It reads like the opening of a Harlequin Romance:

Those sinewy arms, that broad smile, our mountain climb, his manly hug, the last time I heard his voice on the phone — it all came rushing over me when I heard of Dirk’s untimely death.

“You have much skill in expressing yourself to be effective.”

He never said it wasn’t his car did he?

As for Christian mocking:

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He sacrificed Himself, to Himself, to appease Himself, and is now just beside Himself. And if anyone doesn’t believe this they will be tortured for all eternity.
Oh…and He loves you.

I am shocked–SHOCKED!–to discover mocking going on here! Continually!

For my report, just what part of “the Christian religion” was mocked in this post? Mocking a man who happens to claim to be Christian (a debatable postulate, at best) is not equivalent to mocking the religion itself…unless you ascribe to thamaturgy, which would be heretical in Christianity….

The fact of the matter is that miracles happen every day.

So the miracle in Pastor Swank’s story is…what then? This is the logical equivalent of

Swank: “This cat is black.”

Brad: “How can you say this cat is black? I do not see a single black hair on this pussy…cat.”

Gary: “The fact is many cats are black. I see black cats every day.”

Brad: “Okaaaaaaay…dude, can I have some of that crack when you’re done?”

Swank: “I smoked it all! John 3:16!”

Okay, so maybe I extrapolated the last bit….

Whew! Now we know you get the obvious. Although, to be precise, the religion is not mocked. Sanctimonious prats who claim to worship the messenger but have obviously missed the message are mocked here. Along with a cast of thousands. I have no problem with Christians or Christianity, but like many other things, I wish y’all would keep it to yourselves.

The fact of the matter is that miracles happen every day.

Umm, what? Bit of a non sequitur, don’t you think? Sorry, I know you don’t speak TraitorTalk. That means “shit that makes absolutely no sense given the current direction and content of the conversation”.

That out-Swanked the Swanksta! Bravo!

Dear World Cruel,

Since losing my ability hard-won to communicate in English proper, I have made a decision desparate to jump in front of a truck speeding and end my life futile by truck splash.

Signed,
Character Apocryphal

PS: Tell Swank it’s a miracle. He’ll be happy to hear that.

Maybe he babelfishes all his columns from the original Proto-Wingnuttian into English or something, hence the tortured syntax.

Is Swank saying that he was wondering while smiling broadly? How does he signal other thought processes?

This is the first ever recorded incident of swank’s writing actually claiming a life.
Who said miracles had to be a good thing? look at Job, but in this case swank is satan and god doesn’t give a long waffling monologue at the end.

A. “He must have redeemed himself.”

And they say that sometimes he’s not wet; it Depends.