8
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Jay Nordlinger:
… It could be that conservatives will ‘own the insult’ and use ‘teabagger’ as a badge of honor. It could become some proud conservative N-word. President Reagan said, ‘I’m a contra, too.’ Well, I’m a teabagger too — and the Anderson Cooper types can [go jump in a lake].
No doubt getting lightly mocked for storming town halls is precisely the same as perhaps the most vile epithet in the lexicon, but we’re left to wonder what that bracketed ‘go jump in a lake’ is meant to stand for, considering the context of Nordlinger announcing he’s a teabagger immediately prior. Anderson Cooper’s well-known sexual persuasion may give us a clue, a la:
- ‘Well, I’m a teabagger too — and the Anderson Cooper types can [consult me on technique].’
- ‘Well, I’m a teabagger too — and the Anderson Cooper types can [find me in the third stall from the entrance in the Lexington Passage men's room on the lower level].’
Or perhaps the ‘lake’ reference is meant to be extended:
- ‘Well, I’m a teabagger too — and the Anderson Cooper types can [go jump in a lake or otherwise wash themselves thoroughly 'down there' before partaking in the pleasure of my services].’
Ultimately this is all guesswork, of course — Jay, no slouch in the build up of dramatic tension, allows us to imagine our own happy endings. He then goes on to tease us with another mystery in the very same post:
Okay, let me get a little lighter. That second word I was talking about? It is ‘yorked.’ I used ‘yorked’ on the Corner this morning, meaning ‘ralphed’ — I used ‘ralphed’ in a column a few days ago (I think).
Ahh, if only there was an easy way for Nordlinger to check if his column of a few days ago did indeed reference the term ‘ralphed’! Unfortunately, that manuscript is probably squirreled away on microfiche in some government archive by now, accessible only by faceless bureaucrats versed in the deliberately obtuse cataloging system devised by that proto-Communist Dewey.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, imaginary PC scolds are already giving Jay a hard time for his potential future use of another euphemism for vomiting:
A reader named Ralph wrote me and said, ‘Couldn’t you come up with another word?’ This morning, several people wrote me and said, ‘What would Byron say?’ A number of readers suggested I say ‘baracked.’ But wouldn’t that be hate speech? Racist? Prosecutable?
Indubitably. But Jay soldiers on for the cause regardless:
Come and get me, copper.
Ha! The G-men’ll never take Jay alive! What are pennies made of? You dirty rat! &cetera … is it any wonder that this master of the contemporary lingo eventually cottoned on to the whole ‘teabagging’ thing? Lesson learned, libs — you don’t sneak one by Jay Nordlinger for more than a hundred or so news cycles.
Nev Dull said,
September 8, 2009 at 23:32
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Obama's Secret Police said,
September 8, 2009 at 23:32
Jay who?
noen said,
September 8, 2009 at 23:35
“Yorked”? Does that mean he’s a Yorkshire teabagger?
Exclusive video of Jay Nordlinger preparing himself a nice hot cuppa.
I drink Yorshire tea nowadays.
Lesley said,
September 8, 2009 at 23:55
One for bumper stickers and t-shirts
Fake_Name wrote
Sometimes I think that if Obama told the American people that poking yourself in the eye with a spork is a bad idea, at least 10% of the Republican party (and most of the libertarians) would immediately poke themselves in the eye with sporks and shout “You can’t stop me!”.
Rusty Shackleford said,
September 8, 2009 at 23:56
It’s not like “teabagger” is the only thing we call them. There’s also “cocksucker.”
Lesley said,
September 8, 2009 at 23:59
I like “teageezer.”
Nimrod Gently said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:01
“Yorked”? “Ralphed”? Does he even speak English?
LittlePig said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:10
Hey, just so long as they don’t get called “assholes”, they’re down wid it.
Zifnab said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:10
This sounds like it could be a good meme.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:10
Come and get me, copper.
He meant to write, “Come and get me, Cooper.”
LittlePig said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:11
More of the same, Wonkette style.
LittlePig said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:12
He meant to write, “Come and get me, Cooper.”
That’s how I read it! I didn’t realize it was “copper” until you made the joke.
Oh, Nerdlinger, you coy coquette!
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:16
If you want a picture of the conservative movement, imagine a hairy sack slapping on Jay Nordlinger’s mouth forever.
tigrismus said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:25
If I don’t Nordlinger in the morning, I feel bloated. I’m pretty regular, though, so dropping a little brown Nordlinger in the pool isn’t typically an issue.
noen said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:35
“More of the same, Wonkette style.”
Wonkette has put fluoride in the Sadly, No! water and is sucking our precious bodily fluids dry. I discovered this while in the act of surfing when I felt a strange sensation after visiting there. Sometimes I still read their site but I deny them my essence.
Derek said,
September 9, 2009 at 0:35
While you can’t make this shit up, you certainly do have to dig it up. And for that thankless rooting around, I tip my hat (bag my tea? (!) ) in your direction.
Mike Nilsen said,
September 9, 2009 at 1:00
Mostly zinc? I don’t get it.
MzNicky said,
September 9, 2009 at 1:15
This whole teabagger thing just makes Nordlinger gag. Well, that’s what he said.
Dan Someone said,
September 9, 2009 at 1:23
Unfortunately, that manuscript is probably squirreled away on microfiche in some government archive by now, accessible only by faceless bureaucrats versed in the deliberately obtuse cataloging system devised by that proto-Communist Dewey.
Top. Men.
jim said,
September 9, 2009 at 1:43
Gee, if you’re trying to present your POV as a viable opposition to a sitting government’s new policy, maybe President Reagan saying he too was a rape-&-murder-committing Nazi-loving drug-trafficking terrorist isn’t exactly the best statement to use as an example, yaknowwhatimsayin?
Not with my yarbles, you’re not.
Aaron Baker said,
September 9, 2009 at 1:58
Ah, Jay Nordlinger! He’ll consistently find reverse racism, whether it’s there or not. Somehow, the more traditional kind never makes his feelers twitch.
Looch said,
September 9, 2009 at 2:06
This sounds like it could be a good meme.
That made me york.
Inconstant Reader said,
September 9, 2009 at 2:33
I think it’s adorable that Nordlinger thinks that teabagging is an “exotic sexual practice.” Dude doesn’t get out much.
Jason said,
September 9, 2009 at 2:44
I think there’s a sophisticated insult against homosexuals and liberals in that “Anderson Cooper types” bit. The man spins many rhetorical plates.
Twisted_Colour said,
September 9, 2009 at 11:08
Barack – Fair enough, it’s a Hungarian brandy made with apricots. Quite nice but with enough of it you will certainly ‘jay’ the next morning.
Twisted_Colour said,
September 9, 2009 at 11:09
Come and get me, snapperhead.
jon said,
September 9, 2009 at 12:04
I remember that historic day when Reagan said he was a Contra too and the world saw how evil the Sandinista! were. Before that, everyone thought three albums at a low price was okay and that “Lose This Skin” was the best song ever*. Sure, everyone appreciated “Up in Heaven (Not Only Here)” for its scolding of socialist planning, but without Reagan’s brave words there could never have been Pulp’s “Mile End”, which is of course about Going Galt in the city. Reagan also inspired The Scorpions to write “Winds of Change” and the cover art for Virgin Killer, which was clearly a swipe at that environmentalist do-gooder, Richard Branson.
*for clearing out a party: it’s either that or Jerry Lewis recordings.
OneMadClown said,
September 9, 2009 at 13:36
While I come down on neither side on the issue of teabagging, I must admit that I do slap my nordlinger around at least twice a day, lest I get cranky.
On a side note, I always thought the conservative n-word was, you know, the n-word.
Bob Johnson said,
September 9, 2009 at 16:18
I always knew The Nordster was gay, but I thought Byron was only a weenie. Nice of Jay to clear that up.
stogoe said,
September 9, 2009 at 17:14
Are we entirely sure that Anderson Cooper and Andrew Sullivan aren’t the same person? Maybe the fact that they’re both worthless, contemptible hacks conflated them in my mind. But why then aren’t all the Beltway pundits conflated in my mind, then, like some Alpha-like multiple persona monstrosity whose sole focus is raping the decayed corpse of responsible journalism?
gocart mozart said,
September 9, 2009 at 18:40
Teabagger is an offensive term. In the interest of politeness we should refer to them as scrotum licking Americans.
Brush Up Your Goddamn Batman said,
September 9, 2009 at 19:39
What’s in a name? A putz by any other name can still Tweet.
FlipYrWhig said,
September 9, 2009 at 20:24
Teabagger is an offensive term. In the interest of politeness we should refer to them as scrotum licking Americans.
Or re-pube-lickin’s.
kiki said,
September 10, 2009 at 17:39
Yay! I wanna be a murderer and rapist of nuns too, just like Saint Ronnie!