It’s Totally Just Like Nixon’s Shitlist & I’m Totally Just Like Woodward and Bernstein

Shorter Dr. Kraphammer:

“Fox wars”

  • Who will stop Obama’s persecution of plucky, underdog, democratic institutions like Fox News, insurance companies, and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce? The ghost of James Madison and me, that’s who.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 182

 
 
 

Uh yeah. One morning BHO wakes up and sees James Madison in the room. “Golly” BHO says” I better stop trying to socialize this country and abdicate. I’ll go back to Kenya and get that Charlie Krauthammer in as Prez”
They all live happily ever after.

 
 

I wandered over to Herr Krauthammer’s column to look at the comments. The page I looked at had mostly negative reactions to Herr K’s column, some pointing out that he fails to acknowledge his employment at Faux News. I am sure he has his personal defenses well-entrenched however, and such contrary opinions are waved off blithely as a “minority viewpoint.”
Did I say this man is a douche?

 
 

Gaaaghh! These people are just about the whiniest bastards ever. Someone looks at them cross-eyed & states the obvious (“You are morons who are full of shit, & everybody who isn’t a moron knows it.”) & they burst into tears about how they’re being picked on by bullies.

I can only think of the popular parenting line: “You think that hurt? I’ll give you something to cry about!” The thought of actually giving one of them something to cry about is all that gives my life purpose or meaning. (Just kidding. Life has no purpose or meaning whatsoever.)

 
 

Asshammer is as asshammer does:

“But our politics are defined not just by limits of legality or constitutionality. We have norms, Madisonian norms.”

Hackshually, our politics aren’t defined by legal or constitutional limits. How do I know? Asshammer told me – criminalizing policy differences, you know.. Torture is so fucking what-evah when it comes to executive misconduct, but calling out assholes for being assholes is like stealing our founders’ essence.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

I forget, was Madison the big gay President, or was it Hamilton?

 
 

The ghost of James Madison and me, that’s who.

And I get to be played by Russell Crowe when the movie comes out.

 
 

I forget, was Madison the big gay President, or was it Hamilton?

If Hamilton was president, then my trip to Baltimore yesterday did transport me to an alternate dimension, as I had feared.

 
 

Rich people are a tiny, weak minority, and gigantic media corporations are suffering among the oppressed, while the tentacles of ACORN strangle us all. It’s obvious.

 
 

while the tentacles of ACORN strangle us all.

From little ACORNS mighty tentacles grow.

 
 

Oh, come on. You’re missing this shorter Michael Barone:

Obama’s a no-good, dirty-fighting, street nigger.

 
 

And he’s still talking about Bill Ayers–in the first paragraph!

 
 

Dr. Kraphammmer forgets this:

Nixon: I want you to direct the most trusted person you have in the immigration service, that they are to look at all of the activities of the Los Angeles Times. All, underlined, to see if they are violating the wetback thing. let me explain because as a Californian I know.

Everyday in California hires them [“wetbacks”]. There’s no law against it because they are there. Because for menial things and so forth. [Times publisher] Otis Chandler, I want him checked with regards to his gardener. I understand he’s a wetback.

We are going to go after the Chandlers. Every one. Individually, collectively. Their income taxes. They’re starting this week. Everyone of those sons of bitches, is that clear?

Mitchell: Yes, sir.

Nixon: Do it. Give me a report.

Mitchell. Very well, sir.

Which Administration just recently politicized the Justice Department, and ultimately had its A.G.A.G. resign in disgrace?

A White House enemies list? Has anyone told Donald Siegelman?
~

 
 

“She was invoking Mao as support and authority for her impassioned plea for individuality and trusting one’s own choices. Mao as champion of individuality?”

And another facet of conservatism comes into sharper focus: A knee-jerk reaction against anything that a bad person utters, even an obvious truth. If Pol Pot had asked his followers to treat their elders with respect, Chuckles would slip arsenic into his mother’s oatmeal.

 
 

Barone is just defending FoxNews, you know, the organization who argued in court that it had the right to lie in its, um, reporting.

Putting the title of ‘News’ on a propaganda outfit doesn’t make it a news organization, you schmuck.

 
 

Ok, here’s the deal. Jackie Chan can be Chairman Mao, Jeff Bridges can be Bill Ayres. But I am still so fucking Russell Crowe, OK?

 
 

Oh, and another thing, we need to explain to people that Bill Ayres was always know as “The Dude”, OK?

 
 

I would think Charles would be played by the Peewee Herman character.

 
 

Heh. Here’s my comment on Kraphammer’s column:

What I can’t figure out is why big media organizations haven’t stood up for others in the past who were unfairly “shut out” by the White House.

For example, why was The Weekly World News not included in briefings along with the New York Times, the Washington Post, and other big papers? Their record for serious journalism was just as solid as Fox’s; they even used the print equivalents of some of Fox’s favorite tactics to great effect. Where Fox will pre-tape an interview, and then video-edit it to bolster an argument that the subject said the exact opposite of what he or she said, the Weekly World News would photoshop Elvis wigs onto Amazonian tribesmen for their world exclusive report on how Elvis was still alive, as proven by this photoshoppped image of this tribe whom he visited 5 years after his alleged death. Now they wear Elvis wigs and sing “Hound Dog” – just like the King! Or what about Ed Anger, The Weekly World News’ very own Bill O’Reilly? Sure, O’Reilly doesn’t go around describing himself as “pig-biting mad”, but they both get incensed by the same things – liberals, taxes, big government, people who disagree with them. Where’s the difference?

Where were you, Krauthammer, when the Weekly World News was being unfairly excluded by the Bush Administration because they weren’t a “legitimate news organization” – at the same time Jeff Gannon was lobbing softballs at White House press conferences?

 
 

RIP Soupy Sales, the Pee Wee Herman of the Sixties.

 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

So Krauthammer now believes he’s the answer the right wing has been waiting for?

What was the question, Alex?

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

I believe the question was “Did I urinate on your rug? Do you speak English, son? Parla usted ingles?”

 
 

Obviously, Mr. Krauthammer has written the truth, and written it well.

May FOX News still be prospering when the Obama administration is in the history books.

 
Girl in that one youtube video
 

LEEEEEEEAVE FOX NEWS A LOOO–HA-HOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!

BOOOOOOOOO-HHHOOO-HHHHOOOOOO!!!!

 
 

Obviously my mommy has read me Wheelie-Man’s column, and read it well.
May dinner be pie and may she later read me a Dr. Seuss book.

 
 

You can tell when a conservaturd talking point is weak-ass pansy shit when it holds no traction with Pat Buchanan.

Anyways, I provided that link for the wonderful remark from Bill Press:

When two Republicans want to hurt a Democrat, what do they do? They compare him to another Republican. It’s crazy.

 
 

I’ve been told that Fox News has a very large penis. The Obama administration should be impressed by that.

 
 

May FOX News still be prospering when the Obama administration is in the history books.

Why do you hate America?

 
 

LEEEEEEEAVE FOX NEWS A LOOO–HA-HOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s a trap!
1. Chris Crocker is actually a d00d.
2. I really don’t see him defending Fox News.
3. I spend too much time on teh internerds.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

A knee-jerk reaction against anything that a bad person utters, even an obvious truth.

She should have simply attributed the quote to Winston Churchill or Abraham Lincoln, like everybody else does with quotes they like.

 
 

Definitive evidence: My mother watches it even on the odd night when I’m not on

TMI, Chuckles. We didn’t need to know that you are regularly on your mother.

What’s the difference between Krauthammer’s mom and a five-dollars-a-night syphillitic crack whore? Five bucks.

 
 

Poor, poor FOX news!! now that they’re off the air, they can’t defend themselves……oh, wait.

 
 

Chuckles’ Madison quote is from Federalist 10, which also contains the wonderful line:

No man is allowed to be a judge in his own cause, because his interest would certainly bias his judgment, and, not improbably, corrupt his integrity.

Missing from the op-ed, and the WashPost bio for Krauthammer is any mention of his being a regular Fox News contributor and a member of the “Fox All-Star Panel”.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I wonder how many of your everyday moran cons know that Fox is actually run by a furriner?

 
 

From Barone’s column:

Prominent Democrats have been talking about revoking insurance companies’ exemption from the antitrust laws (granted so that small firms would have access to data needed to compete with the giants).

So… exemptions from antitrust laws… help small businesses compete with large businesses? Excuse me for a moment. My mind was just blown, and I need to clean up the fragments of my shattered skull. I thought this was the one provision of health-care reform everyone could agree on! Scrap McCarran-Ferguson; make the insurance industry play by the same rules as everyone else. Or is this simply a case of “the n****r’s fer it, so I’m agin it”?

 
 

I wonder how many of your everyday moran cons know that Fox is actually run by a furriner?

A furner who first became famous by running a newspaper hostile to the Vietnam War. No really, Murdoch was once the archetypal DFH.

 
 

All my quotes come from Tocqueville because I’m highbrow like that.

 
 

All my quotes come from Terry Pratchett, the one from whom all wisdom flows.

 
 

All my quotes come from teenagers in high-school cafeterias at lunch time.

“PENIS.”

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

No really, Murdoch was once the archetypal DFH.

I know. They make some of the most evil fucking conservatives, in my opinion. Look at David Horowitz and Michael Savage, for example. I have more fucking respect for Dick Cheney–at least he’s consistent.

 
 

I wonder how many of your everyday moran cons know that Fox is actually run by a furriner?

He became a citizen some time ago. IIRC, Esquire magazine dubbed him “Worst New Citizen of the Year.”

As for Fox, oh yeah, it hurts so much being on Obama’s shit list. No credibility to be had there among the moran crowd, no siree.

 
 

You know, FOX has a pretty good gig running here. Lie, and lie and lie some more. Then, when somebody calls you a liar, clutch your pearls and say, “How dare you call me a liar! Why is there no civility in politics!”

Then, lie some more and while you’re at it, organize opposition to the government. When the government points out that you’re acting more like an opposition party than a news organization and says they’re by God not talking to you anymore, rend your garments and cry, “Oppression! Infringements on Freedom of Speech!”

I can see why FOX does it. I can’t see why the rest of the journalism industry are backing them up, instead of spitting on them while they’re down for what they’re doing to the public perception of journalistic ethics, but that’s because I’m not sophisticated like that.

 
 

I’m pretty sure Kraphammer is trying to avoid facing is what Madison laid out in the Federalist Papers XXIV:

Just as one does not judge an individual by what he thinks about himself, so one cannot judge such a period of transformation by its consciousness, but, on the contrary, this consciousness must be explained from the contradictions of material life, from the conflict existing between the social forces of production and the relations of production. No social order is ever destroyed before all the productive forces for which it is sufficient have been developed, and new superior relations of production never replace older ones before the material conditions for their existence have matured within the framework of the old society.

Mankind thus inevitably sets itself only such tasks as it is able to solve, since closer examination will always show that the problem itself arises only when the material conditions for its solution are already present or at least in the course of formation.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Apparently Glenn Beck is telling people that he has a mole in Obama’s group of advisers and that Obama has promised his inner circle that he’ll shoot their enemies in the head???? And he’s also shilling canned food for the upcoming breakdown of society?

People actually believe this shit? We’re in hardcore crazytown here, folks.

 
 

I have more fucking respect for Dick Cheney–at least he’s consistent.

I dunno. The others are easily seduced nutbags (throw in Hitchens, another who’s yet to see a utopian ideology he hasn’t wanted to dry-hump), Cheney is a kind of ultra-nationalistic shithead, whose one consistent philosophy has been that killing brown and black people is good for Murka.

I probably give the others a few points for imagination, Cheney has no redeeming quality at all.

 
 

People actually believe this shit?

Unfortunately, yes, and when someone actually SHOOTS at Obama, Beck will claim it was all a joke.

 
 

All my quotes come from teenagers in high-school cafeterias at lunch time.

I doubt that: not nearly enough talk about Little Debbie’s creamy pies.

 
 

Little Debbie’s creamy pies

She came down with the clap, so she hasn’t been putting out this semester.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I probably give the others a few points for imagination, Cheney has no redeeming quality at all.

I guess I just have more respect for PURE EVIL than I do for people who flip from one ideology to another in such an extreme way. Plus, Michael Savage is pretty into killing brown and black people for Murka.

Unfortunately, yes, and when someone actually SHOOTS at Obama, Beck will claim it was all a joke.

It’s just fucking crazy. I HATE HATE HATE HATE GWB with the fire of a thousand suns, but I never believed that he was going to execute his advisers’ enemies. And motherfucker actually did some evil-ass shit! Fucking crazy.

 
 

Unfortunately, yes, and when someone actually SHOOTS at Obama, Beck will claim it was all a joke.

From a recent Boston Globe article:

“The domestic threat is also growing, fueled in part by Obama’s election as the nation’s first black president, according to specialists who study homegrown radical movements.

Obama, who was given Secret Service protection 18 months before the election – the earliest ever for a presidential candidate – has been the target of more threats since his inauguration than his predecessors.

The Southern Poverty Law Center says that antigovernment militias and white supremacist groups have strengthened in recent years, responding to an increasingly diverse population and what they see as an expanding government.

A center study released in August found a nearly 35 percent growth in racially based domestic hate groups since 2000 – from 602 to 926. The center concluded that opposition to Obama’s election has only increased the phenomenon.

“A key difference this time is that the federal government – the entity that almost the entire radical right views as its primary enemy – is headed by a black man,’’ the report said. “One result has been a remarkable rash of domestic terror incidents since the presidential campaign, most of them related to anger over the election of Barack Obama.’’

Threatening language has also found its way into talk radio broadcasts and social networking websites, raising fears that individuals not normally considered threats to the president could be incited to violence.

For example, the Secret Service in recent months has investigated a poll posted on Facebook about whether Obama should be killed. It has interviewed a Florida radio talk show host after a caller mentioned ammunition, target practice, and the president, and federal officials have raised concerns about several instances in which protesters carrying weapons showed up at Obama events, including a man at an August town hall in New Hampshire.

“The racist extremist fringe is exploiting themes that strike a chord in the mainstream more than we have seen in the recent past,’’ said Brian Levin, director of the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism at California State University-San Bernardino, citing several elected leaders who have questioned whether Obama is a US citizen eligible to be president.

Sorry for the copypasta. But kinda covers the ground discussed.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It doesn’t help that just the electing Obama has totes emasculated cons.

 
 

It’s the same shit Limbaugh and Bachmann claimed when they were confronted with evidence that their cynical hate-mongering for attention turned into violence on the part of the audience.

Their ought to be a First Amendment Responsibility as part of taking advantage of the Right.

 
In The Goddamn Batman's Opinion, Someone With The Name "Krauthammer" Should Be A WWII Superhero, Fighting Alongside Sgt. Rock And Sgt. Fury And Maybe The Haunted Tank
 

Alternative shorter: “Ah, for the days when any dick-headed manwhore could get a White House press pass.”

 
 

She came down with the clap, so she hasn’t been putting out this semester.
True, but have you seen her mom?
.
.
.
I was originally going to ask if you had done her mom – but didn’t since everyone answers yes to that question.

 
 

My, the whineries have delivered a bumper crop this year. 2009 has been a great year for the Whine Country.

 
 

So the White House (aka The Nucleus Of All Evil) has mentioned the manifold & patently obvious fail-factor of Fox “News” like, what, two, three times max? That’s one hell of a liberal definition of “war” this guy’s using, eh?

I suppose he must be getting a real jones on for the real thing, since America hasn’t invaded or bombed the fuck out of a new country in years now. Firepower’s a hell of a drug – as long as the muzzle is pointing at someone else’s ass.

I love how the macho-warrior-killing-machine posse spontaneously transform into whiny emo he-bitches in need of a fainting-couch the moment they get caught with their She-Ra Manties™ down around their ankles … adversity brings out one’s true nature – & theirs would make a skunk blush.

 
 

True, but have you seen her mom?

No, but if you move a little to the left…

 
 

“I can see why FOX does it. I can’t see why the rest of the journalism industry are backing them up, instead of spitting on them while they’re down for what they’re doing to the public perception of journalistic ethics, but that’s because I’m not sophisticated like that.”

Ruth Marcus thinks that one day, she will get to work for the big bucks at Fox. Unfortunately, unless she aces the swimsuit competition, she will never displace the assorted Megyns and Heathers at Fox.

 
 

No, but if you move a little to the left…
FFS, what the hell is it with you and the ideological purity purges. I’m anti-war, pro-environment, pro-gay rights, anti-religion, pro-health care reform…how much further to the left is there to… oh, you mean my ass is blocking your view. Nevermind.

 
 

oh, you mean my ass is blocking your view. Nevermind.

Or you could lose weight…

 
 

oh, you mean my ass is blocking your view. Nevermind.

Or you could lose weight…

Veiled teabagging reference.

 
 

For K-Lo and Bill Donohue.
Fish Friday.

That was a fun to wander around in. Thanks for the link.

 
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA
 

Stop hating freedom, liberal idiots, the Heartland is Taking USA back!

 
 

There’s a reason we call it the heart land. It’s because the brain isn’t here.

 
 

Stop hating freedom, liberal idiots, the Heartland is Taking USA back!

I know it’s Friday, and your mind is already on the weekend, but if you’re gonna come in here and troll, could you at least not half-ass it like this?

 
 

I agree with Andrew. Where’s the racism? I don’t see anything approaching a completely insane or sophistic reading of the constitution, either. And the lack of misspellings completely obliterates any verisimilitude.

Friday parody troll gets an “F”.

 
 

Patriot Son Of Freedom USA

Is this that “thriving Internet business” that you have cited in the past?

http://www.freedomusa.org/

 
 

Stop hating freedom, liberal idiots, the Heartland is Taking USA back!

the Heartland is OverThrowing liberal idiotic Rules of capiTaliZation! Soon wHee WILL comPLETELY abJure all our reMaining TIES to socialist CoHerence and RATional senTENce strucTURE!

 
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA
 

Shut up, eleitists! You on the coasts have no idea how real Americans live! FOX NEWS does and so does the good Dr. Krauthammer, show some respect! Why do you have people who are handicapped?

 
 

I think you have people that are disabled due to tragic accidents, unfortunate circumstances of birth, things like that. I’m not quite understanding the point of the question, however.

“Good” Dr. Krauthammer… Hehehehehe.

 
 

Oh, and the misspelling of “elitists” was a nice touch. You’ll get that grade up yet!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Meh, not really impressed with the screenname, either.

 
 

“Where were you, Krauthammer, when the Weekly World News was being unfairly excluded by the Bush Administration because they weren’t a “legitimate news organization” – at the same time Jeff Gannon was lobbing softballs at White House press conferences?”

Ahhhh. I see, he was the pitcher. So that makes Scott McClellan the catcher then right?

 
 

The quotes from Madison above are deliciously apt, but I would like to offer a prophetical snippet of Ben Jonson as exactly describing Krauthammer et al.: “turdy-facy-nasty-patie-lousie-farticall rogues.”

 
 

Patriot Son Of Freedom USA

where does this troll come up with these names?

 
 

I quote Jonson because 1) I’m an elitist and 2) it makes Victorius Davius Hansonius cry.

 
 

Patriot Son Of Freedom USA

where does this troll come up with these names?

I think this one is a software program, like a wingnut equivalent of Janus Node.

 
 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news for the usual jokey slate of Obots here at Sadly, O!, but FOX News is important for a great deal of Americans, and lest Obama and his Corrupt Party have soiled your minds to the point of no return, even you giggly Obots would admit that the True Blue heart of Appalachia, those Reagan Democrats and Bubba Voters who Hillary so excellently courted in 2008, are among those who turn to FOX first for new. Obama, as he is incompetent and corrupt and the recipient of a fraudulent primary outcome, would just assume overlook these millions of Hillary supporters just so he can insult a news organization that has rightly questioned his motives and his morals. You people should be ashamed of yourselves, but I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.

 
 

“Why do you have people who are handicapped?”

Sorry, He’s a Republican so we don’t have him

 
 

You on the coasts have no idea how real Americans live! FOX NEWS does and so does the good Dr. Krauthammer

So, Krauthammer was born in NYC, raised in Montreal, worked in Massachusetts, and describes himself as “not religious.”

Doesn’t sound like a “real American” to me! Why, he lives on the coast!

 
 

“I quote Jonson because 1)” — PENIS!

 
right-wing retard
 

Oh, Iris, you have done stole mah hart.

 
Patriot Son Of Freedom USA
 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news for the usual jokey slate of Obots here at Sadly, O!,

Mommm! I was here first!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Man, I wish I were an Obot. I heard they had laser eyes and shit.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Jesus Christ — are there still PUMAs shambling around?

 
 

I heard they had laser eyes and shit.

And rockets!

 
 

“I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.”

That’s the White House that he led us to. Next stop is second term. after that it’s Hitlery for teh Prez!

Enjoy the cold. You’re going to be out there for another 40 years.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And rockets!

Rockets??? Where the fuck have I been? Sign me up!

 
Not-So-Newbie McNymchanging
 

even you giggly Obots would admit that the True Blue heart of Appalachia, those Reagan Democrats and Bubba Voters who Hillary so excellently courted in 2008, are among those who turn to FOX first for new.

I admit that when I’m feeling out of sorts, I turn to FOX first. Cheaper than ipecac.

 
 

would just assume overlook these millions of Hillary supporters just so he can insult a news organization that has rightly questioned his motives and his morals

Bawhaahahahahahaha!

Oh wait, you’re serious? Well, that’s pretty funny too. Looks like you were bale to hold onto that candle even longer than Jeralyn did–nice job.

 
Not-So-Newbie McNymchanging
 

and lest Obama and his Corrupt Party have soiled your minds to the point of no return

I’ll have you know that my mind was plenty soiled before Obama was on the scene.

Wait, “soiled” is not the word I was thinking of, but it’s close.

Oh FFS, I meant to say “dirty.” Sorry about that.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Obama makes me soil something, but it’s not my mind…rowr.

Okay, that really didn’t come out right either.

 
 

Iris, now, is a MUCH better troll. Reminiscent of late Gary Ruppert, the screed is rambling and incoherent, repeating several of the favorite right-wing tropes while providing no reference to back them up. While it maintains the viciousness of tone common to the métier, there is a playfulness to the invective, as evidenced by such odd sobriquets as “giggly Obots” or “Bubba Voters”. The PUMA references tie the entire moronic dissertation up in a stylish bow, as it were- almost as though the comment were a fruitcake chock full of a variety of the saddest and most irrelevant of wingnut memes.

One misses, however, the random capitalization and orthographic variance so often employed by the better artists in the field, paramount among them the great “Troofus”, who couldn’t spell his own name if he had a kindergarden teacher standing beside him helping him with the harder letters. This is a minor quibble, however, and is sure to be included in further works by this fresh, exciting new voice.

Iris: B+

 
 

I heard they had laser eyes and shit.
Laser eyes are cool, but laser shit? Can you fill a laser shitmoat with it?

 
 

Lovely review, Tommmcatt. Bravo (golf clap)

 
Marion in Savannah
 

*golf claps* Great review, St. Tommmcatt.

 
 

I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.

“I wouldn’t underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918.”

 
 

I will require Tommmcatt reviews of all future trolls, I think. 🙂

 
 

are there still PUMAs shambling around?

As many as there ever were.

 
 

You on the coasts have no idea how real Americans live!

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, 160 million of the 310 million Americans live within 50 miles of a coast.

One might even suggest it is YOU who have no idea what “real Americans” are like…

 
 

FOX News is important for a great deal of Americans

She’s right. It’s comedic gold!

 
 

Congratulations, “Iris.” It looks like you’ve hooked a few.

 
 

Tomm, you ever think about becoming a judge on “Sadly,No! Idol”?

You could be, like, Simon Cowell…

 
 

I’ve always known that you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack tells you to go.

And if he tells us to go goose-stepping over the mangled corpses of PUMA-America, we’ll love him all the more.

 
 

Say what you like about Troofy, at least his obstinate smug clueless bigotry is entertaining and he’s fun to slap around. The obvious parody PUMA and the random wingnut slogan generator are just boring.

 
 

Man, I wish I were an Obot. I heard they had laser eyes and shit.

I wish I had a fembot, those hot robot killers with pert ones who tried to kill Lindsey Wagner every week.

 
 

Bogus Iris gets points for “just assume”, though. That was realistically stupid.

 
 

you Obots walk lock-step toward wherever Bumbling Barack

Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Ugh, the “real Americans” shit pisses me off so much, not only on behalf of my blue-state dwelling friends, but also because I fucking hate that being associated with these fucking pig-ignorant douchebags simply because I’ve lived in the Bible Belt all my life. My family is white and mostly working-class and most of us were farmers up until about a generation ago and most of us are centrist democrats or liberals. These stupid fucks do NOT speak for me, nor for most of the “real Americans” that I know and deal with every day.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Not that I really give a shit about what Iris says, mind you. I’m speaking more globally here.

And, having given it some thought, I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes, even if I was a robot.

 
 

The Tea Party Fox News didn’t cover!

Throughout the day, the number of protesters grew to include not just morons, but more than 6,000 nimrods, 3,500 dunderheads, and approximately 12,000 of the biggest fucking dipshits known to man.

 
 

Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!

Ooh, like synchronized Keystone Kops! That ought to be in the Olympics, dammit.

 
 

Real Americans?

WORST GOP RATING IN A DECADE…. CNN, releasing the results of its new poll this afternoon, reports, “The Republican Party’s favorable rating among Americans is at lowest level in at least a decade, according to a new national poll.”
If this doesn’t make the GOP nervous, it should. According to the poll, just 36% have a favorable opinion of the Republican Party, while 54% have a negative opinion. When was the last time a CNN poll showed Republicans with a worse rating? According to the internals (pdf), it was December 1998 — 11 years ago — the same week House Republicans impeached then-President Bill Clinton and the GOP’s favorability rating dropped to 31%. On the other hand, a 53% majority have a favorable opinion of the Democratic Party.

That’s a minority party, that Real American Party.

 
 

I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes

It would make fertilizing the lawn a snap, however.

 
 

I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes

Worst. X-Man. Ever.

 
 

I don’t think I would want to be able to shoot shit out of my eyes

It would make fertilizing the lawn a snap, however.

It would be great for when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come knocking, too.

 
 

Looch- The way that quote was constructed, I thought for a second that Glenn Reynolds had actually covered the GOP’s awful poll numbers. I was about to freak.

 
 

It’s actually about CoD:MW2, but today’s Penny Arcade seems vaguely On Topic.

 
 

Worst. X-Man. Ever.

As may be, but not as bad as some things seen in superhero comics.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Worst. X-Man. Ever.

Heh. My name would be “Deadpoo.”

 
 

I was about to freak.

Washington Monthly site.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

In other slightly related news, “friends” (this guy has friends???) are pushing Roger Ailes to run for president.

I’ve already picked his running mate: Liz Cheney. His cabinet will consist of at least these people: John Bolton as Secretary of State, and Nancy Grace as Attorney General.

Others have suggested Chris Matthews as his press secretary.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Fast-food tomatoes give me laser shit.

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

I’m glad Fox News is protecting us from the influence of the coastal elitists, from their headquarters in New fucking York.

 
 

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, 160 million of the 310 million Americans live within 50 miles of a coast.

does the Third Coast count?

 
 

As a Southerner, Hillbilly Division, what I see of a lot of this “Heartland” horseshit is the standard Republican mistake of confusing good manners for assent. A lot of these losers think that because most folks are go-along-to-get-along that vast numbers of folks buy into the hate, and it’s just not the case.

Loudness wins on TV; in elections, not so much.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, 160 million of the 310 million Americans live within 50 miles of a coast.

does the Third Coast count?

I’m pretty sure that figure includes the Great Lakes, which is the Heartland except for The Corrupt Chicago Thug Machine(tm)

 
 

The only truly patriotic parts of America are those who wish to wage a war to split from the union in favor of slavery or in favor of private property at the exclusion of government authority. Surely the Founding Fathers would agree.

 
Wingnut Geography
 

One building in New York is the heartland of America and Illinois is a haven for coastal elitists.

 
 

The Heartland did not grieve for the loss of any buildings in the evil liberal multiculturalist hell of New York City, but for our loss of collective pride in how Bill Clinton let us be attacked so easily. Thank God that Dick Cheney and the other guy were there to keep us safe for nearly 7.5 years.

 
 

Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!
Easy instructions available here.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Lockstepping bumbling. That’s hard to do!!
Easy instructions available here.

It’s like somebody took away what little bit of rock and roll there is in ELP and played what’s left.

 
 

The only truly patriotic parts of America are those who wish to wage a war to split from the union in favor of slavery or in favor of private property at the exclusion of government authority. Surely the Founding Fathers would agree.

“How dare he! That’s the flag my great-grandpappy rebelled against!”

 
 

“But I am still so fucking Russell Crowe, OK?”
Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell!

 
The Goddamn Batman Don't Know Much About History, He Don't Know Much Geography, But He Do Know The Difference Between Singular And Plural
 

the True Blue heart of Appalachia, those Reagan Democrats and Bubba Voters who Hillary so excellently courted in 2008, are among those who turn to FOX first for new.

They used to be able to afford news, but, you know, recession.

 
 

Goddamn Batman – glad to see you, as always. You schooled ’em on who the Real Americans are!

 
 

Victoria Jackson thinks of Glenn Beck often and would like him to visit her Pie Town while she’s having her fingernails done.

Please tell me that’s not THE Victoria Jackson. Like, the one from Saturday Night Live. I may cry.

Goddamn Batman – glad to see you, as always. You schooled ‘em on who the Real Americans are!

Hang on. The speech bubble in the last panel, the one that says “THANKS, BATMAN, WE WILL!“, is only pointing to the kid with glasses, who had already accepted the black kid. So not only has The Goddamn Batman been reduced to giving public service announcements, they’re not even working. At this point I think even Aquaman’s entitled to laugh at him.

 
 

Somebody better go console Andrew.

That VJ column reads like a stalker letter.

 
 

Andrew N.P. It’s that Victoria Jackson. She’s a never-ending source of hilarity. After she was off the show, natch.

 
 

At this point I think even Aquaman’s entitled to laugh at him.

Good Lord, no, that’s just a misprint. Everybody listens to the Goddamn Batman.

 
Madison disliked corporate sharks
 

Madison disliked the contemporary version of today’s corporate sharks, and feared the outsize influence of business interests financed by borrowed money. We have devolved from common sense into worship of money and power.

 
 

I remember a Weekend Update sketch where Victoria Jackson sang a cute love song to Dennis Miller. Maybe she’s just trying to impress him. In any case, the dumb act turned out to be no act at all.

 
 

VJ sez:

The truth has a beautiful ring to it. It pours smoothly through the ears and forms a golden, peaceful puddle in the heart. It reassures one that there is still a drop of good in the world. Truth is Beautiful.

The truth is Piss Jesus, apparently.

 
 

Explain to me again why Andrew Sullivan is still in bed (heh) with the right wing?

 
 

(this may be a dup, if so, apologies)

Please someone explain to me why Andrew Sullivan continues to be a right-wing toadie?

 
 

FYWP

 
 

Yes, but Victoria Jackson can do a handstand, which is further proof that Andrew Breitbart is a genius a couple times over.

 
 

I’m not actually gonna cry, but I am a bit troubled. SNL reruns on Comedy Central were an important part of my childhood, and I vaguely remember Victoria Jackson appearing in some episodes. It amazes me how she can go from kinda sorta funny-ish comedienne to totally seriously not-funny-at-all wackaloon. Most of the other wingnuts retain some semblance of a sense of humor, as mean-spirited as it may be. But this one, who once upon a time was paid to make people laugh, just… doesn’t. Her post isn’t funny. It doesn’t try to be funny. None of her posts do. (Yes, I went through the archives. No, I am not a masochist.)

 
 

Between M Bouffant and J—‘s comments, I now have a mental image of Victoria Jackson doing a handstand while pissing all over herself. Some people may find this erotic. Alas, I am not among them.

 
 

That VJ column reads like a stalker letter.

Speaking of which, commenter Malachi42 has some advice for Jackson.

Just a suggestion Victoria, when doing a handstand face the camera, I want clevege [sic], you do have great calves and intelligence, forget Glenn he’s married.

 
 

…I must especially thank you Glenn Beck for your blackboard. I love your blackboard! And your thorough research. Your facts. Your diagrams. Your teaching. Finally, someone is clearly explaining to us, the taxpayers, exactly what is happening inside that mysterious, gigantic, corrupt political system we have. We, the working middle class, have always been afraid of the machine, and I think the politicians/criminals wanted it that way. With their pompous, pious faces and sneaky hands, they have been stealing and lying. We were too busy raising children, working and going to church to have time to research them. Now, finally, one man has done it. Cracked the Code. Exposed the Fraud. Shone the Light on the Basement Rats! Now, the rats are all scurrying around, all nervous. They are calling The Man With The Flashlight names. Mean names. Squeak! Squeak!

I’m talking to you, Basement Rats! LEAVE THE MAN WITH THE FLASHLIGHT ALONE!!!!!!

 
 

I’m sorry, but I think her post is hysterical.

 
 

Please tell me Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn have not gone right-wing loony.

 
 

That Victoria Jackson post wasn’t satire? She meant all that stuff?

My satirometer is seriously in need of recalibration.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

SNL reruns on Comedy Central were an important part of my childhood, and I vaguely remember Victoria Jackson appearing in some episodes.

Dude, way to make me feel old.

My favorite comment is: “My teenagers watch him because he makes the American History lessons fun! Their mantra is that if you don’t learn from history (past and recent) you are doomed to repeat it.

Thank you Virginia. Your cheerful spirit makes my day.”

 
 

Virginia?

Maryland?

 
 

My satirometer is seriously in need of recalibration.

Yeah, I kept leaning back, arms folded, re-reading her post. I mean if it’s satire, it’s pretty damn good. If not, it’s extraordinarily lame gibberish. And going with the more likely, let’s go with the gibberish, shall we?

 
 

I never found Vic Jackson funny.

But she’s getting there, with this kind of stuff. But probably not the way she intends, unless she is a superbly subtle performance artist.

 
 

Whatever it is, it is comedy GOLD:

I took my beautiful fake nails out to my car and drove to the car wash. Hard working, friendly Mexicans made it shiny. I don’t know if they were legal or illegal. I love everyone, but I think rules should be followed. Why can’t they be legal? Is it difficult? You’ll probably explain Amnesty to me tomorrow on TV, because you always know what I’m thinking. I did those minimum wage jobs for years, working my way up the Capitalist ladder. I did it with a happy heart looking forward to the day when I could have a great job! But, while Obama romances the racial minorities; defending Professor Gates, picking Sotomayor, having Latin dance parties, and hinting at Amnesty, don’t the minorities realize that if Obama continues to destroy Capitalism they will always be stuck on the bottom rung? There will be no Capitalist ladder.

Oh, the humanity! “Having latin dance parties”, yet.

 
 

Comedy pyrite.

 
 

But, while Obama romances the racial minorities; defending Professor Gates, picking Sotomayor, having Latin dance parties, and hinting at Amnesty, don’t the minorities realize that if Obama continues to destroy Capitalism

Oh, I see. Sympathizing with people who look like him, defending the notion that a man shouldn’t be arrested in his own home for the crime of being there, appointing a citizen to be a Supreme Court Justice and celebrating the national heritage of an American immigrant group is….destroying Capitalism.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

OK. So far I have been firmly convinced of Victoria’s genuine wackaloonitude. I mean, I’ve seen the youtubes, ferchrissake. But that quote from Tommmcatt . . . that has to be satire. Doesn’t it? Please?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s definitely serious, or at least not satire. Didn’t you guys see her on Bill Mahr?

And I never really thought she was funny. Until now.

 
 

J Neo Marvin said,
October 24, 2009 at 1:28

Please tell me Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn have not gone right-wing loony.

Bite your tongue. I’ve always had a soft spot for those two and maintain that Hooks is one of SNL’s funniest ladies.

 
 

At this point I think even Aquaman’s entitled to laugh at him.

What would Aquaman’s laugh sound like, anyway? Other than “glub, glub”?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I found this Kraphammer quote hilarious:

Madison argued that the safety of a great republic, its defense against tyranny, requires the contest between factions or interests. His insight was to understand “the greater security afforded by a greater variety of parties.” They would help guarantee liberty by checking and balancing and restraining each other — and an otherwise imperious government.

The fact that the Bush regime was a wholly-owned subsidiary of corrupt megacorporations escapes Chuckles’ grasp. The plight we are now in is due to the damn near total lack of government constraint on crony capitalism. He’s now all about the checks and balances and restraints?

Fuck Chuck!

 
 

What would Aquaman’s laugh sound like, anyway? Other than “glub, glub”?

Like this.

 
 

Has anyone mentioned yet that Ailes produced campaign ads for Nixon’s 1968 campaign, making the “Enemies List” horseshit now being thrown at Obama by the FOX “NEWS” flying-monkey-brigade even more ironic & jocular?

Then neither/so will I.

Any tiem iz Klingon hiphop tiem!

 
 

I think it would have been more fun if they had lashed him with Wonder Woman face-to-face.

 
 

Has anyone mentioned yet that Ailes produced campaign ads for Nixon’s 1968 campaign, making the “Enemies List” horseshit now being thrown at Obama by the FOX “NEWS” flying-monkey-brigade even more ironic & jocular?

You’d be surprised, though. If Joe McGuiness’s book is to be believed, Nixon’s 1968 ads were surprisingly mild and non-attack-oriented (most of them, anyway). This was part of an overall strategy to portray Nixon as serene, above the fray, a sensible alternative to the roiling, crazy Democrats who couldn’t even have a convention without tearing up Chicago.

The Ailes of that book is a masterful and utterly amoral technician. I wonder if he’s come to believe his own bullshit since then.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Obama continues to destroy Capitalism they will always be stuck on the bottom rung? There will be no Capitalist ladder.

Wait.

If there will be no ladder, then why will there still be rungs?

 
 

“Fox News is no monopoly. It is a singular minority in a sea of liberal media. ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, NPR, CNN, MSNBC vs. Fox. The lineup is so unbalanced as to be comical — and that doesn’t even include the other commanding heights of the culture that are firmly, flagrantly liberal: Hollywood, the foundations, the universities, the elite newspapers.”

Excuse me, what the fuck? Is it just me or does Charlie happen to be spewing this crap through the very mode of communication of a “flagrantly liberal,” “elite newspaper”? Do these people practice being stupid or is just come naturally?

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Also, the foundations?

Are these people not simultaneously employed by like six or seven different right-wing foundations? Fuck is their problem?

 
 

a sea of liberal media [,,,] so unbalanced as to be comical — and that doesn’t even include the other commanding heights of the culture that are firmly, flagrantly liberal: Hollywood, the foundations, the universities, the elite newspapers.”

To sum up, every expression of American culture appears to be liberal, placing them out-of-step with Krauthammer and the Republican party.

The people have lost the confidence of the government Krauthammer; the government Krauthammer has decided to dissolve the people, and to appoint another one.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Kind of gets to the point where you need to ask: if the entire world, indeed, every living thing is firmly, intractably liberal, then the fuck are these guys to demand a massive sea-change from us to fit with them?

Fuck you, guy, we’re the winning team. Don’t you want to be a winner? Well too bad, you’d just drag us down anyway.

 
 

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