Oct
9
9
Welcome to Heartbreak
Slightly Shorter Jonah “The Whale” Goldberg, America’s Shittiest Website™
Now There’s An Idea
- As long as the Nobel Committee is giving the Peace Prize to Obama simply because he’s a Negro, why the hell don’t they just give it to Kanye West?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
cletar said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:49
Oh, Jonah. They didn’t give it to him because he’s a Negro. They gave it to him because he’s a *socialist*.
cletar said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:50
like Al Gore. Also.
g said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:51
Hee hee hee. This is hilarious!
dex said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:52
indeed, jonah. that it is what you might call “an idea.”
g said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:52
Has anyone checked Sarah Palin’s Facebook page?
Paul T. Lazaro said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:52
And I thought it would a sleepy, early fall weekend. This is gonna be gud.
g said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:54
RNC sez: It is unfortunate that the president’s star power has outshined tireless advocates who have made real achievements working towards peace and human rights.
So now we’re no longer “OMG! What a failure and doofus, he can’t even convince the IOC to pick Chicago!” and we’re back to “He’s a celebrity!”
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:54
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
SomeNYGuy said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:55
Jonah will test his hypothesis by publishing under the name of a non-white “front” to see if his rodomontades are more warmly received that way. But first he has to buy a Negro.
ignatov said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:56
There’s a meme going around that he should decline the honor.
Protein Wisdom: “I will praise him and reconsider his character if and when he turns it down in favor of more worthy candidates.”
John Bolton: “He should decline it and then ask to be considered again in three or four years when he has a record.”
CBS’s Mark Knoller: “Should he suggest the award is premature and there might be others more deserving?”
Also breaking: Tatum O’Neal should have given her Oscar to Madeline Kahn.
Ezzthetic said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:56
Because they should give it to Beyonce. She had the best film clip ever.
That was Kanye’s whole point, remember?
Johnny Pez said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:57
I think some guy in Norway just wanted to see how many wingnut heads he could make explode.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:57
The inference I’m going to draw from Fudgie’s “shorter” (and I’m not talking about his penis) is that the Nobelists felt it was time for a black man to fill a quota.
Um, so this means Kofi Anan and Nelson Mandela are officially white folks?
ek said,
October 9, 2009 at 15:58
Obama should drop an ‘How’s my ass taste?’ on Jonah right about now.
Ezzthetic said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:02
I thought the same thing.
Maybe he saw the movie Scanners, and thought it would be fun to try the same thing out on a mass scale.
CapMidnight said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:03
Obama should at least wait until Norm Coleman properly arranges a court review.
How many Nobel voters were registered by ACORN, anyway?
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:04
Has anyone checked Sarah Palin’s Facebook page?
She ain’t
left her boyfriend’s house yet to slip back into her own bedawake yet.Michael G. said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:05
cletar wins the thread in the very first post.
Johnny Pez said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:05
DoughBob was fast, but not fast enough. Erick the Dim got there first: “I did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota for it, but that is the only thing I can think of for this news.”
Sarcastro said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:05
I think I just had a schadengasm.
Johnny Pez said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:06
BTW, this is excellent news for John McCain.
Michael G. said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:06
Speaking of ACORN, you should look at Tom Tomorrow’s latest, if you haven’t already:
http://www.salon.com/comics/tomo/2009/10/06/tomo/index.html
GregB said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:08
This is another overt slap in the face to America! First the world snubs President Obama by awarding the Olympics to Brazil now they rub our noses in disgrace by awarding President Obama the Nobel Prize.
When will the humiliation end.
-G
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:09
Yo Barack, Imma let you finish… but Beyoncé has the best foreign policy of all time. ALL TIME, you cracka-headed whitey.
Ted the Slacker said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:10
Hackshually, isn’t Doughbob saying he wants Kanye up on stage to say Obama didn’t deserve the Nobel? I mean, I’m all for calling out the 3/5ers, but wouldn’t put this in the same category.
I’m calling g FTW – the “he’s a celebrity” pooh-poohing must now pick up from the “he’s a narcissist” meme that kicked off last week.
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:11
“Nobel”
Look at it. With the right kerning its letters can be rearranged to spell “ACORN!”
Just look at it!!!11!!!.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:12
I think I just had a schadengasm.
This gets my vote FTW
DrDick said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:16
*URGENT WARNING*
The National Weather Service has issued a nationwide warning to be on the look out for wildfire threats owing to spontaneous human combustion as wingnuts learn Obama has been awarded the communistical fascistic Skandihoovian Peace Prize.
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:17
I think I just had a schadengasm.
That might be worth one internet!
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:18
The National Weather Service has issued a nationwide warning to be on the look out for wildfire threats owing to spontaneous human combustion as wingnuts learn Obama has been awarded the communistical fascistic Skandihoovian Peace Prize.
Zombie Barbeque.
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:18
Also, cars may veer wildly off the road as wingnuts listening to talk radio have massive coronaries.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:19
The official hip hop word from teh RNC.
Pryme said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:21
Warmongers wonder why warmongers don’t get a Nobel Peace Prize. Go figure.
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:21
Oh. Doesn’t Jonah need a sammich? Blackened crow, perhaps? With Dijon mustard.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:22
Also, cars may veer wildly off the road as wingnuts listening to talk radio have massive coronaries.
Even karaoke singers are not safe.
Also.
CapMidnight said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:23
I knew something like this would happen the minute Paula Abdul left the judging panel.
Seriously, the Nobel committee was impressed by the minimal “collateral damage” civilian deaths by our Moon bombing.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:27
Shorter Entire Right Wing:
“We’re Klingons, dammit!”
Seriously, you get the feeling these guys were rooting for the aliens in “Independence Day”…
a different mikey said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:32
Juan Williams was doing his very best Bojangles on NPR tying to explain how this is good news for Republicans. Dance sucker!
Andrew said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:33
Echoing Ted the Slacker… this isn’t a racial issue: Doughboy wants perennial award crasher Kanye West to interrupt the acceptance–not because he’s black, but because he’s an ass.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:34
Brilliant advice from teh OG* Kaus:
*Original Goatblower
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:36
Seriously, you get the feeling these guys were rooting for the aliens in “Independence Day”…
If it would put them back in charge, they are.
If they can’t have it, nobody can.
El Cid said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:36
I think Obama should do the right thing and invite Taylor Swift back out to accept.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:38
Frankly, I’m amused that the same people who are criticizing Obama for not accomplishing anything are the same numbnutz who spent eight years cheerleading the dry-drunk Boy Blunder, “born on third base, thinking he’d hit a triple,” who couldn’t find oil in Texas, ran a major league baseball team into the ground, and got into Yale as a legacy.
CapMidnight said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:38
Maybe it’s time for Jonah Goldberg to show up at a Nobel Committee TownHall meeting with a salad shooter loaded with Cheetos strapped to his leg.
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:39
Turn it down!
That’s the emerging talking point.
Also.
I would like to see the vault caopy, the long-form version of the award certificate.
NOW!
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:39
Copy that.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:42
If I were Obama, I’d ask Oily Titz to accompany him.
mmy said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:43
Actually, Jonah and I both think it would be super funny if Kanye did interrupt Obama’s speech, but for different reasons:
Jonah: It would be funny because BHO can’t earn any awards, evah!
Me: It would be funny because it’s the only way Kanye could become more of a douche.
Newbie McNoob said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:52
Maybe it’s time for Jonah Goldberg to show up at a Nobel Committee TownHall meeting with a salad shooter loaded with Cheetos strapped to his leg.
Would nevah happen. Jonah couldn’t touch anything even remotely associated with salad.
mark f said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:52
Not so shorter Jonah Goldberg:
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 16:54
I speculate that Mike Ditka would’ve beaten Barack Obama had the former run for senate. Therefore, the Great Man theory of history has been proven.
And King Kong Bundy could totally take Richard Daley, and so should be mayor of Chicago.
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:01
Why, ah thank you jus’ might have the makins’ of a country song thar.
Looch said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:02
If I were Obama, I’d ask Oily Titz to accompany him.
Ah. So she’d be weta?
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:03
I’m trying read hard to pass up the obvious ‘tossing’ comment…..and failing.
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:04
oops! meant REAL
Maybe it works?
g said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:05
Credit goes to Molly Ivins, I believe.
actor212 said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:07
It does, which is why I put it in quotes
smedley said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:09
No, you’re both wrong. It was Ann Richards who said that of George H.W.Bush. Of Junior, Ivins said he was born on third base and thought he hit a home run.
tigrismus said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:10
There’s a meme going around that he should decline the honor.
And if he were to decline, he’d be “too proud to accept this great honor,” “biggest narcissist EVAR,” et cetera. You know what people do when they’re given an honor, even one they think they don’t deserve? They say THANK YOU.
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:15
Ah. What a FOOL I was. I cannot brain today.
I did remember Richards saying it wasn’t GWB’s fault he was born with a silver foot in his mouth. Ah, back when it wasn’t embarrasing to be a Texan…
*EPIC SIGH*
DragosaniBOB said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:18
Ah. What a fool I was. I cannot brain today.
I do remember when Richard’s said it wasn’t GWB’s fault he was born with a silver foot in his mouth. Back when it wasn’t embarrassing to be from Texas…
*EPIC SIGH*
Citizen_X said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:20
Forget about Kanye, his role’s gonna be played by Inhofe. He’s going to go to Norway to Tell Da Troof!
Spit Take said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:37
As a Chicagoan, I believe that if Ditka had run for the Senate, he would have won both seats.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
October 9, 2009 at 17:41
Wingnuts only care about the Nobel Peace Prize because you get money when you win it.
Doctorb said,
October 9, 2009 at 18:03
Yo Barack I’m really happy for you and I’ma let you finish, but Henry Kissinger led one of the most devastating bombing campaigns of all time. OF ALL TIME.
Ron Mael's Moustache said,
October 9, 2009 at 18:39
Oh how I wish Molly Ivins was with us today to comment on all of this.
Interesting times, indeed.
bc said,
October 9, 2009 at 19:49
…teh stupidz, it burns. I don’t know how they could spin this any more insanely than they already have…just sitting back and watching the show. Molly would be having a grand old time with this.
Knights in Black Satin said,
October 9, 2009 at 20:18
The Nobel Committee should invent a yearly “War Prize”. Then US conservatives would *always* get a prize, and not run home crying ’cause”Its not fairrrrr…we din’ win ANYting!” It could be a plastic (tho gold painted) handgun or something. And Monopoly money.
Dorothy said,
October 9, 2009 at 20:22
If Obama really wants to freak the wingers, he should accept the award on behalf of the American people. Something like “the various reasons the committee lists for giving me this award are the achievements of America as a whole, not one man” or “when they elected me, the people affirmed America’s commitment to peace and human rights, I’m just the representative here” kind of thing.
I would love, LOVE to see Rush and Friends sputtering around to spin something like that. Especially if he donates the prize money and sends the award to the Smithsonian…
Knights in Black Satin said,
October 9, 2009 at 20:24
Maybe Obama will donate the prize money to ACORN!
TruthOfAngels said,
October 9, 2009 at 21:01
I’m just waiting for the talking point that B-Rock “The Islamic Shock” Coming For Your Daughters Blacky X Hussein is also a great big fraidy cat because he got a Peace Prize which is secretly code for being scared of teh brave armchair warriorness.
Still, only a matter of time, I suppose.
rodertrudis said,
October 9, 2009 at 22:59
Surely Pres O will give the prize money to Acorn.
rodertrudis said,
October 9, 2009 at 23:00
Sorry knights in black satin. I didn’t see your brilliance quick enough.
Knights in Black Satin said,
October 10, 2009 at 0:30
I wasn’t the first with the Acorn suggestion, alas! But it is a good idea and deserves repeating.
Tehanu said,
October 10, 2009 at 0:54
The Nobel committee practically came right out and said that this was a giant finger given to the Cheney Administration — a gesture with which I heartily concur.
Doctorb said,
October 10, 2009 at 20:41
The role of Kanye West will be played by Joseph Wilson (the Sons of Confederate Veterans one, not the diplomat married to the sexy, sexy spy).