It is simply unpossible to parody these clowns! UNPOSSIBLE I SAY! PENIS! ALSO!

On proper parenting:

A bit of talcum
Is always walcum.

On the decline of morality in pop culture:

In the Vanities
No one wears Panities

On the virtue of capitalism:

Certainly there are lots of things in life money won’t buy, but it’s very funny
Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

On not engaging in risky behavior:

If called by a panther
Don’t anther

And, finally, on the decline of Western morality:

Purity
Is Obscurity

But since I’m a conservative and don’t know the meaning of the word “hypocrisy,” I’ll suggest a few non-family-friendly, gory, violent, and vulgar flicks that I’ve enjoyed watching while demonizing liberals as vulgar and anti-family…

1. George A. Romero’s Living Dead series: Almost all of these movies are socially conscious, and almost all have a strong socialist message. In the old living dead movies, the zombies aren’t much of a threat. If people would just pull together, they could survive and turn back the threat of the zombies. Racial issues are a common thread in all, and Dennis Hoppers character in Land of the Dead is specifically modelled on Donald Rumsfeld. ( http://www.subtletea.com/landofthedeadreview.htm )

2. 28 Days Later: When the movie starts out, it might seem that the animal rights activists who release the chimps is some anti-liberal commentary. However, as my brother points out, “Why was the lab turning the chimps into monster’s ‘infected with rage’ in the first place?” There are other liberal themes throughout, for example see how the military behave.

3. Aliens Series: The Weyland-Yuanti corporation wants alien DNA to create bio-weapons. If a few people, or a whole colony have to be sacrificed for corporate profits, well that’s the cost of doing business. It’s an Ayn Rand utopia, corporations are the government.

4. The Shining: In the movie the Shining, Kubrick is making a subtle point about the Native American genocide. Hey, not everyone will hit you with an anvil when making a point. ( http://www.drummerman.net/shining/essays.html )

In honor of the Japanese “cursed number” I’ll leave it at 4. Lot’s of horror movies have a political perspective either purposefully or reflecting the predjudices of those who created it. Much as I love Lovecraft, he was a reactionary racist and those themes creep into his stories from time to time. Stephen King is pretty far to the left, and occaisionally hits me with a left wing anvil so unsubtly in his stories that I go “Ok, Stephen, I get it!”

(following thundra’s footsteps)

I thought Jodie Foster is a lesbo. How can that be conservative?

Not that I’d want to eat it with John Hawkins; he’s one of those fellows that you have to break down and tell, “John, I don’t care what score it got on Rotten Tomatoes, I’m busy that night. I’m always busy.”

(Of course, the only survivor cutting off her tormentor’s dick might have something to do with conservatives running the other way….)

@Jennifer:

Halloween as Mrs. Cleaver is fun if you couple 1950s attitudes with the clothes. How things really were back then is scary to people who have a Republican view of the era.

I think the main problem for conservatives is that in films like Dracula (where an aristocrat gorges on the blood of his victims) and American Psycho (where a yuppie chops up women and homeless people), they have a very hard time figuring out who the bad guy is.

That ship done sailed. I’m about halfway through a bacon-themed zombie story. No bullshit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie_Honeymoon

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Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,

October 23, 2009 at 6:12

Oh, and is this pizza conservative or not?

An iPhone app? Hmm…what is the “litmus test” on that? Every Apple product you see on TV still has to have a sticker over the logo because Apple contributed 100 grand to “No on 8″ over a year ago. (of course, so did Google, but they’re OK, apparently.) On the other hand, Karl Rove was an early adopter of the iPhone and Rush Limbaugh is a fanatical Apple fan. I’m quite confused as to the over/under on this, and of course that means I can’t do anything till someone tells me whether it’s conservative enough.