All your sperm are belong to God

First, some housekeeping — my latest article on Glenn Beck and “rich guy populism” is posted over at the Commonweal Institute’s website. Please give it some lurve by clicking on the link 🙂

Now onto business:

Y’know, whenever the Anchoress gives us a post title such as this…

Yes, Every Sperm is Sacred!

…she’s begging for a response. So let’s get to it.

The teaching, first off, is not – specifically – “every sperm is sacred,” although, it must be said, when you’re talking sperm and ova you are talking about essences – our essential selves, which are derived from the deepest parts of our beings, and you are talking about the material which was designed specifically for the purpose of assisting God in the creation of humanity.

Question: If you have a wet dream, then, does that technically count as some sort of subconscious sin? If you wake up in the middle of the night and find that you’ve ejaculated, do you have to perform 30 Hail Marys to stop the angel Gabriel from flying into your room and smiting you on site? Also, does this mean that when your dog starts humping the couch that he’s flaunting flouting God’s will? These are important questions.

God loves us into being – we are begotten. Our creation is no accident, but the Love of God made manifest, and the “tools” or “materials” that He uses for that creation – committed love and the mysterious and miraculous products of that love – do, simply by their designation as “tools of God” demand a certain respect and recognition, because they are a great deal more than the equivalent of nasal mucous or earwax.

Which is funny, because to me semen is no less or more appealing than nasal mucous. You would think that if God had intended to make semen a Divine Excretion that He would have done more to hype it up. Say, by making it more sparkly and rainbow colored. Or if every time someone gets off, they hear the sound of a righteous trumpet blasting from their nether-regions.

As to the teaching that every sex act must “hit the target,” (that’s a rather, errr, colorful way to put it), it simply means that every sex act, if it is truly to be respectful of God’s design and creation, must be opened to the possibility of new life, to God and to His will as to whether or not new life will be created.

Subconsciously pulling out at the last minute will lead to an instantaneous smiting, I might add.

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant? It happens all the time. Because the products of our human sexuality contain enormous power – power too many of us simply do not appreciate. And God will do what He will, sometimes, whether you’re open to it or not, in hopes that you WILL become open, and more open, to his loving gifts.

This is flat-out awesome. I never imagined that God Himself was responsible for condoms breaking or for people forgetting to take the pill. He really does have His hands in everything.

 

Comments: 145

 
 
 

If your God is basically a human, and a rather immature one, with superpowers and attention issues, then, maybe you need to spend a little time rethinking your notion of a “supreme” being, ’cause, one like that would really suck.

 
 

“Very Best Pumpkin Head Halloween Dance Of All Time In The World” http://tinyurl.com/yhzxc4g (the legs are so much funnier than the head)

 
 

Or if every time someone gets off, they hear the sound of a righteous trumpet blasting from their nether-regions.

I used to hear trumpets when I came, but then I gave up baked beans.

 
 

Flouting. It would have to include the trumpet and sparkles to be flaunting.

 
 

Perfect timing! I was just sitting here thinking, “Y’know, I could really use a lecture on God’s divineness as manifested by my semen.” No, I was. Seriously!

On the other hand, dare I ask what prompted this bit of inanity from our Lady of Perpetual Irrelevance?

 
 

I never imagined that God Himself was responsible for condoms breaking or for people forgetting to take the pill.

It is more a case, if I interpret the post correctly, of the spermatozoa simply ripping open the end of the condom and surging straight through, because these “products of our human sexuality contain enormous power – power too many of us simply do not appreciate.”

Those of us who do appreciate this power take precautions in the form of a green Kryptonite ampallang.

 
 

Since all my sperm are belong to God I no longer have to feel so guilty about that day in 1979 when I rubbed one out rendered a batch unto his sacristy at St. Hedwig’s.

 
 

when your dog starts humping the couch that he’s flaunting God’s willy
Amended to assuage Tigrismus.

 
 

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant? I

Um, none, actually. People who use reliable birth control dilligently very rarely get pregnant. That’s why they use it. That’s what 99% reliable means.

OTOH, if the essences are so powerful that birth control is helpless against their might, why the big fuss over birth control? Humor us!

 
 

Amended to assuage Tigrismus.

Rake! Libertine! Naughty person!

 
 

that day in 1979 when I rendered a batch unto his sacristy at St. Hedwig’s.
When skeptical scientists attempt to establish the ethnicity of Christ’s Body by running DNA tests on the Host, a great deal of confusion can result from activities such as Lawnguylander’s.

 
 

[I]t must be said, when you’re talking sperm and ova you are talking about essences – our essential selves, which are derived from the deepest parts of our beings, and you are talking about the material which was designed specifically for the purpose of assisting God in the creation of humanity.

Could someone explain to this inane drone & all others like her that the entire damn world does not subscribe to this Catholic crap.

And could someone explain to me what “the material which was designed specifically for the purpose of assisting God in the creation of humanity” is supposed to mean? Were there jiz & eggs pre-Adam & Eve, to “assist in the creation of humanity? What?

The Whore of Babylon Church has had about 1500 yrs. (Catholics: A “year” is the time it takes the Earth to revolve around the sun. It happens!) to write/think anything that makes a lick of sense, & has failed miserably in every aspect.

Tax them into submission.

 
 

every sex act, if it is truly to be respectful of God’s design and creation, must be opened to the possibility of new life, to God and to His will as to whether or not new life will be created.

And yet

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant? It happens all the time.

So if you know that birth control can fail, then shirley you are being open to the possibility that God can simply will you to be pregnant, no matter what precautions you take. Including life-long abstinence, as demonstrated by the BVM.

 
 

isnt there a song Every Sperm is Sacred?

Oh yeah, monty python!

 
 

dammit, now I feel guilty about that episode this afternoon.

No, wait, no I don’t.

 
 

Why birth control is slightly less than 100% effective. Sticking penis into vagina is pretty easy. Every animal with the appropriate anatomy manages to do that. Putting on a condom properly? is slightly harder.

If every sperm is sacred.. then my bedsheets are a holy relic!

Hey, does that stain there look like jesus’s face?

 
 

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant?

How many do you know who were pregnant & had a spontaneous miscarriage? (Often w/o even being aware they were preggers?) Or an egg was fertilized but failed to attach? Or any number of other screw-ups on the way to the non-miracle of birth? Huh? How many, Anchorhead?

 
 

When skeptical scientists attempt to establish the ethnicity of Christ’s Body by running DNA tests on the Host, a great deal of confusion can result from activities such as Lawnguylander’s.

O, I don’t think so. I believe DNA samples can be accurately dated. If it’s from the last couple of hundred years, it’s from a sinner; if it’s a touch over 2000 years, it’s sacred; and if it’s over 6000 years old, IT’S DEMONIC!!!

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

every sex act, if it is truly to be respectful of God’s design and creation, must be opened to the possibility of new life, to God and to His will as to whether or not new life will be created

Eek, my current mate’s too old for that now… next!

 
 

Shorter Wank-Whore:

“Sex is for making babies & it makes your body ugly afterwards & let’s not talk about it, shall we?”

 
 

I still don’t buy the “gametes are essence” stuff. She can collect her eggs and put the extract on her pulse points all she wants, but count me out.

 
 

Gives an interesting spin on the phrase “tools of God”, I suppose….

 
 

I liked ol’ Anchor-Ass better when she was bragging about the vastness of her bosom.

Perhaps we should send her all of our various semen, menstrual fluid and God-given miscarriages for tender safekeeping. I bet she’s appreciate that.

 
 

Boobs are not essence, SomeNYGuy

 
 

Behold my rainbow sparkly powerfully pungent semen!

 
 

Ah, another spooge thread.

Didn’t we just do this?

Also,

Say, by making it more sparkly and rainbow colored

not to mention all rosy-aroma-ed and chocolate flavored.

 
 

Isnt their nourishing essesence essential? (boobs,of course)

 
 

Missed it by that much.

 
 

Eek, my current mate’s too old for that now… next!

I thought that limpets were sequential hermaphrodites. When is it your turn at the bottom of the pile?

 
 

Before I start filling this mayonnaise jar, I need to know if eating asparagus will affect the aroma and/or flavor of my millions of pre-aborted offspring. I want The Anchor-Ass to know I put thought as well as elbow-grease into my offering.

 
 

The takeaway message I’m getting from this is that people without sperm can get up to whatever they like. And as a person of the single female persuasion… my weekend at home just became completely booked.

 
 

Sorry, Bagelsan.

People with sperm have a duty to dump every one into a fertile female. People with eggs have a duty to receive sperm until pregnant, lest a fertile male be caught without a receptacle. Not having sex is better than having non-reproductive sex because, shut up and ovulate, that’s why!

 
 

What a friend we have in jizzes.

 
 

It reads like the Birds and the Bees for Barbie Dolls.

 
 

He really does have His hands in everything.

Well, I wish he’d move ’em a little faster or mix it up a bit; I’m starting to get bored.

 
 

because, shut up and ovulate, that’s why!

Dammit, that’s the answer I get to eeeverything!

 
 

Well, I wish he’d move ‘em a little faster

And with a little more baby oil.

 
 

I can’t wait for Center Left Grrl to bring her boobies to this table.

 
 

He really does have His hands in everything.

God, if procreation is your top priority, UR DOIN IT RONG.

 
 

You would think that if God had intended to make semen a Divine Excretion that He would have done more to hype it up. Say, by making it more sparkly and rainbow colored. Or if every time someone gets off, they hear the sound of a righteous trumpet blasting from their nether-regions.

Maybe you’re not doing it right.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Not that I really want to go back to the pre-blog era, but I have a new appreciation what the editors at traditional wingnut publications like the Washington Times have been protecting us from all these years.

 
 

I am confused. This Vatican Souvenir shop sells Woodies.

http://www.pellegrinocattolico.com/index.php?osCsid=79ffbb8b82f7e309483f9fb3a39832c3&cPath=47_66

Blue balls are free, I spose.

 
 

Say, by making it more sparkly and rainbow colored.

How did Stephanie Meyer end up on this thread?

 
 

I am confused. This Vatican Souvenir shop sells Woodies

I genuinely thought that the one with the long red sock and the bear said “Christmas Cock.”

 
Center Left Grrrl
 

you guys don’t do your own agenda any favors with your kneejerk mockery of anything even remotely “religious.” it only makes you look narrow minded and frivolous, in point of fact.

 
 

you guys don’t do your own agenda any favors…

I stopped doing my agenda favors long ago. No reciprocation, you see.

 
 

kneejerk mockery

Veiled patella porn reference.

 
 

Yeah!

Narrow mindedness is the province of the religious!! Don’t tread on their turf. They’ll send you to hell, just like that Blue Oyster Cult song.

 
 

every sex act, if it is truly to be respectful of God’s design and creation, must be opened to the possibility of new life, to God and to His will as to whether or not new life will be created.

Well. Yeah. But there should be no harm in just trying to better the odds that it won’t.

That’s pretty much what birth control is.

But actually, the odds are already pretty cooked, when you consider all the times folks have unprotected sex and don’t get knocked up. Or the number of times that eggs get fertilized and then spontaneously miscarry.

That’s why I don’t get the church’s thing against birth control. What the difference between one obstacle to “life” – say, a sperm with a kinky enough tail to not hit the target, or a uterine lining with a PH factor a little too high or low to be hospitable – and another, like a bit of latex?

 
 

…and frivolous…

feature or bug?

 
 

it only makes you look narrow minded and frivolous, in point of fact.

I hope to aspire someday to solemn dignity of someone who calls herself a Grrrrrl.

 
 

That’s why I don’t get the church’s thing against birth control. What the difference between one obstacle to “life” – say, a sperm with a kinky enough tail to not hit the target, or a uterine lining with a PH factor a little too high or low to be hospitable – and another, like a bit of latex?

U R using logic. That means U R doin iT rong.

 
Knights in Black Satin
 

So what’s her opinion of menstrual fluid? Is it icky-yucky-barfy, or divine? And what about… you know, other stuff?

Woman is a moron, and so is Her God. A mean, nasty Moron-God.

 
thats really super, super-grrrl
 

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I had sushi with Andrew Partridge after a show? Yeah, I’m old skool like that, suck it LIBS.||Q@!!@__:}

 
 

when you’re talking sperm and ova you are talking about essences – our essential selves, which are derived from the deepest parts of our beings,
What is deep about testes? One sincerely hopes that the soul is not there or heaven just got a whole lot more scary

 
 

That’s why I don’t get the church’s thing against birth control. What the difference between one obstacle to “life” – say, a sperm with a kinky enough tail to not hit the target, or a uterine lining with a PH factor a little too high or low to be hospitable – and another, like a bit of latex?

Many new involuntary participants every year.

Gotta keep those numbers, and donations, up.

 
 

thats really super, super-grrrl said

Many, many points for the XTC reference. Well done, whoever the hell you are.

 
 

Dammit, I hate it when I get beat to the punch on this stuff.

Oh, the drawbacks of having a life.

 
 

Beating your punch is also a sin, Brad.

 
 

What is deep about testes?

The older you get, the deeper they get. So I’m told.

 
Center Left Grrrl
 

wtf is andrew partridge? i think you probably meant alan partridge. can’t even get pop culture references right. SIGH

 
 

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant?\\

Zero. Thanks for asking.

 
 

wtf is andrew partridge? i think you probably meant alan partridge

Seriously, fucking funny for someone who claims alt-cred.

 
 

I’m sure you meant Keith Partridge.

 
 

I bet Kathleen Hanna knows who Andrew Partridge is.

 
 

Does the Anchoress ever talk about anything else besides fucking?

 
 

About that picture – there is something about fresh air and sunshine that puts those clerics in a very unflattering light – like they were vampires… or BRAIN-EATING ZOMBIES!!!

 
 

But she probably prefers Laurie, admittedly. As do I.

 
 

Or Audrina Partridge.

 
 

Im in ur splooj, eetin ur essince.

 
 

Any devout cath-licks out there want to comment on whether she’s even close on her “essential selves, etc. ” talk? Kind of sounds made up. Is there a specific tract or psalm or something that addresses semen?

 
 

Enfant, no Popes were wver Zombies. It’s a point of pride for us. We’re responsible for less wholesale slaughter.

 
 

Grrl can’t taste the difference between a lemon and a lime.

 
 

Subconsciously pulling out at the last minute will lead to an instantaneous smiting, I might add.

That was actually considered a sin in the Old Testament, and some guy named Onan did get smitten for it, according to the myth:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

 
 

Is there a specific tract or psalm or something that addresses semen?

I’ve always gotten good results with “Hello, sailor!”

 
 

That was actually considered a sin in the Old Testament, and some guy named Onan did get smitten for it, according to the myth

I once read an interpretation of that passage that says Onan got smitten (smote?) not for masturbation, but for withdrawing before climax during intercourse. Guess Yahweh just couldn’t stand a tease.

 
 

Oops, Gary, I just realized that’s what you said in the first place. One day I’ll learn to read the posts before responding to them.

 
 

If spilling seed is a sin, there’s a SHITLOAD of chickens that are gonna be roasted in hellfire.

 
 

That was actually considered a sin in the Old Testament, and some guy named Onan did get smitten for it, according to the myth:

Not smoten for pulling out, but for ending his brother’s family line (which he had a God-commanded duty to continue after his brother’s death).

 
 

(which he had a God-commanded duty to continue after his brother’s death).

You gotta admit, that’s a lot of pressure.

 
 

God’s super-sperm blasts through your puny condoms

 
 

“Smote” is a fine word, and one does not have the opportunity to use it often enough these days.

 
 

If spilling seed is a sin, there’s a SHITLOAD of chickens that are gonna be roasted in hellfire.

Mmmmmm! Roasted chicken! Hell is looking more inviting every day.

 
 

” Time to feed the livestock Smotes”.

 
 

God’s super-sperm blasts through your puny condoms

“Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex”

 
 

You gotta admit, that’s a lot of pressure.

Apparently didn’t affect his performance.

Now that I check the Onan link, it mentions the Levirate marriage bit. It also reminds that semen discharge made one ritually impure for the whole day even after bathing, so it was basically considered a pollutant. Doesn’t sound like God’s favorite super-holy stuff…

 
 

God is starting to remind me an awful lot of Superman, as referenced by the Superdickery site….

 
 

Any devout cath-licks out there want to comment on whether she’s even close on her “essential selves, etc. ” talk? Kind of sounds made up. Is there a specific tract or psalm or something that addresses semen?

I sometimes play the role of token Catholic, but I can’t help. My parents, conservative though they be in sexual matters, paid about as much attention to the official position on birth control as most lay North Americans: that is to say, they completely ignored it and went about their business. In school, we weren’t taught much past “Sex is bad, m’kay?”, which is clear enough as an instruction, but doesn’t have much in the way of theological reasoning behind it.

Needless to say, my parents were too repressed to say anything about spilling one’s seed on the dusty ground, so I never heard one way or the other what the official position on that is.

Certainly, it is true that the Church frowns on any sexual activity that cannot lead to pregnancy (post-menopausal women get a pass for reasons that are not clear to me. Probably the Abraham-and-Sarah thing, I guess.). Whether this is because of “essential selves”, “God wants you to be miserable”, “women have cooties” or some other deeply doctrinal point is not clear to me.

In this area, as in some others, I am proud to be a Cafeteria Catholic.

 
 

Masterbation makes the baby jeebus cry; self-flagellation makes him sit up and take notice!

 
 

there’s a SHITLOAD of chickens that are gonna be roasted in hellfire

Ummm. Kenny Rogers’ HELLFIRE ROASTED Chicken.

 
 

Din’t kno baby jeebus wuz dat kinkeh.

Oh, and by the way, I am Christian (of the low-church Protestant flavour) and I find the Anchoress fully worthy of my kneejerk mockery. I’ll save my thoughtful commentary for folks who deserve it.

*opens self up to kneejerk mockery for his needlessly thoughtful blog commentary on Ross Douthat*

 
 

Shouldn’t the “Anchoress” be locking herself up in a cell somewhere and praying? Is it a venal or a mortal sin to impersonate an anchoress?

 
 

Wait… as I read this, it doesn’t matter whether you cum in your girlfriend’s vag or into her bath towels, whether she’s on the pill, patch, and sponge combined… if your baby is meant to be born, he will be born by the mighty power of Creation. If that means sperm with wings, power drills, and enough supplies in the camper to wait out the spermicide, then it is God’s Will.

I am reading this correctly, yes? “God will do what he will,” no matter what.

 
 

You have just won one more follower!

 
 

If god wants new life, can’t he, erm, create it? Or is it just he finds the whole cock thing unbearably amusing?

 
 

Or is it just he finds the whole cock thing unbearably amusing?

God loves teh cock.

Discuss.

 
 

Grrl can’t taste the difference between a lemon and a lime.

And church bells softly chi-i-i-ime.

 
 

A) Character Larry David DID NOT piss on the image of X. It was unintentionally splashed w/ the sweet golden essence.

B) If “making fun of piety” means laughing one’s head off at cretins who think they see anything in a grease burn, or imagine that a representation of someone is “crying,” I’m all for it.

C) This’ll piss off the libs, whom I project to be just as authoritarian as I am, & therefore must be literally worshiping the colored guy in the White House:

Frankly, the idea of an image of a pissed-on Obama “weeping,” and some of his fans falling to their knees over it, would have a lot of satirical value; it would offer commentary both on the excesses of religious and political worship, and offend fewer people than David’s cowardly joke.

That woman is a sackcloth of shit.

And get the sheer desperation of reactionary elements to break up the Democratic coalition (such as its effectiveness in Wash. is …):

I’ve never seen this show, does anyone know if the assistant is recognizably ethnic? Is this “brave” comedian also taking a swipe at Hispanic (or for that matter Italian or Irish) piety? I’m just asking.

(Next time type a shorter so I don’t click. get all pissy and expose the innocent to this crap.)

 
 

Hey!! Latest follower brings the YOU KNOW WHAT!

Unaccustomed as I am to making such vulgar links, I felt it appropriate here.

 
 

Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time
http://www.plosone.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0007595

Have to try that.

 
 

Unaccustomed to making links at all, it seems.

YOU KNOW WHAT.

 
 

Clearly, The Goddamned Batman would have nothing to do w/ Mickey Kaus-style activity w/ fruit bats.

Also: Fruit bats

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Actually, I think this explains some things about the right-wing. They haven’t advanced mentally beyond a fucking spermatozoa or ovum. No wonder they’re always hyped up about us aborting fetuses, they’re goddamn mental giants compared to the right-wing.

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

Still doesn’t prove it’s mine lady.

 
 

Mickey Kaus earlier today:

I do not like Obama.

Photoshop of Obama with goat horns and a billy beard, STAT! Mickey’s out of sorts.

 
 

“Smote” is a fine word, and one does not have the opportunity to use it often enough these days.

Well, the science has pretty much proven conclusively that smoting is bad for your health and the health of everyone around. Of course, the whiners will never shut up about not being able to smote at work or in restaurants anymore, the dumbasses.

God loves teh cock.

The gun is good. The penis is evil.

 
 

Mickey Kaus earlier today:

I do not like Obama.

Reckon what Obama thinks of Mickey Kaus? “Man, do you think I really know every pea-brained, right-wing dingbat that has a media outlet far outstretching either his talent or his insight and hates my guts for shit I don’t even do? I’m busy with the health care thing and the Afghanistan thing and the whole Islamomarxist-Black Power thing and hiding the “whitey” tape and my original bir… He does WHAT with goats?”

Something like that, I bet you.

 
 

This is completely OT, but:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,569771,00.html
Je-zuss.

 
 

Anchoress/K-Lo: Ever seen together?

I thought not!

 
 

“Or if every time someone gets off, they hear the sound of a righteous trumpet blasting from their nether-regions.”

My, Gawd…..that’s exactly what I hear!!!

 
 

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant?

Not a single one. I’ve been an academic for decades and a very large portion of the people in my social circle are at an age where they are very sexually active. I also know lots of couples who have had babies.

Not one of them got pregnant if they were being “diligent in their birth control” unless by “birth control” the Anchoress means “have sex and then pray you won’t get pregnant”.

I think we’re going to find out eventually that the Anchoress is a spoof. Maybe it’s Artie Lange in a habit.

 
 

“He really does have His hands in everything.”

Ah, so it actually is the Holy *Handjob* of Antioch.

 
 

Favourite quotes from that one piece (emphasis mine):

I am only a Catholic laywoman who has thought long and hard about all of this – as many of us Catholic laywomen have!

Heh. I’m sure that Catholic laid women think about sperm all the time. Heh.

God loves us into being

Heh. God love you long time.

and the “tools” or “materials” that He uses for that creation – committed love and the mysterious and miraculous products of that love – do, simply by their designation as “tools of God” demand a certain respect and recognition

Indecent exposure? No officer, I was just polishing the rigid tool that God bestowed upon me.

then they have – essentially – excluded God from the act.

Only evil people would turn down an opportunity at a divine threesome.

If holiness is our quest, there can then be no limits to our openness.

Methinks Anchoress is quoting some religious d00ds argument for backdoor action.

…what I am trying to communicate here is what I have come to understand through my reading and talking with priests, etc.

Heh. I wonder how many priests, etc. she’s “talked” to. I wonder how often she needs company while “reading”.

I would respectfully ask them to re-read what I have written.

Yes-yes-yes! Read it again!

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

the deepest parts of our beings

I can’t speak for everybody, but mine hang right there on the outside.

 
 

Center Left Grrrl said,

October 30, 2009 at 4:20

wtf is andrew partridge? i think you probably meant alan partridge. can’t even get pop culture references right. SIGH

SIGH. Your heptitude is so frayed it’s shredded like your cheap fishnet stockings. Go to Amazon.com and look for “Skylarking.” It’s a fantastic recording and includes the very controversial hit “Dear God,” in which the narrator basically rips to shreds the hypocrisy of religions that insist on fighting with each other over a nonexistent deity, while allowing misery and pain to run rampant in His name.

You’re probably too young to have heard that song on the radio ever, or you’re a conservative trogdolyte troll who has never listened to radio to begin with and is reading a book to figure out how to talk. I vote for the latter, since your act is so pathetic it’s hysterical.

 
 

It’s so funny to hear anyone complain about disrespecting religion when it’s pretty clear that the people who mock the concept of a “supreme being” the most are people such as the anchoress. Whew. I couldn’t write satire any more biting than what that airhead writes as sincere devotionals.

Oh, and the Andy Partridge thing, “in point of fact”, is hilarious. Another conserva-douche swirls down the bowl of their own stupidity.

 
The Goddamn Batman Believes That Every Punch Is Sacred
 

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant?

Let’s see… *counts on fingers* …carry the two…. damnit. *breaks out Bat-calculator* …okay… okay… right.

Zero.

 
 

Frankly, the idea of an image of a pissed-on Obama “weeping,” and some of his fans falling to their knees over it, would have a lot of satirical value; it would offer commentary both on the excesses of religious and political worship, and offend fewer people than David’s cowardly joke.

If any people actually worshiped Obama it might. Reagan, now…

 
 

How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant? It happens all the time.

Hey Anchoress, I’ve used a condom hundreds of times and have had a 100% success rate. If your god is so powerful, why don’t they have a 100% failure rate?

 
 

“Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” – you are the Kleenex, and I am the Steeeeeel!

 
The Goddamn Batman Insists That The Fact That His First Sidekick Was An Acrobat Was Completely Coincidental
 

Oh, and the fruit bat thing? Not all it’s cracked up to be, once you get over the novelty factor. Some things just don’t end well when you’re upside down. Trust me on this.

 
 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: god’s a perv.

God, get your hands out of my vagina. I’m about to yell “stranger danger.”

 
 

Center Left Grrrl

I think the many “r’s” being a signifier of girrrrrrrrrrl power went out about 10 years ago.

 
 

if your baby is meant to be born, he will be born by the mighty power of Creation. If that means sperm with wings, power drills, and enough supplies in the camper to wait out the spermicide, then it is God’s Will.

I’m not sure I’d want to be in a dark alley with the spermies that get past the vas. Thankfullly, none of mine are that clever.

 
 

the “tools” or “materials” that He uses for that creation … do, simply by their designation as “tools of God” demand a certain respect and recognition

In the “I see what you did there” category, we find that Sister Mary Pugnacious has by lengthy theological research and mighty syntactical labors produced the “because I said so” argument.

 
One Ton Chicken Lung
 

Lolly said,
“How many people do you know who used the pill, used a condom, were diligent in their birth control and STILL got pregnant?”

If you take antibiotics while you’re on the pill the pill doesn’t work. Many women don’t know that, and that’s how one of my nieces was conceived.

 
 

Andy Partridge and XTC are not internet traditions of which Center Left Grrl is aware ™. She is the kind of punk-rock grrl who knows how to show Respect for Tradition.

 
 

This is from the same cult that felt the need to have an awning over the baths in the nunneries so that Gawd did not catch sight of their nekidness.

 
 

i’m a little late to the party, but i’m checking in as another church goer who approves of the mockery of all things sacred, or whatever, if by “all things sacred” we mean the anchoress’s deep thoughts on the inevitability of conception/importance of ensuring conception (what?)

 
 

It is the usual “sit on your ass and let God, our pet bitch, handle our lives for us.”

I never did understand why religious leaders would teach such utter laziness and irresponsibilty. Seemed pretty disresepctful to me have treat God like he’s some kind of servant to lazy children. The forever nanny. lol

 
 

If you meant this Andrew Partridge – too cool

 
 

Actually, I have to agree with the Anchoress just a little bit.

I do think that human life is sacred, and I do agree that sperm and ova are special, with a special relationship to life, though they are not human life in and of themselves.

Just as a human organ harvested for transplant, or a cadaver part preserved for study, or an ancient mummy, or a corpse on its way to cremation or burial, is not just some random hunk of stuff, and ought to be treated with a degree of solemn reverence.

Nothing like the degree of solemn reverence, bordering on idolatry, that the Cenobiteme would prefer, but some.

 
 

Do you realize that masturbation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?

Also, I first became aware of this during the physical act of love…Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake…but I do deny them my essence.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Because the products of our human sexuality contain enormous power – power too many of us simply do not appreciate.

Gotta use this line… “Hey, baby, how about an infusion of powah!

 
 

I read the fruit bat article. Fascinating stuff, especially the graphic, which, according to the caption is a “Vignette show[ing] a female performing fellatio, drawn by Mei Wang.”

 
 

I’ve never gotten this notion that wanking is a waste of my “essence” or a missed opportunity to procreate. When I wank it’s because there’s not a, hm…, a willing receptacle for my “essence.” My testacles understand this and have worked out an arrangement with me to accomodate this, kind of a “wank all you want, we’ll make more” understanding.

 
 

Geez, I’m late to this particular party, but this post put me in mind of an episode of Mr. Deity …

 
 

If He has His hands in everything I certainly hope he washes frequently. I mean, ewwww.

 
 

That reminds me. I went to the Hammer Museum last week to see Robert Crumb’s illustrated book of Genesis. And it was great and I bought the book.

He devotes a few panels to Onan. I never thought I would see an R. Crumb drawing of Onan crawling off his brother’s wife to jerk it in the dirt. Actually, it’s done tastefully. The whole project is a triumph. Although as Crumb fans could guess, all the women of Genesis have big asses and prominent nipples.

 
 

Following her logic to its obvious conclusion, saying “Not tonight I have a headache” is an act of foul murder!

 
 

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