She looks just like an old lesbian friend of mine. Funny, that.

Them Dukes, them Dukes!!

…how is Butt Hurtywood financed, anyway? I can’t imagine there’s any profit in posting this gabble.

It all comes down to the poor white victims bullshit at the end. OMG IMAGINE IF A CONSERVATIVE DID THIS!!! And it’s pop culture what done it.
Someone was running short of interesting things to say but had a deadline approaching. Sadly the fault is not that of being tardy it is that of actually not having anything interesting to say, ever.

The poor, poor white straight rich people! The used to be able to say faggot and jungle bunny and kike and wetback and gook and everybody would laugh at their edgy wit and folksy charm! Nowadays, people look at them with scorn and call them racist and won’t let them pass out literature at the office!

It’s the fall of civilization, I tell ya! The fall of civilization. That’s what I call it. The fall of civilization.

Help! Help!

We’re being repressed!

STAY. IN. THE. BOAT.

And by the way, I opted to trust the shorter. I read enough small-brained, conservative sophistry at the Right Wing rag where I work, what with the newspaper’s editorial stance and the local columnists – one of whom has a boner for Ben Stein – and the national gibberish we get from folks like Coulter, Sowell, Goldberg, Elder and O’Reilly.

Believe me, it’s soul draining enough without adding any more of the Right Wing’s low-hanging fruit.

(I’m surprised we don’t have Michelle Malkin.)

If the blasphemy laws in Pakistan can be used as a way of settling personal scores, who’s to say hate crimes in the U.S. won’t be used in the same way?

Because you know, United States Code is so very similar to moslem religious law. Also.

I read enough small-brained, conservative sophistry at the Right Wing rag where I work, what with the newspaper’s editorial stance and the local columnists – one of whom has a boner for Ben Stein – and the national gibberish we get from folks like Coulter, Sowell, Goldberg, Elder and O’Reilly.

Um, Hoosier X, time to get a job that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists. Really.

I’ll end with a quote from Camille Paglia…

Confused, incompetent writers are well-advised to end their posts by drawing the reader’s attention to writers that are even more confused and incompetent.

…who’s to say hate crimes in the U.S. won’t be used in the same way?

Well, you know, if you don’t go beat or kill a homosexual, or burn a cross on someone’s lawn, then you’re not in much danger of being framed in a “hate crime” to settle a personal score, now are you?

This is one of those issues where the sub-normal IQ of conservatives shines through like a beacon – they keep going back to how enhanced penalties for bias crimes “criminalizes thought.” Uh…no. It criminalizes actions – you can go around thinking all the nasty things you want to about gays, or Hispanics, or African-Americans, or Jews, or whoever. As long as you don’t act on those nasty thoughts with violence towards anyone, you’re in the clear.

Well I should have trusted the shorter but anyway….

Here’s a newsflash: trials assess criminal intent and “what was in the mind” of the perpetrator all the time.

It’s what distinguishes first degree murder from second degree or manslaughter.

It isn’t some slippery slope to “thought crimes.”

Fuck, these people are stupid.

And how does Matthew Shepard’s state of mind enter into this? I don’t think anyone is arguing that he committed suicide by slamming his head into a gun butt and then tying himself to a fence to die.

Fucking cobag.

time to get a job that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists

Me? I’ll settle for a fucking job that does make me want to slit my wrists, if it pays decent and has bennies.

Also, those poor, poor Republicans. Always having their free speech infringed. Also.

Do they still even make real bennies? The drunken-biker bathtub crank that’s ubiquitous these days is freakin’ toxic, man.

And in this case, the shorter is holy writ.

Um, Hoosier X, time to get a job that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists. Really.

Look. Somebody has to do the hard work at any Right Wing organization. And God knows the conservatives can’t handle it. All the hard work – i.e., that which doesn’t involve re-typing the daily transmission form Fox News – at the Right Wing rag where I work is done either by liberals or by smart people who used to be independent or uncommitted until they actually worked at a Right Wing rag and were converted by exposure to Right Wing stupidity.

I would feel bad if I quit and left all this work to be divided among the few remaining intelligent people. And, plus, the idea of abandoning these conservatives to do this work themselves …

I have a conscience, sir.

Imagine: you are accused of assaulting a man. It happens during a bar brawl or a botched robbery attempt. The man is gay, and he says he was targeted for that very reason. You know it’s untrue – he just happened to be in the right place at the right time for your scheme – but how do you prove otherwise?

Well, maybe -and keep in mind I’m not a lawyer here- just maybe the first step would be to not assert that your motive was a blinding hatred and fear of gay people.

Somehow the Matthew Sheppard murder became a hate crime because of the media, and it definitely has nothing to do with the murderers admitting in court that they killed him because he was gay.

God, what a disgusting pile of logical fallacies and bigotry.

Christopher. Either she’s suggesting that armed robbery is as common place an activity for her readers as pizza is to college students, or she’s suggesting that, in the event you are mugged by a homo, he might try to press hate crime charges.
I’m not sure which of those two suggestions crushes my soul more.

If the blasphemy laws in Pakistan can be used as a way of settling personal scores, who’s to say hate crimes in the U.S. won’t be used in the same way?

Well Pam, not only is it not a blasphemy law, but one of the protected classes for hate crimes is religion. Considering that there is no group whinier, more prone to abusing a legal privilege to demonize or punish their enemies, with a greater history of just making up shit to try and demonize political and personal opponents than the christian right…

Let’s just leave it at the fact that if the hate crime laws could be abused like that, the Christians would already be abusing the fuck out of that law.

So seems to me, what with the 12 dead trans people so far this year killed for being trans that what you and all the other fag haters are really worried about is that your terrorism campaigns against the “fags” might now be punished as such and you won’t be able to excuse it as gay or trans panic when you decide that couple really needs to be beaten with a tire iron.

Guess y’all will have to go back to killing hookers until some demoncrap lawmaker against the will of the people realizes that even people working in illegal professions are deserving of basic rights and passes some law allowing temporary clemency for other crimes when reporting a murder or assault. Or you know, just bites the bullet on the whole police harassing prostitutes for free sex (i mean upholding the law of course) thing.

Oh, how your freedoms are curtailed.

If the blasphemy laws in Pakistan can be used as a way of settling personal scores, who’s to say hate crimes in the U.S. won’t be used in the same way?

Wait, I thought conservatives wanted blasphemy laws in the US?…

Thanks Christopher, you said it better than I could have.

“Somehow the Matthew Sheppard murder became a hate crime because of the media, and it definitely has nothing to do with the murderers admitting in court that they killed him because he was gay.”

Yes, and they are now saying that was all a ruse because you know, everyone knows that if you kill a fag because he hit on you then you get to go free. Now they are claiming that they only killed him for drug money. Pam Meionster seems to be saying that means they are innocent.

How are the Duke boys involved in hate crimes, exactly?

They were accused of a hate crime, right? And it was found no actual crime happened, so… That there was the ‘hate’ part umm… Wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t a crime, either, right?

So… How does this help her story?

if the blasphemy laws in Pakistan can be used as a way of settling personal scores, who’s to say hate crimes in the U.S. won’t be used in the same way?

Just reading this sentence alone one would be hard-pressed whether the writer meant this as a good thing or a bad thing.

The religious right of this country would love blasphemy laws. Same game, different teams.

So… How does this help her story?

Rich white kids were inconvenienced. There can be no greater crime.

Duke, duke, duke
Duke of Orly, Orly, Olry…

Truly biting commentary.

Or is that overbiting?

Imagine: you are accused of assaulting a man. It happens during a bar brawl or a botched robbery attempt. The man is gay, and he says he was targeted for that very reason. You know it’s untrue – he just happened to be in the right place at the right time for your scheme – but how do you prove otherwise? Suddenly a crime that might have gotten you (hypothetically) two to five in the hoosegow becomes one that gets you (hypothetically) ten to fifteen, thanks to its heightened status. The prosecutors are suddenly psychological experts who can read your mind, right?

And, what if – what if – you didn’t even do it? What if it’s a case of mistaken identity, which can and does (unfortunately) happen? What if it’s a case of revenge?

You know, if juries are so stupid, and judges and lawyers so incompetent, that they can’t be trusted to correctly decide questions like this, maybe we shouldn’t give courts the power to FUCKING KILL PEOPLE.

JD, JD-

That’s different. See, the power to kill people is for those damn dartkies and everyone knows they’re guilty of something.

But hate crimes, see that doesn’t seem like something that’d be easy to use to kill darkies and might even be used against proper christiany white folk just because of their religious beliefs that all non-white-christiany people deserve to die.

And we can’t have that. The justice system is entirely to disenfranchise and imprison darkies. If we start locking up white people for crimes or even investigating them and looking unkindly to their long histories of hatred towards groups, well then that’s bad for America.

Can’t you see that?

And, what if – what if – you didn’t even do it? What if it’s a case of mistaken identity, which can and does (unfortunately) happen? What if it’s a case of revenge?

Then this happens.

I don’t think they care who they execute in Texas as long as somebody gets executed.

“fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go life”

Adapt as necessary.

I don’t think they care who they execute in Texas as long as somebody gets executed.

And it is a Republican governor signing the order.

The prosecutors are suddenly psychological experts who can read your mind, right?

And, what if – what if – you didn’t even do it? What if it’s a case of mistaken identity, which can and does (unfortunately) happen? What if it’s a case of revenge?

Yeah, it’s not like they’d need to present the court with any actual evidence of your guilt or intent, they just need to find somebody who hates you and heard you did it then look into your soul.

I’m actually trusting the shorter on this one. Anything written by a con that discusses both Matthew Shepard and the Duke case is likely to make my head explode. It’s far too close to the weekend for that.

Here’s a newsflash: trials assess criminal intent and “what was in the mind” of the perpetrator all the time.

My immediate reaction to the article was:

Alternate shorter: I don’t think we should distinguish between first degree murder and manslaughter anymore. Otherwise, we’re on the slippery slope to the thought police.

Is it a hate crime to hate those who hate hate crime legislation?

I’m trusting the shorter and based on the pulled quotes, not trusting the shorter would result in me putting my fist through my monitor.

The prosecutors are suddenly psychological experts who can read your mind, right?

Or they can listen to your attorney mount the famous “Gay Rage” defense. There’s also this thing called “evidence” that they use in courts.

And, what if – what if – you didn’t even do it? What if it’s a case of mistaken identity, which can and does (unfortunately) happen? What if it’s a case of revenge?

OK sweetheart, here’s what we’ll do. For any alleged crime where there are not at least a dozen reliable witnesses, we’ll let the accused go with a fullsome apology and a pat on the head. Because what if – what if, they didn’t do it, or the victim (who was dead at the time, but perhaps super secret ghey powers allowed Matt to communicate from beyond the grave I guess) just wants to get back at the poor defendant?

Now, this may result in a little bit of mayhem because criminals are a sneaky lot and often fail to commit their crimes in front of a large crowd. But at least you won’t have to worry that any one will go to jail for beating up a nasty ol’ queer.

Also:

The bill is named for Matthew Shepard, a gay Wyoming teenager who died after being kidnapped and severely beaten in October 1998, and James Byrd Jr., an African-American man dragged to death in Texas the same year.

I don’t expect any of these assholes to defend strapping a guy to a pick up truck and dragging him to death. I do expect them to WISH they could, but ultimately ignore that bit because the good old days of open hate for African-Americans has been ruined by the DFH thought police.

Your honor, my client, Ms. Meister couldn’t have committed a thought crime, as she’s completely unarmed with thought.

She looks just like an old lesbian friend of mine.

Did your lesbian friend look like a hamster?

Or is it a gerbil?

I forget – which one stuffs seeds in its cheeks?

That’s what our little wingnette looks like – she looks like she jammed a bunch of seeds in her cheeks.

Or maybe she has the mumps.

Or is it goiter?

I forget – which one is it that makes you look like a hamster? Or is it a gerbil?

And, what if – what if – you didn’t even do it?

Oh, the humanity! A dude just happens to stick out his fist and, crazy thing, your honor, some pooftah’s face happened to be in the way! And I was just wearing that “God Hates Fags” T-shirt because, you know, laundry day.

Did your lesbian friend look like a hamster?

No, she was actually prettier than this sick, twisted pundit. Of course, an evil soul tends to bring out the ugly in people, even if you are among the genetically fortunate. (e.g. Michelle Malkin)

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?

Remember, after all, murder is just an extroverted suicide.

Of course, these are the same people who peek into the stalls in the toilet and scream sexual harassment because they think one of their coworkers is trans.

I’ll end with a quote from Camille Paglia….

That’s going on someone’s tombstone.

Imagine: you are accused of assaulting a man. It happens during a bar brawl or a botched robbery attempt. The man is gay, and he says he was targeted for that very reason. You know it’s untrue – he just happened to be in the right place at the right time for your scheme – but how do you prove otherwise? Suddenly a crime that might have gotten you (hypothetically) two to five in the hoosegow becomes one that gets you (hypothetically) ten to fifteen, thanks to its heightened status.

I don’t know about you guys, but I think maybe, just maybe, this is a good argument for not assaulting someone, whether in a bar brawl or a botched robbery attempt. Maybe you could try to follow the law, and not harm anyone! Am I crazy? Or am I so sane I just blew your mind?

I’m torn between reading her column to see if it’s as stupid and offensive as I suspect it is, or avoiding it and the hours of nausea that’d likely follow.
I believe I will go with the latter. Would that be a wise decision, SadlyNaughts?

And, what if – what if – you didn’t even do it? What if it’s a case of mistaken identity, which can and does (unfortunately) happen?

This has already been worked over several times, but earlier in the article:

I’m all for prosecuting criminals for their acts, especially violent criminals. I’m pro-death penalty, if truth be told. I figure that if you deliberately take someone else’s life, you should pay by forfeiting yours. Not very PC of me, but there you have it.

Woo hoo!