifice him.
The Velvet Blog said,
April 27, 2006 at 0:35
Kos’s book is up to #17 on Amazon. Only 4,000 copies? Oh, Gary. You so crazy.
Gary Ruppert said,
April 27, 2006 at 1:03
Last Century means “from 1906 until now”
Reagan is the greatest President in History. Bush is tied for second with Lincoln
Patkin said,
April 27, 2006 at 1:08
Well then, if it’s only since 1906, how can Lincoln tie? He was long dead before then.
C’mon Gary, don’t go all humble on us now. Proclaim the god-king the second greatest by divine right. You know you want to.
Gary Ruppert said,
April 27, 2006 at 1:12
I said “in history” there, not “in the last 100 years”
mikey said,
April 27, 2006 at 1:20
Gary is Objectively Pro-Stupid…
mikey
Revisionist History said,
April 27, 2006 at 1:27
Gary, you said “of the last century,” you incredible slob.
elmore said,
April 27, 2006 at 1:31
I thought Tony Blankley always bathed in a barrel of brent crude,he likes the slimey look.
Woodrowfan said,
April 27, 2006 at 2:03
Reagan better than Lincoln or Washington? At least we know Gary never took a history class (and home schooling doesn’t count).
Hysterical Woman said,
April 27, 2006 at 2:32
Even Shorter Kathleen Parker: I’m not blaming the victim, but the victim is to blame.
Ianua Ditis said,
April 27, 2006 at 2:40
ok, someone is pretending to be Gary. Not even he can be that ridiculous.
Some thoughts on Reagan:
Doesn’t it bother anyone that Ronald Reagan had cancer on his asshole and George Bush had cancer on his middle-finger? What are these men trying to tell us?
–George Carlin
Also, I second the praise of the Stossel shorter. I never have to read another of his articles again.
Kathleen said,
April 27, 2006 at 2:53
his head is in the right place.
In the atmosphere! have you seen that noggin?
/The Editors.
Kathleen said,
April 27, 2006 at 3:03
Reagan is the greatest President in History.
I can just see the tear that Gary shed typing that. I can hear his little, quivering fingers type it out. His spine straightens. He takes a calming sip of water.
This is all Gary has left people!
jeff said,
April 27, 2006 at 6:53
None of the media appearances mention how Markos cheered on the deaths of Americans in Iraq.
Gary … fuck you.
gary p ruppert sr. said,
April 27, 2006 at 10:07
Gary, for the last time. Stop stealing your mom’s panties.
Jillian said,
April 27, 2006 at 14:55
I remember watching some tribute to Reagan that got slapdashed together after his death, and they found this adorable talking head quote of someone saying “I’ll never forget how he said ‘Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall’…and they did!!!”
So Gary’s not the only one who thinks that Ronald Reagan’s slightest word held the force of a Cruciatus curse. But they are all people who think that Harry Potter is misfield in the library when they don’t find it in the “nonfiction” section.
D.F. Manno said,
April 27, 2006 at 18:53
Cool! I know the formula for greatness of a president!
1. Get elected (obviously)
The Shrub skipped that part.
DF Manno said,
April 27, 2006 at 22:52
I’m sure that if you use a magic formula, you can make it seem like Markos’ manifesto sold more than 4,000 copies.
Hey, fuckwad Ruppert: According to the same source, Instacracker’s latest has only sold 4300 copies, while Hugh “the Empire State Building is so the front line” Hewitt’s has only sold 2600.
A reasonable person might come to the conclusion that the method used to come up with those numbers is flawed, but then you’ve never been much for reason, have you?