Aug
2
2
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Lie, Lie, Again
ABOVE: Andy McCarthy
Shorter Andrew C. McCarthy,1 National Review Online
Suborned in the U.S.A.
- Even if Obama was “actually” “born” “in” the United States,2 I still want to see the vault copy of the birth certificate because it could prove once and for all that Obama is a Muslim Socialist.3 It will also tell us how his parents described themselves, which I imagine is “Kenyan Muslim terrorist” and “Hawaiian atheist skank.”
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
1McCarthy now gets his monthly wingnut welfare check from the National Review Institute as its only “Fellow.” McCarthy’s NRI bio says he used to be at Cliff Mays’s Foundation for the Defense of Democracies. We don’t know the exact reason for McCarthy’s decampment from FDD but it would be irresponsible not to speculate that he was too crazy for Cliff May, which is somewhat like being too doped for the Red Sox.
2McCarthy has been the resident birther at America’s Shittiest Website™ for quite some time, apparently relying on such rock-solid sources as Pam Geller and Michael Berg. Now that even some of the craziest right-wing cranks have conceded the utter insanity of the birther conspiracy theories, McCarthy is trying to re-package this manure in a foil-wrapped box and pass it off as gourmet double chocolate fudge.
3Fun contest for Sunday: find the block on an actual “vault copy” of a Hawaiian birth certificate where you might be able to discover that Obama was a Muslim, a socialist, or a citizen of another country!
creature said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:15
A McCarthy dummy with a monkey’s hand up his ass- how cool is that? BTW, first!
Arky - Geek God said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:15
Ha, ha. You can’t fool us. The family’s last name has the word DYKE in it so we know The Islamohomo Mafia doctored their birth certificate as well. You can tell because it is BLACK on white.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:26
Doctor’s note, scribbled in the margin of the Vault-Copy:
Nev Dull said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:35
I like how B. Hussein O. X is “famously thin-skinned” because he mentioned to MoDo that he was teased about his ears as a kid. McCarthy should go back to nearly fucking up terrorist prosecutions.
Derelict said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:36
For Andy and the rest of the birthers, there is no proof–none–that can be presented to convince them they are wrong. If you could show each of them the “vault copy” of the birth certificate while having the attending physicians and nurses standing by with stacks of Bibles to swear to the certificate’s validity, none would be convinced. Instead, they would take it as yet more proof that Obama was born in some other country because OBVIOUSLY all these people are part of the coverup, and the vault copy MUST be a forgery.
Personally, I like these people. I want to meet them. I have this lovely antique suspension bridge I’d like to sell them. And my Nigerian banker friend is ready to help finance the deal!
Till said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:37
I see Andy McCarthy there in the corner, but what’s that horrifying chipmunk-like creature?
Scott said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:38
That’s why they need the long-form birth certificate. On the long-form certificate, it actually includes entries for father’s race (“Blackamoor devil, praise Allah!”), mother’s race (“Not a blackamoor devil, but willing to do it with a blackamoor devil, praise Allah!”), child’s race (“Evil blackamoor communist Hitler non-citizen devil who will kill whitey, praise Allah, who has no relation at all to the Christian god and who wants us all to kill honkey cops and old people!”) and citizenship status (“OMG LOL BLACK PEEPLEZ NOT CITIZENS LOL”).
henry lewis said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:44
When you’re in the womb, being a socialist is just good sense, but a non-usurper would announce, “I’m going Galt!!,” right after that first breath.
henry lewis said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:51
On the bright side, all these demands could help spur development of a time machine.
First stop: Honolulu, Aug. 4, 1961!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
August 2, 2009 at 14:55
Ironic or Moronic – Andy McCarthy pre-refutes his own argument. To wit:
Andy 2: Blacky Hussein is Americanoid and thus eligible to be preznit. HOWEVER, we should get to see every single government document even vaguely related to him, because we don’t know enough about the guy. Seriously, I’m saying that there hasn’t been any serious research done into Mr. X’s history.
Andy 1:
Remember, that Mad Bitch is the head of an all-powerful campaign machine that apparently doesn’t do oppo-research. Also note that the best way of finding out more about who Obama is, is to scream and clamour until Teh State finally tells us the name of the doctor who delivered him. Dr. HatesAmerica I believe he was.
Dot said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:01
I don’t want to have to go all Foghorn Leghorn on McCarthy’s ass but I will: Ah said go away kid, ya bother me….
Nev Dull said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:06
I read the whole thing. W/out any Gazoogling, I have a feeling McCarthy wasn’t so interested in Bush’s odd explanations surrounding his TANG years and substance abuse. Not that it really matters, cuz Bush v. Gore, also.
Not Looch who is never to return said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:16
I hope this issue becomes the litmus test for “true” conservatives. It would clean up the confusion about what the Republican Party really stands for.
DrDick said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:17
Who knew that batshit crazy, pig ignorant, and dumb as a box of rocks was the route to fame and fortune? Andy obviously did.
Jennifer said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:32
For Andy and the rest of the birthers, there is no proof–none–that can be presented to convince them they are wrong. If you could show each of them the “vault copy” of the birth certificate while having the attending physicians and nurses standing by with stacks of Bibles to swear to the certificate’s validity, none would be convinced.
Or to paraphrase Bill Maher: “You could have videotape of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho playing ukelele in the delivery room and they still wouldn’t accept it.”
Neddie Jingo said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:44
So in 1961 Hawaii, typewriters had white ribbons that put white letters on black paper?
Oh. Microfiche. Which is what remains of the Vaunted Vault Copy.
El Cid said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:47
Look, I see that we quote the McC negative; but what about the McC positive?
I’ve heard little praise for McClatchy newspapers’ having come out with a simple, plain news article on their front page titled “Here’s the truth: ‘Birther’ claims are just plain nuts“.
“Just plain nuts.”
Of course, this has prompted the comments list for the typical McClatchy DC article to grow from 0 or 3 to nearly 500.
Including such beauties as:
It’s not so hard to do real journalism if you’re willing to try, and if Charlie Rose isn’t ‘helping’ your corporate parents to shut up someone calling out Bill O’Reilly for his bullshit and then hiring an actual corporate lobbyist to host your shows.
Lawnguylander said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:50
Baseball thread? Yay!
So this dickweed is a lawyer? If only he were an English barrister then we could call him Asshole of the Bailey.
El Cid said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:52
You know what might be a kind of sad-funny outcome of this due to the birther fantasia about the awesome “long form” and “vault copy” documents they’re insisting on with Obama?
How much do you think this is now playing out in various government offices around the country where minor bureaucrats are being complained at by birther nuts that they are providing the ‘wrong’ birth certificate and that the nuts demand the ‘long’ form, and these poor bureaucrats have literally no idea what the fuck these shitbubbles are talking about?
J— said,
August 2, 2009 at 15:59
The opening of McCarthy’s second-to-last paragraph:
If No Quarter is still on this, then it must be serious.
El Cid said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:10
The traitorous, right-wing-media-driven mad nut squad are out there again plotting retardo-terrorism, and hopefully they’ll remain this stupid for a while:
Hopefully the courts and local media will focus on the most important issue here, and that is this fine citizen’s 2nd Amendment rights to carry around massive armaments as a white person.
In Clinton’s era, there was a degree of popular support, or at least respect, for this sort of ultra-paranoid survivalist / secessionist / separatist right wing shit.
I honestly believe that these people are about to vastly underestimate the degree to which the great majority of Americans will have absolutely zero patience for their shit.
Jennifer said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:11
RE: that photo above…who’s the ventriloquist pulling Andy’s string?
Nev Dull said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:18
Yep. Their support seems to be trending with the popularity of Chuck Norris films.
Davis said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:19
I guarantee that the birth certificate that that crazy lady was waiving at Rep. Castle was not a “vault copy”, either. What you get nowadays is a computer generated abstract that is certified by the State.
Dennis-SGMM said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:22
McCarthy has also “proved” that William Ayers wrote Dreams from My Father. His proof was essentially that Obama couldn’t have written a best-selling book because he hadn’t done so before. In doing so he referenced other wingnuts’ shoddy analysis. It didn’t matter because once something goes round and round the wingers have multiple sources therefore whatever notion they’re pushing is now substantiated. That they’re only substantiated by each other doesn’t bother them a bit.
Now that McCarthy has fastened himself onto the birther movement we can expect them to quote him and him to in turn quote them thus proving, again from multiple sources, the existence of yet another vast conspiracy to keep the white Christian man down.
El Cid said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:27
By the way
intrepid reporterbored Googler Martin Hill found via her MySpace page that Genovese is a Glenn Beck fan and FEMA camp fearer:This all means, of course, that she is a LIBERAL because by Jonah Goldberg’s definition, she could not have happened in Germany because Italy is not Germany.
If this is the right crazy lady named Nancy Genovese, here is her central claim, and why she was there at the Guard base filming and bringing heavy armaments.
She apparently called FEMA a bunch of times about some Clinton-era style crazy claim that ‘foreign troops’ would be drilling on U.S. soil (don’t U.S. troops often, say, step upon foreign ‘soil’?), and then after freaking out when a call came and the caller ID said “FEMA” and that it was calling FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE she answered and proceeded to ream out the PR person for FEMA with her space alien lizard hollow Earth investigation transcript:
Clearly, FEMA needs to present its long-form institutional creation certificate.
Apparently the right wing logic is still that U.S. troops should be able to invade and occupy any nation on the planet at will, as long as Glenn Beck or another respected authority orders them and not that Kenyo-Caliphate guy in the stolen “White” House, but if any of our allied nations send military to practice here on our BEST IN THE GOD-DAMNED WORLD military bases to get some of that BEST GOD-DAMNED TRAINING IN THE WORLD HOO-RAH, then it means we is occupied and the Constitution is over and gay abortions for all.
Lawnguylander said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:33
Hopefully the courts and local media will focus on the most important issue here, and that is this fine citizen’s 2nd Amendment rights to carry around massive armaments as a white person.
It’s too bad Newsday didn’t hold this story for a few days. Then they could have included a profile of Genovese and maybe used her picture instead of showing us that scary black guy. I’m sure that image ruined the story for a good portion of their readers but the local gun dealers must be psyched.
Jennifer said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:43
Shhhh…no one tell Genovese about the School of the Americas, which has been training foreign soldiers on US soil for 50 years. I’m sure if she knew about it she’d be apoplectic.
Then again, maybe not, since the School of the Americas has mainly been concerned with training brown people in techniques for suppressing other brown people.
Jennifer said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:45
Also. RE: Genovese: do you suppose this is what Reagan had in mind when he threw all the mentally ill out onto the streets?
Anonymous said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:48
I don’t want to have to go all Foghorn Leghorn on McCarthy’s ass
That boy’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
Snorghagen said,
August 2, 2009 at 16:49
From McCarthy:
And what a fine job they’re doing.
Acorn Flakes said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:00
You know, I could just kiss Andy Mc:
I want this on billboards on every state. With the National Review logo, the seal of the Republican Party, and a picture of Palin.
Clam Afterbirth said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:10
All I know is it’s time to arm ourselves, because the stupid is reaching an oscillation of 10,000 cycles, and when it gets above 11, these kids are going to run amok.
Major Kong said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:16
when it gets above 11, these kids are going to run amok.
Too bad for them I’m not the gun-control kind of liberal.
Nom de Plume said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:36
The birthers aren’t stupid or deluded (well, the ones at the top aren’t, anyway). They are 100% cynical. The purpose of it is to delegitimize Obama’s presidency by any means necessary, and if there’s a bit of collateral damage from the nutcases they inevitably pull into their orbit, so be it.
MATH said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:40
I’m a bit surprised that S,N! didnt’ pick up Glenn Beck and Jonah fatface’s awesome (in a Sadly, No! kinda way) tinfoil hat stories that cars.gov takes over your computer and the terms of use gives the (muslim socialist) gubmint your house just for using the site. That was awesome.
Tommy Deelite said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:44
Sunday mid-day (post-coffee, pre-long-dark-teatime-of-the-soul) is when I choose to be reflective of my political beliefs, and is usually when I’ll delve into opposing viewpoints with as much objectivity as I’m able to muster.
But really, four pages of that tittering inanity? The dissembling had coalesced into a fever dream by the second paragraph.
N__B said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:45
Doctor’s note, scribbled in the margin of the Vault-Copy:
Removed horns, and stitched bi-furcated tongue closed.
To the bets of my recollection, MAD magazine, “Rosemia’s Booboo:”
“His eyes! What have you done to his eyes?”
“He has his father’s eyes.”
“Who’s his father? Dean Martin?”
N__B said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:46
The birthers aren’t stupid or deluded (well, the ones at the top aren’t, anyway). They are 100% cynical. The purpose of it is to delegitimize Obama’s presidency by any means necessary, and if there’s a bit of collateral damage from the nutcases they inevitably pull into their orbit, so be it.
I agree, but the sane top ones are about 1% of the birther total by weight.
Euripides said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:47
Let me be the first to demand the vault copy certificate of the coming Studebaker.
g said,
August 2, 2009 at 17:53
She also posted an interesting story of her recent interaction with an abusive police officer who grabbed her arm and shouted to her that “THERE IS NO MORE CONSTITUTION”.
What? That cop must have been “acting stupidly!”
Till said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:00
It’s too bad Newsday didn’t hold this story for a few days.
Ah, Newsday. More like the Post every day. Last time I was home, I noticed they even shrank the paper, though it was already in easily-readable tabloid format since forever.
laym said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:05
Then someone told her that she was compromising his opportunity to ever become a U.S. citizen.
“Someone” … Bill Ayers, no doubt!
g said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:14
His mother, ever the anti-American hippy, went to Kenya to have an ‘authentic’ African birth so that Kenya would be his ‘real’ home (or what ever she was thinking, because she was there). Then someone told her that she was compromising his opportunity to ever become a U.S. citizen. At this point she bought a plane ticket to Hawaii. But the airline would not allow a 9-months pregnant woman on the plane for fear she would give birth on the trip and they could not handle that. So she waited, had the birth in Kenya, immediately boarded the plane and arrived in Hawaii within a day or two of the birth. At this point they go to the hospital and register the baby as a ‘home birth’ at some address in Hawaii, with a mid-wife rather than a doctor attending.
And these are the same people who think it’s terrible, just terrible that there could be any doubt cast about the birth of Trigg Palin.
Apparently airlines’ rules about pregnant women traveling have changed since those days, because it’s perfectly understandable that a woman already in labor would board just to make sure her kid was born in Alaska instead of Texas, and why would you have the audacity to think otherwise?
Some Guy said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:15
Wait, if she was such an anti-American hippie, why would she want her son to be a US citizen?
Also, I’m pretty any airline that doesn’t want a pregnant lady on-board would also have issue with a 1-day old infant on-board.
But other then THAT, I see no holes in the logic.
Substance McGravitas said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:21
I expected a livelier thread sir!
Substance McGravitas said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:24
So he could be president and CRUSH REAL AMERICANS.
g said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:28
Actually, I am curious whether there’s some junction where the Birther conspiracists and the Trigg Palin conspiracists meet. Or, more fun, where those who firmly believe the one conspiracy is rational, yet firmly deny any possibility of the other.
Citizen_X said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:34
@MATH:
I’m a bit surprised that S,N! didnt’ pick up Glenn Beck and Jonah fatface’s awesome (in a Sadly, No! kinda way) tinfoil hat stories that cars.gov takes over your computer and the terms of use gives the (muslim socialist) gubmint your house just for using the site.
What? Are you fucking serious? ‘Cause that would be, like, an even further leap into uncharted Wingnut Space.
Linky, please. (I don’t want to give those guys even one more pageview than absolutely necessary.)
jim said,
August 2, 2009 at 18:55
If nobody has suggested a certain influence as being the possible original covert source of Birthomania, then please, allow me the distinct pleasure of throwing said chum into the proverbial shark-tank.
What better stamp of authenticity & respectability could such a reasonable theory ever require?
Responsibility demands that one must speculate, does it not?
Dennis-SGMM said,
August 2, 2009 at 19:11
The real question is why Obama is withholding the time travel technology he used to go back to 1961 and plant those fake birth announcements in the Honolulu newspapers. Once we know that we’ll know everything.
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 19:39
If only he were an English barrister then we could call him Asshole of the Bailey.
I believe that should be “Rump-hole”.
protected static said,
August 2, 2009 at 19:43
@Citizen_X: Here’s a link courtesy of the Great Orange Satan.
Mo's BIke Shop said,
August 2, 2009 at 19:49
Yes. Marginal up-front budget reduction, but the payoff is in long-term coarsening of society. I remember the pearl-clutching columns in the eighties that ran ‘it’s a pity you have to avert your eyes from these people, but what can you do other than avert your eyes?’
Lawnguylander said,
August 2, 2009 at 19:49
I believe that should be “Rump-hole”.
Yes, of course. Fuck.
Sirius Lunacy said,
August 2, 2009 at 19:53
I don’t know… get them to register Republican?
No-Visible-Means said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:00
We aim to please!
http://www.examiner.com/x-5738-St-Louis-Political-Buzz-Examiner~y2009m8d1-Video–Glenn-Beck-promotes-paranoia-with-recent-Cash-for-Clunkers-website-myths
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:21
His mother, ever the anti-American hippy, went to Kenya to have an ‘authentic’ African birth so that Kenya would be his ‘real’ home (or what ever she was thinking, because she was there). Then someone told her that she was compromising his opportunity to ever become a U.S. citizen. At this point she bought a plane ticket to Hawaii. But the airline would not allow a 9-months pregnant woman on the plane for fear she would give birth on the trip and they could not handle that. So she waited, had the birth in Kenya, immediately boarded the plane and arrived in Hawaii within a day or two of the birth. At this point they go to the hospital and register the baby as a ‘home birth’ at some address in Hawaii, with a mid-wife rather than a doctor attending.
Oh yeah? Where are the long-form vault copy ticket stubs and passports, bitches? HUH?
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:31
I seriously can’t get over the level of crazy required to believe Obama was born in Kenya. White lady has black baby in Kenya not long after Mau Mau uprising: not noticed. White lady flies home via VERY LONG multiple-connection flight through several countries with totally passport-free black newborn: not noticed. And yet this is easier for them to believe than that the birth certificate sworn to by the Republican governor of Hawaii and multiple newspaper announcements FROM THE TIME are real.
kingubu said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:35
The purpose of it is to delegitimize Obama’s presidency
Ayup. It doesn’t have shit to do with this or that kind of copy of this or that document and to respond to the Birthers’ nonsense defensively as if its a factual matter of evidence only serves to spread Teh Stupid. Its gutter politics and it will continue until actual elected Republicans (not just the media clowns) are widely and repeatedly forced to go on the record with their support or rejection of Obama’s legitimacy.
FWIW, this is the aspect of the nominally-liberal part of the media that make me insane with frustration: they seem to think that merely pointing out Teh Stupid will make it stick to elected officials or effect the political process. They run clips of Limbaugh or Beck spewing their bullshit and then opine about how what they said is “bad for the GOP”. It isn’t. Not unless you explicitly make the electeds weigh in on it themselves.
Arky - Geek God said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:36
A few days ago I would have pointed to Mr. A. Sullivan, but he fell into the Birther Abyss.
ice9 said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:40
Stop the Contest!!!
I found the actual vault copy–the real thing! Finally, proof that can’t be ignored.
http://storyarc.squarespace.com/vault-copy-obama-long-form-bir/
At last we can get back to business and lay this all behind us.
ice9
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:48
ice9, that’s great. I meant to tell you at alicublog that I loved the newspaper announcement, too.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:54
not to be all OT or anything, but a Tintin post illustrated without a toilet?
I think I may call shenanigans….
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 20:56
Oh Zombie, monkeys don’t use toilets!
kingubu said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:00
a Tintin post illustrated without a toilet?
The orangutan is perched on a bidet.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:00
sez you
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:08
Yeah, OK, smart monkeys can sometimes be toilet-trained. Still doesn’t mean McCarthy can.
No-Visible-Means said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:09
You ain’t fooling me! That’s Jack Lord’s address!
justme said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:13
Oh Noez!!!
Teh gubermintz iz gunna be able to look into your computin box and see yur pronz!!!!
Look out, Doughpants! If you’re using Skype or something while logged on to the cars.gov site the government will be legally able to listen to your phone call!!! This is an outrage! If the government is going to listen in on my phone calls, I demand they do it illegally, like they did during the Bush administration. Then it’s okay, as long as they browbeat Congress into making it retroactively legal.
Also, as to the furniture in the blue dress who was just informed of the terms “malware” and “tracking cookie” this morning, how exactly is sucking $4500 from the public teat so you can get a new car “making a charitable contribution”?
Good Lord Jesus Cockstink Christ in a pink feather boa and nothing more. Where have things devolved to that Der Loadedhosen is the voice of fucking reason, even in a Fox segment?
itwasntme said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:24
This four-page blart gives the birthers new material to keep ranting about and is a wingnut dog-whistle to begin the new line of attack NOW.
Problem is, there’s too much material that requires thinking presented here, so it will be interesting to watch which of the many “curiosities” presented will be chosen and howled into the mediasphere by these curs.
Simba B said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:25
So, why are we paying people to destroy perfectly good cars with the “cash for clunkers” program? What’s more, why are we rewarding people who bought gas guzzlers in the first place? And since the government has run this program so badly, can we really trust them to run health care?
Citizen_X said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:48
LOOK OUT OBAMMAS IN YOR COMPUTOR! CARS.GOV IS CONSPIRISY OF ELITIESTS!1!
And now, ladies and gentlemen…The Debunking!
Here’s a link to the Kos page that the examiner.com links to. Turns out that page, and the terms of use it describes, are ONLY accessible to confirmed auto dealers participating in the program.
So, you know, those terms of use are there to PROTECT the people backing the program.
You know: taxpayers.
¡El Gato Negro! said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:58
But why doesn’t he just release the birth certificate?
protected static said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:04
The shitty thing about Beck (in this instance) is that he’s deliberately being obtuse to whip up ratings… When you read the actual Terms of Use, it’s pretty clear that the only monitoring that could be going on is of the actual back-end systems, and not your individual PC. The fuckers who take Beck at his word really are just looking for excuses to wet their pants, aren’t they?
¡El Gato Negro! said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:06
[/snark]
Apologies, but the birther crrrap is about to make me go all Norbizness.
Obviously. S, N! should be mocking these abnormos, and unmercifully, at that. Folks like Roy, or Thers, or Instaputz, rumproast, Watertiger, TBogg, and about a dozen more I can name, those pipples live for this stuff.
But oh, for the sake of furry fuck is this not the stupidest thing about which serious blogueros have written?
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:10
#
tigrismus said,
August 2, 2009 at 21:08 (kill)
Yeah, OK, smart monkeys can sometimes be toilet-trained. Still doesn’t mean McCarthy can.
well played.
Sirius Lunacy said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:15
You’ll also notice that when he’s demonstrating on the computer he says … you go here and do this and then throws in quickly and almost under his breath “and then the dealer” clicks on this. So he knows it is just for the dealer, he just goes out of his way to confuse his audience on this.
justme said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:17
Yes.
This episode of SATSQ brought to you by—
RUGGED IN MONTANA said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:38
CONTROL OF THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD REVERT TO PRESIDENT CHENEY BECAUSE OBAMA IS DESTROYING THE CONSTITUTION!!!!!
Substance McGravitas said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:42
There was beer all over it just the other day.
Sirius Lunacy said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:48
It still looks ok to me.
Substance McGravitas said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:48
This one’s for Jennifer.
No-Visible-Means said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:52
From the Privacy Act of 1974 as cited by Beck.
SHREIK!!!!!!!!!!!! They are going to take are gunz away and ship us off to FEMA camps!
I’m surprised that the producers of the show didn’t catch this nugget. Slackers! Sure fire Fox ratings gold it is! Beck needs to remind them that there are shoeless men outside the door waiting to take their job.
Lesley said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:52
Bill Maher shreds the birthers on new rules. “I’ll show you Obama’s birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin’s high school diploma.”
C Street House members – Republicans in Congress and the Senate – call themselves the Christian Mafia, cite as mentors Hitler, Pol Pot, and Osama bin Laden, aren’t bothered by sexual crimes as long as the perps are “powerful people”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3npWdChcGo
Prodigal son of American evangelical movement filled with regret & disgust; says religious right hates the US http://tinyurl.com/lsf6b4
Simba B said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:55
NIGGER COON NIGGER COON COON COON
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 22:59
Congratulations on correctly answering the question, “What does Andy McCarthy call an African American gentleman who has just left the room?”
Hoosier X said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:03
I think Beck picked this particular profession because you DON’T have to go out of your way to confuse the audience.
Anyone who gets intos conservative politics – either as a politician or a consultant or an adviser or a commentator – has, ipso facto, admitted that they are inherently inferior to regular people because they have jettisoned any need for logic, decency, honesty, coherence, consistency, etc., as well as all the effort that these virtues entail.
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:10
Long legged nigger coon darkie
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:12
Pickaninny tar baby coon nigger. Its a nigger!
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:14
Troofie’s here! Nymjacked at 23:10, but with such wit and erudition I can hardly complain. Well, maybe about the stench…
g said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:15
Are we not going to talk about La Malkin’s appearance this morning on Georgie’s show?
Apparently she mis-cited an economist, claiming that unemployment benefits just encouraged those lazy slobs to stop applying for jobs, and Cynthia Tucker put her in her place, reminding her that when there are no jobs it’s awfully hard to apply for them.
Some Guy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:20
Oh! Oh! Do me next! :D
So, what is it, exactly, Malkin does, again? I mean, that justifies a paycheck? I know she goes on TV and bitches a lot, and sometimes writes a book, but so does Doora the Explorer, it ain’t that hard.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:21
shit.
I never get nymjacked. Whose skull do I have to eye-fuck to get nymjacked?
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:22
I hate dark people!!
Oh, and wimmens.
….dang, this stupid irrational bigotry is harder than they make it look.
Princess Tiny Meat said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:26
Address my inadequacy, libs!
N__B said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:27
….dang, this stupid irrational bigotry is harder than they make it look.
You’re thinking too much.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:28
You’re thinking too much.
for a zombie?
N__B said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:30
You’re thinking too much.
for a zombie?
Apparently. I suggest liberal [heh] application of eradicator, whiskey, or a ball-peen hammer.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:31
Yeah, the CforC program is so screwed up that it exceeded all projections, sold 250,000 cars in a week (arguably saving the livelihoods of several dozen car dealers), and needed to be extended.
Would that health care was “screwed up” half as well.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:32
I suggest liberal [heh] application of eradicator, whiskey, [and] a ball-peen hammer.
dammit, are you looking in my windows? You just described my Sunday afternoon.
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:35
To The Management:
I would like to lodge a complaint.
My rates are reasonable and include free wi-fi access and Continental breakfast.
Special long-term rates available for chronic complaints. Also small pests are welcome.
Hospitably yours,
SomeNYGuy (nymjacked)
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:36
I know we already gave mad props and endless kudos to Fred for his badgerscripts, and the subsequent POOP ADVISORY, but there’s an inherent elegance to the implementation…
It allows you to see the name of the commenter, and if you want, you can see the comment. So nymjocking doesn’t even invalidate, because you can killfile a nymjacker, but still see the posts, and bring the commenter’s name back once the jacker’s manic state subsides… and using a nymjerked name for a scroll troll post is even more pointless, because it becomes dancing badgers regardless.
So, more FAIL for the FAIL-man.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:37
C4C is doing is moving demand forward.
FAIL.
Go away now.
g(nymjacked) said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:38
Hey, no fair. SomeNYGuy gets to post spam when nymjacked. All I get are racist remarks.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:40
Deconstructivism is so 90′s
But damn, I guess SOMETHING had to supplant Post-modernism, because most of that shit sucked.
g(nymjacked) said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:41
The deconstruction of America is well underway.
isn’t it interesting that whenever this kind of thing gets posted they never get around to actually showing any evidence or even describing what they’re talking about?
Okay, you’re right, it’s not interesting. But it is predictable.
Truth Before Dishonor (but not after Labor Day) said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:44
I paist gud! Can haz buttsecks nao?
That Zombie Dude, totally for reals and not nym-jacked said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:45
*tap tap tap* Ahem. BRAAAAAINSSSSS!
N__B said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:46
BRAAAAAINSSSSS!
You haven’t been reading this thread lately, have you?
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:47
It’s still all dancing badgers.
The frustration is palpable.
Some Guy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:50
Well,t hen maybe a certain political party should stop demonizing immigrants for cheap political points, and fold them into American society, allowing them to operate as a productive members of society. Pay them fair wages on the table, which not only will dis-incentive employers to hire ‘illegals’ over citizens, and to allow for them to pay taxes and contribute to the economy,
Or maybe California could get their head out of their ass, get rid of the Human Cow Governor, and take steps to increase revenue, rather then blame migrants for their problems. Fucking Irish, amirite?!
“More cars bought now means fewer cars bought later.”
Welcome to the free market. No one’s forcing them to trade in the cars.
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:52
Some Guy, you idiot, the Somalis that went to New England didn’t want to work! They didn’t even KNOW HOW!
They tried giving them construction work, but they just stood there for two hours and left!
That Zombie Dude, totally for reals and not nym-jacked said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:53
Hey, maybe I’m hungry. Nym-jacking is hard work, you kn… um, oops. HEY, LOOK OVER THERE, A GIANT BOWL OF PONIES! *absconds*
SomeNYGuy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:55
They don’t want to work. They want to suck up welfare and breed.
Some Guy said,
August 2, 2009 at 23:58
Why, it’s a marvel that they could even feed and dress themselves!
Your story sounds completely not-at-all made up.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:00
what, we’re supposed to take seriously some asshole who has to spend all his time to figure out ways to avoid being kill-filed because of his naked racism and intolerant anger?
Shyeah, THAT’S not an Internet Tradition.
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:04
Maybe the NE officials couldn’t figure out how to decipher the grunting and pointing and wild drum beating, so they tried to put them to work welding I-beams. CLEARLY, their nose bones were a mark of a which doctor, which ment they were licensed to practice medicine in Darkistan
justme said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:05
B-B-B-B-But, I thought Somalia was the Libertarian Paradise! Why, its denizens must be Angels as They are closer to Galt than the rest of us.
Heresy you speak!
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:08
I thought Somalia was the Libertarian Paradise
Well, if not for all those dark-skinned folks.
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:10
“Maritime free-market acquisitional specialization”
Figures the republicans go crying for a government naval bail-out when their precious commerce monopoly is threatened by some mom and pop start ups in speed boats.
SomeNYGuy said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:12
I just love how libs claim they are for “womens rights” then welcome an influx of a culture that practices removing the clitoris of a two year old. Real consistent there. I guess wife beating, hijabs, and clitorectomy are a-ok if its done in the name of “diversity”.
Support Our Troofs said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:14
Today, we are all the clitorises of two-year-olds.
El Cid said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:15
That post is correct. We should outlaw “cultures” in which some members practice clitorectomy. Once we get better at outlawing cultures, we can move on to banning styles, forms, and generalized senses of ennui.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:18
El Cid, it was pioneered by the War on a Strategy.
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:19
“Strategery”, zombie.
No-Visible-Means said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:20
@ zombie
Genus Zombia!
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:21
shit, NOW these fuckers pretend to care about genital mutilation? Why not support Amnesty International, or some of the other orgs that have been working against those things?
or is it just because they can’t practice it themselves? You know, the way they objected to torture until they figured out way they could get a piece of it.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:24
So, what is it, exactly, Malkin does, again?
Makes the Republican Tent look bigger than a two-man (and I do mean two-MAN) pup tent.
And makes some of the Castaganas out there pitch tents ohandtrytomurderpeople.
Kobie said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:24
During her batshit crazy appearance on Colbert the other night, birther-movement birther Orly Taitz basically admitted that.
El Cid said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:24
Alright, libs, how would you like it if the United Nations moved 2 million dirt-poor, white, far-right evangelicals from West Virginia into Massachusettes, Vermont, San Francisco, Hollywood, or the Upper East side? And then forced you to pay for their state welfare? And told you how wonderfully “diverse” it all was?
Rebel without a Nym said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:25
Based on the American Muslim men I know, if any of them ever advocated clitorectomy they’d be promptly treated to kneecap-ectomies by their wives, daughters and/or girlfriends.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:27
And then forced you to pay for their state welfare?
We’re already paying their welfare, Jack O’Nym.
Support Our Troofs said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:28
Alright, libs, how would you like it if the United Nations moved 2 million dirt-poor, white, far-right evangelicals from West Virginia into Massachusettes, Vermont, San Francisco, Hollywood, or the Upper East side? And then forced you to pay for their state welfare? And told you how wonderfully “diverse” it all was?
And that’s how I got this swell apartment!
El Cid said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:31
And they turned your trendy little sushi joint into a gun shop, your independent bookstore into a Southern Baptist Megachurch, and built a big-ass Wal-Mart. And in the name of “diversity” taught creationism in your public schools. How would you feel about what happened to your neighborhood?
g said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:32
Once we get better at outlawing cultures, we can move on
You keep your goddam librrul fascist hands off my yogurt.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:32
And that’s how I got this swell apartment!
Heh, yeah. After they’d been in civilization for 10 minutes, they’d all start voting Democratic and get off their asses and get jobs and their cholesterol would start dropping.
Rebel without a Nym said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:38
Alright, libs, how would you like it if the United Nations moved 2 million dirt-poor, white, far-right evangelicals from West Virginia into Massachusettes, Vermont, San Francisco, Hollywood, or the Upper East side?
Oh, come on — eveybody knows those folks don’t believe the U.N. can do anything!
kingubu said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:46
Zombia antillarum, commonly known as the zombie palm
Heh, “zombie palm”.
fap fap fap fap *grink* “Oh shit”… zom nom nom nom
justme said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:48
Of course, there aren’t actually two million people of any persuasion in WV, but don’t let those dirty facts get in the way of your fantasies.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:51
FAX R LIBRUL CONSPIRUCCY!!
George Washington said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:54
I am a brave dissenter, I use other people’s names.
General Alexander Haig said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:57
I would totally support a United Nations operation to end the scourge of West Virginia. No place like West Virginia or Alabama or Mississippi should ever be allowed to happen again. Just the thought of peering into all those moronic rednecks’ cold, dead eyes, barking shit about ‘birth certificate’, makes me ashamed to be a modern human.
justme said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:57
Veiled penis reference.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:57
#
g said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:32 (kill)
Once we get better at outlawing cultures, we can move on
You keep your goddam librrul fascist hands off my yogurt.
It also seems to be a clear threat against beer!
Hoosier X said,
August 3, 2009 at 0:58
Ya know, for a conservative talking point, this isn’t bad reasoning. I think we can be generous and consider ourselves BURNED!
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:10
Ya know, for a conservative talking point, this isn’t bad reasoning.
Apart from being wrong, sure, but the conclusion does follow from (erroneous wingnutty) premises, so yes.
So, reasoning = OK; punctuation = fail.
El Cid said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:15
How about if millions of Mormons flooded into Brookline, MA then?
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:18
Silly liberals! Everyone that all brownskins are exactly the same in social disposition and culture! And they’re all just like the bad guys in 24!
Why, those two million west virginians would do the same thing all immigrants do; get used to the new culture and assimilate. It might take a few generations to get all the bug zapper and pick-up truck out of the genetic make up, but it will happen.
Rebel without a Nym said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:22
How about if millions of Mormons flooded into Brookline, MA then?
Mitt Romney STILL couldn’t get re-elected governor.
General Alexander Haig said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:28
That could easily be presented by looking into a hat and telling them that magic stones told them all that their new homeland would be an island soon to rise out of the Gulf of Mexico, and that they should all wade out into the Lousiana wetlands and hang out until the island arrives.
General Alexander Haig said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:28
prevented
Some Guy said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:35
Dum dum dum dum duumm.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:36
how about if TRILLYUNS of banjo-playin space aliens carrying aborted space-baby lizard fetuses and laser shotguns descended on the New York Philharmonic, playing “Drop-kick me Jesus, through the goal posts of Life”?
What then, Libbs?
Rebel without a Nym said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:45
how about if TRILLYUNS of banjo-playin space aliens carrying aborted space-baby lizard fetuses and laser shotguns descended on the New York Philharmonic, playing “Drop-kick me Jesus, through the goal posts of Life”?
What then, Libbs?
Jerry Bruckheimer would have yet another blockbuster hit on his hands.
tigrismus said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:48
How about if millions of Mormons flooded into Brookline, MA then?
Brookline, “Massachusettes”? Well, we grind them up for food, bag ‘em up and sell them in the vending machines at all the Super 8′s with free internet.
Another kiwi said,
August 3, 2009 at 1:51
Well there is a contingency plan for if they had been singing ‘ Lets Do the Time Warp” but the “Drop kick me, Jesus” song invalidates that.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 2:08
Jerry Bruckheimer would have yet another blockbuster hit on his hands.
well played indeed.
Shell Goddamnit said,
August 3, 2009 at 2:15
fap fap fap fap *grink*
Love the sound effects.
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
August 3, 2009 at 2:30
Love the sound effects.
Yes, that one was worthy of Don Martin.
OneMan said,
August 3, 2009 at 3:40
Honestly? I couldn’t tell if this was a nym-jacking or more of El Cid’s fantastic parody.
Either way, I laughed, I cried, I couldn’t put it down.
El Cid said,
August 3, 2009 at 4:18
Nymjacking. More of the pitiful aggrievedness of many of my Southern neighbors who are very, very angry when people point out the laughably tiny size of their shriveled gonads.
justme said,
August 3, 2009 at 5:20
DON’T MENTION THE NADS!
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
August 3, 2009 at 8:01
of course, El Cid would deny the parody.
He’s a subtle bastard.
Sheesh said,
August 3, 2009 at 9:27
Hey Princess Tiny Meat,
Love your name.
The time is nig! Also.
Honus said,
August 3, 2009 at 9:42
“2 million dirt-poor, white, far-right evangelicals from West Virginia”
As a native West Virginian I feel it incumbent on me to point out that the total population of West Virginia is only 1.8 million, not quite all of whom are far-right evangelicals.
Just Joe said,
August 3, 2009 at 9:58
Say… is that monkey in the picture of the jungle variety?
jim said,
August 3, 2009 at 18:38
I’m a bit surprised that S,N! didnt’ pick up Glenn Beck and Jonah fatface’s awesome (in a Sadly, No! kinda way) tinfoil hat stories that cars.gov takes over your computer and the terms of use gives the (muslim socialist) gubmint your house just for using the site.
It only makes sense that they’d embrace the PT Barnum model of journalism – they have to go with what they’re suitable for after all, & they gnaw the heads off the necks of live political poultry for a living.
In Soviet Russia, geeks pay to see YOU!