Aug
28
28
We Didn’t Start The Fire
Jonah Goldberg, National Review Online:
A Test of Kennedy Currency:
- Democrats think they can bamboozle Republicans into voting for their health care “reform” bill by naming it after Ted Kennedy, even though they criticized Rush Limbaugh for coming up with the exact same idea five months before the senator succumbed to brain cancer, because doing so would force critics of the plan to necessarily speak ill of the dead – which no wishes to do. So in conclusion, Chappaquiddick, Martha Moxley, Oswald and Vietnam, JFK spurns MLK, tax cuts and liberal fakes, left-wing bullies, crass rallies, get them out of back allies, Reagan’s markets, we’re all targets, I can’t take it anymore!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Lunch Lady said,
August 28, 2009 at 14:58
You might need an extra napkin for this, kid.
Scott said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:02
(takes extra napkin)
itwasntme said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:05
Forty years of revisionist history in one leetle post. the man can run on.
Pere Ubu said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:06
Naming it after Kennedy?
Why, those evil Democrats! Using emotion to manipulate the debate over legislation! Why how LOW of them! blurp blurp 9/11 terrorists PATRIOT act TOTALLY DIFFERENT cause SUTW blurp blurp
javafascist said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:11
That was a very serious, thoughtful, fart that has never been made in such detail or with such care.
javafascist said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:11
Damn you inappropriate comma!
cowalker said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:17
Breaking news! Chappaquiddick!
OMFSM! That changes everything.
Call Superman and tell him to spin the earth back forty years!
g said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:22
Jeebus!!
Correction: In an earlier version, I wrote that Jackie Kennedy made her comments about Oswald upon learning of JFK’s murder. Obviously, she didn’t need to be told about that. She made the comments shortly after Oswald’s arrest. I regret the mistake.
“upon learning of JFK’s murder.” Jonah, the woman had her husband’s brains splattered all over her. What a reprehensible little fuck Jonah is.
El Cid said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:23
Can I just take a moment to say how happy I am that Reagan’s dead and that his legacy is a flaming boat slowly sinking below the waves?
g said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:24
I refuse to go trolling about in Limbaugh archives – does anyone have a link or a transcript of the Limbaugh comment that Jonah is cynically presenting as a “tribute”?
The Tragically Flip said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:29
Jonah:
That view was tenable in 1964, or even 1984. Today? Not so much:
And that “boasting” Jonah refers to? A speech JFK gave to the Fort Worth Chamber of Commerce. He bragged of his military credentials to a group of right wing business types, while his administration had already implemented secret plans to get entirely out of Vietnam.
And moreover:
So Jonah, Kennedy was posturing to placate your ilk from the 60s. Hardly noble of him, but hardly proof that his liberalism was a sham.
The Tragically Flip said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:31
Jonah also threw in a name I hadn’t heard, and six seconds with the google tells me has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with Ted Kennedy, one Martha Moxley.
A fucking Kennedy cousin has been convicted of the murder, and RFK jr once wrote an article claiming he (the cousin) is innocent. But I guess Martha goes on the big Death List of people the Kennedys had offed.
Ted the Slacker said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:32
You’d think people on the William F Buckley welfare-programme would see the stupidity of criticizing the use of a dead person’s name to help push an agenda.
Death Rusty Shackleford said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:33
Until I see the long-form death certificate I refuse to be brainwashed by the MSM into believing Teddy Kennedy is dead.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE
actor212 said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:42
Using emotion to manipulate the debate over legislation!
You mean like No Child Left Behind for a flawed and ultimately failed education bill?
The Tragically Flip said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:44
BTW, this is a brilliant post.
actor212 said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:44
does anyone have a link or a transcript of the Limbaugh comment that Jonah is cynically presenting as a “tribute”?
g,
Atlanticsized for your safety
actor212 said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:47
Jonah also threw in a name I hadn’t heard, and six seconds with the google tells me has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with Ted Kennedy, one Martha Moxley.
I’m surprised he didn’t mention that rape by William (Kennedy) Smith that took place in West Palm Beach while Teddy was staying there…
mark f said,
August 28, 2009 at 15:50
JFK maybe didn’t believe in certain things in 1963 that Ted believed in 2009, therefore Ted’s a phony for believing in them and Democrats should be ashamed for liking him. Or something.
Willy said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:00
OK, I clicked. Four paragraphs in the web page exhorts:
? Keep reading this article ?
Not for all UN Internment camps in Arkansas.
Willy said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:02
FYWP and your lying preview.
Substance McGravitas said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:06
Let all squirming liberals note that two of Kennedy’s brothers were involved in ASSASSINATIONS!
LittlePig said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:11
You and me both, brother. I still remember waking up every day knowing an end-times lunatic by the name of James Watt was out to sell every piece of timber over 5 years old in whole damn country, ’cause the Rapture is nigh. Living through Reagan was even tougher than living through Bush fils, because one was not accustomed to the unmitigated evil the Republican party had become.
J— said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:26
What, no bootlegging? Come on, Jonah, say it with me: “Joe Kennedy was a dirty bootlegger.” You know you want to.
Longz said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:31
Actor,
You mean alleged rape, don’t you? Smith was exonerated.
The Tragically Flip said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:32
It amuses me to think that the thing conservatives hold up as Reagan’s greatest “achievment” is the implosion of another system of government while he was President.
It’s like a runner who wins a race because his opponent has a heart attack. Most people wouldn’t brag about that.
Candy said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:32
Little Pig, the names James Watt and Anne Gorsuch Burford still have the power to give me cold chills. Rotten Ronnie’s administration was a carnival of crazy.
actor212 said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:35
You mean alleged rape, don’t you? Smith was exonerated.
In Jonah’s world, he had a trickster lawyer.
N__B said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:44
Rotten Ronnie’s administration was a carnival of crazy.
Al Haig: “I’m in control.”
purvis ames said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:46
“In an earlier version, I wrote that Jackie Kennedy made her comments about Oswald upon learning of JFK’s murder. Obviously, she didn’t need to be told about that. She made the comments shortly after Oswald’s arrest. I regret the mistake.”
Never regret anything, Jonah. By the way, who told you that Jackie Kennedy knew about the shooting before Oswald was arrested? I’d be interested to know.
Candy said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:49
What is always striking about a Republican administration is the weird mixture of crazy and venal. Venal usually seems to win out, which is probably a good thing. I’d rather have somebody siphoning money out of the treasury than launching nuclear strikes in order to start Armageddon. Not that either is a good thing. Reagan’s bunch probably came closer to doing both than any of us knows or cares to contemplate.
Jonah is a despicable little weenie. That’s all he is, and all he will ever be. He had the vast misfortune of being born to Lucianne, and he’ll never escape it. He’ll never even realize that he should. Imagine being so hugely wrong every day of your life and not even knowing it.
Lurking Canadian said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:52
Why does Goldberg act like his “revelations” are new? Hey Jonah:
- You know where I first heard that Kennedy was a red-baiting war hawk and not a left wing hero? Noam Chomsky wrote it in a book in the late 70s.
- You know where I first heard that Hitler was a socialist? From a USENET troll in 1994.
- You know where I first heard that corporatism, socialism and fascism all shared common philosophical roots in the Progressive Era? In a John Ralston Saul book from 1993.
He’s like a high school kid, reading an essay he wrote for Mrs. Scrimmage’s history class and not understanding that just because he just learned it, it doesn’t mean he discovered it. I guess that’s why he couldn’t cut it in the “historians trade guild”. They probably insist on novelty in research, the blackguards.
actor212 said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:56
Why does Goldberg act like his “revelations” are new?
Because for conservatives, history started twenty minutes before they were born.
Nimrod Gently said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:57
Yep, definitely able to smell that picture.
Willy said,
August 28, 2009 at 16:59
Al Haig: “I’m in control.”
That’s so wrong, it extends into other dimensions of wrong.
I gotta say Al was my favorite multidimensional being. Rumsfeld is second.
Candy said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:00
Haig was at least brighter than Rumsfeld. I think.
N__B said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:05
Haig was at least brighter than Rumsfeld. I think.
And, based on the stories, was less odoriferous.
Trilateral Chairman said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:21
You know where I first heard that Hitler was a socialist? From a USENET troll in 1994.
Ah, but the troll never made the argument with such detail and such care!
Seriously, though, I think that the old “That’s why they’re called National SOCIALISTS!” shtick might be the *original* USENET troll.
The Goddamn Batman Could Have Caught The Magic Bullet With His Bare Hands said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:22
I know a couple of people have already quoted it, but it’s such a perfect little polished turd:
There are so many things that you could say in response to that (“Your mom regrets that your dad didn’t pull out, assclown” for a start), but I keep thinking about Jackie in that pink suit and pillbox hat, covered in her husband’s blood and brains, and I wonder if someone shouldn’t pull a Carrie on Doughy, maybe adding some pork brains to the bucket. Lord knows he could use all he can get, and it would cover up his thinning pate.
Pere Ubu said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:30
I think that the old “That’s why they’re called National SOCIALISTS!” shtick might be the *original* USENET troll
I’ve been on Teh IntaWebs pretty constantly since 1994 (1992 actually) and I have to say, I think you are correct. Lord knows I’ve been seeing that trope ever since I first decided to read alt.conspiracy – much to my regret.
Pere Ubu said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:36
I regret the mistake.
I’m just sure you don’t, Jonah. You don’t regret anything you’ve ever wrote.
When you try to bully your way into heaven, I’m sure they’ll brand that phrase on your forehead with a red-hot iron and send you the other direction.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:38
Al Haig: “I’m in control.”
Wasn’t it “I’m in charge”?
I still kind of shiver about that whole scene – wotta thought, Haig running things when the office rightfully belonged to Nancy’s astrologer.
Xecky Gilchrist said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:38
…no, it WAS “I’m in control.”
I’m forgetting the Eighties! Yay!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 28, 2009 at 17:47
There are so many things that you could say in response to that…
No, not really. I’m speechless. I suppose the silver lining is that we’ve finally found a mistake so offensively horrendous that Jonah regrets making it.
Anyways, onto the futile effort of explaining the obvious to Jonah:
Wow. You fucking shitbag. I thought that your correction indicated that you have some sense of shame or humanity. How wrong I was.
When someone is diagnosed with a horrible terminal disease, suggesting that things be named after them, with the word “Memorial” attached is, well it’s “reprehensible” and “truly outrageous”. Just put yourself into that situation. Imagine your doctor tells you that you’ve contracted some variant of “foot in mouth” disease. An inoperable and definitely fatal version that meant that you weren’t going to live out the rest of the year. Now imagine if the evil lie-beral jackals started joking about naming some new snack product “Jonah Goldberg Memorial Cheetos”. I’m probably giving you too much credit for being able to empathize at all, but suppose it were your wife. “The Jessica Gavora Memorial Referendum Against Title IX”.
Fucking horrible, right? Reprehenible to start talking about people struggling with serious medical conditions as if they were already dead.
Fast forward six months, you’re making funeral plans and you’ve noticed that Jessica actually had a provision in her will to set-up some sort of Memorial Fund to campaign against women in college sports. And then some smarmy asshole walks up to you and says “nyah nyah nya, told you so”.
IOW, fuck you Jonah Goldberg. Fuck you up the ass with a combine harvester.
roseyv said,
August 28, 2009 at 18:01
“even though they criticized Rush Limbaugh for coming up with the exact same idea five months before the senator succumbed to brain cancer”
I take it this is the new “fuck it, nobody’s even paying attention anymore anyway” talking point du jour (/semaine/mois/année)?
CapMidnight said,
August 28, 2009 at 18:21
I wonder if someone shouldn’t pull a Carrie on Doughy
From that Wikipedia link:
King said of Carrie, “I’m not saying that Carrie is shit and I’m not repudiating it. She made me a star, but it was a young book by a young writer. In retrospect it reminds me of a cookie baked by a first grader—tasty enough, but kind of lumpy and burned on the bottom.”
Lumpy Doughy Cookies cheese my hunger…
N__B said,
August 28, 2009 at 18:22
…no, it WAS “I’m in control.”
“I’m in charge” was Diana Ross to Michael Jackson circa 1979.
Trilateral Chairman said,
August 28, 2009 at 18:31
I’ve been on Teh IntaWebs pretty constantly since 1994 (1992 actually) and I have to say, I think you are correct. Lord knows I’ve been seeing that trope ever since I first decided to read alt.conspiracy – much to my regret.
I started in 1993, and it’d pop up pretty frequently then. I just discovered, though, that it’s much older than that. From George Wallace’s inauguration speech in 1963:
“As the national racism of Hitler’s Germany persecuted a national minority to the whim of a national majority, so the international racism of the liberals seek to persecute the international white minority to the whim of the international colored majority–so that we are footballed about according to the favor of the Afro-Asian bloc. But the Belgian survivors of the Congo cannot present their case to a war crimes commission, nor the Portuguese of Angola, nor the survivors of Castro, nor the citizens of Oxford, Mississippi.”
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I suppose this is central to Jonah’s point, or something.
pedestrian said,
August 28, 2009 at 20:04
But the Belgian survivors of the Congo cannot present their case to a war crimes commission, nor the Portuguese of Angola, nor the survivors of Castro, nor the citizens of Oxford, Mississippi.
Jesus Fuck.
Trilateral Chairman said,
August 28, 2009 at 20:12
Jesus Fuck.
Hey, that’s far from the most bugfuck insane line in the speech. Try this:
” Today I have stood, where once Jefferson Davis stood, and took an oath to my people. It is very appropriate then that from this Cradle of the Confederacy, this very Heart of the Great Anglo-Saxon Southland, that today we sound the drum for freedom ….Let us…send our answer to the tyranny that clanks its chains upon the South….I say: segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.”
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,
August 28, 2009 at 20:15
It’s interesting how many people who point out the obvious fact, known to all, that there was a Socialist tendency in one wing of the Nazi party, have never heard of the Night of the Long Knives, which eliminated it.
Why, it’s almost as if they were talking out of their hemorrhoidally inflamed asses or something! But that can’t be….
Matt T. said,
August 28, 2009 at 20:53
.I say: segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.”
Same guy that wrote that wrote The Outlaw Josey Wales, and I’ve totally ruined that movie for you for ever. Trust me, you can totally tell it was written by that sort of asshole. Asa Carter, for what it’s worth. He also wrote The Education Of Little Tree, too, and apparently, it was bullshit.
Looch who has way too much time on his hands these days said,
August 28, 2009 at 22:33
And let’s be very clear about Rush’s “memorial” comments. It was with a sense of glee that he noted that Kennedy was dying. He was gloating.
Looch who has way too much time on his hands these days said,
August 28, 2009 at 22:38
When Robert Novak died I did not gloat — I cheered. And when they told us that St. Ronnie has Alzheimer’s, I asked, “How could they tell?”
Tasteless? I suppose.
But I ain’t denying it, now am I?
Tehanu said,
August 29, 2009 at 2:42
I can’t take it anymore!
If only!
Smut Clyde said,
August 29, 2009 at 13:22
it reminds me of
a cookie baked bya first grader—tasty enough, but kind of lumpy and burned on the bottom.Fyqqqzed.