Oct
23
23
It’s Totally Just Like Nixon’s Shitlist & I’m Totally Just Like Woodward and Bernstein
Shorter Dr. Kraphammer:
- Who will stop Obama’s persecution of plucky, underdog, democratic institutions like Fox News, insurance companies, and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce? The ghost of James Madison and me, that’s who.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
noen said,
October 23, 2009 at 12:24
Mein Führer! I can walk!
Another Kiwi said,
October 23, 2009 at 12:35
Uh yeah. One morning BHO wakes up and sees James Madison in the room. “Golly” BHO says” I better stop trying to socialize this country and abdicate. I’ll go back to Kenya and get that Charlie Krauthammer in as Prez”
They all live happily ever after.
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 12:52
I wandered over to Herr Krauthammer’s column to look at the comments. The page I looked at had mostly negative reactions to Herr K’s column, some pointing out that he fails to acknowledge his employment at Faux News. I am sure he has his personal defenses well-entrenched however, and such contrary opinions are waved off blithely as a “minority viewpoint.”
Did I say this man is a douche?
M. Bouffant said,
October 23, 2009 at 12:56
Gaaaghh! These people are just about the whiniest bastards ever. Someone looks at them cross-eyed & states the obvious (“You are morons who are full of shit, & everybody who isn’t a moron knows it.”) & they burst into tears about how they’re being picked on by bullies.
I can only think of the popular parenting line: “You think that hurt? I’ll give you something to cry about!” The thought of actually giving one of them something to cry about is all that gives my life purpose or meaning. (Just kidding. Life has no purpose or meaning whatsoever.)
Ted the Slacker said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:10
Asshammer is as asshammer does:
“But our politics are defined not just by limits of legality or constitutionality. We have norms, Madisonian norms.”
Hackshually, our politics aren’t defined by legal or constitutional limits. How do I know? Asshammer told me – criminalizing policy differences, you know.. Torture is so fucking what-evah when it comes to executive misconduct, but calling out assholes for being assholes is like stealing our founders’ essence.
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:19
I forget, was Madison the big gay President, or was it Hamilton?
Ezzthetic said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:32
And I get to be played by Russell Crowe when the movie comes out.
N__B said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:33
I forget, was Madison the big gay President, or was it Hamilton?
If Hamilton was president, then my trip to Baltimore yesterday did transport me to an alternate dimension, as I had feared.
El Cid said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:52
Rich people are a tiny, weak minority, and gigantic media corporations are suffering among the oppressed, while the tentacles of ACORN strangle us all. It’s obvious.
N__B said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:57
while the tentacles of ACORN strangle us all.
From little ACORNS mighty tentacles grow.
mark f said,
October 23, 2009 at 13:59
Oh, come on. You’re missing this shorter Michael Barone:
mark f said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:00
And he’s still talking about Bill Ayers–in the first paragraph!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:06
Dr. Kraphammmer forgets this:
Which Administration just recently politicized the Justice Department, and ultimately had its A.G.A.G. resign in disgrace?
A White House enemies list? Has anyone told Donald Siegelman?
~
smedley said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:12
“She was invoking Mao as support and authority for her impassioned plea for individuality and trusting one’s own choices. Mao as champion of individuality?”
And another facet of conservatism comes into sharper focus: A knee-jerk reaction against anything that a bad person utters, even an obvious truth. If Pol Pot had asked his followers to treat their elders with respect, Chuckles would slip arsenic into his mother’s oatmeal.
Willy said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:15
Barone is just defending FoxNews, you know, the organization who argued in court that it had the right to lie in its, um, reporting.
Putting the title of ‘News’ on a propaganda outfit doesn’t make it a news organization, you schmuck.
Ezzthetic said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:19
Ok, here’s the deal. Jackie Chan can be Chairman Mao, Jeff Bridges can be Bill Ayres. But I am still so fucking Russell Crowe, OK?
Ezzthetic said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:40
Oh, and another thing, we need to explain to people that Bill Ayres was always know as “The Dude”, OK?
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:44
I would think Charles would be played by the Peewee Herman character.
Jennifer said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:51
Heh. Here’s my comment on Kraphammer’s column:
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:52
RIP Soupy Sales, the Pee Wee Herman of the Sixties.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 14:53
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
So Krauthammer now believes he’s the answer the right wing has been waiting for?
What was the question, Alex?
The Kid from Kounty Meath said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:23
I believe the question was “Did I urinate on your rug? Do you speak English, son? Parla usted ingles?”
MKS said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:23
Obviously, Mr. Krauthammer has written the truth, and written it well.
May FOX News still be prospering when the Obama administration is in the history books.
Girl in that one youtube video said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:30
LEEEEEEEAVE FOX NEWS A LOOO–HA-HOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!
BOOOOOOOOO-HHHOOO-HHHHOOOOOO!!!!
MKS said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:32
Obviously my mommy has read me Wheelie-Man’s column, and read it well.
May dinner be pie and may she later read me a Dr. Seuss book.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:32
You can tell when a conservaturd talking point is weak-ass pansy shit when it holds no traction with Pat Buchanan.
Anyways, I provided that link for the wonderful remark from Bill Press:
MKS said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:36
I’ve been told that Fox News has a very large penis. The Obama administration should be impressed by that.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:43
May FOX News still be prospering when the Obama administration is in the history books.
Why do you hate America?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:43
LEEEEEEEAVE FOX NEWS A LOOO–HA-HOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a trap!
1. Chris Crocker is actually a d00d.
2. I really don’t see him defending Fox News.
3. I spend too much time on teh internerds.
Rusty Shackleford said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:51
A knee-jerk reaction against anything that a bad person utters, even an obvious truth.
She should have simply attributed the quote to Winston Churchill or Abraham Lincoln, like everybody else does with quotes they like.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 15:56
TMI, Chuckles. We didn’t need to know that you are regularly on your mother.
What’s the difference between Krauthammer’s mom and a five-dollars-a-night syphillitic crack whore? Five bucks.
g said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:12
Poor, poor FOX news!! now that they’re off the air, they can’t defend themselves……oh, wait.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:14
Chuckles’ Madison quote is from Federalist 10, which also contains the wonderful line:
Missing from the op-ed, and the WashPost bio for Krauthammer is any mention of his being a regular Fox News contributor and a member of the “Fox All-Star Panel”.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:20
I wonder how many of your everyday moran cons know that Fox is actually run by a furriner?
Andrew N.P. said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:27
From Barone’s column:
So… exemptions from antitrust laws… help small businesses compete with large businesses? Excuse me for a moment. My mind was just blown, and I need to clean up the fragments of my shattered skull. I thought this was the one provision of health-care reform everyone could agree on! Scrap McCarran-Ferguson; make the insurance industry play by the same rules as everyone else. Or is this simply a case of “the n****r’s fer it, so I’m agin it”?
Ted the Slacker said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:29
I wonder how many of your everyday moran cons know that Fox is actually run by a furriner?
A furner who first became famous by running a newspaper hostile to the Vietnam War. No really, Murdoch was once the archetypal DFH.
J— said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:29
All my quotes come from Tocqueville because I’m highbrow like that.
Sirius Lunacy said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:35
All my quotes come from Terry Pratchett, the one from whom all wisdom flows.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:38
All my quotes come from teenagers in high-school cafeterias at lunch time.
“PENIS.”
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:40
No really, Murdoch was once the archetypal DFH.
I know. They make some of the most evil fucking conservatives, in my opinion. Look at David Horowitz and Michael Savage, for example. I have more fucking respect for Dick Cheney–at least he’s consistent.
Bitter Scribe said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:45
I wonder how many of your everyday moran cons know that Fox is actually run by a furriner?
He became a citizen some time ago. IIRC, Esquire magazine dubbed him “Worst New Citizen of the Year.”
As for Fox, oh yeah, it hurts so much being on Obama’s shit list. No credibility to be had there among the moran crowd, no siree.
Lurking Canadian said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:48
You know, FOX has a pretty good gig running here. Lie, and lie and lie some more. Then, when somebody calls you a liar, clutch your pearls and say, “How dare you call me a liar! Why is there no civility in politics!”
Then, lie some more and while you’re at it, organize opposition to the government. When the government points out that you’re acting more like an opposition party than a news organization and says they’re by God not talking to you anymore, rend your garments and cry, “Oppression! Infringements on Freedom of Speech!”
I can see why FOX does it. I can’t see why the rest of the journalism industry are backing them up, instead of spitting on them while they’re down for what they’re doing to the public perception of journalistic ethics, but that’s because I’m not sophisticated like that.
Anonymous said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:54
I’m pretty sure Kraphammer is trying to avoid facing is what Madison laid out in the Federalist Papers XXIV:
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:56
Interesting article.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 16:59
Apparently Glenn Beck is telling people that he has a mole in Obama’s group of advisers and that Obama has promised his inner circle that he’ll shoot their enemies in the head???? And he’s also shilling canned food for the upcoming breakdown of society?
People actually believe this shit? We’re in hardcore crazytown here, folks.
Ted the Slacker said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:00
I have more fucking respect for Dick Cheney–at least he’s consistent.
I dunno. The others are easily seduced nutbags (throw in Hitchens, another who’s yet to see a utopian ideology he hasn’t wanted to dry-hump), Cheney is a kind of ultra-nationalistic shithead, whose one consistent philosophy has been that killing brown and black people is good for Murka.
I probably give the others a few points for imagination, Cheney has no redeeming quality at all.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:02
People actually believe this shit?
Unfortunately, yes, and when someone actually SHOOTS at Obama, Beck will claim it was all a joke.
tigrismus said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:07
All my quotes come from teenagers in high-school cafeterias at lunch time.
I doubt that: not nearly enough talk about Little Debbie’s creamy pies.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:12
Little Debbie’s creamy pies
She came down with the clap, so she hasn’t been putting out this semester.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:14
I probably give the others a few points for imagination, Cheney has no redeeming quality at all.
I guess I just have more respect for PURE EVIL than I do for people who flip from one ideology to another in such an extreme way. Plus, Michael Savage is pretty into killing brown and black people for Murka.
Unfortunately, yes, and when someone actually SHOOTS at Obama, Beck will claim it was all a joke.
It’s just fucking crazy. I HATE HATE HATE HATE GWB with the fire of a thousand suns, but I never believed that he was going to execute his advisers’ enemies. And motherfucker actually did some evil-ass shit! Fucking crazy.
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:14
Unfortunately, yes, and when someone actually SHOOTS at Obama, Beck will claim it was all a joke.
From a recent Boston Globe article:
Sorry for the copypasta. But kinda covers the ground discussed.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:18
It doesn’t help that just the electing Obama has totes emasculated cons.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:20
It’s the same shit Limbaugh and Bachmann claimed when they were confronted with evidence that their cynical hate-mongering for attention turned into violence on the part of the audience.
Their ought to be a First Amendment Responsibility as part of taking advantage of the Right.
In The Goddamn Batman's Opinion, Someone With The Name "Krauthammer" Should Be A WWII Superhero, Fighting Alongside Sgt. Rock And Sgt. Fury And Maybe The Haunted Tank said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:25
Alternative shorter: “Ah, for the days when any dick-headed manwhore could get a White House press pass.”
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:35
She came down with the clap, so she hasn’t been putting out this semester.
True, but have you seen her mom?
.
.
.
I was originally going to ask if you had done her mom – but didn’t since everyone answers yes to that question.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:53
For K-Lo and Bill Donohue.
Fish Friday.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 23, 2009 at 17:56
My, the whineries have delivered a bumper crop this year. 2009 has been a great year for the Whine Country.
jim said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:01
So the White House (aka The Nucleus Of All Evil) has mentioned the manifold & patently obvious fail-factor of Fox “News” like, what, two, three times max? That’s one hell of a liberal definition of “war” this guy’s using, eh?
I suppose he must be getting a real jones on for the real thing, since America hasn’t invaded or bombed the fuck out of a new country in years now. Firepower’s a hell of a drug – as long as the muzzle is pointing at someone else’s ass.
I love how the macho-warrior-killing-machine posse spontaneously transform into whiny emo he-bitches in need of a fainting-couch the moment they get caught with their She-Ra Manties™ down around their ankles … adversity brings out one’s true nature – & theirs would make a skunk blush.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:02
True, but have you seen her mom?
No, but if you move a little to the left…
smedley said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:05
“I can see why FOX does it. I can’t see why the rest of the journalism industry are backing them up, instead of spitting on them while they’re down for what they’re doing to the public perception of journalistic ethics, but that’s because I’m not sophisticated like that.”
Ruth Marcus thinks that one day, she will get to work for the big bucks at Fox. Unfortunately, unless she aces the swimsuit competition, she will never displace the assorted Megyns and Heathers at Fox.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:10
No, but if you move a little to the left…
FFS, what the hell is it with you and the ideological purity purges. I’m anti-war, pro-environment, pro-gay rights, anti-religion, pro-health care reform…how much further to the left is there to… oh, you mean my ass is blocking your view. Nevermind.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:24
oh, you mean my ass is blocking your view. Nevermind.
Or you could lose weight…
Sirius Lunacy said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:40
Veiled teabagging reference.
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:55
For K-Lo and Bill Donohue.
Fish Friday.
That was a fun to wander around in. Thanks for the link.
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:56
Stop hating freedom, liberal idiots, the Heartland is Taking USA back!
Major Kong said,
October 23, 2009 at 18:59
There’s a reason we call it the heart land. It’s because the brain isn’t here.
Andrew N.P. said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:00
I know it’s Friday, and your mind is already on the weekend, but if you’re gonna come in here and troll, could you at least not half-ass it like this?
Tommmcatt said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:04
I agree with Andrew. Where’s the racism? I don’t see anything approaching a completely insane or sophistic reading of the constitution, either. And the lack of misspellings completely obliterates any verisimilitude.
Friday parody troll gets an “F”.
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:07
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA
Is this that “thriving Internet business” that you have cited in the past?
http://www.freedomusa.org/
Snorghagen said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:09
the Heartland is OverThrowing liberal idiotic Rules of capiTaliZation! Soon wHee WILL comPLETELY abJure all our reMaining TIES to socialist CoHerence and RATional senTENce strucTURE!
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:10
Shut up, eleitists! You on the coasts have no idea how real Americans live! FOX NEWS does and so does the good Dr. Krauthammer, show some respect! Why do you have people who are handicapped?
St. Tommmcatt said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:12
I think you have people that are disabled due to tragic accidents, unfortunate circumstances of birth, things like that. I’m not quite understanding the point of the question, however.
“Good” Dr. Krauthammer… Hehehehehe.
St. Tommmcatt said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:14
Oh, and the misspelling of “elitists” was a nice touch. You’ll get that grade up yet!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:15
Meh, not really impressed with the screenname, either.
noen said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:16
“Where were you, Krauthammer, when the Weekly World News was being unfairly excluded by the Bush Administration because they weren’t a “legitimate news organization” – at the same time Jeff Gannon was lobbing softballs at White House press conferences?”
Ahhhh. I see, he was the pitcher. So that makes Scott McClellan the catcher then right?
tigrismus said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:30
The quotes from Madison above are deliciously apt, but I would like to offer a prophetical snippet of Ben Jonson as exactly describing Krauthammer et al.: “turdy-facy-nasty-patie-lousie-farticall rogues.”
g said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:32
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA
where does this troll come up with these names?
tigrismus said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:32
I quote Jonson because 1) I’m an elitist and 2) it makes Victorius Davius Hansonius cry.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:38
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA
where does this troll come up with these names?
I think this one is a software program, like a wingnut equivalent of Janus Node.
Iris said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:38
I hate to be the bearer of bad news for the usual jokey slate of Obots here at Sadly, O!, but FOX News is important for a great deal of Americans, and lest Obama and his Corrupt Party have soiled your minds to the point of no return, even you giggly Obots would admit that the True Blue heart of Appalachia, those Reagan Democrats and Bubba Voters who Hillary so excellently courted in 2008, are among those who turn to FOX first for new. Obama, as he is incompetent and corrupt and the recipient of a fraudulent primary outcome, would just assume overlook these millions of Hillary supporters just so he can insult a news organization that has rightly questioned his motives and his morals. You people should be ashamed of yourselves, but I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.
Olexicon said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:39
“Why do you have people who are handicapped?”
Sorry, He’s a Republican so we don’t have him
g said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:41
You on the coasts have no idea how real Americans live! FOX NEWS does and so does the good Dr. Krauthammer
So, Krauthammer was born in NYC, raised in Montreal, worked in Massachusetts, and describes himself as “not religious.”
Doesn’t sound like a “real American” to me! Why, he lives on the coast!
noen said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:44
“I quote Jonson because 1)” — PENIS!
right-wing retard said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:44
Oh, Iris, you have done stole mah hart.
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:45
I hate to be the bearer of bad news for the usual jokey slate of Obots here at Sadly, O!,
Mommm! I was here first!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:46
Man, I wish I were an Obot. I heard they had laser eyes and shit.
Marion in Savannah said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:47
Jesus Christ — are there still PUMAs shambling around?
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:47
I heard they had laser eyes and shit.
And rockets!
noen said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:48
“I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.”
That’s the White House that he led us to. Next stop is second term. after that it’s Hitlery for teh Prez!
Enjoy the cold. You’re going to be out there for another 40 years.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:48
And rockets!
Rockets??? Where the fuck have I been? Sign me up!
Not-So-Newbie McNymchanging said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:52
even you giggly Obots would admit that the True Blue heart of Appalachia, those Reagan Democrats and Bubba Voters who Hillary so excellently courted in 2008, are among those who turn to FOX first for new.
I admit that when I’m feeling out of sorts, I turn to FOX first. Cheaper than ipecac.
cyntax said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:56
would just assume overlook these millions of Hillary supporters just so he can insult a news organization that has rightly questioned his motives and his morals
Bawhaahahahahahaha!
Oh wait, you’re serious? Well, that’s pretty funny too. Looks like you were bale to hold onto that candle even longer than Jeralyn did–nice job.
Not-So-Newbie McNymchanging said,
October 23, 2009 at 19:58
and lest Obama and his Corrupt Party have soiled your minds to the point of no return
I’ll have you know that my mind was plenty soiled before Obama was on the scene.
Wait, “soiled” is not the word I was thinking of, but it’s close.
Oh FFS, I meant to say “dirty.” Sorry about that.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:06
Obama makes me soil something, but it’s not my mind…rowr.
Okay, that really didn’t come out right either.
St. Tommmcatt said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:07
Iris, now, is a MUCH better troll. Reminiscent of late Gary Ruppert, the screed is rambling and incoherent, repeating several of the favorite right-wing tropes while providing no reference to back them up. While it maintains the viciousness of tone common to the métier, there is a playfulness to the invective, as evidenced by such odd sobriquets as “giggly Obots” or “Bubba Voters”. The PUMA references tie the entire moronic dissertation up in a stylish bow, as it were- almost as though the comment were a fruitcake chock full of a variety of the saddest and most irrelevant of wingnut memes.
One misses, however, the random capitalization and orthographic variance so often employed by the better artists in the field, paramount among them the great “Troofus”, who couldn’t spell his own name if he had a kindergarden teacher standing beside him helping him with the harder letters. This is a minor quibble, however, and is sure to be included in further works by this fresh, exciting new voice.
Iris: B+
Sirius Lunacy said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:10
I heard they had laser eyes and shit.
Laser eyes are cool, but laser shit? Can you fill a laser shitmoat with it?
g said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:10
Lovely review, Tommmcatt. Bravo (golf clap)
Marion in Savannah said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:10
*golf claps* Great review, St. Tommmcatt.
Bitter Scribe said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:21
I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.
“I wouldn’t underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918.”
Scott said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:22
I will require Tommmcatt reviews of all future trolls, I think. :)
Xecky Gilchrist said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:30
are there still PUMAs shambling around?
As many as there ever were.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:30
You on the coasts have no idea how real Americans live!
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, 160 million of the 310 million Americans live within 50 miles of a coast.
One might even suggest it is YOU who have no idea what “real Americans” are like…
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:30
FOX News is important for a great deal of Americans
She’s right. It’s comedic gold!
J— said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:32
Congratulations, “Iris.” It looks like you’ve hooked a few.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:32
Tomm, you ever think about becoming a judge on “Sadly,No! Idol”?
You could be, like, Simon Cowell…
JM said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:34
I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.
And if he tells us to go goose-stepping over the mangled corpses of PUMA-America, we’ll love him all the more.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:35
Say what you like about Troofy, at least his obstinate smug clueless bigotry is entertaining and he’s fun to slap around. The obvious parody PUMA and the random wingnut slogan generator are just boring.
Alex said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:36
Man, I wish I were an Obot. I heard they had laser eyes and shit.
I wish I had a fembot, those hot robot killers with pert ones who tried to kill Lindsey Wagner every week.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:36
Bogus Iris gets points for “just assume”, though. That was realistically stupid.
g said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:39
you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack
Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:41
Ugh, the “real Americans” shit pisses me off so much, not only on behalf of my blue-state dwelling friends, but also because I fucking hate that being associated with these fucking pig-ignorant douchebags simply because I’ve lived in the Bible Belt all my life. My family is white and mostly working-class and most of us were farmers up until about a generation ago and most of us are centrist democrats or liberals. These stupid fucks do NOT speak for me, nor for most of the “real Americans” that I know and deal with every day.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:43
Not that I really give a shit about what Iris says, mind you. I’m speaking more globally here.
And, having given it some thought, I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes, even if I was a robot.
Sirius Lunacy said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:44
The Tea Party Fox News didn’t cover!
tigrismus said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:47
Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!
Ooh, like synchronized Keystone Kops! That ought to be in the Olympics, dammit.
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:53
Real Americans?
That’s a minority party, that Real American Party.
actor212 said,
October 23, 2009 at 20:56
I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes
It would make fertilizing the lawn a snap, however.
Galactic Dustbin said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:02
I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes
Worst. X-Man. Ever.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:03
I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes
It would make fertilizing the lawn a snap, however.
It would be great for when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come knocking, too.
D.N. Nation said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:05
Looch- The way that quote was constructed, I thought for a second that Glenn Reynolds had actually covered the GOP’s awful poll numbers. I was about to freak.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:07
It’s actually about CoD:MW2, but today’s Penny Arcade seems vaguely On Topic.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:11
Worst. X-Man. Ever.
As may be, but not as bad as some things seen in superhero comics.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:12
Worst. X-Man. Ever.
Heh. My name would be “Deadpoo.”
Looch said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:14
I was about to freak.
Washington Monthly site.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:20
In other slightly related news, “friends” (this guy has friends???) are pushing Roger Ailes to run for president.
I’ve already picked his running mate: Liz Cheney. His cabinet will consist of at least these people: John Bolton as Secretary of State, and Nancy Grace as Attorney General.
Others have suggested Chris Matthews as his press secretary.
Rusty Shackleford said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:28
Fast-food tomatoes give me laser shit.
The Kid from Kounty Meath said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:39
I’m glad Fox News is protecting us from the influence of the coastal elitists, from their headquarters in New fucking York.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:47
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, 160 million of the 310 million Americans live within 50 miles of a coast.
does the Third Coast count?
LittlePig said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:48
As a Southerner, Hillbilly Division, what I see of a lot of this “Heartland” horseshit is the standard Republican mistake of confusing good manners for assent. A lot of these losers think that because most folks are go-along-to-get-along that vast numbers of folks buy into the hate, and it’s just not the case.
Loudness wins on TV; in elections, not so much.
Rusty Shackleford said,
October 23, 2009 at 21:54
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, 160 million of the 310 million Americans live within 50 miles of a coast.
does the Third Coast count?
I’m pretty sure that figure includes the Great Lakes, which is the Heartland except for The Corrupt Chicago Thug Machine(tm)
Anonymous said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:00
The only truly patriotic parts of America are those who wish to wage a war to split from the union in favor of slavery or in favor of private property at the exclusion of government authority. Surely the Founding Fathers would agree.
Wingnut Geography said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:00
One building in New York is the heartland of America and Illinois is a haven for coastal elitists.
El Cid said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:08
The Heartland did not grieve for the loss of any buildings in the evil liberal multiculturalist hell of New York City, but for our loss of collective pride in how Bill Clinton let us be attacked so easily. Thank God that Dick Cheney and the other guy were there to keep us safe for nearly 7.5 years.
Smut Clyde said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:14
Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!
Easy instructions available here.
Rusty Shackleford said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:27
Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!
Easy instructions available here.
It’s like somebody took away what little bit of rock and roll there is in ELP and played what’s left.
Bitter Scribe said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:42
The only truly patriotic parts of America are those who wish to wage a war to split from the union in favor of slavery or in favor of private property at the exclusion of government authority. Surely the Founding Fathers would agree.
“How dare he! That’s the flag my great-grandpappy rebelled against!”
octopod said,
October 23, 2009 at 22:51
“But I am still so fucking Russell Crowe, OK?”
Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell!
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 23, 2009 at 23:11
Victoria Jackson thinks of Glenn Beck often and would like him to visit her Pie Town while she’s having her fingernails done.
The Goddamn Batman Don't Know Much About History, He Don't Know Much Geography, But He Do Know The Difference Between Singular And Plural said,
October 23, 2009 at 23:15
They used to be able to afford news, but, you know, recession.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
October 23, 2009 at 23:33
Goddamn Batman – glad to see you, as always. You schooled ‘em on who the Real Americans are!
Andrew N.P. said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:02
Please tell me that’s not THE Victoria Jackson. Like, the one from Saturday Night Live. I may cry.
Hang on. The speech bubble in the last panel, the one that says “THANKS, BATMAN, WE WILL!“, is only pointing to the kid with glasses, who had already accepted the black kid. So not only has The Goddamn Batman been reduced to giving public service announcements, they’re not even working. At this point I think even Aquaman’s entitled to laugh at him.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:10
Somebody better go console Andrew.
That VJ column reads like a stalker letter.
Djur said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:10
Andrew N.P. It’s that Victoria Jackson. She’s a never-ending source of hilarity. After she was off the show, natch.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:13
At this point I think even Aquaman’s entitled to laugh at him.
Good Lord, no, that’s just a misprint. Everybody listens to the Goddamn Batman.
Madison disliked corporate sharks said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:16
Madison disliked the contemporary version of today’s corporate sharks, and feared the outsize influence of business interests financed by borrowed money. We have devolved from common sense into worship of money and power.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:27
I remember a Weekend Update sketch where Victoria Jackson sang a cute love song to Dennis Miller. Maybe she’s just trying to impress him. In any case, the dumb act turned out to be no act at all.
M. Bouffant said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:45
VJ sez:
The truth is Piss Jesus, apparently.
OneMan said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:48
Explain to me again why Andrew Sullivan is still in bed (heh) with the right wing?
OneMan said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:50
(this may be a dup, if so, apologies)
Please someone explain to me why Andrew Sullivan continues to be a right-wing toadie?
OneMan said,
October 24, 2009 at 0:50
FYWP
J— said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:02
Yes, but Victoria Jackson can do a handstand, which is further proof that Andrew Breitbart is a genius a couple times over.
Andrew N.P. said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:03
I’m not actually gonna cry, but I am a bit troubled. SNL reruns on Comedy Central were an important part of my childhood, and I vaguely remember Victoria Jackson appearing in some episodes. It amazes me how she can go from kinda sorta funny-ish comedienne to totally seriously not-funny-at-all wackaloon. Most of the other wingnuts retain some semblance of a sense of humor, as mean-spirited as it may be. But this one, who once upon a time was paid to make people laugh, just… doesn’t. Her post isn’t funny. It doesn’t try to be funny. None of her posts do. (Yes, I went through the archives. No, I am not a masochist.)
J Neo Marvin said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:04
Between M Bouffant and J—’s comments, I now have a mental image of Victoria Jackson doing a handstand while pissing all over herself. Some people may find this erotic. Alas, I am not among them.
J— said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:07
That VJ column reads like a stalker letter.
Speaking of which, commenter Malachi42 has some advice for Jackson.
Tommmcatt said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:08
…I must especially thank you Glenn Beck for your blackboard. I love your blackboard! And your thorough research. Your facts. Your diagrams. Your teaching. Finally, someone is clearly explaining to us, the taxpayers, exactly what is happening inside that mysterious, gigantic, corrupt political system we have. We, the working middle class, have always been afraid of the machine, and I think the politicians/criminals wanted it that way. With their pompous, pious faces and sneaky hands, they have been stealing and lying. We were too busy raising children, working and going to church to have time to research them. Now, finally, one man has done it. Cracked the Code. Exposed the Fraud. Shone the Light on the Basement Rats! Now, the rats are all scurrying around, all nervous. They are calling The Man With The Flashlight names. Mean names. Squeak! Squeak!
I’m talking to you, Basement Rats! LEAVE THE MAN WITH THE FLASHLIGHT ALONE!!!!!!
Tommmcatt said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:08
I’m sorry, but I think her post is hysterical.
J Neo Marvin said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:28
Please tell me Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn have not gone right-wing loony.
Lurking Canadian said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:32
That Victoria Jackson post wasn’t satire? She meant all that stuff?
My satirometer is seriously in need of recalibration.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:35
SNL reruns on Comedy Central were an important part of my childhood, and I vaguely remember Victoria Jackson appearing in some episodes.
Dude, way to make me feel old.
My favorite comment is: “My teenagers watch him because he makes the American History lessons fun! Their mantra is that if you don’t learn from history (past and recent) you are doomed to repeat it.
Thank you Virginia. Your cheerful spirit makes my day.”
J Neo Marvin said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:37
Virginia?
SomeNYGuy said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:53
Virginia?
Maryland?
Looch said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:54
My satirometer is seriously in need of recalibration.
Yeah, I kept leaning back, arms folded, re-reading her post. I mean if it’s satire, it’s pretty damn good. If not, it’s extraordinarily lame gibberish. And going with the more likely, let’s go with the gibberish, shall we?
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:08
I never found Vic Jackson funny.
But she’s getting there, with this kind of stuff. But probably not the way she intends, unless she is a superbly subtle performance artist.
Tommmcatt said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:12
Whatever it is, it is comedy GOLD:
Oh, the humanity! “Having latin dance parties”, yet.
tigrismus said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:18
Comedy pyrite.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:19
comedy Shit Moat.
g said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:20
But, while Obama romances the racial minorities; defending Professor Gates, picking Sotomayor, having Latin dance parties, and hinting at Amnesty, don’t the minorities realize that if Obama continues to destroy Capitalism
Oh, I see. Sympathizing with people who look like him, defending the notion that a man shouldn’t be arrested in his own home for the crime of being there, appointing a citizen to be a Supreme Court Justice and celebrating the national heritage of an American immigrant group is….destroying Capitalism.
Smiling Mortician said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:23
OK. So far I have been firmly convinced of Victoria’s genuine wackaloonitude. I mean, I’ve seen the youtubes, ferchrissake. But that quote from Tommmcatt . . . that has to be satire. Doesn’t it? Please?
TruculentandUnreliable said,
October 24, 2009 at 2:23
It’s definitely serious, or at least not satire. Didn’t you guys see her on Bill Mahr?
And I never really thought she was funny. Until now.
Vacuumslayer said,
October 24, 2009 at 3:18
J Neo Marvin said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:28
Please tell me Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn have not gone right-wing loony.
Bite your tongue. I’ve always had a soft spot for those two and maintain that Hooks is one of SNL’s funniest ladies.
Bitter Scribe said,
October 24, 2009 at 3:23
At this point I think even Aquaman’s entitled to laugh at him.
What would Aquaman’s laugh sound like, anyway? Other than “glub, glub”?
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
October 24, 2009 at 3:23
I found this Kraphammer quote hilarious:
Madison argued that the safety of a great republic, its defense against tyranny, requires the contest between factions or interests. His insight was to understand “the greater security afforded by a greater variety of parties.” They would help guarantee liberty by checking and balancing and restraining each other — and an otherwise imperious government.
The fact that the Bush regime was a wholly-owned subsidiary of corrupt megacorporations escapes Chuckles’ grasp. The plight we are now in is due to the damn near total lack of government constraint on crony capitalism. He’s now all about the checks and balances and restraints?
Fuck Chuck!
Jennifer said,
October 24, 2009 at 3:39
What would Aquaman’s laugh sound like, anyway? Other than “glub, glub”?
Like this.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
October 24, 2009 at 4:07
Best Aquaman Spoof EVAR!!!
jim said,
October 24, 2009 at 4:09
Has anyone mentioned yet that Ailes produced campaign ads for Nixon’s 1968 campaign, making the “Enemies List” horseshit now being thrown at Obama by the FOX “NEWS” flying-monkey-brigade even more ironic & jocular?
Then neither/so will I.
Any tiem iz Klingon hiphop tiem!
Bitter Scribe said,
October 24, 2009 at 4:11
I think it would have been more fun if they had lashed him with Wonder Woman face-to-face.
Bitter Scribe said,
October 24, 2009 at 4:18
Has anyone mentioned yet that Ailes produced campaign ads for Nixon’s 1968 campaign, making the “Enemies List” horseshit now being thrown at Obama by the FOX “NEWS” flying-monkey-brigade even more ironic & jocular?
You’d be surprised, though. If Joe McGuiness’s book is to be believed, Nixon’s 1968 ads were surprisingly mild and non-attack-oriented (most of them, anyway). This was part of an overall strategy to portray Nixon as serene, above the fray, a sensible alternative to the roiling, crazy Democrats who couldn’t even have a convention without tearing up Chicago.
The Ailes of that book is a masterful and utterly amoral technician. I wonder if he’s come to believe his own bullshit since then.
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
October 24, 2009 at 4:46
Obama continues to destroy Capitalism they will always be stuck on the bottom rung? There will be no Capitalist ladder.
Wait.
If there will be no ladder, then why will there still be rungs?
Chris Parmly said,
October 24, 2009 at 6:50
“Fox News is no monopoly. It is a singular minority in a sea of liberal media. ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, NPR, CNN, MSNBC vs. Fox. The lineup is so unbalanced as to be comical — and that doesn’t even include the other commanding heights of the culture that are firmly, flagrantly liberal: Hollywood, the foundations, the universities, the elite newspapers.”
Excuse me, what the fuck? Is it just me or does Charlie happen to be spewing this crap through the very mode of communication of a “flagrantly liberal,” “elite newspaper”? Do these people practice being stupid or is just come naturally?
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
October 24, 2009 at 7:59
Also, the foundations?
Are these people not simultaneously employed by like six or seven different right-wing foundations? Fuck is their problem?
Smut Clyde said,
October 24, 2009 at 9:41
a sea of liberal media [,,,] so unbalanced as to be comical — and that doesn’t even include the other commanding heights of the culture that are firmly, flagrantly liberal: Hollywood, the foundations, the universities, the elite newspapers.”
To sum up, every expression of American culture appears to be liberal, placing them out-of-step with Krauthammer and the Republican party.
The people have lost the confidence of
the governmentKrauthammer;the governmentKrauthammer has decided to dissolve the people, and to appoint another one.St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
October 24, 2009 at 10:45
Kind of gets to the point where you need to ask: if the entire world, indeed, every living thing is firmly, intractably liberal, then the fuck are these guys to demand a massive sea-change from us to fit with them?
Fuck you, guy, we’re the winning team. Don’t you want to be a winner? Well too bad, you’d just drag us down anyway.
Josh Fulton said,
October 24, 2009 at 22:28
“Pentagon to use cyborg flies to spy on people.”
http://joshfulton.blogspot.com/2009/10/pentagon-to-use-brain-dead-cyborg.html