Here’s Paul A. Ibbetson, ‘lecturer on the Patriot Act’:
… Before I begin to share why I believe this country is going to the apes (self-deserved destruction), which I am sure will make the fur fly among many who would falsely infer my assessment is focused somehow on race, instead of policy, and accuse me of crossing into the forbidden zone, let’s look at the overall message that the Planet of the Apes movies tried to convey.
Yes, let’s, Mr. Ibbetson. Lest our ape fur fly at the silly suggestion that your column comparing Barack Obama’s America to the Planet of the Apes might somehow be about race.
Take but a moment to look around you and it won’t take long to see the deadly preparation for chaos that is unfolding from every corner of this country.
It’s like the anarchist boy scout said, ‘Be prepared … for chaos!’
The United States has elected a president in Barack Obama, who when not busy fomenting racial conflict among the people who voted him into the most powerful position in the world, works with every ounce of his strength to destabilize the traditional pillars of this country.
Damn that talking ape Obama for fomenting racial conflict! And even worse, using his ape-like sinews to destabilize the tradition of comparing black people to apes!
This same president invites the apocalypse worthy of the Ape World by emasculating the United States through ill conceived military weakness in foreign assemblies, such as the United Nations.
Talking — it’s for pussies! And apes!
I can only shake my head in frustration as this show of weakness is swiftly spat upon by villains, such as Iran’s dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, on the floor of the U.N. Assembly. In fact, just as the cult of the doomsday bomb worshippers knelt in reverence to an intercontinental missile (termed the Divine Bomb) in Beneath The Planet of the Apes, today, zealots such as Ahmadinejad reach out in wild-eyed salivation to grasp and wield nuclear cleansing fire against the none-believer.
Wait, the Iranians are the apes now? Also, Planet of the Apes kind of jumped the ape with Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Just sayin’.
It’s almost impossible to focus on impending destruction from afar with the domestic clamor of criminal activities from ACORN …
Goddamn apes! They’re friggin’ everywhere! Iran, ACORN offices, the Laff-A-Lympics …
… politicians committing personal scandals as if it’s a race, and the bird-like sing-song chants of personal allegiance by public school children to Barack Obama as lord and savior.
Now those apes are turning our kids into birds! Birds that will undoubtedly be turned into apes … goddamn mutant ape-birds! They’re everywhere!
As if that were not the limit, TEA Party goers are completely de-humanized by the government when they say to an overbearing socialistic administration, ‘Take your stinking paws off me!’
And let me tell you, it’s quite a trick for pawed ape-birds to dehumanize anybody, so this must be pretty serious.
Who among the non-lobotomized left in this country is not shouting aloud (or within), ‘It’s a mad house!’ I ask you now?
I prefer shouting ‘It’s a mad house!’ without AND within, because then it’s like I’m having a conversation with another person.
We Americans, and the world, are truly watching a return to the planet of the apes (chaos and destruction), but as bleak as this reality is, we are still the architects of our future and with that there is hope, and the possibility of redemption.
Fuck yeah! Let’s go kill some apes! Who’s with me? &cetera