Comments on: Shortering: not as easy as it looks [updated for extra length]

By: Thers

Thers — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 13:20:17 +0000

In some ways, Jeff Goldstein is an asshole. In other ways, he’s also an asshole.

By: Jeff Goldstein

Jeff Goldstein — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 04:07:12 +0000

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(heart attack)

_________________

(worm food)

By: RETARDO

RETARDO — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 17:23:39 +0000

What, he hasn’t come over here yet to threaten you with sexual assault? I can’t believe it. Surely this will inspire him to talk about his cock, your cock, everywhere a cock-cock, because, like, everything else seems to have the effect.

By: Dorothy

Dorothy — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 04:15:05 +0000

Shorter Jeff Goldstein:
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Actually, that’s too easy, on a par with the sappy iambic septameter ABAB tripe they forced us to read in grade school “intro to poetry” classes…or Hallmark greeting card “shorters”.

By: ahem

ahem — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 04:02:38 +0000

The essence of the ‘shorter’ form is this: it must be droll.

By: gordo

gordo — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 21:10:38 +0000

Crazy–

I think most people run into trouble in one of two ways. Either they just restate the thesis in a sarcastic way, or they tackle an article that has a bit of substance to it.

Goldstein is the first guy I’ve ever seen screw it up by providing a longer version.

By: crazy

crazy — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 16:55:10 +0000

I think, in the “shorter” form, you are allowed to add one extra sentence to the end of your statement. But it has to be even shorter than the first sentence, and perhaps even be a shortening of the original thought, or a quick addendum. Kind of like a P.S. on the end of a letter.

And perhaps you’re allowed to continue adding sentences as long as they keep getting shorter. Which, of course, makes the number of addition sentences technically infinite but realistically very small.

For example: Shorter Me:
You can add more sentences to a “shorter” as long as they themselves are shorter. For example, this one might work if you’re funny. Rarely, this one could work.

And yes, doing a “shorter” is much harder than it originally appears. You have to be witty, concise, and precise in a format that functionally can’t be more than 4 sentences, and that’s only if the original was a 20 page essay.

By: gordo

gordo — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 10:03:16 +0000

Battlepanda–

I wish I had been the one to realize that, but “this is you” is from so long ago. I stopped playing it when I learned the “stop hitting yourself” game.

By: appletree

appletree — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 09:54:59 +0000

Gavin M. on Shortering

Shorter Gavin M.:
Explaining a simple concept in excruciating detail to a complete dunce is an oddly hilarious exercise.

…

By: battlepanda

battlepanda — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 09:31:04 +0000

I think Jeff was actually induging in a much more ancient playground ritual “this is you…this is you…”

By: Pinko Punko

Pinko Punko — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 09:02:20 +0000

Also, somebody just Sadly, No’s your whole bog.

By: Pinko Punko

Pinko Punko — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 06:21:19 +0000

Why did you change it from the BJ? That was fun-ny.

By: Hysterical Woman

Hysterical Woman — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 05:27:26 +0000

Shorter
“Shorter Liberal Avenger”: Because I point out that things are going badly in Iraq, that must mean I want things to go badly in Iraq.

By: Sadly, No!

Sadly, No! — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 05:20:48 +0000

Shorter Glenn Reynolds

SOME ADVICE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE I have some more advice to give about the port deal. [see below]…

By: Sadly, No!

Sadly, No! — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 05:19:54 +0000

Shorter Glenn Reynolds

SOME ADVICE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE I have some more advice to give about the port deal. [see below]…

By: The Liberal Avenger

The Liberal Avenger — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 03:26:52 +0000

You’re right, per usual.

I defer to you.

By: Gavin M.

Gavin M. — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 02:32:16 +0000

True, but I think the rule is that it’s supposed to express a single thought.

If it starts to get all like, “Oh, and another thing…” then the game is pretty much thrown.

By: The Liberal Avenger

The Liberal Avenger — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 02:07:25 +0000

I think multiple sentences are allowed in a “shorter,” particularly if you’re “shortening” something huge or particularly obnoxious.

By: Snatch Adams

Snatch Adams — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 23:50:09 +0000

Actually, the ‘shorter’ form was invented by the right, not the left. It’s just that their version is devoid of meaning. To wit: “Heh. Indeed.”

By: spiiderweb

spiiderweb — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 23:25:26 +0000

Scratch that last comment.