He Skipped A Light Fandango

We now rejoin Donald Douglas and the Risky Business socks-and-underpants dance that comprises his work as a public intellectual.

Donald Douglas, American Power:
Mary Jo Kopechne: For Democrats, A Footnote Better Left to Obscurity

But why Douglas, of all the people now wheel-broken against the pursuit of happiness, of all the people now dependent, instead, on the license for unrestrained spite and self-valiant storytelling granted the conservative against the liberal? Why he, of all those flattered as guardians of liberty by private tyrannies, and of those ensorcelled against government in order to remove its protections?

Because if the category, ‘wingnut,’ is made up of tops and bottoms, of pitchers and catchers — of those whose passion is to deliver the conservative message unto others, and those for whom it is to gladly receive and absorb that message — then Douglas would be the proverbial guy who had a couple of his ribs surgically removed in order better to enjoy his own company.

I’ve seen at least three articles now arguing that Mary Jo Kopechne’s death pales in comparison to the historical legacy of Edward Kennedy.

And here we go right away, because we’ve seen at least three articles arguing that Edward Kennedy’s historical legacy darkens in comparison to Mary Jo Kopechne’s death. Darkens. This ought to mean the same thing, yet it means the opposite. The opposite! We’re not leaving, Douglas, until you explain how light becomes dark under your strewn and blasted watchtower.

Our ‘at least three’ means close to a hundred, too, although it’s true that we go looking for things instead of letting the research slap footnotes on us, as it were. Plus, okay, Kopechne’s death was pale before, being death, but upon contact with Kennedy’s legacy became even more pale than it had been? At first just ghostly, it paled more, becoming paler? Honestly, we’re still only one sentence in, and already everything has gone all walleyed and fishy — like probably a walleye, if that’s a flatfish of some kind with both its eyes on the right side.

Douglas, we’re not leaving until you explain the pale whose shade whitens, this initially whitish shade of paleness, and the whiter shade of it. It is well beyond the pale.

It’s an awful, even…

Uh, fine, Douglas. Mind if we borrow this magazine on ticks but mostly mites, this Dyno-Mite magazine? We don’t really follow the mite coverage, but there’s some stuff in this one Ixodoidea column in front, not Dr. Dick Richards’s ‘Ricky’s Tickies,’ but the letters column, ‘Tick Talk.’ Thanks.

Okay, seriously: whiter? Hmm? Like Sarah Palin — white already, but palin’? Tundra bunny, heh-heh? No really, what’s the code? We’re going to grab this pencil to work on the crossword puzzle, okay? This door locks, right?

Welp, let us know; “we’ll be on the pail.”

It’s an awful, even demonic, kind of historical revisionism that relegates to a historical footnote the life and promise of that beautiful woman.

Yeah, it’s…wow, that scraping sound before was me hitting bottom. Yes, it’s almost as if the story has become all about the Kennedys, whereas historians once properly understood Kopechne as the figure that most defined the American political experience in the 1960s.

The fact that people see her name in history and think merely of Chappaquiddick, and don’t see entire chapters of history about who she was and what might have been — well, there’s revisionism, sure, but then there’s the kind of revisionism that’s associated with evil spirits!

Also, beautiful woman? Oh, never mind.

When we combine these articles with the fact that Ted Kennedy himself was constantly on the lookout for the latest in Chappaquiddick humor, we’re left with nothing other than the dreadful weight of Democratic monstrosity.

Oh, he did what? Oh, you don’t say! Oh, gossip. The right loves to gossip and gossip, telling each other the shocking thing that so-and-so said, and what an outrage she said that what he said was.

Oh, oh, they love it and so does Ed Klein, the Newsweek and New York Times chap who Flopping Aces said, that he said, that Ted Kennedy once said that. He is more accurately identified as the author of a dreg-spooning, notably fact-indifferent anti-Clinton book, published not in 1996, and not in 1999 or even 2000, but long after the caboose of that particular oft-wrecked train had rumbled and dinged down and down the track and over the wide horizon — in the year, Freakin’ 2005. Also, for many years he has been known as ‘Walter Scott,’ the celebrity gossip writer in Parade magazine.

Is what he said true, Magic H8 Ball? Is it true? “WHY ASK?” Our mystic oracle of the right replies, “WHY ASK?”

And the horrible truth of Mary Jo Kopechne’s death is that Ted Kennedy’s legacy wasn’t worth it. Another member of Congress could have easily sponsored wheelchair ramps for the disabled or authorized home heating subsidies for the poor.

Because Kennedy traded her life in order to run for office, and he…wait. What does ‘worth it’ mean in this…? Oh forget it. This part at least seems like it makes sense.

Something I’ve always found annoying about achievements, as opposed to tragic accidents or crimes born of moral failing, is that no one else could have driven that particular car off that bridge at that moment, but Einstein still thinks he’s so great. If it weren’t for Einstein, it would just have allowed someone else the chance to be Einstein, and vice versa. We’re supposed to what, give him a Nobel Prize just for being him? Where’s the other guy’s Nobel Prize? Hitler, that’s who!

So bravo with the wheelchair ramps, as if no one else would do that. As if people in wheelchairs aren’t the exact people to benefit from you and your wheelchair ramps, so why aren’t they ever the ones building other people ramps? Maybe I’d like some ramps! How come I’m never the guy in the wheelchair?

Ooh, and like there’s ever a shortage of entrenched public service, or people doing things. It’s so hard to be big shots with home heating subsidies when it isn’t even their money or the people they give it to’s money, but my tax money they’re taxing from me? Where’s my home heating subsidy? Oh right, I gave a subsidy to me myself. Oh right, then you took the heat from my home at gunpoint and gave it at gunpoint to some cold people. When do I get some heat from cold people? What if it was everyone else who had no heat, and the cold people had all the heat? Oh right, you’d just take mine, and then take my guns at gunpoint.

Another Democratic would have sponsored expanded healthcare for indigent children. President Bush didn’t need Ted Kennedy to pass No Child Left Behind. There’s nothing that Kennedy attached his name to that wouldn’t have come about by another Democrat pushing more of the same statist left-wing agenda.

What you never seem to consider, and what I’m going to inform you now of is — I said what it is I’m going to inform you now of is — is every time there’s some cold people, it’s just somebody else with the wheelchair. And if it wasn’t this one guy, why wouldn’t it be this other cold guy? He’s supposed to get heat just for being him? This wheelchair guy is the only guy who could’ve been in a wheelchair, so I get nothing and he gets my ramps? Why am I never the guy in the wheelchair? Waah! waah! give Baby Einstein his Nobel Heat Subsidy.

But I’ll tell you what you never seem to consider: I don’t see too many people volunteering to drive a bridge off a car, or into the water. I didn’t see Mary Jo Kopechne volunteer to get into a car with a monster who volunteered to drink and drive off a bridge. Oh right, it was all for his quote-unquote ‘legacy.’ I don’t see anyone giving me a legacy for Ted Kennedy driving off and leaving Kopechne to drown off that bridge. Oh right, I guess someone has to pay the taxes, ah?

The hagiography of Senator Kennedy’s life only shows us once again the Democratic liberalism as an ideology is not about caring or compassion, it’s not about help the disadvantaged or the downtrodden.

“The Democratic liberalism as an ideology?” This is a good time to consider anew that Mr. Douglas is a Ph.D. candidate in Political Science. Or, we should say, The Douglas is a Ph.D. candidate as a doctor is not about learning or study.

His teach is about help the advantaged and trodden!

Leftist are all about power and monuments to the state. Elevating the false successes of Ted Kennedy is no different from elevating statues to dictators in authoritarian regimes: It’s the diefication of idolatry at the expense of the univerisal dignity of the individual.

Look, we’re still on ‘the pail’ in here, but if there’s going to be any defecation of idolatry, you might want to run the fan a bit before letting ‘er rip.

As Rick Moran has argued,

He argued to add an outrigger to your cat and call it a catamoran? No, no, okay; there is half of a logical statement there. “As Rick Moran has argued, so has Miracle Whip mayonned.”

“As Rick Moran has argued, so has apeshit gone Rick.”

“As Rick Moran has argued, talk-talking, the girl from Ipanema goes walking…”

To left wing fanatics … human life does not belong to the individual, but to the higher cause of the collective good.

“As Rick Moran has argued in his head,
The lib’rals will throw bread crumbs in your bed,
A man, a plan, a NAMBLA van,
A mad mañana day for Get-A-Brain Moran,
.Com duncing,
His Red Wang Nut Hose gets a Mick Roll, q.e.d.,
Indeed, of Rick’s droll limp hand, sing:
O-Wah Ta-Na Sa-Gu Sieu-Be.”

 

Comments: 294

 
 
 

the letters column, ‘Tick Talk.’
SPOON!

Also, frist.

 
 

does not belong to the individual, but to the higher cause of the collective good.

Surely you should be leading us in a rousing chorus of the Internationale.

 
 

It’s an awful, even demonic, kind of historical revisionism that relegates to a historical footnote the life and promise of that beautiful woman.

Oh yeah?!? Well, how do we know that MJK wasn’t going to be the next HITLER?!?!? That means that Ted Kennedy saved countless millions of lives, here and there, hither and yon, by defeating Hitler2 (as she is commonly referred to by others, some say) early in the game.

(I hate myself for this comment.)

 
 

Hey, Rick Moran and I are still deeply in love, even if we’re still both not gay and I hadn’t thought about him in months, watch it.

And wasn’t Koepechne a liberal who would have spent her life working for the kind of causes Kennedy championed? Or would she have wised up after not actually dying in an event that didn’t happen and dedicated her life to ruining the man who killed her in an alternate reality but who she mistakenly thought of as a great man?

Has a movement conservative ever crafted an honest argument?

 
 

Surely you should be leading us in a rousing chorus of the Internationale.

Does that outrigger chafe?

 
 

Oh yeah?!? Well, how do we know that MJK wasn’t going to be the next HITLER?!?!? That means that Ted Kennedy saved countless millions of lives, here and there, hither and yon, by defeating Hitler2 (as she is commonly referred to by others, some say) early in the game.

(I hate myself for this comment.)

I, for one, am still waiting to see the death certificate. And not that computer-printout mumbo-jumbo, but the certified vault copy.

 
 

Would the right bring up Mary Jo Kopechne so much if they realized that as a Bobby Kennedy campaign worker she was probably anti-Viet Nam war, pro-civil rights, pro-gun control and pro-national healthcare?

 
 

if they realized

So your question is entirely hypothetical?

 
 

Pffft. Any Congressman or Senator could have done what Teddy Kennedy did, that is, if they had just done it, but they didn’t, but they totally could have.

 
 

The hagiography of Senator Kennedy’s life only shows us once again the Democratic liberalism as an ideology is not about caring or compassion, it’s not about help the disadvantaged or the downtrodden.

Sorry to be engaging the idiocy as if it’s something nobler, but my response to this is, “How?”

Assuming the worst about Kennedy’s role in Chappaquiddick, the “hagiography” Douglas clutches his pearls over only shows only says that people whitewash the pasts of those persons of high stature they upon whom they look up, which as far as I am aware is a fairly common, human thing. Liberalism as an ideology has little to do with this phenomenon.

Or is our good friend right after all, and I must have missed the stern laments coming from National Review and the Op-Ed of the Wall Street Journal over St. Ronnie Reagan’s, shall we say delicately, peculiar transgressions?

Help me out, Donnie. I must have missed all that. Or, maybe I didn’t and you should stick with building airplanes.

 
 

It’s the diefication of idolatry…

Ok, I think I know what he’s trying to say here, and…no. No, sorry, I lost it.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

A whiter shade of FAIL!

SC, Tick r00lz!

 
 

Any Congressman or Senator could have done what Teddy Kennedy did, that is, if they had just done it, but they didn’t, but they totally could have.
If he hadn’t killed an intern by driving his car off the side of a bridge, she probably would have died in some other Congressman or Senator’s crash, so what is Douglas so agitated about?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

When Mary Jo Kopechne died at Chappaquiddick, the left put one more brick in the wall of totalitarianism.

The Wheelchair Ramps of Liberalism are built with the bricks of Totalitarianism!

 
 

Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw-men be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tally of bricks of Totalitarianism.

 
 

So, does the wall of totalitarianism prevent totalitarianism, or promote it? And if it’s the latter, how? By looking ominous, perhaps?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw-men be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tally of bricks of Totalitarianism.

And the Big Bad Bald Liberal Wolf huffingtoned and he puffed, and he blew down the house made of straw men.

Then, he came to third little wingnut’s house, but the wise little wingnut had built it out of the Bricks of Totalitarianism…

 
 

Douglas would be the proverbial guy who had a couple of his ribs surgically removed in order better to enjoy his own company.
N__B has just the t-shirt for him.

 
 

Would the right bring up Mary Jo Kopechne so much if they realized that as a Bobby Kennedy campaign worker she was probably anti-Viet Nam war, pro-civil rights, pro-gun control and pro-national healthcare?

Absolutely. A dead blonde in the submerged car of a Democratic senator trumps all nagging details. It still surprises me that Reagan didn’t award a posthumous Presidential Medal of Freedom to Kopechne.

 
 

Man, you guys have been on a roll this week. I can barely keep up.

Why do we never hear much about Laura Bush running a stop sign and killing a classmate, I wonder?

 
 

No doubt at all when Laura Bush dies we’ll hear all about the legacy of Michael Douglas (the one she killed, not the actor), and the life he would have lived if he’d lived. It’s not like someone else wouldn’t have married George Bush.

 
 

Oh Snarla, I was thinking the SAME thing! We now have permission to snark about Laura when she bites the dust, eh? The rightwingers would NEVER whitewash that horrible, totalitarian act of hers now, would they? hahahahahhaha

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

No doubt at all when Laura Bush dies we’ll hear all about the legacy of Michael Douglas (the one she killed, not the actor), and the life he would have lived if he’d lived.

But, but Laura Bush, unlike Papist Ted Kennedy, was “born again”, which means that her slate was wiped clean. The girl who ran over her classmate was a different girl, for all intents and purposes. Honestly!

 
 

but the letters column, ‘Tick Talk.’

Whoever wound your main spring, Gavin, was divinely inspired.

 
 

Douglas, we’re not leaving until you explain the pale whose shade whitens, this initially whitish shade of paleness, and the whiter shade of it. It is well beyond the pale.

I may be mistaken (it could happen!), but I think the “pale” that something’s beyond is a different “pale” than the color.

This Moment of Pedantry is brought to you by the Eagle Hand Laundry. Friends, does your eagle have dirty mitts…?

 
 

The fact is, Mary Joe Kopechny’s death invalidates everything Ted Kennedy did. You cannot refurte this.

As for this accident Laura Bush was in you liberals keep making up? Same thing as your claims of Bush AWOL, exposed as biased liberal media lies.

As is Obama born in USA, lies. He will not take our guns and freedoms away, never.

 
 

Supposedly the happiest part of Ted’s funeral–didn’t see this personally, was listening on the radio–was the face W made when the incense censer wafted by him. Don’t inhale, Shrub! One lungful and you’ll become a Whore of Babylon worshipping Catholic!
Anyway–loved this summing up, loved “wheel-broken” and “flatfish” as well as the shout-out to Sir Walter Scott’s Ye Old Ceberite Gossip in Parade. “Methinks the Duchess of Worcester hath gained a few pounds.”

 
 

I cannot refurte, I can only refart.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Let’s declassify that damage assessment of what informants and networks were compromised when Valerie Plame was outed by Scooter Libby and Bob Novak. If none of Plame’s contacts were killed, that’s not because Libby respected the sanctity of life or something.

Oh and Texas Governor Perry just had an innocent man executed. I look forward to the right wing dirge songs to his lost potential and the tragedy of whitewashing Perry’s rash decision to execute a person with plenty of evidence of innocence.

 
 

Apparently now every death caused by any politician in the past 40 years is now fair game. I guess NOW we can look at Ronnie’s support of Central American death squads as well as Bush II’s war in Iraq?

Seriously, what happened to Koepechne was awful. Kennedy was responsible for her accidental death. He also drank to much and screwed around. We don’t forget those things, but we do remember that he also did his best to help millions of people and that, unlike most every republican I can remember, Kennedy left his country better than he found it. THAT’S what we remember and honor. The fact that at his death we chose to honor the best part of his legacy doesn’t mean we are forgetting the bad parts….

 
 

Evidently there have been at least five people executed in Texas on shaky evidence:

Carlos DeLuna Texas Conviction: 1983, Executed: 1989
Ruben Cantu Texas Convicted: 1985, Executed: 1993
David Spence Texas Conviction: 1984, Executed: 1997
Gary Graham Texas Convicted: 1981, Executed: 2000
Cameron Willingham Texas Convicted: 1992, Executed: 2004

Wheee! And of course, three of the five are minorities. Yadda yadda, not nice people, blurp blurp criminal history ack gag blurp shlooop.

 
 

I hadn’t noticed before this last part of Douglas’ profile:

in battle you’ll find an umatched competitor whose tactical elan would make Machiavelli proud.

He must’ve read closely the chapter in The Prince “On How an Idiot Should Be an Idiot So That His Enemies Will Think He Is But Pretending to Be an Idiot.”

The Douglas is a Ph.D. candidate as a doctor is not about learning or study.

The Douglas is a candidate not as the title is now bestowed and received.

 
 

It’s all about the bell for them. Hunger, the food, Dr. Pavlov are all subsumed in the unassailable ineluctable irrefutable bell. $400 haircut. Invented the internet. ACORN. Ding! Drool! Ding! Drool! Ding! Drool! Even though the food is never forthcoming.

 
 

The fact is, we are only free if we are armed. Liberals do not want to be armed and they are not free.

 
Hysterical Woman
 

So Michael Dutton Douglas is alive and kicking, right? After all, we haven’t seen the vault copy of his death certificate.

 
Hysterical Woman
 

And the liberals made Laura Bush admit she killed him too!

http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/e1698.htm

 
 

“He will not take our guns and freedoms away, never.”

Hey, Gary said something true for once! Does this mean the world is going to end, or something?

 
 

I’m always amazed that W never drove his car off a bridge and killed someone during one of his drunken romps (that we know of), oh but I wonder if the right-wing freaks will invoke the names on this list when the time comes to usher the man to Hell.

 
 

Oh and BTW, Gavin, you’re one brilliant motherfucker, if nobody told you that yet today.

 
 

The difference between Ted Kennedy and George W. Bush is that Kennedy was responsible for the accidental death of one innocent woman, while Bush was responsible for the entirely intentional deaths of over 1 million people, most of them also innocents. And also, Kennedy showed remorse for the death of Kopechne, while George W. Bush’s response to asking how he felt when launching the “exercise” that would kill over 1 million was a fist pump and “feels good.” Oh, and also, Kennedy did his best to atone with a lifetime of public service dedicated to helping those most in need, while Bush continued to insist that killing over a million people, most of them innocents, for no particular reason was the “right thing to do” and doing his utmost to completely screw those most in need before retiring to live out his days in a golf community in suburbia.

I think I see the problem here…Kennedy was a pussy for having remorse and trying to atone for his actions. If he had just manned up and carried on without remorse like Bush did, he’d be a manly man worthy of a show of respect upon his passing.

 
 

I’m always amazed that W never drove his car off a bridge and killed someone during one of his drunken romps

Well, after Katrina, when it comes to drowning people through drunkeness, cowardice, incompetence, or complete and total apathy, W has Ted Kennedy beat by a score of about 2,000 waterlogged corpses to 1.

 
 

When Mary Jo Kopechne died at Chappaquiddick, the left put one more brick in the wall of totalitarianism.

If we grew up and went to press
There were some pundits who would
Hurt the people in any way they could
By pouring their derision
Upon anything that polled
And exposing every weakness
However carefully hidden by the proles
But in the town, it was well known
When they got home at night, their fat and
Psychopathic wives would thrash them
Within inches of their lives.

 
 

The Wheelchair Ramps of Liberalism are built with the bricks of Totalitarianism!

This should be on a tee shirt, though it would only fit on a XXXL. Don’t forget that when Cheney shot that old dude in the face, that old dude had a heart attack on the operating table and was resuscitated by the doctors. That old dude didn’t die, no thanks to Cheney! And Cheney was drunk, drunk and shooting. Any other psycho rich f*ck could have down the same thing. And Cheney never even had to stand in a courtroom, at least Kennedy went before a judge. That old dude didn’t die, no thanks to Cheney!

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

And wasn’t Koepechne a liberal who would have spent her life working for the kind of causes Kennedy championed? Or would she have wised up…

Indeed, after 9/11 she would have been outraged by Chappaquiddick.

 
 

Joe Scarborough, where are you?

 
Batchy McMethmaker
 

Mary Jo NEVER DIED!!! She was whisked away to a secret detention camp in… You guessed it, KENYA. Where she served as a SURROGATE NEGRO-DADDY MOTHER for the pResident!!!!

Think about it, libs. Obama born in 1970, only one year after she died… Wait…

 
 

I dreamed I saw Mary Jo last night,
alive as you and me.
Says I “MJ, you’re forty years dead”
“I never died” said she,
“I never died” said she.

 
 

And the horrible truth of Mary Jo Kopechne’s the deaths of 9/11 and Katrina victims, not to mention those killed during his excellent Iraqi adventure is that Ted Kennedy’s George Bush’s legacy wasn’t worth it.

Fxd.

 
 

If George W. Bush had driven off of a bridge in a drunken escapade and drowned a young woman, his family (‘Uh, hi, Dad, I know you got some a them contacts in the CIA and stuff….’) and allies would have made sure that no one ever heard about it and she would simply have gone missing or the local authorities would have said she died in a freak accident falling backwards into a desk in a Congressman’s office.

 
 

Let’s say, for example, that Dick Cheney had literally blown his old lawyer friend’s head off while drunk instead of just peppering his face with birdshot.

What exactly do you think the story would have been?

You think Dick Cheney would have admitted the fault, or that anyone would have made the case officially?

 
 

What exactly do you think the story would have been?

An extremely determined suicide.

 
 

Hagiography? Isn’t that one of them elitist words?

I’ll bet he eats baked Cheetos.

 
 

we’re left with nothing other than the dreadful weight of Democratic monstrosity.

…a weight so dreadful that the Democratic Party’s gravitational field has turned in on itself, creating a black hole of liberal monstrousness that threatens to pull us all into a void of totalitarian idolatry from which we will never escape.

 
 

Let’s say, for example, that Dick Cheney had literally blown his old lawyer friend’s head off while drunk instead of just peppering his face with birdshot.
What exactly do you think the story would have been?

The extreme left-wing liberal ultra-radical extremism of the left-wing extremists forced Dick Cheney to do it. It’s their fault.

Moreover, the fact that Cheney did what he did (regardless of what he did and why he did it) shows that he’s a great man. This in turn means that all those who support Cheney’s actions are also elevated to greatness, even if they habitually drool and pick their noses.

 
 

If Ted Kennedy can posthumously steal Einstein’s Nobel Prize, then we must award the entire wingnut-0-sphere a bizarro-pulitzer for their tireless work shedding new light on this 40-year-old story.

 
 

The fact is, we are only free if we are armed. Liberals do not want to be armed and they are not free.

The government has M-1 tanks, Apache gunships and B-52s. If it ever came down to it, my little pissant 7.62 rifle isn’t going to bother them all that much.

Heck, even your local Sheriff’s Department has the firepower of an infantry platoon these days.

If you think you and your buddies from the gun club are going to stop the 1st Armored Division backed up by a tactical air wing you’ve watched Red Dawn way too many times.

 
 

Something I’ve always found annoying about achievements, as opposed to tragic accidents or crimes born of moral failing, is that no one else could have driven that particular car off that bridge at that moment, but Einstein still thinks he’s so great. If it weren’t for Einstein, it would just have allowed someone else the chance to be Einstein, and vice versa. We’re supposed to what, give him a Nobel Prize just for being him? Where’s the other guy’s Nobel Prize? Hitler, that’s who!

Jesus, Gavin. Every time I think you’ve topped yourself, you raise the game again. Well done, son…

 
 

If you think you and your buddies from the gun club are going to stop the 1st Armored Division backed up by a tactical air wing you’ve watched Red Dawn way too many times.

I plan to get captured early and run a massive insurgency campaign from my prison camp. I’ll have tunnels, and elevators, and tin cups on string.
It’ll be SO AWESOME!

 
 

The fact is, we are only free if we are armed. Liberals do not want to be armed and they are not free.

Not armed. Not free.

 
 

This is a good time to consider anew that Mr. Douglas is a Ph.D. candidate in Political Science.

My, I would love to be a fly on the wall at his dissertation defense!

 
 

So what I’m hearing from the right is that when you make a terrible mistake young in life, one that takes the life of another person, it’s wrong to spend the rest of your life trying to make people’s lives better.

If he’d quit politics and become a lobbyist for the auto industry, it would have been better. He’d have had a great pitch for opposing seat-belt legislation (I’m too lazy-arsed to go confirm whether Kopechne was wearing a seat belt, but that is central to my point – “readers, help me out?”)

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

It’s an awful, even demonic, kind of historical revisionism that relegates to a historical footnote the life and promise of that beautiful woman.

Yep, had she lived, Mary would have defeated Nixon in 68 and led America out of Vietnam. She would have then canceled the War on Drugs and legalized personal possession. She would have also kept funding for NASA and humanity would at this moment in time have a permanent presence on the Moon. She would have decimated the Military Industrial Complex and spent all of America’s money on Day Care and her beloved School Lunch Space Program.

Had she lived her name would be a curse on the tongue of every Republican.

Good thing that didn’t happen eh, Dougy?

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

Aren’t commas the most insidious little fucks ever invented?

 
 

Douglas Adams (linking to Curt @ Flopping Aces):

When we combine these articles with the fact that Ted Kennedy himself was constantly on the lookout for the latest in Chappaquiddick humor

When Kennedy died, I knew that wingnuts, with their infallible tropism for projection, would accuse Democrats of politicizing Kennedy’s funeral. I knew that Republicans would accuse Democrats of being mean to them. And I knew that conservatives would would still be making Chappaquiddick jokes at Kennedy’s funeral.

What I didn’t know was that their penchant for projection would extend so far as to accuse Kennedy himself of making and loving jokes about Kopechne’s death.

That’s just a whole new level of projection and slur that I never even considered.

Conservatives: Every time you think they’ve hit bedrock bottom, they find whole new levels of lower evil to explore and mine.

.

 
 

Too bad Kennedy wasn’t a Republican, then Douglas could’ve shrugged it off as a “youthful indiscretion.”

 
 

Conservatives: Every time you think they’ve hit bedrock bottom, they find whole new levels of lower evil to explore and mine.

Spelunkers in the caverns of hate.

 
 

You write the way piranha feed – if piranha were actually tiny dimpled ballerinas with big shiny fangs.

We’re not leaving, Douglas, until you explain how light becomes dark under your strewn and blasted watchtower.

Smells a lot like poetry in here all on the sudden.

And the horrible truth of Mary Jo Kopechne’s death is that Ted Kennedy’s legacy wasn’t worth it.

A legacy that helped multitudes of people to improve their lives (regardless of their political leanings, one might add) wasn’t “worth it”? Worth what, pray tell? Unless read as expressing some necrophilic barter between a dead girl & a series of social-policy bills, this sentence is gobbledygook. One can only hope the writer of it is merely a gobbledygook-fetishist … otherwise they are a waste of perfectly good oxygen & proteins.

If you think you and your buddies from the gun club are going to stop the 1st Armored Division backed up by a tactical air wing you’ve watched Red Dawn mainlined drywall dissolved in Sterno way too many times.

(eye vixed tit fore ewe)

 
 

Taking a page from the Dougy, I say fuck reality.

Chappaquiddick was a botched assassination attempt and Republicans are the ones who are actually at fault in Mary Jo Kopechne’s death.

Wow, I like that.

If rich Republicans hadn’t been trying to kill off the entire Kennedy clan Mary Jo Kopechne would be alive today.

 
 

Also, if Kennedy hadn’t accepted that Plutonium lapel-pin from Ronald Reagan he would have never gotten brain cancer and would be alive today.

Ronald Reagan is responsible for Ted Kennedy’s death.

 
 

The treatment they’re giving Kennedy (versus, say Michael Jackson) makes me wonder how do you distinguish between racism as true race hatred and racism as the lowest form of douchery? I think we need to consider that maybe they’re just using racism where they do because they can — Kennedy was in the right tax bracket and SPF strength and did quite a few things that conservatives should admire legislatively and just look at this despicable shit.

How much they actually hate black people is probably on average lower than their hatred for Otherness in general, and most worryingly, anything they get told to hate by the voices on the radio. “Black People” includes the star of Local Sports Team, and he seems like a nice guy. Maybe their views on Obama will eventually sort of parallel some liberals’ view of Bush/Cheney: Obama is just an idiot who you wouldn’t mind having a beer with; the evil one is that Jew bastard.

Or maybe conservatives just really, really, really hate Irish people but it’s politically incorrect to just come out and say it. Barry O’Bama is part Irish, as we all know. (Random question: why are the only races it’s still OK to use as sports mascots genetically predisposed towards alcoholism? (You know those Vandals could drink.) And if drunken-and-belligerent is what makes a good sports mascot why aren’t there any Fightin’ Rooskies teams? Maybe in Alaska?)

Has Joe Scarborough kept it classy on the Kennedy thing? I actually don’t give a shit, but that is central to my point.

 
 

Finally, if Dick Cheney hadn’t given that apple to Eve…

 
 

Conservatives: Every time you think they’ve hit bedrock bottom, they find whole new levels of lower evil to explore and mine.
The flaccid bigotry of low expectations.

 
 

in battle you’ll find an umatched[sic] competitor whose tactical elan would make Machiavelli proud.

Elan

‘tactical elan’ ??

Dougy, are you trying to let everyone know you are an enthusiastic Toady for the rich and powerful?

 
 

From a conservative perspective, the late Senator’s accomplishments as a legislator were far from admirable, and outside of some Republican Senate collegues there was little respect for the man among the right. If you have no respect for a man and his accomplishments, then his failings loom large, if you do, then they are minimized. To expect that conservative bloggers would see Kennedy (even in death) as anything more than a man who was given undeserved opportunity as an accident of birth, and who never seemed to suffer the consequences of his short-comings, is as rational as believing liberal bloggers would behave differently had it been GWB that died.

I realize that the purpose of Sadly, No! is to illuminate the stupidity and venality of the right-wing blogosphere, but it would have been far more shocking had the right chosen to ignore the tragedy of Chappaquiddick at this time.

And though I am loathe to give wingnuts the benefit of the doubt – the story of TMK’s fondness for Chappaquiddick jokes is put forth in an interview with Ed Klein – who wrote a well-received biography of Kennedy (and a less well-received book on Hillary Clinton), and he awkwardly presents it as evidence of Kennedy’s ability to laugh at his own expense! So I wouldn’t chalk this one up to projecting their own failings on someone else (not that the right’s lack of self-awareness desn’t result in plenty of that behavior)

 
 

I’m always amazed that W never drove his car off a bridge and killed someone during one of his drunken romps (that we know of)

Seriously, ain’t he the luckiest fucker who ever lived?

 
 

“tactical elan” is neocon code for “trailer trash cannon fodder.

 
 

Off topic, I predict Studebaker will run for daylight within 24 hours from…now.

 
 

I will say that I find any sort of hagiography pretty revolting, no matter whom it’s directed at. I pretty much avoided the TV the last couple of days, except for a few moments of Fox News so that I could watch Chris Wallace sucking on a lemon.

Really, all you need know about our corporate media is on display at moments like this, when their abject worship of power (of any kind) is at its most nakedly obvious.

 
 

Ahem:

We would prefer you use the term “uptrodden”.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

C. Influence, PhmfD.

 
 

From a conservative perspective, the late Senator’s accomplishments as a legislator were far from admirable,…

From a conservative perspective, Terri Schaivo was a chained ballerina and Nuclear Bombs aren’t used enough…

 
 

From a conservative perspective, Terri Schaivo was a chained ballerina and Nuclear Bombs aren’t used enough…

Not to mention that the only thing to self is fear.

 
Lady Doctor Missus Marita
 

Off topic, I predict Studebaker will run for daylight within 24 hours from…now.

You just bite your tongue there, mister. Our first Tahoe-load of stuff just left for the new digs, we certainly won’t be ready for him to go for a walkabout in 24 hours.

While I’m on the topic, is anyone available to help Gav make a run or two of stuff to the new place tomorrow or Tuesday afternoon? I’m not efficient at lifting, well, anything right now. You’d get to ride in a big shiny red truck…

 
 

in battle you’ll find an umatched[sic] competitor whose tactical elan would make Machiavelli proud.

I suspect that whatever Douglas thinks he knows about battle comes from Tom Clancy novels and playing HALO 3 on his kid’s Playstation.

 
 

I can’t help move stuff but I’ll pay for the pizza.

 
Lady Doctor Missus Marita
 

I can’t help move stuff but I’ll pay for the pizza.

Sweet! Pizza is crucial to fueling the moving process…

 
 

Ok, maybe one of my ad blockers or script killers is hiding it.

Where is the donation link?

 
 

I suspect that whatever Douglas thinks he knows about battle comes from … playing HALO 3 on his kid’s Playstation.

Goodness! No wonder he knows so little!

 
 

…So I wouldn’t chalk this one up to projecting their own failings on someone else (not that the right’s lack of self-awareness desn’t result in plenty of that behavior)

So I wouldn’t attempt to erect a straw man (not that constructing a meaningful double negative is not in and of itself an insignificant task).

 
Lady Doctor Missus Marita
 

Where is the donation link?

Umm… I dunno if there is one. Let me ask Gav when he gets back from this trip. He HATES even the thought of asking readers for money, but if someone offers, maybe he’ll be ok with that… 🙂

 
 

Still not seeing it after turning them all off.

 
 

okay, send me an email.

 
 

…if someone offers…
always nice to have a way to recognize the “artistes”

 
Lady Doctor Missus Marita
 

Oh geez. I didn’t mean to kill the thread. I’m not hitting you all up for money, you know. You can comment without fear. 🙂

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

When George Foreman tells you your chicken will be done in 6 to 8 minutes he is not being entirely honest.

 
 

I will say that I find any sort of hagiography pretty revolting
You Americans have lost the art of performing a decent apotheosis. Arranging for an eagle to escape from the top of the funeral pyre at the moment it collapses is tricky, but worth it.

So what I’m hearing from the right is that when you make a terrible mistake young in life, one that takes the life of another person, it’s wrong to spend the rest of your life trying to make people’s lives better.

To be fair, some people could best atone for a youthful mistake by admitting that they have shown themselves to be screwed-up rationality-challenged fuck-knuckles whose best gift to the world would be a vow of silence. In particular, people who start off a political career as a rabid zealot for some ideology, until everything goes tits-up, when they swing through 180° and start a second career as a rabid zealot attacking their original cause… rather than admit any problem with their own crap judgement.

Also, people should stop having Road-to-Damascus conversions. Just for once, could someone actually get to Damascus before they convert? Also.

 
 

Absolutely. A dead blonde in the submerged car of a Democratic senator trumps all nagging details.

Kennedy was also an early Obama supporter. Proof that Obama hates white people, death list addition, one more piece of the puzzle falls into place, etc.

 
 

“That’s just a whole new level of projection”

It’s digital. You can really tell the difference. Sadly, most Republicans aren’t equipped with it yet. It will take another few years and the changeover costs will be appreciable. Won’t you help?

 
 

“Also, people should stop having Road-to-Damascus conversions. Just for once, could someone actually get to Damascus before they convert?”

Well said, Smut. The Road to Damascus is now like Mount Everest: clogged with refuse (and human waste), depleted Cheeto bags and Red Bull bottles, and swarming with amateurs looking for that metanoiac life-changing experience they’ve heard so much about. It’s getting so you can’t swing a dead cat anyplace on the Road and not hit some dickhead having his latest epiphany.

 
 

So I wouldn’t attempt to erect a straw man (not that constructing a meaningful double negative is not in and of itself an insignificant task).

The brilliance of your comment is so blinding that it is impossible to see.

 
 

swing a dead cat anyplace on the Road and not hit some dickhead having his latest epiphany.
I am so using that technique when I start my own school of Zen.

 
 

viz

 
 

Not to mention that the only thing to self is fear.

WIN

 
 

It’s safe to assume that whenever Bill Clinton eventually kicks–in what, 10-30 years?–each and every member of this crowd will commemorate the occasion by hauling their collective still-smoldering, slack-jawed obsession with his BJ out for public viewing.

 
 

?????

 
 

You know what just struck me about Bill Clinton’s legacy. After ten years of Republicans crying wolf. We’re actually in a recession that can be legitimately blamed on Bill Clinton and they aren’t using that talking point at all.

 
 

…a recession that can be legitimately blamed on Bill Clinton…

well? …Legitimate, already.

 
 

As a godless commie who grew up having the Bible shoved down my throat repeatedly, I get peeved when conservative douches like Mark Steyn assume that hating gays and taxes makes them instant theologians.

As Joan Vennochi wrote in the Boston Globe: “Like all figures in history — and like those in the Bible, for that matter — Kennedy came with flaws. Moses had a temper. Peter betrayed Jesus. Kennedy had Chappaquiddick, a moment of tremendous moral collapse.” Actually, Peter denied Jesus, rather than “betrayed” him, but close enough for Catholic-lite Massachusetts. And if Moses having a temper never led him to leave some gal at the bottom of the Red Sea, well, let’s face it, he doesn’t have Ted’s tremendous legislative legacy, does he?

No, Moses just had to flee the country after murdering an Egyptian in a fit of pique. Then he got banned from Canaan for throwing a tantrum instead of giving the Israelites life-saving water in the desert. How dare a reporter call Chappaquiddick merely a “tremendous moral collapse.” instead of TEH GREATEST CRIME EVAAARR!

 
 

Moses supposes his toeses are roses
But Moses supposes erroneously
And Moses, he knowses his toeses aren’t roses
As Moses supposes his toeses to be

Sure, Don Douglas calls Mary Jo “a beautiful woman” now, but why won’t he admit Michael Douglas (NO relation!) was “a beautiful man”?

 
 

Shorter Mark “Shite” Steyn:

We are enjoined not to speak ill of the dead. Now, watch this drive!

 
 

…Moses having a temper never led him to leave some gal at the bottom of the Red Sea, well, let’s face it, he doesn’t have Ted’s tremendous legislative legacy …

what about those ten … whatyacallem… “thingies”

 
 

what about those ten … whatyacallem… “thingies”

you mean 15

 
 

No, Moses just had to flee the country after murdering an Egyptian in a fit of pique.

He also ordered that all the male children and women of Midian(where he’d found refuge after the murder of the Egyptian; he’d married a Midian woman and lived there for 40 years) be slaughtered, but that the soldiers could keep the little girls.

 
 

Shorter Mark “Shite” Steyn: We are enjoined not to speak ill of the dead. Now, watch this drivel.

All better, no?

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

He also ordered that all the male children and women of Midian(where he’d found refuge after the murder of the Egyptian; he’d married a Midian woman and lived there for 40 years) be slaughtered, but that the soldiers could keep the little girls.

Ahhh, Moses.

What a trooper!

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

You know the thing I miss most about Moses?

His tongue.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

But where was Moses when the lights went out? Ha? Ha? Didn’t think so! Redress my groats, libs!

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Of course, if Ted Kennedy had been some sort of fundamentalist fucknozzle and had deliberately drowned Mary Jo Kopechne in some adult baptism/exorcism gone horribly awry, anyone who brought it up would be accused of being in the thrall of Satan.

The good news is: “At least she wasn’t a witch!”

 
 

“At least she wasn’t a witch!”

BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B–… ’cause they’re made of wood…?
BEDEMIR: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah…
BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.

QE(f)D!

 
 

He signed the law that repealed Sarbane-Oxley and allowed the CDSs to go unregulated.I’m not saying he did it single-handedly.

 
 

…well, let’s face it, he doesn’t have Ted’s tremendous legislative legacy, does he?

Um, excuse me, helloooo… you also seem to have forgotten the whole building a big-ass Ark and saving all the critters episode…?

 
Batchy McMethmaker
 

Damn, have to change my nym again.

 
 

…blamed on Bill Clinton…signed the law…I’m not saying he did it single-handedly…
thank you for playing… lovely parting gifts, etc.

 
 

Anthony, could you refresh my memory on Sarbane-Oxley?

Did that not have a 162-page insertion that was never voted on any committee?

Or was it one of those massive omni-bus bills Republicans loved to force during Clinton’s presidency?

 
 

Ted Kennedy does an understandable thing (i.e. saving himself from drowning; survival instinct, you know) and he’s forever a pariah.

Dead woman in Joe Scarborough’s congressional district office? What the hell, give him his own TV show!

 
 

ESKIMO POWAAAAH!!!! ESKIMO POWAAAAAAAAAAAH!

 
 

Eskimo Power! Eskimo Power! Eskimo Poowwweeer!

*hiccup*

 
 

I am an Eskimo…

 
 

.Com duncing,

Why, you…

 
 

Bee Bop
Zee Bop
Me too…

 
 

Mark Steyn, New Hampshire’s own–yet another reason to live on this side of the Connecticut river!

 
 

He signed the law that repealed Sarbane-Oxley

Sarbanes-Oxley passed in 2002.

 
St. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

Sarbanes-Oxley passed in 2002.

Point, reinforce, etc.

 
 

My, I would love to be a fly on the wall at his dissertation defense!
I’m imagining a fortified basement, a stockpile of ammunition, and a number of assault rifles. Not to mention the tactical elan.

 
 

“Also, people should stop having Road-to-Damascus conversions. Just for once, could someone actually get to Damascus before they convert?”

Why? What the hell is in Damascus worth reaching? A Walmart, a dollar store and a Hardees. And some clown is always sticking a Bud can in the Confederate soldier statue in the town square…

Wait, it’s NOT Damascus, Virginia? Never mind…

 
 

I am an Eskimo…

I am Eskimo Spartacus! And this is ESKIMO SPARTA!

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

And this is ESKIMO SPARTA!

You say that right before you kick a guy in the ice hole.

 
 

Yummy! Eskimo Sparta in candy sprinkles!

Got a napkin?

 
 

Inuit Ionia?

 
 

… you do realize that this should be Inuit Sparta? (and no sprinkles)

 
 

Inuit Sparta
Surely you mean Inuit Lakedaimonia, or Inuit Laconia.

 
 

I meant frozen blubber in chocolate.

if you’re out of sprinkles that fine.

 
 

I meant frozen blubber in chocolate.

I wondered how long it’d be before somebody mention Rush Limbaugh….

 
 

blubbering won’t help you now!

 
 

The chocolate might, though.

 
 

blubbering won’t help you now!

You try walking around a mall looking for sprinkles…

 
 

you have to know who to ask!

 
 

A sprinkle conspiracy?

Orange Julius is in on it aren’t they?

 
 

Sprinkles? Try Madame Gloria’s, two blocks over.

 
 

Uhm, I think you misread the sign.

 
 

…you’ll have to squeeze it out of me!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

If George W. Bush had driven off of a bridge in a drunken escapade and drowned a young woman

Just think, if ANY Bush had sent a young person careening to a watery doom, the mainstream media would have harped on it for decades!

 
 

…you’ll have to squeeze it out of me!

Given they never squeeze anything to make an “Orange Julius” I’ll take that to mean they aren’t involved.

What do you know about Baskin-Robbins’ so-called ‘vault’ flavors?

 
 

…we call them “flavours”…

 
 

sneaky

 
 

(but not “valt”)

 
 

Why U?

 
 

(don’t ask me about Laura Secord – or her cow. You may find the connections painful.)

 
 

So Canada is the reason for the world-wide sprinkle shortage?

Figres.

 
 

all your sprinkles are belong to us!

 
 

They could also be our savio(u)r… if the “so-called” “environ” “mentalists” would ever allow the extraction from Canadia’s vasty reserves of SPRINKLE SHALE.

 
 

all your sprinkles are belong to us!

…must…warn…others…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

How could I not have thought of it before?

He skipped a Light Fapdango

 
 

He skipped a Light Fapdango and went straight for the heavy goat sex.

 
Killemall Exterminators
 

all your sprinkles are belong to us!

For the love of God, those aren’t sprinkles!!

 
Theophrastus Bombastus von Hoehenheim den Sidste
 

Ever since 9-11, I have been outraged at his behavior on that bridge.

 
 

He signed the law that repealed Sarbane-Oxley

I think you mean he signed Graham-Leach-Bliley in 1999, which amended the Securities Act of 1934

 
 

Bill Clinton signed of of shady, pseudo-Republican stuff, which is why I’m glad Hillary wasn’t our nominee.

The Big Dog was kind of like “our” Richard Nixon. And I don’t mean just because he did some corrupt stuff and that he was investigated. I mean because he was a centrist Democrat during a period of conservative dominance, like Nixon was a centrist Republican during a period of liberal dominance.

 
 

…like Nixon was a centrist Republican during a period of liberal dominance.

Hmmm, I must have missed that.

 
 

He skipped a Light Fapdango
Turned fartwheels cross the floor
We were feeling kind of heartsick
The crowd screamed out “NO MORE!”

 
 

Hmmm, I must have missed that.

…spending too much time worrying about sprinkles IMHO.

love these acronyms – LHNOGFPATRAKBG;KALNPWKOGN!

 
 

LHNOGFPATRAKBG; KALNPWKOGN!

It is a simple task to reverse-engineer the activities that would produce each sound effect in a Don Martin cartoon, which is why I leave it as an exercise for the reader.

 
 

exercise is good!

 
 

(I did it once)

 
 

reverse-engineers are scary! does the conductor yell “get them fuck off!”?

 
 

In honor of today’s fourth anniversary, I’d say that reverse engineers are the ones who fuck up levee design because their bosses tell them to do so.

As a bonus, Digby quotes Jonah: http://digbysblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/four-years-ago-today-by-digby-i-wrote.html

 
 

Hmmm, I must have missed that.

For God’s sake he was pushing national health care and a guaranteed minimal income for every American before he was impeached. Can you imagine Clinton proposing that in the ’90s? I fucking hate Dick Nixon, but the Democratic Congress at the time pushed him to the left, much like Clinton’s Republican Congress pushed him to the right.

 
 

I got mad html skillz there!

 
 

Demonic historical revisionism? (ismismist – I never know when to stop). Wow, there’s a demon for everything, ain’t there? I thought it was all lust and anger and coveting your neighbour’s ox and all that, and meanwhile there’s these demons slaving away at the paperwork.

Curses to whoever linked to the 15 commandments clip (too lazy to track back up, central to my point, etc): I’ve just spent about an hour chortling at The History of the World and The Producers. Call me out of touch, but I didn’t even realise they made a recent version of that (yes yes, old, cranky, and so forth. Also also, probably).

When Mary Jo Kopechne died at Chappaquiddick, the left put one more brick in the wall of totalitarianism.

Not very up to date on their construction methods, are they? How about one more tilt-up concrete wall in the wall of totalitarianism? One more steel-and-glass-monstrosity in the wall of totalitarianism?

But seriously, do they think it’s like a Wailing Wall or a wall of remembrance or something, where we ceremoniously add a brick for each innocent death we’ve caused? Muahahahaha and all that. And is it all in one place, so we can haz pilgrimages? Can we sell relics and indulgences and so forth?

The Wheelchair Ramps of Liberalism are built with the bricks of Totalitarianism!

Comments like this are the reason I comment here so sporadically – I always feel like such a complete moron compared to most of you people. Let me prostrate myself before your Wheelchair Ramps of Liberalism.

 
 

I always feel like such a complete moron compared to most of you people

insufficient blood-alcohol (the solution is simple)

 
 

Sweet fucking Christ on the fucking cross, I think the reason many on the left side of the spectrum don’t argue with those on the right is, there is simply no argument that suffices to counter such full-strength batshittery. Teh Stoopit is strong with this one. PhD candidate, you say? I say, prove it. With the certified long-form vault copy of PhDdom.

 
 

If you fling yourself beneath the Leftist Wheelchair Juggernaut, to be left crushed and bleeding as it continues in its triumphant progress, who are we to dissuade you?

 
 

If you fling yourself beneath the Leftist Wheelchair Juggernaut, to be left crushed and bleeding as it continues in its triumphant progress, who are we to dissuade you?

… this was a seminal film in the Communist Chinese ouvre. All should savo(u)r it.

 
 

I preferred the live opera version..

“Automatic weapons fire is an overture?”
“As it often is in real life, Mr. Ambassador.”

 
Allienne Goddard
 

I just wanted to compliment Gavin for another tremendously well phrased piece of writing. Even when the subject matter is depressing, Gavin’s writing still gives me a warm, calm feeling inside. It almost seems like we aren’t all completely doomed.

 
 

Gavin’s writing still gives me a warm, calm feeling inside.

uh — oh!……

(to be fair, Gavin’s writing does give me a feeling inside as well.)

 
 

It’s an awful, even demonic, kind of historical revisionism that relegates to a historical footnote the life and promise of that beautiful woman.

Dude, chill. Even if she had survived, there is no way, EVER, on this Earth, that she would have fucked you. She was a Democrat. She was otherwise engaged. And unlike you guys, she took her religion seriously, rather than as a smokescreen to hide behind.

Also, it was an accident.

Sorry to interrupt your masturbation so rudely, but it had to be said. CASE CLOSED, DAMMIT.

 
 

Speaking of George Bush and driving… are we ever going to see the sealed court records of his auto accident?

 
 

TPM has a pretty great front-page photo of him at the Kennedy funeral.

 
 

It’s an awful, even demonic, kind of historical revisionism that relegates to a historical footnote the life and promise of that beautiful woman.

Dude, CHILL. There is no way in hell she would ever have fucked you, so quit wankin’ over her grave. It wasn’t “historical revisionism”, it was an ACCIDENT.

PS: Can’t wait to hear the committee pronounce yer dissertation an Epic Fail. Wanker.

 
 

Maybe the wall of totalitarianism is being constructed by demons of historical revisionism. Those demons could even be UNION MEMBERS.

 
 

Maybe the wall of totalitarianism is being constructed by demons of historical revisionism. Those demons could even be UNION MEMBERS.
YES, they COULD BE!!!!

 
 

Those demons could even be UNION MEMBERS.

(in which case it will probably be constructed properly)

 
 

The Road to Hell is paved by unionized paraplegics, using reinforced LOADPANTS.

 
 

“Cower, rightards, before the ominous Wall of Totalitarianism, built and maintained by an army of unionised historical-revisionist demons working 37½-hour weeks!”

 
 

just out of curiosity, what other kinds of revisionism are there, other than historical revisionism? (culinary revisionism, agronomic revisionism??)

 
 

If the Road to Hell is paved, then it is not a road — it is a feckin’ PAVEMENT. Pedestrian access only, OK?
And wheelchairs.
And we can make an exception for mountain-bikers, because I really hate those bastards.

 
 

Maybe the wall of totalitarianism is being constructed by demons of historical revisionism.

No. The demons of historical revisionism have all been hired to build monuments to authoritarian power and idols deifying dictators at the expense of the universal dignity of the individual. But there may still be some cowardly hippie comsymps willing to put in a good day’s work to further the statist left-wing agenda.

 
 

If we are not careful, civilization will fall before the unsightly menace of pedicurial revisionism.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

“Automatic weapons fire is an overture?”

And all this time, I thought it was percussion.

Got to love the “Straight to Hell” sample.

Comments like this are the reason I comment here so sporadically

Allison, we need you baby. You represent the drouthy antipodes, counterbalancing the Good Herr Doktor’s representation of the not-so-drouthy antipodes.

 
 

…it is a feckin’ PAVEMENT.

well, we know where you’re coming from now, don’t we. For us podeans it’s

pavement – road – cars (and bastard mountain bikes)

“sidewalk” – (not necessarily paved, but definitely not pavement) – pedestrians (no bastard mountain bikes – the occasional tricycle -and wheelchairs, though those motorised ones seem to like to stick to the PAVEMENT!)

 
 

Not much of a union if the unionised h-r demons there can’t get hardhats. Or clothes.

 
 

just out of curiosity, what other kinds of revisionism are there, other than historical revisionism?

There was much sexual revisionism back in college.

 
 

There was much sexual revisionism back in college.

Oh, was that what that was – I thought it was some type of initiation.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Oh, was that what that was – I thought it was some type of initiation.

In a manner of speaking, it was!

 
 

Why does Gee Dumbya always look like his underpants have crawled halfway up his rectum? ALWAYS. Geezus, I thought the man looked like a dumbfuck in every photo taken during his pretzelduncy because teh Libruls had infiltrated the Photo Corps, but he’s still fuckin’ doing it!

 
 

short form: ancient political figure from capitalist party B whose power came from profiteering father just died. brainless hyenas from capitalist party A focus on his youthful indiscretions.

either way, it’s all capitalist party, all the time.

any of you who give a shit about Democrats or Republicans are no more than wrestling fans who root for the “good guys” or “bad guys” of wrestling. Hint: the game is rigged, and if your vote could change anything, it would be abolished.

 
 

Egg Zit: You are absolutely correct. And there’s little to nothing we can do about it. Any ideas?

Me, I’m ready for violent revolution, but I don’t think the people have been educated enough to rise & murder their oppressors. Yet.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

any of you who give a shit about Democrats or Republicans are no more than wrestling fans who root for the “good guys” or “bad guys” of wrestling. Hint: the game is rigged, and if your vote could change anything, it would be abolished.

Meh, the Republican Party has gone so far down the unbridled capitalism route that capitalism itself was pretty much destroyed. Yeah, the Democratic Party is keeping the corpse on life support until the elixir vitae can be administered, but they probably wouldn’t have allowed the utter meltdown, with the steamrolling of the middle class, to have occurred.

Expressed as a Simpsons reference, it’s the difference between villainy and cartoonish super-villainy, but your concern is noted.

 
 

There was a window of opportunity back there from 0:20 to about 1:01 when I could have inserted a pun involving “Agenbite of Inuit”. Oh, well.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said,

August 31, 2009 at 7:45

There was a window of opportunity back there from 0:20 to about 1:01 when I could have inserted a pun involving “Agenbite of Inuit”. Oh, well.

My sympathies. When the “Eskimo Spartan” discussion was going on, I wanted to say something about Doric dialest, like: “That’s Askimo. Or is it Aksimo?” But I missed my chance.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

“Dialest.” That’s like an arbalest, except you dial it instead of cocking it.

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

“any of you who give a shit about Democrats or Republicans are no more than wrestling fans who root for the “good guys” or “bad guys” of wrestling. Hint: the game is rigged, and if your vote could change anything, it would be abolished.”

Ho Lee Shiite. Dude, you have -so- opened my eyes. I have never thought of it that way before. Thanks for opening my eyes, cynical-smug dude! Changed my fucking life …

 
 

Submitted almost without comment.

Though Wonkette seems to restrict usage of the term “guano faucet” to refer to Ari Fleischer, I sometimes feel it deserves a broader mandate.

 
 

arbalest
I read that as a LOLcat term, meaning “most endowed with hairballs”.

 
 

Wow, justme, that’s amazing. Trust the Belgians…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Trust the Belgians…

and the Shorters… that’s axiomatic!

I read that as a LOLcat term, meaning “most endowed with hairballs”.

Cockney LOLcats? Could it be a new internet tradition???!?!?!?

 
 

By the way, one thing about that Cloaca clip that was quite charming – the translator voices had some marvellously colloquial accents. Just to hear them was to imagine oneself in an episode of The Bill.

And now, since my treacherous imagination has thoughtfully provided me with a mental image of a coiled turd wearing the famous ‘tit’ helment, I must go and bleach my brain.

 
 

Smut, if arbalest means ‘most endowed with hairballs’, what’s the word for “eats a lot of food, drinks a lot of water, then runs up and pukes it all over the bed”? Or the one for “coughin’ up a furball without the statutory 10-second choking sound to warn all present of the imminence of yunting”?

 
 

Yeah, I kind of liked the old lady, “It doesn’t smell like poo. Not mine, anyway.” pinched accent and all.

 
 

And since I’m still here, on the teal fur discussion from yestereve, Larspur spake thusly:

But if we could negotiate, some cancers might be willing to trade the mad but short-lived rush of cellular free-for-all for the tamer long-term stability of concentrating its energies on, like, teal fur. Or even an extra finger that you have to excise every day, and then your cancer happily builds you a new one, every day.

I read a fairly disturbing scifi story on that rough theme – ‘prison planet’ being a place where some sort of infection makes the inmates grow random excess body parts, which are then periodically harvested by the keepers. Yeeuuurch.

 
 

“Mehitabel”, in my experience.

 
 

“Mehitabel” being the answer to Just Alison’s question.
Also, “A Planet Called Shayol”. Cordwainer Smith.

 
 

Ahhh, thanks, Smut. I’ve got the Cordwainer Smith collection on my bookshelf, I might re-read it after my current nov’.

And if we’re getting personal, I’d have to say that in my experience, the first would have been Qetesh, while the second is definitely Luschka: damn critter gives me 3/8 of a second warning before she coughs a lot of fluid into my ear in the mornings. Not a trait I find endearing, especially at that hour.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Also, “A Planet Called Shayol”. Cordwainer Smith.

So, were his forebears cordwainers, or were they smiths?

Damn splitter!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Given his actual surname, it would seem that they were gate-crashers by trade.

 
 

Cordwainer Smith. There’s a name I don’t see bandied about as much as it deserves. A favorite for many years.

 
 

Why does Gee Dumbya always look like his underpants have crawled halfway up his rectum?

Because they have. Occam’s razor also shaves recti.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Why does Gee Dumbya always look like his underpants have crawled halfway up his rectum?

Silly, that’s his head up there.

 
 

if your vote could change anything, it would be abolished

Well, now we have the problem of explaining, then, why the super-rich go to such trouble and expense to own as much of the campaign process as they can, because if voting can’t make a difference, why should billionaires invest so much money in controlling the electoral process from start to finish?

 
 

The fact is, Your Boy Obama’s quest to make USA a socialistic welfare state where freedom is abolished will fail.

 
 

If you don’t watch it, I’m calling ACORN.

 
 

what’s the word for “eats a lot of food, drinks a lot of water, then runs up and pukes it all over the bed”?

“Cat”, of course.

BTW I’ve always wanted to name one of our cats “C’Mell”… however I have to deal with the fact that a) nobody would get it and b) you’d have to spell it out at the vet’s, which would mean trying to explain it, which means you end up wierding out some poor receptionist. Bad enough we already have a “Fionn”.

 
 

I’ll be damned. Douglas’s user profile doesn’t say anything about military service, but it says he loves his country. Empty words, my friend.

 
 

And the horrible truth of Mary Jo Kopechne’s death is that Ted Kennedy’s legacy wasn’t worth it.

He makes it sound like her death was a price for something. Or something.

Um, dude? ACCIDENT. Stop commodifying the woman and let her rest in peace.

 
 

It’s the diefication of idolatry at the expense of the univerisal dignity of the individual.

Says the asshat who prostated at Bill Frist’s feet when he remotely diagnosed Terri Schiavo.

 
 

any of you who give a shit about Democrats or Republicans are no more than wrestling fans who root for the “good guys” or “bad guys” of wrestling. Hint: the game is rigged, and if your vote could change anything, it would be abolished.

Shorter Egg Zit:

I am fourteen going on Ayn Rand.

 
 

human life does not belong to the individual, but to the higher cause of the collective good.

Like how Bush fed young men and women to the Iraq war machine?

 
 

I am fourteen going on fapping to Ayn Rand.

Fiqqst.

 
 

I’ll be damned. Douglas’s user profile doesn’t say anything about military service, but it says he loves his country. Empty words, my friend.

He’s a Screen Beret.

 
 

Thanks for opening my eyes, cynical-smug dude! Changed my fucking life …

I call fake cynical-smug dude. Never used the word “sheeple”.

 
 

He’s a Screen Beret.

I am SO stealing quoting you on that, Kong.

 
 

I am fourteen going on Ayn Rand.

Perfect definition of “Objectivist”.

Christ, I’m glad I never read Rand when I was fourteen. I probably would have fell for it back then, and then I’d need an assload of deprogramming.

 
 

Trust the Belgians…

That was revolting as fuck. I stopped after about 30 seconds. Does it make different kinds of poo? Does it make the kind that I get approximately an hour after I eat Mexican? If so, I’m glad I didn’t keep watching.

And what if you add Pepto Bismol to it?

 
Batchy McMethmaker
 

Says the asshat who prostated at Bill Frist’s feet

heh

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

OT.

It brings me great shame to admit that ME-gan McArdle has gotten the best of me. I said

…then I’d expect these shitbags to be open-carrying in teh Hawse of teh Lord.

Well, apparently they do

…Anderson says parishioners showed up with guns, so “people know if they come down here swinging a baseball bat, we’re ready to protect ourselves.”

I can’t imagine how this could possibly go wrong.

 
 

…Anderson says parishioners showed up with guns, so “people know if they come down here swinging a baseball bat, we’re ready to protect ourselves.”

“Our opening hymn shall be from the Book of Colt: Pass the Lord and Praise the Ammunition”

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

On the one hand, you’ve got crazy people who openly admit that they want the president to be dead and then bring loaded assault rifles to venues he’ll be appearing at.

On the other hand… What. The. Fuck. Seriously, we’re talking about people who actively wish for Obama to die, bringing loaded assault rifles to places where Obama will be.

 
 

parishioners showed up with guns, so “people know if they come down here swinging a baseball bat, we’re ready to protect ourselves.”

Kind of shows you what we’re dealing with – people who’d make an assumption that that would happen. Yeeesh.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

The fucktarded part is that even with this obscene asshole, the weeping open sores on humanity that call themselves “conservatives” still associate Jeremiah Wright to the phrase “crazy pastor”.

Anyways, I’m looking forward to Fred Hiatt giving him a regular gig.

Fuck.

 
 

Sorry D-K W but we’ve already been through this.

 
 

Seriously, we’re talking about people who actively wish for Obama to die, bringing loaded assault rifles to places where Obama will be.

but but but Second ‘Mendment! Freedom! Freedom! Waaah! Gun grabbers!

Remember when these assclowns were going on about “the Bill of Rights is not a suicide pact”? These idiots have a bug so far up their ass about their precious bang-bangs that even the mere suggestion that they shouldn’t be allowed to carry openly within sight of the President is some kind of liberal socialist plot to leave them defenseless before the NWO gun-grabbing hordes.

 
 

Anyways, I’m looking forward to Fred Hiatt giving him a regular gig.

Y’know, I don’t think he’d make it given the “for Dummies” parody on the right of the article.

 
 

I actually think that the plan right now is to get one of these gun toting crazies arrested at an Obama event rather than doing violence. Then they can really whip up the Obama’s gonna take all yer guns rhetoric. That will probably still end with someone taking shots at Obama, but then they can feel it was justified. Crazy, I know, but look who we’re dealing with.

 
 

What I want to know is why these guys aren’t bringing their rocket-propelled grenades to these things. It’s the GOVERNMENT, people! You’re out-gunned!

Also tanks.

 
 

Also tanks.

You’re velcome.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Anderson says parishioners showed up with guns, so “people know if they come down here swinging a baseball bat, we’re ready to protect ourselves.”

Y’know, there used to be a time where bringing a gun to a bat fight was looked down upon.

 
 

I’ve got to give it Douchehat, I’ve really got to give it to him. Without lube. The only bad thing I can say about Ted Kennedy is he wasn’t Eunice.

It’s worth pondering how the politics of abortion might have been different had Ted shared even some of his sister’s qualms about the practice. One could imagine a world in which America’s leading liberal Catholic had found a way to make liberalism less absolutist on the issue, and a world where a man who became famous for reaching across the aisle had reached across, even occasionally, in search of compromise on the country’s most divisive issue.

[…]And it’s entirely fitting, given his record, that Kennedy’s immediate legacy is a draft of health-care legislation […] to subsidize abortion.

But his sister would have written it a different way.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

The seminal piece surrounding the overblown media-hype about a pastor calling for Obama to die and then having one of his parishioners show up outside an Obama event with a loaded assault rifle is from a column called “Feathered Bastard”:
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/bastard/2009/08/my_chat_with_steven_anderson_c.php

 
 

Um, that’ts the shorter, of course, the ultimate sentence before the quote.

 
 

Ah, but what they don’t know is how strong the force is. I use my bat similar to a light sabre (or Linda Carter bracelets) to deflect bullets away. And it had better work, I didn’t spend $300 on a bat just to hit softballs with it.

 
 

“If your brother strikes you on one cheek with a baseball bat, blow the motherfucker’s head off with an assault rifle” is the “turn the other cheek” of Liberal Fascism.

 
 

Ah, that Olde Time Religionne!

…Anderson says parishioners showed up with guns, so “people know if they come down here swinging a baseball bat, we’re ready to protect ourselves.”

Someone needs to show up there for Sunday Service wearing a dynamite-vest – & YouTube it, For Great Poetic Justice.

 
 

We’d have to dig up the tee-ball field to make enough kim chi for everyone, kid.

 
 

Shorter Egg Zit:

I am fourteen going on Ayn Rand.

Hmph. He/she struck me rather as being a leftie nutcase, falling somewhere on the scale of Naderite-pseudo-Green to capital-C-commie Bob Avakian foot-kisser/soldier.

It’s that “capitalist party-A or B” reference, which is pure Naderism mixed with commie-symp illusions of “the only solution is putting those pigs up against the wall and POW” that’s the big giveaway. A Randian nutcase wouldn’t use the word “capitalist” so disparagingly. He/she would have referred to socialist parties A and B instead.

 
 

I will gladly give the Junior-perfesser a personal tour of Cape Cod and Martha’s Vineyard.

We’ll travel by night, and stick to back roads and isolated saltmarshes.

I’ll also encourage a late-night solo swim off the beach in Menemsha. I think Junior-perfesser will like that.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

Google News for Anderson Broughton Obama gets meResults 1 – 10 of about 30.

Of about thirty.

This time for Jeremiah Wright and we get …of about 313

Fuck you left-wing media.

 
 

Y’know, there used to be a time where bringing a gun to a bat fight was looked down upon.

Everyone knows you bring garlic and holy water.

Mmmmm. Garlic soup [drool…]

 
 

Yeeesh. Checked out “Bob Avakian” on Teh Wikelpidea:

He has argued against the idea that “spontaneous” rebellion will achieve political revolution without leadership bodies based on a dialectical materialist methodology and practical unity of action. This and other positions he has held have caused Avakian to become something of a polarizing figure among activists of a more “movementist” politics.

Sounds like one of those Commies who’s more interested in blathering about theory than ever applying it to real life and real people. Probably uses the word “reification”, which is always a bad sign. And quotes Derrida.

 
 

What I want to know is why these guys aren’t bringing their rocket-propelled grenades to these things. It’s the GOVERNMENT, people! You’re out-gunned!

Also tanks.

Which only points out the idiocy of this “protect the people from tyranny” with personal firearms nonsense. If the G-men want you and your “freedom fighters” dead, you’re dead. Both the Left and the Right have been given this lesson. The Right got the lesson from Ruby Ridge and Waco. The Left got it from the Black Panthers in Oakland and the SLA in Los Angeles.

One jet bomber with a few five-kiloton “bunker busters” and your well-defended bomb-shelter compound of Freedom becomes smoldering hole in the ground. Any weapons a private citizen could possibly acquire, even on the black market, won’t make a damn bit of difference. (Good luck trying to bring down a B1-B with a Chinese shoulder rocket.)

Unlike the Right, the Left actually seems to have learned the lesson.

 
 

Fucking cat books.

 
 

Sounds like one of those Commies who’s more interested in blathering about theory than ever applying it to real life and real people. Probably uses the word “reification”, which is always a bad sign. And quotes Derrida.

Well, they’re based out of Berkeley, so whaddya expect…

Where they have a bookstore. With a lot of Derrida in it.

At least the local anarchists get off their butts and throw some bricks through a Starbuck’s window every now and then. These RCP guys sell a newspaper, and show up to protest the Dali Lama as a “royalist” enemy of the People’s Glorious Revolution™ when he’s in town.

So pretty much everybody in Berkeley thinks they’re left-wing idiots, which is really hard to make happen in Berkeley.

 
 

So pretty much everybody in Berkeley thinks they’re left-wing idiots, which is really hard to make happen in Berkeley.

Um, wow.

Wankers.

 
 

Hmph. He/she struck me rather as being a leftie nutcase, falling somewhere on the scale of Naderite-pseudo-Green to capital-C-commie Bob Avakian foot-kisser/soldier.

That’s what I’m saying, tho. He holds opinions that a pre-Randian would hold. With any luck, teacher will assign him Fountainhead for sophmore English and wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We’ll have a brand new Paultard!

 
 

We’d have to dig up the tee-ball field to make enough kim chi for everyone, kid.

Are those the exercises the nice Korean grocer does every morning in the park?

 
 

With any luck, teacher will assign him Fountainhead for sophmore English and wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We’ll have a brand new Paultard!

Oh, joy.

I, back in the day, would have come at Rand from a Libertarian perspective (kind of a center-Libertarian; knowing jackshit about politics but knowing I didn’t like the Religious Reich), but yeah, I can see how cynicism over politics could lead you down the Objectivist hell-ride.

 
 

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggraham/2009/08/31/the-adventures-of-bunky-and-biggo/

I’d characterize that as childish and ill-informed, but that would insult children and the ignorant.

 
 

Oh, my, but Bitefart’s commenters are just SO classy:

k8blujay 78p · 4 hours ago

Huh… and honestly.. it would not surprise me if this actually happened… Teddy’s death happened all too conveniently.

ReaderRedux 75p · 2 hours ago

Monty Python was ahead of its time.

And this dark dialogue is a bit chilling, and so appropriate. What times we live in . . .

Um, yeah. “dark” and “chilling”. Yeah. right. MY FAT ASS!

And WTF is up with “Biggo”? That’s the LAMEST insult I’ve ever seen.

 
 

Lunch Lady goes multi-culti!

 
 

With any luck, teacher will assign him Fountainhead for sophmore English and wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We’ll have a brand new Paultard!

Don’t they arrest teachers for child abuse?

 
 

Don’t they arrest teachers for child abuse?

Is it a Catholic school?

 
 

Lunch Lady goes multi-culti!

Can arugula be far behind? Fried in batter, of course.

 
 

From the play:

I wish I’d known you were coming, I would have made a pitcher of margueritas.

Oxeye daisies?

Speaking of Big Hollywood, did you all see the one about how vampires are the perfect embodiment of liberals, or maybe the other way around? The guy put up YouTube clips of his short vampire/liberal horror film.

 
 

Speaking of Big Hollywood, did you all see the one about how vampires are the perfect embodiment of liberals, or maybe the other way around?

I’ll have to get to that. Did you catch the one about all liberals being stoners?

 
 

Did you catch the one about all liberals being stoners?

Shit, I missed it. Time to go back. Big Hollywood’s bounty is truly impressive.

 
 

Big Hollywood’s bounty is truly impressive.

Remember, everything looks bigger under water.

 
Looch who has way too much time on his hands these days
 

Screen beret

New to me. And, yes, full attribution to the well armed Major.

 
Looch who has way too much time on his hands these days
 

FYWP. Stoopid preview winder.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

The guy put up YouTube clips of his short vampire/liberal horror film.

And then the big reveal, get that period out of there, squeeze the two together and you get…

Dracula!

 
 

Remember, everything looks bigger under water.

‘specially mortgages.

 
 

Did you catch the one about all liberals being stoners?

Say what you will, at least it’s an ethos….

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Remember, everything looks bigger under water.

Well, that explains how they rationalized the DoD and Homeland Security with the whole Norquistian “drown in a bathtub” rhetoric.

 
 

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